#exsqueeze me sir

[ananthologyofsouls]

Of all the times Diluc for you to come home you choose when I am pulling on Ayaka's banner! I did say that if I lost my 50/50 I wouldn't mind it being to you, but I didn't think you would go 'bet' when I said it.

[vivianne-is-tired]

First time watching Umbrella academy, kinda nervous ಠ◡ಠ

SO! my friend kinda introduced me to this show, and I have some feedback to share on the first(and only first)episode since I'm a slow watcher :<

the scene starting w/ the indoor pool? hell nah. pools irl are classy, in movies and tv shows tho? depressy and murdery. 0/10. no thank youuuu. I saw the girl kiss the guy and jump in being like-welp, it was nice knowing you for 0.5 seconds, enjoy that sea monster!

then the blood staining the water starts and I'm like, yep. just as I suspected, here we go-AHHH OHHH WTFWTFWTFWTFTFTFWTF WHY IS SHE PREGNANTTTT?!?!?!!?!11

she js kissed the guy. that's all that happened, why is she pregnant??t

his is why you should use protection kids ⇎_⇎

now, here are my few comments Abt the show so far, strap in, its a doozyヽ(｡ゝω・｡)ﾉ

let's start off with a few things(spoilers for episode ahead, read at your own risk):

Luther being #1(oldest sibling) and being the tallest??unheard of. make him short. we love older siblings who are short kings.queens :333

Second, can we talk abt Klaus overdosing then high fiving(?!)the paramedic that revived him like it was a normal Tuesday??? sir, I don't think you're even remotely human anymore. that's an eldritch being if I've ever seen one●_●

Also, Diego.....man am I abt to beef with this man if it's ever on sight. he defeats the thief's and LEAVES THE FAMILY THEY TIED IN THE BONDS!!! like-0 stars, would not recommend his services to no one >:(((( I wouldn't let him save me, cause what's the point? he's js gonna leave me there to rot without freeing me ;n;

now, Vanya might be my fav so far, cuz the violin performance at the beginning? chef's kiss, she's my daughter now(until further notice) :) makes me so sad that no one was there to applaud her tho, I would've been her biggest supporter being louuuud asf, lowkey

now, I personally don't trust the father since, hello? billionaire adopting a bunch of supernatural kids instead of supporting the parents/gaurdians? BUYING THEM??? immediate red flag. he don't give Tony or Bruce vibes. I feel as though he only mansplains and manipulates. not even malewife since he has 7 diff women pushing the strollers like-brother eughщ(ಥДಥщ)

allison being the normal one has got to be the funniest shit I've ever witnessed. i get that's she's also famous but get this, one of her siblings is a "recovering" addict, an introvert, another introvert who dresses up like daredevil and batman's secret lovechild, and an astronaut. can we pls make it make sense?

Diego breaking into the coroner’s to get his “father’s” report? The dis-fucking-respect??? No. On. Sight.(i rlly like coroners and any disrespect to them is a personal insult)

HOLD UP! Why is there a MONKEY BUTLERRRRR?!?!??!!11 I thought it couldn’t get weirder. Help 🙁

Vanya making snacks for 5 hoping he would come back, aw, my heart js imploded. Thank you.

Bro couldn't even spare a second to bid goodnight to his kids. Ew.

Klaus is a silly little guy, thats my impression of him so far. Using humor to cope, that's me. I kin him now(also him being glad his dad’s dead, me frfr) “exsqueeze me” fav klaus line :)))

Allison and Luther making fun of Diego has got to be my fav thing ever! they’re me your honor  :3333

Oh Alison, my poor baby mama. PATRICK STAR, give claire back you son of a nice woman >:(((((

*awkward silence ensues*

Klaus in the background:*aggressively pouring expensive ahh scotch into a cup*

Kalus also:Wearing his sisters skirt like a girlboss(while high)😤

Luther, baby, pls dont accuse your traumatized siblings of murdering your very not so brat dad.(edit:he had every fucking right)

The way Allison just walks up to the shooter? Very mindful, very cutesy, very demure<3

*The man getting yeeted through the window*

The news anchor:now i've been in many situations such as this-

It's the kids walking out like they didn't just commit homicide to the nth degree….also, there’s an octopus child. Idk what to say.

Also, REGINALD HARGREEVES. CALL MY NOW ADOPTED DAUGHTER NOT SPECIAL AND I'LL SHOVE YOUR OWN FIST SO FAR UP YOUR ALREADY STUCK UP ASS🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Not Klaus spilling the urn. He's such a queen for that tho

Luther blasting music for the whole house to hear? Like, that player is blasting music loud enough to be heard through a literal mansion. I need to know how that works??? Are the walls that thin???????

And everyone started to dance. High School musical who??

And the mom folding laundry like-oh well, at least they’re happy!

Klaus’  “Daddy??” when the lightning started😂😂😂😂😭😭😭

*a weird blackhole portal thingy exists*

Klaus:throws a fire extinguisher at it.

Everyone else:bruh.

Five’s first reaction to coming back to make a sandwich is so real to me tho.(although what he made is an abomination, i do not stand by that)

It’s his nonchalance and everyone else shitting metaphorical bricks.

Basically what happened was; 

“You’re 58?!”

“Yeah, like it's a big deal?”

Ok, hold up. Who’s ben? Did I skip a chapter? A book? A whole movie?? Who tf Ben??

Ohhh, nvm js remembered he’s the octopus child.

Ok, klaus is rlly js pretty princess atp

I need Diego to stop trying to be different. You ain't built diff for shit. Get an umbrella you kook. 

The mom is now suspicious to me. Not so sigma of her to forget that her darling husband is dead.[sarcastic]

The monkey is lying cause what??you’re indebted to someone who turned you into a reverse animorph🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 bitch pls, bsffr

I now have beef with Diego, aka number 2, aka a crusty musty bitch who doesnt shower and wears kevlar all day. Why are you acting that way?? #justice for ben statue ✊😔)

Is the mom a robot? A slave? Why does she behave like that, i'm concerned now 🙂

DID THIS BITCH AS MF FORCE HIS KIDS TO GET TATTOOS??? Ohhh it's on, old man. I will hunt you down to the end’s of earth itself. Wait he’s dead, nvm. I will instead hunt you down to the end’s of the planes of the afterlife, you degraded sun glare. you overdrafted bank fee. You unnecessary movie sequel. Built like an easy bake oven cooking a broken bedazzled gnome.

Fun fact: the “dad” watches his kids while they sleep 😀 pedo pedo pedo pedophiliaaaaa~

Ok, the moneky butler is kinda ok to me now. Like-he may be dumb giving his life to raginald but he tried to comfort Vanya, so he’s ok in my books.

Allison asking where vanya is makes me soft

5 is a menace, according to the level amount of sass he holds in his little body.

The mom is a robot…..whoopdedoo(im not even surprised atp, just downright exasperated)

I feel so bad for the waitress ngl, imagine assuming some kid dressed in a uniform out that late is innocent and turns out he can take down 6 different men armed to the teeth with guns, and you served him black coffee too. I feel like she’ll never give kids black coffee again….

Me vibing to music while 5 commits murder:even old new york, was once new amsterdam, why’d they change it, i cant say, ppl js like it better that wayyyy

There’s a tracker implanted in 5?man this just keeps getting better, and stupider

Diego….idk wether to punch you in the face or kiss you for (probably) killing your father<333 

Also klaus, i do not in fact like waffles 😣

Also, we just found benny boy!! he ‘d dead and emo

5 and vanya being bestiessss, okkk im following

this shit show keeps pulling plot twists out of their asses and I'm concerned for my little remaining sanity ಠ╭╮ಠ

So far, i like it. Sorry for the whole reaction channel vibes i was having this whole time but i had to share :3333

[doberbutts]

Exsqueeze me sir but you're not supposed to have that

[littlemissidontcare]

EXSQUEEZE ME I CANNOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW SIR 😩😩😩😩

[mrparadisecity]

Exsqueeze me sir, what was with you moaning into the microphone in Welcome To The Jungle? 🤨

I liked it

[airyairyaucontraire]

Watching The Mandalorian S3EIforget, "The Pirate"

Okay, 44 minutes of a show that's rapidly losing my allegiance, not for being offensive or brutal, just for being kind of dumb and palpably losing interest in its title character. Let's go then.

If this show was going to go with pirates while also being addicted to re-introducing characters from the CG TV shows, I really feel they could've graced our screens with Hondo Ohnaka. But I fundamentally don't want them to keep bringing in characters from the CG shows. The only exception I would make is Rex, because Temuera Morrison, but I would rather still have more Boba, because also Temuera Morrison.

They haven't even tried to re-member the dismembered IG-11 statue.

shiny ass-kissing droid

and now there are pirates

and I just feel like a man in Greef's position -

actually speaking of Greef's position, I love how before skyping the mossy pirate captain, he squares up and puts his hands on his hips like Henry VIII posing for Holbein

- okay, a man in Greef's position, formerly deeply involved with the bounty hunters' guild, ought to have a staff of mercenaries on site in readiness for shit like this. Instead he's as unprepared for the possibility of bad guys with a big ship showing up wanting to take his stuff as Boba was on Tatooine. Presenting these middle-aged guys who have been involved in the underbelly of the galaxy for their whole adult lives as so naïve about the security challenges of running one's own fiefdom during a somewhat lawless period of regime change is such a bizarre choice. Why is everyone in this show so dumb about stuff they should be totally used to? They're not Luke Skywalker coming from the middle of nowhere with starry eyes and feathered hair. Like they should be smarter than me at this type of thing, and I'm a typist from Auckland.

there's a PIRATE NATION taking over the Mid Rim? THAT I ACTUALLY AM SEMI-INTERESTED IN so I bet they won't show it.

Retreat to the lava flats - a large, open area without shelter or cover. Super.

exsqueeze me, Disney+ subtitler, but PSYCHEDELIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING?

well, the krill farmers are still pumping out the blue juice, I see. And here's a nice Korean Canadian dad - you know what? I feel like Captain Teva is here to provide the Papa Smurf beard that Rex is not onscreen to give us.

Okay, so just as apparently Ragnar just hung out in a dinosaur's crop totally uninjured for 12 hours minimum while a search party stopped to rest overnight on their way to him, Mr Kim has time to travel to Coruscant and try to get a meeting with his superiors while Nevarro is under active pirate attack. He doesn't say "screw it, time is of the essence, I'll render aid and take the consequences." This show's idea of time in rescue situations is bizarre.

Who else feels like this fucking boring New Republic plotline was supposed to be part of the Rangers show that presumably Cara Dune would have headed up if the actress hadn't insisted on being a douchebag on Twitter? And now they're just trying to fold it into The Mandalorian. I resent it.

You know, when I heard the name Tuttle I had a brief feverish flowering of hope that a M*A*S*H tribute about the insanity of military bureaucracy might be in the works, but then it withered.

I know this guy from somewhere, somewhere relatively recent, but I am unable to place him. I am not interested enough to look him up.

I'm so irritated by the lazy cynicism of "If the Rebellion got into power they'd be useless." They're not the Democrats.

so now everyone's just wandering around in the blazing sunlight on hot black lava flats. Sorry Greef, your planet sucks.

And now... is this Jurassic Planet? yep, so I hope he doesn't get eaten by a serpent while he's here. Dude. Sir. You're standing so close to the bay that the mosasaurs like to pop out of. You've got your back to it. Please.

please help me

why does Paz address Teva as "Blue Boy"? He is dressed from neck to ankle in the most garish orange. Paz's own armour is predominantly blue. Is he fucking colour-blind?

Why does the Disney+ subtitler still head up Din's dialogue as "THE MANDALORIAN" when we've known for actual years that his name is Din Djarin?

they pride themselves on their secrecy... and their idiocy.

You know, this would never have happened if you'd stuck with your plan of repairing IG-11. He was no snitch.

Din calls him "Blue" too! HE IS DRESSED IN ORANGE

I CANNOT RECALL THE COLOUR BLUE EVER BEING SIGNIFICANTLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE REBELLION OR NEW REPUBLIC

HE HAS SOME BLUE STENCILS ON HIS HELMET BUT HE DELIBERATELY TOOK THAT OFF AND LEFT IT IN HIS SHIP WHEN HE GOT OUT TO PARLEY SO DIN AND PAZ CAN'T SEE IT

anyway BK's doing her swaggery walk again and while we're at it WHO ELSE PROMINENTLY WEARS BLUE?

and now we're going to have a long, leisurely meeting to discuss because what is time? what is urgency?

"and our children can feel what it is to play in the sunlight" - which we already let them do because we take absolutely no safety precautions about living right next to a bay where dinosaurs regularly pop out of the water or swoop from the sky to devour our young

"Does anyone else wish to speak?" No, because we are all just elaborately dressed extras. We know our place.

I'm... skipping stuff.

So the pirates are boozing it up in the school, like they wanted to. I'm happy that someone got what they wanted.

I like that one warthog pirate!

Did a Salacious B. Crumb monkey just tip off the Mandos?

I know they want me to be excited for the big battle, I know they do... I'm just too grumpy. I have a glass of wine, though, so that's good. Recognisable salmon pink in colour, The Ned Pinot Gris 2022 showcases classic aromas of quince, pear drop and vibrant stonefruit. The palate is lush with juicy nectarine and Braeburn flavours supported by an underlying hint of spice that leads to an unctuous ripe finish. A versatile wine when it comes to food matching with its notable fruitiness and gentle acidity. Try pairing this silky wine with succulent chicken thighs added to a creamy, lemon fettuccine pasta sauce.

you know, I don't usually tolerate words like unctuous and succulent being thrust at me by a mere product description, but I'll allow it

So... there wasn't much point to the mossy pirate at all, was there? Unless he bailed out with a parachute, he blowed up.

yes, the Anzellans are very cute. Always a pleasure to see them.

You know why I have a problem with this effort to do a whole thing about Bo-Katan and reuniting Mandalore and everything? It's the problem of trying to link up with the sequels, which were made before The Mandalorian was a consideration and gave absolutely no hint that the Mandalorians were a consideration either. Did they just "retake Mandalore" and then become totally isolationist, neither fighting the First Order nor supporting the Resistance? Did they get wiped out for keeps? Where were they when shit went down? You don't have to engage with that if you're prepared to just tell a small story of one dude and his kid, and a personal saga of family and faith, friendship and love, but once you commit to doing a big political historical story, you've gotta and it seems doomed to be unsatisfactory.

anyway if people are just whipping their helmets off now I reckon Din should pop back to Tatooine and show Cobb his smile

[maple-leifarts]

tomorrows gonna be fun :] hopefully Wilbur will be ok but that’s unrelated -ca anon

s-sir??? SIR????? EXSQUEEZE ME SIR. UM.

[uwuyamaa]

y'all doing jake dirty im-

[itsalwayscoldintheterror]

exsqueeze me sir, can you stop being so pretty

[45percenterthen]

"stories are coming to mind that i can't tell" exsqueeze me sir ???

[imagineitup]

𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘧𝘰𝘺

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺: @spideyboipete

𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵: fake dating au

𝘢/𝘯: i tried out a new style of hc, so let me know if you like this version or my old versions better tysm <3

- - 

you and scorpius are those friends

you’ve got that type of friendship where something clicked and suddenly you were both attached at the hip for years

because apparently having the same brand cauldron in the beginning of first year with the same exact hole in the side means best friends ride or die in first year culture

like what even is this? some psychic shit??

but anyway, with you being absolutely intent on making friends, scorpius couldn’t get rid of you if he tried but pls he could never survive without you anyway :p

since then you’ve both been best friends for life!  well, ever since the +1 with the introduction of albus potter

and at first you were super happy because yay new friends

but then they kind of stopped hanging out with you in the middle of fifth year or so and went off into their own little world

and you were a little sad

ok maybe a lot sad

but that was okay because that meant you were able to meet new friends and expand your horizons! you even got the chance to focus on yourself and join some new clubs, too!

who even is scorpius anymore lmao you don’t know him

but anyway

it was seventh year and you were so tired of your friends bugging you to get a s/o

“(Y/N) why don’t you date someone?”

“you’d really hit it off with so and so, don’t you think?”

“just put yourself out there”

ರ_ರ

exsqueeze me

so one day you just can’t take it anymore

and maybe you should’ve thought this through but nO

you don’t pause to think things through

because life is for living in the moment hell yes

“guys i’m already dating someone” (▰˘◡˘▰)

needless to say your friends go insane

like who tf is this humans (Y/N) hasn’t mentioned the audacity™

so like any normal person, you say the first name that comes to mind

“hahaha … scorpius!”

your friends stare at you like they’re in the office

blink blink

“but … weren’t you guys just friends”

“NO”

you’re panicking but

hahahahhaha

“we’re in LOVE”

ur friends are really like ok whatever, but go off

and that is how you find yourself dragging yourself over to the slytherin common room and placing your hands on scorpius’s shoulders

“promise me you won’t freak out”

and ofc scorpius is already freaking out

bc why are you sitting in the common room with this crazily determined face and forcing him to listen to you

and this is how you get into this situation

with scorpius screeching and falling off his chair and you doing your best uwu pls help me 911 face

“i can’t DATE you”

what

you give scorpius your best professional face even though inside you’re ???

bc um is it that bad to date you??

you are confused???

you’ve saved scorpius thousands of times in his hogwarts career in both academics and social standing he can afford to pretend to date you ONCE

“WHY NOT”

“BECAUSE”

ರ_ರ

ರ_ರ ರ_ರ

obviously you’re not getting anywhere and you start to stand up, kind of annoyed

“fine then, ig i’ll just find someone else to date me.” sniff

as soon as you say that, it’s like you’ve flipped a switch and suddenly scorpius is very concerned and almost a little upset

and when you don’t notice him contemplating something, he runs in front of you and nearly knocks you over

“second thoughts?”

scorpius scowls

although it looks more like a lil pout pushing at his lips and he crosses his arms

lmao who is this and what’s happened to scorpius

you shrug and start to leave for real until scorpius reaches out to tug at your arm

“NO, NO WAIT … I’LL DO IT”

you whirl around immediately and you are needless to say, very relieved!

｡◕‿◕｡

“perfect!”

but apparently scorpius hasn’t recovered from his fall from before

bc he can’t stop rubbing his hand against his neck and his face is all blotchy and pink

kinda cute, but in a best friends way.  like wowie my best friend looks kinda adorable look at that boy go

but ofc scorpius has to ruin the special moment because he offhandedly says, “shouldn’t we have rules or something?”

rules???

rULES???

this is fake dating scorpius wdyfm rules?

“huh?”

“like … things not to do? maybe one big rule is not ruining our friendship???”

ʘ‿ʘ

oh

he smart smart

“ok easy then, just don’t fall in love with me”

apparently this is the WRONG thing to say?

scorpius is RED like boy is not pink anymore his cheeks are burning red

“you can’t just say that?”

????

you are confused bc what does that even mean

“why not?”

“that’s like ...  y-you you can’t just say that.”

you are, if possible, even more confused?

“okay and?”

scorpius blinks

bls this boy has the audacity to just shrug

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

reader u are duMB af scorpius bout to throw hands here

but he won’t bc he luvs u  (▰˘◡˘▰)

so fifteen minutes later you guys decide to make three big rules

scorpius had a whole list of like twenty but you narrowed it down to these:

1. don’t ruin ur friendship

2. no kissing

3. and ur paying for three hogsmeade rounds after this is over

honestly you think this is kinda rude considering scorpius is richer than ur entire life but whatever, at least he’s not leaving you out to the wolves

so when it’s finally time to put this fake dating thing to the test, you tug scorpius over to your side of the table at the great hall and make sure to swing his hand

which actually feels kind of nice??

like you’ve never actually thought about this before

but scorpius is comforting

his hand fits right in yours, and he’s so warm

and i mean haha it’s not like this is a new thing, pssh you two hold hands all the time!! but adjkaldjkfl not in a dating way

ur friends are shocked

like they never thought you’d actually show up with a DATE

and bc they’re all ruDE they grill scorpius

but scorpius is best boy

best bf

and answers all their questions like a pro

(▰˘◡˘▰)

(▰˘◡˘▰)(▰˘◡˘▰)

ur so proud

you let ur head rest against scorpius’s shoulder and BITCH

scorpius presses a kiss to ur forehead

AJDKFJDSF

why are u so happy? what is this??

it’s just so gentle and soft and you feel your heart getting all mushy and warm

your friends all give a big collective aww because one, they’re annoying af and yes y’all are cute cute and this is cute

but reader ur going through some existential crisis

and later when you’re walking with scorpius to all your classes, you can’t stop thinking that hey, this fakedating thing isn’t that bad

but whatever it’s just cause u miss spending time with scorpius!

yes, that’s it!

you’re just sad that scorpius always hangs out with albus and you don’t get to see him as much

so this is nice!

you’re just going through some bff nostalgia atm pls wait for (y/n).exe to start working again

anyway now bc of this fakedating thing, you and scorpius just spend so much time together

like y’all have always been best friends, but this feels different okay

scorpius will run over to you when he sees you and wrap his arms around your waist

the first time he did it, he had the cuteness to go “is this okay? are you okay?  is this too much?

and YOUR HEART WENT !!!!!

you might’ve blushed

okay you did

but you convince yourself it’s just because ur touch starved

ʘ‿ʘ reader c’mon

but whenever you call scorpius and wave at him, his face just LIGHTS up

and you’re pretty sure yours does too

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

needless to say you kinda don’t want this all to end

because somewhere in the middle of all this, your head has gone from calling scorpius your fake boyfriend to your real boyfriend

and you don’t really want to go back to just being friends if you’re honest

wait hold up

uh oh

UH OH CODE RED

did you just admit you liked scorpius?? in a REALS way?

◉_◉

◉_◉ ◉_◉ ◉_◉

so like the only way you know how to deal with things, you avoid it!

you start to act really distant

and now whenever scorpius wraps his arms around you, you stiffen up

and scorpius like the angel he is pulls away so quickly bc ?? is his best friend upset? uncomfortable?

did HE make his best friend for life uncomfortable? omg this isn’t ok what is happening

everyone can tell sumn is up

ofc they can, what with you going to the extent of running away whenever you see scorpius and scorpius reacting like the entire light got blown out his life

and bruH scorpius may be innocent but he aiNT dumb

he knows your schedule he KNOWS you ignoring him

and baby is upset

because lately you’ve been starting to feel a lot more to him

and now you’re just gone??

that’s not okay and scorpius isn’t just gonna sit around and be sad

if there’s something he can do he’s gonna do all he can to try to fix it!

he corners you one day and holds up an angry piece of paper

“excuse me m’aam/sir but you broke rule number one which is, in case you forgot, don’t RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP”

“oh haha uh scorpius! hi uhh gotta blast”

scorpius’s face falls

and that was it

you just wanna smush his face together and tell him things are fine and that you love him

wait WHAT

but scorpius is still staring at you with that wounded look

like you’ve just ripped up his heart and torn it to shreds

bc that’s kinda what you’re doing

omg what’ve you done

READER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

“scorpius …”

his eyes lock onto yours so fast that you’re afraid he’s got whiplash

your mouth goes dry, and for a few moments it’s hard to talk

but you finally manage to tell him that “i don’t think we should fake date anymore.”

scorpius’s face breaks

his eyes go wide, and it looks like he wants to stagger.  and he almost does, just a little bit

“is it something i did?”

WHAT

this boy

scorpius malfoy really gonna be the death of you

you’re shaking your head back and forth so fast because NO of course not of course this isn’t his fault

scorpius is still teetering back and forth, and his arms start to wrap around himself.  “because i swear i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.  if i screwed up just tell me and i can fix it, (Y/N), please”

you shake ur head, already starting to panic.  “of course not.  it’s not YOU scorpius. i just can’t fake date you because --”

you clamp your hands over your mouth

“because?” scorpius prompts, his voice careful

you just shake your head, already starting to turn and run back to your dorms because this is stupid and you’re scared

big scared

but scorpius just takes your hand and tugs you backward a bit, almost like a scene from a movie

you do that perfect little twirl back and are face to face with the one and only

“do you … do you like me?” scorpius asks

that’s it

it’s out

you’re ready for your entire friendship with scorpius to come crashing down

“do you?” he repeats softly

you try to pull away but scorpius isn’t having it

he’s still holding onto your hand, gently, of course, and his eyes are boring into yours

you’re too scared to look because you’re afraid of what you’ll find

but when you can’t take it anymore and finally tilt your head up you realize something important

because his eyes aren’t full of disgust

in fact, that’s further from the truth

scorpius malfoy is staring at you with the biggest heart-eyes you’ve ever seen and you’re confused to how you’ve never seen this sooner

it’s almost like you’re his whole world, and now you can’t fucking breathe

is this real?

your heart’s pounding in your chest so fast and there’s something bursting at your lungs

you nod faintly.  “yes.  i like you”

the huge grin that spreads across scorpius’s face is everything

he rushes forward to pull you into a gigantic hug, even lifting you up a little as he spins you around and lets out a little happy shriek

“i’ve liked you forever, (y/n), i can’t believe this is real”

what

so u could’ve been dating scorpius before??

“you dork why didn’t you tell me?”

“because you didn’t like me like that!”

BITCH WHAT

“well maybe i was confused” you pipe back

scorpius just laughs, burying his head in your shoulder crook.  “i’m so happy right now.”

and honestly ?

so are you (´∀｀)♡

[its-romani-bitch]

You know you’re fucked when even the god of mischief tells you, you’re an insomniac, reckless and impatient (exsqueeze me sir???), and your family is shit dkdkdlldldldldldldl

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

this is weird, but: one of the things that really makes me feel strange about getting older is seeing all my favorite romantic heroes played by these ... unexceptional lads in new adaptations, lads who fill my heart with a vague sense of, in michael scott’s words, “i hate looking at your face! i wanna smash it!”. like, that dude from lovesick (a show that was for real titled scrotal recall for like 2 seasons until even its writers realized that could never work!) with the surfer hair as george knightley??? say what now?? ol’ lord-byron-looking curls mcgee lecturing jo march on literary integrity? (which, i liked that performance, but he also felt like such a weird newfangled young hottie version of bhaer.) timothee chandelier is laurie now?? and i know this isn’t a new adaptation, but whoever this mean dude with eyebrows is on sanditon being like, ‘i’m the newest austen hero, i’m an austen hero now’?? exsqueeze me?? sir. you go too far!!

WHERE ARE THE EARNESTLY DASHING MEN OF THE 90s AND 00s THAT SET OUR HEARTS ALIGHT?

[stylesunchained]

Exsqueeze me sir, but is that a "hi" tatoo on his finger ???

I think those are just the little creases on his fingers, if it were a tattoo it’d be a little darker (omg why does talking about the creases on his fingers make me so soft? 😭)

[bentancurs-bitch]

Exsqueeze me sir, Dele is not a doormat, please do not disrespect him

[fourbulliesandacookie]

Exsqueeze me, mama!!! It appears I have a hole in my Scentsy Dude shirt! How am I supposed to be representing as a very important fundraising dude with tattered clothes? Kinda feeling like I should be saying “please sir, I want some more” instead of “whatcha warming today”. 🤦‍♂️ #mamasgotmelookinglikeanorphan #holesandtatters #scentsydudeshirthaspassedaway #amomentofsilence #deucethediapeydog #fourbulliesandacookie #englishbulldog #dogsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CVlKn0LrOtA/?utm_medium=tumblr