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deterministpalindrome · 7 years

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==>Pal and Calo: Figure shit out.

deterministpalindrome: It's been... a hell of a week. A hell of a week. And a weird hell too, one that makes you embarrassed and blushing to just think about it, which is why you're in your room with no witnesses to see you squirm while you think about the subject at hand.

Are you poly, and what do you do about it?

Nothing, is the immediate answer. Keep denying it and do nothing and keep going just like you have been. That way no one gets hurt. Except... so many people have noticed already, and then there was the thing with Nadaya... a soft whine, ears low as you hunch into the pillow you're holding. Nothing happened, but what if it does? That'll hurt way more, wouldn't it? But nothing happened...

You're wrapped up in your head completely, ignoring everything else as you chew your liprings and whine to yourself.

calodemongelastic: You don't know what kind of week you've had- hell, you don't know what week it is, things all seem the blur together these days. You can not fucking wait for this revolution to be over.

Still, it's not and there's really not much you can do about that right now, the best you can do at this moment is collapse on top of the nearest quad and snuggle the living fuck out of them.

That's how you find yourself here, quietly on surprisingly light feet, you slip in behind your matesprit and flump forward, arms around his chest and purring

"What you whining at?"

DP: You are so in your head, in fact, that when your very obvious matesprit flumps on you, you screechsqueak and zap him a little out of surprise, more from sparks snapping than anything on purpose, and that blush darkens to impressive amounts, all the way out to your eartips, and he can't see it, but your face is full of horror.

"Nothing! N-nothing, I'm fine, it'th fine. I love you." Flawless, Captor. Absolutely flawless.

CG: Well you can’t see his face, but you can definitely see his ears. Also you are in pain. The jolt had made you jump back a little instinctively but you ease yourself back into the hug, giving his neck an indignant little nip

"You're definitely not fine but I love you too. What's wrong?"

DP: Oh god, he didn't buy it. Well, obviously, it was a terrible lie, but you were hoping okay???? You really don't want to talk about this with KK of all people. ...but you also kind of have to.

"...nothing." That is not having to. "...jutht. Thinking. 'Bout thtuff." Vaguely better.

CG: Hm. If this is going to be an Important Conversation it should probably be face to face, but it might be easier for him like this. You'll let him decide, just keep nuzzling for now.

"What stuff? I can't help if you don't tell me you fuckin nerd,"

DP: A little noise like a chitter, only quiet and not angry, and you lean back into him, hands coming up to hold his arms as best you can, which barely at all. Which is really hot actually, god you love his arm- Captor focus, the bulge is not in control damn it. You have to do the talky thing.

"I don't want you ta hate me." ...sure. Fine. That works. Goddamn it, hunch down farther but don't lean away from him, squeezing what armness you're holding.

CG: You are blind to his momentary internal boner control, busy trying to make him feel safe and comfortable and- fuck, okay, you're laughing, don't laugh at him, shit

"Pal you could straight up fucking murder me and I wouldn't hate you,"

DP: Your ears lower at the laugh but they come back up to where they were before with his words. You love him so much. Take a moment to nuzzle at him.

"...but what if I cheated?" A beat and your breath catches and you realize exactly what you said. "I didn't." You are firm in your tone, all the worry and nerves and fluster mostly buried. "I did not. I did not do the thing, I would never, not ever, you're everything, I love you." Your hands squeeze a little tighter, please please don't leave.

A silent moment and you quietly say "...but I almost wanted to. ...I'm sorry."

CG: You tense up for a few seconds before you slump, ears drooping a tiny bit

"I- um, wouldn't blame you. I suppose," your voice is small and quiet, "I'm not going to tell you what to do,"

DP: You are a monster.

You whine, worried and upset with yourself, taking your hands off his arms and twisting so you can get them on his face to kissnuzzlegroom all of him; no, this is all wrong, and you're so sorry, and more obviously scared when he can see your face.

"I'm not. Never. Never ever. Not even conthider it. I'll thtop thinking about it, never again, I love you, I'm thorry."

CG: You don't expect him to turn around, but you let go so he can twist comfortably, curling your arms back around somewhat hesitantly, what if he thinks you're trying to trap him in a relationship he doesn't want to- oh

Well that train of thought just crashed and fucking burned, he's scared?? Why is he scared, that's- no?? No. Kiss him ):B No fear allowed in matesprit time.

"Shh. You don't have to stop thinking about anything, you can tell me, it's just- you're amazing and I love you,"

DP: That helps more than you have words for, getting kept close and kissed, he doesn't hate you forever, he still loves you. For now. Snuggle up as close as you can with access to his jaw and neck for more kisses and grooming. Yours yours yours yours. In fact, leave a little kiss mark where everyone can see. Yours.

"I don't want ta hurt you, all it'th gonna do ith hurt you, I love you tho much. Tho much. You are mine. " A little whine, drumming out little nervous patterns. "...but he wath really pretty and I almotht kithhed him and I'm really thorry." You hope your execution for your terrible crime comes swift. ...you'd rather be dead than hurt Karkat.

CG: You are purring so embarrassingly loud, fuck. You love this troll so much, you're going to kiss the shit out of him later. Not right now though, you need to figure out what is....happening.

"...You're- Sparks? Like Sparks. With- lots," smooth.

DP: The saddest little nod, looking down at his chest, ears gone down to your shoulders. The purring is helping though. He still wants you, he's not leaving you. Everything might not be on fire yet.

Very softly, "...but I don't wanna be."

CG: You frown at him, confused. It makes Sparks happy, Pal deserves to be happy even if it means he'll find someone better and you'll be left behind that's okay it's not the first time it's happened

"Why not?"

DP: Tighten your grasp on his shirt.

"...'cauthe I don't wanna hurt you."

CG: "You're not going to hurt me," you frown and nuzzle his cheek, "You couldn't ever hurt me,"

DP: Nip a little scold at him. "Can too. 'd make you feel like you're not enough, or 'm leaving, or make you jealouth, or remind you of them. " It's pretty damn obvious who you're talking about, with that curled lip in your voice despite it being soft. "Will, too, we talked 'bout it. You thaid no."

CG: Your ears droop back down, guiltily, "That was ages ago, we haven't talked about it in sweeps Pal,"

DP: ...chirp? Of course they haven't, why would they need to? He put down lines, you don't cross them. What's there to discuss? "...tho?" One tiny syllable turned into an entire honest question.

CG: "So I.. think I'd be okay with it now,"

DP: That is an incredibly long stretch of silence as your pan grinds to a halt and has to reboot. No, no that's not right, it's Karkat, he's territorial, and you love him for it. ...oh god, it's Karkat.

"Don't. Your happinethh ithn't worth mine, won't do it."

CG: Of course you're territorial, that's not going to stop but you can put a lid on it if it means Pal will be happy, "Okay first of all, yes it is, and second of all," you kiss him again, "If you want another matesprit I will definitely be willingly to let you try,"

DP: Frown up at him. Frow- okay get kissed first and chirp into it but then continue frowning. "It ith not. I'm not doing a damn thing that maketh you unhappy." You are stubborn and a little puffed up and your previous mess of emotions is not entirely gone because you're fussing with his shirt. "...don't want another matethprit anyway. You are my matethprit. You have my heart. ...don't wanna give it ta anyone elthe, there'th no one better than you."

CG: You pull back and frown at him, filing that away to make disgustingly affectionate noises about later, "What do you want then? I thought you wanted another matesprit? Why are you upset about me if it's not even our quad?"

DP: The puffed uppedness falters a bit at that frown, and your ears dip. "I. It. You." Let a little breath out, let a little breath in. "You thaid I can't thleep with anyone not you or Dee." Fidget fidget. "...I don't wanna replathe a quad, I don't know what I want." Fidget fidget. "But I don't wanna hurt you."

CG: "Well... you can. It's not like you're getting any from me," though maybe if he was he wouldn't need this, Dee isn't around much and you're... you, unfortunately

"You won't hurt me,"

DP: Your drooped ears pin back, and you thump him on the chest. "Thtop lying." It probably shouldn't surprise you at this point that you can summon every shred of your stubbornness the second Karkat starts ganging up on himself, but it kind of does. You want to crawl into a hole and never come out again but only after KK's okay again.

CG: You wilt when he thumps you- not because it hurt, you're a brick wall, but because you've Upset him. The ears are so low and you have the most apologetic look on your face, "I'm sorry,"

DP: Hands end up cupping his cheeks immediately and you kiss his face, taking a moment to say you love him with affection. "I can hurt you. I have hurt you. Thtop thaying I can't. I want ta not hurt you, not know that I'm not when I am." And now you're both apologetic looking, and you nuzzle him to reassure him, and you too.

CG: Your ears stay drooped but you unwilt a little at that, kissing him back and purring softly, "You- I don't actually, remember you doing that, I'm sorry," nooo, no, you try and kiss that face off of him :c

DP: You find your purr too, and just take a minute to Affection him. You love him, he's yours, his pan's being dumb but that's okay, you can figure it out together. At least until you want to crawl under a rock again, but that's not now.

"...I haven’t with. With thith but. 'm not perfect, yeah? I thay dumb thit. I guethh wrong. I mithhtep. I hurt. Don't pretend I can't, I'm only a troll. I'm not flawlethh." Nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck, shifting this more towards proper cuddling than a hasty discussion with you in his lap.

CG: "You are to me," you accept the transition into cuddles happily, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in his neck with a small huff, "I love you,"

DP: An unhappy chirr, but it doesn't translate into your snuggling or your purring. Yes. Okay. This is better. You can get feet under you and maybe actually talk now, with a clear head and the fear tempering down. "I love you too, but I'm not flawlethh. Perfect for you, yeah, but not perfect. Never perfect. I fuck up, okay, I don't. Don't ignore that."

CG: "I'm not ignoring anything, I just genuinely don't remember you ever doing that," ):B you rub circles on his back gently, so careful not to hurt him

DP: A little shake of your head, leaning into his touches fearlessly. "You don't havta, 'th not about thpethificth. I can hurt you, can, pothhible. I have flawth, thomewhere, doethn't matter if you can litht them. I'm. I don't wanna be on a pedestal KayKay. I wanna be a troll."

CG: You pull back to Frown at him, "Of course you're a troll, I've never thought you weren't," you can't.. exactly help putting your quads on pedestals. As far as you're concerned anyone who puts up with you deserves it, nevermind people who would agree to be romantically involved with you

DP: Frown right back at him, almost challenging. "Then thtop telling me I can't hurt you." There's a pedestal, and then there's a pedestal, where you could do anything and he'd let you. You don't... you don't want that, you want him to be able to say no to you, you want him to tell you to stop if something hurts. You're equals. Always.

CG: You nibble at your lip, thinking. He could do anything to you. Any of your quads could. You know it's gotten you thoroughly fucked over before but it's worth it if it makes them happy, but it ?? Isn't??? "Okay."

DP: A couple of chirps as you tuck back into him, scooping up one of his hands to fuss with for a moment... and then to hold. To reassure yourself that he's still here, so you can talk again. ...quietly. Talk again quietly. "...how do I not fuck thith up. I'll do whatever you want, I jutht. I don't wanna hurt you."

CG: You give his hand a gentle little squeeze, thinking to yourself quietly. You shake your head, "I don't know. ...I don't know what it is you want exactly, or who it is even? I kinda need more information than this,"

DP: Squeeze back, glad to have it there keeping you here when the urge to bolt returns. He wants specifics. Specifics you don't have. A specific you really really have. Whine so softly you're not sure he heard.

"I. Don't know. 'th all a methh. Can't tell how I feel, 'th all jumble and weird and I don't even know. ...know if. They want. That. Or anything." And there go your ears, drifting back down to your shoulders. "....'th a lotta people." A sad chirp, apologetic. "...one I almotht kithhed wath Nadaya." You wincehunch in preparation for him getting upset, because finally, A Name, someone for him to look at and get disgusted at you for. Here it comes, and you deserve it.

CG: "...You have good taste at least," you love Nadaya. You continue nuzzling, "Mmmm... who else do you like?"

DP: ...that is him not thinking you're disgusting. That is him asking you who else is on the list. One of your ears perks a little hopefully, questioningly. "...I mean. Two dayth ago. But. Both. I think." A little squirm, trying to convince yourself to keep going, to say the name that will definitely get you killed. "Th. Thp. Thparkth."

CG: ".......Really good taste," you bristle a little, but you're not mad, just. Worried.

DP: Your cheeks are gold again, but you scoop up his hand and kiss his knuckles in the absence of your death. You can tell that bristle's there, you know why, and you Don't Want To Hurt Him, even if you have to talk more. "...thinthe he aged himthelf up when he wath dead." Everyone ignore your dick's tenuous grasp on the idea of not fucking corpses. "The whole time. Got worthe after the game. ...I'm not them, KayKay. He hath a plathe already. Don't need him in yourth. Don't want him in yourth. And nothing can take me from you. You're mine."

CG: The combination of affection and his uncanny ability to say Exactly The Right Thing unbristles you easily and you lean into him, not showing your face but not... upset.

"That helps,"

DP: "Good." More affection, leaning back against his lean and just focusing on that part for a minute while you figure out how the fucking shit to say this.

"...not gonna do anything you're not okay with. ...dunno if he'd even want ta but doethn't matter. Won't even find out till you're okay. And really okay, not your lying okay. Real okay."

CG: "Thank you," you kiss him again, shuffling to get comfortable, "I think... once you figure out what it is you want and tell me, if- if you can promise nothing with us is going to change, I'll be alright with it. Real alright,"

DP: "Over and over and over and over again, 'th many timeth ath you need. I'm yourth, forever." Snuggle into his comfort once he's settled, keeping hold of his hand. This is yours now. Forever and ever. ...what you want, that pokes at you a bit, and your cheeks flush dark when you realize you know at least one answer to that, and it creeps out to your dipping ears when you realize you have to say it, out loud, to him. Fuck. Fuss with his hand a little, stalling.

"...think I wanna." Thing. Say the thing. "Wanna, um. Pail. ND. Th-the one here, now. Little one." The one you very accurately remember covered in blood. Fuck.

CG: You squint at him, "I thought Nadaya was ace?" at least you've never seen him show any interest in.....Those Kinds of things. "I mean, um- you... can, if you both want to but, will he?"

DP: Congratulations Karkat, he has gotten your eartips to be solid gold, and you are going to die. "YeTH-" no, fuck, what is your voice, die a little more and try not to squeak. "Y. Yeth. Yeth. He um. Yeth. Very not athe. There wath. Um." Fidget fidget long for death. "We. Tuthhled. And then he, um. L. Licked me? There wath blood, on my fathe, and he." Death, sweet death. "And then I. Um. Might've. Bit him, a little. 'nd then we thtopped cauthe he wath worried 'bout me, but um. There wath a lot of. Clothe. Very clothe. For a while. ...'th nithe."

CG: This is baffling. Sex People are baffling to you. You resign yourself to the fact you're never going to understand and just. Shake your head, "Go nuts, Pal. I don't want details but just... keep me updated on stuff? I don't like. Feeling left out. Or behind. Or. Yeah," awkward blushy shuffling, that is More than you needed to know

DP: Oh gosh.

Oh gosh it feels like your pump is going to explode with happiness or butterflies or fuck knows what, but it makes you make an embarrassing noise halfway between a chirr and a giggle like you're some fucking 5 sweep old that got kissed on the cheek by a crush, and you're not sure you care. "I will, I promisse, and nothing changeth 'tween uth, not a thing." Look up at him with a brighter smile than you mean, not because you get to pounce on a fish and kiss him senseless, but because a weight's been taken off your shoulders, one that's been there for years. Wanting to kiss and more other people isn't gonna hurt KK. You can do this, you can make it work.

CG: Oh, fucking shit look how happy he is, this is wonderful, kiss the Fuck out of him right then and there, this is yours, even if other people kiss him he's yours and nobody can change that >:c

"Who else? Do you um, think is, I mean, for the... thing," boy.

DP: You are unbelievably okay with this, more than okay, really, you want to be claimed, to know that while KK's okay with you roaming, he won't hesitate to growl at a newcomer and let them know who owns your heart. God. Kiss the absolute shit out of your matesprit.

You'll end up tucked up against him nuzzling under his jaw, purring like a goddamn lawnmower, when he asks that question, and it doesn't make you violently blush and fidget this time. His. "...um, well, there'th. An Eridan? Who'th a thit thtain and I'm not gonna do anything with yet, but. He'th really pretty, like, fuck. And, like, a bunch of people who are jutht... really nithe ta look at? And. Um." Oh hey, yeah, this cluster of people down here that you were hoping never to mention because it's super awkward. ...but he's okay with you liking Sparks, so maybe it won't be too bad? "There'th. A bunch of, like, complicated? Oneth? Like? I don't wanna do anything, but, AyAy'th jutht. If I wathn't tho grey for her? God, yeah. Thhe'th jutht. Fuck. Curveth. Curveth are great." Are you specifically snuggling into his tum? You bet your ass you are. His curves are the best curves. "And. Um. KayKay and Ampora are. They're. They're nithe. All grown up. And thtuff. But. Not gonna. Yeah. Complicated. And. Um. There'th." There it is. There is the blush coming back. "Your pitchmate'th pretty?" Why yes you are still into threesomes, why do you ask?

CG: You listen to him quietly, with reassuring nuzzles so he doesn't freak himself out too much (with a brief break to blush at the currently Only In Spirit tum snuggles) but only two names really stick out to you.

"Aradia? She's- I dunno I guess she's cute. I like her. ....Equius is fucking gorgeous, it is absurd, I don't blame you one bit on that one, he's just- wow, fuck," you may or may not have flustered yourself a little bit

DP: When you two are done talking, you are going to kiss all of him forever, including that In Spirit tum, and cuddle with him for the rest of the night. Absolute. Best. Matesprit. Ever.

Your ears flick up curiously, the blatant difference between the two reactions drawing your attention. One at a time, threesome ideas can come later. "Only cute? And you guethh?" No judgement, just plain questions about something unexpected. You know he used to like hella curvy girls, or at least reblogged a bunch of pictures of them, has that changed too?

CG: You very much look forward to that, you fucking love matesprit cuddles.

"I- um, yeah?" well yeah of course you did, that's... that's what people Do, right? People like. Everything. You like girls, especially when they reminded you of your ex-mate Aradia. "I dunno." would you look at all this eye contact that isn't happening

DP: Well. This certainly is a thing, something you should probably start digging at. "Not knowing'th okay." Kiss his jaw reassuringly, everything is still alright. "Do you not like girlth like that?" You know that's a thing, at least you've seen humans do it, but if trolls can be ace and aro and poly and quadfluid and shit, why can't they do that to? No reason, obviously. But is that what's happening here?

CG: You bristle again, tone snippy but not with him, "Of course I fucking do, everyone does. I'm just... pickier with girls," yeah, that's it.

DP: Nope, shhses are happening, putting a hand on his face to pet a cheek. No bristles here, everything is okay, he is safe and away from those people that need a boot to the face. Things can be paused until that happens, settled means better talking anyway.

CG: You lean into the hand with a soft murr, settling back down and nuzzling his neck with a mumbled apology

DP: You nuzzle back, pressing kisses and softly assuring him that there's nothing that needs an apology, yeah? Everything's okay, he's allowed to do that.

Another kiss before you reengage with the topic, purring quiet reassurance. "Not everyone doeth, yeah?"

CG: Kiss him and make an absolutely definitely failed attempt at a chirp

You hunch and frown, "With humans, yeah, I'm not- I have to, trolls have to, I'm already barely-" fuck, no, it upsets him when you talk like that, shut your stupid face right now

DP: Chirp back with a smile, you love his not-chirps, you love that he tries despite not being able to do it at all, it's adorably hilarious.

He's right, you don't like it, but because it means he's upset and hates himself =[ Cup his cheeks and kiss him again, and again. "You are a troll ath much at I am, and trollth don't havta do jack thit with quadth. They feel what they feel, and that'th it."

CG: You whine and want to hide your face but he has you trapped with kisses and his adorable hands ):B "I feel normal, it's about the only thing I can do normally,"

DP: Keep kissing him, the whining's okay but you're increasing the affection every time you do. "Normal by whothe thtandardth? The bithhh you're gonna kill? Why do you wanna play by thothe ruleth?"

CG: "It's the only thing I have left, I can't stick to quads properly, I can't pail anyone, I can't fucking do blackrom right, this is the only thing I'm doing right," fuck, no, no tears, illegal, stop that right fucking now

DP: More shhshshshs, wiping tears away with your thumbs. "Who thayth you're not doing thit right? None of uth are, and I haven't theen it on your blog. If it'th one of the kidth I promithe not ta maim them, but I can't for anyone elthe."

CG: "Nobody's fucking told me that, nobody needs to," your brain is a hellfuck ):B

DP: "No, they don't, 'cauthe you're not. You're doing everything right KayKay, no one can take that from you. Your quadth are happy and healthy and working well and that'th all that fucking matterth." Punctuate that with a kiss that has a nip in the middle of it, and a soft huff. "Fithhbithhh ith not right about quadth. Thhe thinkth trollth are drethh up dollth for her amuthement. Thhe doethn't care about happy and healthy. Don't lithten ta her ruleth, they're bullthit."

CG: You can't help it, you just start crying full on, more than just the tears that had crept up on you before. "Why can't I just be fucking normal?"

DP: " 'Cauthe you're too amathing ta be," it's almost an impulse, slipping out by accident, but entirely true in your eyes. It doesn't matter though, you're much more focused on holding him while he cries, pressing kisses to his face, putting loud rumbly comfort at him, rubbing his back, considering bringing out the emergency blanket to give him somewhere to hide.

CG: You would accept the emergency blanket with absolutely no hesitation, forgoing words to just cling to him and sob. This has been building up for a long while now, as much as you've tried to ignore it. Eventually though, you calm down and just lean against him, quietly. "...It's not because I'm scared of her,"

DP: Blanket it is, they can bundle and snuggle under it, everything faintly red and blue from the only light source, except when you blink. You hold him the entire time, giving him reassurances that it's okay, you're here, you got him, you love him so much, letting him cry until he's done. When the tears start slowing, you start cleaning his face, wiping away the trails and kissing his cheeks when you're done. No pressure for anything, it's all on his time table.

A soft temple kiss when he says that, nuzzling. "Which her, love?"

CG: You love his eyes so much, this is only one of the reasons.

"Who else? The Empress. I... even before her, she doesn't bother me,"

DP: "I'm mithhing thome thtepth I think. Thtart at the beginning again?"

CG: "Sparks is scared of girls, I'm not. I don't not like them like that because she scared me, it's always been a thing"

DP: An understanding chirp, nuzzling him. "That'th okay. You don't need a reathon, it'th jutht a thing."

CG: "I wish it wasn't," ):B

DP: Kiss. " 'Cauthe it'th not normal? How do you know it'th not?"

CG: "Because... it's not? I don't know a single troll like me,"

DP: "You don't know that. How would you be able ta tell if they didn't tell you?"

CG: "I- mm," damn. He's got you there, "I wouldn't,"

DP: "Ekthactly. Tho it could be way more common than you thought it wath, thinthe it'th not a pattern anyone trackth or careth about, ethpethially not the Empire."

CG: "That's... yeah," that's true. "I wish we had a word for it," ):B

DP: "There ith one, you're gay. You're a dude that liketh dudeth, they uthe that ta dethcribe it."

CG: "I said I wish we had a word for it, I know they do," but... you suppose it's better than nothing.

You are gay. Karkat is gay. Karkat Vantas is gay.

It feels Nice.

DP: A snort, but understanding. "Maybe we will thomeday. You're taking over an Empire after all, decreeing that all thith thit ith okay now meanth nameth for it will crop up. Jutht gotta be patient, let thingth catch up, yeah?" Kiss him, purring; this changes nothing between you two, and you're showing that in case he's worried.

CG: "Hmm, that'd be nice." you smile and kiss him back, cuddling up to him.

DP: "Yeah." Snuggle into him and scoop up a hand again to hold. This shit isn't easy to talk about, and you both could use the comfort, and a bit of silence full of purring and the occasional chirp or kiss. You have to break it though, your pan made a connection and is ?ing about it. "...what did you mean, that you do blackrom wrong?"

CG: You settle into the comfort with a soft purr, feeling incredibly... light? Is that the word? It sounds close enough. ...Oh, fuck.

"Um, I, no we, um... we drift red a lot. He makes sure it stays pitch though, you're my matesprit," just. Dump affection on him.

DP: Blink up at him with a chirrup? before getting showered in distracting affection that isn't distracting enough. Eventually just put a hand on his face lightly, just enough to say stop for a second, so you can slip in a "Tho?"

CG: You resist the urge to lick his hand

"So I... sometimes I don’t. Want it pitch? Sometimes I am red for him, I think probably more than I am pitch, it's. Confusing. I don't know if it counts as vacillating?"

DP: "...oh."

That sure is an entire hull load of ice being poured down your spine to settle in your bilesack. Mostly flush for Equius. You're not. Surprised. At that, but more. Fuck, you don't know. He's going to replace you and you've known about it for a sweep, and here's another step closer to the inevitable. ...as long as it makes him happy, you're... happy.

"Probably, there'th a flip in there thtill, yeah?" For now.

CG: ...Oh no, you know that tone, nip him, the flipping can wait for now ):<B "Palexander we have literally just had this conversation, you liking other people doesn't mean you don't love me and I'm not your matesprit, and me liking one person doesn't mean I don't love you and you're not mine,"

DP: Oh fuck, he used Palexander, it's instantly effective, all the bluh you tried tucking away spilling out immediately, ears drooping with a whine. "...didn't think that." Yet. Yet yet yet.

CG: "I know you were," you up the affection again, pulling him into your lap to curl around protectively, "I'm never going to leave you for anybody,"

DP: Another whine but you don't resist, sinking into his protective shell like you can hide from this. "Yet." Ah, fuck, that one was out loud, droop your ears lower and look down at your hands. "...thhould, he'th better for you anyway." That was so quiet, and hurt more than you thought it would.

CG: You bonk him on the head ):<B "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever fucking heard. We drift pale, we're drifting right now, do you think I'm going to leave Sparks or Nadaya??"

DP: You yelp at that, a little surprised noise instead of anything out of pain, and look up at him. "Drifting'th different than being more fluthh than pithhh. ...mothtly fluthh." Aaaand now you're looking down again. "...knew it wath coming, it'th fine." It is decidedly not fine. "You thhould be happy."

CG: "Sollux Captor I am more flush for you than I have ever been for anybody in my entire lives, I promise I am never going to leave you,"

DP: It's your turn to cry, apparently, tears welling up and spilling, nowhere close to sobbing but just. Crying. You're just feeling A Lot right now, especially with him promising. A promise you were going to confirm, but when you opened your mouth, other shit came out instead. "He and you got tho clothe tho fatht, you truthted him like immediately, he'th amathing and fantathtic for you and ithn't drowning in a billion problemth and you jutht keep getting more fluthh for him and I can't compete, I can't do anything, thhouldn't do anything, you're allowed ta have feelingth and flip and pick thomeone elthe and all that but I want ta, need you tho much, I'm thorry."

CG: You put your hands on his face and stroke his cheeks, just letting him talk and get it all out ):B "I was close to Cap's Equius in really fucked up circumstances, of course I trusted him," kiss him :c you know what, you're gonna kiss him for every point you make, "He has his own problems, I'm not, y'know gonna go into detail cause that's his business but he's not some towering flawless god of emotional stability," kiss, "You don't have to compete, there's no competition to be had, you both make me happy in different ways and I am always going to be flush for you. Fuck, two lifetimes and you still ended up my matesprit in both, three if you count whatever the fuck I am now, didn't you?" kiss "Flipping does not mean I'm going to pick someone else and Lord fucking knows I need you as much, no, more than you need me, there's nothing to be sorry for you fucking idiot," kiss!!!

DP: The kisses work wonderfully, silencing any protests you have immediately with affection, letting him just talk like he let you, nuzzling your entire face into his hands for a moment when he's done. "...don't know what I'd do without you." A little kiss to his palm, the tears slowing. "...I did everything I could and you never trusted me like that. Not even when we got tagether. ...not thure you do now." This is still eating at you, apparently, this giant failing of yours that you don't understand. "Truthted everyone before me, I don't. I don't know what I did wrong."

CG: You go quiet, chewing your lip. You don't like thinking about when you first got here. You were a real piece of shit, but.

"You didn't do anything wrong, absolutely nothing at all, okay?" your voice is soft and sad, "You remember how fucked up I was when I first got here, right?"

DP: A whine of protest, you obviously did or he would've trusted you, but you unbury your face to look up at him, he shouldn't be sad, you're the fuck up. "...can't forget." Just as quiet.

CG: Boop his nose sternly at that protest whine, "Right," you shuffle around, loosening your arms so he can bail if he wants to, but still keeping him close. He's comforting to you.

"When I first got here, and you were so... nice to me, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I didn't trust it, I had no reason to, people were only nice to me when they wanted something. But you didn't, and I liked it, and you made me feel safe, and that was terrifying. I didn't deserve that or you, so I'd try and stop it before it got too far," you're not hiding but you're avoiding any kind of eye contact, "But it did, and I fell in love with you, because how could I fucking not? Look at you," you offer him a small smile, squeezing his hand gently, "That made it worse, but you still fell in love back for some reason, so... I showed it the only way I knew how. From, um... watching her," you are Very Uncomfortable.

DP: Your ears waver up a little at the boop, but you're a bit more focused on... all this. He shuffles and lets you go but all that means is you snugging closer. You don't want to leave, you want the opposite of that, you want to stay so fucking bad. So you stay and listen, giving him a little smile back with a soft chirrup that snuck out with your heart squeezing. But... he's not the only one that's uncomfortable, ears lowering as well as your eyes, but you lean into him. "...couldn't help it. You're the betht. ...when you. Weren't." You can't really say it just yet, but it's not hard to guess.

CG: ...Even after all that he compliments you. Fucking hell, you still don't deserve him, pull him closer and bury your face in his hair, apologising over and over

DP: The tears are back, from just Emotion, and you're close in an instance, nuzzling into his arms with a chirr for every apology. You... can't. Really. Say it was okay. Because. Yeah. But you can forgive him, and tell him you love him still, and back up to kiss him and rub your cheek against his and be His.

CG: That's okay, you wouldn't want him to say it was okay. You know it wasn't. He's not alone in the tears at least, you're definitely getting choked up.

DP: God, that's just gonna make your tears worse, kiss so much of him, all of him, yours yours yours yours. You just want to curl up on him and kiss all of him but there's still things hanging over the two of you... so you're only gonna do that a little. Maybe a bit more than a little. But there's gonna be stopping in there somewhere probably.

CG: You're right there with him, more than willing to put the serious talk aside for a little bit for a smooch break. You stroke his hair and purr quietly, you love him so so much

DP: You tuck into his arms, the safest place in the multiverse, and purr back, vaguely nuzzling into his hand. Things feel... better. Not like everything's fixed, but. Better. He trusts you. He loves you. He wants you.

"...what, do you want ta be? With him. Equiuth." Quiet question, half because of difficulty asking, half because quiet seems right for now.

CG: He's right, you're enjoying the quiet. You rest your chin on his head and think

"...I don't know. I think I'd have to talk to him first,"

DP: Move just enough to boop him with a horn.

"Alright." A little bit of fussing before continuing. "...I. Don't think. I'm okay, with you being. Matethprithh. With him."

CG: "That's okay, I only want one matesprit anyway. Think the closest we'd get to that is fuckin... hatesprit or something," boop his horn right back, you're kidding unless he's on board with that. Of course, this is if Equius even feels anything red for you and this hasn't just been you making a huge fucking jackass of yourself for fuck knows how long

DP: A soft but happy chirrup, relieved. You're too territorial for that, and no matter what KK said, it'd be a competition, one you're still not sure if you'd win. But. "...hatethprithh thoundth kinda cute."

CG: Smooch him, "I'll suggest that if we get that far," you smile and continue stroking his hair, just... incredibly happy that things have gone well tonight.

DP: "Keep me up ta date?" Smooch back and tuck back into him, eyes half lidding. This has been A Lot of emotions and stress and all you want to do is curl up with him and kiss everything you can without moving, and this time you can't think of anything to stop you.

#calodemongelastic #Honorable Mention:#trolljacksparrow #geminidoomed #centaurstechnician #posted ooc #tw: abuse #featuring Pal badly explaining being attracted to someone to an ace person #stupid logic connections #a minor retcon to give something a reason for happening #and sophie and I finishing a log for fucking once #long post

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