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Imagine what it must have been like for Mark Twain to see Ulysses S. Grant write his memoirs. Twain's a successful career author, who, like all writers, knows firsthand the struggle of getting words on a page, knows how painstakingly slow and frustrating the writing process can be. And here's Grant, with no literary training whatsoever, dying of cancer, barely sleeping or eating because of the excruciating pain, regularly writing 10,000 words a day. And it's good.
I'd be tempted to give up writing right there. How do you compete with that? You can't be jealous of the guy, because of the whole "dying of cancer" thing, and yet...it's gotta just about drive you nuts. It just about drives me nuts. In good health, I can work for hours to get a few sentences on a page. And then this guy's showing us all up. It's maddening.
#random thought of the day#adventures in writing#presidential talk#feeling this strongly tonight#as i look at how pathetically little i've written in the last few months#despite a lot of time commitment#with almost nothing written that's actually going to be used#it's crushing#and then our buddy ulys came to mind because i finally finished the presidential letters book#and he got a couple at the end#written during the mexican war and his california years#and i was struck by his eye for detail even then#his clear-eyed perception of a place and the clear way he lays out a landscape#exactly the kind of thing that filled his book thirty-odd years later#and when writing comes so hard it's a combination of awe and frustration to see someone for whom it comes so easily#what a fun post you get presidential facts and my own insecurities at the same time!#an absolute bargain!
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biting throwing up tearing furniture apart etc
#feeling the what a catch donnie feeling incredibly strongly tonight god. this fucking song#explained the like story/significance of the song to my mom earlier and have been feeling insane abt it since#also this lyric specifically haunts me. pete when i get my hands on you#txt#p: 100
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Maybe it's just my lack of spatial awareness and poor geographic comprehension but the fact that so many of you guys exist in time zones with a single hour difference from mine, let alone live on the opposite side of the world from me, just doesn't feel real.
You all are supposed to be only a few minutes down the road from my house. We're living in the same neighborhood. If I go outside to take out the trash I'll see one of you walking your dog and call out a hello and some comment on a post circulating around the fandom, and you'll call back a good morning and an absolutely insane take on the post before you continue on your walk and I sit down to relax in the shade of the tree outside my house. What do you mean none of you grew up with me going to the same school, playing at the same parks, nicknaming the same stray cats? No way. We all were in the same English class together and I know I signed your yearbooks.
#the insomnia is brutal tonight and im feeling sappy#sleepy sofie feels things strongly and she is determined to post about them#sofie says stuff
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i carry you in my heart forever.
user naumin/radiator hospital/user stolenchapstick/user jb-blunk/mitski
#.txt#web weaving#on heartbreak#on friendship#web weave#mitski#the frost#radiator hospital#our song#hi guys. im feeling particularly strongly tonight. new mitski album got me a bit worse.#also like im like on a timer of 'gets worse and is only reset by talking to him' but this time im trying not to i guess...#he can alwats message me first though i dont mind ^_^ it would drive me crazy tho but i am already crazy so#dels#srry if this ones not super cohesive idk
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take a knife and cut through the darkness castle temp red wine but i make no plans and none can be broken no plans and none can be broken remember us just like this forever but this can't last won't last so make no plans and none can be broken no plans and none can be broken do you laugh about me whenever i leave or do i just need more therapy love is in the air i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out i don't care i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out fake out my moodboard is just pictures of you but i'm not sad anymore so make no plans and none can be broken no plans and none can be broken but i didn't take the love when i had the chance but i swear i'm not sad anymore so make no plans and none can be broken no plans and none can be broken do you laugh about me whenever i leave or do i still need more therapy love is in the air i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out i don't care i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out fake out oh we all started out as shiny dimes but we all got flipped too many times we did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change love is in the air i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out i don't care i just gotta figure out a window to break out buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake out fake out
#feeling the fake out feelings so strongly tonight#thank u tumblr mutual ohplasticheart ur edit reminded me why i have her as my url she means so much to me#txt#fob
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aus are my favorite thing because you can think about your favorites in situations that they normally wouldn't be in. you get to think about their character and really dig into how they'd react and act in totally different environments or with other characters. aus does not always equal ooc. like it means a lot to me to keep lilith (and hunter and the others) as in character as I can while exploring and expanding on them how id like. and it's apart of the fun of writing/drawing them. aus offer the chance to expand on characters where canon has ended or fell short. they can be a good outlet for creators and readers/viewers for certain topics. it leaves interpretation up to you. aus are fun and aus rule.
#t#feeling strongly about this tonight#aus rule my world#and obvs you dont have to like every one but aus as an outlet for people is special
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I'm invested in Mut and Tongrak, don't get me wrong. I like them, I like the show, I will keep watching and enjoying it.
But from an aromantic perspective, it's fucking painful.
I. know. Tongrak doesn't believe in love because his parents' marriage was a tragedy and he's never seen real love, yada yada.
But he reads so, so aromantic to me. Like "love is imaginary and only exists in story" is a pretty common aromantic experience.
I know in this context it's the trauma. And it's a perfectly legit plot.
But seeing his perspective being dismissed so readily by the show... it hurts a bit, to be honest.
#not a problem specific to this show#amatonormativity is a bitch#and a very very common guest of any and all kind of love stories#but i was feeling it especially strongly tonight#the stupid part is#i enjoy mut's teasing#like yes rak is already half-way in love with him i believe that#i'm with the show on laughing at him a little for being so adamant to the contrary when the fondness and care were so very obvious last ep#like even if he don't want to call it love there is clearly more than sex here and him refusing to see it is entertaining#even from an aromantic perspective#but yeah#there is an interesting plot somewhere in there where rak is aro and mut does fall in love with him and they still manage to make a good#relationship out of it but it's not this show#might write down the idea for later#love sea#rakmut
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nothing like a call from your mother to make that escapism feel extra sweet
#oops vent post Look Away Look Away i am once again bleeding all over my blog#ohhhhh boy am i gonna get Creatively Active tonight#we love to see my living situation crash and burn oh boy oh boy#i get three more months and then!!! back into the fire i go!#and the frying pan was just starting to get cozy....#well! time to brush up on my masking and acting skills#absolutely unprompted#yknow it was actually funny#i went on a walk right after that call#and it felt like i was in a fucking movie. symbolism was ever#literally stood and stared at the 'no connection' street sign for a solid two minutes#feeling the Irony#then a black cat stopped and stared at me from down the road?#and a hummingbird flew over to look me in the eye??#walked under an apple tree but every single apple was rotting???#a fly decided to land on me for a split second and then flew away? felt Ominous#didnt see a raven though so thats a plus. or a minus. im not superstitious and i love ravens#plus side of being forced to move: i get to keep both of my cats and ill no longer be in this damn state.#negatives: living with my mom. her boyfriend. two dogs. in a state i strongly dislike. with no positive connections. in a basement.#its gonna be so fun! (sarcastic. lying. said through gritted teeth)#agh sorry sorry#once again treating tumblr like my personal diary#just. sigh.#well if i get a job right away and save up#maybe ill be able to find somewhere with roommates!#people my ageish! fellow queers perhaps! somewhere welcoming#where i can relax and feel Understood and perhaps even content with being alive#where i have room to not just force the love of existence but truly Feel it#i have hope! i have hope... i am miserable but one day! i may not be!#ive waited and survived this long! ill make it! i will fucking make it i swear to god
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"Love, am I tall enough to reach such heights, and walk that line without looking down? Well, thank you my dear for getting me the strength, I fear, I would not find without you around."
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I've realized that one reason why I've let my AO3 inbox pile up in the past is because every time I refresh the page and see the 0, I feel a type of way about it
#which is not to say that I am owed comments in any way#this is a DUMB emotion and I know that#I'm just feeling it strongly tonight I guess#I used to be a lot better about this#but I've been in my head about my podfic self and it's bleeding over into my writer self#which isn't fair because as already mentioned readers don't owe me anything#(especially since it's been so long since I've been anything approaching a regular writer or podficcer)#but gosh is it wild to put something out into the world and hope someone likes it and not feel the specific connection you were hoping for
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some music is just night music. i can't explain it just some music is meant for the DARK
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autism moment but im actually gonna lose it thinking about the pitchfork review for shearwater's the golden archipelago where they're like "it's good! it's pretty! it's a concept album about islands!" and not once do they mention it being about the bikini atoll nuclear devestation like you are PAIIIIDDDD to WRITE THISSSSSSS.
Send back the uniforms send back the generous reich send us back to our lives on the waving blue wild and remove every mark down to the waterline
yes this was in 2010 i know sorry
#choosing tonight to have an autism specialinterest FREAKOUT igues#txt#yes i thought it was cringe when jm said jp&ob was a protest record yes i feel this strongly about tga we exist#as the island is broken away from the world bandages pulled from the eyes the violent surging of life as the bloodstream of heaven and#earth falls away
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urghhh i hate that i feel like some people are ignoring me + just prefer to talk to other people
#like it kinda sucks what#idek man#like seeing people interact mere hours ago and you havent gotten responses from one of them in a while 😓#ewwww#idk why i feel so strongly abt this its so RIDICULOUS!!!#whatever i have a lot of hw tonight so ill be distracting myself!!
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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Currently crying my eyes out as the Northern Lights are out tonight and it's the first time I've ever seen them properly (half in awe/wonder, half in grief). It's so clear that you can even see the milky way here, and I saw the pliedes (the first constellation my grandfather showed me when we went stargazing when I was a kid). I even saw a shooting star and then a neighbourhood cat walked me home
#they speak#im not exaggerating ive currently got tears streaming down my face#combined awe from the stars and grief over my grandfather#especially now that i live really near to where he did#in fact he used to be the local councillor for the village i live in#and the moon earlier was so beautiful#tonight was so magical#i feel the blessings of hel and freya really strongly tonight which is positive on a waxing gibbous moon
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wanna support your local nsfw content creator??
PUT YOUR FUCKING AGE ON YOUR BLOG
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