#evanbuckleyfanfic

[thebrainofcorpse]

Hierarchy | Evan Buckley

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trigger warnings: bullying/ableism, mental disorders, workplace harassment, abuse of power

gender-neutral reader with no specific description of appearance

word count: 2.2k

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Your last few years of high school were a miserable time in your life. Aside from the exams that you were just barely passing, the talk amongst your classmates about what they wanted to do after they graduated was a popular topic of discussion and it was one you could never participate in because you had absolutely no clue what you wanted to do. You spent your early 20's working part-time and studying a course you didn't even care to remember the name of but thankfully, it was because of that campus...or rather the fire that brought it down, that got you to where you are today.

In front of a firehouse.

You struggled a lot in becoming a firefighter...more than the others you were training with. You didn't think you'd make it this far, let alone still be this interested in the job but here you were and you couldn't be more proud of yourself.

"Hey, you two must be the probies." A voice spoke up and you turned to see a guy walking towards you and the girl who stood beside you.

Her name is Josie Campbell. She was one of the girls you had trained alongside in the academy. You two never got the chance to speak to each other but you heard a lot about her and how she practically had a one-up on everyone because her father was a Chief of a firehouse. This firehouse.

"Yes, that's us!" Josie spoke up. "We're supposed to be meeting with Captain Nash."

"Right, come along. He's just up there." The man nodded, turning and walking towards some stairs. Josie immediately began following the guy and so you did the same, picking at the skin around your nails anxiously.

As excited as you were to be starting a new chapter in your life, you didn't really enjoy the part where you'd have to interact with new people. People who'd be judging your every decision until the probationary period was over...if you even make it that far that is.

"Hey Cap', got some fresh meat here for ya'." You almost cringed at the introduction but you did your best to hide it and instead, you focused on the man that stood up from his seat with a warm smile.

"Welcome to the 118, I'm Captain Nash."

5 months later...

You huffed in annoyance, packing up the truck after a false alarm call had claimed that a child was stuck in a tree. The 'child' was a lady's cat and that same lady was being put into the back of a police car for wasting the 118's time and resources.

"You can't be mad at the lady, Mouse." Buck laughed, coming up beside you and packing his gear. Mouse was the nickname the firehouse gave you because you were so shy and quiet when you first started, they could barely get a word out of you unless you felt it was necessary to talk.

"I'm not mad at her." You muttered.

Buck paused, contemplating for a moment before he made a noise of realisation. "Is this about Josie?" Your lack of response only confirmed his beliefs. "I'm sure she didn't mean it like that."

You felt a rage burning up inside of you at his words. "Of course, you don't Buck, you're not the one being called incompetent."

You walked away from him, refusing to participate in the conversation any longer. Buck made you feel like you were crazy. You're sure the entirety of the 118 would make you feel the same way if you had confided in them the same way you did with Buck.

You and Buck's friendship was by far the most unusual of the 118. He was loud, obnoxious and extroverted and you were not. He approached you first which was quite a surprise considering you had made no move to befriend any of the firefighters. At first, it was just him making random comments and you simply nodding at them but slowly, you began to respond to them and those short responses eventually turned into long and meaningful conversations.

You would've considered Buck as an older brother if it wasn't for your stupid crush on him. You hated yourself for it sometimes. You really liked your friendship with him and you didn't want your feelings to ruin it. Thankfully, it was times like this that made you not want to be with the guy.

Josie was a problem for you. You tried so hard to like her but something about her put you off and you couldn't put your finger on it until recently.

You knew Josie wanted Buck. She wasn't very quiet about it and you think that her feelings for him were what made her treat you the way that she does.

She makes snide remarks and hurtful comments but Josie is smart. She does it in a way that only you'd be able to understand whereas everyone else would let it fly over their head.

You hated her. Not only for her comments, that was a small part of it. You hated her for making you look dumb and crazy. And as you jumped into the truck, trying to ignore her conversation with Buck, you couldn't help but fight back tears of frustration because with the probationary period coming to an end, her comments to you were getting worse.

She was trying to throw you off your game. She wanted you out of the 118 but she wanted to do so while remaining innocent in the eyes of the other firefighters.

"Mouse...hey Mouse? We're back." You looked up at Hen who was tapping your knee and smiled at her before climbing out of the truck.

Bobby was already on his way up the stairs, calling for all the firefighters to follow him up for dinner. By the time you made it up there, everyone had already found their place and there was just one spare seat beside Chim. You were right in front of Josie who was sitting between Buck and Eddie.

"Looks good as always Cap'." Eddie complimented, putting himself a plate of lasagna.

Hen took a bite and almost moaned at the taste of the food. "I'm so glad that wasn't a long call."

"I know, right? We didn't have to put in any effort, it was good for you, huh Mouse?" Josie added, smiling at you. You looked up at her in confusion.

"What does that even mean, Mouse didn't do anything?" Chim questioned. He was right. Buck had gone up to save the cat while the rest of you stood aside and watched.

"Well, I mean, the call didn't require a lot of brain power. That wouldn't have gone over well." Again, Josie made no sense to anyone and she could see it because of the confused looks being exchanged.

"I don't understand what that’s supposed to mean." You muttered, only for Josie to sigh in annoyance.

She mindlessly cut herself a piece of lasagna before looking up at you. "You're autistic, right? And you have ADHD? Plus other things too. I feel like you've been struggling recently in our calls. Like, I don't know, how do you even focus? Isn't it too hard trying to work with all of those things distracting you? I just don't want you to make a mistake and risk us or even you getting hurt."

You felt like throwing up. Everyone had stopped their eating and were looking between you and Josie.

No one knew those things about you. You had always kept that to yourself and it was because of this very reason. You didn't want it to be held against you. You didn't want to be blamed for things going wrong. You've always been insecure, ever since you got diagnosed.

"How do you know that?" Your voice came out in a whisper and you were surprised that anyone even heard you.

"It's in your records." Josie shrugged and your eyes widened.

"Those are classified." Buck chimed in. "Aren't they, Cap'?"

"They are." Bobby nodded, eyeing Josie in an almost judgemental way. "How did you access them?"

Josie rolled her eyes. "Come on guys, my dad is the Chief of this firehouse." As soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes widened. "Wait, n-not like that. I just happened to see it by accident when I was in his office."

"Why would he have Mouse's files out?" Eddie questioned, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

You felt like crying. You were humiliated. Every time one of them looked at you, you felt like they were judging you. It was getting hard to breathe and you wanted to cry. You couldn't handle the conversation anymore so you simply got up and left.

You took leave from work as soon as you got home. Thankfully, it was approved and the entirety of the two weeks you weren't at work, your phone was blowing up with calls and texts from Buck, Eddie, Chim, Hen and even Bobby which you were surprised about but you couldn't bring yourself to look at them.

You thought they were going to be judging you. Telling you that you shouldn't have put them at risk by keeping your diagnosis to yourself. You thought you were going to cop it the worst from Bobby, with him being Captain and all. He has the right to know these things about his team and because you kept it from him, you thought he was going to be mad at you.

But a knock on your door proved you wrong.

You were surprised to see Buck there and even more surprised to see him sigh in relief at the sight of you. He was in uniform so either he was coming back from work or heading to work.

"I thought you died." He huffed, running a hand down his face. "Why didn't you answer our texts? Are you okay?"

You shrugged, feeling a tightness in your chest at the sight of the firefighter. You appreciated that he cared enough to show up at your door, even if you didn't want anyone to see you like this.

"What do you think, Buck?" You sighed, moving out of the way to let him in. "I'm sorry."

Buck shook his head as he followed you to your living room. "Don't be. I-I don't know how you're feeling but...but I wouldn't be okay either. Look, I just wanted you to know that Cap' isn't mad. No one is. If anything, we're mad at Josie. She's actually...well, Cap' has been arguing with the Chief."

Your eyes widened at that last bit of information. "About what?"

"Well, for one, Josie abused her power. Like, yeah her dad's the Chief but that doesn't mean she's allowed to have access to what he does. Cap' wants Josie transferred...or like, fired. He doesn't think she should be allowed to work when she uses people's personal things against them." Buck explained.

"Oh." You nodded, glad that something was being done. For some reason, you didn't expect anything to be done about it. You thought that because of her being the Chief's daughter, they would all let it slide for fear of getting in trouble.

"Um..." Buck started and you gave him a look, telling him to continue. "Why didn't you uh...tell me? Like, I get it, I know why you'd want to keep it to yourself...but...did you think I'd judge you? Because if so, I just want you to know that I would never do that. I get that people have their own personal issues and you're a great firefighter, you've never shown any signs of being bad at your job and clearly your...you know...like, the autism and stuff...it-it hasn't caused any problems for you or us."

"I know Buck. I know you won't judge me. " You confirmed, watching his shoulders drop as if you had taken the weight off of them. "I just thought everyone else would...plus I didn't think it was important, ya' know? If it wasn't causing any problems then I just didn't feel the need to bring it up."

Buck nodded, softly putting a hand on your shoulder. "You should come back, Mouse. It's not the same without you. We all want you back. I want you back."

At this, you blushed and looked down, trying to hide your shy smile. Buck laughed, reaching for your hand and holding it softly in his.

You didn't know what to say so you said the only thing that you could come up with. "Shut up."

This only made Buck laugh again. "So you'll come back? Please say you will! I'll do anything! I'll uh, get you ice cream? Take you to dinner? Buy you that book you keep talking about?"

You looked up at him, eyes widening slightly. "Take me to dinner? Like...a date?"

Buck smiled, "If you'd like to..."

"I'd love to." You nodded, giggling as Buck jumped up.

"Good, now put your uniform on! Bobby said you can start now if I could convince you to come!" Buck mentioned in excitement. "I'll wait here and I'll drive us there!"

You rolled your eyes but stood up. "Fine...but only 'cause I miss everyone.

"You missed me the most though, right?" Buck questioned and you rolled your eyes before walking towards your bedroom. "Right?"

You closed your bedroom door behind you and giggled to yourself. You hated that you let Josie get to you but you know the 118 has your back and after this, you know you'll never have to doubt it again.