#don’t get me wrong lol i’m not angsting over this like ‘agh i wish i too knew how to do this stuff :(‘ like i am Very happy not spending my

[camgoloud]

me normally, just existing in my skin on a day-to-day basis: i’m not a particularly feminine person but i’m definitely not MASCULINE really like i just kind of don’t think about it much either way and it’s fine! :)

me standing in the makeup and skincare aisles in target with my mother and sister: oh wow i am the most masc woman alive, apparently

[mimi-cee-hq]

Wildfires - Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: You're burned from last year's rumours, now fearing any hint of smoke. Yet you can't help, but fall for the childhood friend who's a balm to your wounds.

Genres, tropes, etc: angst with a satisfying and happy ending, angst to fluff, hurt/ comfort, exs to lovers (but not the usual kind), secret dating, drama and romance, but it's still somehow cute because that's just how I write lol

Warnings: false rumours about cheating and an illicit relationship, so it still technically mentions those things.

Words: 1.9k

Author's Notes: Hi Lia (@chimielie)! I'm your ☀️ anon. 🥰 You suggested exs to lovers and hurt/comfort for this prompt and it still technically is those things, but it's probably not what you expected.

If anyone is new to my blog and doesn't want to read angst, here's a cute fluff Atsumu x reader instead. :)

This fic is for the Heatwave Fic Exchange (@heatwave2021). Thank you for hosting this!

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

The air is dry and sweat forms on your brow. With the sun beating down, it's the perfect combination for a wildfire.

Atsumu's chin sits on his fist as he avoids your gaze. Lowering your eyes, you stare at the wooden table.

"Did he still care?" you ask yourself.

~*~*~

Plaid skirts sway as two students peek into their new classroom, attempting to be discreet. You hear their whispers from a distance, waiting in front of your own classroom.

"Look! We get Kinjou-sensei this year!" one exclaims.

"Are you serious?" the other asks after letting out a gasp. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I might end up staring at his face all day."

"Maybe it'll help you pay attention," her friend snickers.

You clench your jaw as heat rises in your body. They're able to indulge in frivolous remarks, ignorant of how you're left scarred from one fleeting gesture, a tiny piece of kindling that ignited into uncontrollable flames.

Cool hands cover your ears from behind you. Your jaw relaxes and the tension dissipates from your shoulders. You turn around to see Atsumu wearing a scowl on his lips. Sighing as you cross your arms, you ask, "Atsumu, what are you doing?"

"Well if only there was a way to make 'em shut up," he replies with a sharp tone.

You lean away from him and swat his hands back. "You're too close," you tell him.

"Alright!" he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll go!"

As he walks away, he crosses his thumb and index finger behind his back, forming a little heart. You smirk at his hidden gesture to you.

"I love you too, Atsumu," you silently tell him as a smile graces your lips. However, it vanishes like the mist in the sun when yet another person calls after him, someone he doesn't know.

You skirt around the other students, avoiding their path, and rush to your desk. There are too many dry leaves around; a single spark can burst everything into flames.

Why does everyone have to know Atsumu?

~*~*~

"I wish you could've been my partner for the project," you say.

Atsumu pours a glass of water and places it on the table in front of you. "You ended up with that new girl, right?" he mentions and you reply with a nod. "She should be safe to work with."

You're startled once again when you hear the chimes from the front door. A rattan room divider obstructs your view of it, but you hunch down anyway as you finally pick up your spoon.

Atsumu sits across from you, sharing something about his team. His eyes dim when he realizes you haven't been listening.

"This isn't working," he tells you. "I thought this restaurant would be better because people can't see us from here." He runs his fingers in his hair, a sign he's frustrated.

"I– I forgot people can still hear us," you say in a low voice.

Atsumu sighs. "Let's just watch a movie at my house," he says. "Osamu already knows anyway."

"You know we can't," you protest. "Not when Hana and Haku drop by so often. They're going to realize we're together."

"But how are we supposed to have any fun when you're so scared?"

"I–" You lower your gaze, eyes unfocused towards your untouched bowl of rice. "Sorry, Atsumu."

"It's not your fault," he reminds you yet again. This exchange has become all too familiar. "Maybe we should finally tell Hana and Haku what happened to you."

"And have them find out the guy in the rumours is their beloved brother?" You cross your arms over your chest and rub your hand on your sleeve. "I still want to be comfortable around them, Atsumu. Ignorance is bliss right?"

His mouth twists before a groan escapes from it. He slouches in his seat and stares at the food in front of you, which remains the way the waitress left it.

"Let's take the train to Tokyo next time," he mutters. "Nobody'll know us there."

Your eyes grow before looking up at Atsumu. "What?" you slowly enunciate just above a whisper. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

He presses his lips together before sharing his next suggestion. "I know where 'Samu's secret stash of money is…"

You narrow your eyes at him. "No, we're not stealing from him to go on a date, Atsumu."

"Alright," he says, lowering his eyes and dropping his shoulders.

Seeing his expression, you offer another idea. "How about Osaka?" It's only one city away.

Atsumu's eyes light up, excited at the chance of finally getting to enjoy some time with you. Although your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, you hope leaving the vicinity of last year's wildfires would be enough, for Atsumu's sake and yours.

~*~*~

Your heart beats faster and your throat becomes dry. You weren't getting enough air.

"You're okay," you tell yourself. "She's not talking about you."

"Seriously! That happened at my old school," your project partner snickers as she recounts her story to you. "They even got the kiss on camera too! I felt so bad for her, but it's her own fault for cheating on him."

You begin to feel dizzy, catching a whiff of smoke from another victim's fire. Her words add fuel to a fire that cannot be stopped. Wildfires burn and burn, and are never satisfied until they run out of kindling.

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask. Are you dating Atsumu? The two of you seem really close!"

Your throat struggles to take control, attempting to keep your stomach down; it doesn't want to burn either.

They'll say you're cheating on Kinjou-sensei.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, causing destruction by those who are both untrained and ignorant as well as the truly malicious.

Your knees buckle as you pant for air, your grip weak on the knob. You need to get out.

Atsumu's figure is before you and you relax as he catches you. You never would have imagined that this guy would be your fleeting oasis.

~*~*~

"Let's break up," you tell Atsumu.

You both knew this was coming, yet a bucket of icy water chilled to the bone regardless of whether or not it was expected. Speaking those words aloud shocked you back into reality.

You hesitated dating each other in the first place, but you couldn't help but caress his strong hands when he admitted his feelings for you. Growing up together in your group of five, he was by your side from snotty noses to acne breakouts.

You didn't expect to fall for the hot-head of your bunch when rumours of you dating Kinjou-sensei spread. Atsumu attempted to extinguish every flame he spotted, witnessing your anguish each time you got burned.

"Maybe we can still do this," you say, contradicting your previous words.

"And what? Have ya pass out again every time someone asks about us?" Atsumu protests. He lowers his eyes as he clutches your hand. "Do ya know how worried I was about ya?"

Your heart flutters for a moment before you remind yourself that you can't keep him, the boy who has been by your side for so long.

"Aghhhhh! This is so stupid!!! Why are we suffering because of this made up crap?! 'Kinjou-sensei' had put a bandaid on me a thousand times more than he did t' ya! But nobody gives a crap about that!"

"I'm sorry Atsumu."

"Why the heck are ya sorry?!" he says, raising his voice.

"I– If I was just strong enough... If I could withstand their stupid words"–your lip trembles–"maybe I wouldn't have to choose between you and having some peace."

There's another silence between the two of you. Your fingers are loosely intertwined together, barely holding the fragile string between the two of you, as if it were a wick that would combust and disappear in a split second.

"Maybe we should just run away," Atsumu mumbles aloud.

"What?"

"Ya know, transfer schools. Or even drop out if we need ta."

"Atsumu! You can't! We can't! You have volleyball! And I... this is the only school that gave me a scholarship."

"Agh! Why is this so frustrating?!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, ya idiot! Ya did nothing wrong!" He presses and rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I just… I wish I could do more for ya." His arm drops at his side. "I wish I didn't feel so useless."

Your tears drip down your face. Could they be counted any more? If only you didn't fear getting caught dating Atsumu, terrified that last year's fires would morph into a raging beast. But another wildfire would not only destroy you but also the man you loved. If only your sores healed by now, you could have shown off your boyfriend, disregarding any of the flames.

If only you were fireproof.

But you weren't and now you're forced to loosen your grip on Atsumu, the balm to your wounds, and let him fall out of your hands.

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

It was three years since you talked to Atsumu, four since rumours first raged through the school. The two of you went through cycles of getting back together and breaking up again every time you learned that fear was still crippling you. Cutting off contact was the less painful option.

Years later, you're at a friend's cottage and Atsumu comes along without knowing you're here as well. Now that high school has come and gone, the smoke has dissipated and the fires have finished their course. You can finally breathe.

But does Atsumu still want you?

To anyone else, Atsumu is bored out of his mind, resting his chin on his fist. Nobody sees his thumb and finger forming a tiny heart.

Your heart flutters and you blink back tears. You attempt to hold back your growing grin, but you have no reason to hide it anymore.

You wrap your arms around him, almost causing him to topple off of his chair, Atsumu letting out a yelp. "What the heck are ya doing?"

You can finally release your feelings for him, openly and freely. The dam opens and waters rush to engulf him before you settle into his embrace.

"I love you too Atsumu," you tell him without a care in the world.

Osamu tells you he changed when you cut off contact. He desired to be a man, not wanting to feel so powerless, and poured himself into things he could do. It paid off.

"Did ya want to go somewhere together? I could even take ya all the way t' Rome if ya want."

The two of you hold each others' hands as the ocean's edge cools your feet. You lean against his shoulder, cherishing the moment that at one point seemed like an inaccessible dream.

You give him a peck on the cheek and smile. "Tokyo seems like a nice place for a date for now."

~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed this fic. :) (And I hope you liked it Lia!!) I guess I can be poetic if I try. lol. I had a whole commentary written out for this fic, but I decided against posting it here and making my author's notes as long as the fic itself. 😂

If you enjoyed this fic, I don't really have any similar pieces of writing at the moment. The only one that's similar is the hurt/comfort Kunimi WIP I've put off writing for so long because I didn't think I could pull off this type of fic. (And also because I think only one person will read it.) The theme in that one is pity/pride because pitiful is Kunimi's most hated word.

Anyway, if you want to see my usual style of writing, I have a cute tooth-rotting fluff Atsumu x reader one-shot. I currently also have an ongoing fake dating chaptered Suna fic, which is probably my best planned fic with the hints and foreshadowing and a nice mix of humour, fluff and shoujo-type angst. :)

I also have a Google form for my taglist if anyone is interested.

[blissfullyshipping]

La Douleur Exquise (Kili x Reader) Pt2

Request (Anon): Two words: unrequited love. I was wondering if you could do a piece where reader is head over heels for Fili or Kili and they’re in love with someone else.

Fandom: The Hobbit

Genre: lil angst? 

Warnings: None

A/N: So I wasn’t intending to do a part2 to this fic but got some requests to make it a kili x reader. I was going to cut it but it didn’t feel right so this is quite a long one lol. I personally don’t like how cheesy it is but lmk what you guys think. Also this gif is fucking me up lol 

Part1, Part2

You clutch your plane ticket as you make your way to the boarding gate. Although nerves wrack your body, it's nice to finally walk with meaning after months of heartache and confusion, caused by yet another Durin.

“Kili?” You're startled as the younger Durin stands in front of you. After a year of no communication you're surprised to see him turn up unexpectedly at your french apartment.

“Y/N” he sighs in relief, but frustration takes over his features as he storms into your home. “Why did you leave?”

You’re confused by the question. Kili knows all about your heartbreak over Fili. Whenever you needed him he'd be there to sooth your worries and although you wished you’d kept in contact with him, you felt that it was best to distance yourself from the Durin family to get over the heartache.

“You know I needed to get away Kili. I couldn't even look him in the eye without crying.” You fidget, uncomfortable with his sudden outburst.

“It was so easy to forget about us wasn't it, you’re so selfish y/n. Clearly you don't give a damn about anyone else otherwise you would've kept in touch, right?” His voice dripping with bitterness.

“When did I say I forgot?! I couldn't bring myself to contact you. I didn't want to face Fili, t-”

“Why is it always about Fili! For crying out loud Y/N, why does every conversation go back to him?! I'm not saying you had to talk to him, but what about me? You wanted to get away from my brother but why did you have to leave me?!”

Things escalated so quickly. You should’ve realised something was up. That it was strange of Kili to behave impulsively, but you had never seen him that way before. Even now you believe the words he had said, you were selfish. There had been times where you wanted to call him and the rest of the family. But you never did, too scared of the questions they'd ask or the phone being passed to Fili. You never thought that he was hurting as much as you.

“Excuse me if I wanted to get away from the love of my life whilst he danced off into the sunset with another girl!” You hiss. You’ve gotten over Fili, but of course Kili doesn't know that.

“How long are you going to hope for someone who will never return your feelings Y/N. He wasn't going to a year ago and he’s not going to now!” He snaps back, standing up.

Tears well up in your eyes as his spits out those words. How could he bring that up? He knows that was your biggest fear, one that came true. You shake your head in disappointment and hurt.

“Get out.”

His expression changes from anger to sorrow instantly.

“Y/n I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.” Does he know he's taken things too far or is he apologising because you won't listen to him?

“Get out Kili I don't want to hear anymore. You've said what you needed to say, now go.” You answer coldly pointing to the door.

“No jus-”

“Get out!”

“Plea-”

“GET OUT! Can't you see I don't want to talk to you?! I get it Kili I should've kept in touch. I’m selfish and I’m a terrible friend, I'm sorry. I really am, but you can't come in here and tell me shit I already know! What more could you possibly say?!”

“I love you.”

He left soon after, and things were different. Each day started with a new question and ended with no real answers. You felt like running again. Move to a different city or country, start fresh and forget the past. But Kili's confession made you look at the past differently. The past was no longer filled with heartache and despair. You no longer wanted to forget it. You were looking at the past through a different point of view, one filled with hope.

These past three months have been hard. You tried not to compare the two brothers, you just wanted to make sure that these feelings for Kili weren’t a result of Fili’s rejection. But you’re no longer blinded by love, and somehow things are clearer. The night you left brought new answers.

“Please y/n don’t do this.” Kili pleads as you hastily pack your back. “You can get through this, I promise, I’ll be here, I’ll help you!”

How could Fili propose to her after two months?! You’ve known him for six years, does that mean nothing to him?

“Y/n, I’m begging you. I-I need you here. Please just stay for me, Fili doesn’t deserve you, please!”

What did you do wrong? Why couldn’t he look at you the same way? Why couldn’t he say those three words to you? Does everyone know your heart is breaking? Will they look at you with pity from now on?

“I’ll do anything to help you, just promise you’ll stay y/n. Please tell me you’ll stay.”

You need a fresh start, somewhere where no one knows you. “I’m sorry Kili.” Your voice weak and hoarse as you brush past him. You were too focused on your own heart-breaking to hear his.

“Would all passengers travelling to Ireland on flight FR3421 please have your boarding passes and passports ready for boarding. Flight FR3421 now boarding at gate 21.” Dress and luggage in hand, you join the queue, slipping the wedding invitation into your purse.

Entering the banquet hall, you expect to be met with cold glances and awkward conversations. But leave it to Dis to put your thoughts to rest, as she screams your name and pulls you into a mama-bear hug. After a long catch up session and a few tears you move on, saying hi to familiar faces and watch the married couple.

Seeing Fili wrap an arm around his bride, you're surprised when you feel nothing for the older Durin, even the old friendship felt tainted. You weren’t expecting to feel indifferent, you were hoping that things would go back to normal, and you’d be best friends again. It’ll take time you think to yourself as your eyes wander to Kili, who’s beside him.

You smile at the sight of him laughing with his brother. He’s changed since you last saw him. Shaved the stubble and cut the long hair, revealing the charming young Durin, dressed in a tux. Knowing that you had caused his so much anguish broke you. You wish you said something before he left, something to reassure him. But even then you weren’t sure about your feelings. But spending everyday day and night thinking about him, looking at the past with a new sense of wonder and looking to the future with new found hope, all because of him. Kili has helped you in more ways than one, and it kills you that you didn’t realise it earlier.

“Y/N!” You hear Fili shout and Kili turns to look at you. Your heart flutters as his eyes meet yours, surprise taking over his features. You give him a shy smile and they break from the group to make their way towards you.

“Congratulations Fili!” You grin giving him a hug “I’m so happy for you, the ceremony was beautiful.” It feels weird saying those words without the need to cry, no tears welling up in your eyes wishing you could be with him. You no longer hold any jealousy or bitterness towards the couple, you’re genuinely happy for him.

“Agh I’ve missed you! And you have to tell me all about your adventures in La France.” He grins and looks behind him to see his wife calling for him to go outside. “I better go but you two should get ready for the fireworks, Kili keep an eye on the cake I don’t want Bombur anywhere near it. See you soon y/n, love you.”

You don’t miss the sharp intake of breath behind you as Fili utters those words and naively plants a kiss on the side of your head, you smile and watch him go knowing that you’ll be back to normal sooner than expected.

Both of you watch Fili walk over to his bride and give her a kiss as they walk out hand in hand. “They look good together.” You hear Kili say behind you and you wonder if he purposely said it to try and hurt you.

“They’re the perfect match.” You agree, turning to look up at him with a smile when you see his raised brows.

“I was over him before you even visited me, Kili.” You carry on when you see the corners of his mouth lift slightly. “And I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before you left. I needed time to think and make sure you’re not just a rebound.” You huff a laugh, hoping he’ll appreciate your honesty. “But I know now that what I feel for you is true Kili, I know that I was so blinded that I couldn’t see you in front of me. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you I love you, Kili.”

You anticipatedly stare back at his bewildered expression as he processes your words. “You hold so much love in your heart y/n.  I saw it every time you looked him and every night you cried over him, it’s what made me fall for you in the first place.” He whispers, wrapping an arm around your waist, drawing you closer, his lips hovering over yours. “I never thought you’d look at me the same way y/n. I love you so fucking much.”

And as your lips touch fervently, you feel fireworks explode around you igniting a fire deep in your heart…and a nearby table.

“Pesky, little hobbits.” Gandalf mutters in the distance.

Taglist: @theawkwardbutterfly @curvestrology @thesmellofasinnamonroll @j25m18c24 @spooookyscary