#dude thoughtz

[dailydirkkat]

(not sure if this is more of a question for your main or here) what do you like about dirkkat? first time i’ve seen this ship and it peaks my interest so i’m curious!

hi! uh the drawing portion will be under the cut due to a cw for nonzexual nudity (toplezz). while thatz uh buzy down there ig, ill anzwer thiz!

ty anon for azking thiz, doeznt rlly matter where it waz zent but itd mozt likely be zeen here better lol alzo ill prolly pozt a zummary for ppl who dont wanna read all thiz. and DIZCLAIMER: im rlly bad at expaling my thoughtz and opinionz about ztuff i like/think zo thiz prolly wont be my bezt explanation about them, zorry😞

anyway, the interezt of the zhip ztarted around march lazt year actually. it became of interezt to me cuz dirk and karkat were my "top" kinz! now that ive had time to think about it more, karkat rlly iz my only kin of the two, i honeztly think i only zaid dirk waz a kin bc at the time i had a growing interezt in him and hiz character.

ok yada yada ya, fazt forward a few weekz, maybe a month after that, i actually ztarted to dive into their dynamic. dezpite their differencez (a lot) they ztill have very many zimilaritez (that r alzo different to each other but in a way that complimentz each other), zuch az!! the clazzez, being a knight and a prince. the clazzez themzelvez mean to work for/with (knight (i could be wrong but itz zmth like that)) and to deztroy (prince). the meaning of the rolez dont rlly connect but i mean, cmon, prince x knight u guyz. cmon. or their azpectz, blood (related to bondz (zometimez to actual blood too i think?)) and heart (related to the zoul). one could zay in order to have a zoul u have to have bondz!! cuz in order to be zoullezz, youd have to be heartlezz which most of the time meanz being carelezz. and being carelezz prolly meanz u dont have very many bondz.

they both have boy troublez. dirk and jake being in their tricky zituation, dave and karkat alzo being in a tricky zituation. not to mention at the beginning, dirk and jake ztart off az bezt broz before their entire relationzhip ztartz to crumble, meanwhile dave and karkat hate each other at the beginning and they zlowly grow on each other. i could zee them anger bonding about boy problemz

then, thiz iz prolly like the mozt convincing bit ig? idk, but a lotta pther dirkkat zhippeez agree about thiz. but they hate themzelvez!!! they pity themzelvez ZOOO bad itz zad. karkat hatez hiz pazt, prezent, and future zelf AND alt timelinez of himzelf while dirk hatez hiz zplinterz (which can alzo include hiz alt timeline zelvez). they both trazh talk about any verzion of them that iznt, like, themzelf. ig. idk whatz the bezt way to put that

and lazt but certainly not leazt, and thiz iz juzt my opinion, but i think karkat would be good for dirk (and vice verza)!! being a blood player n all, if they were in a relationzhip, karkat would devote hiz time to dirk, zmth dirk haz only wanted zince the hiztory of ever!! dirk rlly wanted a genuine relationzhip w jake but he blindly threw himzelf at jake bc he didnt (doesnt) underztand zocial cuez or the right way to go ahout certain zituationz. jake couldnt do that for dirk bc he ALZO didnt (doeznt) underztand zocial cuez or how to go about certain zituationz in the right way, but karkat CAN, karkat DOEZ. like, dont get me wronf, zumtimez karkat makez the wrong dezicion or underztandz the wrong way but he alwayz knowz how to backtrack and try to underztand what he did wrong or how to fix a zituation. karkat would zet dirk ztraight dude, dirk would prolly try to run from the priblem or ignore it az bezt az he can (bazically the zame thing but whateva) but karkar wouldnt let him!! AND, with karkat actively being around dirk all the time it would help with hiz oazt trauma of izolation, which would inwardly affect their relationzhip in the long run pozitively becauze dirk would prolly open up more!! a zituation a lot like davekat honeztly.

ok i lied, one more thing. theyre both yapperz. i mean technically all homeztuck characterz r yapperz but like, hear me out. ezpecially on topicz of their zpecial intereztz, theyd yap for hourz about it AND the other would prolly habe zmth to add or zay, or maybe even a queztion to azk about it. they can keep a convo going ans alzo know jow to keep it fun and funny, most likely on dirkz part cuz hed prolly teaze karkat the whole time. or maybe not. i dunno, im bad at explaining thiz ztuff... x2

uh, yea thatz bazically it. therez proloy more i didnt add but im rlly bad at voicing my opinionz or thoughtz on thingz zo like (x3, jeez i think they get the point dude). thiz iz prolly the bezt ur gonna get

alzo for the heck of it, herez how i think their dynaimc would be in certain quadrantz:

Red:

crazy debatez, datez, freaky ztuff. i think theyd prolly be moderately zexually active tbh? but def not a crazy amount. thered mozt likely be a lot of cuddling, hanging out (even if theyre not entirely zpeaking or doing activitez w each other), theyd be zuper zupportive of each other and their hobbiez, moztly dirk bc karkatz only hobby rlly kz crying over romcomz but u get my point

Pale:

thiz def tiez in w hating themzelvez, they both like to try and zupport their friendz the bext they can, ezp karkat zo theyd try and counter any bad pointz with a good one, again more crazy debatez, LOTZ and LOTZ of pilez. gifting/creating each other thingz, trying thingz the other likez, znarky commentz, however light hearted (their relationzhip would prolly be built around poking fun of one another wo actually being mean aboutit)

Black:

dirk would be znarky (im crying how many timez havei uzed znarky zo far) az HELL while alzo being ZUPER nonchalant bc it would pizz karkat off more. karkat would def inzult tf outta dirk and when dirk takez it zrzly hed zwitch pale rlly quick but then hed be like, "NO, KARKAT. YOU HATE HIM." or zmth. and then proceed to try and comfort him anyway. prolly a little more zexually active then when in red, "prankz", lotz of pity being thrown around zecretly bc theyre both defo the type to pity one another cuz they think the other iz living a zadder, more pathetic life.

Azh:

i dont rlly have any opinionz on azh but more than likely itd be dirk wo even realizing hez beinf azhen towardz karkat. alzo i think dirk would try and underztand quadrantz but ultimately w karkatz crazy vacilation theyd prolly be in like a half and half thing w human romance and quadrantz

Zummary:

interezt ztarted off bc theyre were my top kinz at the time

prince x knight!!

blood (bondz) x heart (zoul) (having bondz = having a zoul, uzually)

boy troublez!! bonding over their troublez about jake and dave

zelf hatred, dirk hating hiz zplinterz, karkat hating hiz oazt, prezent, and future zelf

(my own opinion) theyd be good for each!! ezp karkat for dirk due to hiz clazzpect. hed devote hiz time to dirk and dirk would try to devote himzelf juzt az equally

theyre both yapperz when it comez to their zpecial intereztz!! they can keep a convo going between each other and alzo crazy debatez!! theyre juzt rlly vocal

theyd be zupportive of each other!

zo thatz it bazically!! maybe im juzt pulling thingz out my azz but i mean yea, thayz why i like them. zhrug!! but the relationzhip iz totally up for interpertation, i personnaly like them bezt in pale but my boyfriend likez them in black zo! im prolly gonna do more digging when i reread homeztuck again zo maybe ill reanzwer thiz queztion in the future?

anyway time for what mozt ppl actually want!!

again, cw for nonzexual nudity (toplezz) happy tranz day of vizibilty yall!!! co:

day 87

[thieves-in-the-palace]

jumps into ur ask box hello. hi. what are ur ng+ time loop thoughtz

god i have. a lot of thoughts about ng+ time loops in general. in relation to this post tho i specifically have Some Thoughts about Akira going through the loops trying to figure out why he's stuck there, how to get out, etc and also having to contend with Akechi dying every time but also like…the inevitable emotional cycles that come with watching the same guy die over and over.

✧ "Who is more unlucky here? The one who will die every time but never remember? Or the one who will live every time and always remember?" –> "Me. I'm the more unlucky one. What's this dude's fucking problem" –> "What's MY fucking problem? Why does this keep happening to me? Why doesn't anyone else remember? Why can't I escape this? Why does Akechi have to die every time??" –> "What's this dude's FUCKING problem–"

✧ does it count as a parasocial relationship if you know the guy irl and also it's based on the weird sense of kinship that comes with being doomed to repeatedly live through the same year over and over while he's doomed to die every time. hand in hand they are BOTH doomed baybee

✧ You know how Akechi is often portrayed as having Death Note-esque internal monologues when interacting with Akira? That but Akira is having his own wildly different internal monologue that sounds a lot like "okay you shit idiot. what's it gonna take to keep you from dying"

✧ The rest of the Thieves are surprised when Akira doesn't seem to react to Akechi's death, but they figure he's trying to keep it together for the sake of the mission. Truly tho Akira is mentally cussing Akechi out and lamenting the fact they're gonna have to fight god again soon. rip lawboy you would've loved fighting ol' yaldy

✧ Futaba hacks Akira's phone (for enrichment) and sees his most recent google search "is it bad to stop feeling bad after the 15th time you watch the same person die or are you allowed to start getting annoyed about it" – maybe he's going through something similar to what she went through w/ her mom? She starts prodding him about his past, but it doesn't really get her anywhere…

(If u want to get even more into Game-Based Reality Nonsense u could even say that Futaba can't find anything on Akira aside from his criminal record. No hospital records, no school info, no nothing. It's like the guy didn't even exist before the day he got arrested. Akira might not have any answers either, which, u know, doesn't help with the mental strain caused by being stuck in a time loop. Does he even exist outside of the loop? If the loop ended, would he disappear with it? etc etc)

✧ At the beginning of each loop, Akira makes a list of things that might break the time loop, updating it as needed. "Akechi survives" is at the top of the list every time bc it's one of the only things that never happens.

✧ Akira just generally having a slightly shorter temper w/ Akechi bc truly. How do u go through this sort of ordeal w/o wanting to rattle him like a maraca after a point. He won't hesitate to call Akechi cringe when the guy leans too heavily on his Pleasant Lawboy™ persona.

They wind up sparring in Mementos more frequently bc this Akira is more willing to entertain Akechi's bloodlust; fighting is a good outlet for Akira's own frustrations. Akechi keeps getting more and more annoyed each time tho bc why tf can this attic trash keep up with him? How is he predicting Akechi's attacks so well? (Akechi's going to start spitting fire if he ever finds out Akira has been holding back during their fights lmao. Akira can easily trounce him in 1v1 since like…3 loops ago?)

✧ Akira spending so much time annoyed and even furious w/ Akechi for not having enough self-preservation to survive even one loop only to ultimately circle right back into The Guilt + Sorrow bc god, all this time and he still can't figure out how to keep this fuckhead alive?

And it IS guilt Akira feels, unfortunately. Makoto and Futaba were both antagonistic towards the Phantom Thieves at first, too. Just spending some time with them was enough to reveal how getting screwed over by adults guided their actions; it doesn't absolve them of threatening the group, but it makes them easier to forgive.

Akira wonders, sometimes, if he's too quick to forgive Akechi. He's killed people, and he claims to be perfectly okay with being a murderer so long as it means he can reach his goals. But Akechi is a liar all the way down, too, because a cold-hearted killer wouldn't sacrifice himself for his enemies. He wouldn't give up his only shot at vengeance so easily after going through years of hell to achieve it. Yet Akechi still dies in that boiler room every time. Akechi never truly hates Akira, and Akira can't quite bring himself to ever truly hate Akechi, either.

But then Akira sees Akechi alive and well and smiling for the camera in the next loop, and he gets the abrupt urge to lay the guy out.

✧ "I want you to live. I also never want to see you again."

✧ And all of this is w/o getting into P5R's third semester hijinks. Akira thinking he's finally escaped the time loop only to realize that something Worse is happening now.

And Akechi is still there, because of fucking course he is–

[st4rl0t10n]

the urgez dude

im going to the mall at zome point zoon i dunno my mum and nana are talking

the urgez are telling me to buy like a bottle of eucerin lotion

and not even juzt to have it my ztupid brain thoughtz want me to actually uze it

i have no idea why

get me out of thiz mind itz a prizon dawg

[askinsomniafukase]

Thoughtz about my depressed fukase guy (auditkase..)

dude i love audit fukase SO MUCH your art is AMAZING I CANNOT PUT IT INTO WORDS i await updates with LITTLE SELF RESTRAINT

perhaps. if they ever wanted. to interact. they could. play geometry dash. or something. 👉👈

[phinjeet]

hey im srry idk how to be comforting but ur teacher sounds like a bitch I’m so sorry you have to put up with this shit (teacher are really not trained deal with disabled students it’s pathetic) but I’m really worried abt u man. Sending hate to ur teacher and love to you

* aw ur good , tysm dude i rlly appreciate it <:)))) im so thankful 4 my beloved mootz who care abt me ….. u r so sweet

* n yea itz quite maddening i rlly dk how ppl can b allowed 2 teach if they like . loze their shit the moment some1 haz slightly different/inconvenient needz . every1 think mean thoughtz abt her , 2gether we can kill her w our mindz/j

[caffeiiine]

thoughtz on bugz?

(a respectable young gentleman for you to admire)

i love how some bugs have little patterns on them to protect them from predators

this little dude looks kinda like a design on a moth i saw one time

[he is very respectable and i am admiring him greatly]

[kreachvera]

goodnighsssnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.zzzzzzzzzz

[woolydemon]

reading fic where klav quits his prosecutor job and my brain is

[morglien]

you know youre fucked when you either make a playlist for them and/or a pintrest board for them. youre too far gone

[dbssh]

thoughtz on frankenstein in pop culture

my controversial take is i like the universal creature just fine and honestly im GLAD hes the beast everyone knows. can you imagine trying to merchandise the weird goth psuedosexyman? no i want to buy halloween shit with a silly green dude with big shoes and tacky stitches. like if universal hadnt done that to him i dont think we would HAVE as much of a pop cultural icon around him or a lot of classic halloween monsters!!!

my second take is that a movie cannot be both a one-to-one adaptation and be good. stop trying and stop asking and if youre watching a frankenstein adaptation and you want to point out something they got wrong ask yourself - is there a REASON this was changed? does it serve the narrative? does it serve the pacing? is it a thematic choice? is this adaptation even trying to be accurate in the first place?. a lot of adaptations arent meant to be accurate - universal wasnt going for accuracy, they were trying to make a good horror movie, things were changed to serve the narrative and the genre. thats GOOD. if we wanted perfect accuracy thered be no room for creative interpetation. that said, sometimes choices are Bad and made for Bad Reasons and you should be able to distinguish the two. accuracy isnt god, narrative is, and the narrative of an adaptation may not be the exact narrative of the source.

[scourge-sympathiser]

thoughtz on fireheartz parental figurez

- nutmeg & jake: bio parentz, but not much else

- bluestar: like... a busy business women who adopted him. doeznt hav much time for him but lovz him dearly, he is aware of this, but still, maybe a bit sad she isnt around more

- yellowfang: the grouchie old women from the apartment next door who babysitz him so often itz to the point where he Basically just livez with her. the True Mom

- tallstar: dude who cant help but lov his ex-partnerz son from another marriage evn if thy brokeup long before the kid waz born & he only met the kid after his ex waz no longer in the picture, rly wantz the kid 2 like him.. good thing he doez

[mangospams]

denki. cosplayer darling. thoughtz? -🐇

He’d love it!!! 💖💞💗 I can totally see him as a dude who likes video games and anime so if you ever dressed up for him (not really for him but in his delusional mind,, you did) he’d be over the moon 💞💕💓💗💝

[prosopagn0sia]

thoughtz on.. meee uwu (asher)

fuckin nerd lol

nah jokes aside ur super chill and fun to talk to owo ur an epic gamer dude

[woolydemon]

Gavin brothers are like queer coded (derogatory) and queer coded (epic awesome)

[asher-ic3]

Dude… we know. -Ace

We’re not that stupid. You sure you have anything in the empty brain cave? :< *flicks ur head* -Molly

I’m sorryz

No nofingz in der but…..music…and…no thoughtz at all……

[bthump]

hey. asia... do you have any modern au coming out thoughtz?

(sry this took a while to answer bc i had to think about it lol)

tbh i could see so many different possibilities being in character, esp depending on the details of the au. But like, assuming this AU is as close to canon as possible while still being set in the present w/ current identity politics and a gay community etc, yk both still have traumatic histories, griffith still has a dream that requires marrying a woman, etc etc, I can maybe throw out a few ideas. tho again like, nothing set in stone.

I guess ultimately I really want them to be each others’ realizations.

I like the idea of Guts’ being a slow realization that kind of sneaks up on him, where first he realizes that he would absolutely be dtf Griffith and it’s not til after that realization that he figures out that makes him gay. Like I mean he’d fall into that “it’s not guys, it’s just you” cliche but he eventually realizes that no, actually it is men.

He might try experimenting too - like surely it’s just because Griffith looks androgynous, so being with a woman would be better - but nope, doesn’t work.

Might be worth mentioning here (tho i’m sure u already know this) that I hc Guts as gay rather than bi bc Miura did a great job of making his interest in Casca feel super inauthentic to me lol.

Also I think it’s fair to assume that his csa trauma would lead to some discomfort here, but at the same time I don’t think he’d consciously like assume all gay people are predatory or even assume his rapist was gay and not just a pedophile. He might be uncomfortable being checked out in bars at first, and I feel like he’d be prone to worrying that his sexuality makes him specifically more likely to hurt someone bc feeling like a monster is kind of a canon issue he has, but he’s smart and fairly self aware and wouldn’t make it anyone else’s problem for the most part, barring like flashbacks during sex or smthn.

Also he’s tough enough that he’d never really feel like he’s in physical danger with anyone else. So assuming he’s in a good place in his personal life (ie not in a walking disaster “don’t touch me” phase) I don’t think he’d show any discomfort. (And I mean in canon the first time we ever saw him relaxed and happy was while having a water fight with a naked dude who he thought came onto him when they first met a few days earlier. I really don’t think it would be a huge issue.)

And overall I think he’d be fairly low-key about it. He’s gay but it’s just a description to him rather than an identity to build his life around. He wouldn’t be closeted but he wouldn’t be out to everyone in his life like, idk coworkers or w/e. Tho eventually I think everyone would realize because I think he’d kind of want to show Griffith off lol.

Griffith I could see like, simultaneously knowing he’s gay all his life and refusing to fully acknowledge it. He’s gotta achieve a goal which requires a certain image which requires heterosexuality. Maybe he’s not actually attracted to women, whatever, but that doesn’t actually matter as far as he’s concerned.

So with Guts being his realization, what that means is that Guts is the breaking point where Griffith realizes he’d rather have Guts than the dream. Yk, like in canon, but with a) no torture chamber, and b) the addition of this realization leading to the larger realization that he can live as his authentic self and be happy.

Like I’ve mentioned before that in Berserk you have this dichotemy of the dream/het marriage/emotional repression vs guts/emotional expression and yk in a modern AU you can add coming out to emotional expression.

Like we’ve talked about this b4 but I’m saying it again bc I love this idea where Griffith realizing he’s in love with Guts and would rather be in a relationship with him than achieve whatever his modern AU dream is is like a catalyst for dropping the image of respectability and ~finding~ himself. He’d make a bunch of gay friends, start experimenting with more gnc looks, volunteer at pride, go to protests, etc.

Though if his motivations for achieving his dream are similar to canon (mb not the whole for the sake of the dead thing, but yk guilt, to assuage a feeling of inherent worthlessness, to justify things he did to achieve it that he’s ashamed of, w/e) there’s also plenty of room for some angst and drama in between that realization that he wants to give it all up for Guts and embracing a new life. Some “am I selfish/terrible for choosing Guts” soul searching or w/e.

ALSO I feel like modern au griffith could’ve been fairly gnc as a child - wanting to play with girls’ toys, singing along to britney spears, saying he wants to marry the disney princes when he grows up, wanting his hair long, playing dress up in dresses, etc - with some kind of catalyst that hammers home this idea that to get the thing he wants he has to police his behaviour and be like everyone else. this is self indulgent but i just like this concept of like, knowing what you’re about as a kid and then having to unlearn everything you’ve internalized since then. it’s an appealing narrative to me.

And like I could see Griffith’s trauma with Gennon actually affecting him and his opinions wrt sexuality/internalized homophobia more than Guts’ trauma affects Guts, mostly because Gennon was such a goddamn evil gay stereotype in canon, plus Griffith’s own self-loathing compounded w/ the idea that he’s always sort of known he was gay = a secondary motivation for trying to embody the image of a heteronormative ideal, to distance himself from the idea that he’s anything like Gennon. Like Griffith’s trauma comes with a side of effeminate stereotypes and ostentatious homoerotic castle decor, etc. But I don’t think it’s necessary either, like it’s not something I’m super interested in exploring and hey maybe modern AU Gennon is less of an offensive stereotype. and/or Griffith is v socially aware and capable of recognizing that Gennon isn’t representative. w/e, kind of a take it or leave it thing I guess.

Also I’m not really envisioning these 2 concepts (guts and griffith) in the same story lol. Maybe they could fit together but I didn’t really think about it.

And again like, I’m just throwing stuff at the wall lol, not saying this is my Official Take on Sexuality and Characterization or w/e.