#ena.hc

[petitesmafia]

hc thinking about skk going shopping together at the mall,,,once Dazai lost sight of Chuuya and instead of just calling Chuuya to ask where he went, Dazai decided to go to security to have them issue out a loud announcement over the PA system saying “LOST DOG - IF SPOTTED PLEASE CONTACT SECURITY”

Dazai, laughing at a tacky outfit on display in the window: hey slug, u should buy this Dazai: slug??? Dazai: Dazai, looking around: Chuuya???

[meanwhile] Chuuya, checking his shopping list, thinking he’s talking to Dazai: let’s head to xyz. I need to pick up chocolates for Elise voice to his left: ok Chuuya, still distracted by his shopping list: ur certainly agreeable today Chuuya: Chuuya, feeling Something is Off and turning: …ur not Dazai random stranger: I can be. for u

Chuuya, calling Dazai: PA announcement: good evening shoppers. we are in search of a lost dog— Chuuya: why isn’t this bastard picking up PA announcement: —a small long-haired ginger chihuahua, wearing a black hat. if spotted, pls contact security as soon as possible. thank you. Chuuya: Chuuya: wait a damn minute

Chuuya arriving at the security desk/lost and found to find Dazai patiently sitting there waiting like a kid with the most innocent smile on his face (Chuuya discretely flips him off when he spots him)

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domestic skk where every time Chuuya cooks something delicious, instead of just simply stating that, Dazai would say some wild shit like “compliments to the chef is not enough I need to go back to the kitchen and fuck the chef”

Chuuya: how’s the food Dazai: the chef needs to pull down his pants— Chuuya: can u be normal for once

Chuuya: tried a new recipe. is it good? Chuuya: a yes or no question btw Dazai: that’s not sufficient enough I need to show my appreciation by having the chef place their full body wei— Chuuya, reaching across the table to shove food into Dazai’s mouth to shut him up:

in my mind Chuuya’s one of those ppl that don’t play when it comes to cooking like get OUT of his way. his cabinets are organized he knows where everything is he keeps it pristine so he’s like don’t even think about it. absolutely NO bare asscheeks in MY kitchen

also Chuuya’s got an apron that says “KISS THE CHEF” (an old jokey gift from Albatross) but every time Dazai even tries to so much as lean in Chuuya’s like. I’m holding a knife

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hc skk left a legacy behind at the arcade they used to frequent bc to this day, on every single game, it’s either player SLUG or player MACKEREL topping the scoreboard. no one has been able to rank higher than them yet

sometimes curious ppl will ask about who those two legendary players are and the arcade workers would just sigh and be like. oh yes. THEM. they’re the reason I started balding early (I’m 24) and would go on to explain how yeah, Chuuya and Dazai were regular, paying customers but they were SOOOO disruptive and loved to argue LOUD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR. and how they got kicked out a few times bc of that but still kept coming back

(the arcade workers complain but it’s lighthearted and with a sense of fondness) (bc despite how much trouble skk used to be, they’ve brought the small arcade a LOT of business with ppl visiting to try to beat their scores)

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married skk where Chuuya's removing his gloves while activating Corruption, but he stops the chant midway to take off his ring to hand to Dazai so he doesn't lose it in the fight

Chuuya: oh grantors of— oh wait Dazai: ? Chuuya, turning back and tossing his ring to Dazai: hold onto that for me i don't wanna lose or break it Dazai, biting down a grin: ok <3

(post-corruption, as Dazai's bringing an exhausted Chuuya back to base, he can't resist going "sooooo...." — Chuuya just rolls his eyes and immediately is like. don't even start)

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in my mind the Flags are so close that sometimes they forget outside perceptions of each other. for example: once they decided to get tickets for Lippmann's fanmeeting event as a surprise thinking it would be easy but NAHHH they were fighting for their lives waiting in the queue

Albatross: okay T-10 seconds until the queue opens get ready everyone. should be simple enough Pianoman: go in, get the tickets, get out Chuuya: i'm ready Albatross: it's open!! Albatross: Albatross: ...WDYM 75,123 PEOPLE AHEAD Doc: i have 77,223 people ahead....

Pianoman: to think we only queued early bc we thought it'd be a quick process Albatross: I CLICKED RIGHT ON THE DOT AND STILL 75,123 PEOPLE AHEAD OF ME? Doc: what do we do now Albatross: 75,123 PEOPLE Chuuya: i guess we won't be able to get VIP Albatross: I'M SLOWER THAN 75,123 PEOPLE????????

Albatross: OKAY WAIT I'M IN Pianoman: get 5 seats together Albatross: wait i can't find any. WHY AREN'T THERE ANY Chuuya: HURRY Albatross: I'M STRESSED. UR STRESSING ME OUT Doc: STOP SHAKING

Albatross: OMG WAIT Chuuya: put it in the cart CHECKOUT Pianoman: HURRY UP BEFORE SOMEONE TAKES IT Albatross: I'M SWEATING. I'M SWEATING. Albatross: WHAT'S MY CC INFO Pianoman: for fuck's sake TAKE MINE HURRY Albatross: I'M SWEATING

(the entire ordeal wiped them tf out like Albatross needed to go lie down for 6 minutes to ease his accelerated heart rate,,,Lippmann eventually finds them looking worn out in Old World and is like. ??? did smth happen? and they're like YOUUU 🫵)

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hc Chuuya may complain about Dazai endlessly but i bet if Dazai put him down as a reference for a new job and Chuuya was called to confirm he'd fucking sell Dazai like he was employee of the year

Chuuya, getting a call on a random Thursday: hello, i'm calling to speak to Chuuya Chuuya: this is him speaking caller: i'm calling from xyz firm to confirm Dazai's employment history Chuuya: ...uh. yes. ofc. Dazai is one of the best...workers i've ever had the pleasure of...working with

caller: i heard you've been working together since business school Chuuya: ??? BUSINESS SCHO— uh yes. Dazai was one of the smartest students there. um for sure. he was made for finance caller: did he not specialize in marketing? Chuuya: Chuuya: well. he's multitalented

caller: is this Dr. Nakahara? Chuuya: doctor??? caller: apologies, is this not the right person? i'm calling to speak about a colleague of his, Dr. Dazai Osamu? Chuuya: Chuuya: righttt. doctor. Nakahara. that would be me

Dazai applying for random jobs that he doesn't actually have any credentials for yet somehow passing the stages of recruitment so Chuuya's always thrown off when he gets called to confirm bc wdym Dazai told you in his interview we were CO-RESEARCHERS in MED SCHOOL??

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I know there’s a lot of solid angst potential with the concept of BEAST!Dazai meeting canon!Chuuya but also. I picture them crossing paths and Chuuya IMMEDIATELY takes out his phone and calls the Dazai he knows like “don’t freak out but I’m looking at a mf who looks exactly like u”

Dazai: wdym. there’s no one as handsome as me Chuuya: gags Dazai: are u hallucinating bc u miss me so much. is this what this is. u can just say that u know Chuuya: I’m SERIOUS

BEAST!Dazai: Chuuya…? Chuuya, on the phone with Dazai: what the shit he knows my name. is this a joke. are u playing a joke. don’t piss me off Dazai: I genuinely have no idea what ur talking about

Chuuya looking at BEAST!Dazai like. idk if ur like a fan or a stalker of that bastard but pls find smth better to do with ur time. one of him is ENOUGH society does not need more. have a good day (¬_¬)

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hc sometimes i think about Albatross being known for being able to pilot anything with utmost precision and i do believe that's a skill he learned and enhanced over time but!! i also think it'd be hilarious if he just like. had an innate talent and was insanely good at winging it

like. Albatross giving ppl a mini heart attack but he manages to pull through every time...just picturing him and Chuuya early on during a mission where their pilot got taken out and Albatross is like dw i got this (tbh i have never done this before) (but how hard can it be?)

[on a plane] Chuuya: how are we gonna get back Albatross, getting behind the wheel: don't sweat it i got this Albatross, looking at all the buttons and switches, muttering under his breath: now which one should i press first Chuuya: ...? Chuuya: hold on. wdym WHICH ONE????

[on a boat] Chuuya: should we call hq? neither of us can drive this type of boat Albatross: i can! don't underestimate my learning process Albatross, muttering under his breath: i think if i press this— Chuuya: i thought u meant u LEARNED?? Albatross: i'm LEARNING. WE'RE learning

anytime someone’s stressed about Albatross operating a new form of transportation that he’d never driven before Albatross is just like. ‘die’??? we’re not gonna die. I have plans with the boys tomorrow

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hc thinking about Chuuya being that nonchalant friend who never really talks about if he's having a hard time or if he just went through some rough shit so whenever Shirase calls to catch up he's just baffled as hell

Shirase: so i ordered a large fried rice and the delivery guy brought me a MEDIUM Chuuya: that's unacceptable Shirase: i know right? btw bro ur eye bags are looking a lil dark Chuuya: yeah busy day yesterday. a dragon attacked the city so i had to handle that Shirase: Shirase: excuse me? Chuuya: so did they refund u the difference for the rice Shirase: no no no. PAUSE go back wdym DRAGON? Chuuya: there was a dragon. i got called in and i also owed the guy so i just handled it. it's fine i just need some sleep. btw u should stop eating so much takeout and just learn to cook Shirase: what goes on

Shirase: kinda annoyed today like the bus was 20min late. i should really get a car Chuuya: do u even have ur license Shirase : that's not important rn. do u have any recs since ur car's nice Chuuya: i guess it was nice Shirase: wdym "was"? did u upgrade Chuuya: no it blew up Shirase: what Chuuya: it's gone Shirase: HOW did BLOW UP???? Chuuya: no idea. but seriously u should look into getting a license before driving around bc what are u gonna do if u get caught

Shirase: lemme tell u the craziest thing happened yesterday. bumped into this girl at a cafe and we got to talking and guess what? she knows yuan! Chuuya: really? Shirase: yeah i wanted to tell u yesterday but u didn't call me back Chuuya: sorry i got trapped in some guy's book Shirase: Shirase: huh Chuuya: it was some mystery novel with a bunch of killers. i just fought everybody to get out so it's chill Shirase: what are u talking about Chuuya: enough about me tho. so how's yuan doing

basically it’s always Shirase just asking why Chuuya didn’t tell him about these crazy events and Chuuya’s just like “I don’t like making a big deal out of things. I don’t think it’s that serious” and Shirase is like YES IT IS???

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just thinking about the whole "what if Chuuya joined the detective agency along with Dazai?" and imagine him getting roped into Dazai's game of making everyone guess what their former jobs were (especially Kunikida)

Kunikida, watching skk bicker: btw did you guys know each other before this? Chuuya: unfortunately yes Dazai (at the same time): thankfully no Kunikida: ??? skk: Chuuya: ...sorry i meant no? Dazai (at the same time): just kidding! yes we did skk: Kunikida: ?????

Kunikida: were you guys students? Dazai: no Kunikida: factory workers? Dazai: no Kunikida: you guys weren't like. criminals of some sort right? Dazai: nope Chuuya, whipping his head to look at Dazai: ???????

Kunikida, praising them after a mission: good work today! btw how did you know PM's routes so well? Chuuya: tbh that's bc we used to w— Dazai: —ander around that area :) Chuuya: ??? Dazai: well Chuuya did. bc he was a bad bad boy who liked to hang out after dark in shady places and wouldn't listen to me when i told him the mafia is a very scaryyy place with very scaryyy people~ Chuuya: ?????

Kunikida: so you guys used to work together? what'd you guys do? any notable projects? Chuuya, thinking about him and Dazai destroying an entire enemy organization overnight at age 16: Chuuya, thinking about various other crimes they've committed: Chuuya, nervously sweating: um. well,,

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running on the assumption that everything was truly an act purely bc of the humour of it rn and having a blast thinking about Dazai and Chuuya planning their Meursault mission like:

Dazai: and then you bite me in the neck just to make it seem real Chuuya: what Dazai: what Chuuya: ??? Dazai: Dazai, dejected: okay we’ll leave that part out

or imagine Dazai just casually slipping it into the conversation and moving on thinking Chuuya was just gonna let it slide like:

Dazai: you're gonna shoot me in the head Chuuya: ok Dazai: then you'll bite me in the neck and i'll pretend to twitch and Chuuya: PAUSE. run that back Dazai: i'll pretend to twitch? Chuuya: before that Dazai: you'll bite me Chuuya: ew Dazai: wdym EW Chuuya: why would i do that Dazai: FINE

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hc for any of Lippmann's fansign and fanmeeting events, you can bet that the rest of the Flags will show up decked in Lippmann merch acting like they don't know him personally and are THE biggest fanboys ever

Albatross, clutching a Lippmann poster: i'm ur biggest fan i LOVE u. can i take a photo with u pls Lippmann, trying not to laugh: ofc! thank u for all ur support Albatross: i'm literally shaking omg

Pianoman, next in line: I'M ur biggest fan actually i literally have all ur merch i have ur filmography memorized i even have ur birthday marked in my calendar Lippmann, biting his cheek: really? wow i'm honoured

Chuuya, holding his Lippmann poster and latest movie DVD to be autographed, wearing a "I ♡ Lippmann" headband: Lippmann, pretending to cough to cover his laugh: ur here too 😭 Lippmann, getting up to hug Chuuya: Albatross, from the sidelines: THAT'S NOT FAIR UR BEING BIASED

Iceman, next in line: Lippmann: i can't breathe how did Pianoman manage to convince u guys Iceman, unzipping his jacket to reveal a LIPPMANN WORLD DOMINATION t-shirt: pls sign this with permanent marker Lippmann: 😭😭😭

Doc, last in line: Lippmann: they got u out of the office too 😭❓ Doc, unloading a bunch of merch from his bag: make sure ur signature is nice and pretty Lippmann: are u trying to put these on ebay 😭 Doc: 😘 i love u man u know me so well

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random thought but just picturing the silence after the Meursault prison break finally ended…Chuuya and Dazai just standing there like so. is someone gonna come pick us up or

Dazai: squat down Chuuya: why Dazai: I’m tired lemme get on your back Chuuya: ??? I’m tired too Dazai: my frail legs…and oh! a headache…I feel faint…I wonder whose fault that is… Chuuya: be so fucking fr

Chuuya, yawning: I’m gonna fly first class back I need to sleep Dazai: hey Chuuya: you don’t have your passport with you bc your ass was in jail LOOOL Dazai: hey Chuuya… Chuuya: oh so now it’s “Chuuya” and not “dumbass” huh Dazai: I was just kidding…you booked first class for me too right…hey…

Chuuya: book your own fucking flight or ask doc glasses Dazai: I don’t have any money Chuuya: tbh when do you ever have money Dazai: Ango always puts me in economy Dazai: Chuuya…you and I are destined to take this journey home together Chuuya: can you let that go

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random thought and i know there's always angst paired with the fact that Chuuya didn't know what bread was when he first escaped the lab but i'm just thinking about him innocently eating certain foods completely wrong and Shirase or Yuan (or whoever) needing to keep an eye on him bc of that,,,

like for example once Yuan handed Chuuya an orange and he asked if he could eat it and when she said yes, he just fucking chomped on it (peel and all) and she was like WAIT. NOT LIKE THAT

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hc the Flags would message Doc like he's webMD sometimes with symptoms they're experiencing and he'd come up with some absolute bullshit just to fuck with them

[Flags gc] Albatross: @ Doc why does my left foot keep tingling Doc, immediate reply: it's foot cancer Albatross: what the hell

Pianoman: @ Doc i've been getting so many migraines recently and my eyes are a bit sore :( should i be worried Doc: i've read a case like this where the patient actually died 24h later Pianoman: ??? Lippmann: fly high dear friend we'll miss you 🕊️🙏 Pianoman: what should i do Doc: oh i'm not sure. maybe GET YOUR ASS TO BED EARLY you've been going to sleep at 4AM everyday what do you THINK

the Flags will text Doc over like. pretty minor symptoms but they (especially Chuuya) will brush over actual severe wounds like they're nothing and Doc's like. what is wrong with you people???

Chuuya: @ Doc my back's a little stiff Doc: you probably strained it Doc: btw come see me so i can check up on that gaping wound in your side to make sure there's no infection Chuuya: it's fine 👍 no biggie Doc: did you think i was asking. come see me. Albatross: oooh Chuuya's in troubleeeeeee Doc: @ Albatross i expect to see you too about that shoulder injury of yours Albatross:

anyways. was just thinking about how despite being very accomplished and highly ranked, at the end of the day the Flags are still a group of dudes in their teens-early 20's...i just know they like to mess with each other ALL the time (as friends do) and just be. Guys

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Atsushi and Dazai should just start shit talking to get Aku and Chuuya to break out of the vampirism. just like “not u losing to a vampire ability rn damn no wonder port mafia sucks” bc personally I couldn’t let that slide pure pettiness and spite would awaken me

Dazai: not u growling and hissing at me rn I always knew u were a dog Chuuya: Chuuya: u will die by my hands today. Dazai: aaaand he’s back <3

Atsushi: Dazai put us together and look at u playing for the other team tsk tsk he’d be so disappointed Aku: Aku: what did u just say to me Atsushi: omg ur back. sorry I was just joking Aku: no what did u just say to me

enough of that “this isn’t like u [begging eyes emoji] [sparkle sparkle]” it’s time to switch tactics. RISE. RISEEEEE. where is ur fucking rage? where is ur anger?