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cotton-candy-haze · 1 year

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Lost Souls

aka “How Eva Found Her Soul”

When Castiel checked to see if Sam still had his soul, and they all realized that he didn’t have one, a horrible thought occurred to Eva. If Sam could be walking around like this, like a living breathing thing without a soul, then maybe she could be too. Maybe her soul had gotten knocked loose a long, long time ago, and she was only just now realizing it.

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: swearing, non-graphic mentions of blood, injuries, and emotional distress (disclaimer: some dialogue is taken directly from 6x07).

Eva stared at Cas from where she was perched on the edge of the furthest bed. Her eyes were wide open and her expression was flooded by curiosity as she watched him shove his fist into Sam’s chest. Sam writhed in the chair, his face contorting in pain and blood trickling down his face from the still-open wounds. He shouted in pain as strange tendrils of glowing energy started to crawl up his neck. Then Cas pulled his hand back and the light faded just as quickly as it had appeared. Eva watched Sam for a moment, but he said nothing. He simply slumped forward in his chair and sucked in gasping lungfuls of air as he tried to catch his breath. Eva shifted her gaze toward Cas instead. The angel’s expression hardened as he shot a sideways glance at Dean and a jolt of panic shot through Eva. Something was really, really wrong.

“Did ya find anything?” Dean asked, finally breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the room.

“No,” Cas replied.

When the angel said nothing more, Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded at the man. “So... that’s good news?”

Cas gave a tiny shake of his head, finding himself unable to meet Dean’s gaze as he replied, “I’m afraid not.” He paused, let his eyes flicker in Sam’s direction, and then sighed as he added, “Physically, he’s perfectly healthy.”

“Then what?” Dean snapped.

“It’s his soul.” Cas paused, struggling to find the right words. Finally, he simply muttered, “It’s gone.”

Dean laughed, although there was no humor in the sound, and turned away from Cas. He shook his head, paced a few steps away, and then turned back around. “I’m sorry. One more time, like I’m five. What do you mean he’s got no-”

“Somehow, when Sam was resurrected, it was without his soul.”

Eva let out a strangled sound at the revelation, something between a gasp and a whimper, and all three men turned toward her. They were so caught up in the issue with Sam that they seemed to have forgotten that the girl was there in the first place. So the noise served to catch their attention, a reminder that there actually was someone else in the room with them after all. With three sets of inquiring eyes suddenly fixed on her, Eva squirmed a bit under the attention, but she didn’t have to worry about it for long. Sam only glanced at her for a moment before slumping forward in his chair to try tugging at his restraints. Cas also only spared her a passing glance, his eyes scanning her face curiously before he turned away again. Dean was the only one that didn’t turn away and his expression grew a touch more concerned as he looked at her.

“You have something to add, kid?”

“Uh, no... No, nothing important.” Eva scratched the back of her neck and kept her eyes fixed firmly on a stain on the carpet. She paused, considered the question, and then tentatively mumbled, “Just a question is all.”

“Okay, shoot,” Dean said as he turned his full attention toward her and crossed his arms.

“A question, for Cas,” she clarified.

“Oh, uh... Well, in that case-”

“I am happy to answer,” Cas interrupted. He walked up next to Dean, his eyes fixed on Eva’s face as he cocked his head in her direction. “What is your question?”

Eva tugged at the end of her sleeve, her fingers nervously bouncing over a frayed row of stitches. Her voice dropped down to a whisper, as if she was afraid to put her thoughts into words. “So, you can check to see if people still have their souls, right?”

Cas gave a curt nod and then gestured in Sam’s direction. “Yes. As I just demonstrated, that is one of my... many talents.”

“Can you check if I still have mine?”

The question shot through the air like a bullet, so unexpected that there was a beat of silence before anyone risked replying. Cas’s eyes widened a fraction, although that was the only thing that betrayed his surprise. Dean, on the other hand, stared at Eva like she’d suddenly grown a second head. He gaped at her, a million thoughts running circles in his mind as he tried to formulate a response. Eventually, he just settled for pure exasperation.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean shouted, his eyes darting between Cas and Eva. They both ignored him.

Recovered from the momentary surprise, Cas walked up the edge of the bed where Eva was still perched. He stopped in front of her and then lowered himself to a crouch so that he could look her in the eye. Head tilted, he quickly scanned her face. “Have you been exhibiting signs of losing your soul that would concern you?”

“No, I haven’t. At least, I don’t think so. I just... Sometimes I wonder if there’s still a soul in me,” she admitted, her voice shaking as she forced the words out. “Sometimes I wonder if one of those demons didn’t just drag me down with them after all this time and never let me back up.”

“Eva...” Dean whispered, his expression softening as moved to sit by her. He placed a hand on the back of her head and pulled her toward him. She immediately complied, her head dropping heavily against his side. He brushed a hand over her hair in a comforting gesture. “You have nothing to prove.”

“No, I need to know. Please, I need to know.” Eva lifted her head and rubbed furiously at her face as tears threatened to spill. “I need to know I’m not some sort of fucking monster.”

“Evangeline,” Dean said, his tone firm as he grabbed the girl by the shoulders. “You’re not a monster, and you don’t have to-”

“I will do it.”

Dean and Eva both snapped their heads in Cas’s direction. Dean looked about ready to shout at him, but Eva just looked relieved. Her body was still tense and she kept tugging anxiously at the frayed string on her sleeve, but her expression wasn’t quite as tight. When Dean went to stand, she grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him. He huffed in annoyance, but didn’t fight it and sank back onto the mattress next to her. Sucking in a calming breath, he glanced at her and gently pried away the hand that she still had clamped around his wrist. When he noticed that her hand was shaking, he trapped it between both of his hands and steadied her trembling fingers.

“You really want to do this?”

“I do,” she insisted in a wavering voice. Tears pricked at her eyes and she swiped at her face with her free hand. “Please.”

Dean sighed and let go of her hand so that he could wave Cas closer. When the angel nodded and stood, Dean jabbed a finger in his direction. “If you so much as harm a single hair on her head, I swear to God I will-”

“Understood,” Cas interrupted with a crooked smile. Then he turned toward Eva, placing one hand on her shoulder to steady her and holding the other in front of her sternum. “This will be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Just do it,” she muttered through gritted teeth.

Cas nodded and pressed his hand against her sternum. The area around his hand started to glow and warp as he shoved his fist into her chest. Glowing tendrils of energy crawled across her skin just like they had on Sam’s and tears started to pour down Eva’s face as she let out a bloodcurdling scream. Dean immediately cradled the back of her head and pulled her toward him as best he could without getting in Cas’s way. She twisted her head sideways and buried her face in Dean’s chest as her scream devolved into an unintelligible stream of pained whimpers. Dean grimaced and leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. He stayed there, whispering comforting words to the girl as she continued to writhe in pain.

Then, several excruciating moments later, Cas was removing his hand from her chest. “Your soul is right where it should be, just as expected.”

“See, nothing to worry about kiddo,” Dean murmured into her hair as he wrapped the girl up in a hug. She clung to the front of his shirt and her tears continued to soak the fabric as she sobbed. He kissed the top of her head again and tightened his arms around her. “Nothing’s missing, you’re still whole. I promise.”

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