#especially her she didn’t deserve it it made me want to cry the poor girlie

[emeraldbabygirl]

Swear if Sebastian was joking I’m gonna cry that’s a whole slay that’s a slay that’s a slay that’s a slay I love to see it it was so wholesome FUCK YES. Hyuna and Hyojong who? I only know Sebastian and Gela 😭😭😭😭😭 don’t yell at me I miss Hyuna and Hyojong so much but I love to see other couples being adorable too and Gela is so cute and tiny and ugh I ITS SO CUTE WTF like yes I wanna find a guy best friend and do friend things with and then do romantic things with and then get married later like goals tf. I get secondhand happiness from watching people propose. Love it when a plan comes together 🥺 makes my heart spin

[ssson-of-sparda]

Strawberry Sundae

Summary: It's story time! Have you ever wondered why Dante affectionate strawberry sundaes so much? Well Patty has and luckily for her, he is about to tell her. It will just cost her a small favour. A man got to pay his debts remember.

Tags: ANGST (but with some very cute moments) / Dante’s childhood /  childhood trauma 

Author’s note: This is my take on Dante’s origins and also my first time writing for the Devil May Cry fandom. I hope I did it right and that you will love it. Set whenever you want but definitely after the DMC Anime. I made the reader female (in case I write a sequel. I have ideas for one, just tell me if you want one), but it can definitely be read as Gen!Reader if you make some small changes.

           To most people Patty Lowell looked so cute and angelic with her girly lacy dresses and her silk ribbons in her baby blond hair they’d think butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. But to Dante, she was the most annoying brat that ever walked this earth and, even though he would never admit it, also one of his dearest friends. And like all his friends, he owed her big.             “I’ll erase that from your tab.” She said as she swallowed a spoonful of vanilla ice cream.   “Oh c’mon! You keeping counts now?” Dante harrumphed and watched the kid wipe her mouth like a very distinguished lady. “You spend too much time with Lady.”   “Not too much. Just enough to know you owe me a trip to the beach, two dresses, a dozen ice cream cones and six strawberries sundaes” She counted on her fingers and Dante sighed as he slouched in the fake-leather seat of Freddy’s diner. “Well, you can’t have it all now, can you?”       “You’ve been saying this for months. And for months you’ve been eating hundreds of sundaes and bought none for me.” She grumbled, staring at him with a pout as he nonchalantly took the strawberry on top of his sundae to eat it, eyes closed to savour the sweetness of the fruit in his mouth. “What’s with your obsession with strawberry sundaes anyway?” She asked, genuinely curious. After all, even after spending so much time with Dante, watching him evolve in his natural habitat (meaning the Devil May Cry) and coming to the conclusion that Dante was a very unique species of man, one that whose diet was only based on pizzas and strawberry sundaes and that knew nothing of women, Patty still hadn’t figured why he was the way he was.   Dante opened an eye to see her impatiently waiting for an answer. “If I tell you, would you consider erasing … let’s say six sundaes of my tab?” He smirked, knowing Patty would not resist the curiosity to know more about him.             “That could be arranged. But your story better be good!”

STRAWBERRY SUNDAE

                 One more step and this would be the furthest Dante had ever been from his house. Of course, he had dared follow Vergil down to that weird old man’s house to secretly spy on his brother, wondering what was so interesting and fun in keeping a wrinkly company but he had never stepped a foot in the city. Never could. The only time he had tried and had somehow managed to go down the hill of his red home without tumbling down the steep rocky stairs and lay even just a toe on the urban pavement he was now standing on, his father and his sharp demonic earring had found him and brought him back home with a firm grip around the collar of his white shirt. Sparda had scolded him so much that day that even Vergil hadn’t dared smirking.       But here he was. Wet, trembling and cold, under a pouring rain, wondering where to go, what to do, both feet on the pavement, his tiny arms holding on tight to his father’s sword which was way bigger than he was. He had never been so terrified, so alert, his blue eyes widened and scanning all his surroundings in every direction possible like a poor defenceless animal fearing for its life, wondering if a deadly predator was secretly watching him crouched in the thickest shadow, the same kind of predator that took his mother and brother away from him.                 He wanted to call for help, ask someone, anyone for guidance but he didn’t know whom to trust or if he could trust anyone. All he knew was that he had to be strong, that he had to be a big boy, a man. That’s what his mother had told him before leaving, before … A tear streamed down his childish face. Not the first one tonight. He wiped it with his sooty knuckle but a new one appeared, bigger and more painful. It stung his eye and he cried harder. A devil should not cry but he was so tired. And he wanted his mama. And he wanted his big brother. But they were gone and behind him, his house up the hill was just a pile of smoking ash and burnt bricks.            

“Why are you crying?” Dante jumped and his small yet strong grip grabbed a hold of Rebellion’s hilt. It took his eyes a short second to fall upon the face of a little girl holding a green frog-shaped umbrella above both their heads. “Are you lost?”  She said as she tried to catch a glimpse of Dante’s face hidden behind layers of soot and wet hair. “Is it a real sword?”         “Don’t touch it!” Dante growled, pressing his father’s sword tighter against his chest, shielding it from the curious child as she tried to put her fingers on the legendary weapon. It had seen Vergil do that countless of times. And though it never worked with him, it formidably worked with the child in front of him. “It’s my dad’s.”         “Is your dad a knight?” She questioned with amazed (colour) eyes, imagining heroes in shining armours resembling the ones in the stories her mother would read her before bed. “My dad is the Legendary Dark Knight.” Dante spat, scowling behind his silver hair falling over his eyes, a pitiful and vain attempt at sending the little girl packing. After all, to her eyes, he didn’t look impressive at all, more like a wet small kitten that someone had abandoned in the street.     She shrugged “My dad doesn’t have a sword and he is not a legendary dark prince or whatever but he has a mighty spatula and his strawberry sundaes are the best in the whole kingdom!” She exclaimed with an over-the-top enthusiasm that made Dante’s weary frown even more pronounced. “That’s the name of my father’s diner.” She pointed at the pinkish red neon sign across the street. Kingdom’s diner. “You’re hungry?” Dante thought he wasn’t until he heard a rumbling in his tummy. Yes, maybe he was even though his heart was preoccupied by other things than hunger. “Come on. Follow me.”         He hesitated for a few seconds, watching the girl cross the crowded street in her way-too-large yellow oilskin - which was probably not hers now that he thought about it – and feeling the rain pouring on his shivering body again. “Well? What are you waiting for?”           With one last look at his destroyed home up on the hill, Dante finally took a step towards the girl waiting for him by the warm neon lights of the diner. And he took another step, and another, feeling a weird weight forming in his stomach. A mix of apprehension and hope. Apprehension of what’s waiting in this unknown land and hope that his father would suddenly appear and bring him back home. But once more, Sparda never showed up and the child was left alone.   Dante had never ventured that far away from home but he had no home anymore, right?

                 The diner was warm and cosy, with red plastic booth seats and speckled grey linoleum-covered tables that were incredibly clean and shiny. On the walls there were vintage-like pictures of old cars, old advertisements and old Hollywood stars who were almost all complete strangers to Dante apart from a glamorous blond woman with a weird mole and another one with a tiara and a cigarette holder. Pretty sure he had seen them both in some boring movies he had seen – or slept through - with his mother and Vergil. Mama. Vergil. He missed them already. Terribly.

A new tear fell along his cold cheek and Dante looked down, devastated that he would never see them again; guilty that he could not save them, angry that his father had not been there to protect them. And with his wet sorrow came scorching flashes and piercing screams. But soon they were covered by the sound of weird music sizzling in a machine that looked like from another time. “I always listen to music when I feel bad. I like music. Do you like music?” She was impossibly chatty but deep down Dante knew it was only to take his mind off whatever she thought he was thinking about. After all, he would use the same trick on his brother. “There are a hundred of songs in this jukebox.” So that was this hellish machine was. A jukebox. “Pick one. I’ll make some strawberry sundae” She smiled and disappeared behind the counter which was way too high for Dante to see what she was doing. “Oh but don’t play the music too loud. My parents are sleeping upstairs.”  

He didn’t know how it worked but he thought that pushing a button would do the trick. And so he did. And he almost fell on his butt when the jukebox started shaking and doing weird sizzling noises. Had he just broken it? “I… I” He mumbled pointing at the machine and the girl’s childish head popped up from behind the counter a bit like a funny rabbit leaves his hole. “Kick it!” She said and Dante looked at her, harrumphed and unsure he had heard right. His mother never allowed him to kick anything … especially not Vergil … and he kicked Vergil a lot … because he deserved it.                 “There!” The girl approached and gave the dying machine a small yet firm kick that made it come back to life. “It does that sometimes.”

“What’s with all the racket?” A loud voice growled and a man with tousled and sparse black hair appeared from upstairs. Only wearing an old navy blue robe over a white t-shirt and a pair of checked slippers, he looked asleep and yet angry. “Y/N what are you doing … up?” His somewhat aggressiveness turned into confusion when he saw Dante standing next to his beloved daughter.  He blinked a couple times and shook his head to make sure he was perfectly awake and not dreaming. What was this boy doing in his restaurant? All wet and covered in soot? “Who are you?” He managed to voice.       Dante opened his mouth though unsure what to answer. “He’s my friend.” The girl replied. “Your friend?” She nodded vigorously. “I was making him a strawberry sundae.”

If there was two things Mister Y/LN had a soft spot for, it was food – sugary and greasy food – and his precious daughter Y/N. She was his little princess, his only daughter, the apple of his eye (even when there was sleep crust in its corner like right now). He could not refuse her anything and could not stay mad at her for more than a couple of minutes to the great disappointment of his wife.  And even though he knew it was wrong, he couldn’t help it.           “Y/N” He sighed and went to kneel in front of his daughter. “You cannot invite a little boy that late at night. I’m sure his parents must be very worried.” He glanced at Dante who looked down his brown boots hiding his eyes yet again behind his silver hair. What curious hair. “But since he is here, let’s eat those strawberry sundaes.” The little girl grinned and ran back to finish her creamy dessert with an enthusiasm that made the man smile for a small second.

Even though Mister Y/LN was weak for his daughter he was still a man of reason. Something deep in his guts was telling him something was wrong with that kid and the last thing he wanted was trouble. Who was he? Where did he come from? What happened to him? Where were his parents? Was he some kind of street kid? A child of drug dealers from the rough areas of Red Grave? Should he call the police? Maybe so. Certainly so. They would certainly know what to do. It was their job after all. He was just a cook, a sleepy cook. What could he do, except offering that scrawny kid a strawberry sundae? “Why don’t you sit, boy?” He waved at the stool and Dante climbed on it without saying a word. “I’ll be right back.”

“So what’s your name?” The little girl said as she placed two coupe glasses filled with cream, ice cream and strawberries right before Dante’s eyes that immediately ogled at the dessert with greediness. So much sugar, so much cream, so many strawberries. He loved chocolate, but this, this looked like even better than chocolate and his stomach seemed to agree.       Excited to taste it, he went to grab the spoon that was placed by the couple but was immediately stopped. “Wait. I’m not done.” Y/N shouted and, with a frown and the tip of her pink tongue out, cautiously topped both sundaes with a cherry and two pink wafers. “There. Now you can eat it.” She barely had time to finish the sentence that Dante quickly stuffed a generous spoonful in his tiny mouth. OH GOD! If his mother saw him right now eating so much sugar in the middle of the night she would be furious. But this was the most delicious thing in the world. After pizza of course.       He ate another spoonful, and another, humming after each, as he was slowly reaching a comforting sugary paradise. “I’m guessing you like it.” The little girl giggled, laughing at his mouth as round as a balloon and the cream running from the corner of his lips. Dante froze at the laugh and stare at her with a blush creeping up his inflated cheeks until he swallowed with a big gulp. “Yeah.” He confessed and Y/N smiled at the small amount of joy she caught in his childish voice.   “You still haven’t told me your name. I’m Y/N by the way.” She reached out to shake his hand and Dante stared at it for a few seconds, remembering what his mother had told him as she hid him a wardrobe.

You must change your name. Forget your past and start a new life as someone else. But who could he be? And could he be someone else? After all, he had always been Dante, the restless daredevil son of Sparda and Eva and annoying little brother to Vergil who always picked a fight for fun and found ways to be involved in new kinds of mischiefs.               There was a silence, heavy and pregnant, as the boy tried to answer the questions in his confused little head and as the girl patiently waited for him to talk. And only the lively music from the jukebox could be heard in the room. And it sang to Dante ‘Hey there Anthony boy. Why are you in such a rush (go!). The girl, she wanna talk to you. Look at him, how he blush (go!)’ giving birth to his new identity. A new beginning.               “I’m Anthony.” He finally grabbed her hand and she shook it with a smile that he tried to mimic. An effort he thought he would have never done tonight but that he did for her. Calm down, Tony me boy. “Tony for short.”         “Well nice to meet you, Tony. I’m sure we’re going to be good friends.”

And with a new spoonful of strawberry sundae he said goodbye to Dante. Hey there, Anthony boy!

***

“That was a lovely story, Dante. Sad but lovely.” Patty finally declared after being incredibly silent during Dante’s childhood story. A first. “Glad you liked it.” Dante said with a small smile that was barely concealing the sadness that this memory had brought back. “So does that mean those six sundaes are off my tab?”               “I guess so.” She shrugged as she drank the ice cream in her coupe. “Great.” He winked and stood up, throwing a bill on the table before putting his long red coat on.  “So … you love strawberry sundaes because they were the first things that gave you comfort after you lost your mom?”           “No, I love strawberry sundaes because they remind me why humans are sometimes worth fighting for.”

But mostly, he liked them because they reminded him of someone who had helped him build a new life, someone who had given him kindness, generosity and love when he thought that all he could expect from life was sorrow and pain. They reminded him of you.     Yes, that’s why he loved strawberry sundaes.

[canonicallysoulmates]

Supernatural 15.16

What can I say? No, seriously, what can I say this was such a disappointment I just wanna salt it, burn it and forget it. 

This is not what I wanted nor what we were told we were gonna get, the promo’s and the way it was promoted made it seem like this was gonna be a heavy brothers centered episode and we were gonna get to see flashbacks of Sam and Dean hunting solo together, without their dad, for the first time. It wasn’t.

This episode is snake oil. It was advertised in all the right ways to make us buy into it but it has no real substance or value.  

The plot is simple: Sam and Dean have to investigate the death of an old, sort of friend they made in one of the motel’s they stayed at back when they were little and haven’t spoken to in over 20 years. And let’s talk about this real quick because at the beginning Sam and Dean don’t know they’re going to investigate their friends’ death they think they’re going to the funeral cause the victim’s sister, who was also a sort of friend of theirs back in the day, invited them to the funeral to guarantee that they would go which is so stupid, people miss funerals all the time especially when they’re the funerals of people who they only knew for a week over 20 years ago and didn’t keep in contact. So, the stupid starts early in this episode. 

Back to the plot, the thing that Sam and Dean are hunting is something they had hunted and thought killed years ago back when they were the wee!chesters, and by “they” I mean….Dean and the girlie. I’m sorry you thought, we were gonna see young!Sam and Dean actually hunt together? No. 

The four of them sort of work together to figure out where the thing might be hiding and Dean’s all ‘I’m handling this on my own’ and Sam’s like ‘I’m going with you’ and Dean’s like ‘no’ and the girls like ‘then i’m going with you’ and Dean’s all ‘no’ and so he goes off on his own but the girl follows him so it’s the girl and him hunting this thing down while Sam is stuck back in the motel on babysitting duty of the girls little brother which I’m sure the writer is patting herself on the back for because at the beginning in the first flashback Dean was all ‘I used to babysit you when I was your age’ so now Sam is stuck babysitting...get it? Get it? I think it’s supposed to be clever…...excuse me a minute

*clears throat* where was I? Oh yes, so anyways after some investigating and Dean finding a bunch of children’s corpses they arrive at the hotel in time to see the thing they’re hunting attacking Sam and the other kid and Dean’s all ‘Sam get out of the way’ and stabs the thing which makes it turn to dust so they think it’s dead which we all know it ain’t but let’s talk for a minute about the fact that Dean just walked to see a monster attacking his baby brother AND HE DOESN’T EVEN RUSH TO CHECK ON HIM WHEN THE THING IS DEAD!!!! Also, this thing was hunting kids that were around Sam’s age but Dean doesn’t seem to give a fuck. 

So what was the thing Sam and Dean were hunting oh so many years ago when they did shit re-search even though we know that they knew how important research was but this writer doesn’t know how to write this characters in present time why would she be able to write young! them? Baba Yaga! But they still don’t know that they’ll find that out later in the episode, in like a 5min scene that really does not do this figure justice but neither does the rest of this episode as this writer doesn’t really care and treats Baby Yaga more like a traditional vengeful spirit. 

For real though, it is a shame that this writer doesn’t care enough because Baba Yaga is a folklore figure with so much history they could have really done something interesting and scary; such a famous folklore figure and she was treated like a footnote. 

But that’s what young!Sam and Dean were up to what about our Sam and Dean? Well, after they find out the truth that they’re there to investigate and not attend a funeral that happened a week before they go check what’s up at the motel since that’s where everything happened years ago and the dude died, Dean is feeling guilty af for so many reasons including that he had yet to tell Sam Jack was gonna die, at first Dean doesn’t believe it’s the same thing they had hunted but then he’s like ‘okay maybe it’s not as dead as I thought’ and leaves Sam and the girlie to do research while he has a scene with Billie where she tells him the end is coming and while that’s happening Sam finds out it’s the Baba Yaga and the girl gets attacked and then Dean returns and he and Sam go their separate ways to find her because of course the do and Dean gets attacked but Sam arrives and then they properly kill the monster. 

Anyways, it all ends with their “friend” telling Dean for like the 20th time that he has changed and then they have a hug which gives us our final flashback where after him and the young girlie say goodbye to each other him and Sam are waiting for John to pick them up and Dean’s all ‘I don’t know about this college thing but we make a good team’ which would be great if we had actually seen them work as a team.

With the thing dead Sam and Dean make their way back home and Dean tells Sam the truth about Jack dying. We’ll come back to this scene. 

And that’s the episode in a nutshell. It’s bad. It’s unforgivably bad. This is the mediocre, poor man’s version of Something Wicked. 

It’s got no soul, with the exception of one scene it’s got no emotion. It stays at the surface level, we don’t truly get to see young!Sam and Dean work together, we don’t really get to see their dynamic with each other, we don’t learn anything new about them, Dean clearly didn’t like Sam thinking about college but it wasn’t really explored he was just an ass to Sam about it and then was all ‘we make a good team’ but like I said we didn’t truly get to see them be a team so it just falls flat, there weren’t really any proper scenes between the young brothers, Baba Yaga is not explored she’s more a footnote, we also don’t get to see adult Sam and Dean hunt together. 

You compare it to other flashback episodes like Something Wicked, A Very Supernatural Christmas, Just My imagination to name a few, and you can’t. You can’t really compare it cause those episodes were well written and actually explored Sam and Dean’s emotions and their relationship. This episode is the worst flashback episode we have ever gotten and I wish it didn’t exist. 

I wanna talk about the young!Sam and Dean actors real quick cause no shade to them but I didn’t like them one bit not just because of the way they were written but also because they don’t really embody Sam and Dean’s personalities in the way that their predecessors have, I look at them I don’t see Sam and Dean. Also, their acting? Not the best. 

So, all around this is a failure as far as young!Sam and Dean.

There was one scene in this whole entire episode that had any sort of emotion: the final scene with Sam and Dean in the car where Dean tells Sam everything and about Jack dying and Sam is pissed off and they get into a fight. That’s the only scene where Sam and Dean got closest to acting and sounding like themselves and the only one that was worth something and I give full credit to Jared and Jensen for that because their acting in that moment was standing ovation worthy, they honestly almost made me cry. I think if this epi had been better written and emotions actually explored it would have managed to make me cry. 

I don’t like that the epi finished with the boys fighting, even less that the one proper scene we got between them was a fight but it was the best scene of the episode and it should be watched if for no other reason than to see Jared and Jensen put on an amazing performance, 

But that scene alone is not enough to save this episode. 

The writer of this epi once recommended that you could put the first 2 seasons of this show on as background noise and maybe if she hadn’t done that and actually paid attention to the foundation of the show that paid her bills she wouldn’t have given us the mediocre version of Something Wicked or would have learned how to artfully weave the main plot of a season into a stand alone episode like Phantom Traveler did instead of sticking in a scene right in the middle for some exposition. As it is, you can use her episode as background noise. 

Here’s the thing, you can make the argument that it’s not as bad as it could have been or as what we have gotten, or that we should expect the episodes to be bad because it’s all we’ve gotten, or that we should just be happy with what we get and listen you feel how you wanna feel about this episode and/or tell yourself what you need to make yourself feel better but that don’t work with me. I’m not going to thank the writers for taking a smaller shit on this show than they did last time, and expecting the episodes to suck doesn’t mean we don’t deserve better and that we shouldn’t be upset. 

And I am upset. I am angry. I am sad. I am bitter. I am disappointed. 

You know what stings most about this episode? What makes it cut differently than all the other shitty, insulting, disappointing episodes that have come before it? That this is the last time we’re going to see young!Sam and Dean. This was the last ever flashback episode. A badly written episode with barely any proper interaction between the young brothers, is the last time we’ll see young! Sam and Dean. 

I so badly wish I could recommend this episode but the truth is that I can't. What I can recommend, and I highly do, is looking up the final scene and enjoying that beautifully acted, painful, brother moment. And then if you still want to watch young!Sam and Dean, just re-watch Something Wicked. 

In conclusion,

[thecomposerofstories]

Disney Does NOT Know how to Feminist, for the Most Part.

I like Moana and Judy Hopps, they’re pretty good relatively-new female Disney characters, but the rest, I don’t like. It’s all, “I’m a woman, I have to save you scum-bag men because you can’t do A N Y T H I N G, hear me roar, society is trash, watch me twirl a stick.” And believe me that trope is getting kinda old kinda quickly.

People think Disney Princesses are nothing more than Damsels in Distress, and I don’t know where tf that rumour came from but I don’t like it.

Snow White gets some of the worst rap for it, and that’s not fair. I think she’s got more courage than Bo Peep and Mulan (2020, the 1998 version is an amazing role model for kids in my opinion, the 2020 version is a bitch) put together.

Snow White had to be a slave to the Evil Queen, who made her dress in rags and clean non-stop. And she still manages to go through all of that “With a Smile and a Song”.

And when she thinks her Step Mother is being kind to her, letting her wear a clean dress and letting her pick flowers and be free from chores for at least just an hour, but it turns out that she had been tricked, and that the Huntsman was supposed to kill her. But because of her kindness, the Huntsman couldn’t bring himself to kill her.

So Snow ran away, scared, and with good reason to be. The Queen will have her guts pulled out if she ever saw her again. Yet when Snow is in the forest with the woodland creatures, she apologizes for crying and asks to start over, to re-introduce herself. That’s brave, if you ask me. and she didn’t have to wear pants or wield a stick either. People forget that there are two kinds of bravery, physical fighting, (Like all female characters seem to do these days) and mental fighting, smiling even though your cared out of your mind. Keeping your head high when things are dreary, finding the good in a sea of bad.

As a girl, I’m tired of all this talk that a girl can’t wear a dress and be a bad-ass. Bo, to me, was a good character because she balanced out the other female characters, there was variety. Bo was sweet natured and girly, yes, but she was also wise and insightful and had way more depth than the new Bo. Alright, time to turn this conversation onto Toy Story 4, because I’m mad at it.

When people say, “Oh I can’t believe Woody left with Bo! What a bad decision!” they don’t say that like he never met her, they say it because Bo’s an arsehole. Woody left his family, and though we could argue that Bo is family, too, she isn’t a very nice part. she called Woody an accessory, acted rather rude towards him, and abandoned him twice because he was doing the right thing, yet she makes him apologize for it.  Like girl you dumped him and left him in your cardboard box and your acting like Woody ate your last jelly bean. What did he do to deserve being treated so harshly? I don’t get it. since when is it illegal to show affection towards someone you love?

The way I see it, Feminism in Disney is just taking female characters and making them a Gaston. Y’know, very butch, very masculine, the favorite of the town and everyone loves him because, well, he’s the town’s favorite son. Taking a girl and stripping her of her femininity and replacing it with a stick.

Honestly, I’m not even mad. I just wish they did more with Bo. I have this Toy Story 4 Concept Art Book, and it was just filled with better iteration's of what she could’ve been, and it’s disappointing. I mean in one drawing she had a pencil for a leg and a missing eye and to me that’s a big missed opportunity. Instead they went with just a blue jumpsuit. Yet everyone made crazy versions of what she should look like, and then they went for the boringest decision.

And on one full page, it’s just about what Bo’s hands should look in front of her cape, and other crazy things. Like who even cares? I’d rather have a compelling character with a slight wardrobe malfunction than what we got any day.

It just makes me sad what they did to a good character like Bo. I like that she was girly, I liked that she was flirty, since when are those aspects in a woman bad? I don’t even care what her outfit looks like. Wearing pants doesn’t mean you ‘Wear the pants’, and wearing a skirt doesn’t make you inferior, literally regardless of gender.

Let. Girls. Be. Girls. And that doesn’t just mean being ‘girly’, it can mean anything. Being a girl is whatever you want it to be. Being you, whoever you are, girl, boy, both, or neither, is whoever you want to be. Just as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, anyway.

And not all men are scumbags. Most of my friends are dudes, and they’re coolest dudes I’ve ever met. And not all girls like to swing sticks and wear pants, Y’know. Not all girls are rebellious and smack-talking and bossy.

I also hate what they did to Dolly and Trixie. Dolly was spunky and cute, but now she’s just down-right psychotic. Like she legit tried to murder Forky in Forky asks a Question just because he was verbal-stimming. 

And Trixie’s no better. She yells at Forky for something he didn’t even do on purpose. He accidentally broke her laptop, but like the poor guy didn’t even mean to. And the laptop isn’t even hers it’s not like she paid for it, she shouldn’t even be angry.

Not gonna lie, if someone broke my laptop I’d be pissed, but I certainly wouldn’t act the way Trixie did.

Give characters a variety of personalities. Don’t make any gender inferior. And stop making I out like all men are trash, please.

I don’t even mind strong female characters, I love them, I love seeing fan-arts of Bo on here, and I don’t give a crap that others like her, it’s none of my business what characters they like. I just wish we had more variety, though. Less brawn, more brains. Less bossy, more kind. Less screaming “You won’t listen to me! I’m always right!”, and more listening to others opinions.

And give them obstacles, too. Just because a character is female doesn’t mean you can’t give them something to make them grow. People want to see a character strive for greatness, no matter what. Not just whack ‘em with a stick and be done with it, we want the character to change throughout the story, regardless of gender. A story just about a character effortlessly kicking ass, and never coming to harm or learning anything isn’t very entertaining, nor does it tech the kids watching anything. Especially when kids are the age were they copy everything they see on television.

I just hope Disney figures that out in time.

[youknow-i-loveit]

Why I Still Feel Like I Need To Ask Permission Before I Do Anything Ever

Randomly hit with the realization that my parents are still holding me back because they never taught me how to act with autonomy.

They never taught me how to be assertive or how to tell people things.

(They also wrecked my self-esteem, which was pretty horrible to begin with.)

My parents were very “do this because I told you to” authoritarian types who didn’t like to answer questions, and especially hated it when you questioned them. Questioning other authority figures was okay sometimes, depending on who the authority figure was, but my parents wanted to reign over their children with absolute power.

They generally had issues with needing to feel in-control. They didn’t have great role models for what it means to be an authority figure- my mom was the youngest, doted upon and spoiled for being the only girly-girl in the family, and by the time her parents had her (the eighth child), they were exhausted and distant, permissive, laissez-faire parents- and my dad grew up under an abusive military man who routinely beat his children, who used his voice as a weapon, and when he was at work, his wife ruled through manipulation, primarily guilt-tripping. Since my dad was the second of his six brothers, he was considered to have a better idea about how to deal with children, so my mom generally deferred to him, partly because of that, and partly because if my dad didn’t feel like he was in charge, he would make sure everybody felt miserable.

And as they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My dad very much took after his father. He thought he was being toned-down and “gentle,” and bragged all the time about how he had it worse, making it sound like he was going easy on us. He often threatened to act more like his dad. But while I feel bad for him and his brothers and the abuse they endured, that gave him no excuse to abuse us the ways he did.

I could go on and on, but the point is, my parents didn’t know how to be in charge, but they felt that it was their god-given right to be in charge-- literally, they kept throwing “Honor Your Mother And Father” at us from the Ten Commandments.

My parents never admitted to being wrong. In fact, my dad hammered it in that being wrong was shameful and something that none of us should ever, ever do- ignorance was considered shameful, and if we ever dared utter the sentence “I didn’t know,” he would mock us, roar at us, and quite often, make references to that moment for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week. It took me years to be okay with admitting that I don’t know things. To teach myself that learning should be fun and exciting, and that teaching others new information should be seen as an opportunity, not as a burden.

So my parents are proudly ignorant control freaks with an abusive streak, who want to rule with absolute authority; so far so great right?

My parents were strict Catholics who wanted us to follow their faith. They took us to church every Sunday. They enrolled all of us in Catholic school until they couldn’t afford the tuition anymore. They insulted anyone non-Catholic- even other Christians- calling them stupid and sinners and sometimes even “evil,” and considered anyone who attended Catholic church but didn’t adhere to their beliefs “not true Catholics,” so they were lumped in with the rest of the riffraff who were apparently going to hell.

We were allowed to question authority figures that didn’t adhere to their strict beliefs, and even encouraged to make fun of them, but if we ever dared to question someone who did, my parents informed us with cold, cutting certainty that we were making the wrong choice and were in danger of going to hell ourselves.

We grew up pretty sheltered. Our parents wouldn’t let us participate in most of the fads that swept up everyone else in our peer groups. It didn’t even matter when those peers were all Catholic kids attending our same Catholic school- my parents still thought their parents were making the wrong decisions, and we were effectively isolated from socializing with our peers. For a window into this, consider that I was forbidden from watching or playing Pokemon during the late 1990s. At recess, literally everyone else in my class would “play Pokemon,” whether that meant they were actually playing the trading-card game or whether they were pretending to be characters from the show. Since I wasn’t allowed to participate, I was left alone on the swings, accompanied only by one of the lunch moms who took pity on me. (Her name was Mrs. Stevenson. She was funny. I liked her. For Halloween, she wore an ugly holiday sweater with Froot Loops glued all over it and said she was a ‘cereal killer.’)

We weren’t allowed to watch Sailor Moon, or Rugrats, or Dragon Ball Z. We weren’t allowed to play with Furbies. We were allowed to accept Beanie Babies as gifts, but our parents were too poor to buy us any, so I think the most I had was about six.

We were also (wrongly) informed that people different from us were all stupid. I questioned this from a young age, asking why people were different, but instead of actually answering me, my mom would go “Exactly!” as though that settled that.

So when I asked why African Americans spoke differently or dressed differently or said things like “black pride,” I was told it was because they were entitled and because they thought they were special, but that they were foolish and wrong. It was only later, on my own, that I learned they don’t do these things to set themselves apart from the rest of society out of some weird petty desire to be special and different, but because we stole their culture from them, and they need to reclaim an identity that they can be proud of. The system is stacked against them, so every act of embracing their blackness is an act of rebellion against the system that tries to crush them every day. They speak differently because of where they live, because of history and culture that have shaped their words that way, and if their grammar is improper, that’s most likely due to underfunded school districts, but it could also be code-switching so they fit in with their peers.

And when I asked why anyone would be anything other than Christian if the Bible really was the word of God, and God was real, I was told it was because they’re too stupid or jaded to see the truth. So when my uncle came out as Muslim when I was a teenager, our family ostracized him, berated him, and made fun of him relentlessly behind his back, because we all thought he was stupid. It was years later that I became an atheist and I realized the questioning process he must have gone through, the philosophy he must have studied, the books upon books he must have read, the agonizing introspection he must have endured, all while living under his parents’ roof... 

We were told that we were smart. That we were important and special. 

But we were also taught that we were constantly on the razor’s edge of being undeserving of love or redemption.

Naturally, this caused me to form strong attachments to characters like Loki, Bucky, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast- characters who others saw as monstrous, but who seemed worthy of redemption, who didn’t seem to deserve everything that was done to them, even as much as they blamed themselves or got down on themselves sometimes.

The constant messages of “you need to be perfect or else” and “you are a disappointment,” accompanied by my dad’s ridiculously high standards, made me desperate for approval. 

I sought favor with my parents nearly every day, but was so often disappointed- especially by my dad. Even when I’d done something I was really proud of, he’d find ways to poke holes in it, talk down to me, call me stupid, and ask something to the effect of why I’d made such a horrible decision.

So I started looking elsewhere.

Friends. Partners. Teachers. Professors. Therapists. Co-workers. Bosses. Other people’s moms. Members of groups I joined. Anywhere I could get it, I was (and still am) constantly thirsty for validation, praise, and approval.

My parents probably weren’t trying to do this, but they taught me to constantly second-guess myself. They taught me that I needed to ask for permission to exist.

One of the things that was brought up over and over again whenever one of us would upset Mom was that “she gave birth to you.” On one memorable occasion, my dad went into graphic detail about how exactly the birthing process worked. He made it sound like some sort of accomplishment, or personal favor, that I should be forever grateful and reverent towards. But I never asked for this. Giving birth was something she couldn’t avoid. I should have never been guilt tripped into feeling like I owed her something for it.

Whenever my dad was a certain flavor of upset, he’d bark “Get out of my sight!” We would flee to some far corner of the house, behind some closed door, and cry where no one could see. In that moment, he had ceased to give permission to exist in his presence.

So when I first came out as trans, I struggled a lot, because I felt like I constantly had to ask everyone around me for permission to be myself.

It’s tragic that, in retrospect, everyone would have respected me a lot more if instead of asking, I had simply told them who I am and then been myself. I should never have felt so timid, so cowed. I should never have felt like I owed anyone an apology for asking them to use my name and my pronouns.

I should have been free to be me.

But when I lived under my parents’ roof, I wasn’t free. I was forced to hide, to pretend. I was forced to let them deadname and misgender me. I was still forced to attend church until I moved out-- I got out of attending weekly mass by pleading that it was detrimental to my mental health, after being forced to attend masses as an atheist for over a year. But in order to keep a roof over my head, I was still forced to attend Christmas and Easter mass every year, and badgered to attend more masses at nearly every opportunity.

I had to lie about who I was dating too. I had to hide all the ups and downs- the euphoria of new crushes and new relationships, the agony and heartbreak of breakups or bumps in the road. I couldn’t ask my parents for advice navigating this extremely important part of my life. Instead I had to figure it all out on my own, and lie, and pretend they were my “friends.”

My parents made me feel as though I couldn’t do anything on my own.

So to this day, I still often feel like I have to ask for help or for moral support in order to get things done. Not everything, but anything that my partner could feasibly be involved in or have any opinion on whatsoever. Filling out forms, looking things up, buying food, scheduling our week.

And anything that I’m not 1000% sure my friends would invite me to, or anything I’m not 1000% sure they want me to do, I’ll hang back on or stay silent. Any sort of physical affection that I’m not 1000% sure is welcome, I’ll hold back on or I won’t even offer, because I’m so scared of rejection or retaliation. Any complaints that I have, I’ll run by someone else first, and sit on for often weeks or months before I bring it up, if I ever bring it up, because I’m so worried that someone’s temper will flare, or that they will grow cold and distant and cut me off from their affection/ attention/ presence.

My parents never taught me how to ask for things.

They never taught me how to tell people things, simple things, like “I’m going to the store,” or “I’m a guy actually,” or say “Oh, you’re going to meet up with a bunch of people I know? Can I come?”

I’m self-taught in a lot of things, but socializing is one of them.

And as I’m sitting here typing this, I’m waiting for my partner, because we have to get through a lot of paperwork and beaurocratic nonsense this week, and even though not all of it strictly needs to involve her, I still feel like I can’t do it on my own.

It’s okay to ask for help. That’s something I’ve had to get used to too.

But sometimes I worry if I ask for too much help. >_<

[37-children-of-the-dreams]

Day #25: I'm A Mess

I can't write smut/NSFW, or sweet innocent romance. Hence the title. Sorry folks.

-------------

Lagos was running wildly from the hanger. From Korkie. From his traitorous relationship with that bastard clone. It doesn't make any sense to her why he chose a clone. Yes, he said he has a liking to men, but clones are not people. They're clones and they were only made for war. War that took away Mandalore from Korkie and his future. He shouldn't love a clone who help steal his future. He would be betraying everything he was taught to be as a Kryze. Especially if those ideas came from Satine.

"Poor Satine," Lagos thought. "If she was alive, she'd stop Korkie from being with that clone."

Lagos ran and ran until she was caught by Amis. Soniee was the one who saw her running and told Amis to catch her because Lagos didn't look well. Amis held her down and lead them to the nearest sitting area. Lagos was too busy crying to make any words. Soniee went next to her left and calmed her down enough to have a conversation.

"He really is married," Lagos lamented. "I saw him. I saw Korkie being highly intimate with that clone."

"Please tell us you did not interrupt them?" Soniee asked. "Korkie has the rights to show affection to his man."

"And that clone? Crosshair?" Amis chimed in. "He looked like he hates being interrupted by anyone."

"Do not call that clone by its name!" Lagos cried. "He corrupted Korkie and made him willing to have sex in public. I saw Korkie being undressed by it and he didn't do anything. The worst part? That clone saw me and just smirked."

"Lagos," Soniee said. "Why did you even think going to Korkie was a good idea? He didn't want to be with us anymore."

"Especially if he's in love," Amis agreed. " Lagos. We can't get him anymore. He's not a Kryze anymore if he's married and took his husband's last name."

"Clone do not have last or clans," Lagos argued. "He's throwing away everything he knows. We need him to see he made a mistake and leave with us for Mandalore."

"By mistake you mean... Korkie has to divorce his own husband?" Amis gasped.

"Lagos! NO!" Soniee protested. "You know what will happen to him if he does. High ranking Kryzes don't get divorces and even if he secretly did divorce him, someone will know. And if someone knows, Korkie would either exile himself again, or commit suicide."

Lagos looked at her friends. She knows the whole "Kryzes-can't-remarry" idea. But, that was only if the Kryze divorces someone. Not if their spouse had died.

"What if he died?" Lagos asked.

"Lagos, think clearly," Soniee said. "I know Clan Eldar kept pushing the idea that you would become Korkie's wife one day, but that was when Mandalore wasn't being ruined by Death Watch and Maul. This world is changing and once Bo-Katan figures out that she had hurt her own nephew by not letting him fighting for his home, don't you think she won't let him be married to someone he never wanted? She loved her family and Korkie is the last person she has a link of Satine. And we all know why Satine never married."

"But a clone?"

"Isn't as worse as being in love with a Jedi. They might not live long, but don't Jedis live hard lives also? I mean remember how much Korkie studied about the Jedi and the clones? He saw them not as ancient enemies or the slaves of our old enemies. He saw them as people who could listen to the ideas of peace."

"He still chose to be a bounty hunter. Didn't Satine almost died by those every single time?"

"True," Amis agreed. "But think about it. He's Mandalorian. We might have been pacifist for years, but no one forgets how we still have warrior bloodlines. Mandalorians and bounty hunting do seem to go together at times."

"This is still messed up. We need to stop Korkie before he gets to comfortable with this lifestyle."

"He's already comfortable. Didn't you see the puck in his hand? He hid it before you part him from the husband."

Lagos stood up. "He had a puck? We need to find another one, the same one he had."

Soniee and Amis shook their heads. They really didn't want to be in a bounty, and they were afraid of Crosshair and his apprentice. They looked like they could shoot them both dead in seconds. Yet, Lagos was insistent and they followed her for her safety. They went to the hanger to find the trio of bounty hunters ready to do their jobs. Two speeder were at the entrance.

"Two?" Korkie asked.

"There was a problem with another group destroying one speeder earlier," Fennec explained.

"You think people wouldn't be so reckless with speeders in this planet."

"Well at least one of them has enough space for one in the back," Crosshair comforted. "Which means you can watch Fennec in the back."

"Really? Watching Fennec for safety?"

"You never know," Fennec chimed. "I'm just starting to be a good sniper."

Korkie sighed as he sat behind Crosshair for safety. Fennec went off before them laughing.

"I told you she didn't need my protection!" Korkie cried as they left.

Lagos, Soniee and Amis ran after them and found a taxi cab.

"Sorry," Soniee apologized. "But we need you to follow those speeders."

The cab driver wasn't willing to do anything until he saw the amount of credits Lagos flashed. They were off finding the trio when the cab stopped.

"Why did you stop?" Lagos asked.

"Sorry girlie," the cab driver said. "But that's gang territory and I'm not welcomed there."

Lagos gave the cab driver half of the credits he saw and the Mandalorians left. They saw the speeders Korkie and his crew came in and walked to find them. What they saw wasn't the best. Korkie had a hostage in sword point as Crosshair was surrounded by still bodies and a lone man was begging at Fennec's feet.

"Please," the man begged. "I know I've wronged you before, but aren't we family?"

"Family?" Fennec spat. "You stole from my mother and left her dying in debt. I lost my old home because of you. I couldn't believe my luck when I saw you were a bounty."

"The stars were basically smiling at her," Crosshair congratulated. "I mean, Fennec lived the harsh life and was basically in the dumps when we took her in."

"I kept asking her if she wanted some new clothes," Korkie complained. "But her past made her think she never deserved the good stuff. So, be a good bounty, or this one dies."

"Which reminds me," Fennec said. "Which woman is this? I mean, you dumped my surrogate aunt for some reason."

The target whimpered until he saw the three Mandalorians. He took a shot at them with a grenade. Lagos screamed at the sight of the grenade and ran away. The commotion gave the man enough time to run as Lagos, Amis and Soniee stopped running. They saw the smoke and gasped.

"We just let Korkie die by grenade," Lagos sobbed.

She didn't mean for anything like that to happen and cried. She just wanted Korkie back and their lives back to what it was before losing Mandalore. She cried with Amis and Soniee comforting her until an angry growl was heard.

They saw Crosshair holding Korkie in a protective arm sling. Korkie was the one growling as Fennec coughed some ash. Korkie pushed away from Crosshair as pointed his fingers at them in anger.

"We had that man," Korkie bawled. "What is your problem? Why are making thing harder for me? I had caused multiple problems for Crosshair during a ton of our bounties and I just had enough of making him overwork his skills and being useless!"

Crosshair put a hand on Korkie's shoulder. But Korkie kept going.

"I know you're so mad about me being in love with a man Lagos, but why can't you understand that you might not be in a good relationship with me? That maybe it's not worth the pain of a bad marriage? That I might secretly be giving my heart to someone else if we're married because I never had the choice to be with my soulmate?"

"Korkie," Lagos whimpered.

"No. Lagos. I'm sorry, but I'm not really married to Crosshair. Nanny Rana only said that because she knew I'd fall for someone who might actually see me for my worth and he does every time I need to hear it. I am intimate with him, but we're just figuring out if we would love to marry each other. Please, just leave me alone with him and Fennec. These people are my new family. A family that didn't abandon me to mourn my mother alone without the correct mourning rites."

Lagos wanted to say more, but she didn't. See finally saw Korkie. The new Korkie as he is. He was stronger, more defiant and a fighter. He was freer than the Korkie she knew. He was finally showing his true emotions and being with someone he loves.

Lagos nodded. "I'm really sorry for not seeing you as you are now. I'm just stuck in the past because I'm scared of the future."

"Well stop being afraid. There is someone out there who might actually love you, and he might be better than me."

Korkie left his former friends with Crosshair holding him steady for his sanity and the tears flowing from his eyes. Fennec went up to the Mandalorians as they left.

"When I met those two," Fennec said. "Korkie just found his father, who was a Jedi. Crosshair didn't want to be my mentor, but Korkie made him rethink his decision. They make each other a better person and they make a strong team. Please let them be. Korkie's still a good person, and Crosshair makes sure of it. He might be a bit rude now, but you did push his buttons."

Fennec left them to think about her words.

"Lagos?" Amis called.

"Are you okay?" Soniee asked.

"Yeah," Lagos said. "I'm just wondering how to move on like he did. He really isn't the Korkie we knew, he's a warrior now and he's got someone who completes him. The way I could never."

Lagos, Amis and Soniee left the gang area as they saw two speeder bikes run out from the area they were placed. Korkie was hugging Crosshair in the back as his former friends saw what might be the last time they see of the former duke.

"They really do fit," Lagos whispered. "I can see the love in their eyes."

[xmagicxshopx]

Moon Monsters - Chapter 4

Genre: Fantasy Adventure, Romance (possible smut later), Comedy Rating: PG-13 Warnings: none at this time Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Jimin x oc, Taehyung x oc Notes: werewolf!bts au. Not idol!bts. Same goes for GOT7. Single quote marks ‘ ‘ are for thoughts and double “ “ are for talking. Additional Notes: I proof read some of it and I made myself cry towards the end. XD

Tagging: @och-ako @kfictionstories @trcvias @justbangtanandjams @lizardsocial @breadcaaat

Summary: You’re the CEO’s new personal assistant. But there’s something strange about him and the company you work for.

SERIES MASTERLIST

“Okay, ladies. Where to first?”

“Can we save the manicures and pedicures for last?”

You stood there unknowingly fidgeting with Jungkook’s credit card still in your hands. It was still crazy to think that you were really holding someone else’s bank account in your hands so easily. Trying to genuinely listen and even take part in the conversation, you spoke up and said casually,

“Actually that would make sense. This way while we’re searching for and trying on clothing, we won’t mess the polish up.”

You noticed Black Widow looked so relieved that she could probably pass out. When noticing your stare, the female smiled sheepishly in apology and explained just as much,

“Sorry. It’s just......I have social anxiety. So this is kind of hard for me.”

“Actually we both have the same diagnosis. Big crowds are hard for us. But we’ve been looking forward to this day and getting to meet you and getting to know you. So here we are.”

You were extremely touched by their words. Here you were moping and feeling sorry for yourself when these two sweet girls were out here facing something as strong and intimidating as anxiety and it was all for you? Were you worth that much? Personally you didn’t think so but you were touched and thankful all the same. Putting on a small smile of gratitude, you spoke up timidly,

“Well I appreciate you girls coming out today. I just hope I don’t end up being a party pooper.”

“Nonsense. Widow and I are happy to be here. Besides, we need some new clothes and I’m looking for a pair of nice sandals since the weather is finally getting nice. The blossoms are so beautiful!”

And so the three of you started your journey. First stop was one of the department stores that sold some pretty cute clothing. Especially since everyone was coming out with their Summer line since Spring was already here. Of course the first section you hit up was the clearance rack. Mostly it was stuff from Winter season but you didn’t care. One man’s trash was another man’s treasure.

“What about this one, Widow?”

You glanced up to see Mama Bird holding up a dress from the dwindling Spring Collection while Black Widow was holding up her phone so she could take a picture and send it to her boyfriend. Speaking of......

“Ouch! It bit me! Do you see that?! It bit me!”

“Oh will you calm down. He’s just barely old enough to be away from his mother’s milk. Like he could cause that much damage. You’re not even bleeding.”

Taehyung pouted as he held the squirming.....surprise.....in his arms. Him and Jimin were currently at the checkout line with items needed for this particular surprise. Just one piece of something much grander that would be waiting for you once the sun went down. If only you knew what was in store for you. The boys were more than excited for this. It had been a long long time since the pack was on such an important mission. Speaking of........

“What if red isn’t her color? Besides, isn’t it true that red ones are more likely to be pulled over?”

“Good point......So maybe stick with the classic black? Black is sexy, right?”

Namjoon glanced over at the employee who had been following him and Jin around for at least a good two hours. The poor guy deserved a raise after all of this but the boys just wanted to make sure they made the absolutely best choice for you. Money wasn’t an issue, it was just making sure they picked out something you’d like and could get behind.

“It’d be easier to buy her a ring. Can’t we just buy her jewelry? That’ll make her just as happy, right?”

“Do you want Jungkook to cut off your balls?”

Namjoon quickly turned to the male employee and raised a hand while saying casually, “My apologies for the choice of words.”

“No worries, man. As long as I make a sale today.”

Speaking of.......

“Oh my god! It’s gorgeous! Look at her, Widow! And it’s on sale!”

It took at least two department stores for the girls to convince you to steer away from the clearance racks that had practically nothing on them. In all honesty, they were right. There was nothing but extremely picked over winter clothing and who was going to wear that at this time of year? Not you. That’s for sure.

So there you stood outside the dressing room in a cute outfit handpicked by Mama Bird herself. Your cheeks turned warm in a blush as Black Widow took a picture. Seems she was taking her boyfriend’s conditions very seriously. It was kind of cute, really. It was more than obvious that she valued Taehyung’s opinion.

“Tae says it looks great!”

“Good. We were gonna buy it even if he didn’t like it. We’re just making him think he’s in charge of our wardrobes.”

Mama Bird’s words made all three girls laugh. Even you. It was true, getting out and shopping was definitely distracting you. There were a couple times you actually forgot about all your troubles. It was then you heard a heavy sigh that actually wasn’t your own.

“Tae wants me to look at lingerie. Shall we go there next and get it out of the way?”

“Might as well. I actually need some too. Jiminnie tore up my last set. I made him sleep on the couch that night.”

“Ouch. So did you.....”

“I left him hard as a rock.”

Both you and Widow made an “oooohhhh” sound along with matching winces. Honestly, from what you had learned so far about the sweet Mama Bird, that kind of behavior surprised you. That was when she explained that she had told Jimin time and time again to stop destroying her lingerie sets but he would never seem to listen. You supposed tearing clothing off his girl must have been a kink of Jimin’s. Part of you wanted to ask if the male had yet to learn his lesson.

“Pick something out for yourself too, girly. Something that will make Kook drool all over you.”

Needless to say, you literally choked on your own inhale and your own saliva at the same time. Clearing your throat after feeling Widow gently pat your back, you looked over at Mama Bird like she had grown two heads.

“W-What?”

“Oh come on. Haven’t you seen the way Jungkook looks at you?”

“I---N-No?”

You were honestly left speechless. What did they mean by that? What kind of looks was your coworker giving you? Sure Jungkook was being extremely nice right now but that was just.....well.....normal right? You looked between the girls and couldn’t tell if they were teasing you or what but it made you a bit uneasy.

“Well we think he has the hots for you. And besides. He’s a handsome guy who’s single and you’re a beautiful woman who’s single. Nothing wrong with having a little bit of fun, right?”

“Oh my gosh----guys----he’s my coworker. I don’t----We aren’t-----”

“Aigoo you’re so cute! Widow isn’t she adorable!?”

After helping you cool down from your blush, the two girls left you alone for a few minutes so that they could look for some lingerie of their own. You were pretty sure you had heard Mama Bird mumbling something about her next set being made of barbwire so that Jimin couldn’t destroy it. But you were pretty sure that would be a lose-lose situation for both of them. More like an ouch-ouch situation.

Being left to your own devices, you couldn’t stop thinking about what the girls had said. Did.....Could......Was it really possible that Jungkook thought of you in ways other than just a coworker? Was that why he was so eager to have you move in with him? You didn’t know what to think or how to feel. It was probably just the girls trying to play matchmaker. Yeah. That’s what you’d chalk it up to. Staring down at your phone, you decided to send the male a quick text.

You: Having fun doing guy stuff?

It was almost like he was waiting for you to text him as his reply came faster than you were expecting.

Jungkook: Yep! Having fun doing girl stuff?

You: It’s helping.

What were you supposed to say? Then again, you supposed you asked for that. Staring down at your phone screen at your own pitiful reply, you could see where the male was already typing something in response.

Jungkook: It’s going to get better. I promise. Soon.

“So who you texting? I’m sure it’s not Jungkook.”

“Yah. Leave me alone, Mama Bird!”

The two girls softly giggled at you as you blushed about three different shades of red and playfully swatted at them. Good gravy what were you? A teenager? With a huff, you stuffed your phone back in your purse and focused on finding a set of lingerie. Just one set couldn’t hurt.....right? Speaking of......

“How many should we get? One or two?”

Yoongi stood there looking bored out of his mind while watching Hoseok going over the display of decorative pillows with a fine tooth comb. To be honest, the shorter male didn’t see the point in them. They weren’t useful. Just for decoration. But his pack brother insisted you needed some nice touches to your new home.

“I say one.”

“I’m getting two, just to be safe.”

The platinum blonde saw that response coming from a mile away. Hoseok was so predictable in that way. Rolling his eyes when the younger wasn’t looking, the two pillows then got stuffed in the second cart. Yes. Hoseok had gotten just a little too carried away and the next thing they knew, one cart turned into two shopping carts. Speaking of........

“Ugh. Why don’t shopping malls have shopping carts available??? My hands are killing me. These bags are so heavy.”

“Girl. This ain’t a grocery store. We’ve not even started shoe shopping yet. You’ve got a long way to go.”

“Can’t we at least put these in the cars, first?”

“Good idea. Actually that’s a brilliant idea. I’m starting to see why Taehyung calls you Miss Korea. You’ve got the beauty and the brains.”

And that was when the three of you walked out to the parking lot to hunt down both Mama Bird’s and Black Widow’s cars. You felt a tinge of jealousy once more upon remembering that you in fact had no car. Again.....who would want to steal your car? Was it a target on your back or were you just the lucky winner of a random robbery? It continued to puzzle you as you carefully put your stuff in Black Widow’s trunk.

“On to shoe shopping! Ladieeesss....Forward, march!”

You were starting to genuinely feel better as each girl hooked one of their arms around yours so that you were sandwiched between them. Was this what it was like to have friends? Real friends? A small, real smile found it’s way onto your face as you thought about it. Maybe Jungkook was right. Maybe things would get better sooner than you thought. Speaking of........

The youngest male of the Bangtan pack paced around nervously as he listened to everything happening in his apartment. It smelled like paint fumes to high heaven but he could care less. They had gotten a lot done in such a short amount of time but there was much more to be done. He couldn’t thank his pack brothers enough. Hell, even some of the Lucky Seven pack members were here. And that was when he felt hands on his shoulders gently turning him around.

Yugyeom. He was the same age as Jungkook and therefore the two got along extremely well. Smiling in warm amusement, the male spoke in a teasing tone,

“Relax, Jungkookie. You’re going to wear out your floors before she even gets to enjoy them.”

“Oh my god! He peed on me! This is Gucci you just peed on!”

The two boys stared down the hallway and knew exactly what had happened. They both snickered and laughed before things grew slightly tense once more. Jungkook looked back over to his friend and saw that look on his face.

“What?”

“Are you going to ask her out or what?”

“Ah----I can’t do that right now. She just lost everything precious to her. She’s got to be overwhelmed right now. And besides, she might not even want to think about dating someone right now.”

“Good point. Well when you decide to make a move, let me know ahead of time. I know a really great restaurant you could take her to. She’d love it.”

“I don’t know. She’s not really into fancy things, from what I’ve gathered in just this morning. You should have seen the look on her face when I handed her my credit card. I’ve been monitoring the purchases and she’s got to be shopping nothing but clearance.”

“You’re lucky, then. My girl wants nothing but the newest and greatest. She’s lucky we make such good money together.”

Jungkook stared down at his phone. Anyone who was on the outside looking in could tell the poor boy was like a lovesick puppy wasting away in front of his phone waiting for his girl to either text him or give him a call.

“Jungkook. Come in and see what you think. We need opinions.”

Speaking of......

“Okay so I need opinions? What do you girls think? And no we’re not asking for Tae’s. What he don’t know won’t hurt him.”

You stared at the two girls as you showed them the pair of heels you were sporting. As much fun as you were having shopping for fun, you also needed to shop for work. Since all of your clothing including work clothes were now gone, you had nothing to wear for work Monday. Shoes included.

“I think they’re gorgeous. But are they comfortable? Heels kill my feet. Just saying.”

“Widow’s got a point. And! Walking up and down the shoe aisle is not the same as walking in them for seven hours. Gotta remember that too.”

You pouted as you realized they were both right and had excellent points. Man. Starting over was rough. All the heels you owned before had all been broken in and were pretty comfy. But now you had absolutely no shoes broken in and that was a beep to go through.

“Just go for some nice dressy sandals till you can break in some heels while walking around the apartment.”

“That’s a good idea, actually.”

“I got your back, girlfriend.”

“So after this, we’ve done dress shopping, lingerie shopping, shoe shopping......what else?”

You picked off the items with your fingertips while staring between the two girls. As you stood there in pause and mid counting, you could see Mama Bird giving Black Widow a particular look that caused the later to whine. At first you couldn’t understand what the problem was. But then it hit you. They were supposed to get manicures and pedicures sometime today.

“I can take a really long time finding some dressy sandals?”

“Yes. Please do. Take all the time in the world.”

Speaking of........

“Come on, hurry up. We don’t got all the time in the world here.”

Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t Jungkook who was being pushy. It was Taehyung. Some would say he was just grumpy that the ‘surprise’ had peeded on his Gucci brand sandals. Or maybe it was just Jimin saying that. Maybe. Possibly.

Furniture had been bought but now it needed to be put together. While Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jaebum worked on putting things like dressers and such together, Jungkook, Hoseok, and Yugyeom were working on making your bed look presentable. Jin and Jimin were working on the walls while Taehyung got to be babysitter and potty trainer of the ‘surprise’.

“Why can’t I help Jin hyung?”

“Because you suck with a paint brush. That’s why.”

Speaking of........

The three girls stood outside the nail salon. The only nail salon that didn’t have a waiting list a mile long. You glanced over to notice Black Widow tugging at her fingers nervously and gently reached out with a hand of your own to gently cover the fidgeting digits.

“Hey. It’s okay. We don’t have to do this.”

“But I don’t want to disappoint Taehyung.”

“You wouldn’t be doing this for Taehyung. You’d be doing this for yourself.”

Your words seemed to resonate with the black haired female for she glanced over at you with slightly wide eyes. Offering her a warm smile, you glanced over at their other gal pal and nodded before saying,

“We’ll support you no matter what. If you want to go in, we’ll be right there with you. And if you don’t want to go, we’ll find something else to do that’s just as fun.”

There was a long pause before......

“Will you tell them what I want?”

“As long as you pick out your colors.”

“Deal.”

Speaking of........

“Okay. I’ll take him if you help them with the mirror.”

“Deal. Here. He’s all yours.”

Jungkook playfully rolled his eyes as the second youngest of the Bangtan pack handed over the now very loud surprise. The male was pretty sure the poor thing needed fed again. Heading to the kitchen, he popped open the fridge door and dug out the jug of milk. Filling the eye dropper, he spook soothingly to the poor thing,

“There there. I’ll take care of you, little guy.”

As the youngest carefully fed milk through the eye dropper, he couldn’t help but turn into a nervous chatterbox once more; the little surprise probably being the only willing listener at this point.

“I hope your mama is happy to see you when she comes home. She’s been through a lot these last 24 hours. She lost everything, you know? Her home, her things, her car. Everything. But we’re going to make mama smile again, okay? You’ll help me, right little guy?”

‘You’ll make an amazing father to your pups, little one. The Moon Goddess would be pleased.’

Watching the little surprise practically inhale the milk from the dropper and listening to his inner wolf, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel a wide eye smile forming on his face. Perhaps he wouldn’t make such a bad dad?

Speaking of.......

“I’m telling you, Taehyung is going to want a soccer team. So you better prepare your pussy.”

“Oh my god did you just say that out loud???”

“I believe she did.”

Okay so maybe you were a little tipsy. The plan was to get you loosened up so you could forget about the major loss you had experienced several hours ago. But one drink turned into two and then three and yeah. The three of you were at a pretty decent restaurant that didn’t require reservations. Widow’s pick. As you ate dinner, the topic of the boys came up and how they’d all make great dads someday.

“I bet Miss Korea over here wouldn’t mind being Jungkookie’s baby mama.”

You nearly spat your cocktail back into the glass when you heard those words leave Mama Bird’s mouth. Blushing from more than just being tipsy, you took the cloth napkin and wiped your face a bit. Pouting cutely, you shook your head and said defiantly,

“No way. He probably has cooties or something. Besides, isn’t it true that he’s slept with every girl in the company building?”

The two girls paused like statues. Mama Bird was in the middle of taking a bite and Black Widow was about to take a sip of her own cocktail. Setting utensils and cups down, they looked at each other in extreme confusion before both looking at you for some kind of explanation.

“We’re sorry, what?”

“Well yeah......That’s the story, right? He just sleeps around, right? I mean I’m not judging but-----”

“Girl. I don’t know who you heard that from. But that’s not Jungkook. That’s Jackson. Jackson Wang.”

Jackson.........

AN HOUR LATER.....

“Thanks for everything, girls. I had a lot of fun today.”

“Not a problem. Widow and I were happy to spend time with you and get to know you.”

The three of you stood outside what apparently was Jungkook’s apartment door. You don’t remember it because you had passed out drunk the night before. Thankfully the girls knew his apartment number and how to get in with the tenant code. All of the shopping bags had been left out in the car with Black Widow claiming the guys could help pack it all up. What you didn’t understand was......what made Widow think all the guys were at Jungkook’s place?

With a couple knocks provided by Mama Bird, she announced they were back with all three credit cards in one piece before the door barely cracked open and out popped........Namjoon?

“Oh! Yes. Come on in. Join the party.”

Party?? What???

With a gentle nudge from the girls behind you and Namjoon opening the door all the way, you stumbled a bit not only from the alcohol in your system, but from confusion and being caught off guard.

“Surprise!”

The chorus confused you even more as streamers flew everywhere and noises were made. Blinking and looking around in confusion, you could now see where Jungkook’s entire living room had been decorated as if to......

Welcome someone home......

Tears immediately sprang up around your eyes as you took in the ‘WELCOME HOME’ banner and some of the boys wearing those cheesy party hats. You even noticed some envelopes and small gift bags were all huddled up together on the coffee table. All of this was.....for you?

“Guys......I........I don’t know what to say.”

“Oh it’s not over yet. We’ve got------”

But Hoseok was interrupted by a sound that was high in pitch and had your heart and stomach both doing flip flops. Looking all around, you watched something extremely small waddling and even stumbling out of the hallway. You first let your mouth hang open but then quickly covered both your mouth and nose with both hands as you watched......

“His name is Swiper. Because he tries to swipe the other cat’s treats and he’s orange like Swiper the Fox. You know----From Dora the Explorer. We picked him up at the local cat cafe on the corner.”

“Not to mention he took several swipes at me. And peed on me. Little monster.”

By this point, the two girls had joined the party and Namjoon had closed and locked the door. Black Widow was playfully hitting her mate’s arm as he was being his usual dramatic self while Jimin and Mama Bird snickered at his pain.

You on the other hand, you had since then gently picked up the tiny kitten and was cradling him in your hands. He was so tiny. Perhaps he was the runt of his liter. You didn’t care. He was precious. And you couldn’t help but notice he was orange. More tears rolling down your face, you looked up and singled out the one person in the crowd who knew. You knew it had to have been him.

“Jungkookie.”

You hated how your voice cracked. In front of all these people. As you struggled to keep yourself together. The male who had been singled out quickly approached you and it was almost like he was trying to curtain you from the audience that had accumulated in the room.

“I hope you like him.”

“Pabo. I love him. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know. And I know Swiper can’t replace Garfield. And he’s not going to. Now you have Garfield and Swiper.”

“Jungkook----”

“Shhh. I know. I know. It’s a lot. I didn’t want to overwhelm you but I just couldn’t help it. You lost everything and.....I just wanted to give it all back to you.”

You were now bawling as you carefully cradled the tiny orange kitten to your chest and Jungkook cradled you to his. He smiled sheepishly at everyone but they just gave smiles and nods of understanding. He knew this was probably way over the top and not what you were ready for but he just.....couldn’t help it. Gently pulling you away from his chest, he looked down at you and gently wiped your tears away with his sleeve before saying softly,

“There’s only two more surprises left.”

“Good gravy. Only two?”

“I know. But I think you’ll like them both.”

“It’s pretty hard to top this surprise, Kookie.”

He chuckled; glad that you truly loved Swiper. Admittedly, he wasn’t one for cats but that was just in his canine nature. However, if this little kitten made you this happy, then he could be happy with felines too. Hell, cats loved Jimin. So maybe this kitten will love Jungkook too.

“Come on, kid. Show her the room so we can head out of here. It’s past my bedtime.”

“Yeah, Yoongi hyung needs his beauty sleep.”

Rolling his eyes, the youngest smiled down at you before gently guiding you down the hall with Swiper still safely in your hands and napping peacefully against your chest; just like a human baby. Standing in front of a door you don’t remember seeing, you felt and watched Jungkook reach around you to open the door and you just about hit the floor in shock.

It was beautiful.

A room fit for a modern princess. Soft cream and pale pink colors all blending together perfectly. Canopy bed with shimmering transparent fabrics hanging everywhere. A beautiful vanity set with a huge mirror mounted to the wall. A desk made of beautiful wood painted white and a white leather executive chair to match. An elegant closet and dresser were both made of the same white wood. You had the perfect view of the city too with the help of the one outside glass wall that the apartment building possesses.

“I-----I-----”

“Go ahead. Walk in. This is yours now.”

With a gentle push from Jungkook, you managed to get your feet working as you carefully walked into the room. It was absolutely beautiful. Sure the paint fumes lingered a bit but that didn’t bother you in the least. You were speechless at best. How could you even begin to say anything that came close to a proper thank you? This really truly was overwhelming but.....Yeah. Your mind and heart were on overload.

“I think we broke her, Kook.”

“She can’t do that yet. We’ve got one last surprise for her.”

You perked up when you heard Jaebum of all people speak up about one last surprise. Honestly, you were kind of glad it was the last one because you weren’t sure your heart could take much more. Not that you were ungrateful. In fact, you were more than grateful and you couldn’t believe your heart hadn’t exploded with gratitude yet.

“Come on. We gotta go outside for this one. Oh. And you’ll need this. But don’t look inside yet.”

You were handed a small gift bag and ended up handing it to Jungkook because you weren’t about to let go of the precious baby kitten in your arms. No way. Everyone actually found it quite cute and amusing but you just pouted down at the little one as he looked up at you with his small head but huge round eyes; mewling softly up at you. You were definitely in love.

Once outside, you were gently forced to trade with Jungkook as you handed him Swiper and he handed you the gift bag. Reluctantly taking your eyes off the orange kitten, you stared down at the gift bag and noticed how everyone was waiting tensely. You couldn’t help but notice even the girls were tense with anticipation......they knew about all of this too???

“What......are these???”

“Don’t ask such a silly question. Hit the unlock button.”

With a mixture of a pout and glare both, you huffed at Yoongi’s response but did as you were told and hit the unlock button on the key fob. Some of the guys softly chuckled collectively when you jumped a bit as the vehicle next to you lit up. Confused, you tested the key set again and hit the unlock button only to see the vehicle’s lights yet again flash; indicating that it was unlocked. Walking around it in a full circle, you exclaimed louder than you meant to,

“You got me a Hyundai Palisade?!!?”

[polar-stars]

5, 6, 7, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 for Takayuki Hojo and Mika Aldini please? (Hope you don't mind me asking a second time)

I don’t mind at all ! I absolutely love answering these :DDD

Thank you so much for the ask !

Takayuki

5. Is there any significance behind their hair color? 

I wanted his big sister to be the blonde one, which made me give Takayuki his purple hair almost automatically. I also thought it suits him more since he’s the more serious one out of the Hojo-siblings anyway. Also, given that he was introduced and described before Suzume was, I think his surname plus his hair color very quickly truly established him as Miyoko’s son. 

6. Is there any significance behind their eye color? 

He got Miyoko’s hair color which meant, I would give him Terunori’s eye color and I kind off like the combination a lot. 

7. Is there any significance behind their height? 

ashdAHDFJFGGF Takayuki is 1.57 m by the way and weLP. Making Takayuki a shortie was originally mostly my major way of establishing who his father is ahdhd as Terunori is definitely the most notable, male character in Shokugeki who is short. So I thought introducing a purple-haired, very short male + Terunori’s brown eyes would quickly give away that he’s Terunori’s and Miyoko’s son.

Also….I want to make my height-jokes. Lots and lots of height-jokes. Which also comes with another plus that Takayuki is very entertaining when angry so giving him a topic he’s especially sensitive about, is also just a good add-on for comedy. 

15. What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

His outbreaks of anger mostly. Hotheads are fun to draw and to write for me and Takayuki is a goldmine in that regard. It’s also a lot of fun when you pair a hothead with a calmer, more laidback character which is a purpose that both Suzume and Kazuo can fulfill. 

16. What is something about your OC can make you cry? 

He gets compared to Suzume quite a lot and people tend to point out that his achievements thus far are not as grand as Suzume’s back when she was his age. Also many students of Totsuki just see him as Suzume’s little brother and nothing else. 

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

He made something very spicy again in Trainings Camp, despite him learning in his Shokugeki against Kimiko that he shouldn’t be only focused on that. And he won’t be anymore, but meep…I could have portrayed that a lot, a lot, a lot better in Trainings Camp. (Autumn Election Premlins, I won’t fail you I hope)

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC? 

He plays World of Warcraft (a game that me, Lea, barely knows anything about because she does not like Multiplayer-Anything but YEET). He plays a Pandaren and his favorite expansion is “Mists of Pandaria” because of course it is (it’s also my favorite expansion but its kinda also the only one I watched a Let’s Play of so)

Faction-wise, I honestly don’t know. I can very well see him play for the Alliance as well as the Horde, tbqh. So I still gotta think about that. 

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

What a loyal and good friend he can be. He can be hard to befriend, as his temper and his often way too quick judgement do make him bit of a jerk sometimes but he’s not in anyway truly ill-intended. And usually with Kazuo, Takayuki’s protectiveness, loyalty and care show the best. The moment you attack Kazuo, you’ll be attacked back by Takayuki. Plus, while he does roll his eyes a lot at Kazuo’s overblown romantic ideas, he does still attempt to fulfill the role as wingman and genuinely hopes his best buddy will get with Mika, even if Takayuki does not particularly like her at first. 

Mika Aldini

5. Is there any significance behind their hair color?

Mika is a fanchild where I did not really have two options like with all the others ahshd With her it was clear that she was going to be blonde, given that both Takumi and Ikumi are. All what it really came down to was which shade of blonde it will be and it became Ikumi’s blonde because I decided for Takumi’s eye color for Mika’s eyes. 

6. Is there any significance behind their eye color?

Now here I had a real choice: blue or green. Though I really didn’t think all too long about this question and rather quickly decided on Takumi’s blue eyes. A. I think its a very beautiful shade of blue, B. Hiroshi had already been designed and I liked to connect the two Aldini cousins through their similar eye-colors much like their brothers were before them. 

7. Is there any significance behind their height?

Mika is 1.65 m (taller than her mom at her age) tall. Out of the three main girls (the others being Kimiko, ofc, and Kaori) it makes her the tallest as Kimiko is 1.63 m and Kaori is 1.61 m. I mean, given that its just centimeters we’re talking about here, its not really all that noticeable but I still like the idea of Mika being the tallest of the three ovo. Their moms have a similar height-relationship btw, with Ikumi being the tallest out of Ikumi, Erina and Hisako and Hisako being the shortest one. 

15. What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

Mainly what also made me laugh mostly about her father. Just the constant challenges towards Kimiko and how easily embarrassed she can be when something is not going according her plan, or when Hiroshi calmly sets her straight. 

Her temper is also fun, but I think I established by now that I generally find hot temper fun. 

16. What is something about your OC can make you cry?

The fact that I can’t decide on an end game for her and both of their options have their fans. 

Her crush on Hiraku, because Mika deserves better. Also I won’t treat this unrequited crush as some joke to laugh about like poor Ikumi’s crush on Soma was constantly portrayed. There will be some comedic moments related to her crush sure, but they won’t be about the fact that Hiraku does not feel the same way but rather Mika’s own attempts of keeping it a secret at all cost in front of people who clearly know. (I hope that makes sense)

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

The love-triangle kind off a little bit ahshDHD Because now I can’t decide of who will actually be her end game. 

Think is, I initially had settled with an option, but then the other option started gaining fans as well and now I am just like ovo;;; Because I honestly also like both. 

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

The Italian Cuisine RS basically runs after her, begging her to join but she stays faithful to the Don RS. 

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

I think how strong and soft she is at the same time. She’s fiery, confident and battle-hearted and she will not back away from any challenge presented to her. Mika truly has spine. When it comes to the matters of heart, she’s insanely girly in her ideas about it while also very shy about it at the same time. And I find that side of her very endearing, even though it can be a factor that can hurt her. Combined with her strength, she will stand up again. 

[prairiechzhead]

Poldark S3 US Ep 5/UK Ep 6

Let’s see if my opinions from this post by @poldarkpodcast​ still hold up. 

First, a disclaimer. I rewatch the DVD I have and then I write most of this post. Then I watch the PBS broadcast to reconcile the full UK episode I’ve been watching and their edited for time US broadcast, because there is always the chance that something I referenced in my original post was edited out of the US broadcast. 

More answers than you can shake a toad at after the jump. 

What did you think of this week’s episode? 

For me, it was so-so. I didn’t hate it, but I wasn’t left ugly-crying like I was after last week’s episode.

The previous episode was full of action and feels and all the things. This one was not as exciting. But that’s not a bad thing because this episode both signals a wind down from Black Moon story lines and a shift into the Four Swans story arcs. 

Your favourite scene? Why? Basically any scene where Aunt Agatha threw shade at George. Also I loved the discussion between Dwight and Caroline at the end of the show. I think it captured both how each was feeling (in regards to Dwight’s PTSD) and showed that understanding each other is the key to dealing with this. When someone has a mental illness, the family has to deal with it, too, and more often than not, there isn’t much support for them.

I’ve been binge-listening to an older version of the audio book for Black Moon. (Basically, someone ripped it from a CD.) When the narrator is doing Aunt Agatha’s voice, he makes her sound like Gollum, especially when she’s talking about planning her birthday party. This has nothing to do with the scenes in the show, or which ones I like. It’s an observation I wish to share. 

One of my favorite scenes though, is a very short one with Agatha and George, where George is looking at Valentine in his cradle and Agatha makes a remark about being bullied and why George was bullied as a child. It wasn’t that he was poor, but it was because he was trying to deny his humble roots. She mentioned Valentine’s having rickets. 

Another one was that brief moment when Agatha gave Whitworth the stink eye towards the end of the episode. 

Least favourite scene? Why? Ossie’s toe sucking scene. If I were to ever consider toe sucking as a kink, this scene basically ruined it for me. That image of his porcine, red face with someone else’s toes in his mouth and then making the same sounds I do whenever I eat tiramisu will forever be seared on my brain. I can never “unknow” that this exists on film.

Three months later and its still gross. 

Shockingly, PBS left the toe sucking scene (or most of it) in the episode. They did edit out most of Ossie’s orgasm noises, though. 

It’s just as disgusting as it was the first time. See? 

I’m not into kink-shaming. But this never, ever makes me want to participate in this kink, either giving or receiving ever. Is it possible to gouge out your mind’s eye? 

Favourite new character? Why?

There were no new characters in this episode, but my favorite character was Aunt Agatha and her sassiness.

Her excitement over planning her 100th birthday party is one of the joys of this episode. 

Least favourite new character? Why?

George and his stupid, over-the-top, “Ross is behind every bad thing that ever happens to me” paranoia. If “When George blames Ross for something that goes wrong in George’s life” is not already part of the Poldark Drinking Game, it should be. I can handle that he does things to hurt others if it means personal gain for him. I’m tired of how the writers are having his main motivation always be trying to one-up Ross, rather than stay with his main motivation being his insecurity as it is in the novels.

My thoughts on this haven’t changed and I addressed it last week. As over the top as it is, it’s building to something in the season finale. At the time I wrote this, I did not know it. 

What made you cheer?

Zacky’s promotion to mine captain. While I am sure that there is no one in Cornwall who wishes that it had to happen because Henshawe died, I’m also sure that everyone will agree that Zacky earned it.

This time, I’m going to cheer over the fact that PBS edited out most of Ossie’s orgasm noises when he was sucking on that prostitute’s toes. 

For what it’s worth, PBS cut out Zacky’s promotion scene. Not happy about that. 

What made you want to throw things at the television/computer screen?

George blackmailing Morwenna into marrying Reverend Toesucker to keep Drake from the noose. Then having Drake find out about this the way he did. I know it’s for Drama™, but to me, it seemed way too over-the-top. The only thing that was missing was a mustache for George to twirl as he gloated over this.

This plot point was changed from the novel. Winston Graham likes to spring things on the reader and the characters, but in an understated way. One example is in the book Demelza with Julia’s death. We (the reader) don’t learn she died until Demelza’s fever broke. She asks to see Julia and Ross tells her that Julia was asleep or something like that. Then Ross wonders how he should break the news to Demelza that their daughter died. It was the same with Morwenna’s marriage. 

Novel Spoilers:

The wedding was held while Drake was in France, but neither Drake, Ross, nor the readers learned of this until after they returned. Then we learn the details. The engagement between Whitworth and Morwenna was never technically broken and she was not coerced into marrying Ossie as a condition of Drake’s release. Basically, George and Elizabeth lied to her about sending her home and releasing Ossie from the engagement. Elizabeth came to Morwenna on a Sunday and basically told her that the Whitworths were coming to Trenwith and there would be a wedding whether she liked it or not. Morwenna was misled and forced into marriage with this man, because George had dropped the charges against Drake. Because of the times and the circumstances, Morwenna was trapped. 

The audio book narrator in the version I’m listening to who is doing Elizabeth’s voice makes Elizabeth sound especially creepy in this section. 

So to a reader of the novels, the way they handled this would seem over the top. However, given how it was handled in the novels, the “I’ll let Drake go if you marry Ossie” ploy is actually less icky and makes Elizabeth and George look like way better people than how they looked in the books. It also makes Morwenna look like she’s making a sacrifice for her true love rather than be forced into a marriage to a horrible man because it’s the 18th century and she has no say in it at all. 

Most of Caroline’s reaction to Dwight’s PTSD, but particularly the line “why are you being so girly” was cut. People had taken exception with this originally last summer, because she was “insensitive”. Her reaction to his PTSD is correct for that time and place. You cannot expect someone in the 18th century to know how to react based upon the knowledge we have in the 21st century. There is no way she could know how she is supposed to react. 

Another “throw things” moment is the toad storyline. In the novels, it was a prank. On the show, it’s way too over the top. They gave George a phobia that seems to be the result of being bullied, so it’s not quite as funny as it was intended. 

In the novels, George did do some impressive mental gymnastics to try and pin the toad prank on Ross, though.

What was your performance of the week?

Caroline Blakiston as Aunt Agatha. She gave us the perfect blend of sassy shade-throwing, serious advice giving when it was needed, and sheer joy when she talked of her party.

I also would say that Elise Chappel deserves a nod for her portrayal of Morwenna in this episode. I do feel her pain. 

So to both ladies...

Any other observations you wish to share with us!

We’re over halfway through the season now. At this point, I think season 3 is okay. However, the more I watch it, the more I pick up on things I may have missed the first few times I watched, and my opinion on it will change. Because of so many new characters and story lines, it may have been better in retrospect, if they’d done only Black Moon for season 3. Then perhaps they could have taken the time to tell the story properly and without it feeling choppy at times and rushed.

I still think they should have only done Black Moon for all of Season 3. Then there would have been enough time to give to those storylines. By doing this, Four Swans, which is basically where this episode falls (with a few storylines not yet finished from Black Moon thrown in), would be all of Season 4. Then we would be guaranteed a Season 5, which would be Angry Tide, and then they could end the entire show with Angry Tide. 

They used the same exact footage of Ross riding into the gates of Trenwith and dismounting from his horse twice in this episode. First, when he visited Agatha and second, when he went to see George over Drake’s arrest for theft. 

Something I’ve wondered about the PBS broadcast:

How come Darlene Shiley always gets to personally tell us how much she loves drama and Masterpiece, but Conrad Prebys and Debbie Turner don’t? Why? 

Next Time: Oh this episode will be a doozy. It has been 3 months since it aired in the UK and I still haven’t been able to rewatch this. 

[rachelthompsonauthor]

Unexpected Triggers 

It was an ordinary exam. Something I’d experienced goodness knows how many times before, considering I’m in my fifties and have had two children. Something you learn just being a woman and especially after having children: your private parts aren’t really private. The medical staff is all up in there, checking this and that. And you learn, as a woman, that that’s just how it is. They’re doing their job.

For most women, these types of yearly exams run from mildly annoying to just get it over with – regardless, it’s something we have to do. For some who are shy, it’s embarrassing, yet they get through it. For others who are pretty comfortable with their bodies and sexuality, no big deal.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I’ve learned to mentally prep myself: I’ve had babies. All manner of medical staff have been up in my girlie parts. So my prep is: deal with it.

Minimizing and dismissing my own discomfort is my go-to. It’s how I push through.

So, when I recently had to have a vaginal ultrasound (welcome to menopause!), I did my usual prep: just get through it. I wasn’t prepared, however, for how uncomfortable it would be. I didn’t prep for the pain. Don’t get me wrong: the pain wasn’t unbearable, and the tech was as gentle as she could be. In fact, she kept apologizing, “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” When I asked her ‘How many times a day do you say that?’ she chuckled. “About a thousand.” Poor thing. What a job, man.

I didn’t dissociate during the exam. I used my deep breathing. I used my mantras (You are safe. You are good. You are loved.) to help me focus. I didn’t freak out at all. In other words, I coped. 

And I was fine. I’m always fine. Til I got in my car and began shaking and crying. My guy texted me: Are you okay, baby?

Coping With Triggers 

And, of course, then I lost it. I called him crying hysterically. He knows me so well, speaking soothing, quiet words til I was calm enough to drive straight home. The cascade of cortisol and whatever else still coursing through my body, migraine blowing up – I drove carefully home, my love meeting me at the door with cold water and a warm blanket. He walked me to a cozy nest of blankets and tucked me in with my kitty cats.

Where I promptly crashed for several hours. My reaction to stress. Sleep.

Speaking to my therapist a few days later, I told her I was perplexed by my reaction. I’d never reacted that way to an internal exam before, and lord knows how many I’ve had that were uncomfortable, including biopsies and even two births – I mean, talk about pain, right?

And – trigger warning – I was not penetrated when I was abused (one of the reasons my family and even I tended to minimize and dismiss the abuse until we learned later that penetration isn’t the only qualifier to CSA) – so why this one time did I have this reaction?

Talking it through, she said it was likely how vulnerable the exam made me feel.

I couldn’t move, get up or leave (or at least, I felt I couldn’t), which is how I felt when my abuser abused me. So, my parasympathetic nervous system went right back to those memories – it wasn’t conscious on my part. Thanks, PTSD.

My amygdala took over, and that flood of chemicals rushed in. Want to know all about the brain and sexual assault? Read Jim Hopper’s site. Jim is a neuropsychologist and founding board member of 1in6.org.

I logically knew what happened. Yet at that moment, there’s no making sense of it. It’s all chemical.

via The Daily Cardinal

(Aside: I recently read a story in the LA Times about a professional woman who was detained by TSA and strip-searched. Her past abuse came flooding back during the search and she completely broke down. The complete lack of support she’s receiving as a survivor and PTSD sufferer is galling to me, with people calling her a snowflake, etc. The comments enrage me. The ignorance about abuse and its effects on the brain is one of society’s biggest issues.)

My therapist asked: would I have had this reaction if my guy had gone with me? He helps me to feel safe. He’s protective, which is honestly something I’ve never had in a relationship and something I treasure now. I deserve it, after all these years of feeling unsafe. My answer: I would have had him go with me if I thought, knew, imagined I would’ve reacted this way. I never had in the past. He would have gladly gone and held my hand.

Now I know that I was triggered by this situation this one time, I logically know it doesn’t mean I will always react the same way and therefore, must avoid it. My health is too important. This reaction is not one I expected since I’ve always been fine before. (And yes, I’ve shared with my gynecologist that I’m an abuse survivor. It’s in my notes. The tech herself said she was aware and was gentle as she could be. They did nothing wrong.)

Learning From Triggers 

Here’s what I learned about myself as a survivor: triggers happen, and I don’t always know when or if they’ll happen again in a similar situation. It doesn’t mean I run away from them or avoid all situations where they’re likely to happen again. It’s good to be aware of what causes us to have triggers, and it’s also okay to avoid situations that can trigger us for awhile if we need to.

I won’t ignore my health, though.

Lesson: Going forward, I will remind the tech or nurse or doc again, and again if I need to, that I’m a survivor. As an advocate and someone who is vocal about my past abuse, it’s not always easy for me to have these conversations, either. But we MUST advocate for ourselves, survivor friends.

And it’s okay to take someone with us! It’s okay to admit that we can be triggered by vulnerable situations. If you know that these exams can be difficult for you and you don’t have someone to go with you, ask for a nurse or assistant to hold your hand.

It’s okay. 

Example: I dissociated last summer at a hot, crowded event. So I avoid hot, crowded events. That’s a logical reaction to a past trigger. Will I always and forever avoid hot, crowded events? Not sure. For now, that’s the best self-care option for me. However, if I do go to an event like that again, I’ll have a plan in place.

That’s not feasible in every life situation. I got through my reaction. I’ll get through it again.

I’ve survived worse.

  Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available now on Amazon.

The post This Is What Abuse Survivors Can Learn From Triggers appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

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