#feeling insane why didn't i think of this before. sometimes my attention to detail sucks okay

[suncaptor]

ANOTHER THING ABOUT WHEN SAM SAYS THIS WHILE LUCIFER TAUNTS HIM SAYING HE'S GOING TO MAKE SAM WATCH HIM HURT PEOPLE IS LIKE. YEAH LUCIFER. YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE FALLING APART? BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT POSSESSING ME!

[traumathings]

hello folks, we've had many changes in the trauma department. and in the my life department as well. and bc i have one (1) friend that I made like a month ago and all we do is go on walks together, imma tell y'all instead cause why not

under read more for whoever wants the gossip abt my life.

so I finished college. Yes, insane, it only took what, 10 years? details aside, it is literally insane to be done with this. also finally. sayonara to my mental health in the process but i have a diploma. i guess

i am back in therapy. this time, instead of going thru my health insurance (that i dont have anymore anyway) i'm going to private practice. is it expensive? yes, but it wasn't working before, so now I have better hopes, i suppose. it's going decently. we'll see, it usually takes a month and a half for things to go to shit.

i am seeing someone. and they're not toxic nor abusive. i know, a shocker. and this fact alone, combined with the fact that I have spent the last... 5 years? without a single soul (no exaggeration here) to talk to or interact, has triggered and messed up my head so much I actually felt the need to go back to therapy lest anxiety literally consumes me from the inside. and also, since my trauma in mainly abt relationships and interactions with people, and I wasn't interacting with anyone... means that I didn't deal or heal any of it lol I was just pretending it didn't exist bc it wasn't relevant to my life. now that I have two (2) people to chat with, suddenly the trauma girlies have decided to show themselves. homophobic, honestly.

my brain is worried at all times that this new relationship will turn the same way my past (abusive) relationship turned. And as such it feels the need to keep the other person at the back of my mind at all times, bc if I ever forget or stop paying attention to them, I might miss a red flag or I might not pay attention to something I had to tackle. I am exhausted. It is draining my energy, it is robbing me of my attention. Nothing distracts me from it. Nothing in my RIGHT NOW life is actually causing it, so I can't do anything abt it bc it is literally just abt my old unhealed trauma. This sucks ass. Therapy better work fast bc I'm tired.

I sometimes worry abt the future of the relationship. If things will really work out. If I'll be reciprocated. Relationships bring up a lot of uncertainty huh not what I expected. But I'm trying to remain positive, bc being negative literally does me nothing except fuel my anxiety

that's it for now I guess

I went for a couple of walks and I hate to agree with the yoga people, but it truly does help. It clears up my mind immediately. I think it's pretty good for anxiety. I've never tried walks for depression bc I don't think I would have the motivation to do so. But for anxiety, they are great. I recommend.

[emsy55]

Saturday nights

Note: I wrote this for @virgatto‘s 850 challenge. Congrats on 850 and I hope you like it!!

Summary: You’re going through a difficult time. Chris knows that and tries to keep your mind off your problems by keeping his tongue on your pussy.

Warnings: smut, oral sex, mentions of a troubled home but not too detailed, exhibitionism, and doing inappropriate things with fruit idk what was going on in my mind when writing this lol

Tags: @h-bea92 @cncogirl18 @sometimesbadalwaysboujie @papichriscnco  @erickcolonbrianfan92

I used the song Saturday nights by Khalid as inspiration for this.

you hear a clinging sound as the cherry kernel you just spit out, hits the metal trashbin that’s on the other side of the balcony. “Yesss!!” you shout because you beat Chris at your little game.

You bite a tiny piece out of a red cherry and gently suck on it. You like to take your time with it, you want to appreciate the tasty and juicy piece of fruit. 

“you really can’t do anything the normal way, huh?” he says, making fun of the way you eat.

This unique way of eating cherries has given your plump lips a shiny red color. Chris chuckles as he sees your colored lips. His large hands grab your chin as his lips meet yours. He softly sucks the cherry juice off your lips, causing you to let out a moan mixed with a giggle. When your lips are clean, his tongue enters your mouth. You suck on his tongue the way you were sucking on those cherries, which he seems to like. 

Being a little out of breath, you pull away from his sweet lips. You're sitting outside on his balcony, next to him on his comfortable sofa. You let your head rest on his shoulder, you’re both enjoying the view of the city. Staring at the same, crowded and dirty city you look at every single day. But somehow, when you’re with Chris, this city turns into a paradise.

Chris felt a stinging pain in his chest when he picked you up earlier today. You didn’t say anything about what happened at home, but he knew what was going on from the moment you got in the car. No one knows you like he does. He wanted to talk about it, but before he could, you reminded him of the only rule you have; “We can talk about our misery every day of the week, but Saturday nights are for fun and love.” So he followed that rule and swallowed the words he wanted to say.

“I know another game.” You take the stem of the cherry, “Can you tie this with your tongue, faster than I can?” He takes the stem and places it in his mouth with confidence. 

To your surprise, he has tied a little knot in only a few seconds. You can do it as well, it just takes some more time. He can see that you’re surprised. “Why so surprised, nena? If there’s one person that should know how skilled my tongue is, it’s you.” He chuckles and winks at you.

“hmm, I think I forgot about those skills, maybe you should refresh my memory?” you say, mimicking his wink. And as those words leave your mouth, you know the fun is about to start. 

At least, that’s what you hoped. You know the moment is ruined when you hear your phone ringing. It’s your mother, you know that without even looking. she always does this. She knows this is the only evening you don’t have to work. This is the only moment you don’t have to worry about anything, and she can’t stand it. She just has to take this precious moment away from you.

Chris puts his warm hand on top of yours as you want to grab your phone.

“Don’t. You know who it is and you know what she’s trying to do. Don’t let her, you deserve to have a moment for yourself, and you know that.” You're not surprised that he also knows who's calling you. Chris knows you so well, he's always the one that listens to your problems.

You gaze at the old balcony railing, avoiding eye-contact because you know he’s right. “She already ruined this evening by calling, so I might as well just listen to what she has to say.” 

He wants to convince you that the evening isn’t ruined. Just telling you that, is pointless. You’d start a discussion and by the time it ends, the evening actually is ruined. So he puts his lips on top of yours, you’re aware that this is his nice way of telling you to shut up, but you let him.

Chris knows that as soon as his lips leave yours, your mind will go back to your mom and all of your problems. So his lips don’t stop kissing you until he finds something to keep you distracted.

His tongue leaves your mouth and he ends the kiss with a last peck on your lips. “I still have to show you how skilled my tongue is.” You like the playful smile that appears on his face. His eyes get sparkly and he sticks out his tongue, it immediately makes you smile as well.

You take off your dress, giving him a very clear answer. His smile just gets wider. You don’t care that you’re sitting on a balcony in the middle of a crowded city, wearing only a tiny thong. And that’s what he loves most about you, you’re bold and you don’t care what other people think.

He grabs a cherry and bites a little piece out of it, just like you always do. He takes the cherry between his fingers and rubs it over your lips, making them red again. 

He places the cherry in your mouth and grabs another one. This time he uses the juices of the red cherry to color the skin in between your breasts. He softly rubs the tiny piece of fruit over your skin, from your breasts to your pubic bone.

He lays you down on the sofa and leans over you. He starts to clean your lips again, just like he did before. He sucks the juices of your plump lips and then enters his tongue in your mouth to kiss you with passion. He ends the kiss and starts cleaning the trail he left on your body. 

His tongue perfectly traces the red color, and sometimes he stops to leave some kisses. You have goosebumps all over your body.

You knew he liked the way you were eating the cherries, but you didn't know it inspired him in filthy ways like this. Your thong has a big wet spot on it, caused by the things Chris has been doing to you.

When he finally licked and sucked clean every piece of skin that was covered in red juices, he places his hands on your inner thighs and lets his chin rest on your pubic bone. His brown eyes look right into your eyes.

He grabs another cherry and breaks off the stem and hands it to you. "if you can tie a knot in it before I can make you orgasm, you win." he says with a wink.

You're a little confused but you like playing games, and you also like getting your pussy licked. So you just do what he says.

You put the stem in your mouth and Chris takes off your thong. He takes the cherry but doesn't bite a piece out of it. He places it in his mouth.

He starts leaving small kisses on your pussy. Then, he starts using the cherry as a little toy on your pussy. Without breaking eye contact, he rolls the little fruit over your wet folds. The cold feeling of the fruit and his warm tongue make your pussy tingle. But you’re aching for more, you want him to stop teasing and place his tongue fully on your pussy. 

He suddenly pushes the cherry against your entrance, causing you to widen your eyes. He slightly pushes it in your entrance, but quickly sucks it out again. 

When he notices that you’re almost succeeding in your little cherry stem mission, he finally decides to eat the cherry. You didn’t like sharing his mouth with that piece of fruit, you were craving his full attention.

He's sucking on your clit exactly how he was sucking on the cherries before. It feels amazing and looks so sexy. You try to tie the stem that's in your mouth, but his tongue on your sensitive pussy makes it too difficult to concentrate.

You almost choke on the stupid little stem when his tongue starts rubbing circles on your pulsing clit. He chuckles and decides to add more pleasure by pushing two of his long fingers in your entrance. 

He admires the view he has. you look so beautiful, and so concentrated on the pleasure he’s giving you. You’re not thinking about the fact that you’re naked on a balcony, giving a perfect view to the neighbors.

His fingers leave your entrance and he replaces his tongue with his thumb. His thumb plays with your sensitive nub and his tongue enters your entrance. The feeling of his warm wet tongue inside you tickles a little and is making you chuckle. 

You admire how he eats your pussy with so much dedication, doing all the things that drive you insane. your hands are placed on his head, playing with his soft hair. 

The moment he starts sucking on your sensitive clit again is the moment you fall apart. Your hands are pulling his hair as you scream out in pleasure. He lets his mouth rest on your pussy for a few seconds, before he gets up and lays next to you on the sofa.

His mouth is still covered in your juices as he teasingly says "I won."

"No Chris, I think I won," you say, referring to the amazing orgasm he just gave you.

your head is placed on his warm chest and his arm is wrapped around you. He smiles, your phone ringed at least 3 times but you didn’t notice. 

He’s proud that on yet another Saturday night, he got your mind off of all the misery that’s going on in your life. Because; we can talk about our misery every day of the week, but Saturday nights are for fun and love.