#eddie's never had a gf before! he's just as excited as i am! this is a BIG DEAL TO US!!!

[canongf-archive]

happy 3 months eddie i love you i love you i love you :)

[hellfiremunsonn]

We’re Not Painting The Trailer Pink. Eddie Munson x Reader

We’re Not Painting The Trailer Pink.

I do not allow my writing to be republished anywhere other than my own blog without my consent

Summary: Eddie lets his golden retriever girlfriend plant a bunch of flowers around the trailer. 

(This fic has no smut. Younger audiences are able to read this without any explicit content. but I will still be marking and labeling my writing as 18+)

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Warnings: blood (from a scraped knee), golden retriever gf!, fem reader, Eddie being a big soft boi for his love.

Word count: 1385

(NOT PROOF READ) 

The sun streamed through the small window in Eddies room, warming the area slightly. He were never one for early mornings but you made them more bearable. The abruption of his front door opening ripped him from his thoughts. Uncrossing his legs and setting the pad of paper aside he leaned out of his bedroom, holding the frame of the door to look around it to see who it was.

"Oh my god Eddie!" You hopped on one foot attempting to untie your shoelaces. "Eddie I saw the biggest bumble bee" You continued hopping until staggering slightly and falling over.

"Baby be careful" Eddie said walking over to you. A small smile on his lips as he bent down in front of you to untie your shoes for while you continued to talk. Noticing the drip of blood starting at the side of your knee, going all the way down to the hem of your frilly socks, staining the white fabric. "He was huge Eds, like bigger than my big toe for sure!"

"Baby you're bleeding" He said interrupting you, pointing to the cut on your knee.

"Huh?" You followed his eyes to your knee and scowled. "But my knee doesn't even hurt" You shrugged. "I don't know how that bee could fly with how fat he was" Leaning back onto your hands you moved the foot he wasn't freeing from your shoe side to side.

"How'd you hurt yourself?"

"I was trying to climb the tree in my backyard, one of my little rainbow flags got stuck up there" You pouted, head tilting to the side while watching his fingers work on the laces. "Did you get it down? I could probably bring a ladder by"

"That would be much easier I think, but what if it blows away by then?"

"Then I will get you another one" He said smiling. "Are you sure it was a bumble bee?" He said returning the conversation back to your excitement, removing one shoe, and the bloodied sock before shifting to the next.

"Of course it was a bumble bee! He was so pretty, and very loud, he kind of scared me cause he came right up to me when I was watering my flowers" You wiggled your now naked toes. Removing the other shoe and chucking them both near the front door Eddie stands up to help you get up on your feet. "I'm gunna grab you a bandaid okay?" He says giving you a quick kiss to your temple.

You skipped over to his room while he went into his small bathroom, rummaging the small cupboard for the box of bandaids he had added to his collection of first aid supplies, specifically for you. Grabbing some dampened paper towel he returned to his room.

He knelt in front of where you were sat on his bed and handed you the box of looted bandaids. "Pick one" You flipped through the options carefully, making sure the one your chose was perfect, and after a few moments you looked up with a satisfied smile as you lifted one up and out of the box, a bright neon pink one held delicately between your fingers.

"Perfect choice" he said taking it from you. Wiping off the now dried blood from your knee and leg, your leg hair tickling his fingers as he went.

It was always something he admired about you, although he admired most things about you. You just didn't care what people thought, never hiding from the world if your legs weren't perfectly shaven.

A small giggle from your lips made him look up. "My leg hair is almost as long as your arm hair" You smile while taking one of his arms in your hands petting the hair and sighing. "We match" you giggled again.

He smiled removing the bandaid from its paper packaging and gently pressing it against your knee. Giving a small kiss to it and leaning back to throw the garbage away. You stretched out your leg, admiring the small pink disruption on your otherwise flawless looking legs. The hem of your pink dress falling slightly down, exposing more of your thigh, giving Eddie a small view of the blue panties you wore underneath. Hopping back down onto his bed next to you, he shoved the notepad he was writing in earlier off the edge and pulled you closer to him by the waist.

You laughed, curling yourself up into a ball next to him, with your back flat against his chest. He nuzzled his nose against your neck, planted a few small kisses to the skin exposed there, inhaling slightly, her flowery scent fuelling him like it always did.

"Can we stay like this forever?" He asked, speaking into your skin.

"I think we'd die, if we stayed here forever" You said taking a deep breath. "I'd get hungry" You sigh, sinking yourself a bit deeper into his pillow.

"That's a very good point" Eddie hummed.

You rolled in his arms, turning to face him. Both hands coming up to hold his face gently. Your brows furrowed and you bit the inside of your cheek.

"What are you thinking about princess?" He said quietly, not wanting to disturb your thoughts.

"Can I have a kiss?" Your eyes shifted, avoiding his gaze, like you had become suddenly shy.

"Of course baby" he said leaning forward, pressing his lips to yours. Whatever you had on your lips tasted like bubblegum and it drove him wild. Pulling away you bit at her bottom lip once more, now wet from the kiss.

"Um Eds?"

"Mhmm?" His thumb rubbed against your cheek.

"Can we get flowers? For outside? I think it would make your trailer look extra pretty, do you think uncle Wayne will be okay with that?"

"Wayne has the biggest soft spot for you, he'd let you paint the trailer pink if you asked nicely enough" Your eyes went wide and you sat up to get a better look at him.

"We are not painting the trailer pink" he said giving you a stern look.

You look at him with puppy dog eyes, bottom lip pushed out, plump and pink. He couldn't help but lean forward and try to my quickly nip at it.

Your cheeks turned rosy as you rolled away from him and off the bed and onto the floor with a light thump and a small giggle. Getting up quickly and into the living room you yelled "Lets go!"

Following after you quickly, the two of you made your way to go get some flowers. The whole time you beamed so brightly. Skipping from one flower to the next, sniffing, and assessing every one making sure the ones that you picked were the best the best. "Should we get some seeds too? We could try to grow some" you said turning over a packet of sunflower seeds in your hands. He knew they were your favourite, and that they reminded you of the sun, not only because of the name but because of their petals. You admired how they chased the sun and warmth almost as much as you did. "We definitely need some of those" He said taking the packet from you and chucking them into the cart he was leaning on. You clapped your hands in excitement before skipping to the next section of flowers. The skirt of your dress swaying around you delicately with every one of your steps.

By the time you got back the sun was setting, and Eddie almost asked you if you wanted to wait until tomorrow but he knew you would be too excited to wait. After about an hour, both your knees and hands were covered in dirt you were satisfied with each placement of flower, along with three small terracotta pots on the cement porch with your now growing sunflowers. Standing up and taking a few steps back, with your hands on your hips you sighed. "Perfect I think" You nodded, giving the flowers a once over. Eddie comes to stand next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, letting his wrist hang loosely over it, not wanting to add anymore dirt to your dress.

"Looks great princess" He said leaning down slightly to kiss you on the head.

"Thanks Eds" You looked up at him with those bright eyes, and few smudges of dirt across your cheeks and forehead. "You look hot covered in dirt"

He laughed. "Really?"

"Yes, and I would very much like to make love with you right now" You stated confidently, grabbing his hand and dragging him back into the trailer.

"Well I'll never say no to that"

[kissitbttr]

as a woman with type 2 hair, i’d like to give some few hc of eddie with curly/wavy haired gf (and yes, this is for any types of my curly haired babies<3)

- he’d make sure to own silky pillows and hair bonnets for you when you stay over night. and he will get them all in pink because it’s your favorite color

- doing research on what products are best for your hair, the do’s and don’ts bc he wants be a good bf in terms of helping his girl maintaining her pretty hair.

- tons of ñ peppermint oil, leave in conditioner, a used t-shirt and hair serum in his drawer just in case you need a wash at his place— he finds out from a fellow that cotton hair towel is a big no no for curly hair—.

-wash day equals movie marathon! because yes, your hair does take waaay too long to dry. and he’d hide the hair dryer as an excuse to spend more time with you

“babe? have you seen my-“

“hair dryer? nope. no. negative! never even heard of it. so, blue lagoon or friday the 13th?”

- going out of his way to buy non-chemical shampoo and a diffuser just for you, because he loves how your hair turn out when you use it. he’s seen you done it before and damn straight he’s got a hard on after seeing it.

- double checking all the hair ties to make sure they don’t have metal in them and don’t create a dent on your hair

- he would yell out a ‘yes’ and be so excited when you asked him to do the routine for you instead , guiding him step by step as his fingers thread lightly into your hair

- you also teach him how to revive his own curls, because this mf hair is frizzy due to him being way too lazy for taking care of it. and you know he has beautiful hair so why waste it?

- playing and twirling with your hair as you lay in between his legs, head on his chest while watching ‘the evil dead’. he’d drop compliments here and there about it,

“i wish i had your hair, princess. it’s so soft and silky and so… pretty” he breathes out, eyeing the delicate curls looping his fingers

“i know, baby… you’ve said it a thousand times”

“well I’ll say it again a thousand more”

- i don’t know about you guys but he’d be so scared if you ever thought about dying your hair. all this because he read somewhere that curls are extremely fragile (which is not entirely inaccurate). meaning that one simple mistake could basically ruin your hair. so yeah, he’s against you coloring it

“eds… my hair will be fine! I’m just changing it to lighter brown, nothing too extreme”

“nuh uh nope, not taking any chances! what if you’ve completely lost the pattern? become frizzy? what am i supposed to do if you didn’t have your curls anymore?!”

“you know, i’m starting to think you’re only with me because of my hair”

- overall, that man would worship your hair. he’d sit still, hands under his chin and just looking so in love at his gorgeous girl, who’s scrunching your hair up with head tilting slightly as a part of the routine . day or night, he’d watch you through and through.

-

feel free to add more!! I’d like to see it!

[ellelans]

Ok so I finished rewatching 5A-it was time since I felt emotionally detached enough for a rewatch and we are at this point of hiatus where its probably wise to take a step back from fandom but anyways...I had mixed feelings about 5A and I finally made my peace.

Binge-watching is very different from week to week especially since you know whats going to happen and what to expect and you already processed most of it.Took me some time to actually go back and rewatch because I wasn’t ready as I had all kinds of mixed emotions about 5A.Show is changing and evolving into something different and new and probably even more exciting,but first part was hits and misses.Luckily more hits because 911 is brilliant and it was great to  experience eddieana breakup again,my heart broke again for Maddie (was I the only one who at some point forgot she even was in 5a?it felt like that anyways) and then again for Chim in 504.I can’t wait for them to get back and for Chim figure things out with Buck (they are family they have to).

And then we got 5x06 and that hostage situation and honestly Eddie arriving to a conclusion to leave 118 in 5x10?Is the most Eddie thing to do ever and I already knew that of course,but I never before watched both episodes in one day so it hits differently. This time I was watching Buck closely the whole time and again nothing new but noone is gonna struggle with Eddie’s decision than Buck - Eddie will deal with it until he comes back to 118 (and noone doubts that he will),but Buck will take it hard.I hope that we are getting Buckley Diaz family time out of that and finally on a way for some serious talking.

One of the reasons I wanted to rewatch was to confirm to myself that I wasn’t bitter about some things for nothing and nope nothing really changed.I still absolutely hate Athena’s storyline in first episodes until it was resolved with Harry finally coming home in 5x07.I skipped mst of the scenes tbh.Then it gets better and I am able to let go enough to cry over emotional episode that is 5X08 and Michael and David leaving and by the end of the season I am once again doing ok with Grant-Nash family.

The word ‘’repellent’’ comes to mind every time TayKay is onscreen and I am still furious over them giving her so much screen time with a sob background story.I know she is a filler,they needed all the side characters to cover up for 3 mains leaving and yes BT is a part of Buck’s journey that is hopefully coming to end soon (I have no doubt that this relationship will be over,its just the ‘soon’ part I am not sure about)-but watching it play out again made me tired and even more bored than before.And I am absolutely NOT KIDDING when I am saying this but I did rewatch ‘Ghost Story’ and she had more chemistry with Lou Ransone in a few scenes than with Buck in entire 5A.I can dislike BT all I want for Buck reasons,but honestly my biggest problem with them is that I am bored out of my mind,there was way too much of them in 5A and TayKay as a character is just useless. She contributes nothing to general storyline (she is just a part of Buck’s) while wasting entire scenes and as much as I love Buck...I can’t find an ounce of sympathy in me for his gf in 5x09 or care about anything she does or says. The only good thing about it all is that once you’re rewatching and processing you can’t help but applaud the writers for carefully crafting a relationship that is pretending to be something that its not and when BT goes boom noone will be surprised because all the signs that its not working are already in place.

And the most important part of the season so far-Eddie Diaz.After everything that he have been through,all his traumas,shooting and recovery,panic attacks and breaking off a relationship,changes at work,being taken hostage at the gun point and having to deal with distraught Chris who is handling (or not) his own traumas over Eddie’s shooting-Eddie makes a decision that will change the show even more.It was also interesting how Chris was sort of a Chekov’s gun in 5x01 when he was the one who mentioned that Eddie got shot and how in 5x10 that gun went off! I am always impressed with writers for planting foreshadowing here and there and they didn’t disappoint at all.

We have a little over a month till 5B and I couldn’t be more excited! All the changes we experienced in 5A,with show getting darker,grittier and more dramatic will continue imo but we have so much more to expect now.I have no idea what they are planning for Eddie and can’t wait to see where they are taking him,Maddie and Chim are coming back,hopefully Hen will get a more exciting storyline,Buck will be free again and the most important-what is gonna happen with Buck and Eddie now?! You know me I am a diehard buddie stan who believes we are heading for canon buddie (again with all the signs in place already) but WHEN?!!I WANT CLUES,I am even more invested now after a rewatch and I wasn’t sure that’s even possible! 

In conclusion - I am so.ready. for 5B now and its great I had a time out from rl so I could just sit and rewatch.I needed it and I am glad I finally made peace with 5A.

[mymostimaginaryfriend]

QOTS 4x04 Reaction Post

Had too many martinis to live watch last night so here I am, bright and early and only a little hungover to say: Oh shit, y’all. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD ANSWERED THEIR PHONE.  

Teresa and Tony really, REALLY need to talk.  If anyone can understand what he’s been through specifically it is Teresa but she still thinks she can have it both ways and it’s gonna come back to *puts on sunglasses* haunt her.  

She does the Teresa thing of being honest without telling the entire truth and skirts around the details of her past with Eddie, wanting to enjoy the bubble of him only knowing the happy parts of her for as long as possible.  I get the impulse girl but that’s building a relationship on a foundation of sand. If she wasn’t in the cartel life anymore that’d be one thing but as seen by this episode she is DEEP in it.  Like Kelly Anne says, “We’re still trying to figure out how to run away from our past and we’ll do anything to do it.  You close your eyes and envision something different, but then your eyes open and we’re still stuck with ourselves.”

And I think her desire to shelter Tony from the business and downplay the danger resulted in Tony thinking it was okay to  waltz into Kelly Anne’s confrontation with the judge and casually hand over his real name.  Now one of Teresa’s enemies knows of his existence right before he finds out his nephew is dead.  Sidenote: of course the Judge wants to open a for profit prison OF COURSE he does.  

Teresa was so clever and then in the moment she needed her logic most, she doubted herself.  Loved her reasoning of why it probably wasn’t Marcel who had Javier and Boaz.  Loved her pointing out Bobby’s gf knew exactly where he was or else she wouldn’t have her sidepiece there.   But when it came down to torturing Bobby, Teresa couldn’t let the chance that Javier was in trouble go and....ahh.

Once again, if Dumas and Teresa were on the same side they’d make a helluva team but that’s next to impossible now.  If only Teresa hadn’t hung up on Marcel last ep or if only he’d answered the phone this ep.   In a twist of fate--or luck--Teresa & co. have now killed two people close to their most powerful enemies. 

Speaking of not being able to answer phones: loved Boaz and Javier somehow teleporting from the bayou in time to really twist the knife in Teresa’s night going completely sideways.  What a mess these two have made.  I LOVED their cousin talk in the swamp though.

Javier: I’m not like you. Boaz and Javier’s inner voice:

Like Kelly Anne said, you can’t outrun your past (just ask James). It’s not easy to change and like everything with Boaz, the snowball of chaos and corpses is rolling uncontrolled down the hill now.  (Or to be more accurate being towed down I-59).  There are so many balls in the air now, it’s like Teresa is juggling hand grenades.

(At first I thought they were teasing spanish-j Jeresa and was like wait why are we wasting time with Eddie??? But by the looks on Javier’s face whenever Boaz brings up his ex, I’m thinking Javier’s lady might be Emilia instead.)

Speaking of love---did you SEE Kelly Anne’s giddy grin THE moment Pote was out of sight after he said “I’ll never let anything happen to you”????? We are a go, ship cleared to leave port.   Loved Pote saging the house.  Pote’s superstitious nature coming through to save them all!

And while technically Birdie’s chip worked and Javier and Boaz showed up unharmed, I'm guessing Teresa isn’t feeling very lucky tonight.  (Attn show: nothing is allowed to happen to Birdie while there are plenty of henchbros to sacrifice instead, thank you for your understanding in this matter.)

Excited to meet the Russian Queenpin next week.  Let’s see how our Queen gets herself out of this mess.

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do Last Night? 11/1

I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING CONSISTENTLY FOR A MONTH! Shit I guess it is a habit now. Hopefully I can’t kick it because this has been a super cool exercise. It keeps me accountable and I like knowing that good or bad I have to share my experience/set. 

Sometimes when you do comedy you have to drive far to do fun stuff. Sometimes you have to drive far for stage time. Sometimes you have to drive far to be seen. Sometimes you have to drive far for little/no money. Sometimes you have to drive far and then drive immediately back. Sometimes you have to drive far to show you will drive far. Sometimes you drive far for delicious pizza and drink tickets. The point is driving a long ways for ten minutes of stage time is going to happen.

I did this last night. I am not complaining one bit. I was soooooo damn happy/lucky to be asked to do a show in Baltimore. I know that where I am as a comic I need to be doing this. I need to go to other cities when asked and absolutely murder so I can get booked even more. That’s the goal. Kill all the time wherever you are and keep getting booked. I was excited because this was going to be my first time doing comedy in Baltimore, and I got to do it at Umar Khan’s Gin and Jokes at Joe Squared. So I hop in my car after work and drive 3 1/2 hours to do my ten minutes for some gas money, drinks, and delicious pizza (REAL GOOD PIZZA).

This show has a great reputation. Umar is a funny/genuine/nice dude who I legitimately really enjoy talking/hanging with. So when he asked me if I would drive up and do this show I was ALL IN! Umar has built a super solid show that I would honestly reccomend people try to get on.  

It is once a month in the basement area of a cool little Italian/pizza joint. You walk down the steps into a dope setup of about 60 seats, a bar to the side, and lots of standing room. 

I get there pretty early and Umar is setting up. We have a fun time shooting the shit about recent shows we had done, and shows we want to do. He talked about a heckler named “Juan” who he lost his shit on the month before, and how he hopes tonight’s show doesn't have that. He said the dude was being super rude, and he went in on him. Then I meet the bar/venue staff and they’re also super dope. You can tell they want the show to be as successful as Umar and that is absolutely huge. I can’t tell you how many places will give someone a show and then expect it to all rest on the show runner. Having a successful local show relies just as much on the venue supporting/advertising as it does the show runner booking good comics/advertising. 

I set up my camera as I wait for the other comics to show up. The other comics on the show are Franqi French (very hilarious lady who runs some dope shows in DC), Eddie Morrison (a dude I met doing Jon Yeager’s comedy wars show. Super funny and fun hang), and closing out is Cerrome Russel (funny ass dude I met when he opened for Stavros Halkias at The Southern). 

Once the doors open the other comics show up and it starts to get pretty packed. The room has crazy good energy. Sometimes you can tell if the crowd is going to suck or not, but these guys had good show energy. I could tell it was going to be a positive experience. I get to talk/joke around with Franqi, and Eddie for a bit which is always a treat. 

We start the show about 15 minutes late because people are still filing in and getting drinks. The energy is electric and Umar finally goes up. He has a super strong set mixing crowd work with material. He does some local humor I didn’t understand at all. Apparently something called Union had banned children and started talking about Squeegee Kids (I legit have absolutely no idea what the hell that meant BUT IT KILLED). He’s up there for about 15 minutes, and really sets the show up to succeed! Right before I go up Eddie jokingly leans over and goes, “if you bomb here you are terrible at comedy.” 

He brings me on stage next and laydees/baybees DADDY HAD A HOT ONE! I hit the stage and immediately go into my crowd work. I am zipping back and forth between a hot black guy, a dude wearing a “let’s f**k in a voting booth” shirt, a guy in a ravens hat, sexy fella named Doug, and a 25 year old guy who dates a 48 year old woman.  Umar had spoken to the dude with the older gf first and got some good laughs out of it so I already knew where I wanted to go with the crowd work on him. I got to do my favorite thing which is make a joke about one person and keep calling back to it during crowd work. I was really feeding off of the energy of the crowd, and could have done that set for an hour.

After about 6 minutes of crowd work I did my joke about arming teachers. It works super well and I get an applause break. The joke keeps building and I ended on a super solid laugh. All in all this was an amazing set. I felt like that set is the kind of comic I want to be. I will never be an all jokes guy. I know that. Crowd work feels too good, and is too natural for me to not do it. I also know that I don’t want to only do crowd work. I love a good 50/50 mix. 

I’d give this set an A. I’m really proud of it. 

After I get off stage I start packing my stuff up while Franqi continues the energy of the show and keeps killing. I grab my pizza, thank Umar, and get in my car and drive 3 1/2 hours back home. 

This was a night for the ages. 7 hours in a car for 10 minutes of jokes. I’d make that trade everyday of the week. Night’s like this really make me think I should be doing this and I will never quit. Only time will tell if this is true, but I really hope so.

That’s it for today sweetums. I love you all very much. Thanks for reading (if anyone is reading) these posts for the past month. It’s been super cathartic for me to just write this stuff down and be accountable. If you like reading this and have any suggestions let me know. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH !!! XOXOXOXO

[thingsandtrichotillomania]

Shit  Hit The Fan

It all started 3 days ago (6/26). I had hung out with this guy named Eric and it was really nice. Previously that day it had stormed really bad so our electric was out for two hours but he showed up anyways and it finally turned on maybe half an hour later. Then we made cupcakes as I promised and then sat in my room at watched a bunch of comedians on Netflix. Idk how it happened but we ended up cuddling and it was really nice.

Later that day when I had’ come over to Eddie’s house Eric text me saying he had a good time that day and then he confessed he liked me. I mean I could obviously tell but still. I said I was scared because I’ve never had a guy who treated me nicely and didn’t want this to be the same. He said I deserved better and I said I had no idea what to do about Eddie.

I then said how I’ve dated every guy I’ve ever really talked to. Matthew (tho we had never talked before dating, I didn’t even know him, smart move past me), Edward (I didn’t even DATE him but might as well have called it that), and now him. He said he just wants me to be happy which is so nice.

I said I don’t know what to do as I haven’t had a real relationship in almost 2 years. He asked when we could meet bc he wanted to talk about it in person and he wanted to do something that would help us decide. I instantly knew what that something was. He eventually told me anyways and I could tell over text we were both nervous.

Lastly I said I was scared bc what if things didn’t click and he said they probably would immediately because even cuddling was amazing. So that was Tusday.

THEN YESTERDAY on Wednesday (6/27) we met up again as we agreed at the park and I had told him what had happened the other day (Ed said I can’t give him any more blow jobs just bc I said no and then I wasn’t allowed to stay the night anymore etc) and then his friends called and he had to go get some weed stuff so I sat at the park by myself for a bit till they came back. Then I sat by myself over by the swings pretty much until his friends left bc I’m not good with strangers and stuff. 

After his friends left we chilled at the park before I had to pee so we walked over to my dad’s house and I went pee and stuff. Then we chilled in the living room and listened to music and finished watching a thing on Netflix. Cuddled some and then he told me to sit up and I knew what what was going to do. I sat up and he kissed me I could have sworn I had stopped breathing. 

So yeah. He kissed me. And then we kinda laid there for a bit and then maybe an hour or so later I was just laying there and he kissed my neck once and I was like nuuu. He asked why but I was too shy to say anything and so he got this grin on his face and was like I’m not going to stop till you tell me why. And me being brave at this moment was like I’m not going to stop you and so yeah. He did and it was really fucking nice. Like I haven’t been that happy about anything physical in years. It was like making out after a really long time or something. Who knows.

So later on before I went back to Eddie’s he’s texting me saying like he’s really happy and stuff. He was like it wasn’t my first intention to get you all hot and bothered and I laughed bc I’ve never heard it that way before. I said I wasn’t and I was like well now you know my neck is sensitive and he was like you totally were and apparently its my neck and thighs. I was like it wasn’t that bad and he agreed but he said my physical reactions are perfect and I always got confused on why people said that so I asked to elaborate.

Apparently like if a certain spot gets touched or kiss my body will tense but not in a bad way and I guess my face was also full of like happiness and excitement. I got so embarrassed XD. But yeah. That happened. But now...

KEEP  THOSE PARTS IN MIND BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN NOW OKAY??h

Yep. I go back over to Eddie’s house (though a part of me was saying that I really didn’t want too and I didn’t because I was too happy) around 8 last night and we all chill and like two more people come over and we have fun. Since I had gotten like 4.5 hours of sleep the previous night on Tuesday I decided to sleep around 1 am. I did for about an hour or so and I wake up.

 So now it’s 2 am on Thursday (TODAY) and I’m woken up because Eddie came into the room with the other two. I eventually get him to lay down around 3 am or so but he starts grabbing my ass and stuff. I’m too tired to care at this point but I know I should have stopped him there. I’m faced towards him as I was trying to sleep but I couldn’t because my body decided that what he was doing was feeling good and now I have adrenaline. 

Before I know it I feel his lips ON MINE KISSING ME. I was so fucking shook because you all know how he’s been like ‘trying to over come his exs’ and that’s why he never kissed or made out with me but HERE HE IS, LAST NIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS. I had previously decided that I was going to drop him but now he does this shit and my stupid ass KISSES HIM BACK and now WE’RE MAKING OUT. Like the way he does with like tongue and shit and again, before I know it he’s asking me really quietly, because there were two other people in the room if I wanted another chance. 

He was talking about a blow job. I ALREADY FELT SHITTY FOR MAKING OUT WITH HIM but guess who was living off of adrenaline and 4.5 hours of sleep at that point? Me. But I can’t blame being tired or anything because I was conscious enough to say no.

But I said yes so we went into the living room and I gave him a bj (something I thought I’d never do again) but it was short. When I said I was done I was fucking broken on the inside. He got up though and laid on top of me and began to grind and god that felt so good too, I didn’t stop him. 

When everything was finally done I had gone into the bathroom and cried a little. I was so disgusted with myself and actually had almost puked. I was texting Eric because I had sent a message saying I was the worst person in the entire world. So I sat there on the floor until Eddie came in and asked why I was just sitting there and he asked who I was texting at 4 in the morning.

I didn’t wanna say but eventually I had told him it was Eric because he kept asking to see what it was and who it was and I DIDNT wanna show him.

At this point I KNEW that shit was going to hit the fan this morning. Eddie asked why I was texting him and I said just finishing a convo from earlier since I was awake and I still didn’t let him see. He jokingly asked if I had caught feelings for him but I shook my head no but the tears said differently. He asked what was wrong and wouldn’t let me sleep till I told him. 

So I gave him a watered down version saying I had kind of liked Eric ju st a little. He said to pack my stuff and go after we go swimming tomorrow. I said I understood but he wanted to keep it going and said go make out and cuddle with him bc that’s why I didn’t show him the messages and stuff. I said we’re not even dating bc we aren’t. He said I was just like all his other ex’s and he’s right. 

He said he didn’t know if we were going to be friends after today either. He said all this worrying about me finding a gf and I should have been the one who was being questioned.

THIS BITCH OF A SENTENCE MADE ME MAD THOUGH. I KNOW FOR A FACT he’s talk talking to this 14 year old girl named Alyssa so I don’t understand why he can talk to her but I can’t talk to someone I like. He doesn’t know that I know about Alyssa and the heart eyes and shit. But anyways.

He said I need to leave today and I said I know. He was like you’re acting too calm and I was like I’m sobbing. He said he was getting flash backs from his ex’s now and that it was all my fault which it was. 

And that’s it. I called Eric and cried for about half an hour before realizing I should probably go to the bedroom bc their mom gets ready for work at 6:30 and and it was almost 6. I hung up and went in there and laid down and by some way I slept for like another 4 hours. So the past 48 hours I’ve slept maybe a total of 10 but even that’s a stretch.

So yeah. I’m a piece of shit human who fucked up really badly last night. I’m just so surprised on how Eric took it. He was like I’m not mad, just jealous if anything. I don’t deserve him or anyone good tbh. 

I’m so tired now. I’m probably just gonna get my shit together and text/call dad to see if he can come get me because it’s almost 12 in the afternoon so I know someone is awake. The people here probably won’t be up until at least 1 pm because that’s when we were supposed to go swimming. I’m not going obv.

Eric said he wants to hang today to cheer me up so I might do that. Who knows. I’m just so done with everything.

Thanks for reading my awful life choices. 

June 28th, 2018

[felidjingga]

Prophecy by Prophet Gary

When I heard about PNW team getting prayed for and everyone was called down to be prayed for and initially i cant be replace... i was so legit sad... and especially all prayers for them are so accurate. I wanted it so much.... because back in leaders retreat, I was serving and i missed being ministered... and last year camp i served in all sessions and also missed out getting ministered.

As I begin to play KB, yes it’s sucha great privilege and I always thank God that He uses me to be able to bring down His presence! Thank You Jesus! Thank You for Your grace shown towards me throughout all these years.. through practice.. to learning to flow with You and listen to You and play for You :’)

This year I went to camp praying that I will receive more.. even though I played for many sessions, Ps Gary session was one that caught me in His presence so so so so much that I was soaked in just...  5 minutes of worship.

Back to the story, so everyone in my PNW were getting prayed for and listening to others prophecies, I was so deeply encouraged that while i was playing the KB i teared on stage on how real He is.. how real my Father is to reveal all these things to us :’) Even though initially i can’t go... there in this time I had a 1-1 convo with God as if He is just beside me...

“Lord... please I want to receive from You also through the prayer!! Pls God!! I so need to receive Your presence...”

and the other part of me was thanking God that I can be used to serve God that even if I did not get prayed, hearing others’ get encouraged and prayed itself touches me so so so much already that I can’t stop tearing.. His presence was so thick. His glory was in the room!

“So Jesus thank You for using my to serve, even if i did not get prayed, it’s an honor to bring down Your presence and see these people being ministered. Thank You for using me as a Levite in Your house... tho God i also wanna get prayed la... But yes it’s an even greater privilege to serve and i just can’t be selfish to leave like that to get prayed “ ~ prayer of djingga on stage hahahahahahahahah

SO TRUE ENOUGH!! Jon came and asked if I’m being prayed for which i did not and he asked nat to cover (THANK YOU JESUS SO HAPPY AT THIS POINT) and nat covered and the next few minutes on the altar call... i remembered i felt Him so strongly and i cried non stop because of His presence. Just. His. Presence..... it’s 5 mins.. but it’s enough to be given to me by Him... to make me soaked and full and touched so deeply.

“We wait for You...” we sang..

and Ps Gary came and he said smth along the line (Yes transcribing on its way, this CH want to do it for me and surprise me but i managed to read him and spoil his surprise HAHAHA indeed smart gf me BHB omg see told ya its v hard to surprise me hahahahaha)

that i have a very smart mind, and i am a intelligent young lady....

.

.

.

who will work in a medical field and scientific field

Let HS reveal His purpose to me.

And there after the meeting I left in a state of confusion for the whole night that i cried so so so much. So much i asked God if isit what i have been doing so far is not His will and i’ve been doing the wrong thing. Lord, why is my desire so contradict to the prophecy? What am i doing in my life is so different, and Lord You know I want to work in ___ ... and if God willing... see my dream come to pass :’) Or Lord, at least encourage me in my area of ministry? WHY ISIT MEDICAL?

Lord, I don’t understand now, and that night, i felt that i’ve been doing the wrong thing for my whole life. I dislike science. and i dislike research. I read Eddy’s science paper and left in a state of confusion and no interest. I have no interest and i’m scared of blood. I can’t possibly work in hospital. I can’t. No, this is not for me. NO!!!!

This was my initial response. I had so much unbelief. So much doubt. so much upsetness. So much tears. So much emotions.

While others told me they are excited for me to actually see this coming to pass and if it come to pass they will remind me, and some even encouraged me and prayed for... and continued and said that it might be through my piano playing (maybe) to heal others.. in their mind or in unsound hospital.. i’m so so so thankful for these encouragement :’) I was so touched.. 

Previously yes, someone prayed for me before about healing the broken hearted and that was what I got from my time with God too.. that i realised that He can use me in this area ( i know it’s strange) but to just hear someone share that that others hearts would be heal by God through me and that was what my prayer that been, that God use me to help bring His comfort to those who needs it.

OR perhaps I might not understand it now.

After the camp i came to a conclusion that He spoke to me through Eph 3:17 onwards, that I need to faith in Christ that I can’t use knowledge to understand His way. That His love in a the depth width height i can never fully understand and may I always be ever curious about Jesus. And that I can never think or imagine what God can do in my life. Even I am J and realistic and have boundaries and thinking etc....

I can not limit God. I can never do this. His ways are higher and He can do the impossible.

So now I am at peace, and I trust God.. because I can finally understand and see that this prayer is meant for me to see that God can indeed do things beyond my human imagination or what i think, that He always do the things unexpected in my life (Eg me going to work first before going uni :)), that at the end of the day i will understand be WOWed by Him!

Let’s go Jesus! I trust You! and may You always guide me in all of Your ways. Let Your will be done and Kingdom come in my life! Who knows it might really happen in the future! and perhaps.. i should start believing that I am SMART :p HAHAHAH Ps Gary say one not me! :p

Also.. may I live according to His purpose and may God.. You reveal Your purpose for me and my life even more! :)