#four seasons of love [joel m]

[writerseclipse1]

[four seasons of love] chapter 1: a welcome arrival

a joel miller x reader series by @writerseclipse1

|| next || fsol masterlist ||

warnings: reader is in her 30s, joel in his 50s, abby in her 20s, mentions blood, injury and murder, small description of (canon-typical) physical violence, guns and other weapons, lmk if i missed anyt.

summary: jackson is stunned by an unexpected yet certainly welcome arrival. the plan falls into place a little too perfectly, like two sugars in a plain, black coffee.

word count: 3.8k

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ a/n: first chapter done!! hope u guys like it <3

++++++

March 19, 2037

“I hate it here,” Mike grumbled under his breath, slinging his rifle over his shoulder to adjust the thin material of his shirt. He heaved out a sigh, cheeks tinted a slight pink as a cool wisp of wind—left over from winter—brushed over his face. From his left, he heard a snicker and, turning his head, he saw Eugene stifling his laughter. “What’s so funny?”

“I mean, if you hadn’t fucked up last patrol, you wouldn’t be here,” Mike scoffs at Eugene’s chuckling, the bitter man crossing his arms over his chest as he looks at Eugene with a less-than-pleased look yet this did nothing to ease Eugene’s chipper mood. “Do better at your job and maybe they might let you patrol Jackson next time.” Eugene bursts out in a fit of laughter when he sees the corner of Mike’s mouth curl up into a sneer, his mouth opening to retaliate. The retort dies in his mouth however, when the latter sees a figure from below, back hunched and a trail of blood at its feet, and Mike’s heart leaps out of his chest when it collapses right outside the walls of Jackson.

“What the fuck is that?!”

The gates open and half a dozen men clutch their weapons, laser focused and pointed at their target, ready to shoot on command and at will. Maria clutches a pistol in one hand and a scanner in the other, swiftly attaching it to the neck of the intruder. The apparatus lets out a ‘click’ before the screen turns green. The woman signals the group to advance, their feet trudging along the grass.

They crowd around it, one of them nudging the body with the butt of his rifle but backs away when Maria clicks her tongue and gives a pointed look. “What do we do with it, boss?” The woman pauses, weighing her options before she sighs and shakes her head, surveying the blood absorbed by the soil.

“We take ‘em in.”

++++++

“Whatcha waitin’ here for?” Tommy’s head perked up at the sound of his older brother’s voice. His lips form a half smile, meeting Joel halfway to give him a side hug, wrapping one arm around his older brother’s shoulder.

“Been a week of waitin’ but we got a newcomer comin’ outta the med bay. Found her right outside the walls,” Tommy mused, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall behind him, staring at the curtain that separated him and his brother from the newcomer, the doctor, and Maria, who he speculated was speaking to the newcomer. “If she was out there for ten minutes longer, she woulda been dead before we even got here, well, that’s what Nolan told us.” 

Joel acknowledged this with a huff, nodding as he let himself absorb his brother’s words, but something was out of place. “Hold on, where’s she gonna stay? As far as I know, we haven't built any new houses.” The older man already knew the answer but he still asked, praying that his guess wasn’t the case.

“Yeah well, about that,” Tommy grimaced at Joel’s sharp glare. “Now, come on, give the girl a break! She was just on death’s doorstep, be hospitable for once.” He nudged his brother’s arm but before the latter was about to counter with his inevitable refusal, he interrupted him. “I’m sure you know how it feels to be bleeding and alone. Wouldn’t want our guest to feel that way, do ya?” 

It stopped Joel in his tracks, looking at his brother with an unreadable expression, the gears turning in his head as his decision was swayed by practicality versus sympathy. In the end, the soft sigh that Joel lets slip out of his mouth was the source of Tommy’s satisfaction. The younger man patted his brother’s shoulder with a grin, nodding his head. “Thanks, Joel. And who knows? You might like the girl more than you think.”

Joel didn’t get to retaliate before the curtain was pulled back, revealing Nolan Matthews—head doctor of the infirmary—with a mask that certainly did nothing to cover his evident smile, the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he neared the two. “Good news, she’s alive and well, and definitely expecting a full recovery from all the injuries she sustained. It’s insane how she got here with all of it, though,” he turned to Joel. “Best keep an eye on her for a couple of days until she’s completely back on her feet. Just give me five minutes and then you’ll be allowed into the room.” Once again, the doctor gave Joel no chance to respond before he disappeared behind the curtain.

Tommy ignored Joel’s pointed gaze, a victorious smirk gracing the younger man’s face while his brother greeted him with a scowl. “So now we’re tellin’ the whole town that a girl’s gonna stay in my place forever?”

“Not forever, unless you want her to.” The groan that escaped Joel’s mouth did nothing to ease the smile from his brother’s lips. In fact, Joel swore Tommy’s grin just got bigger. “Come on, you have an extra room! It’s just until we get a couple more materials to make one for her, that’s all.” If Joel looked closer, he would have seen the way Tommy’s hand moved behind his back, his fingers crossing as he licked his lips. No way in hell would Tommy make a new house for just one person when someone else had a functioning extra bed. Plus, he thought he was helping his brother out. It’s been a while since Joel had mingled, maybe he just needed a bit of a nudge.

“You two done? She’s ready to meet you.” Maria’s voice cuts them from their internal squabbling, the two nodding their heads as they push themselves off the wall. ““Couple more materials” my ass,” Joel muttered to himself as he moved the curtain out of his way and entered the room.

Joel was the first one among the two that you laid your eyes on, your gaze staying on him longer than it should have before your eyes flittered to his brother. Maria cleared her throat, tearing your attention from the two imposing men. She introduced the pair to you, her lips spreading out into a warm and welcoming smile. “This is Tommy, my husband,” she held his hand, squeezing it in her grasp and you gave him a meek smile as he tipped his head in your direction. “And this is his brother, Joel.”

Joel’s gaze had been pinned to the floor the entire time but when he felt Maria’s hand on his shoulder, he looked up. He looked much younger than you knew him to be but the greying hairs on the skin of his jaw and the ones on the side of his head told you otherwise. A swift glance gave you the chance to peek through the hazel glaze of his eyes, telling you of the murders he’d committed, the hardships he’d gone through, and the love that had slipped from his hands. Like his brother, he nodded his head in your direction, eyes still piercing into yours. “Welcome to Jackson.”

The corners of your lips turned upward, your own name slipping through your lips as you looked between the three, your eyes eventually focusing on Maria as she started to speak. “Thing is, we don’t have your house ready yet, but Joel offered his spare bedroom for you to stay in until we finish. Is that okay with you?” If you paid closer attention, you would have seen Joel glare at his brother and the smug smile on Tommy’s lips but you only nodded, slightly surprised that you were still welcome in a settlement with about 300 people.

“Yes, of course. I’m just grateful you still have room for one more person,” your voice came out small, looking up at them with gratitude. Before you could react, Maria had engulfed you in a hug, her accepting gesture making you relax even the slightest, almost making you forget what you had come here for in the first place.

Almost.

“You’re always welcome here and there will always be room,” she smiled, helping you stand on your shaky legs. “Now come on, we’ll show you around.”

++++++

“Take your shoes off and put ‘em in the rack before you come in,” Joel’s gruff voice cut through the air as you followed him up the steps to the porch which was painted a light shade of brown. Heeding his request, you untied your boots and let the laces hang down the sides of the shoes and without another word, followed him into the house.

After you had finished your tour around town, Maria had insisted that Joel lead you to your “temporary” place of residence and show you your room. The sun hadn’t even set, its rays still shining down on Jackson without abandon but you felt the exhaustion of the week spent in the infirmary slowly come down on you like feathers dropping onto your shoulders.

The exterior matched the interior, with minimal furniture and a layout that was certainly easy to memorize. The kitchen and the dining area on your left and the living room to your right. Other than looking over his shoulder to see if you listened to his earlier request, Joel paid you no mind, letting you explore the house as you wish. Hanging your jacket on the coat stand and placing your boots in the rack, you headed to the living room first. You sighed softly at the warmth of the fireplace as your fingers ghosted over the brown, worn out leather of the couch and a part of you wondered just how many times he had accidentally fallen asleep on it rather than his bed.

A sudden ‘thump’ from your left drew your curiosity to the corner of the room. You took a second to appreciate the small library Joel had set up on a wide, wooden bookshelf and to also admire his slightly obvious affinity for reading. He didn’t seem like the bookworm type, especially if you took him at face value. A book laid on the ground and as soon as you picked it up, you wiped the dust off the cover with your sleeve. “An Idiot’s Guide to Space.” It made your eyebrows raise in curiosity, the pad of your thumb brushing over the somehow sleek cover of the book.

“Didn’t peg you as a space nerd,” his head tilted in the direction of your voice, eyes focusing on you as you kept your back to him. Smoke rose from the surface of his coffee, watching it disappear as he let the comment hang in the air for a while but you didn’t mind, not expecting a reply from him in the first place.

“‘M not. I’m into woodworkin’ and a lil’ bit of history but none of that—” he brushes it off with a wave of his hand in the air. “—whatever. But, uh, Ellie, she likes space so I’m tryna figure out half the things she says.”

“You have a daughter?” You would be lying if you said you were surprised.

“No, no.” Shaking his head, he wiped his hands on the towel that hung from the oven, idly walking toward you. “She’s a kid I came here with, saved her from getting eaten alive out there.” His footsteps got nearer and nearer and you felt your words die in the back of your throat when you felt his presence behind you, the scent of coffee and his natural aroma invading your senses. You made no move to turn, your eyes scanning the title of the book over and over until it was ingrained in your mind.

You snapped out of your daze when he cleared his throat and you looked over your shoulder, seeing a cup of coffee in each of his hands and you hurriedly returned the book to the shelf. Turning around, you carefully took the mug from his left hand, blowing gently before taking a sip. You peered at him from over the rim as you muttered a soft ‘thank you’, not noticing how he hid his face by sipping his own coffee.

Not long after, you found yourselves on the couch, a noticeable space in between you and him. Joel was never one for small talk but he gave himself the chance to indulge in it, just this once maybe. He found it comforting, talking to someone with no apparent knowledge of him and his actions prior to his new life in town.

“Five years huh?”

“Yep.” Joel would consider himself a quiet person so it was a surprise when all the questions you asked didn’t go unanswered. Some were short and brisk but you seemed to understand him, not pressing on the subject unless he elaborated further. “Time’s fast though, it’s the reason my back always hurts like a bitch.”

Your chuckle echoed through the otherwise empty house as you leaned over to put your now-empty mug on the coffee table, right beside where Joel put his. The embers in the fireplace crackled, the fire fizzing as it slowly died. A sigh escaped your lips, making Joel’s head turn and watch as you rolled your shoulders. “I guess that’s my cue to go to bed.”

“Alright then,” he stood after you, his palms pushing him up and he tipped his head toward the stairs. “Lemme show you your room.”

It wasn’t anything startling, a simple bed next to the window on the left and a small dresser on the right. You were just grateful for the clean sheets and the assurance of the locks on the front and back door. Pulling the handles, the dresser revealed a small pile of clean clothes that smelled like they were fresh out of the laundry.

“I traded a few things in for ‘em, don’t mention it.” He said, seeing your mouth opening and about to release a cluster of words of gratitude and ‘you didn’t have to’s. “‘Just wanted my first guest to be comfortable.”

“Well, I’ll rate you five stars on Airbnb,” you teased, biting your lip to suppress a smirk when he let out a hearty laugh, one you heard from Maria to be a “rare find these days” yet you find yourself chuckling along with him.

“Wait, you know what that is?” An excited expression graced his face, the corners of his eyes wrinkling and his teeth showing as his lips pulled up into a grin. His arm went up to rest his weight on the door, his free hand resting on his waist.

“I’m not as young as you think, Mr. Miller.” He extended a hand toward you and you looked up at him through your eyelashes, his laugh turned into a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Call me Joel.” The edges of your lips quirked up as you took his calloused hand into your smooth one.

“Nice to finally meet you, Joel.”

You learned two things that night: Joel was in his 30s when the outbreak began and he gets talky when he gets his coffee.

++++++

“Took you long enough,” the blonde's familiar voice echoed from behind you and you bit back a groan.

Sometime after the moon was high into the sky and you were sure that Joel had locked his door, you quietly slid out of bed and down the stairs, relief flooding you for the absence of a creaky staircase. Slipping your coat back on, you grimaced at the thought of soiling Joel’s living room before you ultimately decided to grab your boots and put them on once you got out the back door.

Sneaking out—of the house and of Jackson—was easy enough but navigating through the night without a flashlight made the hairs on your neck stand with every soft whisper of the wind. You remained on high alert, hands grasping your gun tight but you felt the tension in your shoulders relax when you saw the familiar shack, a dim glow lighting up the inside.

“Give me a break, he was a bit chattier than what you told me,” you muttered, slumping onto the couch beside Manny and Owen, giving both men a fist bump. Leaning back onto the backrest, you slung your ankle over your other knee and crossed your arms over your chest as Abby stayed standing, watching the small fire flicker inside the lamp. “What now, boss? Do I bring out the good ol’ golf club and finish the job?”

“Are you ridiculous?” Came her retort and you bit back a laugh at her annoyed expression. “If that was our plan, his brother might come after me and we’d all be dead. If you wanted me to get killed that easily, you could’ve said so.” Her braid swung over her shoulder as she stretched her neck.

“That was a joke, Abigail, if you couldn’t tell,” you could see her jaw tighten, as if she was stopping herself from bashing your head with a golf club. Her distaste for you was loud and clear and it was evident the feeling was reciprocated.

The plan was simple: infiltrate Jackson, get Joel to fall in love with you, lure him out of Jackson by pretending you got kidnapped, then Abby finishes the job in a ratty, old cabin without any witnesses, the same one you were in right now.

“And why me? She could do it herself if she really wanted him killed,” you mused as you glanced at Abby, crossing your arms as Isaac tries but fails to stifle a chuckle.

“No way in hell,” she snarled, her hands balling into fists from the top of the table. “Am I gonna get all lovey-dovey on the man who killed my father. If anything, the only time I’m gonna be laying my hands on him is when I finally get to murder that son of a bitch.”

“You’re also closer to his age than Abby.” Owen piped up, pushing himself off the wall he leaned on. You tried not to roll your eyes but it was difficult when he was being such a fucking tryhard.

“More important than that,” Isaac sent the two a pointed look, putting his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his intertwined fingers. “You’re my most valuable soldier, my right hand, if I may. If there’s anyone this self-proclaimed mission needs, it’s you.” Pride swelled deep in your heart and the daggers Abby stared into your skull didn’t go unnoticed, but it went without a response. 

“Alright, alright, let’s get things done,” Manny started, clearing his throat as he put his weight forward, resting his forearms on his thighs as the attention completely turned to you. “What happened today?”

Clearing your throat, your mind raked through the events of today as your teeth dragged over your teeth. “For one, it’s a miracle I got there in the first place,” your hand smoothed over the back of your neck, wincing when you felt a sting travel from your nape. “You did a number on me, Anderson, felt like I was on the brink of death when I got there.” Abby felt more than smug at your admission because making your life hell is her mission in progress, the side quest of her main task: getting revenge on Joel Miller. 

Before you started to traverse through the remote area the town was situated in, Abby insisted on getting you roughed up. Just a little to invoke sympathy in the people, but she beat the shit out of you so hard you even felt bad for yourself. 

“Just get on with it,” she said, a barely-there, shit-eating grin on her face but you only dug your nails into your palms, not having the energy to contest. “What about Joel?”

“Met him almost instantly, right after they let me out of my hospital bed,” you picked on the hidden bandages that were wrapped around your torso as your body started to throb from the pain you’ve been trying to conceal since you stepped foot in the town. “Then they told me I’ll be staying in his house until they get my house fixed up.”

Abby’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She wasn’t, by all means, religious but she was taken aback at how Joel was being served to her on a silver platter, like someone out there wanted her to take what she’s been longing for. Not to kill Joel, but to avenge her father in the same way he was taken from her.

“One thing I noticed though,” your voice broke her out of her revenge-filled reverie, looking at you with an unreadable expression. “Was that it’ll take a while for him to fall in love with me, not that I’m basing it off on assumptions but he’s a quiet person in general.” “How long is “a while”?” Mel asked, coming out from one of the bedrooms with her hands on her hips, looking at you expectantly.

“Maybe a year if I’m right.”

“A year? We can’t wait around here for that long,” grumbled Abby, who was greeted with a groan from you. Massaging your temples with your thumb and middle finger and trying to prolong the coming of your inevitable headache, you offered an idea.

“Radio. You got one back at base and I’m sure they have one I can borrow,” you raised your eyebrows, expecting an answer from the blonde. “How’s that?” Her arms crossed over her chest and her knee bounced, a habit she had when she was lost in thought. Eventually, she spoke again yet her words were dripping with skepticism.

“Every Saturday at this time, you give us a weekly report with all the necessary details and, if you can, add in your ETC so we know when to strike. If everything is ready to go, the code word is “do not disturb.” Wrote all that down?”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am,” you joked, mock saluting her as you stood, only rolling her eyes at you as you shrugged your coat back on and headed out, but not before bidding them a good night and wishing them a safe trip back to Seattle in the morning. They all watched as you weaved through the thick trees scattered in the forest, their attention never wavering, not until you disappeared in the darkness of the night.

It wasn’t a rare occurrence for Abby to be losing sleep over this. It was something her brain did often, questioning her own methods and skills. This time, it settled on the fact that this mission would take a year to complete, more or less. Was it really worth the time?

Then again, she waited five years to kill him. Another year wouldn’t hurt, right?

++++++

[thetriumphantpanda]

Come Away With Me | Joel & Tommy Miller (Monday)

Summary | Day One of your trip to the lake house with Joel and you can't keep your hands off each other. It's all about making up for lost time.

Warnings | Fluff, 2(3?) lovesick fools, mentions of food and alcohol, explicit smut, breeding kink, oral sex (F & M Receiving), unprotected PiV sex (We can't all have a sexy Joel Miller to make us pregnant, please wrap it up), talk of UTI's (Honestly, not worth it, PEE AFTER SEX PLEASE), as always, Tommy kinda getting cucked and Joel just being Joel.

Word Count | 5.1K

Authors Note | The love that this series has received already, without me even posting a chapter has been overwhelming and I am so grateful to you all for being so enthusiastic about this. This little trio means more to me than you can ever imagine and I'm so incredibly happy to be able to bring them back to you. I would love to know what you think about this first instalment, so please leave your comments, reblogs and my ask box is always open if you want to scream about this with me. If you enjoyed this then please consider leaving me a tip on my Ko-Fi here.

SEASON TWO OF TRIAL & ERROR. Read the first instalment here (This probably won't make sense without it.)

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You press a kiss to Joshua’s forehead as he keeps his hands around Tommy’s leg. He’s four now, toddling about, like a perfect little human, and still, whenever you see him, your chest swells with happiness and love in a way you didn’t think would still be possible. 

“You be good for daddy, okay?” You smile, ruffling the hair on top of his head, before bending down to his height, opening your arms for him to fall into as he hugs you, “I’ll be back soon, I promise, and I’ll call every day.” 

A whole week away from your baby boy was daunting. You don’t think you’ve ever spent longer than twenty-four hours without him, but you know he’s in good hands. His dad knows what he’s doing, you’re not worried. 

Tommy has picked Joshua up into his arms, the little boy clutching onto the collar of his shirt as he leans down to lock his lips with yours. You smile into his kiss, letting your hands drop to his waist to pull him a little closer to you. 

“You make sure you give the old man a run for his money, okay?” He smirks when he pulls away, hand running over your hair. 

“He’ll wish he hadn’t come up with idea.” You whisper back, one last chaste kiss to Tommy’s lips and Joshua’s head. 

“You ready?” Joel asks from across the truck, sliding into the driver’s side. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.”  

Joel is nervous. He very rarely feels like this in his older age, especially when it comes to speaking to Tommy. They’ve grown up together, he basically helped raise him, had countless awkward conversations with him, including the one that got him here in the first place, waiting patiently for his birthday so he can steal away his girl and have one night with her all to himself, but he’s still nervous. 

It's the end of summer, Sarah will be leaving for college in the next few days, dead set on becoming a doctor, so Joel’s decided the only way to celebrate his little girl going off and doing what neither he nor his brother could do, and to ease the impending loneliness he’s going to feel at having this big house all to himself, is a cookout. He’s fed everyone, spent time keeping Joshua amused so you and Tommy can eat in peace, and now, a few beers in, he thinks he’s ready. 

He walks down to Tommy, who is cleaning the grill off, listening to the sounds of you and Sarah chasing Joshua around his garden, trying to tire him out. He puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder and squeezes and they share a smile between them. 

“You alright, brother?” Tommy asks, brushing down the last of the grill. 

“I’m good,” Joel replies simply, “But I have something to ask you, a favour.” 

“Anythin’ for you brother.” He smiles, setting down his cleaning tools and picking up his beer. 

“I know we never discussed it, between us, but what happens between me and her, it makes me happy, y’know?” 

Tommy’s smile gets bigger, and Joel knows that because it’s all his brother has ever wanted for him, to be happy, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so grateful for the man in front of him. 

“I know second time around it’s takin’ longer than we’d all like,” Joel sighs, you’d all been trying for months for the second baby – people had told you second time around was easier, but whoever decided that was a damn liar, “I just wondered, y’know, ‘cause she’s stressed and all, whether I could take her away?” 

“Take her away?” Tommy asks, eyebrow cocked with his lips on the bottle of beer. 

“Not from you,” Joel stutters, “Just for a week, somewhere quiet, I don’t know, the lake or somethin’, just see if her relaxin’ might help things.” 

“Where were you thinkin’?” Tommy asks. 

“I’ve been lookin’ and there are some nice places up in Colorado,” He rubs the back of his neck, not wanting to admit to his brother that he’s trawled the internet late at night trying to find somewhere he can afford, that in his mind he has it all planned out, “Close enough that we can get back if anything happens with Josh.” 

“I don’t know that she’ll get the time from work, Joel,” Tommy sighs, “It ain’t that I don’t want her to go, I know she’d love the time away, but she’s pressed.” 

Joel turns around and follows Tommy’s eyeline, you’re sitting on the grass with your back against the veranda, watching as Sarah plays with Joshua a little further away. Your head is leant back against the wood and Joel can tell you’re exhausted. A full time job, plus being a mother, whilst Joel’s got Tommy working longer and longer hours so they can finally get their business off the ground properly. 

“When was the last time she was anythin’ but a mother?” Joel asks, turning back to his brother, “Come on brother,” He pleads, “We can give her a break, give her the chance to be just her again,” Then he decides to sweeten the deal, “I’ll even give you the week off work.” 

“You really don’t have to beg me Joel,” Tommy insists with a smile, “If she can get the time off work, then you can have her.” 

You’re three hours into the drive. Joel has insisted he can make it in one go, with a few comfort breaks on the way, despite it being a twelve-hour drive, but you’re not going to argue with him. He’s well and truly in charge this week and you’re more than happy to relinquish control to him. It’s nice, having someone else worry about you, whether you’ve got enough snacks to keep you going, whether you need to stop to use the bathroom, whether you need to close your eyes and take a nap, as opposed to you worrying about doing that for your son. 

Joel is tapping his hands on the steering wheel. Sarah had made him a mixtape before she left, supposedly full of the songs they used to listen to in the car together, though you can’t imagine Joel had allowed much Taylor Swift judging by how fast he was to press skip when the familiar sounds of Teardrops On My Guitar started playing through the truck. He’s just finished singing along to Bon Jovi, a smile on his face as he looks at you. 

“I love your voice,” You smile, running your fingers lightly up the arm that is resting near you, his warm palm on your thigh as he drives, “It’s not too late y’know, to make it big with your guitar.” 

He snorts but with a smile on his face, “I was never any good at bein’ on stage, always got choked up and froze,” He turns his head to you a little, “I’m happy to just save my singin’ for you.” 

The CD he’s got playing skips to the next song and the sounds of Destiny’s Child’s Survivor start filling the car. Joel is already moving to press skip so you grip hold of his wrist. 

“Don’t you dare,” You warn, “This is such a good song.” 

“Sweetheart, come on, you don’t really wanna listen to it.” 

You chuckle at him, “You’ve listened to everything you wanted, just give me this one song.”

“If I’m lettin’ you listen to this,” He growls, “Then you’re gonna owe me.” 

“Is that right?” You play coy, “And what do you deem suitable payment for a single Destiny’s Child song?” 

You watch his face, still trained straight ahead on the highway, but with that smirk that you always love to see from him. It means he’s thinking something filthy and filthy Joel is something you simply cannot get enough of. You watch as his eyes meet yours momentarily and then drop to his lap. If you hadn’t been so focused on his face, you’d have missed it, but your eyes trail down his body where you can already see him growing in his jeans. 

You lean back in your seat, nodding to yourself, “Joel Miller, grown man, wants me to suck his cock whilst he drives, just like a horny teenager.” 

He brings a hand to the back of your neck and squeezes, trying to gently drag you forward, “I’ve waited a fuckin’ year to have you to myself, pretty girl,” He speaks lowly, “Didn’t think I was gonna wait for a bed, did you?” 

You chuckle but move to undo your seatbelt. He keeps his hand resting on the back of your neck, but it’s gentle. He doesn’t pull you towards him, just waits for you to set your own pace. You reach across the console of the truck with your hand, palming him through his jeans, reveling in the way his head tips back and he lets a long sigh fall from his lips. 

“You missed me, huh?” You tease, bringing your fingers up to the button on his jeans, you should have known he had something planned when he turned up without his belt on. 

“You seriously askin’ me if I missed you?” He asks as you pop the button and drag his zipper down slowly. 

You lean over, lips pressing a chaste kiss to the scruff on his jaw, “Boost my ego, Joel Miller,” You whisper into his ear as your hand sneaks underneath the waistband of his underwear, “Tell me how much you missed me.” 

He lifts his hips for you a little so you can shuck his jeans down just enough to pull his cock out. You lean over, Joel’s wide palm still resting at the nape of your neck as you fist him, running your hand up and down his length. If you were a stronger woman you’d tease him, but you’re as desperate for him as he is for you, so you bring your mouth right to him, swirling your tongue over his tip, lapping up the drops of pre-cum that are waiting for you. 

Your wrap your lips around him and swallow him down as far as you can take him without him hitting the back of your throat, using your hand to pump the length your mouth doesn’t reach, swirling your tongue around him as you pull your mouth back up. 

“God fuckin’ damn, babygirl,” Joel groans above you, hand tangling in your hair as you continue to bob your head up and down on him, “You’ve done this before.” 

It strikes you in this moment that in the four or so years you and Joel have been together like this, he’s never once let you put your mouth on him like this. Before Joshua, he had always been hyper focused on your pleasure, whether you felt good, and in the years since, in those few short hours you had together, he’d never once asked for it, had stopped you when you tried, he’d only ever come for you when he was fucking you. 

You sneak your hand lower, cupping his heavy balls in the palm of your hand as you take him further down your throat. The added sensation of your hand has him bucking his hips up into your mouth enough that you have to pull away from him, coughing and spluttering. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He worries, taking his hand from your head, “Are you okay?” 

“Focus on the road, Miller,” You demand, moving to get right back down to business, “If I choke to death on your cock that’s my business.” 

“Kinda hard to focus on the road when I’m seconds away from filling your mouth, pretty girl.” You can hear the strain in his voice as you start working his cock again, pulling off only long enough to reply. 

“That’s what I want,” You whisper, “You gonna come down my throat Joel?” 

“That what you want?” He grunts from above you. 

“Wanna taste you.” 

“Well pretty girl, you just keep goin’ and I’ll give you what you want.” 

He stays true to his word, and after a few short minutes, he’s gripping a fistful of your hair, breathing your name out, as his cum spreads across your tongue. Salty, masculine, musky, but distinctly Joel, and you think from this moment on you might be hooked on the taste of him. 

You pull back up, sitting back in your seat, Joel turning his head to watch you as you open your mouth, sticking your tongue out just enough to show him what he’s given you. Then, you close your mouth and swallow every last drop, wiping the small amount that had gathered in the corner of your lips back into your mouth.

“Jesus,” Joel breathes, “You’re somethin’ else, baby.” 

It’s late evening by the time you and Joel arrive at the lake house. It’s dark so you can’t properly take in your surroundings, but it’s peaceful and quiet, and when you step out of the truck, it smells different. The smell of pine and fresh water fills your senses and it’s at this moment you realise you really needed this – a break away from the suburbs and the city you’re so used to. 

You make a simple dinner of chicken and roasted vegetables, washed down with lukewarm beer that hadn’t had a chance to properly chill. Joel insists on doing the dishes, silently cursing he didn’t pick a cabin with a dishwasher. The more time he has to spend washing up, the less time he can spend buried deep inside you, which is what he wants most right now. He’s hungrier for you than he’s ever been, you having refused his offer to pull off the highway so he could return the favour earlier. 

You’ve taken two fresh beers from the fridge outside with you. He can see you sitting on the small swing seat on the porch, taking small sips of your drink as you wait for him. You’re on the phone to Tommy, letting him know you arrived safely and then he can hear your voice change as you speak to Joshua – more high-pitched than normal. The conversation doesn’t last long, Tommy clearly needing to put Joshua down to sleep, so you’re hanging up the phone in no time. He notices you shiver through the window, so he digs out one of his flannels from his bag that hasn’t made it to the bedroom and takes it out with him, draping it across your shoulders. He takes a seat next to you, his thigh touching yours, as you hand him his beer. 

“I bet this view will be beautiful tomorrow.” You muse, taking another sip of your drink. 

“I don’t know,” He speaks back softly, looking at you, “It’s pretty perfect to me already.” 

You can feel your face grow hot at the compliment, but you smile. Joel drapes his arm across the back of the bench, and you automatically shuffle in closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder as his hand trails up and down your arm. 

“So, how have you really been in that house without Sarah these past few weeks?” You ask, hand coming to rest on his thigh. 

“It’s been strange,” He answers honestly, “But I’m so proud of her, my little girl training to be a doctor.” 

Your heart swells because you’re pretty fucking proud of her as well. She’d worked so hard to get into medical school the past few years, finally settling on what it was that she wanted to do, and you have no doubt that she’s going to find some incredible medical breakthrough during her career. 

“Still don’t know where she got her brains from,” He grumbles, “Sure as hell ain’t from the side me and Tommy got ours.” 

You swat your hand to his thigh, “What have I told you about being kind to yourself?” You chastise, earning a low laugh from him, “Don’t sell yourself short, you started your own business Joel, not everyone can do that.” 

He nods, but you think it’s more to placate you than understanding his worth, but you decide to let it lie, “You know, she’s not far from here,” You offer, “If you wanted, you could go and see her.” 

“I’d like that,” He smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ll call her tomorrow, gonna have to think of a white lie as to why I’m all the way out here though.” 

“I’m sure if we put our heads together, we can think of something.” 

It’s silent for a while between you. Listening to the wind rustle the leaves on the trees is soothing. Pair that with Joel’s gentle tracing up and down your arm, and the way he’s slowly rocking the swing with his foot on the ground, and you’re almost ready to fall asleep. 

“Hey Joel,” You whisper, leaning your head up towards him, he answers with a hum of acknowledgement, “You wanna take me to bed?” 

He leans down, pressing his lips softly to your own, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

You stand, extending your hand to his, which he takes, letting you lead him back inside. Because he’s used to it, the routine of checking the locks at home, he makes sure he double checks all the doors are locked before letting you take hold of his hand again and lead him down the small hallway, into the master bedroom at the end. 

The bed is huge, white sheets resting on top, with plump pillows at the end. If it wasn’t for Joel’s hands on your hips and his lips on your neck, you’d be focused on falling into it and going straight to sleep. He’s walking you forward, trailing wet kisses down the expanse of your neck, then he turns you once your knees hit the foot of the bed. 

He brings his palms to your face, cradling it in his hands as he leans down, pressing those soft, plush lips to your own. You bring your arms to wrap around his shoulders, pressing yourself up on your tiptoes as his arms wrap around your waist, pulling your body flush to his broad frame as he opens his mouth, tongue licking into your own mouth as he deepens your kiss. It’s the first time he’s kissed you since last year, both of you having some form of silent agreement with each other that Tommy doesn’t need to see that. He see’s everything else you do when you’re together, when he’s watching his brother fill you up, this here, when Joel kisses the very breath from your lungs, this is just for the two of you. 

With his mouth still latched to yours, he uses his hands to push his flannel from your shoulders, before he reaches down and tugs your own shirt from where it was tucked into your jeans. He takes his time, unbuttoning it one notch at a time, until that too is pushed from your shoulders. You don’t even realise he’s undone the button on your jeans until he’s pushing them down your hips – too focused on the way his mouth tastes. 

“Sit down, pretty girl,” He whispers, dropping to his knees, “Been drivin’ me wild all day,” His hands trail up your legs, parting them in front of his face when you perch on the edge of the bed, “Thinkin’ about you all wet down here, after you sucked my cock.” 

He runs his thumb over the front of your panties, tracing the seam of your pussy, which has indeed been completely soaked for him since you sucked him off. He presses his mouth, wet and hot, against the delicate skin of your thigh as you let your head drop back and a sigh to escape your mouth. His mouth comes to rest between the crook of your thigh, where the seam of your underwear is, and you think he might just pull them to the side and give you what you want, but instead, he starts a trail of kisses from the opposite knee, moving slowly up your other thigh until you’re squirming for him. 

“Don’t tease me,” You beg, running a hand through the curls on his head, “Make me feel good, Joel.” 

“This what you want, pretty girl?” He asks, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, dragging them off you when you lift yourself off the bed a little, “Want my mouth here?” 

His thumb runs up the seam of your pussy, the friction without the barrier of your panties delicious now. You spread your legs for him, heels resting on the bottom of the bed, baring your spread, aching cunt for him. His palms are resting on the inner part of your thighs now as he leans in, lips pressing a single chaste kiss to your clit. 

“Fuck,” You breathe out, chasing the feel of his lips as he pulls away, you almost whine until you feel him push one of his delightfully thick fingers straight into your weeping pussy, “Fuck Joel, holy shit.” 

He’s grinning up at you like the devil when you look down, pulling his finger out all the way before slipping it into his mouth to clean it off, “You been this wet all day?” He asks, thumb moving to gather the slick at your entrance to drag to your clit, moving in featherlight movements. 

“Y-yes,” You manage to choke out, “This is what you do to me.” 

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he puts his face right back where you want it, tongue licking a firm, wide strip from your weeping hole and up to your clit, using the tip of his tongue to place precise flicks on your swollen bundle of nerves. He’s so fucking good with his mouth it actually hurts. He’s managed to learn exactly how you like it, what combination of moves with his mouth and the addition of his fingers bring you over the edge the fastest and that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. He slips two of his fingers back inside you, curling them straight up into that spot within you that makes you cry, lips sucking your clit into his mouth whilst his tongue still moves perfectly across you. 

“God fucking damn it, Joel,” You cry, fingers tugging at his hair as you push your pussy closer to his face, “Gonna make me come.” 

He doesn’t bother to pull his mouth away from you to tell you it’s okay like he usually does, just continues the movements just as they are until your crying his name out, the rope that was pulled taught inside you snapping as your pussy clenches around Joel’s fingers and you come so hard your vision blacks out for a moment.

You collapse down onto the bed, arms no longer able to hold you up as Joel takes his mouth from your clit, gently pulling his fingers from you. Without needing to be asked, you scoot up the bed, letting air fill your lungs. Your eyes are trained on Joel as he starts to undress in front of you, smirking at you when he drags his shirt over his head. 

“You should charge people for this,” You mumble, “Sure a lot of ladies would pay good money to watch you strip.” 

“Like this?” He chuckles, slowly undoing the button of his jeans, dragging the zipper down painfully slow as you start humming, encouraging him to really put on a show, “Zip it.” He laughs, pushing his jeans down his legs, his cock hard and pressing against the thin material of his boxers. 

He shucks them off his body as well and you watch, captivated as he fists his cock, he is, next to his brother, one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Joel Miller,” You breathe out as he clambers onto the bed, pulling you up slightly so he can take your bra off, “Do you know that?” 

His mouth is pressing kisses between your breasts, letting his teeth nibble small marks across your chest before he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. You can feel his cock pressing between your folds, running up and down your pussy as he settles properly between your thighs. You run your hand through his hair as he trails his lips up to your face, peppering your jaw with kisses. 

“Can’t say I’ve been told much,” He whispers into your ear, “But I’ll take it.” 

You can feel him reach between you, base of his cock in his hand as he brings the tip to your slick cunt. He thrusts forward just a touch, giving you the tip, lips settling onto your own so he can swallow the small moans you let out as he inches deeper and deeper into you until he bottoms out. You shift your hips underneath him, legs hitching around his waist. 

“Baby please,” He pleads, “You gotta give me a second,” His head dropping to the crook of your neck, “Fuck, how does it always feel like I’m fucking you for the first time?” 

You want to give him all the time in the world but you’re just as bad as he is. He needs to move, and he needs to move now otherwise you think you might actually die. 

“Please Joel,” You moan, rolling your hips up into his, hand still firmly tangled in the curls at the back of his neck, “You need to move.” 

“I ain’t gonna last, babygirl.” He groans as he pulls himself out and slams back into you. 

“Don’t care,” You moan as his lips attach themselves to your throat, “Just need to feel you.” 

He moves, placing his hands on either side of your head, pushing himself up, as he drags his cock from your tight heat and starts thrusting properly. You’ve had this man more times than you can count, two or three times a month for the past six months whilst you try for your second baby, but the way he feels inside of you never fails to set your body on fire. 

He’s always so big, and you feel so fucking full of him. You close your eyes and tilt your head back further into the mattress as he drives himself deeper into you, head of his cock brushing against your cervix. It’s pain and pleasure, it’s too much and not enough all at the same time. He makes you stupid when he fucks you like this. Focused on one thing, and one thing only. 

One of his hands clutches your chin, his voice hoarse with pleasure, “Look at me,” He demands, “Give me those beautiful eyes when I fuck you.” 

You do as you’re told, eyes opening and staring into his own chocolate orbs that are dark with lust. God, you love him. You know you shouldn’t love him this much, it’s dangerous, but he’s so fucking good to you, you can’t help yourself. 

“Good girl,” He praises, making your pussy clench around him, “Doin’ what you’re told, you’re so good for me, aren’t you?” 

“So good Joel,” You moan, fingers gripping the meat of his biceps as you hold onto him, hips rolling up to meet his with every thrust, “Want you to come for me.” 

“Yeah, want me to fill you up, pretty girl?” 

“Yes Joel!” You cry, “Fill me up baby, please.” 

His hips start to falter from their precise thrusts of before, he’s so fucking close, you can see it on his face, hear it in his growls. He dips his head back to the crook of your neck, teeth nipping along your collarbones as he pounds into you. He lets out one long moan of your name as he stills inside you, and you can feel the familiar warmth of his cum filling you up. He brings one of his hands down to cup your ass, lifting you up a little, as if he thinks the angle of your pelvis makes much of a difference when it comes to getting you pregnant. 

He groans into your neck as he slips out of you, letting your hips finally drop to the bed as he rolls off you, collapsing in a heap beside you as he catches his breath. You lean over, kiss pressed to his cheek with a mumble that you’ll be back in a minute once you’ve cleaned up, the pain of last month’s UTI still fresh in your mind after you fell asleep without going to the bathroom. 

When you return, two glasses of water in hand, he’s already pulled back the sheets and has settled himself back against the pillows. You hand him his glass, setting yours on the nightstand as you climb into bed, settling your aching bones against your own pillow when you realise this is uncharted territory with you and Joel. When you spend your one night with him, neither of you sleep – you spend as much time as you can connected, making each other feel good, and when he’s with you outside of that, with Tommy watching, or joining in, whichever he feels like doing that night, he’s always gone in a flash. You’ve never settled down to sleep next to him, you don’t know if he snores, you don’t know if he wants you to cuddle into his side and drift off to sleep together. 

“Stop thinkin’,” He sighs, “And c’mere.” 

You smile, crawling over the space between you as he moves his body down to lie flat on his back. You drape one of your arms over his tummy as his wraps around your shoulder, the other resting on your arm wrapped around him. You bring your leg up to wrap between his and let out a sigh. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve always wanted this,” He whispers quietly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, “Somethin’ so simple as fallin’ asleep with you.” 

You hum against his warm skin, letting the thumb that’s resting on his tummy start rubbing small circles on his skin, “It’s nice,” You speak, punctuating it with a yawn, “Hope you don’t snore though.” 

His chest rising with a chuckle as he pulls you tighter to his body, “Go to sleep, babygirl,” He speaks quietly, “I’m gonna wear you out tomorrow.” 

You don’t know whether he’s referring to the hike he wanted to take you on through the mountains, or the fact that you both know what you’re really here for. Is he going to keep you right here on this mattress all day, filling you up until you can’t take it anymore? Either way, being here with Joel has already been the ointment you needed for your stress. Your shoulders are more relaxed, and you don’t have the headache you usually do at the end of the day from gritting your teeth. Whatever he’s got planned, you’re going to take it, and for now, you’re going to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach that this time, though longer than you ever get, is still fleeting. You can worry about that another day. 

Taglist: @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @dinsdjrn @cavillscurls @cupofjoel @tightjeansjavi @kaitangatatacos @paleidiot

[theclairvoyage]

Centrifugation: Chapter 1

plasmadonor!Joel x f!reader

You’re the star phlebotomist at the local plasma center, and the job has been increasingly mundane as of late… until a new and handsome Texan donor comes to the center and changes that, and the rest your life.

Series Masterlist

Series warnings:

AU, M/F, Age gap (20 years)-reader’s YOB is 1995 (purely coincidental lolol), eventual SMUT, blood, needles, & plasma talk (nothing too graphic, I promise!), a bit of blasphemy, criticism of religion, mentions of death, divorce, angst, fluffity fluff fluff, alcohol consumption, violence.  Individual chapters will have specific warnings.

FYI – this work contains criticisms of religion and reader is atheist/agnostic.  Feel free to scroll if this offends you.  If you decide to read, remember that even if you are religious, this is not an attack on you, but rather ideology.  And remember the tenets of religious freedom.  Everyone has the right to believe – and NOT to believe – in the things you do.

Plasma Center UrbanDict:

Stick = venipuncture

PR = permanent rejection, aka permanent deferral

Reception = where donors have vitals taken to determine if they are suitable to donate

Donor Floor = where the magic happens, baby! Where donation occurs, aka sticks with big 17G needles

 Processing = where units of plasma are sampled and frozen

This is my first ever fic! Excited to share all of it with you. I'm new to posting this kind of stuff on Tumblr, so please forgive rookie formatting and whatnot. Hope you enjoy! As of 03/10/24, I have 6 chapters written - I'm juggling my writing with finishing my MPH degree, so my schedule might be a little spotty until mid-May.

Chapter 1

Chapter warnings: blood, needles, & plasma talk, light violence.

WC: 3.7k

Friday, October 15th | 0755

You turn into the parking lot at the plasma center, a little later than your usual 10 minutes early.  Your shift is at 8, so you don’t have much time to walk to the center, clock in, grab your coat and face shield and get to work.  Thankfully, the parking lot is just across the street.  As soon as you step out of your car, downtown Omaha greets you with the familiar scents of cigarette smoke and fall air, along with the sounds of the city buses and commuters chugging along.

It’s a nice morning.  Living in Nebraska means you get to experience the peaks and valleys of all four seasons, and during fall, this means the leaves of what few trees are in the downtown area are painted lovely hues of orange, yellow, and even red – if you’re lucky enough to find a scarlet or pin oak tree.

The plasma center parking lot is shared with employees and donors, and it’s packed this morning.  Not a great sign.  You walk up to the back employee entrance and punch in the code.  The keypad beeps and lights up green and you pull open the ages-old, heavy-as-hell door and make your way to the break room.

The donor waiting area is just outside the break room door, and you can tell by how full it is that it’s going to be a long day, confirming your earlier suspicions in the parking lot.  Somebody definitely called in, you think.  Great.  Punching in the same code as before, you enter the break room, throw your stuff in your locker, and clock in.

As soon as you’re on the Donor Floor, donned with your white lab coat, blue nitrile gloves, and face shield, one of your best phlebotomists and good friend Keri approaches, looking flustered as hell.

“Jesus, thank fuck you’re here,” she sighs, taking a deep breath and raising her eyebrows at you.  She smooths back her frizzy hair and sets down her face shield on the counter next to you.

“Are we short today, or did corporate send out some bonus texts to half of Omaha?” you say, checking the Donor Queue on the computer.  15 people waiting, average wait time of 43 minutes.  Fucking clean up time, I guess.

“Two call-outs, but they’re newbies, so it wouldn’t have mattered, really,” she says.  “Definite yes on the bonus texts.  Regulars are all pissed off because they didn’t get any.”  You roll your eyes and sigh.  To get more donors in, the company you work for has been sending bonus texts to donors that haven’t been in in a while, which really ticks off the regular, twice-a-week donors.  It’s all about meeting that liters budget.

“Where do you need me?  Breaks need to be sent?” you ask her.  You’re the lead phlebotomist, but you always check in with whoever opened before you make any decisions.  Keri nods.  “Send Blake to break, he’s got an open section now and we’ve got to get these wait times down.”  You grab your mobile phlebotomy device and head that way.

Each phlebotomist can have a maximum of 6 donors in their section.  You see Blake cleaning up the machine from his last disconnect, leaving you an empty section.  “You can head to break, I’ll take over here,” you say, helping him wipe down the now-empty donor bed.

“Thanks… really happy that you’re here.  It’s been a shit show today,” he says, walking away from the section toward the break room.  You groan and head up to the front near the waiting area, grab a chart, and start climbing the mountain.

Thursday, October 15th | 1230

The morning turned out to be an absolute disaster.  You quickly filled up your section once you sent Blake to break, apologizing to every donor you sat for the wait times.  Most were understanding.  There were a few that gave you an eye roll or a shrug.  A few left the center, not wanting to be late for work.  The fall is generally a busy time at the center, with people seeking extra money for football tailgates and games, college students needing extra money for just about everything, and parents stocking up early on holiday savings.

Thankfully, Keri, you, and the rest of the morning Donor Floor crew knocked the Queue down to 3 donors and wait times down to 10 minutes.  Once the last morning break was done, they came over and sent you to your lunch.  Delighted, you took off your sweaty coat and hung it up, washed your hands at the sink by the coat rack, and headed to the break room.

Before you’re able to punch in the door code, a deep, velvety voice stops you.

“Uh, miss?  Can you point me in the right direction?”

You turn and look in the direction of the voice and see a taller man with dark, silvery-streaked curly hair, tanned skin and pensive brown eyes staring at you.  He’s donning a red flannel that squeezes his broad shoulders and ropy arm muscles, and dark wash Levi’s that have the outline of his wallet imprinted in the front right pocket.  He’s definitely a blue-collar guy, not unlike a lot of the current donors.  Must be a new donor, you think.  Damn, he looks good.  You feel a little zap in your chest, not unlike the fingerstick donors get during screening.

“Hi!  Are you a new donor?”  You ask, turning on your customer service voice in hopes of calming your nerves.  You step back from the door and walk toward him.  He’s got a small white paper slip in hand, which tells you he needs his veins checked, so he must be new.

“Yes ma’am, need someone ‘ta look at my veins.  Been here before, but it’s been a long time,” he says, watching you approach him and giving you the once-over.  Twice-over.  Your pulse quickens.  His voice is like icing, dripping with a sweet Southern accent and mushing your insides.  You smile and take the paper from him, hoping that you aren’t blushing.

“Roll up your sleeves for me and let’s take a look,” you say, watching him roll up the sleeves of his red flannel.  He’s got thick, veiny forearms that are tanned and covered with freckles.  He wears a watch on his left wrist that you assume hasn’t been removed in years, judging by the pure white skin peeking underneath.  His hands are big and scarred.  Definitely works with his hands, you think.  He has a small, circle-shaped scar on his right arm near the venipuncture site, so he was telling the truth about donating plasma before.  You grab a tourniquet hanging on the cabinet near the chart area, wrap it on his upper arm, and feel.  His veins are huge and muscular, and you realize you didn’t need the tourniquet in the first place.  Rookie mistake.

“Guess I really don’t need this,” you say, removing the tourniquet and feeling his ropy veins with your index finger.  His skin is warm under your clammy finger.  He chuckles.  “Heard that one before,” he says.  You laugh and make eye contact with him, noticing the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his salt and pepper beard.  His gaze is amiable and filled with something else you can’t quite pinpoint, and your stomach twists.  You look away before you can decipher it.

“I don’t think you’ll have any issues with the stick,” you say, and he laughs.  “Are you hydrated?  Had a good meal in the last hour or two?” You ask, writing your name on the vein check slip and circling “Pass.”  You see the name Joel Miller written at the top.

“Yes ma’am, I do a lot of workin’ outside and with my hands, so I know better,” he says, confirming your earlier assumption.  His voice is sending a wave of tingles from your ears to your neck, and you feel goosebumps start to erupt in their pathway.

“Good man, Joel,” you say, noticing him perk up at you saying his name, “Take this back to the front desk and we’ll get you processed as quickly as we can.”  He nods, gives you a handsome-as-fuck lopsided smile, and walks back to the front.  You head back to the break room and turn to glance at him once more to find that he's already looking at you.  Fuck, you think, looking back at the door.  Don’t need a hot donor making me feel nervous like this.  He’s older than you, but he might be the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen.  You can only imagine how homely you look, clad in your scrubs and sweaty from the morning hustle and bustle.

You see every part of humanity at your job: young and old, foreign and domestic, all races and ethnicities, handsome and near homeless.  There have been a few men that have caught your eye, and a few that you’ve met up with outside of the center, but none like this one.  As tedious and mundane as the job can be, it’s the people that make it exciting, especially attractive ones.  Well, hopefully he passes screening so I can see him on the Donor Floor, you think, contemplating what you’re going to get for lunch in the short time that you have.

Thursday, October 15th | 1430

Your break went by too fast.  You decided on some fast-food place just across the street from the center.  It’s good and cheap, but you know the greasy food is going to put you in a late-afternoon lull.  Oh well.  After you got back, the lobby was still relatively empty, so you started working on doing the monthly machine cleanings in the meantime.

The plasmapheresis machines are complicated and like everything else in the plasma center, they come with lots of rules and regulations.  You’re a seasoned pro, though, so the cleaning and documentation are a breeze.  You’re heading over to clean the last of the machines in the third row of the Donor Floor when you see a familiar, handsome head of dark salt-and-pepper curls walk behind Keri to one of the donor beds in the first row.  He smiles at you as he lies on the donor bed, and you feel your cheeks heat and curl up into a smile of their own.  Get a fucking grip.  You’re relieved that Keri is taking care of him, because you’re nervous just seeing him in your work area.  You can only imagine how shaky your hands would be with a needle if you were the one sticking him.

While cleaning the machines in the third row, you periodically look over at Joel and Keri.  Keri is great with the donors, and it’s evident when you see Joel laughing with her.  Each time you look up, he’s either already looking at you or looks up right after you do.  You try to play it off like you’re scanning over all the donors, making sure everything is going as it should, but the sweat sheen forming on your face and neck betray you.

You see the light on his machine turn green, indicating he’s been stuck and is running smoothly.  You imagine what it would’ve been like to feel his veins again, feeling his warm, tan skin underneath your fingers… and underneath other things, like—

“Oh my god, that man is such a charmer… and asked about you at least three times,” Keri states, snapping you out of your horny daydream.  Your eyes widen and you turn so he can’t see your face from where he’s seated.

“Shhh!  Keep your voice down!”  You hiss, making both of you giggle.  “What was he saying?”

“Oh, nothing much, just asking what the cute girl that checked his veins was doing all the way over here,” she smirks.  “He used to donate here over 25 years ago when the center first opened up.  Can you believe he’s that old?  He does NOT look like it.”  Odd, you think.  He didn’t sound like he was from here when you spoke to him earlier.  Wait, did he say I was cute?  Blushing at his remark about your appearance, you remember the scar on his arm and think he’s probably telling the truth.  “Wow, he looks good.  How old is he?”  Keri pulls him up on her mobile phlebotomy handheld and you see he was born in 1975.  Damn.  20 years older than you.

Before you and Keri can gush further about Joel, the front door slams shut, echoing throughout the center and catching everyone off-guard.  You watch as one of the younger regular donors, Cedric, storms past Reception and the donor waiting area over to the Donor Floor front desk, near where you checked Joel’s veins earlier.  He practically spits your name, his brows pinched in a rage.

“Cedric, is everything alright?”  You ask, approaching the front desk slowly.  The once-noisy Donor Floor is quiet, save for the quiet whirring and clicking of the machines.  Donors not wearing headphones are anxiously watching the front desk.  You give Cedric the once-over and notice that his arm wrap is soaked with blood, and some of it has gotten on his white shirt and shorts and the floor around him.  First rule of donating: Never wear white to a plasma center, dude.

“Does it fucking look alright?  My arm wasn’t wrapped right and now I have blood everywhere!”  he fumes.  The entire Donor Floor is watching, including Joel and poor Blake, who must’ve disconnected Cedric.  Blake approaches tentatively, tail between his legs, but you put your hand up to him, saying I’ll take care of this.  Blake gives you a thankful nod and tiptoes back to his section.

“Cedric, I’m sorry about that.  Come over to the sink and I’ll rewrap it for you,” you say, putting a fresh pair of gloves on.  “Keri, can you clean up the blood spots with bleach, please?”  You ask.  She nods and grabs a Clorox bottle near the front desk, putting her face shield on and quickly walking around Cedric to search for the path of blood droplets.  Cedric raises his voice again.

“Not good enough.  I need that kid fired for his incompetence!” he points aggressively at Blake, flinging some blood droplets on the arm of your coat and on the front desk.

“Everybody makes mistakes, Cedric.  Blake is a great employee.  We can fix this.  Let’s get you cleaned up, and maybe we can compensate you a little extra on your next donation,” you offer.  But Cedric isn’t having it.  He rips off the arm wrap and gauze and throws them at you while screaming expletives.  The bloodied wrap nearly hits your face shield.  Oh, hell no.  He’s a long-term donor, so he’s probably clean, but it’s too close for comfort.

“Blake, call Trina and call the cops.  Get this guy out of here.  Cedric, don’t ever come back to this place,” you calmly instruct, walking backwards to find a biohazard container a safe distance from Cedric, never turning away from him.  Trina, your manager, doesn’t put up with this kind of stuff and will make sure he’s permanently deferred.

“Fuck you, bitch!”  Cedric yells, sprinting out of the center with two fingers on his free hand holding his venipuncture site, some blood dripping underneath.  Once the front door slams shut, you turn around and take off all your PPE and toss it in the biohazard container, saving your nametag and pen.  Frustrated and tired, you walk to the sink to wash your hands.  Keri and Trina approach you.

“You alright, hon?” Trina asks.  She’s a good manager, always looking out for her employees.  She used to work on the Donor Floor, so she’s no stranger to these kinds of mishaps.  Tensions can be hefty in this area – some donors are desperate for money, some fear needles more than death itself, and some are just grumps.  Phlebotomists usually get the brunt of it.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just need to cool off.  I told Blake to call the cops.”  She nods.

“Go ahead.  When the police get here, they’ll want your statement, so I’ll come find you then… I’ll put in the PR now,” she says, giving your arm a supportive squeeze before walking back toward the offices.  You give her a pained smile and look to Keri, equally concerned as Trina.  “Take your afternoon break, love.  I’ll handle everything else,” she says.  “Thanks, Ker.  I’m gonna step in the freezer to cool off and then I’ll go.”  She nods.  You head toward Processing, located at the opposite end of the center.  Processing has two giant walk-in freezers that always maintain temps of -40ºC – great for keeping fresh plasma frozen solid and an instant cool down.

You step in one of the freezers, shutting the heavy door behind you.  You walk over to the fans and stand underneath.  The sweat on your neck and back quickly freezes in its downward track, leaving behind a sting that could soon turn to frostbite.  It doesn’t take long to cool off here, and anybody staying in for longer than a minute is supposed to put on a heavy coat, gloves, and a ski mask.  It’s a popular spot for blistering summer days and after heated interactions like this.  Satisfied with the pink blooming on your fingers and the crunch of your frozen, sweaty hair, you step out of the freezer and make your way outside for your break.

Once at the picnic table at the outdoor employee break area, you do a quick scan for Cedric.  You can see the trails of blood drops leading to and from his car, and an empty space where his car must’ve been parked.  Heaving a sigh of relief, you plop down at the table and massage your temples.  Fuck… glad this day is almost over.

“Sweetheart, you alright?” A soothing, Southern voice rings in your ear and you look up, seeing Joel approach from his truck.  He says your name, surprising you.  Keri must’ve told him it while she was going through the process with him.

You take this moment to return the once-over he gave you earlier.  Twice-over.  His sleeves are still rolled up and you can see his arm wrap.  His jeans crinkle at the hip with each step, his strong, toned quads flexing as each foot contacts the pavement.  You can only imagine what he looks like from behind.  His cowboy boots are worn, the leather cracking around the toes.  He’s probably the type to wear a pair until they crumble to bits.  He walks with a quiet bravado, taking long, smooth strides until he reaches you at the table.

You’ve no doubt you look exhausted.  Though your sweat has frozen, you can feel how frizzy your hair is, especially around your face.  Your eyes sting with fatigue and the skin underneath your eyelids tug downward.  Your throat feels dry and tight, like you might cry soon.  He must notice because the look in his eyes morphs from concern to anger.

“Hi, Joel,” you state, forcing a smile.  “I’m okay.  Not my first rodeo,” you wink, giving him a sarcastic “yee-haw” motion.  He laughs, but his eyes betray him, still showing anger.

“Mind if I sit?” He motions to the spot across from you.

“No, go ahead, but the cops are on their way and who knows if Cedric will be back,” you caution him.  He waves you off.

“That fuckin’ kid don’t scare me, and I saw everythin’ anyway.  I can talk to the cops if you ain’t comfortable,” he says.  He puts his hands on the backs of yours, and you feel another zap in your chest like you did when you first saw him earlier.  You notice now that he doesn’t have a wedding ring.

“Thanks, but you don’t have to.  I’m well versed in this department,” you say, feeling the tears reaching their boiling point.  You do everything you can to keep them in, but one betrays you and falls down your cheek.  Angry that you’re crying in front of Joel, you try to move your hand out from underneath his to wipe the tear, but he beats you to it.

“It’s okay, darlin’.  You did the right thing, stickin’ up for your people,” he soothes, his thumb wiping your tear from your face.  He moves his hand to cup your jaw and swipes his thumb gently over your cheek.  His angry eyes softened back to concerned.

For what feels like an eternity, the two of you stare at each other, exchanging more communication nonverbally than words could ever.  He’s looking at each of your eyes back and forth, and you feel yourself start to get embarrassed under his hot stare.  You try to turn your head away from his gaze, but his hand stops you.  “You’re alright, darlin’, got nothin’ to be ashamed of here,” he says, reading your mind.  You bring your hand up from the table to gently grasp his arm as a sign of appreciation.  His gaze follows and he swallows loudly.

“Thank you,” you say, giving him a genuine, close-lipped smile.  His eyes move to your lips and then quickly dart back to your eyes, like you caught him doing something forbidden.  He removes his hands and stands up, walking over to your side.  He offers a hand to help you up and you accept, letting him pull you to your feet.

“Sorry your first visit back here was so crazy,” you say, and he laughs.  “Hopefully next time it’s not so… exciting.”  He moves his hand up to your shoulder and gives it a quick squeeze before dropping it.  A tingle rips up your spine.

“Oh, I’m sure it will be.”  He gives you that same look that he did earlier, the one where you couldn’t quite figure out what it meant.  This time, though, you think you know exactly what it means.  Your stomach somersaults.

“I’ll see you soon, darlin’.  Hopefully your day gets better,” he says, turning to walk toward his truck.  Once he gets to the driver’s side door, he turns to look at you again and pauses.  You stand and stare at him, wanting to say something in return, but too overwhelmed by all your emotions.  He smiles and gets in the truck, starting it and driving off while watching you with a small wave.  You smile as he leaves.

Fuck.

Next Chapter

[jolapeno]

i'm part of @pedroscouts, and i thought i'd share some of the things that have helped me earn my badges (like a fic recs/masterlist of sorts). i will admit some of these are things i've created myself to earn the badge, so i have included them.

I’d recommend all of these so highly, and ofc I’ll keep updating as I enjoy and collect ❤️✨

CHARACTER BADGES

JOEL MILLER

☰ oh, summer nights by @ozarkthedog

☰ warm bread & honey by @trulybetty [tiny angst]

☰ the beef by @beefrobeefcal

FRANCISCO MORALES

☰ let me by @polaroidpascal [frankie morales]

☰ transient nights by @pedgito [frankie morales]

also, i write a lot of frankie so 💁‍♀️ my masterlist

JACK WHISKEY DANIELS

☰ love at first...fight by @goodwithcheese [jack 'whiskey' daniels]

☰ palomino by @fuckyeahdindjarin [solo travel romance]

MARCUS MORENO

☰ afterword by @secretelephanttattoo [marcus moreno]

DIETER BRAVO

☰ taste by @huntingingoodwill

MAX PHILLIPS

☰ day four - teratophilia

by @palioom

GENRE BADGES

FLUFF/SMUT

☰ as you've always been by @ezrasbirdie, joel miller x f!reader

☰ paranoid heart by @goodwithcheese, javi p x f!reader

again, i feel this badge is my bread and butter so... there's me.

HURT COMFORT

☰ it's a scratch by me, joel miller x f!reader

GIFLET

☰hunted by @morallyinept, frankie m x reader

☰chase by @morallyinept, javi p x f!reader

☰ when his eyes open by me, joel miller x f!reader [giflet]

TROPE BADGES

FRIENDS TO LOVERS

☰ meet me in the city by me, javi p x f!reader [friends to lovers]

☰ i wonder if you stopped his world like you did mine by @chronically-ghosted, frankie morales x f!reader

ENEMIES TO LOVERS

bluffing season by @beskarandblasters, frankie x reader

ONLY ONE BED

good morning by @nothoughtsjustmeds, frankie m x reader

SLOW BURN

☰ on call by @luxurychristmaspudding [frankie morales]

ROMCOM

☰ do me yourself by me, frankie morales x f!reader [i think it's fair i claim this one for my baby.]

☰ the kindness of strangers by @schnarfer, neighbour!joel x reader

FORCED PROXIMITY

☰ let us pretend by me, javi p x reader. ugh i hate self-reccing, but they do have to remain in the same hotel room and pretend to be married so...

[thatsnotbuddies]

g’s hrpf recs

okok this blog exists bc one day I clicked on a tknp fic in some random person’s bookmarks just because it seemed interesting and the rest is history

so it’s only right i make a list of my fave fics I’ve read since then

here goes

⭐ = ultimate faves

I’ve got about . 200 hrpf bookmarks on ao3 but these are the ones that I think about a lot/have re-read more than twice. there’s soo much more I could rec, if you want a list for a specific pairing lmk??

TKNP

colours i can't see (with anyone else) - (E, 7,357 words) ⭐

Travis gets the call about two weeks before he stands before the team, helmet dangling from his fingertips and heart beating against his chest like it wants to crack through his ribs.

“I’m moving to Toronto.”

The silence that washes through the locker room is deafening. No one says anything for a long 30 seconds. The only sound is that of skate guards squeaking against the floor.

Nolan is the one who breaks the silence. “What the fuck? They can’t trade you.”  And Travis winces and Nolan widens his eyes like a deer caught in headlights and someone to his left sighs. “Oh.”

Notes: The conversation in the second to last scene gets me Every Time 😭

vision trick - (E, 21,528 words)

Pat’s new house is haunted.

Notes: I’m an Interstellar (2014), Contact (1997), love-transcending-all-dimensions-including-time girlie so this is. everything. to me.

JOEL FARABEE/MORGAN FROST

letters from allentown (T, 4,539 words) ⭐

“Hahahah the flyers are shit,” Morgan tweets, sometime in early November of 2013. He's probably not expecting a pissy pre-teen from Cicero, New York to slide into his DMs and start up a four year argument over whether or not the Flyers suck, right up until Morgan turns eighteen and gets drafted by the Flyers himself.

Notes: This is THEE quintessential joel/morgan fic to me

in my defense, spring - (T, 2,764 words, Magical Realism) ⭐

Morgan gets called up a month into the season. He arrives in Philly with three suits, two duffle bags full of gear, and a very large potted basil plant.

Notes: I went on a magical realism bender for a bit and this is one of the faves. Frosty as a spring witch born into a winter witch family :’) Taking care of all his plants :’)

MCSTROME

The Next Next One (M, 71,275 words) ⭐

No, Dylan has not picked up a copy of the book, nor does he plan to anytime soon. No, he has not talked to Connor about it. He hasn’t talked to Connor about anything in a long time, but the media does not need to know that.

Notes: This is number one all time fave. It turns me inside out every time I read it. So well written down to the fake book snippets!!!! You could take this and make a movie adaptation of it and it would kill at the box office.

MATTDRAI

how lovely are thy branches (M, 5271 words) (also Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk)

“What is it about my family that makes us so damn irresistible to you Germans?”

Notes: This is just such a laugh, I love it

JOEL FARABEE/CARTER HART (you know when you’re not that invested in a pairing but some of the writing for it is just so good? this is me with this)

pour some sugar on him and blame it on the rain - (T, 5,719 words, Magical Realism)

Carter is a witch working the convenience store night shift. Joel is a regular customer who just can’t seem to stop getting cursed. Morgan is mostly along for the ride.

Notes: Fun! Shenanigans!

You look so sweet in the heat of the summer (E, 5,319 words)

Carter's fed up with feeling like he’s wasting his summer, out of sync with his friends, watching the days dwindle down with nothing to show for it.

He’s not sure what he expects Joel to be able to do about that feeling, but at least he’s a promised distraction.

Notes: This is so great at capturing a Very Specific summer vibe. End notes changed my whole opinion on ‘Tis The Damn Season, lmao. I cry now.

[tessa-quayle]

looking California and feeling Minnesota

Joel Miller x OFC Grace (and a nod to Joel x Tess)

Prompt: “what do you want from me?”

THANK YOU to the incomparable @jomiddlemarch​ for 1) creating this OFC and letting me take the character for a spin, 2) being the best beta reader and editing this so it’s actually readable, 3) the prompts, and 4) being generous and encouraging.  

Do yourself a favor and read the series she started on this OFC/Joel on her AO3.  It’s a loose fit series with a Ted Lasso AU crossover. This fic can be read alone here on tumblr and is so lovely

I haven’t written a fic in 5 years (an explanation, not an excuse) - you can find this one on AO3 here.  

Rating: M (language, a sprinkle of sexy-time spice, no full-on smut sorry) 

Word Count: 2.8K

Summary:  Joel says Tess’ name in his sleep. Grace (an OFC) asks too many questions.  Joel and Ellie are evasive.  Joel and Grace quarrel.  A scavenging mission becomes a cold war.  Little traumas everywhere.  

Pairings: Joel/Tess, Joel/OFC-Grace, OFC-Grace/OMC-Kian

Warnings/Heads-up: angst, brief allusion to torture and violence, politics, foreshadowing for season 2 if you squint, alcohol, post-coital angst, foreplay angst

It wasn’t the first dream he’d had about that afternoon in the rotunda.  

The gasoline scented air thick with dust and heat.  Black cables snaked on the tiled marble.  

“I never asked you for anything, not even to …”

"I felt the way you felt, Tess.  I’ve always had.”  

She arched her neck to the side, revealing a peach flesh tendril under the army green collar.  

“You flinched.”

“I’m - I’m sorry.”

Tess shrugged.  

He watched her thumb the silver wheel on the lighter again and again: flick, flick, flick.     

“You should go."

“I saved Ellie,” he offered.  

"Keep going, Joel.  Save who you can save.”   

Save who you can save.  A plea, a promise.  

Tess.  Joel whispered her name like a prayer, a secret.  Eyes shut, drool pooling on the corner of his partly open mouth, his right cheek pressed against the pillow.  

___

Joel.  Joel.  Grace repeated his name three, four times.   She’d already lightly run her fingers through the tufts of soft curls as she murmured into his left ear “Joel, you’re okay, you’re in Jackson, Wyoming.  This is Grace.”   

He jolted awake.   

“You ok?  Must’ve been some dream.”

____

Grace didn’t want to ask, she knew she shouldn’t, and that they don’t - not here, not now - but she wanted to know.  She had those types of dreams about Before Jackson - the ones that made you sit bolt upright in sweat drenched sheets.  

His name was Kian.  Tall, dark brown eyes.  A boisterous laugh that filled every room.  

“How’d you predict it’d fall so quickly?”  It was the month FEDRA had begun disappearing people in the Seattle QZ, mutilating corpses in the square.  She figured he’d give some answer about being the son of parents who fled Tehran during the revolution, some intergenerational trauma or imprinting, a Spidey sense of recognizing fascist fuckers lurking on a street corner.

“History rhymes.  You really thought our institutions were going to save us?  Bush v. Gore didn’t prove to you that the courts were never going to save us?”

He looked down at her as their legs tangled on a twin bed narrower than the one she had in college, a thin mattress against a wooden frame, rumpled sheets, the comforter and clothes strewn on the floor.

Outside the sirens blared as he whispered, softly chuckling into her hair: “Grace, babe, we save ourselves.”

And she failed at that.  

Grace never told a soul how ready she was that still-dark morning.  She’d heard his screams from her cell.  She was done.  Grief turning into a death wish.  A clean shot to the back of the head.  She imagined dead-Lauren quipping: that would have been enough.  

The FEDRA woman ripped off her blindfold and cut the zipties.  

It was dawn and streaks of red orange hovered over the darkened trees on the horizon, the moon a faint sliver in the purple gray clouds that filled the rest of the sky.  

“You came in the middle of the night to save my life at Harborview back in ’01.  I remember you - Dr Yang, yeah?” 

Grace swallowed and nodded, her head aching and dizzy, unable to recall how or what she’d done, whether she’d cauterized a bleeding stomach ulcer or merely fished out a bone lodged in the esophagus, how this officer must have mistaken her for someone else who’d done real heroic shit.

“This is what you’re going to do,” the FEDRA officer continued.

She rolled the body bag off the truck, a hard thump on the ground, and proceeded to throw Grace’s belongings at her feet, along with a revolver she removed from a holster, and pressed Kian’s cherry red Swiss army knife into her palm.  

 “You have one hour.  Bury your boyfriend, then get out.  Follow the train tracks.  Go east.  We’ll call this even.”

 ___

Ellie and Grace waited by the gate for Joel.  The sun already hot by mid morning, Ellie took off her hoodie and tied it around her waist.

Against her better judgment, Grace blurted out: "Hey, may I ask you a question?  You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…

The fourteen-year-old eyed her skeptically.  “Um, okaaay.”   

“Who’s Tess?”

“Tess?”  Ellie echoed in a lilt.

“Yeah, Tess.”

“Um,” Ellie’s eyes darted behind them, as if to make sure they were alone.  “Um, Tess was Joel’s partner in the Boston QZ.  She died on our way here.  The Fireflies had paid her and Joel to take me to this a hospital in Salt Lake City where um, my condition was going to help create some vaccine.”

“Wait.  What’s this about a vaccine?   What do you mean, ‘condition?’”

Ellie pushed up a sleeve to reveal her forearm, the gnarled bite mark resembling a skin graft, a soft rubbery keloid. 

Wide-eyed, Grace exclaimed: “Oh God. Was that a bite? You’re immune? What the hell happened in Salt Lake? Is that where you and Joel went last year? What’d they do? Did they run blood tests? Do a spinal tap? How did…?”

Grace was relentless in her line of interrogation.  She asked Ellie a total of twenty plus questions about drugs, equipment, storage, procedures, doctors and nurses and staff, the Fireflies, how she originally got bit, who was with her, who found her, when she realized she was immune.  She didn’t probe any further about Tess.  Maybe it was that death had become so present, she felt no urge to dig for details, and imagined somewhere Tess and Kian and maybe Lauren were throwing back drinks, exchanging stories about those they left behind.

Ellie began to stammer: “Shhhhh. Stop. I don’t know. I don’t know! I mean, I’m immune, for sure. But I don’t remember much - I was drugged up. Joel had to get me out of there when the raiders attacked.  He said they didn’t need me, that there were other kids immune, too.”  

She looked down before continuing. 

“I remember Marlene and then waking up in the back of a car in this paper hospital gown….”  Glancing up, slightly panicked, Ellie pleaded: “You can’t tell anyone, Grace. I swear. About me. About all of this. We can’t talk about this anymore.”

____

“Joel, don’t freak out.”  Grace drew in a deep breath. “I just thought you should know.  That I know about Ellie and what happened in Salt Lake. And I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’m just glad you both made it back … back safe.”  She wanted to say “home,” but was unsure what that word may mean to him when she couldn’t figure out what it meant to her.   

Joel looked at her, startled, and opened his mouth to reply before she interrupted and began peppering him manically with questions, her curiosity getting ahead of her. 

“What did they have? What did they say? Was there a lab? Do you remember who you talked to?”  She began gesticulating wildly, a habit she slipped into when excited and talking too rapidly.  “There was this woman Abby I met when l left the Seattle QZ and she told me her dad was some doctor out in Utah or Colorado trying to do something with vaccines and I asked her how they had the technology or a way to operationalize it in the middle of all of this and it just sounded too good to be true. You know? And then Ellie said you said there were other kids like her? Were they all there?  How…”

Joel waved his hand dismissively and shrugged.  “I don’t remember much about it. I saw Marlene, but I don’t remember anyone else.  Lots of clickers turned up. Last thing I know I grabbed Ellie and we got the hell out." 

“Holy shit, raiders AND clickers? Ellie said raiders attacked.”

“Well, yeah, both,” Joel backtracked.  “I can’t recall every detail…” He straightened his posture and squared his broad shoulders, crossing his arms defensively and she couldn’t help but spy the muscled forearms exposed below his rolled sleeves.  ”How did you even start talkin’ to Ellie ‘bout this?”

“I dunno.” Grace mumbled, looking down at her boots and blushing. “I asked her who Tess was and then…”

“How did you hear about…?” His eyes darkened. “We don’t talk about Tess. We don’t ever bring up Tess.”

Staring back at his scowl, Grace felt her ears burning and heart pounding.  She bit her lip trying not to say what she wanted to yell: you brought Tess up first. Said her name in my bed. 

“Dude - what the fuck. It’s fine. We all have our histories. I’m just …”

“Well, we can keep our fucking histories to ourselves.”  Joel snapped.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Joel. You love who you love. I’m just trying to…” Her fingers curled into fists on the frayed straps of her backpack, its bottom slack since she’d kept it half-empty to hold anything they’d find, the stitched-over seams loose for once.  

“What do you want from me?” Joel growled. 

Dead-Lauren would have warned Grace: You get really petty when you’re angry. Grace stomped ahead deliberately to his right, up the rolling incline swatting away the wildflowers brushing her knees, muttering under her breath Not this fucking bullshit.

“What did you say?” He turned to her.

“Nothing.” Bile in her throat, her voice rising into a shout.  “Nothing, alright?  I want nothing.” She quickened her pace as she looked back and spat out: “And don’t you dare fucking talk that way to me again.”

___

Ellie was stuck.  Between Joel’s asshole voice and Grace’s resting bitch face, their fourteen days were painfully silent hikes interrupted by surprisingly successful scavenging: dilapidated convenience stores, an untouched mom-and-pop pharmacy, an abandoned vegetable garden overgrown with mint.  Ellie launched her best puns and jokes, none of which landed, both Joel and Grace humoring her by letting out the occasional chuckle, and then marching quietly ahead up yellow grassy hills or down rocky pastures.  They stole glances at one another when they thought they could, glimpses quickly turning into glares when Ellie caught them in the act, the teenager rolling her eyes and shaking her head in exasperation.

In the evenings around the campfire, a crackling flame pierced the silence as they ate wordlessly, pine and sage and forest moss wafting in the smoke.  

____

“Grace.”

She shifted on the boulder and lifted her head at the sky, trying to find Orion, fiddling with the zipper on her fleece, pretending not to hear him.  

Joel walked toward her and held out his worn bronze honey-colored jacket, “weighty and warm,” she had remarked when months ago he first draped it around her thin shoulders, both of them huddling under the stars, him pressing a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“Grace,” he tried again now with the jacket at arm’s length: “Here, take this. It’s freezing.”  

“No thanks, I’m fine.” She replied evenly, a sharp breath of cold air rose into the dark.

He refused to plead.  “Okay, suit yourself.  But wake me up later, alright?  Ellie’s exhausted and I’ll take her turn.”

“Whatever,” her eyes narrowing, “I’ll do the whole night.”  She’d worked 100-hour call weeks for three years throughout a malignant residency program.  She could survive the chill and long hard hours, even loneliness.  She wasn’t ready to endure the nearness of Joel.   

The following day they trekked back to Jackson and helped restock the community pantry and clinic stash, carefully lining the dusty jars and bottles on the shelves.  Tommy and Maria greeted them, initially not noticing how Grace and Joel barely regarded one another.

“We’ve got dinner ready for y’all,” Maria said.  “Grace - it’s the fancified top ramen recipe you shared - poached egg and chashu pork slices. Come over before you head back to your place. You must be starving.” 

Grace winced. She was famished, but found herself more exhausted than hungry, and just wanted to be alone.

She smiled wanly at Maria: “Thanks so much, but I’m gonna head back. I’m sorry. I’ll see you around?”  She turned on her heels to walk away before she could catch Tommy looking questioningly at his brother.

When she reached her house, she closed the door behind her, slumped to the floor, and sobbed.

___

Grace used to have a post-call ritual.  Riding the post-call high before crashing into the post-call delirium, she’d take a luxurious hot shower so long the mirrors would steam and the fresh gardenia scented soap perfumed the bedroom.  She’d pop in the Before Sunrise DVD and lounge with a Pinot from Walla Walla or Dundee.  While the leftover spaghetti was reheating in the microwave, she’d momentarily debate calling the nurses station to make sure she’d placed that PRN order for trazodone.  

 That was then. Now it was midnight. She did indulge in a warm shower and scrubbed away the grime from the terrible-no-good-two-week expedition. She even allowed herself a bigger dollop of shampoo than usual, and a squirt of travel-sized conditioner she’d saved for rare occasions.  She combed her wet hair and let it air dry and pulled the oversized Lollapalooza t-shirt over her head, the hardwood floors creaking beneath her bare feet.  This tee - thinned over multiple washes with red block letters now a pale pink - was one of three items she still possessed from Before.  

1992, Shoreline.  Converse sneakers indented the muddy grass.  Amps blaring as a chord from an electric guitar revved up the crowd, two teens yelling at each other.

LAUREN!  This is way too big!

That’s all they had left!  Just take one - it can be a pajama top!

Grace decided to make herself an old-fashioned. The range in her kitchen was temperamental. After repeatedly turning the knob click click click and click click click and click click click with no burst of a purple flame, she finally resorted to striking a match against the black grate to light her stove.   

She prepared simple syrup to mix with the whiskey she borrowed from Tommy. Equal parts sugar and water, foam swirling in liquid amber in a pot. She wished she’d had Angostura bitters, but the unspoiled orange would have to do. She was pressing a blade against the pebbled skin to peel the rind when she heard a loud knock at the front.  

Wiping her hands quickly, she peered out the window and saw him standing on her porch.  She imagined real-Lauren, the ultimate wingwoman, whistling at the sight of a broad-shouldered dark, handsome stranger showing up at Grace’s doorstep, his hair slicked back, the green flannel somehow bringing out the glint of grey in his scruffy beard.  Almost resentful he cleaned up better than she did, Grace exhaled loudly and attempted a pep talk: Keep it together, don’t fucking cry.

She opened the door.  She held his gaze and found his brown eyes softening. 

“What is it, Joel?”  She cleared her throat, trying not to let her voice tremble. “What do you want from me?”

He stepped forward and leaned down to kiss her, one hand cupping her cheek and the other around her waist, and only when he crossed the threshold did she finally pull her mouth from his, breathless.  She looked up at him and stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck, her lips meeting his for a more urgent, bruising, hungry kiss.  Tangled, they stumbled into the other room, she led him to the kitchen chair before climbing on top of him, his jeans scraping against the back of her bare thighs.  It wasn’t until she nearly forgot about the concoction simmering on the stove, the syrup thickening into a caramel, that she realized that was the only answer he gave her.   

_____

“This used to be some old boyfriend’s?”  Lying on the edge of her bed, Joel reached down to the floor with one arm to pick up the shirt to hand it to her.  

“Um, no,”  Grace replied, not meaning for the emphasis to sound so harsh, “It’s mine.  I actually went, believe it or not.”  She bunched up the tee before throwing it into the corner across the room.

“I don’t recall them letting little kids into Lollapalooza,”  he teased.

“I was 15, Joel,” she bristled.  “Definitely not little.”

“Figured you were younger.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”  She plopped her head down onto a pillow and turned away from him.  

“You don’t disappoint.”  He wrapped an arm around her waist, interlocking his fingers with hers, squeezing her palm.  

“Sure, whatever.”  She pulled the covers over her breasts and nestled her back against his chest, closing her eyes.  He kissed her neck and shoulder before shifting his weight and rolling onto his back.  She heard him take a deep breath.

“What a lineup that year,” he whispered, staring at the ceiling.  “Tess loved those bands.”

Surprised, Grace opened her eyes and laid still on her side, slowly smiling to herself: “Yeah?  She had great taste.” 

[ivypool]

stranger things, wings of fire, the last of us (tv and game), and the 100

stranger things

favorite male character: lucas and steve

favorite female character: el and nancy

least favorite character: nobody hates billy more than i do

prettiest character: nancy or robin

funniest character: erica

favorite season: s3 probably, even though i really do love all the seasons s3 is just so comforting to me. i just love the aesthetic of s3 and the elmax scenes, it’s just a really fun season, and summer 2019 was a pretty good time in my life so i have a lot of good memories associated with s3. also that’s when we were introduced to robin for the first time :’)

favorite episode: dear billy or mall rats

favorite romantic ship: i am elmax's #1 fan, i loved them since s2. i do also really love ronance, and some honorable mentions are byler, henclair, jargyle, steddie, buckingham and stonathan. i pretty much ship everything that isn’t canon LOL

favorite family ship: willel + jonathan, and i headcanon max & steve, max & nancy, steve & robin as all being familial relationships so i love those too

favorite friendship: the fruity four, scoops troop, will & robin, max & robin, max & the party, steve & the party (just the whole party with each other in general tbh)

worst ship: h*rringrove, or really any ship with billy in it since i saw some people shipping him with eddie too…if anyone’s reading this and you ship billy with anybody stay the hell away from me thanks. m*leven also sucks just let them be platonic besties pls

wings of fire

favorite male character: starflight my beloved

favorite female character: carnelian…she’s literally just a background character who appeared in one book but i love her so much she had so much potential. and i really like tsunami and snowfall too

least favorite character: riptide he sucks, he’s not even remotely interesting

prettiest character: glory or blaze

funniest character: qibli or sunny

favorite season (arc): the first arc will always hold a special place in my heart

favorite episode (book): i loved a dangerous gift so much

favorite romantic ship: a tie between blacier and snowlynx

favorite family ship: the dragonets of destiny, tsunami & anemone & turtle, glory & deathbringer (i headcanon them as familial instead of romantic)

favorite friendship: the jade winglet

worst ship: ripnami, glorybringer, any of the DoD shipped with each other

the last of us

favorite male character: this is a basic answer but joel. i love him sm he’s my dad

favorite female character: riley :((

least favorite character: if abby has 1000 haters im still one of them. if she has 1 hater its me. if abby has 0 haters it means i have left this world. (david also is obviously awful but my first instinct was to say abby)

prettiest character: dina <3

funniest character: ellie

favorite season: the first game is the only game. tlou 2 who?

favorite episode: left behind

favorite romantic ship: rellie and dellie

favorite family ship: joel & ellie, ellie & dina & jj, i also love ellie & tommy and ellie & tess

favorite friendship: ellie & sam, ellie & jessie & dina

worst ship: ellie with any man, ellie x abby is also a terrible ship though

the 100

favorite male character: murphy

favorite female character: octavia and clarke

least favorite character: honestly fuck kane, finn, titus, cage, cadogan and pike i hate them all. i’m also not a fan of abby

prettiest character: octavia and raven <3

funniest character: murphy although octavia had some funny moments in the earlier seasons too

favorite season: 2, 5, 6

favorite episode: either eden (s5 ep1) or nevermind (s6 ep7)

favorite romantic ship: niytavia, clexa, and lunaven are so special to me. i also like bellarkecho as an ot3

favorite family ship: CLARKE AND MADI they’re seriously everything to me

favorite friendship: clarke & raven, octavia & madi, echo & madi, madi & murphy, clarke & murphy, raven & murphy

worst ship: i can’t ship bellamy and clarke without echo, so b*llarke ig. i also don’t really care for raven & murphy romantically, i think they work better as friends, and maybe i’m really biased towards loving niytavia but i just hated octavia and levitt

leave a series in my ask box

[ascendingtostardust]

A

Abba - Arrival

Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

B

Barbara Streisand - Stoney End

Beatles - Sgt. Pepper

Beatles - The Red Album

Blood, Sweat, and Tears - 3

Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever

Billy Joel - The Stranger

Bing Crosby - Merry Christmas

Bob Dylan - Real Live

Brandi Carlile - In These Silent Days

Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run

Bruce Springsteen - Greetings From Asbury Park NJ

The Byrds - Untitled

The Byrds - Mr. Tambourine Man

C

Carole King - Rhymes and Reasons

Carole King - Music

Carpenters - Close To You

Carpenters - Horizon

Carpenters - Passage

Carpenters - Ticket To Ride

Carpenters - A Song For You

Carpenters - Christmas Portrait

Charlie Byrd - Aquarius

Claudine - The Look of Love

Crosby, Stills, and Nash - Self Titled

D

Daisy Jones & The Six - Aurora

Dan Fogelberg - The Innocent Age

Dan Fogelberg - Netherlands

Dan Fogelberg - Phoenix

Dave Mason & Cass Elliot - Self Titled

Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers

Diana Ross and The Supremes - Greatest Hits

Dolly Parton - Best of Dolly Parton

Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers - Once Upon a Christmas

Duane Eddy - Lonely Guitar

E

Eagles - One Of Those Nights

Elton John - Honky Chateau

Elvis Presley - Blue Hawaii

Elvis Presley - Elvis’ Golden Records

Emmylou Harris - Quarter Moon In a Ten Cent Town

Erin Rae - Lighten Up

Etta James - At Last

Eydie Gorme - Don’t Go To Strangers

F

Fleet Foxes - Self Titled

Fleetwood Mac - Rumors

Fleetwood Mac - Self Titled

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk

Florence & The Machine - Dance Fever

Four Seasons - 2nd Vault of Golden Hits

G

Gallery - Nice To Be With You

Gladys Knight and The Pips - Silk n’ Soul

Greta Van Fleet - Black Smoke Rising

Greta Van Fleet - From The Fires

Greta Van Fleet - Anthem Of The Peaceful Army

Greta Van Fleet - The Battle At Gardens Gate

Greta Van Fleet - Live From Los Angeles

The Grass Roots - Golden Grass

H

Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds - Self Titled

Harry Styles - Fine Line

Houndmouth - Good For You

I

Ida Mae - Click Click Domino

J

Jackson 5 - ABC

Jethro Tull - Stand Up

Jim Croce - Time In A Bottle

Jim & Ingrid Croce - Another Day, Another Town

Joan Baez - Where Are You Now, My Son?

Joan Baez - Come From The Shadows

Josh Baez - Diamonds and Rust

Joan Baez - From Every Stage

Joan Baez - One Day At a Time

Joan Baez - Any Day Now

Joan Baez - Blessed Are…

Joan Baez - Noel

John Denver - Greatest Hits

John Denver - Greatest Hits Vol. II

John Denver - Seasons Of The Heart

John Denver - An Evening With John Denver

John Denver - Poems, Prayers, and Promises

John Denver - Farewell Andromeda

John Denver - Rhymes & Reasons

John Denver - Autograph

John Denver - Windsong

John Denver - Aerie

John Denver - It’s About Time

John Denver - Some Days Are Diamonds

John Denver - Rocky Mountain Christmas

Judy Garland - Judy

K

Khalid - American Teen

L

Lana Del Rey - Lust For Life

Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II

Led Zeppelin - In Through The Out Door

Leslie Gore - Golden Hits

Linda Ronstadt - Greatest Hits

Lord Huron - Lonesome Dreams

Lord Huron - Strange Trails

Lord Huron - Vide Noir

Lord Huron - Long Lost

M

Mac DeMarco - 2

Mac Miller - The Divine Feminine

Mama Cass - Bubble Gum, Lemonade, and Something For Mama

The Mamas and The Papas - Self Titled

The Mamas and The Papas - Greatest Hits

The Mamas and The Papas - Live At The Monterey International Pop Festival

The Mamas and The Papas - People Like Us

The Mamas and The Papas - If You Can Believe Your Eyes And Ears

The Mamas and The Papas - Deliver

McKendree Spring - 3

Monkees - Headquarters

Monkees - Greatest Hits

Moody Blues - Seventh Sojourn

Moody Blues - Days Of Future Past

Moody Blues - On The Threshold Of A Dream

Moody Blues - To Our Children’s Children’s Children

Moody Blues - Every Good Boy Deserves Favour

Moody Blues - This Is The Moody Blues

N

Nancy Sinatra - Nancy

O

Oklahoma - Self Titled

The Ozark Mountain Daredevils - It’ll Shine When It Shines

P

Peach Pit - Being So Normal

Peter Paul and Mary - 10 Years Together

Peter Paul and Mary - In Concert

Peter Paul and Mary - Late Again

Peter Paul and Mary - Album 1700

Peter Paul and Mary - Self Titled

Peter Paul and Mary - See What Tomorrow Brings

Peter Paul and Mary - Moving

Peter Paul and Mary - In The Wind

Pink Floyd - Animals

Q

R

Ricky Nelson - Ricky Sings Again

Robert Plant - Pictures At Eleven

Rolling Stones - Big Hits (High Tide And Green Grass)

Rolling Stones - Got Live If You Want It

S

Selena - Ones

Sierra Ferrell - Long Time Coming

Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Simon and Garfunkel - Greatest Hits

Smokey Robinson - Smokey

Sonny and Cher - The Wondrous World Of Sonny And Cher

Stevie Nicks - Bella Donna

Styx - Paradise Theater

T

Tash Sultana - Flow State

Tom Rush - Wrong End Of The Rainbow

U

U2 - War

V

Van Halen - 5150

W

Whitney Houston - Self Titled

Woodstock (original recordings)

X

Y

Z

Misc

2001 A Space Odyssey Soundtrack

Valley Of The Dolls Soundtrack

A Chorus Line Soundtrack

Funny Girl Soundtrack

Sound Of Music Soundtrack

My Fair Lady Soundtrack

[writerseclipse1]

˚₊· ➳❥ about me and navigation

ish. any pronouns. ravenclaw. infp-t. no label. sour candy 4life. uquiz enjoyer. joel miller’s wife and no. 1 abby anderson apologist. ballerina/dancer. soft pop music lvr.

previously @/theonly1outof-a-billion

current obsession: pedro pascal

new works: rewarded [joel m.], four seasons of love: ch 1 [joel m.]

coming soon: lose me [joel m.]

ao3: writerseclipse1 (only oneshots/series) are posted

navigation (requests open!) + character list ✎ guidelines ✎ taglist form + taglist

© writerseclipse - i do not consent to my work being copied, translated, claimed or reposted on any platform.

fic dividers by @saradika-graphics

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, November 9

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Andrew fails lie detector -- new crisis rocks the palace 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Bruno Toniolo shirtless, Heidi Pratt at a pumpkin patch in L.A., Jacqueline Bisset catches some rays in L.A. 

Page 3: Larry David leaves an L.A. office, Ellen Pompeo, Pete Wentz 

Page 4: Kathie Lee Gifford is talking to NBC bigwigs about coming back to Today and they’re hot over the idea but Hoda Kotb is not pleased and Jenna Bush Hager is feeling threatened because Jenna never really grabbed the audience like Kathie Lee did, Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow are heading into the holidays trash-talking each other even more than usual and their pals have nowhere to hide -- they’re snippier than ever and can’t get through the week without saying something crass but the trouble is they have the same friends and they use some of the same chefs and caterers and crew -- all their friends in the Hamptons including the Seinfelds and Beyonce and Jay-Z and Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley and Rachael Ray are trying to keep out of it but it’s impossible because Martha and Gwyneth are both screaming for loyalty 

Page 5: Legal hotshot and writer Jeffrey Toobin has been shelved by the New Yorker magazine for showing off his willie to co-workers during a Zoom conference call -- witnesses say Toobin was masturbating but he insists it was a blooper

Page 6: Dolly Parton was so lovestruck when she met Elvis Presley that she nearly chucked her marriage and career to shack up with Elvis -- Dolly is ready to tell all about Elvis after decades of protecting her husband Carl Dean and Elvis’ only child Lisa Marie Presley -- Dolly was in her late 20s and Elvis was in his late 30s when they had their sizzling encounter where she got dolled up to meet Elvis in a Nashville office and discuss working together and he wanted to do a duet but she didn’t trust herself to work with him and she didn’t even let Elvis do a cover of her song I Will Always Love You -- even though Dolly didn’t actually cheat on Carl she sure was tempted and she’s felt guilty about it ever since 

Page 8: Just two weeks after splitting with his wife of 14 years former Home Improvement kid Zachery Ty Bryan was arrested and jailed on charges of trying to strangle a terrified galpal -- after a night of partying where he was photographed surrounded by four gals with an iced bottle of vodka at the table Zachery reportedly got into a heated clash with his galpal and she claims Zachery grabbed her by the throat and squeezed then tried to snatch her phone when she attempted to call 911 so she ran to a neighbor’s home where she hid while cops were called 

Page 9: Distressed Kelly Clarkson and her two toddlers are in therapy to help cope with the anguish brought on by her divorce from Brandon Blackstock -- the talk show host is especially struggling because the split is playing out so publicly and the kids are seeing things about their mom on TV and she feels immense guilt about the divorce but knows it was the best decision because she wasn’t happy married to Brandon though she did try but staying in a marriage just for the kids wasn’t an option for her -- Kelly was deeply wounded when her father-in-law Narvel Blackstock’s management company recently sued her for $1.4 million in alleged unpaid commissions but she’s speaking with her ex privately in an effort to resolve the issue out of court but Kelly suspects he’s using it as a bargaining chip for a bigger settlement and also feels he’s using the kids against her as a weapon 

Page 10: Showbiz legend Michelle Phillips has become a shut-in who sits home alone tippling wine while watching movies on TV and listening to her hits from The Mamas & the Papas where she is the last surviving member of the band -- she’s sad the rest are all gone  and she’ll put on a record and sit in the dark; she misses them and so many other people -- she’s become a shut-in due to the pandemic and can’t bear for people to see her so old and haggard and overweight and all those years of partying have done their damage to her once-beautiful face -- she also hasn’t been able to see her young grandson and she’s grieving the loss of her longtime lover who died in 2017 

Page 11: Baywatch hunk Jeremy Jackson’s cover girl ex-wife has been found homeless wandering California’s mean streets in worn and shabby clothes -- lost for two years Loni Willison is now virtually unrecognizable with missing teeth and her long blond tresses cropped short -- she was found pushing a grocery cart filled with her battered possessions in Venice -- despite her tragic situation she insists she’d doing fine and doesn’t want help despite reportedly having drug and mental health issues 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Rita Ora in a see-through frock (picture), Lily James got caught brazenly canoodling with the very much married Dominic West who plays her father in the BBC miniseries The Pursuit of Love, just weeks after Cardi B filed to dissolve her marriage to Offset she’s put the split on hold and all it took was Offset to spend bucks on a heart-tugging Sunset Strip billboard and a Rolls-Royce and a Hermes Birkin bag, Kate Hudson’s getting loose-lipped about gross snotty smooches with her leading man Matthew McConaughey 

Page 13: Vinny Guadagnino eating in Beverly Hills (picture), Kaitlyn Bristowe has a puffy trout pout (picture), Shia LaBeouf doesn’t let an apparent injury keep him from getting out and about in Pasadena (picture), Alanis Morissette says the fame that came with her 1995 revenge song You Oughta Know wasn’t so sweet but instead was an isolating experience 

Page 14: Nicole Kidman is starring opposite Hugh Grant in the thriller series The Undoing but she really wanted to plays Hugh’s love interest in Notting Hill except she wasn’t well-known enough, Reba McEntire has landed herself a brand new TV show which is a modernized Fried Green Tomatoes drama series in which she’ll play the present-day Idgie Threadgoode, Fashion Verdict -- Regina King 8/10, Isabelle Huppert 2/10, Queen Maxima 5/10, Tracee Ellis Ross 9/10, Cher 4/10 

Page 16: How John F. Kennedy stole the White House from Richard Nixon -- Chicago mob rigged the 1960 vote and cheated Nixon out of the presidency 

Page 19: True Crime 

Page 21: Parkinson’s patient Alan Alda is refusing to slow down at age 84 and friends fear the fragile M*A*S*H legend is headed for a devastating health crisis and he’s busier now than he ever was even during his sitcom days and he bravely says he lives with it by staying active but medication can only do so much and his friends and family including wife Arlene are worried he’s pushing himself too hard, teary-eyed Ringo Starr confesses his last conversation with dying Beatles bandmate George Harrison was heartbreaking and unforgettable -- Ringo wanted to stay with George until the end but his daughter Lee had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and Ringo had to rush to Boston to see her and when Ringo told George he had to go to Boston George said D’ya want me to come wit’ ya? so even on his death bed George made his best buddy smile while both faced unspeakable grief 

Page 22: 10 Things You Don’t Know About S. Epatha Merkerson, Today show host Hoda Kotb reveals Frank Sinatra Jr. was the show’s worst guest because he clammed up instead of touting a book about his famous dad in 2015, Khloe Kardashian confesses she once worked as Nicole Richie’s personal assistant because she just needed a job and they went to school together -- Nicole’s reality career crashed in 2007 which was the same year Khloe’s series started

Page 24: Cover Story -- Disgraced Prince Andrew has flunked a lie detector test on his close relationship with murdered American pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and now the rogue royal insists he’ll never cooperate with the FBI for fear his testimony will land him behind bars but Queen Elizabeth’s favorite son has his back against the wall as new evidence surfaces on both sides of the Atlantic -- Andrew is terrified newly released secret testimony from Epstein’s accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell is just the tip of the iceberg of what she’s prepared to reveal and Maxwell’s revelations detailing her twisted sex life come on the heels of an explosive new British book accusing Andrew of attending debauched events with Epstein where teenage girls were parading around topless -- even though friends close to Andrew say he did nothing wrong and has no reason to fear the prince may not have a choice about spilling his guts because the fed-up royal family is threatening to cut off the cash-strapped rogue unless he plays ball 

Page 25: Prince Andrew has been banished from the gift shop at his mother’s Balmoral Castle -- tourists can still purchase postcards her Her Majesty’s kids Prince Charles and Princess Anne and Prince Edward but Prince Andrew has disappeared which is a sure sign that Andrew is in the doghouse since items featuring Elizabeth’s beloved corgis are still up for sale 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 27: Dirtiest places on planes exposed 

Page 30: Serial sleaze Matt Lauer’s ready to pop the question to girlfriend Shamin Abas over the holidays and he hopes for a brighter future with her a year after his 20-year marriage to Annette Roque ended in divorce -- Matt showers Shamin her with gifts and wants to buy a house on the East Coast where they can make new memories and Matt’s hinted he’s already bought the ring and plans to propose by New Year’s and he hopes to have a celeb-studded wedding at their new home, Kathleen Turner will be back at Michael Douglas’ throat as his acid ex in The Kominsky Method to fill the hole left by Alan Arkin who abruptly pulled out of the third and final season of the show

Page 35: Matthew McConaughey’s father predicted he’d die while making love to his wife and he did, desperate to turn back time Marie Osmond is going whole hog on a head-to-toe makeover -- Marie is no stranger to cosmetic fixes and she is considering a slew of procedures to get a new look that’ll knock ‘em out including everything from Botox and fillers to face-lift to boob job and lipo-sculpting to enhance her waistline -- the makeover is motivated by revenge because she’s bitter over recently being pushed off her co-host gig on The Talk and now she’s counting on a younger look to land her a plum new TV gig 

Page 38: Real Life Monsters 

Page 39: Kris Jenner blames social media for ending the 14-year run of Keeping Up with the Kardashians because when the show started there was no Instagram or Snapchat or other social media platforms but now she gripes that now there are so many the viewer doesn’t have to wait three or four months to see an episode but instead information spreads online in real time, Phil Collins’ ex-wife has traded him in for a 31-year-old guitarist who never managed to make much noise in the music industry -- Phil was furious when he heard Orianne Cevey married Tom Bates in Las Vegas, Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman died without a will according to his widow -- Taylor Simone Ledward filed a probate case in L.A. asking a judge to name her administrator of Boseman’s estimated $938,500 estate with limited authority

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s daughter Rumer Willis claims posing for raunchy bondage shots proves she’s a liberated woman free from sexual stereotypes but it’s not that simple 

Page 45: Jeff Bridges is battling non-Hodgkin lymphoma which is a rampaging cancer that often spreads through the body to the liver and bone marrow and lungs -- while the cancer can be deadly experts say the five-year survival rate is 73 percent 

[sichengtual]

Heelloooo, Mar! ♥️🙆‍♀️ I am asking A LOT (I am so sorry but I am just this super-curious person LOL) 5, 7, 14, 15, 22, 24, 29, 30. I AM SORRY I KNOW THIS IS TOO MANY! HAHA. But really, I want to know! 😊♥️

hi leanne !! i’m so sorry it took me so long to answer 😔💓. thank u for sending these in !!

5 — three songs you wish you could forget (because listening to them hurts).

amsterdam — coldplay ; if i believe you — the 1975 ; wait — m83.

7 — three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved. 

waterloo sunset — the kinks ; nowhere man — the beatles ; sweet jane — the velvet underground.

14 —  three songs you want at your wedding.

you’re my best friend — queen ; island in the sun — weezer ; you make loving fun — fleetwood mac.

15 — three songs you want to dance with your love to.

december, 1963 (oh what a night!) — frankie vallie & the four seasons ; friday i’m in love — the cure ; don’t go breaking my heart — elton john feat. kiki dee.

22 — three songs you listen to when you’re sad.

wish you were here — pink floyd ; landslide — fleetwood mac ; vienna — billy joel.

24 — three favourite old songs. 

stairway to heaven — led zeppelin ; sisters of the moon — fleetwood mac ; moonage daydream — david bowie.

i mean my favorite kind of music is 60s and 70s rock so these are my three favorite songs of all time hehe. 

29 — three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives).

answered here!

30 — three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above).

los días raros — vetusta morla ; yellow ledbetter — pearl jam ; this time tomorrow — the kinks.

these are my current favorite songs!

send me a number? ✨.

[sserpicko]

Announcing Winners WGA Awards 2019: ‘Can You Ever Forgive Me?,’ ‘Eighth Grade’

In a pair of upsets, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” has won the Writers Guild of America’s adapted screenplay award for Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty and Bo Burnham has won the original screenplay award for “Eighth Grade.”

The major television trophies went to “The Americans,” “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” “Homeland” and “Barry” for the 71st Writers Guild Awards, held at dual ceremonies at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, Calif., and the Edison Ballroom in New York City. It was the last major awards show before the Feb. 24 Academy Awards.

“Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” based on the memoir of the late Lee Israel, topped the screenplays for “Black Panther,” “If Beale Street Could Talk” “A Star Is Born”; and “BlacKkKlansman.” Though the script for the comedy-drama — the story of how Israel discovered her talent for forgery — has received an Oscar nomination, “Beale Street” and “BlacKkKlansman” were regarded as the front-runners. It appears that the tale of the travails and redemption of a professional writer clearly resonated with Hollywood writers.

“I want to thank Lee,” Holofcener said in her acceptance. “She’d probably be sitting in the room judging all of us. She though she was the smartest person in the room and she probably was.”

A stunned Burnham credited star Elsie Fisher for his winning the WGA award. Burnham won over Alfonso Cuaron’s “Roma”; Adam McKay’s “Vice”; Bryan Woods, Scott Beck, and John Krasinski’s “A Quiet Place”; and Peter Farrelly, Nick Vallelonga, and Brian Currie’s “Green Book.” “Roma,” “Vice” and “Green Book” are all nominated for Academy Awards along with “The Favourite” and “First Reformed” while “Eight Grade” did not receive an Oscar nod.

“Eighth Grade,” which stars Fisher as an awkward teen dealing with the final week of eighth grade, also won the first-time Directors Guild of America Award for Burnham on Feb. 2. The film is also up for four Spirit Awards on Feb. 23.

“To the other nominees in the category — Have fun at the Oscars, losers!” Burnham joked in his acceptance. “No, I prepared nothing. This all belongs to Elsie Fisher who performed the script. No one would care about the script if she hadn’t done it.”

“Eighth Grade” is the first film to win the WGA Original Screenplay award without being nominated for an Academy since Michael Moore’s “Bowling for Columbine” in 2003.

“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” won the comedy series award for Kate Fodor, Noah Gardenswartz, Jen Kirkman, Sheila Lawrence, Daniel Palladino and Amy Sherman Palladino. Starring Rachel Brosnahan, “Mrs. Maisel” won the Emmy for best comedy series last year.

The final season of “The Americans” took the drama series award for Peter Ackerman, Hilary Bettis, Joshua Brand, Joel Fields, Sarah Nolen, Stephen Schiff, Justin Weinberger, Joe Weisberg and Tracey Scott Wilson.

Bill Hader and Alec Berg won the episodic comedy award for the opening segment of HBO’s “Barry,” “Chapter One: Make Your Mark” (“Barry”). They also won the new series award.

Stephanie Gillis won the animated award for the “Bart’s Not Dead” episode of “The Simpsons” — which was just renewed for its 31st and 32nd seasons by Fox — and showrunner Alex Gansa took the episodic drama award for the “Paean To The People” segment of “Homeland.” “Bathtubs Over Broadway” took the documentary award and “God of War” won the videogame trophy.

Hulu’s “Castle Rock” won the long-form original award and “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” took the adapted long-form trophy. “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” won the comedy-variety series cagtegory.

Chelsea Peretti hosted the West Coast ceremonies while Roy Wood Jr. was the emcee in New York. “All the glitz and glamor of the Oscars without the pressure of public interest,” Peretti said in her intro.

Jordan Peele’s horror-comedy “Get Out” won the WGA Award for original screenplay and James Ivory’s coming-of-age drama “Call Me by Your Name” won for adapted screenplay last year. Both went on to win the Oscar.

The WGA awards are mixed indicator of Oscar sentiment. Six of the last 10 WGA winners have gone on to win Academy awards over the past five years. The awards are decided in voting by the 17,000 members of the WGA.

The West Coast ceremonies included plenty of political commentary. Adam McKay, on receiving the WGA’s Paul Selvin Award for “Vice,” asked for a “beat of silence” for the million people who died during the invasion of Iraq.

Jenji Kohan, recipient of the Paddy Chayefsky Award, was unable to attend due to having to shoot the final episode of “Orange Is the New Black.” She said in a taped message: “I’ve been incredibly lucky to work with enormously funny and kind people. I love the people I work with. Life is too short to work with a******s, by the way. That’s my Public Service Announcement.”

Here are the nominees with the winners in boldface:

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

“Eighth Grade,” Written by Bo Burnham; A24  (WINNER)

“Green Book,” Written by Nick Vallelonga & Brian Currie & Peter Farrelly; Universal Pictures

“A Quiet Place,” Screenplay by Bryan Woods & Scott Beck and John Krasinski, Story by Bryan Woods & Scott Beck; Paramount Pictures

“Roma,” Written by Alfonso Cuarón; Netflix

“Vice,” Written by Adam McKay; Annapurna Pictures

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

“BlacKkKlansman,” Written by Charlie Wachtel & David Rabinowitz and Kevin Willmott & Spike Lee, Based on the book by Ron Stallworth; Focus Features

“Black Panther,” Written by Ryan Coogler & Joe Robert Cole, Based on the Marvel Comics by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

“Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” Screenplay by Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty, Based on the book by Lee Israel; Fox Searchlight  (WINNER)

“If Beale Street Could Talk,” Screenplay by Barry Jenkins, Based on the novel by James Baldwin; Annapurna Pictures

“A Star is Born,” Screenplay by Eric Roth and Bradley Cooper & Will Fetters, Based on the 1954 screenplay by Moss Hart and the 1976 screenplay by John Gregory Dunne & Joan Didion and Frank Pierson, Based on a story by William Wellman and Robert Carson; Warner Bros.

DOCUMENTARY SCREENPLAY

“Bathtubs Over Broadway,” Written by Ozzy Inguanzo & Dava Whisenant; Focus Features  (WINNER)

“Fahrenheit 11/9,” Written by Michael Moore; Briarcliff Entertainment

“Generation Wealth,” Written by Lauren Greenfield; Amazon Studios

“In Search of Greatness,” Written by Gabe Polsky; Art of Sport

VIDEO GAME WRITING

“Assassin’s Creed Odyssey,” Associate Narrative Directors Matthew Zagurak, Joel Janisse, James Richard Mittag; Narrative Director Melissa MacCoubrey; Story by Jonathan Dumont, Melissa MacCoubrey, Hugo Giard; Scriptwriters Madeleine Hart, Betty Robertson, Jesse Scoble, Diana Sherman, Kelly Bender, Jojo Chia, Ian Fun, Zachary M. Parris, Ken Williamson, Daniel Bingham, Jordan Lemos, Simon Mackenzie, Katelyn MacMullin, Susan Patrick, Alissa Ralph, Stephen Rhodes; Team Lead Writer Sam Gill; AI Writers Jonathan Flieger, Kimberly Ann Sparks; Ubisoft Quebec

“Batman: The Enemy Within,” Episode 5-Same Stitch, Lead Writer James Windeler; Written by Meghan Thornton, Ross Beeley, Lauren Mee; Story by Meghan Thornton, Michael Kirkbride; Telltale Games

“God of War,” Written by Matt Sophos, Richard Zangrande Gaubert, Cory Barlog; Story and Narrative Design Lead Matt Sophos; Story and Narrative Design Richard Zangrande Gaubert; Narrative Design Orion Walker, Adam Dolin; Sony Interactive Entertainment  (WINNER)

“Marvel’s Spider-Man,” Story Lead Jon Paquette; Writers Benjamin Arfmann, Kelsey Beachum; Co-Written by Christos Gage; Additional Story Contributions by Dan Slott; Insomniac Games & Sony Interactive Entertainment

“Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire,” Narrative Designers Alex Scokel, Eric Fenstermaker, Kate Dollarhyde, Megan Starks, Olivia Veras, Paul Kirsch; Additional Writing Tony Evans, John Schmautz, Casey Hollingshead, Nitai Poddar; Narrative Design Leads Carrie Patel, Josh Sawyer; Obsidian Entertainment

DRAMA SERIES “The Americans,” Written by Peter Ackerman, Hilary Bettis, Joshua Brand, Joel Fields, Sarah Nolen, Stephen Schiff, Justin Weinberger, Joe Weisberg, Tracey Scott Wilson; FX Networks  (WINNER)

“Better Call Saul,” Written by Ann Cherkis, Vince Gilligan, Peter Gould, Gennifer Hutchison, Heather Marion, Bob Odenkirk, Thomas Schnauz, Gordon Smith, Alison Tatlock; AMC

“The Crown,” Written by Tom Edge, Amy Jenkins, Peter Morgan; Netflix

“The Handmaid’s Tale,” Written by Yahlin Chang, Nina Fiore, Dorothy Fortenberry, John Herrera, Lynn Renee Maxcy, Bruce Miller, Kira Snyder, Eric Tuchman; Hulu

“Succession,” Written by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Jon Brown, Jonathan Glatzer, Anna Jordan, Lucy Prebble, Georgia Pritchett, Tony Roche, Susan Soon He Stanton, Daniel Zelman; HBO

COMEDY SERIES “Atlanta,” Written by Ibra Ake, Donald Glover, Stephen Glover, Taofik Kolade, Jamal Olori, Stefani Robinson, Paul Simms; FX Networks

“Barry,” Written by Alec Berg, Duffy Boudreau, Bill Hader, Emily Heller, Liz Sarnoff, Ben Smith, Sarah Solemani; HBO

“GLOW,” Written by Liz Flahive, Tara Herrmann, Nick Jones, Jenji Kohan, Carly Mensch, Marquita Robinson, Kim Rosenstock, Sascha Rothchild, Rachel Shukert; Netflix

“The Good Place,” Written by Megan Amram, Christopher Encell, Kate Gersten, Cord Jefferson, Andrew Law, Joe Mande, Kassia Miller, Dylan Morgan, Matt Murray, Rae Sanni, Daniel Schofield, Michael Schur, Josh Siegal, Jen Statsky, Tyler Staessle; NBC

“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” Written by Kate Fodor, Noah Gardenswartz, Jen Kirkman, Sheila Lawrence, Daniel Palladino, Amy Sherman Palladino; Prime Video  (WINNER)

NEW SERIES “Barry,” Written by Alec Berg, Duffy Boudreau, Bill Hader, Emily Heller, Liz Sarnoff, Ben Smith, Sarah Solemani; HBO  (WINNER)

“The Haunting of Hill House,” Written by Meredith Averill, Charise Castro Smith, Mike Flanagan, Jeff Howard, Rebecca Leigh Klingel, Scott Kosar, Liz Phang; Netflix

“Homecoming,” Written by Micah Bloomberg, Cami Delavigne, Eli Horowitz, Shannon Houston, Eric Simonson, David Wiener; Prime Video

“Pose,” Written by Steven Canals, Brad Falchuk, Todd Kubrak, Janet Mock, Ryan Murphy, Our Lady J; FX Networks

“Succession,” Written by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Jon Brown, Jonathan Glatzer, Anna Jordan, Lucy Prebble, Georgia Pritchett, Tony Roche, Susan Soon He Stanton, Daniel Zelman; HBO

LONG FORM ORIGINAL “Castle Rock,” Writers: Marc Bernardin, Scott Brown, Lila Byock, Mark Lafferty, Sam Shaw, Dustin Thomason, Gina Welch, Vinnie Wilhelm; Hulu   (WINNER)

“My Dinner with Hervé,” Teleplay by Sacha Gervasi, Story by Sacha Gervasi & Sean Macaulay; HBO

“Paterno,” Written by Debora Cahn and John C. Richards; HBO

LONG FORM ADAPTED “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story,” Writers: Maggie Cohn, Tom Rob Smith, Based on the book Vulgar Favors by Maureen Orth; FX Networks  (WINNER)

“The Looming Tower,” Writers: Bash Doran, Dan Futterman, Alex Gibney, Shannon Houston, Adam Rapp, Ali Selim, Lawrence Wright, Based on the book The Looming Tower by Lawrence Wright; Hulu

“Maniac,” Writers: Nick Cuse, Cary Joji Fukunaga, Amelia Gray, Danielle Henderson, Mauricio Katz, Patrick Somerville, Caroline Williams, Based on the Norwegian television series Maniac by Espen PA Lervaag, Håakon Bast Mossige, Kjetil Indregard and Ole Marius Araldsen; Netflix

“Sharp Objects,” Writers: Ariella Blejer, Scott Brown, Vince Calandra, Gillian Flynn, Dawn Kamoche, Alex Metcalf, Marti Noxon, Based upon the book written by Gillian Flynn; HBO

SHORT FORM NEW MEDIA ORIGINAL “After Forever,” Written by Michael Slade & Kevin Spirtas; Vimeo.com

“Class of Lies,” Written by Tessa Leigh Williams; Snapchat    (WINNER)

“Love Daily,” Written by: Lauren Ciaravalli, Andrew Eisen, Aaron Eisenberg, Will Eisenberg, Alexis Jacknow, Nathaniel Katzman, Yulin Kuang, Nathan Larkin-Connolly, Alexis Roblan, Bennet D. Silverman, Ryan Wood; Go90.com

“West 40s,” Written by Mark Sam Rosenthal & Brian Sloan; West40s.com

SHORT FORM NEW MEDIA ADAPTED “The Walking Dead: Red Machete,” Written by Nick Bernardone; AMC.com

ANIMATION “Bart’s Not Dead” (The Simpsons), Written by Stephanie Gillis; Fox  (WINNER)

“Boywatch” (Bob’s Burgers), Written by Rich Rinaldi; Fox

“Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now” (Bob’s Burgers), Written by Lizzie Molyneux & Wendy Molyneux; Fox

“Krusty the Clown” (The Simpsons), Written by Ryan Koh; Fox

“Mo Mommy Mo Problems” (Bob’s Burgers), Written by Steven Davis; Fox

“Send in Stewie, Please” (Family Guy), Written by Gary Janetti; Fox

EPISODIC DRAMA “Camelot” (“Narcos: Mexico”), Written by Eric Newman & Clayton Trussell; Netflix

“The Car” (“This Is Us”), Written by Isaac Aptaker & Elizabeth Berger; NBC

“Episode 407” (“The Affair”), Teleplay by Lydia Diamond and Sarah Sutherland, Story by Jaquen Tee Castellanos and Sarah Sutherland; Showtime

“First Blood” (“The Handmaid’s Tale”), Written by Eric Tuchman; Hulu

“Paean To The People” (“Homeland”), Written by Alex Gansa; Showtime  (WINNER)

“The Precious Blood of Jesus” (“Ozark”), Written by David Manson; Netflix

EPISODIC COMEDY “Another Place” (“Forever”), Teleplay by Alan Yang and Matt Hubbard, Story by Aniz Adam Ansari; Prime Video

“Chapter One: Make Your Mark” (“Barry”), Written by Alec Berg & Bill Hader; HBO   (WINNER)

“Halibut!” (“Santa Clarita Diet”), Written by Victor Fresco; Netflix

“Kimmy and the Beest!” (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”), Written by Robert Carlock; Netflix

“Pilot” (“The Kids Are Alright”), Written by Tim Doyle; ABC

“Who Knows Better Than I” (“Orange Is the New Black”), Written by Jenji Kohan; Netflix

COMEDY/VARIETY TALK SERIES “Full Frontal With Samantha Bee,” Writers: Kristen Bartlett, Samantha Bee, Ashley Nicole Black, Pat Cassels, Mike Drucker, Eric Drysdale, Mathan Erhardt, Joe Grossman, Miles Kahn, Nicole Silverberg, Melinda Taub; TBS

“Last Week Tonight with John Oliver;” Writers: Tim Carvell, Raquel D’Apice, Josh Gondelman, Dan Gurewitch, Jeff Maurer, Daniel O’Brien, John Oliver, Brian Parise, Owen Parsons, Ben Silva, Will Tracy, Jill Twiss, Seena Vali, Juli Weiner; HBO   (WINNER)

“Late Night with Seth Meyers;” Supervising Writers: Sal Gentile, Seth Reiss; Writers: Jermaine Affonso, Alex Baze, Bryan Donaldson, Matt Goldich, Dina Gusovsky, Jenny Hagel, Allison Hord, Mike Karnell, John Lutz, Seth Meyers, Ian Morgan, Amber Ruffin, Mike Shoemaker; NBC Universal

“The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,” Head Writers: Jay Katsir, Opus Moreschi; Writers: Emmy Blotnick, Michael Brumm, Aaron Cohen, Stephen T. Colbert, Cullen Crawford, Paul Dinello, Ariel Dumas, Glenn Eichler, Django Gold, Gabe Gronli, Greg Iwinski, Barry Julien, Daniel Kibblesmith, Matt Lappin, Michael Pielocik, Kate Sidley, Jen Spyra, Brian Stack, John Thibodeaux; CBS

COMEDY/VARIETY SKETCH SERIES “At Home with Amy Sedaris,” Writers: Cindy Caponera, Paul Dinello, Jodi Lennon, Meredith Scardino, Amy Sedaris; truTV

“I Love You, America,” Head Writer: Dave Ferguson; Writers: Glenn Boozan, Leann Bowen, Raj Desai, Kyle Dunnigan, John Haskell, Tim Kalpakis, Opeyemi Olagbaju, Gavin Purcell, Diona Reasonover, Jocelyn Richard, Christopher J. Romano, Sarah Silverman, Beth Stelling, Dan Sterling, Nick Wiger; Hulu

“Nathan For You,” Writers: Leo Allen, Nathan Fielder, Carrie Kemper, Michael Koman, Adam Locke-Norton, Eric Notarnicola; Comedy Central  (WINNER)

“Portlandia,” Writers: Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein, Jonathan Krisel, Karey Dornetto, Megan Neuringer, Phoebe Robinson, Graham Wagner; IFC

“Saturday Night Live,” Head Writers: Michael Che, Colin Jost, Kent Sublette, Bryan Tucker; Supervising Writers: Fran Gillespie, Sudi Green, Streeter Seidell; Writers: James Anderson, Kristen Bartlett, Megan Callahan, Steven Castillo, Andrew Dismukes, Anna Drezen, Claire Friedman, Alison Gates, Steve Higgins, Sam Jay, Erik Kenward, Rob Klein, Nick Kocher, Michael Koman, Alan Linic, Eli Coyote Mandel, Erik Marino, Dave McCary, Brian McElhaney, Dennis McNicholas, Lorne Michaels, Nimesh Patel, Josh Patten, Katie Rich, Simon Rich, Gary Richardson, Marika Sawyer, Pete Schultz, Mitch Silpa, Will Stephen, Julio Torres, Bowen Yang; NBC Universal

COMEDY/VARIETY SPECIALS 2018 Rose Parade Hosted by Cord & Tish, Written by Will Ferrell, Jake Fogelnest, Andrew Steele; Prime Video

Drew Michael Stand-Up Special, Written by Drew Michael; HBO

The Fake News with Ted Nelms, Written by John Aboud, Andrew Blitz, Michael Colton, Ed Helms, Elliott Kalan, Joseph Randazzo, Sara Schaefer; Comedy Central  (WINNER)

The Oscars 2018, Written by Dave Boone, Carol Leifer, Jon Macks; Special Material Written by Megan Amram, Tony Barbieri, Jonathan Bines, Joelle Boucai, Gonzalo Cordova, Adam Carolla, Devin Field, Gary Greenberg, Josh Halloway, Sal Iacono, Eric Immerman, Jesse Joyce, Bess Kalb, Jimmy Kimmel, Molly McNearney, Danny Ricker, Joe Strazzullo; ABC

QUIZ AND AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION “Hollywood Game Night,” Head Writers: Ann Slichter, Grant Taylor; Writers: Michael Agbabian, Alexandra Kokesh, Dwight D. Smith; NBC

“Jeopardy!,” Written by Matthew Caruso, John Duarte, Harry Friedman, Mark Gaberman, Deborah Griffin, Michele Loud, Robert McClenaghan, Jim Rhine, Steve D. Tamerius, Billy Wisse; ABC

“Paid Off with Michael Torpey,” Head Writer: Ethan Berlin; Writers: John Chaneski, Rosemarie DiSalvo, Leigh Hampton, Katie Hartman, Amanda Melson, Larry Owens, Jennie Sutton, Michael Torpey, Jeremy Weiner; truTV

“Who Wants To Be A Millionaire,” Head Writer: Stephen A. Melcher, Jr.; Writers: Kyle Beakley, Tom Cohen, Patricia A. Cotter, Ryan Hopak, Gary Lucy, James Rowley, Ann Slichter, Dylan Snowden; Disney/ABC Syndication  (WINNER)

DAYTIME DRAMA “Days of Our Lives,” Head Writer: Ron Carlivati; Writers: Sheri Anderson, Lorraine Broderick, David Cherrill, Joanna Cohen, Lisa Connor, Carolyn Culliton, Richard Culliton, Rick Draughon,  Cydney Kelley, David Kreizman, David A. Levinson, Rebecca McCarty, Ryan Quan, Dave Ryan, Katherine Schock, Elizabeth Snyder, Tyler Topits; NBC

“General Hospital,” Head Writers: Shelly Altman, Christopher Van Etten; Writers: Barbara Bloom, Anna Theresa Cascio, Suzanne Flynn, Charlotte Gibson, Lucky Gold, Kate Hall, Elizabeth Korte, Daniel James O’Connor, Donny Sheldon, Scott Sickles; ABC  (WINNER)

CHILDREN’S EPISODIC AND SPECIALS “Carnivorous Carnival: Part One” (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Teleplay by Joe Tracz; Netflix

“The Ersatz Elevator: Part One” (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Teleplay by Daniel Handler; Netflix  (WINNER)

“For The Last Time” (Andi Mack), Written by Jonathan S. Hurwitz; Disney Channel

“Picture Day” (Alexa & Katie), Written by Ray Lancon; Netflix

“Warehouse Towel Fight” fka “Emil Strikes Back” (Prince of Peoria), Written by Marty Donovan; Netflix

DOCUMENTARY SCRIPT – CURRENT EVENTS “Black Hole Apocalypse” (Nova), Written by Rushmore DeNooyer; PBS

“Blackout in Puerto Rico” (Frontline), Written by Rick Young; PBS

“The Gang Crackdown” (Frontline), Written by Marcela Gaviria; PBS

“Trump’s Takeover” (Frontline), Written by Michael Kirk & Mike Wiser; PBS   (WINNER)

DOCUMENTARY SCRIPT – OTHER THAN CURRENT EVENTS “Bitter Rivals: Iran and Saudi Arabia – Part 1” (Frontline), Written by David Fanning & Linda Hirsch & Martin Smith; PBS

“The Circus, Part One” (American Experience), Written by Sharon Grimberg; PBS

“The Eugenics Crusade” (American Experience), Written by Michelle Ferrari; PBS  (WINNER)

“Into The Amazon” (American Experience), Written by John Maggio; PBS

NEWS SCRIPT – REGULARLY SCHEDULED, BULLETIN, OR BREAKING REPORT “Catastrophe” (60 Minutes), Written by Scott Pelley, Katie Kerbstat, Nicole Young; CBS News

“Las Vegas Massacre” (CBS Evening News with Anthony Mason), Written by Jerry Cipriano and Joe Clines; CBS News

“The Spotted Pig” (60 Minutes), Written by Anderson Cooper and Oriana Zill de Granados; CBS News

NEWS SCRIPT – ANALYSIS, FEATURE, OR COMMENTARY “100,000 Women” (60 Minutes), Written by Scott Pelley and Oriana Zill de Granados; CBS News

“On Broadway: Rodgers and Hammerstein” (CBS Sunday Morning), Written by Mo Rocca and Kay M. Lim; CBS News

“War Crime” (60 Minutes), Written by Scott Pelley, Katie Kerbstat, Nicole Young; CBS News

“Wounds of War” (60 Minutes), Written by Scott Pelley, Katie Kerbstat, Nicole Young; CBS News

DIGITAL NEWS “D.C.’s Biggest Homeless Shelter Is About to Close. Will Amazon Take Its Place?,” Written by Emma Roller; Splinter

“How To Not Die In America,” Written by Molly Osberg; Splinter

“Inside The Culture Of Sexism At Riot Games,” Written by Cecilia D’Anastasio; Kotaku.com  (WINNER)

RADIO/AUDIO DOCUMENTARY “2017 Year in Review,” Written by Gail Lee; CBS News Radio

“RFK: 50 Years After Shots Rang Out at The Ambassador Hotel,” Written by Andrew Evans; ABC News Radio   (WINNER)

RADIO/AUDIO NEWS SCRIPT—REGULARLY SCHEDULED, BULLETIN, OR BREAKING REPORT “5pm CBS News Radio Glor Newscast,” Written by James Hutton; CBS News Radio

“ABC News 6p Hourly 9-27-2018,” Written by Stephanie Pawlowski; ABC News Radio

“Remembering The Good, The Bad and the Brilliant,” Written by Gail Lee; CBS News Radio  (WINNER)

“World News This Week 9-21-2018,” Written by Joan B. Harris; ABC News Radio

RADIO/AUDIO NEWS SCRIPT – ANALYSIS, FEATURE, OR COMMENTARY “John McCain: A Life of Service,” Written by Gail Lee; CBS News Radio  (WINNER)

“A Tribute to Le Grand Orange,” Written by Thomas A. Sabella; CBS Radio News

ON-AIR PROMOTION (RADIO OR TELEVISION) “FBI 2018 Promo Reel,” Written by Ralph Buado; CBS

“Tribute to Star Trek for the 2019 Creative Arts Emmys,” Written by Sean Brogan; CBS  (WINNER)

“Westworld: Season 2 Promo (Super Bowl spot),” Written by Jonathan Nolan; HBO

Source: variety

By DAVE MCNARY

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2565

today i stayed in bed for a while, contemplating death because it was 91 degrees outside and felt like 99. so i stayed inside and texted lisa and freeda that i wasn't going to be at stained glass tonight, because besides the godawful temperatures and my propensity to overheat and sweat to the point where i can't fuckin use my hands, my transmission still hasn't been fixed. james is ordering the part it needs so he can fix it for me.

but also, a listing i found last night (for a potential place to move for me and the eggs) was having an open house today, and james asked if i wanted to go, so i said sure. i was maybe twenty minutes out and james said he wouldn't be able to make it because he was still working at the garage on stuff (probably my car tbh) and i said no worries, i will. so i went and toured the house and looked at stuff and on the way back i called the eggs and gave them my honest opinion of the place. an iffy 6/10. past water damage, the oil tank and furnace and water heater are in weird places. small bathrooms. the kitchen was nice, and the deck was cool and the downstairs would've been a perfect game room, but the rest of it, the little details, the things that matter? no. so we decided to pass. but they still offered to get me ice cream, so i headed over to their apartment to see them.

chelsea and i went and got ice cream. at this point, all i had eaten was two chocolate frosted donuts with rainbow sprinkles. and then i had four scoops of ice cream, also with sprinkles, but they were jimmies this time. joel texted and asked me what was happening and i told him i was hanging out with the eggs. i hope to see him at some point this week. i miss my joel when i don't get to see him. so hopefully, when my transmission gets fixed, i'll be able to go over and stay over for a while. actually get to hang out with joel since my paper is now finished. i do have those few matlab assignments to do, but in comparison it's like going to the dentist instead of performing a frontal lobotomy on yourself. i would much rather go to the dentist.

-> flashback/ADHD brain,

also, before the open house, i got to talk to FF today again! today was their birthday, and they had the day off from work. they were able to do fun things and have a relaxing day and hang out with the dogs, and it makes me happy that they had a good day.

we also talked about chocolate again, so i have more things to try, but i need to try the ones i already have first. i may do that this weekend. but yeah. i like getting to talk to them. ☺️

-> and then, back at the egg's,

i ended up wanting bad burgers so i said "hey i'm gonna go get myself some shitty burgers" and they said "where" and i said "mcnaldos" and they said "get me some" and "i'll pay if you get us some" so i said "ok" because i'm not gonna say no to free food, yknow?? it took a few minutes to determine what i was gonna get for us all and then i grabbed the card and left. made it back with food that wound up being pretty good, actually - the chickie nuggies were hot and fresh and delicious. unfortunately i only got one sweet and sour sauce, and that only goes so far, and chelsea had been chickennapping nuggies from james, so i gave him the last two i had to replenish his nuggie supplies. the burgies were mcnaldos burgies, so i can't really complain. the fries were really good too, they had the right salt content, and as those were passed to me first, i crouched in a goblin position and consumed the fries like the absolute gremlin i am and james got a kick out of it.

shitty burgies and good nuggies later, i came home and watched the last touchdown of the first football game of the season, and then we finished the episode or whatever was on hallmark movies and mysteries, and then it was murder she wrote. i've been on a major kick of it, because there's four episodes back to back of it on HM&M every night, and me being awake to work on my paper late at night has allowed me to watch many episodes of it. sometimes i'll watch the first episode of magnum PI that comes on after, but i usually watch the first five minutes to see the mustache and the bad attitude before heading up to bed.

but not tonight.

tonight is the peak of the perseids, and i was tired anyway, so after the second episode of murder she wrote i turned off the tv and went outside. i saw four meteors! i think, actually, that three were meteors from the perseids, and the other was low-orbit space junk, because it (1) fell from a different direction, (2) was much dimmer, and (3) lasted longer than the others i saw.

it was the first time i'd seen any of the perseids.

also? i was standing in the back yard, and because of the extension between the house and what used to be the garage, the streetlight out front is blocked. i can actually see the sky. you can see the milky way. so many stars. i checked the weather before going outside. it said it was partly cloudy, but i didn't want to risk it, so i checked myself. i was very surprised to see a crystal clear sky. so i was out there for a bit.

it was truly beautiful.

yknow, sometimes i think about what i do and what i'm studying and i feel like it's not what i should be doing, yknow? because i don't feel like i'm smart enough or good enough or that anyone will take me seriously, and other things like that that wear you down and exhaust you with the "what if"s that make your head spin.

but looking up at the sky tonight reminded me why i'm studying to be an astrophysicist. it's because i love the stars. the night sky. the cosmos. all of it. it was my first love, and i don't know if i'll ever love anything as much as i love the stars. it's kind of romantic, honestly; looking at the stars with wonder and awe, seeing things you normally can't, feeling how small you truly are in the scale of the universe. it's amazing. it's terrifying. but i find it's a lot like falling in love.

-> adhd brain strikes again

while i was in line at mcnaldos i got a snapchat from andrew and he said that his wife came up with an idea for a book that we could write. like. and internal monologue for the day. adhd brain: the book. and i'm so on board with that. narrating what pops in my head all day?? fuck yeah.

-> anyway.

looking at the stars tonight and finding myself thinking about the stars like i have reminds me of that one quote:

"i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

(that's sarah williams, but i don't know who she is but attribution is important)

and it reminds me of me. because it's true. behind my house is a lot of woods. it's dark and there's animals that live there. when i was outside, i wasn't afraid of the dark or of the animals. i just wanted to see the stars. and that was all i needed.

anyway it's almost 2am and i am going to bed so i can get up earlier. and then go to bed earlier. so i can get up earlier. i'm trying to adjust my schedule so i sleep for ten hours and wake up for 7. so i'll need to be asleep by 9. so i'll need to be in bed by 8. shit. i don't like that. but that's so i can get to class on time, because not only does it take 80 minutes to get there, i have traffic to deal with, and then i gotta park and walk to my class. so i'm tryina adjust it. sad i'll miss when FF wakes up their time, but i'll be awake earlier so i can talk to them more during the day.

it's a trade-off. but i need that sleep.

i have a few weeks to get there. it's fine.

[screenandcinema]

Coming Attractions - July 2021

As usual, we present monthly previews of new movies being released and with a whole bunch of new movies hitting theaters or streamers this month, it is fair to say that the summer movie season is finally here! These are the movies that will be hitting your local cinemas (and streaming services) this month:

July 2nd

No Sudden Move (July 1) - Steven Soderbergh directs this new period crime thriller from writer Ed Solomon (Bill & Ted) set in 1955 Detroit. The movie features an overly impressive cast that includes Don Cheadle, Benicio de Toro, David Harbour, Jon Hamm, Amy Seimetz, Brendan Fraser, Kieran Culkin, Julia Fox, and Ray Liotta. The film premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last month to generally favorable reviews, so be on the lookout for No Sudden Move available only on HBO Max today.

The Tomorrow War - When The Tomorrow War was initially announced in early 2019, then titled Ghost Draft, and set to star Chris Pratt with Chris McKay making his live-action film directorial debut, I was very intrigued. Flash forward more than two years later and Paramount has sold the film off to Amazon for a rumored cost of $200 million. The film hits Prime this month, and I hope it is good. We will see...

The Boss Baby: Family Business - The sequel to the 2017 film that my son absolutely loves will be coming to theaters and Peacock this month. This seems to be the first film in which Universal is following the HBO Max model of a streaming release (free for subscribers) concurrent with a theatrical release. Alec Baldwin returns to voice the titular Boss Baby, while James Marsden takes the place of Tobey Maguire who was apparently too busy to return for the sequel (No Way Home?) and Amy Sedaris joins the cast as a new baby at BabyCorp and the daughter of Marsden’s character. 

The Forever Purge - The fifth and final film in The Purge franchise hits theaters this weekend. The Forever Purge is a direct sequel to 2016′s The Purge: Election Year in which the events of the annual Purge have explored past their one-day-a-year allowance. As a fan of both the films in the series and the short-lived television show, I am excited for this final Purge film. With this film and Boss Baby 2 coming to theaters this weekend and F9 only entering its second weekend, it is likely that over the Fourth of July weekend, Universal could have 3 of the top 5 (if not the top 3) films at the box office. Way to own a weekend Universal (not that there is much competition at the moment).

Summer of Soul (...Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised) - Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson of The Roots directs this documentary about the 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival that includes never before seen footage from the festival that set in a basement for 50 years. The film has garnered rave reviews since its premiere at Sundance in January where it won top honors in the documentary category. Summer of Soul hits theaters and Hulu this weekend.

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 - Hitting Netflix is the first installment of this slasher trilogy loosely based on R.L. Stine’s books. Netflix’s release plan for the trilogy is a unique one and thankfully audiences won’t have to wait long for the second installment of these inter-connected films.

July 9th

Black Widow - After almost two years away from the big screen, the Marvel Cinematic Universe is back in cinemas with the Scarlett Johansson-led Black Widow. The film which takes place after the events of Captain America: Civil War also stars David Harbour, Rachel Weisz, and Florence Pugh in a role that could be seen as one set to take over for the titular heroine after the events of Avengers: Endgame. During the second half of 2021, Marvel Studios has four films set to hit theaters and Black Widow is only the beginning of their comeback tour. See Black Widow in theaters or on Disney+ with Premier Access ($30).

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 - Here we go, the second installment of the Fear Street trilogy. What questions from the first film will be answered when a summer camp in 1978 is under siege, we will have to tune in to the sequel on Netflix to find out.

July 16th

Gunpowder Milkshake (July 14th) - Karen Gillan stars alongside Lena Headey, Carla Gugino, Michelle Yeoh, Angela Bassett, and Paul Giamatti in this action thriller from Israeli director Navot Papushado. The film, which has a John Wick feel to it, hits Netflix this month.

Space Jam: A New Legacy - The Tune Squad is back on the court alongside Lebron James in this standalone sequel to 1996′s Space Jam. The film, also starring Don Cheadle and Sonequa Martin-Green in addition to numerous Looney Tunes, will be released in both theaters and on HBO Max.

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions - After grossing $150 million on a $9 million budget, a sequel to the breakout hit 2016′s Escape Room was inviable. I rather enjoyed the first film and am eager to see this direct sequel which follows our champions from the first film, alongside other escape room survivors as they end up back inside the deadly game.

Fear Street Part 3: 1666 - At long last, the much-anticipated conclusion to the Fear Street trilogy hits Netflix, how will it all end? Who will live and who will die? And what does the 17th century mean to the story? Watch it and find out. Funny enough, by the time this movie comes out, everyone will be talking about Fear Street or no one will be.

July 23rd

Old - M. Night Shyamalan directs this new supernatural mystery thriller starring Gael Garcia Bernal, Vicky Krieps, Rufus Sewell, Ken Leung, and Alex Wolff. The less you know about Old the better, so I am going to stop right there.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins - When deciding to make a film about a character who always wears a helmet and never speaks, what do you do? Well, you cast Henry Golding and make it an origin story, and there you have it Snake Eyes was born. If you are super excited for Snake Eyes, check it out in theaters. If you are lukewarm about Snake Eyes like me, you can wait 45 days and watch it on Paramount+.

Blood Red Sky - Remember Snakes on a Plane? Well, Blood Red Sky is essentially Vampires on a Plane, if the vampires were the good guys. This is a real movie coming to Netflix, I promise. 

Midnight in the Switchgrass - In this crime thriller based on a true story, two FBI agents, played by Bruce Willis and Megan Fox, team up with a Texas Ranger, played by Emile Hirsh, to catch a serial killer. Good luck.

July 30th

Jungle Cruise - Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt star in this Disney fantasy adventure based on a theme park ride of the same name. The film looks like if you mixed Pirates of the Caribbean with Anaconda. I cannot wait to take a ride on the Jungle Cruise later this month. The film will be out in theaters and available on Disney+ with Premier Access ($30).

Stillwater - Spotlight’s Tom McCarthy directs Matt Damon and Abigail Breslin in this drama that follows a Stillwater, Oklahoma oil worker to France to help his estranged daughter who has been charged with murder. The film is scheduled to premiere at Cannes later this month before hitting theaters nationwide.

The Green Knight - Dev Patel leads the charge in this highly anticipated medieval epic from director David Lowrey and co-starring Alicia Vikander, Joel Edgerton, Barry Keoghan, and Sean Harris. The film tells the 14th-century story of Sir Gawain, the nephew of King Arthur, on his quest to confront the Green Knight. The movie looks bonkers. Check it out in theaters.

Nine Days - Winston Duke, Zazie Beetz, Benedict Wong, and Bill Skarsgård star in this supernatural drama that made a big splash at Sundance in January 2020. Now the film is finally seeing a limited release this month, before a wide release on August 6th. 

Now for a quick look ahead to August, my top picks for next month are The Suicide Squad, Free Guy, and Reminiscence.

-MB-

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 12/12/2020

For the first time ever after being released in 1994, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” has hit #1 on the UK Singles Chart, like it did on the US Billboard Hot 100 last year and will probably do so this year. This is a really short week full of nothing so that might be the biggest story here, and the song deserves it. It’s a great song and it’s genuinely massive. I wonder how newer songs like Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree” will be able to enter themselves into the Christmas canon after Mariah Carey proved that it can be done with modern pop. Well, that’s not for us to find out today, because this is REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Like I said in the introduction, this is far from a busy week, which almost surprises me. Sure, nothing important was released – except that Shawn Mendes album which flopped remarkably and debuted at #12 on the Albums Chart this week – but I did expect another festive flood of holiday tunes. To my surprise, this didn’t happen or at least not to the extent that I assumed it would. Sure, we still have a lot of Christmas songs replacing newer pop songs that had already been in the charts, ‘tis the season, but this week only had five notable drop-outs from the UK Top 75, and none of those are that notable. I guess “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy, one of the biggest hip-hop hits of the year, dropping out is a pretty big deal, but otherwise we just have “Diamonds” by Sam Smith, “UFO” by D-Block Europe and Aitch, “Come Over” by Jorja Smith and Popcaan, and I guess “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” by Digga D. All of these songs are recent and might have a rebound after the Christmas season is over, but I do have my concerns about the longevity of these songs, particularly because of how, you know, none of them are actually good. I guess now we could discuss some of our biggest fallers, which are of some quantity considering the season, so I’ll run these off quickly: “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #15, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #18, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa at #20, “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #21 (these last four songs were all in the top 10 last week, by the way), “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa at #22, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals at #31, “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber continuing to free-fall to #33, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #35, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #37, “Mood” by 24kGoldn and iann dior at #38, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #40, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring NAV and Don Toliver at #45, “Dynamite” by BTS at #46, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco at #52, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #54, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #56, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #57, “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee at #61, “All You’re Dreaming Of” by Liam Gallagher off the debut at #62 (our biggest fall this week), same goes for “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix at #71 and some long-lasting hits right at the tail end of the chart: “Princess Cuts” by Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey at #72, “WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion at #73, and “Looking for Me” by Diplo, Paul Woodford and Kareen Lomax at #74. We do have a lot of Christmas gains and returning entries, so before we get to anything non-Christmas, let’s round off those real quick. Returning to the chart are “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #69, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #66 and “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #63. There are a lot more of our notable gains though: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #65, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #58, “Love is a Compass” by Griff at #53, “Feliz Navidad” by José Feliciano at #51, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #49 (the biggest gain and deservedly so), “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #44, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Dean Martin at #43, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #41, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #36, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #32, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #30, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #29, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #28, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #26, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #25, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #17, “This Christmas” by Jess Glynne at #13, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande at #11, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #10, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #8, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #7 and finally, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #6. That’s not all of our gains and returning entries though, as we do have some peculiar events outside of the Christmas singles. First of all, “Blinding Lights” by The Weeknd is up to #39 thanks to a remix with ROSALIA, and secondly, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI returns to the chart at #23. I have no idea why or how this happened but I want it gone as quickly as possible. Anyway, we have three new arrivals to talk about, none of which are particularly interesting, so let’s get on with those.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Real Stuff” – Juice WRLD and benny blanco

Produced by Dylan Brady, Jack Karaszewski, Henry Kwapis, Cashmere Cat and benny blanco

The song’s not called “Real Stuff”, but come on, this is a family show. About a year ago, Jarad Higgins, or Juice WRLD, died tragically at age 21 of a substance abuse-related seizure. Naturally, since it’s Juice and his label we’re talking about, they’re still pumping out unreleased content. Two songs of this nature were released around this time, one with Kid LAROI and Kim Petras we’ll probably see next week and even higher on the chart, but first of all, an emo rap anthem produced by benny blanco and Dylan Brady of 100 gecs. I mean, okay, sure, it is 2020 after all. Blanco posted on social media about how this was his first ever recorded song with Juice when they had a studio session before Juice was that recognised, and before he was signed, they cooked up a lot of music. This makes it surprising how it didn’t leak after all this time but it shouldn’t matter. What’s important is the quality of the song and since this is a genuine song from a real-life studio session, it’s not nearly as insincere and cynical as some of the other posthumous projects from Juice. Sadly, I don’t this makes it any good. The clicking, stuttering trap beat doesn’t sound bad with his bumping 808s but doesn’t complement the acoustic guitar strumming or even Juice as much as it should – and this is really early Juice, so it’s not like he’s mastered his style of emo-reminiscent self-loathing and painful, drug-induced relationship ramblings. It’s not even as catchy as Juice would start to be later on, so it is just a primitive version of whatever Juice’s sound would end up being. Sadly, we won’t get more development from the guy other than these cheap releases, and if benny blanco guided Juice more into a lane he’s comfortable with and more importantly, Juice was still alive, this could be an example of something great yet to flourish but since his incomplete discography of disposable output is all we have to evaluate, it makes Juice’s work much more difficult to appreciate, especially posthumously, where every throwaway bar about substance abuse has this haunting, unnerving impact it didn’t have before. Oh, and I really like the first verse, which is just aimless flexing but with more charm than he usually has, and with some promises of extra detail he could have gone into, before of course, it switches onto a different topic, an issue plaguing much of the man’s work. In conclusion, the song is fine but I don’t think I can listen to Juice’s work, complete or incomplete, released when he was alive or scrambled posthumously, without feeling sad or just having this contempt for the yes-men who surrounded him. Rest in peace, Juice.

#67 – “Oh Santa!” – Mariah Carey

Remixed by Ariana Grande and Jennifer Hudson

Produced by Scott M. Riesett, Marc Shaiman and Daniel Moore II

“Oh Santa!” is an original Christmas tune Mariah Carey wrote and released with Jermaine Dupri in 2010, for her second Christmas album, aptly titled Merry Christmas II You. The song wasn’t a success, and it couldn’t live up to “All I Want for Christmas is You”, which is fine. We don’t need more Mariah Carey songs in the Christmas canon if we already have an absolutely perfect one at the top of the charts, but if she wants to start flooding the market, I guess it’s best to do it with two experts at vocals, because for her little Apple TV Christmas special, she’s bought along Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande for whatever the triple version of a duet is. I assumed this would have been a returning entry because it’s a remix but the original never charted in the UK so I’ll have to talk about both here, and, well, there’s a reason “All I Want for Christmas is You” has never been replicated in terms of success and just sheer quality. I talked about this on my best list but there’s never been a song I feel is so ubiquitous of modern Christmas in the current millennium than “All I Want for Christmas is You”, an outright rejection of festive commercialism in preference of just having her significant other around for the holidays. “Oh Santa!” has a similar presence, but in this one, Mariah Carey’s asking for Santa Claus himself to wrap her crush in wrapping paper and gift it to her for Christmas, with a lot less of the warm intimacy of the classic song and without any of the charm. The 2010 version has this really gross drum machine and a lot of cheerleader-type chanting and clapping that starts off as really ugly – and the chanting still is – but honestly makes a pretty good backing for Mariah sliding over the beat with vocals that may not be as impressive as her best but are just as smooth as they should be over a more coy, low-key festive instrumental. My main issue with it is pace because whilst it is a short song, and she does treat us to some whistle notes and runs by the end, it just fades out and the instrumental doesn’t feel like it goes anywhere, making this song sound slow as all hell. If anything, this remix sounds dated, especially with the more modern vocal production with Ariana Grande and Jennifer Hudson, both in a constant struggle with Mariah for getting a word in, to the point where Hudson over-sells her belting and Grande is the only voice recognisable enough here that actually works. Half way in, the song completely devolves into a bridge of aimless runs and “harmonising” from everyone with that ugly chanting, seemingly unchanged from the original. Yeah, this isn’t pretty, and if anything is a remix of an older song that needed a lot more updates to make it work in a 2020 context and fits all of these incredible vocalists in. This could have been great with an original song that was completed to flatter everyone, but there’s too many cooks in the Christmas kitchen here and the cookies being made are being overcooked. Sure, let’s go with that analogy. Next.

#59 – “Daily Duppy – Part 1” – Digga D

Produced by AceBeatz

It’s not uncommon for freestyles to chart in the UK, particularly important British hip-hop tastemaker GRM Daily and their “Daily Duppy” freestyles, which have been the break-out moment for many rappers like Aitch or DIgDat because they reach a level of viral fame and attention that music videos can’t do as well, mostly because of the platform just letting them spit bars over usually decent beats. Digga D was actually opposed to doing one and even sparked some kind of feud with GRM Daily but that dried up soon enough for him to provide them with two “Daily Duppy” freestyles on two different beats but with one cold verse each. Only the first part charted here, as you’d expect, but I’ll cover both. The first part, produced by Ace Beats, has a pretty nice pitch-shifted vocal sample quickly abandoned for the same sample pitched differently, and then it comes back, under a pretty messy drill beat, and whilst Digga D’s riding it really well, I find it hard to be convinced by his delivery here, which is either checked-out or edited so heavily it’s bizarre. I mean, I thought this was a freestyle, right? He can just spit bars over the beat and it’ll be fine, but they add all these stuttering effects, ad-libs and censors that censor pointless words like “juice” but keep actual vulgarities completely intact, as well as censoring some locations but not others. It takes me out of the whole verse, honestly, even if some of it is some pretty slick and nice wordplay, with some funny punchlines and the typical pop culture references you can expect from the more lighthearted of UK drill. I know that people like to make references to their guns in ways that make them even more threatening and eerie, but just like 21 Savage calling his Draco a paedophile, I don’t think Digga D saying that he grooms young ethnic minority boys to sell drugs is “hard” or even enjoyable. I just think it’s pretty awful. I said I’d talk about the second part here, but honestly, it’s a lot less interesting, with a more trap-adjacent beat and boring synths instead of the cool vocal sample. Admittedly, it sounds more like a “freestyle”, but he wastes the moment where the beat cuts out by just rapping filler, and the quarantine references are going to date this, so, yeah, whilst I’m impressed by Digga D’s flow switches here, I’m not a fan of really anything else.

Conclusion

There’s not enough here to give an Honourable or Dishonourable Mention, so I’ll just have to give out the big ones... but everything here is mediocre, so I’m left with not a lot of content at all. I guess Best of the Week can go to the late Juice WRLD and benny blanco for “Real Stuff”, almost purely out of respect, even if the song is just listenable. Worst of the Week was really a toss-up, but I think I’ll give it to “Oh Santa!” by Mariah Carey featuring Ariana Grande and Jennifer Hudson for being such a waste of talent and potential. Only time will tell what comes next week, but I predict a busy one with Christmas music, Taylor Swift and hopefully Kid Cudi, but we’ll see really. I’m going to hazard a guess that we’ll get at least two songs from Taylor and only the Skepta track from Cudi, but I think we could easily have three from each. Here’s this week’s top 10:

You can follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for Imanbek fan-girling and thank you for reading, I’ll see you next week!

[inthegardensofourminds]

I was tagged by @consultingzoologist

Rules: Spell out your username using song titles and tag some friends.

Mine is long so this will take a while.

I: I Feel Fine - The Beatles N: Now’s the Time - Charlie Parker T: That Thing You Do! - The Wonders  H: Hedwig’s Theme - John Williams E: Everybody Loves You Now - Billy Joel G: Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Jr. A: Another Day - Original Broadway Cast (Rent) R: Radio Radio - Elvis Costello D: Defying Gravity - Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked) E: Exquisite Corpse - Neil Patrick Harris N: Nobody But Me - Michael Bublé S: Space Oddity - David Bowie O: On the Bus - Come From Away F: Fuckmylife666 - Against Me! [The title is never sung] O: One O’Clock Jump - Count Basie U: Unsquare Dance - Dave Brubeck R: Run and Tell That - Elija Kelley (Hairspray) M: Marian the Librarian - Robert Prestion (The Music Man) I: I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers N: No Reply - The Beatles D: December, 1963 (Oh What a Night) - The Four Seasons S: Sunday Girl - Blondie

I will tag @glamrock-lizardman @captainshakespear @sherlocks-phantom-lady @crabtreee and anyone else who wants to.