#even saying that it could easily beat any fleet that the alliance currently has

[edains]

Mass Effect LE1: Ashley (and Shepard) seeing the Citadel for the first time

Alliance Uniform Consistency

Andromeda Officer Casual for Male Shepard (LE1)

LEUITM

Primitives

Morning's Hairstyles for MaleShep LE1

Wraith Eyes

[the-omni-princess]

Frozen Heart [Chapter 7]

Author: @the-omni-princess

Summary:  After the war against Hydra, King Bucky comes home to take what has been promised to him since he was young, you. But he is not the same person as the young boy that you grew up with. Can she break through his tough shell and bring back the young man she once fell in love with? Or will she be forced to marry the monster everyone thinks he’s become?

Word Count: 4.4K

Pairing: King!Bucky x Fem!Reader (Royalty Au!)

Warnings:  mentions of: violence, torture, war, overall nasty stuff, angst, then so much fluff you’ll cry

A/N:

If something in my warning is too triggering, let me know and I’ll give you a basic summary. All of it is at the beginning of this chapter FYI

I’ll be on vacation until August 11thwith no wifi, so bare some patience with me for the next part so here's a decently bigger chapter to make you feel better

[Series Masterlist]  [Masterlist]

----

He wrapped a blanket around your shoulders, smiling softly as you nuzzled into the furs. “Before I start to tell you, I just want to warn you. It’s not pretty, and I respect you and don’t want to lie to you or sugar coat it. I’m not sure how much either of us can take before I’ll need to stop, but if it becomes too much, please, let me know?” He gave you a sad smile, holding onto your hands tenderly.

“Bucky, I’m not a child, I can handle it. I promise, but promise yourself the same thing, don’t push yourself to far.” You squeezed his hands lightly, giving him your full support and attention.

He nodded, sighing softly as his gaze dropped to your interwoven hands, already putting himself into the headspace needed to tell you the truth. “Then let’s begin, all the way at the beginning.”

-

“As you know,” Bucky started, “The Northern lands share a now small border with the Hydra Kingdom. As Hydra kept growing, they kept pushing that line, sending more and more unannounced envoys into our Kingdom. Those, my father forgave, saying it wasn’t his war to fight. It took two burned down and plundered villages before we alright declared war on them. The South followed suit, and we quickly formed an alliance with the Wakandians and Asgardians, both already engaged in war with Hydra. A few more plundered towns on our border so father decided to send me, saying it would boost troop morale, or build character or something like that. Months later your idiot brother decided it would be a great idea to jump into a war I didn’t want to fight in to start with, I was forced to go with no complaints as Becca cried, while Steve went to be a hero.” Three years older than Bucky, Lady Rebecca had been married to a commoner from Asgard, abdicating the Throne. Becca was always a great person to be around, and you couldn’t help but hope she was alright, wherever in the world she was currently hiding.

You smiled faintly, letting your fingers trace patterns into his palms. “Years of pointless fighting, Stevie and I back to back or side by side on horseback as we tried to push Hydra back into their own country. We were on an envoy to capture one of their officials, Lord Rumlow, as he is the general of their fleet. He, naturally, would have knowledge of troop plans and the next village targets. To make a long story shorter, it was a trap. We were out gunned, out manned, and they slaughtered my men in front of me, slaughtered my horse New York, and they just kept coming. Stevie and I were cornered, the gates to the outside closing. I pushed him through, just as it closed behind him. I was trapped, and to top it all off, I had no bullets left so I couldn’t even end my life before they could take me. They took me in front of him. Steve had to watch as they dragged me off kicking and fighting with all I got.” He shuddered, a frown etched onto his features. He paused, and you continued to listen carefully, already leaning towards him.

“That’s when the true nightmare begun. They knew who I was, my station, everything. Before they even begun their torture, they knew more about Steve and me than we thought. They tortured troop movements out of me, they didn’t care about many kingdom secrets, only how to easily get into the castles and how to beat the very army I was supposed to be fighting for. They drowned me, starved me, dehydrated me, burned and shocked me until I couldn’t remember my name, only my identification number.” You frowned as he continued. “They cut me, hit me, they did so much simply because it was ‘fun.’ They experimented on my body, saying it should be an honor for me to die in the name of science. They would bleed me out within an inch of my life, toss me in a cold rotting cell naked until I healed just enough for them to continue.” He let go of one of your hands, and you bit back a small whimper, he definitely would not be able to see you right now. He needed support and love, so you reigned in your feelings on the cruelty, watching as he ran a hand through his hair before adhering to your hands again, as you were determined to not let him see anything but love on your face if he looked towards you.

“The day they cut off my arm was the day the feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. I had already given up hope Steve or anyone else would find me. Hell, I couldn’t even remember his name, only his face. They moved me around so often, I didn’t think it was weird when they grabbed me, tossing me into some chair. I had clothes on, for once, but they immediately tied me down. I was clinging to you and Steve and my parents and Becca, my home. Your faces, trying to remember your names, random memories of things you would say floating in my head. I didn’t even comprehend what was happening, my eyes were both too swollen to notice the camera on me, so I didn’t even grasp they had cut my arm until I heard screaming. It took me a while to realize it was my screams. I clung to you and Steve and Becca’s voices, telling me you were with me, but I couldn’t stop screaming or crying. I thought I was going hysterical. Blinding pain.” He took a shaky breath, and you gently wiped the tears that started to fall down his face.

“Take your time, My Love, I’m here,” you kissed his hands again, encouraging him to continue with unsteady breaths.

“It was a few months before Steve found me. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one Hydra had taken and experimented and tortured. Most of the Howling Commandoes were men he rescued from Hydra. It took me a month to heal, and we lost a lot of land in that time. When I was finally healed enough to fight, and started regaining my memories, I didn’t hesitate to locate every Hydra base they had taken me to, so we could destroy them all. They were losing ground on all fronts, that’s why they sent those assassins. Steve got his letters first, since we were closer to your borders, that there was an assassination attempt that was thwarted. I started to worry about my own family. We had just destroyed another base when I received the news my parents were killed.” He took a deep breath.

“All the men around me just bowed, and I had to take a throne I never was meant to have, in the middle of a war I didn’t want to be in and in the middle of my own self-loathing. They took one of the few things I had left, and I snapped. I took Shuri’s gift of an arm simply as a means to end Hydra. I killed any Hydra soldier I got my hands on, I lost all emotion. I became a shell; my only goals were to protect the Howlies and Steve and end this stupid war and end Hydra. I was frightening my own men, to the point where only Steve and the Howlies would trust me or speak to me without fear. Guess I succeeded in ending the war; Hydra retreated and called for a treaty.” He said the last sentence with such bitterness it made your heart crumble.

“I came back to a cold throne. A place that didn’t feel like a home, that didn’t feel earned. After months of self-loathing, destroying the king’s study, and wallowing in my own self-pity, Steve practically forced me to the South. He convinced me to reset up the engagement, and I’m glad he did. Doll, you’re one of the few good things left in my life.” He looked up towards you for the first time since he began his story, pain and sorrow deep in his eyes, sniffling softly.

You gave him an encouraging smile. “May I hug you Bucky?” You wanted to be careful, knowing that he might back off or get standoffish if you tried to do something he was uncomfortable with. He nodded, his bottom lip trembling faintly as he held back tears. That sight is what made you launch at him, pulling his head into your chest gently. “Oh, my sweet baby boy,” you whispered gently, tenderly running your fingers through his hair. You felt his beard itch at your collarbones, but you ignored it, only focusing on comforting him. “You were gone, and it was terrible, but it’s over now, My Love, My Darling, My Heart, you’re safe, and you’re alive.” You rambled sweet nothings into his ear, protectively wrapping your body around him. You could feel tears start to wet your shirt, making you hold onto him tighten as he sobbed into your chest. “I’m here, I’m always here for you,” you continued to whisper. “I’ll always protect you, I’ll love you forever and always.” You gently lay the two of you, Bucky quickly curling up against you.

You fell asleep like that, Bucky pressed against your chest, lulled to sleep by the sound of your heartbeat, and you, soothingly playing with his hair and calming him. The last thing he thought before his world turned black was how he would do absolutely anything to keep you happy and safe.

----

You woke up first, Bucky still cuddled against you. You smiled faintly, gently running your fingers through his hair, adoring how peaceful he looked in his sleep. You kissed his nose lightheartedly, “Wake up, My Love,” you whispered softly, beaming as his nose crunched up with a groan.

“Five more minutes, y/n/n,” he mumbled gruffly.

You laughed, “Scott mentioned how much work you need to attend to. My King, you’ve been gone a month, you have work to do.” You peppered his face with light kisses, making him smile through a playful groan.

“Don’t wanna leave,” he nuzzled his face into your neck, making you giggle at his childlike antics.

“Bucky, please, before one of the guards or maids runs in,” you teased, still running your hands through his hair.

He groaned again, his breath and beard tickling your neck, setting you into a fit of giggles. “Finnnneeee,” he kissed your neck lightly, sending a warm shiver down your spine. He smirked as he sat up, “You look absolutely lovely in the morning.” You blushed, giving him a pointed look, which he replied with a chuckle, kissing your forehead before getting up to change.

You followed him towards the bathroom, now noticing the new extra toiletries clearly meant for you. He changed quickly as you brushed your teeth, stretching your arms above your head as you fell onto the bed once more, hearing the sink turn on then off again. A now kingly looking Bucky appeared at the doorway to the bathroom, making you smile warmly at him. He came close without a word, pressing tender kisses to your head, smiling at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

An idea formed in your head as you draped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer just as he was about to pull away. “May I have another kiss, My King?” You teased, giving him a mischievous pout.

He chuckled, coming closer to stand in between your legs, “Why of course, My Queen.” He leaned in, and you moved closer, cutting the distance until your lips met. You melted against him, kissing him tenderly, giggling as he nipped at your lip playfully.

You deepened the kiss, running your tongue against his lips, tasting the fresh mint. He bit your bottom lip again, this time sucking softly, sending warmth through your body as a moan escaped your lips. “Bucky…” you murmured breathlessly as you broke away for air. You were already breathing heavily, and he had barley even begun. Gods, how were you going to be able to survive love making with this man if his simple kisses sent fire through you and made you dizzy? He seemed just as bothered, smirking, his eyes dark, pupils dilated.

A knock on the chamber door before it opened made him groan, not letting you go quite yet though. Scott stood there, bowing quickly, “I apologize for interrupting, Your Majesty, Your Highness, the nobles demand that the King be at the meeting scheduled to start in a few minutes.”

You chuckled, “Told ya, Bucky. Go, I’ll be roaming the halls if you need me.” He nodded, ignoring Scott’s presence as he pulled you in for another kiss. Desperation laced lips pulled another small moan from your throat, making your face darken in embarrassment. “Go,” you whispered softly as he pressed his forehead against your own. “I’ll explore.”

“Stay safe, My Love,” he kissed your lips once more before following Scott out the door. You fell to the bed, grinning as you touched your lips, still feeling the way he bit your lip.

----

A few hours later you were doing as you said you would, roaming the halls, Sam beside you. “It feels isolated.” He finally stated, the hallways mostly empty.

You sighed, “I plan on changing that. One step at a time though.” You were completely unfamiliar in this new castle, the passageways were confusing, and you couldn’t remember much of the layout from your childhood to help. A few wrong turns and you found the throne room, noticing how dark and uninviting it looked. You frowned, approaching the throne you would soon sit upon. The entire palace was clean, but it felt superficial, like a concealed darkness was hiding in the wall. Yep, this definitely has to change.

You walked out the door, roaming the halls again until you found a maid, quickly telling her your plans to liven up the place. She nodded before scurrying off, Sam chuckled behind you. “Oh, I can’t wait to see this go down.”

You rolled your eyes, “He’s going to have to live with it. This entire place deserves some warmth, some love.” Continuing down the castle walls, you managed to find the King’s personal library, making you grin, already forming a plan of attack. You were quick to change how the relatively small room looked, pulling the curtains back to let the sun in, instantly changing the look of the space. You then found a few scented candles, and lit them, just out of reach on a desk but close enough that the scent of lavender and lilies filled the room. The room was smaller than the king’s chambers, but it was filled to the brim with stories waiting to be told. “I know your break is coming soon, Sam, feel free to stand at the door if you don’t want to join me.”

He responded with a shrug, “See you eventually, Y/n, holler if you need anything.” He closed the library doors behind him. You ran your hand across the spines of the books, one catching your eye. It was dark red, with no cover page or title, it simply jumped into the story. You found a few pillows and blankets from an adjacent closet and set up a makeshift window seat, gladly pulling your knees to your chest and using the afternoon light to read the mysterious book.

You skipped lunch, a fact that was evident by your stomach growling a few hours later as you read. You groaned, not daring to move from your comfortable position. You heard rustling in the hallway, before the doors opened, a worried looking Bucky standing at the entrance. You placed the book down, smiling brightly at him, “Why hello, My Love.”

He visibly calmed, making you realize how tense he had looked when he had first walked in. He sat across from you on the windowsill, taking in the small changes you had set up in the room, including the now organized desk in the corner. “I couldn’t find you for an hour, Doll, I should have known you would have found this place by now.”

His right hand lightly rested on your left, and you smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry Buck, I got a bit caught up in the fantasy world.” You noticed his eyes linger on the lit candles, taking in the floral smell. “Hope you don’t mind, but I’m livening up the place, gods know it needs a little love.”

He chuckled, “So I’ve heard. One of the maids said you ordered more flowers to be placed around the castle, which is a great start to give this place some love.”

You smiled warmly at him, “How was the meetings?” You sat up a bit, stretching you back after being hunched over a book for so long.

“Boring, the usual drama,” he joked. “A few interesting prospects though.” He shrugged before glancing out the window, the sun setting just above the mountains. “Would you care to take a walk with me around the castle, My Love? I do believe you asked for a tour, and your chambers are ready.”

You smiled, closing the book and placing it on the seat as you stood. You stretched again as you replied, “I’d love that.” He took notice of your makeshift window seat, already making plans in his head as he offered you his hand. You gladly took it and followed him through the halls.

After showing you the entirety of the Eastern Wing, he led you through parts of the Western Wing, which held both of your chambers, and the library you had found. He smiled mischievously at you as you turned a corner, both of your personal guards staying nearby but not breathing down your throats. He glanced towards them, and looked towards you again, already arm in arm he leaned in closer and whispered in your ear, “Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” you replied, holding his arm tighter. He grinned, before sprinting around a corner with you in tow. After a few bends and passageways, the two of you stopped behind a corner, effectively losing both of your guards. You stifled laughs, covering your mouth as you playfully hit his arm. “Buck! They’re just trying to protect us! Poor Sam doesn’t even know the castle yet!” You whisper yelled.

He chuckled, “That’s the point, they’re overbearing,” he whined, pulling you in closer. “And I want you all to myself.” He used his metal hand which was at the small of your back to gently tug you into a kiss. You giggled against his lips, your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. He cupped your jaw with his right hand, smiling into your lips as the two of you kissed, finally alone. You carded your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. The two of you only broke off when you could hear Sam and Scott running past the passageway you two were hiding in.

“You’re a menace, Buck,” you teased, trying to catch your breath, your foreheads pressed together.

Bucky shrugged, smiling playfully, “But I’m your menace, y/n/n,” his lips brushed past yours as he spoke.

“That you are. My Bucky.” You let your eyes close, a blissful smile lighting up your face.

“Come on, doll, I have another place to show you.” He broke away from your arms, still holding tight to your arm as he led the way through a few more secluded halls before he pulled you outside on a large balcony. The balcony was at the top of the castle, the only place with a better view was the King’s Chambers, but this balcony was noticeably different. It had a few flower pots filled with pink heathers as well as beanbag chairs, blankets, and pillows in a makeshift pillow fort that opened up to see the sky. “I heard how much you wanted flowers to liven up the place, so I decided that a makeshift garden could help for now, at least until I can get an indoors greenhouse, that way you can have flowers year-round and not just the cherry blossoms that bloom in winter.”

Your eyes widened, taking it all in but looking towards him bewildered as he mentioned a greenhouse. “A green house? Really Bucky?” You asked, pure hope and joy in your voice.

“Why of course, you only say the word, and anything can be done, so when you said flowers it gave me the idea of the greenhouse. I had been thinking about it already, since I know how much you love the garden back South, and a greenhouse sounds like the perfect idea.” He grinned giddily, completely enjoying the childlike wonder in your expressions. “Besides, I want to spoil my fiancé.” You couldn’t stop smiling, tackling him in a tight hug, much to his utter amusement. “Consider it a courting gift, My Love.”

You pulled back a bit, looking up at him confused. “Courting gift? Another Northern custom I’m assuming?”

He chuckled, nodding, “Royals don’t really participate in Courting, since most of our marriages are arranged, but I did promise you to teach you every part of our culture.”

“That you did. So, what does a courting fully entail?” You still hung in his arms, as he easily picked you up, his hands gripping your thighs, gently placing you both on the pillows and fur blankets on the ground. You straddled his hips naturally, now just a few inches above him.

“Well, it mostly entails me spoiling you rotten, though I suppose I was already going to do that. Dates, gifts, holding hands, kissing, any little thing that shows you I am yours and shows the world that I am yours. Not every gift is a material possession, most mean something more than materials, like how we are currently in the best stargazing spot in the entire kingdom.” He smiled knowingly, and you decided to look up, knowing the sun was completely set now. You gasped softly, taking in the sheer number of stars and the different positions than you were used to. “We’re far enough away from the South that we have a slightly different night sky, and our culture has different constellations, and we are up in the mountains so there’s little to no light pollution.” His hands were currently at your hips, drawing patterns into your waist as he smiled up at you.

“Bucky, its beautiful,” you whispered softly, awestruck.

“And I will be fixing that window seat in the library, make it more comfortable for you to read,” he said softly, gauging your reaction.

Your eyes diverged from the stars, smiling down at him. “You truly are spoiling me, My Love.”

“I want to, y/n/n. You’re my moon and my stars and my sun, my world, my everything.” You tenderly leaned against his forehead, contentedly soaking in his affectionate words.

“You’re my heavens and my earth, my beginning and end, my everything,” you murmured, letting your eyes close. “I would do anything for you, without a second thought.” You smirked, and he noticed the mischief hiding on your lips, he realized he tended to stare a lot at your lips now a days. “And if you cross me, I’ll just kick your ass like those men at the village.”

He laughed, sending vibrations through your chest, making you realize how you were pressed up against him. “I do not doubt that for a second, My Queen.”

“Not yet I’m not, but I do enjoy hearing that,” you opened your eyes, poking his nose playfully.

He seemed unable to stop smiling as you spoke, your words a melody that acted like a balm to his very soul, soothing him. “Good, because I enjoy saying it, and one day everyone will call you that and I’ll have to resort to other nicknames again.” He sighed dramatically, a theatrical frown on his face, sending you in a fit of giggles.

“You absolute dork! It doesn’t matter what other people call me, I only care about what you call me, though I am partial to ‘doll’ for some unknown reason.” It was his turn to laugh.

“Perhaps because I have called you that pet name since we were younger?”

“No, it can’t be that, you’ve got a completely different hair situation, it’s not the same!” You sighed dramatically, mirroring his earlier antics, making him chuckle as he pulled you closer to his body.

“I have been thinking of shaving, perhaps a haircut is also in order. What do you think, doll?” You carded your fingers through his hair before you cupped his jaw in your palms, your thumbs rubbing circles on his cheeks.

“I think you should keep your hair long enough for me to play with it, but other than that, go wild, try something new, life’s too short to not try new hairstyles.” You shrugged.

“Definitely noted, doll,” he grinned, one of his hands leaving your hips to press against the hand at his face as he nuzzled his face into your palm, making you giggle.

“Come here, you big goof,” you tilted his head up, tenderly kissing him, and easily letting it go deeper as you and Buck explored each other’s mouths.

After another heated make out session, you pressed your forehead to his again. “What happens to complete the Courting Ritual?” you asked in a soft voice.

“I present you with an engagement ring, a marriage ritual, and then usually a Mating ritual, but I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable or not ready for yet, My Love.”

You nodded, “One day, with time.” You mumbled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Let’s call it a night, My Love.”

“Certainly, My Dove.” The two of you stood, Bucky happily walking hand in hand with you back to your newly arranged chambers.

You placed a gentle chaste kiss against his lips as you stood outside your chamber doors. “I will see you tomorrow, sweet dreams, Bucky.”

He smiled, “You as well, My Queen.” Before he could even take a step back from you, you pulled him into a hug, and he melted against you.

“If you wake with more night terrors, wake me up, I’ll gladly keep you company.” You whisper against his ear, careful so the guards at your door couldn’t hear.

He breathed out harshly but nodded, “I will. Sleep well, My Love.” He kissed your nose before walking off to his chambers, which were just down the corridor.

You said goodnight to the guards, closed the doors and quickly got changed into pajamas. You took a quick glance around the new room, it looked similar to your one in the South, only it had the same style as Bucky’s room and it was a bit bigger. You climbed into bed and laid back, smiling as you fell asleep, already thinking about your blue-eyed king.

----

Tags:

Frozen Heart Tags:

@jsmith509 

@lumar014

@littlemissporter

@kaylaphantomhive

@damnbuckyishot

@aveatquevale-

@booksbeforebois

@marvelgirl7

@minetticatinwonderland

Bucky Tags:

@cassandras-musings

Tags are open, message me for one! Like, comment, reblog, tell me your thoughts! <3

I’ll be on vacation until August 11thwith no wifi, so bare some patience with me for the next part and for tags please!

[the-house-of-the-nine]

In Depths Below: Epilogue, Part 7

Simultaneously…  & Three Days after The Masquerade Massacre… 

“…Well we cannot certainly sit here any longer wondering whether or not we have some secret we’re missing.”  Verzatea stammered out as she slowly sat down in her council chair and peered around the room.

The council chamber was filled to the brim with people in this moment.  Marseille and Kross were positioned near the head of the table, the vacant seat of the Inquisitor between them.  They were on either side of it, mostly because it was where Kross always stood; and now the pale old elf had taken his place behind the Matron.  

Siida, who kept the company of both Zoei and Marseille with her nearly at all times was right beside the chair of her brother.  The huntress on her other side.  Marseille had his hands planted firmly on the back of her chair at the arch and his eyes would peer around the room looking at the council.

Around the room from there it would be Sennaris; she was often times unavailable due to her being gone for so long in the Honeywell estate.  But ‘Sara’ was dead now, and she no longer needed to suffer that life; she could again reclaim her place here.

Following around the horseshoe shaped table would be the various faces of the Order.  Silas and Aconite who were two of Asphodels former tranquil subjects had remained behind when she abdicated her Speaker position.  She allowed them to stay, mostly because they were fond of Kross and Abbigael.  Who to mention was also present beside them; the blonde elven female eagerly concerned for her masters fate.

Brox sat not too far from them, his feet on the table as usual; puffing away on his ceramic pipe that was jammed full of hallucinogenic herb no doubt.   He would billow out puffs of smoke as he watched on.

On the opposite direction, directly next to Lazarius’ throne was Pyravari.  She would always sit at her brothers right.

“The mongrel dog is dead.  Anything we could have learned from him came when the spell he’d cast on Siida was turned on himself.  He knew nothing.  I for one am glad she ended his miserable life.  The man was a fucking nuisance.”

“Nuisance or not, Pyravari… we’re still without an answer.”  Siida added as she listened to the hate filled speech of her sister.

“He didn’t have anything more to add, and that makes him useless to us. Had you held back, he would still be breathing.  One less life form wasting valuable oxygen for the rest of you.” she snapped back instantly.

“This is not why we are here; nor is it why we are gathered.  Of course we all agree that Dawnseeker out of the way ends an inevitable threat to all of us but..”

Sennaris quickly interjected.  Her reasoning sound and her voice tranquil and calm as she continued.

“We are here to determine our next course of action… to find a way to locate my Ma…Lazarius.”

“The Compeller is correct.  The point we must remain on is what to do next.” Marseille added in.

“It may be plaus-thable, though highly unlikely that I could perhap-ths manufacture a device from the blood within the Pit.  There is a s-thixty s-theven perc-thent chanc-the that I could probably locate him without des-thtroying the Bas-thtille and all of us-th in the process… “

At that point everyone had looked across the table at Whistletorque.

“What?” he said bewildered. “Thos-the are great odds-th!”

“Whether or not it can be done is mute.  Currently we are without several key components to our arsenal.  Koltun has opted to begin taking care of the Alliance problems down within Silithus.  And both Lokiren and Baron Krazzlowe are preoccupied ensuring what little Azerite remains, stays in tact.”

Kross had begun talking as everyone else continued to circle the facts.

“Sending all of us out to scan the planet in order to locate on person is an impossible feat…”

“Not imposs-thible.”

“..and impossible feat.  I think we need to consider what we do know and that is wherever the Inquisitor is currently, we know he is alive… we know he is not in the clutches of the Magistrate…and he is no doubt trying to find a way back to us.” the Steward finished.

“And what if…what if he is somewhere worse?” Siida suggested.

“We just don’t know and can’t think about that Siida.” concluded Kross.

“What if he is with the Alliance?  or worse, the Horde? Thinking he is some Ren’dorei spy?”  she went on, her worrying growing deeper as her thoughts ran.

Marseille would lower his hands and place them on her shoulders to calm her.

“I have prepared already to send an entire fleet out to begin looking, and Koltun has agreed that whatever Illidari have remained here under my command are to go through me.  We can have two hundred soliders and infiltrators tracking Lazarius down, with boots on the ground …tonight.” Pyravari demanded slamming her Saronite gauntlet against the wood grain of the table.

“We cannot just go looking randomly across the world for him.”  Sennaris jumped back in.

“I will ascend to the surface right now and walk the tundras until my legs tear off looking for him if I need to!” the Harbinger shouted back.

“Logic Pyravari…calm your nerves.”  Kross took his chance to try and quell the rage building in the twin. “We need direction and focus.”

“Despite her rash approach, I agree and I’ve already informed the Scholary that we have an equal amount of witches and spellcasters scrying and searching from here to Pandaria by daybreak.” added Verzatea; she was in charge of them after all, though she and Pyravari did not always get along, here they did.

“Pandaria…That… would not be a bad idea in fact.”  Marseille suggested as he looked toward the Confessor.

Everyone peered in the direction of the pale old elf.  What point was he trying to make.

“Explain?” Pyravari demanded; she was always the first to set the bar high, always the first to pick out a possible point when it was made.

“Of course. . .” answered the Shal’dorei with a bowed head. “Kun-Lai…we return there, where this all began.  Between Zoei and myself, we’re excellent trackers.  We will need air support, some sort of ability to scry for him…it could be done.  Track him from the source.”

It was hard to believe but it was honestly the only real plan they had to work from.  And much to everyone’s shock, they actually liked the idea.  Eyes would turn from the Shade as they sought to gain some sort of council from one another, but nothing.  They all seemed to agree.  All save for her.

“And how certain are you that you can actually track him if you do actually get there.”  replied the lich fired Harbinger as she narrowed her field toward the man.

“There is no guarantee.  But my Master is keen.  He is also wise.  I have been thinking in depth about what it would mean to be him; trapped in a situation like this.  Meditated for hours on end; trying to determine a possible way he could have been letting us know all this time.” the old elf halted in his words as he thought on what he’d gained from it.

Siida peered back around her chair toward the Shal’dorei and questioned.

“What…what is it Marseille.” she said softly.

“He expects us to know what he is living through…what he is suffering from…and how he is dying…slowly…” the old elf concluded.

Shocked, everyone seemed to be wondering if he’d hit his head.  If it was just a slightly off beat method of thinking.

“Are you fucking mad? Is this a sick joke?” Pyravari stood from the table and pointed toward the man. “You spill out that sort of incoherent kodo fodder like we’re supposed to eat it?”

“Pyravari plea–” Siida pleaded but was cut off short.

“No, not this time sister!” the Saronite banshee hissed. “Explain yourself Shade!”

Marseille was smiling at her easily riled tendencies, but then again; he knew it was expected for saying it.  He knew how she cared for her twin; her passion here was actually quiet impressive.

“Logically think about it…”  he concluded, pointing toward the open chair.

Again there was silence as the wise elf stood there waiting for someone to understand him.

“The entity bound to him.  The way he is.  The entropy of his own system fails consistently every day leaving bits of residue behind.  There has got to be a trail for us to latch on to.  A way to detect his magical bio-signature.  Some sort of path leading us around from where he was. . .”  Marseille then motioned toward the door; as if directing two points where Lazarius could have been. “To where he ended up…somewhere between…we should be able to find a clue.”

“Westley.”  Pyravari snapped as she drew her attention suddenly over toward the little gnomish doctor.

“Harbinger!” he squawked to attention, standing in his chair and looking toward her.

“What is he saying.” she added, thumbing a clawed digit in the direction of Marseille.

“Well…” he began. “Bas-thically…becaus-the Laz-tharius-th is cons-thtantly interacting with the void on the molecular level.  That means-th there is-th a way to lock onto that s-thignature and locate what he was-th doing and where he was-th.”

The lich fire blue hues of the cold ice queen would glanced between the two men.  Her doubts were solid, but if Whistletorque could follow it, she could trust him.  She had taken a liking to this particular gnome, and no others.

“So…possible.”

“Poss-thible but very tricky.  Even if we could detect his-th bio s-thignature, I can’t even begin to promis-the that the trail or res-thidue left over would read out; it could be nano digits-th at this point.  But, I can forgo the blood devic-the and begin cons-thtructing a means-th to locate the particles of energy Laz-tharius-th is leaving behind… maybe a s-theventy perc-thent chance…maybe.”  the gnome concluded as he sat back down.

“If the doctor can formulate only a simple means to do so…It could be done.  I will personally see to that.  And from there, allow the trackers to track.  And the eyes to see.  Mouths to speak and ears to listen.  We fan out.  Find information and collect our data.”  Marseille had been right there to pick up the conversation.

“Not randomly…and not without a direction to move from.” the often quiet Confessor added as she was listening carefully.

“Correct.  We won’t have to waste valuable time needlessly looking where we should not be.” the pale elf ended.

“I will still send what forces we have available out to begin hunting around the area of that mountain and the lower altitudes while we wait.  Since it was where any of us last saw him, we start there.  Perhaps they never made it from the mainland.  Forced to land somewhere in the Valley…”  Pyravari had concluded and made a point..

“Yes, and I can make sure to divide the forces of scryers between your own and whatever Marseille needs.” added Verzatea; and for once they both agreed too.  There was no glaring, not need for bickering, just both accepted it and nodded.

“Then we are in agreement… this is is.  We start at the beginning and make our push to the end.”  came the wise old voice of the steward.  

“We organize, and have everything ready by daybreak.  Id like whoever is not going to be in the field to aid us, here; we would like to strive to get those odds a bit higher Doctor Whistletorque, and I am certain with a bit more time and ingenuity you could increase those odds to say . . maybe, ninety?” Pyravari added again, noting the doctor would perk up at her encouragement.

Kross was now standing at the front of the table beside where Lazarius’ chair was vacant.  His ghostly pale eyes peering from person to person.  His own gloved fingers tracing the magnificent serpent crescent along the arch of its top.  His thoughts were nearly always free floating, and hardly lingered; but this was their last chance.

There was a hanging silence that befell the group.  Each one of them knew secretly that the task at hand was even more far fetched and outlandish than they’d hoped it would have been.  They could pretend that it was their best option; but they all had to face the facts that were creeping up on them quickly.  Lazarius could very well just be somewhere trapped; able to survive due to his parasite, down a crack in the soil.  

It was inevitable though that one day; he would pass.  They would be alone.  And they would either crumble and fall or they would succeed.   Until that day actually came though, it would be up to these people in this room to stand tall and harden their willpower to ensure the rest of the people depending on their wisdom and prowess did not also lose faith and fall.

Each one of them rose.  Each one looking from left to right; passing along from person to person.  Each one of them understood.

“We don’t stop until this is over…” Pyravari cut through the silence with her cold tone. “We don’t stop…until we find him.”

They all nodded in agreement, and turned to exit the chamber of the Nine.   It was a somber walk, though filled with one dissolving shred of hope which still contained their optimism.  It was their only beacon.  Until the light of the hall broke their sacred meeting, and poured in on them like a rising sun.

They were stunned.  Shocked in awe as the figure of a man stepped into frame; behind him a towering slender curvy figure and a creature pair of sorts.  The collective group stood together against this set of persons; unsure who would be so bold as to interrupt their meeting.

“How dare you set foot in these hallowed chambers; give me one good reason I should not split you in half where you stand?!”  Pyravari snapped; she was at the forefront and her runeblade was drawn on an angle toward the intruder.

“It would make welcoming me home… all the more difficult I suppose…”  

A voice which shook the very walls around them and instantly caused the silence to break as the blade hit to floor along with the collective jaws of the order.

“LAZARIUS …”

The End…

[swtorramblings]

Bonds

Chapter 1: Eleven Words

Reposting because I’m going to continue the story, and for Tuesday. Thanks to the current @nomscareriders for the idea. I made a small change: originally, I referred to the arm having adamantium in it, it really should have been vibranium.

Plus, I just love the art. By @fleeting-sanity.

Richerd Pauers (now Ordannes due to a server move) is the first character I took through it. He has a lot to make up for.

Next (and last) chapter: Monsters

Sometimes, during the transition, he would dream. Or perhaps hallucinate, it didn’t really make a difference to him. This time, it was of his oldest friend. A time when they weren’t, when he was trying to kill a man who had been like a brother to him.

“Then finish it. Cause I’m with you to the end of the line.”

People talked about Steve’s powers. Most did not understand. Yes, he was strong, yes, he was fast. In combat, he was ingenious, cunning, quick witted. He had that amazing shield. None of those were his real power, the power that allowed him to beat enemies stronger, faster, or smarter than him. His real power, that he had all his life, was that he would never, ever give up.

He hadn’t given up on Bucky, and had nearly died for it.

Barnes opened his eyes on a new world. He wondered what had brought that memory to the surface.

The Tallus was speaking to him, as it usually did. Giving him his orders. Eleven words. Words he knew quite well. It wasn’t the first time the thing was cryptic, but this was ridiculous.

He heard a sound like two slabs of meat being slapped together. “You shouldn’t be here, little man. Now you’re going to pay.”

What, really? He turned and looked at the creature that had spoken, saw it slamming a fist into its palm. He was sure it wasn’t speaking English or any other language he knew or had even heard before. The Tallus must be translating for him. That was new.

It was taller than him and looked like a melting candle. He guessed that was its natural appearance. He thought he’d try to talk his way out of this. He didn’t know the situation. “Uhm, all right, but can you tell me first where I am? Who you are?”

“Huh. You’re getting a beating, anyway, so sure. You’re in Black Sun territory. My territory. I’m Skadge. Any other questions?”

He looked over the troops this Skadge had with him. One of them was pointing some kind of cannon his way. He smiled at them. “That’s a nice looking weapon. Mind if I take a look at it?”

This was the strangest world yet. For one thing, it wasn’t Earth. All the others had been since he’d been unstuck from his home. He was pretty sure that several of the people he fought weren’t human. He could be wrong, human didn’t always mean what he thought it did, but something told him they were alien. Humanoid, but not from his world. Still, hit them hard enough, fast enough, and they eventually stopped trying to kill him.

Plus, the tech. They were all carrying weapons that fired short bursts of energy. The tablets didn’t seem so strange, not these days, but were jammed with a lot more intel and were easier to use than anything he’d seen. He sat at the table reading up on the galaxy his latest trip had landed him in. He was interrupted once by a group of the gang members that saw the carnage and backed out of the room. Later, by a larger group. They backed off when he pointed the blaster cannon at them.

Well, maybe some shots were fired. He liked this thing.

The third interruption was just two men, one that looked entirely human, the other he found was called a Chagrian. They seemed interested in talking first, so he let them. Tallus didn’t complain, so at least it wasn’t off mission.

The Chagrain spoke first, looking at the bodies strewn everywhere, mostly unconscious. They had put up too much of a fight to take them all alive, though. “You do good work.”

“I get by.”

“Rusk.”

“What?”

“My name. You?”

Couldn’t hurt, really. “Barnes.”

Rusk turned to the human. “Well, Commander, looks like we’ve been freed up. I’ll have my people report for duty soon.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Rusk left the room, leaving the two of them alone to talk.

“Commander?”

“Richerd. Richerd Pauers. They just call me Commander.”

Barnes felt something off about this man. There was no reason for it, but he would be watching. “What brings you here?”

“Rusk is here to bring down this gang, I was here to recruit Rusk.”

“Recruit for what?”

“The Alliance.”

They looked at each other for a few moments. Richerd seemed to think he should know what that was.

“I’ve been out of touch.”

“Really? Well, it is a big galaxy, anything is possible. The Alliance to bring down a tyrant and conqueror, Emperor Arcann. We can always use more help.”

“What, just like that?”

“You brought down a cell of the Black Sun. It speaks well for your ability and conscience. And we need all the help we can get.”

Really, he didn’t have anything better to do until he understood his mission. It sounded like a good cause, and really, if it wasn’t, he needed to find that out, too.

“All right, where do I sign up?”

Over the subsequent months, the former Winter Soldier learned a great deal about this galaxy. Trillions of people, thousands of intelligent species. At least four religious orders, each with its own set of powers, all coming from a single source, what Richerd called the Force. He, himself, was one of these Jedi. Barnes had seen him heal the wounded. It was remarkable. It was a tragedy that he was in charge of a machine of war, no matter how much that war needed to be waged. Maybe that’s what he had felt when they first met, that this man should be filling another role, that he didn’t really fit what was being asked of him. He hoped that was all it was.

The war went as well as wars ever do. Arcann had been deposed, though the destruction he and the fleet had caused was horrific. The Alliance was struggling to make sure the worlds Zakuul had harmed received the help they needed, but at the same time had to deal with his much wilder and less predictable sister. She was much more willing to go into the field than he had been, wanted to cause hardship with her own hands. This was her main tactical blind spot. It meant that not only was she putting herself at more risk, her activities were more easily contained. Where he might send his troops to bomb five worlds, she wanted to be there, to see the defenses crumble, the people scream. She was terrible, but slightly easier to cope with.

That is, until the Commander, the Gravestone, the Empress, and SCORPIO disappeared for a time. Whey they came back, something had changed. Vaylin was more vicious than ever, and the Eternal Fleet more strictly under her control. Barnes was not told why, but it had been decided it had to be stopped, and a window had opened to allow it. A small team was being sent to deal with her once and for all. He had been sent to infiltrate Zakuul, since he was unknown to most of the world, and lend firepower when it was needed. Back into the shadows he went, along with the Spewmaster.

He hadn’t given the blaster cannon the name, but it had stuck.

Richerd stepped into the hall and began to speak to Empress Vaylin. As he did, the Tallus began speaking as well, after months of silence, repeating the only words Barnes had heard from it since reaching this strange universe. Words he knew very well. Eleven words. And, with some horror, he began to understand why.

Everything was happening too fast, and the words were blending together.

“Do your people…”

Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. “Know about…”

Dawn. Stove. Nine.

“Your weakness?”

Kind-hearted.

No. This couldn’t be right. The Commander was the hero here.

Homecoming.

Wasn’t he? She was a monster. Barnes had seen what she was capable of.

One.

Time seemed to slow. Vaylin had lifted a hand, was dragging the heavy decorations down to throw at the Commander.

“Kneel…”

Freight car.

“Before…”

Everything froze, including his blood. Then, he made his decision and time snapped into motion again.

“The Dragon…”

He knew what it was to be a monster, too.

A metal fist slammed Richerd in the gut, knocking the breath out of him, preventing him from finishing what he was saying. Shan shouted and drew his weapons, opening fire, but Barnes deflected the bolts of energy. A moment later, the spy was knocked to the ground by the thrown body of his commander. Barnes snapped one of Shan’s blasters out of the air and fired up at Vaylin, forcing her to defend herself rather than finish pulling death down from the ceiling.

Anything but put her through that, to put anyone through that. Even her. He prepared to pursue the Empress. She still had to be stopped. Suddenly, an apparition appeared in front of him, an imposing, menacing creature. He recognized him from the holos: Valkorion. This time, he was pretty sure that sensation of time slowing was real.

“You’ve only delayed the inevitable. Stop interfering and let Richerd do what needs to be done.”

Barnes pointed the stolen blaster at the thing, knowing it wouldn’t do any good but still game to try. “How are you here?”

The spirit, or whatever it was, chuckled. It made his skin crawl. “Oh, they never told you, did they? I am inside his mind.”

Finally, those misgivings about Richerd all made sense.

“That’s quite enough, ‘Father’!”

A blast of lightning from the balcony broke open the floor where Valkorion had been standing. He just smiled blandly at this and faded away. Barnes barely had time to snatch up his bag before he was dragged upward by the Empress.

Well, that couldn’t be good. At least the Tallus was finally quiet. He knew his mission wasn’t over, though, since he was still here.

He pulled the blaster cannon from the bag and opened fire on the balcony. Vaylin backed away, shouting, “Do you want me to drop you?”

He continued to fire, aiming mainly at the one holding the control that would drop the rebels into the pit. “I’ll live! Will you?”

The control fell from a limp hand. This was war, after all. He could see the Commander and Shan helping the rebels. There was too much commotion to use the trigger phrase. He could only hope that had been the right choice. He knew it was, though, even without the Tallus’ prompting.

Vaylin yanked him to her roughly, and looked surprised when he rolled to his feet and pointed the cannon at her face. She smiled. “I haven’t seen you before. But you’re not another of Father’s puppets, are you?”

They really were, weren’t they? He’d seen the records of the higher ups in the Alliance, the parts that were not classified. All of them, even Beniko, who was not above terrible things if she deemed them necessary, seemed off. That Valkorion was influencing them, sometimes subtly, at other times less so, made sense. “No, but this still has to end.”

Her grin grew more vicious. “And what makes you think you can stop me?” He heard buzzing sounds of those laser weapons being activated. She gestured at the chaos down below, and he heard them back away. The others could handle themselves, he hoped, even while not being sure of whose side he was on. “I don’t need them.”

She drew her lightsaber and he fired, to no effect. She lunged and cut down, he let the blaster drop for a moment and deflected the slash with his mechanical arm. She looked surprised by that, maybe angry that she couldn’t simply slice it off. “Cortosis?”

He had no idea what that was, but replied, “Vibranium.” He was so glad they’d upgraded his arm before the battle began.

“Fine.” She stepped back and was about to attempt to blast him with lightning when the windows up above shattered. Ship weapons were smashing the hall. She scowled but backed away through the open heavy blast doors while he chased after.

The running fight between Bucky and Vaylin had been a draw. She couldn’t just break him like she had so many others, he was better in close combat than she was, and he never gave her time to focus on lightning or telekinesis. He, on the other hand, was spending too much of his time keeping her from using her full power to end the fight. They were both exhausted when Arcann arrived.

Exhaustion didn’t stop her from shouting at him, “Did you know the sickness Father put in me?”

“Sister, he made us both weapons.”

Barnes stood up straighter and backed away slightly, but thought he shouldn’t let that stand. “Oh, you have a trigger phrase, too?”

They both looked at him. Arcann asked, “What?”

“A trigger phrase that lets someone else take control of you?”

“No…”

“Then it’s not really the same, is it, you asshole?”

He looked shocked, maybe a little confused by whatever “asshole” translated to. But before he could answer, Vaylin said, “Ten years tortured in a cage to do this to me, and you think we’re the same? Really, Brother?” By the end, she actually sounded more sad than angry. Still angry, though.

He sighed. “Perhaps not. But it doesn’t matter. You still need to be stopped. As I needed to be.”

She glanced over his shoulder. “Not until I’m free. And it looks like Father wants to speak to you.”

Tired as she still was, she threw one of those hoverbikes at her brother and chased it over the edge. Bucky ran to the edge and looked over just in time to see her riding the vehicle up towards him. As she threw a sneer over her shoulder at her brother and the others, he jumped just as she accelerated. He barely caught hold of the bike and lost the Spewmaster in the effort. He was going to miss that gun.

She glanced down at him and just shrugged as they flew off.

Vaylin landed the bike, and said to the guards that rushed to her side, “Guard him, but don’t hurt him. If you can’t do that, I’ll replace you.”

They did not want to be replaced. They knew what it meant. “Yes, Empress Vaylin.”

“What, no fighting for my life? No attempt to execute me?” Barnes said.

She looked up at him. “No, not yet. You stopped him. You’re my enemy. You want to take Throne from me, but you drew a line. I want to know why.”

“Because I know what it is.”

She stared at him for several seconds, then just said, “Bring him.”

He decided to go peacefully. He was sure he couldn’t defeat so many, especially with her there. He was hoping for a better solution, anyway.

They reached the bridge of the ship and watched as Arcann knelt to Richerd. They both claimed that Valkorion was not in control. Bucky was almost certain that was not true. He looked at the Empress, standing with her fists clenched at her sides, and wondered how much she was under his control, too.

She destroyed the viewer and shouted, “Bombard them!”

Before any of her people could act or object, he said, “Why?”

She spun and glared at him. “My brother has betrayed me! Again! My father is there! They have to die!”

“Did he, though? Betray you?”

“He protected Mother! He’s kneeling to Father! How dare you ask that?”

He hadn’t heard anything about Senya or what exactly had happened. Only that she was incapacitated and still being treated. He tried to be gentle. “He wanted to capture you alive. He wanted to stop you, but also help you. Your mother did, too, she sang about her regret.”

“What use is regret? She was too late!”

“Yes. But they tried. Why, do you think?” When she just stared at him, practically shaking with rage, he asked, “What would your father do?”

“He… he’d destroy it all. It can be rebuilt, and his enemies would be dead. No anger. No mercy, either. He wouldn’t care.” Her eyes were filled with tears. “He’d pretend he did, he’d pretend to be their protector, but no one was really safe from him. Not his people, not his family.”

“And do you want to be him?”

She finally turned away. “Fine. Let them go, it’s not worth it. We’ll find a way to eradicate Father later.”

Just her father, he thought to himself.

She had him brought to a room. Not a cell, though he was under heavy guard. He was so glad to have impressed her. She left to give orders, and he felt the lurch as the ship jumped to light speed. It was still so strange to him how casually the people here treated that. She joined him with several of her personal guard and a rather ostentatious but well-cushioned chair they brought for her. They sat across from one another.

“Since you seem interested, we are traveling to Nathema, where I was imprisoned and controlled. I am going to be freed of what they did to me.”

“Good. That’s good. How are they going to do that?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just seen the cost.”

“Cost?”

“The ones that were sacrificed to help me be free.”

He sighed. He felt for her, but he still knew what she was. Of course she put herself above these others. But was that her choice, or the result of what was done to her? “Who is helping you? You said this was where they hurt you. Are these the same people?”

That made her hesitate. “Yes, Jarak and his team.”

“And they worked for your father?”

“They worked for the Eternal Empire. They work for me, now.”

“You’re sure?”

“I am the Empress! They have to do what I say.”

“Yes, but will they ever do what you need?”

“Fine, what would you do?”

“Me? I would go in, find any information on what was done to you, find any research on how it might be reversed. Free any living prisoners. Then I would decide if it was worth it. How many died for it?”

“What? A hundred, a little more?”

“It wasn’t worth it, you know. I’ve seen this kind of ‘research’. It’s never worth it.”

“I need to be free. I need him destroyed, and can’t do it if I’m not free.”

“And?”

“It’s what he did. What he would do again.”

“You should have asked for help from people who cared about what happened to you, not from the ones that did this to you. Now, things are worse.”

Another pause. Then, she stood, and said, “Get this man a blaster cannon. He’ll be coming along. We are going to get what I need and then the Sanatorium will burn.”

Well, it was a start. And he would never give up. He’d learned that much.

[fuzz1912]

I have a bad feeling about this

My thoughts leading up to the (hopefully) final film in the Star Wars / Skywalker saga. No spoilers beyond what’s in existing promotional material.

No one delivered this trade mark Star Wars line in The Last Jedi (though director Rian Johnson claims that it was beeped by BB-8 near the start of the film - the less said about this explanation the better). 

I’ve grown up on Star Wars, and in particular its transitions across the decades. I was born between Empire and Jedi and the fallow years of the 90s were my adolescence, when the only new morsels of content were (great) books and video games and the bright lights of the Special Editions. The world building of the prequels were my entry into adulthood, answering the mystery of how it all began, providing a lesson in how heroes and utopias can be subverted from within - and showing how the flaws of a parent can be redeemed by their children.

And now as a father myself, Star Wars continues to be particularly meaningful to me - for example, despite its sequel trilogy setting, the mere hints of original and prequel trilogy lore have made Galaxy’s Edge at Disney Parks a bucket list item for me to share with my kids. 

Recently in preparation for this final chapter of the “sequel” trilogy, rather than rewatching the two current entries (each of which I’ve only seen twice and once, respectively) I sat down and read the pieces I wrote musing on my expectations and reactions for each of Disney’s attempts at telling a Star Wars story. I’m linking them below for posterity, because reading through them tells an interesting story of expectations, trepidation, and abject disappointment:

Reawakening the Dead

Going Rogue

The Penultimate Jedi

Return of the Penultimate Jedi

I’ve got an okay feeling about this

On reflection, while they’re not perfect, they’re some of the more personally meaningful bits of writing I’ve done - because I care about this story a lot. I’ve genuinely hoped that Disney, the current Lucasfilm story group, and JJ Abrams can find a way to deliver a story that does justice to what Star Wars means to me (and millions of others) - bearing in mind that I was mostly positive about Rogue One and Solo. And while I’ve not forced myself to rewatch the “saga” films for confirmation, there’s very little in those pieces that I feel doesn’t still hold up to this day and affect my current hopes and expectations for the final film.

I wrote each of the preceding pieces either immediately before or after watching the midnight premieres of the respective films, at hours long stretches into the wee hours of the morning to ensure I captured my unfiltered and uninfluenced perspective on what I’d just seen. I simply don’t have the energy or inclination to expend that kind of intense energy on this product any more - I’ll watch it, but I no longer care enough to respond to it.

For me, there is nothing about the “sequel” trilogy that in any way represents a true sequel or meaningful continuation of the story that previously ended with Return of the Jedi. It’s not just that George Lucas’s vision for his own creation was blatantly ignored, or that I have a soft spot for the prequels. Those personal reservations could have easily been overcome by a genuine attempt at telling a new story that built on what had come before. I may have strong feelings, but I’m open to change for the better - I was hesitant when Christopher Nolan, Christian Bale and Heath Ledger first became attached to yet another reboot of Batman, but have come to admire and cherish each of their work as definitive adaptations (still haven’t seen Joaquin yet, so maybe the jury’s out). 

Instead of changing for the better, this trilogy hasn’t changed at all - it’s been about as blatant a short-term cash grab as possible. The Force Awakens didn’t continue the a “not-so happily ever after” story (see: the end of The Graduate) that would have resulted from the Rebels’ victory in Return of the Jedi but instead slavishly retreaded A New Hope. Even within the sequel trilogy itself, each film has appeared to entirely reject any constructive plot or character progression put forward by its immediate predecessor. While The Force Awakens may have ignored the outcome of Return of the Jedi, it did create mysteries around Rey’s lineage and Snoke, only for The Last Jedi to outright dismiss them. Where The Last Jedi claims the past should die, decimates the Resistance and sets up a galactic uprising, Rise of Skywalker appears to bring back Palpatine and resurrects the Imperial and Rebel fleets.

So Luke’s stand, Anakin’s redemption, Yoda and Obi Wan’s sacrifice, and the Alliance’s victory were ultimately futile? None of the Pandora’s boxes originally in the first movie of this trilogy meant anything either? When was that “another day” that Maz Kanata promised would reveal the stories telling the significance of certain events and objects? And let’s not even start on how the development of the characters we actually do know and love was tossed away like an old laser sword.

The real tragedy is that they could easily have found a way to meaningfully extend the story - the set up for Finn’s character was fantastic. There is absolutely a way in which a remnant of the Empire could build to becoming a galactic threat. The New Republic should absolutely have issues in holding the peace, and the power gap should leave plenty of scope for the underworld to flourish. And there’s so much to be told about how the ever-optimistic Luke might struggle to rebuild a better, more humble Jedi order. But we got none of that - the story and everything the characters had built themselves up to was completely ignored or in some cases photocopied precisely from the original trilogy - and as each chapter has progressed, we have had progressively less to look forward to.

Back in 2005 on the premiere night of Revenge of the Sith, the movie I’d been waiting decades to see, I remember coming across a fan-fiction blog written by someone taking on the persona of Darth Vader, explaining his thoughts and musings leading up to the events of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi through the lens of what we now knew about the character’s history in the prequels. It was both thrilling and heartbreaking, and really got me into the headspace to enjoy the movie to come. It’s one of the reasons I started this obscure little blog myself, to try to have a record of my thoughts and feelings in relation to popular culture that is meaningful to me. Sadly, I don’t feel the same desire to know what the hell Galactic Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is thinking in the lead up to his eventual demise and third beat-down from nobody-but-actually-somebody Rey.

So to cut a long story short, I just don’t have the energy to break down my feelings on what works or doesn’t work in these movies in almost-real time any more. Maybe it’ll interesting or bold (or dare I say, good) enough to warrant some thoughts at a later stage. But I plan to get a good night’s sleep instead and turn the page on another year (and perhaps catch up on The Mandalorian, very much a step in the right direction - baby Yoda and all).

PS: Apparently “they fly now” - which pretty much sums it all up. Thankfully, people like John Boyega are finally starting to be honest about they really feel.

[EDIT] I’ve now seen the film, and was entirely happy to sleep than to write. I guess it was a fitting end in all respects to this tremendously disappointing, directionless “trilogy”. That’s all I have to say about that (for now). 

[EDIT2] One interesting note I couldn’t resist coming back to. The opening of the crawl is “The dead speak!” - terrible for so many reasons, but interesting because it’s somewhat similar to the title card opening the James Bond film SPECTRE (“the dead are alive”). Just as that film retconned the plots and antagonists of its preceding series to suggest that there was a plan and one big villain behind it all that was always directly connected to the protagonist (“the architect of all your pain”) so too does this movie do the same to the Disney trilogy (and by implication the entire series). It feels as hokey here as it did there.