#enterprisedeeznuts

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gonna be cringe for a sec, but writing gay star trek fanfiction feels like such a big deal to me. here i am, participating in a tradition dating back to the 60s. a tradition thats shaped millions of real lives and changed the way we engage with media forever.

the invention of fanfiction has resulted in friendships and marriages, people moving across the planet to meet likeminded individuals. the fabric of our world changed because of how hard people loved star trek, a show that very nearly did not happen.

i've never cared for my own family history or tradition very much, but feeling connected to those first fanfic writers through my own fic writing is so bizarrely wonderful.

i hope we keep writing gay star trek fanfiction long after we make our own trek through the stars.

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this came to me in a vision

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my friends absolutely hate talking to me

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upon meeting, data would have a lot of questions about odo's existence, which odo would find perturbing at first. too much too fast, too personal. data would pick up on his discomfort at some point and express his regrets at having made him so. Odo would respect this attempt at contrition and, having thought about it since their first meeting, would have his own questions about data.

both of these people are outsiders surrounded by humanoids possessed by feeling and custom. both consider themselves students of the 'human(oid) condition'. they'd bond over being treated as less than by smaller minded people. having to fight for their own rights against oppressive regimes or prejudice time and again.

odo would come to have such an appreciation of datas perspective. here is a man that has faced many social hardships including failed relationships, yet he still holds reverence for people, never judges anyone, never holds resentment. he has complete grace in every situation, but takes absolutely zero shit. the perceived 'control' and orderly nature of data's personality would be a great comfort for odo after a familiarity was built. predictable and reliable, fair and just. his fascination with the arts would also be super interesting to odo, what with him being such a fan of the written word already.

data would appreciate the bridge odo would provide between himself and the 'full human experience'. odo as an outsider, with very little external expression compared to an average human, still has the capacity for tremendous depth of feeling. he would give data a unique look at what it means to observe from the outside while experiencing 'true' empathy. it would be so enlightening and so relatable and so other all at once. an invaluable experience, something he no doubt would be compelled to write about, be it in some kind of study or a poem. odo would read either, but never say how much he enjoyed it.

after some time, i feel the subject of data's daughter would arise. odo would be so caught off guard and so intrigued, he'd be unable to restrain himself in asking what happened to her. data would relay all the information of what happened, before telling odo that she died from a cascade failure in her neural net. 'but worry not, constable. i took her memories and experience into my own neural net, so in a way, she is never truly gone.' odo would be moved, and hide it terribly. so moved, i believe firmly he would share his own similar experience of the changeling child that restored him, and how the events changed him, and helped him understand Dr Mora better.

the overlap continues, with their brief experiences AS humans/with human parts, the emotion chip, their clinical and experimental childhoods etc would all mount into a true and deep friendship with strong personal meaning for them both. you can be 'other' without being less. you can be 'other' without being broken. being different doesnt mean being alone with the experience.

Do you think odo and data's autism would mesh or clash catastrophically?

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garak being a kind and soft person at his core, while still being able to kill people and sleep at night are important, coexisting parts of his contradictory personality and are big reasons for why he's so compelling, but so difficult to write

garak can feel guilt and shame, garak can premeditatively kill without thinking twice about it after the fact.

garak can feel legitimate regret in empok nor for actions that werent really his own, and he can sleep like a baby after destroying vreenak's shuttle.

necessary deaths don't mean a thing to him. not even when that death is his own. (broken link)

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Im crying bc i thought about kira nerys for 4 seconds.

She went from an orphaned child soldier to the liberator of Cardassia. She freed the people that oppressed her and took her childhood and her parents and countless friends. And she did it all even tho she was sure she was going to die and didn’t even WANT to help them. But she did it because she knew it was the RIGHT thing to do. And then she immediately lost her partner and best friend, Odo, when she went home. And then all but one of her other friends left as well.

She lost her partner, Bareil, in like the worst way possible, a piece at a time. She lost her new father figure, Tekeny. She lost her sister/daughter Ziyal. She lost Jadzia. She lost her close friend and religious figure, Sisko.

The universe took everything from you and your faith never wavered, your kindness only grew with time. You took no shit from anyone and you slayed the whole time. Nerys you are everything to me.

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Richard Bashir: i have made the Perfect Legacy

Garak: you fucked up a perfectly good twink is what you did. look at him. he’s got self loathing

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yknow i dont think ill ever recover from the implications of 'a stitch in time'.

garak sat down in the ruins of his home planet after nearly a decade of exile, finally free of the expectations and threats of punishment or death from all the people he loved. he had his freedom and his home, things he only ever dreamed of having his entire life.

he's there at last, and what does he do? he writes the most stunningly beautiful love letter to a man who seemingly already let him go years prior. you can feel the way he absolutely aches for julian. the yearning is so transparent, so brazen. every person he writes about having had affection for has at least some small resemblance to his dear doctor.

within the letter is every ugly truth, every thing he's ever tried to hide from julian. thoughts and feelings and regrets he's held onto in silence for decades just bleed onto every page, laid bare for the eyes of one man on a distant space station who may decide to not even read it. he will, of course, but a pragmatist like garak isn't about to pretend its not possible. this letter is a plea and a goodbye. it is a continuation of the never ending sacrifice. it is the story of one mans repetitive sacrifice of everything he is for the benefit of others that would knowingly harm him. the one time he refuses to sacrifice his needs, he is brutally punished and cast out to a frigid prison.

this letter was his way of letting go of julian, while still asking him for something. he gave julian everything he ever claimed to want from him. the truth, simple and brutal as it was. told him who he was, why he was. unwavering bravery and vulnerability, a cleansing to wash clean the new man now trying to grow.

all his cards on the table, surrendering everything he'd ever been, with the unspoken but shockingly clear promise of becoming better. 'i am an unfinished man, doctor'. dont give up on me just yet.

julian will either take that invitation, or he wont. either way, garak will finally have the closure, the knowledge he did all he could to fight for the only man that cared about him during the worst years of his life. he will come, or he wont. there is no room for ambiguity, and thus the ball's in bashir's court, as his doctor would probably say.

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life is about balance

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this is where i blog from

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guys my new tailor is fucking weird

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Seeing some trek fans talk about julian bashir is the most violent whiplash I've ever experienced. Did we watch the same show? "bashir didn't do much, he was just young and naïve" girl what

Man was autistic coded for sure, and yet he seamlessly out-liar'd an obsidian order agent for 5 years, made impossible choices in life or death circumstances and hated himself more than kai winn hates secular education.

He was definitely naïve at times! But to dismiss that as his sole personality trait is doing him a huge injustice. Julian took his job so seriously and would've died for his starfleet ideals the same as anyone else on the senior staff. He proved that countless times!!

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i made one and then realised it was interchangeable

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based on this tweet!

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for your consideration; julian, a doctor, notices garak's infatuation immediately because it has physical symptoms and doesnt require julian to notice social cues. garak's skin/scales change colour, pupils dilate, pulse quickens, temperature changes. all things julian's profession AND augmented senses can pick up on with ease.

however, julian assumes its nothing to do with infatuation, and spends a ridiculously long time hyperfixating on trying to find a reason as to why this might be happening, because surely cardassians are so different from humans and Garak is so imperceptible the rest of the time, it cannot possibly mean the same thing.

it happens seemingly at random regardless of location, company present (with the exception of himself of course but he's the last one to realise that little fact), situation or conversation. With so little information on hand about cardassian physiology, the poor doctor is at his wits end until the events of 'The Wire', when Tain sends him medical information about the device and cardassian biology etc. Perhaps with the knowledge already that julian's been researching adamantly into this very interesting topic long before the break down of the wire.

Julian pours over the information for the express purpose of saving the tailor's life, and when Garak is long recovered, julian starts using it to cross-reference his existing research on garak's peculiar symptoms.

Oh. It IS the same for them...

But if that's true, then why-!

Oh,, but who-!

Oh my god.