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futureman · 5 months

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you're a mean one, mr. miller

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: you and ellie decide the solution to joel's grinch-like approach to the holidays lies in finding him the perfect gift

warnings: jackson era, grumpy old man!joel, significant other!reader, fluff, mild angst, gift giving, christmas at the miller's, so many polaroids

word count: 3.8k

12 days of pedro masterlist - ty to @hellishjoel for organizing this project <3

The Miller household always gets a little tense around the holidays. When the days shorten and snow begins to fall, Joel throws himself into patrols and plans for winter-proofing Jackson, and it's all he'll talk about for months. It's obvious he does it on purpose.

Christmas is basically an unspoken no-no under his roof, and there might as well be a swear jar for the word if his reaction is any indication. He refuses to acknowledge it and only tolerates the day itself because he knows it makes you and Ellie happy.

You just wish it made him happy, too. You know it used to. Every year, Tommy regales stories about their Christmases in Austin as kids, and later with Sarah. Joel loved Christmas.

They used to visit the tree farm, pick the tallest, fullest tree they could fit in their living room, and decorate it the very same day. Their attic and even parts of their garage were home to lights and tinsel in every color you could think of, and ornaments Sarah brought home from art classes and the yearly holiday fair at school.

All of that changed after the outbreak. It wasn't just her passing that did it. It wasn't even the threat of death or worse lurking around every corner. It was time.

Joel just got used to life without it. After 22 years of missed holidays, he decided he didn't actually miss them at all. He couldn't afford to spare precious resources or energy on anything that wasn't necessary for survival. But that isn't the point of Christmas, is it?

You celebrate your loved ones and their joy. You celebrate life. Here in Jackson, he finally has all of that, but if Joel is anything, he's a stubborn man set in his ways. You can tell he's still resistant to the idea because he genuinely believes there are better uses for his time.

You can also tell he's afraid to let his guard down. You just haven't figured out a way to show him he doesn't have to be. No one's safety is guaranteed in the world you live in, but you're protected now. And that responsibility isn't solely on him anymore.

If you could give him anything for Christmas this year, it would be peace. One day, even just a few hours of tensionless shoulders and a wrinkle-free brow would be a gift for all of you. He deserves to enjoy something merry and cheerful again, just for the sake of it.

So, you ask the person who knows him best in the world for help.

"What do we think about getting Joel a Christmas gift this year?"

Ellie glances up from her guitar with the most incredulous look you've ever seen on her face.

"Depends. Do you have a death wish?" she jokes, draping her arm over her instrument so she's sitting more comfortably. She's settling in—you both know this is about to be a painful conversation.

"No, but—," you sigh, leaning against the door behind you. It's still chilled, even through your coat, from when you barged into the shed and interrupted her practice. "I don't know. He wouldn't make that big of a deal, would he? It doesn't have to be anything flashy, just something small. Something nice."

"So, you wanna get Joel something nice for a holiday he hates? That makes total sense," she says, rolling her eyes.

You don't appreciate the sarcasm, but you expected it. She knows as well as you do that Joel won't be thrilled by the gesture, if he even accepts it.

"El, come on. I could really use your help here," you try to appeal to the part of her that usually can't say no to you, and thankfully she's starting to cave. "If there's anyone who can come up with a present Joel will actually like, it's you."

She sighs. Her fingers drum an arrhythmic beat on the wood grain while she thinks, a habit she must've picked up from Joel.

"Look, Joel's not really a 'thing' kinda guy," she replies, and she's probably right. He's never been the kind of guy who has physical attachments. "When's the last time he actually gave a shit when something broke or got lost? Even his watch is broken."

"Yeah, but that's different. You know it's different," you counter softly. But you can see the point she's trying to make. "Okay, so we don't get him a 'thing'."

She nods, waiting for you to offer another idea, but you're even more stumped than you were when you got here.

"Maybe you can draw him something?" you grimace, grasping at straws now.

"His house is full of shit I've drawn," she deadpans. "Plus, I thought this was an us gift. That sounds like a 'me doing all the work' gift."

You let out a frustrated groan, and your head thunks dully against the door. You knew this wasn't going to be an easy task, but you thought it would at least be possible. Joel's a complicated man—it's one of the things you love most about him—but his wants and needs are surprisingly simple.

He loves a home-cooked meal, especially meat and potatoes. He enjoys cold beers with Tommy on the porch during the summer and walking Ellie through complicated picking patterns when she's stuck on a song. He likes relaxing on the couch and watching old Westerns or cheesy action movies, and craves your body, soft and pliant, under his after a frustrating day on patrol.

But you want this to mean more than any of that. A special something that goes beyond the norm to loosen some of the springs that keep him wound up tight and constantly in motion.

You glance around Ellie's space as your hope begins to dwindle, and the corkboard above her bed catches your eye. It's always been there, covered in doodled-on scrap paper and photos of her family and friends, and you're positive you've seen it hundreds of times since you've been in Jackson. But this time, it gives you an idea. The idea.

"That Polaroid camera you found in Eugene's basement—the one in the library. Does it work?"

Ellie's brows furrow at your sudden question. She clearly didn't expect it, but you're hoping she'll be on board once she finally catches on.

"Uhh, yeah, Cat and I were messing around with it the other day. Worked pretty well for us," she replies hesitantly, pointing at the entertainment console next to you. "It's next to the PlayStation."

Humming in response, you squat in front of the shelf to inspect it. It's in great condition, even better than you expected. Even the flash button lights up and whirs just like you remember.

Before she can protest, you whip around and snap an extremely candid, brightly lit photo of her. If the look on her face is the same one you just caught on film, then you're already off to a great start.

"Dude, what the fuck? What was that for?" she groans in annoyance, blinking the bright spots out of her vision.

"A scrapbook," you grin. "For Joel."

She's still glaring at you as she rubs her eyes, but she bites back whatever retort she was about to say. You watch her expectantly as she chews on the idea, relief blooming in your chest when she finally nods.

"I guess that could work," she says slowly, still thinking over the logistics in her head. But then she frowns. "When exactly did you plan on taking all those photos? Not to be a downer, but Christmas is in like, a week."

Damn, she's right again. It'll be hell in a handbasket to fill an entire scrapbook in that amount of time, and even if you manage it, it'll be a half-assed attempt at best.

No, if you're going to do this, then you're going to do it right. No rushed or slapstick presents for the man who already hates Christmas—Joel deserves better than that.

"What if we let Joel do his bah-humbug thing one last time? That's probably his idea of a perfect gift, anyway. Then next year, it'll be this," you hand her the fully-developed Polaroid.

It shows Ellie hugging the guitar Joel made for her, but there's no sign of the shocked annoyance that followed the camera flash. Instead, she's smiling. She has that rare, unguarded expression on her face, the one reserved only for people she trusts. It's a tender moment of peace, forever frozen in time.

She looks up at you, and you can see it in her eyes. She gets it, now.

"You do realize it's still a 'thing' present though, right?" she interjects playfully, and you have to resist the urge to grab the wood polishing cloth on the table next to you and swat her with it.

"Yeah, but it's a sappy thing. Admit it, Joel's a huge sap and you know it. You said it yourself, his house is basically a glorified fridge with your art magnetized to the walls."

She rolls her eyes again, but you can see the smile tugging at her lips. She knows it's true.

"So, you'll help me?" you ask, daring to hope that she'll agree.

"As long as you don't pull this shit again, I'll do whatever you want," she lifts the Polaroid, shooting you a dirty, but affectionate look before handing it back to you.

A grin breaks out across your face, and you bolt across the room to hug her awkwardly around the instrument still sitting in her lap. She places it down so she can wrap her arms around you properly.

Physical affection has never really been Ellie's thing but if you catch her at the right moment on the right day, you might get lucky. Today, you do.

"So, when do we get started?" she asks, pulling away.

"Right now," you reply, unable to contain your excitement. For the first time in over two decades, Joel Miller might actually have a merry Christmas, and that's something to celebrate.

"Now?" she gapes at you, looking over her shoulder longingly at her guitar as you drag her out of the shed. She barely has enough time to grab a coat before you're out in the cold with nothing but each other, a camera, and a plan.

"Now."

ONE YEAR LATER

Jackson in the spring is one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen, even among your memories of the world pre-outbreak. Snow remains on the mountain peaks in the distance, but the foliage below blooms with the promise of warmer weather. Somehow, you managed to capture it all—fresh flowers in the shop windows, friends and neighbors shedding their coats and congregating in the streets, and the post-winter excitement that spreads more and more with each sunny day.

You hid the stack of photographs in an empty jumbo box of tampons in the hall closet, positive they’d be safe from Joel’s prying eyes while you and Ellie continued your mission.

In the summer, two new foals were born, and Ellie and Maria spent almost every day at the stables to help out where they could. They even named them—Shimmer was Maria’s choice, and Ellie named the other Callus just to piss off Joel. Not only did it work, but it resulted in some of the cutest pictures of the season.

Joel and Tommy built a porch swing for Maria and their rambunctious toddler and spent countless balmy nights drinking Tommy's extra-strength whiskey and shooting the shit. They even broke out their guitars every so often and managed to bully Ellie into playing with them once or twice. You caught that on camera, too.

Slowly but surely, the memory box filled up, and the photos were transferred to a scrapbook you and Ellie made yourselves—with a little local help. One of the school teachers happened to be a former librarian with a bookbinding hobby, and graciously gave you a treasure trove of old, tattered books that were perfect for your project.

By autumn, everything was falling into place. Ellie adorned those pages with painted leaves in shades of red, orange, and yellow to complement the photos you took at the town’s annual Harvest Festival and Thanksgiving potluck. You hopped around from booth to booth, table to table, and thanked your lucky stars that Eugene was a hoarder and held onto every pack of film he found over the years.

Now, it's the night before Christmas and you have a single shot left. One last photo intended for the final page, but you can’t think of anything you haven’t already documented. Looking around Tommy’s living room, there are plenty of moments you’d love to capture, and yet none of them feel like the moment.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas plays in the background while you sit on their couch, curled into Joel’s side with Ellie’s head on your lap, but you’re barely paying attention, still lost in your thoughts. Joel isn’t paying attention, either—he was unsurprisingly averse to the movie to begin with—so when you don’t laugh along with everyone else at the Grinch’s antics, he immediately knows something’s up. He kisses your temple, careful not to jostle Ellie.

“What’s got you so in your head you’re not even laughin’ at Jim Carrey? I thought you loved this movie,” he murmurs against the shell of your ear. His familiar Southern twang somehow warms you up more than the fireplace crackling next to the television.

“I do. I think I’m just getting a little sleepy, is all,” you reply softly, sagging into him. “Winter dance prep sucked this week. It’s like everyone conveniently forgot they volunteered to help.”

He nods, mumbling an apology into your hair.

“Guess that makes sense. All that runnin’ around you’ve been doing with that camera of yours probably ain’t helpin’ either,” he says offhandedly, and your brows furrow in response.

It’s not the first time he’s mentioned your sudden interest in photography, but with his gift sitting less than 10 feet away under Tommy and Maria’s Christmas tree, it seems more than a little suspicious. You catch Ellie glancing up at you in your peripheral, and you meet her gaze as discreetly as you can.

“Yeah, maybe,” you laugh it off, hoping it doesn’t sound as tense to Joel’s ears as it does to yours.

“What are you doin’ with all of those photos anyway? I swear, you take ‘em and then they disappear into thin air,” he presses on, none the wiser.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you joke, shaking your head as if that’ll shake off all of his incoming questions. But it doesn’t work nearly as well as you hoped.

“Y’know, I was wonderin’ that myself,” Tommy interjects from the recliner to your right. “You’ve been takin’ photo after photo for almost a year, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single one.”

Maria scoffs next to him, coming to the rescue before you’re forced to come up with a believable explanation.

“Mind your own damn business,” she smacks him in the chest, then shoots you a sympathetic look.

You asked for her help not long after you and Ellie started planning Joel’s gift, so she knows how important this is. The last thing she’s going to do is let her husband’s need to stir the pot ruin it. But Tommy’s not the type of guy to give in that easily.

“I’m just sayin’, might be nice take a look at ‘em. You probably got some good ones of the kids in there, ‘specially from birthdays and holidays—,” he manages to get out before Ellie cuts him off.

“Can you guys have this conversation somewhere else? Some of us are actually trying to watch the movie,” she sits up from her spot on your lap to glare in his direction.

Then, Tommy abruptly stands like something just occurred to him and strides across the room to the mantle above the fireplace—right where you set the camera down earlier. Your heart leaps into your throat.

“Hold up. This thing’s still got one shot left, don’t it?” he asks excitedly, and you’re not sure how to shut him down without drawing too much attention to yourself or sounding mildly hysterical.

“Well, yeah, but—“

“Oh shit, s’got a timer and everythin’,” he continues, fiddling with its limited settings. He turns back towards the rest of the group and holds up the camera with a grin. “C’mon, everybody get together. We’re takin’ our first official Christmas card photo.”

“But, Tommy—,” you try again, but you’re drowned out by Joel’s sad attempt to leave the room.

“Look, I said I’d watch the movie, but I sure as hell didn’t agree to take a damn Christmas photo,” he grumbles, moving to stand, but you latch onto his flannel before he gets too far. He softens at your downtrodden expression and settles back in.

“Just to be clear, m’doin this for her, not for you,” he amends his previous statement gruffly, throwing an arm around your shoulder. You kiss his cheek gratefully, and Ellie pretends to gag as she shuffles to sit between your legs.

“Whatever you say, big brother. All you gotta do is sit there and look pretty. Think you can handle that?” Tommy teases him, making one final adjustment to the camera's placement. “Alright y’all, here we go.”

He sets the timer, then runs to the couch, squishing into the only available spot between Maria and an armrest. Everyone huddles together with varying levels of smiles and grimaces on their faces while you wait for the camera to go off. Except, it doesn't.

“Wait, how long did you set the timer for?” you peer around Maria to see Tommy looking genuinely dumbfounded.

“…Does it not just go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, shoot?” he asks sheepishly.

"Oh my god, are you kidding me?" Ellie groans, leaning back against you, and the entire couch bursts out laughing.

And in that moment, the flash goes off.

Yeah, this is the one.

The photo in your hands feels like the culmination of every memory you made and preserved in the past year. Five faces—and one tiny sleeping one—look up at you, fully developed and as happy as you've ever seen them.

Tommy and Maria sit side by side with their son in her lap, their heads thrown back in laughter. Next to them, Ellie sits between your legs, mid-knee slap, as you cackle with your chin resting on top of her head.

And then there's Joel, grinning from ear to ear as he looks on at the family he's fought so hard to protect. The family that's safe and sound, and enjoying an ordinarily special day, just for the sake of it. You can only hope that a book full of photos and everything it represents will be enough to convince him once and for all that it's the truth.

As you slide the final Polaroid into place, Joel sidles up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.

"What's all this?" he watches curiously as you close the book and swipe your hand lovingly across the cover. Then, you pick it up and turn in his embrace, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"A gift," you reply carefully, hugging it to your chest.

You glance over to where Ellie's still sitting in the living room, but she shakes her head and offers you a small smile, her delicate way of telling you that you're on your own. You take a deep breath before continuing.

"It's a Christmas present from me and Ellie," you explain, hoping to convey even a fraction of what this means to you. "Look, we know this isn’t necessarily your favorite day, but...we still wanted to do something nice for you."

He nods, his expression frustratingly unreadable. But then he does something unexpected.

"Y'gonna keep huggin' it or are you gonna show it to me?" he drawls jokingly, and your brows shoot up in shock.

"You wanna see it?"

His face falls, and you immediately feel terrible at the brief wave of hurt that crosses his features. You didn't mean to sound so surprised, but you didn't anticipate this easy acceptance.

"'Course I do. The two of you spent a whole year workin' on this thing, why wouldn't I?"

That grin you know he loves lights up your entire face, and you turn to place his gift back on the counter. Flipping to the first page, you step aside and let him explore it for himself.

He takes in each moment of each season slowly, running his fingers across Ellie's doodles between photos and in the margins. Spring is framed by butterflies that you're somehow just realizing are painted in all of Sarah's favorite colors.

Ellie added so many painstaking details you'd never talked about. You're not even sure how she knew something like that, but you're grateful it's there. Joel notices it too, and reaches down to take your hand, gripping it tightly for the rest of the book.

He's silent as flips through summer and fall, and when he finally reaches winter, you feel him begin to tremble beside you.

The last page sits open in front of you, the photo from earlier flanked on either side by notes from you and Ellie. As he reads, then rereads them, you can see the cogs turning. He's starting to understand why you did this—and how something as simple as a photograph isn't just a look back on a life well-lived. It's a reminder to keep living.

“This is…,” his brows furrow as he tries to find the words to express the conflicting thoughts racing through his head.

“I—I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything," is what he ultimately settles on, but when he looks up at you, his eyes are wet. You immediately drop his hand to cup his cheeks.

"You didn't need to. I have everything I've ever wanted right here," you tell him gently, brushing away the tears threatening to fall.

You glance over at the familiar faces in the living room, the same ones looking up at you from the page below, and he follows your gaze. The tension in his body begins to bleed away the longer he watches them, and you learn the wrinkle in his brow isn't actually the permanent fixture it always seemed to be.

He reaches up to cover one of your hands with his own, and you can feel his heart racing through his fingertips. In the back of your mind, you wonder if this is the moment it happens. If his heart grew three sizes bigger today, and if he's finally ready to give himself the gift of peace.

“Merry Christmas, Joel Miller," you whisper, kissing him deeply as the sweet voice of Cindy Lou Who brings the movie credits rolling in the distance to a close.

thanks for reading and happy holidays!

dividers by @saradika-graphics

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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schoopsahoy · 1 year

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i'm holding every breath for you

steve harrington x nextdoor neighbour!reader {8.2k} based on the song i’d lie by taylor swift. friends-to-lovers. lots of pining, a bit of angst, steve being oblivious to reader’s feelings. reader uses she/her pronouns. no use of y/n. not proofread

You root through the glove compartment of Steve’s car, bent over at the waist to peer into the small space trying to find the lip balm you swore you left there the last time he gave you a ride.

“Why d’you have so much crap in here? How am I meant to find anything?” You pull out random scraps of paper, food wrappers and notes scribbled in a hurry that were barely legible.

“You wouldn’t have to look through it if you didn’t forget something every time you’re in here.”

You shoot him a glare, no malice really behind it because he was right, you did have a bad habit of constantly leaving your stuff in his car. Though to be fair, you were constantly leaving things behind in the places you’d been, it wasn’t exclusive to his car.

“S’not my fault, I just forget.” You’ve got a pile of rubbish on your lap now, the glove box empty enough for you to actually see its contents. When you finally see the plastic tube you’ve been searching for you let out a small ah!, inhaling quickly as you pull it out with a victorious smile on your face. “Got it.”

“Best put it somewhere safe, god forbid you have to root through my stuff again.” Steve’s eyebrows were raised, a sarcastic twang to his voice, but you know he’s not really mad. He was never mad, not at you anyway.

“I know, sorry, could have all sorts of secrets in here.”

You put all the rubbish you’ve accumulated back into the compartment, really you should keep hold of it to throw it all out. But the thought doesn’t cross your mind until you’re back home in your room.

“Think you know all of my secrets anyway, I’ll let it slide.”

You sit back in your seat, pulling down the sun visor to shield your eyes from the summer evening sun that was hanging low in the sky. You have your own car, and were perfectly capable of driving it, but Steve insisted on driving you around because your car was old and rickety and ‘should not be allowed on the road’. He was at least a little bit right, and you can't say you mind him picking you up from your shifts at the grocery store. His passenger seat had always felt a bit like home, even through high school and the girlfriends that would come and go, your presence up front was a constant.

You undo a few of the buttons on your work shirt, the sticky heat of the day clinging to the fabric and your skin. The air conditioning near the checkouts in work was temperamental at best, and today it had decided to pretty much pack in altogether. The first thing you’d done when you got into Steve’s car was crank the AC up to try and lower your body temperature from feverish to just plain old hot.

“You coming to the lake this weekend?” You pick at your chipped nail varnish, Steve finally able to actually start the drive home now you’ve dug through his mess successfully. It was a Hawkin’s summer tradition to spend at least one day down by the lake, drinking and smoking a bit too much and getting a little dizzy from a full day of sun exposure.

Steve hums, nodding in response as he pulls out of the parking lot. “You’ll never guess who asked me that at work today.”

“At work? Robin?” You look away from your nails, brows furrowed and nose scrunched with confusion.

“No, not Robin.” Steve chuckles, your response typical of your mind, always a little ditzy and in your own world. It was endearing in a way, your world view simple and honest and good. “Tammy Thompson.”

Your mouth opens to a small ‘O’, head nodding slowly. “You gonna go with her?”

“No, absolutely not. Couldn’t pay me to go with her.”

“She’s not so bad, in the grand scheme of Hawkin’s.”

“If my best option is Tammy Thompson, I think I’ll just stay single forever.”

You press your lips together, nodding again. You were overly familiar with Steve’s dating woes, both throughout school and now into adulthood. Maybe if you were bolder, with less to lose than your best friend, you’d just tell him to date you. Bite the bullet and take the leap and just give it a try. But you weren’t bold, you were safe and comfortable in the familiar and not ready to jeopardise that by confessing some big feelings that Steve was oblivious to.

“You just gonna hide from her the whole time then?”

“Maybe, use you as a human shield.” He grins at you, watching as you scrunch up your nose again. It was one of those mannerisms that you did all the time, whenever something confused you or if he teased you a little. It was a dead giveaway for your emotions, even if you were unaware of it.

“But you’re bigger than me, I don’t think I’d be very good at it.”

“Y’not even gonna try? I’d do it for you.” He pouts at you, you’re sure he’s doing his best puppy dog eyes behind his sunglasses too.

“Sure, I’ll try. But don’t blame me when she spots you, I can’t grow like 3 feet taller in a few days.”

“Don’t think you’d need to grow 3 feet, honey.”

“To do a proper job I would.”

Steve just nods, smiling to himself as he pulls into the street you’ve both grown up on. Carpooling was pretty easy when you only had to make one stop, though he’d take you to the other side of the world if you asked him to.

“You gonna need a lift to work tomorrow?” Steve parks up in his driveway, turning the ignition off and cutting off the AC you’ve been basking in, a small sigh coming from your lips as the cool air stops fanning on your skin.

“S’okay, I start at like 6am so I can drive.” You pick your backpack up out of the footwell, corduroy straps held tightly in your hand.

“You’re not driving that death trap when you’re half asleep, you know I don’t mind dropping you off.” Steve’s car keys dangle from his pointer finger, the collection of keyrings you’d gotten him over the years from every holiday you’d been on jingling against one another. “Just bang on my door if I don’t knock before you need to leave.”

“You’re silly for doing this, y’know that?”

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

Steve leans over to ruffle your hair, earning him a huff from you as you try to move your head away. You smooth out the mess as you climb out the passenger side, slinging your bag over one shoulder as you start to make your way over to your own house.

“You forgetting something?” Steve calls after you, and as you turn you see him holding out the same lip balm you’d left behind before.

“Oh, thanks Stevie.” You hurry back over to take the tube out of his hand, giving him a sweet smile before heading back home again.

—

You’re used to early mornings, pretty good at pushing past the grogginess after having to work so many opening shifts and be alert when the sun is still climbing in the sky, but being jostled about the back of Eddie’s van with the rest of your friends when you’re all still half asleep hurt your head a little bit.

It was the easiest option, meaning you could all make your way to the lake together and only have one designated driver, but you did miss seatbelts.

The heat was still yet to break, the air thick and clammy despite only wearing a tank top and some jean shorts over your bikini. You’re already slathered in sunscreen, the artificial coconut smell a bit overwhelming in the enclosed space and it doesn’t seem to lessen even once you’re out in the fresh air.

“I wish we had one of those big umbrellas.” You stand with your hands on your hips, watching the boys lug the bags filled with snacks and the cooler of beer and soda out of the van. “It’s so hot.”

“That’s what the lakes for, cools you right down.” Eddie smiles, shaking his curls out of his eyes as he stands up straight.

You shrug, staring out at the glistening water. “I don’t wanna get my hair wet.”

“It’s gonna get wet.”

“Shame.” You chew the inside of your cheek and hold your arms out to take one of the picnic blankets that’d been brought along.

It took you about fifteen minutes to all settle on a spot along the shore, Eddie and Robin wanting to be as close to the pier as possible so they can dive-bomb into the water but Nancy saying there’ll be too much foot traffic there and nobody will be able to relax. You stand back, letting your friends argue it out and laying down your blanket once the issue had been resolved.

The sun feels nice on your skin, the lake having more of a breeze than the rest of town making it bearable to lay out in. It doesn’t take too long for the midday heat to have you peeling off your tank top, shorts unbuttoned and rolled down a little so you can feel the heat on your stomach.

Eddie hands out one of the joints he pre-rolled for the occasion, something about needing to start early so he can sober up before he drives you all home. The smoke has your head feeling a little fuzzy, mixing with the beer you’ve been sipping slowly and slowing your mind down.

“You’re going pink.” Steve sits down next to you, cross legged and shoulders almost brushing.

“I thought it was green?” You tilt your head to one side, putting the back of your hand to your head to feel your temperature. “I feel okay.”

“No, not that, your shoulders.”

You lift your sunglasses onto the top of your head, looking down to your shoulders which were turning a little pink. Your freckles coming out where the sun had kissed your skin. “Oh, right, I am.”

“C’mere.” Steve leans over to reach for the sunscreen, not moving from his seat next to you as he stretches his arm over the blanket. “Your mom will be mad if I let you get burnt.”

You shake your head, shuffling around so Steve can get to your shoulders easier. “You’re her favourite, she’d just tell me to be more careful.”

The sunscreen feels cold, even as Steve rubs it in carefully against the hot patches of skin on your shoulders, being careful to get it under the straps of your bikini. You’re used to his gentle touches, him always looking after you ever since you were kids, but now you’re older and you’re more aware of the way his hands move and how he treats you like you’re precious and it makes your heart skip a little.

He moves a hand away to take the joint off Robin, inhaling as he keeps massaging the sunscreen in with his other hand. He can feel the heat radiating off your skin, not yet in the sunburn territory, just a little warm. Your skin always feels soft, he’s not sure if it’s some moisturiser you use or if it’s just how you are. He leans his arm over your shoulder, holding the joint out to you as you take it between your fingers.

You inhale, careful not to press your lips against the roach too hard in case your lipgloss transfers too much. Steve finally finishes rubbing the cream into your shoulders, and you shuffle again so that you’re facing him. “Is my face pink too? My nose feels kinda warm.”

Steve lifts his own sunglasses up so he can look at you clearer, hair pushed back by the frames and his hand shielding his eyes from the sun's glare. “A little, you want sunscreen on there too?”

You nod your head, closing your eyes. Your eyelashes cast little shadows on your cheeks, something Steve hasn’t really noticed before but he likes it. Likes seeing you up close, even after all these years. His movements are careful as he brushes the cream across your nose and over your cheeks, just using one finger to rub it into your skin.

You enjoy the sweet moments, but sometimes they’re too easy to get lost in. It's easy to pretend you don’t harbour all these feelings for Steve when you’re apart, even when you’re just hanging out at a safe distance. But when he’s close, your mind gets a bit carried away. Dreaming up scenarios where he might press a kiss to your lips whilst your eyes are still closed, hold your hand once he’s done and keep it there for the rest of the day. You’ve got a big imagination, it’s a real bother sometimes.

Steve finishes his careful application, and sets his hand down in his lap to look over your face once more to check he hasn’t missed anywhere. He takes a moment to just watch how you breath steady, a small smile on your lips that always seems to be there without you even knowing. “Okay, you’re done.”

You open your eyes, instantly squinting from the bright sunlight. You quickly bring your sunglasses back over your eyes, the red heart shaped frames contrasting against your complexion. “Thanks Steve, you’re the best.”

“I know, s’why you love me.”

If only you knew, you think. You have to force your face not to react to his words, simply giving him a smile as you lay back down to sunbathe some more.

The heat and the smoke and the alcohol makes you clingy. They always do, even on their own, so mixing all three was sure to have you craving closeness.

The boys had all been in the lake, splashing and tackling each other and making enough noise to draw attention from most of the people on the lake. When Steve walks back to the blanket, you hold out your arms to him as if to summon him.

“Hey, honey. You good?” He sits in that same spot next to you, you instantly lean your head on his shoulder and hum a response. His body is still wet, but you suddenly don’t mind your hair getting a little damp. Steve knows what you’re like when you’re high, having spent enough nights on his back porch sharing a joint when his parents were out of town. Knows how you like to be close to him, he doesn’t mind it so much either.

“M’good.” You mumble, pushing your face further into his neck. He smells like the fresh water, that same strong sunscreen but somehow still like Steve. You wish you could bottle it up, it's probably your favourite smell in the world.

Steve puts his arm around your waist, head resting on top of yours. If it was anyone else the close contact in the heat would probably be too much, but it’s okay if it’s you. You’re like an extension of him at this point. “You had enough water today? Don’t want you going loopy.”

“Yeah, drank like two bottles.” You nudge your head in the direction of the empty water bottles discarded next to you, keeping them in a pile to collect at the end of the day.

“Oh, must just be loopy anyway then.” He teases, giving your side a gentle squeeze. It feels like his hand has an electric current running through it and each movement sends shockwaves through you.

“Thought you already knew that.”

“I do, it’s cute.”

“So you’ll visit me in the loony bin then?” You shift your head slightly so you can look up at him through your sunglasses, everything tinged some muddy colour from the lenses.

“Every day, if they don’t lock me up with you.”

“God, can you two get a room? Even Robin and Vickie aren’t this bad and they’re actually together.” Eddie shouts over from the other end of the mismatched collection of blankets, your cheeks heat up more than they already are with his words. The sun at least gives you an excuse for the flush of colour.

“Can it, Munson.” Steve flips him off with the hand that isn’t still on your waist, the other boy returning the signal with a smug grin on his lips.

You kind of want the ground to swallow you, suddenly aware that everyone probably knows you’re in love with your best friend. You don’t want the pity smiles or the sorry stares, but then if everyone else knows, why doesn’t Steve? Surely someone must have let something slip by now. Hopefully they haven’t. It’s even worse to think he knows and is ignoring it to save you from the rejection. You squeeze your eyes hard to try and push the thoughts away.

You lean further into Steve’s side, the cool water on his skin feels soothing against your own. His hand finally moves from your waist up to stroke your hair. His thumb brushing slowly over and over.

“You seen Tammy Thompson yet?” You want to put the question back inside your head as soon as you’ve said it.

“Yeah, think you did a pretty good job at being my shield though. Took one look at us and turned on her heel.”

You smile to yourself, a small laugh coming out as you put your arms around Steve. “That’s good. Maybe I’ll get a job as a bodyguard.”

Steve chuckles and you can feel the movement against your body, the vibrations making your hairs stand on end. “Don’t think they usually let bodyguards do this sorta thing.”

“Oh.” You hold your bottom lip under your teeth and exhale. “Maybe not then.”

—

You’re wallowing. It’s maybe overdramatic, and you’re glad nobody else is there to see it, but you are. You have the house to yourself again, and the whole day off work, but you’ve spent most of it laid out on your lawn with a book trying to distract yourself from the fact that Steve is on a date.

He told you yesterday, as he was dropping you off from work again, that some pretty girl had been in Family Video and he’d asked her out and she’d said yes. You’d smiled, told him you were happy for him, because he was your best friend and you wanted him to be happy more than anything else in the world. But it hasn't stopped you from moping about the entire day.

The grass tickles the skin on your back that’s exposed from where your shirt is riding up, the feeling irritating you more than it usually would. You’d managed to read about twenty pages in the past hour, having to re-read each paragraph at least three times because your mind keeps wandering.

Your book is left at your side, defeated by the words that jumbled in your brain, your arm over your eyes to block out the last of the day's light.

“Hey, you.” Steve chimes from over the shared fence, you hadn’t heard his car pulling up and his voice spooks you a bit as you quickly sit up.

“Steve, you’re here.” You furrow your brow, confused by his presence. You were no expert on dating, but you had assumed he’d be out much later than this.

“Can I come over?”

“Stupid question.”

He smiles at your response, giving you a nod as he walks down the fence and back around into your back garden. “You been out here all day?”

“Almost. I had to go inside for a bit because it was too hot.” Your legs stretch out in front of you as you lean back on your palms, head tilted up to look at Steve who’s still standing over you. His body blocks the sun, his shadow gives you some relief from it.

“It was pretty hot today.” Steve agrees, lingering in his spot for a minute before he finally takes a seat next to you mirroring your posture.

“How was your date?” You try to sound interested, like you’re hoping he had the best time and was going to see her again and maybe she was the one. The thought really made you want to die a bit.

“Bit of a bust.” Steve shrugs, he doesn’t sound too phased by it. You curse yourself for wanting to smile.

“That’s a shame.” You say, shifting your weight off your palms so you can sit up straight and pick at the grass under your hands. “Not gonna see her again?”

“Probably not, just didn’t have much to say to each other.”

“But you can talk anyone’s ear off.” You tease, looking at him with your eyes squinted a little, corners of your mouth turned up. Your features look soft in the evening sun, shadows rounding out your cheeks and the little bump on your nose bridge.

“I can talk your ear off.” Steve corrects you, and gives your shoulder a light shove. The light reflecting off his hair has it turning the colour of honey, the same with his eyes. You wish he wasn’t so pretty, his face was far too easy to look at.

“Sorry it didn’t go well.” You twist your mouth to the side, eyes all apologetic because you do want him to be happy even if it does hurt your heart.

“Don’t be. It was nice enough, just not second-date nice.”

“Y’want to watch a movie? We can watch A Nightmare on Elm Street, might make you feel better.”

“Why would it make me feel better?”

“Because you’re not getting chopped up in your sleep.” You say it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Touche. Okay, let’s do it.” Steve pushes himself up off the lawn, holding his hand out to you to help you up. You put your hand in his, his grip solid but still gentle as he pulls you up from the grass.

You brush your legs off, little indents from the grass left in the bare skin of your calves. “I’ve got the good popcorn too.”

You walk into your house through the patio doors, the laminate floor cold underfoot as you pad your way into the kitchen. You root through the cupboards, pulling out the various tins and boxes of health food your mom had stocked up on until you finally find the popcorn.

“See, cinema quality.” You hold the packet out to Steve, pointing at the words printed on it.

“You’re too good to me.”

“Tell me about it.” You roll your eyes, all affection and sweetness really. You turn the stove on, placing the biggest pan you can find on the hob and letting it heat a little before tipping the kernels into it and putting the lid on top.

You hop onto the counter beside the cooker, legs dangling and ankles hitting the cupboard below you as you swing them a little. “Now we wait.”

Steve’s leaning against the island in the middle of your kitchen, hands in the front pockets of his jeans as he looks at you. You’re suddenly very aware of the fact you’ve been lazing around in the sticky heat all day, hair probably a mess and skin a little dewy and definitely not looking your best.

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, head tilted a little as his eyes stay locked on you.

You shrug your shoulders, trying your best to keep your breathing steady and not give away the fact that such a simple question has your throat drying up and your stomach twisting into a knot. “Sure, ask away.”

“Do people ever just, like, assume we’re dating?” He asks the question so casually, like he was just asking how your day had been. “Like, when you’re trying to date, do they ever say that?”

You scrunch your nose up, tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek as you try to come up with an answer, try to pull words out of your brain that currently feels like it’s been scrambled. “I d’know, I don’t date much, so I guess not.”

Steve pauses, just nodding at your response. He knew you didn’t really date, not after high school anyway. He’d never given it much thought, you’d always come away from dates complaining they were boring or got too handsy or didn’t laugh at your jokes and he’d always thought that those guys must be crazy. Because you were great, the best person he knew if he was being honest.

“Why?” You force the question out, hoping your voice doesn’t audibly crack from how much effort it's taken to say just one word.

“I was just wondering. Heard it a couple times now, and I was just curious if you had too.”

Heard it a couple times now. The words echo in your brain, bouncing around over and over to the point it was making you a bit dizzy. Your hands grip the counter beneath you to try and ground yourself.

The sound of the kernels popping against the lid of the pan breaks the silence before you have to, a silent prayer of thanks to whatever God is watching over you in the moment. You hop down off the counter to get a proper look at the pan, watching as the kernels expand and pop until the little bangs slow and you can turn the stove off.

You stand on your tiptoes to reach the cupboard above your head, fishing out the largest bowl in there and carefully tipping the popcorn into it. You finally turn back to Steve, bowl held close to your chest with both hands so you won’t drop it. “Okay, let’s go watch some people get slashed up.”

Steve laughs, the little creases at the corners of his eyes deepening with his smile. “You’re morbid.”

“No, I’m creative.” You say the words bluntly, but your eyes are still full of warmth for the boy in front of you. Even the coldest words wouldn’t be able to take away from the way you always look at him, a bit like a lovesick puppy.

You put the bowl of popcorn on the table in the middle of your living room before trying to find the tape you need from the stack around the television set. You have to check a few cases, because most of them weren’t in the right one and there was no point trying to logically work out which one it’d be in.

“Didn’t you loan this from Family Video like, two months ago?” Steve asks, already in his usual spot on your couch as he watches you open your fifth case to no avail.

“Probably, yeah.” You don’t sound too bothered by it, the late fee something you’ve never had to pay thanks to Steve always wiping it for you. Finally, on your eighth try, you pull the correct tape out and hold it up to Steve with a grin. “Got it.”

You eject the tape that’s currently in the VCR player, putting it into the case that you’d found A Nightmare on Elm Street in without checking if it was the right one, and push the right tape into the player before you stand up.

“That seems like a flawed sorting system.” Steve nods towards the scattered cases on the carpet as you sit down next to him.

You shrug. “It works for me. We don’t all work in a video store, Steve.”

“You’re right, my bad.” He holds his hands up in defeat.

You lean forward to grab the popcorn bowl and pass it to Steve. “Try it, I need an unbiased opinion on it.”

“Why would you be biased?” His question is muffled by him throwing some popcorn into his mouth.

“I bought it, I want it to be good.”

“Makes sense.” Steve nods and takes another handful of popcorn. “It’s good, but not cinema good.”

You sigh, taking a handful for yourself now that Steve had given his review. “They always lie on the packets.”

You and Steve had watched this film about ten times, including when it was in the theatre and you made him go twice. Knowing the plot back to front was really not helping to distract you from how close Steve is sitting to you, you didn’t have to pay attention because you know what’s about to happen so instead your brain is entirely focused on the fact you can feel Steve’s body heat, his leg pressing against your own and his arm resting on the back of the couch behind you.

You’re really trying to keep your mind on the movie, eyes stuck to the screen barely blinking, but your brain just won’t cooperate. It’s not like Steve doesn’t always sit this close to you, because he does. But you’re still reeling from what he said in the kitchen and your thoughts show no sign of slowing.

Steve sits up to put the half eaten bowl of popcorn back on the table, his movements making your breath hitch in your chest and your muscles tense. You think you must look crazy.

“You feelin’ okay?” He puts a hand on your shoulder, which only makes you tense up more.

“Mhm.” You hum, turning just a little to glance at him and give him your most convincing smile. “Probably just got sun sickness y’know? Brains been cooked all day.”

“You mean heat stroke?” He rubs his thumb over the curve of your shoulder, the feeling comforting in a sickly sort of way.

“Nah, different things.”

“You wanna go to bed? We don’t have to watch the movie.”

You shake your head, eyes focusing back on the gory scene on the tv in front of you. “I’m okay, I think it’s helping.”

“Watching people get chopped up?”

“Exactly.”

—-

The Hideout is dark and loud and warm, and you’re a bit out of place. You promised Eddie months ago you would come and watch his band play, always meaning to do so but things never lining up the right way, but tonight you were making good on that promise.

You try to dress the part, at least to the extent your wardrobe allows, a strappy black top and a short skirt - that definitely used to fit fine but was now bordering on indecent - all covered up by a big denim jacket that you thrifted a couple years back. A bit of eyeliner smudged across your lids, messy and already creasing with the heat of the venue.

Steve is at your side, obviously. Because he heard you were planning to go to The Hideout and there was no way he was letting you go alone, not when you look like that and the place would no doubt be crawling with creepy guys. Not that he told you all this, he just said he wanted to come along. He was always protective over you, but this felt different to him for some reason. Like, he didn’t want creepy guys to bother you, but maybe he didn’t want any guy to bother you? Those were thoughts he’d have to unpack later.

You pull at the hem of your skirt as you linger near the outskirts of the room, shuffling from one foot to another in your doc martens that aren’t quite broken in yet. You look up at Steve through your mascara coated lashes, eyes wide a bit like a deer caught in headlights, mouth open a little with your tongue pressing against the back of your teeth.

“You all good?” Steve has to shout a little to be heard over the music thumping through the venue, the old sound system struggling to keep up with the heavy bass.

You nod, eyes darting between Steve and the bustling space around you. Your hands stay at the hem of your skirt, finding a loose stitch to pick and pull at as a distraction. “I think I need a drink.”

“Yeah? What d’you want? I’ll get it for you.” Steve could see the way you were staring at the bar, it’s at least two deep the whole way along and you’re definitely smaller than at least 90% of the people waiting. It just made more sense for him to be the one to try and fight his way through.

“Just a lemonade. Unless they don’t card, then I’ll have a beer. But lemonade's totally fine.” The words fall out of your mouth quickly, the heat of the room suddenly sticking to your chest and making you feel flushed.

“Okay, just wait here and I’ll be back.” Steve steps away, but turns back to put his hands on your arms. He locks his eyes with yours, your pupils still blown from the dim lighting. “Right here.”

“Right here.” You look down at your shoes and then back up to Steve, giving him a reassuring smile that you weren’t going to move.

You watch Steve make his way to the bar, feeling a bit exposed now you’re standing alone. He turns back to you from his spot in the queue - if you could even call it that - only briefly, just to check you’re okay and haven’t moved.

It doesn’t take Steve that long to get served, probably about ten minutes from him leaving you to actually having the drinks in his hands. He tried to keep an eye on you, but the closer he got to the bar the more people crowded behind him and blocked his view. So he curses himself a little when he finally breaks through the mass of bodies to see you talking to some guy. Some guy who is definitely at least ten years older than you, and is definitely drunk.

“Um yeah, my friend is in one of the bands playing tonight.” You try to be polite, making small talk has never been your strong suit but you don’t want to be rude. Especially not when you’re on your own.

“Oh right, cool.” The guy - you think his name is Mark? He did tell you but you didn’t really listen - nods enthusiastically. “Just a friend, though? No boyfriend?”

“I, erm -“ You laugh awkwardly, not really sure what to say. You want to lie, it’d be the easiest way to end this conversation. But you’re even worse at thinking fast than you are at small talk.

You don’t have to lie though, or say anything at all, because Steve is back at your side and standing so close your body’s are practically pressed together. He holds out a cup for you to take without a word, and as soon as you take hold of it his arm snakes around your waist to hold you to him.

“Hey, honey. Who’s this?” Steve looks between you and the other man who’s now looking much less interested in talking and much more interested in leaving.

“Oh, I was just telling him that we know Eddie.” You dodge the question of who he is, because you can’t give a real answer.

“Right, and that’s it?” Steve sips his drink, not taking his eyes off the guy in front of you.

“Relax dude, I get it. I don’t want your girl.” Mark, or maybe it was Matt, holds his hands up before he skulks off back into the crowd, most likely to find his friends or another girl to try and hit on.

Hearing the phrase your girl makes your head spin, especially with Steve’s arm so tight around your waist and his body pressing into yours. You take a deep breath and a shaky sip of your drink as you try to calm yourself, because everything is fine. Steve is here and people think you’re together and it’s so fine.

“You alright?” Steve finally breaks the silence, squeezing you somehow closer to him as he speaks.

“Yeah, thanks Stevie.” You grin up at him, the low lighting doing you a favour by covering up the pink that was spreading over your cheeks.

“You didn’t wanna speak to that guy, right? Because you can totally speak to any guy you want, he just looked a bit…” He trails off, scrunching his face a little and shrugging in place of words.

You laugh, shaking your head. “I don’t want to, I’m here with you.” The words come out before you really think about them, your eyes widening a little as soon as you realise what you’ve said.

Steve doesn’t seem to react, if he heard what you said - or more so what you meant - he doesn’t show it. “Okay, good. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

You just smile at him, enough confirmation that you are happy. Perfectly content just in his presence. Even if the room is too close and the beer is kinda warm and you feel like you’re dressed up in a costume instead of your clothes.

When you see Eddie walk out onto the stage you step away from Steve, tugging on his hand to pull him closer so you can actually watch your friend and hopefully get his attention to prove that you held up your promise and came out to a show.

Even when you settle in a spot close to the stage, you don’t drop Steve’s hand, and he doesn’t drop yours. Your plastic cup in one hand and Steve in the other, it all feels a bit surreal. Maybe it’s the heat making your brain a little mushy.

You manage to catch Eddie's eye at some point, grinning and holding your drink up at him. He looks between you and Steve, down at your conjoined hands, and nods dramatically with a wide smile. You’re going to have to tell him it’s not what it looks like later, not sure how to articulate that with just one hand and facial expressions.

It’s nice seeing your friend so in his element, the energy of the room lifted by the band's energy on stage. You feel bad for waiting so long to come and watch, even if it was always out of your control.

Their set isn’t too long, only five songs, but they really make the most of their slot. The whole place seemed to get involved, everyone cheering when they finally finished up and headed off the small stage.

“You wanna get some air?” Steve asks, some loose hairs falling into his face as he looks down to you.

“Yeah, s’pretty hot in here.”

Steve leads you through the crowd, still holding onto your hand, and out through the venue doors into the parking lot. There’s a few people outside smoking, little groups gathered together all talking and drinking and looking like they belonged. It made you laugh a little to think about what you and Steve must look like here.

“That was fun, Eddie is so good.” You look down at the almost empty cup in your hand, swirling the remaining liquid around in it til it nearly splashes over the sides.

“Yeah, it was. Don’t think I’ll become a regular here though.” Steve laughs, giving your hand a squeeze as if to acknowledge that he is still holding it. You try not to read into it.

“Yeah, the place doesn’t really scream ‘Steve Harrington’.” You shrug, finally drinking the last of your beer. If it wasn’t warm when you first got it, it definitely was now.

You see Eddie walk outside and finally release Steve’s hand to skip over and hug him, already wishing you hadn’t let go because what if he doesn’t hold it again. You push the thought out of your head and try to focus on Eddie. “That was so good Ed’s, you looked so cool.”

“Thanks short stack.” Eddie leans back to pat you on your head. “‘Bout time you finally came.”

“I know, I don’t break promises.” You speak matter-of-factly, face all serious as you cross your arms over your chest.

Steve was beside you again, though not so close this time. “Good job, Munson. Guess you’re not all talk.” He teases, Eddie giving his shoulder a playful

shove in response.

“It’s good to see you two together. About time.” Eddie points between you and Steve, and your chest tightens as you process what he’s said.

“Oh, no, we’re not-“ You laugh, but it comes out awkward and forced and you look between Steve and Eddie and the floor and try to bargain with the powers that be to strike you down.

“Oh, shit, my bad.” Eddie looks around the parking lot, pressing his lips together as he sighs. “Better hurry it up Harrington, or someone else’ll snap her up.” He pats Steve on the back, and you look at him like he’s gone absolutely insane.

Steve nods, a weak laugh at Eddie's comment giving nothing away about how he feels about it.

You take a deep breath through your nose, hoping the cool night air might stop you from passing out on the spot.

“I better get back inside, have a good night kids. Stay safe.” Eddie waves you off as he walks back inside, disappearing into the dark room and leaving you outside with all the tension and awkwardness in the air that he’d put there. You’d be mad at him if he wasn’t such a nice guy.

You and Steve are both quiet for a minute, and you think this is finally it. You’d managed to keep your friendship untouched by your feelings for so long but it’d finally come crashing down.

“Reckon we head home?” Steve cocks his head as he looks down at you, you must look a sorry state given the pity filled smile he’s giving you.

“Yeah, probably for the best.” Your voice is quiet, and you drag your feet along as you walk to Steve’s car. You toss your cups away in a bin along the way, all over dramatic and woeful as you sigh with the movement.

The drive home was quiet. Steve would try and spark up a conversation but your brain was whirring and everything felt like too much and you could barely force a coherent sentence out.

When you finally arrive at Steve’s house, and your house respectively, you feel frozen in your seat. Because what if you get out and go home and that’s that? Steve stops giving you rides to work and stops watching movies with you and stops letting you stay in his bed when you drink a little too much and don’t want to be alone.

Steve says your name, and you force yourself to stop spiralling in your own thoughts to look over at him. “I had a really nice time tonight.”

“Really? You didn’t think the place was a bit gross?” You pulled the sleeves of your jacket down over your hands, holding them in your lap.

Steve laughs, shaking his head at you. “The Hideouts always been gross. I had a really nice time with you.” Even under the dim street lights Steve can see your puzzled expression, brows pinched together and a little pout on your lips.

“Well, yeah, we always have a nice time Stevie. S’why we’re friends.”

Steve sighed, because you were right. But it’s not what he was trying to say. He was never all that good with his words, and he also didn’t really know exactly what he wanted to say. “Y’know what Eddie said?”

“We don’t have to talk about it, it’s just Eddie, he just says stuff.” You can’t make eye contact as you speak, in half a mind to just bolt from the car, hop your fence and lock yourself in your house for the rest of your days.

“Well, yeah, he does. But I guess lately I’ve been thinking about it, about us.”

You swear your heart was moments away from actually bursting from your chest it was beating so hard, your hands feeling clammy as they gripped tightly onto the denim of your jacket sleeves. “What about us?”

“Just that we’re so close, you know? You’re my best friend, but then sometimes, lately, I look at you and it feels different.” Steve tries to gauge your reaction to his words, but your eyes are staring down at your hands in your lap and your hair is falling so that it covers your face. Maybe he’s got this majorly wrong, completely misread things between the two of you.

“Different how?” All you can manage is stupid questions pushing him for more, for him to just be clear and concise and put you out of your misery.

“Different like sometimes I think I want to kiss you.”

You stop fiddling with your jacket then. The words hitting you in the chest like a semi-truck. You’re not sure you actually heard him right, because you’ve been so certain all this time that your feelings were one sided. A hopeless crush that would just burn in your chest forever, longing for more but never getting it.

“You think you want to? Or you want to?” You finally look up at Steve, turning slightly in the passenger seat so you’re facing him. Seeing the way he’s looking at you, so full of affection and like you put the stars in the sky, makes your stomach flutter like there’s a hoard of butterflies in there waiting to be set free.

“I want to.” Steve breathes the words out, soft spoken like if he says them too loud it’ll scare you away. “If you want me to.”

Your mouth hangs open a little as you try to speak, words failing you completely. So you just nod, blinking quick a few times to make sure you’re actually awake and this isn’t just a cruel dream. “Yeah, I want you to.” You eventually manage, your voice cracking a little.

Steve moves carefully, his hand cupping your cheek so softly it’s almost as if he’s not touching you at all. You breathe in deep through your nose, closing your eyes in anticipation. You’re still not entirely convinced it’s happening until you feel his lips press against yours.

It’s slow and shy at first, a little unsure of what’s allowed when you’re kissing your best friend, when you finally cross that boundary. You tilt your head into his hand some more, as if to say it’s okay, permission to kiss you the way you’ve been dreaming about.

Your hand moves to Steve’s jaw, thumb running along his cheek against the stubble that was there after a couple of days of not shaving. You part your lips a little, and Steve takes your movements as a green light. He kisses you a little harder now, still gentle but with more behind it. His tongue brushes against your bottom lip making your breath hitch in your throat.

It’s a simple kiss, nothing crazy or wild but it’s just what you want. Because it was Steve, and he wants you.

When he finally pulls his mouth away from yours, he rests his forehead against your own. “Was that okay?”

You can’t help but giggle, because it’s such a ridiculous question to you. Of course it was okay, God, it was so much more than okay. “Yeah, Stevie, it’s okay.”

“So I can do it again?”

You’re both whispering, faces still so close that you don’t need to speak any louder. “Yeah, any time.”

Steve presses another gentle kiss to your lips, just a quick one this time but still as full of affection as first. You have to blink hard when he properly pulls away from you to try and stop your head from spinning.

“I wanna do this properly, y’know. Not just kiss you in my car. I wanna take you on a real date, wine and dine you.” Steve nudges your chin with his finger, head cocked to the side as he looks at you.

“I don’t really like wine.” You shrug. “I’ll give it a try though.”

“You’re a real trooper.”

“Anything for you.” You smile sweetly, and you mean it. You think you’d do absolutely anything for Steve Harrington. But it’s fine, because he’d do absolutely anything for you, too.

thank u so much for reading + thank u to the anon for the song rec / request <3

#i wrote this in one day im sorry its not proof read #but its here . i made it. i survived #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington x female reader

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allthingseddie · 11 months

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I Wanna Be Yours - Part One

Summary: You are best friends with single dad Eddie Munson and you are helping him raise his daughter because you are head over heels for both of them.

Part Two Here Part Three Here

You had been best friends with Eddie Munson for years. You guys met when you were preteens living in the same trailer park. He was a couple of years older than you but he was always good company. You had been inseparable ever since and you even make the joke that he failed his senior year twice so that he could graduate with you. You understood each other like no one else could. You both had troubled upbringings and bonded over your similar home lives. Where he was raised by his uncle Wayne, you were raised by your grandma. You really felt like he was one of the only people that truly understood you, so it was no wonder that you were head over heels in love with him since you were 17.

A few months after your high school graduation, you decided you would finally tell Eddie about your feelings for him. You two were close enough that if he didn’t reciprocate those feelings, you were sure you could still be close friends, at least that’s what you were telling yourself as you walked across the trailer park to his trailer. You entered and headed to his bedroom where you knocked on the door.

“What?!,” Eddie asked suddenly.

“Hey Eds, what’s the matter?,” You asked. You knew him like the back of your hand and you knew that even though his tone came off as rude, he was just stressed.

“You know this would only happen to me. I finally graduate high school. Finally. I think, fuck it, if I can do that, I can make it out of this town. We can leave and enjoy life. Travel. But no, god has a fucked up plan for my life,” He says, taking a long drag of the cigarette between his lips.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“Jules is fucking pregnant Y/N. I slept with her all of one time and I fucking got her pregnant. I used protection I don’t understand how this happened.”

You knew that you now had a blank expression across your face. Eddie sat down on his bed and dropped his face into his hands. You stared at him and you knew you were completely fucked because all you wanted to do was comfort the guy you were totally in love with who got another girl pregnant. You sat down beside him and affectionately rubbed his arm with your hand.

“What if I suck at being a dad Y/N? What if I fuck the kid up like my dad fucked me up?,” He asks looking over at you.

“Eds, you are going to be a great dad. And I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I will help you that best that I can. You are way more of a man than your dad ever could be. I believe in you,” You respond. Eddie hugs you and you know that he’s crying. He’s scared and all you can do is be there for him.

Over the next few years, you kept true to your word like you always did. You stuck beside Eddie’s side and watched him become a great father to a beautiful little girl. You helped him wherever you could. Especially since Jules decided that she didn’t want the responsibly of being a parent herself. Eddie essentially had full custody of Halle himself. You and Eddie had decided to get an apartment together to help each other with the cost of moving out. He didn’t think that it was fair to raise a child in Waynes house, taking up yet more of his limited space, and you desperately wanted to be out of your grandmas house and have some independence. (Not to mention you were now in love with Eddie’s daughter as well as still being in love with him).

The three of you lived together in a 2 bedroom apartment. Eddie worked 2nd shift at the plant his uncle worked at making decent money, but a good chunk of it went to bills and Halle. You worked 1st shift as a teller at the local bank in Hawkins. Your schedules made it easier to take care of Halle together. When you got off of work, you would pick Halle up from the babysitters and take her home and feed her dinner and get her ready for the night. She would spend the morning with Eddie an he would drop her off at the babysitters on the way to work. To any outsider, it would look as if you were actually Halle’s mother and that you lived a simple domestic life, and you sometimes wished that was the truth.

Halle was 4 years old and she was a carbon copy of your best friend. He made you her godmother when she was born. You absolutely adored the little girl. She was funny and a total sweetheart. She could pull your heartstrings like no other person could, except for her dad. There were some complications to the arrangement you had with Eddie, however, which brought you to tonight. The last thing Eddie had on his mind since Halle was born was dating, so you decided to put yourself out there. You were dating Landon for a little over a month now and he was a nice enough guy. You had some similar interests and he was attractive. He had brought up coming over to your apartment and you quickly shot down the idea, which he didn’t question the first couple of times, but after a month of dating, he had a feeling you were hiding something from him.

You had finally told him about your living situation and how you were living with your male best friend and helping him raise his daughter and he didn’t see it as normal as you did. You always had this kind of luck when it came to dating and explaining your living arrangements to them. None of them could believe that you weren’t sleeping with Eddie.

“Theres just no way you could help raise someone’s daughter AND live with them with nothing in return. You have to be fucking him. ,” Landon had put it so plainly. You left his apartment right then and there and didn’t look back. You were now back at your apartment on the couch, drinking wine and watching shitty tv to try to distract yourself from your dwelling. You were dwelling on the fact that even though you did like Landon, part of the reason you got so upset is because you desperately wanted what he described. You hated that you couldn’t seem to move on from Eddie. You hated that you fell more in love with him every time you saw him with his daughter. You hated that he had you in a chokehold you couldn’t break free from, yet at the same time, you also didn’t want to break free from it. It was a vicious cycle you were going through lately. You would meet a guy, go on a few dates, and then once you break it off with them, you would realize that you never would have committed to them anyways and pity yourself.

Eddie was currently at his weekly dinner at Waynes house with Halle which you often also went to, but opted out of tonight since you had a date. You had planned out being out later than you were, so when Eddie came back at 8:30 carrying a sleeping Halle in his arms and saw you sitting on the couch alone drinking wine, he was surprised to say the least.

“Hey, what are you doing back already? I thought you were out with Lane tonight?,” Eddie asked quietly, laying Halle down on the loveseat carefully and giving you a puzzled look. Part of you thinks he always said your dates names wrong on purpose just to get under your skin.

“Landon. And nah that’s over. He was a loser,” You replied, taking another drink of wine and turning your attention back to the tv.

“I thought you really liked this one?,” Eddie asked sitting down beside you.

“Yeah, well, I haven’t even known him for that long. He let his true colors show tonight and I wasn’t impressed, so its over. I think I’m just gonna stop dating for a while.”

“Dating is for losers. Be single and boring with me,” Eddie replied and chuckled lightly.

“Sounds good to me,” You responded, smiling slightly at your best friend. Halle then stirred in her sleep and looked over at you.

“Y/N?,” She asked quietly, reaching out towards you. You place your glass on the table and go over to the loveseat where she was laying and pick her up and place her in your lap.

“Hey princess, I missed you,” You say cuddling the small girl.

“Missed you, too. Why didn’t you go to grandpas with us?,” She asks, rubbing the sleep out of her big brown eyes.

“Well, I promised to eat dinner with someone else, but can I tell you a secret?,” You ask, lowering your voice.

“Yeah,” She said with a smile.

“I would have much rather spent my night with you pretty girl,” You tell her, tickling her neck and she lets out a giggle in return. You lay your head back on the loveseat and cuddle with Halle until she falls back asleep. You are stroking her back when you start to drift off yourself. You are woken up when you feel Eddie gently picking her up off of you to take her to bed.

“You should go lay down in bed before you hurt your neck on the loveseat,” Eddie says to you, smiling down at you.

“Okay Eds,” You say. You stand up and follow him down the hallway and go into your own bedroom ,” Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” He says.

While asleep, you dream of the night Eddie told you he got Jules pregnant, instead you get to tell him that you love him first. He tells you he’s in love with you also and he asks you to raise his daughter with him and be her mom. You are enjoying the dream when you are woken up in the morning. You are woken up by movement on your bed. You open your eyes slowly and see Halle laying on her stomach beside you, looking down at you as you sleep.

“Good morning babygirl. What are you doing up?,” You ask looking at her.

“Daddy’s asleep and I want pancakes,” She responds.

“Mmmm, pancakes do sound pretty good,” You say. You pull her small body into yours and cuddle her and she giggles ,”Just five more minutes.”

“But I’m hungry nowwwww,” she slightly whines.

“Fine, but only for my favorite girl,” You tell her and kiss her forehead before sitting up. She hops off of your bed and runs to the kitchen. You slowly get out of bed and make your way to the kitchen after her. You get out a pan and whip up some boxed pancake batter. You make enough pancakes and bacon for the three of you. You and Halle eat breakfast together and Eddie still hasn’t gotten out of bed. You were sure the smell of bacon would wake him up. Once you’re done eating, you look at Halle.

“Your dad sure is being lazy today,” You joke with her.

“We have to wake him up,” She states matter-o-factly.

“Do you want to play a joke on him with me?,” You ask smirking at the girl and she immediately giggles and says yes. You grab a now cool pancake and head to Eddie’s room with Halle following right behind you. She slowly opens the bedroom door and you see Eddie peacefully sleeping , slightly drooling onto his pillow. You think he looks beautiful like this and you almost feel bad that you’re about to ruin his peaceful slumber. You walk carefully through the bedroom and toss the pancake so it lands flatly across his face and startles him awake. Halle laughs loudly.

“Heyyy, what was that forrr?,” He asks whining.

“Get up lazy,” You say to him with a smirk on your face.

“Yeah get up lazy,” Halle mimics you.

“Is this a pancake?,” Eddie asks, holding it out in front of his half closed eyes and examining it.

“Yes it is. At your daughters request,” You respond.

“Aww you had pancakes without me?,” He says.

“We made some for you, too lazy,” You say.

“Yeah lazy,” Halle says again.

“Hey, that’s daddy to you little missy,” He says grabbing Halle and pulling her into him and tickling her. She shrieks out a laugh. Eddie lets up on her and takes a bite of the pancake that you threw at his face.

“Did you make bacon?,” Eddie asks looking at you hopefully.

“Duh. Who would I be if I made pancakes without bacon?,” You respond and smile back at him.

“Definitely not my favorite adult anymore,” He teases and stands up. The three of you make your way out of his bedroom and back into the kitchen. You pour Eddie a cup of coffee and refresh your own while he heats up his pancakes and bacon and then sits down to eat. You hand him his cup and sit down at the table with him.

“What should we do today Halle?,” You ask her.

“Play dress up and fashion show,” Halle says and steals a piece of her dads bacon. That meant that she wanted you to do her makeup and put on her princess dresses so she could model in her oversized childrens high heels for you and Eddie and you couldn’t be happier to do that.

“Sounds like a plan, stan,” You say.

“Who’s Stan?,” Halle asked, confused.

“I’m sorry, is that not your name?,” You tease the girl. She laughs at you.

“No, my name is Halle,” She responds laughing.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I spent all this time thinking your name was Stan,” You smile widely at the girl and she returns the smile.

“Do you want to play dress up and fashion show with us daddy?,” Halle asks Eddie.

“Ill be a judge at the fashion show, I’m not letting you two trick me into wearing makeup again,” Eddie says taking a drink of his coffee and narrowing his eyes at you. You chuckle at him, remembering when you conned him into letting you do his makeup and hair and forcing him to walk down the ‘runway’ as you and Halle rated his walk.

“Robin is coming over later to hang out for a little bit,” You say to the two of them. You had been close with Robin for a while as you two were in marching band together. She was your closest friend other than Eddie.

“Will Robin play dress up and fashion show with us?,” Halle asks.

“I’m sure she will for a little bit,” You respond and she smiles widely. You spend the morning catching up on some of your laundry for work and doing some household chores. Then it was time for the infamous dress up and fashion show. You used your bedroom as the dressing room. You carefully put some light makeup on Halle and helped her braid her curly hair. She put on a pink princess dress and some plastic childrens high heels and walked out of your bedroom and down the runway (hallway) out to the living room to model for her dad.

“9.8 out of 10,” Eddie says with a smile on his face. He used to give her a 10/10 every time, but she got bored with the same answer every time so now he would switch it up to keep her happy. Halle came back to your room and this time changed into a green princess dress and the same high heels. She walked back out to the living room to get Eddie’s rating for this outfit.

“11 out of 10,” Eddie says.

“Daddy, 11 is more than 10,” Halle says with a frown, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Well you are smarter than me, so I’ll take your word for it. 9.98 out of 10,” Eddie’s responds. There’s a knock at the door and Halle goes over to answer it and finds Robin.

“Ohh wow, that a 10 out of 10 look right there,” Robin says entering the apartment and Halle hugs her legs.

“Thank you,” Halle says with a bright smile.

“How come she can give you a 10 out of 10 but I can’t?,” Eddie asks.

“Cause daddy, you said it every time,” Halle says. Eddie holds his hands up defensively. Robin makes her way to your bedroom and sits down on the end of your bed.

“Hey what have you been up to?,” Robin asks taking off her jacket. Halle runs back into the room this time with an old Halloween costume.

“I want this dress now,” She says holding it out to you. You help her put on the witches dress with the matching hat and she makes her way back out to the hallway.

“Not much. I ended things with Landon last night,” You reply.

“What was wrong with him?,” Robin asks curiously.

“He got mad when I told him about my living situation. Said there was no way I could live with a man without having sex with him,” you respond.

“Oh you most definitely can. I live with Steve and I don’t have sex with him,” Robin says.

“Robs, you’re not attracted to men, that doesn’t really count,” You respond.

“Oh so you’re admitting you want to have sex with Eddie then?,” Robin asks with a smirk. A blush washes over your face and you roll your eyes.

“C’mon Y/N, I know you’re in love with him,” Robin states.

“You’re in love? Like in a fairytale?,” Halle asks coming back into the room and you shoot daggers at Robin.

“Robin doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” You say helping Halle change into her next outfit. Eddie walks into your room.

“Daddy! Y/N is in love like in a fairytale!,” Halle says excitedly.

“Oh is she now? You have a change of heart about Brandon?,” Eddie asks.

“Landon. And no. Robin is just assuming things,” You respond.

“Who’s Brandon?,” Halle asks.

“No one important Hals,” You say to her.

“So who’s the lucky guy then?,” Eddie asks teasing you.

“My lord and savior Jesus Christ,” You deadpan and Eddie chuckles.

“I’m actually gonna take our single friend out tonight to meet the love of her life,” Robin says wrapping an arm around your shoulder and ruffling your hair.

“Robs, its Sunday. Where am I going to meet the love of my life?,” You look at her.

“I don’t know, church?,” She shrugs her shoulders and Eddie laughs again.

“Okay well you kids have fun,” Eddie says chuckling, grabbing Halles hand and leading her out of the room.

“I’m only 2 years younger than you!,” You shout after him and he laughs again. You fall back onto your bed and sigh dramatically.

“C’mon Y/N, come out with me, it’ll be fun. We can get a drink or two and mingle. I’ll be your wingwoman,” Robin says.

“I’m swearing off dating for a while,” you respond with your eyes closed.

“Why, because you don’t have the balls to tell the man you want to date your feelings for him?,” Robin asks. You stand up from your bed and change into an outfit to go out with Robin in.

“You know what, I’ll go out with you just so you stop accusing me of being in love with him,” you say.

“Hah! I got my way,” Robin responds with a shit eating grin on her face. You finish getting ready and both leave the apartment. You decide to go to a local bar. When you get there, you order a mojito and Robin orders a double-shot of jack and coke. You both sit at the bar for a while and make small talk.

“Hey, can I buy you a drink?,” A guy that appears to be in his mid to late twenties with blonde hair and brown eyes comes up to you and asks.

“No thank you, I have my one for the night. Thank you though!,” you respond and turn back to Robin.

“Y/N what the hell! I didn’t even have to be your wingwoman he just came up to you and you totally shut him down,” Robin exclaims.

“I could tell I wasn’t interested,” You respond.

“Why cuz he’s not Eddie?,” Robin asks.

“Yeah pretty fucking much!,” You say and lay your head on your arm ,” I am so pathetic. I’ve been in love with that man since I was 17 and now I’m 23. That’s 6 years Robin. Six fucking years and he has no interest in dating. What am I doing?,” You asking, taking a swig of your drink and looking at her.

“I finally got you to admit it!,” Robin says excitedly.

“Yeah well you bring it up every time were together so you wore me down. Happy?,” You ask.

“Well now we gotta figure out how to get you two together,” Robin replies.

“Robin, I’ve known him for forever. Don’t you think if he was attracted to me at all I would have any sort of indication?,” You respond rhetorically.

“No because love makes you blind. What about the fact that he never says the right names for the guys you date?,” Robin says.

“What about it? He has smoked a lot of weed in his life, it can fuck with your memory,” You reply.

“He does it on purpose because he doesn’t like any guy you date,” Robin says.

“He’s never met the guys I date,” You respond.

“And why do you think that is? Because you don’t care about the guys you date as much as you do Eddie. You wont even let them come to your apartment because you don’t want to have a serious relationship because you’re in love with him. And I think he has feelings for you, too,” Robins says.

“And what makes you ‘think’ that?,” You ask and roll your eyes.

“The way he looks at you. Especially the way he looks at you when you’re with Halle,” Robin says.

“Robs that not proof. Unless Eddie has come up to you and said ‘Robin, I have feelings for Y/N’, you have no solid proof for me to go on to ruin my friendship with him,” You respond.

“I’ll get it out of him just like I did you. I’ll have Steve help me wear him down,” Robin responds.

“Oh yeah that’s real comforting, wearing someone down to admit feelings,” You respond.

“Well, it worked with you did it not?,” Robin says.

“Fine, you can try all you want, but I guarantee he does not feel the same way,” You respond finishing your drink.

“Okay ms grumpy pants,” Robin says. You leave the bar and head home to finish your laundry and do the rest of your tasks to get ready for the workweek. You drift off to sleep daydreaming about Eddie confessing his feelings for you and and kissing his soft lips with yours finally.

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x best friend reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson slow burn #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #dad!eddie munson #dad!eddie x mom!reader #bestfriend!eddie munson #best friend!eddie

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handumb · 3 months

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shhhh..

~ shigaraki x f!reader

summary: you had been exceptionally dry towards your boyfriend this past week, and he couldn’t get the reason out of you over text, no matter how hard he tried. So he figured he’d pay you a little visit! :)

additional tags: reader has strict parents, eventual smut, forced to be quiet, established relationship, teasing, praise, cunnilingus, fingering, using panties as a gag, slight aftercare, no quirk au

a/n: this is my first time writing publicly on this account, so please feel free to leave tips or suggestions for me <3

word count: ~2.7k

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

Family dinner was something that was obligatory in your household; it had been since the dawn of time. Unless you weren’t home, you had no excuse to not be sat at your dining room table with your parents. That leaves you where you are now, picking at your plate as you sit in uncomfortable silence with your mom and dad. You knew the reason why they were refraining from breaking the silence, in turn understanding that they were going to avoid the subject all together.

“So, when can I talk to my boyfriend again?” Your tone was slightly annoyed, as you placed your fork down on your plate and looked up across the table. You met your mother’s eyes, which looked to her husband, and back to you. She let out a sigh as she also set down her fork, bringing her napkin to the corner of her mouth.

“You know the answer. He’s bad for you, and we will not allow you two to see each other any longer,” she stated simply. She was right, you knew the answer, but you couldn’t stand being forced to be so distant with him. It killed you to not maintain the same personality with him online, let alone not seeing him for the past week and a half. You looked to your dad, but he avoided your gaze, not being one for confrontation. “What your mother said, sweetheart.”

You scoffed, throwing your hands up and letting them fall to your sides. “That’s not fair, it’s my life,” you said, hating that they thought they could control you like this. “No, it’s our life, and it will be for as long as you live under this roof. If you want to be independent, you can move out!” Your mother raised her voice, displaying her usual short temper. “You don’t get it, you don’t even care enough to meet him,” you retorted, propping your elbows up on the table and swinging your hands around as you spoke, as if it helped prove your point.

“Honey, please, just try to see it from our perspective,” your dad started, turning to face you. “You sneak around with him, he’s been in the custody of the police more than once, he doesn’t do good in school, the list goes on. He doesn’t seem to have a good influence on you. We’re doing this because we love you.” You looked at your dad in disbelief. Of course they used that excuse, it’s their favorite one to abuse.

“You will stop seeing each other, and that’s final.” Your mom stated with no room for arguing otherwise. Feeling your blood rush to your face, you made the executive decision to stand up from the table, and reside in your room, not wanting to say anything that would provoke further punishment from the both of them. “If you loved me, you would let me live my life however I damn well pleased. Fucking god.” The words left your lips as a soft curse as you stormed down the hall and toward your bedroom door. Opening it revealed a surprise that you definitely weren’t expecting.

There laid your boyfriend, Tomura, lazily on your bed, fiddling with some little trinket that was supposed to be on your desk. The sound of your door opening snapped him out of whatever he was doing, and he smiled, really it was more of a smirk, and got up off the bed to greet you.

“Hey sweet thing.” He cooed out. Your eyes were wide and your feet were frozen, not expecting him to literally be in your room.

You shut the door swiftly, and held your hands out in front of you, motioning for him to stop and explain himself. “How? Why??” You could barely get out before realizing your parents could probably still hear you. Before he even started talking, you put a finger to your lips, signaling him to be quiet. You walked past him, finding something to turn on as noise to drown you two out. You landed on just turning on your fan.

The fan ran for a second before you interrogated him on what he was doing here. “What are you doing? How did you get in?” You were right in front of him, whisper-yelling your inquiries at him. He started walking closer to you, closing the gap between your bodies. You stepped back, until you reached your bed. You sat on it and looked up at him, waiting for his answer.

“Well, your window was unlocked, and I wanted to see why you’ve been ignoring me.” He stated with ease, a slight grin and a shrug of his shoulders accompanying his words. You sigh and furrow your eyebrows, upset at yourself. You didn’t want to break the news like this, but you figured you had no other choice. You were mentally beating yourself up for what you were about to say.

“Tomura.. I think we have to.. uhm- stop seeing.. each other.” The words left your mouth with so much hesitation, dripping in sadness. You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him, holding your gaze in your lap. Your head felt heavy as you tried to compose yourself, knowing he wouldn’t react well to the news.

You didn’t hear anything for a good while after you spoke, deciding to look to see what he was thinking. Except, you don’t see a different expression from what he was sporting earlier. He still had the shit-eating grin that was plastered on his face when you first saw him. “That’s cute, angel.” He rasped out, grasping your chin and forcing you to look up at him. He crawled to you on the bed, forcing you to lie down as he positioned himself on top of you, trapping you. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

He leaned down to kiss you, holding the side of your face with one of his hands. You matched his movements, bringing your hands up to either side of his head. You were lost in the feeling, missing this for the last week or so. You wanted it to be slow, in case this was actually the last time you saw him. He slowly prodded your lips with his tongue, asking for permission to be let in. You granted it happily, parting your lips as you felt your breathing slowly become heavier.

He leaned down, pressing himself more into you as an effect, and finally broke the kiss. The catching of breath was all that was heard between the two of you. He just smiled with half lidded eyes before dipping down to your jawline, eventually kissing his way down to your neck. Your hands found their way into his hair, pulling at his locks and tangling themselves in it. That’s when you realized that your parents were, in fact, still home. Most likely just down the hall from the both of you.

You panicked, trying to push Tomura’s face away from the warmth of your neck so that you wouldn’t get caught. “Wait, no, my parents are still home, I can’t-” You were cut off, your breath hitching, Tomura not budging as he continued his attack on your neck. “T-Tomura, I can’t, not now-“

“Yes, now,” he breathed out, finding a spot on your collarbone to sink his teeth into. He sucked on the spot afterwards, allowing as close to instant relief as he could, before dragging his tongue along it painfully slow. This elicited soft whimpers from your throat, foiling your plan of trying not to let too much noise slip. Sure, the fan helped with blocking it out, but it could only do so much before your parents got suspicious.

You eventually gave in, not being able to resist him with any bone in your body. He kissed down your collarbone, and made his way to your chest. He slid his hands up the shirt that was covering one of his favorite features about you, slowly raising it above your head and discarding it off to the side. He had a twinkle of something in his eyes, and licked his lips, before kissing and sucking all over your chest. His lips lingered on your nipple, sucking at it harshly, before bringing one of his free hands up to the other, making sure it didn’t feel neglected.

“So beautiful, all for me.” He said, making it increasingly harder to stay quiet, and you were very sure he knew that. You looked down at him, the sight one to remember, while soft moans were slipping past your lips. You bit your tongue in hopes of it helping cease the noises. He met your gaze, grinning.

Once he was done marking and biting your chest, he made his way down to your most intimate area. He started fiddling with the waistband of your underwear, looking up at you while he did so. You looked down at him with pleading eyes, practically begging him not to do what he was about to. “No! Are you crazy? Do you want me to get caught?” You whisper to him, squirming. He only laughed softly in response before slowly pulling them down your legs; past your mid thighs, then your knees, then all the way down to your ankles, before wadding them up and shoving them into your mouth.

“I guess you’ll just have to be quiet then, princess,” he teased, honing in on his target, “I bet you can manage.” His tongue stuck out, licking up your slit, then going to focus on your clit. You moaned into your panties, the sensation euphoric. God, you missed this. You couldn’t fathom how you went without him for as long as you had.

He wrapped his lips around your sensitive nub, lapping the rest of your pussy generously with his tongue. You tried to stay quiet, you really did, but you couldn’t help how euphoric it felt. You continued moaning, fighting back as much as you could manage. You were squirming in his grip, either trying to break free from his hands or trying to grind against his face; you weren’t sure which you were attempting. All that washed over you was an intense amount of pleasure, urging you to reach a hand up to one of your tits, fondling it and tugging at your nipple.

Your breath became labored, the rise and fall of your chest attracting Tomura’s eyes as he looked up at the beautiful sight: you with your legs spread wide just for him, moaning out what he assumed was a mix of curses and his name as he made you feel heavenly. He took it one step further.

“Look at me,” he pulled away, waiting for you to meet his gaze, “look at me as I fuck you with my fingers.” He said, slowly inserting his fingers into your core, feeling your gummy insides squeeze around his digits. You lulled your head back against your pillow, the combination forcing you closer to your climax.

That was until the sound of knocking at your door interrupted the two of you, the room falling almost completely silent as one of your parents made their presence known. “Honey?” Your dad called out, talking through the door. You sat up as much as you could, not knowing what to do. Your eyes darted between Tomura and your door, frozen.

“I.. I wanted to apologize for earlier.” He was lingering outside of your door. Tomura had a devilish grin on his face, slowly starting his movements up again. You looked down at him, seeing him slowly bring a finger up to his lips with a small “shh” emitting from them, dipping back down into your cunt, and thrusting his fingers in and out of you. You squealed softly into your underwear, trying especially hard not to make any noise now that your dad was outside of your door.

“You know how mom can be sometimes, she just needs some downtime,” he continued, wildly unaware of what was going on just on the other side of the wood barrier between the two of you. You felt yourself slowly climb back up the steep hill of pleasure, your boyfriend's movements only getting more intense as he makes it his mission to get you to cum. You looked down at him, pleading eyes begging him to slow down, or at least make it easier for her to keep quiet. But, to no avail as he kept up his pace with his fingers, matching it with his tongue as he focused on your sweet spots.

“We can go out tomorrow, just the two of us? I bet it’ll make you feel better, sweetheart,” he said. You squirmed, softly moaning, waiting for your dad to leave. You could feel yourself nearing the edge, wiggling your hips as you tried to force yourself into your orgasm. To your dad, you were just giving him the silent treatment, so he took that as his cue to retire back to his room. “Okay, goodnight honey,” your dad said, before leaving again.

Tomura rasped out a small laugh, before urging you on. “Come on, angel, you can do it. You’re doing so good.” He whispered in between your thighs, hitting the spots that make you see stars over and over, finally pushing you over the edge. You looked down at him one more time, before coming undone. You felt him hum in satisfaction as he tasted your orgasm, forcing you to ride it out until you were begging for him to take it easy on you. Your hand found refuge in his scalp, tangling themselves in the nest of light blue locks.

With one last lap of his tongue around your cunt, he pulled away, a smile plastered on his face as he licked his fingers clean. Your face was slightly flushed as you smiled back at him, your chest rhythmically rising and falling. He crawled on top of you, wrapping his arms around your body. You started massaging his scalp with one of your hands, and rubbed his back with the other. You heard him mumble out, “Are you actually going to follow through? With the thing you brought up earlier?” You heard his tone; he sounded defeated.

You cup his face in your hands, turning it to face your own. “Of course not. My parents have been on me about it, and I didn’t know what else to do.” You looked away for a moment, then back at him. “But, that’s not to say that I won’t still ignore you, seeing this is what happens when I do,” you teased, a smirk on your face. Tomura scoffed, shaking his head and laying it back down on your chest.

After a long, silent moment, Tomura propped himself up. “I think I should go. Your parents will kill both of us if they found out I was here,” he said, moving towards the window to open it up again. “Aww, please, stay just a little longer.. Please?” You pleaded, sitting up and following him out of bed covering yourself with a nearby blanket. He turned to face you, hands moving from the window to your face. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back. You can count on that,” he said, half of his face illuminated by the dim light of the moon. He leaned down, your lips interlocking with his one last time, before he turned to escape through the window.

“Wait!” You called out to him, leaning out the window. He turned to meet you, pulling his hood up. “Uhm- text me when you get home. Maybe I can sneak off to see you next time,” you said, a small dust of pink on your cheeks as you spoke. You heard him let out a small laugh as he nodded up to you, running off into the night, leaving you up in your room for the rest of the time being.

#tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura x reader #shigaraki x reader #tomura smut #shigaraki smut #mha shigaraki #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #first post #i’m nervous #please don’t be mean to me #haha

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hardcandycigarette · 1 year

Text

Long Way Down Part One

Part Three

Here's the story of married Harry who's a dad to three small kiddos, and married for over seven years to Y/N. Marriage is always hard work, but what happens when being married to a pop star becomes too much for Y/N?

WARNING-slight references to sex, curse words

This is angst angst and more angst. There are other parts to the story, and with enough feedback, I'll post more to this story.

Word Count 4.7K

“Japan. Chile. Australia. Oh, and let's not forget Madagascar. Mada-Fucking-gascar, Harry. Who goes to Madagascar? Why the one and only Harry Styles? That's who. You realize most people never see any of those places in an entire lifetime, right? But you, you went to all of those places THIS YEAR!” Y/N stomps to their daughter's room picks her up from her crib, hoists the baby on her hip, and walks out of the nursery and down the hall.

Harry follows her to the kid’s bathroom. "Y/N, baby, it was all for work. I don't care about those places, don't even get to enjoy them."

"It doesn't matter. You still got to go. And that's in addition to your normal New York, LA, often Paris or Rome. Those places are just another day at the office for you. Do you want to know where I've been? Whole Foods. Baby Gym. Holmes Chapel. The park. School runs. Yep, that’s about it. Oh, the doctors, and kids' birthday parties; on wild days, a friend comes for a glass of wine when I can finally relax at 9 PM. So don’t do this with me, not this time.” She begins to undress the baby. She’s seething but keeps her voice down so the little one isn’t upset.

“Do you know how many days you’ve been home since the tour ended? I’ll tell you because I know exactly. 26. You could’ve paid someone to do your dirty laundry and brought home clean clothes. Even the slightest gesture to show you get how hard it is around here.”

“I’m sorry. I was so focused on just getting home I didn’t even think of having them done.” Harry turns on the bath water and tests the temperature.

“Oh, poor thing. Traveling the world in the lap of luxury must be torture.”

Harry walks to the door. "No, Y/N, no. You know what a tour is like. You've been on the road with me. You know how utterly chaotic it is. Yes, I should've thought about the laundry, but I didn’t.”

She places the baby in her bathtub seat, squats, and begins soaping her up. “Of course, you didn’t think of me.”

Harry is leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom now. “Babe, swear if you give me just a bit to decompress, I'll be happy to give you whatever ya need. We’ll take a family vacation, go someplace nice, the five of us, any place you like, you pick.” He extends his hands in her direction.

“You've been home 26 days. That's how long you've had to decompress.” She uses air quotes around decompress. You've done zero loads of laundry. I do at least four a day, trying to catch up with everything. Laundry never ends even when it’s just me and the kids. You leave a trail of mess in every room. You do nothing to help, nothing. It’s like you’ve completely checked out on the fact this is supposed to be a partnership.”

“My job isn’t just dancing around in sparkly trousers for an hour or two. I’m fucking exhausted too. You’re not playin’ fair, Y/N.”

"Thing is, I'm not playing at all, Harry.”

“A vacation with the five of us is a vacation to you, Harry, not to me. I love you guys, I really do, but I need a break. I needed this just for me. I wasn't asking for much, Harry. Five days for myself, time to decompress, as you call it. I wanted to be with my friends and sisters, but you know what, never mind. Go. Just go. We’ll talk about it when I’ve put her to bed.”

“I’ll put her to bed.” He closes the door behind him when he steps out.

Harry hears her singing Adore You. The song always makes the baby smile. Y/N can’t be completely furious if she’s still singing his songs. Harry couldn’t be more wrong.

When Y/N finishes with the bath, she wraps her daughter in her little duck towel with a hood and exits the bathroom. Their son’s door is cracked down the hall, and she hears Harry talking with him. She stands just outside the entrance to eavesdrop.

“That sounds like a good time, buddy. I’m glad you had fun with your friend. Did you make sure to hug him and say thank you before you left his house? Did you thank his family for having you over?”

“Yes.” He sounds so tiny for someone who wrecked Y/N’s nerves with his big voice the entire time Harry was gone.

“So, let’s get snug as a bug in a rug.” Harry wraps the blanket over their son and kisses his forehead. "Have a good sleep, and we'll have some fun in the morning, yeah?”

“Love you, Dad.”

Harry walks across the room and turns off the light. “Love you even more, bud. See you in the morning.” He closes the door when he leaves the room.

“Thank you.”

“He’s m’ son too, Y/N.” Harry walks toward the couple’s room, head hanging down; he drags his finger along the wall.

He doesn’t stick around to help put Lola down, be it because he forgot he said he would put her to bed or he's just upset.

Y/N walks to Lola’s nursery, dries and lotions her, dresses her for bed, and places her in the crib, hoping she will go down without a fight. "Love you, punkin’. Good night.” She kisses her and stands near the bed. She waits to see if she cries. When she only babbles, y/n turns on the baby monitor and nightlight, then crosses the room, turning off the light as she exits, but only closes the door partially.

Y/N heads toward the bedroom, dreading how the rest of the evening will go. Harry is sitting on the bed reading a book about Japanese art, his readers slide down his nose as he pretends to be intensely focused, but she knows him and knows he’s not focused.

She walks to the dresser, opens a drawer, and gets some pjs. She’s too pissed off to bother with a shower but goes to the ensuite to undress. “Don’t have to pretend you’re reading Harry.” She changes her clothes and tosses the dirty clothes in the hamper, does her skincare, and brushes her teeth. She picks up a pair of Harry’s gross, beat-up sneakers as she enters the bedroom. "These are nice," she says, tossing them across the room.

“Cut the crap, Y/N. I know what you're doing. You're not getting a fight out of me, so toss all the shoes you want. I'm not going to argue with you. The passive-aggressive stuff stopped working a long time ago."

She exhales and sits on the bed. "Not being passive, Harry, just aggressive. I'm tired. I'm so tired." She falls back on the bed.

He crawls over to her and plants a kiss on her lips. “Mmm, minty.” He smiles.

“Yep.” She closes her eyes.

He kisses her again. “Come over here; Let’s have a snuggle and a good night’s sleep.”

“I can’t tonight. I just can’t.” She sighs as she climbs to the pillows, placing her head down on the fluffiest one-her favorite one.

“Can’t what?”

“Have sex.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

She rolls her eyes. "Okay. I don't know your pattern exactly; whenever you want to get frisky. Just met you, have no idea what you're like when you want to pretend an argument didn't happen, makeup, move past it, and get what you want.”

Harry’s eyes narrow. He swallows the lump in his throat and shakes his head in disbelief. “Wow. I can’t believe you just said that. That’s one of the worst things you’ve ever said to me. To imply I manipulate you for sex.” Harry stands, grabs his pillow, and walks to the door. “I’ll be in the guestroom.”

The following day she slowly opens her eyes and reaches over to Harry, but he’s not there. She thought that after he cooled off, he'd return to bed. She thought he’d slip under the covers once he knew it was safe and she was asleep. But he didn't come back to bed. She sits up and looks around the room. Gross sneakers are still across the room, three of Harry's hoodies over the recliner, one of Lola’s toys, and an empty water bottle next to Harry’s wallet -the room is a disaster. She sighs, rubs her face, and flops back down. The house is quiet, almost too quiet. Why is it so quiet? In a panic, she sits up, throws on her robe, and walks to the door. She flings it open and rushes down the hall. When she gets to Lola's room, she pushes open the door; the light is off, and Harry, bare-chested, sits in the recliner, rocking her. "Is she sick? What time is it? Where is everyone?"

"No, she's not sick, Y/N, she's m’ daughter, and she needed a cuddle with her daddy."

"Oh. Look about last night…."

"Not right now, Y/N. Let me enjoy this. Archer and Poppy are in the playroom watching a film. They’ve had their breakfast.”

She nods and leaves the room. She can’t hold back her tears as she walks to the kitchen. But her tears abruptly halt when she enters the filthy kitchen. Harry obviously made breakfast for everyone. Pancakes and bacon are covered with a cloth and a note with Mumma written in crayon to let her know it is hers. But the tenderness she feels doesn’t last long as she scans the kitchen. The dirty plates, cups, pots, and pans litter the kitchen and breakfast nook. The stove is splattered with grease and batter, and God knows what else. She starts to gather the dishes to clean them and load the dishwasher. Once everything is in the sink, she sits at the table in the breakfast nook, picking at the plate of food left for her. She isn’t hungry. Lately, she never is.

"Not as good as yours, but not half bad.” Harry breaks the silence as he stands next to the fridge arms folded over his muscular chest.

“Where is-“

“Living room in her pack-n-play.”

“Okay.” She picks up a slice of bacon and bites into it. She tosses it back on the plate.

She stands, walks to the sink, and begins cleaning off the excess food.

“I was going to do that as soon as I got done with the baby. I didn't have time to juggle it all."

“Really? Didn’t have time? Couldn’t juggle it all? That’s rich.” She shakes her head and chuckles as she places the cutlery into the designated basket in the dishwasher.

He shakes his head, looking at the ground. He cocks his mouth to the side and clicks his tongue. "Touche." He walks over and begins placing the dishes in the dishwasher.

She moves, allowing him the glamorous opportunity of a lifetime. “Wonder when the last time you did this was. Long before X-Factor, I’m sure.”

“Don’t.” Harry scrapes off a dish.

“But why not? You get to have all the fun. You get to do all the talking. You get to see all the things. Meet all the people. You get it all.” She leans against the counter, tapping her fingers.

“Y/N, I’m warning you-don’t.”

Her eyes widen, and she stands with a smirk on her face. This man bought all the audacity. “Warning me? Warning me? What are you going to do if I don't stop? Nothing.”

To get her attention, he throws a glass, aiming it at the sink, but not realizing the force behind it, it crashes into the stainless steel and shatters.

They both jump back, then freeze.

He reaches toward Y/N. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to."

“Get out. I mean it, Harry. And I don’t mean the kitchen. You leave this house. You leave this house now, and don’t come back.” Her words are low and deliberate as she stares at the floor.

“That was out of order what just happened. I'm sorry; you know I'd never lay a hand on you or do anything in the world to scare you. Don't know what came over me."

“I said get out.”

“Excuse me? Don’t come back to my own frickin' house? You've got to be kidding. I'm doing no such thing, Y/N. Will I go downstairs and stay in the entertainment room or sleep in the guest room? Sure. Will I take the kids out for the day? Sure. But leave? No. We’ve never spent one day apart in anger, and we aren’t starting now, so get that idea out of your little head.” He points to his temple, gritting his teeth.

“Fine, then I will.” She pushes him out of the way when she passes him to leave the kitchen.

Harry follows her. “You’ll what, Y/N?” He grabs her arm, attempting to stop her.

“Get your damn hand off of me, you big bully.” She jerks away, storming toward the bedroom.

Harry goes to the living room to get Lola. He hears their bedroom door slam. Poor girl is probably scared. She’s never heard people shout before, especially her mama or daddy. And now her mama says she’s leaving? The words don’t even sound right when Harry says them to himself. Harry approaches the bedroom, tapping on the door. “Y/N, the baby, it’s time for her feeding.”

She marches toward him and takes the baby. “Of course it is; one more thing your pathetic ass can't do around here. Now, get out." She pushes against the door.

Harry walks out and closes the door.

***

Downstairs, Harry talks to Poppy and Archie, making sure that if they heard the yelling, they aren't scared. "Arch, you okay, bud?”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t look up just keeps playing with the Barbie and Ken dolls.

“Pop, you doing okay?"

“Yes, daddy. Are you?” She walks over and hugs his legs.

“Yes, baby, Daddy is fine. Are you guys in the mood for a trip to the zoo? Maybe some pizza and ice cream after?

“Yeah.” Poppy detaches herself from her daddy and jumps up and down.

“Can we go now?” Archer says, dropping the dolls and standing up.

"We can. Let's go get dressed, yeah?" Harry walks toward the stairs to the home's main floor.

The kids follow him up.

“Are mumma and the baby coming?” Poppy asks.

"Not sure, baby girl.”

Archer interjects. “If they’re gonna yell, I hope not."

Harry turns around. "There won't be any yelling, buddy, but that's not nice what you just said. We never say things like that, especially about your mummy or baby sister. We always want them included in whatever we do, always. Don’t ever say anything like that ever again.”

Archer is crying now. "Sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean it."

At the top landing of the stairs, Harry stops and kneels to Archer putting his arms around him. "Come here. Let's hug Daddy, yeah?"

Archer slowly puts his arms around Harry’s neck. “Didn’t mean it, Dad.”

"I know, buddy, we're all having a bad day, but what is the one, very most important rule in this house."

“Treat people with kindness.” Archer releases himself from the embrace.

"That's right, treat one another with kindness and love and goodness."

Archer sniffles. “I will.”

“All right, to our rooms, we go.” Harry leads the kids into the hall.

Harry feels like his heart just broke in two. The one thing they’d both agreed on before having kids is they would raise them in a peaceful home. They both came from divorced parents and knew what it was like when the family was immensely unhappy.

Harry ushers the kids to their rooms once back in the central portion of the house. "Okay, lollipop, do you need daddy's help getting dressed? Or do you want to try by yourself today?"

“I can do it, Daddy,” Poppy says. She pushes her blonde curls off her face.

"Good girl. Now, if you need me, call me, okay? And if you want something hanging up, remember no climbing; call for me, and I'll get it.” Harry pats her on the back.

“Okay.” Poppy skips to her room.

“Arch, do you need help?" Harry asks, following Archer as he walks to the room next to Poppy's.

“No, I got it.”

"Okay, guys, I'm going to help mummy with Lola. I'll be just down the hall."

Harry takes his time to get to the end of the hall. He taps on the door before entering. “Love?” He pokes his head in the door.

“Yeah.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes.” She snuggles the baby closer as she nurses her.

“Gonna take the big kids to the zoo. Can I take Lola?”

"She's your baby too, Harry. Please don't ask me a question like that. Of course, you can take her.”

“All right, by the time I'm dressed, she should be finished, and I'll get her ready." Harry walks to the bathroom.

“Pretty sure I’m capable of getting my child dressed,” she mumbles.

Harry snaps around. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you, Y/N?" He's angry, but he keeps his voice down. "First, I do nothing, and then you pop off like that when I try to do something." Harry turns to walk back to the ensuite.

"Daddy's a grumpy pants, isn't he, baby girl? It's okay; you've got a mummy. She’ll take care of you, just like she always has.”

Harry stomps out of the bathroom, mouth full of toothpaste. “No, Y/N. No. You aren’t going to do that shit," he says, toothpaste foaming from his mouth as he flings the toothbrush and points it toward her.

She sighs. “Okay, Harry, whatever."

“Whatever? Whatever?” I’m done with this Y/N. Do what you will, hate me if you want, but don’t bad mouth me to our kids.” He walks again to the bathroom sink, and turns on the water, rinses his mouth out, dries it off.

“It’s not exactly like she understands what I’m saying.”

"Not exactly the point, Y/N.” He returns to the bedroom, then walks to the recliner, grabs a hoodie, and puts it on as he approaches the bed. "These babies are my entire life, Y/N. You know that, so think what you will of me as a husband, lover, and partner, but don’t you ever talk about me like that to our children.”

She’s burping the baby now, patting her on the back. “The kids are your entire life? I get it. Performing is your first love. No room for me.” She pulls her bottom lip in with her teeth and stares at nothing, looking at anything but Harry. Her eyes water, holding onto her tears.

Harry walks to her side of the bed. “You know that’s not what I meant, baby.” He sits on the bed next to her, his voice calmer now.

“No, I get it, Harry. Trust me, I do. I wouldn't blame you if you stopped loving and wanting me. Furthermore, why would you want any of this? I mean, look at this whole thing, and then there’s me. I’m a mess.”

“I’m looking at you. I see you. What are you talking about? And I love this mess, and I love you.” He places his hand on her knee. He pushes his eyebrows together and searches her face.

“It’s over, Harry.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re tired and frustrated, but that’s life. It’s not over.”

"It wasn't a question." She hands Lola to him and stands. She tugs at the bottom of her t-shirt, the shirt she borrowed from him when they were dating and never gave it back. It's faded and stretched out, a picture of One Direction but with the words Spice Girls written on it.

Harry says nothing and watches her. She walks to the closet, grumbles, and grunts, knocking about with a few curse words sprinkled in. Once she finds what she's looking for, she returns to the bedroom, drops a suitcase on the bed, and then unzips it.

"Y/N, baby, what are you doing?"

"I told you I'm leaving. You didn't think taking the kids to the zoo would stop that did you?"

“This is crazy. I’m gonna put Lola in her crib. I’ll be back.” Harry stands, walks across the room, and exits.

A few moments later, he returns. She removes clothes from the dresser. Harry approaches her and places his hand on her elbow. "Baby, let's talk about this. You can leave me, in theory, until we can figure something out, but you can't just walk out on the kids."

She shrugs him off her. “Don’t touch me. There is nothing to figure out, not between us. As for the kids, of course, I'm not leaving them forever, don't be so dramatic, but I am leaving for now."

She goes to the bathroom. Harry can hear her gathering items from the vanity. He sits on the bed, dropping his head in his hands, then lifts his head resting his fingers tips under his chin. He stares at two crayons on the floor under the dresser. He makes that his sole focus, unable to look at her when Y/N returns and tosses the cosmetics bag into the suitcase. She huffs and sighs.

“I might not help as much as I should. I get it, but this, this is one time I’m not lifting a finger to help you. So you can cut the sound effects.”

There’s a soft knock at the door before the handle turns, and small hands push the door open. “Daddy, are we going to the zoo?”

Tears have started to roll down Harry’s cheeks. He wipes his face and sniffs before Poppy comes in. “Yes, baby girl, but give Daddy a minute. Go play nice in your room. I’ll come to get you when it’s time. And Poppy, please wait to be invited in before opening the door. You know the rules.”

“Okay.” Satisfied, she pulls the door closed.

"You see that, Y/N. Our kids need us. Our kids know when something's wrong. They heard our shouting earlier. We can't do this around them." He stands and walks over to her. "Listen, let me call Mitch and Sarah, and see if they can take them for the night, yeah? Or Jeff and Glenne might not mind, then we'll get dressed, go have a nice dinner, come home, and relax, just the two of us.”

“Why so you can get laid, Harry?”

"Y/N, where is all of this coming from? That's the second time you've remarked that I’m somehow this sex-crazed maniac that has to jump through hoops to trick his wife into having sex with him, yet you also say there is no way I could still want you.”

She shoves sneakers into the suitcase. “Oh, believe me, I know you can find someone to have sex with, no doubt about that." She shakes her head and smirks. "Never had any problem getting that, did you?"

“What is wrong with you? Do you think I’ve been with someone else? Is that what’s got you like this?”

She continues throwing things in the suitcase, then zips it up. She returns to the closet, retrieves another bag, unzips it, kicks it along the floor, and continues packing. “I told you. I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired. I’m forgetful because I’m overwhelmed. Important things aren’t given their proper attention. I mess up more often than I will admit. This isn’t good.”

“If this is about going out of town on that girls’ trip, then go.” He extends his foot and closes the top of the luggage. “Have fun. Go, but don’t ruin our family just because you weren’t getting your way.”

“Fuck you, Harry. Because I wasn’t getting my way? It’s not that. It’s that it’s always about you. Always. It’s when are you leaving, when are you coming back, coming in late from the studio, FaceTiming at 3 AM just so I can see you and hear your voice, important events, meetings, everything is about you, and I'm sick of it. You know you're the one that wanted a third baby, or hell, a second baby, for that matter. I was happy when it was just the three of us, all traveling together, but you wanted a larger family, and as usual, I wanted to give you what you wanted.”

He stands next to her, reaches over and takes her face in his hands, and turns her toward him. He sees her face, but she’s a stranger. He hadn’t noticed the new lines between her eyebrows, the dark circles under her eyes, or the sallow shade of her skin. “Tell me you don't regret Poppy and Lola. Please tell me you don't regret those two perfect little girls. Because I love you, Y/N, but if you tell me you regret them, I can't forgive you. Ever.”

She pulls away. "I do regret the timing. I should've insisted you take a multi-year hiatus before expanding our family because I made my life worse to make your life better."

He drops his hands from her and walks across the room to the window, which overlooks the expansive garden below. “Worse? How could anything about those babies make your life worse? Take it back before I say something that can’t be unsaid.” You knew what you were signing up for, Y/N. You knew the life I live and how hard it would be, but you said ‘I do’, you agreed this was the life we would live,” he says.

“You don’t see that even then, it was about you. It was what I agreed to, but what about me? What did you agree to do for me? What sacrifices were you willing to make? I gave up my career, so I could give you a home, take care of the kids, and always be available to support you in anything you needed me to support you in, travel with you." Sitting on the bed, she shoves her legs into her denim flares and stands. She walks over to the dresser and retrieves a black sports bra.

Harry turns to her. "Okay, what do you need? What do you need my support with? Besides the house, the kids? What is it that you’re missing?

She removes her t-shirt and puts on the bra. "Everything."

“You've got to give me specifics, love. Have to help me here, at least with this. I can't read minds, baby. Believe me, if I could, this wouldn't be happening." He walks to her.

She pulls on a lightweight black sweater. "I need you to know me, Harry.” She goes back to the luggage, bends down, and zips closed the second bag. “I needed you to pay attention, to see that I’m drowning here.”

"Okay. We'll have the maid come more days during the week, and we'll get a sitter, nanny, or whatever will make life easier for you. After the three nights in Manchester, I'll devote my time to you. But I have a contract I have to do these nights in Manchester, besides it’s kind of home. We can stay at Mum’s. All of us go together.”

“It’s not just about the housework or the kids. And I don’t want to follow you to Manchester. I need you. I need a husband, a partner, not a sugar daddy who keeps knocking me up.”

“Oh, get off it. Lola's over a year old, and never do I push you for sex, not ever.”

“Whatever.” She pulls the two suitcases upright, rolls them to the door, exits, walks down the hall, and passes the three bedrooms along the corridor. She can't stop, or she'll never go; if she stays, she'll make things worse. She knows she's on the brink of breaking completely.

Harry is behind her.

They make it to the front door, and she slides her feet into her loafers. As she opens the door, she turns to him. "Everything you need to know about your kids is in a folder on my desk in the office. There’s frozen milk in the fridge.”

He reaches out, but she shakes her head. “Don’t.” She snatches her purse from the hook by the front door.

"Y/N, please, baby."

"Goodbye, Harry." With that, she steps out, dragging the luggage behind her. She doesn't look back.

#harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles fic #harry styles new

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mrz-fushiguro-types · 5 months

Text

Confessed feelings.

Summary: Toji comes over to pick up Megumi and Tsumiki, two children he loves deeply, but after a conversation they had at the park y/n goes home and pours her a cup of wine only to be interrupted by a knock on her front door.

Warnings-cursing, THE NASTIEST smut, and Toji because he is a warning himself

(Tojixreader) first person reader.

He’s so cold; despite the sly smirks and head nods every morning in the office, he doesn’t pay me any mind, and how I wish he fucking would.

For a while I’ve wanted him and only him, but he’s married with two kids, well he WAS married. His second wife sadly passed shortly after Megumi was born, yes Toji was married twice, his first wife he met during high school, and he had unconditional love for her, creating their first child Tsumiki. unconditionally, yet soon she passed, leading him to his second wife, to which he took her name.

But I always asked, how he could skip over me twice..I made it obvious that I cared deeply for him, but the feeling was never reciprocated.

Was it her body? Or was it merely her soul, I didn’t know much about her, but Toji, usually chill and quiet, wouldn’t shut up about her, especially his second wife, he loved her deeply, both of his wives that is.

But, once they passed he instantly distanced himself from anyone else only focusing on his children, and how could anyone blame him?

So I didn’t, and I still don’t, and ever since Megumi was born along with Tsumiki, I have always helped them, always watched them when I wasn’t going into the office and never complained never, the kids weren’t bad at all.

But it’s Toji, I want him, so bad, it aches my heart, he’s still cold towards me, any conversation about love he changes the subject instantly, he doesn’t care for love, and I’m starting to think, maybe he’s done with the whole concept, but honestly just being able to see him made me happy.

I dance to the music making lunch for the children that I was watching today me using my off day to be a free baby sitter but I didn’t care not a single bit, Megumi walks in the kitchen a blank stare following with him, he then makes his way over to me pulling on my apron getting my attention easily.

“Gumi? Why aren’t you watching cartoons?” I asked flipping the burger putting the spatula down picking up the boy, “I got bored.” He said in his normal monotone manner, I hum walking to the living room with him, hearing Tsumiki’s feet patter behind me “I’m bored tooooo can we go to the park!” She asked while I put her brother down, “your dad is coming over for lunch, maybe after we eat we can go,” I say patting her head causing her to giggle adorably.

Megumi blinked before calmly saying “I don’t wanna go to the park,” he then pointed to the door “I want icecream..” he insisted staring dead at me, he was a very quiet kid and always kept to himself, he was also very demanding but a gentleman just like his dad.

Tsumiki whined “that isn’t fair! I asked to do something first!” She said stomping her foot to which he shot her one of his blank stares as if he didn’t understand her attitude. “Okay then..why don’t we just do both?” He asked looking at me for approval. “I don’t see why not..” I said shooting them a kind smile.

“but I do want you two to eat lunch first I’m making burgers..” I say, causing Tsumiki to do a happy dance, “I love burgers!” She insisted to which Megumi just shrugged “I’ll eat it” he said causing me to nod “damn right,” before getting up pointing to the couch “just watch SpongeBob until I finish cooking please,” I asked the two kids hopping up on the couch watching the tv.

“Who lives in a pineapple under the sea! SpongeBob square pants!”

The tv sung causing the two kids to sing along, I make my way over to the kitchen again flipping the patty just in time.

After a few minutes I make the two plates “cmon you too foods ready your dad should be here to pick you two up soon, he texted saying he’ll be a little late but that was 2 hours ago..” I say putting the two plates on the counter top Megumi and Tsumiki to run over jumping up on the barstools by themselves instantly digging in.

I giggle at their expressions “good! It’s really good!” Said Tsumiki with a full mouth,” Megumi of course just shooting me a thumbs up as he ate. “I’m glad to hear it! Eat up you two,” and so they ate the room consisted of giggles and complaints from Megumi because his sister was smacking.

“Come on you two don’t start, Miki please chew with your mouth closed it’s unladylike to chew with your mouth opened..” Tsumiki smiled her mouth full of food before saying “I know I’m doing it to make him mad,” she said with laughter causing Megumi to grimace in annoyance, “well don’t because your brother isn’t bothering you,” I add, and she just stops nodding her head eating her food.

I prepare Toji’s plate before hearing a knock on the door, causing Tsumiki to yell “daddy!” She yells jumping off the barstool Megumi just turning looking at the door as I walk over opening it.

There he was, the tall muscular man peering down at me his expression immediately changing from stole cold to soft once he saw his daughter run to him “heyyy princess! You have fun today with [name] ?” He asked kissing all over the girls face causing her to playfully screech and giggle. “Of course I did! We wanted to know if we could go to the park and get icecream?”

Toji smiled “of course we can..” he said putting her down “thanks for watching them they adore you..” he said the scar on his lip turning upwards as he smiled softly at me, “you know it’s never a problem..” I insisted with a soft smile.

He glanced over at his son “hey son! You had fun?” He asked to which Megumi nodded with another shrug “my day was pretty average no complaints..” making Toji chuckle ruffling the boys hair “you never complain,” he complimented pecking the top of the boys head.

I grab his plate handing it to him and he takes it looking at it “you didn’t have to cook for me, did you even eat?” He asked to which I shrugged “I’m fine I know I can eat, you’ve been working all day just eat the burger,” I insisted but he simply handed it back “sit down and eat.” He demanded resting his elbows on the counter top “you’re gonna want to anyways if you’re going to the park with us,” he said looking at the food then at me with his deep blue eyes.

I fight the heat rising in my cheeks before sighing “but I made it for you,” I say with pout to which he thinks for a bit, looking around the kitchen before going to the drawer pulling out a knife cutting the burger down the middle, “now eat..” he said again, and without thinking I was sitting on the barstool picking up my half biting into it, and it indeed was very good.

I hum nodding and he chuckles “I dunno why you didn’t just make you a burger too?” He added picking up his half “because I ran out of meat and I wanted you to eat,” I say covering my mouth.

Toji shrugs “yeah but you have to worry about yourself before me, this is your house,” I look up at him still chewing before I turn my attention to the burger, I’d rather have him eat before I do, and he wouldn’t even notice my love for him.

“Are we going to the park or not..” said Megumi while he pulled on his shoes and jacket making Toji laugh a bit “yes can [name] eat before we go sir, last time I checked I’m the one driving,” Megumi sighed sitting down “take your time,” Toji mumbled to me ignore the complaints of his son.

After we ate we all got into the car and drove to the nearest park, “stay close don’t go wandering anywhere but near the park,” he instructed sternly to the two as we all got out of the car, “we’ll be right here he said while me and him walked to the metal bench his hands swiftly in his pockets while the kids ran directly to the swings.

Toji lets out a tired sigh taking his hands out his pockets leaning forward his elbows resting on his thighs, his eyes closed, he worked all day and still made time to come to the park with his kids, he really was a good dad even if he was away so much.

“Maybe you should have let me take them, you need to rest you workaholic,” I say watching the kids, Toji grumbles lifting up slowly his eyes still closed as he leaned back, “they need to get some fresh air once in a while, so do I..so I don’t mind that much..” he says softly.

I think for a bit before tapping my thigh, him opening one eye to look at me, “what? It’s just laying your head down..” I say blinking and he just sighs “you’re so naive..” he mentions closing his eyes again leaning his head down on my thigh kicking his foot up on the bench letting out a slow breath.

“What changed your mind..” I say softly looking down at him, “why can’t I be naive too..?” He questions relaxing his body with a soft chuckle. I smile burying my hands in his hair “a little too late for that huh..?” He asks turning his head to look up at me, his dark blue eyes piercing me.

I blush turning my head a little causing him to just laugh some more closing his eyes again, I think for a bit it’s now or never, “Toji..?” I start hearing his muffled “hmm…?” I think for a bit before finally saying “why is it that you over look me so much..” the air around us grew quiet.

Toji sighed out that causing my heart to burn, did I annoy him? Was the question too vague? He didn’t give me anything he turned his head looking directly in my eyes, “can we talk about this later..?” He said making me tense a little “I’d rather talk about it while we have the chance” “then you’ll be disappointed because I don’t want to discuss this topic right now.” He said sternly shutting me up.

Yes of course I brought this topic up before, like I said I made my feelings clear, I never once stayed quiet about how I felt, to anyone.

I sit back looking up into the sky fighting back the tears..it was just like that day 8 years ago..I felt the same feeling he made me feel again, helpless.

After an hour Toji sits up “alright fuck it, I’m tired, kids! Let’s go!” He called the kids whining as they made their way to us.

I kept my eyes on the ground, debating before finally lifting my head when he motioned for me to get up, “I’m going to go home on my own, I know you don’t feel like dropping me off, plus I could use the walk..” I say with a pain filled chuckle.

Toji looks at me holding Tsumiki’s hand “[name] get in the car please..” he said looking at me “I’m fine Toji..” I say sharply and he just sighs “this is childish of you..” he insists taking his children’s hand.

“I could care less..” I say softly standing walking the other direction leaving him there with the kids, Megumi yelled after me “we were suppose to get icecream!” But I didn’t even look back my heart completely shattered to pieces.

I made it home around 6 pm flopping down on the couch, me even trying with him was useless and I knew that, I look at my phone finally noticing I had gotten a text from Toji.

Toji 💙 “I said I didn’t want to talk about it now, not ever, pick up the phone.”

I stare at the message, was I mad at him? For years of deflecting my love and causing me to turn away and be single for four years? I only want him, I only ever wanted him!

The thought of it pissed me off even more, what stopped him from talking about it when we were all alone? Maybe I was being selfish and a bit bratty?

I think for a bit before turning my phone completely off going to go shower. Once I got out I get dressed in my nightclothes, a silk pink tight fitted night gown that was easy to slide up when my thighs moved.

I sit in the couch with a glass of wine, debating if I wanted to turn my phone on or not. I take a sip of wine looking for my remote. The moment I found it and picked a show I heard a loud pounding if my door, I flinch looking at my door “who the fuck?!” I say loud enough for whoever it was to hear.

I swing the door opened ready to cuss out whoever it was out, but my anger had subsided when I saw Toji peering coldly at me, I quickly cover myself a bit when I saw him looking down at me the kids by his side, I back up opening the house to them in silence.

I close the door rubbing my arms grabbing my cardigan off the coat rack, putting it on, “hey Gumi! Hey Miki..” I say softly Miki rubbing her eyes and Megumi stared blankly. “You owe me icecream..” he said causing me to giggle.

“Kids why don’t you go in my room, Megumi you pick a movie between both of your votes,” they look at Toji and he nods giving them the okay, once we hear the door close Toji looks at me and I keep my eyes on the ground.

“You had me worried,” he started wasting no time, “sorry..” I say in a tone that said I wasn’t really sorry at all, Toji huffed placing his hands in his pockets “don’t be childish [name] you know my situation,” “and I don’t pretend not to! But come on Toji! It’s been 8 years and between that you’ve married twice!” “Keep your voice down, I’m not yelling at you.” He said sternly making me shake my head.

“It’s a lose lose with you,” “I could have told you that,” he said smartly with a grin, I make my way around my granite counter being fed up, “fuck this, talking about this situation is useless..” I say opening the fridge, “I told you that, but no, you wanted to talk so bad then talk, I didn’t waste gas for nothing,” he said crossing his arms.

I roll my eyes grabbing a water bottle, “I tell you the same thing over and over Toji, do I really have to repeat it?” He sighed “no you don’t, I know you have feelings for me..and I don’t over look them” “yes you have for 8 years..” “that isn’t it..just fuckin’ listen..” he scolds while I open my water.

“You have something going on for yourself [name] why throw all of that away for me? Anyone who has ever been in love with me has died or left, I guess I’m being selfish because, I don’t want any of those things to happen especially not to you, the kids adore you, and I hold you close to my heart even if I don’t show it, all I wanna do is protect you and make sure you have a good life..”

I listen to his words, they instantly start to warm my heart, I hum placing the bottle down “thank you for telling me..” I say and he sighs “you still don’t believe me?” “No no, I do! It’s just that..I didn’t exspect to hear that at least not from you, I’m happy with it,” I say with a smile causing him to smile softly.

Toji let’s out a deep breath, “you can stay here tonight, it’s about to storm and I don’t want you driving in the rain with the kids..” I suggest Making a cup of coffee for him, Toji walks around the counter grabbing a cup for his coffee.

“I’ll hold you up on your offer,” he said smiling down at me making my entire face heat up, everything about him made my heart race, I was obviously upset earlier but now I don’t feel a inch of anger, his tall muscular figure standing right next to me almost made me have a panic attack.

“I should go change into something more appropriate..” I say pouring his coffee in the mug and he shrugs “for what? You already have a cardigan covering everything..” he added grabbing the sugar and creamer.

After he quickly drunk his coffee we talked for a while “I always thought maybe I wasn’t pretty enough..” I say fiddling with the ends of my hair Toji leaned down elbows on the counter “I don’t care about looks, but you aren’t ugly at all,”

I smile pushing my shoulder into him “did you just call me pretty,” “ I said you aren’t ugly..” he said sticking his tongue out at me, I giggle at his rude come back “well you don’t look that bad yourself” Toji looks at me lifting back, his waist pressed on the stove, “I know..” he said pridefully.

I giggle shaking my head, “I should go check if the kids are asleep,” Toji shrugged “okay? What if they aren’t then you just invited them out here,” he said causing me to laugh quietly shaking my head “I’m assuming you need a break?” “Oh so you assumed that?” “From the looks of it yeah..” Toji chuckled.

I lift up to stand next to Toji, staring up into his eyes, he cheekily looked to the side “you don’t know what you’re doing staring up at me like that..” I blink tilting my head “like what?” I ask, Toji meets my gaze again, “like you’re innocent..though your eyes tell me exactly what you want,” I blush, did they really?

I’ve always wanted Toji, but now I really craved his touch, I wanted him now more than ever actually, everything in my body wanted him, I hug myself looking at him, “well what do I want Toji?” I say still keeping my innocent act.

Toji smiled softly “alright..I’ll play your little game..” he teased, before shifting leaning down so he was right in front of my face at my level, he leaned in his lips inches from mine making my body tense “and I’ll win..” he said his eyes lustfully low as he eye fucked me.

I shiver returning the same lustful eyes, why would I ever miss this opportunity..?

Toji tilts his head looking at my lips a small smirk on his face. I can’t take it, not anymore after years of never being this close to the man I craved, of course I got greedy..

Instantly I leaned in but I felt him lean in as well our lips crashing together he hummed softly his voice low and sexily raspy as he did so. I whimper when I feel his hands wonder my hips guiding my body up against his, my heart was pounding out of my chest from sexual excitement, I was certain he could feel it.

He pulls back smirking at my reaction my tongue resting on my bottom lip I lean in again sliding my tongue across the scar on his lip making my lips wrap around his bottom lip sucking on it softly before I feel him lift me up with ease, setting me on the counter sliding his way between my thighs pulling me closer to him.

I shiver feeling the cold counter touch my skin wrapping my legs around his waist as we continued to make out my cardigan sliding down my arms as if it were moving out of the way, Toji kissed down my cheek to my neck his hands grabbing at my gown that the cardigan failed to cover.

He hums kissing back up my neck his hands sliding up the sides of my body making me choke back another groan, Toji lifted his head lifting my chin so I was looking in his eyes, “you might be fuckin’ with something you’ll get lost in..~” he said with a smirk.

I groaned scooting closer so I could feel some sort of friction on my covered clit, my body felt like it was on fire, we were so close, closer than we’ve ever been. Toji placed his hands on my lower back pushing me into him, “I’m guessing you don’t care huh princess..?~” he teased kissing my head softly.

I shake my head squeezing my thighs around him “please just fuck me Toji..~” I whine out my eyes locked on his lips, I watch them turn upwards into a smirk before I feel those same lips peck my shoulder pulling the strap of my gown down my arm.

His strong hands feeling so soft against my aching body, he fondled my breast through the silk gown sucking on my neck now, making me whine as I lean my head to the side to give him better access sliding my hands up into his shirt, biting hard on my lip as I feel his abs graze against the palms of my cold hands warning them up.

Toji hummed softly grabbing my wrist sliding my hand down to his sweat pants that perfectly complimented his growing print. I shiver at the heat causing Toji to chuckle softly, “ah, I see..you don’t like being teased do you princess?~” Toji asked sliding his hand between my thighs, my gown pushed up as I open my legs a bit so he could touch me, that’s what I wanted him to do instead of all this teasing..

He glanced at me with his deep ocean blue eyes, before softly pushing the pad of his big thumb against my pulsing clit.

I grab into his forearm my body hitching at the sudden interaction, he rubbed in slow up and down motions the sounds my clit made through the underwear made me blush, the sudden squelching and squishing it made caused Toji to lift his finger, it glistened in the light covered in my juices.

“Mm..” he hummed “you’re sensitive hm..?” He asked burying his hand between my thighs again sliding my panties to the side, cold air hitting my hot clit, I let out a shaky breath opening my legs wider when I see him crouch down forcefully pulling me closer to his lips and without warning he planted a soft kiss on my outer lips.

My shoulders jump as I look down at him with a bruised lip from biting it so hard, “keep your voice down..” he warns his command muffled before he slid his tongue against my already wet folds teasingly, I let my mouth hang open letting out a deep sigh my head falling back.

He sucked and teased my clit with the warm rapid moving muscle, causing my legs to shake, he was so good at it, I could see why he had two kids,

His hands wrapped around my thighs with passion holding me still with force because of the constant squirms and quiet yelps from him teasing my dripping hole with his flexible tongue.

Finally he plants one last gentle kiss on my harden Bud before he lifts his head, his chin glistening from my juices, “mmm..” he hums out licking his lips, pulling me closer to him me being a panting teary eyed mess, he grabs my chin “open..” he mumbled causing me to open my mouth.

Toji pushed his tongue in my mouth holding the back of my head gripping a clump of my hair as he did so, I taste how I tasted on his tongue as I sucked on it wanting him even more now, and he smiles his tongue in my mouth as I began to bob my head pulling back slowly looking up at him, my innocent eyes being taking over by lust.

I slide my thumbs in the waistband of his sweats, trying to pull them down and he watches me letting me pull them down a bit before he helped me “needy little one hm..?~” he cooed in my ear pushing his huge bugle against my bare clit.

“Toji..please..~” I beg wrapping my legs around him “if you keep begging like this I can’t promise I’ll be gentle..” he said kissing my head lovingly, I look up at him and he instantly meets my gaze “don’t be..” I insist, he lowers his eyes a bit before pulling my head towards his kissing me roughly his fingers getting locked in my hair and I shove my tongue in his mouth.

He wrestled my tongue while with one hand pulling his dick out of his boxers, I pull back a strand of saliva connecting to our lips, once it breaks I look down at his length, it was so pretty, and huge.

The tip oozed with precum, I shiver listening to him chuckle softly, as he strokes his dick with on hand pulling me closer and up off of the counter a bit, “hold onto me..” he whispered and of course I listened wrapping my arms around his neck, burying my face into his neck.

I feel the tip of his cock pierce my hole and finally he thrusted his hips up, my ass pressed firmly against the edge of the counter before lifts me off completely wrapping his arms around my thighs holding me up, my figure being so small pressed up against his huge body.

I gasp into his neck clawing at his shoulder as he softly sighs “you..haa..~ you have to loosen up a bit princess..” he said as my walls only continued to squeeze around him, yet that didn’t stop shit.

Toji thrusted all the way inside of me tilting his head against mine, he pulled back slowly then pushed back in, and once he felt it was easier he started to gain speed the sounds my pussy made while it squeezed around him made me feel so embarrassed.

It was calling for him as much as I was, and he was listening.

Toji thrusted faster making my body shiver under his touch fucking every inch of my brain to mush. I burry my face into his neck “fuuuuuck! T-ah!~” I screamed out into his neck trying my hardest to keep my voice down but he of course didn’t make it easy for me.

He puts me on the counter again slamming into me holding me close as he did so, not even trying to quiet me down not even the slightest. With each thrust came a squeal and a low raspy groan.

My walls accepted every inch of him with pure bliss my pupils disappearing as my eyes rolled back from the abuse my uterus was receiving. Toji slowly pulled out panting making my body hitch “wait no don’t-“ I whine not wanting him to stop getting so close to finally cumming. Toji walked around the counter with me still in his arms before he placed me on the couch flipping me.

His strong hand pushing my head into the couch my back arched, Toji wasting no time simply used his thumb to push my ass cheek out of the way to get a clear view of my pussy, before pushing his cock into me from behind, causing me to instantly tighten up earning a grunt from him. Toji held my hips pounding into me without hesitation.

I grip onto the couch cushion my mouth remaining opened from the gasp I let in as he fucked me from behind receiving continuous strings of moans from me I reach back and he simply intertwined our fingers tightly rolling his hips perfectly stroking my gspot with no problem at all, making me wince the feeling of climax growing strong making the knot in my stomach uncomfortable.

I jerk my hips back making Toji tighten his grip on my waist pulling me back whispering in a hoarse tone “don’t run..~” digging his nails into my waist as punishment. “Shit shit! Fuck! I can’t..!” I moan out shaking my head repeatedly and he just continues to thrust ignoring me.

Toji lifted me back into him by my neck rubbing his hand down my stomach holding it there as he sucked mercilessly on my neck causing many bruises on my neck, while we sat up on our knees making him pound into my Gspot even more now, the sound of heavy panting and skin slapping filling the room causing an echo.

I feel tears roll down my cheeks as he fucked me senseless feeling him touch me in ways my head couldn’t wrap around made my thoughts completely disappear, the only thought that remained was that; I couldn’t wait to cum.

Toji slid his hand up into my gown pinching my nipples gently and tugging on them as he thrusted far up into my core making my walls sore from the constant abuse it withstood. He grunts his teeth clenching him baring a fang, “I’m cumming..~” he warned making me pant shaking my head, “don’ttt..mh! Don’t pull out..” I happen to get out.

Toji smirks kissing my ear tenderly before letting out a shaky breath saying “didn’t plan on it..” sucking on my earlobe, making my entire body shiver I was completely at my limit and overwhelmed as he pushed me back down into the couch slamming it all into me, every last inch.

I bite hard on my lip to fight back the loud screams I so desperately wanted to let out reaching back to claw at his thighs as he grunted out with each thrust, finally he slammed into me once more holding my hips against his as his cum oozed into me, he leaned down placing a kiss on my head.

Finally after some time he pulls back looking down at the mess we created. I pants rolling over holding both of our cum, “Toji..” I hum out and he smirks down at me saying softly “let it out..mama..” he purrs.

I laid there a complete mess panting as I cover my mouth releasing everything felt so, Good.

After a bit I sit up completely sore and tired. “So..” he starts rubbing my hair that was plastered onto my forehead from sweat back into the rest of my hair as I looked up at him tiredly, “was it worth waiting eight years for..?” He asked with a mocking smirk.

And it was, I nod my head feeling my mind turn fuzzy thinking if I stayed up any longer I might pass out, he chuckles kissing my head.

“I know..” he said cockily with a teasing grin.

#anime #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji smut #jjk toji #toji x you #smut #jjk smut #jujutsu megumi #toji zenin #dilf toji #toji fushigro x reader

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year

Note

Request: ok so listen; so Steve Harrington who didn't tell anyone he gets into a medical school (Indiana University School of medicine) but he travels to school during the week and Mike finds the graduation letter in Steve's apartment. He graduated as a premed student with a full scholarship to Harvard Medical school for the trauma surgeon program. The party realizes that their constant jokes making fun of Steve's intelligence caused him to not tell them about this. I want a mixture of angst with a full proper apology & a few years later him graduating from Harvard with the party cheering him.

MY LOOOOOOVE!!!! Nothing gets me going quite like a secret super smart Steve Harrington. Is it OOC? Maybe. But writing Steve as a fucking Harvard Med School graduate!!! A whole trauma surgeon!!!! YES!!!!! I obviously had to put some Steddie in there, mostly because Eddie deserves a happy ending, too and any chance I have to give him one, I will. - Mickala ❤️

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Steve was late. He’d been late a lot recently.

Mike started driving a few weeks ago, got his hands on Nancy’s car since she was busy traveling the world now, and he’d been quick to pick up the slack.

But he was growing impatient.

When they asked Steve why he was late, he shrugged it off, said he forgot. Everyone just went with it because obviously Steve’s kind of scatterbrained and a few fries short of a happy meal, especially after the head trauma.

But Mike was suspicious.

Steve let it go a little too easily.

And Eddie hadn’t stuck up for him like he usually did when they were teasing his intelligence.

Mike was letting himself into Steve’s apartment, using the key that he kept under the mat so the kids always had a place to go if they needed it.

He wasn’t home yet, but Mike had just been to Family Video and he wasn’t there either. Apparently, hadn’t been in at all today. Keith said something about ‘taking the day off for exams.’

Steve wasn’t in school though, so that meant he was lying and Mike wanted to know what he was lying about.

He looked at the counter, saw a large stack of mail, and decided that was probably a good place to start his search.

Most of it seemed like junk, a few bills, a letter from Robin, and an envelope that was torn open already from Indiana University.

If it was already open, it was fair game. That was his motto, at least.

He pulled out a thick stack of papers.

The seal in the corner of the first page said School of Medicine.

Was Steve sick? Had he started seeing the university doctors because of some weird problem with his head? Maybe that’s why he’d also been so forgetful lately.

Maybe they put him on a new medication trial or something and it was a side effect.

But he kept reading and felt his chest cave in.

Dear Mr. Steven J. Harrington,

It is a great honor to announce your successful completion of the pre-med degree program at Indiana University. Your incredible tenacity has proved that you’re prepared to work through any medical school program in the country.

Graduation is currently set for May 18, 1989. Please contact your advisor to reserve tickets by April 28, 1989.

Thank you for trusting Indiana University with your education. We look forward to seeing your accomplishments in the future!

“Holy shit.”

“Why are you reading my mail?”

Mike jumped at Steve’s voice. He’d been so busy reading the letter, he hadn’t heard the front door to the apartment open.

“You’re going to med school?”

“Hopefully, yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Steve rolled his eyes and made his way to the fridge, grabbing a can of soda for himself.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like. You’re. You’re you. How are you going to med school?”

Steve’s brows furrowed as he leaned against the counter and sipped at his drink.

“I graduated from pre-med as valedictorian. I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“You? Valedictorian? You barely got through high school!”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I hated high school. I was going through a lot of shit. It wasn’t because I’m stupid.”

Mike’s mouth was gaping like a fish, confused at literally everything that was happening.

“But-“

“I also just got into Harvard on a full scholarship if we’re gonna put it all out there. I was gonna tell everyone this weekend at El’s birthday party but I’m sure you’re about to run to tell them all.”

Well, how could he not? Steve had been hiding going to college for years! He was about to move to Harvard!

“Wait! Is Eddie going with you?”

“Yeah. We found an apartment over a record store and the owner hired him to run the store while he transitions into retirement.”

Mike felt like he was in an alternate universe. There was no way Steve Harrington was going to be a doctor. There was no way Eddie and Steve were moving to Boston.

There was no way he was leaving all of them.

“But. But what about us?”

“You guys are all practically adults. You barely even hang out with me anymore unless it’s to get a ride or get snacks for Hellfire. You didn’t even notice I was driving to and from campus for years. I think I’ve given enough of myself to people who don’t seem to want it,” Steve shrugged, looking down at the floor.

Mike wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but he also kind of just wanted to hug Steve and tell him that wasn’t true.

But it kind of was, wasn’t it?

They’d all taken advantage of Steve’s kindness for years. He’d been the best damn babysitter they could have, saved their lives multiple times, gave them money for the arcade and dates and pizza for pool parties when he lived in his old house.

They grew to just expect it.

He didn’t even know the last time he’d heard anyone say thank you. He certainly hadn’t said it in a long time.

“But, Dustin will be devastated.”

“He’ll be okay. He’s gonna go to MIT when he graduates and he’ll be right around the corner or something. I dunno. He hasn’t even called me just to talk in months. I don’t think he’ll miss me that much.”

Which just. It wasn’t true. Mike knew for a fact that Dustin would be heartbroken about Steve leaving.

“I.”

“It’s fine. Eddie’s gonna be home soon so if you wanna wait for him that’s fine. I’m gonna go shower and get an early night. Been up since three this morning.”

“Did you really have exams?”

“What?”

“I checked to see if you worked today and Keith said you had exams,” Mike said shakily, feeling entirely off balance.

“Oh. I just had to do an entrance exam for Harvard. They let me take it on IU’s campus since I can’t move until two weeks before classes start.”

Mike nodded once.

This was really happening. Steve was leaving.

Steve was going to Harvard.

He was taking Eddie with him.

And not a single one of them had bothered to notice any of it happening.

————————

“I told you I don’t know! I’m giving you everything I have!” Mike yelled at Dustin, who was pacing and clearly trying not to cry.

“It just doesn’t make sense! He always acted like he didn’t understand half of what we were saying when we talked science stuff!” Dustin yelled as he walked back and forth across the floor, wearing a pattern into the carpet.

“Maybe it’s because we’ve always just assumed he’s dumb. I mean, none of us really treated him like he could keep up, so maybe he just. Didn’t,” Lucas shrugged.

“He could’ve told us!”

“Or maybe he didn’t want to since we all thought he’d be lying,” Max added from her chair in the corner.

“He could’ve proved it!”

“Maybe he didn’t want to have to,” Eddie said as he walked in the room.

Hellfire was at Dustin’s tonight, and Eddie had been late.

His sudden appearance made them all cower where they sat or stood.

“No Hellfire tonight. I was gonna call, but had to drive by here anyway. Steve’s having a bad night and I’m pretty certain it’s your fault, so I’m gonna go try to get him through it.”

It was a bit harsh, but not undeserved.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Eddie?” Dustin asked quietly.

“It wasn’t for me to tell. He was going to when he got accepted into IU, and then you guys spent most of that night telling him he wouldn’t understand what you were talking about with your group science project so he kept it to himself. Then he just decided it wouldn’t be worth trying to explain anything since you wouldn’t believe him anyway. He asked me not to say anything until he announced his graduation and Harvard this weekend, so I didn’t.”

“But we would have been proud of him! He could have shown us his acceptance letter or something.”

“That’s not how you made him feel,” Eddie shrugged before turning back towards the door. “We’ll see you at El’s party.”

When Eddie left, the room was silent.

Everyone was deep in thought, trying to unpack everything.

With Hellfire canceled, they didn’t have much of a reason to stick around, but none of them felt like being alone.

Not when they started to realize that Steve was kind of the glue that held them all together and without him, they may not ever be whole again.

—-----------------------

El’s party was simple, just the usual guests and some cake and balloons. She didn’t like a big thing, usually preferred to have a sleepover with Max and just do their nails and listen to music.

Joyce insisted on having a little get together though, said it would be nice to celebrate something since they hadn’t really since Will’s birthday.

Steve was there, holding Eddie’s hand in the corner, talking with Hopper while Eddie talked with Joyce.

Steve told them everything when they got there since the kids knew, and while he knew Joyce and Hopper were happy for him, for both of them, they could send their shock.

All of the kids had hesitantly hugged Steve when they got there, barely saying anything to him, unsure where they stood.

Steve felt like he was closing the book on his life in Hawkins, and he hated that it felt like no one would join him in the next one except for Eddie.

Throughout the day, the kids would find their way up to him to just be close, soak in Steve’s energy, try to appreciate him now because they clearly hadn’t been before.

He let them. He could have told them to go away, or tried to talk them into apologies, but it wouldn’t do any good right now, and he didn’t want to ruin El’s birthday party.

Eddie could tell he wasn’t himself, though. He saw the way Steve’s eyes dropped down to his lap every time one of the kids would walk away from his side, how his leg started bouncing when things were quiet for more than a few seconds.

“You wanna head out?”

“I-”

“Steve? Can we talk to you for a minute?” Lucas asked, the rest of the party behind him watching with wide eyes.

“Oh. Sure.”

Eddie patted his knee and stood up, but Lucas gestured for him to sit back down.

“You, too. We owe you both explanations and apologies.”

So, Eddie sat. He would support Steve through whatever this conversation entailed, and maybe get something else out of it too.

“We all want to take turns saying stuff, but I wanna start,” Lucas said, playing with his hands nervously.

Steve nodded, always more patient than the kids deserved.

“I always saw you as the jock, ya know? Like, I respected you because you were a great basketball player and you had a lot of friends. I just kind of thought that was who you were, even after high school. You always made time to help me over the summer, even when you’d just worked an opening shift or had to go in for a closing shift. I didn’t really consider you an adult, even though you were. You were just there. You protected me, all of us, from some of the scariest shit any of us will ever have to deal with without even taking a second to consider your own safety. You just did it. And I don’t really think any of us thanked you. None of us would be here without you.”

Lucas was biting his lip, trying not to cry as he wrapped up his speech, but didn’t get a chance to start before Will started talking.

“I haven’t spent as much time with you as the rest of these guys have. But I know that you’re always there. You give me a ride when my mom can’t and you always slip me an extra $1 or 2 when we go to the arcade because you know I don’t have much. You hung up my art on your apartment wall even though it sucks and isn’t your style because you wanted me to know that someone supports me. You’ve been one of the only constants in our crazy lives, and we haven’t done nearly enough to show that we appreciate you,” Will wiped his eyes quickly as he turned away to let someone else speak.

“Billy was an asshole to all of us, but especially to you. You could’ve walked away that night, left Lucas and me to defend ourselves or die trying, but you didn’t. You knew he was a racist piece of shit and you got another concussion just so he wouldn’t lay a hand on us. That was the first time I ever had someone stick up for me like that. And after everything with Vecna, you were the one who always checked in, made sure I had rides to appointments, had food I could easily make when my mom wasn’t around, brought me to the skate park as soon as I was cleared by my doctor. I’ve never had someone who cared so much like you do and I’m sorry I didn’t know how to show you that it meant so much to me,” Max said seriously.

Steve was sniffling, and Eddie knew if he tried to comfort him too much right now, it would just make it worse. He squeezed his hand and wiped the tear falling down his cheek as the kids continued.

“I hated you for the longest time. I thought it was your fault Nancy changed, and then I thought it was your fault when Nancy and Jonathan got together, and then I just hated everyone and everything for a while. But I think it was just easy to use you to blame everything on because you let me. You just let me treat you like shit. You let me complain about your driving while you drove me anywhere I wanted to go. You let me blame you for Nancy being upset about the break up when she was the one who hurt you most. You let me think you were stupid when you’re brilliant enough to go to Harvard on a full scholarship. You let all of us take advantage of you and I don’t know why, but I wish I could turn back time and not let you do that. You didn’t deserve to be used by any of us, but especially me,” Mike said surprisingly sincerely.

In fact, Eddie watched Mike take a few deep breaths like he was holding back a sob.

“I am sorry for how we all treated you, Steve. I did not know that we hurt you. Dad said sometimes the people who hurt the most are the people who accept hurt as the way they are supposed to be treated, but that is not true. You should be loved so much, like Eddie loves you, by everyone. We should have done better,” El said as she held Max’s hand.

Dustin had been incredibly quiet, hiding in the back, not even looking up from the ground. Eddie could tell he wanted to say something, but probably didn’t know how to start.

It was no secret that Dustin was Steve’s favorite kid. It was also no secret that Dustin loved Steve like a brother, maybe even more, and that if Steve was upset, Dustin would want to make it right.

“I never had someone to look up to until you came around,” Dustin started, still not looking up from the ground. “My mom always felt bad that she didn’t give me a good role model or a brother or sister to look up to. But when you started watching over me, she felt like it was better this way. ‘That Harrington boy is special.’ That’s what she says all the time. And I guess I got used to her saying it and just didn’t think anything of it anymore. Like, yeah, you’re great. You do all kinds of stuff for me and for all of us, but it just felt like you wanted to so what made it so special? When Mike told us everything, it hit me that even if you wanted to do all that stuff, you still deserved a thank you. You went out of your way to make us safe and happy, and our only way to repay you was to constantly put you down and bully you. We spent years calling you out for what an asshole you were in high school while we ended up being assholes to you. You’re my brother and I haven’t been good to you. I’m sorry.”

Eddie was watching as Steve finally let out a sob he’d been holding in for too long. He pulled him into his chest, watching as the kids all wiped tears of their own away.

He knew the kids were genuinely sorry, he could tell that when faced with the reality of the way they treated Steve for years now, they felt terrible. But he also knew that Steve let it go on too long without saying something, and that it would take a while for him to really figure out a good balance of being there for the kids he loved and setting boundaries he needed to set long ago.

“Can you give him a minute guys? I’m sure he wants to talk to you all, but I think he just needs to calm down.”

The kids all nodded and scurried away.

They weren’t kids anymore, was the thing. They would always be kids to Steve, though. That’s why this was hurting so much. They were his nuggets, and they’d been unintentionally hurting him for years.

Steve had been so excited to tell them about getting into a pre-med program at IU, and when he couldn’t tell them, he changed. He was withdrawn in ways Eddie had never seen or expected. He was focused on school, and their relationship, but nothing else. He would go through the motions of driving the kids where he could when he could, throwing the occasional pool party, keeping up appearances.

He’d been exhausted for two years now. Running on fumes for miles, no end in sight. Until he got his acceptance into Harvard.

Eddie had never seen him so happy or proud of himself.

But the happiness faded quickly when he realized what telling the kids would mean, what going to Harvard would mean.

It meant moving, it meant leaving the kids, it meant spending the next 6-8 years so focused on school and residency that he probably wouldn’t have time to visit much outside of major holidays. It meant hoping that Eddie would come with him, support him, and love him regardless of the limited time he had to spend outside of school.

But Eddie would be there for every moment. He’d worked so hard, and Eddie wanted to be there for him every step of the way.

The kids would understand. They were almost graduated at this point, probably heading off to college themselves, and had their own lives to start.

“I wish I’d just told them about IU.”

“I know, sweetheart. But we can’t change the past. You’ve got such an amazing future ahead of you. Everyone is gonna be so proud of Dr. Steve Harrington.”

Steve smiled at that as Eddie dried his tears away.

When he’d calmed down completely, he walked over to where the kids were sitting on the porch.

He stood in front of them with his hands on his hips, a small smile on his face.

“If I forgive you all, will you stop looking like I just stole your ice creams and kicked your puppies?”

Dustin was the first to jump up and run into Steve, sobbing when Steve’s arms wrapped around him.

“It’s alright, bud. I love you, even when you’re a shithead, okay?”

All of the kids piled into Steve’s arms and around his back, all of them crying as Steve started telling them all about his program.

“I’m going to be a trauma surgeon. I was always pretty good at patching everyone up after Upside Down shit, so I figured why not make it a career? And I placed so high on the entrance testing, they suggested I go for pre-med instead of the EMT program. One of my professors my first semester suggested being a surgeon, so that’s the track I took.”

The kids looked at him in awe, like they were seeing him in a new light.

Eddie thought maybe they were finally seeing the Steve he’d seen all along.

—---------------------------------

May 11, 1997

“Steven Joseph Harrington, MD, summa cum laude.”

The cheers from his group were so loud, but they all ignored the dirty looks from the surrounding family and friends.

Steve Harrington was a Harvard graduate, a graduate with the highest honors, a trauma surgeon who already accepted his first position in a nearby hospital.

Everyone was so proud of him.

Wayne and Eddie had arranged for everyone to either ride in a rental car with Wayne or fly in to surprise Steve for his graduation.

He could see Steve look up into the crowd when he heard the screams, could see the grin spreading across his face as he realized his whole family was here to support him, just as they had been for the last eight years.

Everything Steve wanted and worked for was coming together, and everyone who believed in him was here cheering him on.

He was the best damn babysitter those kids had, and now he’d be the best damn trauma surgeon Boston Children’s Hospital would ever have.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #the party #ficlet #request #steve is actually incredibly smart and this is my ted talk #eddie is about to become a housewife who works 'for fun'#that boston surgeon money is about to make steve his sugar daddy

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radiant-reid · 1 year

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i don’t want you to ever stop🫶🏻

wd you be down to possibly write a dad!spence piece where they pick up their kid from school together? i bet their kiddo wd be so stoked to see both parents after school & wanna just tell them all about their day

(bonus: if it’s not too much to ask; could their kid pls be called gus or margot in it?? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ur the best!)

I did both !! even figuratively I can’t resist giving that man children

It's never been unusual for Spencer to be away for work. In fact, Gus and Margot have known him to be away their whole lives. What is odd is Spencer being away for 15 days, much more than usual, thanks to back-to-back cases.

They only got to talk to him on the phone twice, making them miss him even more, and he was home after they went off to school this morning.

Having to leave you three has always been the worst part of his job, and after a long nap, he’s preparing snacks for his babies after school, planning for when you bring them home.

With a plan of your own, you leave work early so you can swing by home and pick him up.

He’s excited on the way there, like you imagine little Spencer was when he attended school, and he tells you all about the exhausting fortnight he’s had while you fill him in on some of the moments he’s missed at home, purposefully leaving some out for the kids to tell him.

You wait at the school gate holding hands, and Spencer thinks it’s admirable that you know so many of the moms and dads.

Gus gets out first and he always comes through the gate to find you quickly. Today, he sees Spencer first, probably thanks to his dad’s height and sprints over.

Spencer crouches down to let his little boy jump into his arms, picking him up and spinning him around. “Hey, buddy.” Spencer says, tightly hugging him.

“You’re home!” Gus cheers. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Spencer tells him. You watch them in awe, not even a little mad that you’re left holding your son’s backpack without acknowledgment.

When he pulls back, Gus looks at you, then back at Spencer as he double checks what he’s seeing. “Mom and dad?”

You nod, enjoying his excitement. “And maybe an after school treat.”

His eyes widen even more as he looks at Spencer again. “Donuts?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” He says.

“Then I must be really smart because you’re really smart.” Gus giggles, always music to your ears.

Spencer chuckles with him. “I’m pretty sure that you’re the smart one. What place did you win in the science fair?”

Gus can talk forever, and he starts to about his science fair victory last week for the project he and Spencer worked hard on. It does pay to have a dad with 3 STEM PhDs.

Margot always takes longer to reach the gate, dawdling and chatting with her little friends about important 7 year old girl stuff.

When she gets there, she sees you first and then her brother before her eyes land on the man holding her brother, and her face lights up.

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” She chants as she comes skipping over.

“Hey, sweet girl.” Spencer greets her, leaning down to pick her up with his other arm.

She snuggles into his side, kissing his cheek. “I missed you, daddy.”

“I missed you too, princess.” Spencer tells her. “Do you want to go get a treat? I want to hear all about your dance.”

“All of us?” She looks between you and Spencer for confirmation.

You nod. “The boys thought we could get donuts.”

Identically to Gus and Spencer’s, her eyes go wide at the mention of the food. “Yes, please. Let’s go right now because I have so much to tell you about today and dance.”

“I’ve got lots to tell as well.” Gus pipes up and you know you’re going to be spending all afternoon listening to slightly embellished truths and every detail a 5 and 7 year old deem important about their days, but there’s nowhere you’d rather be.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds

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kyaroscuro · 29 days

Text

Fairytale Love

A fairytale love represents an unrealistic love in which people might fall in love at first sight or expect to live happily ever after. It's real though? That perfectly defines your relationship with Hyunjae.

pairing : boyfriend!hyunjae x gn!reader genre : established relationship, fluff, childhood bestfriends to lovers, proposal warnings : a bit suggestive? bc hyunjae is a menace but reader is as well, one curse word notes : it started from learning that hyunjae drives a mercedes (which is kinda hot to me) to just being whipped over the man! it's really all cute and i love it very much. enjoy!! words count : 2365

To say that today was an important day is an understatement. You have gone from childhood best friends to lovers to finally celebrating your fifth anniversary as a couple. It’s only fair that after spending your entire childhood together you now plan to grow old together.

Hyunjae is nothing but wild and mischievous and that’s what you like about him. The way he used to tease you in high school because he got better grades than you. Or the way he made fun of you at parties because you’re lightweight. Despite being the jokester, he’s always there for you. Sure, he scored higher on your last exam, but that’s only because you stayed up all night studying together. And whenever you got drunk at a party, he always made sure you got home safely, tucked into your bed with a kiss and a glass of water on the bedside table. He was always the sweetest. Not just to you, but especially with you. And you remember having the best time of your life with him. Sneaking out at night to go to the convenience store. Going to art exhibitions and laughing at how you could do the same, but still being in awe of the talent people have to create such works. Taking the silliest and cutest pictures together, trying all those trends like the couple picture where he had to pick you up only to fail miserably and laughing until you cried. The insecurities? The nights spent comforting each other and crying in each other’s arms from deadlines, exhaustion or heartbreak.

You can’t quite remember the moment you fell in love with him? Maybe it’s because you’ve always been in love with him, you just didn’t think your feelings were romantic until Eric called you out on it. You’ve been jealous before.

When you were 14, he came home with chocolates for valentine’s day and you were so pissed off that he accepted them. Shouldn’t he only accept your chocolates? It wasn’t fair! But on white day, he wrote you a sweet little letter, asking you to go on a picnic with him. Dressed in your prettiest outfit (maybe you wanted to look pretty for him, too, to impress him) you went to the meeting place to find him waiting for you with a bouquet of flowers, your favourite food and, of course, homemade chocolates. You weren’t so angry anymore.

You vaguely remember him telling you about his first kiss when he was 17. He had this huge crush on someone in his class and, as his best friend, you encouraged him to asked them out. When he called you later that night, you could feel the smile in his voice and that alone made your heart sink. But you eventually got over it when you started dating Sunwoo a few months later. Sunwoo was a breath of fresh air, he made you feel alive. You don’t regret dating him and you were really in love with him, you just happened to drift away when you couldn’t escape your feelings for Hyunjae. You’re still good friends and Hyunjae tends to be overprotective when you’re with him. Later in your relationship, Hyunjae told you that he was jealous of Sunwoo because he got all your firsts and saw you at your most vulnerable.

At 21, you were both single and not ready to get involved in another disastrous relationship. Hyunjae had started working as a banker, while your work at the dance studio took up all your time. Nevertheless, you decided to move in together, for the sake of convenience, friendship and bills. That’s when you met Eric and when things started to move.

“Sweetie, you don’t move in with your childhood bestie just because the rent is expensive and it’s close to your respective jobs,” he has said one Wednesday afternoon in between your dance classes.

“Doesn’t he need to pick you up every day too? Man, all he wants to do is show off his Mercedes and his girlfriend?” you would have slapped him for that.

“Really, think about it for more than two seconds. I know you’re in a kind of routine because you’ve known him all your life, but he’s more than your childhood friend, try to think of him as a man”

“I have seen the way he looks at you, I can tell he sees you as a person he wants to cherish and spend his life with, not as his friend. But again, if I’m wrong you can blame me for putting it in your head, and if I’m not… no need to thank me”

“You think so?” you replied after a while.

“You’ll still be best friends, it doesn’t change anything. I’m just saying he might want to kiss you too”

And true enough, you came home earlier that day, deep in your thought, not expecting to see his shoes at the door.

“Y-you’re home already?” he greeted you, stuttering. “You told me you had classes till 7”

“I gave them to Eric, wanted to think about something. But how come YOU’re already home?”

“Are you okay hon?”

Honey. Who calls their best friend a pet name? Isn’t it misleading?

“I’m fine, don’t worry. What have you been doing, it smells so good,” you said with a smile

“Oh, just dinner for us. Surprise, I guess?”

You were struck by the romantic setting of your apartment. Rose petals scattered on the table with a huge bouquet in the middle, dimly lit candles adding to the atmosphere and a gentle, relaxing breeze coming from the open balcony.

“I wanted my confession to be special,” he chuckles “but now that you’re here, I know that anything would have been fine since it’s you and me. And I want it to stay that way for a long time. I love you and if you allow me, I would like to be your partner”

“Idiot, we’re both idiots” you cried. “I’m yours Hyunjae, I always have been. I love you so much more”

Your first kiss was a little awkward but that’s ok because you’ve got a lifetime of kissing to do. You may have ruined his surprise, but you wouldn’t have it any other way, everything about you is spontaneous and beautiful, and this day was no different. In the end, you still can’t believe Eric was right.

So now, five years later, you’re getting ready to spend your anniversary in a fancy restaurant. You’ve travelled a long way to get here. And you wanted to make it even more memorable by proposing. Double check of your outfit : stunning make-up and hair, jewellery on top and accessories to match. The ring in your bag. Now all you have to do is look pretty and wait for your gorgeous boyfriend to arrive in his hot suit driving his even hotter Mercedes. You’re not one to brag about your possessions or hotness, but Hyunjae’s driving has always been a sight to behold. His habit of putting his left hand on your thigh, driving with the windows down and one hand on the wheel make you melt. Maybe you can just brag about that once in a while.

You hear the roar of his Mercedes engine from afar and you smile, knowing that soon he will come to the front door of your newly bought house and say “I’m home, love”. Then he will kiss you and ask you about your day. If he is tired, he will hug you a little tighter and longer, and if he has missed you a little too much, he will kiss you urgently even before taking off his shoes. You’re so used to the life you’ve built that you want your future to be exactly the same. With him. And children.

“I’m home, love!” There he goes.

“Finally! I missed you so much, I couldn’t stop thinking about being with you after you left”

The blush on his cheeks was even pinker than yours. And that has to do with the fact that you consumed your love this morning, as soon as you woke up.

“Baby, you don’t want to turn me on when our reservation is in half an hour, do you?”

“Oh, we did worse in less than thirty minutes when we were at my sister’s wedding,” you smirk

“Yes, we did, and I intend to take my time with you tonight. Let’s go hon”

After locking the door, he takes your hand in his to lead you to the passenger seat. Never one to disappoint a gentleman, he opens the door for you and makes sure you’re safely inside before closing it.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?”

“Mhhhh several times already, but go on, I don’t mind hearing it again”

The restaurant is about fifteen minutes from home, which gives you plenty of time to discuss trivial matters such as how has been work for him, whether his colleagues are being annoying again, whether his workload is ok and when he might take time off for holidays (implicitly, your honeymoon). You had more freedom at the dance academy, so you never had any problems arranging schedules. Like today, you took the day off to be ready on time and do some work around the house. But Hyunjae always insisted that you could do whatever you wanted, he was the first to believe in you when no one else would and when you opened the academy, he was the proudest man alive. And yes, he helped with the funding. The two of you complement each other perfectly.

“A reservation for two under the name of Lee Jaehyun”

“This way” the waitress leads you to a table overlooking the sea, which you swear has been decorated in the same way as Hyunjae’s first dinner for you after his confession.

“It’s beautiful, thank you,” you don’t know if you said it to the waitress or to Hyunjae but you are in awe. Everything is perfect and you’re here with the love of your life to write a new page in your book.

“Have I told you how hot you are? I think it’s a crime to look so hot, even when you’re driving, I’m only human, you know? “

“I don’t think you ever have, but please tell me more often and maybe I’ll drive you more often if you like it so much”

“I like you,” you stick your tongue out at him and he rolls his eyes.

You eat in relative silence, if not for some jokes thrown haphazardly and quiet laughter as answers. You enjoy each other’s presence, bathing in the soft atmosphere given by the restaurant’s lights. You’re drawn to the sea; it looks calm and soothing, so you tell Hyunjae in between bites that you want to go there when you’re done eating. And this anniversary date couldn’t be more perfect. From starter to dessert everything was delicious, the kind of meal that satisfies the heart and mind. When you’re ready to leave, the waitress comes over to thank you. She also tells you how beautiful you are together; you radiate love and it’s hard not to notice how much you love each other. She wishes you all the best and you feel touched by her gesture. Hyunjae seems to feel the same way, as he bows one last time with a smile before taking you out.

“I can’t believe people see us like this,” he says once you’ve reached the beach

“Me neither, we’re so hopelessly in love with each other that we live in our own world and…”

“And people are happy to witness our happiness.”

“I think that is the greatest compliment anyone had ever paid me,” he nods and agrees

“Not even when I told you I loved your voice this morning?” you recall your morning escapade.

“Shut up,” you laugh and slap him

The two of you walk a little further along the fresh sand until you find a good spot to watch the sun set. It’s getting a bit cooler as it’s early april but Hyunjae’s arms find your shoulders to protect you from the cold breeze. You snuggle into his embrace, looking at his features more than the scenery. He’s really beautiful. And he’s yours. He grins when he feels your eyes on him.

“I know I am a whole landscape worthy of your attention but the sun is about to go down, baby”

You giggle again, so it’s time. Before you can get out of his arms, he puts his jacket over your shoulders and kisses you. Then you see the orange hue of the sky lighting up his beautiful eyes as he gets down on one knee. You gasp. He did not.

“Like I said five years ago, no matter what I’ve planned, no matter what time or situation we’re in, when it’s you and me nothing else matters. The sun is about to set, but my feelings for you are like a flame that that cannot be extinguished and that never stops growing. Maybe it's because of the fire you light in me every moment. I love you and I want to be the only one to love you for the rest of my life, for the rest of yours and for the rest of ours. Would you allow me to be your partner for life ? Would you marry me ?”

He did it. That idiot is smiling at you with bright eyes and a beautiful diamond ring in a velvet box. God you love him more than you’ve ever loved anyone.

“Idiot. I ruined your confession back then and you ruined my proposal today, now we’re even,” you can’t help the smile spreading across your face. “We’re both idiots in love, I love you and I’m still yours, will always be now”

It’s playful, the way you like it. In a way, he’s still your best friend, the best friend you’ll spend your life with. Except now, you kiss him more often, you get intimate and you will have children together. You love him so much, you could be living you own real fairy tale.

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prkwook · 8 months

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MUSE 🎨 shen ricky

☆ pairing: artist bf!ricky x gn!reader

☆ genre: fluff

☆ wc: ~ 0.9k

☆ summary: ricky finds a muse in a stranger that would eventually become his one true love

☆ warnings: use of petnames (love, babe, hot stuff), y/n is called beautiful by ricky

☆ note: based on a req i got recently asking for artist ricky & of course i had to bc who doesn't love artist ricky?

"the gracious muse who tuned my soul to pure harmonies, i became fond of her, and, as it often seemed to me, she of me." - ludwig van beethoven

Being a musician, you always heard talk about having a muse but you never expected to be someone’s. You certainly had found your own in your longtime boyfriend, Ricky. When you love someone as much as you loved him, creating art with them in mind becomes second-nature. Little did you know that he felt the same way about you long before you met.

“Hey y/n, do you mind if we stop by my studio on the way home? I forgot my paint brushes there this afternoon and I need them for class tomorrow. It’ll be quick, I promise.” your blond-haired boyfriend says to you as he helps you get your coat on.

“Yeah, of course!” you respond with a smile. You secretly love going to his art studio. You’ve always loved seeing his art, seeing the things he can create with just a pencil, some paint and paintbrush. In the past 3 years you’ve been together, his talent has never ceased to amaze you.

“Thank you, y/n.” he says, giving you a kiss on the forehead. The familiar feeling of butterflies creeps up and makes you blush. In order to distract him from your rosy cheeks, you take hold of his hand and lead him out of the Thai restaurant you were regulars at.

As always, he walks over with you to the driver side of the car he bought you for your first anniversary and opens the door for you. In an effort to make you laugh, he pretends to climb into the driver seat. He pats the covered passenger seat and without missing a beat, he says “Hop in, hot stuff, let me take you for a ride.” in the most Chad voice ever, finishing off the bit with a wink. You laugh and give him a small slap to the arm. Mission = success!

Still laughing, you respond with “Okay Max Verstappen… you and what license?” As he climbs out of the car, he says something along the lines of “fair” and then offers you his hand to help you into the seat he had just occupied. Once he’s seated in his passenger princess throne, he queues up your go-to playlist and buckles up. You don’t need any directions since you know the route by heart. You can’t even count how many times you’ve driven these roads, bringing pick-up to his studio so you can keep him company on those inevitable late nights.

You park in your usual spot and hop out. Just like the gentleman he is, Ricky is already at your side, ready to offer a hand for you to take and as always, you take it and walk with him into the studio. Once you walk in, Ricky departs to go find his missing items with a “I’ll be right back, love.” and you’re left by yourself and his art. Looking around, a sketchbook laying open on his desk catches your eye. At first, you don’t want to look but curiosity gets the best of you and you sneak a glance. It’s a sketch of you sitting on stage with your cello, deeply immersed in the piece you were playing but somehow you still look completely at peace.

You remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the spring talent show and your high school orchestra teacher had signed you up without you knowing. You found out a day after the deadline to drop out, so you were stuck doing it. The day of, your stage fright was so bad that you almost considered just not showing up, but something in the back of your mind told you that you had to go and so you did. When it was your turn, you walked nervously out onto stage with your cello in one hand and your sheet music in the other. Once seated, you looked out into the audience and made eye contact with a red-haired boy. He smiled at you and nodded, as if queuing you up to start. During the song, you would periodically glance over at him and he was always there with a smile and a look of encouragement. That red-haired boy not only turned out to be the boy you now call your boyfriend but also that was the day that you discovered your love for the cello.

“Hey babe, what is this?” you called out to Ricky, who was now walking back towards you, paintbrushes in hand.

“Oh, this? Nothing, just my old sketchbook from high school. Why?”

“Look at this. We didn’t even know each other then.” you say with a laugh.

“I know. I just thought you looked beautiful while playing. And clearly, I like drawing beautiful things.” He gestures to the wall behind him that’s full of sketches and paintings clearly inspired by you.

“Wait… when did you do this? I’ve never seen this before.”

“It was kind of supposed to be a surprise for your birthday but I forgot so … Surprise!” He sheepishly grins and attempts to do jazz hands.

All you can do is laugh and pull him in. You give him a kiss and look him in the eyes.

“Thank you, sweet boy. It’s beautiful.”

You realize in this moment that you would give anything to be able to be his muse in every life.

#prkwook #zb1 ricky #shen quanrui #ricky x reader #shen ricky #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 fluff #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone fluff #zerobaseone x reader #ricky imagines #ricky fluff #zb1 #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios

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plants-are-fun · 4 months

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sunshine

tw!!!! This is gonna be a multiple parter and will have MANY serious topics. Do not read if you are sensitive to that stuff.

this story contains: abusive dad, mean Chris

Chrisxfemreader

readers pov

————————

I miss how I used to be. I assume I’ll be saying that forever. my childhood was by no means easy, but it was perfect to me.

I had a deadbeat dad and no mom, but I also had the triplets and their parents. I basically lived with them.

I still remember how when I came home from school to their house, marylou would open her hands out as I ran to her yelling “sunshine!” As loud as she could. I don’t think I would have made it this far without her.

me and Nick were the closest. I was the first person he came out to, and although I didn’t know much about what being “gay” meant, I was still supportive. He knew everything about my home life, and swore that he would never tell anyone about it, not even his brothers.

Matt was the one that recognized all of my conditions. He recognized that I was dyslexic when I couldn’t read very well. He would always read for me so I could fall asleep. He also recognized my depression and anxiety, and even my ADHD. Although they couldn’t get me to a doctor or therapist legally, knowing made it much easier to cope. He was honestly like a big brother to me, being two years older.

Chris was my everything. I had the biggest crush on him. I could even say my first love. It was obvious that he didn’t feel the same, but I’m grateful he kept me around anyway. He would never fully speak to me as we got older, but he would always tell his friends to back off whenever they picked on me for my hair, my clothes, or even my smell.

that all changed in middle school.

I was in 6th grade, he was in 8th, and he hadn’t spoken to me all year. I would always walk with him in the halls because I was more comfortable that way. Neither Nick or Matt had a schedule anywhere close to mine, so I never even saw them.

It was in the middle of January when I was trying to find Chris that I heard him and his buddies laughing from around the corner.

“what about y/n?” One of the goons said. I slowed my walking, not meaning to eavesdrop, but just so I would turn the corner and be spotted as quickly.

“what about her?” Chris said with a scoff.

“she’s always following you around, like a little lost puppy. It’s so obvious she likes you” some idiot said

I stopped and felt my ears burn with embarrassment.

“yeah I guess she does..” Chris said. I was so hurt. He used to always defend me against these guys and now he’s agreeing?

“but you let her! Do you like her too? I mean, you guys grew up together” one of his friends, Jared said.

“do I like her?” Chris said. I could tell he was embarrassed and maybe a bit flustered. As I thought he was going to defend me, defend us he said “bro, how could I like her? She lives in a trailer park. I could never like someone like that. Nick told me that it always smells like cigarettes and is always filthy. She needs to leave me be. The smell might rub off on me”.

I know I should’ve let it slide off. Middle schoolers are dumb, and they just want attention. But all I could do was stand there and begin to cry.

I bolted away from the group and into the restroom. I stayed there until the end of the day.

all I could think of was how Nick could have done that to me. I didn’t want him to come over to where I lived, but he insisted. He said that ‘it was only fair because I had basically lived at his house’. When I let him in, he seemed supportive, but I guess he was just grossed out. But he was the only person to even know about me living in a trailer park, and he promised he would never tell anyone.

I wanted to hurt him, maybe even out him. But in the end I just shut my mouth and shut down.

when the final bell rang, I ran out with red puffy eyes, and climbed into the back of marylous minivan.

“hey sunshine, how was school? are you ok?” She said. After squeaking out a quick “fine” she just sighed and tapped the steering wheel, waiting for her real sons to come out. Matt came out and I saw him look at me, then his mom before climbing in the front seat. Marylou just gave me a worried look then shrugged to Matt.

Chris came out looking like he was the coolest motherfucker in the world, slouching and nodding to his mom. He got in without even sparing me a glance.

when Nick came bouncing out, he waved to his mom and Chris before getting in the middle row with Chris. He turned to me with the biggest grin on his face and said “hey girl!! How was your day? I have SO much to tell you when we get back.” I just looked at him.

“hey are you ok?” He said, reaching out to rub my shoulder.

I jerked away from him. “Don’t touch me.” I spat out.

“what’s wrong” he said withdrawing his hand.

“don’t even talk to me.” I glared at him. He just looked confused. The whole car was silent. Marylou was looking at me in the rearview mirror and Matt was fully turned around with his jaw on the floor.

“Ms. Sturniolo, can you please just take me home?” I said startling even myself. I had never called Marylou that. Even when I was a kid before learning her name I just called her ‘nicks mom’.

“sure sweetie, are you sure? You can take a nap in your room if you want-“ “yes I’m sure. Thank you.” I don’t want to be anywhere near Chris or Nick. It wasn’t even my room. It was a guest bedroom with a lot of my clothes because I stayed over so often.

“ok sunshine” she muttered.

the whole car ride was silent. It took everything in me not to burst into tears and tell her everything, to ask her to not take me home. The last thing I wanted was to go back home. But it was obvious that I was bothering the poor family, so I would give them what they wanted.

once we pulled up, I gathered my things and jumped out of the car. After saying thank you and ignoring nicks goodbye, I started walking, before remembering I had forgotten my water bottle on the cup holder. I ran back, to where Chris was waiting with the window rolled down, holding it out to me. I took it and turned away before hearing him mutter “not even going to say thanks?”

I turned to him and said “thank you, Chris. I hope being here didn’t make you too uncomfortable” quiet enough for only us to hear it. “You should take a shower when you get home. I wouldn’t want my smell to rub off on you”. He looked like he had seen a ghost, but I didn’t care. I just walked off and slammed the door on my way into the house. I heard the car start to drive away when I felt a searing pain hit my jaw. my dad was awake.

“What the fuck do y-you think you’re doing here? I told you I don’t want your stupid face in here.” He slurred “I’ll stay in my room” I whispered. I knew he didn’t like me, but I never thought he would hit me in the face like that.

“ok, I don’t fucking care. Stay out of my sight. And if you ever slam my door again I’ll kill you.” I was used to empty threats, but after just hitting me, I didn’t know if it was empty anymore.

“yes sir” I said as I walked to my room.

that night I cried harder than I had ever before. I cried so hard that I threw up. After going to the Bathroom to brush my teeth, I saw the bruise that was starting to form.

I got out my flip phone and texted Nick. I couldn’t have him asking questions.

to: Nicky :))))))

hey, I’m taking the bus tmr, I don’t need a ride there or back.

from: Nicky :))))))

ok, r u sure? It’s rlly no problem. and r u ok??? Did I do something????

to: Nick Sturniolo

yes I’m sure. Night

that would be the last time I spoke to him.

Chris POV

—————

I still stay awake thinking of that day.

I don’t know why I said it. I didn’t mean it, she had to have known.

I wanted that stupid group of boys to like me so bad, and stupid fucking Jared had some sort of obsession with her, so I didn’t want to make him hate me by being her friend.

I didn’t like talking about her behind my back, but what would the harm be if she wasn’t around? It’s not like any of these guys would ever talk to her.

I remember being so worried about her. She would always come to school looking like she never slept, never showered, and never ate. It kept up until we took her in.

one day there was a stench on her, so I confided in Nick. He didn’t want to tell me, but I have a way of wiggling information out of people. He felt so guilty after, and made me swear I would never speak of what he told me, even to Matt. But of course I had to run my mouth to fucking jared.

we knew she lived in a park, but that was it. She wouldn’t even tell my mom.

during that car ride, I knew something was wrong. I would have been an idiot not to see it.

when she whispered those words to me, I knew I had fucked up.

Nick asked me what she said, but I was so worried that I could lose Nick too, that I just told him she said thanks.

Nick was distraught after he got the text saying that she would take the bus.

after it became clear she wouldn’t be coming back, Nick gave me her clothes to give to her. She just took them and walked away.

I began to hate her for the affect her absence had on Nick. Why would she do that to him without even explaining? Was she protecting me?

but she shouldn’t do that to Nick.

I hate her.

————————

not sure how I feel about this but I hope you like it!!!

please leave reviews and comments below!!

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo angst #angst #sturniolo

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k9wa · 2 years

Text

𑣲 A GUY THAT I’D KIND OF BE INTO. featuring rindou haitani.

• SYNOPSIS : rindou, your friend since childhood, is listening to you vent your frustrations over some guy you’ve been silently crushing on and realizes holy shit—you’re talking about him.

• CONTENT : unreq love, mild angst, gn reader (“they” used like twice,) a bit dialogue heavy, might be a little ooc i've never written rindou before ...soz...

• NOTE : rindou baby im so sorry i did this to u. ib a bmc song because i have no hoes or something

rindou haitani had been your friend since you were both children.

you weren’t best friends by any means, but you’d gone to school together since your middle years, and those days upon days of having classes together or being seated next to one another had led to an inevitable friendship between the two of you. not that you were complaining, you liked having him around more than you thought you would.

it was only natural that once befriending rindou, you were introduced to his brother, ran, who was a year older than you. thus, the trio that was the haitani’s and their plus one was created.

rindou had always been the one you gravitated towards the most, maybe because you were the same age as him. he was the one you would find somewhere in the halls when you wanted to whine over homework or teachers when you were younger, which eventually blossomed into complaints over exams and college prep during lunch behind your highschool. you clicked with him easier, enjoyed his company when he was around and it was something he reciprocated.

of course you enjoyed being around ran as well, and the times where you three would be together as a group (which to be fair, was more often than not) were some of your favourite, you were never quite as close with him. it was likely due to his brother always stealing you away when he got the chance, and being the older one he saw the signs before they were even visible.

open scene to the aforementioned younger brother laying horizontally on your bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone while you sat parallel at your desk, textbook and laptop long abandoned for playing with your pencil and leaning your head over the back of your chair.

get-togethers outside of school were a fairly fresh development in your friendship with rindou, only having started about halfway through your second year of highschool. rindou would still sometimes get a tad bit…awkward when he stepped into your home, and it never failed to make you chuckle.

“okay, spit it out already. fuck’s wrong?”

rindou’s voice cut through the silence draped over your room like a weighted blanket. he'd been watching you chew at your lips and listening to you tap that damn mechanical pencil against every surface within range, it got on his nerves.

truth be told, he was more nosey to know what you were visibly hung up on than anything.

“eh?”

you halted your fiddling, attention refocusing on rindou who had rolled onto his stomach, palm holding up the weight of his head from his chin while his elbow crushed one of your poor stuffed animals.

“y’look like someone just killed your puppy. and you’re doin’ that thing where you fidget with shit when you think.”

when had he gotten so observant of your nervous habits? you pouted.

“i don’t look like that.”

“you do.”

“do not.”

rindou stared at you, you stared at rindou.

it wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to him about it. you told him quite a lot already, at least considering your friendship had always been primarily in school. what had you hesitating, thinking over your words and proceedings more carefully, was that he was directly involved with the very thing that had you so…squirmy.

rindou was quick to pick up on your reluctance. as much as he wanted to know what was going on in that head of yours, it's not as if he was gonna pry into it to see what was running on the hamster wheel he was sure you had in there.

“...uh, you don’t have t'a—”

“you’re gonna think it’s stupid.”

an unforgiving snort was all you got in response.

“you bein’ a dumbass isn’t exactly breaking news.”

“ill kill you, haitani.”

the tense eye contact— well, tense on your part— continued.

god, you hated how he was persuasive without even trying.

“okay, just listen, ya?”

his eyes followed as you stood from your desk chair and made your way over to the bed beside him. you flopped down tiredly, back against the mattress while your eyes traced the various posters on the ceiling, the shape of the windowsill towards your feet, generally anywhere that wasn’t in rindou’s direction.

“i’m listening.”

he watched you open and close your mouth like a fish out of water, waiting patiently (though it was a thin and fragile patience) for you to find the words to begin.

“so, imagine there this person,”

he nodded.

“and you’ve known them since you were kids,”

he nodded again.

“and you’ve never been like– crazy close with him, but you’ve always seen them as a friend regardless.”

rindou nodded again.

…him?

…oh.

he saw where you were going.

you hadn’t even realised you’d allowed the pronoun to slip, tossing all anonymity out the window and revealing that the troubles you were about to vent were actually over a guy.

but rindou did, and he couldn’t stop his tongue from running itself over his front teeth, licking them as he tasted an all too familiar flavour of bitterness on his taste buds.

rindou’s feelings towards you were complicated in their own way.

he was aware he had emotions regarding you that were, well, less than platonic. he was aware that it had started when you met in your second year of middle school, when he was seated beside you in history and you’d teased him for his coloured hair and offered to share your pack of chips with him in the same sentence. it wasn’t a jaw dropping first impression, not something outright unique or exceptional, but it stood out to rindou. you stood out to rindou.

he didn’t have plans to really… do anything about any of it though, it was always something he preferred to keep buried deep in the home you’d made yourself in his gut. he wasn’t even sure if he had the set of emotional skills to—

“you still following?”

rindou blinked. fuck, he wasn’t listening

“yeah, keep goin’.”

he’d just have to fill in the blanks.

“it’s like– i don’t even know when i started seeing him like that.”

you’d given up on the vagueness regarding the neutral pronoun you used prior.

“maybe it’s just ‘cus we’ve both gotten older?”

who were your other friends again? perhaps he could use the process of elimination to single out who you were talking about.

“any time we eat lunch together, or i pass him in the halls it…picks at my brain. dunno when it even started.”

rindou thought, shuffling through the filing cabinet of his memory to try and remember who your other friends were. but upon thinking about it, he hadn’t seen you eat lunch with anyone else outside of him and ran since you’d formed your little trio.

“we have gotten closer over the last couple months. maybe it’s something t’do with that.”

…and then he thought more.

who had you known since you were a kid, that you’d started growing closer with recently, who you also frequently ate lunch with and—

“it’s like he went from this guy that i’d never usually be into…”

oh shit—

“to this guy that i'd—like—kind of be into?”

were you talking about him?

he cursed the way he felt the smallest sliver of hope start to rise in his chest. it was coincidental, you had other friends, other people you’ve known for the amount of time you have him, he’d be grasping at the smallest of straws to think anything differently.

your eyes met his when you looked up expectantly for an answer.

“that is pretty fuckin’ stupid.”

typical rindou.

you smacked his bicep with the back of your palm, rindou snorted again.

it wouldn’t hurt to test the waters just a little bit, right? to see if his sneaking suspicion was correct?

“so, who’s this guy anyway?”

“pfft, like i’d ever tell you.”

it was rindou’s turn to smack you, he was rewarded with the sound of your laugh falling on his ears.

“so yer’ gonna talk my ear off and then not even tell me who the fucker is? you’re lame.”

“you wanted to know what was wrong!”

mission failed.

the room fell into a silence, not quite awkward, yet not quite comfortable, just calm. rindou didn’t know how to push the subject any further without either giving himself away entirely or coming off as some nosey freak, so he begrudgingly decided he was better off to try and drop it entirely.

“do you think it’d be worth it to tell him?”

you were the one breaking the quiet this time around. rindou sighed and dropped his head, his face meeting the crinkles of fabric in your duvet.

“fuck if i know.”

“cmon, help me out here.”

“it'd help if i knew who the hell you’re talkin’ about.”

“you seriously haven’t figured it out?”

those words made rindou's witty response catch in his tonsils. the more you went on, the more the little voice in his head said: ‘thats me, they’re talking about me, they have to be,’ the more you went on the greater the need to know if you were really talking about him inflated and grew.

“…why don’t you just tell ‘em if it’s such a pain in your ass?”

you hummed.

“i don’t wanna jeopardise our friendship, i guess. i like having him around too much.”

rindou lifted his head in time to catch a glimpse of the warm smile dawning on your lips.

“that's why i'm asking you. do you think the risk is worth it?”

yes, rindou thought. for fucks sake, take the risk, he wanted to scream it as loud as he could.

“sounds like it.” he began slowly, swallowing a breath. “think i know who you’re talkin’ about now too.”

“it's about time.”

his chin returned to his palm.

“wanna hear you say it, though.”

you groaned, mimicking his position by rolling into your stomach as well, the two of you laying shoulder to shoulder. rindou could feel the knot in his stomach tighten.

“you’re an ass.” the cow plush you’d hidden your face into absorbed your words. you supposed it was harmless to tell him at the point you’d gotten to. the proverbial cat was proudly sunning itself in the windowsill, there was zero chance he didn’t know who you were talking about. he was pulling your leg the same way he always did. teasing you.

“fine.”

rindou couldn’t control the way his palms began to sweat, directly contrasting his feeling of…cockiness? certainty? whatever the better term was, he could feel it deep in his chest, threatening to push past his ribs.

“i'm talking about…”

he waited, listened to you huff, listened to you swallow to try and shove down your doubts, watched your fingers play with the tag of your stuffed animal, he knew the word that would come next;

‘you.’

“ran.”

exactly as he—

…what?

…you—

…you had a thing for ran?

if you had looked up at all, decided to remove your face from the cow print protecting you from what you assumed was some kind of shit eating grin, you would have seen the way rindou’s face drained of all colour.

rindou couldn’t speak, he couldn’t do anything.

he felt like such a fucking idiot.

of course it’s ran, he thought.

why wouldn’t it be ran?

it's always ran.

your room began to feel like it was shrinking around him, like it was suffocating him just being there. he became so hyper aware of your shoulder pressed against his, the smell of you overtaking his senses in a way he never thought he would hate as much as he did.

where you expected teasing, and rindou’s jokes, you were met with…nothing. a heavy stillness that could be felt in your bones. was he… upset? you didn’t know, your eyes were still harboured safely in your plush. now that you think about it, it was a gift he had gotten you.

you hadn’t wanted to tell him originally because you assumed it would piss him off, for the sake of possibly screwing things up between the three of you, or maybe because he wouldn’t want to be a third wheel or— or something. what you didn’t expect from rindou was the absence of a response entirely.

finally there's some sort of feedback from rindou, a reminder of life that he’s still there beside you, but it’s the opposite of anything you could have hoped for. the weight to your right moves around, until it's removed from your bed wholly, and it finally prompts you to raise your head.

“rin?”

he doesn’t answer you, but you can hear him mutter ‘fuck this’ under his breath as he picks his bag up from your floor, fishing for his keys in his uniform pocket.

“rin, hang on a sec—“

he’s already in the hallway before you can stop him, the only option was to get up and follow him out, and that you did. you’re practically tripping down the stairs to catch up to him, too bad he was already out your front door, mounting his bike and letting the engine roar to life once you’d finally done it.

“rindou!!” you attempt to shout over the purr of his exhaust from your front door.

he's already gone, speeding away down your street and right out of your fingertips. it isn’t until he’s too far out of sight to see, to reach, to touch, you put the pieces together and understand his reaction, why he was so eager to leave.

you fucked up.

rindou doesn’t know whether he’s fuming or he’s hurt, whether he’s disappointed in you or himself, whether he’s even able to blame anyone for this, just to give him a reason to fault anyone but himself.

the sound of cars passing him, or rather him passing them filled his hearing, the city lights of roppongi reflected off of his glasses and into his pupils, he could still smell you on his jacket; you were burned into it, left some sort of mark on it from all the times you’d held onto him while he drove you home. it made him so fucking nauseous.

he can feel his phone vibrating against his thigh, he knows it’s you. he truly considered just tossing his phone over the railing of the highway to get you away from him, out of his head.

it was always fucking ran.

rindou haitani could never hate his brother, despite his occasional admitance to disliking him. they were brothers, that's just how brothers were.

despite the bumps in the road, or people who didn’t see their relationship for what it was, they were brothers, they always would be.

in spite of that sentiment, rindou couldn’t bring himself to look his older brother in the eye upon arriving home that night.

when he finally entered the safety of his bedroom, rindou freed his phone from the pocket of his uniform pants he’d yet to change.

his screen was flooded with notifications, the contact name ‘+one’ written on over half of them.

he skimmed through the messages, the quiet clicking sounds from his keyboard filling the room, the messages all consisted of some sort of ‘im sorry’ or ‘i didn't know—‘ he skipped those ones, ‘pls just answer’ there was an abundance of missed calls alongside them. he turned off his phone completely.

was the chip on his shoulder deep enough to be considered a gash yet?

it was always ran.

⠀ 𑣲 MASTERLIST / GOT A REQUEST ?

#literally what is a rindou #rindou haitani #ran haitani #rindou x reader #ran x reader #haitani brothers #haitani x reader #rindou angst #rindou fluff #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev #tokyo rev imagine #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fanfiction #haitani rindou imagines #UNEARTHLY

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pinkrelish · 2 years

Text

𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.

bestfriend!eddie x fem!reader

✶One missed call. No new messages.✶

NSFW — angst, drug/alcohol mention/use, 18+ overall for smut

chapter: 9/15 [wc: 4.8k]

↳ part 01 / 02 / 03 / 04 / 05 / 06 / 07 / 08 / 09 / 10 / 11

AO3

Chapter 9: A Slow Rejection

——January 1, 1986——

[One missed call. One new message.]

“Hey! It’s getting pretty late, so I thought you’d be back by now.. Call me when you get this, so I know you made it okay.”

——January 3, 1986——

[One missed call. One new message.]

“Are you back to working on Fridays? Wayne let me know you made it home safe. Uh.. Miss you and stuff. Call when you can.”

——January 12, 1986——

[Two missed calls. Two new messages.]

“Been missing you, again.. Been so long, I’m starting to forget what your voice sounds like. Ha, I know, I’m being dramatic, but yeah.. It’s really not fair Wayne’s gotten all your calls, while I pick up the ones from bill collectors. I’m sure he’s a real riot, too. Telling the same story about how he tore his thumbnail clean off in that accident at the plant, but need I remind you, I’m the one you’re supposed to be.. Oh, fuck–shit–!”

“Man, sorry about that. You ever manage to burn pasta? Anyway. What was I saying? Right! We should try scheduling calls again, so we stop missing each other. Well, I guess we’d have to talk in the first place, but you know what I mean. Hope to catch you soon, so we can work something out.”

——January 24, 1986——

[Three missed calls. Three new messages.]

“I know you’re out of town for a meet, but Goddamn, I hope you don’t mind me ranting–because–holy shit, I just dropped the biggest plot twist on the club tonight. They totally didn’t see it coming, and shit, I’ve been planning it from the start. I’ve got even more twists later in the campaign, but this one was so good.. Hey, If I fill this whole cassette, I’m sorry, babe, I’m just excited–”

——January 27, 1986——

Every part of you ached. Wincing at the smallest tasks like lacing up your boots, and zipping your winter coat. Lower back pleading with you to stop bending over to pick up your purse. Arms shaking under the strain of textbooks. Eyes burning from lack of sleep. Head spinning. Water. Food. You needed both, had time for neither. Instead, you grabbed your waitress uniform, loaded your other shoulder with your gym bag, and walked the three flights of stairs down to the parking lot.

“God fucking damnit.”

You dragged the door closed from the white abyss, and stomped up three flights of stairs, rage simmering to a boil as you remembered you left the ice scraper and shovel behind.

But as soon as you entered the hallway, you sprinted. You could hear your phone ringing.

“Hello?” you answered, disguising the nauseating hope in your voice under a layer of genuine curiosity at who would be calling at dawn, and a touch of fear in case it was bad news.

It was never bad news when it came to him.

“Hey!” The pure relief in Eddie’s exhale wrapped you in a warm hug, placed a chaste kiss on your chapped cheeks. “I finally caught you.”

Finally. God.. finally you could reconnect with him after he swept you off your feet on New Year’s Eve.

You imbued your gratefulness into your voice, trusting he’d understand the magnitude of comfort he brought you, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for school too, Munson?”

“I’m going, I’m going,” he promised with that little laugh of his, surely grinning ear to ear, pacing around his kitchen, probably annoying Wayne. “I just had a feeling I should try calling in the morning, and hey, it worked out. Do you have time to talk?” He knew the answer as soon as he asked, hearing the pause.

“I’m sorry.” Another pause. He didn’t interrupt. “My car’s buried under snow, and I’m running late as is.”

“It snowed there?”

“Mhm..” Certainly did, and if you didn’t get a move on, your coach was going to chew you out. But the temptation to keep sharing this blip in time was too enticing. Pretending things were better. “If you were here, would you shovel the snow for me? Scrape the ice off my windows?”

Eddie’s boyish, smitten murmur tingled across your skin. “Of course I would, baby,” he spoke in a lower range, in a whisper from where his heart resided. “Wouldn’t even have to ask. I’d take care of it.”

You knew he would. He was reliable like that.

“I’d have breakfast made, too,” he said. “Probably something frozen, but! Not to brag or anything, I know the exact amount of time to microwave a burrito so the inside is cooked, but the outside isn’t soggy, nor stale.” His warmth coaxed you into joining him in laughing, but it was repressed. Hollow. Delaying the inevitable. You both knew what was coming.

Aware he was burning the spare minutes you could afford, he asked the question you dreaded answering, “Do you have time to talk later?”

Oh, Eddie. Silencing your apology before it upset him more, you explained, “I have work later. What about Wednesday?”

“I have a date booked with Jeff’s mom. They moved into a new house over the weekend, and need help fixing faulty electrical stuff in their bathrooms. His dad is out of town in Indy. How about Thursday?”

“I’m usually in the gym until 11, and I have an exam to study for the next day.. I’m really busy during the Spring semester, with competing and stuff, on top of school bullshit–exams, papers, projects, whatever–and waitressing.”

“Mm..”

“Yeah..”

“Yeah.”

Ugly silence.

He said, “Well, I’ll let you go. We can work something out some other time.”

“Of course,” you promised. “Some other time.”

——February 8, 1986——

[No missed calls. One old message.]

“Uh.. I had to convince your roommate not to answer the phone, so I could leave this, and uh.. Now I feel super cheesy, but I wanted you to have a message waiting for you when you got back from New York–and–here it is, I guess. Jessica, are you listening to this? Whatever, I wanted to say I missed you, and hope you won all golds. I know you did, because you’re the best, but I wanted to wish you all the luck in the world, regardless if you needed it or not. Think of it like you opened a chest and found a Stone of Good Luck. +1 to all your rolls.. or tumbles, I guess.. Jesus Christ, I swear I’m done being weird. Call me when you’re back. Okay, bye.”

——February 9, 1986——

You called. No answer.

——February 10, 1986——

You listened to the fourth ring on the other end, and hung up. Defeat welcomed you like an old friend. Draped its blanket over your shoulders, squeezed you tighter than the lump in your throat, and reminded you to grab your new grips for the uneven bars on your way out of your dorm. It’s not like you had time to talk, anyway. You just wanted to try.

————

Eddie sprinted from his van. He heard it, he heard it, he heard it. Trailer door was locked. Wayne wasn’t home. God. Fucking. Loose doorknob he’d meant to fix yesterday knocking his keys from his shaky hands. Hehearditheheardit. Scraping his nails on the steps. Couldn’t find the right key. No, not the gold one, the bronze. Fucking hell. The ringing stopped. Maybe he could still–

He got the door open and dialed your number faster than his tunnel vision could discern. “Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

Ringing, ringing.

It rang. It rang.

It clicked over to voicemail.

——February 12, 1986——

You took matters into your own hands.

——February 15, 1986——

“There’s a letter from your girlfriend waiting for you on your nightstand,” Wayne told him.

Eddie reminded him with a dull glare, “Not my girlfriend.” To which his uncle’s grin grew, watching his nephew fidget under the scrutiny of his curious gaze.

“It was delivered yesterday. What exactly do you call someone who sends you a Valentine’s card?”

Paling, then flushing at the suggestion, Eddie’s tongue stumbled over a half-assed response about the date being a coincidence, and disengaged from the odd twinkle in Wayne’s eye, hurrying down the hall to his room. Closing the door behind him, and locking it just in case.

The density of the card was substantial in his palm. He wanted to take his time, but his eagerness got the better of him. He ripped into the envelope and pulled out the thin letter stuffed with goodies. Beige cardstock. Crinkled along the top.

He meant to read the note first, but when he unfolded it, an abundance of riches slid to the floor, onto his dirty Reeboks. “What the..” With shame, he gathered the money first. It was no secret Wayne was throwing away the bills before Eddie could see the bright red stamps of FINAL NOTICE on them. Any time the lights went out, they would share a look from across the trailer, or a sigh if it was at night, until they flickered on due to a random outage. Things were rarely permanently cut, they made sure of that–with longer shifts at the plant, and Eddie selling weed, amps, acts of service, whatever he didn’t need–but there was always the looming threat. A voice in the back of his head when he needed to buy milk, and it had gone up another 4 cents. Morals; that’s what those voices were. Allusions of rules set by the wealthy. He bought the things he cared about, and stole the rest.

But with what you gave him..

“Damn,” he whispered, counting. Recounting. The weight of the money was comfort stacked in his dirty hands. A warm greeting after a long, cold day of working on his pregnant neighbor’s car for next to nothing. Granting him, and Wayne, the luxury of rest. It was enough to pay what they owed. Maybe more.

“Luckiest man on Earth,” he said, in reference to his sweet girl. “And you sent me..” He picked up the Polaroids and matched them to the paragraphs in the letter. One of you on a podium when you won first place overall; the picture was taken from the sidelines, far away. Another one of you competing on beam. Cute. Nice back shot of you in a leotard, too. Then..

You were at the edge of a pier overlooking the Statue of Liberty. Another girl was beside you, arms hooked around each other’s waist, having the other hand raised in the air as if you were holding the torch. The pose helped open your jean jacket, and beneath that, he saw peeking between the buttons, his Hellfire shirt.

“Sweetest girl.” He shook the picture steadily, like a nod. Gradually doing it more vigorously, until he was outright slapping it across his other fingers. “Goddamn, baby. You make me so proud.” Wearing his Dungeons and Dragons shirt out in public.

You would be a keeper, if you were his.

——February 17, 1986——

He meant to write back.

——February 22, 1986——

[One missed call. One new message.]

“.. I know it’s been a while, I’m sorry I haven’t called. Things got busy over here. Seems like when one thing goes wrong, more piles on. Did finish my book report for class, though, so you can be proud of me for that.. Yeah, miss you. Hope you’re doing okay. I don’t know if you’ve been calling and we’ve both been missing them, but Wayne hasn’t heard from you, either. You’re competing out of town today, aren’t you? Uhm.. Call when you can. And thank you for sending us money. Bye.”

——February 26, 1986——

You meant to call back.

——March 1, 1986——

Nothing really happened to trigger it, he was just sad.

Eddie sat at the kitchen table. Small and cramped with magazines and mail. He picked at a scab on his knuckle, twisted the black ring around his finger. Was tired, hungry. Quiet, and reserved from his usual personality, using all his energy yesterday to entertain Hellfire. Wayne would be back soon, he knew. The grocery store closed in 30 minutes. He just needed to occupy himself until then, but couldn’t find anything to do. New Metallica album in two days. He could listen to his bootlegs and finesse a song. But.. None of it sounded intriguing right now. Instead, his mind filled in the blanks. What were you doing on a Saturday night? Were you in your dorm? Out with friends? Working? Training? On a date–?

No. He stopped himself from fleshing out that last thought.

Tucking himself into the corner, huddling until his shoulders sagged, and drawing a knee to his chest, he grabbed the phone from above his head and dialed.

It didn’t matter if you couldn’t talk for long, he just wanted to hear your voice. Your voice would make things better. Shake him out of this cycle. These unfair consequences of being the one who could leave remnants of his heart for you to listen to at your leisure, but wasn’t afforded the same luxury. Unless you were both available, he didn’t get to hear you speak. Just ringing, ringing, ringing. Suffering ringing.

Wrapping his arm around his leg in a hug, he rested his temple on the stained wallpaper, and rocked his head back and forth, grinding his forehead into the wall. Ringing. Ringing. The same position he took when he was a boy, on the rare–very rare–occasion his mother called on his birthday, or Christmas. Mostly Christmas, that was easier for her to remember. And he sat in this exact arrangement, curled up as small as he can be, wishing the person on the other end of the line loved him.

“Just thinking of you,” he said, after swallowing the thick spit in his mouth foretelling the water in his eyes. “Miss you. Call me when you get this.” He hung up.

——March 5, 1986——

You wanted to call, but last week’s graded essay was burned onto the back of your eyelids. So much red ink.

Under the buzzing fluorescent lights of the library, you squeezed in the last of your allotted time before they closed, and forced your cramped hand to write, making it to your dorm in time to pass out.

[No missed calls. No new messages.]

——March 8, 1986——

He meant to start his letter to you. Really.

——March 10, 1986——

The quarter-sized blister on your palm you attained due to your own negligence around the flat top griddle at work burst on your fourth pull up. Fluid snaked down your forearm, cutting a stark line through the chalk. Coach would be livid if he knew you had a job. No distractions, he said. Not for champions like you.

[No missed calls. No new messages.]

——March 15, 1986——

Wayne took one look at him and sighed. He pulled Eddie’s wobbly desk chair up beside the bed, and sat facing him, lighting a cigarette. The heavy wooden box beside his nephew’s feet told him everything he needed to know.

Eddie held out his hand for Wayne’s lighter and lit the end of a joint.

“So,” his uncle started, drawing his eyes from the decades of memories stacked neatly in the keepsake box taken from the top shelf of the closet, to the Polaroids tacked onto the wall above his bed, to the worn black journals spread around the boy who laid there with his eyes on the ceiling, moping. “What’s gotten to ya, now?”

“Same old,” Eddie answered. Nonchalant, he took a drag on the joint pinched between his thumb and index, and rested his wrist on his forehead. Wayne waited patiently. And as usual, Eddie caved under the silence. “Unless she’s purposefully calling when we’re busy, she’s just.. not calling at all, and I don’t know what pisses me off more.” He shook his head. Long shakes, rolling cheek to cheek on his limp pillows. Eyes drifting closed. “I think I fucked up.”

Wayne leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, preparing himself for a long conversation. “Why do you think that, son?”

The corner of his mouth twitched at the memory. “I promised her we’d be together forever, and she said ‘okay.’ That’s all. ‘Okay.’” He started to mock himself, “I want to be with you forever,” and shifted his pitch higher, “Okay!” Eddie stopped his theatrics, and sank to his mattress. “Jesus.”

“You seemed really happy the next morning when I came home.. Are you sure you’re not reading too much into her reaction? Maybe she was surprised, is all I’m sayin’.” Eddie didn’t give so much of an eyeroll, as it was him sliding his gaze away from Wayne, disinterested in analyzing what he’d been poring over for the past few months in solitude; as the phone calls decreased, and his loneliness worsened. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what it is you said?”

At an impasse, they inhaled their vices at the same time, and tapped them into the ashtray on Eddie’s nightstand in sync.

“Fine,” Eddie heeded, “But it’s not like I remember it verbatim.” Wayne spun his hand in encouragement to try. “It was something along the lines of.. I don’t know, man. She has these amazing opportunities lined up for her, and I told her after I graduate, I’m gonna work odd jobs, so wherever she goes, I can go with her, so we can.. you know, be together. Forever. I explicitly stated ‘forever.’ I’ll follow her forever, so we never have to be alone.”

Wayne spoke with the cigarette between his lips, “Sounds sorta stalker-like.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just givin’ ya a hard time,” he said, after a slight laugh, and a coughing fit. His nephew seemed less amused, rubbing the back of his thumb across his forehead in a self-soothing gesture. “Was there anything else?”

Eddie burned through another fraction of his joint as he recalled that night. “She sucks at taking care of herself, so I said she needed her best friend there to look after her. Meaning me, obviously. Y’know, help keep her car functioning, make sure she gets rest so her injuries heal, cook for her because she doesn’t eat when she’s stressed. Stuff like that. I just want to be there for her, and.. Why’re you looking at me like that?”

Cigarette paused half-way to his mouth, Wayne debated with himself over which style of guidance he should take. For as long as he’d known him, Eddie was stubborn. Liked to figure things out for himself. But this? This was a little much for Wayne to sit back and watch.

“You told her that.. platonically?” he asked, a touch of astoundment at his nephew’s stupidity in his inflection.

“Yes.”

Jesus, kid. Get a clue. “And did it ever occur to you..” he drawled, waving his cigarette, “to tell her how you really felt, so you wouldn’t have to go through this? So you’d have a definite answer, whether she rejected you or not, and we could avoid all this back and forth worryin’?”

Eddie begged him to understand, “You know I can’t just.. say that to her. I mean, I said everything but that and all she could say was ‘okay.’ What if I actually told her? Made some grand confession at midnight, and kissed her? Christ, at least she still sort of talks to me.” He cut his arm across his chest. Quick, hard, and final. “No. No way am I doing that.”

Calming himself down, the joint between his fingers burned to a nub, and he spoke through the haze. “We’re finally friends again. I’m not going to jeopardize what we have by talking about my feelings.”

“Well, you’ve already lost her once, and you’re worried it’s happening again.. So, why not risk it?”

“Because now I know what it feels like for her to be a stranger.”

~~~

More words were exchanged, and many of them circled around the same subject without a resolution, but Wayne made sure to end the night on a positive note before he left for work.

He leaned over and dusted the ash from Eddie’s hair, pushing the fringe out of his face for a sincere, long moment of eye contact. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“I hope she calls. I’m sorry, son.”

——March 16, 1986——

The red lights on your alarm clock blared 2:35AM. You rolled over, adjusted the foam cups of your headphones onto your ears, brought the quilt to your chin, and rewound the tape to play it from the beginning.

“Crashed at Rick’s last night.. Sorry if you called.”

Then, a slurred message an hour later. “M-Mm.. Miss you.. I.. Hm? I.. Damn.” A drink spilled. Music played in the background. Something recognizable in the depths of your subconscious, but too quiet to place. Eddie inhaled deep, held his breath, and resumed with a steady cadence, “Wish you were here.”

——March 19, 1986——

Black. Black. Black. Searing white.

You came to holding onto a rope, and someone’s hand gripping your shoulder, acting as your sole buoy in the sea of your dizzy spell.

“Are you okay? Don’t answer that.” Katherine’s voice cut like a snake’s tongue. She lowered you to the spring floor next to the foam pit, and released a string of infuriated whispers about miracles, and you not falling from higher up. They came muffled against the high-pitched whine in your ears, and the pounding heart beats racing blood to your face.

She had a first aid kit with her. “Hello? Do you not feel that?” You looked at your hands. A cold flash of sweat prickled your skin. Nausea rose. The bleeding wasn’t bad, but it did leave a streaking trail on the last few feet of knotted rope dangling beside you.

At least Coach was in his office while the rest of you did your conditioning, so he didn’t see.

You rubbed your knuckles into your brow bone. “I think those caffeine pills caught up with me,” you muttered. Kat sucked her teeth, and handed you what you needed to patch up your torn calluses.

“I wish you’d stop taking those and give yourself a break. Rest isn’t a punishment.”

You may not have known her long, but she was the first friend you made, and her disappointed voice struck you in a way your Coach’s didn’t. Kat understood. She had a similar upbringing to you, and could relate. She also worked at the diner, and you helped cover for each other when other girls asked why you couldn’t make it to their bonding nights out.

And being vulnerable with her meant she knew intimate details of your life no one else did, and you were beginning to regret it.

Not really. But it sucked when she knew she was right.

“I can’t take a break now,” you mumbled, surveying the rest of the gym to make sure your conversation was private. “I’ve gotta study for next week. Gotta go to work. Gotta make money. Gotta–gotta–” You moved your hands erratically, drying the sharp sting of rubbing alcohol on your palms. “Gotta live up to everyone’s expectations.”

“Why not at least cut your hours at work? I know you don’t need the money that bad right now.”

“No.. But he does.”

The exasperated sigh Kat released grazed your cheek. She placed the first aid kit in her lap, and shifted closer to you. The side of her thigh squished against yours, and you wondered if anyone else on Earth would have stopped breathing at the small sign of affection. If anyone else’s eyes welled with tears at what others took for granted.

Kat’s tone went gentle, “You’re killing yourself over a guy who will never commit. You deserve better than that. Why not try going out with Roger again? You already know he likes you.” She bumped your shoulder and tipped her head at the group of sweaty guys standing under the rings. Most notably the stand-out amongst the men’s team jumping and grasping the apparatus, hoisting himself up for minute-long holds in poses that had your abs burning in empathy.

Roger was nice. His smile was nice. His short, sandy blonde hair was nice. Your date with him at the Italian restaurant in town was nice. He paid for the meal, which was nice. His eyes crinkled when he laughed at your bad jokes in a nice way. He made it a point to walk you to your dorm at night, like a nice man. He spoke to you nicely. He hugged you tight, and long. And when you made your intentions clear, he accepted you didn’t want a kiss, and left like a gentleman, without complaint. Nice. He was nice.

“You didn’t hear the way Eddie said–” the most romantic thing anyone had ever promised you.

“He called you his best friend.” She took over bandaging for you, turning her body to block the others from seeing the tears run down your cheeks. “He doesn’t love you like you want, and you’re starting to worry me. Well.. You’ve been worrying me. You need to take care of yourself, first. Coach might turn a blind eye because you’re still able to compete, but I see the way the stress has been eating away at you.” An opportune moment for your stomach to growl. “And I love you, and I want better for you than some guy who’s not into you, taking advantage of your kindness.”

“Eddie’s not like that. He’s different..” you offered meekly. “You don’t know him like I do.”

“Just.. consider going out with Roger again. Pay attention to the date. How he treats you, what he says. Maybe compare him to Eddie, and see what I mean.”

Done patching you up, Kat tossed the first aid kit to the side while you chalked your hands over the bowl, not caring the white powder clung to the wet smears on your face. She opened her mouth when you grabbed the rope again, fists on her hips not unlike a mother who actually cared for her children.

“You’re going to get hurt,” she said.

You put your weight on the rope. Your open flesh wrung against the fiber, padded by a few layers of athletic tape rapidly losing their adhesive from the blooming blood soaking through. The pain stung deep. Not enough for you to quit. You could persevere. Climb up to the rafters of the gym, and back down again without rest two more times, as Coach instructed. You could remain calm. Focus on the task, finish it, and still read your textbook until the crack of dawn, and go in for a quick morning shift at the diner before your afternoon class. You could do it all. You could. You could do it all if it meant securing a future for you, and for Eddie.

You replied, “Maybe I will.. But it’ll be worth it.”

Kat waited until you were half-way up to question, “Will it?”

——March 21, 1986——

If Eddie answered, you wouldn’t go out with Roger. That was the deal.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” you whispered with your head resting against the doorway to the back of the diner. The two line cooks gave you sympathetic looks. “Pick up,” you pleaded with a bite of anger.

You hung up.

Dialed again.

“Come on, Eddie..”

When he didn’t answer, you let Kat embrace you in the walk-in cooler, blotting your tears on her brown uniform shirt, and she listened to you sob about how not only had the phone calls stopped, Eddie had stopped calling you by pet names long before that.

————

Roger was soft. His grin was soft. His hair was soft, brushing across your forehead. The callus on his thumb was smooth, soft as he traced your bottom lip. The back of his fingers were soft as he caressed them over your cheek. His lips were soft, too. Placing them gently on the corner of yours after you turned away at the last second.

His voice was soft. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“I’m sorry..” You struggled to say more. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said, and left. Softly spoken through the rejection, and accepting it like the nice man he was, not coercing you into more.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, long after Roger walked away. You went inside your dorm, and did the thing you always did, pressing the blinking light on your answering machine, noticing the cassette through the plastic window hadn’t moved.

[One missed call. No new messages.]

Oh.

He’d never not left a message before..

——March 22, 1986——

You awoke with a start. “Wha–?” Your bloodshot eyes refused to open under the disturbing amount of daylight streaming through your window. What was that noise? Was the phone ringing?

The phone was most definitely ringing.

Answering under the grog of not knowing when you went to sleep, nor what day it was, you said the first thing that came to mind, “Eddie?” You winced, and jerked the phone away, taking a moment to place the loud, exuberant–panicked–voice on the other side. “..Dustin?”

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tuiccim · 1 year

Text

Though I Have Never Read It (Part 6)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2434

Warnings: Angst, Eva being adorable.

A/N: Special thanks to my hype princess & beta reader @whisperlullaby.

Though I Have Never Read It Masterlist

When you had dropped off Eva at school, you were reminded that today was a half day for her. You decided to get your favorite drink and go shopping rather than returning to the compound just to turn back around a short time later. As you were browsing, you came across the most adorable bathing suit for Eva. It would make her feel like a mermaid and you decided that some time in the pool would be a great way to spend the afternoon. It would tire Eva out enough that she would sleep well for Mark when you dropped her off to him that evening. He was sure to be worn out from his trip. His job was a good one but demanding at times.

Your thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing. Looking down, Mark’s name appears on the screen. You answer with a smile, “Hey. Were your ears burning? I was just thinking about you.”

“Hey. Really? What were you thinking?” Mark asks.

“I was going to take Eva swimming this afternoon. She’ll be good and worn out when I bring her home, so she’ll sleep well for you. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Around 4:30. Does that work? Are you sure you don’t want me to pick her up?”

“No, I don’t mind. I’ll pick up some dinner on the way to you and you can tell us about your trip. We’ll be there around 5:30 to give you some time to settle down,” you reassure him.

“You’re the best,” Mark says quietly.

Hearing something in his voice, you’re compelled to ask, “Is everything okay?”

“You know that woman I told you about? That I was thinking of introducing Eva to?”

“Yeah.”

“She broke things off. When I brought it up, she seemed put off but I chalked it up to nerves but she called last night and ended it. Said she didn’t want to be a stepmom,” Mark says dejectedly.

“She couldn’t figure that out before she started dating you?” You ask, annoyed at the woman.

“She said she didn’t think we were that serious. I guess I misread things,” he lets out a deep sigh, “I’m so out of practice.”

“Or she led you on. Either way, I’m sorry, Mark. I know it was hard to step out like that again,” you say kindly.

“Thanks. Anyway, how about you? Getting any practice in?” Mark’s usual jovial voice comes across the line as he tries to shake off the emotions.

You laugh, “No. I’ve got too much going on right now to go out looking. Someone will have to fall in my lap.”

“Or sweep you off your feet,” Mark chuckles.

“Right. Anyway, I’ll see you tonight. Safe travels.”

“Thanks. Later,” Mark signs off.

You feel bad for Mark but a part of you is also a little relieved. Another woman in Eva’s life wasn’t an easy thing to swallow and part of you had hoped his relationship wouldn’t work out. It wasn’t fair or right but sometimes emotions are irrational. You knew you couldn’t expect Mark to stay single forever but you hoped whoever came around in the future could be a friend who would respect your relationship with Mark and Eva.

Shaking yourself out of the depressing thoughts, you check the time and finish making your purchases. It was time to pick up Eva and, for some reason, you couldn’t wait to see her.

–

“I don’t know what to do,” Bucky looks between Sam and Steve.

“That’s a lot. I wonder why she never said anything,” Steve looks to Sam as if he has the answer.

“Do you think Tony knows?” Sam questions.

“She’s closest to him but I don’t know. She keeps things pretty close to the vest,” Steve says.

“There’s more,” Bucky says weakly. He had told them about that night at the cabin but he hadn’t told them about the next morning. Haltingly, he mumbles out the rest, eyes red rimmed and unable to look either of them in the face.

“You remembered that or that was a nightmare?” Steve asks to clarify.

“Both. It was so real, it had to happen,” Bucky glances up but his gaze falls back to the floor.

“Buck…” Steve shakes his head and looks at Sam for help.

“You can’t trust the nightmares, man. You remembered the night when you heard her voice but you remembered the next morning during a bad dream? You can’t trust that. It might have happened that way but it might have been different than you remember. Or it didn’t happen at all,” Sam reassures.

“That’s true. It could all be jumbled with other memories. Are you even sure that it was her at the cabin? I mean, maybe your mind is trying to fill in details it can't remember and using her because you like her,” Steve conjectures.

“You… you know about that?” Bucky asks.

“I guessed,” Steve shrugs.

“Man, everybody guessed. You practically stare a hole through her. You have that staring problem, remember?” Sam tries to lighten the mood.

“She’ll never want to come near me now,” Bucky says.

“Only one way to know, man. You gotta talk to her,” Sam says matter-of-factly.

“I can’t,” Bucky blanches.

“Sam’s right, Buck. That’s the only way you’re going to know for sure. She’s a good person. She’ll tell you the truth,” Steve encourages.

“She has Eva right now. She won’t want to talk about this with her around,” Bucky demures.

“Buck, it doesn’t have to be right now, but you need this. You need to know for sure what happened,” Steve says firmly.

“Uhhhh, I hate to be that guy but…” Sam looks at the two.

“What?” Bucky huffs.

“This happened seven years ago?” Sam confirms.

“Yeah.”

“And Eva is six…” Sam trails off with a look at Steve and Bucky, waiting for them to fill in the blanks.

Bucky’s face turns white as he stares at Sam and then turns to look into Steve’s shocked face. Regaining his voice, he stutters, “Eva… she… no, she can’t. She can’t be mine. Right?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says, swallowing hard as his mind runs through the possibilities.

“Do you think that’s why she didn’t want to tell me? Do… Do you think she lied to Mark about Eva? No, she wouldn’t… No, there were other options. That would be crazy,” Bucky mumbles to himself, lost in thought.

“Crazier things have happened, man. I mean, who ever thought we’d be fighting against aliens, androids, and wizards,” Sam tries to pull them out of their stupors with a bit of humor.

“One way to know for sure,” Steve says, giving Bucky the look.

“Damnit,” Bucky growls.

–

“Jump to me, Eva Diva!” You hold your arms out to her from the shallow end of the compound’s pool.

“You’ll catch me?” Eva asks.

“Of course! Come on. You can do it!” You encourage her.

Eva contemplates for a second but then that glimmer comes to her eye and you know she’s ready. Taking off running, she flies through the air and into your arms with a large splash. Laughing together, you spin her around in the water. She was a good swimmer at only 6 but she still had some apprehension about jumping in at times.

“You did great. Wanna try again?” You ask.

“Yeah!” Eva swims to the edge and you help her up to the side. Her bravery grew with each jump and you had retired to sit on the pool stairs while you watched her play. You turned your head to the sound of the door sliding open to see Bucky coming through with a strange look on his face. You felt your stomach knot.

“Hi Mr. Bucky,” Eva calls.

“Hi Eva,” Bucky smiles at her, staring for a few seconds with head tilted as if studying her.

“Do you sink because of your arm?” Eva asks.

“Eva! That’s not a nice thing to ask!” You admonish gently.

Bucky chuckles lightly, “It’s okay. I can swim with my metal arm but if you get crazy and knock me out, yeah, I’d sink.”

You bite your lip to keep in your laugh but can’t help smiling.

He crouches down near Eva on the side of the pool, “But you wouldn’t get crazy around the pool, right? We gotta be safe.”

“Right! Watch me jump in! I can do it all by myself,” Eva hefts herself over the side of the pool and does a cannonball that splashes over the side. Your laugh escapes you at Bucky’s surprised face as he shakes off the water.

“Nice jump, kid,” Bucky stands and makes his way over to you, “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” you exit the pool and grab a towel while keeping one eye on Eva.

Bucky tried not to stare at you as you emerged from the water. He had never seen you in a bathing suit and didn’t want to seem like a creep. Especially, knowing what he’d done to you. You turn to him with an expectant look but apprehension curls in your belly.

“I… Did… I-” Bucky falters.

“You remember,” you say quietly.

Bucky stares at you for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, “So, it did happen?”

You nod, slightly embarrassed, “Yes. Look, I promise we can talk about it and I’ll answer any of your questions but tonight after Eva is gone, okay? This isn’t a 5 minute by the pool discussion.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that,” Bucky starts to turn away but his eye catches Eva. “But there is one thing I have to know now.”

“What’s that?” You look at him clearly confused.

“Eva…” Bucky looks at you expectantly.

“Eva? What- oh my God,” you gape at him as realization hits you. “She’s not yours. Oh my God, she’s not mine!”

“What?” Bucky exclaims. His head swivels between you and the little girl.

“She’s not mine. She’s not my child. She’s my best friend’s daughter. Oh my God! You thought… I’m not her mother,” you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, realizing you are babbling.

“You’re not?” Bucky asks.

“No, I-” you scoff in frustration, “It’s a long story. I love Eva as if she’s my own. I’m her godmother and, to help Mark out, I take her every other weekend or so.”

“Your best friend?” Bucky asks.

You shake your head and look over at Eva, “Brain aneurysm. Eva was four days old.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. Look, I’m taking Eva home and having dinner with Mark tonight. I should be back around 8. I’ll come find you,” you reassure him.

“I’ll be in my room. I mean, you can find me there. Not that we have to talk there. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Bucky trips over his words.

You look at him askew, “Um, no, that’s fine.”

“Watch me!” Eva’s squeals as she leaps off the side of the pool and does a twist in the air.

“That was great! Show me again,” you grin at her. Before heading back to the pool, you look back at Bucky, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Yeah. Tonight,” Bucky leaves, forcing himself not to look back.

–

You might have tired Eva out a little too much. She was droopy eyed as you drove to her dad’s apartment but you kept her talking so she’d stay awake. She was already washed up and in PJs. All she needed was some dinner and to brush her teeth to be ready for bed. Plus, she’d get her second wind as soon as she saw Mark.

“Hey, hey!” You call out as you let yourself into the apartment.

“Hey! There’s my girl!” Mark grins as Eva runs into his arms. He lifts her for a big hug and holds her as he leans to kiss your cheek. “How is it going?”

“It’s good. Eva and I went swimming and then we picked up your favorite for dinner,” you smile.

“Thai! You guys are too good to me,” Mark enthuses.

“We wanted to make you happy, Daddy!” Eva hugs his neck again.

“You’d make me happy even if you brought me dog food,” Mark jokes.

“Ewww!” Eva giggles as Mark sets her at the table.

“You really are the best,” he affirms as he gives you a quick side hug before sitting.

“Well, it’s my favorite, too. So, win-win,” you laugh as you set drinks at the table.

“You didn’t happen to get-”

“An order of fried wontons and steamed dumplings, no. I would never… forget those,” you mug a face at him as you set them on the table.

“You shouldn’t make faces like that, it might freeze in place,” Mark winks at Eva as he teases you.

“No, it won’t, Daddy! That’s silly,” Eva giggles.

Dinner goes by quickly with Mark carrying most of the conversation with funny stories about his trip. Somewhere between the last dumpling and the sticky rice dessert, Eva’s fatigue starts to show. She starts whining and, eventually, Mark carried her to the bathroom to brush her teeth before he laid her in bed. He didn’t make it to the end of the story before she was out cold. You smiled as you watched them from the door. He bent down to kiss her forehead before heading out and softly closing the door.

“Thanks for keeping her,” he says softly.

“Anytime. I love having her,” you reply.

“Can you stay for a little while?” He asks.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Hot date?” Mark cracks.

“I wish. Awkward conversation I have to have,” you explain.

“What about?”

“The past,” you give him a look. He knew about most of your past. Although, you hadn’t mentioned Bucky to him or anyone. You weren’t sure why, but it had been something you kept for yourself.

“Ugh,” Mark groans, “Good luck.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Can I call you tomorrow?” Mark asks.

“Of course. You know you can always call me. Is everything okay?” You search his face.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Mark smiles softly.

“Okay. Night, Mark.”

“Good night.”

Making your way to your car, you wonder what that was about. Mark wasn’t usually enigmatic but tonight he seemed off. Different somehow. Or maybe he was just tired and you were reading things into it. Either way, you need to save your energy. It was time to have that talk, time for James and Bucky to be reconciled, and time for you to finally have some closure about the night that changed you more than you wanted to admit.

Part Seven

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