#evan buckley and the terrible horrible no good very bad day

[diazfightclub]

so where's the coda / spec fic with buck going to tommy's after visiting eddie, his best friend, and being like "so sorry i'm late, i had to -- eddie's going through a thing right now, i had to stop by there first, i'm worried about him but -- i'll let him tell you" and they try to continue their date night like normal but tommy, his boyfriend, is acting weird bc seeing g*rrard was triggering and he's having Big Feelings about what he's endured and who he used to be and whether or not he deserves this, deserves Evan, who so clearly loves all his friends and goes to bat for them whenever he can, and buck for the second time that night has to talk gently to someone he cares about, telling him "you are not your past, you've come so far, you are worthy of love" and then Evan "i'm a fixer" Buckley gets the call informing him that bobby and athena, his parents for all intents and purposes, are in the hospital after a fire burned down their house.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

🍽🍽! Angst pleases me lol

Make Me Write Monday

@kinard-buckley also asked for this, so I thought I would just answer this in one ask hehe

This is technically a Denial-Verse Side Story I'm hoping to finish it and post it at some point. I'd say this happens after A Surprise Visit and before The Fire is Inside the House. And 😂 okay, so it's a little more than three sentences, but I've got them, so I might as well show them, right? Enjoy! 🥰

*****

“I think I just had the worst shift of my life,” Tommy said as he dropped his duffle next to the door, a little – a little shocked by what had just happened to him on that shift.

Evan was at the table. He was setting up his table for dinner. In his messy apron and a smudge of sauce on his face. And all Tommy wanted was to sink into his usual chair and lean on Evan’s shoulder and try to piece together what the fuck had just happened to him.

Because he didn’t know how to comprehend it.

He hadn’t been able to his entire shift. His drive back to Evan’s place.

“Tell me about it. You should have seen the bullshit that Gerrard had us do. What he ordered us to do almost got the victim killed. It was – what the fuck is wrong with that guy, right?” asked Evan, and Tommy knew Evan didn’t mean it like this, he really knew, but it felt like Evan was glossing over what Tommy had just said.

And.

And they had been talking about Gerrard for weeks. Weeks. Weeks of an endless barrage of trauma and bad choices on the part of Vincent that seemed to seep into the very fabric of Tommy and Evan’s lives.

Tommy didn’t fault Evan for talking about the man so much. There was bound to be a lot happening that wasn’t good at the 118 at the moment. Tommy understood too well what it was like to be under Gerrard’s leadership.

Evan should talk about it.

Work through his feelings.

Be heard and know that he wasn’t overreacting. That his responses to this man were realistic. His, Chimney’s, Hen’s, Eddie’s, Ravi’s – all of them were correct in their anger and appalment against the man.

But.

But it was also straining.

It was a death of a thousand cuts that was slowly making all of them more and more raw and stressed out. No one did well working under traumatic conditions, after all.

And Tommy felt horrible, but he was so tired. And he knew how bad Evan had it right now. But Tommy wanted to talk about what happened to him.

He just wanted a moment to talk about his worst shift ever.

And this wasn’t as if he didn’t want Evan to talk about his day, but they had been talking about Evan’s terrible days for weeks on end, and Tommy just wanted one day.

One day about Tommy’s horrible day.

Which was terrible. And selfish. And cruel. But Tommy couldn’t help but say, “Evan, I just told you I had the worst shift of my life.”

“And I was talking about my shift too,” said Evan slowly as he sat down at the table, “Because we both talk about our shifts at dinner.”

And.

Yes.

That was sort of true.

“Sometimes, we talk about my shift,” said Tommy as he walked to the table and leaned on one of the chairs, “Sometimes. But we always talk about your day.”

Which was probably unfair to say.

But it was true.

They always talked about Evan’s day. And that was okay. Evan needed that now more than ever. Evan was having a lot of terrible days. But – but Tommy had a terrible day today.

And it hurt that Evan wasn’t seeing that he needed this right now.

Evan furrowed his brow.

“Last dinner we talked about you saving a cat from a tree,” Evan pointed out, as if he had to be right.

Or maybe.

Maybe Evan was just confused by the idea that it hadn’t been exactly equal the last few weeks.

“No, that was four dinners ago,” said Tommy clearly.

Because.

It really was.

“That can’t be right.”

Tommy.

Tommy didn’t understand why this was the sticking point.

“That’s what you really want to focus on right now?” asked Tommy, a little – a little exasperated.

Which wasn’t usually where Tommy lived as a person, but well, he didn’t have the patience he usually did. And that really did feel like the wrong place for Evan to focus on at the moment.

“I – I didn’t mean it as like, the most important part of this discussion. I’m just – did we really not talk about your day the last three dinners?” asked Evan, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah. Evan. We didn’t,” said Tommy softly, “And that’s – that’s okay. But. But that’s not really the point I’m trying to make here.”

“What other point could you be making?” asked Evan, and – and it wasn’t defensive, but it felt defensive, “Should I not be talking about my days? Because they’ve all been terrible. I’m sorry that all of my days have been terrible. I don’t mean to take over the conversation, but it’s hard to not talk about all the things Gerrard does.”

Tommy rubbed his face as he tried to not read that as defensive. Because Evan wasn’t like that. Tommy knew that.

But this was.

Tommy didn’t have the spoons for this.

“You know what? I’m not that hungry anymore,” said Tommy as he – as he walked over to the door and picked up his duffel.

“What?” said Evan, and Tommy immediately heard Evan stand up, “You’re just leaving?”

Tommy took a deep breath in.

A deep breath out.

He turned to Evan, who – who looked pissed. And hurt. And scared.

And.

Fuck.

“Evan, I had the worst shift of my life today. I really did. I do not have the patience. I do not have it in me. I need some space to think without saying something I don’t mean to you right now. I’m going home today. I’m not abandoning you. I’m not leaving you. I just need some space to think,” said Tommy clearly.

“So, you’re running away from the conversation?” asked Evan, and okay, that hit a nerve.

“My mom almost died because she refused to be treated by me, I – ” Tommy started to say, started to yell, and –

And he could see the regret in Evan’s eyes.

The instant regret.

And Tommy regretted yelling that at him. At just springing it like that.

Tommy didn’t yell.

He wasn’t that person.

He needed to not be like this to Evan. He needed space.

“ – I love you, Evan. I need some space,” said Tommy.

And he knew Evan was saying something behind him.

But Tommy couldn’t.

He needed to not be there right now.

He needed to be alone.

He needed to make himself a priority, just this one time.

So, Tommy left Evan’s loft.

[allthingsbucktommy]

Awful quiet here since love fell asleep by Cecily_v, liminalmemories

Mature / 15.6K

The Buck/Tommy break up/make up fic that literally no one was asking for but me. Things don’t always work out, the first time around.

"We'll be friends?" Because this is the right move, the smart move.

There's an expression he can't read that crosses Tommy's face, but then he nods, and sticks out his hand for Buck to shake. "Of course."

Buck hates it. But he made the bed, it's his to lie in. They shake on it.

Potato Salad by LazyBaker

Gen / 1.7K

"I'm sorry," Josh says, "You had a hot gay pilot in your back pocket this entire time?"

i've got my eyes on the skies by middyblue (daisyblaine)

Teen / 9.1K

AU in which Buck went to work at JPL instead of becoming a firefighter.

Tommy pulls off his helmet and yanks off his mask, revealing some serious helmet hair, then sticks it onto Buck’s face.

“I think this qualifies as second base,” Buck says, muffled behind the mask, which is still warm from Tommy’s head. Oxygen-mask base, he thinks. Is that a thing?

Tommy is clearly trying and failing to hold back a laugh. He has gorgeous smile lines and a chin that should be carved in marble and Buck is pretty sure that he’s even pulling off the helmet hair look, which would be annoying if he weren’t so fucking hot.

through the fire and the sound by kirkaut

Teen / 14K

pick me back up off the ground

It all starts when Tommy has to cancel their plans for Friday.

Or: Evan Buckley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

[soliloquy-please]

Buck and Tommy fic recs

Landed in the Hospital edition

(hurt/comfort, angst, fluff)

Hi, @honestlynervousnut I was making a list in my notes of recs and I realized I had a bunch but it's hard to comment all those individually lol

Since these are angst/hurt involved enough to get to the hospital please mind the tags!

# Hospital Visits by @not-as-straight-as-i-appear

What is on the tin baby! Exactly what your looking for! Is extremely good read very sweet and the whole family really supports both of them!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56385778

# and i will love you by rosetterer

Tommy doesn't think Evan is looking to hot, Buck has never liked hospitals. https://archiveofourown .org/works/55799446

# The Ex by Marchling

Am I recommending this fic all the time yes! Is it that good, yes :) Truly whump (MIND THE TAGS) It might be more heart warming then fluff you get with this author!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55993975

(Also, other fic by them "Eyes on Me" is amazing also very sick, care based if that is what you are looking for just not in a hospital as much)

# What the agony has been for by alchemystique @alchemistc

It's a series of one-shots but written with an over arching theme and I really do recommend reading all of them!

but chapter 4 is the hospital one you want

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56544721

# The Fire is Inside the House by Writer_Lethogica

@thatmexisaurusrex

Is the story 4th in "denial the series" but it follows cannon so the 3rd story just ended with season 7 and Gerrard returning. (But do recommend reading the series as always)

If you want hospital fic, Extended Edition this is it! Very much what you are asking for!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56426572

# through the fire and the sound by kirkaut

Angst 8: Fluff 2 ratio in this one

" It all starts when Tommy has to cancel their plans for Friday. Or: Evan Buckley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55932391

That is all I got I might add more if I can remember them later - sol - June 18th 2024

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone! Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, enough love to go around!

17 May 2024

through the fire and the sound by @kirkaut 'It all starts when Tommy has to cancel their plans for Friday. Or: Evan Buckley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.' The reason this week's rec list is coming a little later in the day, was because I was absolutely immersed in this 10k one shot and couldn't stop reading! I really loved the Buck characterisation in particular in this one, his voice rang out so strongly, supported, teased and cared for by the 118, and just ready to take those next steps with Tommy. Loved how their relationship was developed and showcased with the depth of love explored. After a series of bad calls end in injury, sometimes you have to embrace the moment!

you’ve got too much to wear on your sleeve by @try-set-me-on-fire apparently I was in the mood for some good ol' hurt/comfort this week, because in this one Tommy’s helicopter goes down, and whilst Maddie reassures Buck he'll be ok, in an effort to distract himself from worrying on the job, Buck concentrates on fixing the station AC unit. I really enjoyed the structure of this one, how Buck's work continues even once he knows what's happened because he still has a shift, and Tommy sending Maddie updates to reassure Buck was just very sweet.

prescribed burn and aerial ignition by @wakeupnew is a brilliantly crafted 7x06 coda, in which 'Tommy's busy fighting a wildfire at the edge of the Angeles National Forest, but every time he checks his phone, he has an increasingly unbelievable series of text messages.' I LOVED the text messages added in to this fic, such a great mix of sweet and drunken and funny and charming and appropriately alarming. Continuing the trend of them showing concern for each other, I also just loved Tommy's appreciation of clipboard Buck, drunk Buck, worried brother-in-law Buck and safe in his arms Buck. And the follow up is a beautifully soft and sexy morning after epilogue.

give your heart and soul to charity by @exhuastedpigeon is a buddie fic with background 'keeping things fluid' bucktommy, and crucially in which 'Eddie dumps God, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself.' With gorgeous evocative writing, lots and lots of Eddie introspection and some very pleasing healing Catholic Guilt to joyful unrepression arc, there's emotional ups and downs along the way that made my heart ache.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels was another buddie fic I was recommended from a few years ago to read to get inside Eddie's head and is my favourite of tropes - fake marriage of convenience with co-habitation and mutual pining and very real feelings they've yet to articulate. Post-shooting, Eddie has concerns about the legal strength of Buck being Christopher's guardian in case of his death...so he totally marries him about it. My favourite thing was just nobody really batting an eye, until it became undeniable. And Maddie's reaction.

i could be the one (or your new addiction) by @bucktheally 'Five times Buck had to put a dollar in the Mentioning Tommy jar during 7x07, and one time nobody was around to catch him.' 118 firefam team banter my beloved!! As fun as this season has been I am MISSING ME some firetruck team conversations allowed by a longer season, and this fic fills the void magnificently.

PS - once again sending out the signal to ask if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! I love them!

Also it's my birthday tomorrow and you know you want to point me towards any of your buddietommy fics that I missed!

[batnsonswrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Bobby Nash, Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson Additional Tags: 911week2021, Fluff and Humor, Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sick Evan "Buck" Buckley, Poor Buck is not having a good day, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Bobby Nash Acting as Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parental Figure, eddie teases Bobby about being buck’s dad, buck rescues a cat, but now he needs to be rescued, POV Alternating Series: Part 2 of 911 Week 2021 Summary:

The last straw, at least for Bobby, was when Buck stood up after a dinner that he’d mostly just picked at and nearly fainted into Bobby’s arms. Bobby had taken one look at him practically cradled in his arms, pressed a hand to his forehead, hissed at what he found, and promptly declared that he was going home early. Only, Buck couldn’t be so lucky today. Oh no, Bobby had meant his home. So that was how Buck ended up getting out of an Uber in front of Bobby and Athena’s house. That doesn’t, however, explain what he’s doing sitting in a tree.

  —————

{for 911 week 2021 day 2: “why are you sitting in a tree?”}

[florenceandthemachine]

my friend, if you wrote me a college au and/or a soccer player au for buddie i would owe you my whole life

first of all LAUREN I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GET TO THIS XOXO i loved the idea of a soccer fic so much but i do not know anything about the sport to do it right so i hope this 4.5k mess is still to your taste <3

second of all smooches as always to @buckleydiazs​ for helping me level out the softboi energies [ilu bb]

Let it be known that Edmundo Diaz was not a subtle man.

Patient, sure. Kind, absolutely. But subtle? Definitely not.

“Eddie, are you paying attention?”

“To you? Always, Buckaroo.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s just Buck. So, what’s the answer to number four?”

No one was better at throwing the already minute amount of subtlety he had out the window than Evan Buckley. It should have been embarrassing—would have been, if it were anyone else—but that’s just how Buck was. If you didn’t love him, you were either an idiot, or an asshole, or both. 

Eddie just happened to wear his... Buck-related emotions a little more on the sleeve than most.

“Ah, no, close, but you have to remember to multiply air resistance on both sides.”

“Right, thanks Buck-amuck.”

“Eddie, no.”

Buck was hot, sure, but more disastrously, he was cute. He was so cute, and he was nice, and Eddie wasn’t sure how much longer he was was going to last under the never ending amount of support and care he got from Buck before he combusted; and it had started at day one. College hadn’t been high on his list for a long time, the thought of starting college when most people his age were graduating something he didn’t know how to approach—but after his tour in Afghanistan all he wanted was a normal life, and Buck... well, Buck was a big help in that.

He wasn’t sure what he appreciated more—the fact that Buck didn’t treat him like some sort of hero after doing only a tour in Afghanistan, the fact that Buck didn’t give a fuck about his age (“Twenty three is not that old, Eddie, you’re barely four years older than me, stop being so dramatic”), or the fact that two weeks into their college career, when Buck walked in to find Eddie with his hand down his pants and distinctively male moans coming from his phone, instead of getting angry or being disgusted, he had almost passed out laughing at Eddie’s embarrassment.

“...no, hang on, how did you even get that number? Where did that come from?”

“Buck-uccino, I’m never going to get this. I’m doomed.”

“Eddie, you—oh god, never use that one again—you’re going to get it. We’ll keep working at it.”

That, though, that was the worst part about rooming with Buck. He was tenacious, or maybe just caring, or nice, or whatever—because when Eddie had started failed his Physics midterm and learned about the very real threat of academic probation (which would mean no grants, no scholarships, no more soccer), Buck had dropped everything and started tutoring Eddie whenever he could. Even now, he was smiling at Eddie like he believed he could do anything, and damn if Eddie didn’t want to believe him.

Buck was just that kind, that sweet, that good—and Eddie was that gone.

--

“Chim, keep your feet moving! Come on!”

As teasing as Eddie may have been wherever Buck was involved, he was completely different when he was on the field. He was every bit the teammate that commanded respect, pushed his players to do better, and kept his team motivated—enough that he had fit in seamlessly with the team, despite being only in his second year, despite his age gap, despite everything.

“Good, Bosco! Keep it up!”

If only Eddie could keep himself that motivated while he was studying. He tried, he really did—but he wasn’t sure if it was the continuous closeness of Buck as they poured over Eddie’s notes, or the impossibility of the materials he was studying (he was in the Army, for fucks sake, he didn’t need to care about the force exerted by his helicopters rotors—he only needed to know that it would fly), but every time they cracked open his physics book, it felt like Eddie was smashing his head into a brick wall.

Things just made more sense out here. Eddie was in his element, and anyone who knew him, who even looked at him, would know that—so it really, really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Chim jogged over to him, keeping his high knees going as he hopped in place, jerking his chin somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder while he and Hen worked on some touchless passes.

“Looks like you have a visitor.”

Eddie turned around from his position near the goal, squinting over to the tunnel, his face immediately brightening as he saw who it was. He kept himself moving in a jog as he closed the distance between he and Buck easily, all smiles as Buck looked up from his phone. Eddie had to laugh at the image of this kid standing in the middle of the tunnel, forcing the athletes who were running in and out of the locker room to move around him.

It made sense; Buck really was an immovable force.

Eddie wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Well, if it isn’t my good-luck-Buck!” Eddie said, pushing a wide smile onto his face and one of his favorite nicknames out into the air so he would stop staring at Buck’s lips when the other scowled. “What are you doing here?”

Sighing, Buck pushed back off the wall, raising a brow. “Well, I was going to give you a crash course in force, speed, air resistance, and velocity, but if you call me that again—”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Eddie said, legitimately smiling now as he slowed his pace, starting to catch his breath. “Here, I’ll grab my stuff and we can grab a bleacher or something, I’ll just be a—”

“Nope.” Buck said, popping the ‘p’, his annoyance easily forgotten as he playfully pushed Eddie’s shoulder back to the field. “Grab your team and a ball, we’re learning on the field.”

Eddie stared at him, confusion evident on his face for only a moment before he lit up in understanding, calling out to the rest of the team. He had to admit, this was definitely one of Buck’s better ideas—not that Buck had ever had a bad idea, for the record—but if you wanted a surefire way to get Eddie to pay attention to anything, you threw a soccer ball at it.

Eddie was pleased to know that Buck clearly knew at least that much about him, the feeling dancing in his gut with the reassurance he felt whenever he was reminded that his team had his back. They worked easily with Buck as he ordered them around, had them try different kicks, using the arc of the ball through the air to point out speed, force, gravity. Eddie wasn’t about to say that it was working, but it had to be a good thing that he was forced into a situation where he could focus on something other than Bucks’ voice, or the way that his skin felt when their hands brushed over a textbook.

No, there was no room for soft touches and smiles now; Eddie was stuck in a goal, the smile on Buck’s face far more devious than soft as he explained the rules of their next exercise. Buck was going to ask a question. Eddie was going to give the equation that could be used to solve the problem. It sounded easy enough, but—

"If you can give me the right equation to solve the problem, you get to use your hands to block the shot. If you don’t, you have to use your head.”

...okay, yeah, nothing about that sounded easy.

The fact that Eddie had a team full of sadists didn’t seem to help, either—he no longer cared about how nice they were being to Buck to help him help Eddie when they were really just in it to torment him. It wasn’t fair.

He tried to voice as much, but Buck just called him out for whining. Which was also unfair.

Worst of all was afterward; even after he was able to use his arms around half of the shots, his teammates were terrible, horrible people, and Chim proved exactly why once they retreated to the locker room.

“You know Diaz, I think you did pretty well out there.” he started, and Eddie immediately felt himself on guard—he knew that any compliment after an evening as brutal as that was likely to be designed to lull him into a false sense of security.

“...thanks, Chim.” he started, eyes narrowed. “I think I might actually have a change of this thing.” Chim clapped him on the back, the grin on his face telling Eddie all he needed to know, and he felt himself ready to groan when Chim cut him off.

“That’s good! I know it must have been hard for you, but, hey think about it this way. At the very least, Buck now knows that you can handle some balls flying at your face.”

Chim’s laugh turned into a sharp yelp as Eddie clipped him with a rat tail, but that didn’t prevent the words from echoing through his head for the rest of the night, cheeks burning bright red whenever he caught Buck looking at him funny.

--

“Alright, we’re done for the night. I can practically see the smoke pouring out of your ears.”

“It’s impossible, Buck-fifty. I’m gonna fail, and I’m gonna get kicked out, and you’ll never get to see my beautiful face ever again.”

Eddie groaned, head resting against the open textbook on the table, hiding his head in his hands. They had been studying off and on for weeks, and while Eddie was pretty proud of the things he had started to memorize and retain, he still didn’t know how they worked, how they fit together, how to chose one over the other in a problem, and he was starting to feel like he might never understand it.

“Christ, stop being dramatic. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and this class is not going to be the end of your world, not if I can help it. But what you need now is a break.” Buck said, ignoring the nickname and the dramatics in one fell swoop. He had his phone out in a half second, scrolling through a few different feeds, before his face lit up. “Come on, Lena invited the whole team over for a game night. We’re going to get you out of your head and you’re going to relax, damn it.”

Eddie wasn’t too proud to admit that his heart did a little flip when he realized that Lena and Buck were texting on the regular, something about his friends liking Buck (and Buck liking his friends!) making his heart swell. “I don’t know, Buck, maybe we should just stay in so I can work on my—“

“Nope.” Buck interrupted, popping the end of the word, pulling the book out from under Eddie’s head, ignoring the whine that Eddie gave when his head thunked against the table. “I’m serious, I’ve burned myself out many times before, you need to take the night and remember why you’re actually studying. Passing is great, but we both know the reason you’re working so hard isn’t for the class, it’s for your team, your friends.”

It’s for you, Eddie wanted to say, but the words died in his throat before he could even take a breath in.

They were on their way quickly enough, trekking easily to the Phi Sigma Chi sorority house .

Buck looked fucking adorable, cheeks pinked in the cold air, blond mop of curls peeking out from the brim of his beanie, and Eddie couldn’t help himself. “Buck, you know what Lena says when she means game night, right?” he asked as he threw his arm around Buck’s shoulder, relishing in the way that Buck easily fell into step next to him as they walked. Buck smiled up to him, practically batting his eyes, and Eddie felt himself melt. “Yeah, things like Mario Kart or Smash, right? Or maybe Clue? Monopoly?”

Three hours later, Eddie was seeing Buck in a whole new light—because Buck wasn’t just kind, and smart, and adorable.

Buck was a fucking hustler.

And Eddie was fucking hammered.

He let out a whoop of joy as Buck sunk another ping pong ball in front of Hen and Chim, winning their eighth game in a row, with Eddie taking every drink that anyone scored against their team (Buck was still underage, after all—Eddie may have been a dope where Buck was involved but he wasn’t an idiot).

The thing was, when you had a partner that was amazing at beer pong, you didn’t get to drink nearly as much, so no one could blame Eddie for supplementing himself with several shots throughout the night, one of which spilled as he loudly cheered for Buck’s incredible prowess. Buck laughed at a much more indoor-volume beside him, gasping as Eddie lifted him into the air and Hen let out a wail of defeat, idly shoving the cup toward Chim. Buck’s laugh turned about a pitch higher as Eddie spun, grabbing onto his shoulders for support, looking at him with starry eyes once he got Buck back down to his feet.

“Buck, you… you’re so… how are you so good?!” Eddie asked, voice a rasp of a whisper, like he was asking for the secrets of the universe, and Buck couldn’t have helped the way he smiled if he tried.

He felt his cheeks heat up as he lifted a ping pong ball, twirling it between two of his fingers. “You know, physics? Just think, Eddie, you could use that big brain to be a beer pong champion.” He asked, laughing as Eddie threw his arms around his shoulder, a ragged exclamation of “YOU’RE SO SMART!” leaving his lips as Buck struggled to accommodate the sudden dead weight.

“Uh—“

“Okay, that’s usually a sign that it’s time for Eddie to go home.” Hen, his guardian angel, appeared next to him, helping Eddie stand a little more upright. “You guys walked, right? Karen can probably bring you back, I just—“

“Oh, no, that’s okay! I should be able to get him back, now that he’s upright.” Buck said, waving away her concern as he put Eddie’s arm around his shoulders, the other hand secure on his hip as they started to make their way to the front of the house.

Eddie might have been mostly incapacitated by that point, but that didn’t stop him from waving and saying what he thought was a perfectly coherent goodbye to everyone, the cold night air doing little (but still at least doing something) to help his coordination.

Eddie was content to walk in silence for only a moment, his head tilting onto his shoulder as he looked over to Buck, suddenly feeling so much lighter than he had a moment ago.

“Buck, you’re so nice to me.”

Buck was laughing. Why was Buck laughing? Eddie was completely serious.

“Buckinator, I’m serious. You’re so nice. And you’re smart, and you’re so pretty. Did you know?”

“Eddie, you are as drunk as you’ve ever been.” Buck murmured, shaking his head, and Eddie was definitely annoyed that it was night time—because he would have bet money that Buck was blushing.

Eddie started to whine as Buck pulled out his dorm card (“I’m not drunk, Buck! I’m serious!”), successfully swiping them both into the building and their room, depositing Eddie easily into his bed as he grabbed a bottle of water. He took a detour to their bathroom to pull out the little bottle of Advil he kept beneath the sink, handing Eddie both of them after cracking them both open.

Eddie stared at the pills in his hand, not entirely sure how he got there, his stomach tightening up as he looked up to Buck. “Hey Bucka… Buck, the… hey Buck?”

Okay, he was effectively drunk enough that he couldn’t think of a nickname. He popped the Advil into his mouth, swigging the water he was given as Buck closed the door, pulling Eddie’s blanket’s back. “What’s up, Eds?”

Eddie felt himself start to be lowered slowly, sluggishly tugging his feet up onto his bed, unsure as to where his shoes had gone, but he wasn’t going to complain. “We’ll still be friends if I end up failing out of school and having to become a hermit who… who lives under a bridge or something, right?” he managed to get out, and Buck’s eyes snapped up toward Eddie’s face. He wasn’t too sure when they had crossed the line from happy drunk to sad drunk, but damn, they had crossed that line at the speed of sound.

“Eddie, hey, no. You’re not going to fail out, and you’re going to be fine. Even if that doesn’t happen… you’re stuck with me, nerd. I’m not about to let you get away that easy.”

Eddie sniffled, nodding his head as Buck pulled his covers up, rolling to face the wall as he heard Buck change, the lights flicking off shortly after. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, closing his eyes as he felt the room start to wobble. He didn’t realize he was speaking until his mouth was already open, voice soft in the dark.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

Eddie sniffed again, his breath slowing down as he heard Buck shift in his bed, just sober enough to feel Buck’s eyes digging into the back of his head, but just exhausted enough to slip into sleep instead of roll over, only barely listening as Buck responded.

“… just don’t give up, Eds. You got this, I know you do.”

--

The Sunday before the final that would decide his entire life (“I’m begging you, stop being such a drama queen.”), the last thing on Eddie’s mind was physics—he was too focused on the beautiful boy beneath him. He could have drowned in the noises Buck was making as Eddie kissed at his neck, his collar, his swollen lips, the cord of muscle in his neck. He felt Buck’s hands lace with his, the movement more intimate than anything he could have imagined, and he let out a groan as he rolled his hips down, grinding against Buck, and—

—and then Eddie woke up to a soccer ball bouncing off of his head.

Grunting in pained surprise, he shot straight up out of bed, almost falling to the floor, blankets pooling around his hips as he jerked his head around, focus snapping to the sound of Buck’s laughter.

(It was a small soothe to chase away the taste of Buck on his lips, the phantom feel of Buck’s body beneath his, flexing his hands like he could still feel their fingers laced together.)

“Buccaneer, what the fuck?!”

“Come on, we’re burning daylight. Aren’t you usually on the field, like, before the sun is up most days?”

“Yeah, maybe when my career wasn’t already over.” Eddie whined, rubbing at his eyes. Eddie wanted nothing more than to throw the blankets back up over his head and roll over—but he knew from experience that Buck would have just ripped his comforter off and dragged him outside, if he had to, and Eddie was in no... physical state (after the dream he had) to risk losing the safe amount of cover the blanket was currently providing.

Honestly, even after being beaned in the head by a soccer ball, he couldn’t stay mad—not when Buck was smiling at him, physics book and coffee in one hand, the other occupied once more as he bent down to pick up the ball. He really, really didn’t deserve Buck, and it made Eddie feel all the guiltier, knowing full well the thoughts that were running through his mind less than an hour ago.

Thankfully, Buck seemed to soften as Eddie’s emotions played across his face, sighing and rolling his eyes as he tossed Eddie the jersey hanging over the back of his desk chair. “Hey, it’s not over yet. You will get this, I promise. Now, It’s 9 AM, and you’re going to do your drills while I drill you.”

So he was just never going to get that image out of his head, ever. Cool.

An hour later, Eddie was dressed, on the field, working on his figure eights, fueled only by the coffee that Buck had brought him and a burning annoyance for the day as a whole as Buck launched question after question at him.

He kept up his pace as they went back and forth, moving through a few different drills as Buck continued to question him, asking about formulas, equations, situations, making Eddie walk through each step he would do if he had a calculator in front of him. It was exhausting, but Eddie couldn’t deny that it was working—and he really, really didn’t want to look to deeply into the little moments of pride he felt when Buck smiled at him and moved on to the next problem.

He was lining up a row of shots when Buck started on another problem, sinking each shot perfectly into the net, describing the relationship between friction, air resistance, and velocity, when Buck interrupts.

“No, that’s not right.”

Eddie’s next shot goes wide as he turns back to Buck, his eyes narrowed as he goes over everything in his head. “What?”

“Go over it again.” Buck has his head mostly hidden behind the practice exam, and Eddie felt himself fall out of step for a moment before he pulled back for another kick.

“I know the force of gravity.” Eddie started, another kick sinking directly into the goal, refocusing himself.

“And I know the falling distance and the mass.” He continued, taking a sneak peek back at Buck, who quickly ducked his head again.

“And,” another kick, another goal. “I know the equation for air resistance, because you’ve basically pummeled it into my head.” He said, Buck’s little laugh not unnoticed, and Eddie smiled in spite of his frustration.

He lined up his next shot and sunk it, chewing on his lip.

“Then I was right, Buck!” Eddie said, pacing back and forth between the cones he had set up. “I would measure the change in distance and double it, I would divide it by the total time minus the air resistance, and I would subtract the initial velocity. That’s, like, textbook, what could I possibly have—“ Finally catching Buck’s eye, Eddie paused, thrown for a loop as Buck put the practice test down, expression stopping Eddie dead in his tracks.

Because Buck was absolutely beaming at him.

“You’re ready.”

“Wait, what?” Eddie was glad that he had already launched his last ball into the net, because he literally tripped over his feet, catching himself at the last moment as he jogged over to where Buck was sitting, peering over his shoulder.

Every answer that Eddie had given had been circled on the practice exam, not a drop of red ink anywhere on the page. “Wait, I got them right? I... I was right?”

“Even when I tried to tell you you were wrong—which you weren’t, by the way—you still stuck to what you knew, you were confident enough not to second guess yourself, and you proved it. Eddie, you’re ready. You’re going to crush it.”

Eddie looked at the test, then back at Buck, then back at the test, and he couldn’t resist it—he picked Buck up, laughing ecstatically as he spun Buck in his arms. He was feeling more confident than he had in an age and a half, and he knew he had the dopiest expression on his face when he set Buck down, his hands still linked around Buck’s waist.

…with Buck’s hands resting on his shoulders.

“I knew you could do it, Eds.” Buck said, and Eddie felt his face heating up. He had never doubted Buck, not for a minute, even while he was still racked with his own insecurities—but any thanks, any recognition, any anything, were drowned out in Eddie’s throat as Buck moved his hand off of Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie could have sworn he saw stars when he felt the warmth from Buck’s hand rest right against the crook of his neck, thumb on Eddie’s pulse point, his eyes wide as Buck smiled. “I’m really, really proud of you.”

Eddie felt like he was living in a dream his hands sliding down to hold Buck’s hips, half expecting Buck to pull away—finding his smile even brighter instead. Buck looked so happy, so content to be in Eddie’s arms, his smile wide and his eyes sparkling, and Eddie had to swallow, feeling the contrast to himself—sweating, out of breath, probably a little crazy eyed, but… Buck was still looking at him like that.

“Buck, I’m… Can I, um... can I?” Eddie found himself murmuring, chewing his bottom lip. It would kill him right now to let Buck go, when he was this close—but of course, if Buck said the word, he would have leapt back like he was on fire.

He wasn’t sure if it was relief or elation that he felt, heart pounding, when Buck leaned in instead of answering, his thumb catching just the corner of Eddie’s lip before Buck’s lips met his own.

Kissing Buck was like finding God—and yeah, that was probably the worst possible analogy he could have made, but it was true. Buck kissed him and suddenly everything felt right, something sliding into place so deeply in his heart and soul that he had no idea how he had been surviving without. 

He felt more than he heard Buck moan against his lips and he came crashing down into his own body, pulling back just enough to breathe, unable to keep the huge smile off of his own face. He had to duck his head, the moment getting to be a bit too much for him, the typical enthusiastic show he put up dulled for a moment as he looked up to Buck through his lashes.

“So... that’s okay, then?”

Buck only laughed, tilting Eddie’s head up for another small kiss. “Eddie, that was great. I’ve been gone on you since, like, the first shitty nickname you gave me.” he said, his voice dipping, suddenly going red as he realized what he said—but the damage was already done.

Eddie’s eyes lit up as he tightened his grip around Buck, his grin spreading so far across his face that it actually hurt. 

“Ten-point-Buck. Buck-a-boo. Bucky bear.”

“Eddie, no, that wasn’t supposed to encourage you.”

“...does this mean I get to grab your bubble-Buck?” Eddie asked sweetly, throwing his head back and laughing as Buck buried his head in his shoulder, face burning red.

(Eddie passed his final, obviously—but as excited as he was with the big, red, 91 circled at the top of his page, nothing compared to the warmth he felt when he opened the door to his dorm and found Buck waiting for him in one of his old jerseys. He easily caught Buck in his arms as he jumped, choosing to catch Buck’s lips in a kiss rather than say anything.

After all, he may have had a thousand nicknames at the ready, but for Eddie, nothing compared to calling Buck “mine”.)

[buckinviteseddie]

911 Week 2020, Day 6: “"I'm not going" + angst

Read it on AO3

Buck was tired of it all. He couldn't stand seeing people leave his life anymore, he couldn't stand being left behind anymore, that hurt him in a surreal way. Abby had left him without even having the decency to say she would never come back to him, Ally simply left because she couldn't deal with the life he had at work and finally had Maddie who abandoned him when he needed it most. Even though he currently knew why she had left, it still hurt to remember all the sleepless nights of anxiety and all the humiliating moments he had to spend with his parents. And in the end he had no one to count on, the only person he could really count on, who was his older sister, had abandoned him. Everyone around him abandoned him at one time or another and Buck was really tired of it, the mental exhaustion was huge and he couldn't understand why he was always left behind. And finally there was the fact that he was in love with his best friend and he knew Eddie didn't feel the same way, and it killed him. Buck had a very strong friendship with Eddie and he couldn't complain about what he had. They shared great times together when it was just the two of them or when Christopher was also in the middle and anyone who saw them from outside could swear they were family and Buck couldn’t complain about what he had, but he wanted more, he really wanted to be able to build a family with Eddie, but he also knew it was impossible and so he was giving up on flirting, giving up trying to miserably show Eddie how much he was in love with him.

It had been almost an hour since Buck sat there on the bar stool swirling his glass of beer on the table and staring at nothing as he thought about all the bad things that happened and continued to happen in his life. Some people passed by randomly trying to flirt with him, but to no avail. If it was a couple of years ago in his phase that he called Buck 1.0, he would be there having fun and being with all the women and men he wanted, but he was now a more mature person and it made no sense to stay with any of these people just to drown their hurt, because whoever he really wanted wasn’t there and even if Eddie wanted nothing with him, Buck didn’t feel good about being with other people. He just wanted to drink a little and try to forget about all these problems, which in fact was not happening.

After a while Buck realized it was time to stop, as he was more than drunk and needed to go home and get some sleep, as he would have a 12-hour shift in a few hours. He called an uber and on the way he fought not to sleep in the car and ended up stopping somewhere unknown, as he was feeling exhausted and his body just wanted a soft place to relax. Buck doesn't know how he got to his apartment. He struggled a little up the stairs while his mind spun with the effect of the amount of alcohol he drank. He staggered a few times as he climbed step by step and when he finally went up to the second floor, he threw his whole body on the bed, not even bothering to change clothes, take a shower or at least take off his shoes.

***

The next day, Buck woke up with his head still spinning a little. He looked at his watch with some difficulty and realized that it was only an hour and a half before his shift started "shit", he thought before running to the bathroom and throwing up the rest of the alcohol in his stomach. He was filthy, not only from the smell of sweat mixed with alcohol on his clothes, but inside he felt rotten, that was not the life Buck wanted for him, at least not anymore. Until when it would be like this and whenever he felt depressed he would run to the first bar he could find and drink until he couldn't take it anymore.

Buck was quick to get undressed and throw in the laundry basket and throw himself in the shower while he turned on the shower and let the cold water run through his body as electricity in the form of punishment. As soon as he left the bathroom, he hurried to put on his uniform and get ready, damn he was a wreck. When he came down the stairs, he went looking for some aspirin and then took a few sips of coffee. When he was finished he took his bag and car keys and slammed the apartment door behind him.

It didn't take long to get to the station, luckily the traffic that morning was peaceful. Buck then put his bag in the closet and went to join the other teammates who were already sitting at the table having their respective breakfast.

"Wow Buckaroo, you look terrible."    Hen waved as he approached.

Buck forced an ironic smile as he approached. "Thank you".

"Good Morning".     Eddie greeted him as he took his cup and sipped his coffee.

Buck sat next to him as usual, but didn't look at him as he said, "Good morning."

You could feel the tension in the air. Everyone was silent and with each passing second the tension worsened.    "Well, I think today will be quite a day."     Chimney forced more than necessary animation.

Buck shrugged while picking up some fruit and forcing himself to eat, he was on an empty stomach so he needed to eat in order to get through the next twelve hours of work.

At a glance he could see Eddie staring at him a few times. Maybe was worried that he was physically awful, but Buck wasn't in the mood for conversation and his head was still pounding from the hangover.

"I hope the fact that you have a hangover is not a problem, Buck."     Bobby said as he joined them and handed him a full cup of coffee.     “Here, it's out of sugar. It helps to reduce the swelling of the blood vessels that cause the headache ”.

“I'm fine, cap. but thank you".     Buck took the cup of coffee and took a sip, wow it was pretty strong.    "By the way, how do you know about these things?"    He gave him a questioning look.

"Well, I was young like you and I loved going out at night to drink with friends ...".     Bobby forced a smile and turned his attention to his own plate while eating some goodies that he had prepared that morning.

Buck just shrugged, not trying to bring it up, he knew Bobby didn't like to talk about it much.

"Young people today just want to get drunk and go out and kiss everyone around."    Eddie had a certain harshness in his voice, but he gave a wry smile in Buck's direction, who flinched in defense.

Buck opened his mouth to try to defend himself from his friend's accusatory tone, but closed it in the same second. He was in such a bad mood that he didn't trust what could come out of his mouth and he didn't want to get into an unnecessary argument. He couldn't understand why Eddie was treating him like this, that he knows the only mistake he was making was being in love with his best friend.

Luckily for Buck, the rest of the day went pretty smoothly. No big calls, just simple things that didn't require much effort. His headache was gone and he was already feeling a little better. His interaction with Eddie was very little, just what they needed while on a call. Eddie seemed to notice that he was not okay, because from time to time he would cast looks that indicated he wanted to talk and know what was happening to Buck, but he was not feeling good, much less in the mood for it, even more after Eddie's comment earlier.

Buck thanked all the gods when his office hours were finally over and he could finally go home and rest and not think about anything else. As he sat on the locker room bench tying his shoelaces, he heard footsteps approaching.

"What's going on with you, Evan?"    Eddie leaned against the cupboards and stared at him with those brown eyes that made Buck melt all over just by looking.

"Nothing, dude, I just really need my bed".      Buck replied while finishing his work with the sneakers and trying not to stare at his friend and end up getting caught up in the tattered lie he had just played.     "By the way, what did you mean with that comment you made earlier?"

"Nothing. Have a good night, Buckley".     Without even waiting for an answer, he left the locker room and left.

Buck sighed deeply at the boy's reaction, he didn't know why Eddie seemed to be upset with him, but at the moment he just wanted to get to his car and go home.

When he got home, he did the entire night route he did every day. He took a shower, this time hot so he could relax his body. He ate some leftovers he found in the fridge and when he finished eating, he brushed his teeth before throwing himself on the bed and letting the tiredness and sadness go out.

***

It was dark when he woke up in alarm with the sound of his own scream. His shirt was damp with sweat as was his forehead. His breathing was labored and his chest rose and fell at a rapid speed. Buck was filling up to get as much air as possible, he was having a panic attack. He didn't know what to do, his heart pounding in his chest as he struggled desperately to find his cell phone. All the nerves in his body were shaking and the sensation was horrible, he just wanted it to stop and when he finally found it, he didn't even realize when he already had his cell phone in hand, dialing the number so familiar that he knew in his head.

He thought about hanging up the call when on the third ring when the call was answered.    "Buck?"    Eddie's voice was hoarse on the other end of the line, indicating that he was sleeping when the phone rang.

"Buck ... are you there?"    Eddie spoke as he took a deep breath with the phone to his ear.

He thought about hanging up and just dealing with the situation his own, it wasn't right for him to disturb Eddie in the middle of the night because he was having a panic attack, but at the same time he didn't know what to do.    "I need you...".     Buck replied before he even thought, his voice coming out shaky and breathless.

"Where are you?"    Eddie seemed to be getting ready, as Buck could hear what sounded like the belt buckled in his pants.

"Home...".     It was all he could to say while his whole body was shaking.

"I am on my way".     There was a sound of keys and then Eddie hung up.

Buck stayed with the phone for some time before realizing that the call was over and then tossing it on the bed. He was still struggling to breathe. His face was drenched with tears and his eyes were swollen. He then sat down and bent his legs close to his chest, wrapping both arms around them and burying his head.

What seemed like fifteen minutes passed, then Buck heard the door open and close, and after a few seconds, treaded steps up the stairs. He then raised his head and saw even with some difficulty because of the poor lighting, Eddie standing at the entrance to his room with a concerned look.

"Eds ...".    He called out with a sob.

Eddie went towards him and sit next to Buck.    "I am here".    He didn't think twice before pulling Buck close to him and wrapping his arms around him.

Buck grabbed Eddie's shirt with shaking hands as he sobbed and cried softly. He stayed that way for a few secunds, while Eddie tightened his embrace around him a little and rocked him back and forth as if he were holding a baby.

"I'm scared Eddie ..."    Buck admitted.    "I'm too scared."

“It's okay, it's okay. I am here. It was just a nightmare, I got you ”. Eddie kissed Buck on the head and then touched his cheek there.

"Please don't leave me...".     Buck's voice was almost a whisper within Eddie's embrace.

Gradually he recovered. Being in Eddie's arms gave him a feeling of protection and relief and as much as Buck was much taller than the other, at the moment he was feeling as if he were the size of a baby. What comforted him was hearing Eddie's heart in his ears and gradually his own heart was accompanying the beats and his breathing softening.

“I'm not going ... I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you".   Eddie still shakes him in a way to comfort him.

They remained silent for some time. Just sharing each other's warmth while Eddie comforted his best friend. And that was all Buck needed right now, he needed Eddie and he went there to console him and the blond couldn't be more grateful for that.

"I'm sorry for making you come here in the middle of the night." Buck spoke as he stepped away from the embrace and composed himself.    "By the way, where's Chris?"

“You have nothing to apologize for, and don't worry about Chris. I brought him with me and put him on the couch. He's sleeping there like an angel ”.     Even in the dark Buck could see the faint smile on Eddie's face.

Buck lifted his mouth a little, struggling to return the smile, even though he didn't know if Eddie could see him.

"What's going on, Buck?"    Eddie asked cautiously, not wanting to upset Buck more than he already was.

"I'm broken Eddie."    Buck admitted.    "My head is in turmoil and I don't know how to deal with it all".

He felt his whole body shiver a little when Eddie took his hand and squeezed it gently. “Evan, be honest with me. Tell me what bothers you ”.

Buck felt his heart skip a few beats. If he hadn't had a panic attack a few minutes ago, he would be having it now. He struggled a little before throwing out what he was feeling.   "I've been thinking a lot about my life, how everyone leaves me, how I'm always left behind ...".    Buck sniffed a little as he straightened.    "And....".

"And?" Eddie asked.

Shit, that was hard.

"And ... I ... I can't handle withe the fact that in love with you."   Buck took a deep breath and continued.     “And knowing that the feeling is not mutual, it destroys me every day. It kills me to have to look at you every day and not be able to have you ”.

Buck tried to pull his hand out of Eddie's grip, but his best friend took it back.    "And who said that the feeling is not mutual?"

"What?"    Buck was confused by the turnaround.

"What I mean is that I...I'm in love with you too, Buck."    Eddie seemed to be a little embarrassed about having to expose his feelings, but he kept his hands around the boy's.    "Right after the process, I was able to understand this feeling and how much I am in love with you, I just didn't have any sign coming from you so I didn't say anything".

"I flirt with you brazenly, Eddie."    Buck snorted.

"I'm sorry, I'm not too good at these things."

"By the way, what was the reason for that earlier comment?"   A questioning look settled on Buck's forehead as he faced his friend.

"I...I was a little jealous that you went to spend the night in a bar and flirting with other people."    Eddie stuttered a little as he scratched the back of his neck and his cheeks burned with the revelation.

Buck reached with his free hand to his mouth trying to stop a laugh and not wake up Christopher who was sleeping downstairs.    “Eddie, I didn't stay with anyone, I went there to cry some sorrows and to try to forget a little about the fact that I'm in love with you. I haven't kissed someone else in a while, I just think about you. It's always you ”.

Eddie wasted no time in giving an answer, he grabbed Buck's neck and pulled him close, kissing his lips with the greatest conviction possible. At first it was an awkward kiss, his lips roaming an unknown place, but soon Buck opened his mouth and allowed Eddie's warm, soft tongue to penetrate the inside and play with his. It was a hot, ravenous kiss. As if they have been waiting for this moment for a long time. Desire and will was all that hung over them. Gradually the kiss softened and became more intense, with Buck biting Eddie's lower lip and making him moan softly. They kissed for a while, experiencing this new experience so that they were both feeling good and comfortable.

A few minutes ago Buck was feeling like he had nothing and no one, like he was trapped in an endless void, and now there he was in the arms of the person he loved and that he was hopelessly in love with and that feeling it was mutual. Buck thanked all possible superior deities as he stepped away and buried his head in Eddie's shoulder, smelling that familiar smell that made him feel at home.

"I love you, Eds."

Eddie held Buck's head in both hands while pulling him in for a light kiss on the lips, then he looked at the boy and flashed a huge smile that made Buck melt all over. "I love you, Buck."