#ficarusninja

[petepepsi]

Jake seemed to feel out of place no matter where he was.

He wasn't sure when it started, really. He'd felt out of place in his parents' enormous house, vacant, aside from him and his cat. He felt out of place in the condo, like it wasn't his space to take up; like he didn't belong there. He felt out of place in his friend group, even, with Jeremy's sudden recruitment and now Rich's absence.

He did not, however, feel out of place on Michael Mell's couch.

How he got there was a bit complicated.

rewriting my first/only bmc fanfic,, You Know What To Do

[petepepsi]

you wanted spiderman asks so uhh: hey you know what one post that’s like “what if peter quill is a well-known missing child on earth a la jonbenet ramsey” ok i raise you THIS: peter parker being kind of a conspiracy theory nerd and knowing a lot abt the peter quill case and the first time he finds out star lords real name he just yells PETER QUILL???? and nearly loses it

i really like this so i whipped up a quick little post-avengers 4 fic,,,idk it might suck but here

It’s weird, the ride home fromTitan.

Although, Peter assumes, anysituation involving two and a half aliens, a wizard, and a kid with spiderpowers is kinda weird.

The Milano is a nice ship (comparedto all one of the spaceships Peter’sbeen on); it’s spacious with two convenient extra rooms for Peter and Strangeto sleep in, if they’d like. Peter’s is covered in twigs and leaves. He’s told thatit’s Groot’s room, but he’s never told who Groot is. Judging by the strangelyfuturistic handheld gaming systems scattered around, Peter thinks that Groot mightbe cool. To try them out is tempting, but Peter doesn’t dare. He wants to makea good first impression on Groot if he gets to meet him. Invasions of privacyaren’t very good conversation starters.

There’s another room with the doorkept shut. Star-Lord looks softly at it, and Peter assumes it is, or was, the room of Gamora. Peter doesn’task. It’s a silent agreement they’ve made, to not to mention any dead. AllPeter knows about Gamora is that she was green and beautiful. He pictures an Idina-Menzel-in-Wickedkind of look, but he doubts that it’s accurate.

Peter spends most of his time inthe main area of the ship talking to the Guardians, as they call themselves. Mostly,he asks questions. They’re basic ones, mostly about other aliens, how manyaliens are there, how their ship works, et cetera, et cetera. He worries thathe’s being annoying, but he can’t really stop himself because – holy shit!Aliens are real! And they’ve been toEarth multiple times! It gets his conspiracy brain running into overdrive.

But, despite all of his questions,one never really came up.

“Hey, uh, what’s yourname?”

Peter hesitates, Star-Lord’s questioncatching him off guard. His name?He’d told them his name, certainly.

“What do you mean?” heasks.

“I mean,” Star-Lord clarifies.“I’ve been calling you variations on Spider-Kid for the past hour and it’sstarting to get awkward.”

Right.He’d introduced himself as Spider-Man. Would it be too weird to just let it continue?Drax would probably keep calling him Arachnid for the rest of the trip, anyway.

But, no, yeah, he should probablyjust say his actual name. Being called Spider-Man out of costume was really off-putting,anyway.

“It’s Peter,” he saysafter a pause. “Parker. Peter Parker.”

Star-Lord looks at Peter, and agrin lights up his face that startles Peter a bit too much.

“No way!” he exclaims.“I’m Peter, too!”

“What?” Peter responds,not smiling and genuinely confused. “You said your name wasStar-Lord?”

From the back of the ship, Peterhears a resounding “HA!” from Drax.

“I just assumed! You neversaid anything otherwise!” Peter argues defensively, his face turning aflustered shade of pink.

Peter, the other Peter, chuckles.“No, it’s Peter. I don’t have the alliteration, though. My last name’sQuill.”

There’s a pause, the rednessdraining from Peter’s face as his expression goes blank.

“Peter Quill?” he repeats. “Like—like Peter Quill?”

Star-Lord looks at him for a moment,nodding, an awkward chuckle escaping his lips as he can see the gears turningin Peter’s head.

“Holy shit!” Peter exclaims, practically leaping to his feet out ofthe chair. “I—I mean you said you were from Earth and I kind of thoughtthat there was—Oh my god this is the coolest thing ever Ned’s gonna freak outwhen I tell him—Peter Quill!”

Peter continues like that for aminute, pacing back and forth excitedly. Quill watches, waiting for a lull inhis thoughts to ask him, “What are you talking about?”

Peter stops pacing, looking Quillin the eye with unbridled enthusiasm. “You’re Peter Quill! You’re, like, alegend.”

“Well, I didn’t that Earth’sheard of me, so that’s neat,” Quill says, a slight smirk gracing his lips.

“You’re one of the biggest conspiracy theories ever!”

“What?”

“You're—I don’t know how toexplain it’s like—You went missing as a kid, right, of course you don’t know, uh…”Peter’s voice trails off, and he looks down contemplatively. “This might getcomplicated, you got any paper? Or a corkboard and some red string?”

“I’ll get some paper,” Quillresponds.

—

Two hours laterand the Guardians are all sitting in Groot’s room listening as Peter finallywraps up his in-depth explanation of The Mysterious Disappearance of PeterQuill. He’d gone through the story, how it became popular, and several theoriesthat the people of Earth had come up with. He pays special attention to thetheory that Quill had been abducted by aliens, since that one was true and (asPeter very adamantly points out) it was also the one that Peter believed the most.

(“And MJand Ned thought it was stupid! Well, who’sstupid now, eh?”

“It at leastmakes more sense than the ‘stolen by Bigfoot’ theory.”

“EXACTLY!”)

Strange pokeshis head in exactly once, wondering why they’re making such a racket. Rightwhen he hears the words “conspiracy theory,” he leaves.

[petepepsi]

Not Exactly

Summary: A group of thugs try to kidnap Peter on his way home from Stark Tower, but their poor planning gets in the way. (Or; having spider powers is sometimes a bit too perfect)

Word Count: 1193

It took Peter about a minute to realize he was being followed.

Of course, he'd understood the inherent danger of his situation, being one of the few people to enter and leave Stark Tower on a regular enough basis for stalkers would catch wind of it. Tony was always reluctant to let him walk home alone, but Peter always insisted. It was hardly a mile – what could possibly go wrong?

Peter glanced behind him, gripped the straps of his backpack, and quickened his pace. Upon seeing his pursuers do the same, he started to form the skeleton of a plan. He'd take a couple right turns and go back to the Tower, tell Stark what happened, and call May to let her know he's fine (because lord knows she doesn't need to have another panic attack over him). It was just two guys, it's not like they'd follow him into Stark Tower, not unless they had some major balls.

He continued forth with confidence, making the first turn.

It was then that he noticed the van.

A large black van, so utterly inconspicuous and so utterly clichéd, trailing behind both him and the two men behind him. It was gaining traction, and Peter actually felt worried. He couldn't outrun a car. Or, rather, he couldn't outrun a car without exposing himself as Spider-Man. This was turning into a situation, and Peter felt tempted to just call Tony.

The streets were practically barren, everyone still on-edge about the latest big disaster. Whatever it was, Peter hadn't been there, an out-of-state trip taking up that weekend. He wished that the Great Evil had taken a holiday, then maybe he wouldn't need to be so stressed.

The next corner was just up ahead, but the van had already pulled up. A large bald man in a dark coat stepped out of the passengers side, a pair of sunglasses obscuring his face as he moved to block Peter's path.

"Good evening," Peter greets as nonchalantly as he can. "What's with the glasses, bud? Just get back from a Terminator lookalike contest?"

The man answered by pulling something out of one of his coat pockets, and Peter felt his face pale. That's definitely a gun. Why does he have a gun?

"Jesus Christ, Richie, could you cool it?" one of the men behind him whisper-yelled. "I thought we were tryin' to be lowkey. You know this is Spider-Man turf, right?"

Peter chuckled involuntarily, if only they knew.

"You laughing at something, you little shit?" the same man complained.

"No," Peter lied, keeping the snark in his voice. "Just wondering why a group of obviously respectable and high-class men like yourselves are interrupting my walk home."

The bald man, Richie, groaned in response, and the other man just got angrier. "Yeah, well I've got something that'll shut you up."

It was light, but Peter did feel his spider-sense go off before the third man grabbed him from behind, putting a cloth over his mouth. The cloth was cold, damp, and smelled vaguely sweet, fruity, almost like wine (not that Peter would know what wine smells like). After a few moments, breathing it in made Peter's head swim slightly, but the look on the other men's faces brought a smile to his.

"What the fuck?" he heard the man in front of him mutter. "You stupid or something, Danny? Is that just a wet cloth?"

Danny opened his mouth to reply, but Peter headbutted him before he got the chance. The man stumbled back, clutching his jaw, and Peter kicked him in the shin, knocking him down.

"Y'know you guys have the least intimidating names," Peter quipped, stepping forward. "I mean, really. Richard? Daniel?" He cast a look at the unnamed thug. "Let me guess, your name's Kevin."

The unnamed thug gritted his teeth in response. "Y'know, I really didn't want to resort to violence this early, but you're really getting on my nerves."

A switchblade emerged from his pocket, and the man charged at him. He slashed at Peter, but the swing was cut short as Peter grabbed the man's arm midway through. The man froze, startled by the ease with which Peter performed the motion, and Peter quickly delivered a punch to his stomach, sending the man hurtling backwards before he slammed against the side of the van, denting it. Peter swallowed, not wanting to hit the man that hard. Then again, he is trying to kidnap me.

Richie was next, immediately pulling his gun on Peter, who froze, unsure how to deal with that. Of course, he'd dealt with armed men as Spider-Man, but it's a lot harder to disarm someone without web shooters. And judging by the size of this guy, he was going to be a bit harder to take down.

"What's wrong, kid? Out of jokes?"

"You underestimate me," Peter responded, hands slowly raising to his head.

"I think I know better than to underestimate you," Richie scoffed. "Stark give you steroids or something?"

"Not exactly." Peter caught sight of something cylindrical and metal on the ground and pushed back a smile. One of his web shooters, must've fallen out of my bag. If he could just get the guy distracted…

"You know, I was wondering," Richie started again, keeping his aim squarely at Peter's forehead. "What'd a kid like you do to get access to Stark?"

Peter smiled. "You wanna know?"

The man nodded.

"You really wanna know?" Peter taunted, his smile turning into a smirk.

The man huffed in response, unamused.

"Fine, fine," Peter said. "I'll tell you." He paused, letting the moment sink in. "I'm actually War Machine."

There was a pause, and when Peter heard Richie laugh, he knew it was showtime.

"Why are you laughing? I'm telling the truth!" Peter replied in mock-defensiveness.

"You really don't run out of jokes, do you?" The man lowers his gun for a moment, putting his guard down, and Peter goes for it, diving for the web shooter.

Just as he gripped the metal, he heard the gun go off and his heart nearly stopped as he felt the bullet graze his shoulder, leaving an angry burning red stripe on his skin and a tear in his new sweatshirt. He managed to hold it together long enough to slip on the device and web his attacker's pistol, pulling it out of his hand before running over and delivering a kick to the man's face. The man fell to the ground, and Peter webbed him to the sidewalk before he could make any other moves. He did the same to the others before backing up, double-checking that they were the only people after him.

Richie yanked at his restraints, muttering a "What the hell?"

"That stuff should dissolve in two hours," Peter points out, adrenaline leaving his veins. "But I'm sure the cops will be here long before that."

Peter watched the man struggle for a moment before the sharp pain in his shoulder urged him to go back to Stark Tower. He needed to cut this short.

"Y'know, you guys really should be more careful when you try to do these sorts of things." Peter sent Richie a smirk before walking off. "Don't you know this is Spider-Man's turf?"