#dr cox lives rent free in my personality

[bookworm-with-coffee]

Starting 'Shadow of the Study' after your argument with Sebastian like;

Sebastian: You're here. Brilliant. Believe me, I haven't forgotten about your goblin 'friend', but—

MC:

[artificialqueens]

saint in the city ch.2 (katlaska) - comeapart

a/n: angst angst angst and also smut. i write the blues so you don’t have to. i should’ve specified before that alaska is a orthopaedic clinical nurse specialist and katya is the head (trauma) surgeon. it’s becoming more increasingly clear that my interests in both drag queens and medicine are clashing. (ch.1 here)

If Alaska had to rank her ideas from the smartest to the stupidest, this was a solid eight. But realistically, changing her scrubs to reveal more cleavage wasn’t that bad. Changing her bra might’ve been, but she had to compensate. If she didn’t have long blonde hair and eyebrows arched to the heavens, people pointed out the androgyny that stayed in her features and form. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but years of public school bullying and the unfortunate term long phase where she only wore fishing boots and boy clothes didn’t exactly give her confidence.

She knocked twice. The fact that she had put thought into it was almost embarrassing, but she was always embarrassing. Having a crush just made it more obvious. She let herself in quietly, smiling and waving her hand as she looked over. Katya was sat alone behind her desk, a cling-film wrapped sandwich balanced carefully on a binder and a paper cup that was now empty balanced on the edge, with files lining the small space between her and her computer. Alaska probably stopped breathing for a second there.

“Yes?” Katya hummed, not even bothering to look up from the notes she was making. Even in the simplest of conversation, she had an accent. Alaska was a sucker for accents, and Russian was one of the prettiest languages she could imagine, if she was the kind of person with enough concentration to actually learn a language and not just get into it because it sounded hot in that one foreign porn Willam had sent her. Actually, the more she thought about it, the more she suspected Willam had seen Katya earlier. The cup matched the one Willam had brought her when she came to collect the theatre appointments, and it wasn’t from the same floor they were on either.

“Hi, Katya.”

“Oh,” she said, head still tilted down to focus on her paperwork, “Hello.” She was still frowning slightly, a crease showing between her eyebrows, which Alaska very carefully chose to believe was a reaction to her work and not to her presence. She could’ve missed it at a different angle, with her fringe carefully covering it.

“I have referrals for you,” Alaska said quietly, handing over the two files. “Spine and a leg. Willam said she wanted you to have it. The spine is Scout Jefferson. She’s a sixteen-year old girl with adolescent scoliosis, with a history of hand numbness,  intermittent pyrexia and weight loss of ten pounds. The MRI revealed that her spine has been getting worse, and over the span of two months, it’s had an increased curve. I- well, my team and I - think that she’s a candidate for surgery.”

“Sixteen… Are you sure?” Katya asked, opening the file up and deciding to completely ignore the other that she had left on the desk. Somehow, Alaska could imagine that Willam would end up with that case later.

Alaska kept her smile, even though she knew that Katya was doubting her ability to judge. She liked Katya a lot, but she did wish that she hadn’t picked up the habit of implying that she rushed into things. She knew what she had to do. She wouldn’t have gotten her job on levels of incompetence. “I’m sure,” she nodded, watching as Katya put the file to the side and looked up at her properly for the first time all day.

“Okay. I’ll give her details to my secretary.”

“Thank you,” Alaska said carefully, standing up. At the doorway she paused for a moment, biting her lip and taking another shot in the dark, “I don’t know if you want to, but on Friday, Willam and Courtney and I are going to see the Harry Potter movie, and if you wanted to, or if you like, uh, liked-”

“I don’t care about Harry Potter,” Katya said, looking back down at the files on her desk. Alaska hated how she was completely unreadable, and she wished that she could master that expression too. She was too expressive, and she cared too much. She could feel her face fall, and that made her even more self conscious. Ever since Sharon, she had cared a little too much about things that nobody else noticed. She was embarrassing.

“Okay,” she murmured, letting herself out of the room. “Bye, Katya.”

*

By Friday, Alaska realised with a sense of survival and pride in her around half past seven that she was nearly done. She was overworked, but the four days off to follow would give her a second to recover. It didn’t even matter that she was on call for two of the days, because the idea of her bed was more than enough to keep her going. She had to stop wearing heels to work, because it killed her back. She got the discharges complete, dropping them off at Bianca’s desk, and snuck out of the back before anyone could stop her and ask her to do something, secretly thankful that Bianca wasn’t hovering with a last minute admission to process. Alaska was barely awake enough to actually manage. The amount of hours she had clocked up over the week were more than enough to cover the desperate need for a shopping trip at somewhere fancy and expensive over the weekend, and she knew that she would be able to get Willam to come with.

She checked her phone on her way out. It was 8:11, which felt early. She normally left around 9 or 10, sometimes later if needed. She wasn’t going to get in trouble for leaving, but she still managed to feel perpetual anxiety as she walked across the car park, scared that Bianca was going to track her down and tell her to come back. It wasn’t until she was halfway home until she actually let herself breathe, stretching out and turning the heat up in her shitty car. She wasn’t on call, and unless there was a genuine emergency, she was free until Wednesday eight AM.

She decided against stopping on her way back to get fresh food, making a mental note to text Willam and Courtney and guilt one of them into getting the groceries. She would just stop at the gas station on her way home, buy a jumbo pack of Cheetos, and feel a ridiculous amount of self pity as she ate them all in her bed. At the checkout, she picked up a bottle of fancy wine that she couldn’t pronounce the name of and a pack of menthols. The thought of being able to sleep for a whole four days straight was amazing, even if she’d managed to get scheduled for the entire weekend next week.

Once she was back, she dumped her things in her room and went to check the other rooms. Courtney and Willam were still at work, probably busy with work or finding somewhere to make out. She texted Willam with ‘guess where i am bitch’ in order to properly gloat. She put on Cyndi Lauper as loud as she could get away with at quarter to nine, stripping down to her underwear and deciding to shower. Willam wouldn’t be back until at least midnight, and Courtney was too nice to leave Willam alone at work, so she would pick up whatever hours she needed to stay with her.

When Alaska had first moved out to New York, she had come out and gone to college, living in shitty half-student accommodation that had managed to stay with her the entire way through med school. Her next apartment hadn’t been much better, with thinner walls and cheaper rent, and the third had been shared with Sharon, which was a change that she had never really been able to get used to. She was earning more than enough to live alone, in a nice place as well, but after she had lived with Sharon, she wasn’t able to switch back to being alone. Especially after the situation that relationship had left her with, with Courtney forcing her into bed rest to heal her wounds. It only made sense that she moved in as a third wheel, and saved all of them a lot of money. The best part about the shared apartment was that she only knew what Willam and Courtney sounded like having sex, and none of her other neighbours.

She changed into clean underwear once she was done in the shower, letting her hair fall to her back and not bothering to brush out the messy ringlets that were now showing through as she moved to the couch. She flicked through the endless channels that Willam paid for, settling on an episode of Scrubs. Courtney loved to poke fun at her for her choice in TV, because it was ridiculous that she worked full time at a hospital and then got home to watch shows about hospitals, but Alaska thought it was hilarious, and that JD was cute. She wanted Turk and JD to date, but she had seen it through hundreds of times, and knew that it wasn’t a realistic expectation. When people died, they played a sad song and then the credits rolled, and it was a nice change to hearing how things were going down in the hospital morgue from one of Courtney’s friends. Besides, Dr Cox was awesome, and no matter what Willam and Courtney said, she didn’t remind Alaska of anyone and they were dirty liars.

She stayed up a lot later than she had actually planned to, considering she had been ready to crash at any given moment a few hours ago. It was nearly one am when the doorbell rang, and Alaska nearly dropped the half-empty packet of Cheetos down herself. Willam hadn’t given her the warning text, so it couldn’t have been her roommates, and besides, they both had keys. Sometimes Sharon would try to come over, but after the very loud fight she had had with Courtney, Alaska was pretty sure that it wasn’t her. The doorbell rang again, with more urgency, before someone was actually knocking on her door.

She stood up, pulling on one of Willam’s hoodies and zipping it up to give herself some dignity before going to answer the door. She wished she had actually put on clothes after showering, but she liked to air dry. She was just going to send whoever it was away, anyway, unless it was someone who actually lived with her. She readjusted her bra a little, making sure the sheer fabric actually covered her up before leaning down and looking through the peephole. She nearly fell backwards trying to step back, shocked. Katya Zamolodchikova was outside of her door, her arms folded tightly over her chest and her nails tapping against her arm as she waited.

Alaska sighed, realising that her look was probably the least subtle thing possible before opening the door. “Hieee,” she hummed, watching as Katya turned to look at her. Alaska looked her up and down twice before raising a brow, biting her lip. Katya looked as if she hadn’t slept in a week, with her hair sticking up in every direction possible, and her eyes dark and lined with heavy bags. “Shit… are you okay?”

Katya nodded, clearly ignoring the actual question as she looked down at Alaska, trying not to stare at her impossibly long legs and the fact that she wasn’t wearing pants. The hoodie that she had put on barely covered the top of her thighs, and the panties that she was wearing barely managed to cover her dignity. Her parents would probably have killed her if they knew their perfect daughter had turned out like this. “Can I come in?” She asked, looking up at Alaska properly for the first time in what must’ve been years.

Alaska stepped aside, and Katya came in with the same jagged movements that showed in her look, her whole person lacking composure. It was like she wasn’t sure how to react to Alaska, like there was fear, or maybe regret. Alaska had never seen this side of Katya, with every single move she had ever seen calculated and cool and incredibly controlled. She looked down, and Katya’s hands were shaking, completely different to what she knew from the surgeon.

“Girl… What happened?” Alaska asked quietly, shutting the door behind them and looking up at her. Katya turned around, but didn’t respond. Instead, she moved forward, taking her hips, pushing Alaska tight up against the door and kissed her.

Alaska tried not to overreact. She really did. Out of all the possible explanations she could’ve thought of for Katya appearing at her door, this wasn’t the one she expected. At this point, she had completely accepted that Katya wasn’t into her, and the fantasy of her actually realising that she was head over heels for Alaska was completely unrealistic. Katya’s mouth was hot and hard and desperate and demanding, and she closed her hands around Alaska’s hips and dug her nails in deep.

“Hey- hey,” Alaska breathed, pulling back and trying to look at her, breaking away for a moment, “What are you-”

“Don’t,” Katya said, her accent thick as she kissed her again, nipping at her bottom lip. “C’mon, you want this. Don’t you want this?” The last was more of an agreement, Alaska kissing back in response, because yes, yeah, she had definitely wanted this. She had wanted this for years, since she had first seen Katya, and she was helpless under her touch. Katya was rocking her hips up against Alaska, and Alaska was fully prepared to wake up at any given moment. This was the stuff her wet dreams were made of. Alaska let out a little noise, moving her hand up to cup Katya’s face and into her hair, and Katya made what could only be described as a growling sound from her throat, tightening her fingers in the soft fabric of Willam’s hoodie, moving to pull the zip down and helping her shrug it off without once breaking the kiss.

“Where’s your bedroom?” Katya breathed, and Alaska had to stop herself from freaking out, because they were really actually definitely doing this, then. Alaska had sort of thought that if one day this ever happened, it would be after a stupid cheesy date with Katya where they talked shit on the food and tipped way too much, and it would actually be at Katya’s because Willam and Courtney lived with Alaska and that was too risky normally to bring back trade. But at the same time, she had been waiting and wanting for four years, and she didn’t really have any idea how that kind of relationship would’ve worked out considering. She pushed away from the wall, fumbling with the buttons on Katya’s work shirt and then at her pants, leading her through to her bedroom and suddenly hoping that she hadn’t left scrubs everywhere. She had a habit of trashing the place when she wasn’t expecting company.

She caught Alaska by surprise when she pushed her pants down, their mouths still caught together in a kiss, with Alaska’s arms pulled tightly around her neck, as close as she could get. It was another shock to step forward and realise that Katya had discarded her own underwear somewhere along the line, with nothing between them except Alaska’s stupid sheer bralette and a couple of ugly block bracelets that she had put on to fiddle with while she watched TV.

In the bedroom, they stood and kissed for a while, Katya’s hands firm on Alaska’s hips and dragging her in as closely as she could. Then Katya pulled away ever so slightly, mumbling into Alaska’s mouth, “I want to fuck you,” her breath hot against Alaska’s mouth. Alaska turned her head slightly, soft moans already threatening their way out as she gasped, letting Katya suck hot kisses down the line of her throat, not hard enough. Katya was too gentle, treating her like a princess, and it wasn’t fair.

“Alaska,” Katya mumbled, kissing her collarbone gently as she looked up, bringing Alaska back to the moment.

“Yeah, uh, yeah. Of course,” Alaska said, trying to regain some composure as she looked down, catching Katya’s smile and biting her lip. That must’ve been the first time she had actually seen any real emotion on her face, something real and something that wasn’t icy. And it was all for Alaska, at least for a night.

*

Alaska twisted and moved under Katya’s touch, pressing up against Katya’s fingers and ah, fuck, Katya was good at this. She was well practised, and it made Alaska remember that she was one of many. This was only special to her. Alaska wrapped one arm up around Katya’s back, pressing her hand against the skin between her shoulder blades, and lifted her head up again to look up at her with heavy lids, straining until Katya leaned down and kissed her again, leaning down against her and almost crushing her as she moved.

“Hey, Katya-” Alaska breathed out, because Katya wouldn’t fucking stop, desperate and determined to find every corner of Alaska’s mouth with her own. “Katya, baby, are you al-”

“I’m fine,” Katya nearly hissed, moving back and readjusting her position before pulling Alaska in closer and starting to move her hand at the perfect angle with the same defined desperation, making Alaska moan out again and again beneath her. Alaska hadn’t realised, but Katya was getting herself off too, hand moving and synchronised with what she was doing to Alaska, and her breathing was starting to get ragged too. Before she could even offer to try and help, Katya’s hips were jerking forward and she slumped forward into Alaska’s shoulder, mumbling curse words in a language that Alaska couldn’t recognise against her skin.

Alaska barely had time to feel disappointed, though, as Katya was moving down and kissing her in all the right places on her way, slicking her tongue over the wetness, and that was it, Alaska was long gone. She arched her back and let out a soft whine of something incoherent, which was comforting as she was pretty sure that anything she could have possibly said would not have been appropriate for first time sex, relaxing her whole body back into the mattress. Katya pulled away, clearly not too worried with the situation as she swallowed, looking up at Alaska and smiling again. She was going to have to remember that for when Katya inevitably started ignoring her again, treating her as she always had.

Alaska reached out to try and pet the side of her face, but missed, instead clumsily patting at her neck and mumbling out a “Sorry,” before putting her hand back over her stomach carefully, suddenly aware of how naked she actually was. She hadn’t even taken her bra off, but it hid nothing, so it was almost like she wasn’t even wearing a bra.

Katya shook her head. “It’s okay,” she said, moving up on the bed again and lying down next to Alaska. It felt like something out of a dream. Katya was lying in Alaska’s bed, stretched out and beautiful and everything she had ever imagined from the woman beside her. Alaska reached out absently, running her nail along the bumps in Katya’s spine without paying any attention, bringing out a slight shiver and the question, “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Um,” Alaska said, ever so slightly confused. Katya had never once implied that she would ever want to spend time with her outside of necessary bounds. “Of course.”

They both moved, levering themselves under the blankets and stretching as Alaska turned off the light. Katya laid on her stomach, face turned so that she wasn’t looking at Alaska, but she didn’t complain when Alaska moved and curled up against her side, nuzzling as closely as possible into her forearm. She hadn’t pegged Katya as the kind to pass out immediately after sex, but she didn’t really mind. She had Katya Zamolodchikova naked and asleep in her bed, with her body still mildly aroused and her mouth still pleasantly tingling. They could find time to talk in the morning.

*

She was almost asleep too when her phone rang, inside her work trousers where she had left them across the room after getting home. For a moment, she didn’t move, before realising that something could’ve happened. The awful thing about working at a hospital was that human error was all too real, and that any patient she had could get seriously injured, could be taken in after an accident and end up in critical, or worse. She forced herself up out of the bed, leaving Katya asleep in her bed as she took the phone and walked into the bathroom, flipping the switch so that she could stare at herself in the mirror while she talked.

The phone flashed up as Willam, and she blinked twice before actually registering it. Willam never called with hospital business, considering they lived together, but it was nearly two in the morning and Alaska couldn’t think of any other reason as to why she was calling. She picked up and answered, keeping her voice low and looking back out at the bed. Katya still hadn’t even so much as twitched.

“Lasky, girl, have you seen Katya?” Willam asked, worry lacing her voice. Willam, who never spoke fast, was actually rushing her words. Alaska could feel her throat tighten.

“Um.” Alaska mumbled, looking at the bed again and pulling her arm over her body, trying to cover up. “Why?”

“The- Fuck, I’m definitely not supposed to tell you this, but who gives a shit? We live together, you’d find out somehow.” Willam started, and Alaska felt a little relief at the fact she still had some of her basic qualities to her. “The ER was short tonight, so they sent Katya down, and there was this girl with a case of swine flu. She was like, four years old, but her parents didn’t realise what had happened until it was late. The- Katya was there almost immediately, but the girl died.”

Alaska could feel the room getting colder around her, and she suddenly felt ill. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Willam sighed. She sounded tired, and Alaska could imagine. She’d been sent to the ER before, and some of the things she had experienced had changed her as a person. She could almost see Willam, pushing the ridiculous bouncy hair back and pacing around the room. “I guess Katya isn’t used to seeing death outside of surgery, I, uh, I guess? She took off quickly. I’m worried she’s going to have done something stupid, Trixie can’t even get hold of her.”

Too late, Alaska thought miserably, staring down at the sink. She wanted to wash her hands, or maybe drown herself. “I’m- I don’t, I’m sure she’s fine. She wouldn’t come to me anyway.” It wasn’t like she could admit this anyway, not for a few days. She would need a lot of wine and Courtney to talk her through what happened, and exactly why it wasn’t worth killing herself over.

“Yeah, I know. We’re all just worried. Sorry, baby, go back to sleep. Me and Court probably won’t be home till early,” Willam sighed.

“Bye,” Alaska mumbled, standing motionlessly for a moment as she watched Katya move in her sleep, tossing her head restlessly for a moment. A moment earlier, and this would’ve been amazing. Everything would have been okay, and Katya wouldn’t have still been the ultimate problem area in the complex life of Alaska Thunder.

After what felt like a lifetime, she crossed back into her bedroom and found new underwear, putting it on and wincing ever so slightly before she climbed back into the bed. Katya was stirring in her sleep, reaching around and mumbling things in hushed Russian. If nursing had taught Alaska anything, it was that warmth was good for shock, and she moved in close to her and let her adjust as she liked. She could deal with her own guilt later. For now, she had to think of Katya, and pretend that she had never gotten the call.