#dont feel much with it. like tyvm i recongize its a nice thing youre doing and i want you to feel validated in that

[superchat]

Hey fathör. Genuine question. How do you get like okay with the idea of like "it's better if I'm alone"? Cause I really resonated with some of the posts you've made talking about that but like the idea of being alone also kinda makes me scared. Like how do you get over that feeling?

uhmmmmmmm, im not the best person to ask cuz i have Problems and have had zero therapy in my life. im on no medications and have no diagnosis i am confident in saying i have, other than general depression but even then i dont know the extant that i have it, or the ways i feel it or deal with it.

generally the feeling doesnt go away. for me itts an unhealthy battle of "will my selfishness win or my will?" cuz its always conflicting feelings of "i dont think i should be friends with ppl cuz i can be shitty and im not mature enough for them" vs. "i am lonely and want to talk and connect with ppl" and eventually my selfishness wins and i start talking to ppl again even tho i cant justify itt to myself so

ive always been kind of a solitary person, or someone who enjoys their alone time. over the years its gotten more? worse?

humhumhum i noticed a ttrend over time where i like. get in like, a better mood and then act like an ass in some way or another and that will knock down my self esteem and stuff

last year was very eventful in a lot of bad ways and after it ive had enough things settle in my head that its okay to stay away from others for my own good as well as theirs. i kind of live in a constant "i dont think im being a good enough friend" while also feeling very exhausted as if im doing a lot but like really, im not. after many months this is still the case so i think itts just the new standard for me