#esPecially in sl

[boundbysand]

i can scarce get by

life series (ambiguous, written with secret life in mind) scar character introspection drabble. 731 words. warnings are a bit difficult to word for this- i'd say cw for self loathing/hatred and manipulation.

Scar has never been sure of who he is, but he's more than sure of what he can do. Whether that's a good thing or not is up in the air.

-

Scar's smiles do not meet his eyes.

They rarely do, at least. At this point he's almost never sure if they're real or not in the moment. He realizes, afterward, how much energy it had been taking to paste them on. How much he just wants to sleep now. Sleep doesn't seem to be enough, never will be, but he thinks it's the most he'll get. Anything more is unreasonable to wish for.

He wishes, time and time again, that his cheerfulness could be real. That it didn't feel performative most of the time.

Then he smiles at people again, sharp and with too many teeth, fake fake fake, and doesn't think they deserve his real smile. If they believe him, if they're this easy to trick, then he'd rather keep any genuine joy to himself.

It makes him sick.

Whether what makes him feel ill is other people being so stupid as to so easily believe him or his willingness, his ease in manipulating them, he's not sure. He thinks it might be both. Wonders if it's allowed to be both.

It comes as easy as breathing to him. Weaving a story so convoluted one simply gives up and relents, their head spinning too much to make any sense of the mess of words Scar offered. Sprinkling in little lies to reassure someone. Convincing someone wholeheartedly that what he's doing is right, is good, when he's not sure himself.

He does it to survive, he knows. Everyone manipulates in a death game. Not all of them manipulate outside of them, too, but- well. Not all of them had to do it to survive beforehand either.

He avoids the topic of his days before, both with others and with himself. It's not important, no matter how much it weighs on his shoulders and affects everything he does, his actions, his thoughts, his being as a whole.

If he tells himself it isn't important, it isn't.

He is the way he is now and there's no going back. All he can do now is survive.

So he does. He lies, he fakes cheer, he fakes his personality, he manipulates.

The shame and guilt eat him alive inside, a monster all of his own creation existing low and deep in the pit of his intenstines, devouring him minute by minute, consuming his entire being until Scar isn't sure he's Scar anymore. He is the beast, ugly and horrifying and evil, and he is Scar. They might be the two most opposite creatures alive. They might be the same creature entirely.

It's unclear whether or not the monster was always there, or if Scar created it himself, or if the world's cruel hands placed it, piece by burning piece, inside of Scar from the moment he was born. He knows the answer. He will remain adamant that he did it to himself regardless.

Scar knows he is not to blame. Scar knows he is every bit as ugly and appalling as he thinks he is, and it is his fault.

Scar is contradiction, wrapped up in a fake smile and a crumbling psyche.

He is friendly, self-sacrificing, and joyous.

He is hate-filled and mean, selfish, and miserable.

He puts on a mask, a face others would much prefer to see than the Scar only he knows, at the detriment of himself because he knows he won't be accepted any other way.

It works, too. It works so goddamn well it's sickening.

People like him. People trust him.

It makes him feel powerful, appeased and admired, on top of the world. He thinks it might be all he needs, to feel this way.

It makes him feel deplorable, queasy and ashamed, like the scum of the earth. He wants to claw every inch of skin off of his face with his own bare hands until all that remains is the real him.

Ugly and bloody and dripping red. Angry and envious and selfish.

He smiles, he holds the mask tighter. A private dance he plays with himself every moment of every day, himself and nothing like himself all at the same time.

He wonders if anyone will ever realize the difference. One day, maybe, someone will notice how dull his eyes look when he smiles.

[north-noire]

father-son ; bound in blood. artworks inspired by these posts! ( X | X )

[ieatflaeks]

losing? my mind

[nanstar200]

Hi everyone… the autism strikes again! This time my special interest takes a complete 180 and now… sun and moon (I’m really really proud of the first one…)

Sorry not sorry I fucking love them thanks to:

@/ShiraCheshire ‘s “I see you, Sundrop!” On Ao3!

( God it’s so good…. PLEASSE check it out, More thoughts in the tags!!!!! )

Anyways, I hope everyone is safe and well, and I wish you all the best!!! 🫶🫶🎉

[its-muffin-tyme]

Please put other ideas for characters as deities in the notes! I will use those to make other polls in this vein

[mewguca]

OC AU doodle I had too much fun with... she's fine btw; a bit of possession never hurt anyone!

- the glyph font is taken from crystaluranium in the RW Official Discord, which references a tumblr post by ikayblythe

+ textless under the cut

since ur here I'll also explain it a bit more...

obviously SLS is echorator in this AU. Her close connection with the Void Sea due to this makes her a frequent target for channeling various entities, willingly or not

some sort of entity? force of nature? will? idk. it's called The Will Of The Void, I guess

and it wants to enforce that cycles remain perpetuated even as timelines are reset or branch out or etc. More specifically in this case it is trying to enforce that specific individuals who became echoes in another timeline shall become echoes once again in this one

and thus SLS can either help willingly or be puppeted against her will, yay! 👍

the idea sprang into my head last night in the shower lol

[saym0-0]

consider: life series scar animatic to the main character by will wood

[pool-noodler]

please give this man some friends

WATCHERS PLEASE STOP SABOTAGING THE MOST TRAGIC MAN GIVE HIM A CHANCE

poppies and lilacs.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[druidonity2]

2021 Shadowlands fanart.

[rainbowspinch]

The bidybabs and minireenas get NO design because I don’t care about them

[cactuupng]

Hey,could I ask about your interpretation of ahasbands,because I remember you said that they were a qpr so I just wanted to know if you had some headcannons about them?

RAGH AHASBANDS

Okay so BACKSTORY I headcanon Mumbo as fully aroace. Mostly due to projecting but ALSO because it fits in my head! This makes shipping impossible for me as I'm not a big fan of it, the most I could do is qpr

So UH OH Martyn and Mumbo just got randomly married in LL? Mumbo doesn't know if it's a joke or not, he's confused but he also REALLY likes it? He can't always tell with Martyn, especially since have only now met*

All Mumbo knows is that he might like him? It feels nice holding Martyn's hand, it feels nice being close - I mean he does the same with Grian all the time but this is different. He actually loves someone more than a friend or soulmate.. and it's scary, but nice

Martyn on the other hand LOVES Mumbo. There's something about him. He's definitely not like Ren or, hell, even the other players, no... he feels more Human. Maybe that's what draws him in, seeing how he glows when he smiles, his laugh when he says a joke.

Martyn went through 3rdLife and that permanently changed him, it didn't help that the Watchers were bothering him THIS season as well, so seeing someone so human... he got shot through the heart, yknow?

They were happy, with Martyn and Mumbo both talking through it, knowing boundaries on affection and everything.

To add to the end: Martyn's love language towards Mumbo is act of service while Mumbo's is gift giving :-)

[noturmuse]

So many men think they’re owed a woman’s time, attention, intimacy, etc and it has brought on so much violence that women have had to undergo

[fear-ze-queer]

has anyone else noticed that the mimic's face kind of resembles baby's??

(sorry about the low quality baby endo pic, it was the best i could find)

idk maybe i'm just seeing things, but they look extremely similar to me

[youronlybean]

The funny thing about people who didn’t (or still don’t) have allies in secret life complaining about not having friends is just. Literally Anyone could have joined The Heart Foundation if they had a little bit of commitment

Skizz and Tango would have taken them in in a heartbeat (no pun intended), but even with BigB they had to actively seek out an alliance with him. They dismissed allying with Lizzie because they said (paraphrasing) “she doesn’t do allies”. Grian and Cleo both rejected them because they were cringe (which, in their defence, is hilarious). They actively sought out an alliance with Scar and he kinda rejected them for no discernible reason???? Like I bet Scar was anticipating allying with a stronger team in the future but he pissed too many people off so when he was all sly and mischievous about allying with THF they didn’t trust him and now he doesn’t have anyone to fall back on (THF doesn’t trust him, he fully did Bdubs so dirty, the Big Dogs have always hated him, and he missed his opportunity to ally with Grian, mostly due to his task mind you, but he definitely regrets it. sad day for desert duo but hey. Angst amirite????)

Could also be a matter of not wanting to give up the gift heart? Or wanting to be in the running for the giveaway. But the gifted heart thing is not really??? That big of a deal??? Since you gain nothing from it unless you trade for stuff, which can be useful. But the giveaway wasn’t even a thing at the start of SL and enemies of THF get removed from the draw anyway.

Point is: Tango and Skizz didn’t even want to ally again, but literally no one else wanted to join them (except B) and then some of them complained about being lonely. So.

[myauditionfordrphil]

Exactly kaun se nashe karke squad selection kiya hai BCCI ne??!!

[enchanted-keys]

"who wants to see 7 different companies do swan lake?" Me. I do. You have a problem with that???