#dorkass bitch

[godspouse]

it’s him. the riddler.

[kineticpenguin]

This is the most embarrassing John Green post ever made and it's not even a shitpost edit someone did to him

[justlarkin]

Faust is just a random Hobo that pulled a fast on the goat, you bet your ass Mephi tried to cover up his blunder, which is why when the Gehenna folk see MC and they see the OG fallen Shaytan and not Faust the crackhead, you know Mephi is sighing in relief. It’s like regular folk hiding behind Celebrities

I really couldn't judge Mephistopheles then because that's so embarrassing. I would NEVER admit that I got scammed by some dumbass manchild to ANYONE. He'd actually be the laughing stock of Gehenna if anyone knew that he made all of this dorkass bitch's dreams come true for all of those years just for him to bail out last minute. And like it wasn't even a good con. Faust wasn't even being clever with it. Actually, he wasn't even trying. Him getting out of their deal was a fuck up on Mephistopheles' part and Faust took advantage of it.

Mephistopheles can try to cover up this blunder all he wants, I support him.

[as8bakwthesage]

I decided to go ahead and do a test of a bunch of Hacker's lines that I made. Basically a "what if Hacker was in the actual TF2 game?"

Also, yes, sorry for the mic peeks. This is why this is a test lol

See below for the transcript:

Killing more than one enemy in 20 seconds with their pistol:

Woah!! Did anybody see that?!

Heeheheheheheh, I got the bad boys!

You’re all dead! Whaaaaaaaaat!

Killing more than 3 enemies in 20 seconds with their weapons:

I have no regrets and you all suck!

I don’t think they expected that from lil ol’ me.

The Corvid strikes again. Punks.

Caw caw, motherfuckers

Kill assist:

Thanks, Snips! (to Sniper)

Thanks, Toasty! (To Pyro)

Thanks, Coloniser! (to Soldier)

Thanks, ôgawatasik! (to Spy) (trans: someone who lies in shadow)

Thanks, kakezihlôt! (To Scout) (trans: the fast runner)

Hvala, Braco! (to Heavy very excited)

Thanks, partner! (to Engie in a very exaggerated accent)

Thanks, kakezalkat! (to Medic with a mysterious air) (trans: a lover)

Thanks, Alcoholism! (to Demo)

You are all national treasures. Or international?

Melee Kills/Taunts with Taser:

Hi, I’m Hacker, I’m a diagnosed psychopath. (Michael Reeves reference)

I just wanna electrocute you.

It’s not a taser. It’s not a taser. It’s not- it’s not a taser.

Cheese! (as if taking a photo with someone)

*Maniacal laughter*

“Oh Hacker, it kind of seems like you’re just coming up with excuses to tase people-” Yes.

After Hacking Engie’s Sentries:

Sentry’s hacked!

I’ve converted the sentries!

Dispense these bolts, bitch!

After Hacking a Spy’s toolkit:

You don’t fool me, Second Coloniser

I see you

If you weren’t such a little bitch, I’d be sad

Quick Hack Charge Complete:

I’m in.

Hacker voice: I’m in.

You’ve been hacked, whoops, you have a virus now!

Ah-ah-ah! You didn’t say the magic word?

Domination:

What? Nooo! Who could have seen this coming? Woaaahh?? (Michael Reeves ref)

Your entire existence is pitiful. I feel nothing for you.

I’m so tired of fucking your moms.

I will put you in my computer. 

You blocked me on facebook and now you’re going to die.

Plan B? Nah, you need plan C.

Dominating a Scout:

Go cry home to mommy!

I never thought he’d shut up

Off to go fuck your mom

Spy may be your dad, but I’ll be your daddy

Loser bitch boy is dead

Dominating a Soldier:

A victory for the Indians!

Fuck your cavelry

I’m embarrassed by how easy it was to kill you

Do all colonisers fall so hard?

Dominated, you useless settler scum

Dominating a Pyro:

There can only be one gender ambiguous lad

When’s your posthumous gender reveal party?

What? I can’t hear you over the sound of me bashing your skull in!

Dominating a Demoman:

Facial Detection? Nah, I prefer Racial detection!

If only we were on the same team

And y’all thought Indians were alcoholics…

Next time, try and get a bit more wasted

This is why the British COLONISED YOU!

Dominating a Heavy:

Nisam ocekivao da ces biti takva budala!

Maybe in another life we could have been friends…. NOT!

I am not sorry for putting a bullet in your skull, fat man

Brains over brawn.

Dominating an Engineer:

You sure didn’t over-engineer this shit

Wamp wamp! I win!

You can build, but you can’t defend

Mission accomplished: killed a shortie

Dominating a Medic:

Why’d you have to die so easily?

You’re cute. But not that cute

I love the kind of man who takes his murder well

I’m going to FUCK you. Wait no, wrong one

Crows are smarter than Doves, dorkass

I’ve proven once again my superiority

Dominating a Sniper:

Yes, yes go! Piss in your jar.

I will piss on your grave

You gonna pee-pee piss yourself, pissboy?

You’re dogshit at hiding, my guy

Dominating a Spy:

*Robotic laughter*

Ding dong the Coloniser is deaaaaad!~

France can rot in a hole, and you alongside it

There’s a Spy among us… and I killed him :D 

Why do women even like you?

Revenge:

Heeheehee, payback

An eye for an eye

I made you regret killing me, didn’t I?

It’s time for me to gloat forever

I remember you

On fire:

I’m on fire!

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!!!

I’m burning, help!

Healed by Medic:

Thanks, but it’s not like I like you or anything

That feels good!! Thanks!

Ah! I’m glad to live to see your handsome face again!

Thank you, Medic!

Under effects of ÜberCharge:

I’ve never felt more powerful…

I’m fucking invincible!

I won’t be slain here.

Payload cart moves forward (offense):

Any of you boys wanna help?!

C’mooooon, I’m not waiting all day!

Get a move on, asswipes!

Cart goes backwards (offense):

You deserve the death sentence. (Michael Reeves ref)

Who stopped pushing the cart??

Why is the cart going backwards?? It’s supposed to move forward!

Payload cart moves forward (defense):

NOOOO!

I’m going to kill you. And then kill you again. 

I will end your existence.

I will slit you all open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets

Cart goes backwards (defense):

Weeeeeeeeee! Down it goes!

Haha fuck you, BLU/RED team! Now you have to push it BACK UP THE HILL!

I feel like they’re living as Sisyphus… they’re living the dream 

Win a round:

Gasp! We won!

Yayayayayayayay!!! Yaaaaaaay!

I’m so proud of us!

A bunch of murder hobos killing a bunch of other murder hobos… it’s a good day!

Lose a round:

I’m gonna let the depression set in, and I’m going home

Hey, at least we won’t get to the Post part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

*sighs* I feel like I’m reliving my ancestors’ history…

Next time, there will be blood. Lots of blood…

Tie a round:

Welp. Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw, let’s a get a drink

Wait, that can happen??

I’ve never felt more confused in my life

Round Starts:

Fuck em up, boys!

Heeheehee, let’s play a game

I wanna play a game

Lezzgooo!

Hajmo!

Sudden Death:

AhHHHHHHH!!

I’m dead. Oh no. (coming out of a machine if Hacker is killed while hacking one)

Teleportations:

Wee, that was fun!

Thanks, Engie!

You’re the best!

Objective-related responses

After Capturing Intelligence:

Not usually how I do this, but it’ll do!

I’ve hacked reality!

Time to run!

After capturing control point:

Okay, time to stand here!

Wait. Does this technically count as hacking?

Guess an enbie can prove themselves after all!

I claim this point in the name of my people and my ancestors!

Standing on captured control point, firing weapon:

Budalo, get on the point!

Awahodo, get on the stupid point!

You idiots expect this shit to work if you’re NOT on the point??

On the point. Or I will tase you.

Defense:

Idiots.

I can’t believe you’re being beat by a hacker!

I love knowing I’m smarter than you all

I’m winning and you’re not! Ha!

Spy!:

There’s a Spy among us!

Imposter spotted!

He’s gonna vent!

Jeers:

Guys. I’m. I’m so disappointed.

If I have to come down there!

I’m a hacker, not your babysitter!

[skeetlebeetle]

as a teen i speedran depression n completely skippd the annoying bitch phase. i mean i wuz still annoying but in a dorkass way yanno

[butchdykekondraki]

LOVELYYYY OKAY SO . :) do u like the trafficsmps?? do you like the conflicts and wars that happen in smps in general?? then come watch lifesteal smp!!!!

it's been nicknamed the "deadliest smp" and if you were to ask me to carry the traffic comparison, i'd call it trafficsmp on drugs. /hj

the rules of the game are pretty simple:

you start with ten hearts. if you lose all your hearts, you're banned (until the next season, at least). you can gain hearts, though - any kill you get on a player takes one of their hearts, and gives it to you - so you can have well over ten, depending on how good you are. (one of the cc!s, clownpierce, at one point had like twenty-something during season 3)

there's not a MASSIVE overarching story, but there is enough lore and story to actually keep people that are into that interested; alliances made, betrayal cast, blah blah, you get the drill. certain thhings have actually been banned recently, like uhh. tridents got banned after season 2, because of things like a fight between clownpierce and another cc i forgot, in which the other cc just kept using a riptide trident to bounce back and forth between water spots and the fight went on for, uh, way too fuckin long because of it.

it's got four seasons so far!! certain ccs join later on. also theres a lot of gay people.

half of these people don't have playlists themselves, but fanbases have made them!! theyre just a little hard to track down. also @\renchant is working on uploading clownpierce's vods!!

there is also a fair amount of angst. the ending of season two made us cry like a bitch /hj.

as for ccs uh!!! some of our favourites are:

clownpierce, joined in season 2. is very into the clown motif, even built a circus and a funhouse in s3. absolutely one of the best fighters on the fucking server, like i said, at one point in s3 he had like twenty fucking hearts. sarcastic asshole kinda sometimes. gets shoved into a preconcieved "villain" role but honestly hes just a total dorkass trying to act intimidating /aff (< my clownpierce was also my husband in my canon)

roshambo (me!!), been here since the start. absolute fucking loser of a man im gonna be honest with you. the cc has a fucking obsession with poop jokes for some reason and has a semi-trend of "they call me the (xyz)" here whenever he does something well. i.e, "they call me the interior designer". theyre a little insane. /aff

mapicc!, also been here since the start. the best way i can explain this man is all the rage of a chihuahua in a human form. he is constantly starting fights and insulting people and making the most fucking unhinged statements you could ever imagine. i swear to god he has a death wish but its funny as fuck. (also roshambo and mapicc are A Pair. their name is dualityduo if anyone was curious :D)

planetlord, i do not remember off the top of my head when he joins, is the fucking server blorbo. everyone loves them. hes iconic. hes just A Guy. they are vibing and doing his fucking Best.

branzy, joins in the third season. fucking unhinged and amazing with redstone, he helps clown rig literal roulette machines and shit in a casino they build. not onyl that, he rigs it so that clown can fucking cheat the machines. hes amazing. he is also an absolute golden retriever of a man and we love him for it. big dork that is also absolutely terrifying. /vpos.

this concludes my advertisement of the lifesteal smp everyone should go and watch it because i think a good majority of the people on this blog would enjoy it tbh. also we want more lifesteal friends. /silly -ro

WAUHGh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /POS THANK U RO ^_^

[prism-empurress]

if you're new here, I have an OC named Ganthor...I often talk about him as an adult. never about him as a teenager.

i make fun of him a lot.

because he's a dorkass fucking NERD and a COMPLETE BITCH. 100% himbo.

[alister312]

ok well if anyone makes any especially cool posts in the next few days just send it to me bc i am gonna be busy live-blogging the Tokyo pop up and also just hanging out in Tokyo generally

[vahanians]

my hot best friend had a crush on me when i was unironically a homestuck cosplayer

[unhhhhbelievable]

We need all of the thoughts and feelings bestie... Because I'm sorry but them pretending they have nothing to talk about... It just breaks my brain

Overall thoughts? I have many. LONG POST ALERT.

In a dramatic turn of events, David had something to say about what we did.

I'm sorry, the tone?? The shade. Like, David came in ready to shit on everything. Even Dani had to carefully be like, well we can't really block the bar or this pathway... fuckin yikes?? The designer picked up on his attitude!! JESUS. I'm glad I don't have to see him anymore.

The lobby and check in, so much pink. SO MUCH PINK. It's boujie. I can't sit on anything in that hotel, I'd feel like a hobo.

Juno Birch was SO FUNNY. And Jaymes!!

The queens at the party, both in and out of drag were so cute. Manila?? Loved her jacket. V sweet to see Trixie's band, too. Hi, guys!

NO ONE APPLAUDING DAVID AT THE PARTY WAS SO FUNNY THOUGH AGSIAHDSK

NOW, ONTO KATYA:

My BuSiNeSs PaRtNeR kAtYa

"Katya and I have been through everything together. We've traveled the world, we've done television, we've done music together. (What??) And only a good Judy like her will tell me how this motel actually is." This is so accurate. And also means that Trixie needed Katya's opinion like she needs water to live. How very gay of her.

Katya showing up and IMMEDIATELY snapping open her fan made my heart flutter. I'm gay. Dump.

She looked so fucking good. Just, oversized frock, but still gorgeous. I love her in red shadow.

MUCH older sister, please lmao

Katya clocking the trash outside the gate was SO funny. "I was told it would be ready today, this does not look ready."

Katya going in on Trixie's absenteeism for months, my heart.

"For the last about four months, Trixie has been MIA, working on this stupid motel. And basically ignoring every other responsibility she has, like working with me, um, getting ready for our tour, she hasn't been rehearsing. So if it's not... absolutely perfect and stunning, I'm gonna kill her."

This bitch is out here feeling that Trixie should only honor her commitments to HER and no one else. I'm fine, this is fine. JUST SAY YOU MISS HER.

This bitch needs her bestie, too, goddamnit.

SORRY I'M LATE. I DIDN'T WANT TO COME.

Katya trying to climb the wall was so fucking funny to me. Her gay little run?? Dani opening the door and straight up LEAVING THEM ALONE? Katya's face when Dani leaves and the door slams?? Hysterical.

Holy shit-

I know.

It's VERY pink.

I hope you like it.

🥺🥺🥺🥺

THEIR LITTLE AWKWARD SIDE HUG.

Katya opened her arms first and then changed COURSE. CHANGED COURSE!! SHE SMILED AT TRIXIE LIKE SHE WAS THE SUN AND THEN SHE REVERTED BACK TO AWKWARD HUMOR because sincerity?? With TRIXIE?? DON'T KNOW HER!!

TRIXIE WAS SO DISAPPOINTED. Layers of makeup can't hide that little face, MY HEART. MY GAY LITTLE HEART. HUG HIM, YOU MONSTER.

Trixie cannot help roasting her though, the curtain comment!

Them going over to the terrazzo bar and Trixie hitting it because Katya hit it was SO FUCKING CUTE. WHAT DORKS. Love when the dorkass man shines through the drag.

Trixie hiding her smile when Katya humped the tree, though. Jesus.

The montage of Katya opening the doors and Trixie just going I KNOW!! off camera?? Poetic.

The Scooby-Doo entrance into Flower Power.

Oh my gawd, ya can't find textuh like that anymore, HI, TRISH. (Please continue to massage the velvet heart!)

Katya being Katya in every room!! Stretching her leg on the bar, licking the leather, THRUSTING ON THE BED and pretending to get caught naked in the shower, both in THE QUEEN OF HEARTS ROOM!

Katya saying, "You're the do-uh, I'm the not do-er." HELLO BOSTON ACCENT LMAO

The realest part of this entire show was those two sitting down on the couch to talk. Katya saying it was stunning and that she was impressed, and immediately turning around and MEHing the rest of Trixie's career. THE WAY THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE IS VIOLENCE.

Watching T's entire body go rigid for a second after Katya asked her what she'd do if the whole thing flops, why are they like this 🥲

THE CUT TO THOSE TWO HOMOS IN BED TOGETHER. WITH THE HEART-SHAPED HEADBOARD FRAMING THEM. IN THE FUCKING QUEEN OF HEARTS ROOM. CAN YOU GET MORE ON THE NOSE. CAN YOU G E T MORE RIDICULOUS. THE UNIVERSE IS SCREAMING, BANGING POTS AND PANS TOGETHER.

Those TWO ASSHOLES, trying to pretend they had NOTHING to talk about?? The queens who have made careers out of their conversations with each other?? The TWO BONEHEADS, who have a PODCAST and TWO SHOWS based entirely around how they talk to one another??

The idiots who had a tour ready to kick off?? My god, the stupidity of television.

And THEN, Katya mentioned the weather, the parallel of her FAVORITE UNHhhh episode ever?? WHY.

Goodnight, Katya.

Goodnight, Daisy.

Shut the FUCK UP, MY FEELINGS.

The last time we saw Katya on the progruhm, she was in bed with Trixie.

I was also right when I said David would be NOWHERE TO BE SEEN whenever Katya came to visit. The way that man probably can't even tolerate how Trixie is around Katya because it's just so much.

It was so sweet. Trixie was so excited to show Katya everything, pointing out all the little details and sharing tidbits, and LAUGHING. The whole show, Trix was nervous and stressed and did have some sweet moments with the guests. But she was laughing with Katya. It made me so happy. Their little moment on the bench.

Trixie got the stamp of approval she needed.

And so curious to me, that Katya wasn't shown at the party. Wherever there is David, there will be an Absence of Brian.

[kleenexwoman]

Domesticity Meme: Your choice between Bucky/Steve, Bucky/Tony, or Loki/Tony. :D

Polycule!

:readmore:

big spoon/little spoon: Everyone switches out according to needs. Spoon equality. Steve and Bucky just wrap themselves around each other anyway. Tony likes to be the middle of a cuddle sandwich regardless of who it's with. Loki prefers that extended cuddle sessions take place in cat form because it's even more satisfying for him to get petted that way.

favorite non-sexual activity: Steve likes to sketch Bucky while they listen to the radio. Bucky likes going to the ballgame or playing pretty much any kind of game with Steve because it's funny how competitive Steve gets. Tony and Bucky like learning new dances together, like not just clubbing but tango and ballroom, and Tony really likes taking Bucky shopping because Bucky really enjoys new clothes and just random stuff. Loki is the only person who can get Tony to legit just relax and take in a nice view or a nature walk. And the whole polycule goes to museums because Steve will talk about the art, Loki about the history, Tony about the tech, and Bucky about whatever weird shit pops into his head.

who uses all the hot water: Bucky and Steve take Army showers, Tony and Loki stay in the tub for hours. They're bath snacks people. Bucky and Steve still aren't used to having their own bathrooms and will actually go to the Avengers locker room to shower half the time instead of their own enormous bathrooms.

most trivial thing they fight over:

Steve and Bucky: literally everything, casually, just because they're dorkasses and genuinely enjoy bickering about whose turn it is to refill the toilet paper.

Bucky and Tony: Tony doesn't save scraps for broth or casseroles or salad, he doesn't save his leftovers unless they're pizza or a rice-based Asian food, and he has his cleaners throw food away the moment it starts to get even a little old. Bucky is a child of the Great Depression and came from a large family and this drives him insane.

Tony and Loki: Loki cyberbullies horrible rich people until they ruin their own lives. Sometimes those people are in Tony's social circle, and he really hates dealing with the fallout of another standard-issue business sociopath having been trolled by Loki so hard that they got caught on live TV with two underage hookers wearing diapers and Nixon masks or something equally humiliating.

who does most of the cleaning: Loki magics things clean. Steve will do everything but the dishes. Bucky will clean but he bitches about it every time. And Tony has people to do that for him.

what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue: Tony, this is absolutely Tony. But he lets Bucky pick whenever he wants. Bucky likes cowboy movies, anything in space, and movies where a handsome dame in nice duds claws her way to the top. Steve loves animation, and Bucky likes to pick things that Steve likes. And Loki is sufficiently impressed by the concept of TV and movies that he doesn't care what's on. You can show him Star Trek, hardcore pornography, a nature documentary, or abstract shapes set to experimental music, it's all equally entertaining.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: Bucky always did because Steve would be like "aw the landlady has enough to do, we'll be fine" and Bucky is already stomping downstairs with a wrench in his hand

going "WILMA CMON LEMME GET AT THE FURNACE WHADDAWE PAY YA FOR"

Neither Tony nor Loki have this problem ever.

who steals the blankets: Steve and Tony are both blanket hogs. I'm just calling it. Steve always used to be cold, and Loki practically never feels cold.

who leaves their stuff around: Tony has just enough ADHD to do this. But in his defense, it's his house, and he always remembers where he puts things.

who remembers to buy the milk: Steve and Bucky remember to buy the milk. Sometimes they end up with extra because it's a habit. Great Depression = get that fresh food when you can. Tony only bought his own groceries for two years during college and frequently forgot milk to go with his sugar cereal and boxed macaroni, and Loki has never had to buy groceries in his life, just spell components from the market.

who remembers anniversaries: Steve remembers them. Bucky pretends to forget to rile Steve up, but he does remember them, and he'll actually remind Tony when Tony forgets. Tony insists that he doesn't forget, it's just that he's not always aware of what day it is in general--he remembers everything about the occasion, plans out fantastic anniversaries, he just has to get someone to remind him when something happens. And Loki doesn't take much notice of them because when you're that immortal, a single year doesn't feel like much time.

Who cooks normally? This is another thing that Steve and Bucky do because they've had to all their lives, and Tony and Loki have only learned to do as a personally enriching option. Tony has a house chef and they're very good and very well-paid. If he ever tries to cook, it's mainly because he thinks that making his own candy or weird-flavored potato chips would be fun. Loki can cook omelets and he's very smug about being able to because princes aren't expected to be able to cook at all. Steve can put together a basic meal--spaghetti in sauce, grilled cheese, etc. But Bucky actually knows his mom's kitchen secrets and likes the process of making dinner on the regular.

How often do they fight? Steve and Bucky bicker plenty and disagree all the time, but it's very rare that they really fight. Bucky and Tony are more likely to have a shouting, stomping, going-out-for-air fight, but it's much less often. Bucky is usually the first person to offer to make peace or apologize, because he's used to Steve being a stubborn ass, but it really disarms Tony to be apologized to and have someone mean it sincerely.

Tony and Loki do not fight. There will be some kind of disagreement or issue. Tony will get to a certain point of being upset at Loki--saying something mean, raising his voice, dismissing him, etc. Loki will go increasingly quiet as Tony keeps talking, which he usually does. Then Loki will kiss Tony on the forehead, tell him he loves him, and leave the room. AND THEN STUFF HAPPENS. Technically it usually solves the problem but sometimes Tony really, really wishes it didn't. This is increasingly rare, however.

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Steve has pining down to an art. He'll collect and draw things that remind him of Bucky. But he'll also busy himself and spend time with other people and take up projects. Bucky talks about the people he misses, but only vaguely--he'll say "My buddy Steve's an artist, he'd like this," or "My friend Tony would love this music." He's social and spends a lot of time hanging out with other people, or he reads a lot. Tony sometimes forgets that other people exist when he's busy with something, but he listens to music that reminds him of people he loves when he's working hard. And Loki was raised with the idea that he would spend a lot of time away from his royal spouse taking care of his duties, so that's what he does. Whatever he feels his duties are.

Nicknames for each other? "Punk" and "Jerk" for Bucky and Steve, obviously, but that's the modern day equivalent of calling each other "fag" and "loser," so LOL honestly. It's not near the worst thing they call each other. Bucky finds new ways to call Steve gay, Steve calls Bucky an "ignorant slut" in an SNL voice, and the only serious endearments they really use for each other are just "Buck" and "Stevie." Tony is obviously very free with the nicknames, but he calls Bucky stuff like "Super Soldier Sweet Cheeks" now. All Bucky has to do is call him virtually anything and he'll melt. "Baby" and "Daddy" are equally viable, as are "Darling," "Honey," "Sweetheart," and "Doll," but Bucky has a special voice for each of these. It doesn't work otherwise. And Loki takes names and kennings very seriously, so Tony calls him whatever seems cute in the moment, but Loki took forever before he landed on calling Tony "lightness in my heart" or variations thereof.

Who is more likely to pay for dinner? Tony. Even when it's Steve and Bucky. Tony finds a way to track where they're eating, contact the restaurant, and pay their bill, while also leaving a giant tip. Steve and Bucky have taken to having dates at the one diner in New York that only takes cash and doesn't even have a public phone number just so they can actually have the experience of bickering over whose turn it is for the bill and how much they should tip again. It's a mob front, which worries Natasha but absolutely nobody else. They all know and just don't care.

Who steals the covers at night? Once again, Steve and Tony. Bucky just goes and gets another blanket out of the closet when Steve or Tony steal his blankets. Loki will steal them back. (Then he magics another blanket for Tony, but it's the principle of the thing.)

What would they get each other for gifts?

Steve and Bucky do simple, mostly cheap or handmade gifts. Steve draws but sometimes he'll sculpt something or do paper art. Bucky gets or cooks Steve his favorite foods, or gets him art supplies, or brings him stuff to paint. Nowadays they get each other nostalgic gifts, like old records. But usually Steve will mention something he wants and won't get for himself, and then Bucky will get it for him. Bucky has no idea what to get Tony, though, because like what do you get the man who basically has everything he wants? So he surprises Tony with sexy stuff, mostly, which Tony prefers anyway, because you can't buy the experience of having your lover pick out lingerie they feel sexy in and them having them do the kinky shit you refuse to admit you like but that they're smart enough to pick up on. It's easier monetarily for Tony to give gifts, but he worries a lot about if Bucky will like them, so he ends up just going up to Bucky and asking him if he wants to go shopping, and then they get the experience of picking it out together, which is almost more fun than the gift. And Loki is delighted with anything Tony gives him as long as Tony tells him what it is and why he thought Loki would like it and how he got it, which makes him strangely hard to shop for. But Loki will give Tony crazy shit casually, like "These are the apples of immortality and godhood" or "This is a dagger made from the tooth of the World Serpent and wood from Yggdrasil, and whoever you stab with it will die immediately and serve you in the afterlife" and how are you supposed to follow that with your favorite board game from childhood?

Who kissed who first? k this is a hard one. I know that Steve and Bucky aren't sure. Steve will start confidently saying it was Bucky when they were teenagers declaring their love for the first time, and then Bucky is like, no, we kissed on a dare in front of some girls we took on a double date, then Steve is like, no, remember when I had a split lip and you kissed my booboo and you said it was just like that, then Bucky is like, what about the time we were both trying to kiss the same St. Michael's amulet and we missed, and it goes all the way back to playing house when they were kids. They can't remember.

Loki kissed Tony as an act of fealty and friendship between their two realms. Tony asked Thor if this was the custom. Thor replied that it was but that he had never felt the need to do so, but that he would if it would make Tony comfortable, to which Tony replied that the way Thor phrased the offer made it weird even if Thor was hot. Loki then kissed him again in place of Thor. Then added another one because he'd forgotten that Jotunheim was also his realm. Thor asked Loki if he was going to give Tony a kiss for each of the Nine Realms, Loki did, and they lost count.

As far as Bucky and Tony, it was Tony who started the flirting but it was Bucky who finally initiated the actual kiss. Tony had been flirting for DAYS and Bucky had been flirting back but Tony always chickened out or made a big deal about the fact that Bucky was from the 40's and GAY FLIRTING WITH A MAN, so Bucky finally decided to call his bluff and they hooked up real fast after that.

Who made the first move? It was Bucky with Steve, because in nearly every universe it's Bucky who makes the first move. It's just this established part of their dynamic throughout universes, every time is born sick and Bucky isn't. Steve is never the one to make the first confession of love or offer anything sexual to Bucky. It's that weird sense of the awareness of how pathetic he is of a person, sickly and better at art than anything else, and his pride at not allowing himself to give in to weakness or accept anything. Like he thought Bucky would only reciprocate out of pity.

With Bucky and Tony it's harder to tell because Tony reflexively flirts and doesn't except anyone to take him seriously necessarily, and he was fixing Bucky's arm while Bucky wasn't wearing a shirt, so he talked up Bucky's abs to distract him from the weirdness of the situation, but Bucky took him pretty seriously and flirted back.

As for who made the first move between Tony and Loki, it was actually Odin and Frigga. They discussed their youngest son's fate, decided that he needed to get married and settle down with someone suited for him, and Tony was the closest thing to a King of Midgard that they could find who was actually trying to help save the planet, not destroy it for fun and profit. Frigga sent romantic dreams to Tony, Odin sent signs about the new King of Midgard to Loki. And then when Tony and Loki finally went out on the town together, Frigga and Odin appeared in their standard guises as an old fortunetelling witch and a homeless beggar, telling them how cute they looked as a couple. Tony played along, so did Loki, and at the end of the evening they were already trauma dumping about their exes and abusive families, which is a pretty standard first date for queer people, unfortunately. It took them another date and an Avengers family dinner to actually kiss.

Who remembers things? Bucky and Steve have supersoldier-perfect recall now, but Bucky is the one who'll paint the good old days with nostalgia, and Steve is the one who will remind him how much they sucked. Bucky also has a lot of autopilot habits, but that means he won't remember things like "My other arm is the stronger one" because, well, habit. Loki has an incredible memory because the Asgardians have a very strong oral tradition. Tony has arguably the worst memory of all of them, but it's still very good for an unaltered human--he just has an associative memory, so he'll do things like connect "Pepper Potts" and "Strawberries are a thing" but if his brain is under stress or he's really distracted he'll just skip over things sometimes. It's not that big of a deal in his relationships now, because Loki and Bucky are both pretty aware that they have unusually good recall and they're good at helping Tony remember shit when he has a brainfart.

Who started the relationship? Steve and Bucky just fell into it. But like nearly everything in their relationship, it was Bucky who pushed it to the next level. He started calling Steve his "best guy" in public, refusing to go out on dates unless it was a double, doing little domestic things like greeting Steve with a kiss when one of them got home. Steve is too wary and stubborn, refuses to ask for these things, so Bucky figured out pretty quickly that he had to be the one start giving them. But he likes seeing Steve's eyes light up when Bucky does something new, like dancing with him or bringing him flowers.

Tony was the one who said that he and Bucky were dating. Bucky was like, of course we are, we go on dates, and Tony had to explain that "going on dates regularly" and "dating" were two slightly different things now. So then Bucky asked Tony if be one of his steadies. Fun fact: "Playing the field" was the normative type of "competitive" dating before WWII, "going steady" was seen as a serious next step to engagement or marriage, and the social shift of young men deploying is considered to be the reason for the rapid change of "going steady" being the norm in dating. Bucky would have been used to casually dating a wide circle of people (especially in queer circles), while Tony is not only used to dating in the modern era, but also to having romantic prospects widely discussed even if he's just grabbing a taco with someone. Fortunately, Bucky is at least going to therapy, so he brings Tony and Steve to a session and they all have talks about their boundaries and expectations.

Loki brought up marriage to Tony on the first date, which wasn't supposed to be a date, it was literally just Loki asking Tony to be his chaperon while Loki explored the city. Tony didn't realize who the palm reader and flamboyant homeless vet were, but Loki did. ("He had one eye, was feeding two ravens, and told us the punchline of a dirty joke for tips. It was excruciatingly obvious.")

Who cusses more? Bucky swears like a fucking sailor. Steve only uses profanity for dramatic effect, and in bed. Loki says stuff like "By me" and "By my horns" "By my father's beard," which actually weirds Steve out a lot but he doesn't say anything about it. Loki also curses, which is different than cussing, and I had a hilarious miscommunication with my roommate the other day when I was explaining that I don't have a moral issue with cursing as long as you sit down and think about what you're doing, I just don't curse people often because I feel icky doing it, and he began to lecture about how he feels that profanity spices up conversation and I was like, "I drop the F-bomb more than anyone in this house. I was talking about baneful magick, dude." It's really funny when people just have pre-programmed responses to shit sometimes. ANYWAY.

What would they do if the other was hurt?I mean, we have seen some of this. Steve goes fucking batshit and mows down everyone in his way to get to Bucky. Bucky threatens to kick the ass of whatever is hurting Steve, then goes and drags him home and tells him to not pick fights with something that much bigger than him. Because most of the time when Steve gets hurt, it's because he's pushing himself way past his own limits, and he knows it. It's not that Bucky doesn't care when Tony gets hurt, but he is used to matter-of-factly helping to patch up people who dislike being helped or tended to. Now, if Bucky gets hurt, Tony will mother-hen over him while designing new armor to keep him from getting hurt again, and Bucky is like, wtf? Just give me some soap and a bandage? And of course, Loki and Tony will swear blood vengeance for each other--Tony is all NOBODY HURTS MY FRIENDS and Loki is, well, just used to people swearing blood oaths.

[miwtual]

❤❤❤HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE ILY SM DORKASS 🥳🥳🎂❤❤❤

ILY2 BITCH THANK U

[flerkenkiddingme]

Ta-Min for the ask game

ok if someone gives me the opportunity to talk about my dorkass punk daughter i will 100% take it, even if i can't remember the whole post. i only remember a few of them so here's some shit closely related to some of the things on it!

I know there was a sexuality headcanon: I think I said this in an earlier post but Ta Min was demisexual, and she realizes this once her parents told her she would be marrying a man from a different island. And that was the last straw for her. She knew it was a ploy to send her away without drawing suspicion, and packed up her stuff and started living with her friend Kami. This was when Roku was still at the air temple, and once he came back early after the disappearance of his aunt, she decided right then and there that she wanted to blow this popsicle stand for good and invited herself to join his Team Avatar.

There was also a BROTP one. She had been friends with Asha and Kami for awhile, and once she started hanging out with Gyatso, they meshed really well together as well. Kami was the one who brought her out of her shell and introduced her to a lot of fun shit. Asha encouraged her to stand up for herself, which led to her ditching her family, and they totally had morosexual solidarity. And the guys? They were there for her no matter what. She wrote letters back and forth with Gyatso after the squad disbanded. They were pretty close, and learned a lot about Air Nomad spiritual ideals and Fire Sage spiritual ideals from each other.

For the NOTP one I'll talk about her enemy. Sozin didn't like her, and the feeling was mutual. He'd pull Roku aside during events and explain how she wasn't good for him for all kinds of bullshit reasons, but Roku dismissed it as jealous ex boyfriend behavior. Which was pretty much exactly what it was. It never fazed Ta Min, since she stopped giving a shit what people thought of her at the age of seventeen.

Part of the reason they were enemies was because whenever he got on his colonialist bullshit, she'd appear at the palace doorstep with the nonbenders equality movement she kickstarted and they'd be there protesting. The banning of gay marriage? She flipped her shit. Colonialization of Earth Kingdom villages? Hell to the no. Genocide of the Air Nomads? Girlfriend went ballistic. Every stupid decision he made was combated by her Proto-Equalists (sans the bending removal, she would hate that). He'd summon Roku and tell him "collect your little social justice warrior bitch," which would just make him full on quote John Mulaney. You know, "my wife is a bitch and I like her so much!"

Then there was the ship one. Say what you will about Roku, but the man chugged Respect Women Juice™️ with 3 square meals a day. He was Ta Min's biggest supporter after she left her family for good and even when he was away mastering Avatar Crap, they wrote back and forth all the time. On a certain holiday, she'd throw open the front door, march right in and be like "oh HI mom and dad, fancy seeing you here. well I just wanted to say hi, and so does my boyfriend. who is the avatar, by the way, and who actually loves me and DOESN'T think I'm useless for not being a bender. stick THAT in your elitist pipes and smoke it!" and Roku's just like "hi" *awkward wave*

As is the case with every Avatar's Love, she was slightly terrifying to certain people, but lets her friends see her as a loyal, caring nerd. In conclusion I just love the personality and backstory I drafted for this girl with 20 total seconds of screen time.

Thanks for the ask! lowkey i was itching to make another post about her but couldn't make myself do it without an excuse to do so

[flashyslash-moved]

For the ask thing, the Esper Sisters.

Tatsumaki:

favorite thing about them: Her lack of fear. At first glance Tats would just be labeled an arrogant bitch or something, and there is some validity to that, but she also has a lot of inner strength that we don’t expect. And we see her start to develop especially during the Garou fight, where she shows that she can face a terrible threat without hesitating, even when she probably wont win. I do think there is a lot of actual fear inside of her, since without her esper powers she’s a very tiny woman with arms like twigs. But I still admire her willingness to face down a threat and keep going because she has to win or die.

least favorite thing about them: The fact that she’s probably never going to be enjoyed by the fandom in a respectful way without all the dorkass losers accusing each other of being pedophiles. Maybe Murata and ONE are obviously the weirdos we pretend they aren’t, but Tatsumaki shouldn’t suffer for it.

favorite line: “Then allow me to teach you what exactly happens when you lay a hand on either of us!” Because Fubuki is her everything. Nothing else matters but protecting her baby sister, even if she can be a pain in the ass.

brOTP: Flash. Okay yeah I started this blog shipping these two, but now I see them having some similarities. Like being in captivity and experimented on. Besides their current dynamic is Flash says a bitchy thing to Tats and so far she hasn’t had the balls to come back at him (seriously, since he came for her throat after she took his kill, she’s been avoiding his insults ever since). Not completely sure if Flash would try to cause her malicious harm in some way, but if not they could find their similarities and stop being dicks all the time.

OTP: Saitama/Tatsumaki. One day I gave this couple about thirteen seconds of thought and overnight I got hooked. I’m sorry to subject you all to this sentence, but they’re like the earth and sky. He is the most powerful with his body, and she with her mind. I think when Saitama was confronting Tats at the beginning of the ninja arc, he was more interested in her feelings and what was going on with her, like if she would be okay bleeding and bringing up her need for friends. And I think she’s also got some depression and loneliness going on, maybe from low self-esteem/image issues, also like Saitama. Plus she always seems to impressed with King’s hero record but those are all Saitama’s achievements. This is one of the few OTPs that I’ll actually be genuinely bitter about if I don’t get....

nOTP: Tatsumaki/King. I use to take a small interest in this ship because it seemed to be going in that direction when Tats got all got for King when he came in covered in blood before they all went out. Plus apparently she only respects him and Blast (I may of gotten that from a wikia though so it might not be true idk). And he’s seen her panties in the webcomic. But he is vastly not good enough for Tats since he’s not only not a hero, but he’s also a big liar. Not saying I’m anti-King, and I get he’s kind of stuck right now in an impossible situation, but I don’t imagine Tatsumaki being forgiving for what she’d see as a huge scam. 

random headcanon: Tatsumaki wasn’t successful in dating while in school, mostly due to her cold and arrogant personality, but she did try again as an adult with match services and online dating. Did not help her self-image in the slightest and she only seemed to attract weird guys, so after awhile she just gave up.

unpopular opinion: Tatsumaki being growth stunted and childlike is more interesting than just having her be a tall, voluptuous Fubuki lookalike who is about to hit 30. She’s unique, and Fubuki is also unique.

song i associate with them: Paula Cole - “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone” a song about a woman being lonely or neglected, and just wanting a normal, happily ever after.

favorite picture of them: (damn u for making me choose)

She looks so damn conniving. 

Fubuki:

favorite thing about them: The masks she wears, just because they make her so fascinating. I like how she is similar, yet completely different from Tatsumaki, and tries to be strong and face any threat like her yet will usually always fall short. But she doesn’t give up, even if it’s obvious to everyone else she won’t succeed, she doesn’t let the haters get to her.

least favorite thing about them: She’s so annoying. Like I shouldn’t say that about rare tough girls (who are also written well) in shounens, but she is. Like she’s so demanding that everyone pay attention to her and do what she says (kind of like Tatsumaki so maybe thats where she learned it), even barging into Saitama’s house and giving him attitude. Another anon once sent me an ask on if the fandom would feel differently about her if she were male, and the answer is yes. You don’t start throwing building around because someone questions you, I don’t care how long you’ve spent your life trying to achieve a fraction of what your older sister was basically given by nature only to keep being reminded you never will. 

favorite line: “So you dare to stand in my way.” Sounds badass but I don’t feel that way. It kind of seems like she’s trying to be cool but in reality it’s all fake intimidation tactics.

brOTP: Suiyru. I don’t know why actually, he’s kind of a fuckboy, but similar to the friendship I see Flash and Saitama possibly having, he could teach her to loosen up more. Of course he’d be friendzoned really quick, but maybe he’d grow enough to look past that?

OTP: Garou/Fubuki. Went over this in the Garou ask, but the most important thing is that they are both super hot and fine deserves fine.

nOTP: Saitama/Fubuki. Because he, like me, finds her really intrusive and annoying. That’s not a good first impression. I get people can find chemistry later on, so the idea could grow on me if the story heads in that direction, but I guess Fubuki just doesn’t seem good enough for him. He doesn’t like to even listen to her talk. And lastly her interactions with him specifically make me dislike her in sexist ways, since she seems like just a nagging bitch. I’m not fond of that perspective on her.

random headcanon: Outside of hero work, Fubuki is a painter.

unpopular opinion: She's a hoe. But a secret hoe. I think Fubuki has a power kink, and craves direct attention and adoration (like a fan or a thirsty someone in the group), but mostly she might just like having a never ending supply of something her sister is barren in. Which is really mean but that’s why it’s unpopular.

song i associate with them: Pistol Annies - “Hell On Heels” getting whatever you want with the power of sexuality and manipulation. That’s probably not what she’s about but it’s closer to my hcs.

favorite picture of them:

[viviraptor]

why does nobody in the sailor moon fandom talk about yuichiro. this is himbo erasure

[ak-png]

@google how do I ask out my boss without the risk of making every day at work incredibly uncomfortable