#emhec cafe

[syn4k]

"hey six what the actual fuck is rex miles et versipellem and why are you tagging random posts as it"

well, i'm glad you asked!

(Nobody asked, actually, and I don't fucking care. I'm going to talk about this anyways because I think it's super fucking cool.)

no cut because i don't respect your time, energy, or wellbeing

rex, miles, et versipellem is the title of a play script that we're working on! it's latin for "the king, the knight, and the werewolf" and for some dumbass reason we decided to write it in elizibithean english and iambic pentameter. we have never written in either of those things before and this is also our first play script so i have zero idea what was going on there when we made that decision but i'm just the guy who's literally just sitting here so idk

on top of being basically a functional play that could be produced if somebody tried (although i have no idea why they'd want to), this project also doubles as fanfiction in a weird convoluted meta way! see once we're done finalizing the script itself we're going to add on some annotations from the in-universe authors and. ok. this part is why it's impossible for us to explain this to people irl hold on

if any one of you lovely fuckwagons remember the Emhec Café series written by ourself and @eagle-warri, basically it's a coffee shop au scott is the barista hes a fae he collects names like pokémon cards etc etc that's not relevant. the relevant bit is that one of the regulars groups (Sausage, Ren, and Oli, who are all theatre majors in this AU) come in regularly on the afternoons and talk loudly and cheerfully about the play they're writing (more details here).

RMEV is that play. yes the play in the au that the theatre kids are writing in-universe.

(exactly how many layers of meta is this again?)

anyways this thing's been an absolute monster to write. there's been three drafts so far. the first draft was originally written in elizibethian english and is unfinished, the second one is written in modern english and as of right now is the only fully finished version, and the third draft (hopefully the last) is us translating the script from modern english back into elizibithean english (with iambic pentameter and everything).

"what's the word count for the finished draft tho" oh uh.

it's normal.

anyways this is our current Fucking Insane Writing Project and it'll be posted to ao3 by act on a schedule once it's done! given the rate at which we're working on it right now, that time will probably be in a few months (probably spring 2024 at the absolute earliest),

[eagle-warri]

inspired by this post from @mcytransswag. congrats anon. how do you feel knowing you inspired someone to write fic from that turn of phrase

technically a part of the emhec cafe series i run with @darubyprincx, but it will be a tumblr special until i figure out how to tag this mess

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thing was, it had been a pretty normal day at the cafe up to that point. Scott had been serving the theater kids basically on autopilot, and had only glanced up when the snickers of the cafe had gotten louder than usual. Once he noticed, he looked up and saw…Oli. In possibly the most ridiculous outfit ever. He had on one of those massive Renaissance Fair hats, the one that’s really wide and three-cornered with a feather in it, a blue jacket covered in ruffles and little gold epaulets (that’s what the little shoulder things were called, right?), and white stockings with black buckled shoes. The worst part, though?

After a moment of stunned silence, Scott burst out with a, “...what the FUCK is on your legs.”

Oli gave a smirk, the kind of evil little sibling smirk they give when they know that you’re about to get really mad at what you’re about to say. “What, these? Oh, these are just my…” Xe put xer leg out, and ran his hands along the red and yellow ribbon pants that poofed out about a foot.

“✨scandalous bard pantaloons✨”

The entire cafe went dead silent. Typically, there was at least some chatter in the cafe, but the phrase “scandalous bard pantaloons” and the volume at which it was said was enough to cause a massive reaction. Suddenly, there came the clatter of a die rolling on the table, a small tink-tink-tink as it bounced onto the floor, and the scraping of a chair against the ground as a man with his hair tied back chased down the die, grabbed it, and checked something in one of the many books scattered around. Finally, in a matter-of-fact voice, he said,

“Everyone who heard that takes 7 points of psychic damage.”

[syn4k]

empires x hc coffee shop au genfic where scott, a fae, only really works there so that he can collect names like Pokémon trading cards. fwhip is the manager and false also works there but sometimes she seems a bit Off. its probably her twin sister she alluded to one time its fine guys. regulars to the shop include xisuma (scott hasn't quite picked up on what he does for a living but he only orders tea), jimmy (owns a ranch about 30 minutes from downtown but drops in every Saturday morning for a croissant), Shelby (owner of a flower shop and recently had to call the local fire department because some sort of mold or fungus was growing in her basement), and Ren, Sausage, and Oli, three theatre majors who as a rule order the exact same thing every time and loudly and cheerfully argue over the script for the play they're writing in the corner they always sit in.

there's no plot really. we slowly over the course of a While figure out more about these people's lives and little events going on throughout the town, and every so often new people show up either on a one-off (Martyn, ran Jimmy's ranch for a weekend for him while he was off on a vacation, Joel, local trade worker for pottery who came in with his girlfriend Lizzie. He ordered a triple shot espresso, she just asked for a water) or become semi-regulars (Pixl, an archaeology professor who sees right through Scott's fae gambit on the first meeting, looks him straight in the eye, denies him his name but allows him to know it, and walks off to sit down with a laptop at a window seat nearby, leaving Scott standing there stunned and the theatre kids to giggle at him).

[syn4k]

emhec café part 8 is here! in which pixl is back from a research trip :)

[eagle-warri]

pspsps @darubyprincxx. It’s Pix time

[eagle-warri]

New update out for @darubyprincxx's and I's Emhec Cafe AU! This time featuring a rendition of the Tunnel Bore Incident, because why the hell not.

[syn4k]

woe, coffee shop content be upon ye

(series co-written with @eagle-warri, go check her out :])

[syn4k]

hello! new emhec cafe oneshot! in which false isn't here for some weird reason

[syn4k]

[tiredly] come get yalls juice

[eagle-warri]

wake up. new emhec cafe just dropped.

in which i make characters go through what i had to go through this weekend