#don’t fall for straight girls like me guys 😞🤞

[venuzasmuse]

I WISH YOU WERE A BOY [bestfriend!ellie]

(id love to credit whoever made this divider but irdk who did i’m sorry 😭😭)

warnings: (not proofread i wrote this in like 15 mins lol) ANGST ANGST ANGST, hints at religious trauma, religious parents, internalized homophobia if you squint

author’s note: i wrote this based off of a situationship i had 😭 def not projecting…… also y’all should totally listen to keep on loving you by cigarettes after sex (i listened to it while writing this so hopefully it’ll set the tone)

best friend!ellie who you met for the first time in your sophmore year of highschool. you had just transferred to a small all girls catholic high school in the outskirts of austin, texas having had just moved states. you were quiet and completely out of ellie’s extroverted vicinity of a personality. yet, they say opposites attract and you two were pulled together like magnets.

best friend!ellie who taught you the ropes of everything you knew. from your music taste down to the smallest complimentary accessories you infiltrated into your style. you were completely immersed with love for her that it nearly swallowed you whole. anyone you ever met would have to know her to truly understand you. y’all were just that close.

best friend!ellie who comforted you the first time you got your heart broken by some stupid boy you met at a football game. he began to pursue you and practically begged to take you out. “be ready at 7” he proposed with boyish charm and you couldn’t help but to be swooned, as any naïve teenage girl would. yet 8 rolled around the corner, and the only thing sweeping you off your feet was the feeling of rain droplets beating down on your hair and a pit of embarrassment that coiled in your stomach as you stood in a pretty white dress on the corner of a cafe. the only person to show up for you was ellie who was at your beck and call whenever you needed her.

best friend!ellie who sat with you in her car for nearly 30 minutes as the rain beat down on her windowsills. she wiped away at the mascara mixed tears on your cheek and an unfamiliar feeling began to unravel in your gut as she went on a rant about how perfect you were and how you didn’t need the guy whose name you couldn’t even seem to recall anymore.

best friend!ellie who was the only girl you realized made you feel this way and it scared you. you always knew you weren’t completely straight but this set everything in stone for you. yet, admitting it out loud was the last thing you wanted to do. it would only make the situation all the more real to you and you didn’t know how much of that you could handle.

best friend!ellie who made your stomach churn every single time she’d bring up another girl romantically in front of you. she’d ramble about some girl she was talking to and you couldn’t do anything but suck it up and pretend like you were happy for her but deep down you hated it. all of it. all you wanted to do was bury yourself in the grave you dug because you didn’t want to ruin anything between the two of you. ellie williams was the only person who had enough of you to completely tear you apart.

best friend!ellie who read your body language better than anyone else. your parents were spewing unsolicited comments about some taboo magazine about a same-sex couple one day while she was at your house. her head was rested atop your leg as you tried to drown out your parent’s conversation. your gaze fell on her and you smiled apologetically wanting to block out the rest of the world in that moment.

best friend!ellie who you smoked your first joint with as y’all snuck out of your parent’s house and to a nearby park across town. giggling and low eyed, y’all talked about the stupidest things as y’all shared a pair of cheap earbuds. the moon gleamed brighter than it usually did that night and cigarettes after sex blared through the earbuds lodged in your ears as you realize then you were in love with ellie williams.

best friend!ellie who laughed and asked why you were staring at her that way. “i wish you were a boy.” you said without thinking. maybe it was the way the light reflected off her freckled face or the way the drug coursed through your system, but the words slipped faster out your mouth before your brain could process them. her brows furrow and green eyes dance over you features searching for any type of emotion that emitted from your expression. “what?”

best friend!ellie who kept trying to get in touch with you ever since that night. you were relentlessly drowning yourself in shame and embarrassment. the remembrance of what you said made you feel foolish. but no amount shame can mask the guilt you felt every time you remembered the way ellie’s face fell as soon as you said what you did. you couldn’t say anything else after. all you did was brush it off and insist y’all go back home. the walk back was silent and tension brewed between the proximity of the two of you.

best friend!ellie who called you again at 11 pm in attempt to talk about that night. you were about to decline it but your guilt ate away at you. you agreed to meet her on your porch to talk. you planned on apologizing for both saying what you did and avoiding it. “i didn’t mean it. i was just high.” the excuse played on a loop inside your head. you were set on just leaving the situation and your feelings for her in a puddle of voided nothingness but closure didn’t come easy for you when she was actually in front of you now.

best friend!ellie who sat patiently outside your house. she was clad in a black sweatshirt, washed out blue jeans, and the same dirty converses she wore daily. she spared you a familiar smile as you sat down next to her trading her one as well.

best friend!ellie who watched as you began to fumble over your explanation in a panic. “i don’t know why i said that. god, i’m so stupid i’m so sorry.” you sniffled and gentle hands pulled you into a soft hug. for the first time in a week, you let yourself fall apart in her embrace and somehow, everything you thought you felt began to disperse. it was in that moment, that you accepted you would’ve loved her either way. whether she was a boy or a girl. it didn’t matter to you as long as you got the same soul in whatever body she was in. pulling away from her arms, your hand snakes over the nape of her neck as you press a kiss on her lips and she returns the energy reverently.

[moonjxsung]

STARR HELP MEE 😭😭

women freak me out. IDK HOW ELSE TO PUT IT WOMEN JS MAKE ME FREAK OUT LIKE ⁉️⁉️⁉️

not in a bad way but like in a goodish way.. ? like im pan and i have a pretty far list of exes but NONE OF THEM ARE FEMALES. women js freak me out like 😭😭

i actually have a crush on someone on very very rare occasions because when i DO like someone i always end up falling in love with them wholeheartedly so i usually like someone like once ever 3 or so yrs on average 😭

but to me when it comes to relationships guys are so easy to flirt with bc usually ik how to talk to them and such but women oh my GAWDDD they intimidate me sm because theyre so pretty and confident and im just in the corner looking at them like wow.. 🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️

AND THERES THIS ONE GIRL that im friends with whos a year older than me and ive had like the biggest thing for her since hs 😔☝(not necessarily a crush but i idolize her and want to marry her and would gladly let her step on and rail me and would do anything to make her happy . . . or is that a crush..?)

shes so fineee ajfkaksjsjjajs I WANT TO TALK TO HER LIKE A NORMAL PERSON but no whenever im within a 5 ft radius of her i freeze up and i just 🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️ and my friends look at me like i just pissed myself or something

idk if you remember me telling you but i attend speech and debate stuff too and SHES ONE OF THE MEMBERS GOOD LORD and seeing her at tournaments for over 13 hrs a day for two days straight every month outside of college.. 🥺

IM SOBBING IDKHOW TO TALK TO HER AND SHES SO RPETTY SNDJSJJSJANAN AND THE FACT THAT SHES LESBIAN JUST MAKES ME 🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️🧍‍♀️☝🤞🤧😍🤭💪😞😔🥺🤷‍♀️

im going to die HOW DO I TALK TO HER.

(i have severe social anxiety and i luv opening up my calendar and weather app on my phone whenever i panic around people 😀)

im gonna start sobbing now :((

~《☘》

NAUR THIS IS SO REAL……. I feel like guys are so much simpler to flirt with bc it’s so formulaic?? Like exchange phone numbers, talking stage, good morning texts, blah blah blah. But GIRLS….. they’re so witty and sweet and they don’t jump the gun asking you for nudes or some shit like we’re both just texting each other pics of the moon and I can’t tell if it makes us as madly obsessed with each other as I think we are or if we’re still just in the platonic phase???? My advice is to really pick her brain and make good conversation !!!! Make her fall in love with everything about who YOU are as a person and the rest will come easy to you. Talk to her about her interests, ask about her day, be attentive to the little things she says to you and make it clear that you’re paying careful attention to the relationship you guys have, not just brief check-ins that might seem otherwise careless !! Good conversation will get you ANYWHERE pookie…… and if you’re around her and you need a distraction feel free to flood my fuckin inbox and I will tell u what to say 🤸‍♂️ YOU GOT THIS POOKIE. GIRLIES DROP UR WLW FLIRTING TIPS IF U HAVE THEM PLEASE