#especially when the person auditing you isn't paying attention to the fact

[peachsunset]

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[mellometal]

Hey, everyone.

I've tried to compose myself before making this post. This is a subject that I've touched on a little bit in posts, but I've never done a deep dive into JUST this topic. I was going to make a post solely about this subject sooner, but this one in particular is really hard for me to talk about without getting emotional...and yet Dhar Mann has talked about this on quite a few occasions in the most insincere, toxic ways. I'll do my best to discuss this topic without getting too emotional.

It's about a serious subject that people still are ignorant about and don't take seriously. Even to this day, with the body positivity and body neutrality movements. (I don't know of a better way to describe just being neutral about your body. Sorry if it sounds weird.)

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring to (honestly, I don't blame you, as this is a subject that's often seen as normal and is encouraged in society for the most part), I'm talking about fatphobia. Hating on people for being fat. Discriminating people because of their weight in the workplace, at the doctor's office, just in general. Not many stores having inclusive sizes. People being treated like they're subhuman because they're fat.

I want to say this first, before I bash on Dhar Mann again: I'm a plus-size young woman. This is something that I have personal experience with. Your weight has no significance to your worth as a person. If you do happen to be overweight, obese, whatever, you're not subhuman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're worthy of being loved, listened to, treated with kindness, and respected, just like anyone else who isn't fat.

If you treat people like utter shit for their weight, get some help. Why do you care about somebody else's weight? Obviously there's an exception to this, like if they're so big they can't move or they're so skinny their organs are showing....because those are causes for concern, but other than that, mind your own business. Even if they are in those extremities, unless you're their doctor and/or their family, STILL mind your own business. How the fuck does a fat person simply breathing and existing affect you in any way? News flash: there will always be fat people.

Before I get to the weekly ritual of tearing TWO of Dhar Mann's videos apart (the next one will be in another post or I'll reblog this post and continue on there), here's an obligatory trigger warning for the video analysis itself and my response: The following post contains fatphobia, fat shaming, a man being super fucking misogynistic and treating women like they're objects, and there's even a touch of some racial aggression. How shocking. Because Dhar Mann really seems to get a kick out of writing about racism to make it all cute. Oh yeah, you're totally solving racism, Dhar Mann. /s

My response contains my experience with fatphobia, relationships with food, mentioned/implied thoughts of s3lf h@rm, feeling like I'm unworthy of being treated like an actual person because of my weight, and absolute rage. Like usual. My responses are very heated. This one especially. It's LONG. Buckle up.

With all this out of the way, let's get to the first video that I want to tear apart. This one is about the auditions for a record deal. I will get to the video about a kid wanting to be a host of a radio show later.

To sum up the first video, a plus-size white woman (Krissy Elliot) is singing for an agent (Isaac) and his assistant (Evette) so she can follow her dream to become a singer. Isaac cuts Krissy off to viciously bash her for being a plus-size woman. Evette stands up for this woman, and says she sounded fine and to let her finish. Isaac doesn't listen to Evette, let alone take what she said into consideration. He continues to ridicule Krissy for her appearance, that she'll "never make it in the music industry" (WRONG, do you know how many plus-size people are in the fucking music industry? There are A LOT more now than when I was growing up and it honestly makes me so happy. There were more plus-size people in the entertainment industry than in the music industry back then.), suggested that she "become a chef or a food critic" because she apparently loves being around food (being a chef or a food critic are noble professions, but NEVER fucking assume ANYONE'S relationships with food), to the point where Krissy left the room in tears.

Here are a few screenshots for context:

When this skinny, conventionally attractive woman (Jesse) comes in, Isaac's mood does a COMPLETE 180° and he's all sunshine and rainbows. Then right as soon as Jesse did her audition, Isaac is over the fucking moon, complimenting her physical appearance, treating her like an object, and signs her up for a record deal RIGHT AWAY. Pay attention to Isaac's facial expressions in one of these screenshots.

Evette suggests that they sign Krissy for a record deal instead. Because she was "the best singer they've had all day". Isaac, still all hot and bothered by a skinny, conventionally attractive woman that he's treating like an object, tells Evette that people like Krissy don't make it in the music industry because they're "overweight and unattractive", and is verbally aggressive towards her when she does nothing but explain her stance. Isaac sees this as Evette "talking back" (remember how I mentioned that there's racial aggression? He says that Evette is "talking back" because she happens to be a black woman) and fires her. He signs Jesse a record deal and has a blast with her.

The award ceremony comes around, and they're picking a winner for Best New Artist. They pick the winner, and it's....guess what? You'll never get it! It's Krissy Elliot! Why? Because Evette became her agent after Isaac fired her. Krissy goes into her whole story about how she was laughed out of every single agency and that she worked hard. Good for her. Jesse is obviously very happy for Krissy. We gotta love women supporting women.

This video was again another dumpster fire. As usual. Like I said, with this video in particular, I couldn't get through the first thirty seconds the first time around. Because I've dealt with shit like this. Obviously not with the music industry because I don't even think I'd be good enough to step into an agency...but I mean in my personal life.

Being told by my own dad that he was "tired of buying bigger clothes for me" when I was a young teenager, despite him buying almost nothing but "junk food".

Having my abuser make comments about my weight and talking about diets while I'm trying to eat my food, despite her being overweight.

Having someone I know (not anyone I'm friends with) make a comment about me eating a few things (ONE small piece of broccoli, two baby carrots, a small handful of chips, and ONE small piece of pineapple) and said to "save some for everyone else", even though I was saving food for everyone else, which is why I took so little. She tried to justify it with the fact nobody was there yet (why do you think I took very little food?), and she "was saying that to everyone" (why did she look at ME when she said that instead of making it clear that she was talking to everyone [saying "Hey, everyone" before the comment about saving some for everyone else IS NOT HARD]?), even though I know it was just to save her own ass. I knew she said that to me because I'm plus-size. She didn't say anything to anyone else, nor did she make it clear that she was talking to everyone.

Another person I know (not a person I'm friends with) saying that I overreacted (I did not overreact; SOMEONE TRIGGERED ME and you did NOTHING about it) even though they all KNEW my relationship with food is complicated. They KNEW that I don't really like eating in front of other people. I was upset that someone MADE A FUCKING DISGUSTING, TRIGGERING COMMENT ABOUT ME EATING VERY FEW FOOD ITEMS, ALMOST ALL WERE HEALTHY, DESPITE OTHER PEOPLE EATING A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND PICKING AT EVERYTHING. That day, I was begging one of my friends (one of the people I trust to eat around) to PLEASE take me home because I didn't want to be there (never wanted to be there in the first place), I was tired (I worked all night the night before and was forced to go to a meeting before all this happened), I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, there were way too many people (four individuals plus all their staff from another house were in the house I work in), I couldn't breathe (I was either about to pass out, have a panic attack, or just start crying), but nobody listened to me. I ended up getting a bus to go home.

(Sorry about all that. I was trying not to get emotional in this post. I just needed to share how this can affect people.)

Onto my response, which is all in the screenshots below.

ETA: I know the screenshots for my response are very jumbled right now and it’s difficult to read. I apologize to anyone who’s unable to fully read it! Because this is part one of this whole subject of fatphobia (I’m making a post about the boy wanting to become a radio host very soon), my response here will tie into that post. My response to that video is vastly the same, despite not making a comment on that video as of right now (the radio host one). 

I’ll be typing out my full response here. I apologize for weird formatting. Instagram wouldn’t let me break up my response into paragraphs. I’ll break them up into paragraphs here instead.

CC (Combination of the first, second, and third screenshots, aka, the first part of my response):

 I have a few questions before I get into my thoughts on this video. One, how the hell does your weight have any significance on your worth as a person, and if you do think this way, why would you think that? Two, do you know that fatphobia is a lot more than just judging a person for being fat? Three, why do you feel like you can speak for fat people like myself with this piss poor excuse for a video that I could barely get through the first thirty seconds of the first time? 

You can’t speak for any of us. I can’t speak for every fat person because not everyone has the same experiences as me. 

I’ve been bullied for my weight in real life as well as online. People have called me ugly just because of my weight. By the way, your weight doesn’t equal beauty, and that’s what I’m still learning. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

On quite a few occasions, I have actually thought about doing dangerous things to my body that I don’t feel comfortable going into here. All because I had people try to boil me down to my weight, call me ugly, and destroy whatever self-esteem I had left. You don’t know what fat people go through, so don’t act like you do. 

There are many factors that go into why a person may be fat, including medical conditions, mental illness, trauma, genetics, etc. All of those things are none of your business unless those people decide to be open about it. 

No, it’s not always healthy to be fat (obviously there are extremities on both sides of the spectrum of weight that are extremely unhealthy), but it doesn’t make a person any less of a human being. Fat people are human too. Quit treating us like we’re not. We deserve to be treated like everyone else who isn’t fat. I’m not saying put all fat people on a pedestal. I’m saying treat us like human beings.

CC (Combination of the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh screenshots, aka, the second part of my response):

Remember how I said that fatphobia isn’t just about judging people for being fat? Well, there’s the “fat tax” on plus-size clothing (even though it maybe only costs a little bit more in fabric, if there’s any difference in making clothes for people who aren’t fat), limited styles for fat people in stores (making a lot of us have to buy fast fashion or have to spend a fortune on clothes that actually flatter us), not very many stores have inclusive sizes still (if you don’t at least carry max 5XL or a size 38/40 in pants size, you cannot call yourself inclusive), and a lot of other things.

Many fat people, myself included, are afraid to seek medical attention for anything (even checkups) because of doctors who only focus on our weight and not on what we came in to see them for. They write it off as if our weight is the sole cause of our problems, which isn’t always the case.

How about we talk about how expensive it is to eat healthy in a lot of places? Not everyone can afford to make fresh meals every day, let alone once a week. Maybe they were never taught how to due to their upbringing. You don’t know.

I’ve had people comment on my weight, what I’m eating (even if I’m eating something healthy like fruits and veggies), talk about my weight or diets EVEN WHILE I’M TRYING TO EAT, and it’s caused me to wait until I’m alone or around someone I trust to eat anything. As a result, I have a complicated relationship with food now.

Telling someone they’re fat doesn’t help them. They know that. They see themselves every day. People may want to change, but they either are afraid to ask for help, or they don’t know where to start. Some may not want to change. It’s up to them, honestly. If you want to help them lose weight, maybe suggest any physical activity they’d have fun doing and do them with them? I dance for fun. Also, you could help set up meal plans with them. 

If you’re not going to at least try to help them lose weight if you’re so concerned about them (this is all if they actually want to change things and don’t know where to start), I cannot say this in a sweeter way: shut your mouth and mind your own business. Because you’re just being a cunt at that point.

CC (eighth screenshot, aka, the third and final part to my response):

There are quite a few plus-size people in the entertainment industry as a whole who are/were very successful. Remember the late Chris Farley and Aretha Franklin? Chris Farley was big, but that didn’t change how great of an actor he was, how funny he was, or how much of an impact he made in the entertainment industry. Aretha Franklin was a plus-size black woman in the music industry, but she’s inspired SO MANY artists we have today! There are many plus-size men, women, and I believe even nonbinary people in the public eye in general. Like I’ve said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s why the body positivity and body neutrality movements are a thing.

(I know I implied that I thought about sh here in my response, but please don't worry about me as far as that goes. I'm fine now. I would never go through with anything like that.)

In the last part of my response where I mentioned some plus-size people in the entertainment industry as well as the music industry (the late Chris Farley and the late Aretha Franklin), I was going to name more people, but my comments were getting too long. I'll name some more here off the top of my head:

Lizzo (rapper), the Piggy Dolls (the first K-Pop girl group made up of actual plus-size women), K*v*n Sp*c*y (I don't feel comfortable saying his name because he's a disgusting person, but he's another plus-size man...he was in King of Queens and in A LOT of movies), PSY, Greyson Gritt (a genderqueer person in the music industry), Elle King, Produce Pandas (the first music group in China full of plus-size men), Martha Wash, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Big Angel (a J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Chubbiness (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Pottya (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women)...there are so many that I found, but if you want to add more plus-size artists, plus-size actors, plus-size comedians/comediennes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Dhar Mann, you'll never know what plus-size people go through. You don't know what we go through. You have NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Stop acting like you do. Because you don't, and you never will.

By the way, Dhar Mann, this will NOT be the last post I'll make about you or your videos. The more you make fucking deplorable, poorly written bullshit, the more posts I'll make! Teehee!

If you got this far, thank you so much. The next part of this is coming very soon. I'm sorry for not posting too many screenshots from the video. I wanted to fit in my response because it's important for people to see.

Have a good day/afternoon/night, y'all. Love you!

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Girl Out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader and Sam x Reader

Background: Willow Roffe was born and raised in Brooklyn. She lived her life as happily as she could with her two childhood best friends Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When they both left her to join the military she tried to continue with life but that didn't get to happen for her for the simple fact that she meant something to James Buchanan Barnes.

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and smut. There will be a warning at the beginning of the chapter when it includes smut.

Chapter 30

The drive was quiet until Steve pulled into an airport parking garage. He drove almost to the top of it until he found a decently deserted area. Steve and Sam both climbed out of the car leaving James and I alone.

"Your boyfriend seems tense." James said quietly.

"I couldn't imagine why." I said sarcastically rolling my eyes at him.

He chuckled softly. He was just about to say something when another vehicle pulled up beside us. It was a white van. I was clambering out of the car the moment the passenger door opened revealing Wanda. I darted over to her wrapping my arms around her neck. She chuckled but hugged me back tightly.

"It is so good to see you." I practically whispered.

"Cap" Clint said coming to stand next to Wanda.

So this was who he had called. Barton and Wanda. Were they all we had to help us possibly get past Tony and the others?

"You know I wouldn't have called if I had any other choice." Steve said softly.

"Hey, man, you're doing me a favor. Besides, I owe a debt." Clint smiled and shrugged.

"Thanks for having my back." Steve nodded towards Wanda.

She smiled then glanced at Clint before turning back to Steve.

"It was time to get off my ass." She said simply.

I stepped away from her to stand between Steve and Sam. James stood on the other side of the car watching the scene before him.

"How about our other recruit?" Steve asked Clint.

"He's rarein' to go." Clint said.

He moved to the side door of the van then pulled it open. Someone was laying down in the back seat clearly asleep.

"Had to put a little coffee in him but he should be good to go." Clint said as he hit the side of the van.

The person jolted upwards in a sleepy haze. It was a man.

"What time zone is this?" He groaned.

"Come on. Come on." Clint says pulling the man to his feet.

The man took in everyone around him then beamed at Steve. He stepped forward grabbing Steve's hand. He shook it vigorously with a huge grin.

"Captain America!" He said in amazement.

"Mr. Lang" Steve nodded with a small smirk.

"It's an honor. I'm shaking your hand too long." He beamed quickly.

He let go of Steve's hand then took a step back with the large grin still in place.

"Wow! This is awesome! Captain America." He gestured towards the Captain in astonishment.

He turned quickly to face Wanda.

"I know you too. You're great!" He beamed at her.

Wanda chuckled quietly as Lang turned back to the rest of us. He raised his hands like he was measuring Steve's chest.

"Jeez. Ah, look, I wanna say, I know you know a lot of super people, so thinks for thanking of me." He said awkwardly.

I couldn't help but laugh at this point. Is this guy serious?

"Hey man!" He said excitedly to Sam.

"What's up, Tic Tac?" Sam asked with a nod.

"Uh, good to see you. Look, what happened last time when I-" Lang started.

Sam raised his hand to stop him.

"It was a great audition, but it'll never happen again." Sam said sternly.

I looked at Sam in question. He's met this guy before? An audition?

"They tell you what we're up against?" Steve asked folding his arms over his chest.

"Something about some psycho assassins?" Lang questioned.

"We're outside the law on this one. So if you come with us, you're a wanted man." Steve explained.

"Yeah, well, what else is new?" Lang shrugged.

"We should get moving." James spoke up suddenly.

"We got a chopper lined up." Clint said pointing behind him.

A sudden blaring alarm sounded followed by an announcement in a foreign language.

"They're evacuating the airport." James said simply.

"Stark" Sam huffed.

"Stark?" Lang asked.

"Suit up" Steve ordered.

I stood to the side with Wanda while the men suited themselves up. Both of us were already dressed and ready to go.

"So that's James?" Wanda asked quietly.

"Yea, that's him." I nodded.

"How's that going?" She asked with a small smirk.

I looked at her raising a brow.

"Current boyfriend and ex boyfriend you thought was dead but was really alive the whole time." She explained.

I chuckled softly.

"Technically James and I never made it to boyfriend/girlfriend stage. We kinda jumped right to being engaged." I told her softly.

"What?" She asked in surprise.

"It's complicated but the last night I was with him he asked me to marry him when he came home from the war. Up to that point we had been nothing but friends although I had always had feelings for him." I explained quickly.

"Wow, does Sam know about that?" She asked.

I bit my lip nervously. That had been the only little detail I left out. How was I suppose to really explain that to Sam? I looked at Wanda with a guilty expression then shook my head.

"He knows everything else but that." I said softly.

"Don't you think you should tell him? Especially if you are leaning towards James again." She said in a motherly kind of way.

"How did you know?" I asked in surprise.

She gave me a flat sarcastic look.

"Right, the mind thing." I nodded.

"You ladies ready for this?" Steve asked as the men finished up.

Both Wanda and I nodded.

"Bucky, Sam, and Willow find the jet. Willow, you get to it as fast as you can. Make sure it's ready to go the moment we get on board." Steve ordered.

I nodded letting him know I understood. The three of us took off into the now empty airport. We hunkered down in one of the terminals with a good view of the runways. Sam was quick to release one of his drones to quickly search the area while the others got into position.

"You ready for this?" James asked me quietly.

"You've personally seen her fight. She's more ready than either of us." Sam grumbled as he watched the drone's feedback.

James sent a glare to Sam who wasn't paying any attention.

"Stop it" I chided him.

"You know I still have a promise to make good on. Kinda hard to do that when I have to deal with him." James smirked.

My heart dropped.

"Excuse me?" Sam asked harshly turning to glare at James.

"She didn't tell you?" James asked in a sarcastic tone.

"James" I said sharply.

"Tell me what?" Sam asked hesitantly.

I tensed feeling his eyes move to me.

"The night before I left for the war I asked her to marry me. She accepted and I promised I'd come home to make her Mrs. Barnes." James said with a sly smile.

"James Buchanan Barnes! Why are you acting like a child? This isn't a contest! I'm trying to help Steve and you while juggling a head full of memories and feelings I still don't fully understand. You two bickering like toddlers is not helping me!" I shouted finally loosing all my restraint to remain calm and collected.

Both men blinked at me in shock before looking down in similar but different pouts. I sighed leaning against the wall.

"Sorry" they both muttered quietly.

Something started to beep making Sam look down.

"We found it. Their Quinjet's in hangar five, north runway." Sam said quickly into the coms.

"Willow, get to that jet." Steve ordered in my ear.

Just as all three of us stood and started running down the terminal something or someone dropped onto the glass. He looked like he was in some kind of spider costume as he crawled quickly across the glass toward us.

"What the hell is that?" James asked in disgust and disbelief.

"Everyone's got a gimmick now." Sam grumbled.

"Go doll! We'll catch up!" James ordered just as the spider guy crashed through the glass.

I took off as fast as I could leaving the two men to handle whatever that was. Outside the terminal on the runways Wanda, Steve, Clint, and Lang were all in position to keep the others distracted while I got to the jet. I kept my eyes forward as I ran. I had to get to the jet. I had to be ready to go.

I was able to slide into the hangar without a single glance from the others. They were mid fight now paying no mind that I was no where in sight. I climbed onto the jet then did everything Sam and Steve had told me to make sure it was ready to go. Now I just had to wait for the rest of my team.

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