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peaceisadirtyword · 1 year

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Pull the Trigger IX (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello! A bit late, sorry! I just got home🥲 I’ll try to post the next chapter as soon as I can🫶🏼

Warnings: mild smut👀 mentions of past abuse, mentions of alcohol, anxiety...

Words: 4412

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Alfred had cancelled on you. Apparently, he had missed an important date with Elsewith and he had gotten a last minute reservation on a very expensive place to apologise. You understood, but couldn’t help but sigh in disappointment when you saw his text. Thora was out with Hvitserk again. Since they had formalised their relationship it was almost like they spent even more time together than before. She had insisted on staying with you, but you practically forced her to go, feeling too guilty for having ruined her big night some days ago.

Almost a week had passed, and you had hoped you could talk to Alfred about what Ivar had said to you. You hadn’t had the chance to do it earlier, as the last time you saw him you had spent hours crying because of Erik. You had never seen Alfred so angry at someone, and while it was comforting, you still were overthinking Ivar’s words.

But then again, he didn’t contact you anymore. He wasn’t in class that week, and he was nowhere to be found on campus. You had his number and could have easily texted him, but then again you didn’t know what to say.

Because you weren’t sure of what he had said.

He was at Valhalla. You knew it because Ingrid had texted you, telling you she had seen him inside when she had entered, and you had tried to convince yourself you didn’t care, but a part of you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You had gone through Ubbe’s posts on social media until you found him at the background of one of his videos. Sigurd had also posted things but as the brothers couldn’t stand each other you didn’t bother to look for Ivar in his videos. Thora had told you they’d head to Valhalla around midnight, so you kept glancing at the clock, knowing that Hvitserk was the one that would post the pictures of Ivar, given they were the closest ones.

You just wanted to see him, to see he was okay, because even if you had tried your best not to acknowledge it, you missed him. You would be forever mad for not remembering most part of that night, when you had slept in his bed and he had taken care of you. The simple thought made you feel something strange that was both worrying and comforting at the same time.

Taking a deep breath, you got up from the couch and entered the bathroom for a quick shower. The horrible movie you were watching was forgotten as you entered your room, immediately opening your wardrobe to try and find something to wear. After almost crying a few times, you decided on a black velvet dress. It was short and had cleavage, not quite what you’d usually wear for a night out, but Valhalla wasn’t a normal club and it was very far from your usual trusted bar, so you put on some thighs and your favourite tall boots that Thora had gifted you last Christmas because of how many times you’d ask her for hers.

After frowning at your own reflection for a good ten minutes before moving back to the bathroom to wash your face and put some makeup on. Half an hour later you were ready, picking up your phone, wallet and keys and quickly turned off the TV and the lights, leaving your flat before you could change your mind.

Calling an Uber was way more than your bank account could afford, so you took the bus and walked towards the club, hoping Ivar would still be there when you managed to get in. It was cold, and the slow queue didn’t help. You checked your phone a few times until you realised the battery was very low. Thora had messaged you, asking if everything was okay, you replied quickly, telling her you were fine and debating whether you should tell her you were at the club or not.

But just when you were going to do so, the doorman called you. The rest of the queue looked at you up and down, some of them with annoyance and even hatred, but you didn’t say a word as the doorman lifted the rope, letting you in.

Flashbacks of the first time you stepped into that club made you take a deep breath as you left your coat on the wardrobe next to the door and thanked the girl that took it with a tense smile. You didn't even know what you were doing there, you didn’t know what you would say to Ivar if you could talk to him. You made your way to the VIP zone, your heart racing when you saw Whitehair. Wherever he was, Ivar was never too far away.

Your eyes finally found him. He was standing, leaning on his crutch and with a drink on his other hand. But you stopped walking towards him when you saw who he was talking to.

It was a woman, a tall, beautiful woman with brown hair. You could only see her back, but your mouth dried when you saw her curves, hugged by a beautiful red dress. You were sure she was stunning, and Ivar was so close to her, talking to her…

You felt like throwing up, suddenly you were the idiot that had come all the way to Valhalla to talk to him after not hearing from him in days. Thinking he liked you.

Looking around, feeling the tears fill your eyes, you took a deep breath. Should you get a drink or just go home?.

When you looked back towards Ivar, you found his eyes. He looked surprised to see you there, and you could see his lips saying your name, but you turned around and left for the toilets, unable to face him at that moment. Then you heard him calling you a bit louder, but you were already entering the women’s toilet and ignored him. Great, now he knew you were there. That was even more humiliating.

There were two girls inside the bathroom, talking cheerfully as they retouched their makeup, who looked at you as soon as you barged in, clearing your throat. They looked at you up and down, frowning, but you didn’t even look at them, running your hand through your hair and taking another deep breath.

Your relief didn’t last, as someone else entered the bathroom and startled the girls.

“You” Ivar pointed at them “Out”

They didn’t say a word. Instead, they grabbed their things and left quickly, barely glancing at you as they closed the door behind them.

“This is the girls’ bathroom” you said, looking anywhere but at him.

“I don’t care, toilets don’t have a gender” he replied, annoyed.

“Someone could enter…”

“Whitehair is outside” he interrupted you, shrugging “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t even know” you muttered, turning back to the mirror to try and fix your makeup “I guess I wanted to talk to you”

“Did anything happen?” he frowned in confusion “Did Erik…?”

“No, don’t say his name” you sighed “No, not everything is about him, I just wanted to talk to you because you said things the last time I saw you that I… Have been thinking about it, but I don’t know what to think and it’s killing me, but then I come here and I see you with someone else and I realise I’m an idiot and you probably didn’t mean what I thought you meant and now I really want to be alone…”

“Wait, wait, slow down” he frowned, interrupting you “Someone else?”

“Yes, the girl you were talking to, I just… I misunderstood what you told me the other day, it’s my fault, now if you excuse me…”

“Wait, let me talk” he grabbed your arm as soon as you tried to walk towards the door “That girl you saw me talk to is my sister”

You felt as if someone just threw a bucket with ice and water all over you.

“Your… Sister?”

“Yes, well, my half sister, Gyda” he shrugged “She’s my dad’s daughter but her mother is Lagertha, she’s Björn’s sister, she lives in Hedeby with her mother but she came to Kattegat to visit us”

“I…” you groaned again, closing your eyes. If you thought nothing could be more humiliating than thinking Ivar was with someone else when you came to see him, you were wrong “Sorry, I… Never saw your sister before”

“Were you jealous?”

Flustered, you looked away again. Ivar had a smirk on his lips and his cocky expression only made you want to hit him really hard.

“No” you scoffed “I’m just… I didn’t want to interrupt you”

“Well, you did interrupt me with your dramatic escape and making me chase you” he chuckled “I’m not complaining, though”

Rolling your eyes, you finally looked at him, realising you couldn’t escape now and had to tell him exactly what you had come to tell him.

“The other day…” you sighed “You said you cared about me”

He hummed, nodding his head and almost pouting. His eyes were widened and you had to force yourself to stop looking into them.

“I’m not sure I understand what you meant by that”

Ivar sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand.

“You are dense sometimes, did you know that?”

You gasped, offended.

“And you are rude” you replied, scoffing.

“I was going to kiss you” he ignored you “And you still don't understand what I meant?”

You were left speechless. It was true that you had thought about it, but there was a part of you that insisted that it couldn’t be true. That you weren’t the kind of girl Ivar Lothbrok would like.

“I didn’t know if I had imagined it or not, I just…”

“Can I kiss you?” he interrupted you again, and you blinked a couple of times “Now, so you stop talking”

“Okay, you are very rude, and if this is your way of flirting let me tell you it won’t…”

You didn’t get to finish that sentence, because Ivar leant in to press his lips against yours. You gasped in surprise, but closed your eyes as soon as he deepened the kiss, his free hand landed on your waist, and you let yourself relax between his body and the sink behind you. His lips were warm, and tasted a bit like alcohol and cigarettes, but they were sweet and softer than you had imagined. Because you had imagined it. Even though no one of your daydreams was nearly as good as the actual kiss. You almost felt like you had never been kissed before, and his scent felt almost intoxicating when you breathed into it.

Ivar hummed against your lips, making you sigh at the sound. You weren’t sure of when exactly you started to like Ivar that much but you felt unable to kiss anyone else after that kiss, especially when he broke it, moving away just a few centimetres just to chuckle and give you a small peck before you could even open your eyes.

His blue eyes were the first thing you saw when you finally opened yours, and you could feel the heat underneath your skin and hear your accelerated heartbeat. You wondered, embarrassed, if he could also notice.

“Sorry, I just have wanted to do that for a long time” he said, tilting his head with his smirk back on his lips. You cleared your throat.

“That was also very rude of you”

“It was also very rude of you to interrupt my conversation with my sister” he shrugged “We’re even”

“I didn’t interrupt it, I…”

“You did, by running away after getting my attention, jealous” he leant in again to whisper against your ear. You didn’t know if he put that with many other girls, but it was definitely working because you almost moaned “And wearing this”

His free hand, which he had leant on the sink to support his weight, tugged at your dress, making you look down.

“I had to wear it because otherwise I wouldn’t have entered your elitist, corrupted club”

He laughed then, shaking his head.

“The doorman knows who you are, you would get in even if you were wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants”

“Well, I decided not to risk it” you shrugged, trying not to overthink his words -because if you did you would probably start hyperventilating.

Ivar smiled again. Obviously he had drunk, being way more relaxed than you had ever seen him. Was that the real Ivar?

“I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me” you bit your lip “I thought you hated me”

“I beat up a guy that drugged you, Y/N”

“Yes, but that’s just your mob boss complex”

“I’m going to ignore that”

“But you called me a bitch” you crossed your arms, forcing him to move slightly backwards “And you said my life was worthless”

Ivar sighed, nodding and closing his eyes.

“You really got on my last nerve, but you’re lucky, others ended up dead for less”

You rolled your eyes, an amused smile on your lips.

“Stop doing that, I don’t believe you, you act like you’re all dangerous, cruel and heartless but there you were taking care of me when I couldn’t even walk, you’re just a normal guy”

Ivar shrugged, but he didn’t look bothered by your comment. In some way, you could see why so many people were afraid of him, he could be intimidating. But he had just asked for permission to kiss you and then had interrupted you with a kiss… He couldn’t be that bad.

“That’s the point” he licked his lips, shrugging again “I’m not meant to be dangerous to you”

“I’m serious”

“About what?”

“You act like that but then you come to my house to bring me my clothes and see if I’m okay, and then you start yelling and almost kiss me but then don’t talk to me for days…”

“Isn’t it obvious, Y/N?”

You knew it was obvious, but at the same time it was too obvious to be real. Everything seemed more of a fantasy you had built inside your head in which Ivar Lothbrok liked you even before you talked to each other for the first time. And for some reason that thought didn’t bother you, quite the contrary, it made you fluster and smile like an idiot.

“No, I want you to say it” you took a deep breath “Loud and clear, no indirects”

Ivar looked taken aback, almost like no one had ever asked him to talk about his feelings before. Looking around, he stepped back, suddenly nervous. He felt his mouth drying and a strange feeling in his stomach. He was nervous. Him, who had killed people in cold blood, who dealt with terrifying people that doubled his age and experience, who had had guns pointed at him and his brothers and that was used to deal with people that wanted him dead was a nervous wreck in front of a girl that asked him to talk about his feelings for her.

Well, it wasn’t just a girl, it was you.

Ivar still remembered the first time he had seen you. Sitting next to Alfred, you were frowning down at your notes and comparing them with his while he laughed. Then he had seen you many times around campus, you were all the time with Thora or Alfred, but whenever you were alone he never dared to approach you. Until one day Hvitserk saw him looking at you, and Ivar had made him look at your friend. She’s cute, Hvitserk had said, but his smirk had told him he had liked her.

And then he only had to wait. Ivar hoped you’d never heard about the fifty kroner he gave to that girl that sat next to him to go up and seat next to Alfred. Just to have you close, as he knew it was the only time you’d be close to him.

He was glad to see he had been wrong for the first time in his life.

“I…” he cleared his throat, his heart was beating so hard against his chest that he was afraid of you hearing it, and also of having a heart attack “I care for you”

You raised your eyebrow.

“Is that all I’m getting? After you barging into my house to yell how you tricked your brother into dating my best friend because you couldn’t talk to me”

Ivar couldn’t believe you had memorised his exact words.

“I didn’t barge, you invited me in”

“That’s not the point”

Ivar took a deep breath, and when his blue eyes looked right into yours again you almost groaned out loud.

“I like you, Y/N” he said. It was the first time you saw him being somewhat vulnerable. His cheeks were reddened, he kept biting his lower lip softly, looking everywhere but at you, his head down. Almost like a teenager waiting for a scolding.

You couldn’t help your lips curving softly with a smile. You also felt flustered. Hell, your heart was beating so fast you could barely hear anything over it. Ivar gulped, suddenly watching you carefully. Please, don’t laugh, don’t make fun of me.

He didn’t like to feel vulnerable or open, he didn’t want anyone knowing he liked you, not even you, because it was the only effective weapon that could really hurt him.

“So you’re not heartless after all”

It was a mere whisper, but he heard you perfectly fine, even if he didn’t reply. What was he supposed to say? That you couldn’t tell anyone? That it was fine if you didn’t feel the same?. He skipped all of that during his teenage years and had no idea of how he was supposed to react.

But he didn’t need to. Suddenly you approached him, making him freeze and grab his crutch tighter than ever. He’d swear he heard it crack, but he didn’t really care because you grabbed his neck and pulled him down as you got on your tiptoes, kissing him.

It was almost like your warm lips melted him. Literally. Ivar couldn’t recall a moment in which he had felt so hot. He leant against the closest wall he had, letting the crutch fall to the floor just to touch you with both hands. You glanced at the thrown crutch quickly, but his lips against your jaw and travelling down your neck distracted you. He was intoxicating, warm, his scent made you dizzy and the way he was kissing you… His lips captured your upper lip, and he kissed you with urgency, passion and need, almost like he’d die if he stopped.

You weren’t complaining, though. His hands had found their way to your ass, but they kept touching you everywhere, leaving a warm, tickly path behind. You jumped and gasped when his fingers brushed against the bare skin of your legs, and Ivar seemed to find that amusing. His hand was warm when he finally touched your thigh, and you felt a familiar wave travel down your lower belly and sex. You only broke the kiss to catch air for a couple of seconds before kissing him again. This time your hands travelled down his neck and shoulders, letting yourself touch his chest, hard and muscular from carrying his own weight for his whole life. Just when your hand reached his belt and his was already under your dress getting closer and closer, someone knocked on the door, startling you.

Then you realised you were about to have sex with Ivar Lothbrok in a public bathroom. Your last week self would have been very scandalised.

Stepping away, you turned to look at yourself in the mirror. Your lips were reddened and swollen and you were thankful for not having worn lipstick. Your eyes were teary and your makeup was a bit ruined, but you only smudged it a bit with your fingers and hoped everyone would be too drunk and it would be too dark to notice.

Ivar reached for his crutch, raising his voice to let Whitehair know he was fine. You wondered whether you should help and reach his crutch for him, but he managed just fine, knowing exactly which movements he needed to do. When he was standing again, he looked at you. His expression was softer. You couldn’t remember the expression he had when he had taken care of you, but you liked to think it was the same one.

“Ubbe is probably freaking out because I left” he shrugged “Do you want a drink?”

“I… Think I should go home” you cleared your throat “It’s late”

Ivar raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll take you home later”

You didn’t even try to argue, because you knew you’d stay. For some reason, you wanted to spend a bit more time with that new Ivar you were discovering. The one that didn’t act like a pretentious asshole.

His soft expression disappeared as soon as he opened the door. Whitehair looked at him and then at you, frowning and clenching his jaw. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at him, making Ivar clear his throat and grab your arm quickly. The people queuing at the door didn’t say anything, but looked at you up and down and you instantly knew all of Kattegat would know you had been locked in a toilet with Ivar Lothbrok by morning.

You did smirk at Whitehair when you finally stepped in the VIP zone as he stayed at the entrance with a frown in his already harsh face. You could feel some people staring and just when you were thinking about texting both Thora and Ingrid to let them know you were there, someone practically tackled you, making you yelp and almost fall to the floor. Thora squealed in excitement and you could tell she had already had a few drinks when she looked at you, her cheeks reddened and a stupidly wide smile on her lips.

“You’re here!” she jumped next to you. Ivar glared at her, rolling his eyes, but Hvitserk asked him something and his attention diverted soon enough “Where were you? Ubbe told us you were here but that you disappeared suddenly… I was worried! Do you want a drink? Ingrid is here too!”

“Wow” you chuckled, grabbing her shoulders to keep her in place “Sorry, I had to go to the toilet… I found him on my way back and he told me you were here”

“Him being Ivar” she giggled, almost like it was a joke you didn’t get “Okay, a drink?”

You nodded, if you had to deal with the entire Lothbrok clan and drunk Thora you might as well get even.

You didn’t get a second to breathe, as soon as Thora left to grab you a drink, someone else approached.

She was even more stunning up close. Gyda had a beautiful, long hair that seemed to be brown but was darkened by the lowlights of the club. She wore a beautiful and probably very expensive red dress that you’d swear you had seen on some runway on YouTube. When the lights illuminated her face you could distinguish greenish eyes, more similar to Hvitserk than to Ivar’s, but you couldn’t tell the exact colour.

She shot you a big smile. She was older, older than you and Ivar, maybe in her thirties already, but she could have been twenty-five and you wouldn’t have been surprised. You only realised you were staring with your mouth agape until she spoke.

“Hello, you must be Y/N” she grabbed your hand enthusiastically “I’m Gyda, I’m Ivar’s sister… Half-sister” she chuckled “It’s great to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you these days! Mostly from the boys teasing Ivar, but they were only good things, don’t worry”

You wondered what good things the Lothbrok brothers had to say about you, but decided to ignore it and smiled back at her shyly.

“Hi” you nodded “Yes, I’m Y/N, it’s great to meet you too”

“Wow, you’re really pretty” she looked almost excited, her eyes scanning you up and down, then she giggled “Ivar already said it, but I don’t trust his taste very often so I’m surprised, but you’re beautiful, I love your dress!”

“Why, thank you” you chuckled nervously, feeling mortified as her smile widened even more.

“Hvitserk told me you’re giving my littlest brother a hard time… Whatever you’re doing, he probably deserves it so you have my full support!”

“Okay, Gyda, that’s enough, thank you so much” an annoyed Ivar appeared beside you, glaring at his sister. She winked at you, amused, before turning around and leaving. You turned to Ivar with a frown.

“What are you telling your family about me?” you narrowed your eyes, Ivar rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Only your terrible taste in men and your inability to pay attention in class”

You scoffed, but your lips curved in a smile.

“Someone is calling you” he pointed at the bar, where Thora tried to grab your attention to point at the drink on her hand. Hvitserk looked more in love than ever next to her.

“I better go before she drinks it” you grimaced.

“Okay”

A moment of silence. Ivar looked at you with his soft expression that had disappeared as soon as you had left the toilet, but before you could act on your instincts and kiss him again, he turned around, going back to the couch where Ubbe was sitting talking to some people you didn’t know.

“Ivar” you reached to grab his hand before he could get too far, and the both of you froze almost instantly, realising what you had done. When he turned to look at you he had a surprised look on his face, which you were sure mirrored your own “Um… Thank you”

You didn’t specify why but he already knew. He nodded slowly as you let his hand go, hurrying to the bar where Thora waited for you. Ivar let himself fall on the couch next to his brother, looking around to make sure no one had seen that. Then he looked down, hoping the darkness would hide the stupid smile he had on his face.

Because it had been the first time you had called him by his name.

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Tags: @istorkyou @barnes-lothbrok @naaladareia @youbloodymadgenius @southernbe @yummycastiel @nothingtolosebutweight @noway4u @cdauni @heavenly1927 @ivarhoegh @biancathecool @helleiaiwritting @marvelsangels @ironynoticony @kenyadakblalock @mymindfuckery @alexa4040 @tessakate @ivarlover @vannabanana1995 @darksoulgemx @mynameisiliana

I hope I didn’t forget anyone💔 thank you so much for reading🫶🏼

Ps. I will try and reply to all the comments this time!

#ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #modern ivar #vikings #vikings imagine #modern vikings #pull the trigger

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teddyniffler · 26 days

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Mercy in Defeat

Chapter 12

Part 1

A great sense of unease had settled within Alfred.

He couldn’t place it exactly, sitting on his throne during the Witan, he was listening to a report from Mercia. His daughter Ethelflead had become Lady of Mercia and it was her men who were here now, they had fended off an invasion from the Pagans who had finally recovered enough to raid, however only small numbers visited now. As he sat in his throne, he shifted to get comfortable and then raised his arm up to touch his mouth, on the pretense he was rubbing his face, but in truth nausea had reared up again. He didn’t hear about Icelandic Vikings landing in Northumbria as his focus kept going from trying not to be sick to the pain in his stomach, which was slowly starting to burn. He was twitching his leg in an agitated, uncontrollable way as an uncomfortable feeling, almost tickly, kept itching deep within his chest.

“Thank you for coming to tell me this” Alfred broke him off, as nausea caused his stomach to gag “Pardon me, I must call this meeting to an early close”

He got up fast from the throne and made his way quickly out through the personal corridor, barely out of the throne room he leaned over and vomited.

“Father?” Came a voice behind him.

Hands touched him as Edward took hold of him, he was shaking violently, he again vomited.

Edward looked down and then looked at his father, his stomach was making angry noises, but they had both seen it.

Mixed in with the bile was blood. A lot of blood.

“Mother we should recall Ethelflead back from Mercia, if father is sick she needs to be here” Edward reasoned. Elsewith was at a loss, she didn’t want to worry her daughter needlessly if Alfred was just unwell, nor did she want Ethelflead back here for another reason. The safety of her young grandson, if the church or the wrong people had found out the child was here he would be in danger.

“What about Aethelstan? Your son, she is raising him, she can’t leave him alone there. If she comes back here, she will have to bring him back here with her”

Edward sighed, he didn’t want to talk about his illegitimate baby right now when his father was sick, he had a lot of grief from his mother over this subject before. One simple mistake had led to him being a father before he was ready, or even married. He knew his parents were disappointed in him. He was disappointed in himself.

“I’m going to see father, he shouldn’t be on his own, the physician isn’t family” Edward said, heading to his father’s room, if his mother were to recall his sister, then so be it, the child could be hidden in the villa if needed.

Alfred took a shaking breath, he had used the bathroom after the pain got unbearable, there had been blood there too.

He stumbled back into his bed as the physician held the blankets up, then put them over him, a bedpan was placed by his side for when he needed to be sick. Elsewith came in, followed by Edward.

He was feeling cold, his toes felt numb and while his fingers were like ice, they tingled. Nothing like this had happened before, he looked down at his fingernails, they were going blue. He swallowed and tried to hide his shaking lips, all his fears, his anxieties had all caught up to him at last. There was an unspoken feeling in the air. The Physician looked at Elsewith with words that didn’t need to be spoken. They had been conversation of asking the Bishop to come to the King’s room for Last Rites.

“Elsewith, can you write to Athelstan and ask him to come to Wessex at once, with hast” Alfred asked his wife. He tried to sound casual, but his hands gripped his sheets. His abdomen was on fire.

“Of course Alfred, I will write to Athelstan” She said, but Edward spoke up “I will write to him” He didn’t want to take his mother away from his father if their time was coming to an end “I need to write to my sister also.”

A white horse ran full speed to the path of Wessex, accompanying the rider were men carrying the dark red flag of East Anglia.

“Open the gate” The order rang out when the soldiers seen the flag, King Athelstan had arrived, he was a familiar face at Wessex to those older soldiers who knew him from a young man, and equally as familiar to those younger soldiers who knew him from his visits over the years.

Hvitserk had gotten down from his horse, he didn’t know why he had been summoned here so fast, but he knew somehow it wasn’t good news, the letter had come from Edward, not Alfred. He was taken to Alfred’s room, a room he knew so well from the many nights he and Alfred played chess or talked well into the night back when they had been younger. Inside the room, Alfred laid in bed, his skin looked pale, almost grey and there were dark circles around his eyes, there was a bedpan by his bedside table and there was something inside that looked like blood. Suddenly Hvitserk knew why he had been called here so quicky. He knew at once.

“Hello Alfred” He said sadly, sitting on the side of the bed. He tried for a little smile. “You’ve looked better”

Alfred managed a grimace. “I guess I have” He started coughing, wheezing.

“I will give you some space” Elsewith said, as she left the room, tears were clearly visible on her face.

Hvitserk reached over to Alfred and stroked his hair.

“Is there anything they can do?” He asked, he tried not to let his voice shake.

“They said they will pray” Alfred whispered, confirming what Hvitserk didn’t want to ask. “It feels different this time, I’ve never felt this bad before, the sleepiness is worse, so is the pain and there’s blood in my stomach, they can’t stop it”

Hvitserk felt his tears running down his checks, he didn’t want to cry, he had always reassured Alfred that he would be ok, to cry would confirm to his friend that hope was gone.

“It’s ok to weep Athelstan” He had told Hvitserk that many times. “Let us not threat about things we can’t change, tell me, how are things with your family?”

Hvitserk smiled “My youngest son is still refusing to go to church, until his mother drags him there each week. He threw himself onto the floor last week and started screaming, his sister had to pick him up by his feet and they carried him in, he was still screaming, quite a funny sight for all gathered there. I think there’s too much Norse in him, he hates everything we stand for. He got angry at dinner the other month and shouted he doesn’t blame the Romans for killing Jesus, he would’ve done the same. The priest at the church believes he is possessed by Satan. There’s not a day that goes by when he tells us he hates praying, hates Mass, hates God. He’s barely old enough to ride his horse without aid.”

Alfred wanted to laugh, but it was too painful, he knew all about Hvitserk’s youngest boy, he was so young but he had refused Christianity from the moment he was born. The spirit of his blood, of Ragnar, ran strong in his veins.

“I always thought you were born into the wrong family Athelstan, you were too sensative to be a Viking, maybe he is the same, a restless soul who can’t settle for a calm life. Athelstan, tell him one day, when he is older if you wish. Your son may never be happy in this life. My own son Edward, I tried to keep him on the right path, but he’s already got a son to an unmarried mother, he is too much like my father and grandfather were”

Alfred closed his eyes, he was feeling really dizzy. Black spots covered his vision for a moment.

“Tell him?” Hvitserk said “You mean about who I was?”

“Yes” Alfred confirmed “If he feels lost here, don’t make him suffer what you went through if you really believe he isn’t for this life.”

Alfred kept his eyes closed, the blackness getting worse. He knew if he fell asleep, he wouldn’t be waking up again. He squinted his eyes tightly; he was as scared as he had ever been. He had so far refused his medication for the pain, opting to say goodbye to those closest to him instead.

Hvitserk longed to lay next to Alfred, like how they used to before, shoulder to shoulder laying on the king’s bed as he ran suggestions passed Hvitserk, talking about their families, their pasts. Alfred was far too ill for that now, so he reached over and took one of Alfred’s hands from inside the covers while still stroking his hair, he felt clammy to touch.

“Hvitserk?” Alfred asked

Hvitserk stirred. “I don’t answer to that anymore Alfred, you can’t catch me out anymore remember.”

“No” Alfred said “I wanted to call you that one more time, as that is what you were called when I met you”

He opened his eyes again, they both looked at each other, noticing how much the years had changed them.

“Thank you for saving my life Alfred” Hvitserk said finally, he had waited all these years to say this “You could have killed me, but you saved me. I will never understand how somebody can be so merciful as you, but I try to live by what you taught me every day. I love you, Alfred.”

Alfred smiled back at him. It looked like very hard work, but he managed to talk.

“I remembered you, that day in the tent when you and Ubbe wanted peace but my father and Bishop Heahmund just beat you both rather than strive for peace. They restarted the violence between our people and then I kept seeing you fighting, I seen you so many times in the few years that followed our meeting, and you had changed so much, you were enjoying killing, you were always drenched in blood. I wanted to bring back that poor boy who only wanted peace even after the murder of his father. I was watching as Ivar died for you, he loved you dearly, more than his own life, I knew then you were no savage warriors, you were people who loved and cared for each other, just so very misled. I could see myself and Aethelred in you and Ivar. He had made all the wrong choices, he did bad things, but he was a good person in his soul. I wanted to make peace with you, to save you. I was also lonely; I had lost my family and you had lost yours. I needed you for more than peace, you have been like my brother and I have loved you ever since, we became family for each other.”

Hvitserk nodded, still blinking away his tears.

“I will always love you too.”

Elsewith came back in shortly with the Bishop. Hvitserk rubbed Alfred’s hand and let go, he got up and moved away as the Bishop came over to Alfred. He slipped out of the room as the Bishop preformed the end of life ritual, outside Edward was avoiding his eyes.

“You okay?” Hvitserk asked him. Edward nodded.

“Did my father ever tell you I thought you were my uncle for years until an aid told me we weren’t actually blood related?” He said unexpectedly. “I was so distressed to hear that, I told the aid I’d have him thrown in the dungeon for his slander, my mother was not impressed at my words and my father had to explain you were adopted into our family. I always just assumed you and my father were brothers.”

“No?” Hvitserk said, this was new to him.

“Yes, you’ve meant a lot to my father, growing up you meant a lot to me too. I don’t know if my mother has informed you yet of my son, but I named him after you and after my father’s other father. He can’t be here, the church would have him put to death for the nature of his birth, it’s a similar fate as to what would have happened to my own father if my great-grandfather hadn’t protected him when he was a child, but my son is called Athelstan, because I hope one day he will find his way home. It seems all people named Athelstan return home eventually”

Hvitserk paused. What did that mean? His mind was still on what Alfred had said to him about his own son before he released Edward meant this place, the original Athelstan had returned here once, Hvitserk had lived here. Edward wanted his son to come home.

“It’s a beautiful name” Hvitserk told him.

Edward nodded, his eyes were red and Hvitserk realised he was trying to distract himself.

“My sister isn’t coming home, she loves my father, but father told her to keep the baby safe, she can’t leave him to return”

They were allowed back in the room shortly after, Alfred was being sick again, it was all blood he was bringing up now, it poured thicky from his mouth.

Once the vomiting had calmed again, they had given him his medicine to ease his pain and he slowly started growing drowsy, his eyes flickering close, the odd whimper from him. They all sat together around his bed. The physician and the Bishop stood waiting in the study outside the bedroom area, outside the bells had started ringing out mournfully, a slow ringing that tolled out. Outside, the towns people all paused to mark the moment a great king passed. They would remember King Alfred the Great, for that is what he would be known as, his bloodline would live on for centuries after him. The people of a time still long, long into the future would have statues of him in this town even when this town no longer was recognisable. His chest rose one last time, his lips moving at the sides slightly and then he was still.

The greatest Saxon King of the age had died. His face was peaceful and it just looked like he was asleep to Hvitserk, who looked at his face, tears running down his face as he realised, he had lost the dearest friend he would ever have.

For Alfred, he had just gone to sleep, his family was there, he knew that, it comforted him that he wasn’t alone, everybody was with him. He knew the second death had taken him, but somehow that simple thought wouldn’t register in his mind, it had felt like he had simply dosed off, being too tired after staying up too long playing chess.

It felt like he had overslept and now his grandfather was calling to him, telling him to get up, it was time to start his day.

He opened his eyes and there was King Ecbert standing at the foot of his bed, he had caught Alfred snoozing again, a king must be up as soon as he awakens, there was too much work to be done to snooze.

Alfred glanced to the side of him, why was his loved ones so sad? He thought he knew.

“Do I have to leave them, grandfather?” He asked. He knew the answer already, of course he did. It was time for him to go now, he had to leave them.

“You do, but you shall see them again soon” Ecbert said, he glanced at Hvitserk totally unsurprised, as if he knew why there was a son of Ragnar Lothbrok there.

Alfred sat up in bed, he felt lighter than he had ever felt, he touched his face, his skin felt smooth and his hair under his fingers felt bouncy again, how he used to have it when he was younger, before he had to cut it off to fight in battles. He was young again, there was no pain, no rumbling stomach, no tiredness. He felt amazing.

He looked at the people around him as his grandfather held out his hand.

“Will they be ok?” He asked. He tried to touch Elsewith but he couldn’t reach her.

Ecbert looked thoughtful. “Who knows? But I think they will be ok. Now come, there’s somebody waiting for you, a dear friend of mine and he has waited a long time to see you”

Alfred turned back Ecbert.

“Grandfather, you’re not in hell?” Alfred asked, realising suddenly his grandfather really was there.

Ecbert chuckled “Was I not a man of God, Alfred?”

Alfred didn’t know what to answer to that, he knew his grandfather’s darker nature as well as his light.

Ecbert chuckled again “Enough of me, come. We are not leaving him waiting Alfred, get out of bed”

Alfred got out of bed, he tried to touch Hvitserk who was sobbing inconsolable, but he couldn’t.

“Goodbye” Alfred said to his godson. “You’ll be ok Hvitserk”

He followed his grandfather, everything looked bathed in sunlight, colours that were too bright, it wasn’t cold anymore. They went out of his bedroom but as they walked into the study, the physician and Bishop were gone, he couldn’t hear his loved ones crying anymore. In the room a man waited for him by the fire, his back was to them but Alfred knew who he was even before he turned to look at Alfred. Somebody Alfred had known his entire life even though they had never met save in dreams and visions. His father’s dark hair was tied back, but a few shorter curls stuck up.

A wave of emotion ran through Alfred.

“Hello” Athelstan said to him. His eyes taking in Alfred as if he couldn’t stop looking at his son. His blue eyes ran over his son’s face, he moved closer. “Alfred, it is good to finally meet you, I’m your-“

Alfred threw his arms around him. At long last he could hug his father. Athelstan put his arms around him and held him. Every step of Alfred’s life he had walked by his side, watching helplessly as his son got sick, watching proudly at his moments of happiness, only being able to show himself in moments of desperate need for Alfred, the lost son he had longed for.

Alfred didn’t want to let him go, all his life he wanted a father who loved him unconditionally, no matter what. He slowly let go and looked into his father’s face, he had been waiting all his life for this moment without even knowing it.

“Father” Alfred finished for him, with a smile.

“Your mother and brother are waiting for you” Athelstan said with a kind smile “Your other father too, they are all waiting. Want to go see them?”

Alfred nodded. He wasn’t ready to leave his loved ones, but he knew they would one day come join him, he was just going on ahead of them, it wasn’t goodbye forever.

Holding his father’s hand, with his grandfather’s hand on his back, Alfred moved on to what came next.

#MIDAHFABL

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