#first off. this bitch goes hand in hand with trans issues we are talking bodily autonomy that is a huge trans issue

[mars-ipan]

y’know i think the most annoying thing about trying to discuss reproductive rights with cis people is the complete and utter refusal to include trans people in the discussion. like they will only ever say “women” and if you dare to point it out it’s “well this is all being done to control women” or “‘people with vaginas’/‘people assigned female at birth’ is way too wordy” it drives me fucking crazy

like first off do you seriously think that the people who seek to remove bodily autonomy from women have nothing against trans people. do you think they hold zero ill will towards us. also do you think they view trans afabs as anything other than women.

secondly. NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO USE BIG WORDY PHRASES LITERALLY JUST SAY “PEOPLE” INSTEAD OF “WOMEN.” WE LITERALLY JUST DON’T WANT TO BE EXCLUDED FROM THIS BECAUSE WE ARE ALSO BEING HURT WE JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN SOLIDARITY IN THIS BITCH. LIKE ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING SAY “PEOPLE” IT SAVES EVERYONE FROM WEIRD LOOPHOLES AND ALSO ENFORCES THAT WOMEN ARE PEOPLE FOR FUCK’S SAKEEEEE

[myalternativelife5524]

OK....

This is my first post in a long time and unfortunately its going to be a post of me bitching and/or being depressed... For the longest time, I've been dealing with being overweight. Most of my teen years and my adult life... you know, I'm just gonna say since puberty.. a lot easier to spit out... Thanks mostly in part to my genes, I am predisposed to being overweight. I have tried dieting, exercising, just plain not eating-boy was that time period fun, I lost so much weight AND muscle mass, I was basically unable to take care of myself for over a year- and I am currently battling myself to get out of the habit of eating crappy fast food and junk food... In a previous post I'd made, I talked about how I'd have good days withy body and how I'd have bad days. Well, theres more that goes along with that. I have not let myself be in any sort of romantic relationship with anybody, male, female, trans, non-binary, gender fluid, NOBODY, because I am that uncomfortable with my own body that I can't bear to let anyone see me in a romantic/sexual way. Let alone in various stages of undress. Does that make sense? I hope so. Anyways, I was talking to my friend B, who is a wonderful person, who is also Mtf trans, and has been struggling with her own bodily acceptance. Turns out, that I have a form of body dysmorphia, which now that I think about it, makes sense. Tonight, may 30th 2019, I was trying on an outfit for pride this coming weekend, and burst into tears. I had imagined this outfit out in my head, had pulled it out and had it hanging on my bedroom door. A cute little empire waist spaghetti strap dress that I'd wear with some sports shorts- kinda like short shorts- no real issue right? Wrong. I put it on and when I turned to look in the mirror, what I saw was NOT what I had imagined. The top was too tight, my extra boob fat was overflowing on the sides, the empire waist did not have the usual effect, it just made me look incredibly lumpy bumpy and just plain disgusting. From the side view I was fine, even fine from the back, but the front view made me cry. I thought I'd lost just enough weight for this dress to look good on me. I was wrong. So now I'm sitting here typing this out and trying to convince myself that it doesn't look all that bad, and that I can always pair the dress with a nice cardigan or one of my many kimona type shawls that have become popular. I have become so comfortable in leggings and oversized men's shirts, that I don't feel feminine anymore. I just feel like a blob. I have become to comfortable with being overweight and am just tired. Just so tired of people telling me I'm fine the way I am, that people love me for me. Well honestly, I don't love me. I sometimes hate me. I sometimes wish that I had more discipline when it comes to eating and exercising. I wish that I could say no easily to fast food when someone asks if I want anything. I wish I could walk past a vending machine at work and not buy anything. I wish I could get the fuck out of my bed on the weekends and go outside and walk around the park, instead of binge watching Netflix and eating my pain. I am so tired of just existing... I want to live again. And find that person who makes my heart happy whenever I see them. I want to go dancing in the rain, walk along a beach, walk hand in hand with someone who thinks the sun shines out of my ass, who thinks when I snort when I laugh to hard is cute. I want to kiss someone in the rain, where we think no one can see us,I want them to be happy to be seen with me and not keep me hidden away like some sort of filthy secret because im not perfect, because their friends will laugh at me. I dont want to be fetishized because im bigger than acceptable. I have a female friend who finds me attractive, but i dont find her attractive but i dont know how to tell her without hurting her feelings.I want so many fucking things but I know I can't have them when I can't even be happy with myself! I have so many things I want to experience, but my mind is not allowing it. Does any of this make any sense?? I've got so many things racing thru my mind that it hurts. I know I've gone way off kilter on a tangent rant that if you've read this all the way down I'm sorry. I get like this and I don't know who to talk to. I could talk to my mom, but she has her own problems and issues to deal with. And forget talking to my dad. Or my stepmother, neither of them would understand. I just feel like if I talked to my friend and told her how I really felt it'd break her heart. I love her, she's my best friend, she's my person- the one I'd call to help me bury a body- but I'm just not INLOVE with her in the way she wants. I'm not attracted to her the way she wants. And I can't help but feel like a disappointment when she flirts and I have to force myself to smile... So I guess all I can do is shut myself away and hope that one day I'll be strong enough to be the person I want to be.. Sorry again for the rant.