#drunk-and-howling

[swooningshadow]

fucking a tpup's brain out is really something else. making them completely stupid on your tdick. "bark for me doggy, take it doggy, look at you wagging doggy" its thick dummy pup head all fuzzy and warm for more cock

[emdashbitch]

a Drunk History episode about the Howling Commandos narrated by Tony Stark years before he became Iron Man and the Avengers were a thing when no one actually believed Captain America would be found

[howl-arnon]

You stupid angel.

[silenced-ghost]

one beer left in this pack of tall boys and god I'm so feral tonight. stroking my throbbing cock and using my precum for lube, my mouth watering at the fantasy of a dumb little slut riding my face and clenching her tight cunt on my tongue until her knees buckle and she squirts down my throat. I desire it desperately, I crave her carnally, I will devour her fluids and consume her flesh until we are one.

[destructive-delight]

shout out to the bus stop spiders for constructing a web directly on top of the overhead light. serial bug killer behaviour. committing the sin of gluttony with maximum efficiency. good job, no notes.

[yu-me-sprinkles]

trying to get motivated to do schoolwork/study by imagining studying with f/os is so funny when ZERO of your f/os would actually encourage you to study

[live-laugh-lenney]

✨ manifesting ✨ that arthur wasn’t just teasing us when he captioned his insta story photo with ‘plane roulette’ and we actually get chrismd on an arthur hill drinking video…

[spamtennadivorce]

[amygdalae]

I should try ketamine at some point. I met a hot DJ in the woods once (hippie camping trip AIDS fundraiser) who mentioned having ketamije but I was already crossfaded (just weed and alcohol) and decided it wouldn't be a good idea at the time but I'd like to try a modest and responsible dose of ketsmine at least once. At some point

[mrshowlsmovingcastle]

Just a reminder that Howl is, canonically, just a lad!

[nadiajustbe]

A music band HMC AU, but no one actually plays in this band.

See, Howell was put there because of his connection to Suliman, the band's main singer and guitarist (Justin is the second singer and sometimes adds some sparkle, and there are rumors that they are together, but no one can be sure because it's the 80s), with the addition of Megan's screams about how Howell can't find a decent job. Well, he did. And there he's...no, not playing. He's not even a full-fledged member, a he was born an unmusical Welshman and he's terribly upset about it, but still carries that guitar with him, just for it to be. And he tells all the others, especially the girls he's courting, how cool he is and how strong his connection to this cool Suliman's band is, but in reality he's usually just there. He hangs around backstage, gets ready for hours in front of the mirror only to sit at a table eating sandwiches and complaining about his incredible life because yet another woman, whose name he will forget tomorrow, doesn't like him. Oh, and of course, he does some orders, paperwork, sometimes helps with lyrics or costumes, calling himself an expert in everything (but he especially loves costumes, yes).

In general, he lives his best and worst life, sharing Welsh jokes with Suliman™.

Michael got there as a 15-year-old orphan who desperately needed some money. Howl was undoubtedly the author of the idea to invite this unknown sad boy, who had been sitting on the bench for an hour after the concert had ended. He decided to try his hand at mentoring, to elegantly take the boy "under his wing," but it didn't work out well, to put it mildly. Because, although Michael's job is to actually carry things back and forth and be Howl's second assistant, in fact, it is he who is trying to be the voice of reason for this piece of Welshman, because "you can't spend money on another guitar you can't play because Ben bought a new one for himself. No, I don't recommend buying a skull either."

(He complains about this to their local fiery red cat with yellow and blue eyes named Calcifer, who purrs as if he agrees, and then stares at Howl with his eyes burning eyes)

Sophie was miraculously put there by Fanny, because in all universes, Sophie Hatter is destined to be exploited for labor for a pittance because of Fanny. She was personally assigned to the task of sewing costumes, hats, and general decor, and in fact, she was the only one of this team who seemed to have a clear job in this under-troupe. However, over time, she accidentally moves away from hats and becomes (of her own free will) the cleaning lady behind Howl's mess, oops...

At first, she behaves quite quietly, trying not to draw too much attention to herself: she is the eldest of the three, and it is her fate to be stuck somewhere here, behind the scenes and out of the spotlight of the good life and fame, without even thinking about regrets. But over time, seeing how much the crowd really doesn't care about her, and perhaps after breaking a few bones and walking around with a cane, she finally decides to screw it all and goes on all kinds of adventures.

And - oh, yes - she and Howl can't stand each other. So much so that from the moment Sophie arrives, they can't stop arguing about the fit, or the colors, or the look of the performance, or the fact that the little hint of a bathroom they're given was designed for the band members, not for Mr. Howell Jenkins, who has already spent hours in his home shower. And, of course, Sophie continues to involuntarily look at Howell's writing and threaten to remove the spiders he has safely hidden somewhere in the corners, for which she will be called "Ms. Nose" by him (she responds by calling him a slither-outer because, God, man, when are you ever going to face anything but your own reflection?)

Of course, one day she finally finds the moment to go into the bathroom for a second to get something she needs and accidentally mixes the cans of dye Howell left there (it feels as he just leaves his stuff in the bathroom like that on purpose to make Sophie complain, about how his trash shouldn't be there) and OH SURE, the day after that she has to stay up all night cleaning up the scene after Howell throws a horrible tantrum, smashing everything in his path, with good-natured Michael helping her. (And, OF COURSE, this idiot will then say that the color is actually not bad and go on about his business)

And - finally - they can't stand each other so much that they can't spend a second

not to get into a fight with each other (and just be without each other, it seems), so much so that it took Sophie a long time to lose her confidence that all her feelings for him were solely because of the professionally tailored suits she makes, which he always steals from Suliman and Justin, and that stupid damn smile. So much so that they end up kissing somewhere in a secluded corner right before the eyes of the unfortunate spiders.

Obviously, they can't stand each other enough to repeat it more than once.

[peachybeesplease]

guards! make him fumble a dtf goth girl

[freebooter4ever]

Ok, during lunch i was goofing off by browsing the dat*ng app and came across a profile who 'liked' mine that was some blonde haired pretty boy with this as a tag line: "looking for the sophie to my howl". My heart flew into my throat....was i about to live out some teenage fantasy? I got incredibly excited until i realized with dawning horror that this dude possibly meant movie!sophie...

Full offense to the movie but the artists shaved off all the harsh edges on both sophie and howl to the point of unrecognizability beyond basic plot points. So anyone who is searching for the soft, gentle, pleasant version of sophie in the movie absolutely could not handle the slightly manic cleaning lady who enjoys bullying fire demons from the book. Book sophie is quite literally a bit of an obnoxious witch(with a b). She gets angry and expresses herself by murdering weeds. She enjoys teasing howl mercilessly. She gets panic attacks and wears the curse around her like a blanket to protect herself from anxiety and uncertainty. Book sophie is a fully flawed three dimensional character in the same way that movie sophie is a picturesque daydream meant for someone more in love with the idea of being in love than wanting to actually be in love.

But it also just annoyed me because this dude was unwittingly buying into the exact flaw of movie howl. Movie howl was remade into the idea of what women want: he's perfect, he's courtly and an utter gentleman, he acts like a prince. Movie howl is what book howl pretended to be when he went off on dates.

And the entire point of the book is that it took these disguises coming off (howl's princely fake romance character and sophie's literal old woman curse) for these two idiots to fall in love. Sophie starts out as a shy timid mouse, too scared to even talk to howl - she literally runs away from him when they meet in the market. She's so insecure and unable to be selfish that the curse is a blessing in disguise for her. The minute she becomes an old woman she no longer has anything to lose, all her fucks are gone, she's for once in her life just being herself. And she marches into howl's castle looking for a place to sleep because she thinks an old woman would be safe from howl's heart stealing (womanizing) ways.

And howl, meanwhile, doesn't know anything about this crazy old woman except Calcifer likes her (and calcifer represents howl's true heart so it's essentially his gut instinct), and he sees through the old woman disguise before she sees through his but the point is he's still seeing the real sophie - not the shy timid one (movie sophie).

And sophie sees behind howl’s entire facade! The book emphasizes that howl's towering powerful ‘castle’ is hollow smoke - it’s really a tiny three room cottage. Sophie gets to meet howl's real family and find out his working class plain mouse-brown hair background from an unmagical unglamorous world. Sophie cuts up his fancy suits immediately when howl tries to put on his disguise and ‘steal hearts’ again. That was the entire theme of the book: real love doesn't need disguises and artifice.

THAT was the teenage daydream: struggling with insecurity and posturing and a whole bunch of nonsense to discover honest true love underneath. And the movie was about none of that.

Teenage me never wanted the stupid princely version of howl. Teenage me wanted the messy, vain, spider loving, too soft hearted, cowardly, loyal, andre aggassi, stubborn-assed wizard from the book. I will never never forgive the movie for taking all that and turning it into something some guy who fancies himself a handsome courtly prince can put into his d*ting profile. 

Anyway if any wizards are in need of an old cleaning lady to befriend their fire demon let me know. Fire demon not required - i have my own, my blue teardrop of a car named Clacifer. And i have the spiders. And i have the facade of success thats on the brink of crumbling. And i keep heartlessly rejecting everyone who wants to date me. Shit fuck ive turned into howl. Except im also my own manic cleaning lady so maybe ive just hyper independently doomed myself to lonliness \o/

[goosita]

His thighs are just so rideable- and in those jeans too 👀

Historically accurate Billy fck anyone?

SO TRUEEEEE

also im p sure i know what you meant by that last line bUT MY MIND JUMPED TO IT MEANING ACTUAL HISTORICALLY ACCURATE BILLY AND I S C R E A M E D BC IDK IF YALL HAVE SEEN WHAT HE REALLY LOOKED LIKE BUT HE WAS ONE GOOFY LOOKIN MF AND I MEAN THAT SO RESPECTFULLY

[swordmaid]

think wren is a big crybaby. like he gets hit or he stubs his toe he’s immediately like YEOUUCHHHH. if someone punches him he’s gonna start sniffling

[widevibratobitch]

oh for fucks sakeeeeee