#fuck outta here fake funny uncles !!!

[jrueships]

subtle flex but okay !

[kira-fluff]

please please PLEASE may we have a part two to the 'only one bed' piece you posted 🥺🥺 your writing is INCREDIBLE and I loved it so much 🥺🥺🥺 if u decide to do a part two then thank u so much in advance,, hope u have a good day 🥺

a/n: you asked for it (some others did too but this anon was so adorable so I’m replying to this one) so I’m gon’ give it to u <3 also, THANK YOU I am being 1000% honest that your comments seriously brought me to tears I was SO happy you all loved it. when I say pt.2, I kind of assume that it’s with the same characters (since no one specified others) so that’s what I’m gonna do! 

Context provided, don’t worry babes 

WARNINGS: sexual harassment, intoxication, extremely heavily suggestive (it gets pretty spicy)

Also contains spoilers from part 1 but like why would you even read part 2 if you haven’t read part 1? Get outta here and read it!! (Why is this even a warning? I don’t know don’t question my methods) 

- 

“There’s only one bed” [PT.2] PT.1

Saeyoung 

You awoke to a sleeping Saeyoung, his toned arms enveloping your small body in a hug. Shamelessly, you laid still for a few moments longer.

When you’d noticed him stirring awake, you quickly shut your eyes once more, trying to conceal your growing smile 

Saeyoung blinked a few times before registering at last where he was 

He needed a little more time to register why you are in his arms 

Pretending to be asleep again, you nuzzled further into his chest, letting out a soft groan 

Saeyoung’s mind flew to DANGER MODE 

He felt kinda guilty holding you in his arms because let’s face it there’s no way he isn’t enjoying this 

He was so stunned that, for once, he was at a loss for words (shocking, I know) 

Blinking out of his stupor, he murmured, “Y/N?” 

His morning voice was... nice. 

You pretended to “wake up”, fake yawning before saying, “Yes, Saeyoung?”, subtly batting your eyes a little 

(It wasn’t subtle) 

But since Saeyoung is an actual fucking moron, he can’t tell the difference 

Play it cool, Seven. She can’t know that you know she was doing this all night and you didn’t do anything. 

“Wow”, Saeyoung choked out a laugh, “I didn’t know you liked me this much.” 

You look down, in between the two of you before slowly making eye contact with him again, smirking in disbelief, “I could say the same to you.” 

A slow blush crept up his face at the innuendo 

But he was NOT about to lose 

Saeyoung Choi is NOT a loser 

“Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn’t the one screaming my name last night.” 

You gasped, “Screaming?! I didn’t scream -- I would’ve remembered a dream like tha-- Oh!” You quickly covered your mouth, already feeling regret seeping into every bone of your body.

Saeyoung openly chuckled, looking at you with a sort of darkness in his eyes 

“You’re more dangerous than this whole mission.”

You were still out of sorts, failing to come up with a comeback besides a quiet, “I wasn’t screaming.”

A shit eating grin replaced the cool smirk on Saeyoung’s face 

“I win.” 

“Eat a dick, Seven.” 

“Sorry, I think I’m more attracted to the one who was moaning out, ‘Oooh, Saeyoung~~~’“ 

You threw a pillow straight in his face, muttering a “shut up”, blushing profusely 

Ever the competitive fucker, Saeyoung proclaims an all out pillow fight

It is WAR 

Throwing pillow after pillow at each other in between giggles and taunts and jeers 

“Take no prisoners!” you shouted, feeling unbeatable

Until Saeyoung grabbed your ass, pulling you down with him, earning a yelp from you 

“What the fuck, Sev’?! You cheater!!” 

“I don’t know, my hand’s a lot more comfortable here!” 

You scoffed, “Oh, YOU! YOU are gonna GET IT!” 

Saeyoung threw back his head in laughter but abruptly stopped when you grabbed his face with both your hands, and forcefully kissed him 

He let out a “MMPH!”, eyes wide 

Before, of course, kissing you back with equal force 

Gasping for air at last, you spoke in between breaths, “I......win..”

“Actually, darling, I think I just did.”

Noticing your loss for words, he smirked before asking, “So.... what’s my prize?” 

You didn’t have to be asked twice, “I think I have something in mind...”

His eyes met your own before slowly scanning your body, then snapping back to your eyes once more 

You bit your lip 

“I know you’ll lose at least one thing tonight.” 

“Bold of you to assume--” 

“Just shut up and kiss me again.” 

Wish granted ;) 

Yoosung 

Yoosung glanced away, taking a deep breath before saying, “Yeah, yeah I did. I really like you.” You couldn’t hold back the big ol’ smile that took over your face as you proudly declared, “Me too!!” Right when Yoosung was going to go in for a kiss, he saw his auntie suddenly right next to the both of you

“Oh my GOD when did you get here?!”

She smirked, “My question first, dearie, what did you two like?” Neither of you answered, your cheeks growing red

“You know, the first time your uncle did it with me I felt the same way. Like, what a man! Must run in the fam--” 

“OKAY! THANK YOU FOR THAT AUNTIE BUT BREAKFAST IS CALLING MY NAME MM SMELLS GOOD SEE YOU LATER.” 

Your blush didn’t leave you as you smeared strawberry cream cheese on your toasted bagel. This trip was going to be very VERY difficult. Thank God there was alcohol. And Yoosung. And probably dogs. And Yoosung. Yeah. Gotta love relatives.

Following this stunning confession, you felt dumb because, well, you still didn’t know where you really stood with Yoosung 

So when night came, you were ready to go to a party 

Putting on your earrings and making sure your clothes were laid properly in place, you stepped out of the resort room to a waiting Yoosung 

“H-hey, thanks for waiting for me,” You nervously tucked a stray hair behind your ear. 

Yoosung avoided eye contact, opting for a stiff nod 

You gazed deeper into the side of his head, feeling hurt. 

But... you decided not to say anything. 

Walking together to the reserved room the resort had made in preparation for Yoosung’s uncle was awkward, not a single word spoken between the two of you 

When you arrived, Yoosung’s eccentric uncle immediately shouted, “’Sung ‘Sung! Get over ‘ere! We’re gonna have a part-ay!!” 

You suddenly understood why Chaewon was the way he was 

and why Yoosung’s parents forced him to go on this trip instead of themselves 

Since you didn’t know his name, you opted for your nickname -- Uncle Alcohol 

Cuz he had a LOT of it 

In number, and in the amount he shoved down his throat at any given time

Seriously, how is this guy already drunk?!

You watched as Uncle Alcohol shoved a sloppy arm around Yoosung, not so quietly shouting something in his ear above the blaring music 

You were too far away to hear, thank goodness, but you took note of the way Yoosung immediately blushed and shook his head fervently, his hands held in front of his chest 

Before you could take in the atmosphere further, you felt a shiver down your back

Immediately turning around you saw the oh-so-famous Chaewon 

“Heeeyyyyyyy babbeeheehe...... Wannnaaa..... sliiidee in my room tonighhht?” Laughing in a way what made you cringe and your ears numb, you replied, “No thanks, bud. You should probably get some water.” 

“Nooo I want youuuu” Grabbing your boob in his hand, he laughed again, saying, “Nice” 

Oh my god.. where the fuck is Yoosung?? 

You quickly slapped away his hand, shouting, “Stay the hell away from me asshole! Try anything else again, and I won’t give a shit that you’re drunk or Yoosung’s family, I will call the cops on you!” 

He acted as if he didn’t hear you, but must’ve gotten the message because he sauntered over to another group of girls 

Aren’t those his cousins? What the fuck is WRONG with that guy?! 

The loud smack and curses answered the question. You didn’t attempt to help when you saw them proceed to beat the absolute shit out of him, blood and all. 

What you needed was a drink. Something really, really strong. 

You walked over to the resort bar tender

Something about your face must’ve given it all away because he began with a “Rough night, huh?” 

“Do not even fucking ask me about it. God, please, I’m sorry that was rude. I just need something strong... just give me three fingers of rye.” You waved your hand nonchalantly, sitting at a bar stool. 

“Are you sure, lady? You don’t look the type to handle that kinda liquor..”

“That’s kind of the point.”

He sighed, “Look... I’m not supposed to condone you getting completely shit-faced.. but you look like you need it tonight. I’ll make something a little easier down the throat, okay?” 

You nodded, exasperated. 

You didn’t know what it was, but it did the trick. It’s fruity taste easily passed down your throat, leaving you feeling lighter and more at peace. 

“’nother one.” 

He obliged, pouring another glass for you. 

Four drinks in and your world was already unbelievably wobbly. 

You were seeing double, looking at the bartender’s second form 

You laughed, it all seemed to funny 

Standing up, you stumbled over to the dance floor, grabbing one of Uncle A’s craft beers. 

Dancing was fun for a few minutes, grateful no one had bothered you. 

But you sat down, tears suddenly welling in your eyes 

You were alone. 

Yoosung. 

Your mood brightened just by remembering his name

Giggling, you called out, “Yoosuuungg~~~” repeatedly around the room 

One of the cousins heard your call, laughing because everything was funny, before grabbing Yoosung’s arm and shouting what they’d just heard 

Yoosung quickly glanced over at you, brows furrowed. They softened a little upon seeing your drunken state 

He’d had a beer or two, but the good feeling got old quickly and he sobered up by the time he’d noticed his cousins acting like complete fools 

Upon seeing him, your smile grew to a big, childish grin 

“Hiiii Yoosuuunggg...” 

“Jeez, Y/n, how much did you drink?” 

You giggled, playfully sticking out your tongue, “not sure~ a few.. probably..?” you laughed again, winking at him 

“Hey, let’s get you some water, yeah? On second thought.. we gotta get outta here. I’ll carry you to our room.” 

Your eyes shamelessly stared at his lips, not listening to a word he was saying 

“Yoosunngg~~ I want you to fuck meeee” 

Yoosung held the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, “L-let’s just go.” 

Putting your arm over his shoulder, he carried most of your weight. 

“Yoosuuung I want to have your babiess~~” 

Yoosung blushed and looked down, continuing to walk, “You’re way too drunk.” 

“Yoosunggieee I want to know what it feels like to have your d--” 

He quickly shushed you, looking around for other observers

He basically ran to your resort room from there

Taking a long sigh as he finally had got you in the room, he wiped some sweat off his face 

Just when he’d gotten up to get a water bottle for you, he heard retching noises

Before he could stop you, you upchucked all over yourself and some of the cheap resort carpeting 

Groaning in physical and emotional pain, Yoosung muttered a quiet, “why me” 

Before putting his arms under your arm pits and dragging you to the bathroom 

He spent a good 10 minutes just trying to get the stupid shower to turn on because of course at any other place than your own house it’s never easy 

Then, after getting the temperature just right, he forced you to down at least half of the water bottle 

“Are you able to take off your clothes by yourself, Y/n?” 

You giggled back, shaking your head 

“Liar.” 

“Help me take ‘em off pweaseee” 

“No!” 

You started tearing up again, your lip wobbling 

“You know I can’t do that sweetie, you’re drunk.”

“No ‘m not.” 

“Yeah, you are.” 

You looked up at him before sighing and lifting up your shirt, fully exposing half of your naked body to him 

He screamed like a little girl, running and slamming the door behind him 

You pouted, “That’s no fun.” 

After getting out of your clothes, you devised another poorly thought through plan

“Yoosunngggieee I need help washing myselffff” 

“Um.. okay, lemme go see if I can get a hold of someone...”

“I want it to be you. I want it to be you who sees me like this. I want it to be you. Only you.” 

“S-stop..” He said through the door. 

“Please?” 

Sighing, Yoosung knew there was no one who wasn’t drunk or available to help. 

He did what any good guy would do. He proceeded to blind fold himself, opting for reaching his hands out to guess and where things were. 

You laughed, “’Sunggiee you know you’re still gunna be touchin’ me” 

“I’m not going to.”

“You said you’d help me!” 

“Yeah, getting shampoo or something like that!” 

“How ya gunna do that with somethin’ over your eyes?” 

“I didn’t think it through that far.” 

You sighed, conceding and attempting to wash yourself (which ended pretty badly) but, keeping his word, he managed to assist you the best he could without touching you. 

He pitied the hangover you’d have... and the regret. 

 At last carrying you to bed after getting you another drink of water, he began cleaning the putrid stain you’d left on the carpet. 

It was about 5AM when he’d finished, finally crawling into bed. 

He thought about the way it felt last night compared to now

and he blamed himself. 

He was the one that made you get so drunk you essentially passed out 

Looking at you again, he sighed. 

Tugging you close into his arms, he whispered a soft, “I’m sorry.” 

Your subconscious must’ve heard him because you said in your sleep, “’s ok.” 

Jumin 

And suddenly your faces weren’t so far apart. And you couldn’t help but slowly close your eyes. Jumin was confused. He can be a bit of a pea brain, so he of course said, “I’m sure you’re very tired.” He shut off the light, reaching over you. You held back the big frown you’d gotten when you realized he’d rejected you. Unbeknownst to you that it took everything in him, from the moment he’d saw you in the jet cabin, not to scoop you up in his arms and make out with you the whole way there.

You were awoken by birds chirping outside the massive estate window

You made eye contact with an already staring, wide-eyed Jumin 

Upon realizing you’d woken up, he averted his gaze saying, “Breakfast -- soon.” 

You missed the crimson color of his face, instead getting up and stretching (like you didn’t learn your lesson last time)

Then, you made your way over to the fresh coffee that had been delivered to your room minutes before

Adding a shit load of cream and a dash of sugar, you turned to see Jumin staring at you. Again. 

You breathed out a laugh, “What are you looking at?” 

Jumin’s brows knit together for a split second before he again looked away, his soft blush never fading, “It’s hard not to.” 

“Look at wha--” Your eyes grew wide in realization, looking down at the lingerie hardly covering your skin, Jumin’s shirt no where to be seen.  

You screamed, making a poor attempt to cover yourself shouting, “Oh my god I’m so sorry I forgot!!” 

Again, Jumin found his gaze resting on your body, stifling a groan. 

He at last spoke, his deep voice reverberating throughout the room, “You... you’re making this all.. so much more ....difficult.” 

You then grew defensive, “Made what difficult? Ogling at me without staying anything?!” 

His eyes glowered with something you couldn’t quite place. “That’s not what I meant” 

He walked slowly toward you, causing you to take steps backward 

He’d backed you up against the wall, letting out a deep breath through his nose

With glittering eyes, he grabbed your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him instead of the ground 

“You’re doing on purpose, aren’t you?” 

You gulped in anticipation, “D-doing what?” 

Jumin raked his eyes down your body then looked back up at you with a sarcastic expression that said, “really?” 

“N-no! I didn’t have a choice!!” 

“Your clothes would’ve been dry hours ago.. if it really bothered you--”

“Well I was really tired from the jet ride and putting up with you!” 

Jumin looked surprised for a moment before grinning sardonically, “Putting up with me? Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to control myself when you’re constantly grabbing me, touching me, everything!” 

“I didn’t do all that on purpose!” Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but you weren’t about to admit that to him when he was being such a dick.

He laughed dryly, “Yeah, okay. All I’m saying is that I don’t find it very funny.” 

“You think that you’re just some big joke to me?!” 

“What other explanation is there?” 

You were practically hysterical in your laughter saying, “You’re unbelievable.” 

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. 

“Yeah,” you glared back at him, your faces inches apart. 

Before Jumin could realize what he was doing, he pulled your hips flush against his own, crashing his lips harshly on yours. 

Letting out moans of both desperation and anger, your eyebrows furrowed as you deepened the kiss, gasping when Jumin slid his tongue so far into your mouth you swore you felt it going down your throat. 

After what felt like hours, you parted for oxygen, both breathing heavily, before going in for another long, simmering kiss

You felt Jumin smirk against your mouth causing you to lightly smack his chest, hating that he knew he’d gotten a rise out of you. 

He grabbed your wrist against his chest, slowly guiding it to his first button of his night shirt. 

You made quick work of removing all the fastenings, nodding and obeying him when he commanded, “Jump”

Your legs tied round his waist, you continued to make out, pulling at the waistband of his pants. 

Jumin moaned into your mouth before parting to say, “You will be the death of me, little spitfire.” 

Let’s just say the whole fiance thing might not be a lie anymore. 

Zen 

Zen wanted to say something smooth like “I’ve always wanted to do that.” But instead he said “I’ve always wanted to do you.” He mentally smacked his head, blaming the lack of oxygen for his stupidity. But you smirked up at him coyly, replying, “Then why don’t you?” Um, yeah, rip your hotel neighbor he will literally hate both of you so much.

You awoke you Zen rubbing his thumb on your arm, basking in the morning light 

He groggily said, “’mornin’ babe.” 

“I’m ‘babe’ now?”

“What else am I supposed to call my beautiful girlfriend?” 

You leaned up and kissed him softly, smiling. 

“I love you, Zen. So much.” 

“I love you, too, Y/n. If you didn’t already get that from when we...” 

You laughed shyly, “yeah..” 

“I know I skipped a few steps, but I have never been happier and more sure of anything in my life.” 

You looked up at him, peacefully grinning. 

“Hey, let’s get married.” 

Zen choked on his spit, “R-right now?!” 

You giggled, “Not right now, but soon. I dunno, we’ve been friends for, like, forever. Now that we know we like each other it seems like the next step.” 

Zen looked at you, searching your face to determine whether you were serious or not. 

Detecting that you weren’t joking he laughed airily saying, “Sure. Whatever you want princess.” 

He kissed the top of your head, whispering, “You’re so beautiful, ya know that?” 

Sighing comfortably, you nodded, falling back into sleep. 

“H-hey! Wake up!!” Zen shouted, giving up and just cuddling up to you instead, stroking your hair gently. 

The concert wasn’t until late that night -- he had time to spare. 

....Even if he didn’t, he’d make time for you.  - 3 months later

In classic Zen and Y/n style, you’d eloped shortly after the tour ended. 

“Hey, Y/n? Have you seen my grey t-shirt?” 

You looked up from your laptop, “Mhm, it’s in the dryer.” 

He sighed, “Thanks babe”, before making his way down to the mudroom where your laundry was kept 

He sifted through the hot laundry in the dryer, not seeing his shirt anywhere, when he hard a crash. 

“Y/N?!” 

He rushed out to the living room, glancing from the smashed coffee mug on the ground, to you. 

“Y/N?! Are you okay?!!!” 

You clutched your stomach in anguish, beads of sweat forming at your brow, “Y-yeah.. my stomach hurts so bad ‘s all.”

Zen was having NONE of that

He rushed you to the Emergency Room, holding your hand the entire time. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Princess, I promise.” You nodded, before losing consciousness - 

you awoke to a depressing hospital room, meeting Zen’s worried eyes. 

“How long was I out..?” 

“For a few minutes.” 

You sighed in relief, feeling a lot better than you were when you were rushed to the ER. 

All of a sudden, a doctor entered the room looking stern. 

“I wanted to discuss the diagnosis with the two of you when you were both physically present.” 

You blanched, looking at Zen with fear etched in your eyes. 

Zen held your hand tighter, before saying, “What’s the problem?” 

The doctor looked in between the two of you before letting out a little laugh, “There’s nothing wrong, actually.” 

You both looked confused, Zen proudly saying, “Then why’d you look all doom and gloom when you came in here?!” 

The doctor roared with laughter saying, “Eh, I get a kick out of the faces you guys make. Ah, now to the diagnosis.” 

“There’s still a diagnosis?!” 

You shushed Zen, nodding at the doctor. 

He took a breath before saying, “Miss Y/N Hyeon, you’re pregnant.” 

Both your eyes grew wide, mouths slacked

“O-oh, oh my gosh!!” 

Zen enveloped you in a big hug, congratulating you (and also hiding his tears) 

This man could not hold back the proud grin he sported for MONTHS

-

I simp for this prompt so if someone asked, it’s not like I could say no to writing it for more characters.......right? lol Also, I came to a realization that I made that a fanfic rather than a headcanon.. so oh well, right? 

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 1: The Pilot Pilot

Sources:

Amelia Earhart

Children’s Museum Indianapolis

NASA

The New Yorker

Time Magazine

History Channel

National Geographic

NBC News

The Night Witches

History Channel

Museum of Flight

History Collection

“The Very Few” – Guardian article

Jackie Cochran

National Aviation Hall of Fame

PBS

Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum

Digital Trends

Further Reading: Jackie Cochran: An Autobiography & Jackie Cochran: Pilot in the Fastest Lane

Click below for the transcript!

Haley: You’re trying to force my wisdom out of me that’s not gonna work well. Lexi: She’s trying to force us to become Chicago improv-ers (Alana laughing) Haley: Yeah Lexi (laughing): This is her dream. Alana’s dream is not to do improv but to be a podcaster like a Chicago improv-er Alana (laughing, quietly): Actually, yeah Haley: It’s so funny cuz she was just like I wrote the script and I was like… script? Lexi: There’s a script? We have a script? Haley: I act now? (Alana laughing) I barely read. (Lexi laughing) Like after that doing the trailer this is gonna be bananas for when I’m – when I’m reading my notes Lexi: Archaeologists don’t read. Archaeologists can’t read. Alana: Archaeologists don’t read. Lexi: We can’t read. Haley: I also realized Lexi just picks like the best sounding… whatever Lexi: The best sounding banter and then I put in the intro music INTRO MUSIC Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m here with Lexi. Lexi, what are you reading? Lexi: The instructions on how to turn off this Zoom call because I need to get outta here. (Alana and Haley laughing) Alana: I’m also in the same virtual space as Haley. Haley, what are you eating? Haley: I had some chips and yogurt earlier. Lexi: Together? Alana: Chips and yogurt? Haley: Yeah. That’s like a REAL Persian thing. We can get into that… Oh, the stunned faces, I shouldn’t have– I should’ve lied. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Haley: I should’ve lied okay, I’m eating burgers and fries. I’m eating mac n cheese. Insert whatever. Alana: and I’m Alana and I use 150% of the garlic a recipe calls for. Haley: (making airplane sounds) Lexi:  What sound does an airplane make? Alana (quietly): I don’t even remember Haley: (repeats airplane sound) (Lexi laughing) Alana: You guys it’s been so long since I’ve been on an airplane I don’t even remember what noise airplanes make. Lexi: What’s your favorite airplane food? Alana: My favorite airplane food? Um… sometimes when you fly Southwest they give you Oreos Lexi: What? That’s incredible. Haley: I like bringing my own snacks. Like I’ve gone pro. Like I’ve even brought a thermos with mac and cheese in it that’s like still warm so then I can just like snack on the plane. Alana: How do you get that through security? Haley: It’s food it’s not liquid Alana: What kind of cheese do you have that’s not liquid? Haley: Like mac n cheese is like– Lexi: The cheese isn’t liquid Haley: Yeah Lexi: Unless you’re getting like Kraft fake cheese Haley: No, I do like– Lexi: Can you hear my brother screaming in the background of this banter? Alana: No Haley: Whatever. No like I do like Annie’s white shell mac n cheese in my dino thermos… Haley: No I get stopped almost every time to the point where my parents have made fun of me that I just get stopped so now I'm just… Alana: You’re on some list Haley: They’re gonna look through my bag anyway might as well… Lexi: You probably are on a list. Haley: … be like this is my mac and cheese. Lexi: Your name is the same name as some criminal. Like… (laughing) oopsy poopsies Haley: That’s like my cousin’s name he’s like same terrorist or some terrorist like has the same name as his and he's gotten stopped before one time was like with thirty of us and I was like well. Alana: That happened to my uncle when he was eight. They were going into… they were going into Israel and they stopped him and they were like we're gonna ask him a question like he’s on the same– this terrorist list like it's the same name. Lexi: I was detained at the airport in Israel. Kind of. Alana: Jesus, Lexi what did you do?!. Lexi: So I was with a group, I was coming back from a dig… In case you don't know we're all archaeologists I feel like I've made that joke already. Haley: Oh yeah wait shouldn’t we intro like who we are though. Lexi: Sure. Well. Let me tell my story first. Alana: Haley I'm going to kick you off the podcast. Haley (quietly): No you’re not Lexi: I was getting I was leaving the excavation… And with people from a different school but the most of the people on the dig were from my school but only I was leaving with the people from the other school and so when I got to the airport the nice Israeli woman asked if I was with those people and I said no I'm not with them because I went to a different school but then when they got through they said they were with me and they caught us in our lie and so they detained for three hours. Haley: That's why you got detained?! Lexi: Yes. Haley: I got detained for looking like me and having my name. Lexi: We all have our different qualities. Alana: I have never been detained at an airport. They make me so nervous Haley: Well whoopty freakin’ doo Alana: Hashtag white privilege. My white privilege is I've never been detained at an airport. Oh that's not true I mean it's kind of true but my dad... we were coming back from Costa Rica and they have those like passport they scan your face and they scan your passports on our way back into LA. And my DAD, who, Lexi leave this in so that I can call him out in front of the whole world he made a face at the passport scanning machine and it gave him a big X over his face and I flipped my shit I freaked the fuck out. Haley: I've gotten like five of those Xes. Alana: Cuz like it doesn't match I was so scared everyone else got matched and I was like what is gonna happen? Airports already make me so nervous in general and yes we didn’t like have a flight to catch or anything cuz we were home but like… Lexi: Airports are nerve-wracking. They’re very anxiety-inducing. Alana: So much anxiety… anyway. Lexi:  And the food's always bad. Alana: In airports? Lexi: In the airport, yes. Haley: That's why I bring my own food I bring so many snacks I should honestly have a different pouch for snacks at this point with how many snacks I bring. Lexi: The only thing I consume in airports is Starbucks. Alana: Yeah Starbucks quality tends to like stay normal in airports because it's already like meh… don't leave that in I don't want my Starbucks overlords to come for me. Lexi: These lady pilots didn't get Starbucks. Alana: No they didn't get Starbucks. Who wants to go first? Lexi: Who wants to tell us about a lady? (Dead Air) Alana: I love this dead air. I love that we're not on radio so there's not gonna be any dead air thanks Lexi. Lexi: I might put in dead air. Just to– Just to… Alana: Just to put that in? Lexi: You know what's dead air? (Dead air) Lexi: Do you know what’s dead air? Haley: The route that Amelia Earhart was supposed to fly over. Lexi: I was going to say all of these lady pilots. Alana: Are yours dead? Because I don't think all of mine are dead yet. Lexi: Mine is dead and Haley’s might be dead or might be an alien from space we don't really know. Haley: We get into that. Alana: No but if she’s an alien from space we don't know their like lifespans Haley: Guys, don't steal my thunder I’m gonna get into all that. Lexi: Alright. So are you going first with your– would you like to take the dead air– take the dead air away. Haley: I'll jump right in. So obviously, someone had to cover Amelia Earhart and I'm like a dumbass like I'm just gonna put it out there. I am– I still need some working on in the brain area and when I was little like my brain works in strange ways and you’ll learn about this as we go on with this podcast and even I think you two don't even understand how my brain works exactly but I'll remember things just in the pockets of my brain folds from like when I was a small child. When I was like learning about Amelia Earhart in like the elementary school days for like women's history month I spelled her name as air A-I-R. and heart H-E-A-R-T. And that's– Alana (quietly): Love that for you Haley: Absolutely not how you spell her name. It’s E-A-R-H-R-T. Alana: A-R-T. Haley: A-R-T. Lexi: Still can’t spell it. Haley: Still can’t spell it... (Alana laughing) Haley: While looking at the words on my screen. And I typed it in like my child version way into my Word doc and it wasn't coming out and I was just looking at it like why isn't this working for me. Googled it, got like air heart sign like all this astrology stuff like not Amelia so I just typed in airheart because I was on a roll with myself. Regardless, her nickname is Lady Lindy so I’m gonna call her Lady Lindy for this, because it’s Lady History I can’t not. So I wanna preface this that I– because with work and finishing up a summer course I had like about a day and a half to write these notes. And all my sources are decent like they're not– I didn't have time to like read a whole book of hers like she has many biographies and such and like different documentaries. But I used like children's museums, NASA, the New Yorker, History Channel, National Geographic so nothing out of the ordinary of good research. But there are so many conflicting dates and information that I almost thought I was being punked somehow. So there might be loopholes where you’re like “Haley, you have to be a decent researcher and fill this in” and I'm just leaving it out because I don't want to say anything completely wrong so I'm using like the facts that came up on like at least three of the sites. Nothing from Wikipedia is going to be on here I'll leave that one be. I’ll mention Wikipedia at one point but like it wasn't a hardcore source. Well, for Lady Lindy born in Kansas on July 24th 1894 planes were not yet invented for her flying needs yet and I'm gonna make a preface because I was looking at– I love looking at like the blogs people write because for Amelia Earhart there are just so many enthusiasts, so many people still blogging about her. Lexi: Conspiracy theorists. Haley: Don't worry I got you covered we're gonna go into three different like theories about her death and everything. Alana: I think I saw that on Buzzfeed Unsolved. (Lexi laughing) Alana: They do Amelia Earhart on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Haley: It's truly everywhere I don't know– I can't remember what it's from, but I kind of have to do like a step back and just think if this person knew what type of plane she was flying and not like a mega Delta or like Alaska plane like this was like an old plane that could only go like a few hundred feet off the ground. So I just wanna like bring that up here from the beginning like these aren't gonna be the planes that we were just talking about that we hop on to go visit each other. Because like there are some bloggers where I’m like you know some of the conspiracy stuff but the actual facts? This is– this is not good. No bueno. She first saw a plane at a state fair when she was about ten years old, but didn't start flying for like another ten-ish years around like 1920-1921. Alana: I don't think they let ten year olds fly. (Lexi laughing) Haley: Yeah absolutely not, but she was very fascinated from like that point that was like she was the plane girl. You know how we have horse girls? She was plane girl. (Lexi laughing) Haley: When she was able to start flying in like 1920/1921 she was the sixteenth woman to receive a pilot's license… so like wow well done. So she's not known for being like the first pilot which I saw often. People are like this is the first female pilot. No. Like because once you have your pilot’s license you're a pilot in like my book. And I guess like you could be just a female and just be like this is my plane now I'm gonna press the button and go zoom. Lexi: Do you need a license to be a pilot? Like if I’m in a plane and I’m flying it, aren’t I a pilot? Alana (quietly): Oh my god. Haley: So, she's training a lot and she's really into it and her popularity keeps growing because she just keeps trying to get into different organizations especially for female flyers. And on June 17th 1928, she departed from Newfoundland. (And let me just do a preface to the universe if I do not pronounce something right, kindly call me out on it) Which is a large island off of, like, off the North Americas near Canada so up north from us with pilots Bill and Slim. Those are their nicknames, but it's Wilmer Schultz and Louis Gordon. So she was with Bill and Slim. There she became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic and she later, like right after, soon after became the first woman and second person to fly across the Atlantic alone. Lexi: Alone. Haley: Alone. So I couldn't find any definitive research but for her– the flight that she's known for like going around the globe which, I will absolutely talk about, I don't know what alone means for these planes because when she went around the world she was with another guy. Like she was a pilot but then there'd be a navigator so theoretically there are two people. Lexi: I think it’s without a co pilot so you don't get a break. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: I think when– based on my lady who we’ll get into I think anything that says solo it doesn't mean no one else was in the plane– it might mean that but it means no one else piloted while you were piloting. Like you didn’t go take a nap. Haley: Yeah so like when we say alone, at least for Lexi and my human, there is usually a navigator so it's not her just chilling out in the plane. Lexi: Cuz they didn't have the fancy machines. Haley: Exactly. And her navigators are predominantly male. Or at least the two that they talked to. Lexi: Juicy. Haley: Yeah so it's not like a full on lady ship flying through the air. Lexi: Lady ship flying through the air! Haley: After this flight especially where she flies across on her own, she's just mega popular. This is where her name really becomes a household name, she probably gets the nicknames Lady Lindy, she calls herself A. E. as her own nickname. And I'm gonna just go on my own little tangent of some of the cool things and like… just tidbits about her that I found out from honestly the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis which I was like… alright here we go. The first thing is when I found out that there is the navigator I didn't realize what the navigator was. I thought like what Lexi said like it's the copilot but no. So she had to stay awake for all these trips. And I was like wait how did you do that because like I can't do that I really thought the navigator was a co pilot and you just get kind of like the… for academic papers you have the co authors but there's like the first author and the second author and you usually remember the first guy's name. But no she's flying the whole time. She didn't like coffee or tea like any like those caffeinated drinks. So she would use smelling salts to stay awake. They still have like one of the like little tiny glass bottles of smelling salts in their collection and I'm like… okay. That like creeps me out I feel like that's a little sketchy but like and probably not healthy but I'm not a medical professional so I'm not gonna give you advice. Alana: Cocaine! (Lexi laughing) Haley: That's the thing I tried seeing like they were– in the collection and just like with what I was saying smelling salts, it didn't say what the smelling salts were… and I wanna know what it is. Lexi: Yeah, you know like when a lady faints when a lady... a lady faints you give her the smelling salts. Haley: Like 1930s smelling salts has to be mixed with something weird because we were still in the place like Coke still had cocaine. Alana: Laced with cocaine!! Haley: Okay yeah and then– Alana: I mean, we're not a hundred percent sure that it's cocaine. Lexi: That was just– yeah. Alana: That's just us being funny I don't wanna get sued. We don't know that it's cocaine! Haley: I love that now we have to preface that we're just crazy people. So the other thing that I found that this was kind of like “Oh, I should have known this” or like “this makes sense” is that you know how she has like the iconic goggles and leather cap? She hated those things. At least the goggles, she hated wearing them that's why most of the pictures she's not wearing them and it's like our drawings, depictions us reproducing something of Amelia Earhart has the goggles. But she would put them on right before the runway and then take them off immediately at landing because like you had to wear them with the dinky planes that they had. But she still was like I'm not about it. But however what she did like was just fashion in general. She did even have like she went on to create like her own clothing line that was actually advertised in Vogue, and I'm trying to find like a copy of it. I’ll keep you all updated but yes she was part of the international organization of women's pilots. I think she even like helped create it, but it's called the Ninety Nine and it's a non profit that provided networking, mentoring, and flight scholarships or opportunities for other women and out of this they kind of have like their own like clothing line for pilots because obviously it was a male profession, for the most part. She was like the sixteenth person to get a flying license. So they kind of like created their own uniform and had their own uniform to sell. Vogue picked it up and I thought that was also really cool because she's predominantly known for flying solo across the Atlantic and attempting going around the globe which she dies in. Like she– all the things like if you just see like or at least what I did for my Google search just typing in her name all the first things will say like her death something about her death which I'm actually gonna go into right now. So her flight was in a Lockheed Electra 10 E., and her navigator was Fred Noonan. No idea, I had no idea this was a thing. She had a navigator so she wasn't alone in this. And this was their second time attempting, or at least Amelia’s second time attempting. The first time she tried taking off from California but crashed into Honolulu. This was gonna be like even longer. I think there's like one guy who did this before… I have his name even. Wiley Post had flown around the world in seven days and he was like the first aviator to accomplish this. So she was going to be like the second person but the first woman to do this and hers was gonna be even longer because she was predominantly gonna take the equator and just like go around the equator… belly of the Earth. But she didn't make it. They lost contact around like July 2nd. I think she had like seven thousand miles left. Like she was like almost there like they had like she was on this journey for a while and then there was a day of just them not having contact and this is where we also get this whole story on like what the line of events whatever that saying is… the happenings of her life get a little hairy. Like this is where like Nat Geo had one thing to say, Time magazine had another, a quick YouTube from like a documentary had like the third thing to say. But basically on July 2nd she lost contact. We really don't know what happened after that. It's not like the last contact is “we're headed for the Pacific Ocean.” So that has opened up to years and ongoing research like still happening research on what happened to her. I made an arbitrary list for these three conspiracy theories on most likely to least likely. Most likely is that she just crashed into the Pacific Ocean and the plane’s somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. Like we're not gonna find it. If the people going back to the Pacific Ocean to try to find her they have– like you have to recognize, one, the ocean is so deep like we have not really gotten to the bottom of the ocean yet and two with just the waves and how this plane could have crashed, it could have moved thousands of miles in any sort of direction. So when I was kind of like reading some of these searches and like are you giving enough like leeway? Like us knowing like archaeology and stuff like with the radar and like all the things trying to find something it might not be there. I think we all know this. You look at these maps, we see a fuzzy dot, it might not be what we're looking for. So like a lot of these people are like oh I saw this dot on this one map, or like this shadow… I'm gonna go look there and it's like no don't do that. That's like all the enthusiasts. I already said she had trouble communicating, but we do have like radio logs and it seems that they were near an island but they couldn't see it and that they were running low on gas. So that's why I think like okay if you can't see an island and you're running low on gas and you're having like radio problems there's probably another thing happening with the plane. Like that always has like a chain reaction like nothing is just gonna be like one little blip it's just gonna all explode in your face like a big cherry pie. That's also… so that's like the first thing is just clear cut fell into the Pacific Ocean. The second one, I'm gonna butcher this– this Nikumaroro castaway. So both the places I'm gonna talk about in this next, like, little conspiracy theory are in the Pacific Ocean. So this investigation comes from the– or mainly comes from the international group for historic aircraft recovery. So they think that Earhart and Noonan landed their plane on one of these islands when they couldn't find Howland Island. So, like, just imagine in the Pacific Ocean a cluster of islands close enough that– I guess you can– if you can't fly to one you can fly to the other. I'm not a hundred percent sure how it all works out. I am not a pilot, but on, like, Google Maps when I tried to find these things. They're not, like, super close together, but I guess they're close enough in pilot speak? I don't know. We could do a whole series on just Amelia Earhart honestly with all her conspiracy theories. Because like one person was like maybe it's not this island it's another island this exact same story but on a different island in the Pacific Ocean it's like sure. But these guys think they had actually like they were cooking with gas, because they think they found bits of the plane. So they said that this island had to have been on like a low tide so making it slightly bigger and allowing this like reef along like the surface to be exposed and the reef must've been like in a good enough space, area, whatever you must have to land the plane. So they think she was able to send some radio transmission, but the plane was largely intact as they were landing on this; it wasn't like a complete crash landing. They think she survived at least until like the radio cut off because they think like when the radio cut off like she was still– like there's something that made them think “oh, the radio didn't cut off because she was dead,” and like the radio was continuing to transmit but no one was answering. They think she just like her and Noonan would probably just like deplane the plane, as this was an aluminium plane, it was really hot. Like outside, even going through the air so like landing they probably just like walked away… got more on the island to see the sights, see where they were that they were just crash landed in this area. They also noted that this island was colonized by the British Empire very soon after her plane must have gone down so we're gonna say around I think it was like 1938 to 1940 where the British colonized, and we know how colonizers are. Not swell. And colonists were reported finding airplane parts, which could have possibly come from her plane. Like they’re airplane parts from that time period and in 1940, Gerald Gallagher, the colonial administrator, discovered thirteen bones buried near the remains of a… I wrote “vampire”...  Okay no sorry. He found thirteen bones like in this secluded area near the shore and the remnants of two shoes– a man's and a woman's– as well as a box that once held a sextant and that is the tool that kind of looks like a kaleidoscope thing that you can measure like angular distances… I’m using my hand but obviously with a podcast you can't see it, Google it, they’re cool. All the bones were shipped off to Fiji where they were measured and apparently those bones were lost. We can't go back– like I worked for a forensic anthropologist once upon a time, so like that wouldn’t make it to me like I couldn’t just be like “Hey let's get these bones now” and with that so the bones must've been like you can use a foot bone and like measure and get stature. I couldn't figure out like I couldn't find anywhere like I wanted to see like what type of bones because theoretically you could use your little tiny bones like the metatarsals and stuff but really you want to use like your femur or humerus like one of your long bones because when you measure it you can say like how long your arm was, how long your whole body was. And that's how you get like stature and you can also see from those bones better how old a person was from like when you're born your bones are a bunch of bones, like they're not fully intact and as you get older your bones kind of callous over and also as you get older and older and older your bones show the wear and tear of it. Lexi: Also if her or Noonan had any specific childhood injuries… Haley: Exactly so yeah even though it's like thirteen bones, thirteen bones can still tell you, but the type of bone– like you can learn way more from a femur, broken, again let's use like the tarsals… like a broken tarsal. A broken femur versus a broken tarsal I'm gonna go for the femur. Alana: That's a leg bone versus a toe bone. Haley: Yeah, sorry. Alana: We're gonna probably end up being a little bit elitist about our… about our knowledge because we’re archaeologists but we're gonna do our best! We're gonna try not to! Haley: Okay, so imagine having your big leg bone and like a tiny foot bone. You're gonna want the big leg bone because that'll give you more surface to just analyze everything and that's basically when teaching, and Lexi took that class too, when learning how to do the precise measurements they're using the longer– long bones. I also love how they just like in a lot of them where it’s like they're lost they didn't say how they were lost, where they were lost, because they could have been lost in Fiji, coming back to the site, going to another like place to be measured and analyzed. Also I want to know like I guess this is like the 1940s if they were gonna do any like soil testing or like what they did. Lexi: They gave those bones a good Christian burial and called it quits. Haley: I– I wanna know so much. I wanna know so much because like hopefully it would be like different now, but I don't– actually I don't think so. Things still happen in the archaeology world. The researchers that did take the measurements said that it could have come from a woman of Amelia Earhart's size and build, but I wanna know if they thought like all thirteen were female or male bones because male and female bones are different. That's not like– it's like I hate when everyone says like “we're all the same on the inside” and it's like your bones are so unique… like yes on the inside we all have bones and organs but like– Alana: Haley, this is our first episode, you’re gonna get us canceled. Haley: Okay fine. We're all the same on the inside. We all have bones. (Alana laughing) Lexi: Haley’s a… scientist. Alana: She’s a scientist. Haley: No we’re all– Lexi: She’s not a TERF, just so everyone knows. She’s just talking about bones. Haley: I’m just talking about bones, I'm not a turd. I’m just talking about the bones. Lexi: I said TERF not turd, but okay! Alana: Same thing! Same thing! Haley: Okay. So. Scientifically I– I don’t know where this came from– the researcher just saying that– Alana, laughing: Wait, wait. I think Lexi and I need a sec to recover. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Lexi: Okay go ahead. Haley: Now people what the enthusiasts really took that to mean was “That’s Amelia!” but no. Like they didn’t have– and now they’re lost so there’s no way of doing DNA, and like I’m sure we don’t have anything to like, compare. Because for DNA, you can take DNA from something, but you need another sample to compare it to. Same with bones like X-rays? If like Amelia Earhart had an X-ray or like what Lexi said earlier, a noted childhood injury, then yeah. Sure. That is like more definitive but right now they were basing it off measurements. Also saying like yes this is a Caucasian woman's bone which… unless you really had, like, the face is… It's still very iffy very like… just a whole can of worms. They're basically saying this could be the size of Amelia Earhart which was an average sized woman. Another expedition later in the eighties, so now we're jumping like a bunch of years. They said like they found a bunch of artifacts from the 1930s… again, colonizers were going in. So them saying like “oh we found white people things on this like island in the Pacific from the 1930s” is kind of like, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit. There are currently doing excavations with dogs, and this one guy, his name's Fred, he’s an archaeologist with National Geographic Society said “No other technology is more sophisticated than the dogs.” They have a higher rate of success identifying things in the ground like than ground penetrating radar. He also said that these like dogs can sniff remains as deep as nine feet down and as old as a thousand five hundred years. Lexi: For real?! Haley: Yeah. Alana: Oh my god. We should get some of them on Dún Ailinne. Lexi: Let’s get some dig dogs! Alana: Dig dogs! Yeah. Lexi: Let’s go… get some dig dogs. Haley: I really hope it's like the hounds with the long ears like from Fox and the Hound. They have the sniffer noses. But I don't know. So that's where it got– that second conspiracy kind of ends. No more real updates. The last one is the one that's like it's not that it's not bananas, but it's bananas at the same time. (Alana laughing) Haley: I didn't know this one. I knew about the bones on like the random island, and I knew about her just like taking a dive into the Pacific. This is her landing on Marshall Island and it's somewhat– some people call it the Marshall Island Conspiracy. So instead of continuing on their path and looking for that island in the Pacific, they went north to a Japanese controlled island. And then they were taken hostage by the Japanese. And presumably if they were taken hostage by the Japanese they were thought to be U. S. spies and Lexi’s face is already like “what is happening” no Lexi this gets even wilder. Lexi: I thought “wacky” meant aliens but this is even wackier. (Alana laughing) Haley: We get to a point where it's kind of like spooky aliens. The conspiracy is on the basis that she landed in Japan and she was either taken hostage in Japan or just like they live their lives in Japan. I don't know why not being like “Hey I'm Amelia Earhart” but PTSD and like… that stuff is a thing. So, sure. Now we split off into one group saying if they are with the hostages or they had to like crash land they were killed or eventually killed. Another theory is that she made it back to the U. S. under an assumed name. So Amelia turned into Irene Craigmile and then married a guy named Guy Bolan and died in New Jersey in 1982. Guys. I. This gal Irene has her own Wikipedia page. I told you Wikipedia was gonna come into this. Lexi: What does she think about this? Haley: So she– there was even like a lawsuit for her; saying that she wasn't Amelia– you can all look at this Wikipedia page. It has a picture of her and people are like “she looks like an older Amelia.” And yeah, sure they have some resemblance but like… people can look like each other. And like she would also like– my quick read of this was that she was saying she's not Amelia Earhart. On her Wikipedia they have like her parents’ names, where she was born… And like there is a lawsuit for one point five million million dollars because she was like– I believe she was screaming at the top of her lungs “I'm not Amelia” and like this is like damaging to her reputation and she came up when I like tried looking at like if I could obtain some of her biographies or documentaries easily enough her name came up in those. Like she's truly– people truly think she was Amelia Earhart and got back to the US. So another guy– so this is going like off this– he was a retired Air Force colonel from Hawaii and he is quoted saying if she couldn't find Howland plan B was to cut off communication and head for the Marshall Islands and ditch her plane there. And this is around like 2003, so we already had like the past conspiracy theory where they found their bones and like they found plane parts. So this is a totally different island so who's right there? I don’t know. We still don't know. And one enthusiast named Dick Spink– yes that is his name– ran with this quote and started collecting stories from people on the Marshall Islands just to be like “did this girl show up” like what happened to this girl. And we've gotten quotes like she landed at Nellie... our uncles, aunts, our parents, and our grandparents knew that she landed there. People are saying she was here and he even spent like his own money. He spent like fifty thousand dollars to get proof of this and I watched like a clip of the documentary and this was from the History Channel and I believe you can find… I saw that you could pay for it and maybe it's on YouTube, but it's a documentary, Amelia Earhart: The Lost Evidence came out in 2017. There's like a pre-World War Two archival photo and they've circled like a girl that looks like Amelia Earhart and they’re like “this is Amelia” what I like to think like this could potentially be Amelia Earhart and like Noonan. I think yeah they kind of look like them but it's like it's not a photo that we take with our phone. It is a old photo that's like very blurry and sepia tone. TBH, doesn't fly with me but it's just hysterical to me honestly that people are like “that’s Amelia.” People saying “oh yeah she was at our island” and a lot of evidence is very unclear where I don't even wanna like bring it up because I just it's not the cost of well this is not not sometimes nonsense like one person was like “Amelia Earhart’s still alive” and it's like…  no she's definitely dead she’d be like I think 117 by now? It's been eighty years since the supposed crash. This theory specifically I think that is truly divided but not many responses are coming from academics. I just like I notice out of all the theories it's this theory that has the least academics and the most enthusiasts so… Alana: That doesn't usually bode well. Haley: She was declared dead after two years of her disappearance. So people like have said she's died and it's in like so it would be 1939 I believe it was like January first or January second just how the law works. And her husband, George Putnam, who’s an author, publisher, and explorer– or was he died. And she wrote to him “Please know I am quite aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail their failure must be a challenge to others.” Which… is true. So many people wanted to be Amelia and like she’s still an icon in lady history like we're doing it right now. So I actually saw a really cool like a Covid mask with her face on it and like a airplane which I thought was nifty. Lexi: I love the conspiracies man that was really… Alana: Love the conspiracies. I definitely heard about that on Buzzfeed Unsolved that the bones are missing which I didn’t know. Haley: That like once the bones are missing I was like well… and I did see like people being like “let's test the–” like “if only the bones weren’t lost you could test the DNA!” Look at all like that shady parts of like bone history where it's like we can look at the face and it's like no they just had thirteen bones like face isn’t just one bone that they'd be counting as separate bones and the other stuff where like yes she landed in the Pacific Ocean. Not much is coming from Noonan though, her navigator. It's all about her which is pretty cool honestly for a lady podcast. Who’s up next? Alana: I'll go next because talking about the Night Witches, Night Witches. Just kidding, we don't, that's I. P. don't sue us. The Night Witches were an all female air regiment in World War Two in the… in Russia in the Soviet Union which I learned in my research that Russians call it The Great Patriotic War so that’s something fun Lexi: Okay. Alright. Okay. That’s juicy. Alana: That’s juicy. So this all female air regiment was started by a woman named Marina Raskova or the Soviet Amelia Earhart. That's like her fun little nickname. I did learn about this story from Drunk History. So obviously since we're gonna be talking about the Soviet Union during World War Two I just want to say: Stalin is a bad dude. The only good thing that Stalin ever did was fight Nazis. And that's like that one Onion it's like the Onion or some other like comedy news article and the headline just said “oh no the worst person you know just made a good point.” Lexi: Mm. Yes. Alana: That's how I feel about Stalin. There’s a Guardian article that I'll get to a little bit later and it interviews some of these Night Witches and they call Nazis fascists and I'm like oh honey I got some bad news for you. I got some bad news for you. Haley: Wait hold up so you're saying like... Alana: I’m saying that Stalin is a fascist. Haley: No no I know but like he didn't like he said a no no to the Nazis, so like the people who are like “Nazis are chill” you're worse than Stalin is that really where you want to like, the hill you want to die on? Is being worse than Stalin? Lexi: That's what she said? I don’t think that’s what she said. Alana: I don’t think that’s what I said. Lexi: I think she just said the Night Witches don't like fascists, but the guy they loved was a fascist. Alana: Was also a fascist. Haley: I thought you were going– my brain just went straight to… from Stalin not liking Nazis to these girls potentially not liking Nazis and I had to be like hold up. Are you saying they’re like worse than– Lexi: I don't think, I don't think Stalin liked Nazis and I don't think these women liked Nazis. Haley: People shouldn’t like Nazis. Alana: We’re gonna go on the record, we're gonna say people shouldn't like Nazis. So, I did learn about the story from Drunk History season six episode fourteen, I'm gonna reference that a couple times, the storyteller is Jess McKenna and it's very funny but that's it because they're not sponsoring us. So the Night Witches were started by Marina Raskova. She was a navigator in the Red Army so like we were saying there's someone in the plane who like tells you where to go and what to do but who isn't flying for realsies and that was what Marina did and we are on a first name basis because we're tight, we're best friends and she definitely one hundred percent has not been dead since 1943. That's just we're just tight we’re close me and her ghost. Not– just kidding. So women were barred from combat in the Red Army and for a lot of modern history. Haley: Go over what the Red Army is. Alana: The Red Army is what the army was called in the USSR that's like what they call their army was the Red Army because communism. And so the women were really only allowed slowly into the army because Russia was taking devastating, crushing, horrible losses. And Marina was getting letters from civilian women who wanted to help and they were like “Marina you're so cool you're amazing because you're fighting and we wish that we could fight” because they are losing their husbands their fathers their brothers their sons. So she goes to Stalin and says “Hey, Joseph can I… I’m like, here can I please start some all female air regiments… maybe.” And Stalin says yes. One of the articles I read implied that he maybe only said yes because he was attracted to her and, yeah, that article was written by a man. But she gets this dispensation and she gets all of these women to come in and be pilots. But now that they're in the army they're facing some sexism as is kind of to be expected tragically, tragically to be expected. They're facing sexual harassment which I mean it's still a problem in the year 2020, like nothing changes. It should but it doesn't. But more systemically they have the worst they just have bad equipment. They're getting hand me down uniforms from male soldiers that are way too big so they're like stuffing boots with socks and like everything is super baggy. But let's talk about their planes because that's what we're here for the planes, we’re here for pilots. They're flying training planes. Polikarpov PO-2 biplanes. They’re twenty years old. They’re crop dusters. They have no cockpit protection and they can't go high enough, which you wouldn't want them to because they don't have any cockpit protection. They have to fly at night because they can't go high enough to be out of view. And also, news flash, this is something fun that people might not know, this is just a fun fact. Fun fact: Russia is cold. Lexi: I had no idea. Alana: Yeah so these women are getting frostbite. And if you touch the plane it's like so cold that it'll burn your hand. You know what I mean? Haley: So like, opposite of Amelia's problem. Alana: Yeah, opposite of Amelia’s problem, exactly. So they’re just like the worst planes ever and they don’t go that high. Like normal equipment radar, radio, fucking parachutes are too heavy for these horrible planes, so they don't have parachutes until 1943. And they can only carry two bombs, each plane can only carry two bombs at a time and they have one under each wing. And so they're going back and forth from their little safety where they store the bombs they're going back to safety and then across enemy lines. And they're dropping bombs and they’re coming back and get more bombs they're going back and just like back and forth back and forth eighteen times a night. But these women are so dope and so good at everything that this is how they get the name Night Witches. It comes from the German Nacht Hexen which means night witches and the planes are too small and too quiet to show up on radar or sonar. But the sound of them coming sounds like a sweeping. (Lexi and Haley make general noises of understanding) Alana: So it’s like… their planes are brooms, women are riding them... they’re witches. Haley: Right. Alana: But these slow planes end up being kind of a blessing or like a silver lining, sort of, because the fast planes can't go slow enough to shoot them down. Because aerodynamics. Period. Like, that's why big planes need big long runways because they gotta build up enough speed so they don't fall out of the sky. But these slow planes can’t go fast, obviously, duh. News flash, fun fact: slow planes can't go fast. Fast planes can't go slow. and so it's super difficult for them to like– for the Nazi planes to attack the Night Witches’ planes because they can't like keep pace with them, even though they're slower. This 588th air regiment, which is the Night Witches, they're so badass and they're so prolific and they're killing so many Nazis that anyone who shoots down a Night Witch gets the Iron Cross which is the highest honor in the Nazi army. All you gotta do is shoot one down and you get the Iron Cross so– Haley: That’s like zero to sixty right there. Alana: It's zero to sixty. So we're gonna talk about real fast just like the women themselves besides how dope and cool they are. They have twelve commandments, and the first one is “be proud that you are a woman.” I cannot find the other eleven. I have no idea what the other eleven are. Lexi: Do the other ones matter if the first one’s that good. Alana: I guess not. This is the gender divide in my sources as well, as the ones that men wrote were like “look they're doing all this all these like womanly things” like they would embroider and wear eyeliner and that kind of fun stuff. But women like Marina, who would look at them and who wrote that and would say be proud that you're a woman because you're doing this crazy stuff you're killing all these Nazis and you're also doing it as a woman so you’re double the badass. It's like they said that Grace Kelly could do anything Fred Astaire could do but backwards and in high heels. Have you heard that before? Haley: No, I haven't heard that one. Alana: That's- it's how awesome Grace Kelly was. Haley: Ok. Alana: Like she was Fred Astaire, but better. Haley: I love it. Alana: One of the… I'm gonna talk about Raisa Surnachevskaya who flew while she was four months pregnant. She was up in a plane, shooting down Nazis, four months pregnant. So that’s pretty dope. Haley: Alrighty then. Alana: And there was this camaraderie between these women especially Raisa Surnachevskaya (as I said) and Tamara Pamyatnykh and in this Guardian article from 2001 which is very, it’s so from 2001. Tamara is reminiscing about it and how she took out two bombers before being shot down and she's worried that she hadn't done enough that night and is so wo– like she is remembering looking down from the ground thinking that she left Raisa, her “wingman”– her words– her wingman all alone in the sky to fight Nazis and that was very moving to me. I would be worried if I left either of you up in the sky to fight Nazis I’d feel bad too. (Lexi and Haley laughing) Alana: I would. The author of that made a point to say, like he's praising these women and then he's like “today's tw–” because they were young, like young women going to fight and he’s like “today's twenty one year olds wear nightclub clothes to work” and I was like did you really have to do that. Lexi: K. bro. Alana: Okay, brah. I was like did- did a woman write this. No, a woman did not write it and I was like hmm. Lexi: [sarcasm audible] And there definitely aren't women in the military in any country in. Alana: In any country in the world. Lexi: There definitely aren't. Anywhere. Alana: All men. Lexi: Yeah, they’re all men now since there is no big war. Alana: [laughs] Since there’s no big war. Lexi: Since big war over women go home back house. Alana: [laughing] Um... Lexi: Wear night club clothes work. Alana: Oh - Yeah wear nightclub clothes work. So just some statistics there are four hundred women in the 588th night bomber regiment. They flew thirty thousand missions and dropped twenty three thousand tons of bombs and they were the most decorated unit in the Red Army and here's where- do you guys wanna like real fast guess how this story ends. Lexi: They were decommissioned when the war ended. Alana: They were disbanded six months after World War Two ended. Haley: There we go. Alana: And they were not allowed in the victory parades because- Haley: Yup. Alana: - their planes were too slow. Haley: That tracks. Lexi: Yup, that makes sense. Alana: So that's fun. Lexi: Big war over, go back house. Alana: [laughs] War over, go back house. And they didn't and then the USSR like collapsed and one of the women who is living in like Latvia I think is not allowed to wear her, her like military medals because of how– Lexi: Oh because she’s a veteran of the USSR but then they left the USSR. Alana: Because she's not a citizen of Latvia and she’s not a citizen of the USSR. Like she's a citizen of the USSR. Lexi: Right. Alana It is really tragic to read about. And this guy was like twenty one year olds today wear nightclub clothes to work. I'm like well some of them work at nightclubs so shut up. Um and that made me real, real mad. To read that article. But it’s important. Lexi: But you learned about the cool women. Even if it was- Alana: I did learn about the cool women and I learned about how much they liked each other. Uh it made me feel really good. That they were like, yeah. Lexi: Sisterhood. Alana: Women supporting women. Lexi: The sisterhood of the flying - Haley: pants. Lexi: brooms. The flying pants. Alana: The flying pants. The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Lexi: [laughs] Yes! The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Haley: The little airplane that could. Alana: Little airplane that could, exactly. Lexi: That would make a great anime. Alana: That would make a great anime. Haley: Right Lex you wanna roll us of or Alana do you have more of your story? Alana: No I'm good. Lexi: So the reason that I knew that the story of your, your group of women ended with them being decommissioned is because I have the American equivalent story to your story. Alana: Gasp Haley: We just went full circle. Lexi: Let me tell ya. Alana: Full circle we did it. We did segues you guys. Lexi: We did it. So did you guys know that before there was ever a man on the moon there was a woman who wanted to go to space. Alana: That makes sense. Haley: That tracks. Alana: I did not know that but that makes sense. Lexi: I'm gonna tell you her story. Jacquelyn Cochran was born with the name Bessie Lee Pittman in nineteen 1906 in Pensacola, Florida which is one of my favorite city names to say so I'm very happy that's where she was born I find Pensacola to be a very funny word and she was the youngest of five children. Her father worked as a millwright so they traveled around Florida he built mills to mill things and later in life Jackie would claim that she was adopted and raised in poverty but in reality this was her biological family and while they weren't rich they lived a pretty average life and there was always food on the table and they always had like what they needed to survive a very average life for people in the early nineteen hundreds and in 1920 when she was just fourteen she married Robert Cochran who was how she got the Cochran name and the couple had one child who was named Jack and he died really young so when Jackie decided to leave Robert she adopted the name Jacqueline Cochran so she kept her married name and she used the name Jacqueline to honor her son who passed away really on. And she left Robert because she was like not about being a young wife and she moved to New York City where she was able to land a job working at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the thing to do department stores were brand new. Haley: Oh yeah. Lexi:. . . like it was awesome to be there and she became a hairdresser and stylist and she was doing cosmetic work at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the glamorous job and. . . Haley: This is giving me some Marvelous Mrs Maisel vibes. Lexi: Yeah exactly. Alana: I was just gonna say that. Lexi: Like if you were a young hot woman this was the job for you so um, while she was working in New York, Jackie met the man who would become her second husband Floyd Bostwick Odlum and Floyd was a CEO. He was at the time one of the richest man in the world -like- some sources say he was in the top ten richest man and he offered to help her start a beauty business under her own name and she was like that's a great idea I love beauty stuff but at the time he was still married to another woman so they had to put a hold on that project until he can get a divorce. Also while working in New York Jackie became enamored with aviation and she saw a plane and her friend was like do you want to go in the plane I'll put you on the plane and so she started taking flying lessons in the 1930s at Roosevelt airfield which is located on Long Island so super close to where she was working in New York. She started to fly and she earned her commercial pilot's license with just two years of flight experience and you do have to log a lot of hours to get your commercial pilot's license so she must've flown a lot in those two years. And in 1936 Floyd finally left his poo poo first wife and married Jackie and they founded a cosmetics line and because of her new found obsession with flight they called the cosmetics line Wings to Beauty. Haley: I love that. Lexi: Hoping to capitalize on Jackie's unique position as a female aviator Jackie went on a promotional tour and she flew across the country to promote her new beauty products and since it was a -like- airplane themed thing they thought you know that'll be that'll be cool. Alana: Winged eyeliner. Lexi: Yeah and because her husband- Alana: We’ve come full circle. Lexi: I know, I know. And as her husband was so influential and stuff he was even able to get celebrities like Marilyn Monroe to like wear her lipstick to like promote it. So you would think this is just some cute girl who has a plane, a cute rich girl with planes and cosmetics but the truth is Jackie was a badass. Haley: Of course. Alana: I already thought she was a badass. She truly contains multitudes. Lexi: She does. So while she was like an icon of the beauty industry what truly makes her story so interesting is this dichotomy that not only was she like a beauty icon and an aviator but she was like one of the best pilots of all time. In 1937 Jackie set the world's women speed record in flight so she flew the fastest a woman had ever flown in a plane in 1937 that same year Jackie was the only woman to compete in the Bendix race, Bendix race I might be saying that wrong but it was a famous race for planes, plane racing the competitors flew from Burbank to Cleveland nonstop and the fastest time was the winner. She was not the first woman ever to fly the Bendix Ameila Earhart actually flew it two years earlier but the difference is Amelia got fifth place when she flew in 1935, the second year Jackie flew which is 1938 she won. She was the fastest person, she beat the man in the race and that that race was really not accepting to women it was very hard for women to get in it, so was a big deal that a woman had beaten up on the man in the race and then she set a transcontinental speed record and broke barriers by setting new altitude records, so she flew higher than men had flown in a lot of places. So prior to the United States joining the war effort in World War two, Jackie didn't want to just sit on her butt. She was really upset about what was happening in Europe and she knew she wanted to do something. So American companies were building aircrafts to supply the British military with planes and so Jackie joined an organization with a bunch of other aviators that was called Wings for Britain not to be confused with Wings to Beauty and it was an organization for a elite American pilots who flew newly constructed military aircrafts to Britain to support the war effort and by participating in this organization Jackie actually became the first woman to fly a bomber plane across the Atlantic Ocean, because she had to get it to Britain. Speaker 1: And um that was just the beginning of Jackie's participation the war effort she got really devoted to it and she became really passionate about it, so while she was in Britain she helped the Royal Air Force recruit qualified female pilots from the United States to participate in their Air Transport Auxiliary which it was a group, an organization, that ferried items. So they didn't drop bombs, they were non combat, but they carried supplies so they would carry supplies to the army or the airforce or like carry things from one place- point A to point B. And she basically helped them recruit American women because America was not yet involved in the war and she was actually given the rank of Flight Captain in the British Air Transport Auxiliary, a rank that's actually called into the position of Major in the U. S. Air Force because she was so active in recruiting and training women while she was there. And in 1939 Jackie wrote a letter to the White House back in the US and she addressed it to the First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt because she knew that a fellow woman would listen to her she didn't think if she sent it to Mr Roosevelt it would get read. She knew Eleanor would read it, because she probably heard of her beauty products and she probably knew that she was this famous aviatrix and so she sent it to Eleanor and... Alana: Aviatrix is one of my favorite words. Lexi: I know it’s a good word. Alana: You like Pensacola, I’m like aviatrix. Lexi: An aviatrix born in Pensacola. Um so she proposed starting an American version of this auxiliary, an American Army Air Force auxiliary of women who were non combat pilots and Jackie argued that women can complete all of the non combat aviation jobs, thus freeing up more male pilots for direct combat as America became more involved in the war. So you know what we're about to get a war where a lot of guys are going to die, a lot of bomber planes are going to go down, and you might need women who are already trained pilots to come in and help you because it takes a long time to learn how to fly a plane. And there are all these women who are flying planes already. So this organization would be the American equivalent of that auxiliary in Britain and at the time the army like not the Air Force army which at the time the army and Air Force America were one thing but the Air Force was like under the army branch so the army itself had started the WAC, which is the women's army auxiliary corps program and it gave non combat jobs to women so they could work in the army army not the air force part of the army and Jackie felt it was possible to expand that to the people in the air so from the land to the air they could include the auxiliary for women so despite the shortage of qualified men who are pilots there was hesitation to Jackie's proposal from leaders in the U. S. military they were like we can’t have women flying planes. And so Lt. General Henry H. Arnold whose nickname was haps which is the lamest nickname I've ever heard. Alana: It’s like, it’s like um, in your yearbook have a great summer hags. Lexi: HAGS. Um so he asked Jackie to find out how many female pilots there were and to recruit and take American women to Britain and observe the auxiliary that was there and then use that information that her in those women could gain to possibly found their own American group. It was like I don't want to test this here but if you keep bringing women over to America er it's over to Britain which she was already doing if that goes well, maybe I'll let you approve doing that in America. So then in 1943 which was 4 years after she came up with this idea the WASPS were born and I would just like to say that the WASPS is the coolest name and the fact that we don't have that name in our military anymore especially for pilots because wasps fly. It's really sad so WASPS stands for women's airforce service pilots and this was a group where Jackie was the director and another female pilot named Lovelace was like the co director she's also really famous really popular so if you're interested in female pilots, check her out, but basically in this role Jackie supervised the training of hundreds of female pilots and they became part of World War 2 effort. They transported items, they never saw combat, they were not as dope as the Night Witches. And first service during World War 2 Jackie earned a Distinguished Service Medal, which at the time many women did not earn these types of honors it was a really big deal that she earned that award and the WASPS were disbanded after the war ended. And Jackie was hired as a magazine reporter. She just moved on with her life what somewhere else and the WASPs were never to be seen again, and to be fair now women can become pilots in the modern Air Force but it is a little sad that we don't have anything called the WASPS anymore. Haley: Are there any other like acro-names? Names for- Lexi: Yes. It’s in WACS, the WASPS, and the WAVEs. The WACS in the army, the WAVES in the Navy and the WASPS are the airforce, during uh World War II. Haley: Uh, WAVEs like the ocean. Lexi: YES. If you don't know a lot about women's participation in World War 2, I have recently become a nerd about it - mainly because the names are good and the recruitment posters are even better. I would have probably signed up, just from the propaganda. Alana: Just from the propaganda no Lexi! Lexi: So yes, so she became a magazine reporter. She traveled the world and the purpose of her going around was to document like post war life like how were different parts of the world adjusting to post war life. She was even at like the Nuremburg trials and stuff. Like she was really involved in post war were to break down. And she actually became the first non-Japanese woman to set foot on Japanese soil after the end of World War 2. Which is like pretty crazy. She just flew in there, landed, got off the plane. Um in 1948 Jackie joined the Air Force Reserve. She was one of the first women to actually technically become a member of the Air Force by serving in the reserves because technically the WASPs were an auxiliary. And she remained a member until 1970, so majority of her life she was in the reserves in case there would ever be another war effort she would need to participate in, she wanted to be ready to go, ready for battle. And during this part of her flying career she actually attained the rank of Colonel which is like a really high rank in military systems, so she was very well renowned and regarded. And Jackie was the first woman to break the sound barrier on 5/18/1953 she flew 652 miles per hour to break the sound barrier. They called her the supersonic lady in the news articles which is pretty cool. Alana: That’s the nickname. Lexi: In the 1960s Jackie wanted to go further than the sky. She wanted to go to space. And she became a financial sponsor of the women's Mercury program. There'd been a man's mercury program which had basically been a program to test people to see if they would make good astronauts and so the doctor that did that was like women would be really good in space why don't I test them. So the Mercury program was intended to train women to become astronauts and the belief was that women would make great astronauts because they were on average smaller so they were less weight and less height and they usually consumes less water, food and oxygen then men apparently. I didn't know that I thought I, I think I eat a lot but you know what now I think about it maybe my brother eats more than me so I guess it’s good. Alana: That's the same logic that they're using like they're talking about the first manned like manned mission to Mars is possibly going to be all women because they take up less space and don't come as much. Haley: Because we’re tiny. Lexi: They’re a littler people, but not really. Alana: It’s true. Lexi: I mean on average we are shorter so that's why. So Jackie was really frustrated because the the male doctor who is doing the testing for Mercury. Of course, it was a male doctor. He had really strict age requirements. He wanted the women to be like in their twenties - very young, very fit and he would not allow married women or single mothers to participate so if you were married or had children you could not participate in this program. And Jackie was married and 50 and so she was a little teed off because the whole reason that her and her husband were drowning money into this is because she was going to become the first woman in space. Yes- she was in her fifties, she was married, she technically did not qualify, but she convinced the doctor to let her participate in the test along with the 19 other women. So they selected 20 people total including Jackie and the tests were really intense. They had icy water shot at their face to induce vertigo. Haley: Ugh. Lexi: They Were put in deprivation tanks to disturb their sensory functions and see what would happen when they were like deprived of all their senses. Alana: Now that's like at like a health fad craze. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: That's true, that's true I've seen people do it. Rhett and Link did it on their show. Haley: Are those like the salts pods, cause I've done the salts pods where its like they- Lexi: I don’t know..They put you on a thing and close the lid and you can't- Haley: Yeah yeah so I’ve kinda done that where it's like I’ve done one where it's a salty as the dead sea, so you float, and you're in like the pod and it's completely dark and you just like float there. The only light is like the one green light so you know like where the button is if you're like anin sos mode but it's supposed to release like toxins like because your body is kind of just letting itself go in a sense. Alana: Everything releases toxins. Haley: Yeah. Alana: Cleanse your soul, clean it. Haley: I honestly- Alana: Your soul is dirty. Haley: I felt like high or like lighter. It felt really weird afterwards. It was not like it's not an experience I want to do again. Lexi: Yeah I mean these women did not like it and Jackie did not pass the test. 13 pilots did pass. So they had 20 female pilots to start, 13 passed, 7 were not selected, Jackie being one. Haley: How pissed was she? Lexi: There are there are like- There is evidence to suggest that she like screamed and flipped out. There like first hand accounts from other female pilots who were there that like she was like cursing out the doctor but he told her she had underlying heart conditions that she didn't know she had and that she should probably stop flying all together which is like you don't tell someone that when that's their life you know. So they called these pilots that Mercury 13 and they were going to be- stop being pilots and become astronauts. So most of these women, they quit their jobs they told their families I'm heading out they were going to move to Florida where the training base for astronauts was at the time and this at this point NASA not yet- it was like not yet completely in charge. The Air Force is actually doing most of the astronaut training and then later it would go under NASA does not make sense so the Air Force was highly involved in this so these women were going to go to where the Air Force's training astronauts. A week before they were supposed to leave, the program was canceled and the women were told not to report for training. And the 13 women never made it to space. There are cute little pictures of them as old ladies from like 20 years ago where they're like we almost when into space.Uwu. And it's so sad because these women were supposed to be the first woman in space. So Jackie spent the rest of her life advocating her belief that women were fit for space and that women made sense as astronauts. Unfortunately, Jackie passed away in August 1980, which is a little less than 3 years before Sally Ride was sent into space, so she never saw a woman go to space. Even though that was like her life, life dream. Alana: Cartoon frowny face. Frowny face emoji. I love- I love that story because I feel like we could talk about her for a zillion other episodes like we could talk about her for women in business, we can talk about her for like women in combat obviously like women in space… What was the other thing? Women in journalism for that thing… Haley: And fashion! Lexi: Women who have been to Japan… Alana: She just seems really cool. I like her. That was a good story. Lexi: Women from Pensacola Florida… Alana: Women from Pensacola Florida… Lexi: Haley’s yawning you wanna hit ‘em with an outro Haley: Yeah. Alana: Are you ready? Haley: Yeah. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram @ladyhistorypod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod.tumblr.com. If you like the show leave us a review or tell your friends and if you don't like the show keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us and we will not see you but you will hear us next time on Lady History. OUTRO MUSIC Haley: Next week on lady history we're talking about pirates, Lexi and Alana: Yaaaaaargh Haley: So get your eye patches ready. Alana: Oh my god.

[eye-raq]

Who named you?!!!

Erik Stevens x Beulah May Jenkins 😊

Warnings: HUMOR, and I guess fluff.

Summary: (imagine Erik finding out his girl got an old ass name) Erik and his girl get ready to go out to a house warming of her families, but before they go Erik stumbles upon some “new” information.

I hope y’all like this little one shot that me and my friends in the group chat cooked up 😂😂😂 we some goofy bitches. Not really tagging alot of people because this is meant for a little fun to read I guess lol. I hope its good.

“What the fuck? LAH LAH!!”

Lah Lah was in the middle of laying her baby hairs, putting her faux locs up in a bun, wearing high waisted ligh wash jeans, a crop top in red and a pair of black heels.

“Erik clearly I’m fucking busy babe!”

“Nah this some serious shit here! Don’t make me have to tell yo ass twice.”

She groans loudly, stomping out of the bathroom and down the hall to their master bed room. When she enters, she stumbles backward, her ankle sort of twisting awkwardly now shooting pain up her calve from her heels.

The color drained from her face, she was haunted.

“Who the hell is Beulah May Jenkins?!” Erik was shirtless, only in his Jean joggers and Nike vapor max plus.

She had a pained look on her face as she sped over, snatching up the ID, holding it behind her back.

“None of your got damn business! OOOO!! Damn why you going through my shit?!” She was throwing a minnie tempo tantrum. Erik noticed how jumpy she was, eyes looking anywhere but at him. He had a peering look in his eyes, tongue running over his upper teeth.

“Number one, your shit was near my shit. I found this fucking thing under my side of the bed. Number two-“

“Number TWO sit your big ass DOWN, and shut the fuck UP.” She pressed with irritation, counting off on her fingers dramatically trying to divert his attention away from where he was headed.

“So kindly get dressed so we can be outta here.” She wanted it to be over but surely she knew that Erik wouldn’t let this go. He clapped his hands together so loud it echoed off the walls.

“AYEEE! Let’s turn this shit back around Lah Lah Loopsy!!” He sounded out, holding up two fingers.

“Number two, why the fuck you got Big Mama name on here instead of Lah Lah?!” He gave her a quizzical look.

Lah Lah’s eyes almost left her sockets.

“What the fuck you in Lah Lah land or some shit?!” He glowered, scuffing afterwards.

“It’s-it’s not-I.” She could rip her hair out. She could not believe this was happening right now.

Before she could even think, Erik snatched up the ID again.

“ERIK STOP!!” She could cry hard.

She felt her heart race, her leg jiggled with anxiety. This was a huge secret for her.

Erik scanned the ID with his large muscular back facing her, silence between them. The only sound that could be heard was him tapping the card with his fingers. Lah Lah just stood there hugging herself, eyes burning a hole into his back. After what felt like a minute, she watches as Erik shakes his head, taking in a long obnoxious deep breath, before turning back around, scratching his brow.

“Lah Lah...From What I have gathered, it appears this is, YOUR drivers license and not some practical joke from Spencer’s gift shop.” He spoke with fake professionalism. He gazed, one eyebrow flicked upwards into his dreads.

Lah Lah ass couldn’t even speak.

“The name on this drivers license reads, Beulah May-“ he clears his throat, a fist to his mouth.

“Sorry, I had a tickle in my throat, but the name here reads Beulah May Jenkins.” He pointed to each name, from first to last, confusion written on his face, his own words scrambled.

“So in my head I’m like nah uh uh fuck that shit this can’t be her with this geriatric ass name, but then I look below it and see 10/15/1989.” He laughs as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“This is DEFINITELY a real ID and everything too.”

She looked as if she were going to faint. He fixed her with a hard gaze.

“It appears that my girl going to late night bingo with Dolores and Betty.” He stared briefly as if curious and evasive.

Lah Lah let out a long agonizing breath, shaking her head before placing her hands on her hips.

“So basically you wanna play?! Either way you know it’s mines nigga!!!” She could crap her pants right now from the embarrassment.

Erik folds his arms over his bare chest.

“Who did this shit to you? Who named you?!” He tried to convey a sincere tone but Lah Lah... Beulah knew that Erik was working his way up to clowning her more.

“Who was it?! Miss Karen or Mr Rod?” Erik licked at his bottom lip with a smirk slowly rising.

“Ole soul food ass name. You gonna tell me who it was?! Or stay mute?! I’m already flabbergasted.” He was struggling not to unravel with laughter.

“It was my DAD ERIK.” She was hopeless at this point. Trust Beulah always wondered why the fuck her father would do that shit!

“NAH NOT TRIPPLE OG ROD.” Erik shook his head frantically, LITERALLY DISTRAUGHT.

“Yes bitch ass nigga it was my damn daddy! Idk maybe he was drunk or some shit why don’t you ask him yourself.”

“Mannnnnnn” He slid his hand down his face.

“What was your mama doing though? She ain’t have a say?” His voice sort of broke from the laughter that wanted to burst.

“She said my Dad wanted to remember his great grandson through me so..”

“Great Grandson?” Erik scrunches his face, shaking his head slightly while his dreads shifted a little on his forehead.

“You know what the fuck I meant. Grandmom fool.”

“Damn...you remember the Civil Rights Movement?” He sat down then, hand under his chin, his leg crossed animatedly.

She was shamefaced. Beulah wanted to press rewind to stop this shit from happening.

“How about I sing this for you maybe your old ass will remember 🎶 we shall over come/ we shall overcome 🎶 “ you remember that? He had this vacant expression as if to play stupid.

“Erik I sware to fucking God I’m gonna fuck you up.”

“You sure you can do that? That osteoporosis ain’t killing you baby?” He spoke that with a fake elderly voice.

She could literally feel the steam blow from her ears. She just wanted to drink, check out her older cousins new place, stuff her face, and dance. Now things were taking a turn for the worse.

“You know what else makes this shit funny?!” That wide dimpled smile was unstoppable.

“Humor me.”

“You really call yourself Lah Lah in short for Beulah.”

This man was in shambles. He couldn’t hardly breath, the entire situation hard to get over.

“All them times your fingers locked up from stroking this dick, damn baby! You got arthritis, osteoporosis, next thing you know you’ll have kyphosis from me blowing your back out.”

“What the FUCK is Kyphrosis?”

“A hump back.” Erik goofy ass wheezed.

“I ain’t the one using a fake name ERIK STEVENS.” Beulah wasn’t really good with come backs.

“Oh nah uh uh don’t put me in that category I’m not the one with a name that belong to a women who was 30 during the prohibition.”

Lah Lah began to retort but her cellphone rang.

“Hello?! Oh...sorry mama. Yeah me and Erik are on our way now.” Lah Lah snapped her fingers at Erik to get dressed, watching him lift from the bed with his eyes dancing with humor, picking up his plain white t shirt and north face windbreaker in red and black. Lah Lah hung up the phone quick, turning to Erik with a scolding look.

“Now I hope you got all your laughs in nigga. Please don’t keep this shit up at the party E.”

Erik shrugged.

“Not making any promises, depends on how my mind feels.” She rolled her eyes, grabbing her things before heading out with Erik.

————————————————————————

“Hey! Lah and Erik are here!”

Erik greets her family, his mind taking in the fact that even her own family called her Lah. Erik felt reassured and happy that everyone were thinking the same thing. While here at the party, it became so unbearable to keep quiet once he saw her father talking it up in the kitchen with a glass of gin.

“Erik! What’s happening young blood?” He shook Erik’s hand, while he said hi to the others.

“Nothing much Mr. Rod, just hanging in there.”

Lah Lah enters, giving her love to everyone before grabbing up a punch bowl, leading her cousin towards the dining room.

“She still got you calling her Lah Lah Erik?” The way her drunk uncle asked that could have had him spitting out his drink in laughter.

“I’m still trying to understand why your old tired ass named your daughter Beulah.” One of her Father’s friends shook his head.

“For as long as I know, I would NEVER ever ever ever get with a girl named Beulah, sound like a name you would give a senior citizen.”

Erik couldn’t take it. He snorted a laughter into his cup, juice bubbles forming.

“Man I remember when I held her in my arms, she was so beautiful, still is. I asked this bastard what her name was.” He friend looked up at Erik, giving him complete eye contact.

“Well, you could probably guess what it was right?”

This caused some of the other men to chime in with chuckles.

“Beulah May Jenkins.” Erik actually took his time to sound that out in a sweet old lady voice, causing an uproar from the men, including her Dad.

“Back then man I was down about my great grandmom so I gave her that name.”

“When was your Great Grandmom born?” Erik asked.

“1901.”

“And when was Lah Lah born?”

“1989.”

“So why in the HELL...you know what.” Her Dads friend waved him away.

———————————————————————-

“Here, I got you a drink.”

Lah Lah reaches out to grab the cup only to find prune juice inside.

“Erik...What the FUCK is this?!”

“Prune Juice, itll help with your chronic constipation.”

Lah Lah just about had it. She kept from Erik because of this and now he wouldn’t stop. She needed to change her name quick and fast.

“Nigga I sware on my life-“

“Don’t say shit like that Beulah baby! You only 80.”

She tossed the cup in the trash angrily.

The one thing he did that had her ready to leave caused some people to laugh.

Erik made her a plate, bringing it outside to one of the picnic tables. She reached out for it but instead Erik sat it down with his, taking a knife and fork to cut it up.

“Since you so damn cripple I gotta chop this meat up for you.” He hummed to himself, cutting her grilled chicken and steak so fine it looked like already chewed food.

“Keep it up, and I’m chopping the meat between your legs with a butcher knife.”

This man even tried to spoon feed her. She didn’t even bother eating, instead grabbing her things, saying her last goodbyes, and leaving.

Home Lah Lah didn’t speak to Erik and she practically ignored him like he wasn’t there. Eventually sleep overtook him and he was a snoring mess. She had enough of his snoring in her ear, taking her foot and kicking him off the bed rough. He landed in a loud thump that caused her to chuckle to herself.

After about a day of no torture from Erik, Lah Lah-Beulah

Started believing Erik was done with his antics. She had plans to get her name permanently changed to Lah Lah or some other shit. Erik could be heard coming home, Lah Lah in the kitchen cooking chili.

“Hey Lah! I got a gift for you c’mere.”

She put the chili on simmer, finally walking into the living room to greet her man.

“Hey how was work?”

“It was good as always.” Erik pulls out a gift bag for her, a handsome smile on his face.

“Here you go baby.”

Lah Lah was beyond happy, she always loved gifts from him. She made herself comfortable on the couch, removing the gift wrap before staring down at a folded piece of fabric with an ugly floral design.

“Erik…”

She pulled out the fabric, letting it fall open to reveal a dress that looked like it belonged in the 1940s to some old as cat lady. It was dingy as well, and it smelled like cat piss.

“I figured you would love it. It suits you fine Beulah.”

She truly believed that this man was through.

“STILL ON THAT SAME SHIT HUH?!”

Erik pointed to the bag.

“One more gift left, and you better open it Miss Jenkins.”

Lah Lah angrily pulls a small box out the bag that had a gold ribbon. A sudden hope for something perfect came to her but that all came crashing down like a thunderstorm. She was staring down at a life alert necklace.

Lah Lah had this blank expression on her face, eyes never leaving that box. Erik could not control his laughter once she pulled the top off, he was on the floor now clutching his stomach.

“You May need to wear that when we fucking cuz I don’t need your ass to have a heart attack.”

Lah Lah through the box at him, groaning.

“ITS OVER E! The jokes over it’s dead now.”

“Not when you kick me off the bed it isn’t. You try that shit again and I’m calling you Beulah from here on out and I don’t give a fuck who hear!”

She side eyed him before lifting from the couch. She was about done with him dragging this shit out.

“If my name is such a damn problem then bounce nigga!” Erik rolled his eyes, lifting from the floor to follow her.

“You can’t take a joke?! I’m only messing with yo uptight ass.”

“You hate my name admit it!” She was being a cry baby now, folding her arms and pouting.

Erik walks up to her, rubbing her arms soothingly.

“Baby no, Beulah is a beautiful name.” She met his eyes, disbelief in them.

“Okay okay its a little cringe.”

She glared.

“A smidge more cringe..” she shoved him.

“BUT I love you. And I will always love you. It was a good laugh and I’m sorry if I offended you aight?”

He pinked her cheek, causing her too look away.

“Aye, cut that shit out Lah.” Erik pulls out another box, Lah Lah staring at it with caution.

“What’s this? A pace maker?!” She didn’t trust it.

“I promise I’m done.”

Lah Lah grabbed the box, taking off the lid to find pink diamond earrings. She shakes her head, a small smile creeping up before giggling to herself.

“Wow...they are actually beautiful asshole.”

She looked up at him and his goofy grin, the laughter uncontrollable now.

“Now cut that shit out and give daddy a kiss.”

She leans up on her tip toes, kissing him softly.

“You still don’t want the life alert though? You may need it in a minute miss Beulah.”

She couldn’t even argue with him, motioning for him to get the box with the life alert so she could wear it.

Erik was amused by this, watching her put it around her neck.

“I want my back blown out, and DONT give me a hump back.”

They both laughed in unison.

@panthergoddessbast @whoramilaje @allhailnjadaka @hearteyes-for-killmonger @vikkidc @ange-sensuel @thehomierobbstark @blackpantherismyish @eriknutinthispoosy @trevantesbrat 

[jordantanevisualessay]

Nicolas Connor Barnes

My mom named me after the actor Nicolas Cage and I hate it, its horrible. Also my dad apparently named me after Sinéad O'Connor you know who she is? the one who sang “Cause nothing compares to you” that girl who is now a crack head so my dad just pulled her last name and put it in mine. Anyway that’s my name.

Tell me about your family?

My Mom’s family is a bunch of crack heads. My dad’s side obviously don’t know my dad, but I still keep in contact with my Aunty, Uncle, Grandma and Grandpa from that side. My mom was a single mom, she remarried. But besides all that they are all from Australia and just plain white. 

Describe your aesthetic

Extra , Boujee, Colourful would you say I’m colourful 

What do you mean by colourful?

Like I have a lot of colours, like yellows and blues and purples.

Oh like you’re colour palette?

Yes, so yeah I said colourful, would you describe my style as designer? Like is that a thing? 

What designer brands are you into?

Gucci, Louis Vuitton, love me some Prada, Dior, Chanel, Dolce, Versace, Bottega Venetta, Jimmy Choo, Fendi, I could be here all day.

So just anything designer essentially?

Of course

So obviously we have known each other since high school, and we have seen a lot of our friends change dramatically, so my question is do you think you have changed since high school up until now? Or even seen a change during high school?

I think I have definitely started to come out of my shell more, like I felt more comfortable to kind of wear what I want, I don’t give a fuck now, like I don’t care if you don’t like it, If I wanted to wear a fur coat to class bitch I will and I’ve done it. 

Through this project I have been reflecting back in year 9 till like both of us in our 2nd year of Uni 

Oh I had terrible style in year 9, actually I think we all did, we all thought we were hot fly and sexy.

How would you describe your sense of humour?

Certainly very dark and inappropriate, but also like I find very immature things quite funny. You know actually imma go real deep here, the reason I think I enjoy immature jokes is cause I never got the chance to be immature as a kids and that’s a fact. Hit the dong on the head with that. But yeah that’s the thing with you and I, feel like we both missed out on our childhood’s and kind of being a kid almost, so yeah that’s probably why I’m the way I am. I find certain stuff really funny but at the same time very mature for my age.

Do you feel like people don’t like that? 

Mainly people would just say oh you can’t laugh at that. But I would generally say it turns some people off but at the same time I don’t really care, I’ll do what I want.

In regards to your humour and perdsonality do you feel like you need to hold back at times? 

I just don’t care. If you don’t like my humour you can just fuck off somewhere else. Like what I find very self deprecating humour funny some people obviously don’t and like I find that very funny and if don’t like it its not my problem.

So tell me, what are your influences?

In terms of what like in life?

Yeah, before we get into like you’re aesthetic influences, I would love to know your life influences or even you why

Definitely my mother, 100% my mom and also just my self influence of wanting to do well for myself. But its definitely because of my mom I am where I’m at, she’s the only influence I need. 

What actually got you into designer clothes?

This is going to sound really stupid, but around the time of year 11 was when I started to become interested in it. And around that time I started watching, this is so terrible, I started watching you know house wives and all of their designer wear,  it was all a different world to me. So I would be like ooh I like that and would google it have a look at the website and find more stuff and then it was a continuous thing, each week a new episode would come out you would see it. Also a lot of the music I listen to its all about the Gucci bags and all of that. It wasn’t until about year 13 my last year of high school I started to watch more Youtube luxury videos of like unboxings, but yeah in year 13 was when I was like I really want these things but can’t afford them. And I actually started to buy fake designer items. And that was around about 6 months and then I stopped, got myself a nice little collection, then once we came out of lockdown the following year, I had all this money and I was like you know what I always wanted to go and buy something and that’s where it started and it hasn’t stopped. So now I don’t buy any fake designer items my stuff is real. A lot of people can call me shallow or whatever but in a way that’s what I put value and that’s my pride, happy and joy. 

Do you feel like you value objects more than people?

Yes omg facts, and they wont turn your back on you they will be right where you left them yesterday.

I know you mentioned before that one of your first designer influences was house wives, what actually got you into the show?

I still watch them, it was because I had a lot going on for me personally during that time, and for me that show even today its the same reason, you see a bunch of people fighting all the time, they go on holiday, they go shopping, and that is a life, not like what I want to have but a life you can almost live by curiously through, so I can put my shit on the side and invest in someone else’s drama, cause its not my drama so I can watch you fight and its not my problem. And it just spiralled out of control but like I have a picture of fucking  Lil’ Kim on my wall dressed in Chanel like she is obviously an influence on me and so is foxy brown. And if whoever asked who are your style icons and I know they are woman and we cannot wear the same things, I mean we could but it would be very strange, but those are my style influences.

I know in this day of age a lot of people are crossing those gender boundaries when it comes to style, is that something you would want to explore?

Like would I want walk across the street in heels, no. Thats not for me but I generally feel once I move out of home, cause my mom does make some comments on what I buy and decide to wear, but once I do move out of home I will be able to wear more. Im not huge on purses or anything like that not for me. Honey I sit there all the time looking at them, like they are so beautiful. But still not for me, but still there are some for when I do move out of home then I may be able to start looking into that more. I more kind of want to explore that unisex area of more feminine fashion but also masculine at the same time. I wouldn’t go for a purse which is feminine but I just want that balance. 

Would you use/wear a purse or like have them on display?

Like look at my Chanel bag I’ve never warn, but yeah once I do move out of home there are bags I do want like the Chanel Boy bag, its not a super feminine its more one of the masculine bags they have but it certainly not a ‘guys’ bag. It’s probably one of those things that I will grow into at some stage.

Theres certainly a scale of some kind of  masculinity and Femininity what are your personal thoughts on that and where would you fall on that scale?

Personally for me, Im certainly not the most masculine fellow out there but there are way more feminine people than me as well, but I would say I’m in the middle but leaning more towards the masculine. Im certainly in that middle point because there are some part of me that can be quite feminine.

So yeah back when we talked about Influences you talked about housewives and but then mentioned a bit about music so tell me more

I listen to a lot of current things when I was young like whatever Britney Spears had put out, whatever was just on the radio, we didn’t have Spotify or anything like that, and then it go into 2014 I got very interested in Nicki Minaj, she’s kind of into her fashion as well but I didn’t really take any notice of her. This is really strange but I found out about Lil’ Kim cause they both had beef, instantly liked Lil’ Kim more than Niki Minaj, and that’s when I began to notice she was a bit more out there. One of the first songs I listened to by Lil’ Kim the first line was “Being the first rap bitch to rock Chanel” and it was just very prevalent, and even all of her outfits and everything was very extra. 

What Is the main difference between Lil’ Kim and Niki Minaj? 

Honestly they are quite similar to each other, and thats why they had problems. For example Doja Cat, I almost would say Niki Minaj, Cardi B and Doja Cat are in the same box in terms of how they are very poppy, rappy. But Lil’ Kim is outta of the hood, and she’s never really done like pop music its very hardcore rap. Same with Foxy Brown, again all hardcore rap and even some of their music has heavy depth. I was thinking there’s a quote by Foxy Brown “And if you only knew I hold my minks at nights with cheap, Or no other hands can hold me right” Things like that are just like ouch, like I feel that. Obviously they are both very like into their designer labels so I was like me too. I just love that they don’t keep it PG and I can relate to that as I’m very outspoke myself. I just love me some hood music. 

Yeah and you just started recently going clubbing now too

Yeah I got to the point where I was like you know what I need to experience it at least once before I’m too old, and now I just keep going. I actually saw old videos of me slut dropping and back in that moment I thought I was hot as fuck but after seeing that not anymore.

What Clubs do you go to?

One of the first places I went to was Shadows which in enjoyed since they played early 2000s music I was all up in on that. Went to Ding Dong, it was creepy, didn’t like it, it was a very satanic vibe. It was an underground bar with a bunch of strip polls and shit like that, it was weird. Bar 101 is terrible, been once and never again. Went to Cassette for like 4 hours, Cassette was so much fun and then I went to Family Bar for like the rest if the night. But yeah my main bar/club is Family Bar. Even though there is just drugs everywhere shirtless people like where am I. 

What you mentioned before about once you move out and have more freedom where do you see yourself in that future ahead?

Hopefully I will be graduated by then. I really don’t think my style is going to changed its just going to be more of it. Alot more outfits, shoes, bags, hopefully some diamonds. Love me some diamonds. Me as a person, I don’t think I’m going to change much either, I say that because I look at everyone else I grew up with especially  from high school I would say everyone changed completely compared to myself, some for better some for worst. I’ve felt like I’ve been consistent with who I am, so I don’t think that’s gonna change. I’ve never had that rebellious phase that most of us goes through. I had to keep it real, having that childhood innocence taken from you and having to be mature early on, theres no room for that rebellious side, there’s so many bigger things in life than just vaping and doing that shit. But like I still have my fun you know, just have my head screwed on straight. 

How have you coped with this current lockdown?

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve really struggled with this lockdown. Like I just don’t wanna do anything, I will literally just sit here dead sad, so I just start drinking and I will just drink, like last night I got fucked. I’ve drank everyday, I’ve finished a bottle of grey goose in a couple of days. I’m just really struggling but I know once this lockdown is over, my life will pick itself over. Im not worried I will become like an alcoholic or something but its been rough. 

Tell me about your Instagram Lux with Nico 

Oh no, oh god, okay well its my Instagram page, which I haven’t on for a long time. It was a way for me to get into the community of designer lovers, like I’ve met some amazing people through it. Especially here in New Zealand, people don’t really get the whole designer thing.  My mom is always like what the fuck, why do you need this, and a lot of my friends don’t understand it either but they kind of accepted it but I do feel some sort of judgement from some people, they just don’t get it. So its nice to have that community not in a bragging kind of way like omg I brought a Gucci bag, and there’s other people excited for you and when they get something you get excited for them, and its a nice community to be apart of it. You get to see a lot of other peoples things and they get to see yours and you can get into those conversations. It’s nice but it always does has it dark side to it, its like a blog and you are wanting that blog to grow and they only way for it to grow is when you buy things. So I felt this kind of self pressure to be like “omg I haven’t gotten anything a new thing in like a week, what am I gonna post” so then I would go look at Prada like go looking for anything to buy just so I can upload something, to keep growing my account. Cause I did this everyday for awhile, and I just ran out of things. You look at other peoples accounts and they buy like Louis Vuitton bag like every week. I came to realise that was very fucking stupid, you should only buy things that you want and can afford. So yeah there is that dark side to it and you can go down that hole, you feel like you have to buy things for other people to look at. Which really it’s not what it’s about.

Do you wish to continue with that account and going into that social media realm?

I do, but I got this point where I ran out of things to post about. Like do I start posting pictures of the same thing but in a different angle? I mean I’ve brought things that I haven’t posted. But for me if i’m going to start posting again, I want it to be regular thing. And yeah I can post maybe weekly and space it out but you can’t really grow your account, you need to be very consistent if you want your account to really grow. I got to like 300 followers in a month, like I know that’s not huge and that’s even 3 times that what I have on my own personal account. After awhile the numbers were kind of slowish because you reach all the people that are interested in your shit. More people did come and I even had people like I had this girl who did custom designs on designer items and I had people like that who reached out to me, being like “oh we love your collection, we would love to do this for you etc” that’s stuff is nice and all but I did get to the point where I was like I don’t know what else to do here. 

Using your imagination is there anything else you would love to do besides posting of your designer items etc? Like even create your own stuff?

I would love to make my own collection of something, actually I would love to sell shoes, like design my own shoes. Would love love to do that, but then i’m like how would even start that sort of thing, would people even buy my shit. 

Would you say your favourite designer item is shoes?

Well, the only things i’ve brought this year have been all shoes. I mean I love my shoes, that’s my thing. 

And on top of all of that your studying psychology

Yeah I’m wanting to get into the Clinical side of psychology, I’m currently in my 2nd year doing a bachelor  of Psychology at University of Auckland. I think the reason of me wanting to get into that field stems from childhood things, like all of the people studying psychology are fucked up so. But yeah I would love to help someone else and give them that second chance. Currently at the moment we are doing a section on relationships and intimacy, I would love to be a relationship therapist that would be great, like that to me is super interesting. 

Why are you more interested in the relationship side of psychology? 

Don’t know really, just very interesting to me, seeing how relationships work through its ups and downs and all that kind of stuff. And for order for me to get into Clinical I will need to get a PHD and write a whole thesis, so I was kind of thinking of doing something on the lines of retail therapy, and I feel that would be very interesting for me to explore in a psychological level. 

So I know you are wanting to become a psychologist after your studies but do you think you would ever get into designing your own stuff like you mentioned before?

I would love to have my own brand or design something, that’s not a realistic goal though. You have to work fucking hard, everyone will say the work you put into is what you get out of it. You can put your heart and soul and even money all kinds of shit, but if no one buys you’re shit you’re not successful. So half of it is yeah people have to like it and want to buy it cause otherwise you ain’t going to be making shit. But if you go into a job in like psychology there is good money associated with and there is money for it, so for me that’s the most financially responsible decision. 

Were you born here in New Zealand?

Yeah I’m actually from Palmerston North, we lived briefly in Rotorua and then lived in Auckland up until now. I don’t really have a sense of belonging to a particular place, like Auckland yeah I grew up in the city and I have respect towards it but I don’t wanna live here, but also know that I’m very luck and very thankful for being in Auckland cause I don’t not think I could survive anywhere else. I know that sounds terrible but like Wellington I don’t like the atmosphere, Christchurch is the same. And anything smaller than that no thanks, we live in the city and I’m very thankful for that, we’re in the most established place in the country, and I’m grateful that I live here in Auckland. Im a mother fucking city girl. 

Do you wanna move outside of New Zealand then?

I know for a fact I do not want to stay here, I would actually love to live in Dubai or like Sidney or even London. Theres nothing really keeping me here in New Zealand, like I don’t have a huge family or anything and the opportunities here are very far in-between, cause I do feel like in New Zealand there’s a certain place you can end up, and no room for growth but I feel like in other countries there’s more opportunities, more money to be made and even more places you can go. So that my reason. 

Like you mentioned before about not having a lot of family holding you here, I know for a lot of people they are rooted to where they come from and have that connection what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah I just feel like this is where I live and that’s about it, I don’t see myself being here forever.

Do want that family aspect like in your future would like to start your own family?

I think so, I want to find a place where I can call my own, I mean you never know once you explore the world. Its quite interesting thinking about life like that. Yeah I’ve never realised how much your childhood affects you in your adult life until now. Especially of the way I am, that I’m very closed off. I do have that part of me that wishes for a family which I didn’t have growing up but then at the same time I’ve gone along time without it so why do I need it. Honestly I feel like would be a good parent but I don’t think I would want children, cause I would always try to do the best for my children and at the same time I don’t have real desire to have them. 

How are you with people Generally?

Oh still hate people, I think everyone is a piece of shit.

Final question of the day but what are your life goals? 

Having a job, be financially stable and just do the best I can for me personally. I know that sounds very boring and cliché but that’s the truth.

[troublemakerfiction]

18.

Amilia “Millz”

“Is it just me or do I sense a lot of negative energy?” I asked Darnell before snickering.

If I had a dollar for every dirty look I got tonight I would be richer than what I already am. These bitches were mad as fuck and it had me laughing because they came here knowing this was my party. Darnell had flyers and shit made, had the shit on Facebook and Instagram that this was my welcome home party so anybody that’s here knows this night is dedicated to me. Why the fuck is you here if I bother you so much? Haters are funny as hell, can’t stand my ass but had to come out to see me. Shit is weird.

“Nah I feel it too. This is sad Millz, this many people shouldn’t dislike you.”

“They don’t, they’re jealous of me. It’s a big difference; they think I’m going to take their niggas or something.” One would think I had a reputation of being a hoe with how bothered these bitches act.

I’ve never been anybody’s side chick; I’ve never fucked or stole anybody’s man but if I wanted to I could. I know it, their niggas know it and they know it too which is why they can’t stand my ass. If I wasn’t so tickled by the hate I would make it known to these bitches that they had nothing to worry about. The last thing I want to do is share a nigga so I’m the least of their concerns. I don’t want dick that’s already taken by the next bitch.

“She can’t help it if these hoes are insecure. Let them hate, they can’t beat her so fuck it.” Imani said before shrugging.

“I love the grown up Imani so much.” I chuckled. Imani has changed so much and I love every bit of it. Long gone was the girl who let people talk to her any type of way. If you come at her be prepared to get told the fuck off or hit if you push it. I give the credit to NuNu and Kason in all honesty, they brought out a different side of her and I was here for it. My baby cousin wasn’t a baby anymore and I was so proud of the woman she was becoming. She wasn’t playing with these hoes out here.

“True but she has no friends.” Darnell said making me laugh.

“What happened to that one girl, what was her name again? Is it Raina or something like that?” NuNu asked me.

“Her name is Raven and she can kiss my ass. As soon as I moved she tried to fuck Cameron thinking he wasn’t going to let me know.” I answered her.

About a month after I made the move to Virginia, Cameron called me one night telling me about how Raven called him over to her house claiming she had some things that belonged to me. When he got there bitch had on lingerie and tried to fuck him but he turned her ass down. I wish I could say I was shocked but I wasn’t. Raven is a ho, she’s always been a ho. I just never thought she would cross me but fuck it, people fuck up and do shit like that. I called her and cussed her ass out and I haven’t spoken to her since. Last time I heard anything about her was from Facebook. Funniest thing is she’s supposedly best friends with that bitch Bianca. From what I heard she’s even the God mother to Bianca’s daughter.

I wasn’t even mad when I found out about that shit, I actually found it funny. That shit didn’t do anything but make me realize I’m right when I keep bitches at a distance. They’re all fake as fuck: if you’re not my family I’m not fuckin’ with you like that.

“Damn, that’s fucked up. You didn’t slap her?”

“I haven’t seen her. I’m not about to go looking for the hoe but I’ll see her at some point. Fuck that though, we’re about to turn up.” I grabbed an unopened bottle of Rose then stood up. “Who the hell are all of these people, I don’t even know them.” I asked Darnell looking around the section.

“Vick invited people from the shop. You’re good with that?”

“Yeah it’s fine; as long as they don’t bother me we’re good.”

“There goes Dro. He is so damn fine,” Imani said and I looked at her with my eyebrow raised.

“Let Kason hear you say that.”

“He won’t that’s why I said it over here.”

“Mhm yeah you better keep it down. Who the hell is Dro anyway?”

“He’s the one talking to Vick.” NuNu pointed over at Vick and the rest of the guys. “The one with the beard and white shirt.” When my eyes landed on who she was talking about I had to make myself turn my head so I wouldn’t stare at him. This Dro nigga is fine as shit; the same height as Vick, I couldn’t tell what his complexion was but I know he wasn’t chocolate and he wasn’t light bright. He looked to be somewhere in the middle. Through the shirt he was wearing I could tell the nigga probably spent a good amount of time in the gym.

“Damn, where the fuck was he at four years ago?”

“In New York,” Darnell laughed at me. “He moved here not too long after you left; got hooked up with Vick and them now he works at the shop doing tattoos and he handles things from time to time if you get me.”

“I got you,” I nodded. I knew exactly what that meant, this nigga killed people for the cartel. “Well he looks damn good from over here. I’m about to go see if he looks that good up close.” I gave them a smile before walking over to where he and Vick were standing.  “Hey,” I poked Vick’s arm and both of them looked at me.

“Damn,” Dro said while looking me up and down. I chuckled at his outburst, nigga has no shame. I like it.

“Aye nigga chill, this is my cousin.” Vick told him.

“Oh so this is Millz? I heard a lot about you ma, it’s nice to put a face with a name.” He smirked at me then held his hand out. “I’m Dro,”

“Nice to meet you too,” I smiled shaking his hand. Standing right by him I could smell the cologne coming off of him and the shit had my knees ready to go weak. It’s nothing better than a man who smells as good as he looks.

“You know what; I’m going to walk away because I’m not here this awkward shit.” Vick shook his head then walked off.

“I’m not even going to bite my tongue, you’re rocking the fuck outta that dress.” Dro told me.

“Thank you.” I popped the bottle of Rose I was holding open then took a swig while he watched me licking his lips. I couldn’t help but find it funny and a little bit intriguing. I’ve never had a nigga be so forward before right off the bat. Usually they play nice and innocent on some I wanna be your friend shit, then try to go in for the kill and fail every time.

“You might as well take a picture of me so you can get your rocks off or something because you’re staring mighty hard right now.”  I said making him chuckle.

“Do you always say the first thing that comes to your mind?”

“Uh, yeah pretty much. No need in biting my tongue when I really don’t give a fuck.” I shrugged then walked off. I knew it seemed rude but i did that to confuse his ass. If he’s smart he’ll be looking for me. After walking away from him I went over to where Haze was so I could get a blunt from him. If anybody had something it was him. When I got to him I was happy to see Lock sitting right next to him. Good, I could kill two birds with one stone.

“Yo, Haze let me get a blunt.” I shook his shoulder making sure he was looking at me.

“Fuck makes you think I got a blunt for you?” He smiled at me.

“I know you my nigga that’s why. For real let me get a blunt Oh and Lock I’m happy to see you too, let me see your keys.”

“My keys?” Lock looked at me like I was crazy. “Fuck you need my keys for?”

“I want to smoke and I’m going to go in your office. I damn sure wasn’t about to smoke outside so a dumb ass cop can get stupid. I really don’t feel like turning into a black lives matter moment, so let me get your keys.”

“Yo what the fuck?” He laughed at me; I don’t even know what was funny. I was dead ass serious. An attitude like mine doesn’t mix well with NYPD.

“Come on I’m dead ass and don’t tell me to smoke in here. It’s too many aye let pass that ass niggas around.”

“I can’t take you Millz, glad to have you baby girl.” He went in his pocket and gave me his office keys.

“Thank you, I missed your black ass too. Haze, blunt please. Stop playing.” Shaking his head he went in his pocket and gave me a Bluntville pack.

“Here get out my face,”

“Love you too.” I blew them a kiss then made my way up to Lock’s office. Once I got inside I shut the door then sat in the chair behind his desk sitting everything I had in my arms on top it. I sat there rolling myself a blunt just getting lost in my thoughts.

Here I was at this welcome home party in a city that has pretty much fucked me over for the most part. Somebody had my father killed and I have no idea who. After the situation with my mother it really had me thinking about everything that happened. I couldn’t help but feel like I was stuck in an episode of Power. The night my father was murdered those niggas left with nothing but the fact that they got my dad and uncle out of the picture. Yeah that’s some big shit considering who they were but they really didn’t get shit done because the business kept going and has never slowed down.

That tells me whoever was behind my father’s murder had to be after something else. Why would getting him out the way be so important if it didn’t shut down his business? I vividly remember them looking for my money and demanding money from my dad. I also remember my father getting my prepared for that shit to happen.

This man came in my room three o’clock in the morning to show me this room and what to do once I was in.

Winter 2006

“Amil get up,” I heard my dad say before feeling him shake my shoulder. “Get up, right now.” He pulled the covers off me then went and turned my light on.

Sucking my teeth I sat up then looked at my alarm clock that red 3:12 A.M. “It’s 3 in the morning, what are you doing?”

“Don’t question me aight, just get up and come on.” I climbed off my bed then stretched.

“Where are we going? Where’s mama?”

“I don’t know and I don’t give a fuck. Don’t tell her about what I’m showing you alright. She doesn’t know and she’s not going to know.”

“Why not?”

“Didn’t I just say don’t question me? Come on.” We walked down the hall from my room to a book case. He lifted the thermostat that was right next to it and punched in a code.

After putting in the last number the book case split revealing a room that was set up like a little den. It had a refrigerator and a couch. On one side of the room there were multiple screens on the wall showing every room in our house. The only rooms that didn’t have cameras were my bedroom and bathroom. There was a camera showing the outside of my windows I figured must be so he could see if somebody was climbing in my window.

“What the hell is this? Fort Knox?”

“Watch your mouth.”

“For real though what is this and why are you showing this to me right now?”

“This is a panic room; I had it built in here for you. Sit down because we need to talk.” I sat on the couch while he put in a code on the keypad that made the case close. He came over and sat next to me. “What do you think I do for a living Amil? Don’t worry about getting in trouble or anything else. What do you think I do for a living?”

I looked in his eyes to see if he was serious and he was. My dad has never had a conversation with me about what he does for a living. Anytime anybody ever asked me what he did I just said he owned a business. I never got specific; I always gave them that simple answer. For me I didn’t feel like what he does for a living was any of their business. If my dad isn’t talking to me about it why would I go and take that to somebody else?

As far as for what I thought he did, I’m not dumb I know he sells drugs. I figured that out when I was eight years old. One day I was outside the projects I lived in with my mother and I heard some niggas talking about him. They were calling him Dice, the only reason I knew it was him is because they said Dice is Keisha’s baby daddy. My mama is Keisha and I’m her only child so duh, they were talking about him.

Anyway, they were saying how he had the city on lock, talking about how people feared him. Add that to the fact that my dad had a lot of money, was always at work but I’ve never heard him say what his job was and where. He would just he’s going to work or he was going to handle something. I watched all those movies like State Property, Paid in Full, Belly, and my dad and his brothers had a lot in common with some of those characters and the shit they did.

“You sell drugs.”

“That’s what you think?”

“Yes,”

“Well baby girl you’re right, that’s what I do for a living. I do it because our family needed money and that’s what got it for me. In doing this shit I make a lot of enemies and some of those enemies will try to go for things that are close to me.”

“Are you trying to say somebody is after me?”

“No, what I’m saying is if anything were to happen to me I don’t want you stuck in the crossfire. I want you to get up come to this room and wait until shit is done and over with.”

“Dad I’m confused, are you saying something is going to happen to you?”

“There’s a possibility that it could. Don’t start crying,” He wiped the tears that fell down my face. “I know you don’t want to hear this shit and trust me I hate talking to you about it but I have to be honest with you.”

“I still don’t get it though, you come and tell me this out of nowhere. What the hell?”’

“There was never going to be a right time Amil but you have to know this because I don’t want anything happening to you. Now dry your eyes and get up so I can tell you everything you need to know about saving your life.” I wiped my face then stood up.

That night he told me to pack a bag of clothes, gave me the code to both key pads then told me where there would be a set of keys in the chimney downstairs. He bought an old used car and parked it in the garage. He wanted me to get the keys from the chimney then leave as fast as possible and get to one of my uncles.

 I was only 15 so I didn’t have a license but my dad started teaching me how to drive when I was 13 so driving wasn’t an issue for me. When he was telling me and teaching me all of that it never dawned on me that I would need all of that shit a couple of weeks later.

Being back up here was a bittersweet thing. I love it because my family is here and it’s home for me but it’s bitter because I’ve experienced every painful part of my life here. I was determined to not let that hurt hold me back. My father is gone, my mother and that bitch boy she put me out for is gone too. I’m ready to move the fuck on and just live my life the best that I could. My focus is on my kids and my business. Anything extra is going to be put on the back burner.

“You good?” A voice knocked me from my thoughts making me jump a little bit. Looking up I sucked my teeth when I saw Trouble standing there.

“Yeah I’m fine, what are you doing in here?”

“I saw you come up here so I wanted to see what’s up with you. You igged my ass when you came in.”

“That was for a reason. You don’t even need to be up here, you got your bitch with you and I will really hurt that bitch if she comes at me. So please, just leave me alone.”

“This is different. If I recall this isn’t the first time you had a problem with a girlfriend of mine. When it was Bianca you never stopped talking to me.”

“Yeah well I didn’t care about fighting every other day back then. I have children now; I don’t have time to be out here fighting over stupid shit which is what’s going to happen if your girl comes at me. So I’m going to say it again. Please leave.”

“Aight man, what the fuck is your problem Millz?” He barked at me.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, what the fuck is your issue? Even before that Thanksgiving shit with Nicki you were giving me the cold shoulder like I did something to you.”

“Nigga you did.”

“Oh really what the fuck did I do to you? Last time I checked you told me to be with Nicki and you’re the one who moved away. The fuck did I do?”

“I did tell you that and you know damn well I didn’t fuckin’ mean it but you went and did it anyway. That was partly my fault, I can admit that. You need to take responsibility for what the fuck you did too though. You don’t want to be with that bitch you were just mad and did that bullshit because you were in your feelings and you knew it would get to me. You got what you wanted; it did get to me so now it’s fuck you.”

“Fuck me?”

“Yes, fuck you nigga fuck you; understand that? I don’t feel like dealing with the bullshit Trouble and that’s what comes with being with you. If it’s not Bianca it’s this bitch, it’s always going to be somebody. You’re no fuckin’ different from my baby father. For all that I might as well be with the nigga that knocked my ass up.”

“Your problems with Bianca don’t have shit to do with me though. Y’all would’ve had beef anyway because she got a baby by the same nigga you got kids by. That’s not my problem; the bitch was cheating on me. I never cheated on her so how the fuck am I anything like that nigga?”

“You play game just like he does. We were not together so if you wanted to fuck with shorty you had the right to do that but my question is and always been why didn’t you tell me about her? You felt the need to explain who the fuck I was to her but I couldn’t get the same respect, why?”

“It wasn’t even like that for real. I didn’t go out of my way to not tell you.”

“I can’t tell; I went from seeing you every day to only talking to you through test messages which is crazy because I was living in your house. You were avoiding me because you were fuckin’ with her then because I said something while I was in my feelings you went in jumped into a relationship with her right after you said it was nothing like that. You move funny my nigga.”

“I move funny?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Yes you move funny; I should’ve realized that when you were chasing my ass all the while you had a damn girlfriend. I don’t care about how much you really didn’t want to be with her, the fact of the matter was you were claiming her. Like I said, you move funny.”

“Millz we both played a part in shit aight; it wasn’t only on me and it wasn’t just on you. We both did some stupid shit. Just like I didn’t have to get with Nicki you didn’t have to tell me to do the shit ten times either if you didn’t mean it.”

“It doesn’t even matter Trouble. You’re with her now and I don’t want any parts in the drama that will come out of even thinking about going and doing something with you. I’m good on that. If you want to be cool and cordial fine we can do that but don’t come at me any type of way. Don’t be staring at me and shit, none of that. Treat me the same way you treat Darnell and Imani.”

He looked at skeptically for a second then nodded his head. “That’s cool with me.”

“Good. Now are you done in here?”

“Nah I have one more question.”

“What Trouble?”

“Have you been to see your mother?”

“Nope; I don’t plan on going and I don’t feel like talking about that.” I answered him keeping my answer pretty damn short. I’ve never went to go visit my mother’s grave and I’m never going to go. The only reason she was even buried is because I allowed her to be buried.

After my uncle ended her life they dumped her body somewhere and she was found a couple of weeks later. Of course when it came down to the police I had to put on the sad devastated daughter role and act like I gave a fuck and was shocked. I wanted to cremate her ass and toss her ashes somewhere but there are people from her family that cared about her so they could have that grave shit. I wasn’t going out to see that bitch and if I did I would probably spit on her tombstone so it’s best if I keep my distance.

After handling all of her funeral shit I ended up getting in touch with my father’s old attorney and got all my money. Well the shit she couldn’t touch and get rid of. I ended up getting almost $3,000,000 dollars of my father’s money and $20,000 from my mother’s life insurance policy. That I just gave to my maternal grandmother so she wouldn’t be calling me asking me for a damn thing.

Besides Shante I wasn’t in touch with any of my mother’s family because my father didn’t want me around them. Even after he died they didn’t make an effort to reach out to me so fuck them. Anything to do with my mother was a closed chapter in a book I wasn’t reading from anymore. The shit was over and done with, I don’t even like thinking about the shit.

“Alright I just wanted to know where your head was at pertaining to that situation.”

“It’s nowhere because that whole situation is irrelevant.”

“Alright, well I’m about to get out of here before Nicki starts trippin’. I’ll see you around Millz.”

“I’m sure you will.” He smirked at me then walked out of the office. I was about to roll another blunt since Trouble came in here blowing my buzz. As I was breaking the weed down there was another knock on the door.

“Damn, niggas really annoying today. What! “I shouted. The door opened and Dro walked in then closed it behind him. “I don’t remember saying come in.”

“You didn’t have to; I just wanted to see what you were doing.”

“Alright, well you see what I’m doing. Do you have any more questions” I eyed him with a smirk on my face. Dro is fine as hell and it’s that grown man fine. He’s not a little ass boy and he had this ruggedness about him that had me intrigued.

“What’s the deal with you and Trouble? Y’all fuck around?”

Instead of answering him right away I just started laughing because that was funny as shit to me. This nigga really asked me that out the blue without a fuck; I love it. “How is that your business?”

“It’s not but I like to know what I’m getting myself into.”

“Oh and what would you be getting into because all of this,” I pointed to myself, “is of limits.”

“You have a man?”

“No I don’t have a man, and I don’t fuck with Trouble. Is that all you needed to know?”

“What’s the deal with your baby father?”

“Alright you’re getting too personal, I barely know you. How about this, don’t worry about my business because it doesn’t concern you my nigga.”

“You’re taking all of this wrong.”

“No I think I’m taking it right. You’re too much in my business and right now you’re really blowing my shit so if you could leave.” I told him before turning my eyes towards the large windows around the office that gave of complete view of the club.

I was about to turn my head and focus on my blunt when Darnell looking as if she was yelling at somebody caught my eyes. I dropped everything in my hands and walked over to the window to get a second look. When I saw her arguing with Raven I snatched Lock’s keys and headed towards the door.

“Let’s go I need to lock this door, don’t say shit to me just get out.” I said to Dro.

Chuckling he shook his head and walked out the office. I don’t know what the fuck was funny; I see he got that ass out. I locked the office door then made my way downstairs to the main floor and was about to head towards the section when I saw a crowd of people rushing towards the exit. Quickly I glanced around to see if I saw my cousins but I didn’t. Not seeing any of them let me know exactly what was going on. Darnell was outside about to kill this bitch.

Imani

“You ready for graduation?” NuNu asked me while we sat in Kason’s car smoking a blunt.

I remember a time when I wouldn’t even touch a blunt; all of that went out the window after the first time Kason finally got me to try smoking with him. I started out smoking every once in the blue moon to smoking on the regular basis when NuNu and I moved into our own apartment. My brother would either leave weed at the house or she would just take some from his place when she spent the night there. Between her and Kason’s pothead ass I got caught up in it. Smoking has become a big part of my daily routine.

“Hell yeah, I don’t want anything but fun the next two months. I already know when school starts all my fun is going to come to a stop.”

NuNu and I were both about to graduate from Saint Peters and I couldn’t be happy to be free from school. The only thing is that freedom isn’t going to last long because I’m starting Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, New Jersey in July. In August NuNu is going to be starting at Seton Hall University School of Law in Newark.

“You’re right about that and I told Haze that shit too. I’m not staying in the house I’m going nuts this whole summer so he better prepare himself to see my ass in a club every weekend.”

“Yeah we’ll see how he takes that shit.”

“I don’t give a damn how he takes I’m doing what I want. I’m nervous about law school though.”

“Why?”

“I’m not exactly the law school type. I mean college was one thing but I don’t know if I’m going to be a good fit at Seton Hall.”

“You’re going to do fine, it’s not like you’re on some extra shit. You’re just out spoken; it’s nothing wrong with it. At least you know exactly what you’re going to do I don’t even know what I want to specialize in yet.” NuNu had her mind made up about becoming a criminal lawyer, she already knew she was going to take the bar exam in New York and New Jersey.  

I am nowhere near prepared for what I want to do. Initially I wanted to be a pediatrician and work with kids but my step-mother got me hooked on Grey’s Anatomy and now I was strongly considering becoming a surgeon. I know it sounds petty to pick your career because of a TV show but oh well. I’m just happy I have two years of school to go through before I had to worry about choosing my specialty.

“I know but it’s still nerve wrecking. I’m excited though too, I’m going to be a fuckin’ lawyer. Noelle Hernandez, Esquire. I like the way that sounds.” She cheesed.

“It might be Noelle Diamond if my brother acts right.”

“Oh please I’m not thinking about marriage right now and neither is he. My focus is school and my career, the nigga is lucky he’s my boyfriend. What about you and Kason? If anything y’all are headed down the aisle soon.”

“No we’re not; I want to finish school too. Maybe after medical school but right now I’m not thinking about it that. Same damn reason I told him no when he asked me to move in and why I won’t be moving in any time soon.”

“Does he know that? I heard him tell Haze and them you were moving in with him.”

“When was this?”

“On Wednesday, you know they play cards at Haze’s house every week.”

“I don’t know why he told them that because I told him no when he asked me. I told him no three times actually.”

A couple of months ago Kason asked me to move in with him and I instantly said no. I didn’t say I would think about it or anything like that, I made sure he understood it wasn’t happening. He asked me two more times after that the last time being two weeks ago and again I told him no. I don’t know why he’s telling his friends and my family I’m moving in because I’m not.

“Well he feels like your ass is moving in.”

“I’m not so I hope he doesn’t get his hopes too high because that’s not going down.”

“Why don’t you want to live with him though?”

“I like having my own space. I’m damn near alone, you’re always at my brother’s house. Move in already bitch.”

“About that,” She smiled at me. “I was going to tell you at our graduation party, Haze asked me to move in with him and I said yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re not mad are you?”

“Nope, your room is about to become my second closet. Why were you going to wait? I wasn’t going to be mad or anything.”

“I know you weren’t, I was going to have it be a surprise because we’re moving into a new house. I wasn’t going to leave my apartment to move into his condo, that’s dumb.”

“So y’all are getting a house together?”

“Yeah, we found a house in Elizabeth. Millz moved her ass back up here right on time, I’ll tell you that much.”

“Well I’m happy for y’all, and I hope y’all stay happy with living together but I’m not on that wave yet. I like how things are right now and I’m not trying to change that for anybody.”

“I feel you, y’all will figure it ou-oh shit is that Darnell fighting?” NuNu pointed out her window and over to the entrance of the club. I looked over and it was Darnell out there literally dog walking some girl in the middle of the street.

“That is her, what the fuck is going on?” We made sure the blunt was put out then we got out the car and ran across the street just as Xavier, Vick and Trouble were breaking up the fight. “What the fuck happened Darnell?” I asked once I got over to where she was. Xavier had her arms pinned down to her side and had just got finished yelling for her to calm down.

“Xavier let my arms go I’m not going to touch the bitch again damn!” Darnell snapped at him.

“I got her X, don’t worry about it.” I grabbed Darnell’s arm and pulled her to the side while the guys tried to make the crowd that followed them outside disperse.

“What the fuck happened D?”

“We were in the section and Raven got in and walked up talking about she came here to see Millz but I told her to get out. The bitch felt Froggy and spit at me so I fucked her up. I dragged that hoe from inside the club to out here.”

“What the fuck is she looking for Millz for? That’s going to be an ass whooping for her. The fuck is the point?” I asked nobody in particular. It was more of a rhetorical question if anything. “They better get her the fuck out of here before Millz comes out and sees her here.”

“They made the bitch leave,” NuNu walked up and said just as Millz was coming out the club looking around.

“Millz!” Darnell shouted her name getting her attention. When she got over to us she had a confused look on her face.

“What the fuck just happened?”

“Raven’s hoe ass spit at me so she got drug. The bitch is lucky I didn’t have my razor on me, whole face would’ve been sliced up. I’m at Nicki’s head too.”

“Why? What did she do?” Millz asked.

“She tried to hit me while I was fighting Raven, I saw her ass and I’m stinging that bitch on sight.”

“Why would she swing on you? That bitch really doesn’t give a fuck about her life at all.” Millz shook her head. “This is why I didn’t want a damn party; I knew some bullshit was going to happen. Are we done here? I’m ready to go home.”

“Where are you staying at Millz?” I questioned.

“I’m back in Jersey City, I’m downtown though. You know where Windsor Liberty Houses are?” She asked talking about a luxury apartment complex that was literally a few blocks away from my apartment building.

“You’re like ten minutes away from me if that much. NuNu and I have an apartment at Liberty Towers. That’s crazy.”

“No what’s crazy is you having an apartment there, damn. You know how much they charge for people to live there?”

“Well my dad doesn’t have a problem paying it as long as my ass stays in school. Your rent isn’t cheap either. I’m surprised you even moved in Jersey City period.”

“I know right. My father busted his ass to get out of there and here I am going back. I’m not worried about the money though because I don’t pay the rent so whatever.”

“So who pays it?” NuNu asked her. Before she could even say it I knew exactly what was about to come out her mouth.

“Hold up, Prophet paying for it?” I questioned and she chuckled. “I knew it; doesn’t his ass live there too?”

“Alright he is paying it but that was his choice to do that. He does live around there too but he’s way on the other side and he’s giving me my space.”

“Mhm he wants you there so he can watch that ass.”

“Cameron has a girlfriend so he better not be watching anything over here.”

“He has a what?” Darnell looked at her shocked. I was shocked too because I didn’t hear shit about Prophet having a girlfriend. Being that he lives so close I see him from time to time but it’s never been with a bitch he wasn’t selling so I was shocked too.

“He has a girlfriend, and yes I met her before. He brought her down to Virginia a couple of times so yes she’s met Dyce and Darius. No I don’t have a problem with the chick. She’s in grad school, owns her own business and she’s nice as hell. Too nice for that nigga but that’s between them.”

“You’re alright with her being around your kids? Damn, you really have grown up.” I told her. Moving to Virginia must’ve really changed my cousin because had this been three years ago she would’ve slapped Prophet for even thinking about bringing a girl around her.

“Things and people change besides he’s no longer mine so I can’t be mad. I left his ass; somebody was going to pick him up at some point. I just need to go the hell home. I don’t feel like riding with you Darnell because I already know Xavier is going to be on your ass for fighting anyway.”

“You can ride with me and Kason since you’re so close to me. This one,” I pointed to NuNu, “is riding with Haze and going with him so we have room.”

“I’m ready to go now so go get Kason’s black Jesus looking ass and let’s go.” I waved her off but walked away to find Kason. I walked around for ten minutes looking for him then finally found him mixed in the crowd outside talking to some girl. Initially I didn’t think much of it because I know he’s not stupid enough to try me, especially not in public but when I saw the barely there outfit the girl had on and her hands on his arms along with the big kool-aid smile on her face I walked over and tapped his shoulder.

When he looked behind him and saw me he smirked then kissed me on the lips. “What’s up ma? You ready to go?”

“Mhm we have to drop Millz off before we get to my place. Who is this?”

“I’m Heaven, we grew up together.” The girl answered me before he could. I looked at him with an eyebrow raised because now that’s she’s said her name I know exactly who she was. Heaven is a girl he’s known since grammar school and they were best friends until they lost their virginity to each other and started dating. It didn’t work out because he cheated on her and they broke up during high school.

“Oh so you’re Heaven, okay.” I nodded my head.

“Yeah that’s me, you must be his girlfriend Emily?” She asked with a smile on her face. I laughed because I knew she got my name wrong on person.

“Imani, but I’m sure you knew that. Kason we need to go.” I said keeping my eyes on him. Without saying a word I dared him to take his time and say bye to her ass.

“Aight come on,” He grabbed my hand and started to walk off but Heaven grabbed his arm.

“I can’t get a see you later or anything?” She asked him.

“No because you won’t be seeing him later. You can let him go though.” I told her before he could say anything.

“I don’t believe I was talking to you.”

“No you weren’t but I was talking to you. Thank you,”

“Chill,” Kason told me before snatching his arm from her grasp. “Come on,” When we walked off he squeezed my hand and looked at me. “What I tell you about sweating these bitches?”

“I’m not sweating a damn thing, but I didn’t like her being all over you; smiling hard as hell showing all 32 of her teeth.” I rolled my eyes.  “Why were y’all even talking?”

“She came over to me and started running her mouth. Not too much was being talked about anyway. Don’t worry about it aight.”

“Uh huh, I better not have to worry about it. I don’t like the drama stuff Kason you know that,”

“I do and you know I’m not about to fuck around on you so relax.”

We found Millz and everybody else and said our byes before leaving. After dropping Millz off at her place we went to mine.

“Hey Henry,” I waved at the concierge that worked the front desk at night before heading to the elevators with Kason right behind me. When we got up to my apartment I went straight to the bathroom and took a shower before joining Kason in the living room.

“So you’re not trying to move in with me for real huh?’ He asked as soon as I sat down.

“Where did that come from?”

“I know NuNu told you what I said at your brother’s house. Don’t try and act like she didn’t.”

“Alright she did and now that you bring it up, why did you tell them that?”

“What’s the big deal about us living together?”

“It’s no big deal you just make it one. I don’t want to live with you yet. I don’t think I’m ready for that step.”

“We’ve been together four years Imani. You’re acting like I just met you last month or something.”

“I need all my focus to be on school. I can’t do that with you living with me.”

“So you want me to wait four years to live with my woman?” He shook his head chuckling. “You got me fucked up.”

“What is the big damn deal about us living together? We’re young as shit, I’m 21 you’re 22, why do we need to live together?”

“I don’t care how old we are, you’re my woman right?”

“Ka-“

“Nah fuck that shit, you’re my woman right?”

“Yes,”

“Alright then, I want to be able to come home and see you there all the damn time. You think I’m about to wait four years for you to graduate for us to move in together?”

“What’s the rush?’

“There is no rush but I’m not about to be doing sleepovers with my girl all the  time. So you need to figure out if you want to move in with me, if I’m moving in here with you or are we looking for a whole new place because this separate shit isn’t going on for too much longer.” He got up and walked towards my bedroom leaving me on the couch by myself. I rolled my eyes but didn’t even go after him because he was irritating me.

I love Kason with all my heart and I know he loves me too but he wanted too much too quick in my eyes. Us living together wouldn’t do shit but complicate things and I don’t want that. Plus I like having my own space especially when he pisses me off. If we get into it, which is rare I can just leave and come home to calm down. If we’re living together there is no escape and that type of things builds resentment.  The last thing I wanted to do was be in a dead ass relationship and start to hate his ass because I’m around him too much. He’s not trying to hear that shit though, he wants us together damn near all the time.

I know I probably sound like a big ass baby whining about my fine ass faithful and paid boyfriend wanting to make things even more official between us but I wasn’t ready for that live in relationship thing yet. It freaks me out and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want him to get sick of me and go looking for something else in the next bitch.

***

“You gotta quit being scary.” Millz told me while she moved around her living room. I was at her apartment chillin’ with her waiting on Prophet to drop the boys off. It’s been a few months since I’ve seen my little cousins and I couldn’t wait until their bad asses walked in here “I thought you grew out of that when you started cursing like a damn sailor and got a weave.”

“Fuck you,”

“See,” She busted out laughing like what she said was so funny. “I’m sorry but you have changed. Look at you. You always showed off the body a little but damn.” I looked down at my outfit and smiled.

A lot has changed about me over the years. My style choices were way more adult than they used to be plus my attitude has changed a whole hell of a lot. I wasn’t scared to speak my mind anymore and even though I still didn’t fight I knew how to. Kason had my ass in the gym teaching me how to box for a year straight. The only reason he didn’t still have my ass in the gym was I refused to go. Learning how to defend myself was one thing but this nigga was trying to train me like I was in the military and I got sick of it.

“Shut up and I’m not scary I just don’t want us moving too fast.”

“Y’all been together for four years, the fuck do you call fast Imani?” She laughed at me. “Listen, I was where you are before. Cameron wanted me to move in and I never did.”

“Alright so why are you not understanding?”

“I didn’t want to move in because I knew what it was with that nigga. I knew we weren’t going to last so there was no point. You on the other hand have a good man. Kason loves your ass and he wants to be with you. Cameron just wanted me with him so he could monitor what I was doing and mind my business. There is a big difference.”

“I get what you’re saying but still.”

“Still my ass, just think about it some more. He’s not going to get sick of you if he hasn’t already. Hell, you made the nigga wait damn near two years to pop that damn cherry, if he was going to bonk out on you he would’ve been did it.”

“Whatever I’ll think about it. On to you, now that you’re back what do you have planned?”

“Working on my business and raising my kids. That’s about it, what else is there to do?”

“I don’t know, you don’t have any boos or anything?”

“Nah,” She shook her head. “I’m not really too beat for niggas right now.”

“What about Dro? I saw y’all talking at your party.”

“That nigga is an insecure piece of work, I can already tell. The night of my party he was questioning me about other niggas and I don’t have time for that shit.” I was about to ask her what she meant but there was knocking on her door so she walked to the door and opened it. As soon as she did Dyce and Darius came running in.

“Mani!” Darius shouted when he saw me then came running towards me. I got up and hugged him then looked at Dyce who looked like he had an attitude.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He in trouble.” Darius answered me.

“Dyce!” Millz shouted coming in the living room. “So you go out to eat and can’t act right?” She asked him but he said nothing. “I know you hear me.” Instead of answering her he sucked his teeth then shrugged his shoulders. “I know you didn’t just, hell no.” She went over and grabbed him by his shirt making him go upstairs. I already knew she was about to whoop his ass. Dyce is like a little reincarnation of my uncle, it’s actually kind of scary, he doesn’t give a fuck about anything and he’s only three.

“That little nigga is bad.” I heard Prophet say before he finally came walking in the living room. “What’s up Imani.”

“Hey Prophet; what did he do?”

“I took them to that Hibachi buffet place down 440 to eat and instead of sitting down and eating his food he picked his plate up and threw the shit across the room because I told him he had to wait to get ice cream.”

“Damn, why didn’t you get his ass then?’

“I did, that’s why he had an attitude but he knows not to do that shit with his mother. He just didn’t give a fuck now he’s up there getting that ass whooped.” Prophet chuckled. “D.Caine, I’ll see y’all next weekend aight.” He kissed Darius’ forehead then left.

“So you’re the good one?” I asked Darius.

“Yup.” He smiled at me.

“Mhm either that or you’re the sneaky one.” I chuckled at him. “Take your jacket and stuff off then put it up.” He went and did what I said before going upstairs to his room. When Millz finally came back downstairs she looked pissed off.

“So motherhood isn’t so easy is it?” I laughed at her.

“Shut up Imani, that little boy is too damn much.”

“What did you do to him? I know you’re not using belts yet.”

“No but I pop the shit out of that hand them legs though. I don’t play with those little boys, as soon as their asses turn eight it’s straight body shots. Fuck that belt shit.”

“Why did Prophet call Darius D.Caine?”

“That’s his name.”

“Prophet’s last name is Caine?”

“No nigga, his last name is Thomas. Darius has Cam’s father’s name. Darius Caine Thomas and Dyce Cameron Thomas. He wasn’t about to let me just name them after my dad, he had to throw himself in there. Like the last name isn’t enough.”

“So he calls Dyce D.Cameron?”

“D.Cam,” she shrugged. “That’s their thing I don’t judge it. Forget that though, are you going to move in with Kason or not?”

“I could’ve sworn I told you I would think about it so that’s what I’m doing. Thinking about it.”

“You just better make the right decision. I’m not saying give in and just give him what he wants if it means you’re going to be miserable but don’t hold back because you’re scared he’s going to get sick of you. Are you sure that’s the reason and it’s not about Uncle Nasir cutting you off?”

“Why would he cut me off?”

“He may not cut you off but he won’t be paying rent for you to be living with a grown ass man. Is that what you’re so hesitant about? Kason is far from broke he can afford to get y’all a place.”

“I know that but my dad really has nothing to do with it. Anyway, I’m about to go pick him up anyway and make him go get a haircut.”

“Where’s his car?”

“Parked outside, I drove his car over here. Mine was on some bullshit and he was knocked out so” I shrugged. “ I was going to spend some time with the look alikes but Dyce is in his bad mode and I don’t have time right now.” I got up and grabbed my purse from the floor. “You’re coming to my graduation party right?”

“Depends on what kind of party it’s going to be.”

“Small and at my parents’ house, it’s mostly going to be family and a few friends. And I do mean a few because I don’t have many.”

“Alright, I’ll be there. I already know Trouble’s pet isn’t invited right. I’m already at her for sneaking Darnell so you might not want to have her around.”

“I’m not trying to have you or Darnell get arrested for killing the girl so no, she’s not invited.” I gave Millz a hug then made my way to her front door. “Love you cousin.”

“I know; I love you too. We live up the street from each other I better see you often little girl.”

“Don’t be sweating me now that I’m grown Millz.”

“Oh shut up and get out.” We both laughed then hugged each other one more time before I left. As soon as I got in Kason’s car my phone rang and I knew by the ringtone it was him so I answered. “Hello?”

“Where you at with my damn car?” He asked sounding irritated.

“I just left Millz’ house I’m on my way back there. I hope you’re dressed because you need a haircut and your hair retwisted. I’m tired of staring at your naps, you’re getting that stuff done today.”

“How are you just going to tell me what I’m going to do? Besides my hair is all natural, you’re supposed to love that shit. It’s all me baby.”

“Yes and I love you but there is a difference between embracing natural hair and looking dusty. You need them done, we’re going to Rama’s and your hair is getting done.”

“You lucky I actually need my shit done, but nah I’m not dressed. I’m waiting on you.”

“Why are you waiting on me Kay?”

“It doesn’t make sense to shower and get dressed twice. If you’re about to have my ass in a damn shop for hours getting this shit done I’m getting some pussy before we go fuck you mean.”

“Damn, you can’t ask?”

“Did you ask me if I was getting my shit done? No, so I’m not asking shit. When I’m done with you, you’re going to need a shop next. I’m fuckin’ all that shit up.”

“You’re not about to fuck my damn hair up.”

“I paid for the shit to get done I can fuck it up if I want to. Bring your ass on, no talking no getting smart. As soon as you get in the door strip and come sit on daddy’s dick aight.” I couldn’t even respond because the nigga hung up on me. Usually I would’ve been mad about him doing that shit but I’ll let it slide this time. Daddy was getting his way this one time.

[livelovesimallways]

“Love…For Better Or Worse” …Pt. 4

I’m in the studio spending some time with the family. I didn’t plan on coming down here today, since we just got in from Bridgeport late last night, but my little “brothers” begged me and I couldn’t say no. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with them and I’m starting to feel like I need to be in their lives more. Shit, they look up to me. With them being teenagers and my uncle not being the easiest person to talk to, they definitely need someone else they can get advice from. We’ve been here all day, goofin around, grilling them about shit they have no business doing, and showing them the basics of how to make beats. Mitchell, as expected, was more interested in learning. He’s always had a good head on his shoulders and stays out of trouble. We didn’t find out about him until he was around nine and since he lives with his mother and step-father, he’s not tainted by this rich ass lifestyle. Micah, on the other hand, is spoiled as hell, worse than I was. His grades are good, but he has that “zero fucks given” type of attitude. I feel like he needs the most attention, so I’m definitely going to be around more. Since he decided that texting his little girlfriend was more important than learning the business, I decided to fuck with him in true older brother fashion. Just as I was going through his phone, teasing him about the emojis they send each other, the last person on earth I wanted to be around came storming through the door with security following behind. With the drama that Levi caused, quickly shut down, I figured that anybody who wanted to benefit off that shit would eventually come out the wood works. It’s no shocker that my Ex is standing in front of me. She’s always tried to slide her way back into my life when it seems like my relationship is having issues, so I know exactly why the fuck she’s here.

“Mr. Muse, you both have my sincerest apologies...She ran past us and got to the elevator before we could stop her. She was told she needed an appointment to see you but she refused to take no for an answer. Back up is on their way up here to escort her out.” Our head of security said to my uncle. 

“Man, Ya’ll have to do better than this. What if she was some deranged fan or person that wanted to do some crazy shit. I’m definitely gonna have to make some changes around here...add new people and maybe get rid of some. You just go downstairs and talk to your guys, for now. She’s fine.”

“Sure she’s not deranged??...I’m mad she dodged the fuck out of security...Straight sprinted in this bitch.” Micah said, laughing along with Mitchell.   

“First, this shit ain’t funny, Second, you need to watch your mouth with all that cursing.” I said, as my uncle chimed in with his own fake ass scolding. “So, I’m guessing you wanna talk, Trish?...” 

“Oh I have A LOT I need to say but I’m sure you don’t want your business out there like that. Is there anywhere we can talk in private?”

“Yeah, follow me...” I said heavily sighing, as I walked past her and headed towards my uncle’s office.

“So, what’s the problem now Trish??” 

“Don’t do me like that, Moses...You know why I’m here. How the fuck are you gonna try to have a baby with her, when you denied me the chance to have ours?!! She’s not your wife or fiance..She’s just your chick. You made me get that abortion claiming you wasn’t ready and you didn’t wan’t to have a child out of wedlock. Using your lifestyle and any other bullshit as an excuse. How the fuck can you go on, happily doing this shit when you forced me to get rid of our baby?!!” 

“Forced, Trisha??? You betta get the fuck outta here with that shit. Like I had a gun to your head or some shit...you’re buggin. We both agreed that we weren’t ready to be parents.”

“Oh please...You wanted that abortion way more than me. If I remember correctly, when I told you I was having second thoughts, you cut me off and refused to speak to me. I had to bullshit you by telling you I realized it was for the best just to get you to speak to me. When we agreed to meet, you sent Asia with a contract and threats to keep me quiet!”

“Threats??? What the fuck are you talking about?? Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this shit??”

“I thought you were the one who told her to threaten me, Moses. That’s why I didn’t say anything. She said that if I kept it, you would make being your baby’s mother a living hell for me. That I would get the bare minimum in child support and if I stepped out of line, you would try to get custody. She said you would use the sex tapes I used to send you and anything else you could dig up to destroy me in court.”

“What the fuck...” I said, sliding my hands down my face. “Look...I would’ve never done that to you, let alone tell her to say that shit. She was supposed to present the contract that’s all. We just didn’t want the media or anybody else to find out about the abortion. It was not to pressure you in any way. I know I was dead ass wrong for wanting you to get it and shutting you out. I’m apologizing to you now, just like I always have. It was fucked up and I’m sorry.”   

Hearing about this shit, started to get to me all over again. I haven’t thought about it in a while and to be honest, with everything going on, it’s weighing heavy on me right now. I needed to sit down, so I headed over to the desk. She followed and conveniently sat right next to me.      

"Mo, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just needed to vent, to get some closure...You know?”

“Yeah, I get it. Well, like I said, I’m sorry as hell.”

“I know you are. I’m just glad you’re being sweet and not the jerk you can be sometimes...You know, I have an off topic issue I need to discuss.”

“Okay??....”

“The next time you wanna write about our sexcapades, please let me know first. I spit out coffee all over me and my car, hearing a few of breezy’s songs off his new album that you co-wrote and produced.”

“Who said any of them was about you??”

“Boy, please...In one of them he says that he spreads their side chick’s legs for her while he’s behind and tells her to make sure she licks that shit good. Or how about when he says that when she gives him attitude and they makin up, he makes sure the side chick cums first...Or when...”

“Alright...You made your point..” I snapped, cutting her off. “They’re just songs, Trish...As a matter of fact, I wrote them back when we was messing around. Don’t think nothin of it.”

“Damn, Mo it’s like that? Wasn’t nobody tryin to get at you...I’m just lightening tha mood.” She said, crossing her legs extra as fuck forcing me to see some shit I did’t need to. 

“Are you fuckin serious?? I think it’s time for you to go...Did you get the closure you needed?”

“Moses, calm down. You know I never wear panties. Anyways, before I go I have to get something off my chest.” *sighing* “So, the day we were supposed to meet, I wanted to show you how real the life growing inside of me was. A week before, I got some expensive ass genetic testing done just to make sure everything was okay and found out the sex of the baby. I knew if you saw it for yourself, you’d change your tune, but you didn’t show up.” *voice cracking* 

“So what was it??...”

“A boy...” 

I sat there silent as fuck after she said that. Guilt, anger, and remorse took over as I ran my hands across my face. Her pregnancy never felt as real as it does now and like she said if she had the chance to show me back then, we would have our son. I started thinking about my little “brothers”...how much I wanna be there for them, and how fucked up it is that my selfish ass couldn’t man up when it came to my own child. With reality setting in, it dawned on me that I may never have the opportunity to be a father again.

“Mo, don’t beat yourself up. You and Leah are going to have lots of babies...ok? I mean shit, there’s so many fertility treatments out there and egg donors and what not. You’re going to have your heir.” She said, attempting to grab my hand as I moved it away. “Hey, if all else fails, you can always come back to me...” *smirking*

“Wow...you really are a piece of work...How about you do this...Get the fuck out of my shit!” I yelled, heading towards the door. 

“Mo, I’m just trying to get you to see what’s really in store for you. Don’t you want children of your own?? Who want’s a household of kids that look nothing like either of you?? I just don’t get it. She’s broken and damn sure ain’t a ride or die type. Why keep her when you have the total package in front of you?”

“Yo, you really are delusional as fuck. I don’t want you Trisha! Damn! Whatever we had is dead...gone...and ain’t coming back!”

“You sure about that?? Shit, once that bitch finds out about that break pregnancy you hid, her ass will be out. I guess you can call me though, maybe I’ll pick up.”

“Break pregnancy??...”

“Yeah...You heard me. Why the fuck else is Asia here? Humph, I had a nice convo with her at Luxe Lounge the other night. When I asked her if she was here for shit similar to mine, she didn’t confirm or deny it, but the look on her face said it all. You apparently ain’t a cheater since you had to wait for your girl to drop you for that hour to fuck her, so I’m positive it happened when ya’ll was actually broke up.”

"Wow...That’s pretty elaborate. You came up with that all by yourself?? You swear you know so much shit, hunh? You couldn’t be any further from the truth. Look, why don’t you just go. Let go of this obession with me. It’s getting kinda sad.”

“Sad?? The only thing that’s sad is your failed attempts to impregnate your girl. Shit, I’ll leave, just don’t ever think of coming my way when you realize you want what she can’t give you.” She said, smirking as she walked out the door.    

I sat on the couch with the last shit she said replaying in my head. This day started off with me trying to spend more time with my family and ended up with me realizing I most likely won’t have the chance to do this with kids of my own. I’ve made some truly fucked up decisions and now karma is kicking in. As I continued to dwell, my uncle came in and sat down next to me. 

“Son, look...whatever it is that you’re thinking, get that shit out of your head. I was eavesdropping like a mothafucka and heard everything that bitch said. This is exactly what she wanted to happen. She wanted you to think that she’s the better option and used guilt and ya’ll fertility issues to try to make you see that. Just ignore it and focus on other shit.” 

“I mean, I’m good Pops....I was just havin a moment.”

“Yeah, sure you was....” *laughing* “Oh, and I’m take care of that Asia shit too. I see why you ain’t hire her back like I told you to do but since your new guy ain’t helpin, we need her again. She obviously bitter, runnin her mouth to Trisha and letting her make up rumors and shit, so her working for us again will help us in the long run. I’ll take care of everything from now on, she won’t be near you. And please don’t say shit to Leah. We can’t afford a slip up and this shit ending up on a recording.”

“Aight...As much as I don’t like it, especially after today, there ain’t shit I can do...”

“Son, trust me...Everything will work out. Just relax and focus on your career and your girl.”

*sighing* “Ok...”    

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[omar-199x-blog]

first and last time ill post about myself (maybe)

* 1: name omar * 2: Age 19 * 3: Fears oblivion * 4: 3 things I love Food, Art, my girl * 5: turn ons my girl * 6: turn offs everyone else * 7: My best friend savannah then james 2nd just cause he knows me well * 8: Sexual orientation i am a male. penis and all. * 9: My best first date dont remember * 10: How tall am I 5'7 ish lol * 11: What do I miss the way holidays use to feel * 12: What time were I born an inconvenient one * 13: Favourite color lol black, red, grey * 14: Do I have a crush no i have a gf * 15: Favourite quote you get what you give * 16: Favourite place i hate crowds lol but i love the city especially during arts festivals * 17: Favourite food anything home made, steak and seafood are both at the top * 18: Do I use sarcasm when im using english * 19: What am I listening to right now Migos * 20: First thing I notice in new person how much they talk and what about * 21: Shoe size 10.5 US * 22: Eye color brown * 23: Hair color black * 24: Favourite style of clothing ummm... shit if its black, fits loose and is casual enough for hang outs but also stylish for dinner dates, you set * 25: Ever done a prank call? once and the cops came saying it wasnt funny * 27: Meaning behind my URL its my name and i was born in the 90's *shrug* * 28: Favourite movie i love all kinds of movie its hard to pick a favorite * 29: Favourite song gold steps / Neck Deep * 30: Favourite band BMTH/NeckDeep/Deftones * 31: How I feel right now annoyed as always * 32: Someone I love savannah marie * 33: My current relationship status almost a years worth of lovin * 34: My relationship with my parents all up in my life * 35: Favourite holiday christmas/thanksgiving * 36: Tattoos and piercing i have none and none but coming soon * 37: Tattoos and piercing i want a thigh piece that'll be across both a chest piece of the quote i put up there ears and nose but my girl dont like the idea of my nose * 38: The reason I joined Tumblr it was cool in 2013 * 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? lol kat is a bitch for leading me on into a relationship i thought she was actually gonna dedicate to * 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? texts and phone calls from my gf * 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? all the time * 42: When did I last hold hands? last time i saw savannah * 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on where im headed to * 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? not in the past 19 years * 45: Where am I right now? on bluemound omw to work * 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? savannah we usual go out together * 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? loud unless we chillin and talkin * 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? about to be neither in like a week but my dad * 49: Am I excited for anything? moving out, tattoos, painting, cooking, working out * 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? savannah * 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? ehh if im mad u can tell * 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? told my grandparents bye while leaving for work * 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? id go crazy and probably kill both of them * 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lol yeah cause he dont keep secrets well * 55: What is something I disliked about today? i didn't see sav * 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? André3000, Big Boy, Johnny Depp, Lenny Kravitz, and Post Malone lol ;Posty because he from round my city so we could vibe easily * 57: What do I think about most? life and how im failing or acing it * 58: What’s my strangest talent? it wouldnt be strange to me so idk * 59: Do I have any strange phobias? fuck caterpillars, fuck slugs, and snails whatever phobia that is * 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? haha both but im usually behind it * 61: What was the last lie I told? im not hungry * 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? otp cause idk what to do with my face on facetime * 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes theres greater and more advanced beings than us and also souls dude they can choose to stay or go so like duh * 64: Do I believe in magic? yeah * 65: Do I believe in luck? ya * 66: What’s the weather like right now? breezy i work outside so perfect * 67: What was the last book I’ve read? i start books and halfway start another * 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? FCUJ YES lol idk why its like dude i should be getting high of this smell but its not making me high wtf * 69: Do I have any nicknames? omii (oh-me) , catfish , choncho * 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? broke my arm, nose, and ankle * 71: Do I spend money or save it? both when needed * 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no * 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? what? no * 74: Favourite animal? red pandas * 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? at work * 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? sama * 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? hey ya / outkast * 78: How can you win my heart? being sav * 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? "See ya later losers" * 80: What is my favorite word? trudge * 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr um idk their specific url's but i follow a graffiti one, a music one, a painting one, and some others similar to these * 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? stop with all the hate man, if someone isn't harming you or effecting your life specifically let them be. let people do what they want to do and dont harm. thats it. * 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? did, he passed away. * 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? teleportation * 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? if im hungry because its a yes 100% of the time * 86: What is my current desktop picture? my uncle who passed away * 87: Had sex? ya * 88: Bought condoms? ya * 89: Gotten pregnant? not possible * 90: Failed a class? ya * 91: Kissed a boy? no * 92: Kissed a girl? ya * 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? ya * 94: Had job? ya * 95: Left the house without my wallet? yes * 96: Bullied someone on the internet? lol ya * 97: Had sex in public? no * 98: Played on a sports team? ya * 99: Smoked weed? ya * 100: Did drugs? ig * 101: Smoked cigarettes? yea * 102: Drank alcohol? yerp * 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nah nah i love steak * 104: Been overweight? still am * 105: Been underweight? yea * 106: Been to a wedding? yes * 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? i guess maybe * 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yea * 109: Been outside my home country? yes * 110: Gotten my heart broken? i suppose * 111: Been to a professional sports game? yes * 112: Broken a bone? a couple * 113: Cut myself? by accident * 114: Been to prom? yea * 115: Been in airplane? yes * 116: Fly by helicopter? nah * 117: What concerts have I been to? Kevin Gates, Big Sean, Jeremih, Carnage, RaeSremmurd, Post Malone, Russ, Future, J Cole * 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? hella nah * 119: Learned another language? spanish * 120: Wore make up? for theater * 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? yes * 122: Had oral sex? yes * 123: Dyed my hair? no * 124: Voted in a presidential election? no * 125: Rode in an ambulance? recently * 126: Had a surgery? yes * 127: Met someone famous? yes * 128: Stalked someone on a social network? no * 129: Peed outside? yes * 130: Been fishing? many times * 131: Helped with charity? yea * 132: Been rejected by a crush? dont think so * 133: Broken a mirror? no * 134: What do I want for birthday? an apartment * 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 4 - 2 boys first 1girl then another boy i only know my first sons name will be Aiden * 136: Was I named after anyone? no * 137: Do I like my handwriting? hell nah * 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? headphones * 139: Favourite Tv Show? shameless, Friends, family guy * 140: Where do I want to live when older? on my own * 141: Play any musical instrument? no * 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? forearm surgery 2 plates 11 screws * 143: Favourite pizza toping? pepperoni * 144: Am I afraid of the dark? sometimes * 145: Am I afraid of heights? no * 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? yes plenty * 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? eh life * 148: What I’m really bad at life * 149: What my greatest achievments are finding my gf * 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: idk * 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery get tf outta here and go be alone * 152: What do I like about myself theres only one me * 153: My closest Tumblr friend none * 154: Something I fantasise about eat food from around the world * 155: Any question you’d like how was my day? eh i woke up at 2pm and haven't had any food yet so im pretty grumpy