#except remus’s has a thought bubble saying ‘none of this shit means Anything to me’

[foursaints]

do u have any random thoughts about sirius/remus?? literally anything at all- any random blurb or thought just Anything. reading ur james thoughts and i wanted to ask because i feel like any ramblings/character specificities u have about them will scratch my brain rlly good

my thesis for them is that one quote about how soulmates will eventually find each other, because they have the same hiding place

like the longer i spend with them the more i realize that i see them as recluses. perhaps not literally speaking (r & s have their own ways of attracting friends) but they are the two most isolated characters in the story to me. they’re yoked with really specific (yet opposing) burdens that nobody else is ever going to understand. they want to permanently hide their faces from the world & they have both built that kind of barren refuge inside of themselves

many other characters have stories that are built around Love, and the presence (james, lily, andromeda) or absence (regulus, barty, tom) of it, but that isn’t r&s to me. they have the Least to do with love stories because their entire lives are already so wrapped up in resolving super individual questions of freedom & autonomy & the hurt they cause & the hurt they suffered… but that’s why their love story hits the hardest, for me? they’re the least suited for it and it happened anyway.

once again my remus is like…. a city unto himself, but all internal. polite & mild mannered but also impossible to sway. i think he has the biggest imagination of all of them and it’s what lets him remain so Untouched. he’s not a ~creative~ or anything (pretty uncreative, actually) but he’s a poor german werewolf who is living a Little inside his head specifically because his life sucks so bad. he’s a boy sleeping on a shitty mattress but stubbornly imaging himself sleeping on a better one, if that makes sense, and he’ll die before telling anyone that’s what he’s thinking about.

and then sirius is a prodigal girl-son who’s part dog and still operating somewhat like an ex-cult victim after leaving their family. but they’re so beautiful & terrible & spoiled & brave that nobody can See that. sirius doesn’t need a love story because they need their brother back. and remus has so much of his own baggage, and they are both such Monoliths of independence that it’s less like they’re committed to unraveling the threads of each other’s interiority and more like they’re two cars crashing into each other then scrambling to pick apart the wreckage, holding shattered parts up to the light to examine, one crash at a time. it’s crazy.

it’s like… they make the least sense for each other, but not JUST because they’re mismatched (which they are aesthetically, but not personality-wise). it’s because they’re the two people on earth who need romantic love the least and their lives would be MUCH less complicated without it, maybe even better. but they cannot escape each other. they will never escape each other!!! because!!! they have!! the same hiding places!!!!