#even tho i haven't shared it w y'all before

[polskasroka]

Ah, do you want to know what my fav type of men is?

The unavailable ones.

[wooahaes]

hi hello howdy how’s it going!!!!! this isn’t technically a request because i know that they’re are “closed” BUT i wanted to ask if you can post something that you’ve been maybe keeping in the vault for a while?? obviously it’s ok if not but i always wondered if there was something that maybe you were on the fence about posting or maybe you just haven’t gotten around to it??? bonus points if it’s my love of my life woozi

hey nonny! its going pretty ok! got a slight headache but thats normal w allergies for me lmao

requests aren't technically closed (as u used quotes around the word) fully, just in terms of the writing prompts i've been doing! (even then i've received a few after the cutoff that... are legit very tempting sdfkhsdf some of y'all know me too well...) just wanted to clear that up <3

most of my writing that i keep "in the vault" is typically unfinished stuff? i have a ton of shit in my drafts atm because i save a lot of stuff (rn its primarily those requests + UtS stuff thats unfinished) since i do think i post a majority of my writing! the only thing i think i have that i could post is "topsy-turvy" (which i wrote five months ago lmao, its idol au w a fem!reader and admittedly something i personally reflected a little more into)? but it's gone through one and a half rewrites (as something i just do for fun lol) so idk if i'd ever post it

very cute request tho ngl i don't think i've ever had someone ask for like... fics i haven't posted yet or weren't sure about! i think i tend to post a majority of what i write whether it lands with people or not just because i like sharing my writing. if people enjoy it, then that's great! if they don't, ah, well, it's out there in case someone ever wants to enjoy it + i'll enjoy rereading it lmao

on like... unfinished svt stuff, its mostly UtS (jihoons part is almost entirely planned as of rn! i wanna go back in an add in a little more to help with the pacing, but i wanted to let the fic rest a little before i go back in since sometimes its just me overthinking) + ot13 reactions (baking together, 'u dont kiss them when u come home', touch-starved reader). plus like... four hoshi fics and a wonwoo one.

in all honesty i also had plans for flower fic sequels at some point bc i wanted to write a second part to sunflowers with reader confessing their feelings to vernon.

thats purely for svt stuff tho like i have a jeongin fic that i never posted (it was a part of the flower fics series i wanted to do but stopped since no one ever seemed interested lol maybe i'll actually go back and finish it sometime!!)

i will finish something older for u anon and post it tho <3 and i'll try to make sure its something w jihoon!! that includes under the sun tbh

[xpao-bearx]

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

[opal-eyed-girl]

where i'm at

whew it's been a stretchy minute since i've posted on here. so where am i at? not that anyone cares or asked. i'm still mentally ill, surprise surprise, still living with my mom and sister (unbearable), still a cat mom to four little kitties (although i don't think i've mentioned much of this before). i've been in a great, loving, caring, healthy relationship with a marvelous man for a year and a month next month! that's going greeeeeaaaattt despite the very regular, very normal bumps in the road that come with being in a relationship with another whole human being with thoughts and feelings of their own. i have no idea how people expect for things to go extremely 100% perfectly in relationships, honestly. it *should* feel like a fairytale, but come ON girly, you understand a good plot has a bit more to that, right? right? anyway, i am so in love. sooooo happy with him.

for those wondering i'm saturn, a 21y/o she/they boss kween pussy gwirl. i'm upset that i still live with my family because bf & i (oh yeah, i'm in a str8 relationship) wanna live together soon and it's just really uncomfortable living with my family because 1) money is very tight and i am expected to go DoorDash-ing to pay for my car payment (which i have accepted to do, but i don't have a job or steady income, and asking my dad [who abandoned my family years ago for some hussy from ohio]) for money isn't always easy. so like, i'm using the very little money i do have from both him and from leftover financial aid for college (i'm about to finish after this summer) to pay for my own gas so that i can drive and waste the gas so that i can make money, in which all of it will go to my mom for my car, the car which i will drive again and again to pay this bill. I'M HIGHLY CAFFEINATED RIGHT NOW.

so here i am, bf working job at my college, we're sharing a car, he's living with me, we're living with my mom and sister--OH WHOOPS I DIDN'T FINISH SAYING WHY I HATE LIVING HERE--2) every time i cook something my sister (she's seventeen y'all) peeps into the pot/pan and looks back at either me or bf to make us feel bad (istg she's manipulative but she's bad at it). she won't attempt to cook anything else other than instant ramen or mac n cheese, not even scrambled eggs (she used to make herself eggs tho, she's just fkn lazy), and i cook for me and my boyfriend, sometimes just me, sometimes just him, point is i cook and i use the groceries that EYEEE BUY WITH MEEYYYEEE MONEY (and bf's money bc he lives w me so he likes to help) and she just fkn acts like a starving alley cat every time i'm cooking. she'll like walk in and sigh, and "look through the cabinets" bitch pleeeaaaassseee, anyway whatever. seventeen years old and can't even make a breakfast taco, girl's about to get out of high school and wants a job just so that she can have money to buy anime shit. BRO FUCK THAT, she doesn't even properly take care of the big beautiful ass husky her friend gave her. the hallway is ALWAYS smelling like shit and i have to live w that. i have four (4) cats and my room doesn't even get that bad.

my mom and i can't even have a conversation anymore. we just argue and she's there comparing me to my dad when i call her out on her bullshit. like i'm the eldest daughter in a hispanic household with no father, divorced parents, no job, hardly any money at all, using what money i can for cat food and cat litter and gas and sometimes groceries if we really need them and the food stamps haven't come in... like perhaps i have it better than some people. perhaps i do. but it's still fucking bullshit dude.

genuinely, i am not trying to make anyone feel bad for me. this is MY tumblr, MY blog post, idowhatiwantwheniwanttomotherfucker. i have depression (thankfully this has not been triggered in a little while), i have general anxiety disorder (which, in my humble opinion, is leaning more towards high-functioning and gets triggered every day), and i have a terrible relationship with food, disordered eating habits, a warped view on my body/body dysmorphia, i have been clean from purging via laxatives for four years and it's a decision i have to make every single day not to let the things that trigger me to tempt me to touch them again, i have just switched therapists bc my first one never was able to help me with my body/food problems. i'm trying. like this is me TRYING. i've been through other things that i simply cannot mention that were traumatizing to me, my body.

i'm still alive though. and yes i do feel like getting out of my house with my boyfriend and my cats will help me a lot. he's saving for his own car, saving for an apartment, i'm getting a job once i finish this final class this summer, then we both will be saving, and i'm excited.

don't know why i threw all of this up but yeh this is where i'm at.