#fight against the pornbots

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

careful there's a porn bot invasion in the tag

[findusinaweek]

cage match between tumblrbots whirling-magician and unrelated-mobster, please.

[photogirl894]

(To all my followers regarding the influx of pornbots bombarding us all...)

Sons and daughters of Tumblr...I see in your posts the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship...

An hour of pornbots and shattered follower counts when the age of Tumblr comes crashing down...

By all that you hold dear on this good website, I bid you stand, simps of the internet!!

[tempest-ssv]

Hey y’all, just to let you know if you follow me from a completely blank blog (no posts, no likes, no description, no icon) then I will block and report you for being spam

Cause I assume you’re a sentient AI, and I don’t want any geth infiltration (unless it’s Legion, he seems very polite)

[royalreef]

       “Not that I am complaining — but why are so many beautiful women following behind me? Specifically, beautiful women who are refusing to say anything? And merely offering me things upon which I am to touch?”

[madkatiscool]

Highlights from the entire MCYT Sexyman Tournament

Before the Tournament Began (Nomination Phase):

-Goodtimeswithscar getting over 2000 nominations for the poll

-Two people's minecraft ocs were nominated, and one of those ocs actually got into the competition

-The runners of the poll telling people not to tell the CCs about this, only for every CC to find out about this poll and start rallying their fans to vote for them

-Joe Hills got very jealous that Scar had more votes than him to the point where he literally used Tumblr Blaze to promote himself, and posted a video of him swimming in a pool on his blog

-Technodad also encouraging people to vote for his son after finding out about the polls

The Main Tournament:

-Dream getting absolutely decked by Seepeekay (deserved)

-Clownpierce and Tubbo's poll ending in 50% by 50% where the people running the poll had to go into the polls literal code to find out that Clownpierce won by only 18 votes

-Clownpierce getting beaten out by Aimsey in Round 2 immediately afterwards

-Quackity and Schlatt losing their polls at first, only for people to churn out propaganda, and getting them the wins by very close calls

-The Dominion SMP fandom made alliances with other fandoms (the Lifesteal fandom being one of them) to try and get Vikingpilot more votes

-JimmySolidarity looking at the polls and seeing that someone called him a "wet paper bag of a man"

-Martyn voting for his friends in the polls

-One Tumblr blog made a straight up news channel for the polls

-Someone else also made an easier way to read votes on polls

-Another person converted the voting data into line graphs

-Scott calling Jimmy a queerbaiter when their characters went up against each other

-The Scar vs Techno fight, the Wilbur vs Joe fight, and the Grian vs Quackity fight, all happening in the same round

-Huge amounts of voter fraud

-Grian winning his fight with Quackity, only for Quackblr to change the tides in the last few minutes (perhaps one of the craziest fights I have ever seen)

-The poll made it onto Tumblr trending

-Quackblr made an alliance with the Ethogirls, which eventually led to fanart of Quackity and Etho together, along with a few "infamous" edited photos (you know what I'm talking about)

-The voter fraud in the poll eventually lead to the possibility of Tumblr actually dealing with the pornbot situation

-The whole entire event had powerpoint presentations for peoples favorite blorbos, propaganda, fanart, alliances, even a few written oneshots

-Literally just every poll with Quackity

-Other people made polls inspired by this one (@mcytblrcringefail as one example)

-The fact that the poll literally revived the entire fandom

-The poll became canon in Jimmy’s 30 day Minecraft Hardcore server

-And most importantly, Joe Hills, the one MCYT who did the most campaigning, won the polls against Scar

Thank you @mcytblrsexymen. You have done an amazing job.

[sanerontheinside]

Written for the QuiObi Writing Server's Reclaim the Tag challenge, our answer to the influx of pornbots in our home tags. Prompt by the lovely @luvvewan, from angst dialogue prompts: "Why are you asking me this?" [ao3 link]

“You should take the boy,” Obi-Wan said. His voice was hoarse and strained, damaged by the acrid smoke of Mustafar. Choked with grief. Quiet, both in their cabin and in the Force: Obi-Wan was very careful not to wake the youngling in his arms. “You’ll take him, won’t you? Get him to the Lars family?”

Qui-Gon suppressed a shudder. His eyes still stung, and he felt as though his tongue and throat and lungs had been coated with ash—dry, grating. Worse than that was the chill that crept up his spine as he imagined taking Luke from Obi-Wan’s arms and turning away from him. It seemed to him that Obi-Wan was barely there as it was. That if Qui-Gon took the child from him, he would be taking away the only tether that held Obi-Wan in this Moment. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of it. After all they’d lost in one horrible, nightmarish day, after all the surreal emptiness—this, Qui-Gon knew, would break him. 

Obi-Wan looked up sharply, as if he’d sensed Qui-Gon’s doubts. “You’ll take him to them?”

Qui-Gon cocked his head, and stalled for time. “Why are you asking me this? Where will you be?” 

You know where they are, Qui-Gon almost said, and I don’t. But he didn’t voice that problem either. It seemed so unimportant, after all, when all he could see in front of him was the fading silhouette of his former Padawan, dissolving away into a cloud of Tatooine dust. 

Obi-Wan had walked away from him many times in the course of their years together. Qui-Gon had always known Obi-Wan would be well without him—until now. 

Now, Obi-Wan was staring at a point on the wall just to the left of his shoulder, chewing thoughtfully at his lower lip. His brow furrowed. “I—he must be hidden, kept safe.” 

“He is not safer with me than he is with you,” Qui-Gon said softly. 

“Of course he is,” Obi-Wan snapped, his eyes coming suddenly, brilliantly alive—though he was still careful not to wake the boy. “I already failed A-An—” for a second Obi-Wan seemed to choke, and shook his head. “His father. I will not fail him, too.”

Qui-Gon’s heart squeezed painfully. “He needs you, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan’s laugh was dry and mirthless; it cut Qui-Gon to the bone to hear the desolation in it. “I am the last thing he needs. I—I can’t—” 

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut. His hands clenched on the blanket, turning a bright, bloodless white. 

Qui-Gon moved without thought, crossing the cramped cabin to wrap an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders and drawing him into the circle of his arms. Obi-Wan buried his face in Qui-Gon’s shoulder, gasping. 

“How could I have been so blind?” Obi-Wan whispered. “How could I miss—he was—”

“Shh,” Qui-Gon whispered. “The Moment, Obi-Wan. You can’t change what is past.” 

A ragged gasp burst from him. “No. But the Moment is…”

Qui-Gon sighed and nuzzled against his hair, pressing the lightest of kisses to the crown of his head—because he couldn’t bear not to, and didn’t dare to do anything more than that. “I know.”

The Force was jarringly, horribly silent around them. Empty, burnt-out. 

“Stay with me, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon whispered. “I need you.”

Obi-Wan sobbed once, a ragged sound. But the fight seemed to have gone out of him, and he didn’t argue. 

Qui-Gon simply held him, slipping an arm around Luke between them. For a moment it was tempting to imagine they were simply two people with a youngling to care for. That Obi-Wan was his to care for just as much as Luke was. 

“That’s not possible,” Obi-Wan whispered into his collar. 

Qui-Gon buried a kiss in his hair and shook his head. “Then just let me have this?”

Obi-Wan huffed. “I’d give you the world, if only it was in my power.”

Qui-Gon sighed, and nuzzled against his temple. “Just having you here,” he whispered. “I don’t need anything else.”

[cerastes]

“The Tumblr Pornbot invasion” that’s cool, however, I have to fight my own war against the Steam scambots every day of my life, and I’m immensely brave about it.

[katewalker]

Fighting against the pornbot hydra since 7am... you block one and at least 3 others follow you in its stead.

[jheda]

As much as I love fighting the Holy War for Warrior Nun…

I’m beginning to think the real Holy War is against these pornbots

[seraphim-with-a-guillotine]

Fighting for my fucking LIFE against these damn pornbots. Stop touching my shit. Your hands are FILTHY and covered in VIRUS LINKS. Go take a shower and short circuit you waste of code.

[elshells]

You know those fight scenes in movies where it's just one guy against an entire army of bad guys, but they're all idiots and decide to attack him one by one, allowing him to effortlessly Spartan kick them all off a cliff as they charge him in a single-file line? That's what it feels like to deal with the pornbots.

[juicinmyjams]

Today, after weeks and weeks of fighting the pornbots back, I have actually reached 100 real, live followers (I think) so as a very meager thank you, I present a blurb from the drafts! (Inspired by @sayesayes body guard AU and me speed running the Woodstock '99 doc and zeroing in on that one barrier security guard)

-

Steve is surrounded by chaos. 

There’s a mob in front of him. Screaming, yelling, sweating people who don’t give a shit about him. Coming up and over the barrier to his left and his right, deposited there by the will of the crowd and sheer overspill of energy.

He doesn’t even want to know what’s going on behind him, up on the stage, but he can tell its something wild by the way the crowd reacts, surging and screaming. His eardrums take more of a beating than he does at these things and he thinks wistfully of the plug Robin forced into his hands earlier. The ones he left in his cup holder. 

It’s not his fault. He’s not new to securitying. He’s paid his way the past few years by being a bouncer anywhere that would take him. He’s practically an old hand at this. So when the manager of his regular place told him they needed a few people at the barrier for a venue downtown, Steve had no reason to say no, especially when the guy told him how much that kind of gig paid. 

How hard could it be? 

Steve from now knows that Steve from last week is stupid. Naive. He’s not sure how long the show’s been going on for, but the end can’t come fast enough. Robin gives him shit for his gym rat tendencies, but even that isn’t enough. His arms are shaking from the persistent stream of people he has to rescue from face-planting death as they get dumped over the barrier. 

He’s sweating in places he didn’t even know he could sweat. His eyes flick over to the guy next to him, to commiserate, but he’s apparently an expert, long hair flowing around him as he catches a girl coming over. 

It’s a stupid thing to do, take his eyes off the crowd that is actively trying to kill him. 

He gets a boot to his face for the mistake. There isn’t even a moment to be grossed out by how sticky it is against his cheek as the rest of the body follows and Steve has to move fast to catch them. 

It’s a rough tumble over the barrier and Steve nearly drops the person for the flailing limbs and the heavier than expected weight that drops into his arms. But Steve’s not a total amatuer here. He gets his legs underneath him and both arms out, one sliding home behind their knees and the other around their torso. 

Their arms are still going in every direction until one hooks around Steve’s neck. Once they realize they aren’t headed straight for the ground they still, their other hand going for the mass of curls completely covering their face. 

And then all at once Steve is staring down at a pair of big brown eyes and a maniac smile. 

The lights are flashing around them from the stage. Steve knows, objectively, that there is a wail of sound coming from all around them, but it’s quiet in his head as the guy keeps gripping his shoulder. Keeps blinking up at him.

And Steve’s eyes keep bouncing around his face, from his eyes, to the flush high on his cheeks, to the maniac smile still in place. 

The guy says something around the smile, the corners of his mouth still curling up. 

Steve’s got no idea what he’s saying.

“What?” He yells back. 

The guy, to his credit, laughs, head thrown back. Before his hand curls around Steve’s neck and he leans up. Steve’s wires cross for a moment as the guy gets close, his voice loud, tickling Steve’s eardrums. And then the meaning trickles through. 

“You give everyone who comes over the barrier the princess treatment?”

And suddenly Steve remembers where he is. In the middle of a crowded concert where his job is to catch and disperse people as quickly as possible not- not princess carry strangers and ogle them. 

He’s so getting fired. 

He does his best to not drop the guy, lets his feet down first, makes sure he’s solid on the ground before releasing. Clinically. He’s got every intention of turning back, just doing his job so he can go home, the long night and loud music clearly having turned off all his higher thought processes. 

But the guy still has a hand on his shoulder, is still way too close. The ground brings them just about even so he’s go no trouble giving Steve a smile and leaning in, leaving a ‘thank you’ echoing in Steve’s ears before he traverses the front of stage to get back to the crowd. 

-

Once again, thank you all so much for the follows, the reblogs, the comments, the vibes. I appreciate every single one of you and it makes sitting down to type out my silly little ideas that much more enjoyable so yeehaw, thank you!!

[sophiamcdougall]

Friends, I am flagging in the fight against the pornbots.

[sfaira]

I really don't have time but please someone draw a party of adventurers in blue tumblr tabards in a last stand fight against a swarm of blank-faced zombie like or doll like pornbot women.

[dameronalone]

honestly it sounds like staff are fighting for their life against the pornbots too. i keep getting a message that's like "don't keep resubmitting thr same thing bc it just clogs the system" and km like bestie this is the first time I've reported this bot