#is 1am thoughts

[superchat]

Hey fathör. Genuine question. How do you get like okay with the idea of like "it's better if I'm alone"? Cause I really resonated with some of the posts you've made talking about that but like the idea of being alone also kinda makes me scared. Like how do you get over that feeling?

uhmmmmmmm, im not the best person to ask cuz i have Problems and have had zero therapy in my life. im on no medications and have no diagnosis i am confident in saying i have, other than general depression but even then i dont know the extant that i have it, or the ways i feel it or deal with it.

generally the feeling doesnt go away. for me itts an unhealthy battle of "will my selfishness win or my will?" cuz its always conflicting feelings of "i dont think i should be friends with ppl cuz i can be shitty and im not mature enough for them" vs. "i am lonely and want to talk and connect with ppl" and eventually my selfishness wins and i start talking to ppl again even tho i cant justify itt to myself so

ive always been kind of a solitary person, or someone who enjoys their alone time. over the years its gotten more? worse?

humhumhum i noticed a ttrend over time where i like. get in like, a better mood and then act like an ass in some way or another and that will knock down my self esteem and stuff

last year was very eventful in a lot of bad ways and after it ive had enough things settle in my head that its okay to stay away from others for my own good as well as theirs. i kind of live in a constant "i dont think im being a good enough friend" while also feeling very exhausted as if im doing a lot but like really, im not. after many months this is still the case so i think itts just the new standard for me

[ak4e7a]

ride it like you own it — enha legal line ab riding (+their extra kinks!)

cw: meandom!hee, omorashi, daddy!jay, shibari, blindfolding, footjobs, bondage, petplay. degradation (whore, slut), (pussy) spanking, tit play, everyone is a freak

wc: 1.8k

a/n: this is in no way supposed to be an accurate portrayal of enhypen. if the warnings make you uncomfortable just scroll away lmfao. wrote this for my freakhoonz and my freakhoonz only (hence legal line and not just hyung line im crying)

minors dni, 18+ only.

– – –

heeseung recently discovered what omorashi is after overhearing you discuss it in great detail on a group call with your girlfriends. of course, you don’t know that he knows, so when he’s offering you an absurd amount of water the next day, you’re just thinking that he’s being such a caring boyfriend.

which, he is, of course—a caring boyfriend with an ulterior motive.

when you’ve finally made it to your bedroom after a long day with heeseung claiming “the plumbing doesn’t work, might as well kill some time, huh, baby?” you find yourself straddling his naked torso, trying to no avail to press your thighs together. 

already feeling embarrassed, you beg him for the thousandth time to let you get off him go to the bathroom, promising you’ll flush the toilet when the plumbing works again. 

“babe, please, let me go, i promise, we can play after you let me go!”

he ignores your whines in favor of asking his own question. “where does it hurt, baby?” he asks you with feigned innocence. with a finger, he pokes your own abdomen, right over where your bladder is. you flinch, which only cues him to poke you there again, even harder. a few droplets of piss squirt out from your ignored cunt.

“h-heeseung!”

“this turns you on, doesn't it?” he smirks up at you. “dirty slut.”

“n-no!”“no?” he repeats mockingly, taking hold of your hips with a firm grip and grinding you against his abs, spreading the fluid starting to leak out of you over his sweat-beaded skin. it’s downright dirty, but neither of you particularly gives a fuck. “i’ve teased you enough today, haven’t i, lovely? why don’t you go ahead and make a mess on me? let go, wanna see how nasty you are for me.”

the rest under the cut!

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿˚

— — —

jay tied you up so prettily with only the most expensive rope that’s specifically made for shibari. the material itself is pink; it’s cool and soft against your hot, flushed skin, but it’s tied so tight in a pattern that has your wrists locked tight behind your back and your tits held up, showing them off to your boyfriend. why are you tied up so cruelly like this, unable to touch your boyfriend beneath u?

well, because… you’d flirted with heeseung to make him jealous, of course.

“you touched him tonight. a little too much. so what gives you the right to touch me?” he’d growled in your ear. “you’re lucky i’m even playing with you, slut.”

“b-but—”

“shh. i don’t wanna hear you speak unless you’re apologizing to me, got it?”

obediently, your mouth stays shut until he orders you to answer him. “‘m sorry, jay.”

“jay? who’s that?”

“i’m sorry, daddy!”

he taps your hip, and you know what to do: grind your cunt on his abs.

you’re crying, incoherent babbling, unable to even beg him to let you cum because you want to prove to him that you can be a good girl for him despite the little stunt you pulled at jake’s party a few hours ago. you’ve got to be the luckiest girl in the world the way jay can’t stay mad at you for long, because he finally, finally lands a few sharp slaps on your sore cunt, saying, “cum, slut,” as he does.

and you do; you cum hard, soaking his abs until they glisten, messy with your juices.

he looks up at you with a smirk. “i’m guessing you’re going to piss me off like that again, huh?”

you smile back at him. “mm, only if it ends like this.”

— — — 

jake likes to play games. tonight, he has you blindfolded, forced to guess what body part he’s making you rub your clothed cunt against in a pathetic attempt to get off. both of you know that it just doesn’t feel as good as when his cock is nestled snugly inside your greedy hole, but he’d promised you that he’d fuck you until your eyes crossed if you just let him have this first.

“alright, puppy, sit down,” he says, his voice louder in your ears due to your sense of sight being restricted. everything else is heightened, even the scent of his cologne and the taste of his spit in your mouth.

just because you know each other’s bodies so well, you immediately call out your answer. it’s the hard bone of his knee, pushed hard against your clit to the point that it hurts a little.

“good girl… alright,” he says, adjusting himself into a different position while your hips are raised above his body. “you can sit down again.”

this one is a little more confusing because of how delirious you are with the need to have him fuck you already. there’s no fucking way he’s making you hump his fucking shin, right? frustrated, you rip off your blindfold to see his veiny forearm in between your thighs.

“needy little thing.” the thing about jake, though, is that he’s understanding. you taking your blindfold off isn’t disobedient to him so much as it is a clear display of how much you absolutely need him.

he strokes his cock to the sight of your fucked-out, drooling face, not allowing you to come near him again until he cums on his toned stomach. 

“okay, pup. come sit on me, clean up this mess with your pussy. gonna get it wet enough for me to slide right in you, hm?”

— — —

sunghoon loves you so much, he’s the type to let you try anything (within reason). so when you look at him with cute, pleading doe eyes, asking him so sweetly and shyly if you can try to ride his abs while giving him a footjob, he’s already stripped naked and lying on the bed before you can even finish your sentence.

“come on, pretty princess,” he urges you, squirming underneath your hips so he can feel your slick cunt drool all over his abs. “what’re you waiting for?”

“h-hold on, hoonie,” you mumble. you put your ankles over his thighs, fidgeting around until the soles of your feet find his hard cock. “‘s harder than i thought it would be.”

he hisses as you caress his length between your feet. “holy fuck, baby.”

“i’m gonna try moving now, okay?” you say, and he hums in agreement, taking your hands in his to help you stay balanced. he runs a reassuring thumb over yours as you start to rock your hips on him, pressing your pussy against his smooth skin. and then you feel it, his happy trail scratching gently against your clit. “aah, fuck, sunghoon!”

“sensitive little girl, aren’t you?” he coos. “keep going baby, feels so good. use me to make yourself feel good, okay?”

you nod your head obediently, wanting to be good for your loving boyfriend. as you pick up the pace, you can feel beads of precum on the soles of your feet. using this as your encouragement, you ride him harder, your tits bouncing in his face enticingly. sunghoon lets go of your hands to grab at them, kneading them in his soft palms, thumbs flicking over your nipples. this makes you cry out and squirm, your toes curling around the tip of his cock.

“fuck, princess, right there, gonna cum, oh, fuck!”

— — —

sunoo is not-so-secretly a sadist whenever he’s on top. he enjoys a bit of predicament bondage every now and then, and this is one of those times. he’s lying down on your bed, head almost dangling off the foot of it, with you straddling his bare abdomen. your back is to the headboard, where the end of your leash is wrapped around one of the bedposts. 

every time you grind forward, the leash pulls your collar tight around your neck, and when you push your hips back, the chain gives you enough slack to catch your breath.

to make matters worse, your boyfriend is stronger than you, what with him spending more and more time with his hyungs at the gym. so he controls your movements, never allowing you to loosen your collar for more than a few seconds at a time.

“grind faster, whore,” he hisses, his hand coming down to spank your ass. “or i won’t let you cum.”

“no, please,” you beg through choked gasps of air. “please, sunoo, don’t! I’ll… i’ll be good, promise!”

it truly is always the innocent-looking ones who are the nastiest. he lifts you off him briefly to reach down and pull his cock up so it rests on his lower abdomen. “there, slut, maybe humping my cock will motivate you to do what you’re told.”

holding back more tears, you cry out, “thank you, thank you! please! please, can i cum?”

“you can,” he teases. “but i’m not done with you yet.”

— — —

jungwon is your cute little nerd of a boyfriend. he might have been inexperienced, but his porn search history said otherwise. not that he was an addict or anything, but he seemed curious about a lot of things. one of the keywords that kept popping up when you were snooping on his computer was petplay.

so imagine his surprise when he comes over to your apartment to find you in the bedroom dressed in a tiny crop top and skirt combo, topped off with… bunny ears.

immediately, at the sight of you, you can see a tent form in his baggy sweatpants. you beckon him over to your bed and order him to undress and lie down.

“y-you’re…you’re a pretty bunny,” he stutters out, his hands immediately reaching to cup your ass.

you nod, making the little bells on your bunny ear headband chime along with your movements. “mhmm. seems like my baby likes it?” you purr in his ear, starting to rock your hips along the hard lines of his abs.

“i d-do.”

“mm. i thought i’d do something nice for you, since you’ve been working so hard lately.”

he whimpers, hands fumbling around you. you’re about to ask him what he’s doing when you feel your panties being ripped off you. “wonie, what—”

out of impatience, he shoves you down his abs so roughly that his cock, lubed up from all the precum he’s been leaking, slips into you, making you scream in surprise. “nngh, fuck, bunny, ‘m sorry, i couldn’t help myself!”

you guess you’ll edge him another time.

– – –

taglist: (literally just freakhoonz lmfao) @karinasbaby @enha-stars @intromortal @heeslomll @venomhee

[mothsintherain]

assigned king in yellow at birth but now out and proud as transjohnder

[fancy-rock-dove]

Having some feelings this evening about Frodo’s reaction to people around him being corrupted by desire for the One Ring. How generally devoid it is of any blame placed on that person, and how he instead treats it as a tragedy to spare others from by distancing himself.

It’s a big deal in the latter books that Frodo wants to show Sméagol kindness if possible because things have progressed so far that Frodo can recognize his own experience in him. But what’s really making me stare at a wall right now are Frodo’s early days reactions even before the personal identification is as strong.

Basically, I can’t stop thinking about how deeply Frodo’s reaction to that last encounter with Boromir is informed by the fact that the first person to ever try and take the ring from Frodo was actually Bilbo. The fact that the first person Frodo ever saw corrupted to that point, even for a moment, was the kind, clever, caring uncle who adopted and taught him, and who Frodo thinks the world of.

Just thinking about the personal relationship Frodo had with the very first person he saw the Ring affect and how fundamentally that set the tone for his understanding of it for the entirety of the journey.

[infinite-beginnings]

The line when Charles said, "Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell," and him seeming to know he'd find a map in Edwin's book always hits me hard.

Now I acknowledge Charles might’ve been posturing to reassure the Night Nurse he could navigate Hell, but let's assume this fact was real.

Because that means that Edwin felt comfortable enough to talk about all of his trauma to Charles. He mentions Hell a lot in passing in front of the girls, but he never goes into specifics. However, it seems as if he actively told Charles quite a few details about Hell. I also noticed that Charles is very calm when he's going to find Edwin. Yes, he's studying the book a lot, but he is also navigating the space with a certain amount of confidence. I'm sure it's partially due to Charles' tendency to do things without thinking and project confidence. But also, it seems as if he might have at least a very basic level of knowledge or familiarity with the levels of Hell based on the stories Edwin told.

I think this is probably another reason why Edwin struggled to believe the fact that Charles had faced abuse in his past and never shared it with Edwin. Because Edwin was always up front and honest with Charles. He told him the very first time they'd met that he had just escaped Hell. I'm sure Edwin did not want to relive his memories of Hell, and maybe it took him decades to feel like he could share. But I bet when he started talking about it with Charles, he felt relief. Because sharing your trauma with someone who accepts you and loves you no matter what is always a relief after holding it in and pushing it down.

So I just imagine Edwin feeling that relief after sharing his stories from Hell and feeling closer and more bonded with Charles because of it...and then he finds out that Charles has this huge amount of trauma from his past that he has been keeping inside. It probably breaks Edwin's heart that he hadn't been able to offer Charles the same relief he'd felt.

And yes, Crystal mentioned that Charles was probably denying the trauma even to himself. We all know that Edwin knew something was off with Charles and that he was probably frustrated in himself because he hadn't been able to figure it out, but Crystal apparently had.

But I also think there might be another level to it. The boys have been solving cases for 30 years. I find it hard to believe that they never had another case involving abuse or at least someone with a controlling personality that would've reminded Charles of his father. Maybe Edwin thinks back to a couple of those cases and how Charles was acting strange and withdrawn during them and realized he'd missed a huge clue about how his friend was feeling.

All those years of sharing his stories from Hell and being comforted by Charles and Edwin hadn't been able to do the same. Edwin is definitely hurt that Charles didn't feel like he could confide in him and heartbroken to think about how much pain his friend was going through alone.

[rox-of-iu]

mind "restoring" smoke break

[hey-hey-j]

being both the sensitive one and the baby?? Yowch.

........

I wouldn't have been able to live with myself without a followup

(★ my Ko-fi)

[chiixcat]

Lan Jingyi the kinda guy who would take "Yiling Patriarch" and turn it into "Big Daddy Yiyi" or some shit

Wei Wuxian would probably find it at least half funny

[artemx746]

Rayla realising Esmeray isn’t a monster and going to comfort her by reminding her of Luna Teberis’ love for her and how she’s not alone vs Rayla helping Runaan realise he isn’t a monster by reminding him of how much both she and Ethari love him and how much they both want him back.

[clove-pinks]

me: I'm so mad at the 1860s!

time-traveler from the war-torn United States of 1863 who is listening to me vent: It is a time of madness indeed. The bloodshed, the senseless ruin of men in the prime of life, for so base of a cause–

me, interrupting: Uh no this is about the stupid baggy men's clothing lol. Did you guys forget how to make clothes that fit?

[xxxvomitboyxxx]

"No, no, no - You're young. You have the right to explore. You're Black in a country that will try to convince you you ain't shit. You're gay, and your own people may never accept you."

Marcus and Jerome - Fellow Travelers 1.08.

[moo-blogging]

Nothing in my head but being young, broke college students with Levi in modern Japan.

It has been difficult. I mean you tried to do your hobbies, watch some movies, cook, anything just to get your mind off the stress. But, ugh the stress just can't go away. You just did all of your favourite things with a heavy stone of stress balancing on your head.

And Levi sees it all. He knows you're stressed out. He knows you're doing everything you could think of to destress. But it is obvious that you're not making an progress.

Your head is spinning as you read the same paragraph for the 15th time. You are seeing words but not getting the meaning of it. You tilt your head back, staring at the ceiling as you fight back your tears of frustration. You take several deep breaths.

Levi looms over you. Your eyes lock. His eyes are shadowed by his face and hair but you could still see the beautiful blueish silver that gleams despite the shadow. You give him a sad smile. He closes the space and kisses your forehead. "Let's go out." He breathes onto your skin.

You sign, "I can't, Levi, I have to finish 2 more chapters today. I need to pass this test." You tilt your chin up and is greeted by his lips on yours.

"I'll take care of you, you don't even have to finish college." Levi kisses you again. You giggle. You know he means it. And he knows you are too stubborn to give up. You stare at each other for a moment. You study his face. He's looking at you with all the patience and love you have ever received in your life. He lifts his left eyebrow. You know you couldn't turn him down anymore.

"Ok, let's go out." You nod, and slam the book shut. "Can we get ice cream from the convenience shop?"

"Only the small one, it's late now." Levi pulls you up.

"Maybe a cup of instant noodles too?" You grin as you think of the salty, hot soup in your mouth.

Levi helps you into your jacket and places your shoes by the door, "sure, we can try the new flavour that came out last week."

You slip your palm into his, feeling the warmth of his skin on yours. Levi is always loving like this. Even though you are two broke college students where Levi has to work part time at the coffee shop in the college while you do tutoring for younger children, he is never stingy with you. That's his love. He loves by making sure you are well-fed, warm, safe and happy.

Hand in hand, you walk on the deserted street with the love of your life. You blabber about how you would study twice as hard after you had your noodles at the convenience shop (although Levi knows you will fall asleep as soon as you got home), Levi listens to you, nodding and giving comments here and there, and his thumb gently rubbing the back of your palm, silently showing love in subtle ways.

[i-eat-mold]

I just realized if I apply anything I write or think of to skk I can post it here and it’s still not that dumb (lies)

[basslinegrave]

sorry

[crunchchute]

an assortment

[lineffability]

but what if the "you don't dance" comment in s2ep6 was a direct callback to 1941 when everything was going so romantically and they were back in the bookshop and making eyes at each other and put on music and nightingale started playing and Crowley braver than ever in his life asked Aziraphale to dance, maybe even bowing down cheekily and offering an arm, and first Aziraphale takes it delightedly and gets up but then falters and gets scared and draws back and lies "I'm an angel, I don't dance" and then everything gets angsty and the sentence sticks in Crowley's mind like tar and feathers and he believes it, he believes him, angels don't dance, (angels don't consort with demons either, we can never truly be together, even if we both want it) and he takes it to heart and that's why Aziraphale asking him to dance is almost earthshattering in its overt symbolism, it's Aziraphale saying "I'm ready to dance with you now" but all Crowley can do is stand flabbergasted and say "you don't dance" because angels don't dance, you don't dance, because he remembers what Aziraphale said and what he did not say in the silence between..... they did not dance in 1941 and then in the present they dance at last but it isn't quite right is it because can't Aziraphale see the threat?? and can't Crowley stop saying such distracting things about demons and attacks?? what if the dance comes too late?what if angels finally DO dance, what if Aziraphale WANTS to dance, and Crowley too, but there's no nightingale's song anymore to dance to???? what then??????