#don't ask me how they have canon earth birthdays when this show takes place on another planet but they do apparently

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Don't Blame Me | John 'Soap' Mactavish x F!OC

Chapter 14: Delicate

Ao3 | Masterpost

Nina thinks about her future with John

General Tags: Fake Marriage, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Slow Build, Canon-Typical Violence

CW: Violence

Words: 2.2k

She was glad he carried her. Unsteady legs made her feel like a newborn fawn. There was a vague soreness, the leftover pain from a stretch. An emotional comedown like a waterfall. She might have cried if she couldn’t have buried her face into his neck. She wanted more. More of him. 

 He sat her on the counter and kissed her, pulling away reluctantly. 

“How hot do you like it?” He asked, crouching to turn on the water and put the plug in the tub. 

“Very.” She leaned back against the mirror. He had a nice ass and thick leg muscles. She’d never really paid attention to that before. She was always focused on his face. The chin scar and the stubble that covered it, his sea-glass blue eyes, and how he smiled at her. 

She nudged him with her foot. He grabbed hold of her ankle and kissed the top of her foot. 

“Yes?” 

“Did you mean it?” She asked gently. 

“Mean what?” He said, lips hovering over her ankle. 

“That you’re going to stay.”

He paused. He stood up and pressed his forehead to hers and held her shoulders

“Yes. My mission is to keep you safe. Until those men are dead and you’re back in England, you’re stuck with me.” He gave her a quick kiss. “I’m lucky Price has a soft spot for ya.”

‘Back in England’ seemed more fairytale than it had ever before. It was a cruel joke for her to believe that she could go back and live a normal life there. One where she could live in a flat and go to uni and have a boyfriend. All the things she thought about when she was little. 

Would she adjust correctly? She was feral. Under socialized and flighty. Ever since she left she dreamed about waking up in her little cabin under old wool blankets. She could hunt and sleep and eat as she pleased.

Now all these people were trying to tame her. Reintegrate into a society that she never was really a part of in the first place. She grew up on a military base in the countryside. 

Her mother had isolated herself in order to be the perfect wife and mother. She rarely left the base even to visit her own family. It got worse in the last 2 years after her brother was born. Her father had grown paranoid, forbidding them from leaving without him and he was rarely available. 

It was Nina that had convinced her mother to leave that day. Sebastian’s birthday was coming up. She wanted to get him a gift. She asked Price about what she should get. She didn’t remember his answer. 

The road was still icy from a late spring frost. They were going downhill and the car wouldn’t slow. Movies never showed how loud things actually are. Metal crushing against asphalt and earth. How when you’re upside down the world slows and even in your memories you can’t speed it back up. 

She never found out how long she was there dangling. She just knew she heard Price yelling at her to cover her face as he smashed what was left of the window. The crunch of glass as he climbed in to unbuckle her. The sound of boots on hard ground as he ran back to base. 

How would her life have turned out had her mother married someone like him? The walls of the living room would be yellow or a light green instead of a grey-blue color. Sebastian wouldn’t have gone to Eton but he might be alive to follow in their father’s footsteps. 

She didn’t blame her father for their deaths. She could blame him for everything else though. 

‘Back in England’ where her mother and brother were buried in a grave she’d never seen. She’d ask Price to take her if he knew. 

John was talking to her, rubbing a circle on her hip. She was suddenly aware of how wet her thighs were, how the slick had gone cold against the counter. 

“Huh?”

“You okay, Neen? You zoned out a little.” He had a hand on her neck, thumb rubbing against her cheek. 

“Sorry. I’m good. What did you say?” She made eye contact so he knew she was listening. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” 

“No.” He helped her take off her sweater and bralette. He ran his thumb over the several small hickeys forming along her collarbone and neck. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He lifted her up again. 

The water was hot like she liked it. Steam pillowing off from the surface of the water and her skin. He got in behind her, his sweatshirt discarded in the same pile. She had to sit on his thighs for them to both fit and water sloshed over the sides. 

“I’m going to give you the tourist treatment. Big Ben, London Eye, Piccadilly…”

He went on listing places to go and things to do. It made her want to kiss him again.  He wet a cloth and wiped it between her thighs delicately. 

“…I’ll take you to Glasgow as soon as I can. Take you to all my favorite places. Edinburgh too. Wherever you want. Loch Ness even if it is a tourist trap…”

She felt domesticated on a surface level. A wild animal that was pranced around as proof that something wild could change. She still felt dangerous. One day she would snap and not just bite the hand that feeds her but rip it clean off. The way that man touched her face flicked a switch inside her. The threat of being separated from John was the only thing that kept her from biting down on his face. 

“You’ll love Kyle. He’s almost as funny as me.”

The wild inside her was clawing its way out. It was angry and insatiable. Even in her softest moments like this with John stroking her hair and building a fantastical future for them. He was dripping honey in her ears but the wild thing wanted to spit back blood. 

She would wear the collar but her leash was fraying. 

What would he do? Would he defend her? ‘It’s just her nature. You can’t agitate an animal and not expect teeth.’ Or would he let her be taken away? Would he put her down? 

Her nails had dug into her thighs. She caught herself before she drew blood but 10 half moons sat on her thighs. 

She grabbed the wild thing inside her and pushed it back down the cliff of her psyche. It tumbled down, hitting rocks and branches. She hoped it stayed down there. That it died down there. 

She kissed John’s neck. 

“I want to see the cows with the big horns.”

“Highland cows? I can take ya to see highland cows.”

“I’d like that.”

She’d submit to the domestic. She liked John a lot. She could nurture this. Grow this into something that could make them both happy. 

He started to wash her back and arms. Sweet vanilla filled the steamy bathroom. 

“Soap.” She made a popping noise at the ‘p’. She looked back teasingly and looped a finger around the ball chain holding his ID discs. “Why is that your nickname?”

“It’s classified.” He said with her mimicking him. He pinched her side. “Don’t be cheeky.”

“I let you inside of me but you can’t tell me the reason for your nickname?” She huffed. 

“Okay,” he sighed. “I clear houses well.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“When engaging hostiles, I can clear out buildings very quickly.”

“You’re good at killing people very quickly?”

“Uh…yeah.” 

“Soap…I think you’re lying but okay.”

She wanted to wake up next to him every morning. Make him disgusting coffee and make dinner. She would bake biscuits and cakes and be everything he wanted. She would be delicate and wear soft things. She would give him a child. 

She would strangle the wild thing in its sleep. She’d rip it apart with her bare hands if she had to.

She turned over to straddle him. More water sloshed out of the tub onto the tile. His hands gripped her ass as she slid her tongue into his mouth. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be ready for round two so soon.” He sucked a mark onto her neck. “I’m going to say we wait till tomorrow.”

She frowned. She wanted to feel him again. She wanted the heat in her belly and the shuddering pleasure. She wanted to feel how desperate his hands felt against her. 

“Let’s turn in, okay?” He pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek before leaning in to whisper in her ear. “As soon as you wake up, I’ll have my mouth on you. Promise.” 

He dried her off, having her sit on the edge of the draining tub. He gave her his sweatshirt and got her a new pair of panties to wear. He carried her to the bedroom. 

“Stay here. Be right back.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. He had an advent calendar when he came back. “You’ve had one of these before, right?”

He pulled her onto his chest once he got in bed. Her legs laid between his, the hair tickling her thighs. 

He popped the cardboard doors and they split the candy. Little chocolate hearts.

“I’ll try not to scare you tonight.” He said, tossing the empty calendar on the floor. “Happy Christmas, Nina.”

She pressed her ear to his chest, listening to his heart. Did he have something wild in him too? Did it fight to get out like hers did? Part of her hoped he did. That it craved her in the same ways hers did. She peppered kisses against his bare skin, following the lines of any scar she found. 

“Happy Christmas, John.”

They moved positions throughout the night. He seemed to favor throwing a heavy arm over her while he slept. She’d wiggle free and soon find herself being pulled back in. He murmured things while he slept. Loose vowels and constants, not full words. He would smile though. 

His hand was over her mouth as he pressed his full body weight against her.

“Don’t make a sound. I think I heard something.” He held his breath. It was faint but they both heard it. Outside was the crunch of snow under boots. Multiple pairs. An arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her out of bed with him. “Whatever happens you need to be quiet, Nina.”

She bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head. 

“It might be nothing but we’re not taking any chances.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and pushed her shoulders down. “Get under the bed. I’ll come get you when I know it’s safe.”

She slid on the cold wood, trying her best to make as little noise as possible. The footsteps were louder now. There was a small window in the bedroom. It was too dark to see but there were people out there.

She could only see John’s feet. She could hear him ready the handgun. He started to close the bedroom door with his foot. 

Glass shattered in the main room. Something metal hit the floor. Lightning was inside. A bright flash of white light and one of the loudest sounds she’d ever heard. 

Her ears started ringing. 

Everything felt like it was happening miles away. The door was kicked open. 

Gunshot, gunshot, gunshot, gunshot. A body slumped to the floor. She kept her eyes on John’s feet. As long as he was still standing. He just had to stay standing. 

More gunshots.

“Hold your fucking fire. If you hit the girl I’ll kill you myself!” It was the voice from the dead, echoing once again from the chest of a dead man in the corner. The voice that had followed her all the way from Kyrat. 

There was grunting, someone was grappling with him. His handgun hit the floor. 

He was thrown to his back, gasping. A gloved hand grabbed his arm. She bit down on her hand as he was dragged away. She could see the handgun. If she was quick she could grab it. She could be quick. She never got the chance. A heavy set of boots marched in. 

A hand wrapped around her ankle and she was dragged out from under the bed. She could see a body slumped in the corner, they were dressed in all black tactical gear and matching ski mask. 

She screamed and kicked. She could hear John calling her name. In the main room there was the sound of more fighting. 

She dug her nails into the floor, scrambling to get away. She was taken down the short hall. She turned to look behind just in time to see the butt of a rifle hit John’s temple. He crumpled to the floor. He was still conscious but blood was dribbling down his face onto his chest.

He was pulled into a chair, his hands and feet tied. She was sat opposite him and tied the same. Plastic zip ties dug into her wrists and ankles. 

“Look at the lovely couple.” A voice floated from the kitchen behind her. A hand came around and stroked her face. She remembered the voice, English, London Accent. She remembered the hand, and the green coat it emerged from. It held her face firm, not letting her turn back. She could see the rage in John’s face. She could angle her eyes downward and saw a pair of black oxfords. “How’s the honeymoon so far?”

Tag List: @yeyinde @queen-ilmaree @yearningforsappho @mykneeshurt @gogh-with-the-flow

LMK if you want to be added for this or any other fic 💗

[character-birthday-of-the-day]

Happy Birthday to Princess Perfuma from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, born March 1st!

[yibo-wang]

ahh yeah, tolkien himself didn't really use the language inside the silm but for names etc. and i believe also a couple of cultural things are listed at the end of the book!! it's also partly a guide on how to pronounce the names etc. tolkien likes to reference characters through names and give characters from a family similair names. like the finwëans (the sons of finwë and their children etc.) have in their quenya father name often "finwë" (nelyafinwë, curufinwë, morifinwë, arafinwë etc. "finwë" itself doesn't have a known meaning but we think it might have to do with hair? the word "fin" means hair if i remember correctly) - ant anon

uhh btw for tolkien's book canon doesn't exist. canon is more guide lines than anything else. there are things that are rules regarding cultures etc. but the events that take place are, except for a few, only those version where christoper tolkien (j.r.r. tolkien's son) thought they fitted best with the version and development his father made. tolkien often had multiple versions of characters and plot points alike, some of them more developed than others. like, there are these two twins, in one version they live until a certain battle (i think the battle of doriath where most of their siblings die) or one of them dies at the burning of the ships, where his father (and his father's men) set the boats on fire they came with to middle earth from Valinor and they didn't know he was still there. (uhh yeah there is a reason why they burn the boats but it's not a good one 👀)

oh idk when i started following you but it could've been around the time you made this darker blue-ish wangxian set of the cold pond cave scene? i'm not completely sure but i think i was already following you then or followed you a bit after that maybe? i don't really remember tbh? also i keep forgetting to sign of asks ajdksks so yeah this is ant anon!!! (it could've been, i think... i'm not sure.... that i followed you a bit before wwx's birthday or a bit after it??? i really don't know) anyways i might rewatch a really good show since it's winter break now and ajdksk i'm just staring at my computer and watching the opening credits for each season AND THEY'RE SO FUCKING GORGEOUS BUT SLIGHTLY TERRIFYING WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WTF IS GOING ON - ant anon

ahh so is the family name like the surname or is it part of the first name? also maybe the finwe had a legacy of having good hair lol.

fr?? there are two versions jsjjdj you opened a whole new world of tolkien for me,, the brief knowledge i have is from the movies and the book i partially read back in middle school,, maybe someday i’ll give it a go again

ahh as for the account guessing i’m still very clueless,, im really gonna wait for christmas this time or wait and see if you forget to go on anon ajhajshjha

ooh which show are you watching (hope it’s not horror sjsjsj)

[flutteringphalanges]

Summary:  Chloe and Lucifer are survivors in a post apocalyptic world trying to make it through life step by step. (The cause is not biblical, but still falls in the canonical universe of the show.)

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter and the little goodies within it! Comments are greatly loved and appreciated!

                                              Chapter Four

When Chloe awoke the next morning, for a few precious moments, the detective had completely forgotten everything that had happened. Cheek pressed against Lucifer's chest, the fabric of his shirt soothing against her skin, she had thought that perhaps she'd fallen asleep accidentally in his penthouse. It wouldn't be the first time. But the smile that had crossed her features soon fell away when reality hit her. No Lux. No studio. Just an endless forest.

"Lucifer," she mumbled, voice still thick with exhaustion. "Wake up."

She pulled away from his chest, leaving a damp mark from where her face had gathered sweat. The devil groaned, mindlessly swatting at gnats as her blinked back sleep. Turning her attention to her surroundings, Chloe noted that both Charlie, Ruth, and Kate had already woken up. When Charlie began to poke Nate, who somehow had managed to remain asleep, with a stick, Ruth threw him a dark look before trying her own hand at getting him to regain consciousness.

"It's bloody hotter than Hell out here," Lucifer spoke, drawing his partner's attention back to him. "And I should know, I ran the place for eons."

"Maybe if you forwent the suit…" Chloe suggested with a small smile.

"Never!" Lucifer said appalled. "I'd rather be burned to cinders!"

Breakfast consisted of chocolate chip granola bars and water-what little they had left. Surprisingly, Lucifer did not utter a peep of complaint as he consumed his portion of the meal, much to Chloe's astonishment. It was only when Kate withdrew the map from the safety of her pack that a real conversation began to stir amongst the survivors.

"It's been over twenty four hours now," Ruth began. "Maybe the cell phone towers are working. This isn't the 50's. By now the government has to have perfected nuclear safety plans. Isn't there a chance that we could find somewhere with some sort of communication and figure things out?"

"Just because plans are set in place doesn't mean that we are prepared for the unexpected," Kate answered. "We always fear the worse, but fearing isn't exactly the same as knowing. If the United States really, truly expected that we'd be nuked, none of us would be standing here in confusion and terror now."

"Or they did know and just didn't give a shit about warning us," Nate countered. "Fuck authority!"

"Hey!" Lucifer snarled. "Shall I jog your memory that you are in the presence of two LAPD detectives?!"

"As I said," the younger man glared, a mocking smile crossing his features. "Fuck. Authority."

Chloe reached and grabbed Lucifer by the arm before the man had a chance to step forward. When he turned, she looked at him hard, trying to convey an 'it's not worth it' expression. There was a pause before the devil huffed, shoulders slumping in defeat. After being thrown into a car, Chloe was still uncertain as to why Nate continued to push her partner's buttons. While she desired nothing more than to sucker punch the guy herself, now wasn't the time to start another conflict.

"We're all doomed anyway, right?" Nate continued, his smile far from humorous. "From the radiation? I'm surprised we aren't yet fluorescent green."

Everyone looked at one another, seeming to really take in the young man's point. Had they been infected-or rather absorbed whatever had been in the bombs? None of them had displayed any symptoms of radiation poisoning. In fact, besides being hungry, tired, and dirty, they looked relatively the same from the prior day. That had to count for something.

"We should keep moving," Charlie said, breaking the silence. "If we're fine, we aren't going to stay that way if we don't go on. " He patted Ruth's shoulder gently, trying to reassure her. "C'mon, you've always said I need to get out and walk more."

Ruth gave her husband a small smile, taking a hold of his hand when he offered it. As they began to walk, Chloe couldn't help but look at the two and think of her relationship with Dan. How they had rushed into things. If it hadn't been for Trixie, maybe they'd have split up a lot sooner. But watching the older couple confirmed one thing for sure, even in an alternate universe, she and Dan could've never worked. Not like that.

"Detective?"

Chloe found herself tugged back into reality by the concerned tone of her partner. She blinked, turning her head to see that Lucifer was gazing at her worriedly. Sometimes she didn't realize how easily she could blank out.

"Are you quite alright?" There was a hint of hesitation as he spoke. "You seem...very pensive."

"I'm fine," she assured him. "My mind's just wandering." When he didn't look convinced, she forced what she hoped resembled a reassuring smile. "I should really pay attention more before I trip over something and fall."

"That might be a wise decision," he smiled, seeming to ease at her joke. "It's hot enough without having to give you a piggyback ride for a twisted ankle."

"Oh, so that's on the table then?" She couldn't help but grin.

"Not exactly the definition of 'riding bareback' I'd prefer," he smirked. "But you take what you can get."

The detective rolled her eyes, lightly shoving him in a playful manner. When he gave her a wink, she hoped the dirt smudged across her face hid her blushing. As they continued to walk, Charlie and Ruth still hand in hand, Chloe's thoughts of her life with Dan began to diminish. Now when she looked on, she thought of someone else. And though Chloe tried to push it from her mind, she couldn't help but think of Lucifer. It was an idea so silly that it truly felt right.

Chloe was six when her Great Uncle Matthew had a heart attack right in the living room during her sixth birthday party. At the time, she didn't realize how severe the situation was. As he lay on the floor, clutching his chest while struggling for air, she could only look on in confusion before her mother rushed her into another room.

Chloe Decker had never had a heart attack. But the feeling that hit her when she watched Lucifer tumble off the cliff must've felt close.

"No," the word sounded hoarse as her lungs began to once again suck in air. "No, no, no...No! Lucifer!"

She got down on her hands and knees, scrambling over to look down the steep slope. Ignoring the pain caused by the small, sharp rocks cutting into both palms, her eyes scanned the ground below in desperation. It was hard to see through the brambles that sat scattered across the landscape. Then suddenly, way below, sprawled out in a spread eagle fashion, she could just make out a body. Lucifer. And he wasn't moving.

"Lucifer!"

Chloe was already sliding down before she realized it, heels dug into the earth to keep from losing control. Every second that went by seemed like an eternity. If she hadn't been so focused, she might've feared that her heart would give out from how heavy it was pounding against her chest. When she got to the bottom, her legs nearly gave way under her as she shakily lunged to the still form of her partner.

"Oh god," her voice shook as she knelt over him. "No, no. Please. No!"

If it hadn't been for the deep cut above his eyebrow and the mud smeared across his now torn clothes, he might've given off the impression of being asleep. But he wasn't. Chloe's hands shook as reached forward, touching his face gingerly. No reaction. Not even a hint. A lump was already forming in her throat as she went to rest her ear of his heart. He had to be breathing. He had to be okay.

"Lucifer," her voice was thick with emotion. "Don't do this...Don't…"

Tears streamed down Chloe's cheeks as she rested her ear against his chest. It didn't help that her heart was pounding so loud, that it nearly prevented her from hearing anything at all. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't leave her. Not like this. Not when…

"Oh Lucifer…" she whispered.

"...Yes?"

At first, Chloe didn't register what she had just heard. Then, lifting her head up, to her astonishment and utter relief, Lucifer stared back at her. A very much alive and very, very much amused by her reaction to his near death Lucifer. Before he had another chance to speak, Chloe's hand smacked him hard across the face.

"Ouch! What the bloody hell was that for?" He asked in disbelief, rubbing his stinging cheek.

"You asshole," she snapped, voice wavering between anger and relief. "I thought you were dead and you had the balls to act like it?!"

"Now I'm seeing that wasn't the brightest idea," Lucifer mumbled, still nursing side of his face. "But I am touched to see you cared."

"Christ, Lucifer," Chloe breathed, feeling weak as her adrenaline began dissipate. "I thought you were dead! Don't DO that! I don't know what I'd do if I'd lost you." She wiped away vigorously at the tears falling down her cheeks. "For a moment, I really thought…"

Lucifer's arms were around her before the first sob escaped from her mouth. She felt like a child again, clinging to her father after something bad happened. Tears streaming down her face, nose running, movies made crying look so pretty, not messy and ugly like hers. The sound of rain and the feeling of Lucifer's worn shirt pulled Chloe back to the present. When she met Lucifer's gaze, no longer did he seem amused. No, he looked guilty.

"I'm sorry, Chloe," he said, using her first name like he always seemed to do when serious. "I didn't really think about how me being a bloody idiot would affect you."

"No," she sniffed, rubbing her nose on the back of her hand. "You didn't. But that's why I lo…" Chloe caught herself. "That's what makes you my Lucifer." Finally smiling, her eyes flickered upwards, the rain, though cold, feeling pleasant on her face. "We should probably get going."

"About that," Lucifer interjected hesitantly. "My ankle may or may not be broken." When noticing the horror in her face, he quickly added. "Or sprained. Yes. More likely sprained. But I can walk!"

Before Chloe could stop him, Lucifer attempted to force himself into a standing position. The second pressure was applied to his left ankle, he let out a pained yelp and sunk back down to the ground in defeat.

"It's not that bad," he panted, clearly in pain. "I can manage. Really, I can. I've been through worse."

"You're not walking. Not like that." Chloe paused, thinking for a moment. "You heal when I'm not close." She ignored the look of concern growing on his face as he began to register what she was about to suggested. "It'll take weeks, maybe longer, before you're healed enough to even attempt walking normal."

"Detective, if you are about to suggest what I think you are," Lucifer started.

"The only way you are going to get better is if I get far enough away from you to heal." She held up her hand as he began to protest. "Look, it can't be that far right? I'll just go a little ways out and your ankle will fix itself in no time."

"You're not going out there alone," he countered. "I'd rather be drawn and quartered than for you to do that."

"We don't have much of a choice," she stated, taking note of a relatively dry area. "You don't like it. I don't like it. But it's our only option." Lucifer gave her a look of displeasure as she wrapped on arm around him. "C'mon, think you can manage to make it over here? So you are at least out of the rain."

"I'm not a baby," he muttered.

"Sometimes I wonder," she shot him a grin. When he didn't return the expression, Chloe sighed. "I'll be fine, I promise."

After some careful maneuvering, Chloe managed to get Lucifer to where he wasn't being pelted by rain. If she were honest, she felt just the same about him as he did her. But it was for the good of the group. For the good of him. Inhaling deeply, she looked towards the heavy woods before her. It couldn't be too terribly long of a walk, could it?

"I'll be back," she attempted to assure him. "And if something happens, I'll scream."

"NOT funny," Lucifer growled, before softening some. "But I suppose I deserved that one."

"At least that one," Chloe smiled, giving him one last look before turning towards the trees. "I best be off, I guess. Have fun healing." She tried to sound cheerful, hoping that it would somehow make everything okay. "Don't do anything stupid."

Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, Chloe began to walk away from her injured partner. She should be lucky, at least that's what she told herself. Most people can't just magically-or in Lucifer's case, "biblically"-heal like that. Yet, every step away from him felt so wrong. Was this the best choice?

"Detective!"

Chloe turned around, seeing Lucifer watching her like a hawk from his spot.

"Be careful, please," he urged. "I don't want...If you…"

"I know," she smiled. "I'll be alright. I always am."

As she disappeared from his sight, Lucifer let out a long, withheld exhale.

"That's why I worry..."