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the-desolated-quill · 5 years

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BBC’s The War Of The Worlds blog - Episode 1

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I was very much looking forward to the BBC’s adaptation of the H.G. Wells sci-fi classic. How could I not? It’s the definitive alien invasion story that jump-started an entire genre of science fiction Not to mention this is the first adaptation made by a British film company and actually set in the time period it was written. I was very excited. Nothing could possibly dampen my spirits... until I learned who was writing it.

Peter Harness is a writer I’ve been less than kind to in the past. For those who don’t know, he wrote some of the worst episodes of Doctor Who. Remember that stupid story about the moon being an egg? Yeah, that was him. He also has a penchant for writing painfully forced and thinly veiled allegories with all the grace and subtlety of a ballet dancing rhino in a glow in the dark tutu. Kill The Moon, for example, was a pro life metaphor that portrayed the other side as being irrational baby killers, and his Zygon two parter was about Muslim immigration and integration, with the slimy repulsive Zygons being used as stand-ins for Muslims and non-white immigrants.

Harness’ ability to write allegorical stories about sensitive topics is... under-developed, to say the least. So naturally he’s the perfect candidate to adapt one of the most beloved sci-fi stories ever written. I mean, why not? The BBC have already ruined Sherlock Holmes, courtesy of Steven Moffat. Why stop there?

In all seriousness, while I wasn’t excited about the prospect of Harness getting his grubby mitts on War Of The Worlds, part of me hoped that maybe he could pull something out of the bag. You may recall I held a very similar negative view toward Chris Chibnall, and his first series as showrunner of Doctor Who was an extremely pleasant surprise. Maybe Harness could achieve his own metamorphosis.

He doesn’t.

The first episode of War Of The Worlds was fucking tedious to sit through. It actually looked quite promising initially. We get some nice moody shots of the surface of Mars as Eleanor Tomlinson recites the famous opening lines of the book. But then just after the opening titles, it all goes downhill.

I was sceptical when it was announced that this would be a three parter because that just seemed too much. A feature length film you could do. Maybe a two parter, at a push. But three episodes? Each an hour long? That’s going to require a lot of padding, and that’s exactly what Episode 1 is. We see the Martian cylinders launch from the planet at the beginning of the episode and it’s not until the forty minute mark where we get our first proper glimpse of the Tripods or the heat rays. So what do we get in the mean time? Mostly pointless shit.

The original War Of The Worlds book isn’t exactly remembered for its characterisation. Outside of the astronomer Ogilvy, none of the characters even have names, but to be fair to Wells, the characters themselves weren’t really the driving force of the narrative. The Martians were. The narrator, a journalist, was merely there to relay and facilitate the plot, giving us a first hand account of the subjugation of Earth. Fine for a book, but somewhat harder to get away with in a film or TV series, which is why most don’t even try. Every single adaptation of War Of The Worlds attempts to expand on the central characters to varying degrees of success, and the BBC version is no exception. But where Harness really miscalculates is in anticipating how much the audience is going to care about the characters, to which the answer is ‘not that much.’ We don’t want them to die obviously, but we’re not so interested in who they are or where they come from because they’re not the main focus. The Martians are. So to have a significant chunk of the episode focusing on their day to day lives is quite baffling. Not to mention unbelievably boring.

George, played by Rafe Spall, is living out of wedlock with Amy, played by Eleanor Tomlinson, which causes their neighbours’ tongues to clack and net curtains to twitch. The only person supporting their union is Ogilvy, played by Robert Carlysle, which is how they learn about the mysterious goings on the surface of Mars. This is all established in the first five minutes, but as I said, the Martians don’t properly show up until the forty minute mark. Until then we’re subjected to painfully forced and tediously dull ‘right on’ posturing and irrelevant social commentary that adds nothing to the core narrative.

Here’s the thing. I’ve got nothing against the idea of expanding the characters. I definitely have no problem with giving the narrator’s wife from the book more development and screen time. In fact I’m all in favour of it. What I do have a problem with, however, is when that expansion and development comes at the expense of the plot.

A man and a woman shacked up together in defiance of society is all well and good, but what does any of this have to do with War Of The Worlds? It’s not even as if Harness tries to connect this back to the story’s main themes of imperialism and colonialism. It’s mentioned that Amy was born and raised in India. Maybe if she was an Indian woman, it could have been more thematically relevant, but no. Once again we have a period drama with no people of colour because, as we all know, non-white people weren’t invented until 1962. Also, while I get that society at the time was very strict, I’m not entirely convinced George and Amy’s relationship would have been that scandalous to the point where it would have affected his career as a journalist. That just seems like a step too far and is merely there to add some artificial tension... in a story about Martians invading the Earth.

In the end it all comes down to this. Why the fuck should I care? What’s the bloody point of this? Yes it expands the characters, but it doesn’t contribute anything to the narrative. It just wastes time. Again, I must stress, we don’t get our first Martian until forty minutes into an hour long episode. Previous adaptations never felt the need to bore the audience to death with pointless shit because they knew what audiences came to see. Martians blowing shit up. Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of War Of The Worlds from 2005 didn’t piss about giving us needless exposition about Tom Cruise and his family. We’re given the basic info about the characters and their relationships within the first ten minutes before the Tripods emerge and the action gets going. The BBC version, in contrast, is just painfully slow, dictating every tiny thing about these characters even when it’s not relevant to the plot.

And the thing is, once we actually get to the bits from the actual book (you know? The bits people actually want to see?), it’s actually pretty good. The Tripod looks incredible, as was the scene in Horsell Common where we saw people getting killed by the heat ray. Unfortunately we have to slog through all this other crap before we can get to the good stuff.

Eleanor Tomlinson probably gives the strongest performance as Amy. It’s just a pity the character is so utterly uninteresting. Like I said, I’ve got nothing against giving her a bigger role than she had in the book, but it feels like Harness is more interested in showing off his feminist credentials than actually telling a story or creating a believable or likeable character. Her being an assistant to Ogilvy I think is a great idea, but it soon becomes clear that this was only done so other male scientists could comment on how unusual it is to have a woman digging up a crashed cylinder, which is kind of ridiculous because I’m pretty sure female scientists did exist back then and you don’t exactly need a penis to use a fucking shovel. Then things turn really stupid when George’s brother, played by Rupert Graves, starts blaming her for the Martian invasion, saying that everything was going fine until she came along. Exploring 19th century sexism is one thing, but this is just daft. There’s no interest in actually exploring the root causes of sexism back then. Instead Harness seems content with portraying men as being the equivalent of cartoon caricatures foaming at the mouth.

George, meanwhile, goes from being a fairly boring character to a downright hateful one when it’s revealed that he and Amy aren’t just living out of wedlock, but that he cheated on his missus because she was infertile. So not only do I not care about him, I now straight up want him to die because what the actual fuck?! And this is not helped by Rafe Spall’s incredibly wooden performance. Seriously, I’ve seen corpses with more life in them. When the Tripod first emerges, we see him stare at it in what I assume was supposed to be shock, but instead he just looked gormless. It’s honest to God one of the worst performances I think I’ve ever seen. There’s no emotional range to him whatsoever. He just blunders around wearing a confused frown on his face. It’s as if he had just wandered onto the set by mistake.

The biggest problem with this first episode is that Harness is focusing on all the wrong areas. A large segment is dedicated to George investigating the Dogger Bank incident, which seems to be an attempt at making a parallel between the UK’s tenuous relationship with Russia then and now. What this has to do with War Of The Worlds, I don’t know. There’s so far been no attempt at exploring the themes of the source material as we’re too busy with this shitty romance. There’s even a moment where we see the characters dig up the cylinder and take a photo only for the same exact scene to happen five minutes later. I mean for fuck sake!

And then there’s the pointless plot twists. First we get the cliched pregnancy reveal, then it’s revealed that the scenes we thought were on Mars turned out to actually be a post apocalyptic Earth with Amy and a seven year old kid who is presumably her son. Wait, how long has this fucking invasion been going on for?! It only lasted a couple of weeks in the book! What happened? Did the Martians get vaccinated? This just highlights to me how inept Harness is as a writer. He can’t just do a straight adaptation of War Of The Worlds. He has to engineer these pointless and utterly idiotic cliffhangers to get people to keep watching because the story and characters clearly aren’t doing that.

If I wasn’t committed to reviewing this mini-series, I honestly wouldn’t watch the rest of this. This first episode is legitimately terrible. Boring, poorly thought out and utterly, utterly clueless. Just like everything else Peter Harness has ever written. I don’t understand why he was chosen to adapt War Of The Worlds and I don’t understand why he chose to adapt it in this way. Why so much focus on pointless exposition? Why over-complicate the lives of the main characters? Why can’t they just be a normal married couple living a life of privilege until the Martians come and trample all over it? It makes no sense! Some could defend this saying it was building tension until the Martians emerged, but there’s a significant difference between making an audience nervously anticipate the Tripods arrival and making them wait impatiently for something, anything, interesting to happen.

#the war of the worlds #hg wells #peter harness #bbc #review #spoilers

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reveriesforyou · 7 years

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Your Girl

Hi babes! I know that it's been a long time since I posted a writing, and for that, I'm sorry! But, to make it up to you, here's a supa long oneshot that I really hope you enjoy! Anyways, this is about Tom and a very shy reader, who suffers from slight social anxiety. Tom keeps an eye on her because he knows how uncomfortable she gets in unfamiliar social settings with new people, and the pair begin to fall for each other! They go out to dinner with friends one night, and the reader ends up attracting some very unwanted attention and Tom gets very protective and then feelings happen and ??? I hope you like it!

Your Girl

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and then promptly fixing it back to it’s place directly over her eyes, she fussed about with slightly quaking hands. Gnawing on the inside of her lip, she rocked up and down on the balls of her feet, various unsettling scenarios bouncing through the expanse of her mind. The outlines of all the possibilities at hand were making her head spin. She’d been worried about them since she awoke that morning with the intent of traveling down to her local bookstore, allowing her anxiety to conjure up every alarming response that had the slightest half a chance of occurring.

In the pit of her stomach, fear had poked it’s piercing talons through her skin, dragging up and down and forcing her tummy into knots. All she intended to do was ask a question about a book’s location in the store, but the reaction of the employee she’d be asking was filling her with a sense of dread. The girl understood that it was very likely the storekeeper would even bat an eye, too uninterested into their work to really do anything other than offer their assistance, seeing as she was a paying customer, but she was oh-so very nervous that they’d scoff in her face or roll their eyes. She even wondered if they were allowed to flat-out dismiss her.

Logically, she understood that all of the rudeness she had created in her mind on the bookkeeper’s behalf were very unlikely reactions. But, the fact that they existed and could happen were enough to keep her inside, curled up in bed, staring longingly her shelf of finished novels.

Now, she stood by the guidance desk, busying herself with glancing over the classic book corner of the store after she had forced herself up and out of her front door. Each time she psyched herself up to finally speak to the woman manning the desk, her courage evaporated as soon as someone else sauntered up to the counter to ask their question. The girl was so locked in her feelings of utter hopeless that she barely noticed the boy who wandered over to the opposing side of the bookshelf.

Scrunching up her nose and groaning, she rounded the corner of the shelf to once again glance over the books whose author’s last names began with the letters A-L. She was so focused on forcing herself to speak that she walked straight into the young man’s surprisingly solid chest.

“Shit, fuck, I mean shoot-” with her cheek pressed against his chest, she could feel the british accent rumbling past his lips, “‘’M sorry that I ran into you, and I’m sorry for swearing. Are you alright, love?”

She pried herself away from him and glanced up at him with strawberry-red flushed cheeks, and a bashful gaze, “yeah, no problem, totally on me, not you. Sorry I crashed into you, just wasn’t looking where I was going.” Her eyes flickered across the room, she didn’t want to appear psychotic for staring at him too long or anything like that. So far, she’d observed that the boy was very british, and very cute, which was making her stumble over her words more than she already was.

The boy stared down at the girl in front of him, his brows puckered. She was lovely, and truth be told, he’d seen her circle the shelf about three or four times, and she was biting down on her lip so hard that he was beginning to fret that she’d draw blood. She seemed lost, or scared, either way, something was off with her, he could tell.

“You’re sure?” He questioned, steadying her in place before him, “you look a bit frazzled.” The girl dropped her eyes to floor once more, her cheeks coloring growing darker than before, and he quickly opened his mouth to retract his previous statement, “no, no! I didn’t mean it like that! You’re still disarmingly cute, it’s just that you seem a bit adrift. Do you need anything?”

She opened and shut her mouth, cocked her head to the side and regarded him with the softest voice he’d ever heard, “Just trying to find a book is all, did you really n-,” she started before she cut herself off. She was working herself into a tizzy, first she nearly took a cute boy down, and then he’s complimenting her and asking if she needs anything. The girl was convinced that she could float up into the summer sky’s barely existent clouds and melt into the blue sky forever. Everything felt stupendously surreal.

“Can I help you look or anything?” He offered, snapping her out of her daydream of evaporating into a mist and flitting around town as she pleased, “my name’s Tom.”

Now, she was thoroughly convinced that the entire day was a massively wild reverie. Her mind pieced two and two together, and she became very aware that the boy who stood in front of her was no other than Tom Holland.

“Wow,” she uttered, reaching out to tentatively poke him in the chest, “you’re you.”

Tom shoved his hands into his pockets and giggled, a soft smile stretching across his cheeks. “Yes, that I am. And may I ask who you are?”

She rolled her bottom lip into her mouth and stated her name. If it turned out that she was dreaming, she was prepared to accept it wholeheartedly. If Tom Holland decided that he wanted to speak to her, and furthermore assist her in finding her book, than so be it. She was not going to allow herself to muck it all up by saying no, especially when his brown eyes looked so sparkly and kind.

“Now, what is it that we’re looking for?” Tom questioned, placing a hand on the small of her back to guide her away from the corner and up to the guest’s assistance desk.

Ever since that afternoon, she and Tom were together, not romantically they claimed, but truly, all that was necessary for the pair’s connection to be deemed romantic was the pair’s confession to one another that they each desired more from their friendship. Tom paid extra attention to her, quickly figuring out that she was painfully shy and teetered away from social situations that frightened her. Tom had made it his mission to check up on her to make sure she was alright and wasn’t being coerced into activities she didn’t wish to partake in.

Tom had fell into the habit of ordering her food for her, asking questions for her at the store and keeping a watchful eye on anyone he felt could cause her harm. He was more than happy to help her, and it fueled his self-esteem when she would smile up at him and thank him for easing her anxiety. That was all Tom ever wanted to do.

In return, she spent a fair amount of time looking after him in less obvious ways. When she felt as though he’d been eating too much takeout and deserved a nice home-cooked meal, she took it upon herself to prepare him one. She learned exactly how he liked his cups of tea, what kind of books he liked to nurture his mind with, and she even knitted Tom a beanie for when he would be away filming somewhere cold. Often times, the girl and Tom stayed up all night talking on the phone, or snuggled up together on the couch in her living room.

“Darling,” Tom called out to her, “are you nearly ready?” He plopped down on the couch and began leafing through one of the novels that she had currently stacked on her coffee table. Tom hadn’t had as much time to read books, seeing as he was going through so many scripts, but he’d always found that her books enthralled him and would gently coax him back into the bookstore. The book he was currently turning over in his hands was a bright, proud, sunshine yellow. It’s title was printed across the page in red, block letters. “‘Sex and Rage?’” Tom smirked, already preparing to tease the girl he was waiting for.

They’d been invited out to dinner with some of his castmates and a few other mutual friends, and the girl was presently rushing around her apartment in search of her favorite lipgloss and her purse.

“I’m almost done, I promise!” Tom heard her muffled response, and then a second later he heard her utter a few choice curse words, prompting him to settle back against the couch because she was clearly not anywhere near being done. He kicked his legs up to balance on her coffee table and opened the novel by Eve Babitz and allowed her to take him all the way back to 1970s Los Angeles.

After about fifteen more minutes, Tom looked up to find her stood in front of him, blushing profusely when she took note of the book in his hands. Raising his brows and grinning boyishly at her, Tom waved the novel her way. “Interesting choice of reading material, innit?”

“I-,” she started, and then proceeded to open and shut her mouth, she chose to mumble, “shut up, Tom. It’s a classic.”

“Yes, yes, love,” Tom said, “sex and rage are quite classic in LA.” Tossing the book back into it’s proper place, Tom skimmed her frame up and down. “You look,” he almost lost his breath. She was clothed in a silky, sheer, polka-dotted dress, the ruffles dipping low and offering him ample view of the expanse of her chest. The dress’s hem was short and her legs looked just as silky soft as the fabric of her dress. Tom longed to press kisses all the way up from her ankles to above where her skirt ended. “Fucking amazing,” he finished, taking one her hands within his own to press a gentle kiss to the back of her hand. He had half a mind to propose they skipped the dinner all together. Tom didn’t want to share the vision of loveliness that she was with anyone else.

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” she broke away to look directly into his eyes, “you look like every teen’s dream.” She laughed as Tom let out a chuckle underneath his breath. “Are you ready to go?”

Tom stepped closer to her, winding a hand around her waist, “been ready, love. It’s you that I’ve been waiting for.” Which Tom thought was true, to be fair. The only reason that he hadn’t showered her in love and adoration was because he wasn’t absolutely positive that she’d want him too.

Although, she’d allowed him to kiss the back of her hand, and she kissed him on the cheek, what would be so different about Tom leaning down and angling her chin up towards him so he could press his lips against her own? But still, Tom waited. He needed to know that she felt the same for him. Tom refused to allow his feelings for her taint their friendship. He’d done everything he could to try and get her to pick up on his emotions, but he’d observed that they went right over her head. Unluckily for him, everyone else had been made well aware of the love Tom had for her. He prayed up to the high heavens that they’d go easy on them tonight.

After locking up her apartment with his own set of keys, and driving to the restaurant, Tom rushed around the side of the car of yank her door open and help her out. “Careful, m’love,” Tom muttered, taking both her hand and her waist in his hands, “don’t want you to slip.”

“Tom, I’m wearing heels, I’m not injured.” She giggled.

It was Tom’s turn to turn the same shade of red the ripe strawberries she’d given him for breakfast were, “I know, just don’t want you to slip is all.”

Together, they walked into the restaurant, Tom heading over to the hostess’s station to inquire about the whereabouts of their table while she strayed a little behind, choosing to stare at a painting that was hung in the foyer.

“Intricate, isn’t it?” An American male’s voice stated from behind her. When she whipped around to face him, she found that the man in front of her was a bit too close for her liking. So close to her that she felt as though the overbearing cologne the man had covered himself in had sprouted arms and was choking it’s way into her system.

“Yes,” she said, smiling as politely as she could. She peered around the man, trying to spot Tom to no avail.

The girl understood that under no circumstances did she owe this man anything, even a conversation, but she'd grown quickly timid of the way in which he leered over her.

“Waiting for anyone?” The man asked, stepping closer to her and turning his head to the side. When he smiled at her, she didn’t like it. This man’s smile wasn’t warm the same way Tom’s was when he directed it at her, and she could already tell that it wasn’t going to be followed up by a laugh. She knew it was wrong to compare every man that she came into contact with to Tom, but she couldn’t help it. He was everything she wanted and more.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I’m waiting for my boyfriend,” she lied, pink spreading across her cheeks. “He’s just making sure our table is ready.”

The man didn’t seem put off at all when she claimed to be there with her boyfriend, in fact, the smile he wore on his lips curled into a smirk, almost as if to say, “challenge accepted.”

“There you are darling!” Tom called, his brows nearly joining together when he saw the man stood in front of his girl. As he made his way over to them, Tom could practically hear the sigh of relief escape her lungs. Curling a protective arm around her waist, Tom came to a halt behind her and leaned down to pepper her neck with kisses. “Who’s this?”

Before she could even think of a response, the man introduced himself, “Luc. Nice to meet your girl.”

Tom narrowed his eyes, “yeah, my girl is very nice.” He tucked her beneath his arm and began leading her towards the door, offering a hasty, “our table is ready,” the man’s way, not bothering to listen for a response.

“What an absolute wanker,” Tom said loudly, unable to stop himself from saying that he thought so before they walked out of Luc’s hearing range, “alright now, love?” He shook his head and glanced back towards where the man stood, “didn’t like how he was looking at you. What right does he think he has? Fuckhead.”

She merely pressed a kiss to Tom’s jaw, “s’alright now. Don’t worry about it. Thank you for pretending to be my boyfriend, I think he’ll go away now.”

“I’ll be your boyfriend anytime you want.” Tom said, guiding her into the room in which their friends occupied.

After greeting their table, smiling and laughing and talking, the pair barely made it through the appetizers without the man, Luc, quickly becoming an issue once more. They’d learned that he too was apart of a rather large dinner party, so their tables were right smack next to each other. When she spotted Luc coming her way, she shrunk so noticeably back into Tom’s chest that Harrison, who was sat across the table from her, took notice too.

Tom scoffed, “for fuck’s sake. He’ll leave you alone darling, and if not, he and I shall be exchanging words outside.” Tom smoothed her hair down and kissed her temple.

“Well, that’s new.” Harrison stated, eyes blown wide open. “Are you two finally together now?” He asked, his comment quickly peaking the interest of the entire table.

“See,” she heard Laura chime in next to her, “told you they’d be official by now.”

Jacob broke into a grin, “yeah, man! Knew your balls would drop sometime soon!”

She leaned back against Tom’s chest and whispered as quietly as she could, “should we go along with it?” She blinked up at Tom, who’s arm dropped from being wrapped around the back of her chair to securing her further into his side.

“Whatever you-,” his voice trailed off, “you’re joking?” She turned her head and was met with a waiter handing her a drink and pointing Luc’s direction, claiming that he’d bought it for her, and that there was more to come.

Tom pushed his chair out and angled his body towards Luc, “she’s not here with you, mate!”

“Unlikely that she’s here with you either, considering the fact that none of you friends seem to be aware of your relationship.” Luc smirked, tipping his own drink up towards his lips.

“What a tosser,” Harrison proclaimed loudly, already prepared to jump in on his friend’s behalf.

Tom was pulled away from the escalating conversation by an earnest tug on his shirt. “Tom, don’t! It’s not worth it, just ignore it and maybe he’ll go away. He’s trying to start something with you.” She advised, attempting to guide his gaze back to her.

“Bullshit,” Tom mumbled, “like fuck you aren’t worth it! You’re my girl and I’m not going to let him treat you like this.” Anger was seeping into his words and fogging up his mind, so Tom didn’t notice that he’d just uttered a very unfriendly statement her way.

“Tom,” she tried again, “it’s all pretend! It’s fine, just focus on me.”

“No, love. I don’t think you understand,” Tom sighed, focusing his gaze on hers once more. “It’s more than just pretend to me. I want you to be my girl and I feel like I’ve made it all painfully obvious, and you haven’t picked up on it, or reciprocated, or maybe you flat out ignored it. Which is fine, everything about that is fine. It’s just that I care about you and I’m not going to let some fucking dirtbag make you feel uncomfortable.” Tom raked a hand roughly through his hair, “shit,” he mumbled, shutting his eyes, “m’sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable too.”

“Kiss me.” She ordered, ushering Tom closer to her. Taking in his puzzled expression, she added, “kiss me, Tom. For real, please. Kiss me and I’m your girl. For real, not for pretend.”

Tom could hear Luc talking, Harrison retorting and Laura hailing a waiter to ask if there was anything to be done about the seating arrangements, but none of it was clicking in his mind. “What are you saying?”

“Look at me, Tom Holland,” he heard her say sternly. “Don’t let male ego get in the way of this. Don’t look at him, look at me. I wasn’t sure if you were telling me you wanted me, I thought that you were just being nice and you’re too important to me to lose, so I never questioned your intentions. I’m sorry for making you think that I was ignoring you, but I’m not anymore. Please, please kiss me.”

Tom’s head was spinning all across the room. He felt like he was upside down, underwater, sideways and more, but when she finished speaking, his head clicked back into place.

“Please,” she asked softly, tipping her head up towards Tom, who then surged forward, softly stroking over her cheeks and taking the time to carefully align her head with his to create the most perfect of first kisses he would swear anyone in the world had ever had.

A collective gasp fell across the table, and even Luc grumbled a distant, “what the fuck ever, bro. She’s not that cute anyways.”

When the pair broke apart, the first thing Tom could gasp out was, “now you’re my girl,” before quickly swooping down to conjoin their lips once again.

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swearronchanel · 7 years

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4.03 to kill some time

I’m so stressed *no surprise* and I’m very much over this semester even though there’s 6 more weeks lol but I’m going to do what I do best before I go to my last class: avoid my problems and responsibilities & watch call the midwife (4.03 won the episode roulette) and post my trash commentary™..

How many series has Fred been in charge of these volunteer whatever’s and I still don’t know the proper name/title??

LOL @ the shrieks but I feel, rats are nasty af. There’s so many in the train stations in nyc it’s gross

Phyllis !! back when I didn’t really like her omg I was a fool

Sister MJ so pure lol, she doesn’t wanna poison the rats

fuck that tho kill em all

Here comes Trixie 😍 my bby & her fabulous pyjamas. I want them 😭

Ivy from downton abbey out here, I forgot she was Mrs Amos

Imagine if someone actually relevant from downton guest starred on ctm? That’d be lit

Hey Pats

“Baby at the surgery?” LOL Phyllis was such a bitch to my bby Shelagh in the beginning tbh 😂😂 it’s fine all is forgiven, i love her now. BESIDES THEY HUGGED & SHELAGH CALLED HER A FRIEND & IT WAS SO SWEET

Angela is so precious w/ her ears that stick out lol

Dysentery yikes

Phyllis gets shit done though. I love it

Noted: Patsy says “garage” funny & Patrick says “recourses” funny. Idk if it’s just the accent and I’m a childish American or if they just say it weird?? prob the former

I hate watching this online because there are no subtitles 😭😭

like I know this random bitch in the clinic just said something rude about the Irish family but it’s not clear !

my bby shelagh so precious even explaining how to properly wash your hands

but I hope they burned that blue dress though. She’s too pretty to wear ugly clothes !! 😭😍

Shelagh’s so nice & patient 😂like if I was her I would’ve told Phyllis to keep it pushing and that I got it covered

Helen George slays every hair style, I freaking wish

Oh shit I forgot Tom & Trixie were engaged here haha

I’m slightly uncomfortable 😂

I forgot about this storyline, I feel so sad for the Mcavoys

Patsy’s outfit 😍 I love it

sister MJ out here trying to capture the rats to set them free 😂

I still don’t really get what the Rose Queen thing is/how it works

this poor Irish family can’t catch a break

Oh shit wait this is when Tony gets set up right, well it seemed like a set up.

damn though Tony was really about to get it with this guy in a public bathroom?? hm never mind

But it was so suspicious that the guy didn’t immediately break away & then didn’t even say anything, just blew that damn whistle?? no coñfio

I swear it was a set up but anyways

I knew you could be arrested for being gay at the time in the uk but it’s still wild to me when I watched this episode. Like how fucked up? To be deemed a criminal for wanting to be with someone of the same sex. I’m pretty sure it’s still like that in some countries too. Insane

But still fucked up of Tony, like you’re married. Can’t defend cheating

See Trixie agrees, we don’t like cheaters

“No dark secrets girls, not if you value your life”

Marie’s dad said “garage” the same way, maybe it’s the accent

Aw my bbys are back on screen

“Surely with nurse crane on the warpath, dysentery doesn’t stand a chance” hell yea, Phyllis👏🏼can👏🏼take👏🏼on👏🏼 anything

But I’m glad Shelagh solves the mystery because it was rather dull when she wasn’t doing much & she’s too good for that!

“I thought I might assist you in a manner of a Dr Watson” SHE’S SO CUTE 💖

yea okay lady you tell yourself it’s a decent street bc there’s no Irish

prejudice boils my blood

“..I’m always very careful, especially with an accent” lol um you all have accents ???

I forgot for a second that they prob don’t consider anyone to have accents because they live there lol, same way I swear I don’t have an accent until someone that’s not from nyc calls it out😭 But Shelagh’s accent is obviously different too ?? Besides I think the Irish family is easier to understand than some of the local people ?? Hmm. I’m not even going to bother figuring it out, whatever. The woman lied and you’re still perfect Shelagh

But I approve of the navy blue suit. Her lighter blue dress wasn’t a look

Babs was kind of irrelevant here tbh lol

Tom whispering “I’m in love with you” to Trixie like same, who isn’t. Beatrix is a dream

“Who knows what undesirable will be purged next?” *clenches fist* aghh, I wish it was the nasty stale cheeto running my country

Lol omg Fred’s small glasses

Aw sister Julienne, she hasn’t been in this episode much 😭

Jenny Agutter is so great and I’m still not over the fact that she loves rap & especially Eminem. Like I need a video of her singing “shake that ass for me”😂😂 I’d die.

poor Mr Amos 💔

More dinner table scenes in series 7, I love when the majority of the cast is together

Omg how awful/ sacrilegious of me is it to ask that someone make an edit of the the last supper with the Call the midwife cast 😭😭

Eh I’ve said/done worse, god forgive me lol *does the cross, en el nombre del padre, y del hijo y espiritu santo*

Agreed Babs, Mr Amos is so good looking 😭😉

“Don’t make that your criteria for men. My mother always said find a plain man, he’ll be eternally grateful and never stray” LMAOO PHYLLIS I LOVE YOU

my mother tells me “find a rich man because you’re high maintenance and can’t afford it” 😂😂 .. still working on that

“I always thought the essence of crime is that some harm is done to someone” right SIster MJ!?😭

Okay sister W, the Bible says it’s a sin but the Bible condemns a lot of things. Like the doesn’t the Bible even say don’t mix clothing fabrics lol

“Well quite frankly, I thought we fought a war of fascism. And that’s exactly what this is, telling people who they can and can not love” yes Trixie👏🏼 that’s my bby

Patsy sitting there so uncomfortable aww

I don’t think the show has touched on homosexuality since this episode?? are we thinking someone else with find out about Patsy and Delia in series 7?? so curious

Netflix cut this Turner scene, just like they cut most of their cute scenes like how dare they

“Patrick, you’ll think me naive..” she’s so innocent

“I supposed it’s how we made things..There isn’t much room for a different way”

SHELAGH’S REACTION WHEN PATRICK SAYS KINSYS REPORT STATES A “GOOD DEAL OF MEN HAVE HAD HOMOSEXUAL THOUGHTS” KILLS ME EVERY.TIME😂😂

Once again Laura Main proving she’s the queen of facial expressions

“We should live and let live” Patrick’s not here to judge & I’m glad

Do judges or whatever they’re called in the U.K. still wear those wigs?

Oh shit he was a constable I didn’t remember that

Trixie and Phyllis is the dynamic I am here™ for

right after Trixie & Shelagh but I’ll leave that be for now, you know my feelings

3 series of Phyllis’s barley sugar mentions & I still don’t know what the hell they are

And considering my phone is on me just about all the time you’d think I would’ve googled it by now ??

Poor Patrick trying to speak and being shut up

I don’t like his hair gelled down though. But he’s stopped that thankfully

remembering people really think you can “cure homosexuality” again, wild

omg ew what kind of bug was that *cringes*

Lol that baby does not look like a new born

they’re giving Tony estrogen wtf

Phyllis is right yikes that hostile belongs in the past

How is Patrick comfortable eating in there

Phyllis has been scolding Patrick on his eating habits since 1960😂

Phyllis and Trixie sharing a room and both have towels wrapped around their heads 😂😭 I love it

Omg Trixie is helping Phyllis with her Spanish I forgot

“I have a great desire to go to Spain one day..” LET PHYLLIS GO TO SPAIN 2k18/1963 !!

Phyllis calling out Trixie’s drinking..

She notices everything

Trixie taking the new rose queens glasses off lol, just like she lowkey wanted Shelagh to take her glasses off during the wedding

Who does this lady think she is banishing people from the community centre??

“Small mindedness has no place here” yes Pats

Ok Fred’s group is called the CDC, but what does that stand for

“A man can be too clean” wait why does she think there’s a correlation between cleanliness and being gay??

Poor Mrs Amos 😭 I feel bad for them both though

“Am I the only one who doesn’t despise them?” Aww Patsy

“Of course not, I just don’t think it’s our battle to fight” .. “who will then?” !!!!!! Thisssss. Still relevant today. Can’t stay silent

Trixie in another pair of fabulous pyjamas. I want them!

Ok but for real when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia ??

Sister J is so cute lol & her suggesting Phyllis to go with Patrick like hell yes

Another duo I’m here for 😂

I need Phyllis in my life, she’d set me straight and would give advice when I need it

Honestly I need her voice on a recording to play back whenever I make bad decisions 😂😂

Oh shit they graffitied The Amos’ door

Mr Amos is trying to take his life while his wife is bringing another life into the world ..

aw I’m tearing. Marie’s dad stopping Tony & telling him he has a daughter

“Best advice I ever received. When in the path of an unstoppable force it’s always best to surrender” PHYLLIS FU*KING CRANE LADIES & GENTLEMEN, A HERO AND ACTUAL GEM

And my bby Shelagh solving the mystery of the dysentery outbreak! She’s Also a gem 💕

“Elementary” “My dear Watson”😭😭😍❤️ bbys!

Patrick and Phyllis celebrating their victory omg so golden

“..And if anyone doesn’t like it then they can go home and stew in their own mean spiritedness..” yes Trixie that’s my bby!

Cue Vanessa “..We can protect all that we have”

Sister MJ yelling at the little boys aww 😭😂 “we are all gods creatures” ..“some are easier to love than others” ..“it’s the others that need us most!”

I just need Sister MJ protected at every cost, please!!

“But that place which we call home must be the place in which we are ourselves with no facade, no foundations weak, below us. Only then can we face outwards with our heads held high, claim the roles assigned to us, with open, honest hearts.. ”

Maybe I should google the rose queen too, is this a real thing?

Patsy holding Tony’s hand 😭

Everyone ended up clapping ugh my heart 😢

why does ctm always make me so emotional ? literally gold in television form. & it has ruined tv for me because there will never be a show greater than this

I want to watch another episode, but I have class in 10 mins ughh. ok bye guys. I dont have time to check my spelling and shit so bear with me and excuse it all

#my commentaries™#call the midwife #gets me through #everytime #you tired of me yet #??

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