#especially in amy's self destruction

[dw-flagler]

funny how much victoria places squarely on the shoulders of tattletale. she COULD HAVE STOPPED THE ENDBRINGERS AT ANY TIME but she DIDN’T just so that leviathan could KILL MY FAMILY. honey you sound insane.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Nexus To The Next Life

summary - the cdc was supposed to be the start of continuing life, however after jenner has revealed that the haven of which you had travelled to is going to self destruct, you endure a battle with yourself. to stay and die quickly, or leave and possibly die slowly (1.2k)

warnings - mentions of death/ bad childhoods/ trauma/ suicide, angst, pregnancy

daryl dixon + norman reedus works main masterlist

This world was not for the weak, and that was exactly how you felt. Incapable, useless, and worst of all, a burden that would result in the survivors of your camp being killed.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to live, because you definitely did, however you knew that your predicament would make you vulnerable, and possibly walker chow. Images of having your intestines knitted out of your stomach haunted you every night, it was your greatest fear, and you felt as though it was what your future held.

The life inside of you was the greatest gift that you had ever received from the universe, if the world hadn’t changed you wouldn’t have had any qualms regarding the pregnancy that you were faced with, however the past was a mere dream now, and instead you were sustained to a reality of endless dead and walking corpses.

You had seen enough people die, especially recently when the unexpected hoard had stumbled upon the camp, watching as their lifeless bodies transformed into unrecognisable monsters. Andrea had insisted to allow her Amy to remain free from an impact to the brain, she wanted to watch her become something that she wasn’t, so that it was easier to execute her as she lay on the dirty ground.

But nothing was easier, not since the risk of death rose greatly around you, trapping you in an almost inescapable corner. Nor how you dreaded the worst imaginable scenario in your head; that this baby inside of you would never have a chance to breathe in the world, or in an even worse case, they were tore limb from limb by the stained bones of rotted teeth.

At first you harboured no qualms in regards to supporting and protecting the little life that you had created, the world had been a sufficient definition of normal then, you and Daryl had partook in the intimacy to reach your aim of finally becoming parents, moving past the fears that you had shared, but now you only had more.

Jenner wanted you all to die within these impenetrable walls alongside him, suicidally surrendering to the haunting life that remained on the outside, insisting that this was a more humane way to leave the earth. With dignity, painless, selfless. And the last thing that you wanted to do was bring any suffering to your baby Dixon, and so you were intrigued, chewing silently upon your lip as your comrades struggled to break out of the secure and logistically locked room.

The CDC was supposed to have been your haven, you had struggled with losses to reach the facility, and here you were, most likely to be dust when the explosive timer eventually was barren of spare minutes. You felt guilty, and absolutely petrified. The leap through your constructing worries that you had previous to the much evident outbreak had caused you to suffer from the ambient reality that was before you and just so.

The world you were in hadn’t quite condemned you and Daryl into being fit parents, and worst of all, it would be impossible to protect the bundle of joy that you envisioned in your future from the harsh obstacles that stood strong and in your way.

Escaping would in fact not keep the growing baby safe, it would just delay the inevitable, and as much as you wished to make the most of every second that you were walking around with the child that you had always dreamed of having in your stomach, it wouldn’t be a fair life to bring him or her into. It was clear what you had to do, and that was stay so that the creation that you utmost adored never experienced this dystopia of unpredictable carnage and inescapable death.

Daryl was experiencing an entire palette of emotions, he was violently outraged, he was undeniably scared, and he was insistent that he would get his priorities out and away from the crossfire. It didn’t matter that he had been apprehensive at first to impregnate you with his southern spawn, you and the child were all that mattered, and he would fight his way out in order for your little growing family to escape.

He wouldn’t be like his father, he would go to any length to ensure that the life inside you continued to thrive, despite the ravenous dispute the streets of the world was crawling with. Nothing would happen to the baby or you, he was insistent to make sure of it. “Hey, we’re gonna get outta ‘ere.” Daryl though that he was soothing you, coiling you in an embrace of reassurance as you conflictingly shook, endorsed with the aspects of options that lay before you.

Your trustworthy partner tugged desperately at your hand when Jenner surrendered to his merciful containment of your group, opening the doors to the room so that you could all attempt to escape from the inevitable doom that was increasing by the second upon the facility. Jacqui stood motionless, defiant on staying. And then Andrea did, and thus Dale confirmed that he would not leave her side, as he cared deeply for her, and you could see a father and daughter like relationship between the two.

It was decided, they were going to be defiled by the mass explosion that would wash over the building, and the remainder were in a stern hurry to leave, and run to any possible escape route. Although Daryl insistently used physical touch to convince you to rush as well to leave with the limited time left, you could feel a build up of tears well within your eyes, each arguing emotion drowning out of you. “I-I, I’m gonna stay, D.” You stated quietly, and his eyes bulged shockingly out of his head, glaring you down with a brash interest of devising against your words.

You didn’t mean it, he thought, watching as the silhouettes of your apocalyptic surviving comrades disappeared from the grey shadowed room. “C’mon sunshine, we really gotta go. Ya ain’t stayin’ here,” he paused for simply a second, reaching to place his opposing palm against your inhabited stomach, “neither of you are. Don’ think ya should stay here, our baby deserves a chance to live, no matter how high the stakes are.” He too mirrored your woeful expression, and you all but shattered at witnessing it.

If you remained in the CDC, he would no doubt do the same, being blown to loyal smithereens, and if you did push him with dire conviction to go and follow after the others, then he would be poisoned with endless grief from losing not just you, but the child that he had fought so hard to be ready to create. Without words you nodded, still quivering as your lips trembled, allowing him to lead you on route to a life where you all had the possibility of being a family, an alive one.

No matter what would happen, you would at least know that you tried, to make a life for the unborn gift that would give you joy for years to come, if you were to make it that far of course. And after you had dodged the fiery destruction, you finally felt a spark of hope as you managed to drive away, slowly past the meandering walkers that perked their heads up at the sound of the RV’s reverberating engine.

[darkmatters-ghost]

Shadamy week - Day 4: Power Swap

Get ready for a cliche chonker of a oneshot! I had a whole list of each tarot card and what they meant but when I was adjusting the length almost all of them got the guillotine.

"Sorry, Amy, but I can't find anything wrong."

"What do you mean? Can't you feel it?"

The universe decided to be loud that morning. There wasn't a better way to describe it. When she had woken up that morning the world was buzzing terribly loudly. Combine that with the feeling of dread hanging in the air and it was a one way ticket to an emergency tarot reading.

Which was interesting to say the least. The first three out of five cards were all bad cards. Cards with implications of destruction and difficult trials. It made her feel like there was something she needed to fix in the world, or a test she needed to pass. 

The last two...

"Umm, no..." She could read tails like a book, he felt bad that he couldn't give her a good answer.

"But it's so loud!"

"I'm sorry, but I just can't hear it. I could run another diagnostic if you want?"

She nodded. The fuzz in the air around her was getting louder. And she couldn't help but curl inwards to protect herself.

So Tails turned his swivel chair back to the large computer screen from before. She watched Tails tinker with dozens of different graphs and measurements. Eggman's recent known activity, the flow of time, chaos energy in the vicinity. There were so many that she wondered how so much data could possibly be useful.

"Huh... That's odd."

She perked up, "What? What is it!?" Maybe this is what she needs to fix!

"Well, according to my readings, there's a bit more chaos energy in this area than there should be."

"Does chaos energy change like that often?"

Tails shook his head. "Almost never. The only time it fluctuates like this is if we have a chaos Emerald," he hesitated. "Or when Shadow is nearby."

Shadow..? "Why does he emit chaos energy?" She asked.

Tails opened his mouth to respond, but someone else beat him to it.

"I work with chaos powers." They both jumped and turned to the open garage door. Shadow, in all his glory, was standing there. Giving his usual 'somewhat unamused' expression. "Not to mention that most of my body is chaos energy transformed into matter."

"Hi shadow!" Amy smiled. Shadow was nicer than people give him credit for. Then she hesitated, looking at him closer as he walked in. He seemed... Pale. Was he okay?

"U-uh, yeah!" Tails said. "You're just in time for... Whatever Amy is dealing with."

 Shadow noticed her looking at him and turned towards Tails in defiance. "I'm not here to investigate Amy's personal issues. I'm here because I have my own."

Amy couldn't decide if Shadow was respecting her privacy or just being self-absorbed. She preferred the first one.

"Well, what is it?" Tails asked.

It took a moment before Shadow was willing to answer. "The world is quiet."

"What?" That- that couldn't be his response, right? 'The world is quiet'. That couldn't be more inaccurate.

"Um," Tails began, "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, that the usual feeling of life around me is quiet. Too quiet to be me overlooking it."

Tails was still confused, and Shadow noticed. He sighed. "There's this... fuzz in the world. The air the plants, people, everything has it. It's not always the same intensity, since it depends on what is nearby, but it's always there. I've felt it my whole life, it feels wrong for it to just disappear overnight."

Tails hummed. A hand on his chin. "The only thing I can think of that matches that description is when I went Super. Perhaps it's chaos energy you're feeling. Or- not feeling."

"Hmm."

"Actually," Amy perked up. "I know what he's talking about!" They both looked at her, making her instantly regret the urge to speak up. It was especially bad when Shadow stared at her with those ruby red eyes. It was intimidating.

"I-I didn't know you went Super, Amy,' Tails said quietly.

'I haven't exactly..." She started messing with frills on her skirt. She had chosen lilac because it's known as a calming color, but it didn't feel like it was working. She shook her head. Don't be cliche, Amy! We've talked about this. "When I woke up this morning, I felt like every inch of my house was buzzing. The world was buzzing. And it... was scary. It didn't help when it came along with the bad... uh, energy today."

"That... doesn't make sense," Shadow said. 

Amy huffed. "You don't believe my story? Wh-"

"No, I believe you. You're too smart for this." Shadow complimenting her was not something she was expecting, and her train of thought came to a grinding stop. He looked surprised by himself too, but it was gone so quicky that she doubted it was ever there.

"I'm saying, that it's strange to take my ability to sense chaos energy, and give it to you. "Who or what would want to do that? Why that power? Why us? Why now?"

"That's a good point." She looked at his face again, trying to be subtle. He still looked pale.

"Why... are you doing that?" The sound in his voice was a mixture of anger, genuine confusion and... Fear? He wasn't nearly as easy to read as Tails, but she was going to try.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Huh? What does that have anything to do with it?" She stepped closer to see him better. Now only a foot or two apart. He was acting antsy. Fidgety, even.

"It has everything to do with it!" Tails said.

He sighed and looked away from Amy. Even taking a tiny step back. "Admittedly, I feel very light headed."

Tails perked up. "Oh! That could explain things! This is just an idea, b- well, theory, or hypothesis, or-"

"Spit it out, Fox."

"Right. It wouldn't make sense for someone to take that specific power, so who's to say they only took one?"

Amy and Shadow looked at each other.

"Shadow is largely made of chaos energy, but he uses his own chaos energy all the time, so he shouldn't be feeling this..."

Shadow picked up where Tails left off. "You're implying that they took more of my power than we think. All of my power, and gave it to Amy Rose." Tails nodded. "Why?"

Tails shrugged. "To get you out of your element, I guess. If you're busy trying to figure your powers, then whoever did this has extra time to do whatever they want."

"But, what if I didn't have his powers? That's more likely, right?" Asked Amy.

"Well, Both of you summon an attack outside and we'll see if it works."

Neither Shadow or Amy could argue with that logic. And outside they went.

Tails had a large runway for his plane, so they didn't need to worry about plants and animals being in danger.

Amy grinned. "I'll go first!" With a motion she'd done a thousand times over, she flicked her wrist to pull her hammer out of the ether.

But nothing happened.

She laughed nervously, and tried again.

Nothing happened. She glanced to Shadow who had a concerned look in his eyes.

"Uhh..." No! She couldn't let Shadow see her weak! She tried again.

 "uhh!" Again. At this point, she was getting frantic. She didn't have her only was to protect herself! "UHHH!" No matter how many times she's did it, it was the same results.

"Why isn't this working!" Her eyes were tearing up.

"Rose, relax." It was Shadow. He was a lot closer than before. Putting a hand on her shoulder. It was like he could read her mind. "You'll be okay. You're strong with or without your hammer..." Shadow trailed off. As if he caught himself saying something he shouldn't have.

Was his voice always this deep?

She took a deep breath. Her tense muscles loosened up. She looked over to Shadow.

"Thank you, Shadow." He stiffened at the compliment. And it took a few seconds for him to remember what he was doing.

He cleared his throat. "How do you usually summon your hammer?"

"Oh, um. This might sound dumb... But I imagine this little pocket in front of me, I reach in and grab my hammer, then pull it out with a flick of my wrist, and boom! It starts existing."

Shadow didn't say anything to that. Instead he stepped a few feet back and tried it for himself. She could tell what was happening easily. Trying to figure out where the pocket was supposed to be is somewhat jarring at the begining. It's like you're trying to decide where the pocket should be, without knowing the 'correct' spot.

Once he figured it out, he followed her instructions to a t. With a flick of his wrist, her hammer was summoned out of thin air. His first try. Her eyes went wide. She made eye contact with Shadow who was coming to the same conclusion.

"You- I- my-" Amy stuttered.

"You didn't just take my abilities," he said. "I took yours."

She was at a loss for words. She stared at Shadow. She barely noticed his reaction. But he started avoiding her gaze and nervously spinning the hammer in his hand. Then his ears perked up. He turned away from Amy, pulled the hammer as far back as he could, and smashed it into the ground. A huge bang hit the air and she watched the pink, sparkly, heart-shaped shockwave dissipate as it spread.

And it spread. It must've been a huge slam into the ground.

"Geez, dude!" She found her voice. "Careful! That could kill someone!"

All he did was look back at the hammer. "I see why you use this. It's very strong. And effective."

"I..." She trailed off. "Let's just- go back to Tails.

Unlike Sonic, who would either dismiss her concern or try and race her, Shadow nodded. And he kept with her walking pace. No signs of being bored. In fact, it looked like the exact opposite. Maybe something about the walk was calming. 

Shadow was unique like that.

}{}{}{

She wasn't the only one who was sick of Tails' lab at this point. They both sat together on a bench while tails went back and forth. Looking at the computer, to the two of them, back to the computer.

Shadow was giving a very annoyed expression, and Amy was smoothing out her dress far more than it needed. She was stressed, okay? She hated being without her hammer. She felt exposed.

Finally, Tails turned to them to speak.

"So, good news! You can switch back! Bad news... I don't know how. Yet. You're going to have to get used to your powers for a bit while I try to figure it out."

"Can't we just- not use our powers?" Shadow snorted beside her. She'd find the sound cute if it wasn't pointed to her.

"Good luck with all that." A cocky grin on his face.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Chaos energy comes from the soul. You're pulling it out from the deepest reaches of your person. Because of this... You can accidently trigger chaos energy from raw emotion alone. Accidentally triggering chaos energy whenever I felt strongly about something... Was the first thing I learned to stop after I was created." His cocky demeanor vanished. He was giving her the time of day. It was sweet.

Didn't change what he said, though.

"Pshhh! I think I can handle a little Chaos Control!" She was trying to get the topic back to the casual banter, the safe zone.

"Chaos Control isn't what I'm worried about."

"Huh?"

"I'm worried about Chaos Blast."

"C-Chaos Blast?" She muttered. "That's the big red explosion you can do..." Shadow nodded.

"Chaos blast is a very emotional power, great if you're growing desperate during a fight, but when you've merely had a bad day, by the end of it you end up struggling to keep it locked away. And, no offence, Amy, you're extremely emotional."

"Wh- no! I'm... Okay, fair." She admitted. He gave a little snort at her words.

"But what am I supposed to do all day? I have stuff to do! People to see!"

"What people?" Asked Tails. She smiled sheepishly. Truth be told, she didn't know. But those last two cards in her reading were important. One of the two promised her survival through whatever strange trial that was destined to happen today, and the other... Was the one card she'd been failing to get ever since she gave up on Sonic. The Lovers card.

Unlike her situation with Sonic, she was determined to not ruin things. Make a good impression on whoever was supposed to notice her. Romance was literally in the cards today, and she wasn't going to miss it.

"I just- do, okay?"

"Well, if you're so bent on going out today," Shadow began. "I think the best course of action would be for me to accompany you."

I lot of things filled her head at that moment. First, she couldn't think of a time when she and Shadow had actually spent a day together, and she was kind of excited. But another thing she thought made her ashamed of herself.

What if the person she needs to meet is weirded out by Shadow? What if it ruins her chances forever?

She wasn't afraid of him. She knew he meant well in whatever he did, and she trusted that he was more than capable of doing whatever he set his mind to, but others didn't share the sentiment. Some stupid part of her mind conjured up a scenario where Shadow's accompaniment scared off the one. Him being too threatening or quiet.

Amy Rose! She yelled at herself. You know better than that! Anyone who judges you based on the company you keep isn't worth your time.

"We don't have to if you hate the idea that much," Shadow muttered. For a moment she thought he knew what she was thinking and her stomach filled with ice. But she realized it was because she was quiet for too long.

"NO! Uh, no. I don't mind at all." She glanced at him to gauge his response.

Disbelief. She couldn't tell if he was insulted, but he definitely didn't believe she was telling the truth.

"Honest." Still nothing. "I'm really fine w-"

"Don't lie to me, Rose."

That shut her up. What? Did he really think she hated him? Or was he just used to that treatment?

She glared at him. "Well jokes on you because now you're not gonna be able to get rid of me."

"What?"

She stood up and grabbed his wrist. "We're gonna spend all day together and it's going to be great." She pulled him to his feet and started dragging him out of the lab.

"Uh," Tails stuttered after them. "Well, have fun, you guys! Don't blow anything up!"

}{}{}{

"Y'know," she began. "I kinda expected you to fight more than this." She had dragged him all the way to station square. Not far from Tails' lab by any means, but he just let her drag him the whole way there.

He ripped his wrist out of her grasp. "Better?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not what I meant."

"I suggested this in the first place, remember?"

"Well, yeah but only because you didn't trust me to control my temper." She said it with a bit more animosity than she meant to.

Shadow took a while to respond to that.

"I just... I don't want you getting hurt. Chaos Blast hardly feels pleasant."

She turned to him. "What is it like?"

"Have you ever had a panic attack?"

"Um..."

"A long one?"

She shook her head.

"Good." It looked like he would leave it at that, but luckily he seemed to realize that was hardly comforting.

"Emotions are exhausting. Especially darker ones. There's a point at the end of a panic attack where you're not done being stressed mentally, but physically, you run out of energy to. It leaves you feeling... dead. Vacant. A dull sense of wrong is still there somewhere, but it's buried under wordless, empty exhaustion."

"That sounds awful." She muttered.

"That's the aftermath of a Chaos Blast. Or, it can be if you let it sneak up on you. You become too tired to still be angry. Not to mention all the property damage and potential lives in jeopardy."

"Y'know what? I'm glad you're here."

He laughed. Softly.

"You weren't before?"

"Stop twisting my words!"

The sky darkened slightly, and she looked up to see clouds covering the sun. She grimaced. The sun was farther in its path than she wanted. It felt like the day was slipping between her fingers. She glanced around at the other people walking around town. Mostly humans, as this was a much more human populated area than some other places. But there were plenty of Mobians wandering around as well.

Cats, hummingbirds, squirrels, everyone seemed to have somewhere to be. But as she glanced through the crowds, none of them looked like the one.

She hoped she hadn't missed them. Or that her talking with Shadow had made them think she was busy, and didn't have time for them.

"You seem distracted, Rose."

"Huh?" She turned back to face Shadow.

"Are you people watching for fun or is there someone you're looking for?"

She glanced back at the people. Some had vanished in the crowds, she hoped they hadn't been the one.

"Yes... No... Yes?"

"'To people watching or looking for someone?"

She groaned, covering her face. "I don't know! I guess I'm looking for someone!" The cement looked much more interesting then watching Shadow realize she was making a fool out of herself. She stared at the ground as they slowed to a stop.

"... What's wrong, Rose? Perhaps I can help."

She debated his suggestion. On one hand, he usually had something wise to say, on the other hand, she wasn't sure she wanted him to know why she was so invested in this one Tarot card. She really didn't want to come off as obsessive again.

Making up her mind, she took a deep breath. She didn't want to look at him. "You must've seen some of the many times I embarrassed myself in front of Sonic, right?"

He was quiet for a while. "...Yes."

A part of her died at the confession. If she ever wanted to impress Shadow, she already blew it. Good to know.

"Well, when I first met him it was because of a Tarot card reading." She sighed grumpily. "I pulled the Lovers card and decided I needed to find who it was about."

"You say that like it was the worst decision of your life."

Unlike what her usual instincts often told her, she decided she wouldn't say anything else until she knew how she wanted to say it.

Shadow was remarkably patient.

"I guess it was still the destined encounter the cards said it would be. But not in the way I was hoping. I was stupid about the whole thing. I figured whoever it was about saw romance the same way I did. That was dead wrong. I was stupid about that too."

"Are you... not over him?" He said it so softly. Like mentioning it would bother her. Or him.

"No, no, I am. It's just- the whole thing failed spectacularly because of me, and until today, I have never pulled that card again."

"You pulled it today."

"Yup... I have another shot." She said it almost wistfully. "I finally have another shot. But it had to be the stupid day with the stupid powers and stupid Amy Rose!"

"You're not stupid." He was so fast to correct her, that she stopped staring at the cement and looked at him.

As usual, he was hard to read. But he seemed attentive, and willing to help her out.

She stood up straight and looked around. "I feel like my day is slipping away from me. Any one of the people walking around us right now could be the one! I just don't want to ruin my chances like I did last time. Who knows if I'll ever draw it again." She laughed humorlessly. "I probably sound insane. Obsessing over a stupid piece of cardboard."

"No more insane than usual."

"Hey!" He smiled.

"If you want my opinion, I'd say that the deck was keeping it from you for a reason."

"Well, that much I got."

"So if it was keeping it from you for so long... Why give it to you now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't imagine that your deck, if as magical as you say, would just give it to you for no reason. I don't think you drew that card because someone will finally notice you today, I think you drew that card because you were ready."

She thought about it. Ready. Define ready? Ready to not screw this whole thing up? That sounded nice.

"Because I was ready?" She asked again. He nodded. "Oookay... What about the one?"

"What about them?"

"Are you saying that they might have noticed me before today?"

"It's certainly possible. I can't imagine something like this happening all at once." He had a point.

"Then why hasn't anything happened before now."

"Maybe you weren't ready."

"But what does that mean?!" 

He shrugged. "Maybe you're finally going to notice him."

She stopped. Huh. She never thought about it that way. That she wouldn't need to prove she was worth their time when they met. But that flipped the whole thing. Was there someone out there that she was ignoring when she shouldn't have been?

This was all so confusing. Maybe trying to play the whole thing in her favor was her problem. Maybe if she just kept an open mind, she would find the one.

"Geez, I'm making you my therapist!" He shrugged.

"I don't mind."

"Wanna grab a bite to eat? To make it up to you?"

It took a moment to hear a response. "...Okay."

}{}{}{

Shadow hadn't said anything in a while. It wasn't out of character for him to just keep quiet in social situations, but he seemed troubled. Of course, she could be misreading him.

"Since you were my therapist for so long, how about I be yours?" She said. She popped a strawberry from her dessert into her mouth.

"It's nothing."

"Is it though?" She asked.

"...The world is still quiet. That's all."

She blinked. "Oh. Um. I'm sorry. I forgot you're used to the sound."

He sighed but said nothing. She watched him take another bite of the cheesecake he ordered. She supposed she had no real reason to be thinking this, but there was something wrong with him looking so tense. It was wrong. And she needed to fix it.

 "I- am I stressing you out?" She asked. "I feel like I'm stressing you out."

He made eye contact with her and she stiffened. His red eyes were just so intense. 

"...No."

"You promise?" He nodded.

"What else were you planning on doing today. Something besides your tarot card reading and this whole, power swap situation."

"...No, I don't think there- wait, actually, yes! Do you mind helping me buy cupcakes?" 

"You need help doing that?"

"Yup!"

"Well then," he finished off his cheesecake and stood up. "Let's get moving."

}{}{}{

Shadow was incredibly helpful. She should've known. He helped her carry her dozens of cupcake trays. He didn't even ask or judge her when she stared buying cupcakes by the hundred. He was definitely curious about the whole thing, but when him and Amy walked over to libraries and hospitals to give them all out, he definitely figured it out. There was clear contentment in the way he walked around, gently offering cupcakes to the children in the hospital.

It was all fantastic. She didn't expect him to find it so enjoyable. It was almost distracting. There were several times where she got caught up in looking at him, watching him be so gentle and slow with his movements so he didn't scare the children away. She knew he was trying to counterbalance his more intimidating aspects, and it reminded her of the battle she had in her mind that morning. She was dead wrong. Shadow wasn't intimidating. He was amazing. And she would make sure everyone knew that as well as she did.

Eventually they ran out of cupcakes, and were walking back home. She was still conflicted about her card reading, but with Shadow around, she knew she wasn't wasting her time. She still wasn't quite sure about the whole trial, the cards had warned her about. So far the power swap seemed too uneventful to warrant three cards of destruction.

The sun was setting. It bathed the whole town in a dazzling orange. She almost turned to him to ask him what he thought of the whole thing, but someone interrupted her.

He couldn't be older than twenty, but he had the confidence of someone in their eighties. He wore a red baseball shirt, and the word on his tongue was enough to make her set a planet on fire.

"Freak!" That word bothered her much more than it should've. She glanced over to Shadow, who had frozen in place. "Go back to your asteroid! Oh wait! It's Gone! Maybe you should follow suit!"

Shadow growled. But made no move to defend himself. What was he doing!? He can't just stand there and take it! He could shut that guy up in seconds.

But he didn't. And that made her blood boil.

"You almost killed all of us! You're no hero! You're some 2D villain!"

"Excuse me!?" Amy yelled, startling both of them. "Since when was moving an entire space station to protect this planet 'villainous'!? Since when was stopping an asteroid from killing everyone with his bare hands and shoving it back into space 'villainous'!?" She tried to summon her hammer but it only fueled her anger, when her hands came up empty. It felt so unnatural. Like trying to push up your glasses only for them to not be there.

"Rose..." Shadow said. "You're- I need you to relax."

She took a step closer to the jerk insulting him. All words died in his mouth, and the guy stared at her with a scared expression. Good. She never looked this intimidating, but whatever it was, she would take it.

"I'll tell you one thing! Maybe look at the full picture before you go yelling at people on the street!"

"Rose," Shadow sounded more desperate. "Please!"

"Last I checked, no one is perfect! Maybe you should look at your own flaws before you go judging others! Like assuming you know everything, for example!"

The kid didn't wait and booked it in the other direction.

"I'm talking to y-"

"AMY!"

Her anger is cut short all at once and she notices the bright red glow surrounding- no, emanating from her. She flinched and tried to back up, hoping the bomb couldn't follow her. It did. Because she was the bomb. Her heart stopped when she realized what was happening.. 

The chaos blast he warned her about.

It was thick, and awfully startling. The feel of magic in the air was so potent, it felt like the air was thicker than it should be. Her breaths became shaky. When was it too late to stop this? Had she reached it? How big would the blast be? Was she going to kill people? Over losing her temper?

Her fur was going from pink do a deep red. It was awful. The red color was starting to spread to the air around her.

"Rose, stop." His deep voice managed to cut through her own thoughts. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I-I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You won't," he said. "I promise, you won't." He took a step and immediately she could tell that he had crossed some sort of threshold. It was like he was being pushed away from her. It was like wind. But he was resolute and kept going. Slowly getting closer and closer...

No, he's going to get vaporized! He's too close! I'm going to kill him...

"No! Stay back!" She took a step backwards. "I'll hurt you."

"No, you won't." Another step forwards.

"You don't know that! What if you can't help me?"

"I do know that." He said, and he gazed into her eyes with his Ruby Red piercing ones. "Amy Rose, you are the bravest, kindest, most caring person I know. You're stubborn. And I love that about you. I love everything about you! You're stronger than this! I know you are. So please, trust me. Just this once. You can decide to hate me after this, but as I don't care as long as you're safe, for now, please. Let me in."

His words cleared up the air, and made it easier to breathe. She didn't know what to say. Did he really-

Step by step the red glow began to fade away.The wind was still there, she was still glowing, but the whole thing was less severe. And Shadow used the time he had gained from her stunned silence to get close to her. He was right there, right in front of her.

Shadow wasn't one for hugs. And Amy knew that. But he didn't hesitate. He knew, if there was ever a time to give her a hug, this is it. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tight. She clung to him desperately. Pleading for him to fix the melting pot of emotions.. She put her head on his chest. 

"Breathe, Rose. Slowly. Deeply." She didn't realize she was hyperventilating. She struggled to stop, however. And it didn't take long for Shadow to start taking deep breaths himself. For her to copy. She could feel his breathing in his chest and slowly started to match her breathing with his.

It took a minute or two, of just burying her face in the fluff on Shadow's chest before the air felt normal again. She didn't want to trust that it was fully gone.

"You've stopped glowing."

"Really..? Are you sure?" A hum of agreement vibrated through the two of them. She Thought back to all of the things Shadow had said. It was

"Did- did you really mean all the things you said back there? Or was it just to get me to stop."

"I meant every word. Though. I... I probably wouldn't have the courage to say it without a scenario like this."

Tears filled her eyes, but she laughed a bit anyway. "I-I guess I should consider m-myself lucky, then..."

"I don't know that I'd call this 'luck'."

She laughed again. While burying herself deeper into his chest. Like he would vanish if she didn't hold onto him.

"Are... you alright?"

"Thank you for staying with me, Shadow. You should've run away when I started glowing."

He scoffed. "As if. I'm not going to leave you to such a fate. You deserve the world, Rose. I won't let anything happen to you. Not if I can help it."

"You're so sweet, Shadow."

"I don't know if that's the right way to put it. I'm hardly 'sweet'."

"You are around me."

"Well that's because..." He trailed off.

She sighed. "I'm done with your powers. Wanna go back to Tails and see if he's figured it out yet."

He mumbled it so quietly. If she wasn't so close, she would've assumed she hadn't heard anything at all.

"I don't want to leave... I want to stay here with you."

She glanced up at him. His red eyes were striking. Staring into them took her breath away. They were so full of passion. How had she not noticed before?

"This won't be the last time, I promise."

He sighed begrudgingly. "...Fine. I just. I don't get to do this often. One day with you alone and I spilled everything I felt."

She gave a tiny laugh as she pulled away. He groaned unhappily. Clearly upset about her leaving.

"I think this was a good thing," she said. "I think I know who the cards were talking about."

A/N: I forgor day three via procrastinating. It exists I promise! I just had too many ideas to get it done in time ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[trans-queen-administrator]

Worm Fanfic Recs

No rankings at play here, just my favorite fics that I think other are really good. There are fics I like that aren't listed because I have a bad memory, but everything here is something I really really enjoyed. I have biases obviously, this isn't objective.

The Fics

Our Private Crises - A nailbiting murder mystery with unique and well done POVs from a different character each chapter. The mystery and reveal at the end were stellar, and it got me attached to characters I never thought I'd care for. 29k words. Complete.

It's Cold Out There Every Day - Missy is trapped in a time loop on her birthday. Genuinely stellar characterization, it has the best Missy and Aisha I've ever read and its such a creative and well executed premise. 41k words. Complete.

Tilt - Unpowered homeless girl Taylor fakes a thinker power to get in the Wards and secure housing. She's even more self destructive and self deprecating than in canon. 10/10 characterization for a slew of POV characters including Taylor, every ward but especially Sophia, Rachel, Lisa, and a ton of other characters. Despite not going through all of what canon Taylor went through, this fic nails her character better than pretty much any others. 220k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Tear Apart, Stitch Together - Taylor triggers with Shatterbird's power and kills thousands. Short and sweet, everything that's there is great and it wraps up well I think. 13k words. Complete

Memories of a Simurgh Victim - The Simurgh attacks Brockton Bay. Has two storylines, one following Taylor and one following Amy and Vicky. Among the most fucked up things this fandom has to offer, a terrifying showcase of the Simurgh and her power. 62k words. Taylor's story is incomplete but the Amy and Victoria story is done.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Pleasures - Cherish altpower Taylor tries to consensually fix Amy's incest fetish. A trainwreck I can't look away from, the worlds first psychological horror romcom. It's so fucked up and so amazingly funny, and has good well written characters. I don't like Pillbug and I'm not a big fan of altpowers, but this fic is still one of my favorites because it's so damn compelling so definitely check it out if you actually like either of those things. 211k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Roots - The Slaughterhouse Nine attack a small town with a roster of OC capes, but something is very off about the place. POV shifts every chapter, and the OCs are interesting and unique. The S9 are also wonderfully characterized here, I've never had a fic make me sad for Crawler of all people. 67k words at time of posting. Ongoing. Criminally underrated.

Roma Fade - Ciara and Fortuna both try to grow past who they were as capes and find themselves as people in a small town post Gold Morning, having found common ground posing as moms to a recovering Taylor. I'm sure fake dating would never end in real attraction, that would be absurd. Incredibly gay, incredible characterization for everyone, the best post-GM fic around in my opinion. 87k words at time of posting. Ongoing but currently on hiatus.

Case - Lisa and the Simurgh start a detective agency. It's just great humor and a lovely story and wonderful despite being short and deceased. 14k words. Dead.

Silence is not Consent - Taylor intervenes and saves Victoria from Amy and gives her a place to stay, Victoria massively struggles dealing with what happened. Amazing characterization, Victoria's POV is unique and incredibly well done, and her seeing Taylor from an outside perspective is interesting. Be warned that this is a very heavy fic emotionally, but it's really fucking good. 212k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

A Word - Altpower Taylor is obsessed with writing a story. I don''t know how to describe this fic honestly it's hard to do justice, but it has perhaps the best conclusion to Gold Morning I've seen in a fanfic. 11k words. Complete.

Scarab - A fantasy AU where powers are thought to be magic, and the Faerie Queen takes an interest in Taylor. Filled to the brim with creativity and passion, this fic is teeming with fresh ideas and interesting depictions of canon characters. The worldbuilding is great as well, no other fic on this list has a map, so this is clearly a cut above the rest. 139k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Swallowtail - Ok I lied this one has a map too. Taylor with an incredibly interesting stranger power joins Faultline's crew. There is a truly astounding amount of AU elements and alternate powers for canon characters, it feels like a new world while still being recognizable and distinctly Worm. Has a large amount of alternate POVs and the first arc can be rough, but it's creative and amazing. 360k words. Ongoing but currently on haitus.

Soliloquy - Ex-Slaughterhouse 9 Taylor is in prison, bitter at the world and herself and especially her clone who saved the multiverse. A heavy fic about someone slowly recovering and becoming a better person when they're convinced it can't be done. Made me cry. 71k words. Complete.

TWNY - Post-GM Taylor finds herself in the world of RWBY with a pair of moth antennae. Multiple POVs, all very interesting despite me knowing nothing of RWBY. Probably the best characterization of Taylor in any post-GM crossover fic, she's heartbreaking in the recent arc, and it feels like the fic has barely scratched the surface of what it'll eventually cover. Also it's very gay. 136k words. Ongoing.

The Great Escape - Eidolon is struggling after his reputation is destroyed and Cauldron is revealed, and then the Birdcage opens. Amazing use of seldom seen characters, great POV with Eidolon, well done and interesting fights, has String Theory. 107k words. Ongoing but currently on haitus.

Happiness Is Inevitable - NSFW. The only damn erotic mind control Simurgh smut in the fandom somehow. Besides the porn (which is a lot of the fic, who woulda thunk it) the story itself is actually pretty interesting and has a lot of creative parts, and it has better characterization than most fics. 29k words. Ongoing?

Oneshots

Break me so that I can be whole - This accursed fandom is tragically bereft of QA / Taylor fics, but this one shot is great, love an eldritch take on shards. Probably fucked up but I'm not actually a good judge of that so be warned. 1.8k words.

Book Worm - Dragon helps teach Taylor how to read and speak and understand language post-GM. Bittersweet and lovely. 2.5k words.

Defiant Didn't Dox Saint For Nothing! - Taylor goes back in time and the first thing she does is kill Saint because he sucks. Cracky but I like it, fun little oneshot. 1.6k words.

Ruling Ash - Glory Girl flees Brockton Bay during the Slaughterhouse Nine and ends up living with Damsel of Distress. Cute, and Starsong before Ward is very interesting. 2.8k words.

My Sunshine - Leviathan goes worse and Brockton Bay is destroyed. Taylor and Victoria survive. Very somber, but well executed. 3.4k words.

Cherry on Top - A character study of Cherie Vasil, showing how she went from running away from Heartbreaker to joining the Nine. Extremely well written, absolutely incredible depiction of her character. It depicts abuse and actions typical of Heartbreaker and Cherie, so be careful reading. It's a lot emotionally. 12.7k words.

Devil in a New Dress - NSFW. Shatterbird / Reader, I'm not explaining myself on this one. Neat Shatterbird characterization, hot, pretty fucked up so be warned. 1.7k words.

[horrorlesbians]

thoughts on sharp objects (the show)

oh my god where do i even start? probably one of the best tv shows i have ever seen. perfect adaption of the book while using the format of video to elevate the story. all of the acting is amazing (especially amy and patricia). it's a horrific story about motherhood, familial abuse, the loss of innocence, gender presentation, and self-destruction. camille is one of the best female characters i have encountered. the visuals are stunning, the setting is perfect, the soundtrack is killer. i wouldn't change a single thing. i always rewatch it each summer because it's my Summer tv show

[tamlinrose]

NuWho Characters as The Entities (TMA)

9th Doctor- The Desolation.

He is fresh off the time war, where millions were sacrificed in flame. He is the main cause of death of his entire people and rose like a phoenix from the ashes. DEFINITELY the desolation

Rose- The Eye.

Come on, she becomes an all knowing goddess of Time. How could Bad Wolf NOT be the Eye??

Captain Jack Harkness- The End.

He literally dies over and over and over. Even though he can’t permanently die, I’d say he’s feeding The End some good cosmic horror

The Tenth Doctor- The Lonely.

Pretty self explanatory. He desires companionship so much, but everyone leaves him, whether by choice or force. In the end, he is all alone. And regenerates knowing that for all the connections he made, none could stay. Sad wet boy

Martha- The Hunt.

I debated this one, but I think especially her traveling across the world with the sheer determination to defeat the Master shows her becoming the predator instead of the prey. She also becomes a unit soldier, and her arc is her adopting the soldier mentality the doctor so hates about himself onto herself out of survival.

Donna- The Spiral.

Her whole arc is around not being able to trust herself, her own mind because she’s been told she isn’t clever or worthwhile so many times. Not to mention Fear Her, where everything about the World is Not Right and she’s at the center of the wrongness vortex.

Sarah Jane- The Web.

She’s a journalist, she’s constantly picking at threads, finding out information she shouldn’t have, weaving it to her will. I also think that the doctor dropping her off and ditching her without her consent is playing into the fear of having your life puppeted by forces outside of your control.

11th Doctor- The Stranger.

Idk something about him… his penchant for theatrics, his burning desire to be human but always being just slightly left of human behavior, mannerisms. It’s like he’s mimicking the humanity he wants so bad, but it just gives him the uncanny valley affect that makes him even more alien than ever.

River- also the Web

She is scared of being controlled by forces beyond her. She was brainwashed into wanting to kill the doctor and ultimately it is not her will that pushes her to do so. She lives to be free of influence but she is controlled by the outside forces of the time stream discrepancies that keep her and the doctor apart.

Amy- The Flesh.

Okay this is for silly goofy reasons, but the fact she was LITERALLY a flesh avatar for like a full season really sells it for me. Not to mention a lot of her arc is very centered on body horror (pregnancy without her knowledge, giving birth, not being able to have kids, etc).

Rory: Also an avatar of The End.

He just dies so many times man, him and captain Jack should go to couples therapy or smthn

12: The Dark.

Okay hear me out. It’s the oldest fear entity, which I think really folds in with 12s general air of wisdom and the fact he’s been around a fucking long time. Also, he has that entire episodes where he tries to find out what lives in the dark at the end of the universe, and what lives under the bed that absolutely does not wish to be seen.

Clara: Also The Desolation

She is sooooo self destructive man. Especially after Danny Pink dies, she’s willing to burn it all to the ground. Her eventual demise is because she is impulsive to a fault, and in some ways it could be argued she has a death wish.

Bill: The Vast

She just gives me that childlike wonder for new worlds and the open sky. IK this seems like pretty vague reasoning but I think like Simon Fairchild she just loves the vastness of the universe so much that she eventually goes travelling with star eyed girl to see it all.

13: also The Vast

Citing that youthful wonder again. Honestly I don’t know much about 13 or her companions so if you have Headcanons for Yaz, Ryan, Graham and 13 hmu! Tag them below

The War Doctor: The Extinction

Self explanatory. He’s the doctor who ends it all, his entire species. And that choice defines and haunts him into future incarnations.

The Master: The Slaughter

Senseless chaotic violence for the sake of violence. Sounds pretty on brand.

If you have any contradictions, additional thoughts, or help on 13s era I’d love to hear it in the tags!!!

[camcorderrevival]

to you, what's the difference between eleven/amy and twelve/clara? which one do you ship more and why? (i'm guessing the answer to the second is pretty obvious but i'm curious about your answer)

i think the biggest difference, beyond like narrative and theme, is that twelveclara gets more breathing room in the series. obviously youve got the relationship between clara and danny, and missy and twelve (and missy and clara to some extent), but twelveclara is very much given the centre stage. the viewer's attention is meant to be on them, the show is about them (for good reason). the other relationships function as ways to explore twelve and clara as separate characters, of course, but they also very much work emphasise the relationship between the two as well.

and like. elevenamy isnt some super niche relationship with no screentime or development. theyre the core of s5,6,7a just like twelveclara is the core s8&9. (and just like ninerose is the core s1, and tenmartha is the core of s3. whether you read them as romantic or platonic or whatever, the doctor & companion dynamics foster a kind of intimacy that keeps the show interesting and moving forward).

but you definitely more get the sense that, especially in s6, the dynamic is fighting for space with amyrory/elevenriver. the show gets stuck in a weird place where it is trying to convince the viewer that the satisfying conclusion for all of these characters is amyrory and elevenriver, but the story ends if amy really chooses rory in any meaningful way (and thats no good if youre trying to get two and bit series out of it). so youve got elevenamy which is the driving point of the narrative and somewhat more interesting/dynamic than amyrory, and amyrory which feels (to me) like a much more stuck, static point but the show really wants you to believe that its satisfying and interesting (without ever putting much effort into it, because that would detract too much from the core relationship). both relationships suffer from that weird balance that gets struck.

twelveclara does not face that same weirdness so the relationship gets more room to develop (or in their case devolve into a spiral of self-destruction and timeline altering) (yay).

beyond that difference in narrative space. i think both relationships deal with some similar themes (because they are the themes that haunt most of moffat's time as showrunner, and some of the episodes that he wrote for rtd). memory, stories, identity in the other.

but there are also quite different points. elevenamy takes on a more religious tone (especially in tgc + tgww). amy isnt doctorified to the same extent as clara, so the narrative surrounding identity in the other differs.

elevenamy basically imprint on each other as children and tie themselves around that point of connection, they cant help but deify each other (they r cathyheathcliff). doctorclara (because eleven's relevant in this for a little bit) are tied together by missy (fate. prophecy. your sometimes-ex who thinks you'd get on really well with this brunette woman whos got problems. insult/compliment??) and then progressively become more and more like each other till they have to be cosmically separated. and they want to be like each other because theyre obsessed with each other, of course, but also because they think that it'll give them more control over everything.

amy leaves the doctor because shes convinced he'll always leave her so she needs to stay with her safety blanket backup husband so she never ever has to be alone again (and she'll never ever be lonely little amelia pond again). clara leaves (not really) twelve because of the aforementioned cosmic separation.

amy puts the doctor in her childrens book. twelve puts clara in a song.

lastly, i will always bat for twelveclara whenever wherever. but theyre good. theyre well-written and they crash and burn so beautifully. there's not much to say. elevenamy is so interesting firstly because theyve lived in my brain forever im normal like that, secondly because the writing gets so awkward at points that there's hundreds and millions of things to say. so i love them very much sorry to twelveclara.

[justahumblememefarmer]

Ultimate Doctor Who Poll Round 2 - Matchup 19

Episode Summaries under the cut

42: A Town Called Mercy - Season 7A, Episode 3: The Doctor brings Amy and Rory to a town in Nevada that has keep out signs and a stone and wood boundary surrounding the town. The Doctor notices that the town is using electricity, which has not been discovered yet. They find that the town is being held hostage by an alien known as the Gunslinger, who is looking for an alien doctor, but not The Doctor. The Doctor meets the doctor they're looking for, a Kahler named Jex who crashed nearby and has been gifting the town with technology and medicine.

The Doctor manages to escape, planning to use the TARDIS to help Jex escape and evacuate the town, but finds the remains of Jex's ship, which is parked, not crashed. He finds files on Jex's horrific experiments on living subjects, including the Gunslinger. The Doctor returns to town and Jex reveals that the Gunslinger has been hunting down his creators, but does not want to harm civilians, which is why it created the border around the town and demanded Jex's surrender. The Doctor struggles with whether to hand over the war criminal, while at the same time not sure if he can condone his murder, especially when the townspeople feel indebted to him for being their doctor.

They manage to distract the Gunslinger as he attacks the town searching for Jex. Jex makes it back to his ship and activates the self-destruct function. The Gunslinger vows to remain behind and protect the town, and the Doctor takes Amy and Rory home.

87: 42 - Season 3, Episode 7: The Doctor takes Martha for her first trip as a full-time companion to answer a distress call. They find that they are on a ship on a crash course to a nearby star with 42 minutes to go. The TARDIS is stuck in the room they are venting excess heat into, leaving it unreachable. Martha and a crew member work to make it through several password connected doors to get to the main control room. The Doctor deals with some sabotage of different ship controls and several crew members come down with a strange illness, giving them the ability to vaporize people and making them sabotage the ship.

An infected crew member spreads it to somebody else in order to stop Martha from making it through the coded doors. She and the other crew member lock themself in an escape pod, but the infected launches the pod towards the sun. The Doctor goes out in a space suit and hits a button to magnetize the ship, drawing the escape pod back, but he looks into the sun, giving him the same infection as the others. While trying not to succumb to it, he reveals that the sun is alive and that it was damaged when the ship used an energy scoop to take fuel from it.

While the Doctor becomes infected, Martha runs to the front of the ship and demands they dump the fuel, giving it back to the sun. As they do so, the infection clears, and the ship is released from the suns gravitational pull. The Doctor advises them to tell the authorities what happened and that the sun needs protection. He takes off in the TARDIS with Martha, who calls her mother back home, where a woman is monitoring the call.

[27-royal-teas]

Analyzing the meaning of the song 27 when we line it up with what  we know about the 27 club

So, for context, nobody thought pete would really live past 27. the 27 club is a group of celebrities in the arts that died at age 27 (Amy Winehouse, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, etc), usually from their own self-imposed destruction. But fall out boy and their history is so inexplicably tied to this number that I absolutely had to write an essay about it. this song is a complete masterpiece in its own right and it's definitely up in my top three fob songs of all time

The song starts like this:

“if home is where the heart is then we’re all just fucked

i cant remember, i cant remember

And i want it so bad id shoot the sunshine into my veins

I cant remember the good old days”

The first line feels almost like begging. Hes wondering where he belongs, because he doesnt feel safe at home, and this song was during the time where the band was fighting a lot, and they were kind of his home as well. so if home is where the heart is and he doesnt feel safe at any of his homes, if he cant belong, then will he ever? Anywhere? A kerrang feature interviewing pete said that this song was him trying desperately to hold the band together, which is expressed with this first opening line (“if home is where the heart is then we’re all just fucked”). Clearly he is clinging on with a single thread, and this was shown when the band went on hiatus not long after.

‘And i want it so bad id shoot the sunshine into my veins’ obviously a drug reference, of being so desperate that youd do anything to get the good feeling back, and here it is linked to ‘i cant remember the good old days’ because it feels almost like a desperate kind of longing. this might relate to the line ‘you were the sunshine of my lifetime’ which repeats multiple times through fob’s eighth studio album, So Much (for) Stardust. In the context that this is referring to a person (anyone, but likely patrick; pete keeps his lyrics vague for a reason) it would be overexposing yourself to something that gives you temporary happiness but in the long run can kill you. hm just something to consider but i know they probably didnt plan that far ahead lyricwise lol

“And it’s kind of funny,

The way we’re wearing anchors on our shirts

When being anchored aboard just feels like a curse”

A lot of folie is actually linked to this sort of nautical theme (what a catch especially) and i think this references ‘they say the captain goes down with the ship’ because anchors are usually on nautical themed shirts or the shirts of sailors, but pete is saying he hates being tied down to the ‘ship’ which can be interpreted as the band maybe possibly. either way hes definitely pointing out the irony of wearing something that symbolizes stability when he is DEFINITELY not stable (who ever looked at pete wentz and thought ‘this man is stable’?) (i digress)

then comes the chorus. i love this chorus so fucking much it is interpretation goldddd

“My mind is a safe, and if i keep it then we all get rich

my body is an orphanage, we take everyone in

doing lines in dust and sweat

on last night’s stage 

just to feel like you” 

ok so obviously petes referring to his mind as the safe because hes the one who makes the lyrics and thus hes the one who earns the band the profit. Its a safe because he is inscrutable. It is also a safe because he only takes out what he wants, and only he has the key. ‘My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in’ COULD refer to how hes kind of promiscuous but more than that fall out boy was known for being the band that didnt really care who their fans were. They were marketed towards teenage girls and for that they were looked down upon. His body could be a metaphor for the band itself, and taking everyone in could mean that they accept the people that other bands dont typically want as fans. 

‘Doing lines in dust and sweat on last night’s stage just to feel like you” this is a reference to the 27 club, and refers to stars doing drugs to be able to function/feel normal and human again. Idk. i just really like this line its so great

“The m-m-milligrams in my head burning tobacco in the wind

Chasing the direction, chasing the direction you went”

Im going to break this verse in half specifically because patrick fucking does NOT ENUNCIATE and also its long (how many times did i think ‘and youre a bottled star’ was ‘and you’re a bathroom stall’ rip)

The milligrams and the tobacco are pretty self explanatory- more drugs. 27 club connections via the drugs. burning tobacco gives way to the vision of trying to cling on to a high with desperation, and he’s chasing it- chasing the direction it went. 

“youre a bottled star, the planets align, youre just like mars

You shine in the sky, you shine in the sky”

pete uses a TON of star and sky metaphors in his writings, this song included. A bottled star would mean a person who is repressing their talent. It could also mean a celebrity who is drowning their problems in liquor. Mars is the roman god of war and often a symbol of masculinity (although im not sure how relevent the second part is). It means raw, unbridled energy. here pete is saying (in his vague, vague writing voice ://) that when the person he is talking about drinks, they lose all control and are pretty much unstoppable. drawing this to the 27 club, a lot of the members died by alcohol or drug abuse, so it makes sense.

The use of star and sky metaphors throughout this song really bring it home- yes, the stars may be bright and pretty, they might shine and sparkle, but at the end of the day they will burn away and self combust. So we have to hold it together if we want to keep our own worlds in once piece. 

“Are all the good times getting gone

they come and go and go and and come and go, oh yeah

ive got a lot of friends who are stars but some are just black holes”

For this verse lets work our way backwards. more space and star metaphors. stars clearly refers to his friends in the industry, but black holes could mean they have an almost deafening energy, or are on their way to becoming a part of the 27 club itself. The good times coming and going represents the sort of panic thats felt in the entertainment industry as a whole; the competition against time itself, for fear that when youre old people wont want to know what you have to say. So often the people who act and sing are so unbearably young, and once they pass thirty two they arent marketable anymore. pete is putting to words the worry and the scramble to get things done- to make a name for yourself- before your time is up. And AGAIN relating to the number 27, its quickly approaching 30, so you better move fast if you want to become famous. 

The rest of the verses from here are just chorus repeats, so let’s talk about how tangled fall out boy is with the number twenty seven. other than the 27 club, what’s so important about it? It’s not a prime number. Theres really nothing out of the ordinary about it. 

Except, there is. 

Everyone celebrated when pete made it past his 27th birthday. In 2011, patrick wrote his Confessions of a Pariah blog post. He and joe were both 27 at the time, and i think that might have been a deciding factor in what inspired pete to reach out. He didn’t want his best friend to give into depression, much less when he was 27. 

The band got together again not long after that. the first track off Save Rock and Roll, My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark, dropped February 5th, 2013. The rest is pretty much history. 

I don’t know. All speculation. But the number 27 is definitely linked with fall out boy, although it’s not relevant right now, and i just think its so damn interesting

[dw-tma]

Descriptions of the Fears from the Magnus Archives Wiki:

The Buried-

“The fear of small spaces, suffocating, drowning, being buried alive. Fear of everything crashing down around/on oneself. Fear of being trapped without enough space. Manifests as caves, dirt, financial issues, heavy rain, underground transport, tight spaces such as coffins.”

The Corruption-

“The fear of corruption, disease, filth. Fear of the feelings of disgust, revulsion and the things or beings that might evoke such feelings. Manifests as mould, bugs, rot, decay, infection, the feeling of one's skin crawling. Can also manifest as unhealthy love and companionship.”

The Dark-

“The primal fear of the dark, of the unseen, and the creatures hiding from our view... Manifests as creatures hidden in the dark, shadow figures and monsters, blindness, coldness, dark water.”

The Desolation-

“The fear of pain, loss, burning, and destruction, especially with a senseless cause. Followers are enriched by destroying the lives of people who had things to live for, and destroying things before their potential is realised. Manifests as fire, wax, heat, burns, destruction of potential.”

The End-

“The fear of death itself—⁠uncaring and unstoppable, the fear that everything ends eventually. Manifests as bones, various forms of the dead (skeletons, mummies, zombies, etc.). Also has close ties to dreams and can manifest through them.”

The Eye-

“The fear of being watched, exposed, followed, having secrets exposed. Can also pertain to the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you. Manifests as eyes, security cameras, a creature or figure that keeps constant watch. Often manifests in libraries and books.”

The Flesh-

“Born from the fear held by animals bred for meat, and in the human realisation that we are just animated meat and bones. Manifests as meat, corpses, blood, bones, butchers, meat-related industry. Often manifests as strange bodies—bodies being unnaturally twisted, reshaped, and butchered.”

The Hunt-

“The animalistic fear of being chased or hunted; the primal fear of being prey. Manifests as predators, predatory monsters, animal instincts, animalistic traits. Takes hold of apparently "normal" people after they are exposed to the need for The Hunt. Self-proclaimed monster hunters might become 'Hunters' and proceed to develop a need to hunt and kill monsters.”

The Lonely-

“The fear of isolation, of being completely cut off and alone or disconnected from the rest of society. Manifests as fog, large rooms, silence, suburbs, empty rooms, crowds of faceless people.”

The Slaughter-

“The fear of pure, unpredictable, unmotivated violence. The fear of pain coming at sudden, random moments. Manifests as people driven "mad with Slaughter," soldiers, music that either induces Slaughter or warns that Slaughter is coming. Often manifests in imagery of war or murder, and can appear wild like a frenzied killer or calm and regimented like soldiers firing on the battlefield.”

The Spiral-

“The fear of madness, that the world you know is wrong, that your mind is lying to you. Fear of deception, lying, deceiving of the mind and senses. The Spiral appears with imagery of spirals, patterns and fractals, and often manifests as hallucinations or illusions.”

The Stranger-

“The fear of the unknown, the uncanny, the unfamiliar. The creeping sense that something is not right. Manifests as beings and aspects of beings that provoke an "uncanny valley" response: human and other being-adjacent forms, such as mannequins, wax figures, masks, and taxidermy. Often manifests in theatres and performances.”

The Vast-

“The fear of heights, falling, and large open spaces including sky, space, and deep water. More broadly: the human fear of insignificance and meaninglessness, of losing oneself in too much space. Manifests as void, wide-open spaces, vertigo, falling, the transformation of something that should have a limit into something infinite.”

The Web-

“The fear of being controlled or trapped, especially being unaware of one's own entrapment. The fear of being forced to do things against one's own will, of being manipulated. Also the fear of spiders. Manifests as spiders, spider webs, web-like patterns, puppets.”

[erysvoleil]

Anyway I finished my impulse worm reread recently

yeah, 's pretty good. Mostly just confirmed a lot of takes and opinions I had already but hey, it's nice to see I'm not huffing my own farts. A lot of the bigger changes in opinions I can remember happen earlier-case in point, the first few chapters that mostly focus on our girl getting the shit bullied out of her. When I first read it, when it was just a thing my one friend kept trying to get me to read instead of the thing that's been rotting my brain for the past 1.5 years, I kind of in-one-ear and out-the-other'd a lot of this, took it as Fairly Standard YA Setting up Protag as an Underdog but like. This time, God Damn is it really so important for setting the stage of Taylor Hebert. The other thing that stood out to me especially in these early sections is the amount of times she basically turns to the camera and goes "Yeah. I Have These Issues" outright. Like, damn, she's a lot more self-aware about the retroactiveselfjustificationtron 5000 and her loneliness and basically everything else but the negative self-esteem/suicidality than I really remembered

Also standout is Yep Those Wildbow Moments Sure Do Be Momenting. Genuinely hard to read a lot of the abb/e88 stuff and especially everything having to do with the merchants. The interruptions of important moments to loudly insist all his characters are straight Sure Do Fucking Suck ! Amy is pretty much exactly as compelling as I remembered on the whole, but honestly I do feel like her actual Point of Break feels a bit forced. Ah well.

Dragon and Taylor remain favorites, but Tattletale and Bonesaw stood out to me a lot this read, so I think they get to be added to that :) folder.

Occasionally I got jumpscared by small details I forgot. Like Flechette being Japanese-American. Adds another layer to trying to counterbalance amy by "look guys!! lesbians of color!!!." Glaistig calling fucking chevallier "The Destroyer" is really funny given how many destructive powers there are in this fucking setting but yeah give it to the guy that Big Swords Good why not.

But yeah. worm's good. Glad I read it. May it continue to brainpoison me against all other cape media forevermore

[intrigd-voyagr]

ough... lapis got me thinking bout my own anon crossovers....

BH in serverbox would honestly fit right in. Maybe even thrive if he got in at the beginning. They might've been able to maintain healthy practices through encouragement given the nature of the cast of that au

In admin, he'd fall into the same habit of over engrossing but it wouldn't be as... toxic? If that makes sense? Like they'd be stressed and sleep deprived out of genuine worry and concern rather than Fearing For Their Life Every Second. If we maintain that Owl and snake are also still in the au he'd 100% try to be the mediator for them constantly. A true ♣️. Also they'd probably manage to keep their irl job longer. Probably get fired eventually anyways, but still.

Mushroom would Not Have A Good Time in ABW..... They'd stay cagey and defensive, especially given how ABW nito's outbursts make him rather unpredictable. She'd probably never end up joining the server group and would rather watch from afar

In admin I can see her initially joining Owl in the Sonny hate club, but turning around probably by the time he helps Kinito take Jade out. Seeing Kinito's self destruction would scare her into joining Team Sonny, though her loyalties would be cross not out of spite like Owl, but out of inner conflict.

Snake in ABW would be ever helpful, but eventually realize they're hooked into something that will result in their death, one way or another. And they are baaaaad at hiding their feelings, and they don't even know it. They'd flinch and cower every time they see Kinito, and knowing how observant he is, a confrontation would be bound to happen.

In serverbox, I can't see them being any particularly different than how they are in Admin? They'd be besties with Lobby, that's for sure, as they have a personality they'd totally vibe with. I think Snail would be the type to humor their silly antics a little too much and accidentally give them a bit of overinflated pride :) they would absolutely LOVE amie and I can see them bonding with Nio since they are both Creachers.

[estellardreams]

Cybernetic!Sonic Bio

Name: Sonic

Age: 17

Gender: Demiboy He/They

Species: Hedgehog

Design:

Hobbies: Running, Exploring, Reading, Musician (specifically Acoustic Guitar) 

Powers: Super Speed, Chaos Energy, Super Form, Fast Healing, Increased Flexibility, Increased Strength, Increased Resistance. 

Orientation: Demibiromantic/Ace

MBTI: ESTP

Enneagram: 7w8

Zodiac: Cancer

Height: 4'1''

Character Type: Speed

Magic Type: Chaos 

Favorite Food/Drink: Chili Dogs

Other Facts:

Sonic lost his left leg due to an accident while he was fighting Eggman. Attempts to run from an explosion, after realizing that destroying the power core of a mech set it to self destruct... Didn't really work.

Sonic is still naturally fast, but he now has to maneuver more carefully because he could easily lose his prosthetic leg or have more injuries than before.

Sonic has ADHD, specifically the Hyperactive-Impulsive variant.

Sonic also deals with PTSD thanks to having constant adventures that always risk his life, especially during the events of Forces and being tortured on the Death Egg for Six Months. 

Sonic secretly has anxiety issues and isn't exactly the most chatty, especially when he gets nervous. However, his facade had buried his original anxious self so now it only flares up during drastic situations. 

Sonic actually has more pronounced canine teeth, which was a minor evolution from both the mutated hedgehog to be more like a human, and from eating food that's similar to meat.

Sonic is a vegetarian, and his chili dogs don't have any meat in them. Instead, he gets special soy dogs and uses chili over them. Thankfully, the soy dog looks just like a normal hot dog.

Sonic and Shadow have a love/hate relationship. Interestingly enough, both have hidden feelings for one another but have no idea on how to explain or even explore these feelings.

Sonic is a closeted Biromantic Demiboy, but he has come to terms with using the He/They pronouns. He doesn't really correct people because they usually just use "He" for him, which is fine.

Sonic is Multilingual. Sometimes he'll forget English words and go through every language he knows until figuring out which word he needs. 

Sonic has very hollow bones, causing them to break more easily. But because of his fast healing, it's not too much of an issue. 

Sonic's IQ is 194, his main knowledge lying in his motor skills and analyzation of the environment around him.

Besides being Hydrophobic, Sonic is also Claustrophobic. Putting him in a cramped water tank of all things can easily send Sonic into a state of paralysis.

Sonic cares about his friends so much, that anything involving hurting them he will prevent to the extreme. This got really messy when Eggman and Infinite kept trying to get Sonic to scar an illusion of his friends, and Sonic kept refusing which led to punishments. 

Sonic wears a bandana to hide some scars on his neck. These scars came from his six months on the Death Egg due to one of the particular punishments. 

Sonic is often exploring the world, so he has a nomadic lifestyle. He's fine chilling at Tails' place, though.

Sonic normally leaves his plane behind at Tails' workshop so he doesn't need to haul it everywhere or deal with any other issues that could come about.

Sonic's belt is used to carry his rings and the chaos emeralds. He usually has at least a thousand gold rings on hand because that's the currency on the Mobian side of the population.

Sonic doesn't understand vulgar gestures, and can often make mistakes while addressing others.

Sonic has the tendency to accidentally flirt with Shadow, but Shadow usually doesn't notice. 

Sonic only thinks he and Amy are just friends, but doesn't verbally say it out loud because it could easily hurt Amy's feelings. 

Sonic does go to Therapy, but never tells anyone. 

Sonic likes keeping Chip's bracelet tucked between his quills, and wears it when he wants to.

Sonic is Selectively Mute, especially when he was younger. He also knows sign language because of it.

Sonic is naturally left handed, but can switch to his right sometimes when necessary.

Sonic used to have a horrible habit of swearing, but has since repressed it unless he's truly furious at someone or something. 

Sonic can sing, and he actually has a really great singing voice. He just chooses not to. His voice tones are usually a High Range Alto, being able to hit and hold high notes for long amounts of time.

Sonic and Tails like doing Karaoke together, but Sonic usually sings very quietly during those times so Tails gets the spotlight.

Sonic has met the Freedom Fighters from Archie, although they live very far away from where he usually runs. He came across them during one of his trips in Unleashed when Tails needed to get gas for the plane. Sonic and Sally now keep in contact with each other because of it. 

Sonic has a shockingly fast metabolism, and as such eats a lot to compensate. 

Sonic is a notorious light sleeper during the night, but a heavy sleeper during the day. Hedgehogs are naturally nocturnal creatures, which is self explanatory.

Want more bios? Check them out here!

[zalrb]

I just watched Beef on Netflix for the first time and I searched your blog and I saw that you’ve watched it.

I feel like this is a controversial opinion, but I feel like Danny isn’t as destructive to people in his life as he’s made out to be. I think throwing away Paul’s college applications was awful, but also there was nothing stopping Paul from applying again or getting a job, or otherwise not being completely reliant on Danny. I thought Isaac was incredibly abusive toward Danny and especially Paul, so I didn’t feel sympathy when Danny framed him for the road rage incident.

What are your thoughts on Danny and Paul’s relationship, and on Beef as a whole?

Well, before I say anything about Beef, I have to say that the cast can choke

in terms of the dynamics, and I say this as someone who didn't like Paul at all and sympathized the most with Danny, I don't think their relationship is black and white, we are supposed to see that Paul can be superficial, that he can be short-sighted, that he can be lazy, that he doesn't think things through, that he has regressed and that's not all on Danny because Paul is an adult with agency, but Danny is still pretty destructive.

When he finds out that Paul is doing crypto and demands his passwords, it seems like a 'protecting him from himself' situation except it really doesn't have anything to do with the fact that crypto is shady considering Danny does shady shit all the time; he won't cut ties with Isaac despite the fact that Isaac doing illegal activity in the motel is why his parents lost it. He just doesn't like when Paul expresses any form of independence, which is why when Kayla/Amy enters the mix, even though Paul is being used, Danny doesn't know that yet but when Paul tries to do something on his own

it becomes

which is why he threw out his college applications to begin with and yet despite doing this, he brings up how he couldn't his start his life because he was too busy looking after Paul's, which clearly affects Paul

he doesn't respect him, he belittles him

and yet uses him

like this

isn't what Amy said

Sure, he wants Paul to end things with her but he's also perpetuating a cycle he started, he also wanted to poke holes at Paul's self-esteem plus he only said this to distract from the fact that Paul was catching on to the shady shit he was doing with Isaac. First, he gives him grief about not throwing out the trash to deflect and then he brings up Amy, and then weaponizes honesty by saying they need to tell each other everything (even though he hasn't told Paul everything) and says "brothers" to suggest that Paul can only rely on him, which is manipulation 101.

He clearly has resentments that he takes out on Paul

not to mention he allows Isaac to be emotionally abusive toward Paul because of this sense of veneration for family, veneration for your elders even if your family/elders are toxic and when Paul is on the money

Danny literally slaps him

He doesn't tell Paul that the house burned down because they didn't do the wiring properly,

he tells him it's because of Amy, let's him think he's a fuck up so he can comfort him and rely on him,

and that's just a continuation of this cycle.

It's just that Paul is also a little shit.

So while Paul is responsible for his own life and his own decisions, I don't think it's as simple as how you stated it, I think it's clear that there are years of Danny manipulating Paul and creating this cycle of dependency and creating this sense of guilt and obligation and low self-worth that is difficult to break free from because Paul actually does love Danny and Danny actually does love Paul, it's just incredibly dysfunctional.

[spooky-scary-hedgies]

FINALLY going to explain Jewel's backstory! This will be in parts.

For many years, Sonic lived a happy life alongside his best friends. They were a tight-knit group, practically family. This was especially true in Sonic and Tails' cases since they were adoptive brother and sister. But all of that would come crashing down and disintegrate in one day. Sonic and Knuckles were exploring the jungle when they came across an old, abandoned mechanical base. They headed inside and goofed around for a bit. However, Sonic ended up accidentally pressing a self-destruct button, causing a timer to go off. The base began to collapse. While trying to escape, Sonic's legs got hurt badly by the falling rubble, and his stomach got sliced open, leaving Knuckles to have to get him out. When the timer reached its end, Knuckles had no choice but to sacrifice himself in order to save Sonic. Sonic was thrown out just as the base exploded, hitting a tree and getting knocked out. He woke up in a hospital room with Tails, Amy, and Sticks, who managed to find him after the explosion. Tails revealed that not only did his legs get hurt so badly that he could never run again, but Knuckles didn't survive the explosion. At that moment, Sonic shut down.

[sliphole]

Thinking about Flowers again (the Channel 4 TV series) and really want to talk about Shun.

Warning for spoilers, mental illness, suicide. Full text under the cut since I kind of ended up writing an essay.

Note: though I've seen the show through a few times it has been a while since I've watched it and I don't have immediate access to it anymore since Netflix apparently took it down. I can't be bothered to go through the pains I did to watch it back when it first aired so I'm working mostly on memory. It helps that Shun forever haunts my brain and I've been thinking about him on and off again since 2016, but forgive me if I get anything wrong.

I've never seen another show deal with the many ways depression can manifest and affect anyone like Flowers has. With Maurice and especially Amy you understand there is most likely a genetic component to their mental illnesses and it's devastating because they don't have any answers as to why they're like this and don't know how to make it better. But Shun. My poor misunderstood Shun. I wonder how many people who watched the show even realized that he unfortunately did die by suicide at the end of the series, and I only ask because I've hardly seen anyone mention it, or really talk about his struggle much at all.

By contrast Shun's depression seems to have less of a genetic component and the circumstances of his life instead are what led him to his fate. He's seen by the cast of characters and the audience as a care-free, quirky, lovable weirdo who always looks on the bright side and can't feel put down by anyone's words. And this is all probably a genuine aspect of his personality when he's in a good place, but for the span of the series it's all an act! While the Flowers themselves become very open about their struggles with mental illness, Shun becomes more closed off in a sense by pretending everything is okay as he continues to deteriorate. He's the kind to mask his pain with comedy, or an overly cheerful demeanor, thus he gets overlooked by the Flowers and the audience. Which was probably the intent, anyway.

So he laughs, and jokes, and says odd little things, and enthusiastically supports and believes in everyone around him. Then he has brief moments of sobering emotional vulnerability, empathy and understanding for Maurice's suicidal ideation ("I like dark," being one of the most emotionally revealing and impactful scenes in the series, serving as a prequel to the events of the show while also being the final scene to play after Shun's implied death, if I remember correctly), isolated mental breakdowns (in which he hallucinates his dead family), bouts of heavy binge drinking, and in what is probably the most shocking moment if you've yet to realize he isn't just a ball of sunshine despite everything, goes on a drunken and really hateful, racist rant about Chinese people in the most self-destructive environment he possibly could; a Chinese restaurant (because in my opinion if you want to get badly hurt without doing it yourself that's a pretty good way go about it). Shun as a character is not silly and childish (and his character is definitely infantilized) but a deeply troubled and flawed person who is trying to hold it together for the sake of everyone around him. Unfortunately, he is so often on the verge of cracking that he can't help slipping up occasionally.

Shun has suffered the greatest loss of anyone in the series. He found his entire family after they had been killed in an earthquake which also destroyed the rest of his village. He became displaced and lived in miserable poverty until he discovered and connected profoundly enough with Maurice's work that he believes it is what saved his life. He wants desperately to find family again with the Flowers, but despite everyone's best efforts he remains walled off by the seemingly insurmountable sense of isolation and otherness that comes with being a foreigner. When he hallucinates his dead family in the woods, he tells them, "They just don't like me here." At the same time you can tell he's torn between the family he misses and loves and the Flowers, as the manifestation of his father especially is very harsh towards him, and as a unit they are dismissive of his anxieties and broadly judgemental of westerners in general. Through the entire interaction he remains physically distant from all of them; it's not the warm, ideal reunion he was hoping for. To me the scene also implies Shun may carry some sense of guilt for being unhappy with his family life before it was taken from him, and all of this together just aggravates the sense that he has no one to turn to and nowhere to go.

Later on when he revisits the same spot in the woods with Donald, to show him his "special place," I believe it was in part so they would know where to find him if he ever did complete a suicide attempt. At the end of the series, we see him sneak away with the gun that was confiscated from Amy and in the last shot of him in the present he's standing forlorn and contemplative in his same special place.

If anything, the show is very good at letting us know in the end that no one is truly to blame for suicide, not the individual who dies by it and not the people around them who couldn't prevent it. But it's especially devastating when you don't see it coming, or when it happens to the ones who seem like they were doing okay, or doing better, or whose personalities were so happy and fun and...untouchable, in a sense. It also demonstrates (especially with Amy's manic highs and final, intense breakdowns) that things can go from fine to crushing and traumatic very abruptly from an outside perspective. I maintain that the show gives us the most relatable, realistic depiction of living with depression and suicidal ideation I've ever found despite its surrealism, and Shun's troubles are subtle enough to have been placed on the back burner in much the same way many people really have experienced. Flowers tells us to pay just as much attention to the Shuns in our lives, and in my mind this show will always be just as much about him as it is about Maurice.