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silusvesuius · 22 days

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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen

#text #but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways #literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations #he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho #i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds #i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened #they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing #Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it #i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm #but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell #he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash #this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho #well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr #why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO #their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular #while U pay him back with some support.......SOME #Oh well #that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS #nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has #bye this is why they're serving so hard

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dirtytransmasc · 9 months

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maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

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#(this post is based on the show. I'm half way through season 6)#I don't even know if I'm saying anything coherently but I tried #they make me feel insane. feral. ill. all of the above.#I think- scratch that. I *know* asha is so much softer for theon than she lets on and I don't know how more people don't see that #like yes. she wasn't perfect when it came to handling theon #but like... she was doing the best she knew how to do with the way she was brought up #I mean. the ironborn have a very tough it out or die mentality. they don't do “mental health” (I mean... look at euron. does it look-#like they do mindfulness and processing trauma?)#she only knew how to tough love theon. that was it. she wanted him to get better but didn't know how to actually make it happen #but that doesn't change the fact that she loved him with her whole being. that she hated seeing him in the state he was. that she didn't-#want to make it all better like any big sister would.#because she did! she loved him! he was her baby and he was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it!#she's brash cause thats all she knows. she's tough on him cause what else could she do? she had to have been scared and worried about him.#I think part of her brashness was her trying to cover up just how worried and conflicted and confused she was when it came to his situation #so this post caters to what I think the soft innards of asha greyjoy would be like. she loves her baby brother very much.#I mean. the way she looks at him when she tells him the story of him smiling at her or when she kisses his forehead when he agrees to be-#*theon* again. for her. the love in her eyes is undeniable.#to asha and her losing dog- I mean brother #they're gonna be the death of me #asha greyjoy #theon greyjoy #yara greyjoy #got #game of thrones #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #the second row of images is from the scene where asha (she will never be yara to me. sorry got. asha is the superior name) is telling-#theon the story about him being a terrible baby and how he smiled at her.

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mejomonster · 2 months

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I hate panic attacks

#rant #which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them #i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything #ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me #but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually #but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks #im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade #ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself #turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for #trigger from self hating thiught loops #it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u #physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in #the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation #but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself #in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last #longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more #im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours #im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for #hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying #in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop #altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life #and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway

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piplupod · 4 months

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every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[

#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it #like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl #i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth #so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone #because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl #I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else #but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl #which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl #i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes #like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense #but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders #so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it #UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker #just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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softshuji · 9 months

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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

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running-in-the-dark · 9 months

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I guess it just feels like I'm stuck in a cage made entirely by my own thoughts. that sounds so dramatic but it does feel like that.

like, it's not just that I'm scared of things so everything is kind of hard. it's that there's many, many things I would like to do or at least try, but I can't make myself do them. not 'oh this is a bit difficult so I'm afraid to try', no, it's not. an option. there's no path from 'want to do this' to 'I'm doing this'. I can't convince myself to do it. there's no tricks or anything. my brain, the useless thing that I need to do literally everything, doesn't allow it.

#sometimes there's moments where I'm so impulsive that I can get past it by being so quick that there's no time to put up the walls #but even then. doing the thing feels like torture 99% of the time. it's not like I get to enjoy it.#I don't know how to explain that without sounding like I just feel sorry for myself and like I don't want to get better #because that's all I want #but getting better depends entirely on this stupid brain. like I don't know how else to explain it? how can I do something if that thing #won't allow it?#yes it's like it is a separate thing and I'm not involved in what it does most of the time. is that also not normal? probably #there's no comfort zone there's only a prison that I've been stuck in all my life and no matter what I've tried it's not enough to get out #and everyone blames me for not trying hard enough and that gets added to the infinite list of reasons why I'm just bad #just do this! just do it anyway! just do it scared! just just just #Idk. I just need to stop overthinking! that'll fix everything! if only that was an option! I could get drunk every day or try drugs I guess.#but the drinking thing didn't make anything better last time.#fuck I just want to stop trying. isn't it ever going to be enough? when do I get to start being an actual person? I just want to feel real #and that's enough emo bullshit for today and for this week and this month and probably this century

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

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loumauve · 1 year

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#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating #like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else #all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards #and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do)#(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to)#(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask)#(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about)#(but here we are anyway)#just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it #I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state #but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks'#and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally..#..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month #and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps #(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand)#idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start #but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all.#anyway.#it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.#that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far #there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October #and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through #and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again

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nomairuins · 7 days

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no sims 5 . guys im gonna

#UGHHHH . like. i get theyre planning on just updating the sims 4 for fucking ever but like. i feel like its such a shit base and theres only #so much you can do #its been running for 10 years atp like.#idk man i was hoping for sims 5 bad bc i wanted to just have it be like. Well made from the start and like. i hate the current way packs r #structured and if its gonna stay sims 4 thats gonna continue to be the standard. ughhhhh.#also idk how i feel abt cc kits like. i like tht the creators will be paid for work and that console players can have cc or whatever but #idk . i already dont particularly like Kits i think like. idk.... i kinda wish the cc kits would just be free but the creators Obviously r #still played. or have something similar to like #is it like. bethesda i think has its own mod thing that works on console.. itd be nice to have something like that instead #but also ig asking ea to maintain an online gallery of any sort is sort of asking to be disappointed LOL #idk man. im just bummed.... i feel like itd be better to just. leave ts4 behind and if they rly want to Divert from linear sims games they #should like #Make a game that's BUILT for that like. a sturdy foundation that would make ppl want to keep playing so long. idk..#and also like..so many features i personally would want in a sims 5 arent like. things that could be updated in ts4 #like we arent gonna ever get open neighborhoods like ts3 #and i get those were laggy for a lot of ppl but i honest to goodness feel like it could be optimized and fixed #But. that would be work for ea DJFNFJFN so. wtvr #sry. i try to be like. charitable ik the actual sims team work hard and stuff but it feels like nothing is given the time it needs to be #fully thought out..#also like. 1. i dont think ea would have Paid fixes for their jank ass game which is one of the biggest benefits of mods #at least id hope they wouldnt thatd be disgusting. but like. i feel like a sizable subset of mod benefits is the fixes #like. whenever a new pack drops there are immediately 500 fixes for it in order for it to be At all functional or enjoyable 😭😭😭 idk ..#not that. idk ig it only said Creator focused kits so itll probably mostly be cas stuff anyway. but idk man... just a bit hrm to me #ig that does make sense. bc having gameplay mods or anything like that i dont think like. idk if ea would do patches for it or if theyd have #the creator do patches or what #idkidkidk. im just very .#also sims movie i dont careee im fucking sick of like. videogame franchise movies stop it. ik i dont have to see it i just think its lame.#and also im still mad abt the mc movie yeah.

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theood · 4 months

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#elias.zip #sorry all I've been lately is a fucking piece of shit and thr maot disgusting thing to ever grace earth. i feel so numb. nothings going righ #t. this job thing is fucking me up so bad and it shouldn't and other people in my life have it worse and im complaining about nothing and #struggling over nothing and im so tried I don't want to call back. i don't want to take the offer #i jsut want to go back to sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleepsleepsleepsleep. sleep till 5 p.m. est and then go right back to sleep. i dont wa #nt to do anything. nothings going to work out for me. the one thing that i know would make my life better is never going to happen because I #cant do anything right and its gonna get noticted soon enough and I'll be alone again and isolated. I'm so fucking isolated. i just want a #community I feel a part of. i just want anything. why dont i get to be happy. haven't i suffered enough? haven't i given enough?? i don't kn #ow what else I'm supposed to give up. my skin? my flesh? my heart? my ribs? what do you want. What do i need to do to be free?#why is it so much easier for everyone and why am i so fucking broken. you can't fix me. might as well throw mw away!!#peopel dont want me. jobs dont want me. my family doesn't want me. no one does. i ruin all my friendships and i can't be normal and good and #i always always fuck everything up. it's always me that ruins something.#I should just take the job and shut up

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radiotorn · 4 months

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having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

#ow.err #IN WHAT WORLD ARE MEN PAID LESS THAN WOMEN.#like. i shouldnt be surprised he said that bc he watched and/rew t/ate and jo/e rog/an so like. of fucking course he'd think that.#but like dude. you have no idea what youre talking about.#and there is NO WAY im gonna even try to tell him otherwise bc he is. loud. yk.#im just gonna. leave that there. bc its not my responsibility to 'fix' my parents as much as id love to try.#its just not my responsibility. and itll prob just end in me getting screamed at anyways since they wont listen to me or anything i say #cuz im still a kid in their eyes ! ! ! !!!! ! ! so cool ! ! ! ! ! !#almost 20. father doesnt think i know how to wake myself up w/o being woken up by someone else.#SO INSULTING BTW. i always get up on time. no matter what. nearly 20 and he thinks im a fking child still #both my mom and dad do but my dad does it in an 'underestimating' me way and my mom does it in a 'tries to overly coddle me' way #you know? i dunno. i dunno. i wanna move out but money is so fked rn. and idk how to do like. anything. so im just...#gonna do my classes and try to get a nice job and save up for awhile before i actually move out to my own place #im also kind of scared bc idk if ill have the. will to care for myself once i move out. like im worried ill just let myself die #sso. things to. work on before i get out of here i guess. but the thing is this environment will not let me heal. ahhh !!!!!!!!!#the only way out is through!!! through and scared!!!!!!!!!!!! tmrw marks the start of my life potentially starting to change. for the bette #but still changing. and oh man. im very nervous. its scary #cuz like. i didnt think id live past like 12 ??? so to be almost 20 and very behind on 'adult things' is. scary?daunting?#it all almost feels unreal. like im reaching a part of my life i never thought id actually reach. it feels like ive been living on #borrowed time since 12 so now im like. damn i have to live dont i. i have to actively make this life worth living now #some days i still worry itll be my last but ... im just gonna try to take it one step at a time. its all i can do.#be as prepared as i can. and take it one step at a time. i clutch onto the hope that my life will get better #and i clutch onto it with an iron grip. because damn it. it has to get better than this. it has to.#wow this got derailed. oh well my poast my rules.

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allofuswantgwinam · 6 months

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idk how we’ll ever have peace in this world when everyone just wants to retaliate with violence for everything. ‘It happened to me so I want revenge and idc if any innocent people get hurt/murdered in the process” I want fucking out lol of this world I am so serious

#I am disgusted by humanity every single day #this shit is FUCKED. it’s fucked.#we are all fucked #the masses do not care about things #the masses likes to live blindly #or “not my country not my problem’#or as I stated before I keep seeing posts from people in Israel who are like ‘I was blah blah blah by hamas’#‘everyone should die in hamas bc im upset’ ‘bad things happened to me so it should continue to be a cycle and never get better’#that’s what they might as well fucming say #and it’s more than just that. everything. people want fucke duo things to happen to others bc it happened to them #isn’t that some fucking shit #and there’s so many things that make me upset #it feels impossible the more I look into things #and observe people and learn #im disgusted #don’t even come for me to argue bc im not arguing #all everyone does is argue with eachother and be mad #im fucking tired of it #until we listen and understand eachother as a whole.. we’re just fucked #can’t convince me otherwise #im gonna keep going and all that bs but I’m absolutely defeated by the world rn #shit is ridiculous in so many ways #im also not saying someone shouldn’t be upset about what happened to them #I just don’t understand why the fuck you would want it to keep continuing #shameful #this isn’t fixing anything. people are dying. innocent people.#im sick of this repetitive bs of a sick world we live in #im only 25 #I am not excited for my future #I do t even wanna bring a child into this world

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faggot4faggothour · 8 months

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ohhh questioning the point of life again .

#likeeeee . Kind of hopeless if you ask me #time moves too fast. it fees like january passed in the blink of an eye.#i barely even recognize time passing. nothing i do matters. none of this is important. i want do something big but i never have the energy #i feel drained when i do fucking nothing all day. im such a fucking idiot and i cant even convince myself to care #i just. i dont even have an excuse. im just stupid and lazy and fucking pathetic #and doing any schoolwork makes me so fucking exhausted its pathetic #its pathetic. this is pathetic. i should be doing more. im supposed to do more. and i sit here and i think it #and i never end up actually fucking doing anything #im so stupid. im so stupid. im such a fucking idiot. i really should. i really should just fucking #im not. doing any good here. it doesnt fucking matter. it does not fucking matter #and if i could do anything maybe that would justify my existence. but i cant. i just fucking cant #i cant create anything meaningful. i cant make something beautiful. im always too fucking tired.#i cant make something beautiful. i dont have an excuse. im lazy and stupid and im so fucking tired for no reason #and i have the fucking gall to be happy. to exist happily like i fucking deserve it #i could fix this if i was better. if i was smarter and more capable and better then myself. i could fix this but im not #i could do it but i wont. and i keep not doing it and im so fucking pathetic #im just so fucking pathetic. its so pathetic. i should sit in this feeling. im supposed to. thats the only GOOD thing im capable of #but i wont. i fucking wont. ill seek out that stupid fucking comfort and make myself feel better about how pathetic i am and nothing will #ever fucking change. im so sick of me. im so sick of this. im a horrible thing to be.

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celesteleoves · 5 months

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hcs of bakugou / todoroki being a hardcore simp for reader maybe?

“I WANNA BE YOURS.”

KATSUKI BAKUGOU/SHOTO TODOROKI x fem!reader.

summary: what the request said!

warnings: swearing (bakugou…), mentions of todoroki’s childhood (very brief), that’s it i believe!

a/n: i love this request. i hope i wrote this to your liking!

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BAKUGOU KATSUKI —

he is a very subtle simp. you probably wouldn’t even think he liked you if you guys weren’t already dating. the way he shows his love for you is… questionable.

he does the simple things like following you around like a lost puppy (even though he swears he does NOT) .

he’ll definitely demand you never leave his side so he can always be there to protect you.

“you’re so weak, you need me to be there to protect you at all times.”

you’ll just nod, enjoying your boyfriends presence. (he’s actually geeking over you aswell and the fact you grace him with your presence).

he takes you everywhere with him and doesn’t care about what anyone says. oh, aizawa paired him up with kirishima? you’re coming with. you can’t stay a second away from him before he’s rushing around like a headless chicken looking for you.

your biggest fan by far, anything you do he’s practically on the floor worshipping you. then the next second he’ll be calling your outfit disgusting in the sweetest way possible.

he’ll also deny the fact he’s a simp for you. one time, kirishima caught the poor boy gazing at you, dare i say LOVINGLY, across the room as you did a mundane task.

kirishima has never grinned wider than he did when he noticed this. your boyfriend noticed the quiet chuckles leaving his friend and turned towards him.

“what the fuck are you laughing at?”

“you stalking y/n!”

“I WAS NOT STARING AT HER.” sure… liar. you literally just outed yourself…

bakugou loved you, even though he shows it in his weird, weird ways.

SHOTO TODOROKI —

the sweetest, sweetest boyfriend ever. literally the ideal boyfriend anyone could have SIMPLY because of how doting he is towards his partner.

he’s absolutely enamoured with you. he isn’t shameful about it either! (referencing one of my other head-canons) .

this boy will downright show his love for you.

we all know shoto has a hard time with social cues, he blames it on his childhood and the lack of social times he had – always being isolated.

that’s also the reason why he doesn’t understand why he can’t stare you down like a hawk and not expect people to be slightly worried… why is he staring at you like he wants to eat you?

cuteness aggression is a thing. you both get it when you’re with each other.

you can’t believe you managed to secure this boy. he never opened up to just anyone, yet for you he made an exception. you flew that all the time.

meanwhile your boyfriend is still in denial you two are dating. every time you bring up your realtionship he’s blushing like a maniac and shying away from you.

your classmates notice the little things. such as you placing your phone face up only for it to be face down a couple seconds later because todoroki fixed it for you knowing you don’t want people staring at every notification on your phone (this is so me guys i’m sorry).

he is very attentive, he’s such a simp. he’ll pick up on the little things. sometimes, you feel like he knows you better than you know yourself.

there was definitely one time you had been making yourself a snack in the kitchen, forgetting to get one of your favourite piece of food for the snack .

once your snack was made, you frowned at the missing piece of your food you wanted.

starting to get upset, you looked around for something to make up for this.

“here.” a soft voice spoke causing you to relax at the sound of todorokis gentle tone.

“i can’t find my-”

“y/n. here.”

you looked at your boyfriends hand, noticing he was holding multiple variations of the missing food item you craved.

your lips trembled at his thoughtfulness and you pulled your boyfriend in for a hug as he returned it with a soft smile on his face.

he’s too sweet for you and such a simp!

—

a/n: guys, bare with me if there is spelling errors. this was not proof-read! i hope this was good enough, it was kind of short.

SEND REQUESTS! 🤍🤍

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ronithesnail · 1 year

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Guys how do you draw im so sick of procreate

#i just want doodling to feel as natural as it does in my sletchbook #i have a texture screen on my ipad honestly i think that makes it worse #i seriously need help this is becoming a bit of a crisis for me #i feel like i just cant draw anything jot because of a lack or skill or motivation or something #but because picking up the pen and moving it along the ipad on procreate and trying to draw something feels like hell #specifically on the ipad and specifically on procreate #ive tried clip studio on the ipad and idk i think it might be better but honestly it feels mostly the same (bad)#magma feels better. but i dont want the to be all i use. also its not better all the time #my wacom feels awful too (intuos pro small) but the clintiques in the lab feel… better? i think? maybe its cuz i have earbuds in??#maybe the sound is whay i cant stand???? IDK MAN IM HAVING A CRISIS I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT #EVERYONES ALWAYS DOODLING AND I FEEL LIKE I JUST CANT

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable #and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back #i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive #logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt #and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her #fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating #bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a #state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid #recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet #but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid #it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off #when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically #a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick #instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway #i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday #idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave #the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was #approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty #bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated

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