#double collard

[themuppetmasterencyclopedia]

Kermit the Frog and his nephew Robin

[astronoglow]

[rederiswrites]

All of my deer-chewed trees are showing new leaf buds, and the two of my three hazelnuts that I thought were dead are showing new growth at the ground. Meaning that I'll have the trees I need for pollination, when I thought I wouldn't. I thought I'd end up like e did at the last house--one lovely mature hazelnut that never produced nuts for lack of a pollinator. New growth:

It won't look like much this year, but here's the orchard for now:

The field garden is still mostly weeds, but now it is also strawberries, garlic, and comfrey, and a bare spot I hope to get those artichoke seedlings into soon.

The kitchen garden is also still 2/3 weeds, but the rest looks like this

Lettuce, spinach, mustard greens, kohlrabi, broccoli, collards, and cauliflower. Yesterday and today were both cool and drizzling, and I think those mustard greens about doubled in size!

In the interest of full disclosure, here's the other angle

The garden is supposed to extend fully past the pallet of rocks on the back right. I was creating a low border with said rocks, which is now just a major safety hazard in the grass. Via some miracle I intend to transform it into neat rows of tomatoes and peppers in the immediate future. Haha!

And here's the shade garden taking shape in the front. Today I only got a little work done before I started feeling ill, but I got in the packera (native shade plant) and lily of the valley that I bought yesterday. Once it fills in, I think it'll be a really lovely display of contrasting foliage with very little maintenance.

Long way to go, and days like today when I can't do much are discouraging, but I'm still clawing my way forward, and the plants are with me.

[realistically-shifting]

My Luxury Apartment- General Script

I script this apartment complex in most of my DRs and my Waiting Room. Features like the room style change based on what reality the script is for, but the rest generally stays the same. This is the complex I shifted to the first time, all the things I would’ve enjoyed if I stayed longer.

Exterior: At the back of the complex, there’s a playground with equipment for adults too. The playground equipment can handle adult bodies using it.

Basement level: At the basement level, there are storage lockers for the tenants of the apartment, a parking garage, a shop, and a convenience store. The convenience store carries a brand of microwave dinners that has a wide variety of options, and it includes many cultural dishes from various cultures. For example, one of the frozen dinner sets includes collard greens cooked with smoked ham hocks and black eyes peas, fried catfish, baked mac and cheese, and a little cup of banana pudding or candied yams. The store sells other easy to make food items, such as roux cubes for curry and egusi stew. There is also a laundromat down there, for residents that don’t have personal machines.

First floor: The first floor has the lobby of the apartment building, an indoor pool and hot tub for the residents and their guests, and a hot pot restaurant. Residents get a discount at the restaurant, but it’s open to the public. It also has a gym that holds exercise, dance, and yoga classes.

Second floor: There’s a small doctor’s clinic on this floor, staffed by several nurses, two pediatricians, a mental health counselor, and a few physicians. Here, residents (and our guests) can receive regular checkups, emergency aid, help with medical treatments such as dialysis, etc. Attached to the clinic is a small pharmacy where you can get cold medicines, common emergency medicines like epipens and inhalers, etc. There’s also a daycare on the other side of the building, and between them is the complex spa. The spa has masseurs trained in neuromuscular massage therapy.

Third floor: A work space with computers for public use, recreational room that doubles as a movie theater with a larger screen, and an additional rec room with video game consoles, VR gaming space, and a small cafe. The first rec room is popular with older residents, while the second is more popular with the teenage residents.

Penthouse: My penthouse apartment also has a balcony with seating, two guest bedrooms each with its own 3/4 bathroom, and a walk-in storage closet.

Rooftop: On top of the apartment complex is a community garden and an observatory. There are gardeners that maintain most of the plots, but private plots must be privately managed.

Safety features: Along with normal safety features, all the windows and doors on the first and second floor, plus parking garage, have metal shutters that can be lowered during emergencies. The entire building also has an advanced fire suppression system, air purifiers, and an extensive bunker below the parking garage. Each apartment, or at least the penthouses, have security doors (thick wooden doors with metal plates in the middle and higher quality locks). All the safety features have their own failsafes.

[theinconveniencing]

heyyyy guys sorry I was gone all day my sister roped me into doing this harvesting thing so we went like 45 minutes away to pick cabbage and collard greens and beets with this other random girl. but it was super fun and when we got back home my mom and I ended up putting ornaments on the tree while my sister ate and discussed where her grad party was gonna be even tho that’s literally happening in june. but my sister insisted we drive to go look at the locations which we did do but we got sidetracked and ended up grocery shopping and yk how sometimes when you’re grocery shopping you’re in a mood where Everything is funny and you spend half the trip doubled over laughing in one of the aisles? it was one of those trips. and back at home my mom went through my spam instagram account and we watched a video of my sister and I that I took on my ipod touch in 2014 like four times in a row crying laughing because this just might be the funnest video in existence

also since we’re already under a cut here are some photos of me and a worm

[sallysgrancanwrite]

Chapter Eighty-Two

Masterlist.

“Thank you ladies for a wonderful breakfast,” said Alan. “It was delicious.”

“Come on out to the shop.” Bob told Alan. “I’ll show you the new cabinets I’m building. I only have a few to finish.” He said, leading Alan out to the shop.

The ladies were busy cleaning up breakfast and getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner.

“I’ll wash if you want to dry.” Chloe told Beth. “I hate drying.” She told Beth laughing.

“So what’s with you and Alan?” asked Edith. “Anything serious?” She said laughing a little. ”He’s very. Nice, the total opposite of Michael. Which of course is a good thing.”

“Really you two, we are just good friends and I didn’t want him spending Thanksgiving alone. That’s all.” Chloe stated.

“Do realize, dear, that he sees it differently, right?” Edith asked her.

“See! That’s what I told her but she didn’t believe me.” Beth exclaimed.

“I don’t know what you two think you are seeing but he sees me as a good friend.” Chloe said. “We met at a bad time in my marriage and life and he was very supportive.”

“Well, just so you know I very much approve of him.” Edith commented.

“Let’s play a couple hands of cards before we get too busy. The turkey won’t be ready for a while yet.” Edith said.

Chloe got the cards and they played a few hands of cards while the guys watched pre game football. The games would start shortly.

“There will be no pulling the guys away from tv today, except for dinner of course.” Beth said as they all three laughed.

The ladies played several hands of cards but not too long because they had food to prepare.

All three got busy making the pies and other goodies. The house smelled delicious. Beth was making sweet potato pie and coconut cream pie. Chloe was making blueberry and apple pies and Edith was making banana cream pie. It was great that Edith had a huge double oven. It made the baking much faster.

“Beth, can you start making the sweet potato casserole?” asked Edith. “If you need any help I’m here.”

“I think I'll be okay.” Beth replied. “I’ve never made it but I’ve watched you make it a dozen times at least.”

Edith and Chloe started on some of the other dishes. It was all going to be so good.

They had to get the scalloped potatoes going, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, and cranberry jello salad. They were also making a veggie tray with olives, carrots, pickles, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, radishes and cherry tomatoes.

“It sure smells good in here.” Bob said as he snuck up behind Edith and gave her a pat on her bottom and laughed.

Edith chuckled at him. “Okay you, go watch your game already. It will be ready in a while.”

Bob gave her a peck on the cheek and went back to his game on TV.

Alan couldn’t help but stare at Chloe. She was so beautiful, he thought. It was too soon after her divorce to ask her out, he told himself. When was the right time exactly. Didn’t matter, he would wait, however long it was. He adored her from the first night he met her.

[purple-scarf-mistress]

Cream Puff

The long awaited sequel to Ice Cream.

Word count: IDK did this on my phone and will come back to count and edit later. Sorry if there are typos!

Enjoyed writing this thanks for all your requests for it!

Warnings: SMUT, BDSM, double pen let me know if there is something I missed

———————————————-

After the activities in the Hotel room, JJ had decided to go for it and fully become their submissive. This meant she had rules to follow and that punishments would ensue if she broke them. Some of her rules were as follows:

When not at work she must always be in a skirt or dress

She must send a picture of her panties every day for approval and Emily and Aaron have the right to tell her to change them or tell her to go without if they see fit

She must eat three meals a day and drink plenty of water, this was for her own benefit.

She was not to touch her self and/or orgasm with out permission from Emily or Aaron.

When not at work, she must always address Aaron as Daddy or Sir and Emily as Mommy or Ma’am.

She must openly communicate her feeling regarding her emotional state in or out of a scene so that her Doms can take action to ease any distress

She must recite her safe words upon request at any point and should use them as needed in a scene

She must wear the anklet Emily and Aaron bought her at all times as a discrete collar. A symbol of her submission

She must use a butt plug for at least one hour a day so that her ass is able to accommodate cock, a dildo, or strap on.

Aaron and Emily have final say, and can add or change the rules at any time and JJ will be expected to be followed. JJ can object to a new rule if it pushes a limit by utilizing a safe word.

JJ looked around the room as Aaron and Emily lead her into their play room, this wasn’t the first time she came into this room since entering their dynamic. In fact she loved coming into the room, it excited her and she could feel herself growing wet as her eagerness set in, the only problem was she was being sent to this room for punishment first… not just pleasure having broken a rule.

She heard Emily’s voice first, sharp and angry like a mother who’s fed up with her perusal child. “Undress JJ. Then kneel on the floor and explain to me just exactly what you were caught breaking while kneeling on the floor”

Aaron sat in a leather chair beside her, his collard shirt unbuttoned and his tie undone. His face was stern, the same one the team was use to when he was angry, only this one was even a step further.

JJ started undressing, folding each article of clothing and stacking it on a near by table as she did. First came her shirt, then her skirt, her bra was slipped off next showing her hard pink nipples before she hooked her thumbs in the sides of her panties that Aaron had selected for her this morning, a light blue lace thong. She took a deep breath before kneeling down on the cold would floor, her knees were sure to hurt in this position, she kneeled as she was taught, her knees spread apart so her pussy could be seen by her doms and her back strait hands resting on her thighs so her breasts were pushed forward, her head bowed not making eye contact unless requested.

Aaron arched a brow, “well…”

JJ took a deep breath and said “Mommy and Daddy, I broke the rule of not touching myself and not orgasming. Daddy caught me orgasming when he came home with my fingers in my pussy, and I did not ask for permission.”

“Excuse me… whose pussy?” Emily chided

“Your pussy, sorry ma’am” JJ couldn’t help that the embarrassment of this was turning her on. She worried her pussy would become so wet she would leave a puddle of her arousal on the floor.

“And what do you have to say for your self” the woman continued eyeing her submissive on the floor.

“I’m sorry mommy and daddy. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m ready to accept my punishment.” Her spine shivered at the thought.

Aaron cleared his through, “well… Emily dear, what do we think about punishment for this today? I’m usually a fan of a spanking but I think having to stand at the wall with her clamped nipples touching the wall for 30 minutes will be a good start for today.”

“Oh I do like that, during her facing the wall, I think we start her hour of anal training, and afterwards when we claim her, we can over stimulate her till she cries, after all, she wanted an orgasm, let’s she how she likes to orgasm on repeat at our hands.”

JJ nearly signed in relishes thought that she might have skated today, standing facing the wall easy, wearing a butt plug? She had become use to that. And getting several orgasms, well that seemed more like a reward. Easy.

She was ordered to stand and bend over as a medium side lubed plug was pushed inside her, she took it well, a slight whimper as it stretched her open at first and then after she was lead over to the wall. She moans as Aaron pinched and rolled her nipples and then gasped as he placed the nipple clamps. Emily’s hands then spun her around to the wall and papers were placed between the wall and her nipples.

“Drop a paper and you will be spanked 5 times when this is done. I’ve set a timer. You stand here while daddy and I fuck on the bed behind you.” Emily smirked as she walked away, watching JJ for a moment before she and Aaron lost themselves in each other.

JJ could hear the sounds of them, the wet kissing, the leaked smacking of Aaron’s balls agasint Emily’s body, Emily crying out as she orgasmed on Aaron’s cock. She could imagine it in her mind, how beautiful Emily would look, on the bed, her legs hooked over his shoulders, how sexy Aaron would look as his sweat trickled down abs as his eyes closed when he released his seed inside of Emily. JJ took a deep breath as picturing it as she heard it happening behind her aroused her, the only problem was that breath made her chest heave and one of the papers fell softly to the floor.

She grit her teeth, frustrated that she had let it slip. Her mind wandering as she anxiously awaited the time to go off, this was beginning to seem endless. Her nipples ached, she wanted to sit down, It felt like ages… maybe this wasn’t as easy as she thought.

The timer broke the silence and she took a relived breath, Emily and Aaron walked over, both naked and helped her to back away from the wall and over to the bed where they bent her over.

“You dropped a paper little girl, what does that mean?” Aaron said

“Five spanks daddy”

“Good. Don’t want to count or thank me for each one?”

“Thank you, daddy”

“Alright then.” Aaron brought his hand back and came down hard on her cheek making the small blonde scream.

“Thank you daddy!” She whimpers out afterwards. This happened three more times as his spanks alternated cheeks and thighs, the final one came down hard right where the first had been, her eyes were watering, “th-thank… you… daddy…”

Emily came up behind her and rubbed a soft oil into her tender bum before spreading her cheeks and retrieving the plug they had inserted into her earlier. “You took your punishment like a good little girl so far sweet one” she said lovingly. “Only a little more to go.”

JJ nodded her understanding, still laying bent over the bed. She could hear Emily and Aaron behind her discussing what would be next, “I think she’s done well so far, should we perhaps let go of the overestimation today? And just fuck our darling girl?” Aaron thought allowed.

Emily, nodded, “yes I really want to fuck her already and get mine. She inserted a double sided dildo into her, and added a clit vibrator to her as she secured the straps. “I want to fuck her ass today, you can take her mouth or pussy”

Aaron smirked, “oh pussy for sure, I think she can take us both. What do you think little one”

The blonde girl looked behind her at them, nodding, “I can take it daddy”

They smirked and all got up on the bed, Aaron layed down and helped his little blonde straddle his bare cock and watched intently as it disappears into her tight heat, her face twisting in a pleasurable expression as she sunk down on him, she moans as Emily had her bend forward into his chest, she could feel the slubbed silicone press against her tight hole from behind. “Oh…” she bit her lip as the head breached her hole.

Emily moans softly as she felt the resistance on the other end of the double sided dildo pushing into her pussy, a couple of thrusts and the dildo sank deep into JJs ass hole. She moans and squirmed as she tried to adjust to being filled by Aaron’s cock and the dildo Emily had selected to use today.

She couldn’t form words as the two doms started rocking their hips in time, the sensations so intense for JJ all she could do was moan, whimper, and gasp. Her still clamped nipples ached as they rubbed against Aaron’s chest, his fingers grazing up her body till they played with the over sensitive bud. She tried to move her hips with them.

“Shh just lay still and let us pleasure you my little butterfly” Emily wispers into her ear before she moans her pussy being pushed to the edge by the vibrations on her clit.

Aaron thrusted up his hands in JJs hips pulling down to match, “just be a good girl and take it, we’ve got you. Just let us push you over the edge. You have permission.” one of his fingers found its way to her clit and started circling intently.

JJ was a mess, she screamed and moans and gasped, as Aaron pressed down on her clit to make her cum she cried out her pussy spasming around his cock, the contractions in her pussy there to milk his cock for cum we’re so strong that her ass tightened making it harder for Emily to thrust.

Emily reached around and unclamped JJs abused nipples, the rush of blood back into her aching nipples made her scream, adding to her already intense orgasm.

Emily continued to fuck herself on the dildo lodged in JJS ass till she reached her climax, Aaron, not far behind thrusted up again and again till he came deep inside of JJs pussy.l with a loud groan. They all laid there spent, panting and catching their breath.

JJ didn’t know how much time had passed before Emily and Aaron pulled out of her raw body, gently laying her on the bed. Aaron smiled as he looked at JJs cream filled pussy. A slight smile on his face as the helped her get comfy on the bed. Aaron left the girl in Emily’s car as he retrieved water and snacks for them all, but especially JJ. As he looked at the snack options he smirked finding a box of cream puffs in the fridge, the gooey center reminding him of the site he saw just a few moments ago. He headed back to the room to take care of their sub with Emily.

[themuppetmasterencyclopedia]

The Double Collard Kermit

[astronoglow]

[lusifernocturne]

The Lazy Bowl tavern and inn

A smaller building with three floors; one for the tavern, two for the guest rooms(4 small single rooms[5sp], 2 small rooms with double beds[1gp], and 4 moderate rooms with 2 double beds[8cp]). The innkeeper lives in a moderate room on the first floor. The food is made with local produce, spices, and meat.

Innkeeper: Pyre(earth genesi woman)

Menu (or average price of a room/meal): Fish stew(10cp), Buckwheat Porridge(3 cp), Mug of Cider (3 cp), Stewed Pork and Mushrooms with a Tankard of Cider (7 cp), Boiled Mutton and Rye Bread with a Tankard of Beer (9 cp), Boiled Eggs and Dried Beetroot with Tankard of Bitter (11 cp), Tankard of any drinks on the menu(2cp), Fresh salad and Boiled Mutton(2sp), Fresh salad(12cp), Tea(2cp), coffee(2cp), sweet rolls (4 for 7cp), crab cakes(2 good sized for 5cp), and a dish of the day.

Dish of the day by day of the week-

Monday: Atolla sea chili; made with crabmeat, shrimp, and sea scallops, tomatoes, celery, corn, green onions, kidney beans, and colorful bell peppers. It's a very spicy dish with a hint of sweetness at the end. It's served with sweet rolls and a drink of your choice.(5sp)

Tuesday: Grilled bass or trout and mixed vegetables(made up of mushrooms, beets, yellow squash, brussels sprouts, and asparagus). Served with either Rye Bread or a side salad and a drink of your choice.(10cp)

Wednesday: Fish of the day(up to you) with garlic sauce and noodles. Served with mixed fruit(also up to you) and a drink of your choice.(6cp)

Thursday: Fish and chips or Rum-Glazed Shrimp, batter scraps , and rye bread and butter. Served with a drink of your choice, and if wanted lemon wedges and/or a sauce(Tartare, Salt and vinegar, or curry). (3sp)

Friday: Baked Salmon with lemon and garlic, cabbage and rutabaga Slaw, and mixed berry salad. Server with rolls and a drink of your choice.(3sp)

Saturday: Beef stir-fry made with bell peppers, snap peas, carrots, water chestnuts, and green onions. It has a delicious scent and taste combination.  Served with a drink of your choice and either sweet rolls or crab cakes.(5sp)

Sunday: 1. Garlicky Lemon Mahi Mahi, seared scallops, ruby red beet & apple salad, and baked potato. Served with a drink of your choice and either sweet rolls or rye bread & butter.(8sp)

2. Seafood Jambalaya made with shrimp, two buttermilk cornbread muffins, collard greens, and corn on the cob. Served with a drink of your choice and either crab balls, hush puppies, or rolls.(6sp)

Rumors: Small jobs, gnoll attacks, places that may need help, crime, and local gossip.

[lectures-sur-le-bateau-ivre]

Sur Tartuffe : adaptations

Commençons donc avec ce qui a le moins à voir avec la pièce, une version écourtée de la pièce, mise en scène par Maurice Béjart en 1981.

Casting : Cléante - Bernard Dhéran, Mme Pernelle - Catherine Samie, Orgon - Michel Aumont, Elmire - Geneviève Casile, Tartuffe - Michel Duchaussoy, Dorine - Virginie Pradal, Valère - Raymond Acquaviva, Damis - Guy Michel, Mariane - Marcelline Collard

Mise en scène classique, mais saupoudrée de Béjart (donc décors un peu spéciaux, maquillage très marqué pour les personnages doubles comme Tartuffe). Super performance de Michel Aumont, qui donne à voir un Orgon complètement hypnotisé par Tartuffe (et c’est là qu’@aramielles me dit que c’est normal d’être hypnotisé par le talent de Michel Duchaussoy). J’avoue que je n’arrivais pas à déterminer si Elmire était un peu intéressée par lui ou si elle était juste extrêmement saoulée (merci m’dame Casile). Une déclaration d’amour à l’acte III qui est désespérée comme je les aime. Oh nevermind ??? Elmire intéressée ??? OH MY GOD. Orgon qui s’agenouille devant Tartuffe et lui baise la main rien que pour lui dire bonjour. Béjart I love you. Imagerie chrétienne homoérotique, on apprécie. Globalement le Tartuffe de Duchaussoy est un bon petit connard manipulateur, il jette un regard méprisant sur Orgon à ses genoux, franchement une excellente pétasse qui sied bien pour le rôle.

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Deuxième version, celle de 1975, mise en scène de Jacques Charon.

Casting : Orgon - Jacques Charon, Robert Hirsch - Tartuffe, Jacques Toja - Cléante, Michel Duchaussoy - Monsieur Loyal, François Beaulieu - L’Exempt, Jean-Noël Sissia - Damis, Bernard Alane - Valère, Denise Gence - Mme Pernelle, Claude Winter - Elmire, Françoise Seigner - Dorine, Catherine Salviat - Mariane, Denise Pezzani - Flipote

Encore une mise en scène classique, on aime. Cet Orgon a l’air un peu con (spécialité de Charon). Tartuffe, coupe au bol absolument ridicule (la laideur comme laideur de l’âme ? C'est un lieu commun que je repère parfois dans Tartuffe, où un Tartuffe moche est souvent joué comme ridicule, alors qu’un Tartuffe qu’on embellit physiquement est joué comme plutôt charmeur). Légèrement précieux, doucereux, on est carrément dans la première façon de jouer le rôle, c’est-à-dire en gros cliché, et on ne comprend presque pas comment Orgon peut être à ce point aveugle pour ne pas voir qu’il est double. Il est aussi carrément graveleux lors de la déclaration d’amour, et franchement il m’évoque plus une espèce de cancrelat qu’on a envie d’écraser qu’un manipulateur de génie (super performance d’Hirsch cependant). Une Elmire magnifique (merci m’dame Winter) et oh ! Un François Beaulieu sauvage apparaît en fin de pièce pour faire L’Exempt.

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Troisième version, de 1960, mise en scène de Louis Seigner (encore une classique).

Casting : Tartuffe - Louis Seigner, André Falcon - Damis, Paul-Emile Deiber - Orgon, Louis Eymond - L’Exempt, Henri Rollan - Cléante, Jean-Louis Jemma - Valère, René Arrieu - Monsieur Loyal, Berthe Bovy - Mme Pernelle, Andrée de Chauveron - Dorine, Annie Ducaux - Elmire, Nagali de Vendeuil - Mariane, Janine Dehelly - Flipote

L’Orgon de Deiber a l’air un peu neurasthénique, sans avoir l’air con il n’a pas l’air complètement dépendant, ça me donne l’impression bizarre que cet Orgon aurait pu se défendre de tout s’il avait prêté un peu plus attention à ce qu’il se passe chez lui (même si Tartuffe, quand on l’accuse une première fois, use énormément d’ironie pour se qualifier de pécheur, et Orgon prend ça premier degré). Tartuffe-Seigner est parfaitement jouissif à regarder, mais on reste exactement dans le schéma classique d’un personnage ridicule. Succulente Elmire, drôle à souhait (merci Annie Ducaux). Bref, ici la bonne vieille pièce familiale, quoi.

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Quatrième version, de 1971, mise en scène de Marcel Cravenne (une autre mise en scène classique)

Casting : Michel Bouquet - Tartuffe, Delphine Seyrig - Elmire, Jacques Debary - Orgon, Luce Garcia-Ville - Dorine, Madeleine Clervanne - Mme Pernelle, Claude Giraud - Cléante, Edith Garnier - Mariane, Bernard Alane - Valère, Jacques Weber (ô surprise) - Damis, Paul Le Person - Monsieur Loyal, Robert Party - L’Exempt, Christine Chicoine - Flipote

C’est marrant, cet Orgon là a plus l’air amusé en début de pièce de Tartuffe, plutôt que de dépendre de lui. Quand on accuse Tartuffe, il réagit plutôt comme si on avait donné un coup de pied dans son chiot préféré. (grmrgmrmg le Cléante de Giraud. Cet homme me rend fou depuis Les Rois Maudits). Petiot Weber, il est pitchoune. Ah, Delphine Seyrig…La fée des lilas à jamais pour moi, mais quelle bonne Elmire (et quelle belle femme jésus seigneur). Un Tartuffe très intéressant, puisqu’il n’est pas ridicule car il n’a pas l’air faux lors de sa déclaration, il a juste l’air un peu dégueulasse ; mais surtout, il brise l’apparent fil rouge de l’interprétation de ce rôle en étant enlaidi par le costume et les postiches, mais en étant totalement manipulateur. 

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Cinquième version, de 1980, mise en scène de Jean Pignol (encore et toujours une mise en scène classique)

Casting : Tartuffe - Michel Galabru, Orgon - Bernard Fresson, Elmire - Yolande Folliot, Dorine - Micheline Dax, Cléante - Pierre Gallon, Mme Pernelle - Germaine Delbat, Mariane - Nathalie Serrault, Valère - Eric Legrand, Damis - Jean-Renaud Garcia, Monsieur Loyal - Georges Montillier, L’Exempt - Pierre Negre, Laurent - Georges Sayad, Flipote - Sonia Laurent

Wow un opening directement sur la petite famille en train de prier avec Tartuffe ? Innovative ! On dirait que Tartuffe est d’abord le dealer d’Orgon parce qu’il est très, très calme au début. Ou alors il est homosexuel, au vu de la façon dont il dit “il venait d’un air doux tout vis-à-vis de moi se mettre à deux genoux”. Le Tartuffe de Galabru est bon mais grâce à l’acteur plutôt qu’au rôle lui-même, parce qu’il lui donne justement ce côté double et ridicule (les cheveux bien gras, on pourrait utiliser la moumoute comme friteuse). Opinion tout à fait personnelle, j’aime pas le jeu de Fresson . Et définitivement, Galabru joue beaucoup sur le côté dégueu et graveleux qu’on peut facilement donner à Tartuffe. Une version, ma foi, pas la meilleure, mais pas un échec non plus. 

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Sixième version, de 1997 (retour au Français !), mise en scène de Georges Bensoussan (à quand autre chose qu’une mise en scène classique ?)

Casting : Dorine - Catherine Ferran, Orgon - Jean Dautremay, Mariane - Anne Kessler, Tartuffe - Philippe Torreton, Monsieur Loyal - Igor Tycska, Elmire - Cécile Brune, Mme Pernelle - Nathalie Nerval, Cléante - Christian Blanc, Valère - Olivier Dautrey, Damis - Eric Ruf, L’Exempt - Bruno Raffaelli, Flipote - Stéphanie Labbé, Laurent - Patrick Olivier

Décors blancs, un peu art contemporain, innovative ! Chaque costume est une couleur vive (sauf Tartuffe et Orgon, en noir, et Cléante, en marron), mais qui permet d’identifier immédiatement les personnages et surtout les fait ressortir sur le fond blanc. Jumpscare de Ruf avec une perruque absolument horrible. Aww, mini Anne Kessler, elle est pitchoune. Ô surprise, Ruf a un jeu décent ? (je le respecte en tant que metteur en scène, et je ne m’y connais pas assez en histoire du Français pour dire si c’est un bon administrateur, mais comme comédien…Il m’excusera mais je ne supporte pas son jeu). Je trouve qu’on revient à l’Orgon soit con, soit qui s’en fout un peu en début de pièce. Quoique, on pourrait dire que c’est un Orgon qui commence à développer un autre courant d’interprétation du personnage, celui de la dépendance affective forte (Tartuffe qui lui fait des petites caresses sur l’épaule ???). Dépendance affective de fou ou homosexualité cachée, c’est vous qui voyez. Torreton est jouissif, pétasse à souhait, ironique quand on l’accuse, au physique affreux avec sa perruque graisseuse (leitmotiv chez les costumiers ?). Chose intéressante, la confession de Tartuffe semble désespérée, mais elle est tellement teintée de fausseté qu’on n’y croit pas du tout. Cécile Brune (dieu quelle femme) fait une Elmire hautaine devant Tartuffe que j’A-DORE. Nouveau jumpscare de Ruf qui sort d’une fenêtre cachée haut dans le mur au lieu de sortir d’un cabinet. Bon dieu Cécile Brune, quelle femme, Elmire joue la carte séduction à fond pour l’acte IV. Tartuffe qui commence à se foutre à oilp ??? Ok why not. Costume très très très pailleté pour Tartuffe en fin de pièce. Écoutez, une mise en scène intéressante, des comédiens pas trop tartes, moi je dis que ça fait une bonne pièce.

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Septième version, de 2022, mise en scène Ivo van Hove (youpi ! une mise en scène moderne, histoire de changer un peu)

Casting : Cléante - Loïc Corbery, Orgon - Denis Podalydès, Mme Pernelle - Claude Mathieu, Damis - Julien Frison, Dorine - Dominique Blanc, Tartuffe - Christophe Montenez, Elmire - Marina Hands, Flipote - Héloïse Cholley, et pas de M. Loyal ou d’Exempt ni de Laurent, apparemment ?

Peut-on vraiment dire que je l’ai vue ? Non, je n’ai pas vu cette pièce au cinéma. Mais j’ai des photos et des extraits, de là je pose mon jugement. J’aime beaucoup les mises en scène de van Hove, qui sont souvent minimalistes et font ressortir tout le jeu des comédiens, aussi en posant une sorte de centre de scène où tout se passe. Les costumes noirs tranchent avec la pâleur des comédiens, et le carré blanc en plein milieu de la scène ressemble à un ring où les personnages s’affrontent. Autre lieu commun chez van Hove, on relève la brutalité et la violence et du texte et des personnages en eux-mêmes : tout le monde s’empoigne, se bat, se hurle dessus, c’est une famille complètement disloquée qu’on nous présente. Dominique Blanc en Dorine est parfaite. Corbery est un Cléante désillusionné, à la limite du désespéré de voir son beau-frère comme ça. Julien Frison, lui, campe un Damis qui semble moins furieux, plus un petit garçon qui voit son père s’éloigner de lui. Ma seule question est : comment envisagent-ils la pièce sans Mariane ? Est-elle juste citée ? Le moment très comique entre Orgon et Dorine serait simplement coupé ? Je n’aurais sûrement jamais la réponse, à moins que cette pièce vienne un jour sur le site de l’INA. Marina Hands est une Elmire qui floute complètement la ligne séparant deux interprétations : Elmire qui joue un rôle pour empêcher le mariage entre Tartuffe et Mariane et  confondre Tartuffe à l’acte IV, ou une Elmire véritablement intéressée par Tartuffe. Une scène assez éloquente est visible dans la bande-annonce, qu’on peut replacer justement à l’acte IV, et Elmire ne semble pas beaucoup se défendre d’un Tartuffe qui lui embrasse la nuque. Mais les deux personnages les plus intéressants sont ici Orgon et Tartuffe. Pour Orgon, Podalydès joue complètement sur l’ambiguïté constante entre Tartuffe et Orgon : apparemment complètement dépendant affectif, le “il en va de ma vie” semble très vrai ; et certaines images donnent à penser que van Hove introduit dans sa mise en scène un certain homoérotisme malsain entre ces deux personnages (et encore de l’imagerie chrétienne mise au service de l’homoérotisme, merci m’sieur van Hove). Mais pour moi, le personnage le plus fascinant est Tartuffe (Christophe Montenez mon dieu quel talent incroyable). Si il est dans “le modèle Jouvet”, c’est-à-dire un Tartuffe charmant, séduisant même, et surtout très sincère dans sa déclaration à Elmire, et qui pense croire à tout ce qu’il dit sur le Ciel, Montenez a une approche différente du personnage. Il est malsain ; quand il rentre dans une pièce, on a comme un frisson de gêne : le costume (chemise blanche, cravate blanche, mais veste noire à certains moments), la coiffure (des cheveux coupés très ras) et le maquillage (qui lui donne une pâleur mortelle et un visage émacié) n’aident pas à nous le rendre sympathique. Le ton doucereux (méprisant lorsqu’il parle à Dorine) contribue à cette impression. Surtout, c’est un Tartuffe violent, qui arrive à l’Acte III la chemise tachée de sang, due à la mortification qu’il s’est imposé (en début de pièce, apparemment ? la bande-annonce ne permet pas de le situer). Bref, une mise en scène brutale et légèrement subversive, typique du metteur en scène, qui je crois serait très intéressante à voir.

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Je vous ai réservé ma mise en scène préférée pour la fin, huitième version, de 2021, théâtre à la table, direction artistique d’Eric Ruf (qui compte comme une mise en scène moderne ?)

Casting : Mme Pernelle - Claude Mathieu, Tartuffe - Eric Génovèse, Elmire - Clotilde de Bayser, Cléante - Hervé Pierre, Monsieur Loyal, Un Sergent, et L’Exempt - Nicolas Lormeau, Orgon - Didier Sandre, Damis - Laurent Lafitte, Dorine - Anna Cervinka, Mariane - Clémentine Billy, Valère - Antoine de Foucauld

C’est pas ma version préférée pour rien : la proximité de la table permet de transformer la pièce en huis clos, les vêtements des comédiens, sombres pour la plupart, permettent de relever leurs visages, et la caméra capture d’autant mieux leurs visages qu’elle est proche. Anna Cervinka est une Dorine hilarante qui tranche avec le sérieux des autres ; le Damis de Lafitte est très abrasif ; Cléante par Hervé Pierre use toujours d’un ton extrêmement raisonnable ; les deux petits jeunes sont un couple prometteur. Comme d’habitude, je me suis concentré sur les trois personnages centraux : Elmire, Orgon, Tartuffe. Didier Sandre, trônant en bout de table en patriarche, est un Orgon qui joue sur son âge pour apparaître peut-être plus fragile, qui s’il est moins dépendant que l’Orgon de Podalydès, lui semble extrêmement attaché ; sa colère à l’accusation de Tartuffe est assez violente. Elmire, elle, si elle n’est absolument pas intéressée par Tartuffe (madame moi je veux bien prendre votre place si vous ne voulez pas de lui), aime jouer la carte de la séduction pour parvenir à ses fins, et disons-le, Clotilde de Bayser est charmante. Et Tartuffe…Là encore, pas mon Tartuffe préféré pour rien. Eric Génovèse reprend un Tartuffe qu’il avait déjà joué de cette manière (je donnerai TOUT pour voir la mise en scène de 2005 de Marcel Bozonnet). Il est tout en douceur, la déclaration à Elmire est MAGNIFIQUE et DÉSESPÉRÉE comme il sait les faire, et il est totalement dans le modèle Jouvet d’un Tartuffe qui croit à 90% ce qu’il dit. Chose que je n’avais jamais vu faire avant, le “je tâte votre habit” et ce qui s’ensuit est joué comme une excuse en mousse, comme s’il n’avait vraiment pas fait exprès de poser la main sur le genou d’Elmire, et qu’il tente de rattraper une bourde faite dans l’émotion de l’instant. Tartuffe mis en opposition d’Orgon dans le placement autour de la table le pose en second maître de maison ; sa réponse à son accusation à l’air tellement sincère qu’on y croirait presque. Retournement de comportement à l’acte IV, regard de braise et scène un peu olé-olé (si sage comparée à la mise en scène de Bozonnet où lui et Florence Viala ont failli faire leur affaire sur scène) ; c’est un autre Tartuffe qui retire son masque, celui d’un homme extrêmement froid et calculateur. Bref, pour moi l’interprétation la plus intéressante (sans prendre en compte mon admiration personnelle pour ce comédien). Une pièce que je trouve “redécouverte” par le biais du théâtre à la table qui donne toujours un éclairage autre. 

[amarantoestrella]

I’m not able to be very active lately, but I just want to say… As a woman who was once a little girl who came to a new country speaking very poor English, I will never know a more true and loving friendship as back then when all the little black girls in my old neighborhood took me in and played with me even when we couldn’t understand each other. (Thank you Jen for basically my whole childhood). Who taught me how to play silly games like bubble gum and make cootie catchers and play double dutch jump rope and sew clothes for barbies and pretend to walk them around like America’s Next Top Model. Who showed me BET music videos and made up dance routines with me. Whose older brother silently watched out for me as if I were his own sister (Thanks for always letting me and Jen play Mortal Kombat on your playstation).

Whose cousin taught me how to braid hair and braided my curly lion’s mane instead of making fun of it (thank you Nisha, you always made me feel so pretty even though you are an absolute goddess yourself!) Whose Gran never closed her door to me or made me feel uncomfortable for being at her house all the time because my parents both worked two jobs to survive and she knew I’d be home alone and hungry if not for her. God do I miss eating her collard greens even when Jenny made a face at them. (Thank you Mrs. G for teaching me about God and taking me to church with you on Sundays).

What a fool and a hypocrite I would have been to have overlooked the gift of knowing her for the color of her skin. What a poor, unfortunate fool is anyone who overlooks the heart and soul of another human being because they saw first the color of their skin!

Even starting out here on Tumblr some of the first people to make me feel welcome and wanted were black women and creators. Thank you for all that you do for this community, for the creativity and talent and beauty that you bring to this space

Black women have done nothing but make me feel safe and loved and I can only pray to return the blessing it has been to know them. From the bottom of my heart, this is a safe space for you, and if you knew me in real life it would be too!

However, I cannot say the same to you if you find yourself to be racist, prejudiced, or speaking hate speech and slurs towards not only black, but any group of people. If that describes you, see yourself out and sincerely, be better.

XOXO, Ranto

[simplyspellbound]

do you know any sources that list herbs, fruits, veggies, etc. by seasonal correspondences? I want to be able to do workings with materials that resonate with the season I'm working in, but I'm finding it harder to comb the internet for reliable information lately. Also, I love your blog and wish you a lively day!

Absolutely! The great thing about this data is that it’s not really up for debate, lol! Here’s a link from the United States Department of Agriculture. This link is from Switzerland for herbs. But any sources related to governments, active farmers, or master gardeners should be trustworthy!

I’d encourage you to create some of your own pages of research, perhaps in a grimoire, that way you can double check, refine, or add information as you happen upon it. For example, apples are technically in season all four season, but for me, they’ll always be associated with autumn.

Best of luck!

Spring

Apples

Apricots

Asparagus

Avocados

Bananas

Broccoli

Cabbage

Carrots

Celery

Collard Greens

Garlic

Herbs

Kale

Kiwifruit

Lemons

Lettuce

Limes

Mushrooms

Onions

Peas

Pineapples

Radishes

Rhubarb

Spinach

Strawberries

Swiss Chard

Turnips

Summer

Apples

Apricots

Avocados

Bananas

Beets

Bell Peppers

Blackberries

Blueberries

Cantaloupe

Carrots

Celery

Cherries

Corn

Cucumbers

Eggplant

Garlic

Green Beans

Herbs

Honeydew Melon

Lemons

Lima Beans

Limes

Mangos

Okra

Peaches

Plums

Raspberries

Strawberries

Summer Squash

Tomatillos

Tomatoes

Watermelon

Zucchini

Fall

Apples

Bananas

Beets

Bell Peppers

Broccoli

Brussels Sprouts

Cabbage

Carrots

Cauliflower

Celery

Collard Greens

Cranberries

Garlic

Ginger

Grapes

Green Beans

Herbs

Kale

Kiwifruit

Lemons

Lettuce

Limes

Mangos

Mushrooms

Onions

Parsnips

Pears

Peas

Pineapples

Potatoes

Pumpkin

Radishes

Raspberries

Rutabagas

Spinach

Sweet Potatoes & Yams

Swiss Chard

Turnips

Winter Squash

Winter

Apples

Avocados

Bananas

Beets

Brussels Sprouts

Cabbage

Carrots

Celery

Collard Greens

Grapefruit

Herbs

Kale

Kiwifruit

Leeks

Lemons

Limes

Onions

Oranges

Parsnips

Pears

Pineapples

Potatoes

Pumpkin

Rutabagas

Sweet Potatoes & Yams

Swiss Chard

Turnips

Winter Squash

[whiskeynovember]

Garden things are about to happen again, I reckon. I purchased a few tomato plants (and had them immediately eaten by some unknown beast) and a few peppers and Ichiban eggplants.

3 for $10 sale, which would be a great deal, except I remember when you could do 4 for $10. other than the tomato plants were i only wanted the 3 because last year was a mess, I doubled up the plants in cups, so even though I paid for 3, I got 6.

because fuck it.

after the bullshit with my tomato plants being gnawed on mere hours after I planted them, I surrounded them with garlic and a rouge onion plant from the compost. removed most of the lettuce plants seeing as hoe whatever likes the tomatoes has been feasting on them and I've yet to get a few good leaves. planted some basil in pots and also surrounded it.

some plants from last year have dies on me and it's wishful thinking on if I can get them to grow again. my pineapple sage and red sage, my Korean mint and Korean sage... my chocolate mint might be dead, but I also know those fuckers are hard to kill, so I'm gonna just water it and see if anything comes up. might just stick all the pots into the garden. I'm iffy on that depending on if the roots wanna try to grow through the bottom.

strawberries are growing. chives and leeks. eggplants never really stopped, nor did the peppers. my cucamelons are vining and ground cherries are struggling a little but I'll let them be. carrots are going crazy and a few kabocha seeds have sprouted so I will pop them in the ground as soon as I have some secondary leaves. nothing yet on the butter cup squash.

also, the green squash is going at it, but the yellow has nothing yet, however, bok Choi is growing in its spot and it's doing well except one is sprouting.

i really don't wanna do too much this year. a bag of cilantro and a bag of dill. 2 bags of yard beans because they did excellent last year and I'm gonna see if maybe theyl climb the fence.

i also have 3 bags of collard greens that are going to seed and I don't know if I'll do anything with them or just recycle the soil. maybe I'll try to plant some herbs in them instead. who knows. I've got time.

[petite-girl1-blog]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: NWT Free People Ruby Jacket-Sweetheart Sunrise Size M.

[merakib]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Crochet Button Down Top.