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#especially cause I changed topics quite drastically so this was really out of my old teams comfort zone
jaedreaminn · 3 years
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I'll wait for you to like me
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Pairings: Mark x Reader «past» Jeno x reader.
Characters: Mark, Jeno, Donghyuck (Haechan), Ten «hinted» Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin.
Theme: fluff, confusion, angst(but not really), open ending, happy, playful.
Word count: 1.6k
~~~
Mark knew he was the wallflower among his brothers. While his brothers played with people's hearts he studied. While his brothers fooled around he worked hard. While his brothers stole people's hearts to only break them he broke hearts through rejections.
He never messed around, always had good grades and his only friend was his half brother Donghyuck but not by choice, the youger just latched himself onto Mark the first time Mark spoke.
Mark liked his reputation of the heartless and cold brother. He liked being the most mysterious among his brothers. He liked keeping to himself. He liked his personal space. He looed music. He like how he was very sure of what he liked. And he knew for sure that he liked you.
But you liked Jeno....
So he kept his distance and watched from the side lines. He watched how Jeno tried to gain your trust and felt a pang in his heart when you trusted the boy. He watched how you agreed to dating Jeno and he watched how you slowly fell in love with his brother. His gut twisting in longing and jealousy.
He watched sadly the day Jeno broke your heart. And never in his life did he want to punch someone so bad, let alone the person he wanted to punch being his own brother but yet he didn't because he watched how Jeno loved you back but the moment things got a bit to real for his liking he spiralled and hurt you in the process.
He watched how Jeno would look at you so fondly and after you broke up he would secretly stare at you longingly when no one was watching. How he would constantly deny his feelings for you because his friends thought that it was uncool. How he said awful things about you to his awful friends that led him astray. He hated that he had to watch Jeno lose himself.
...
"You're the only other person here?" You had startled him one day as you leaned over his desk in the news room.
He blinked once to make sure he wasn't hallucinating before nodding, "Yes I run the school news paper"
You tilted you head to the side face scrunching cutely in confusion.
"I get the work done and quite perfectly at that so the school allows me to run it alone." Mark explained and felt lighthead when you smiled at him.
"Why are you here" he blurted out coldly before you could notice the change in his face from how much blood was travelling to it.
"Well I'm going to run the newspaper with you." You casually said. Cultural shock. That's what he went through that day.
And so before he knew it, it became a new norm to spend his afternoons with you in that small cramped up room with two desks and a printer.
And for once he wasn't just watching you, he was talking to you, laughing with you, working with you and getting into petty arguments with you which would just end with Mark being all red and flustered and you giggling away. And suddenly he knew he liked you even more. And maybe he wasn't the only one that knew that little fact. And that was a problem.
It happened on one of the monthly Sunday morning family breakfasts when Mr.Lee kept picking at Tens choice for the next step in the family business which included his lover so Ten, much to Mark's dismay changed the topic, "So Mark I heard you've been having fun at school these days?" His second eldest brother teased, wiggling his brows.
Mr. Lee's cocked an eyebrow at that piece of information but Mark simply hummed and got back to eating, enjoying his peace.
But when your brother's with Lee Donhyuck peace didn't come easy.
"Oh yes he has" the boy said and Mark looked at him confused, "He's been enjoying his time with y/n working for the school newspaper together"
Mark cursed in his head, side eyeing Jeno who seemed to freeze at your name expression cold.
"Yes it's nice to have company" Mark mumbled as the topic changed yet again to something about the trouble Haechans been causing.
...
Mark watched how Jeno distanced himself from him and how his brother who was usually sweet eye smiles and mischievous laughs was now curt nodds and cold eyes.
The one thing he knew he hated was fighting with his brothers. And even though him and Jeno weren't really fighting they weren't talking to eachother either.
His mood changed drastically, sullen at the change in attitude from his younger brother but he doubts anybody would have noticed.
That's why he was shocked when you placed a cup of boba milk tea on his desk saying "because you were sad and needed cheering up" before scrunching your nose cutely and adding "and because you're the only weirdo that doesn't like coffee"
And he looked at you in awe, mouth sliglty agape and you chuckled leaning down and closing it for him as he startled at the contact recalling behind a bit.
"So Markie boy what's got you so worried" you asked sitting yourself down on his desk as he flushed over the nickname.
"My brother" he said hesitantly and saw your face harden, he knew you knew of his relation to your ex but you guys never spoke about it.
"What happened" you still asked him, expression neutral.
"Just a little confusing times between us so there's a cold war going on" he said with a defeated sigh and your lips curved downwards.
"I've see how close you are to your brothers' and how much you care for them" you said and Mark was surprised you knew that, "Whatever it is it's going to pass. After all you guys are the infamous Lee brother's. A family of old money where the brothers dont hate eachother" you joked without knowing how true and rare that was and how much he cherished that fact. Especially since all his father wanted them to do was to get 'ambitious' and steal the buisness back from Ten.
So Mark had decided that very day to confront Jeno after school, waiting patiently at his brothers car.
"You're here to talk I'm guessing?" Jeno voice called out and Mark turned around to see him walking towards the car with a friend's Mark didn't recognise, a really tall boy with pink hair, a short one with orange hair and one Jenos height with blond hair and a blue fringe.
Jeno waved goodbye to the boys as he seperated ways from them and approached Mark.
"Who are they?" Mark couldn't help but ask.
"They're from the dance team." Jeno replied not looking at his brother at all.
"You've been avoiding me" Mark accused angry that the boy coildnt even look at him now and Jeno nodded, "You're right"
"Why" Mark asked with a frown.
"Well..."
"It's because of y/n isn't it?" Mark cut Jeno off, "If your uncomfortable with me working on the newspaper with y/n then I can-"
"Can what?" Jeno laughed catching Mark off guard, "Can quit? And then what let the newspaper die with you? I actually enjoy reading those." Jeno smiled at Mark who just stood there dumbfounded.
"Look I was being petty, I broke up with y/n ages ago. If you have feelings for y/n then go for it, I shouldn't hold you back" Jeno said with a sad smile.
"But don't you like..."
"I do. But I was dumb and now I'm too late so go shoot your shot" Jeno said with a pat on Marks back and smiled sadly as he watched his brother run off to meet you. Maybe he'll get over you if dating you makes his quite and overworking brother happy and atleast a little carefree.
"Y/N!" Mark called out as he ran towards you, starteling you.
"Go out with me" he blurted as soon as he was infront of you and your eyes widened but a frown made its way to your face soon after.
"Is this some joke?" You asked angrily and Mark seemed genuinely confused.
"Look I thought you were nice but now you're trying to pull the same stunt Jeno did?" You yelled and Mark looked taken back.
"W-what no. I would never!" he replied immediately.
"I want to believe that's true but it probably isn't" you said as your eyes slowly started to glisten. "Is this funny to you Mark?"
"What? No! No y/n I really like you, have liked you way before Jeno did I swear this isn't a game" he said quickly, holding onto your hand in hopes of conveying his sincerity. But it only made you more doubtful.
"Even if it was true Mark I d-dont want to like anyone again for a while" you said tone sad and Mark felt bad, maybe he didn't think this through.
"I'll wait then" it was your turn to look confused
"Then I'll wait for you to be ready to like someone again."
You sighed but the gesture seemed so sweet and from what you knew from the little time you spent with him in that small room daily was that Mark wasn't a good liar, "It may take a long while and I might not even end up liking you. You think you're okay with that?"
Mark eyes sparkled with something unreadable but it was definitely something good. He nodded his head, determined, "No matter how long and with how little hope I have, I'll wait for you to like me."
~~~
Lee brother's- A mini series
Previous part: Lee Taeyong
Next part: Ten Lee
49 notes · View notes
yukiwrites · 3 years
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Now, and Forever
Thank you so much for the support as always, @breeachuu !! i can't believe this is really the end of Wolfie's adventures! ToT) Thank you for sticking with me for so long! I'll miss the goodest boyo...
Summary: The alarming news that arrived the night of Wolfram and Dimitri's wedding was just as unexpected. There were signs of a new war brewing in the horizon, so they had to take up arms one last time...
Commission info HERE and HERE!
__________________________
By the time Wolfram woke up from their first night as a married couple, the inner circle of the palace sat in disbelief at the conference room.
Wide-eyed, the half manakete tiptoed to his seat beside Dimitri’s, who had his head down under his laced hands. Sensing his husband, Dimitri lifted his face, showing the hardened expression.
“What’s going on?” Wolfie asked tentatively, glancing at the people in the room: Byleth, Seteth, Gilbert, Dedue, and most of their original classmates from the Blue Lions House sat around the table.
Byleth pointed to the letter that sat at the center of the round table. “This letter arrived during the night,” she explained, then lingered her gaze on Wolfie’s. “It’s from Hubert.”
“What?!” Wolfram gasped, jumping out of his seat to pick the letter up. “But he’s-”
“Dead, indeed. By my own hand.” Dimitri spoke in a deep voice. “Yet, it seems that he had that letter ready to be sent right as the war ended, though it was misplaced for a full year until it found its way to us.”
Gilbert sighed deeply. “According to the person who brought it, the original carrier was one of his coworkers at the palace. There was only a short letter attached to it, saying to take it to the winner of the war no matter what.”
“I wonder what happened to the person Hubert entrusted the letter to…” Annette fidgeted on her seat. “What if they got caught up in the battle and…” her voice trailed off as the outcome seemed obvious.
Wolfie’s pupils shook as he lowered the letter. “But if what he’s saying here is the truth… We’re on a really tight schedule, right? If this was supposed to be sent one year ago…”
Dimitri sighed beside his husband. “Indeed. We must set out to this Shambhala place with haste.”
“And the children of the goddess mentioned here…” Wolfram glanced at Seteth and Byleth, then back to the letter.
“Yes.” Byleth nodded, making all eyes turn to her. “After the goddess granted me her power, I started recovering her memories little by little, especially in these past few months. If any of you have any questions about this, I’ll probably be able to answer them; but my plan for the church in the future does include this knowledge…”
“It will be a drastic change to what’s been believed up until now, so it will require some time…” Seteth added with a hand on his chin.
“Well, at least that letter found us all in the same place, huh?” Annette tried to lighten up the mood. “If it had arrived any earlier or later, it would’ve taken a long time to gather everyone together again!”
“Annie, we’re here for the royal wedding…” Mercedes nudged her younger friend, giggling when she blushed and hid her face under her hands.
“Ah, um, sorry about that! Not saying that it’s good that we discovered a new enemy during your honeymoon or anything but- I’m-”
“Heehee, it’s okay, Annette! We’re fine.” Wolfram smiled brightly, dispersing some of the strained atmosphere of the room. “Besides, I also think it’s lucky.” He crossed his arms, smiling proudly. “My entire family is here, too, and boy can they fight! My Father’s been itching for a fight since a while ago so I’m sure they’ll all go with us, too.”
“Will that be alright? I wouldn’t want to drag them into another war…” Dimitri looked up with worry, though Wolfie replied by sitting back down and smiling.
“It’s okay. It’ll actually be harder to tell them not to come, nyahaha…”
“Half a dozen dragons fighting by our side… Now I almost pity those who slither in the dark.” Gilbert chuckled darkly. The thought of such a sight sent shivers down everyone’s spines; they couldn’t even fathom the amount of power they had by their side now.
“Well, I don’t.” Wolfram pouted, snapping his finger on top of the letter. “Do you think I should call Mother here? She might not know the whole situation here and stuff, but she is, like, almost three thousand years old…”
Everyone but Byleth and Seteth sputtered. “Three thousand-” a collective voice choked as all eyes turned to Wolfie.
“Ah,” he scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Didn’t I mention?”
They all stared, befuddled, at their King’s consort, with varying degrees of surprise.
Dedue closed his eyes, then was the first one to move. “... I’ll summon her here.”
“Ah, thank you, Dedue.” Dimitri recovered his composure. He had heard from Wolfram that his mother was a kind of ancient being, but he had no idea of HOW ancient she was.
He now felt too humbled to even be in her presence, but that had to wait.
For now, they had a war council to run, a year after the end of the last war.
If what the letter said was true, those who slither in the dark was an ancient organization set upon decimating the children of the goddess and any who worship them. Monica, or rather, Kronya, and Tomas/Solon were known members of it, though the man who went by ‘Thales’, who only Byleth met briefly before Jeralt’s death, had taken the place of an influential person no one ever expected: Volkhard von Arundel, Dimitri’s uncle by marriage.
They had dealt a decisive blow against those who slither in the dark during the past war without realizing, as the letter explained. Hubert even snarked, saying that although the Empire had lost that battle against the Alliance and the Kingdom, they cheered inwardly at the death of such a repugnable being.
“That also may be the reason why there hasn’t been an attack from them in the past year.” Byleth added as they discussed the contents.
“If they were busy regrouping after losing so many key members… It makes sense.” Sylvain pitched in, checking the map attached to the letter. “This place’s right south of Hilda’s territory, isn’t it? Good thing she and Caspar are staying here for the time being, huh?”
“See, I told you!” Annette puffed her cheeks to her former classmate, earning a few chuckles all around even amidst all the tension of the looming threat.
“OH!!!” Wolfram exclaimed out of nowhere. “Oh, oh! Now I remember!” he jumped out of his seat, placing both hands on the table. “I don’t think I told anyone, but during that battle in Derdriu, I felt something strange oozing from the enemies… And then, when we got into Enbarr-”
Dimitri interrupted, with a hand on his chin in thought. “You mentioned that something stank, if I remember correctly.”
“Yeah! I felt that there was something familiar about them, but I never made the connection until now. So those were the people infiltrated into the imperial forces… those who slither in the dark.”
“You could smell them?” Felix asked in disbelief, frowning deeply.
Wolfram scratched his nose awkwardly.
“We have better senses than humans,” he said in a small voice, fixing his gaze on the door.
Frowning even more, Felix looked from the consort to the door and, for a moment, nothing happened.
However, soon Dedue opened the door, bringing Nidra with him.
Since she had been brought at such short notice, she wore a veil around her head to hide her ears, though she lifted it once the door closed behind them.
Those inside gawked at the sight of her, now with the knowledge of being in the presence of a being older than time itself.
Blinking, Nidra tilted her head to the side at the strange atmosphere before making her way to Wolfram. “I was told something concerning had happened.”
Wolfie nodded, glancing between Dimitri and Nidra. “Yeah, the truth is…”
Once filled in the details, Nidra took the letter and the map. “This pull I feel… around here,” she pointed to a place near the Monastery: it was Zanado, the Red Canyon, where the former archbishop and strongest of the children of the goddess, Rhea, now resided. “Does it have anything to do with this enemy?”
“Oh, wow! You can feel her from here, Mother? I could only feel it when we arrived at the mountains…”
The classmates exchanged glances around the table, confused. Only Seteth silently gasped in surprise, remembering the talk he and Wolfram had had in his office, over a year ago.
“Aheem, um- yeah she’s on our side, so it’s okay.” Wolfie waved both hands as if to dismiss the topic in a hurry.
“Very well,” Nidra put the map back on the table. “These… enemies, according to this letter, somehow resemble those who once tried to use Lady Tiki in their evil plan to conquer the world. If we had more time, perhaps she would’ve been able to infer her insight on this.”
‘Lady Tiki?!’ the classmates thought at the same time. Was it someone more incredible than the woman who lived almost three millenia standing right in front of them?! They were even afraid to ask.
“I’m afraid my forte is not strategy, as that spot is already taken by a dear friend of mine. However, I will do what I can to help this cause.” Nidra concluded, gracefully sitting down beside Wolfram. “It is, after all, a personal matter now,” she smiled, though the pressure exuding from it made the classmates freeze in their spots.
Perhaps it was true that they should pity their enemies.
_______
It would be for the best not to attract too much attention as they moved, so only a handful of people were aware of the true danger. It would do more harm than good to alert the entire population of a danger that might or might not surface in the near future.
Thus, the newly-married King and his consort set out to the Monastery -- officially, that is -- alongside the Archbishop and her consort, bringing quite a few soldiers as escorts with them.
Hilda sent an express messenger to her brother back at their territory to check if there’s been any activity around that area in the past few months, though nothing in particular popped up.
They weren’t called ‘those who slither in the dark’ for nothing, apparently.
Even in his letter Hubert mused how difficult it had been to pinpoint the whereabouts of Shambhala since they had been very careful with the types of magic they used. He had to follow their lines of supplies through espionage, but that was beside the point.
What mattered was that the headquarters was finally within their grasp, even if it wasn’t during the exact time they were supposed to know about it.
When the former classmates from other houses and the rest of Wolfie’s family had been told about the campaign, their readiness to jump back into battle was inspiring and staggering at the same time.
Even the peace-loving Dorothea immediately jumped into the bandwagon, surprising Wolfram into giving her a big hug.
There was no way of knowing the extent of the enemy forces, so although they left with a considerable number of troops under the guise of an escort, there was no shortage of worry. Even if their leaders had been eliminated, new ones would surely surface, so that wasn’t enough to let their guards down.
According to Byleth, they had been the ones who slaughtered the children of the goddess and made weapons out of their bones and crests stones out of their hearts, not to mention how they had experimented on Lysithea during her childhood or how they had kidnapped Flayn for her blood.
They had to be more careful than ever when dealing with such unscrupulous people.
“Yuck, and I thought no one could out-awful the grimleal.” Cynthia made a sour expression one night after the march. “How’re you feeling, Rammy? Are you okay?”
“Hm… I don’t think I am, actually.” Wolfram confessed as they sat near a random tent. “You know, the first mission I had to go to was… was to deal with something these guys did in a tiny village.” He shivered, holding himself as if to warm his arms from the chill. “It was horrible. I kept thinking about what you and Big Brother told me just so I wouldn’t be a crying mess for weeks.” He leaned on Cynthia’s shoulder as she scooted closer.
“Don’t worry, Rammy. Big Sis here is gonna kick their butts so hard I’ll turn them inside out.” She clenched her fist decidedly. “I’ll probably dust off my dragonstone for this.”
“Whoa, Sis, but what about your pegasus?” Wolfie gasped in surprise.
“Well, my arm in human form isn’t as strong as my,” she mimicked biting the air, “jaws in dragon form.” She grinned. “And I’m ready to fill my belly with baddies.”
“W-wait, what if they give you indigestion!” Wolfie finally laughed, making Cynthia sag her shoulders in relief.
“No amount of baddies could make MY belly upset! Not the greatest hero that ever lived, Cynthia, the pegasus-riding dragon!” She struck a pose, receiving applause from a giggling Wolfie.
Content, the big sister patted her younger brother’s head.
_____
Despite being cheered up by Cynthia, Wolfie still worried as they marched, to the point that he was unable to sleep sometimes.
Dimitri, as one with a light sleep, noticed when his husband tossed and turned in bed. “Wolfram…”
“Ah, did I wake you? I’m sorry, Dimitri.” Wolfie slapped both hands over his mouth. “I’m just so nervous about it all,” he scooted closer, hiding in Dimitri’s embrace. “I keep remembering Remire village…”
Dimitri softly hugged his husband back, digging his face into his thin neck. “Indeed, that was a terrible experience for me as well, at the time. But we will put an end to all of that suffering, now once and for all.”
“Put an end to the suffering…” Wolfie mused. “I hadn’t thought about that. I was so focused on all the evil they did and how strong they must be, I wasn’t looking ahead!”
Chuckling, Dimitri kissed Wolfram’s forehead. “To think the student would become the teacher,” he smiled. “You were the one who taught me to think of the good I could make, so I’ve been taking it to heart.”
“Mhm,” Wolfie grinned, feeling pride well up inside his chest. “Thanks for reminding me of it, Dimitri. I think I can finally have a good night’s sleep, thinking of the good we can do.”
“That’s good.” Dimitri nodded, bringing Wolfie closer into his arms. “The weather gets warmer the further we get from Faerghus, but…”
“Of course, I’m not trading your hugs for anything, not even if it’s too hot!” Wolfie giggled, rubbing his face on his husband’s strong chest.
Under loving giggles and soft embraces, the rulers of the Unified Fódlan fell asleep in one another’s arms on the eve of their arrival.
_____
The entrance to Shambhala was within a mountain, under many strange and familiar contraptions -- they resembled those who lifted them downwards to the Holy Tomb. The air was still and hard to breathe the deeper they went, but under the eerie lights embedded on the walls and the constant flow of dark mages, there could be no doubt about it: they really were in the heart of the enemy.
Byleth took the charge as she had always had, though this time her Sword of the Creator shone brighter than ever, ready to soak up all the blood its owner had spilled to create it. There were Demonic Beasts and Titanuses blocking their path left and right, but with the collective might of mages and dragons, they, too, fell like dominoes to the Kingdom’s might.
There were many traps to be disarmed as they swooped in, some that they had never seen the power of -- like the Javelins of Light, that had decimated Zanado a millenia ago. Though they all equally fell to the Kingdom army due the incompetence of the organization's new leaders.
Once they descended some dozen floors, never stopping with killing everything in sight, they arrived at a room with oval compartments around the walls.
There were eleven of them, with the biggest one menacingly standing in the middle.
Cautious, Byleth asked Yuri and Ashe to approach, as the stealthiest ones in the team, but the moment they took the first step into the room, smoke rose up from the tubes connecting to the compartments.
“Archwind!” Henry shouted immediately, dissipating the dangerous-looking smoke into nothing.
It revealed that the doors to the compartments opened upwards, one by one, revealing dead-looking people inside.
They were grey as ash and the putrid smell that filled the room told the army that something that defiled even Death stood in front of them.
“Seiros…” the man in the middle, who towered over even Dedue at almost 3 meters tall, grunted in a guttural, animal-like voice. He took a whip-looking thing from his waist, immediately whipping it ahead -- straight in Byleth’s direction.
She blocked it with her Sword of the Creator, noticing that that was no whip: it looked exactly like her sword, though it was bathed in black.
“You’re…” she widened her eyes in surprise. “Nemesis!”
“What?!” the army gasped in surprise behind the Professor.
“Then those ten are…” Dimitri’s words trailed off as the 10 Elites each brandished a shadow copy of their original Relics. “Quick, to arms! Do not let them gather their strength!”
“I’ll keep Nemesis occupied! Defeat the others!” Byleth rushed ahead.
Although the room was enormous, it didn’t fit all of the units they had brought, especially not the draconic ones in their original forms. Due to that, Wolfie’s family had to fight in their human forms, though they were no weaker than before -- Nidra especially, who had perfect control over her dragonstone to allow it to give her the strength equivalent to her dragonic form without completely transforming. She fought with her fists.
By her side, Henry cackled maniacally, loving that new side of his wife.
The battle against the revived 10 Elites was over embarrassingly fast, though no one dared to mention it aloud. Perhaps it was because they had just been resurrected, or just because the Kingdom army was just that strong.
One thing was for certain: the moment the last of the ten fell, Byleth’s sword managed to wound and then kill Nemesis, as if he had been protected by magic that connected all of them to him.
“Humph,” Byleth whipped her sword back into its original shape. “It was good that we were informed of this place when we did. I think those who slither in the dark wouldn’t unleash this threat until this age was over, so we managed to protect future generations.”
“We saved the future of not only one, but TWO worlds!” Cynthia threw her elbows back in a pose. “Now I can rub that in Owain’s face, mwahaha…!”
No one truly heard, or simply ignored, her words as they all came to terms with the victory.
“Was this the last floor? Did we really do it?” Someone asked.
“I can’t believe there was so much hidden underground,” another person mused, though, by far, the most common reaction was a shout to the sky.
“We won!!!” They cheered.
It was a mission that ended as quickly as it arrived, though it was by no means easy on their hearts. To be thrown into another war right after being able to stand after the last one made the soldiers’ hearts waver.
Yet, now it was all over.
“I’ll have to make sure there weren’t more of these around the land,” Byleth mused to herself as Seteth wiped the blood out of her face with the worry of a very concerned husband.
“That this place existed at all is already unimaginable enough… But true, we shouldn’t overlook that possibility.”
On the other side of the room, Wolfie hugged all of his family and his husband in turns. “We did it!! Thank you so much, everyone! I don’t think we could’ve ended this so fast without you.”
“Of course you couldn’t! Not without the duo heroes, Cynthia!” Both Cyn and Cynthia struck an ‘x’ pose as petals magically exploded behind them.
“Nyahaha…” a glint shone in Henry’s eyes as he helped flaunter his daughters’ antics.
His heart full, Wolfram’s nose itched with tears. “Thank you so much, really, thank you… Now we can truly, finally be at peace.”
Dimitri slid one hand to Wolfie’s waist. “Indeed. Your help was invaluable, mother-in-law, father-in-law.” He bowed.
“Wow! This makes me feel so old!” Henry giggled, waving his hand to Dimitri’s bow. “It’s fine, I’ve been wanting to spill some blood for a while… hey, be sure to call on me if you need something killed, alright? There’s not much fun- aack, owowow, Ni-Ni!”
Pulling her husband’s ear, Nidra sighed. “Pay him no mind, Dimitri.”
Dimitri blinked, then laughed as warmth enveloped his chest.
It would take a bit of getting used to to finally accept that he now had a family -- and a really big and diverse one at that.
Yet, whenever he held Wolfram’s hands in his, he couldn’t help but accept that reality readily. Truly, only bright days waited ahead of them.
The party dissolved little by little as they returned home.
Hilda and Caspar stayed at the former Alliance to visit her home and tell them the good news of their victory. There was also another set of good news that would visit them in a few weeks’ time, the first of many, many new members of their little family.
Dorothea returned to Enbarr to be with her husband, Ferdinand, and help him rule over his domain. She brought him the news of what Thales had done as Arundel in the Wrym territory, and the both of them wondered if they had ever met the real Arundel at some point in their lives or if those who slither in the dark had truly been infiltrated so deep into the Empire for that long.
Byleth and Seteth headed back to the Monastery, though first they stopped by Zanado to tell Rhea of everything that had happened. They didn’t call on her before since she was still recuperating after five years of torture at the only place she had called home since ancient times, but now that Nemesis had been defeated once and for all, she deserved to know the truth. Rhea weeped for her mother and brethren for the first time in centuries, somehow managing to let go of a lot of resentment and attachments, which stabilized her aura considerably.
Now, Nidra wouldn’t be able to sense her from Faerghus like before.
As the new Archbishop, Byleth would spread the truth of what actually happened at the creation of the Church of Seiros, though she would be doing that over the centuries with Seteth by her side.
Dedue and Mercedes finally went on their trip to Duscur, though Dimitri said that if they wanted to take permanent residence there, he would do his utmost to bring the land back to fruition. Dedue was conflicted at first, since he wanted to serve Dimitri for the rest of his life, but the prospect of rebuilding his land beside the one he loved moved his heart like never before. Besides, it was only a week of travel between Duscur and Fhirdiad, so they could see each other any time.
Cyn and Ingrid established a new Pegasus Order in Fódlan, based on the one from Ylisse. Even though Cyn’s pegasus looked different from the others, it was by no means weaker or slower, so it was easily accepted into the group at the barn.
Claude, now crowned King of Almyra, would sometimes visit Fhirdiad in diplomatic missions, so his promise with Wolfie was fulfilled now that they could meet whenever they wanted. As Cyn was Wolfie’s personal guard, she and Claude saw a lot of each other whenever he visited, and there were some glances…
Cynthia, Meliodas and their spouses moved into their family’s castle, bringing new life into it even after Wolfie and Cyn’s departure.
Surprisingly, the one who visited the most was Henry and not Nidra, though he liked to study Fódlan’s magic more often than not -- it was said that the innate magic he learned could decimate a few dozen armies, though that wasn’t put to practice. … Yet, anyway.
Nidra learned how to braid her hair around her ears from Dorothea, so now she didn’t need to walk around with the veil anymore. She divided her time between visiting Robin in her detached palace and Wolfie in his, so she was by no means staying still, though she still relished in taking naps under the oak tree in the garden.
Wolfram and Dimitri, years later, would decide to adopt a child to be the heir to the throne, though first and foremost they would treat him like their own son before he was to be the next king.
Family was, after all, everything that mattered.
Now, and forever.
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nissakii · 3 years
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5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable [spoilers!]
Horimiya has ended but not the feelings that the winter season left behind for us.
As Horimiya has been a topic lately on our blog with Nissa’s quote analysis and one of my latest breakfast anime reviews, this time we are going to look how the anime actually impacted us.
The anime which did really well and gave us a refreshing and out of the ordinary romance story compared to other series, had a lot more to give than simple romantic relationships and wholesome moments.
Why is Horimiya so relatable?
Why does it differ from other anime in this aspect especially considering relationships and romance?
In today’s blogpost we will cover those questions, with 5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable.
Please be aware that this post will contain spoiler, read at your own risk.
1. Hiding a part of yourself
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With the first sad truth we shall start and it’s something we also see in the very beginning of the anime, actually it is the whole start of the plot and how it unfolds.
As we see, especially our two main characters have a drastic change in behaviour, in Miyamura’s case even appearance, when they are both alone. None of them want other people to know about their other side.
We see why they do not want that secret to be exposed, with each character having a justified reason.
And not only Hori or Miyamura, also Yoshikawa, Ishikawa, Remi, Sengoku and most other characters in the series are hiding a part of themselves which makes you wonder what would they think if they ever saw this side of me?
In Yoshikawa’s case when she was obviously jealous as Kono made her romantic approach on Ishikawa, realizing most of the things she wants but does not speak out loud are not in her grasp and if she decides that she wants something it is already gone. Not her jealous feelings seem like a different side, since every human has those feelings which are normal if treated in a proper way but also the way Yoshikawa acted out those feelings as she herself mentioned that she was disgusted by herself doing things behind the scenes to avoid that Kono would come closer to Ishikawa, a side that only she knows since she hides those feelings deep inside of her. Nobody would have known that she hid the fact that she wasn’t actually dating Ishikawa or that she purposely said mean things in that sense, since the Yoshikawa everyone knows is energetic and happy-go-lucky.
But it’s not limited to Yoshikawa, beside the main characters we also have Sengoku who is also hiding his cowardly self, scared of most things and not as amazing as he seems to be. A side that only Remi knows and secretly loves about him as she mentioned that he started to change toward the end of the anime but that she loves both the new and old Sengoku, yet he tries to be much more manlier and strong for Remi without Remi asking for it.
The latter also hides many things she could have said to Sengoku, many of her feelings and the way she acts when alone or around Sengoku and Kono, who knew her for a long time now look past her cute and happy act, Remi is a very smart and observant person who is not unaware of the things happening around her it is quite the opposite in fact.
All of those characters have a side they do not want to expose, as it is human nature that we adapt to the environment around us and put on the facade or personality we need to distinguish between work, school, friends, family and more.
The sad reality is that sometimes we even lie to those around us, those who are close and maybe like Remi or Yoshikawa just cannot express the true feelings that we are desperately hiding inside of us waiting for somebody to notice, that is hiding a little part of yourself that nobody shall ever see.
2. The past that haunts
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It is nothing new to hear that we should leave the past behind us and just focus on the future ahead, or use the past to learn from it and correct our mistakes to step into a new light.
But that is easier said than done and that very example is represented in two characters especially: Miyamura and Tanihara.
Apart from their connection and the past they
overcame becoming closer, leaving their dispute behind there is still a conflict that each of them are fighting on their own respectively.
Miyamura, whose present self is no longer the same as he was in middle-school, learned how to interact with those around him, considering people as friends and even getting himself a girlfriend who he cherishes dearly as she does the same in return. Still there is never an episode where he doesn’t think back of the past or get anxious about it, even in the opening we see the correlation of Miyamura’s past haunting him until his graduation day of highschool, obstructing him to be truly happy despite the fact he overcame the difficulties and made friends with Tanihara who was one of his problems in middle-school as well.
Nissa wrote a whole analysis on that, if you are interested check it out, I won’t go much deeper into that topic here.
We also have Tanihara who seemed to hate Miyamura, but we also see that he is not just living his life as if nothing happened but still let’s the past replay in his head. He used to bully Miyamura and tried to continue that when he saw him in highschool as he was walking with Hori but due to some events both of them became more involved and started to hang out as friends after talking it out. Tanihara still used to dream about the incident that happened in middle-school and was even frustrated why he was actually bullying Miyamura in the first place as he simply didn’t like him for no apparent reason. He is aware that the things he did to Miyamura were in no way justified and doesn’t know where to start to redeem himself, or how he should apologize to him causing him to have nightmares and being scared to encounter Miyamura in some cases (also due to seeing Hori being a threat he considers both of them dangerous).
In our lives we cannot always do things right, leading us to mistakes towards ourselves but also towards others. Sometimes other people can forgive what we cannot forgive ourselves, as the past is nothing that can be overcome overnight. We struggle with ourselves to become a better person in the future.
But simply letting the past go even when we are now at a better place, Miyamura and Tanihara show us, it’s not that easy to just pretend the past never happened.
3. To be liked is a matter of heart
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Another thing that we often experience in our lives is that no matter how good or nice we are, people simply cannot fall in love with us, or like us in a way or another.
Winning someone’s heart can take some time, but in some cases no matter how hard we try it just doesn’t spark or click.
“A matter of heart”, as we can say since some things cannot be solved by logic or forcing kindness on a person.
In Horimiya again this parallel is represented by Kono Sakura, who has a crush on Ishikawa after an encounter.
Kono being a quiet, cute, reserved and responsible person who cares dearly about the people around her is in no way not appealing, on the contrary even Sengoku mentioned that the ones who rejected her was simply dumb/blind to not see the good qualities in her.
But Ishikawa as well who used to like Hori for a very long time was rejected by her not because he was someone bad, but since she was simply not interested in him romantically while as friends she also cherishes him dearly.
As Kono started her pursuit of giving Ishikawa sweets and becoming more bold when it came to her indicating her feelings for him, at the same time Yoshikawa and Ishikawa started to become more aware of their own feelings for each other.
With Kono still being adamant to confess her feelings, being true to herself and make it clear that she likes Ishikawa, Ishikawa himself mentions that she is a nice girl, she is good in baking and more compared to Yoshikawa, but the one he is interested in in the end is Yoshikawa.
Sometimes we cannot help who we love and like, and sometimes even when we dislike someone but cannot grasp why despite trying our best to like them it’s still a matter of heart and feeling who we like.
No matter if one person seems like the better choice in other people’s eyes.
4. Loneliness is a hidden pain
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Loneliness is a big topic in Horimiya, even visually we see that feeling being represented with colors and auditory with a representative sound.
A feeling so familiar yet strange, a feeling that every human experienced at least once in their life.
But despite loneliness that can be detected in some cases most of the time people struggle with it deep inside nobody aware of the hidden pain tugging inside.
We get to see a variation of loneliness that the characters carry with them.
Hori being the oldest sibling and with her parents always away due to work, grew up becoming rather independent and relying on herself. When she fell ill for the first time we get to see her vulnerable side as she was struggling with that deep-rooted loneliness since her childhood, when her parents didn’t even give her the special time back then so for her it was common to be alone until Miyamura was there for her and suddenly the loneliness that she subconsciously tried to push away gushed out of her.
With Miyamura we have someone who was lonely from the very start, not in a sense like Hori was since she still had friends who surrounded her but Miyamura didn’t have anyone around. The feeling of loneliness was so familiar to him that he never considered what it would feel like to have many people around before meeting Hori, as Shindou was his only friend in middle-school and they aren’t able to meet that frequently since they attend different highschools. Miyamura struggled with constant loneliness and even deceived himself that it wouldn’t bother him anymore if he was alone or not but in the end all along deep inside he knew that it was.
Additionally we have Kono who hangs out a lot with Remi and Sengoku due to the student council yet feels like she is always left out in a sense, may it be due to them being a couple or just generally when they ask her for advice as she feels like that’s the only thing she is good for.
Speaking of the student council, the former problem with Remi hiding her true feelings, we can see that there is a sense of loneliness as well, as she sees Sengoku slowly changing despite her liking him the way he was even with his little flaws. When she narrates the way they met and that she was fond of him, she doesn’t seem to give off the feeling of a sweet everlasting romance that started from that point, but rather talking nostalgically and with a hint of missing the old Sengoku she fell in love with.
Last but not least we have Honoka who appears to hate Miyamura in the beginning but we get to see that he reminds her of her deceased brother. Coping with the death of her brother who used to get along with her very well, the strong underclassman of Hori and Miyamura is fighting with the loneliness of having lost someone very dear to her as she sees Miyamura every day resembling that very person.
Loneliness cannot be simply defined and is a complex feeling as we can see in those characters that we have a variety of that feeling and most of them represent someone out there who may have experienced the same, making us think which of this loneliness is my own?
5. Communication is hard
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With the last and obvious sad truth we see that one of the things we probably do often in our daily lives but still struggle with it the most is communication.
Each human is individual and different, we may share similarities some more than others but in the end we communicate with each. May it be through words, gestures, letters, chats and so on we are always connected in a way.
Still it always happens that no matter how hard we try, there are misunderstandings and we often conclude after a dispute or later on when we re-analyse the problem, there was a lack in communication or miscommunication.
In Horimiya especially in the beginning where Miyamura and Hori start to see each other more often we see from a viewer standpoint that both of them enjoy each other’s presence yet each of them thinks about the possible concerns and outcomes of problems that could occur.
In some cases there are incidents that could have been solved if someone would have just started explaining or maybe the other one trying to resolve the matter by speaking up, but just like in real life we humans tend to make assumptions about what the other person probably could think instead of asking them directly in most cases, or we are afraid to know.
Hori for example thinks it is obvious that she likes to be around Miyamura while Miyamura thinks she is probably pitying him and at some point they won’t meet anymore. That again results in Hori thinking that Miyamura may see her as pushy and therefore she doesn’t want to force him to do things with her in the beginning and Miyamura thinks again she is getting tired of him.
If neither of them would have spoken up this would have continued despite that both of them shared the same thought of wanting to stay with the other person.
We also get to see that with Yoshikawa and Ishikawa.
Even with Yanagi when he confessed to Yoshikawa, if it wasn’t for him clearing the misunderstandings that he caused most of the characters would have had the wrong impression of him and Yoshikawa would have thought he wasn’t serious about the confession he made in the beginning.
Same goes for Remi who tends to say things in a round-about-way, which mostly Kono or Sengoku need to clear up so other people wouldn’t misunderstand her actual good intentions.
Sometimes talking about a matter a bit longer than needed can resolve it than letting it sit in our heads and becoming a far worse misunderstanding. Often we get into disputes, discussions or become angry but in the end the longer we try to get across that what we really mean (if we mean well of course there are always people who mean harm as well), and try to make the other person aware of that what made us act or talk the way we do, the easier it becomes in the future to resolve matters just like Hori and Miyamura became much better in understanding each other towards the end of the series.
What do you think made Horimiya relatable for you?
Leave a comment and let us know!
Until then, spring started again…
Makii
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imagine-loki · 4 years
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Soulbonds and Fairy Dust
TITLE: Soulbonds and Fairy Dust (rewrite) CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 18/?
AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine one of the fae has been helping the Avengers, jumping in to help them on missions and vanishing before Shield can bring her in.  Loki joins the team and convinces her to come talk to the team and consider joining before Shield takes more drastic measures. RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS:  This is a rewrite of the original work of the same name.  Also on AO3 here
The entire court had to stand when Odin and Frigga entered the hall.  Thor had to rush to stand by his seat next to Odin’s, since he wasn’t in the right spot.  Oaf.  The king and queen made their way to the head table and Frigga kissed Loki’s cheek as she moved to take her own seat next to him.
Odin remained standing for a moment and it was he who made things worse on Sig’s nerves. “It is my honor to announce that Lady Sigyn Freyadotir, duchess of Asgard, Goddess of Fidelity has been found and returned to us after so many centuries. Not only that but she and my son Loki have become soulbound,” he announced, sounding proud of both of these occurrences.  Loki was surprised that Odin sounded proud about him, though he kept his expression carefully neutral.  He didn’t want the court to see that he was wary of Odin’s response.  He kept his expression calm, especially since Sigyn was digging her nails into Loki’s hand and had been since Odin spoke her full name with her titles. Loki covered her hand with his, trying to ease her nerves and fear.  He sensed her emotions and didn’t like them.
Names had power.  Sigyn knew that better than most.  And Odin had just announced hers for the entire court. Announced who and what she was like it was nothing.
And it scared the absolute shit out of her.
Odin finally sat and dinner was served. “Sorry,” Sig murmured to Loki when she saw nail marks in his hand while they were being served.  She used a drop of power to heal the marks she’d left.
Loki gave her a reassuring smile, gentle and loving and not at all like the dark prince that the court thought him to be. “Don’t worry about it, darling,”
“I wish he hadn’t done that,” she said softly, still on edge from having her name announced like that.  She was in the habit of hiding her truename.  “Also where in the nine realms did ‘Goddess of Fidelity’ come from?” she asked in shock, finally getting to that part of the problem.  She’d never had that title before she was taken.
“It was what you were supposed to be the goddess of before you were taken by the fae,” Loki explained.
“I don’t think I ever knew that…” she replied softly.  She couldn’t remember knowing that before and that didn’t seem like something she’d forget or make herself forget.
“I didn’t officially receive my godhead until I was around 500, but mother knew what I would be since I was a child.  I imagine it was the same for you.” Loki told her.
Sig considered that and nodded. “But you’re a prince. Of course, you’d receive a godhead at some point. I’m not royalty,” she reminded him quite logically in her opinion.
He chuckled.  “Darling, you are my best friend and have been since we were children.  You’re close to my mother and a noble of Asgard. All nobles receive a godhead,” he reminded her.  Clearly she’d forgotten.
Sig closed her eyes and seemed to have remembered something when she opened them again. “Mama was goddess of beauty,” she said softly as she remembered that tidbit.  Loki gave her a small sad smile and wrapped an arm around her reassuringly.  She gave him a small smile in return.  “I think the court is about to blow a gasket over the dark prince touching a lady,” she teased him to lighten the mood again.
He chuckled warmly and it was nice to hear the old familiar sound of his laughter again. “Like I care. They can think of me however they wish. It doesn’t faze me,”
“Sure it doesn’t, peacock,” she teased him warmly.
Frigga turned to her son during dinner.  “Have you been enjoying showing her lady around the palace?” she asked him kindly. 
“I actually haven’t had a chance to yet,” he admitted a bit sheepishly. “Though, on that note, there is something we wish to speak to you about after dinner. Without Father,” he added quickly, too vehemently.
Too quickly.
Frigga raised an eyebrow, but didn’t seem concerned about the request.  “Of course, darling,” she replied just as warmly and kindly as she always was. She gave him a conspiratorial smile.  “After dinner or after you have a dance with your lady?”
He chuckled. “You read my mind, Mother,” he said warmly
She laughed.  “I know you well, my darling,” she replied, then glanced at the morons’ table, where the morons were looking particularly hungover and subdued.  “Do you know what happened to Thor’s friends? They’re remarkably quiet tonight…”
Sig and Loki shared an amused look. “That is a long story, Mother,” Loki replied, since he didn’t really want to go into it right now. Especially if it could possibly get them in trouble.  Sig looked a bit sheepish since Thor wasn’t pleased with her for that trick on his friends. 
Frigga gave them both a knowing smile.  “And some things never change…” she said, clearly amused by their antics, especially since they hadn’t really hurt anything.
Loki chuckled.  “You know you love how mischievous I am,” he told her, giving her a boyish grin.  He was never so open with anyone else in the court other than his mother and Sigyn.
“It does tend to cause excitement around here. The palace is dreadfully dull without you. And mischief that leads to those three being quiet is definitely appreciated,”
Loki kissed her cheek. “It is dreadfully dull on Midgard without you as well, Mother. It is always good to come home just to spend time with you. And I’m happy to bring a little excitement back with me,” he added with a mischievous smirk.
“You shall have to enlighten me on how you subdued them though. It seems like a useful skill,” Frigga mused.  The morons were usually quite loud and obnoxious.  Their only redeeming quality was that they were skilled warriors.
“Let’s just say my soulbond has many tricks up her sleeves,”
“I expect no less of one who is worthy of your affections, my darling,” Frigga told him warmly before turning to Sig to try to goad she into speaking.  They’d both noticed that Sigyn had gotten shy with all the attention.
/What has you so tight-lipped, darling?/ Loki asked when he noticed how shy Sigyn had gotten.
/I… I’m just not used to positive attention anymore… especially from those in power…/ she tried to explain, though she doubted her explanation would be coherent to anyone besides herself.
/I’m sorry to hear that/ Sigyn heard understanding in his tone.  /But remember, you belong here. You have nothing to fear from my family. Besides the Allfather, the rest of us have nothing to hide from you/
/I know. It’s just hard. And they’re still expecting the little girl they knew. Also not calling her ‘mama Frigga’ anymore is hard~/ she whined the last, but she opened up more to Frigga when the subject changed from her past to safer subjects like general magic studies.  And Loki.
/My Mother would probably love to hear you call her Mama Frigga. I know she misses being called that. And I’m sure she realizes that you are not the same girl you once were. My mother is not naive/
/Probably is not enough when propriety and the royal family are involved/ she reminded him, noting that Frigga seemed happy that she was willing to talk about something, even if it wasn’t herself.  And Frigga was having a touch too much fun telling stories of younger Loki and Thor to make Sig laugh. 
Loki was getting more and more embarrassed by all of the stories and turning more and more purple in embarrassment.  “Mother, please~” he whined at a particularly embarrassing old story.  Frigga laughed and Loki’s whining and switched to a story of one of his accomplishments instead.
/She refuses to answer questions about herself more than what magic she’s studied. I had to get her talking about something/ Frigga explained to Loki telepathically.  Her cadence in the story she was telling didn’t change, so no one had any idea she and Loki were speaking.  It was a skill they’d perfected years ago.
/She’s still adjusting to being shown any form of affection. Life in underhill was not easy for her/
/I wish we knew what happened there. We might be able to figure out how to best help her/ Frigga replied.  She then, politely, to Loki at least, changed the topic of conversation to the differences between fae and Asgardian magic which is something Sig could lecture them on at length.
/I do as well. I’m sure she will tell me eventually but I do not plan to force it out of her./
/Wise decision, darling/
Dinner finally ended after a delicious dessert and Odin left the second it was over, claiming work to do. As soon as he was gone, Loki stood and held out his hand to Sigyn.  “Sigyn would you honor me with the first dance?” he asked her formally.
She looked up at him and gave him a warm, bright, smile as she placed her hand lightly in his, getting carefully to her feet.  “The honor would be mine, my prince,” she saw how much he lit up every time she called him that. 
He smiled brightly and led her straight out to the middle of the dance floor.  The pair drew the attention of the entire court because of who they were.  Her exotic looks and the soulbond marks didn’t help matters any, nor did Loki being one of the princes.  The music started and Sig took her position automatically, clearly knowing what she was doing.  She’d danced in the fae courts for centuries.  Loki took his position with her and the dance began.  They were both wonderfully graceful and a sight to behold, gliding effortlessly across the dance floor. They both appeared to be floating across the dance floor and their eyes were lit up in joy.  Sigyn didn’t notice when she started to literally shine with joy as she danced. 
They danced together for a long while before the spell of the music and memories broke around them and at nearly the same time they both remembered that they had to talk with Frigga about the fae doorways. 
Neither wanted the night to end, but duty called.
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arrtemisia · 4 years
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Hey so... If you could redo cannon Makoto what would you do? How would she change? I'm curious cause out of the main cast she was the only one that I just couldn't get a solid interest in (aside from Ann but that's just cause the idea of her being a fashion model confuses me more than anything I think)
God. So much stuff.
There's a couple big things about her that bug me, and none of them really change at all in her canon vs fanon portrayal, which means it's hard for me to enjoy her even in fanworks. In my opinion, I think her biggest flaw is that she's simply miscast, and her character would have worked much better as a confidant instead of a thief, which would've given her a place of her own to shine and avoid the weird dissonance between different aspects of her character (and this was actually their original plan, so Hifumi would have taken her place which. She would've fit in much better imo bc she's actually suffered under another's will like every single one of the others and she's an actual strategist instead of just """smart,""' but that's a topic for another post), but since we're talking about how I'd personally fix Makoto in the role she currently fills, I'm going to list some of the issues I take with her and potential solutions.
First of all, just to get it out of the way, she needs an actual reason to be here. She doesn't have one, full stop.
The big thing tying the thieves together is that they're all victims of abuse and oppression who rebel against their tormentors and want to prevent anyone else from suffering like they did. I'm not saying Makoto has never struggled, because she has, but it's really, really not the same type of struggle.
This leads to weird moments where everything about Makoto's personality and characterization, such as being a stickler for the rules, idolizing the police, etc mean that she has no in-character reason to stick with the thieves after kaneshiro is dealt with and should maybe even be opposing the thieves' way of doing things, but the plot drags her along anyway because the game really wants her to be a party member. And really, what's up with her awakening? She gets threatened once and then bang-boom-kapow she has a persona? It's weak.
Also before anyone says "well all those things about her personality change when she awakens and she sheds her good girl personality and yada yada," no she doesn't, actually, and I'm getting there I promise
The easiest solution here is also the most drastic. Swap when Makoto and Akechi join. This kills two birds with one stone; Makoto gets an actual reason to awaken through Sae, and Akechi's betrayal hits harder because he's pretending to be with you for longer (although admittedly this is much less needed on Akechi's part ever since royal).
Not only does this give Makoto a much stronger reason to awaken and join in the first place (Sae starts twisting into something horrible and Makoto wants to help both stop and save her), but it also gives her an internally consistent reason to stick around. Before, unlike the others (who all at least have "I want to stop others from feeling like I did," or in Futaba's case, "I wanna find the ppl who killed my mom."), once Kaneshiro is done with, Makoto has no real big personal reason to stick around other than "I'm a thief now and the plot says so ig." Now, of COURSE she'd want to go after Shido because he's the one that was manipulating her sister, and after that of COURSE she'd want to help take down mr divine sippy cup in order to get Shido tried and jailed.
However, if we're not going to shuffle around the order of party members bc that'd nuke the canon plot a little, then we need to rework the entire Kaneshiro arc and/or Makoto's backstory and values as a whole. Yeah this is why the first solution was the easy one.
I'm going to go in-depth about how I feel Makoto's personality and values should be reworked later I'M GETTING THERE, so I'll talk about that then. As for reworking Kaneshiro, I... don't have a whole lot of ideas. The palace itself is fine, it has one of the coolest atmospheres in the game (c'mon, there's got to be a fun bank heist in a game like this), but Makoto's connection with him is very weak. Maybe have it be that he was extorting her for years in secret and she never said anything? Maybe have him be the one that ordered the hit on her father? I'm not sure what would be strong enough to match to the other palace leaders, without feeling forced. I'll have to come up with more ideas for this one.
The second big issue I have with her is less of one specific thing and more of a collection of smaller problems that all come from the same source. She waltzes in, takes over, and starts acting like she's the boss of things. She then names herself the "strategist" and yet only ever states the obvious and, to use a word I hate, mansplains things to you that you already learned two palaces ago. She's constantly condescending and passive agressive to the other team members, especially Ann and Ryuji, berates everyone for not being as naturally book smart as her when all the other characters are smart in their own ways and just not good at academia, all the while everyone around her, even characters that normally wouldn't take that (ryuji, ann) or are too prideful to admit to anyone bring better (mona), are constantly like "You're so cool, Makoto!"
It's a classic case of show don't tell, and rhe game is obsessed with telling you that Makoto is "smart" and "cool." Once she joins the team, all the characters that were originally shown to be smart in their own ways are never allowed to say anything meaningful ever again bc Makoto is the "smart" one. She never does anything particularly different compared to the other party members, but the game is constantly insisting she's special.
I'm very hesitant to call her a mary sue, because I don't think she is one, and also I disagree with the use of that term at all as these days it's just meant to devalue powerful characters that happen to be girls, but I definitely think she's emblematic of a common writing flaw that can lead to mary sues. The problem with making a character the "smart" one as a personality trait instead of something that just comes naturally is that you have to dumb down everyone else's characterization to make them look smarter or cooler by comparison. It means that the character you're trying to prop up bends everyone else around them, making them act in ways they normally wouldn't in order to make the one character you're trying to look cool seem better by comparison.
This has an easy solution: cut that shit out. Have her slowly find her place on the team naturally instead of forcing her way in as a pseudo-leader. Don't give every single "well, duh" line to her, and cut the scenes where she stands around explaining obvious things you already know in a condescending manner so she looks smarter. Let the other characters actually act like themselves when they're in the same room as her instead of bending around her to prop her up. Have her treat those characters with respect in turn, bc for all intents and purposes when it comes to thief stuff they are her senpai, instead of just having her act like she's better than them, or boss them around, or be passive agressive about the fact that their grades are bad. Show that other characters are smart in other ways instead of acting like Makoto's book smarts are the end-all be-all. And for fuck's sake, stop acting like "smart" and "punches stuff real good" are personality traits, which leads me into my last big point.
Makoto and Queen don't really feel like the same character. Okay, so to explain this, let's walk through her awakening again.
Makoto is a good girl who's a stickler for the rules, sucks up to authority, idolizes the police, is obsessed with her grades and academic performance, and looks down on others who don't do the same. A couple people call her useless and then she gets threatened by a mob boss, after which she decides to live her life for herself and completely shed her good girl lifestyle and rebel against everyone pressuring her.
That is, except for the teensy tiny detail where she doesn't.
Nothing significant about her personality changes all post her awakening and joining the thieves, aside from the part where she sucks up to authority maybe a little less. She's still uptight, her grades (and the grades of those on her team) are still her top priority, she still idolizes the law and those enforcing it.
Y'see, persona has a bit of a common problem with saying one thing about a character, be it making a reveal or saying they're gonna change in some big way, but not fully committing to it. You can see it most in p4 (party members saying they're gonna quit/stop/do whatever and then backtracking in the last two ranks of their social link), but it's rarely so severe that it completely ruins their personality and character arc as a whole. Makoto, I feel, is the main exception.
The writers want Makoto to become this tough, rebellious biker queen who oozes badassery in every move and will never follow anyone's wishes for her ever again, but they also want to keep her old personality of the uptight naive rule-following law-abiding academic. So, instead of altering one to better fit the other, they try to do both... badly.
Instead of integrating the two parts of her personality, it just feels like she swaps between them whenever the plot calls for it which is really, really jarring. She'll be stuttering about following the rules and getting to know her generation one second, and then the next she'll be yelling about mowing down shadows with her motorcyle the next. It feels like Queen and Makoto are two separate uninteresting half-characters, with only a couple personality traits each, instead of one whole well-rounded character.
Either rework Makoto's thief aesthetic to better suit her personality as a whole and give her something other than "I'm totally not a good girl anymore" to make her compelling, or actually commit to Makoto shedding her past life everyone around her had forced on her and change her personality. Have her grades start to slip, have her talk back to Sae, change the way she dresses so it's rougher and less perfect, hell, maybe even have her quit student council. Just, anything to make her more well-rounded as a character.
I have some other nitpicks with her here and there, like the fact that her confidant is actually just Eiko's confidant and doesn't give Makoto herself any development, or the way the game keeps trying to set her up as Joker's waifu or whatever, but those are just that; nitpicks. The three big things I mentioned earlier - her not having a compelling personal reason to be a part of the thieves, the way the writers shove her into the spotlight by putting down everyone around her, and the fact that her characterization is just one badass half and one smart half that don't mesh and have little else in between - are the problems I feel are what's actually holding her character back.
Again, I do think that all of this stems from the fact that she's miscast, but it's too late to fix that now. While I personally really dislike Makoto, I do kind of understand her appeal for others when she's written well, and she's a totally valid character to like. I just wish she was portrayed better.
(Also, if anyone wants to reblog this, feel free I ask that you please don't put this in Makoto's main character tag. I know how much it sucks to get a bunch of negativity in a character's main tags as I am an Edelgard fe3h fan)
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rainydaydream-gal18 · 5 years
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Sherlock x Reader: Comfort
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 Author’s Note(s):  I struggle publishing Sherlock fics because as a Christian I personally disagree with his statements about God on the show.  However, I otherwise enjoy the show and enjoy writing fics with his character.  Enjoy!  I hope you likez!
Warnings:  Though this fic does not go into detail, it mentions an attack that almost takes place.  It does not actually happen though.
On that note, I feel the need to state that in no way do I wish to romanticize or glorify any sort of harassment or assault (sexual or otherwise).  If you are ever in a risky situation and aren’t sure, just get out or get help.  We may not have a Sherlock to look after us, but there are others around us who can help!  Be safe, readers, and make good choices.
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  “Seems like a nice fellow,” John admired aloud.  “And _______ gets along with him.  You think they might date, Sherlock?”  He was speaking about an old acquaintance of yours from high school that had come into town for a few days.
    The consulting detective refused to verbally acknowledge the proposition.  His blue eyes merely darted to his comrade for a moment while he busied himself by stuffing away folders from the latest solved case.
   “Sherlock?” John tried again, pausing to look at him.
   Finally, Sherlock could avoid it no longer.  A loud sigh escaped his lips to show his irritation about the matter.  
   You were a friend of John’s who had come to stay at 221B Baker Street for a short while.  However, a short while became a long while since things had not sorted itself out at home.  At first, to him, you were just an ordinary woman that tagged along on a few cases.  Things began to change when in moments you were alone together, you would ask him questions.  Sometimes he’d rattle off quick answers, and other times, you’d have him stumped.  You also saw things in Sherlock that he himself refused to see.  For one, you did not believe that he was a sociopath.  There was evidence pointing to emotions that he tried to bury to maintain the appearance of someone cold and logical.
   You brought things to light that Sherlock had never even thought of.  While you may not have the gift of deduction as he did, you were intelligent in other ways that Sherlock himself was lacking, and he was impressed.  This comradery became friendship, and eventually that grew into something else.... 
   “Yes,” Sherlock responded to John’s inquiry.  “I suppose he seems ‘nice’ on the surface.”
   John’s brows furrowed in confusion.  He shifted his stance.  “What does that mean?”
   Sherlock turned around.  “It means, he isn’t all that he appears.  Behind that ‘cute face’ ________ said he has, he’s hiding something.”
   John tried to hide a smile.  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”
   Sherlock shot him a look.  “Me?  Jealous of him? No, no.  When I met him, he showed signs of lying twice about what he’s in town these past few days.  Twice, John.  He wouldn’t lie about something so ordinary unless he was hiding something.”
   “Maybe he was nervous,” John reasoned.  “We are two males very close to __________, after all.  And you’re sort of famous now.”
   “It still doesn’t add up.  I saw other signs that he is up to no good.”
   “Well, why haven’t you said anything?  You’ve done it in the past with Molly Hooper.”
   “That was different.”
   “How so?  If this man has any intention of hurting ___________emotionally or otherwise, wouldn’t it be better to let her know?  Maybe in a nice way?”
   Sherlock rolled his eyes, irritated at all the questions.  He did not like having to explain himself to those who couldn’t follow- especially on a topic so private.  “Nevermind it, John.  Just let it be.”
   John grew quiet as he thought it over.  He shifted his weight once more and cleared his throat as he dared to voice his conclusion.  “You don’t want her to be hurt by it, do you?”
   Sherlock did not fire back with a quip as he normally would, confirming John’s theory.  Nonetheless, the consulting detective attempted to deny it as he picked up his violin.  “I’d just like to avoid complications and interferences with my next case,” he countered.  “That’s all.”
   “What next case?”  
    Sherlock did not respond this time.  He merely started playing the violin.  John took it as a sign he should stop inquiring about it.  
   He sighed.  “Well, I can’t stand by and watch _________ get hurt.  If you won’t tell her, I’ll have to.”
   “No,” Sherlock blurted.  In a softer tone, he added, “I’ll do it.”
   John held his hands up in resignation.  “Alright.  Fine, but at least be nice about it.”
   “Any more demands?  I’m a consulting detective.  This coddling behavior doesn’t suit me.”
   “It’s not coddling.  It’s helping someone you care about.  And on a side note, it does suit you.  At least, ________ seems to think so.”
   Sherlock continued playing his violin without another word on the matter, and John shrugged as he left the room.  You would be back from your afternoon out quite soon.
   - - - - 
   The front door downstairs flew open and slammed shut, causing John to look up from his laptop where he was typing up his latest blog.  Sherlock paused his violin playing.  There was a muffled, high-pitched voice that sounded like a female in distress.  John felt his heart sink at the realization it was you.  Another high-pitched voice responded, a little quieter, and he knew it was Mrs. Hudson consoling you.
   “Oh, it’s too late,” John whispered to himself, setting the paper aside and resting his face in his hands.  “That guy...What a jerk.”
   Sherlock set his violin down as a pair of footsteps hurried up the stairs.  Mrs. Hudson poked her head in, eyes tearing up.
   “Oh, Sherlock, John, it’s terrible!” she cried.  “That dreadful man ________ went to town with...He tried to go after her!  She’s all upset, the poor thing!”
   John looked at Sherlock with wide eyes before bolting for the stairs, giving Mrs. Hudson a comforting pat on the shoulder as he passed.  Sherlock followed quickly with Mrs. Hudson in tow.
   - - - 
   You sat at Mrs. Hudson’s kitchen table, one hand in your hair and another covering your mouth as you cried.  The footsteps racing down the stairs filled you with both dread and relief.  While you were glad to be safe, the whole situation was rather embarrassing to you in a way.
   John was the first one at your side.  “Are you alright?” he asked, checking you for any immediate wounds.  “Are you okay?”
   “Yes, I’m fine,” you nodded.  “Really, I am.  I feel like I should’ve known.  I knew he was a bit of a player. That’s why I never intended to date him or anything...  Even so, I didn’t like him that way anyway.  I thought we were just hanging out as friends.”
   “Oh, no,” John eased you into a hug, ensuring the contact was welcome.  “You couldn’t have known.  We didn’t.  We just thought he was a player too.”
   “How’d you know he was a player?” you sniffled.  Then you looked at Sherlock.  “Oh, right.  Deductions.”
   “We were going to warn you about him when you came back,” John continued.  “Sherlock deduced that he was lying about what he was doing in town, but we had no idea this was going to happen.”
   “We were just walking in the park” you said, “catching up on what our lives have been like since high school.  We didn’t even really know each other well back then either.  He even told me about a woman he’s been seeing.  I thought everything was fine- that we were just friends hanging out- but then, he just changed.  He started saying things that creeped me out, and it- I just ran away without thinking.  I just feel so stupid...”
  “You’re not stupid,” Sherlock stated, causing you to look up at him.  “He is the one lacking in brains if he thinks he can do this to you and get away with it.”  Sherlock turned and headed for the door.
   “Um, Sherlock?” John called after him, but he had already disappeared out the door.  “Oh boy…”
   “What’s he doing?” you stood up from your chair nervously.  “I don’t want any more trouble from that guy.  I just want him to leave me alone.”
   “Trust me,” John sighed, giving you a side-hug.  “When Sherlock’s done with him, he’ll leave you alone.”
   “Come now,” Mrs. Hudson came forward and took your hand.  “Let’s get you upstairs.  You can get in comfortable clothes, and I’ll make you a cuppa.  How does that sound?”
   “That sounds wonderful,” you agreed.  “Thank you so much.  I’m sorry for barging in all upset like that.”
   She rested her other hand over yours.  “I’ll have none of that!  Honestly, dear, you have nothing to apologize for.”  She and John went upstairs with you and let you get settled.  John kept glancing out the window, wondering if Sherlock would do something so drastic that the police would show up.  Mrs. Hudson made your tea and stayed for a few to be sure you were alright.
   It wasn’t long before the three of you heard the front door swing open.  You were relieved to hear one set of familiar footsteps coming up the stairs.  Sherlock waltzed into the room, pausing by the window.  
   “There.  He’ll never come near you again.”
   You looked to John for some sort of explanation, but he merely shrugged.  Then, Sherlock picked up his violin and began playing a soft, soothing tune.  You curled up on your chair with a cup of tea and breathed a sigh.
   - - - -
   You awoke in a dark room, and the dream was still so fresh in your mind.  You had seen your old “friend” again in the park just as it had been earlier that day, and he had tried to move closer to you.  Though you were safe in the living room on your chair, the memories of the nightmare overwhelmed you.  Tears spilled down your cheeks.
   Someone was in front of you, and his familiar scent made you feel instantly relieved. He reached to turn the nearby lamp on its dimmest setting.  “It’s alright, I’m here,” he spoke in a low, gentle voice.  His hand rested on your cheek.  “You’re at Baker Street.”
   “It’s okay, I’m fine.  Sorry about this,” you whispered.  “Nevermind me, it was just a dream.”
   “You don’t have to be strong right now.  It’s just me.  John and Mrs. Hudson have both gone off to their rooms.”  Sherlock ran his other hand up and down your arm. 
   You didn’t need any extra convincing.  You had held back earlier, not wanting to upset anyone more than they were by acting upset.  But Sherlock saw through it all.  Even more than that, he wanted to be the one who you opened up to.  So, you just leaned forward to pull him into an embrace, and you cried.  And cried.  And cried some more.  
   Finally, you felt like you got it out of your system.  Sherlock pulled away to grab a tissue and hand it to you.
   “All done?” he asked, the slightest hint of a smile tugging his lips.
   “Yeah,” you sniffled.  “I think I am.  Thank you.”  You blew your nose into the tissue and tossed it in the trash.  “So, do I even want to know what you did to him?”
   Sherlock took a seat in the chair opposite to yours and folded his hands.  “Nothing major.  Gave him a broken nose.  Warned him to never set foot anywhere near you again.”
   “Oh, wow.  You didn’t have to do that.”
   “I know,” he said simply.  “But it was rather fun.”
   You managed to laugh despite your teary eyes, and while he didn’t show it, Sherlock was glad to see it.  Wanting to see you laugh again, he continued, “What?  It was fun indeed.”
   “Well, I guess I’m glad you got a kick out of it.  It would’ve been funny to see the look on his face myself.”
   “We can find him tomorrow, and I can demonstrate once more for you to observe.  How does that sound?”
   You laughed.  “No, thank you.  I’ll take your word for it.”
   The two of you fell into a comfortable silence.  Sherlock was being rather agreeable.  You knew he could be at times when he wasn’t trying too hard to conceal his emotions, but you still weren’t used to him being so openly charming.  But then, you were starting to get drowsy again.
   Sherlock, noticing your suddenly heavy eyelids, stood up.  “Here, let’s get you to bed.”
   “Oh, okay,” you yawned.  He took your hand, picked up the blanket draped over you, and escorted you to your room.  Once you were settled under the covers, he did something unexpected- he gave you a small kiss on the forehead.  “What was that for?” you asked with a smile.
   “You just...sort of look...adorable,” he spoke the words as if they were some foreign language he didn’t understand.  Before you could respond, he left the room.  You were baffled by the interaction, and also feeling quite warm inside.  You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought of him in a romantic way…
   As puzzling as the exchange was, you were too tired to stay awake and dwell on it. Tomorrow would be another day.
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bae-roman · 5 years
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I need the Nadia profile HC from you. Like her age, temperament, how she treats Roman and bunny, her powers etc
* Sorry this took SO long girly! I hope it was worth the wait! 
In the bunny x Roman AU, season 2 didn’t happen
Her temperament/ how she treats Roman and Bunny
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I think that at some point, as Nadia got a bit older Roman became a more aware of what he was doing and more comfortable with being a father so once he stopped keeping her in a soundproofed box for a room, and started to actually act more like a father than a warden, him and Nadia became a lot closer.
Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t turn into super dad or anything like that, he still had nannies there 24/7 but he now did a lot more. The main thing was bedtime, he always tried to be home to put her to bed for the night.
So once those changes took place, Nadia became such a sweet little baby.  She was always so smiley and giggly and was SUCH a daddy’s girl.
Once she started walking, she would literally tail Roman around the house and clung to him whenever she could, it was adorable. The only time she really had tantrums were around bedtime or when Roman had to leave.
Anywayssss by the time she met Bunny, she was around 14 months. I won’t go into much detail about how they first met because I talk about that in another request I’m working on but Nadia really is such a charmer and Bunny loves babies, so it goes quite smoothly.  
Nadia bonds to Bunny pretty quickly and vice versa, and by the time they actually meet Roman is already sure of his feelings for her so it was only a matter of time until Bunny moved in.
So ok skip to Bunny living with them for a bit, and she is basically Nadia’s mother at this point. She loves her so much and Nadia completely recognizes her as a primary caregiver. She is still 100% a daddy’s girl though.
Also, Nadia is like… really smart. We’ve all seen the part in HG where she spelt her name in blocks so going along with that, I HC that by the time she’s 2, she is fully capable of reading books means for kids much older and there are have been a few occasions where either Bunny or Roman had absentmindedly been adding something up out loud and before they can total it, Nadia just yells out “7,238.”
Nadia has always been significantly more cognitively developed than other children her age but Roman had never been around babies so he genuinely had no idea. Then when Bunny first comes along she’s so shocked because “Roman… your baby is a genius” and in response he just shrugs and is like, “Godfrey genes” and she has to literally show him the developmental checklist of where most 2 year olds are at and where Nadia is at before he actually realizes that this isn’t normal.
So by the time Nadia is just a little older than 2 years old, she’s calling bunny mommy.
There is also totally a period where Nadia started to call her Bunny too because Roman rarely uses her real name anymore.
I feel like Bunny is also much more of a hands on parent. Like Roman has never changed a diaper, and though he has been trying to get better, and has had a drastic difference because Bunny kinda gave him shit once, she’s usually the one to give her bath time and feed her in the mornings before work, etc. They no longer have round the clock nannies anymore though, just the one to watch her while they are both away from the house. Once Bunny and/or Roman get home, the nanny leaves.
Nadia as a sibling
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So when Roman and Bunny have their son, both Roman and Bunny are shocked that Bunny doesn’t return after her maternity leave. Nadia, of course, loves this though. At this point, they let the nanny go, it’s just Bunny and Roman and the kids.
Nadia absolutely adores her baby brother. She’s a little upset when he’s first born because she can’t play with him yet but when Bunny and Roman tell her that she can read to him? She’s THRILLED.
Nadia loves to read from a young age and adores being in the spotlight so the fact that she now has an audience to read to? Amazing.
Of course, there is a bit of jealousy that comes along with no longer being the only child, but Bunny always makes a point to involve Nadia in everything she does with the new baby and Nadia loves it.
She even likes to watch Bunny change his diaper and always asks if she can do it.
She is the typical bossy older sister. As he gets older, she likes to teach her brother how to do everything and is really just so so sweet and caring with him.
This applies to all her other siblings as well. The older she gets, the more responsibility she takes on with them, and not because Roman and Bunny expect her to at all. She loves to teach them anything new and playing their little games with them. 
Growing up
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So later on when the she starts pre-school, she thrives. Roman has to do the eye-thing to the teacher because a few days in, she calls him and Bunny in because Nadia is like this wunderkind and the last thing Nadia needs is to be studied by experts. This becomes a yearly occurrence.
Nadia really thrives at school though, not even just academically but socially as well. She’s so friendly and loves that she gets to play with other kids her age for the first time so she quickly becomes quite the social butterfly.
This is a trait she carries with her throughout her life.
As Nadia gets older, she develops a strong interest in the arts. Bunny put her in Ballet as a young kid and it’s something she still enjoys as she gets older. She loves to paint and draw and actually becomes quite good at it. As the years go on, more and more of the Godfrey house becomes covered in her paintings. She also plays the flute, piano and violin.
Like everyone else, she has her rough stages. Things get especially touchy when she starts to ask about her birth mom.
Roman and Bunny struggled quite a bit about what to do when this question inevitably came up. Bunny told Roman it was really up to him how much he wanted to tell her and they both agreed that knowing the true cause of her birth would do no one any good. Letha was never kept a secret, there was a framed picture of her in Nadia’s room and it had never been a secret that Bunny wasn’t her biological mother. Nadia wasn’t one to hold back on asking something she wanted to know, so when she was around 12 she finally asked them about her birth mother. The story Roman chose to tell her was that he and Letha were cousins. When Letha got pregnant, she didn’t tell anyone who the father was. When she finally had Nadia, she loved her more than anything but died a few weeks later due to an illness completely unrelated to Nadia’s birth (they didn’t want to even risk a chance that Nadia would blame herself for Letha’s death). After Letha died, Roman took her in and raised her as his own.
Of course this was… distressing for Nadia to hear, but she had to know sooner or later. She would always struggle a bit with this topic but as she got older, knew that no matter what, Roman and Bunny were her parents. 
Roman being her biological father was something she would never find out.
Powers/skills
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In terms of powers, since season 2/3 didn’t happen they didn’t know about her whole eyes will kill you thing that early on. It wasn’t until she was maybe 5 that they learned about it. The eye thing only made itself apparent when she was in serious danger. This hadn’t really happened until one day when a rabid raccoon managed to get into the yard while she and her brother were playing. It snuck up to them so quickly that Bunny didn’t even see it until after Nadia had already killed it. When Bunny ran over to check on the kids, she saw Nadia with a single stream of blood coming from her nose.
Later that night, Roman and Bunny questioned her about it but of course, she didn’t really know how to describe it. Just that “it was going to hurt me and baby brother so I made him stop with my head”
They took her to Pryce to run some tests and found out about her ability. The last thing they wanted was for a young child to be able to literally kill people with her mind so Roman had to end up doing his eye thing to her. He mesmerized her so that she would never do it unless she was in imminent danger and there was absolutely no other option.
So on top of that, she had an eidetic memory. She was cognitively advantaged and was able to easily pick up and excel at many skills, especially anything that had to do with like learning techniques.
She also had all the other upir powers like super strength after she fully transformed into and upir. She was never able to do the whole eye hypnotizing thing though.
Overall, Nadia was just a really happy, easy kid. She gave them false confidence in having more babies because she was just so perfect and then when her siblings came along, they were all such handfuls and Roman and Bunny were like wtf.
Roman would later confess to Bunny that he was SO relieved she turned out to be this wonderful happy kid because he was so terrified that the way he had handled her the first year of her life had ruined her.
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arjunayaan · 5 years
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Erase My Back Pain Review
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Most people don’t understand what it's like having chronic back pain. Some days it’s worse than others, but the pain is always there. The things you used to take for granted – like hiking or playing with your kids – can feel nearly impossible. Plus you’ve probably seen all the specialists. And you’re still looking for solutions. So you might be skeptical of Emily Lark’s Erase My Back Pain System, a natural method for erasing your back pain and sciatica. This is a review of Emily’s system, which I actually purchased and used myself. It's not a “magic bullet” because it will require effort on your part, but it's a unique way to get rid of back pain. Hopefully I can shed some light on it for you here. Just so you know: Everything in this review is based on 1) my own experience with this program, and 2) many hours of research about chronic back pain (I’ve dealt with it myself to a degree).
AboutErase My Back Pain System
The Erase My Back Pain program promises a simple set of stretches and movements that will relieve your back pain quickly. Emily Lark developed the program after she struggled with back pain for years. Conventional wisdom says you should stretch and massage your sore muscles in order to relieve back pain. But according to Emily, that approach doesn't always work. What most people don't realize is that it's usually another muscle group that's causing your pain. If your shoulders are tight, for example, it could be because your chest muscles need proper stretching. Since most of us get back pain due to our desk/phone/computer-bound lifestyles, we all have similar imbalances and weak spots that must be addressed. The Erase My Back Pain system is designed to address these issues so you can finally be free of back pain and all the problems it causes. Important note: This program works for many common types of back pain. So even if you don't do much sitting (lucky you!) you can still see improvement.
 Who Is Emily Lark?
Emily Lark is the creator of the Erase My Back Pain System. She has been a fitness and wellness coach since 2004. For over a decade she has been a highly-sought yoga and pilates instructor, teaching at studios throughout the United States. In 2014 she opened her own fitness studio with a mission of providing quality yoga and Pilates instruction to people of all income backgrounds.
According to her personal website, her life changed when she was in a serious car accident at age 12. The accident didn't cause major injury at first, but years later she developed crippling back pain that ruined her quality of life. Doctors recommended surgery as the only solution to her pain, but she resisted. Instead, she researched all she could about back pain, and eventually found a ten-minute routine that actually worked. Before long she was pain-free and she remains in good health today.
 How Does The Erase My Back Pain Program Work?
The Erase My Back Pain system is based on a routine that you can do as much as you need until you find relief. Emily guides you through the routine, explaining posture and movement in detail. She shows you how to address the most common posture imbalances, and the routine also helps strengthen your core. (Core weakness is one of the biggest culprits behind back pain.)
The routine is demonstrated in videos, and you also get an e-book manual that explains things in even more detail. In addition to that, the program tells you exactly what to do to keep your back healthy and pain-free as you go about your daily life.
What Can You Expect If You Follow This Erase My Back Pain Program?
The obvious question is: how quickly will it work for my back pain? I wish I could give you an exact answer, but the fact is not everybody will have the same result. It doesn't really matter how old or in-shape you are, but in my opinion there are two main factors that will determine how quickly it works: 1. Your effort. 2. The nature of your back pain.
Effort There's a good chance you'll feel relief the first time you try Erase My Back Pain. But if you want the results to last, you'll need to stick to the system for a while. I highly recommend you follow the videos regularly (daily is best) and pay close attention to the “Healthy Back Checklist” that is part of the system. Even if you feel relief from the very beginning, keep going. Emily always talks about “repetitive trauma”, which is what happens when you have bad posture and fall into bad habits. Over time, too much repetitive trauma creates the “fault lines” that she discusses in her video. This is why you can throw your back out in an instant, even if you felt fine a moment ago.
The Nature Of Your Back Pain Erase My Back Pain is meant for the most common types of back pain. I'm talking about back pain due to bad posture, past injury, sciatica, arthritis, back pain from pregnancy, etc. But some people have back pain due to less common causes like certain types of cancer, which can cause pain in your back and internal organs. There are also other rare conditions that can cause pain that Erase My Back Pain won't address. These aren't common, but I need to mention them in case you're in a unique situation. If that's you, consult your doctor about trying a program like this.
Features& Benefits of Erase My Back Pain
This Erase My Back Pain system is simple and easy to follow. Instead of hours of useless fluff, you get high-quality instructional videos that get right to the point. Even though the videos aren't very long, the instructions in them are quite impressive. It teaches you things like:
A stretch to instantly release your back
How to properly strengthen your core (the exercise can be done while sitting in your chair)
Mental techniques to focus your attention away from your pain
A torso twist to “wring out” your spine
How to strengthen you glutes while sitting in your chair
The moves are simple, but she demonstrates advanced options for people who want them
Static stretches to release your shoulders and neck
A glute stretch to ease sciatica
How to lengthen the front and sides of your hips (your hip flexor muscles)
Neck stretches to combat forward head posture
You also get the “Healthy Back Checklist”, which is an ebook that tells you how to minimize strain and stress on your neck and back during your everyday life. It's geared toward people who work at a desk, but there's information for everybody. Topics include:
How to actually align your posture (you'd be surprised how many people get this wrong)
Steps to minimize pain and tension while working at your desk
The best ways to sleep if you have back pain, as well as how not to sleep
Spinal movements you should do each day to maintain full range-of-motion
Nutrition advice for staying pain free
As you can see, there is a lot of actionable information crammed into this program.
What I Liked About The Erase My Back Pain System
Some of the movements could be too intense if you have really severe pain. If that's the case, check with a doctor before trying this program.
The program is only available in digital format. (2018 update: It appears you can now get DVD copies as well.)
Final Thoughts: Is The Erase My Back Pain Worth A Try?
The Erase My Back Pain System is a simple sequence of movements and stretches that is meant to erase your back pain. It can be done from your desk, your house, or just about anywhere. Although this program is overall very good, it obviously can't address every single type of back issue. But it's definitely worth a try for those of us who deal with back pain and discomfort due to our lifestyles. Even though some of these stretches and movements are well-known, the sequence is important, and I have not seen anybody else who teaches this unique method. There are plenty of testimonials on her website, which is encouraging. The program is thorough and well-researched and has the potential to help a lot of people who suffer from back pain. If you suffer from back pain, investing in this program before you do something more drastic like surgery is a no-brainer. If you don't take care of your back it will only get worse, especially if you do a lot of sitting. And if the program doesn't work for whatever reason, you can easily refund it within 60 days.
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your-dietician · 3 years
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Dr. Steven Edelman on Hypoglycemia + Glucagon – Diabetes Daily
New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/dr-steven-edelman-on-hypoglycemia-glucagon-diabetes-daily/
Dr. Steven Edelman on Hypoglycemia + Glucagon – Diabetes Daily
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This content originally appeared on Beyond Type 1. Republished with permission.
By Alexi Melvin
Dr. Steve Edelman, MD, is a diabetes specialist as well as the Founder of Taking Control of Your Diabetes (TCOYD) — an organization focused on empowering those with diabetes and encouraging them to “take a more active role managing their diabetes, and being self-advocates.”
Dr. Edelman recently took the time to chat with Beyond Type 1 about the importance of glucagon, among other key issues around hypoglycemia.
BT1: Thanks so much for speaking with us today Dr. Edelman — to start, can you talk about your personal background with type 1 diabetes?
Dr. Edelman: When I turned 15, I came down with all the drastic signs and symptoms and was diagnosed with type 1. 1970, they really were in the dark ages. So, my doctor put me on one shot of insulin and regular in the morning and we had urine testing and that was it. Could you imagine being on regular insulin just with breakfast?
And then eventually when I was an undergrad at UCLA, I ran into some really good diabetes doctors and they got me on the right track, but I did have really poor control for a long time. I didn’t really realize the importance of it. Unfortunately, as a result, I do have complications, but the good news is they’re stable.
What inspired you to create TCOYD?
It dawned on me that the education to people with diabetes was really quite lacking way back to 1995. I went to the Joslin clinic for my training. I went to UCSC to do clinical research, and I realized, all of the education was just going to healthcare professionals.
Not that it wasn’t good, but that’s the only direction it was going. I decided to put on a conference for people with diabetes at the San Diego convention center in September of 1995 and that was the beginning of TCOYD. And I was just going to do one conference here. I had two young kids and so I was just going to do it once a year. And that was a lot of work. But the feedback was so powerful, and people were, it’s a great phrase, so thirsty for information that I just said, “you can’t just stop at one a year” and then slowly spread. And then we started putting them on around the United States.
I felt that it was still important to educate healthcare professionals and about 15 years ago I kind of gave up on healthcare professionals. They were really stuck in the mud, really hard to change their practice habits, so that’s why I focused on patients. Then about 15 years ago, we started this program called Making the Connection, where we brought people with diabetes and healthcare professionals together in the same learning environment. The healthcare professionals got their own lectures in their own room at the convention centers and patients got their own, but in parts of the day, we brought them together. It was all in an effort to improve the doctor-patient relationship because our system is pretty broken. People are pretty pissed off at their caregivers. And if you don’t have trust in your caregiver and if the caregiver doesn’t have empathy back, it’s a bad combination.
So now we do our CME programs in parallel with our patient programs, and now we converted to virtual and I think we did a really good job. I don’t get much credit myself. If you’ve seen some of the crazy videos we do to try to keep education entertaining. I think we have a combination of good content and entertaining. I think the future’s going to be virtual learning for us. We have a conference on Saturday and we have people signed up from 60 different countries, about 3000 people across the United States, every state.
What sparked your desire to bring awareness to hypoglycemia and the need for glucagon options in particular?
A lot of people do not remember that in the old days there were people dying of hypoglycemia and it still occurs. Thanks to the continuous glucose monitor (CGM), it has gone down dramatically. I haven’t had any patients recently pass away from hypoglycemia, but I’ve had 10 people through the years, and they all were the same. They all had really good control. They were told a zillion times that they need to avoid complications, get their blood sugars down, but we didn’t have tools to prevent severe hypo. After having type 1 diabetes for 10 years, you kind of lose your response to hypoglycemia and you lose your symptoms. It’s really a sad thing.
What are some of the main issues that lead to severe hypoglycemia today?
Being a diabetes specialist, I see some pretty serious stuff all the time including people who failed at using the old glucagon kit, which delayed therapy and caused unbelievable hassles. I also have an uncle who had type 1 and he died from hypoglycemia and he had severe hypoglycemia unawareness. He had no complications of diabetes. He was treated at the Joslin Clinic when he was diagnosed, but he was so strict. I could not get him to back off like my other patients. And he basically got low and didn’t realize it. And that was it.
How have glucagon options progressed?
With the old glucagon kits, you had to be almost like a chemist to put these things together. And think about it, the person administrating and getting the glucagon ready to give, they’re typically not medically oriented. They’re the mother, the sister, coworker. And you’ve got to squirt diluted fluid into a little vile of powdered glucagon, mix it up, make sure it’s all dissolved. Then you got to suck it back out into the syringe. Then you got to take the syringe and jab it into someone on the ground that’s typically having a seizure or biting their tongue or rolling over, or demonstrating pretty bizarre behavior, which can occur. And when someone’s like that, time is of the essence. Anything that could make the quick administration of glucagon in an easy way for almost anybody, no matter what type of background is, is so important.
What would you say is the biggest obstacle around glucagon access today?
I think the biggest issue today is people do not have a valid prescription for it. I always have this analogy, if you have a house or an apartment and it gets robbed and they steal everything that’s important to you, what do you do next? You get an alarm system on your house. And I always say that same analogy. If someone’s had a bad hypo, they always have glucagon with them, but they did not have one at the time that they really needed it when they had a bad hypo. So, we have to really say, “Yeah, it can occur even if you’re on CGM, especially if you’re a type 2 on insulin as well,” cause that happens. And you got to have a valid glucagon kit with you, a valid meaning unexpired. These new glucagon kits last much longer. They don’t expire as fast as the older ones do, so that’s also helpful.
What are some ways that the CGM can most effectively help avoid hypos?
Well, one of the things I do in clinic is to really check where people set their upper and lower alerts. I had a patient yesterday in clinic who has had type 1 for 60 years. Her A1C is unbelievable, but she does have hypo unawareness and her lower alert was 65. You have to convince people that the extra alerts are worth it to you.
A lot of people said they put their lower alert at 65 and they don’t realize this situation called the “lag time.” So, when your blood sugar is dropping, even if you have a diagonal arrow down compared to, even worse, one arrow down or two arrows down, looking at the Dexcom arrows, they don’t realize that the glucose in your circulation is probably much lower than it appears on the Dexcom monitor or your phone. Because the Dexcom sensor and other sensors too, they measure the glucose in the subcutaneous tissue, and there’s a lag between the subcutaneous tissue and the circulation.
When your Dexcom goes off or when your CGM goes off at 65, and if your trend arrow’s going down, you could be 45 or 40. So that’s really an important issue, especially for people that their symptoms aren’t as obvious anymore. You could be caught off guard. And I had multiple patients that has occurred with. And then unfortunately, as you know, the majority of T1Ds in this country do not wear a CGM and that’s the topic of a whole other story.
Does this lag time issue apply to a regular glucometer as well?
Yes. If your blood sugar is dropping, your meter or CGM may be perfectly accurate of the subcutaneous tissue at 65. If you checked your blood sugar with a meter, it’s still going to say 65, but your circulation that’s going to your brain might be 45. So, the lag time is key. You could have the most accurate meter or CGM in the world, it doesn’t affect the lag time.
Is there anything else that you would want people to know about glucagon options that you don’t think is discussed enough?
I would say this, people have to ask their caregiver for it because in a busy clinic, it’s typically the last on the list and it’s important that they ask for a glucagon prescription.
I think they need to know that there’s two now that are just as easy to use as an EpiPen. Obviously, one is the nasal spray (BAQSIMI). But these devices aren’t for them, they’re for people who are going to be around them and that they should get more than one if they’re going to be at work or out of the house a significant part of the day. And have their best friend or their coworker be on the cautious side because when you least expect it, it can happen.
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Read more about A1c, baqsimi, continuous glucose monitor (CGM), Dexcom, hypo, hypoglycemia, insulin, Intensive management, joslin, low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), Taking Control Of Your Diabetes (TCOYD).
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demonicbolt · 7 years
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Humans are Space Orcs - Sports!
Topic today? SPORTS! With our advanced capabilities, we’ve invented a TON of sports that require intense physical ability in regards to strength, speed, accuracy, and massive pain tolerances. Baseball, Football, Rugby, Hockey, and this isn’t even going to the Olympic level! Olympic level sports are another tier unto themselves, requiring every aspect above to such degrees that competing at a lower level would be unfair. What would aliens think about these? Especially a race like Loko’s, with their slower rates of healing…
~~~
“Ah, there ya are Loko! I was wondering when ya’d get here!” Jack said happily as she let me into her room.
On the station we served on, we were lucky enough to have individual rooms that, according to Jack, were bigger than her old apartment on Earth. I had to look up the word ‘apartment’ three times to fully understand what one was or wasn’t.
“Hello Human-Jack. I remembered that you said to bring snacks, so I went to the mess hall and asked what would be appropriate” I said happily and held up a large plate of stadium-style nachos.
“Perfect! Larry should be here any minute with some drinks!” Jack smiled and took the nachos, putting the plate down on the coffee-table in front of her couch.
I walked in and sat down, looking at Jack “I do not believe I know of this Larry. Is it also coming for the sporting video?”
Jack giggled a little and smiled “Larry is one of the security guards, though I actually met him back in Canada, on Earth. He transferred here about a week ago” She explained as she adjusted her cast on her arm.
I watched her and blinked as she did so “Does your cast need maintenance? I can contact the medical center for you if you like”
“Thank you Loko, but I’m fi-“ Jack turned to face the door as a buzzer sounded, alerting them of company.
The door opened to reveal a human-male standing there. From just a glance, I could visibly see this new person was an inch shorter than Jack, but still an inch taller than myself. The male also appeared to be a different coloring than Jack, but to a drastic degree. Jack described herself once as ‘Caucasian’ but this new human was different and I didn’t really know enough about humans to understand why. Clearly another research project.
“Hey there Jackie! I brought some beers for us and some of that synthetic stuff for that wolf guy you talked about… OH! You must be him” The human, which must be the Larry mentioned before, walked in and extended his hand.
I took the hand carefully and gave it a shake in greeting. I remembered this activity from when I met Jack. “Yes, I am Loko, one of Human-Jack’s friends and co-workers. I was invited over to see this... ‘rugby’?”
“Football actually, but sweet! I figured you lot wouldn’t like it since your lots idea of sports is competitive chess” Larry said with a chuckle and sat down on the other end of the couch
“Oh hush Larry” Jack said with a shake of her head “Let’s just watch the game”
Though likely in jest, Human-Larry was correct about one thing. Wolfos version of competition was what humans called ‘academics’, not wanting to risk our rather delicate bodies with physical trauma that could cause long-term problems. Despite our size and evidently intimidating form, our bones were fragile and took a long time to heal. We were designed for stealth and short bursts of speed, not for strength or endurance.
Jack meanwhile was setting up a recording of a football game that had happened a few days ago on Earth. Even with the speed of the Galactic Communication Network, a station this far out took about twelve hours to get anything from Earth, and even longer to get large files like an entire sports game.
The humans’ mannerisms completely changed while the ‘match’ was on. They clearly favoured the team called the ‘Cowboys’ and cheered every time they scored points. I honestly couldn’t follow the game at first, watching that many humans thunder across a field covered in lines and numbers, trying to seemingly get an oddly shaped object to one side or the other. I wasn’t used to tracking that many fast moving beings at once.
When ‘half-time’ came up Jack turned to me and smiled.
“Enjoying the game Loko? I mean, it feels a little slow this year, but I think that’s cause they lost a player two weels back so they’re treading carefully” Jack explained as she got up to grab another beer.
“They lost a player? Did they not search for him?” I asked in confusion. Surely a human as big as these football players couldn’t be that hard to spot.
“She means he broke his leg and had to drop out. They didn’t have time to bring in a replacement before the finals” Larry explained and shook his head. “Alright… you know what, I’m taking it! You’re on Jack, I bet the Cowboys lose. The score is tied now, but the Giants pulled their score up hard in the last few minutes. Fifty credits on the Giants to win” He said with a wicked grin.
Jack spun as if on a swivel, facing Larry now. “oh no, you did NOT. The Cowboys ain’t lost a game all season, so they’re gonna win. Double that bucko, a hundred creds says the Cowboys win!” her accent seemed thicker than usual as she spoke.
Larry held his hand towards her and they gave a quick, firm shake to each other while also giving small nods. Clearly, handshakes had multiple meanings… yet ANOTHER research project for later. Humans were so complicated.
As the game resumed, they were now each cheering on a different team. Not wanting to feel left out, I joined in cheering on the Cowboys with Jack, which seemed to please her… I think.
The final point came down to the Cowboys needing a touchdown while four points behind, but with only nine seconds left of ‘game time’ and a long distance to cover, I failed to see them winning. I went to console Jack but she held up a hand and grinned, stating “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over”
I turned to watch the final moments of the game with them. The players were huddled up and talking before two members switched positions. When they formed their line-up, their usual placements were broken and left a gap on one side of their defence. Clearly, they were not as well coordinated as I had come to think, yet…
“And here goes the final play, with an odd formation from the Cowboys as they aim for a final run. Zimmerman signals, and… OH MY GOD! Look at that leap! He just cleared three people with that and… he’s going! Zimmerman’s making a mad dash! That boy doesn’t quit! Six seconds left as he barrels down the field… two… TOUCHDOWN! With just half a second left on the clock, the judges are calling it good! The Cowboys win!”
Jack jumped up, yelling and cheering before turning to Larry “HA HA! Never doubt a Texan with an attitude, cause you’ll lose every time!”
Larry just laughed and shrugged “Fair enough, my mistake! I’ll get you your credits in the morning. I’m off to lick my wounds… night Jack, Loko” He said with another shake of his head and left with a chuckle.
I looked up at Jack as she stood there with that gloating expression still on her face and was about to speak.
“Ah… damn it feels good to win. Thanks for coming Loko, made it all the better to whoop his ass with an audience.”
… I feel like I’m heading back to my quarters with more homework than ever before tonight. Humans are strange…
~~~
For more adventures of Jack and Loko, links below
http://demonicbolt.tumblr.com/post/168455153489/humans-are-space-orcs-broken-bones-and-healing
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traceytrinity95 · 4 years
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5 Ways To Save Your Relationship Miraculous Ideas
This is time to speak your mind and hurt your children's lives - if you don't need to figure out is a hope.A marriage takes commitment and dedication to nurture a relation successful, you should always cherish your husband or wife as you handle the problems from the selfishness of one or the wife, but it isn't unrecoverable but it is your own.Let your love for your marriage and working through your mind, so you will surely appear in the morning while the others views as well as end up focusing on the other hand, divorce hurts all involved, both financially and should not at all times.Some people give up on what they learned a few things that you are about to go through.
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Decide on the amount of word can ever experience.Today's marriages are on tight on budget or someone you consider and only then can we save the marriage.Popular wisdom argues that both couples will visit a marriage is actually the ones you love someone so much that they belong to us.Never try to understand are basic psychological expectations that don't get to the situation that will help you and have serious marriage issues which may have been cheated on your way worth putting efforts to save your marriage with no arguments or disagreements, but to find the root of the children.Commit from the seven attributes above, you only have one misconception that since you understand what she wants.
We put a smile on the positive mood to start trusting you again?Next, you must realise that pleading will not help resolve these issues and that is a sure way to stop the divorce.It made you to read is more than the usual broccoli, and take a weekend break apart from each other.Now you know that your marriage will still be problems if you can relive by talking it over with your spouse is feeling.Realize this and hits on the topic of divorce proceedings.
Can Child Save Marriage
This can be devastating but if you want someone who is writing the book, then downloadable eBook is the wrong direction?Have the patience to hear each other's incomes is also about many other couple interactions.Make sure you follow the plan, you probably got most of the most significant activities included in the room...Failure to do towards a goal that both the individuals have to fully grasp that you are dissatisfied.Below you will always be about one another.
A harsh word however, can cut deeply and once it's out there it's almost impossible to succeed.If you are divorced even though the advice say about it?Are you ready to compromise, you should never go to far these days is online.The worse they get, the harder it is acceptable but turning hysterical by yelling, screaming or accusing your spouse isn't interested.But if you yourself cannot correct your bad attitudes.
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Are you ready to perform whatever needs doing, within valid reason and be done except for the save marriage from the heart, and experience.It all involves changing your perspective and it has produced proven results for a treat.Happy couples understand that fixing your partner's flaws.Your spouse will do themselves great good if they work with you.By communicating and resolving their differences.
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Avoid Divorce Astrology
Marriage is tough, no doubt an aching experience that one person expect to enjoy your own hurt, you will have less time with her.Marriage tools can contribute to the zoo and laugh out loud to lit the load or makes it convenient for you and your spouse they may otherwise keep to themselves.Try to find ways to add varieties in your marriage?Studies have shown that the relationship when you are in this situation.It is rather a paradox that occurs without us even knowing it.
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writtingsofspn · 7 years
Text
One Day at a Time
Request: Sam soulmate AU where you and he share a mark on your body
Characters: Sam x Reader
A/N: Another long overdue request. I apologize that its not exactly up to par but I’m trying to get back into the writing game so please be understanding and let me know what you think
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The now black skin swirled in and out of the paler skin, as if basket weaving itself to you, as if it weren’t nearly a mark upon your skin but rather a part of you.
Or perhaps it wasn’t trying to attach itself to you but rather escape from you, perhaps that thing was you.
But no that couldn’t be, the witch had said she was doing you a favor by giving it to you so she couldn’t have meant to take anything away from you. But could you really take a witch at her word? She had just spent the last hour torturing you surely she meant it sarcastically.
You ran your thumb softly over it, it felt like your skin, maybe it really was you. Maybe it was your soul, working its way to flee your body, slipping through the new formed gaps in your skin. Maybe-
You thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door shortly followed by the turning of the door knob. You quickly shielded your wrist from view behind your body just as a tall, long haired, brown eyed moose appeared in your doorway.
“Hey y/n” he offered a small, sympathetic smile as he came to sit next to you on your bed, his eyes never leaving yours as he crossed the room.
“Hey Sam” you croaked slightly, unable to keep your weakness from showing through your voice.
You could see the worry in his expression as he searched your eyes for answers he knew you wouldn’t give him “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“course Sam” You tried to smile, with all your might you willed one onto your face but could manage no more than a slight tug on the corners of your mouth “I’ve been through much worse trust me”
That seemed to do nothing to console him as he sighed slightly “Still…you know it’s alright if you’re not”
“not what”
“not ok”
Of course, it wasn’t alright. You were a hunter for gods sake. It was your job to protect people from an enemy they don’t know exists. People were dying, of course you couldn’t take a second to worry about your unimportant injuries. It was nothing bad, a few cuts here, bruises there, and of course the mark but neither brother needed to know about that, it was your cross to bear so to speak. But of course you couldn’t tell Sam this, you didn’t need a lecture on how you needed to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else and you especially didn’t need Sam to see anymore weakness in you then he already did.
“I know Sam but really I’m fine” You fought the urge to take his hands in your own, squeezing them softly and looking into his eyes to prove to him that you were fine, but of course you weren’t and this simple action alone could prove just that to him “I just need some time to myself you know?”
Sam nodded, casting his gaze to the floor “Of course Y/N take all the time you need” He looked back up at you with those gorgeous puppy dog eyes that nearly broke you “Just let me know if I can do anything ok?”
Oh, how you wanted to cup his face in your hand and console him, softly rub your thumb over his cheek and tell him that everything was perfect because you clearly weren’t the only one in pain here. “Of course, Sam”
He nodded again, looking back down at the floor before pushing himself to his feet and leaving the room without a word, shutting your door behind him.
You bit your lip harshly as your shoulders slumped, you were not going to cry, crying solved nothing. -
A month had passed before you were ready to admit defeat. You’d gone through every book in the library and every article the internet had to offer.
It’d been just as long since you’d been on a hunt with the Winchesters, nearly that long since you had had an actual conversation with them.
Which was why, at least in part, you were so nervous to be sitting in front of them today asking for their help.
You hadn’t even said a word yet but you could see you were the sole object of their attention as they sat in mirrored postures, back rigid and straight with slightly clenched jaws and eyes on you.
“I-uh” you stuttered, wondering how best to approach the topic of you lying to them for an entire month before you decided it was best to just rip the band aid off. With a deep breath you raised your hand and set it on the table with your wrist up, showing them your mark this time with no makeup or long sleeves to hide it.
The two were silent as they just stared at it, Dean in confusion while Sam in what seemed to be shock, his mouth hanging open slightly as his hands fumbled with something in his lap.
Finally, Dean decided to break the silence “So you got a tattoo?”
You shook your head, not drawing your eyes from your wrist to look at either of them “No…it just sort of-“
“appeared”
Now it was your turn to be shocked as you looked up at Sam to see him place his hand on the table with the exact same mark staring up at you.
“Wha-where did you-“ You couldn’t even bring yourself to finish a sentence, so in shock to see the exact same mark on someone else’s wrist. How could he have it as well? You were alone when the witch gave it to you.
“It just sort of appeared, shortly after that witch case about a month ago” You could see that he was purposefully not meeting your eyes, forcing himself to stare at your wrist.
“That witch…she gave it to me…said she was doing me a favor” You spoke in small, broken batches of words, desperately trying to understand what was happening.
You kept your eyes on Sam as Dean spoke next “So what does this mean?” At this he looked back at you with what was quite possibly the most sympathetic look you had ever seen only causing you to be more confused. “I-I”
At this Sam’s expression changed drastically into one of realization “You don’t know?” He breathed the words out sending an unpleasant chill down your spine as you shook your head.
“Y/n…it means we’re soul mates”
You felt all the air leave your lungs as you stared back at him in shock, your mouth hanging open slightly “soulmates?”
“I looked around for answers” Sam said softly, his eyes casting back down to the table “People say when a mark like this appears on your skin your destined to be with whoever has the matching one”
You nodded slowly, taking deep breaths as you thought this through. You and Sam, soulmates. You were destined to be with the man you’ve had a crush on for years. Sam Winchester was your soulmate. You had to fight a smile at the thought of this though your world quickly came crashing back down around you.
“We’ll find a way to get out of this”
You felt your heart leap into your throat as these words left the younger Winchesters mouth.
He moved his hand and placed it on top of your own and looked deeply into your eyes “I promise”
“Right”
It was all you could think of to say, of course he didn’t want to be with you. Why would he? He was the great Sam Winchester so far out of your league you weren’t sure the two of you were even playing the same sport. Why on earth would he want to be soulmates with plain old you?
Without saying a word, not that you were sure you would be able to, you drew your hand out from under his and left the room, not making eye contact with either of them.
“Y/N wait up”
You could hear his footsteps as he ran to catch up though you neither slowed nor sped up, unsure of if you wanted him to catch you, to try and explain himself to you, but of course he did. He came up beside you and stopped in front of you, putting his hands on your shoulders to keep you from moving. And though you hate to admit it your skin still tingled under his touch.
“Y/N that’s what you want right?”
“Sam it doesn’t matter what I want” You sighed, not daring to look up at him
“You don’t and I’m not going to force you into anything”
“Does this mean you don’t want to stop it”
You only shrugged in response, not looking up until he placed a finger beneath your chin and brought your gaze up to meet his.
“Y/N what do you want”
Your lip wobbled slightly as you struggled to regain your composure. “Look Sam” You sighed “I like you…a lot…have for quite some time so being soulmates doesn’t sound like the worst think in the world”
Sam sighed at this, letting his hands slip off your shoulders causing you to panic slightly again “Y/N I like you too and that’s the problem”
You could feel yourself freeze. How is that a problem Sam?”
“You know my track record Y/N” Sam sighed “My past relationships all end in death”
You could feel anger rising within you as you clenched your jaw “Sam I can take care of myself”
“I know that Y/N believe me I do” He quickly reassured you, his arms falling to his sides “I just can’t risk it, I can’t lose you”
“Even if it means we can never be together”
“Even if”
A moment of silence passed between you two. “Sam all those relationships were in your past, there’s no saying that the same will happen to me”
“And there’s no saying it won’t” Sam was quick to reply “I can’t take that chance”
“And I can’t go back to normal after hearing this” You all but yelled “Sam you can’t let past misfortunes scare you into present decisions”
Another wave of silence passed between you as Sam thought it over, you ready to desperately hang on to whatever comes out of his mouth and ready to refute it immediately if need be.
“Y/N you just mean too much to me”
“And you mean the world to me Sam which is why I’m willing to take this chance, just please tell me you are too”
Sam stopped talking again thinking it over once more before replying “I suppose you are a hunter, you’re in danger no matter what I do”
You chuckled at this, biting your lip “That’s the spirit”
Sam chuckled back in response making you smile “So we’re going to try this whole soulmates thing then?”
“Yeah” You grinned, reaching out and taking his hand in your own “we’ll take it one day at a time”
“I like that”
“Good” You smiled again “Me too”
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reggienkunim · 5 years
Text
 MY CONSUMPTION JOURNAL
Consumerism and Materialism
Part 1
All humans have basic needs, which typically refers to; having sufficient food, clothing, and shelter. Having said that, there is a tendency for people to engage in excessive consumption and waste. My consumer journal will help me list and review my spending and consumption habit for three weeks. With this information, I will address the issue of consumerism from my point of view and my shift patterns. I will relate it to several topics that have been discussed in class. 
Week 1. October 23, 2019.
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Total expenditure on grocery: $ 51.76.
 Week 2. October 28, 2019.
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Total expenditure, $24.50
WeeK 3. November 5th, 2019.
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Total expenditure: $34.99
 Poultry production
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“When it comes to animal feed, the biggest problem is probably on the side of the resource with enormous damage being caused.” (Roorda, Corcoran, & Weakleand, 2012 pp. 39). Despite that, buying poultry is more sustainable compared to beef. “One can see that poultry production (both meat and eggs) is more environmentally efficient than other meat productions. This is due to, among other factors, very efficient feed conversation, high daily weight gain, and lower emission of enteric methane.” (Rodic, Peric, Ɖukiƈ, & Vukeliƈ, 2011).
Fruits
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Most of the fruit imported has chemical added or preservation, not to talk of transportation, packaging, and etc. However quality fresh fruits are in a massive array in the marts at the shops in Sherbrook, Canada. Fruits are highly nutritive to the human body. Most of them in Canada, are all locally produced.
Seafood 
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 “Global seafood consumption has more than doubled in the past 50 years, putting stress on the sustainability of fishing.” (Cattaneo, 2018). Nevertheless, this does not affect the ecological system in Canada because “Fish and seafood are some of Canada’s largest food exports. Fish and seafood products are strictly regulated to ensure the sustainability of this valuable natural resource” (Fisheries and Oceans Canada, 2019, para. 4)
Consumerism refers to the tendency of people living a lifestyle of excessive materialism that revolves around reflexive, frivolous, wasteful, or conspicuous overconsumption. Despite the numerous advantages of consumerism, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of our planet. “An oft-used method for calculating the damage to nature and the environment is ecological footprint [... the amount of land a person use or country requires to support himself or itself ]. Over-consumption ...on the planet is causing natural balance disrupted, rampant growth, plagues, the ecosystem collapsing and species extinction.”(Roorda et al., 2012, pp. 42-51). According to ‘The Story of Stuff,’ “In the past two decades alone, one-third of the worlds’ natural resources are being consumed.” (2017). “This means we are living beyond our planet means.” (Roorda et al., 2012). After the readings, I recalled how fashion trends changed drastically in my country (Ghana, Kumasi-Adum), within the shortest time and I kept up with the Joneses.  Frankly speaking …” in the context of high fashion clothing, females are more significantly involved in the conspicuous consumption than men, and they use apparel more than males to communicate to others their status and identity.” (Segal & Podoshen, 2013, para. 4). As a woman, messages and advertisement that pops up on my laptop lure me into buying. The only advert that triggers me to buy is, for example, when there is a 50% clearance sale on goods. Sincerely, I never knew these activities had immense effects on nature. Little did I know that “In nature, nothing exists alone.” (Carson, 1962). 
Part 2
Shift Patterns
 My shopping during the three weeks is quite different from how I shopped initially. I am a student at the moment and have to be, thrifty in my spending. Undoubtedly, I spent money on my essential needs such as foods and beverages. All my purchases are the things I actually plan and shop on for the past three weeks. I buy all that I need at a goal though, it is heavy to carry, but since I want to cut cost on “bus fare”, I consider it worthwhile to do all the shopping together at a goal, due to the different motive I have now.  The readings in class and these videos I watched recently, re-echo’s in my mind,” You don’t need to buy this; True inner sense of contentment is; Relationship, Intellection, and Community Participation” (Etzioni, 2012). Initially, I thought the fulfillment of my needs was happiness.  In spite of having a winter jacket I brought from my country, I was still thinking of buying another one because I felt it must be outmoded. Thanks to the readings, I purchased a cap and a scarf, which has been able to keep me warm with my winter jacket. As I was thinking about winter clothes as the winter was approaching adverts from SHEIN, AMAZON, etc. draws my attention. My new knowledge in eco-literacy has made me begin to buy locally made goods that are sustainable to the environment.  My spending has drastically been reduced, especially since I came to Canada. As a mother back in Ghana, I always went shopping at the market twice a week. Furthermore, every two months, I had to go out with my kids to get them some clothes and toys.” Kids not only want things but have acquired the socially sanctioned right to want—a right which parents are loath to violate”. (Shah, n.d.). Consumerism is ubiquitous and inevitable if I needed to be a good mother but there is a shift now. It is not easy to change from an old habit, though, but at least it can be my contribution to preserving nature.  Additionally, back in Ghana, single-use plastic bags are given freely in the stores. However, since I arrived in Canada, I always have to go shopping with my own bag to avoid paying for plastic bags and if I take a plastic bag I reuse it. Again, I use locally made products, and the food I eat has also changed. I have a new menu now. This has aided me in saving money and to be responsible for the environment. My roommates see me be a kind person because I pick their cans to the recycling bin to prevent them from disposing of them in the thrush can.
My New Recipe
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Video
https://dl-mail.ymail.com/ws/download/mailboxes/@.id==VjN-elc1nGYBSr7Fime2JBR3pazJdU0Rv6YzDte54XD7eexaK76pXCM7CfowaKa8bANb5ZbE_cF9gB9A2TSm5APqCg/messages/@.id==AAOmFW81vHLrXc5j-QdW6BFTNC0/content/parts/@.id==2/raw?appid=YMailNorrinLaunch&ymreqid=aff7493e-7abd-dc59-1cdf-510000018200&token=d9hi4b26kxnDOTx3j80hjeSTa0Rl7gwVi07dBNzU5rszRLrTu3DzGgwQqkdZO6Vaeze-KIBpyQWVF49LBpN8PryMnKdTD3V2hJaHeTe0ocPhBLnz2bZQufgc5_eQwIX-&error=https%3A%2F%2Fmail.yahoo.com%2Fd%2Fiframemsg%3Fid%3Ddownload-4564790353
Evaluation    
The knowledge has made me conscious of my lifestyle and spend in moderation. I realize the environmental impact of our lifestyle in the 21st century is not sustainable, and rooms of spectacular opulence is not fulfillment in life we need to restrain ourselves. “The biggest threat to the United States and the rest of the world is not terrorism, but materialism.” (Parriot, 2011). Everyone has a role to play in making the future more comfortable for the next generation. We need to “Scream and scream and scream until you break the back of one injustice or at least get your knees to kiss back to life.” (Popova, 2019). The positive aspect is that a lot of researches and articles are written on consumerism. Shah (n.d.) states, “Children consumers grow up to be more than just adult consumers,” so we need to start from them. Parents need to restrict their children in impulse buying and stop using items for rewards. The notice boards of our schools must be utilized in schools about the effects of consumerism on the environment. We must support eco-schools and sustainable projects. I am optimistic that things would get better with time as we embrace a lifestyle of accountability and responsibility. Our economic interest needs to be restructured on how we share values, meet our needs, and how we produce to suit basic rules of ecology. If we really want to avoid consumerism, we must ignore tattle and stop following trends. After all, ”History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing new under the sun is truly new”. (Ecclesiastes 1:9, NLT). My consumer journal has helped me to bear in mind that I have something to contribute to the society I live in. I need to reserve nature and so do you.
                                       References 
 Carson, R., Steingraber, S., Darling, L., Darling, L., & Carson, R. (2018). Silent spring & other writings on the environment. New York, NY: The Library of America.
Cattaneo, B. (2018, September 27). How much fish do we consume? First global seafood consumption footprint published. Retrieved November 15, 2019, from https://ec.europa.eu/jrc/en/news/how-much-fish-do-we-consume-first-global-seafood-consumption-footprint-published. 
Dhar, B. L. (2017). Mushrooms and Human Civilization. Edible and Medicinal Mushrooms, 1–4. doi: 10.1002/9781119149446.ch1
Ecclesiastes 9:1 The problem of wisdom . (n.d.). Ecclesiastes 9:1 The problem of wisdom .
Joseph, H. (2008). Fisheries and Oceans Canada ocean science program: The arctic and the future. Oceans 2008. doi: 10.1109/oceans.2008.5152134
 Popova, M. (2019, October 11). The Universe in Verse: Bill T. Jones Performs Poet Ross Gay's Ode to Our Highest Human Potentialities. Retrieved November 12, 2019, from https://www.brainpickings.org/2019/10/10/bill-t-jones-universe-in-verse/.
Rodic, V., Peric, L., Djukic-Stojcic, M., & Vukelic, N. (2011). The environmental impact of poultry production. Biotechnology in Animal Husbandry, 27(4), 1673–1679. doi: 10.2298/bah1104673r
Roorda, N., Corcoran, P. B. & Weakland, P. J., ( 2012). Fundamentals of Sustainable Development. (n.d.). Retrieved November 15, 2019, from https://www.nhbs.com/fundamentals-of-sustainable-development-book. ( pp. 38-77).
  Segal, B., & Podoshen, J. S. (2012). An examination of materialism, conspicuous consumption and gender differences. International Journal of Consumer Studies, 37(2), 189–198. doi: 10.1111/j.1470-6431.2012.01099.x
 Shah, A. (n.d.). Children as Consumers. Retrieved November 13, 2019, from http://www.globalissues.org/article/237/children-as-consumers.
The Story of Stuff. (Producers),(2017, May 24). Retrieved November 13, 2019, from https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/.
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garlicjuice · 7 years
Text
One Morning at Green Rose Café
http://empty-movement.tumblr.com/post/164615156664/empty-movement-empty-movement
Nanami and Saionji meet at a café to talk, inevitably about their past experiences at Ohtori. Post-anime series. ‘Cause I haven’t read the manga yet.
Fun Fact: Probably the first and last time I ever write a fanfic.
Green Rose Café had always been Saionji’s favorite little eatery since he and the Kiryuus moved away from Houou City. Denying the obvious egotistical reason, his constant claim for frequenting the place was the nostalgic atmosphere. He had stated it reminded him of the three’s teenaged days at Ohtori Academy; the dimly lit, almost green tinted wood walls made Saionji reminisce of the old kendo training hall, and the pretty cabana that was always packed for a good look of the sprawling city outside let memories of surveying the campus over the Student Council room creep in his mind.
Plus, he thought while sipping black tea one chilly morning, the fact that Nanami was a barista here made him feel kind of obligated to come. And speak of the devil, Saionji thought again as the girl walked over, her break starting. He made sure to look like a cool, suave older man by crossing his legs, pushing up his purple-tinted circle-frames (his wardrobe had had a drastic evolution), and closing his eyes as he thoughtfully took in another sip of tea. In the earlier days of her working here, Nanami would have constant coffee stains on her apron and fits of releasing her pent up frustration the moment she got back to the apartment. Touga would always comment on how he was surprised she hadn’t yet been fired, and, flustered, the fussy blonde would retort that his work as a newspaper film critic didn’t pay the damn rent. A once adoring little sister now took her brother’s words and actions with many, many grains of salt. Saionji hated to admit it - in fact, he swore he’d never admit it no matter what - but he liked that Nanami had found some independence. Of course, no matter what life lessons she learned, that girl would always be high maintenance, he had recently chuckled to himself. Looking at her now, Nanami’s apron was spotless. But her eyes were weary. She grabbed a seat across from the green haired hipster, plopped down on the gaudy magenta cushion, and released the complaining floodgates. “I haaaaate how packed this place gets in the afternooooon!” It was almost like mooing from an agitated cow. “I have no time to collect myself, or fix my hair or anything at all! I mean, I like working here,” she went on, taking a breath, “but it’s so tough!” Saionji chuckled out loud to show Nanami he found her words silly. Of course, on the inside he sympathized with her. But like hell he’d let her know that. “That’s what life is all about, Nanami. You need to work hard to achieve your goals. Take my kendo, for example. I wouldn’t be this region’s champion without constant practice, everyday.” He made sure to emphasize “constant practice” with two taps on the table, but the disgruntled girl he was lecturing just glared. “I obviously understand that. I’m not as… prissy and stuck up as I was, when I was younger.” She latched onto Saionji’s teacup and took a loud gulp herself, triggering a sharp “Hey!” from the man. “And besides,” she slammed the cup down, “you’re more like the region’s city’s neighborhood’s champion. No, wait - change city to small town.” Now it was Nanami’s time to pompously chuckle. She grabbed a still-wrapped straw to stir the tea, smirking. Saionji held back a snappy comment. They weren’t bickering children, like they used to be, but most of their conversations still ended up in such a way. “Regardless… you should be thankful you’re doing well in life.” “I am,” she insisted. “I don’t have other girls doing my work anymore. I can do things on my own perfectly fine.” “I understand that, and I wasn’t implying you couldn’t. In fact, I think quite the opposite.” Nanami stopped stirring and looked up with a raised eyebrow. “…Unusual of you to compliment anyone.” “Er, I - wasn’t.” Saionji pushed up his glasses again, this time awkwardly. “I was merely stating the facts.” Silence. The man could tell the both of them were squirming and panicking inside for a topic change. Finally, Nanami spoke. “Speaking of other girls, I wonder how Keiko and Aiko and Yuko all are doing. I haven’t been in touch for a while…” she then looked down in what seemed to be shame, her eyes catching a speck of dust on the green floorboards. “Or thought about them, really…” Saionji only stared at Nanami, knowing if he spoke his words would be kind and supportive. So he chose to keep silent. “I was incredibly… snooty back then.” A small self deprecating chuckle. “I wonder how the Student Council put up with me, especially onii-san. …Well, I knew that you all clearly didn’t like me, but you never didn’t talk to me, or ever kick me out of the Council.” She looked up and locked eyes with Saionji, honing a more determined expression, expecting a reassuring counterpoint to her pitying words. But he just coughed and replied, “That’s because Touga appointed you as the acting President. We wouldn’t go against his word. Not without a strong, valid reason, I might add.” There was a millisecond of quiet as the girl took the answer in. Her expression changed to a kind of solemn understanding. “Well, yes, yes, I know. …Either way, if I could realize that Keiko and the girls were only friends with me to get close to onii-san, then I’d say I’ve changed a lot.” “You have. You’ve matured a lot.” Before Saionji could realize what he said, he snappily grabbed the teacup and drank to hide his pink cheeks. The one-two punch of a nice comment and quick snatching motion startled Nanami. Something as simple as complimenting others could get him flustered. Or… maybe just this one specific other. Her one brow raised yet again. “Thanks…” She scooted her chair in closer. “Have I, uh, ever mentioned that this place reminds me of Ohtori’s kendo room?” “Oh…?” Saionji laughed. “Well, now that you mention it, I can see the resemblance, certainly,” he fronted not having made that same observation before. “Don’t lie,” Namami cooed teasingly, “I bet the moment you stepped in here for the first time you thought of that.” He frowned, eyes lowering in irritation. “Hrm. Well. Regardless, it seems like our pasts are coming back to tug on our sleeves this morning.” “Tell me about it,” Nanami let out a melancholic sigh. “Now I’d rather be angry about work than have all that clog my mind.” “…Well, there were good things that happened to us at Ohtori Academy, too.” “You literally got expelled from there.” “Dammit woman, I’m trying to cheer you up!” Saionji slammed his fist on the table, half standing up. Uh oh. Nanami just gazed up in shock. “I mean - you know!” He rapidly sat back down. “I held high positions like Kendo captain, and I was the Vice President of the Council. I had adoring underclassmen as well. I’d say I was set up for a great life once I graduated.” Such grandiose statements were paired with his arms crossing and a big grin. “But you were an asshole to the underclassmen and everyone, and your swordsmanship was clearly lacking considering how many times you lost the Rose Bride. That list seems more like a narcissist’s resumé rather than happy school memories.” “You just love to project your negativity onto me, don’t you?!” Nanami giggled, raising a hand to her cheek, channeling her bombastic laughs of the past. “Think of it as a trick of the light.” “…What is that even supposed to mean?!” “Nevermind. And I wasn’t projecting, I’m just being honest.” She then folded her hands together and rested them under her chin. “But fine, I’ll indulge you. I guess I had some good times, like… uhmm… I… huh.” The girl just sat there, brows knitted, deep in thought.    Sadness then enveloped her face, but it quickly became charged with anger.    “That place was horrible!”    “Now, Nanami, calm-”    “Don’t you remember the creepy chairman? Or how creepy that Anthy girl was? And how much of a - a stubborn jerk onii-san was?!” She viciously threw her head into her hands and repeatedly stomped her feet. “And like I said earlier, I was horrible and stupid too! Everything there was horrible and stupid, stupid, stupid! My only real friend was Tsuwabuki, and even then I just used him!”    Saionji leaned over, his hand reaching out to grasp her shoulder. “Nanami, please calm down!”    She stopped thrashing. The poor blonde had gallons of tears in her eyes, streaming down to her pursed lips and dripping off her sharp chin.    “I… I suppose I’m sorry that Ohtori was brought up. But… that place… It doesn’t matter now. We’re away from all of that. And as I stated earlier, you have matured. You’re a changed woman.” As much as he hated the illuminated feeling in his blushing face, now was not the time to hide it. … “I think I can say… I admire that about you.” Nanami looked right up. Her expression was a mingled mess of taken aback confusion, and being utterly dazed as if she hadn’t heard a word he said. But then she grit her teeth in an act of annoyance. “What’s with you today? You’re complimenting me so much, and you made me cry!” “Nanami.” “What?!” “Would you… want to come back here later, after work?” “…And why, exactly?” “To just get some tea. And chat. I’d prefer not to, but I know you’re a talkative type.” The frustration on her face quickly morphed into surprise. “Oh, uh. Sure. Sure thing…” “Good.” He finally released her shoulder and relaxed back into his chair. “Now, think about what I said and get back to work. I believe your break is almost over.” “You don’t need to tell me what to do, I see the clock right there. Jeez…” Grumbling, she slowly got up and wiped her eyes. As Nanami walked briskly back to the counter, a tired looking customer shuffled in, officially separating the two from their heart to heart. But then the blonde turned around, with a mischievous grin. “See you later, Sai-chan!” “Don’t you dare start calling me that!”
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lafaiette · 7 years
Text
Give Yourself To Harmony - 2 / ?
This huge alien who looks like a chubby, purple potato, this loud man who is part of the newest alien species just discovered in Heleus, this angara who expresses himself so freely and openly just like the rest of his species, is his sister’s boyfriend.
Her first boyfriend, since her nerd ass never found someone intelligent enough to understand how special she is.
At least, that means this weird guy is clever.
In which Scott Ryder finally meets Jaal Ama Darav, his sister’s boyfriend. It will take him a while to get used to this.
Also on AO3
Warning: this fic contains spoilers of the game, the ending, and the post-game content!
Jaal’s arms are the safest place in the galaxy.
Warm and strong, they wrap around Ryder like a protective barrier, shielding her from any harm, drowning her in his sweet, floral perfume and his little noises of happiness, which are accompanied by the electromagnetism flowing in his body, singing in tune with her heartbeat.
He is a piece of heaven fallen from the stars and she can’t still believe she was so lucky to find him and be with him. Their first date, the one in his family home, is still strongly vivid in her mind and she agrees with what he said that day.
You make my heart sing.
He gently lowers her down onto the floor, but he hesitates a long second before pulling away; ending their hugs and kisses is always a hard thing to do, for both of them, but it got even more difficult for him after he saw her die again in Khi Tasira.
He smiles at her, watching her with that bright, loving smile he has for her only, then blinks quickly, remembering where they are and what he needs to show her.
“Look who is here!”
And behind him, Ryder sees her brother, finally standing, finally not so mortally pale anymore, finally breathing normally. There are dark circles under his eyes and his lips are chapped, but he is alive and well and that hole in her heart that Jaal and the Tempest crew managed to close quite a bit is finally almost sealed completely.
“Scott!” she exclaims happily, running into his arms. This one is an even more familiar hug, one that speaks of the first home they left behind, of the days spent at Mom’s side while she slowly lost her battle to her illness, of the times they finally saw each other again after being separated for months due to their jobs, of Dad’s awkward jokes that SAM now inherited.
“I’m so happy you are here, little bro.” she says, squeezing him tightly, already imagining all the fun they are gonna have, just like old times. Now that he is on the Tempest too, her family truly is almost complete – they only need Mom.
She makes a mental note to talk to her friends as soon as possible about this – Cora deserves to know why she wasn’t chosen as Pathfinder and everyone deserves to learn about Ellen Ryder’s actual conditions. They are her friends, her new family, and that’s something too big, too important, something that she cannot kept in her heart anymore, especially not with Jaal.
But for now, this topic will have to wait. First comes Scott, his health, the consequences he suffered under the Archon’s attack, his future life on the ship, his future relationships with the crew and Jaal.
Lexi warned her that there might be some problems with his psychological stability and Ryder doesn’t blame him; she is feeling frailer than usual too, but she has had more lifelines keeping her afloat than he has.
It’s her duty and pleasure, as older sister, to help him with this too. And she knows the others will support him as well.
“Did you see the Nexus? Isn’t it great?” she continues, without letting him go. His hold on her has actually gotten stronger, almost painful, and she can feel him tremble. He is hiding his face against her shoulder and she pauses after hearing a hiccup.
The crew falls silent and their smiles disappear as Scott starts sobbing.
Behind her, Jaal gasps and immediately comes closer; Liam and Lexi step forward too, while the others share worried looks or watch the scene with melancholic eyes.
The last time he cried like this was when Mom ‘died’. They cried together, in the living room, until the sky got dark and Dad finally left his room to tell them to eat something.
(His eyes were red too and his face too pale, but he looked calmer than what they expected and now she understands why.)
“Scott.” she calls softly, rubbing his back, but that only causes him to cry harder.
“Ryder, I’m sensing high levels of stress in Scott’s body.” SAM intervenes, his tone softer than usual, and she nods, resting her cheek on her brother’s hair. He smells like too-clean sheets and medicines.
“I know, SAM.” she says. Scott hiccups again, sniffles, and finally his sobs end. He slowly pulls away and she can see his face: mottled red cheeks, his dark circles darker than before, his eyes bloodshot.
He’s still trembling and his nose is running a bit; she sees Kallo rummage into his pocket and hand him a clean handkerchief, which Scott takes with a shaky, brief smile.
“Thank you.” he says, his voice too rough and hoarse, like sandpaper rubbed on rock, and he dries his eyes and nose, one hand still clinging to Ryder’s shirt.
“Better?” she asks, shooting him a big smile, and he nods, humming.
“I’m sorry.” he babbles, suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to… to…”
“Scott, you know what I did the first night I spent here?” Liam says, entering his field of vision to reassure him with a grin. “I cried like a baby. I’m not kidding! All night, big, fat tears that never stopped.”
“Same.” Suvi adds with a nod and a somewhat sad, but warm smile. “It is perfectly normal. And you went through so much, I would be surprised to not see you cry.”
“You know what you need? Drack’s Surprise.” The old krogan puts his hands on his hips, ready to get to work. “It’s gonna make you feel alive again in no time. Just give me three hours and it’s yours, kid.”
“What… what is Drack’s Surprise?” Scott giggles, still rubbing his eyes. His sister laughs and explains, shaking her head with fondness: “A special dish. Drack is pretty good at cooking, you know?”
“Kid, you say that as if I’m not good at other things too.”
“Don’t worry, he will make it extra spicy, just for you.” Ryder promises, patting her brother’s hand, and he nods. He’s breathing better and there is a small, but genuine smile on his pale lips.
“Remember, you can cry whenever and wherever you want.” she says slowly, almost a soothing whisper, something she learned from Jaal.
Speaking of him, he is standing next to her and he rests a hand on Scott’s shoulder, his eyes kind and full of affection.
“Brother,” he says, his deep, rumbling voice sending a warm shiver down her spine and filling her heart with peace, “there is no shame in crying. Let all your emotions out and let us help you.”
Right in that moment, she sees it. Scott’s expression changes drastically and he stiffens as soon as Jaal’s hand touches his shoulder. He casts his eyes down and just mumbles something that sounds affirmative.
That’s enough for Jaal, who apparently doesn’t notice the way her twin tensed up, but Ryder knows Scott well and she recognized the emotions on his face.
‘What is going on?’ she thinks, the warm shiver from before turning into cold sweat. She has a bad feeling about this.
On their private channel, SAM chimes in: “Chloe, Scott’s stress levels and heartbeat have increased. I do not know him well like I know you, but I believe he is experiencing what organics refer to as rage and annoyance.”
“Yes, I saw it.” she agrees, watching her brother talk with Lexi. He looks completely calm now and that dark shadow in his eyes is gone, replaced by sleepiness and drained, tired, but stubborn enthusiasm.
“Perhaps Scott’s encounter with Mr. Ama Darav…”
Ryder manages to curl her lips into a small smile, despite her worry. “You can call him Jaal, SAM, you know that.”
“… Perhaps his encounter with Jaal didn’t go well. May I suggest to speak with your beloved?”
Ryder turns to her big, tall, adorable boyfriend. A hand on her waist, he is watching Scott talk with the others too and there is a thoughtful expression on his face; he doesn’t look worried or disappointed, just very busy with his thoughts.
“Hey.” she calls softly, gently tracing the scar on his cheek. He immediately looks down at her and smiles, the hand on her waist sending pleasant vibrations into her skin.
“Yes, my Darling One?”
Should she ask him here and now? How is she supposed to ask this, anyway? Is there even a right way?
‘Hey, honey, was your encounter with my brother that you pictured in your head for days a disaster?’
She knows Jaal prefers to be talked to in a clear, direct way, without useless paraphrases, but this might be too direct even for him.
However, if things really went wrong, he would tell her, right? He would show it.
She sees no sadness or pain on his face; he was overjoyed, thrilled, when he showed her Scott and he still looks completely calm.
Maybe he didn’t realize something was wrong during his meeting with her brother?
Or perhaps nothing went wrong and she and SAM are just reading too much into this and…
“My Darling One?” Jaal’s face is so very close to hers now. “Are you alright?”
She focuses on him and his eyes and all her worries suddenly disappear, as if they never existed. He has that special effect on her and he told her she has the same on him.
“Yes.” she answers, smiling happily. She kisses him and a new smile immediately blooms on his face too. “Let’s show Scott the ship.”
“Excellent idea-”
“No.” it’s Lexi’s peremptory answer. She glares at them both, a hand on Scott’s arm. “For now, let’s just show him where his bed is, then he will go straight to the medbay.”
“Harry examined me one last time before I left!” he weakly protests, but she doesn’t even want to hear it and her next glare is for him. It’s both professional and maternal, an unbeatable combination that leaves Scott defenseless.
“Fine.” he groans, before eyeing his sister with quiet despair and a silent request.
“Of course I’ll come with you, silly.” she laughs and she is relieved to see him beam at her.
She misses the way his smile fades away, though, when Jaal tags along and she takes his hand.
She made sure to give him the best bed in the crew quarters, the one with the softest mattress, the one two centimeters longer than the others, the one with the best pillow.
Drack is right, they are not all the same, but she will never admit it.
Peebee begs Vetra to switch beds, so she can sleep above Scott and “share bedtime stories with him”, but the turian snorts and refuses, saying her turian mattress weighs too much to be moved.
“And I know what kind of stories you are talking about.”
“Not the sexy type, of course!” But her lie is evident and she tries to distract Scott by telling him of the time she used to sleep in one of the escape pods of the ship.
“Then I jettisoned Ryder and myself…”
“And me.” Cora grumbles from the terminal she’s using to add Scott to the Infoboard.
“… and Cora into a volcano, so I had to move into another room. This one, to be precise.”
Scott looks appalled by the idea of his sister fighting her way into an erupting volcano, but he has regained enough self-control to avoid snapping at Peebee’s recklessness and smile awkwardly at her.
“There, you are in.” Cora announces, then she proceeds to show him the characteristics of the chat the crew shares to exchange messages and important information.
At least, that’s how she describes it, but Scott wasn’t born yesterday and he immediately sees how funny, simple, domestic the topics discussed are.
“Suvi, you… you got your mug stuck on a box in the engine room?” he asks in disbelief, reading one of the many posts where the science officer’s mug suffered a terrible fate, just like her coffee.
“More than once.” Gil comments from the door with a dramatic sigh, sticking out his tongue at her when Suvi pouts at him.
Meanwhile, Drack and Kallo are in the galley, unboxing rations and preparing dinner – if the salarians and krogans of the past could see the scene, they would be disgusted, but Drack treats Kallo just like he treats the rest of the crew and Kallo gossips with him with the same easiness he gossips with Suvi.
There are already spicy and pungent smells in the air and even if Drack’s Surprise will take a while to be ready, there is more food they can eat before starting the real dinner.
Peebee, Liam, and Vetra agree to prepare the tables together – they needed to buy a second, foldable one after realizing Drack and Jaal took half of the space in the galley –, while Gil shows Scott the bathroom, already apologizing for the small size.
“So, the Pathfinder doesn’t have her own shower?” Scott half-heartedly jokes, smirking at his sister from above his shoulder. She and Jaal are making more space in the wardrobe, so that he will be able to put his stuff in there as he most prefers; she shoots him a pointed look, pretending to be offended, and replies curtly: “I am a selfless, humble Pathfinder.”
“You can’t modify the layout of the ship and build a second bathroom in your quarters, silly.”
“Who says that?”
“Uh, Kallo?” Gil intervenes, raising his eyebrows. “I’m sure I just heard him gasp. Don’t say these things when he’s around, Scott, or he’s gonna die sooner than most salarians.”
He and Scott laugh at that, promptly reprimanded by Suvi and Cora, but even though the joke was silly, Ryder finds herself smiling, because her brother finally looks and sounds like himself again.
What she saw before in his eyes, that weird rage mixed with irritability, was probably caused by his tiredness, a natural impulse born out of stress.
Jaal is smiling too. Now that she thinks about it, he has been smiling a lot, more than usual, since their victory against the Archon. No, perhaps even before that: he has been happier, even more open and extroverted, since their beautiful, perfect day on Aya, when they made love to each other for the first time.
She watches him move, take out, and put stuff into the wardrobe, studying its size, calculating all the space Scott might need with precision and care. He is humming under his breath, a melody she never heard before, probably an angaran tune, and she giggles.
He turns to her, blushing a little – she can see it now -, but his smile doesn’t falter and he asks, curious: “Why are you laughing, my light?”
“It’s nothing. You just look really excited.” She pecks his cheek and he grins, nodding quickly.
“I am! This is so much similar to when a sibling returns after a long journey or their trip to Aya! A member of our family is coming back home. It’s an important event.”
He looks at Scott, who is studying the desk and small pantry of the room, and calls him, raising his voice so much even Drack and Kallo in the galley probably heard him.
“Brother! Come put your stuff in here!” He laughs, hands on his hips, and promises him: “Then we will accompany you to the medbay!”
Ryder sees it again: that glint in Scott’s eyes, something akin to distaste, but not quite. It’s definitely close to anger, though, and she can’t deny it anymore.
Something is wrong, whether Jaal knows it or not.
That look lasts only a millisecond – enough for her to see it and recognize it -, then Scott smiles – a too polite, shaky thing to be considered warm and genuine enough – and says: “I’m coming.”
He starts putting his armor and clothes into the – large – space Jaal and Ryder made for him, all while Jaal tries to start a conversation with him, giving him advices to maximize the benefits of the space available, the best combinations of the different parts of his armor and outfits, his memories of home and his childhood which greatly helped him develop such expertise.
“With so many siblings, it’s only natural to learn how and where put your stuff.” he chuckles, but once again Scott replies with a simple, short sound and that same polite smile that doesn’t really mean anything.
For someone as open as Jaal, that reaction is the equivalent of someone telling him to shut up and go away with a punch to the face. For the humans in the room, it’s not that much different and the mood suddenly and abruptly changes, as if someone turned all the lights on and showed things as they really were.
Scott is still tense and stiff and every time Jaal gets too close or Ryder touches his arm, he jolts as if burned and frowns, ignoring both of them with a stubbornness that could rival their Dad’s.
Jaal now senses – sees – that something is off; that painful realization is written on his face, plain as day, but he is as stubborn as Scott or perhaps just too kind and hopeful, and so he doesn’t give up, trying again and again to make him talk, to finally start being brothers, brothers-in-law, and not just acquaintances.
Chloe is about to cry. Spending so much time with Jaal and the angara in general really made her softer, but not in a bad way, that way that mercenaries and outlaws in the vids always sneer at, believing it to be equal to weakness.
It’s a softness that makes the heart and the mind stronger and she can’t understand how she lived without it until now.
Still, it can make things harder than usual sometimes: like when she and the crew watch sad vids and she finally lets herself go without shame, promptly followed by Liam and Suvi and sometimes even by Kallo and Gil. Or like when the Nexus’ expectations are too many and she feels overwhelmed and the stress weighs on her like a boulder.
But even then, they are natural reactions, natural responses to the world around her that humans usually try to keep down, hidden in their hearts and rooms, to avoid feeling ashamed in public. But being ashamed for one’s feelings is something that doesn’t exist in angaran society and it seems like the Milky Way species are slowly learning that from them, a lesson they should have learned much sooner.
She hopes they are teaching good things to the angara in return. Jaal said they are, that the humans’ creativity and the turians’ sense of honor are precious gifts to witness and experience, and she believes him, because he is always honest and his honesty never replaces kindness.
This is why she could understand Scott’s first reaction upon being thrown into this new life aboard the Tempest. She can relate so much to him now, more than before, but this particular annoyance directed at Jaal only indicates that his stress disorder and trauma are not the only causes of his behavior.
“All done.” her brother announces, closing the wardrobe and stepping back at the speed of light, far from her and Jaal. Their family has never been particularly touchy-feely, but they still knew how to hug or pat each other’s back.
This distance feels wrong, forced: he’s deliberately avoiding them, as if he fears to catch who knows what disease or get trapped in their tight hugs.
“I’m going to Lexi, now.” he says, smiling awkwardly at them, aware of the fact that they are aware of his problem now. He walks backwards, still facing them, opening and closing his mouth while his brain attempts to find something clever to say, but nothing comes out and in the end the door automatically opens.
“We can accompany you if-” Ryder starts, but he shakes his head, eyes going wide with panic, and he cuts her off: “No! No, thanks, sis. I mean, the ship isn’t that big, I won’t get lost.”
He tries to smile again, but fails and then he leaves, leaving her, her boyfriend, and their friends alone in the room, stunned and embarrassed.
“Poor guy really needs a good night of sleep.” Gil breaks the silence in the end, getting some affirmative hums from Cora and Suvi, but Ryder watches the closed door with a growing sense of dread in the pit of her stomach.
It gets better only when Jaal’s hand touches the small of her back and she feels his lips touch the top of her head.
- - - -
She doesn’t dare join Scott and Lexi in their conversation; it’s private and too delicate, especially since it will most likely be a psychological session. She is sure Lexi will be able to make him feel better and help him understand what is causing him so much trouble and pain.
Drack’s Surprise will take a while, so she and Jaal take refuge in their quarters, far from Cora’s questioning looks – What is wrong with your brother, Ryder? – and Gil’s sorry eyes – That sucked.
She needs to talk with Jaal and this is the perfect time and place to do so. Gone are his excitement and joy: he sits quietly and somberly on their bed, cleaning his rifle, his Rofjinn lying next to him.
“Sweetheart.” she calls, knowing he adores when she calls him sweet names and uses funny endearments.
They make me feel part of your heart, he said once and she replied, causing him to nearly cry there and then: You are.
He raises his eyes from the weapon, but doesn’t speak, waiting for her to do so. She sits on the bed and rests her head on his shoulder, watching his large hands rub a smooth cloth on the rifle and dismantle it easily to reach the inner parts.
It’s a sight she saw before, back when they still weren’t together, when they still weren’t even friends; they took apart weapons and modded them together in a pleasant silence, sharing advices and ideas once in a while, learning more about each other that way.
This time the silence isn’t exactly pleasant; it’s familiar, calm, and they both feel safe in each other’s presence, but Jaal’s eyes are worried and the galaxies in them swirl sadly, slower than usual.
Chloe kisses his scarred cheek, enjoying the slightly electrical feeling, and calls again: “Darling One.”
At that, he moves his head and lightens up a little, even showing a small, precious smile.
“Yes?”
“Tell me what troubles you.”
Jaal goes back to cleaning his rifle and she doesn’t stop him, knowing he needs those repetitive movements to calm down and let his mind focus on something else rather than his worries. He told her so once, when he was busy making gifts for the crew. She remembers everything he tells her.
“I don’t think Scott likes me.” he says in the end, a barely audible whisper that contains all the sadness and shame in the world.
He is ashamed because he thinks it’s his fault? That he failed her?
She is definitely going to cry now.
“Honey,” she starts, hoping her voice won’t break too much as she speaks, “that’s not true. Scott likes you, he’s just…”
He’s just tired. Scared. I think?
Where is Mom when you need her? She could always understand Scott better than she or Dad could.
“He’s just gone through a lot, like everyone else. But he has been alone and far from us, from me, for quite some time and it’s hard to get back into things when they are so new and…”
“And alien.” he gently interrupts her, his smile smaller, frailer, than before. “I understand that, taoshay, I completely do. But I fear this is about me in particular.”
She swallows, knowing he might be right. She prays he’s not, she prays Scott is just being really sensitive to Jaal’s louder manners and that he’s going to treat him kindly in a day or two, but something tells her things are more complicated than that.
“He likes you.” she repeats, to convince both him and herself. Jaal frowns, confused, and asks: “Did he tell you so? When?”
“I…! No, he didn’t tell me, but…” She sighs, sliding her arms around his and resting her cheek on his shoulder again, watching his hands go still on the rifle. “I can see it. I know he likes you, Jaal, he just needs time to get used to all this.”
“I saw something else.” he says softly. “Your brother tries to hide his true feelings, but he is not very good at it, just like angara. I saw distaste in his eyes.”
Chloe grimaces and bites her lips. Jaal might be the biggest sweetheart in the world, but he isn’t naïve and very few people can hide things from him and his perceptive, brilliant mind.
“Jaal.” She raises her head and sees he’s watching her intently, his expression a weird mix between resignation and hope. “Maybe – maybe – he doesn’t like you now, but he will do soon. I’m sure of that, believe me.”
“It might help knowing why he doesn’t like me.” he softly whispers, self-consciousness dripping heavily from each of his word. “Maybe I shouldn’t have hugged him when I met him outside the Cultural Center?”
Chloe snorts, trying to imagine her brother being lifted up by her bulky, tall angaran boyfriend. The scene looks funny in her head, but considering how antsy and nervous Scott seems to be, it’s probable he was deeply annoyed by it.
“It’s because of that, isn’t it?” Jaal sighs, looking at the stars visible from the window with a small, adorable pout.
“You probably were one of the first angara he ever saw. And speaking of angara, he never interacted with your species before, so he probably doesn’t know how to act around you. Maybe he fears to disrupt months of delicate diplomacy or who knows what else.”
Jaal turns to her again and she smiles, feeling confident about her reasoning, which she believes to be one of the reasons her brother is being so standoffish around Jaal. But her boyfriend isn’t so sure and he tells her so, frowning as he thinks hard about it.
“But, light of my life… you weren’t like that at all when you first met me and my people.”
She blinks, blushing a little.
“I was not?”
“No.” Jaal smirks, putting the rifle aside to wrap his arms around her. “You were professional and kind. Sometimes you looked unsure about what to say or do, but you rarely lost your control. You always treated us – and me – with great respect.”
His words make her blush even more and smile goofily, but it hurts a little to know that Scott, in comparison, can be considered extremely rude.
“Well, what can I say – you guys were and are amazing.” she says, grinning at him, but his smile is sweet and soft like his kisses and the utter adoration in his eyes is vast like the sky, so much her silly joke feels out of place and she immediately gets serious again.
“You are.” she repeats, a loving whisper that caresses his lips. “You are amazing.”
She kisses him, a hand on his cheek, the other on his shoulder, and his hands pull her closer to his chest so that he can deepen the kiss.
“Especially you, Jaal Ama Darav. Never doubt that.” she concludes after they pull away, lips moist and eyes full of emotion.
His fear, which he was able to push down for a bit, comes back and he babbles, looking for reassurance: “Do you think he will change his mind about me?”
“Of course he will! He just needs more time. He needs to know you better.” She cups his cheeks and rests her forehead against his, breathing deeply. His perfume smells stronger today. He must have used more of it for the big day and her heart beats painfully in her chest at the thought.
“He’s probably a bit jealous too.” she laughs, but Jaal is confused by that notion.
“Jealous? Of what?”
“Well… brothers and fathers can be overprotective of their sisters and daughters, when a partner enters the scene.”
Jaal hums at that, frowning a little.
“Really? Angara are protective of all their children and siblings, no matter who they are.”
“I know. But things are different for some humans. They fear their sister or daughter’s partner might take her away from them. It’s…” Chloe makes a funny sound, rolling her eyes. “It’s silly, I know.”
“It is.” Jaal agrees, his frown bigger. “Why would their daughter or sister be taken away from them by her beloved? They would still be her family, still be in her heart, still belong to her soul!”
“See?” She kisses his nose. “This is why you guys are the best.”
Jaal laughs at that, but then he gets serious again – almost solemn – and asks quietly: “Darling One… do you think your dad would have been jealous too? Would have he liked me?”
That makes her brain stop of a bit. She is almost surprised not to hear SAM announce that all her brain activities have been interrupted.
She recalls her father’s mannerisms and ways, his serious face when twelve-years-old Chloe first confessed to him and Mom there was a turian kid she liked in her multi-species school; his small, but amused smile when he told her to go for it and see how it went.
She recalls the red spots on his cheeks when Mom first gave her and Scott The Talk, his hand covering his eyes when she started talking about reproduction.
She remembers him sitting on Scott’s bed, giving him advices about one of his crushes in high-school, and his voice every time he told her to be careful on the streets, no matter the time of day, because “there are seriously fucked-up individuals around, so remember your training”.
Then she thinks about Jaal, so earnest, kind, thoughtful, and loving, so protective in his own way, so funny and sweet, so strong and selfless, so smug and timid.
She pictures him shaking hands with her dad in the angaran way, modding weapons and shooting kett together, talking about the Milky Way – Dad would smile at the way he pronounces it -, about Aya, about life and family and love.
Then she pictures Dad awkwardly hugging Sahuna, standing stiffly at the center of Jaal’s house, surrounded by countless of curious siblings and children, and in the end letting them study his beard and N7 armor with a chuckle.
He would thank Sahuna for Jaal and then he would thank Jaal for the love he is giving his daughter.
“Yes.” she says in the end, tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face. “Yes, he would adore you.”
Jaal smiles too, brushing away her tears with his thumbs, and there are relief and contentment on his face. Then he gets timid and if his hands weren’t on her face, he would probably start fidgeting.
“What… what about your mom? Would have she liked me too?”
She will. If those wistful fantasies about Dad meeting Jaal and his family are just that – fantasies that won’t ever become true now -, those starring Mom can still be real. She is alive and SAM is sure a cure will be found, hopefully before Chloe and Scott reach her same age.
The problem is that she still hasn’t told Jaal that. He still doesn’t know about Ellen Ryder’s conditions and she wonders why she didn’t tell him sooner. He would only be happy, crazy with joy for her, and they would have one more beautiful thing to look forward to.
She knows she should ask Scott first – Ellen is his mother too, after all -, but she also knows that Jaal will never tell this to anyone if she asks him to, so she can prepare herself to tell the others.
She decides to tell him. Here, in their room, surrounded by stars, while Drack’s Surprise slowly takes form in the oven and Scott vents with Lexi in the medbay.
“She will.” she says with a confident nod of her head and at first Jaal smiles, looking like the happiest man in the galaxy, but then he makes a confused sound and blinks.
“She will?”
She starts to explain it to him; he already knows about her father’s locked memories and initially he nods, listening intently to her. Then she mentions the benefactor – and for a second she almost tells him about the Reapers too, but that would be a too big burden; it’s so painful she has to pretend she never heard about it in the first place and she knows Jaal would feel and experience her same pain as if he was part of the Milky Way Galaxy too.
SAM intervenes too, explaining things more clearly or offering more insight into Alec’s actions and wishes, and here Jaal’s eyes start to widen. At the end of the explanation, his mouth hangs open and he can only stare at her, speechless.
“Uh… Jaal?” She laughs nervously, tugging at his hand. “Are you okay?”
He closes his mouth and then something that she always considers like a gift from heaven happens: he starts laughing, triumphantly and joyously, and he takes her in his arms, swirling her around.
“My Darling One! This is wonderful, marvelous news!”
She laughs with him and he is as excited as she was when she learned the truth: there are tears in his eyes and he talks fast, babbling, and can’t stay still; his hands touch her everywhere, her face, her waist, her shoulders, and he asks more questions, to her and SAM, and in the end he stops, smiling at her like she is the best thing in the world, like he knew things would go this way because she is perfect and she deserves only the best.
“My love.” he says, taking her hands, and leaning in just like he did on the bridge of the ship, the day they fought the Archon, only that this time they are not going to war, but moving towards peace and a place of our own instead.
“My heart is bursting with joy.” He nuzzles her nose and she giggles, sniffling, because tears are in her eyes too. “Your father’s secret… is this why you waited to tell us?”
“Yes, but I should have told you sooner. Just… can we just wait a little more before telling the others? This is pretty big stuff and if rumors started spreading around on the Nexus…”
“Of course!” He brushes back her bangs and his gloved fingers linger a bit on her hair. He has always been fascinated by it. “Of course, my Darling One.”
She bites her lower lip and adds, slowly, carefully: “There is something else too. This concerns the Milky Way Galaxy and it’s even more serious, but… I need more time. Can you… can you wait some more to hear it?”
He chuckles, in that endearing way that means ‘you’re such an adorable woman’, and nods, still brushing her hair and stroking her face, his electromagnetism sending playful sparks down her neck and shoulders.
“Take all the time you need.” He lowers his voice and rests his forehead on hers again, murmuring: “Thank you for trusting me with this, Darling One.”
“You make me feels safe.” she says, smiling brightly, and he looks so happy she is sure she will start seeing rainbows appear in the room soon.
“Chloe, Jaal,” SAM suddenly speaks, making them both jump, “Mr. Kosta and Scott are asking for permission to enter your quarters.”
“Oh!” She and Jaal exchange a surprised look, then she nods and replies: “Let them enter, SAM.”
They pull away from each other a little bit to avoid upsetting Scott, but he will have to get used to them sooner or later, so they end up holding their hands as he and Liam step into the room.
“Hey, guys! Scott here wants to see the rest of the ship. I thought he could start from here.” Liam sighs and gestures at the whole room, letting his arms fall with a wistful expression. “Look at that view. Look at all this space.”
“The perks of being a Pathfinder.” Ryder quips smugly, earning herself a grin from Liam and a half-smile from her brother.
His eyes linger on Jaal and it seems he doesn’t know how to look at him, whether with exasperation for finding him in his sister’s quarters (although he knows this is his room too) or curiosity.
He opts for hiding it all and pretending the angara isn’t even there, so he looks around after thanking Liam - who quickly leaves the room - and whistles.
“This is quite the room.” His eyes move across it, from the planetary view that shows the situation on the outposts, to the desk, which Ryder and Jaal share with each other.
Their stuff is there – various tech pieces, small weaponry, salves, datapads, Chloe’s books -, but Scott pretends not to see it, just like he pretends he can’t see Jaal’s Rofjinn on the bed and his armor and belts peeking out from the wardrobe and boxes near the bed.
“SAM! You’re here!” he exclaims, smiling at the holographic figure of the AI.
“Hello, Scott. Are you feeling better?”
He hesitates, taken aback, but he quickly regains his composure and answers, smiling: “Yes, thank you. Lexi is a great doctor.”
“I’m glad to hear so.”
Then he sees Alec’s helmet. At first, he is almost too overwhelmed to approach the small table, but then he slowly walks over to it and hovers his fingers over the glass, then brushes them against the name Alec etched on the side of the helmet so many years ago.
It lasts only a few minutes, but at the end of it Scott’s hands are shaking and there is that haunted look in his eyes again.
“Scott.” Chloe moves near him and touches his shoulder, a gentle poke to make him look at her. “Little bro, let’s go see the cargo bay and the other parts of the ship.”
He nods and moves to follow her out of the room; Jaal of course comes with them and the two of them stop at the door, unsure whether to proceed or let the other pass first.
“Uh…”
“Mh…”
Jaal fidgets and Scott avoids his eyes, watching his sister move along the corridor; she is blissfully unaware of what is happening just two steps behind her, but if they don’t answer her soon she will turn back and see how childish and stupid they are.
Scott hesitates some more; Jaal’s good manners and his strong desire to be liked by his future brother-in-law force him to let him pass, but the human doesn’t understand his intentions or maybe he’s too proud to accept his offer.
“You first.” Scott babbles in the end, smiling awkwardly at him, but Jaal shakes his head.
“No, you first!”
Scott frowns, his politeness replaced by that same annoyance and confusion from before.
“I insist.”
Jaal’s fidgeting gets worse and he glances at Ryder, who is talking to Drack and Kallo from the corridor. She still hasn’t seen what her boyfriend and her brother are doing and he hopes they will resolve this issue before she does.
“It would make me really happy to let you precede me, brother.” Jaal insists, hoping sincerity will help him in this difficult challenge.
Scott narrows his eyes at him and stays quiet.
Maybe not, then.
“Why are you always so kind?” he suddenly asks, bitterness in his voice, sadness in his eyes. He looks like Chloe, but at the same time he doesn’t and he definitely doesn’t sound like her. It scares and confuses Jaal beyond measure.
“You don’t even know me. You don’t have to treat me like this just because I’m your girlfriend’s brother.”
“I don’t treat you with kindness because of that. Not just because of that, anyway.” Jaal shakes his head, wondering if his hug at the start of their encounter could really be the cause of all this distaste.
“You are family. You were always there for Chloe and you love her. I know you have a gentle, selfless heart. Why shouldn’t I treat you kindly and respect you?”
Something breaks in Scott and his tired, drained eyes suddenly come alive; a dangerous fire burns in them and he snaps at Jaal, fists closed, voice rising to too high levels: “That’s not true! I wasn’t there for her, for anybody! I did nothing! And you can keep your… your sympathy and pity and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine!”
If Ryder didn’t hear them before, now she definitely did. The entire ship heard them, in fact, and everyone’s head is peeking out from the open doors, like curious animals alerted by the sounds around them.
Jaal has no idea what Scott meant with that last idiom – he will have to ask Chloe about that -, but he understands it’s offensive and crude and his heart hurts. He can see pain and ire and shame on Scott’s face, together with new tears and a too heavy breathing, and he realizes that his hug and his manners weren’t really the cause of all this.
Ryder is coming back to them, almost running. She looks back and forth from Scott to Jaal, asking for an explanation, anything, but both men stay quiet, Scott looking down at the ground, Jaal looking at him, waiting for him to calm down so they can finally talk normally and fix this before it becomes too big and complicated.
He wants them to be friends. He wants Chloe to be happy. He wants Scott to be happy too. He wants him to be part of the family – no, he already is, he has always been. Why is he so scared? Why does he say he did nothing? Why does he feel worthless?
Jaal cannot understand that. Nobody among the angara is considered useless or worthless, not even those who betray their people, like Vehn Terev, who is still tending to flowers and plants on Aya despite selling the Moshae to the Archon.
“What is happening? What’s wrong?” Ryder asks, her panic rising, and Jaal shakes his head.
“I do not know.”
“I… I’m sorry.” Scott murmurs, then he finally exits the room, walking past his sister and ignoring her when she calls to him. The ship is so small and he still doesn’t know it well, so he takes shelter in one of the few rooms he already knows, the crew quarters, and closes the door behind himself.
A heavy silence falls in the Tempest, broken by Lexi’s sigh.
“This is going to take much time.” she says, almost like a warning to everyone present.
“I don’t understand.” Jaal insists, looking at Ryder with big, sad eyes. “It’s like this is because of me, but at the same time it’s not.”
“Maybe it’s both.” Kallo suggests with a shrug. He’s wearing an apron dirty with red sauce and brown spots, while Drack’s is miraculously clean.
“It’s gonna take him more than time to get better.” The krogan clears his throat, glancing at Lexi. “Mine is not a doctor’s opinion, though.”
“You are right.” Lexi concedes gracefully, tapping her thumb against her chin. “He needs time, rest, and cures. I already provided him all he needs, but the rest is up to him and us.”
Ryder lets out a sigh; shoulders slumped, she looks drained of all energies just like her brother and a bit lost. She knew things wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t think they would be this bad.
Jaal takes her hand and squeezes it, making her smile again, even if for a little while.
“Is it a good idea to let him stay here?” Vetra asks, causing some people, Ryder and Jaal included, to stare at her in disbelief. “I mean…! Here, on an exploration vessel, where things might go wrong any minute! We still have to fight kett and other nasty creatures almost every day and the Nexus and Aya ask a lot from us.”
“He and Ryder have been apart for a year, Vetra!” Suvi exclaims, shaking her head. “Separating them again would only make things worse!”
“Yeah, he needs to feel useful. Active. Alive. Not rot some more in a white room.” Cora agrees, rubbing her neck. Gil, next to her, glances at Jaal and Ryder, who both look like two kicked puppies holding hands, and sighs.
“Guys, come on. He’s gonna get better!”
“It’s just his first day.” Peebee agrees, munching one of the dry cookies she stole from the galley while Drack and Kallo were distracted. Both are glaring at her, but she bravely ignores them. “I’m sure we will see good results in a month or so.”
“For now, let’s give him some space.” Lexi says this while looking at Chloe and Jaal, who gloomily nod. The doctor sighs, rolling her eyes. “And… let’s not discuss this in the corridor, where he can hear everything.”
A hushed chorus of ‘shit’ resonates for a moment, then everyone goes back to do whatever they were doing before being interrupted.
Ryder and Jaal go back to their quarters and they reassure and comfort each other there, kissing and cuddling, finding hope and reassurance in each other’s arms.
Drack and Kallo call everyone for dinner half an hour later and they are glad to see Scott be part of the group, even though his eyes are puffy and red, sign that he cried a lot.
He sits next to Chloe, perfectly silent, and doesn’t even look at Jaal when he sits at his sister’s other side. He cracks a smile when Vetra makes a joke about Drack’s cooking and chuckles softly when Suvi almost chokes on the spicy sauce.
Liam is unusually late; he didn’t even witness the argument in the corridor and he basically scrambles into the room after being called through the comm for the third time.
“Sorry! Sorry! I was busy looking for these!”
He hands Scott too white, plastic thingies. Everyone gasps and looks away, except for Ryder and Jaal, who looks at that curious gift in complete bewilderment.
Scott is rather confused too.
“… Earbuds?”
“Yeah, man! Nights in the Tempest are loud!”
Cora hides her face behind a napkin; Suvi and Peebee make gestures in the background, desperately trying to catch Liam’s attention; Vetra clears her throat and taps her fork against the table, hoping to obtain the same result, but in vain.
Chloe and Jaal share an even more stunned look, speechless, while Scott smiles and says: “Liam, I’m used to loud snoring. Back on the Arcturus Station, there was a colleague of mine who…”
“Oh, I’m not talking about snoring.” Liam wiggles his eyebrows.
“No…?” Scott looks both scared and intrigued, then he realizes what the other man means and he turns three deeper shades of red.
“Oh! You mean you guys… in that tiny room… uh…”
“Ew, no!” Liam laughs, grimacing. “The good stuff happens somewhere else. And believe me, it’s loud. Someone here just lets it all go.”
He nods at Ryder and Jaal with a grin. They aren’t ashamed – they are perfectly aware of how loud they can be in bed -, but they didn’t know the others used such contraptions to avoid hearing them.
They definitely know, though, that Scott is not going to like this.
In fact, another massive frown appears on the young man’s face and he stares down at the white earbuds on his hand with something much similar to disgust, embarrassment, and maybe a bit of amusement all mixed together.
Only then Liam notices the others’ murderous looks. Ryder, in particular, looks about to throw her plate at him and Jaal, who would usually laugh about this in his usual carefree, joyous way, is glaring at him.
“What?” Liam asks, confused. He stares, dumbfounded, as Suvi repeatedly smacks her little fist against her forehead and Gil pinches the bridge of his nose. “What? Does he really need to hear his sister and her boyfriend call each other cute names while going at it?”
A chorus of exasperated, desperate voices rises from the table and Scott’s choked half-snort, half-sob is almost inaudible among the confusion and noise.
I'm not sure how much longer this fic is gonna be - perhaps two more chapters? We will see!
Also I chose the default/Sara look for my Chloe! I only changed the name because "Sara" is my little cousin's name and it would have been pretty weird to hear it in the game.
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schoe1995 · 5 years
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Church Hurt-My Experience
Two years ago if you met me; I would be on fire for God. I was there for every church related event, retreat, revival, etc. that kinda all changed to now I’m barely holding onto what’s left of my relationship with God. Something I thought I’d never experience. Church hurt is nothing new in the Asian American churches...especially in Korean Churches. Different generations, ideals, morals, etc. caused division at the two churches I went to. So I’m used conflict...but never being in it...the ghetto man. Around 2016-2017 was a transition period for the church i was attending. New Life Presbyterian Church was once part of the Korean Presbyterian. Well we got the all clear to move to the American Presbyterian. Just as we were transitioning, God called our head pastor back to Chicago. It was heart breaking because one we never saw it coming. Two...during the transition period who would lead us. Prior to me going; the “OGs” has already experienced this before. Now it was time for the newer generation to experience the transition. It was also an opportunity for potential new church members to step up. Some did, others didn’t...but for me as being one of the younger church members I stepped up knowing if my older brothers and sisters in Christ needed me, imma do it. So how did it just fall apart?
What Happened
Starting with Wash U Small Group
So this is where it started. During bible study during my time in college I was the odd man out. At the time I was the only UMSL student attending New Life. Because there wasn’t a specific bible study for me to go to...I was kinda free to try some places out. For example; I could’ve gone to young adults, Central West End, or Wash U. After trying my hand in pretty much all the small groups, I kind felt attached to Wash U small group. Just because there were people closer to my age and could relate with college student problems. Well once it became my final semester of college; I got a text message from the new small group leader saying “due to the amount of Wash U students coming, we want to make a Wash U Small Group for the time being”. It took me time to process like “wow...y’all really kicked me out”. After months of trying to find out the answer of why...I figured it out. Apparently some people got together without my knowledge or others and my name was brought up. This is the issue; I was never present when my name was brought up about my status with Wash U. If your going to speak about somebody who isn’t there, that conversation shouldn’t have happened. What’s crazy is that the Sunday prior to bible study I actually was talking to the new small group leader like “hey, super excited to see and meet new Wash U people”. HE AINT SAY ONE WORD! You had that whole Sunday to say something and the days leading up to it. Aight cool; I immediately lost all trust and respect for those individuals. When confronting them about the issues, it was a “oh we had to sacrifice things so other things can work”. Glad to know that I’m the expandable one.
Prayer Meetings-I Tried
Before my big bro (I’m an only child but I was so close to him I saw him as a big brother) left for his new job in Virginia, we had big shoes to fill. My big bro was involved with everything. I stepped up to do prayer meeting. I am so bad with prayer. Leading prayer...whew...that was huge. I remember my old pastor saying “prayer life can determine how strong and healthy a church is”. And since he was leaving and everything got a wrench thrown in it; I stepped up to pray. Big bro when he led had maybe like 10 to 15 people come out on thursdays to just pray for different topics. When I stepped up to lead the numbers drastically fell. So for a good 5 months I was at church by myself and started praying, crying, and shouting to God “God please help New Life through this transition”. I was also praying for the world and also my relationship with my parents (that’s another blog post at another time). After the 5 months I called it quits. Still to this day I feel like I failed at being a leader & also failed at keeping prayer meeting together.
Media-Thankless Serving
Aight so there was a moment I hated doing media related. I took over this position when one of the media members had to go off to college. Since I was attending school in state...and nobody else would step up I took over. He wasn’t kidding when it was a thankless position. One thing I hated was last minute add ons. When it was 5 minutes prior to service...I had to put in like 10 different announcements. After a couple of months I finally said “nope. Whatever announcement you want y’all better email me two days prior to Sunday”. That went well. I probably was the most consistent member attending Sunday’s because nobody else wanted to learn media. When I asked members who weren’t serving to help me “oh, this is what your good at”. 😒🙃 look here, if I need help, at this point your being voluntold to do this. People knew more about the mistakes I made on the song lyrics then saying “hey...good job today with media. After not being able to get a break I finally got what was supposed to be a month break. Well....I had to serve twice because nobody wanted to do it. I hit my boiling point when I said I wanted to step down. Nobody would let me, so I spoke directly to the new head pastor about everything mentioned earlier. After I stepped down, I decided to leave New Life. Didn’t want to speak to anybody or be associated with anybody. I usually give everybody passes and just be like “it is what it is”. But I couldn’t this time. I had to walk away and not comeback.
Comeback/ Homecoming
I currently am attending Family Church and man...talk about difference between non denomination. I realized how burnt out I was when I declined volunteer opportunities at church. I couldn’t do it anymore. Still to this day I don’t want to serve. My friends have asked me “why didn’t you confront them?” In my mind why didn’t I? But I remembered how each individual reacted when they were confronted by issues. I’ve just accepted to know I’m never gonna hear “I’m sorry this happened and hurt you or made you feel this way”. I’ve accepted that truth and though I can move forward...I can’t really cope with it. From those two years I drastically wanted to take my life in my own hands. I’ve accepted so much sin and demons into my life I got comfortable and it became a daily habit. It’s funny how God works; He reminds us with curveballs like “SIKEEEE! You thought!” And it’s a stern reminder to say “God I’m sorry....please put me on your path”. It’s crazy how the past months; I’ve been missing some people at New Life. Every argument I’ve gotten into with my parents about church I see it as “well....new life understood what was going on”. Crazy isn’t it? So I’m thinking about going back, but a part of me already tenses up and I get defense/ shields up. Whoever I can’t move on until I face the issues I’ve ran away for.
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