#edited to clarify a thought on reread

[coconutcordiale]

Alright alright alright y'all I saw Devotion

This is not a glowing review of Glen nor this movie so if you don’t want to read that feel free to scroll.

I haven’t read the book, though the movie made me really want to! So that’s a positive for sure.

Also I know nothing about the Navy. Spoilers below the cut.

Disclaimer: I’m generally very critical of movies / tv, even ones I like, despite having zero real cinematic knowledge lol. My dad’s a producer so he and I love to pick apart movies and that habit has definitely made me hypercritical (as a frame of reference I have issues with TGM and New Girl too, two all time faves) so take my negative Nancy shit with a grain of salt please.

Things I liked in no particular order:

Jesse and Tom running the checklist just before Jesse crashes into the clearing

Every scene Christina Jackson was in - she was amazing

When the junior (I assume) sailors come out to watch Jesse’s carrier qualification - thought the reactions of the squadron were really interesting in this and overall a super emotional scene

The aerial scene in the beginning where Tom & Jesse fly by the lighthouse

Jonathan Majors. JONATHAN MAJORS, holy shit. He wowed me. Some scenes made me SO uncomfortable and I mean that in a good way (like him reciting things in the mirror) because he delivered them so viscerally without overplaying the character. His performance was incredibly balanced and overall outstanding imo. If it weren’t for him I likely would’ve hated this movie (sorry Glen)

The scene where the squadron is taking their flight gear before the funeral flight, thought this was cut beautifully with Daisy getting the news of Jesse's death

Glen’s my babygirl. He looks gorgeous in this movie. His facial expressions were generally great throughout. The first half of the movie I enjoyed him mostly (pretty much everything pre-Cannes). That’s kind of where my compliments end for him 🫣 I do not think this was his best performance by a long shot. Most of his line delivery fell flat for me.

That could’ve been because Jonathan Majors steals nearly every scene he’s in. It also could've been the writing, a lot of the dialogue felt very stilted and awkward, especially in emotionally heavy scenes on the carrier.

As a Glen fan, thought it was cute the girl Tom kissed in France was Gigi but most of the Cannes stuff was completely unnecessary. On the positive side there, the dynamic between Glen/Jonathan I thought was fairly likeable in the outdoor bar scene.

Joe Jonas was alright, my expectations were basically on the floor for him so he exceeded that, yay. There were scenes where I liked the CO and found his character engaging and then there were a couple towards the end where I thought he was awkward. I have nothing to say about the rest of the squadron, didn't dislike them or find them memorable.

My biggest gripe is that the pacing of this movie was ridiculous - it felt WAY longer than 2.3 hours. By the end I was beyond ready for it to be over. I probably would never be able to sit through this movie from beginning to end again which is unfortunate. The real bulk of the story is at the end but by the time it came around I was mentally done with the movie and thought a lot of the performances (especially glen’s) towards the end didn’t land. The timing of everything felt really off and although I thought the actor’s performances were generally stronger in the beginning, things took so long to get going that by the end I somewhat checked out.

Overall, loved Jonathan Majors and Christina Jackson. Adored their performances. Felt mostly neutral about everyone else. Extremely negative about the pacing.

Also I still think the world of Glen!!!! I completely understand how easy it is for me to criticize vs the constraints they actually worked with in making this! Sorry don't hate me for this :(

@wombtotombx & @fuckyeahhangman

[arceespinkgun]

I'd love to hear your opinions on IDW Rodimus. I personally thought he was one of the better characters in that comic, but I have not read the Marvel comics so I have no point of comparison.

Just to clarify: I hate this character as he is in MTMTE and Lost Light. Not Rodimus as he appeared in IDW before those series. I'm not familiar with all his appearances, but his origin story seemed pretty strong to me. What I'm about to say isn't the fault of the character, it's the fault of the writer, James Roberts, who I resent for throwing out all the characterization that came from other writers before him in this and many other instances.

I don't really know what to say. Rodimus is a monster. I can't recount every horrible thing he did, there's too many. A few egregious ones are:

Punishing Rewind for having a snuff film collection, but then telling him to project a record of Fortress Maximus being tortured onto a wall to trigger Maximus during a hostage situation, then telling Swerve to shoot Fortress Maximus after Swerve repeatedly protested. Swerve said he was a bad shot, that Maximus was too close to Rung, that Maximus was already calm... Rodimus had so many chances to reconsider.

When Red Alert attempted suicide, Rodimus lied to Rung about it. You know, Red Alert's therapist? And not only did he lie about that, but he called this person who'd just tried to take his own life a bunch of ableist slurs. And Rodimus smeared him like this to cover his own ass and hide what Red Alert had found.

Bringing Overlord onto the ship because his ego is so fragile it couldn't handle Prowl calling him a wimp, then lying repeatedly about it, including during Overlord rampaging around killing the crew.

When Ultra Magnus is presumed dead and Drift is exiled by Rodimus, one issue after they're gone, Rodimus goes to Rung and Cyclonus and is basically like, you two are the new Ultra Magnus and Drift, really showing how disposable everyone is to him.

Rodimus's treatment of Drift in general was especially gross. Please keep in-mind that Rodimus is the captain, so he had direct power over him. Rodimus got possessive and impatient any time Drift was doing anything other than attending directly to Rodimus, including calling him some horrible, undisclosed thing, and threatening to have the law changed specifically in order to punish Drift for his Decepticon past (this is during peace time). He claimed to Thunderclash that he'd "rehabilitated" Drift. He had Drift take the blame for Overlord, kicked Drift out of the Autobots, and didn't intervene when Drift was assaulted for this. And we learn that Drift only hadn't told the crew the truth about Overlord in the first place because he'd felt "beholden" to Rodimus. The way Rodimus treated Drift almost felt to me like Drift was his courtesan or something, along with the racist tropes that implies... it's really bad. EDIT: oh, and it was even worse because Rodimus exiled Drift right after Drift had his legs torn off by Overlord, and because when Rodimus eventually did confess to bringing Overlord on board, he didn't look for Drift or even send him a message.

Now I know what fans might say. But he came clean/apologized/grew so it's an arc! But that's not the case. As I've reread most of MTMTE just now, I saw that this character is basically written as a complete monster until about issue 18, and then suddenly starts behaving heroically and saying the right things after no growth at all. It's not an arc, it reads like JRo just reconsidered this guy's entire characterization, but you can't do that! You have to commit! Plus, I do not really care that Rodimus did better eventually, because "making amends" should have included stepping down as the first act. No, there absolutely should not have been a vote over his captaincy. He should have been removed or better yet, removed himself. (Also, what kind of a sadistic choice was that vote? Because if Rodimus had been voted out, that would have meant Megatron would've been sole captain of the Lost Light, and there was no vote over that! That was just unilaterally decided by Optimus Prime!)

A really great example of how Rodimus doesn't really grow or change genuinely is issue #36. In that issue, he and other crew members go back in time, and Rodimus keeps trying to find a way to prevent Trailbreaker's death. He shows a lot of concern for him. But this comes out of nowhere. As I've just reread a large chunk of MTMTE, I can tell you that Rodimus and Trailbreaker had no connection whatsoever before this. And again, none of this is the character's fault. This is the writer's fault. Because Rodimus doesn't actually grow, I wouldn't blame people from being like, "Well, I prefer to think of Rodimus as the version who behaves better and says the right things." But that would be the reader's choice, not something the writer or series should be credited for.

When it comes to Rodimus in the Marvel comics, what sort of things did he do that made him a flawed, complex character? Hiring a bounty hunter to take out Galvatron, which went poorly, but the intention was to try and keep people safe. Giving in to being goaded by Galvatron and losing his cool, but he gets talked down by Arcee. As Hot Rod, he was especially impulsive, and make mistakes like getting bored and going for a drive when he was supposed to be keeping watch at a diplomatic summit, which gave the Decepticons an opportunity to attack... but he then tried to redeem himself as soon as possible by immediately going one-on-one with their leader and putting himself at great risk. This basically applies to any of Rodimus's or Hot Rod's errors in judgment. He always tried to address them ASAP, and often they were made with good intentions (in one of the annuals, he disobeyed orders because he thought Kup was being hurt, for example), not to cover his own ass or spite people.

I also want to mention Rodimus from the 80s cartoon as well. He is known for saying absolutely deranged things and being so depressed, he took any opportunity to be rid of the mantle of leadership.

But the thing about this is that his actual actions were still almost always for others' benefit. I think that's the other biggest thing that JRo ignored.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Helloooo love your meta posts esp wrt to language so much!! It really has elevated my appreciation for the series by A LOT lol so thank you!

I have a question regarding ch 98 that's been bugging me incessantly: in the official translatjon renji says "all i do is bark at the moon", however in fan translations (and anime) renji is seen to be referring to a star. I am unable to find the raws anywhere to ascertain the finality of this conundrum so I was wondering if you could clarify what exactly is the 'object' renji is referring to here and lend us your thoughts?

Thank you for reading! I started this reread because I knew that the potential to really revel in this kind of stuff was already there, but I am really enjoying jumping into it full-on and wondering about and learning about a lot of extremely random things as I go. I'm really enjoying it!

[Bleach 098]

The Short Version

In the Japanese, Renji says, 星に向かって吠えるばっか ― which could be translated as "I’m just barking at the stars." 

The word he uses is 星 (hoshi), star, not moon. My guess is that the Viz chose "moon" because it’s more idiomatic in English to howl at the moon, and the phrase conveys that sense of lone wolf yearning/misdirection--particularly given that he’s talking about Rukia, and Rukia already has some moon imagery associated with her.

The catch is, the concept of "howling at the moon" also exists in Japanese; for example, there’s a famous modern poet named Hagiwara Sakutarou who wrote a collection titled 月に吠える、or, well, "Howling at the Moon." (You’ll notice the same verb, but 月 (tsuki/moon) instead of 星 (hoshi/star). But that's not what Renji says. I’d argue that it’s worth considering the idea that Renji was making a choice in not using that idiom! 

The Very Long Version

Stars and Moons and Monkeys and Tigers and Snakes and Dogs and-- oh my!

Tomes have been written about celestial symbolism, in Bleach and otherwise. I’m not a big celestial symbolism person, because they’re such BIG symbols I feel like sometimes they can feel very locked in, if that makes sense? Like X = moon and moon = Y and therefore X = Y. And while I love an extended metaphor, my preference is for very unstable, borderline sloppy referents. Which isn’t to say that celestial symbolism can’t be unstable and sloppy, too, and that’s what I really like about this whole Renji section. Renji is the KING of "imagistically, there is a lot going on here, my man."

As far as folklore is concerned, reaching for the moon might call to mind the story of the monkey reaching for the moon’s reflection:

The branch the monkey’s hanging from breaks and he falls into the water. His folly lies in failing to distinguish between what is real and what is illusion.

One one hand, this is fitting for Renji, our resident howler monkey. I don’t know how much baboon we’ve actually seen at this point, but we’ll see Zabimaru’s nue form very shortly. But of course Zabimaru isn’t just a monkey—he also has the head of a snake. And we have this dog imagery, coming from both Renji’s affiliation with Inuzuri and other body parts in some versions of the nue. And later we’ll have TIGER in the mix, too!!

There’s SO much going on. If Renji were a Project Runway creation, Tim Gunn would probably invite his creator edit—maybe choose one motif, one metaphor, one guy who will scan well on the runway.

But Renji exists in excess, he IS all those things, both in terms of his chimerical zanpakutou spirit and in terms of everything we’ve seen of him thus far: tearing through Ishida and Ichigo; herding butterflies with Rikichi; stunting with Rukia in jail; delivering Rukia to prison; getting stunted on by Aizen in a supply closet; being friends with Hinamori; tearing through Ichigo a second time; and now, finally, giving it all up and begging Ichigo: Just save her.

Bone Metaphors

The reader hasn’t seen it yet, but Renji knows what form Zabimaru’s bankai takes. In addition to all those animals and their potential allegories, we also have bone. In Renji's earlier line, there’s an idiom that I wish were preserved:

In the Viz, he says, "I’ll always be a stray dog." In the Japanese, his line is 「骨の髄まで野良犬根性が染み付いてやがるんだ.」Which could be translated as "I am, indelibly, a stray dog to the marrow of my bones /contemptuously." Or, more succinctly:

"I’m a stray dog to the bone."

I love this line because it’s reaching toward Renji’s challenge to Byakuya, insinuating still more layers to Renji’s multitudes.

Different Flavors of Disgust

Still thinking about Renji’s second act in this arc, I am also interested in his subsequent line. He says 厭になるぜ (iya ni naruze), or, in the Viz, "It makes me sick." But I was curious about the kanji 厭 (iya), because it’s more commonly written 嫌 (iya), which can be used as a negative interjection, or, pronounced differently, as the same word you’d use if you hated snails, or homework, or something―嫌い (kirai). Using the kanji 厭 is a less common spelling, though the meaning is similar. So I was like, well, what is the difference? According to this article, the kanji Renji uses is a lot more common in Chinese. If 嫌 is an expression of digust or hatred, 厭 suggests that you’ve specifically gotten tired of something (and are now disgusted with it). It’s the kanji you’d use to create the word for a pessimistic worldview, 厭世観 (enseikan). That is all to say, Renji has become sick and tired of it, and he’s about to change tack.

Failing Poetry 101

Coming back around to the original line, I really like Renji’s "I’m just barking at the stars" specifically because it doesn’t really reference any existing idiom, as might howling at the moon. "Barking at the moon" is an interesting middle ground, in that "barking" definitely feels more dog-like and howling more wolf-like; barking is less majestic, which fits with Renji’s description being derogatory of himself. Renji is not a poet in his use of loaded idioms but in his negation of them. And if Rukia can be described by moon imagery, she too contains multitudes and I think it's well within her power to be the stars, too.

Kira, as Renji’s most poetic friend, probably rolls partway into his grave whenever Renji says stuff like this, because it breaks poetic form. But I think he’s probably also kind of envious that Renji thinks this stuff up, because it’s fresh, new, off-kilter imagery, it is its own kind of poetry, and let's be real, the moon imagery market is fairly saturated. *frames moon with giant rebar hole in body*

So I’d say, "howling at the moon" conjures a certain kind of poetry, steeped in all the macro-folkloric meanings of the moon and dogs/wolves. "Barking at the moon" is kind of half-half. "Barking at the stars" is not a pre-existing idiom (or poem, or expected language), and conjures a completely different referent(s), the immediate of which is, of course, the volume’s own poem. Renji is out here Renji-ing it.

[Bleach Vol. 11 poem]

[crispyjenkins]

dha kar'ta edits and retcons

hey y'all! no excuse for not making this post earlier except that i'm a flake when not on my laptop, but i did some massive edits on dha kar'ta on July 23rd, which was after my last update on July 15th, which was a little silly of me because then tons of people went and reread from the beginning and didn't get to read it with all the edits.

most were just formatting and adjusting sentence flow, fixing bits that have always bothered me, fixing some formatting issues, removing the bolding on the old retcons, adding chapter titles (Mando’a numerals), changing the formatting of the Mando'a glossaries, and all links are now fixed!

Unfortunately, these edits DID include some new retcons/clarifications, but here’s a quick rundown of them so you don't have to go looking for them:

clarified why Obi-Wan killed Rret So instead of capturing him on Dagobah (Dha/the Force assured him they wouldn’t be able to get information out of him, nor would he allow himself to be brought back to the light);

changed how Obi-Wan addresses a few people, last name vs first name (this will be a minor plot point later on, but i needed to backdate it so to speak. also Ki-Adi-Mundi is now one name and does not have a first and last name);

removed “Maker” as an oath/swear (I’ve never liked how it sounded, but only recently actually liked “Force” and “Stars” and “Manda” in place of “God” or “Jesus” as like. an invective? is that the word? there’s a word but i don’t know what it is. expletive isn't quite right);

the inclusion of the term ba’ji/ba’ju’alor, as created (to my knowledge) by cjwritesfanficnow and discussed here (there’s only like three spots i’ve added it to, i just like it a lot and it helped those scenes flow better);

some clarification about Qui-Gon discouraging Obi-Wan’s visions in chapter 4 (just clarifying that the council thought Qui-Gon had worked with Obi-Wan to balance his Unifying Force with the Living Force, not stifled his visions);

changed Dha from being made of durasteel to coruscanthium (this will be plot-relevant at some point);

Obi-Wan is given a bodyglove/kute for under his armour (instead of his Jedi undertunics; it’s a dark blue almost black, but only because he couldn’t find a black one);

one line clarifies all Haat’ade helmets have some level of beskar, for cultural and protective reasons;

added a line from Dooku while discussing Lom in chapter 9 to fix a plothole later (basically just acknowledging they would have immediately suspected the second darksider as the one to have been hired to take the holo of Obi and Dha);

added a few lines mostly in chapter 3 about how Qui-Gon’s fear of Obi-Wan Falling in their early padawanship would influence/exacerbate Obi-Wan’s own feelings regarding killing Maul and Rret So (I’d already set this idea up, just made it a little more explicit that Qui-Gon has absolutely given Obi-Wan a complex(?) about always being worried of Falling);

i think that's all the big ones! a version of this note will be included in the next chapter update, and most of these changes will be expanded on as we go on! am especially eager to talk about why dha's hilt material is important and why i didn't choose beskar 👀

[scorpionoesit]

i’ve been rereading vagabonds for the umpteenth time,,, as one does(think i accidentally got myself burnt out of it for a while, took me a whole month or so to get past chapter one,, starting to think rereading this fic over and over has some drawbacks /lh fknfkfnfk),,,,, and-

looking at the first section of chapter two,, and,, i just realized,,,,,, at first i thought micheal just couldn’t see tubbo when tommy asked him to opened the door,, but i’m just now noticing how micheal’s eyes tracked something entering the apartment. before reading chapter three, i, along with what i assume to be everyone else,, just assumed micheal was confused on there being no one there, but now i’m seeing that maybe he was just wondering how tommy knew the other was there(unsure how much micheal knows about tommy’s power,, so this might not be the case either, or maybe not completely, or- something idk i’m losing my train of thought findkdjd).

anyway basically what i’m saying is that there was clever foreshadowing there that i never noticed and i applaud you 👏👏. love rereading this fic and seeing all the stuff i missed + stuff that can be seen in a new light with what we learn in new chapters. love seeing all the unloaded chekovs guns littered throughout the words, just waiting to go off.

(Strollin' up a year late to answer this woooo!)

Anyway, read this and figured I should, uhh, clarify.

First of all, super happy that you're enjoying the story!

Second, uhh...

We retconned the Michael part. Completely.

I originally wrote that before we had completely decided on how Michael's Powerless-ness would work, so originally, Tubbo's power did work on him.

And then while writing the next chapter, after we had better established world mechanics, we saw that and went 'ohhhh, plot hole....welp, good thing Ao3 has an edit button!'

So yeah, um. You guys didn't misread that or anything, we just changed it after the fact.

(Also we felt bad that people were giving us credit for 'clever foreshadowing' when that is not at all what we did, so uhh formal apology go whoo!)

Thanks again for reading, if you're, y'know, still here a year later oops.

[callivich]

hi do you have any tips for writing?

Hi! I’m flattered you’ve asked me. I enjoy writing a lot but I always feel like i’m still learning so an ask like this is a bit of a surprise in a way because I’m so in awe of so many other writers that I don’t feel qualified to give advice. But here are some random thoughts and I hope they are inspiring:

Write. That probably seems really obvious. But just write. You don’t have to post it. Just write dialogue or random paragraphs or interesting thoughts. Just write. Anything you feel is good, stick it in your drafts.

Edit it and focus on spelling and grammar. But don’t worry about it so much that you feel you can’t post it. Chances are, if you’re worried about a minor plot point or a weird sentence, your readers will either not notice or love it.

I first started reading fandom years and years ago and I didn’t write at all because I was so nervous and anxious and worried about what I might write. It was an utter waste of time. I could have been writing for years and I didn’t. I regret it.

If you want to share your work - go for it. The Gallavich fandom is an especially kind and supportive place. So all those worries you might have? They’re probably bullshit because everyone here is so welcoming.

Try @galladrabbles - it’s such a wonderful challenge because you can just try sharing a short piece of writing and see how you feel. 100 words is very easy and each weekly prompt is very inspiring.

Read. Read everything and anything. Articles/newspapers, non fiction, fiction of all genres, fanfiction - recent and old, from any fandom. Read and reread, any type of writing. It’ll be useful and interesting and you’ll learn a lot in terms of style, narration, dialogue, plotting, words and ideas.

Make comments on fanfic you’ve enjoyed. I always find this is useful in terms of leaving feedback which is always nice for the author but also in terms of clarifying to yourself what has been especially enjoyable. Did you like the plot or the dialogue or the overall feel of the story? Think about it and share it with the author. It’ll be great for them but it will also allow you to realise what you like in a story.

Remember that no one starts out as a fantastic author with millions of comments and kudos and hits. Everyone starts out as a beginner. And they were just as nervous or lost as you might feel. And probably still are when it comes to sharing new work sometimes.

Practice is important. And that means writing when you can and as often as you are able. Try different genres or tropes or writing styles. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t. Experiment in your drafts or take part in challenges.

Get silly and indulgent with fandom on tumblr (or other social media) because interacting with fellow fans on here is always inspiring. Whether it’s reading/making comments on posts or having ideas because of gifsets or edits or headcanons or just engaging with meta that allows you to see certain moments in canon in a new way - this is a great place to find inspiration.

Ultimately, just have fun. Play around with writing and storytelling. You asked for writing tips and I’m assuming you meant fandom writing. So just go for it, write and share your work. I was scared and intimidated for years about writing. It was a waste of time. Now I love writing. It’s such a great hobby and I’m so glad I jumped in and did it.

And take care of yourself, write when you want to and share when you want to. Writing in fandom should be a fun hobby for you.

If anyone else would like to reblog this and add their thoughts or encouragement, please do! 💖

[snabulous]

below the cut is a hint of the meg/christine fanfic i've been working on for a million years. none of it is edited or revised at all, so it's pretty rough! it's a fake dating college AU, i hope y'all like it ;)

In the morning, Christine woke up with a headache. Meg felt fine, but she listened to Christine complain and offered to bring her something back from the dining hall for breakfast. When she returned, a styrofoam container of scrambled eggs, greasy sausage links, and slightly undercooked pancakes cooling in her hand, Christine had showered and was tending to her curls.

Sitting in the window with her hair tossed over her shoulder and a placid look on her face, Meg thought Christine looked like a painting. When Christine looked up and smiled at Meg and her gift of crappy dining hall food, Meg felt then, with a sharp feeling in her heart, that she looked more like a dream. Oh, Christine…

.

.

They spent the day in their dorm working on homework. Meg charted out the blocking for a new dance piece she was choreographing for a class, imagining what the moves would look like in a big open space. She could even almost hear the sound of the imaginary dancer’s feet hitting the ground after every leap and spin.

Christine used to be a dancer, too. Before she found something better in singing, that is. She had been a gorgeous ballerina, her body forming graceful flowing lines that looked effortless. Meg sometimes missed ballerina Christine, just because they were like twin flames, rising to meet each other and giving off the same light. But the Christine Meg knew now was even brighter as a singer, and they played off each other in a way Meg couldn’t have understood if Christine had remained a dancer.

Still, sometimes it felt like Meg was choreographing with Christine in mind, imagining the way her body would form each move, the lines and the curves. It was how Meg felt now, seeing Christine pirouetting daintily across the darkened stage of her mind, plotting each step the moment before her satin-shoed toes landed them.

“Meg.”

Like breaking the surface of water, Meg came back to reality. “Huh?”

“I asked if you would read this paragraph and tell me if it makes sense.” Christine held her laptop over her head to hand it to Meg from the floor.

Meg took it. “I don’t know why you’re asking me,” she said. “You know I’m terrible at writing.”

“Yeah, but you’re not terrible at reading.”

As Meg read her work, Christine grabbed Meg’s sheet to look over her choreography.

Christine hummed. “I like this. The series of steps right here,” she pointed to a set halfway through, “is going to be gorgeous.”

“It’s not done yet,” Meg said, snatching the papers out of her hands and hoping she wasn’t blushing.

She turned around on the floor to face Meg. “I can’t wait to see you dance it. It’ll be beautiful.”

Now Meg knew she was blushing. It felt so hot all of a sudden. She grumbled out a thanks and pushed Christine’s laptop back to her. “It sounds fine. Are you going to clarify the part about the leitmotif in the next paragraph, though? There wasn’t anything about it in the paragraph before, so it kind of felt like it came out of nowhere.”

Christine reread her work. “You’re right. I’ll add a little intro in the paragraph before, but I’m going to keep talking about it in the next part.”

“As long as you do that, it’s perfect,” Meg responded, shuffling back into her working position.

Christine, however, snapped her laptop shut. “I’m done for today.”

“We’ve only been working for like an hour,” Meg said, shooting her a quizzical look.

“And it’s been the longest hour of my life.” Christine rolled to her knees and stood, stretching. “Wanna go for a walk?”

Meg looked at her half-finished homework. Well… this choreo wasn’t technically due until Wednesday. So she had time.

[gazspookiebear]

Hey there! It's been a while since we talked and today I thought I'd reach out to my mutuals (at least I think we're mutuals? I think I know what your main blog might be by now ^^) How have you been? I hope life has been treating you well! I may not interact too much with you but I'm always looking forward to seeing you on my dash! Also, I hope this doesn't come off as impolite or anything, but I think it's really cool that you're aroace :D I do read your tags whenever I can, and that fact stood out to me! Also, if I may ask, what have you been working on? What kinds of wips do you have by now? You don't need to post anything, I'm just curious :-)

Either way, have a nice day!

Yeah, we're mutuals!! 🫶 I wouldn't be surprised if you knew my main blog, I imagine most of my mutuals do by now (if not then that's a little awkward with the booping thing lmao) Lowkey hate the way tumblr works when it comes to side blogs 💀

I literally adore seeing anything from you, whether it be a post or a message! I'm glad you feel the same way- 🥺 I'd send more messages to you, but again, kinda awkward to do so from a side blog. I guess I could just go on anon and clarify who I am? Or claim an emoji, idk. I've sent you a few kind words from anon before, just never clarified who I was lol

As for wips, I have an unholy amount of them 😭✋️ I keep starting projects, quitting halfway through, and starting another new one

I do have one that's almost done, I just need to do some editing. It's uh. Hybrid (?) 141 x reader I guess? Just some fluffy boys needing comfort during a thunderstorm (I wrote that shit at like 3 am during a storm and it's really obvious rn as I'm rereading it)

I really wanna get started on my firefighter Valeria au, but I keep getting sidetracked. I don't know how many people would be interested, but I think it's pretty neat! It's gonna be a platonic x reader series, assuming I ever get around to making it

Thank you for the message lovie, it was really nice to wake up and see smt from you! ❤️🫶

[aronarchy]

there’s just something really fucked up about “well you don’t want to experience this type of abuse anymore? well your only option is this other type of abuse”

(nuclear family home vs foster care, nuclear family home vs schools, but also “too young to not be locked up” vs “old enough to lock up”)

[edit 11/21: since someone finally noticed my replies and thought they were good and I think they’re still useful even though I didn’t remember what I wanted to say until after I published the OP, I’ll just transfer them here too:

[note: after rereading my original replies I realized some of the wording might be a bit confusing. to clarify: I have been lucky enough that none of the outlined consequences in the 2nd reply have been applied to me personally yet (or, well, so far I’ve chosen the suffering with less change/more relative stability), but I have had all of the above (first half of each sentence) leveled at me in some form or the other when I protested abusive treatment, by people who had zero idea of the second half of these sentences / decided to ignore their weight, and still have these hanging over my head as implicit threat right now.]

[winter-spark]

Hiya friends, I'm having a writing predicament.

See I think just maybe my arranged royal marriage au might be too long. And mayhaps I need to break the chapters into their own stories and make the story a series.

Which is wild because the chapters were me trying to find the best places to split up the one shot that was getting too long. Plus that means that it might feel a little cheap to stop before the actual wedding.

But like let me explain why it might be too long. My first draft which was this 🤏🏾 close to being complete was a one-shot turned 3 shot, turned technically 4 because chapter 2 was split (chapters are named by "Acts" so chapters 2 and 3 are both Act II but Act II part 1 & part 2), then turned 5, then 6. It has about 35,988 words and again was incomplete(finished in my head.) But to put the chapter sizes in perspective, in my second draft, chapter one is currently 8,183 words. I'm still writing chapter two but I'm a third - halfway through it at 3,226 words. For comparison, the first two chapters of my tangled hs au are 3,926 and 4,601 words, chapter two being the longest of all the chapters I've written for it, chapter 9 the shortest at 2,899. Chapter 9 is not the end. With the way the story is going, there's still 4 (give or take one or so) chapters left.

Now that was a lot of words what am I saying? Well before I fully clarify, I love both stories. And I like reading both, and I have ideas still cultivating for both for my edits and conclusions. But it's easier to get in gear for the tangled hs one(I need less misleading nicknames for these). And I'm starting to think it's the way they're broken up. I think it's easier to get through thus easier to work on. See when I did draft two, draft one was a bunch of loosely connected scenes here and there (the beginning was solidly connected but as it went on the rest was just "oh I have an idea for a scene" several times some more attached together than others) so when doing draft two the hard part was making a calendar for the story and deciding when each event happened. Then I could just write the chapters like "this is day three so this thing needs to happen", and it's all heading to a conclusion and the chapters are complete chapters but they're largely built around small scenes I'd written, some things becoming a thing because "oh something needs to solidly get them to that point of their dynamic."

With the arranged marriage one, I started out solidly writing a story, each part in full, each part following the next, to the point that it visibly got too long to be a one-shot. With the tangled one, I was like oh to tie all this together this is gonna be too long to be a one shot, but with the arranged marriage fic I heard my sister in the back of my mind saying "some one shots are so long it's like okay you really could've cut that into chapters" or something along those lines as she told me before that she does feel like with some large one-shot there are clear good spots to cut it into chapters at and that it should be cut into chapters. So I thought, dang, this is probably one of those one-shots. I wasn't even done writing it I was on what became chapter three maybe now chapter four, thinking I'd be able to end it soonish but knowing it was long and needed that chapter split. So the division started up as large portions of the story. Then I went through to solidify them as solid chapters and fixing the pacing by adding more scenes to more clearly elaborate on the amount of time passing and what the characters were noticing. Which of course made the chapters longer.

Thus in editing and getting to the scene that's stuck in my head, it takes a minute while with the tangled hs au, revisiting rereading rewriting takes less time. I don't even think the arranged royal marriage one is a drag or anything but it's lengthy. In several aspects. So maybe leaning towards the bite-sized would make it easier.

However, I do have hesitance in doing that. See the thing is, it's a complete story. From chapter one to chapter 6. If I make them separate stories I have to work out if they standalone alright. Honestly, I think the first chapter would but Idk where to split it into chapters. And again how would I end the series? Like literally the last chapter is mostly wrap-up and fluff like idk if it can be its own standalone or if it would be a solid enough end to series rather than a single story. Like if I do this I'd have to probably expand it and I've already expanded it so much, it's so long.

On the other hand, if I do expand, like maybe I can throw in another perspective here or there as I do have thoughts on scenes that happened off-screen. I dunno though. But who knows how long it'll take if I do that. And I might have to give the others actual storylines. I mean like I could bring back the Izumi maybe having a crush on someone plotline that I scrapped because I was too indecisive but like that's a story rework lowkey? And another thing. I can't post a story until I'm done writing it but if it's a series would I be able to share the story as I go, as I finish individual works? Because finishing a whole series before posting any of it sounds like it'd take forever. But then I won't be able to go back and edit freely to make it flow better.

Oof. I don't know what to do.

[hypnotic-kink]

I’m sorry Tumblr is being so hypocritical to you. I just wanted to say I tested the alcohol and dirty thoughts hypothesis and I must say ideas did get far more primal the more I had… out of respect I won’t go into details but I can confirm.

I have to admit, I've tested my hypothesis several times lol but I must clarify, dirty thoughts are a given without alcohol for pretty much all of us here on the Tumblr "dark side" as I call it, maybe even a lot on the vanilla side. Am I wrong? No raised hands, so I say yes :)

What I really meant is ... add alcohol and those dirty thoughts get a "tad" lewd, ok, ok, more than a tad. If ever thinking those thoughts, I needed a filter for my mouth, it would be when I'm buzzed. Inhibitions go bye bye. Thanks for confirming but my question to you would be, were they your run of the mill dirty thoughts or does alcohol make it turn into an entire other animal? Thank you for no details, especially if they were BDSM related (the horror!) I'm sure my followers appreciate it... NOT 😂

------------------ Edited response--------------

Wait, I just reread your ask, I'm going to assume 'primal' is the same thought process as my lewd is ... well damn, I typed that all out and I should've just said yes I'm not the only one! YaY

[ugisfeelings]

Actually, I regret that ask. I don’t want to excuse the anthropologists and linguists, and thinking back over what I wrote that’s kind of what it sounded like I was saying. That is not what I meant to say.

,I’ve always found Kroeber allowing the Smithsonian to take Ishi’s brain after death disturbing and unforgivable, but I think it’s easy to simplify the story of Ishi’s years at Berkeley.

Gerald Vizenor, an Anishnaabe scholar of Native American studies at Berkeley has written a lot about Ishi, and his life at Berkeley, and about the choices he made about how he presented himself and how he told Yana-Yahi stories.

There was a terrible imbalance of power inherent in the dynamic where Ishi was living in essentially a foreign culture and needed to rely on Kroeber, Sapir, and the others, but at the same time he was also invested in their project of “preserving” his language and culture. (Of course salvage ethnography does not actually preserve culture— recording isn’t enough. You need living, thriving people, and you need to dismantle colonialism.)

hi! thank you for writing and if it is okay to publish, i did not interpret your reply as an excuse for anyone and upon rereading my own post addendum, realize i myself did not responsibly articulate ishi’s time at berkeley with all the proper historical contingencies and respect i had wanted to. yes you’re right, ishi’s actual story is much more complicated than just the set of discourses i referenced and i was careless and obfuscatory in my shorthand (’studied,’ ‘specimen,’ ‘display’-- these were not the contemporary language to describe his tenure there until after death n i shouldve said/cited more). im glad you brought up gerald vizenor bc he was among the first to propose renaming a uc building after ishi, and i wish i had thought to at least link his incisive essay, “ishi obscura” (2001). anyways there’s much to address that i took for granted in my post, and i hope i can take this as an opportunity to clarify a bit here and direct to more sources—

first, to explain my own point of entry into this ‘discourse,’ i initially came of awareness about ishi’s story in 2020-- namely during the messy back-and-forth abt removing kroeber’s name from berkeley’s anth hall, to which my anthro/lit friends n i closely followed from the east coast as we engaged in our own institutional battles against [redacted]. much of the blog posts, internal documents, op-eds, and other journalistic coverages are still up online, which i revisited while drafting the post. they formed a lot of the more recent conservative “scholarly” perspectives insisting on ishi’s so-called happy “celebrity” status and kroeber’s “disordered mourning” decision to remove ishi’s brain, which i found myself unconsciously arguing w/ within the post lol (this is all from nancy scheper-hughes). this obvs came at the expense of fleshing out ishi’s own participation in sharing his cultural knowledge and hermeneutical agency in narrativizing his life story, but vizenor and norman denzin (building on vizenor’s ishi and the wood ducks, which i dont have a linked copy for) have made critical efforts to recuperate and deconstruct those figurations.

i did write up a longer summary abt the impact of ishi’s death on the kroeber family, which was indeed devestating for kroeber and which leguin was likely most intimately impressed by and thus likely affected her public discussion later on, since she was born long after ishi’s death. i deleted it bc there’s a plethora of (understandably) sympathetic explanations for the kroeber family’s ‘silence’ on ishi, and i didnt think it productive to rehash scheper-hughes’ already tortured, naval-gazing apologia circulating on behalf of kroeber (and  which the kroeber sons themselves vociferously protested in their edited volume together). i can link some of the 2020 coverage but imo there are better and yes more ‘nuanced’ discussions of kroeber’s legacy not coming from a white woman anthropologist terrified of the ‘cancel culture’ mob.

and as you pointed out, there exists long and rich traditions of rigorous, indigenous-based critiques emanating from anthropology and linguistics. the traumatic conditions that kroeber, the boaisian school, and salvage ethnography emerged from and of their own fraught interventions into racial discourses at the time. ishi’s relationship with kroeber and their posthumous representations has been extensively re-evaluated, re-staged, etc--including kroeber’s sons editing their own collection of essays in 2003 after ishi’s repatriation. more recently, indigenous visions: rediscovering the world of franz boas (edited 2018) curates provocative perspectives from indigenous & black scholars.

finally-- i dont have a bg in literature nor do i read leguin’s fictional writing extensively by any means so i cant speak too much further abt her literary development and its critical reception aside from the anthropologists’  perspective (rip). i think my suggestions abt leguin’s latent politics came off as polemical and ungenerous, but i do consider myself indebted to her essays n shorter works for introducing me to anarchist politics and humanist inquiry in anthro. i recommend her books to students curious abt speculative fiction and radical worldmaking (which we should continue to do btw, learning abt kroeber should encourage us to read leguin not put her off), which is why i think it’s critical we not only explicitly "acknowledge” ishi as i concede leguin did (altho i rlly did use those examples to highlight how thin those mentions are but would b interested in more substantial writing on the matter given her brothers’ involvement) but encourage an analytical repertoire to think with the larger politics of representing ishi’s lifestory as intimately bound up in leguin’s own reckoning with civilizational-racial discourses and indigenous epistemologies... and perhaps to exercise some caution abt potentially espoused universalisms (there r some rlly interesting altho idk how persuasive anthro-based rebuttals against fedric jameson’s historicist analysis of her work). idt we should b as concerned abt morally evaluating her writing for evidence of settler ‘complicity’ and ‘exploitation’ (i semi-regret using that language now in the context of leguin’s own mediations), as i am abt how we should understand how leguin’s proximity to colonial abuse is inflected textually and animates the political horizons of her own literary narrations-- and our reception of it. it rlly is not abt her anymore but how we interpret certain so-called silences (again, not always ‘bad’ or complicit)--which is why im drawn to jameson’s ‘critique’ prev bc unless ive been misreading it completely (note 2 reread), actually appreciates n takes seriously the conscious world-production moves made by leguin’s the dispossessed and id would like to see a similar literary treatment of leguin’s anth debts too.

[shadowynn]

I was rereading In Love and Lore for a third time when a thought popped up in my head. In the first chapter it mentions Seonghwa's horns being curled but I don't remember if in the rest of the chapters if it mentions what the others look like. So basically I'm just curious to what their horns look like. If they are all the same or if they have different shapes.

to be completely honest, I've not given much thought to how exactly they look, but for the most part they're all fairly similar in my mind. i never pictured any of them to be very long, just a few inches at most (like three to six, maybe??), but the general shape could be different. i think the only other major thought i've had to how each the horns look is that i think i plan on having jongho missing one. haven't quite pinned down the whole story quite yet, but i always kind of just imagined some sort of accident happening. i was initially going to, and then changed my mind, and then changed again. thought it might be a bit too late, but went back and saw that i never explicitly stated anything, so might go back and edit some short info in to clarify and then bring it up in a later conversation when mc asks how it happened. maybe, i guess we'll see.

[erigold13261]

Have you ever considered: Adamorridion? Consider it. Turn it over in your mind.

I actually had to reread what that said because I thought you were telling me to think of a fictional animal or something at first! XD

But Morris, Adam, and Dion seem like they could be a fun trio together!

I just love the idea of Adam resting his chin on Dion's head while Dion hugs Morris from behind. Just like a little hug train as they talk. Dion would be talking smack while the other two listen, Morris maybe talking smack as well while Adam plays devil's advocate.

Adam just infodumping about history to Dion and Morris, especially to Dion who ends up taking an interest in Psychonaut history and just asking a ton of clarifying questions because he's been told a lot of myths and misconceptions over time.

Morris helping Adam set up interview questions and stuff so that they can get the history of the Aquatos, which Dion helps set up and gets his family to sit down and actually do (which is harder for the younger kids who want to play or Donatella and Augustus who keep getting up to show historical acts instead of actually answering questions).

Even when Dion is being interviewed to give his own side of the story he just ends up flirting more with Morris and Adam instead of answering the questions. By the time Morris goes back to listen to the recording he realizes that he has a TON of editing to do now lol. He keeps the flirting and banter saved to another file/cassette (whatever he is using) to listen to later.

Also like... I don't know why, it's just in the back of my head. But transfem Dion is something I can see happening with this couple. Like Dion deciding to go by Diona (at least at first) and Adam and Morris being so supportive of her and help her come out to the Aquatos (who all obviously support Diona).

But even if transfem Dion doesn't happen, all three of them are just really chill with each other at times but also eager to try and to learn new things.

[pigeonprobe]

Person/a Review

Elizabeth Ellen's Person/a begins with a preamble or overture of about 30 pages that is the text of the novel which also serves as blurbs, foreshadowing, hype, discourse around the work, an anxious justification of the future that numbs the content (something the narrator does with a hotel room too) and what one would think is the introduction of characters. Most of these characters do not exist outside of being someone the narrator can react against. 

This book demands you meet it on its level, which is a fiction piece that is explicitly inspired by real life events, some that may be easy to find footage or other information about. If you choose to follow the rabbit hole the instructions are provided. If the book is a work of fiction it’s poorly written, literally repetitive without impact, monotonous in tone, self aware and meta in a pathetic way, and it burns the edges off all passion. This could be trimmed down into something I call great. In its current form it is not great. I don’t get a sense that Elizabeth is trying to tell a story about a book that impacts her friends or her lovers or her child or children. These people barely exist in this space and outside of the rich relationship to the child, they only say don’t publish the work. These characters drink and discuss, but rarely is it about anyone but the subject’s work and when it is other work it is forgettable and not thematically important. The thematically important pieces that are not written by Elizabeth feel like the little dutch boy plugging his fingers in the flooding dam. This is insecure writing. It doesn’t feel vulnerable fully because of how self aware the book is. We are supposed to understand this as a heavily edited and still largely unfinished manuscript where someone repeats their memory about an obsession with a past lover. If Person/a 2: Person Harder came out in a few years I wouldn’t be surprised. I wouldn’t be surprised if Elizabeth made you reread all of Person/a again in Persona/2 while trying to write anything new. 

When the narrator blows up small behaviors to cover for larger ones as a pattern you wonder how much the author is aware of. If you don’t fall in the pitfall of looking for veracity you ask how much self awareness the author has. Maybe you need one for the other. The book is impossible to talk about if you meet it on its terms just like the narrator can’t be spoken to.  

What is there is escalating cruelty. This is a book explicitly committed to not learning a lesson. I am not trying to introduce the Hays Code for literature. People can write what they want. This endless longing to no point serves no purpose. I didn’t like In The Mood For Love so this specific type of feeling is something I know I’m turned off by. Recently I spoke with a former fling that I have thought about for five(?) years because I felt guilt. She said she didn’t remember what happened. When I clarified what happened she said lol don’t worry. We can be our own worst enemy. This narrator revels in being their own worst enemy. 

The narrator mocks suicide and addiction, something this ex flame has struggled with, all while self-aggrandizing her botched relationship as equal to suicide and addiction. She lusts for that fatality. I’ve struggled with both. I do wish suicide on my worst enemy and I feel bad about that. I know the weight. I don’t believe this narrator is lovesick. I don’t think this narrator knows how to love anyone. She is shallow in her own understanding of herself. Or this is all heavily edited to look like someone can’t even know themselves. Elizabeth the writer wants you to know that Elizabeth the character is nothing like Elizabeth the writer. Elizabeth the writer is a puppet in front of a real person we’ll never know. This does not read as the text of a master manipulator who knows how to paint a portrait of a completely separate person that people will mistake for real. 

Elizabeth the character paints herself a siren on the rocks. She has an irresistible charm that all men would fall in love with and she discards any man dumb enough to show it. She treats those who will stay loyal like garbage knowing they will stay loyal. She maintains a circle of people she seems to think of as lesser and unaware of manipulations. She is afraid of this ex flame because she thinks he could be her equal and more. An ex husband ran away on the honeymoon and she knew he’d come back. She knows someone will be doting on her. 

Her sexiness that is shown off across her published work as a selling point does not appear in the text. I did not know who Elizabeth Ellen was until I saw the Her Lesser Work cover art. I thought that if I was a different person I’d send her an e-mail. Now I’ve come to understand all communication and even discussion of her is fodder for her next great brushstroke. Some people find this to be one of the most vulnerable portraits of a person they’ve ever read. I don’t. I think the book is calculating. Her beauty doesn’t come across as radiant. She barely comes across as an embodied person in the text. She drinks and does not eat. When she eats it’s not much. There’s one acknowledgment of that in the book that feels pointed. I laughed out loud at a line about her crying into her own collarbone. 

The form of the book is insecure as well. It’s an extended rumination. Half finished redrafts of a novella to make a whole. There’s endless epigraphs and quotes from other artists. These bursts force me to reckon with the truth that I am reading the results of many better worker’s runoff. The self indulgence doesn’t have the strut of 70’s cock rock. There’s no hip hop glitz. There’s an explicit acknowledgement that Eminem is the best rapper because he raps about what’s real. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of rap music and something I’d expect from a woman that is largely known as an Ann Arbor person. I don’t want to read insecure and manipulative for 600 pages. It’s boring. You lay your pattern out too early. You completely understand why this person has time to sit alone and write these 600 pages because it sounds like they have no real friends. 

In the book she acknowledges class, but never alludes to being more than what a white woman born in the 60’s understands to be middle class. This character is not middle class. We know the author is not. We have all struggled in life. Coming into enough money to do whatever you want with your life is something that doesn’t invalidate past suffering, but can be acknowledged in a full complex manner. I’ve taken four hour bus rides to see exes. Those rides hurt my body. I slept like shit the night before and the night after bus rides. I felt like I  was in a temporary place and could never get my bearings. 20 dollars is a lot to me. My bus rides would cost 40 bucks minimum one way. I worked at a campus dining hall when I took those bus rides. I flipped burgers for nothing. I read marxist literature and the narrator is right to acknowledge her complete unwillingness to grow as a thinker or a person. She has enough confidence to mocks her partner for wanting to shut off his brain too. 

The elements that are formally experimental fall flat for me. Is he a writer or musician? Isn’t each of those both? Fuck off. Is my kid a boy or a girl? You’re not playing with it as much as you think. This book reads like a second waver’s attempted triumphant victory lap over the tyrannical man. Women being as bad as men can be isn’t revolutionary. It’s just people being bad. There’s not a real gender examination here outside of the literary scene image of a person. That’s barely mentioned and almost always just about fucking. Maybe the person desiring a heavy body like an Asperger’s blanket really is retarded. 

The mantra in my head is this book is rich in its blindness. The narrator writes about reading people whose work is as much off the page as it is on the page. I don’t think Elizabeth does that here. Sometimes it hits, but usually it’s hollow. I think her rote and mundane suburban anxieties usually lead people down rote and mundane questioning lines. 

I think the best part of this book is the relationship to the child. There are a few fleeting mentions of a feminist mom that stays with someone bad. I wish that was explored more. I know she has made work about that. I might read it. Both elements  remind me of my own relationship to my mother as a newly divorced beautiful woman in her 40s and 50s. My friends wanted to fuck my mom. My mom was occasionally too friendly with my friends. She never went to movies with us, but she’d watch them at home with us. Mock our stupid comments about the lack of realism in Zombieland. Who cares about realism in a Zombie movie? The relationship to Saul is unbelievable. Shark jumping. It starts off looking like a portrait of a woman’s madness, but ultimately when you compare it to the very hot feelings about Ian it’s floaty. This book pulls punches and self justifies and cowers. I think the bite is soft except the explicit intent to hurt a possibly real artist. The self criticism is even more shallow than your average pop mental health bestseller. 

Still, the attempt to know the child and the child’s attempt to help the mom find fulfilling love struck real chords in my heart. The child’s willingness to discard the father because of the mother’s self protective cold front struck chords in my heart too. This is where I feel the beating heart of the text. I know that’s not what the book is about. I worry for the child that reads this. Wanting to be the biographer of an ex flame and using a kid for story fodder hurts.

I want to care about Elizabeth the character and feel for her hurts and side with her. That’s why she includes that Bukowski stuff about being the hero of her shit. I don’t think anyone is the hero here. It’s an unreliable narrator losing grasp. 

The book insults you if you decide that this is something real. There is story truth and truth truth. I finished high school, barely.

For a long time I wanted people to write about me. I wanted to written about as a lover and I wanted to be obsessed over this way. After reading this I don’t. 

This is not what I expected from Elizabeth Ellen. I didn’t like it. If this is her. That’s sad. She was a mythic figure until I read this. If it isn’t, this is sad. It’s mostly bad writing. If you’re 40 and think this is what love is like I worry for you. We all struggle with strange feelings and wandering thoughts and ruminations on exes. We all want to fuck people on the street or creative peers. We want to fuck the people we can’t fuck. That’s age old. We can also move forward and find completely fulfilling love. This book is against that. This book calls for a new midwest loneliness. This book doesn’t even paint an image of the midwest. It’s hollow without intention. Cruel to create propulsion. I think this is an embarrassing exploration of what auto fiction can be and maybe that’s the point. 

This your loyal observer at Pigeon Probe. Remember to look up for the shit! 

[uncleasad]

Good progress on the editing today…I completed my read-through of the entire fic 🎉 Only one or two more egregious typos 😂 Mostly tightening some language or clarifying bits, adding a few descriptors, and even unwinding a few of my worst meandering, complex-thought sentences. It’s great coming at things again with fresh eyes after a break of a few days. Nothing seemed really awkward or confusing, and tightening things here and there helped places that could be a tiny bit confusing (again, hooray for fresh eyes).

A couple of small, fun additions, too…brief lines/thoughts for Lizzie and Josie that add some depth, and a really nice callback for Penelope that just popped into my head 😀 (and almost no scene surgery needed!).

I’m pretty sure I know where I’m going to break the first chapter, after about 2K words. After that, though…ugh. There’s a good break after 8K more words, but I really want to split that in half-ish, so I’m going to have to reread that or something…and then another 5K words into the end, which I’m OK with if I can’t find a good place to break that chunk further. Need more fresh eyes. (Ideally, at 15K total words, I’d break into three roughly-5K chapters, but that’s not where things fell logically.)

This is my first time editing something this long all at once, which…was a not-fun taste of what’s to come on my long, long WIPs. Definitely easier to go chapter-by-chapter on something this long. On the other hand, 1) I had no idea where chapter breaks might be when I was writing, 2) I definitely improved things, including a host of spots in the early ~⅓ of the fic, while writing the latter ⅔ of it, and 3) I had no idea it would ever be this long! 😳 I was expecting a 4, 5, maybe 6K-word fic 😂 (It’s a different manifestation of the phenomenon that any time I start writing and publishing a fic with what I think is a fixed chapter count, it will spawn at least one new chapter before I’m finished writing 😂)

At any rate, that’s where things are tonight. I should be able to post the first chapter tomorrow 🤞 and figure out the other breaks sometime next week, knock on wood.