#every year that he cannot come up w smth for halloween

[mediumgayitalian]

Do you think Will has a set of Lightsaber chopsticks? Because you can not convince me that he doesn't. Something like this, probably.

oh yah. he has lightsaber Everything 💀 his bedsheets are star wars which is embarrassing for him but mostly endearing

[blogblogbloggittyblog]

august 29- september 24, 2023

i don’t think i am a good person. noah essentially ended up thinking i was insane and dustin couldn’t deal w me and this guy absolutely cannot either. i’m giving it like one month. i don’t even know if i like him. i don’t think i ever actually liked anyone except dustin. like i actually cared abt whether he did well or if he was happy. i obviously care what all of them think of me but i truly don’t think idk. i think i ruin every good thing that happens to me and i only attract ruined things . there is no way that this man is ever gonna actually ask me to be his gf or tell me he loves me and honestly that’s probably better. the thing is if he said it idk what i’d do. i don’t think i’ve ever meant it except for dustin but we never even said it. i knew him for a year and he still was a good person. other than being a lying scumbag. maybe i just bring out the worst in ppl. i cant fathom making it past 20. i don’t think i have the energy for it. and christ im mentally ill. i’m writing all of this because he left me on read because i got mad because i lied. truly scum of the earth . i don’t understand why i can’t just be happy and stable and normal and successful and nice. like what the fuck is the point ok im becoming edgy nvm -----

i don’t think anyone is ever going to press lavendar for me again

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all i want is to be happy like why is it so hard -----

he has left me on read. it would be so silly if i got ghosted the day after he said we’d still be going out on halloween. very dustin of him

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saw them together holding hands and stuff and maybe it hurt less because i don’t know him at all anymore but it still hurt because i did and couldve

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i’ve been on the verge of a panic attack for the last like four hours and idk why. maybe it’s the espresso and i just have heart palpitations or smth but i’m unwell ! i am also violently upset and stressed but it’s fine who cares

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truly never been closer to ending my life

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it was noah’s bday and i didn’t even think abt it. go me. he got a david bowie tattoo. also i may be pregnant which would be fucking atrocious but we’ll see cam is such a red flag in like every possible way idk what there even is to like abt him other than him being attracted to me and funny and british and like kinda pretty. like personality wise or relationship wise idk if there’s anything positive there. maybe it’s a placeholder so i don’t feel alone. but that’s not supposed to come w the stress of being pregnant

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(i think) i got my period