#fuck you roo we all HATE roo (/j)

[youredreamingofroo]

everytime i want to make a love related Reo post, i remember that they are not a thing and that they are going through TURMOIL. They make me so ill, im hitting the floor and ripping the paint off my walls because of them

[duckymcdoorknob]

Words Really Do Hurt

Warnings: TW!!!!!: harm (not self but still ouchies) A n g s t

You bitches are going to cry. I’ll make sure I drag this out and not leave out a single detail.

Ships: Jamilton

Prompt: Thomas Jefferson always assumed he would have the upper hand in arguments, from his quick wit and snapbacks. He always made Hamilton cry. But when Hamilton rolls up his sleeves, he realized what he was truly crying about.

He never knew where it came from. It was always just there...

“Bastard!”

Pain

“Whoreson!”

Pain

“Dirty thief!”

Pain.

Young Alexander ran away from the insults of his “neighbors.” Tears blurred his eyes as he ignored the searing feeling in his arm.

He opened the door of his home, seeing his sickly mother setting down “dinner” for them.

A bowl of bland oatmeal and a small apple.

“Mama... the..they di..d it again.” Alexander said wincing.

His mother rushed to his aid, putting their food aside. She drew a bath for him and helped him inside.

“What happened this time my darling?” His mother spoke softly, petting his hair.

“They called me a th..thief and a bastard whoreson.” Alexander mumbled, letting his arm down under the water.

The bathtub tinged red, a sight Alexander’s mother loathes seeing. Her boy had three fresh cuts on his arm.

She never knew how he got it.

The doctor told her that whenever something truly hurts him inside, it somehow hurts him outside too. Something to do with the signals in his brain, eating away a line on his skin. Nameless, yet so distressing to the Hamilton family. No matter how deep or long the cut is, it won’t affect his life. Something that would kill any normal human would only hurt him.

She let him rest in the bathtub as long as he wished, then dressed him in his favorite jammies.

They went downstairs and his mother put the oatmeal back on the fire.

——

Alexander went on through his life covered in scars. A large scar on his chest appeared when his mother died. No one has ever seen it, except him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t think a whoreson deserves any money. His mother should’ve thought about it before she got knocked up.”

Scar

——

“She doesn’t have much time left, Mr. Hamilton. She’s too weak and sick.”

“I love you, Alexander...”

A large scar across his chest formed again.

——

“My son was shot and killed in a gunfight.”

Alexander now has three straight lines across his chest. Signifying the loss of the three most important people in his lives.

Rubesis. That’s what the medics called it. Ovelate Rubesis, (oh-vel-eht Roo-bay-sis) the anatomical consumption of skin caused by emotional distress.

——

The wind howled outside as a chilling rain fell from the sky.

“The things you say might be completely delusional, Hamilton. But this takes the cake. The North and the South are completely different. Why should we have to pay for your debts?” Thomas began in a ramble.

Alexander felt a tiny prick on his arm, “not again.” He thought to himself. He stood tall and angry, ready to take whatever Thomas yelled at him.

“If you make the South pay your debts, It’ll be Yorktown ALL OVER again. And don’t expect to win with your current state. Your son stressing you out that much? I mean God, we could turn you into a candle with all that extra fat.”

A sudden swipe of pain shot up Alexander’s arm. He felt A thin cut develop by his wrist. These were schoolboy level insults. Why did he let it get to him?

“That’s enough, Thomas.” Washington stood between him and Jefferson, “that was below the belt and you know it.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. He wasn’t done yet. “Hamilton I can’t believe they even let your naive, foolish self into the government. I mean honest to God a brain dead toddler could run treasury better.”

A large, deep, gash began to form on his forearm.

“S..stop...” Alexander managed through his searing pain.

“Oh boohoo! What are you going to do? Cry?” Thomas teased. He scoffs and crosses his arms “So weak and pathetic.”

Tears pricked the corners of Alexander’s eyes. “P..please... i-it hurts. S..so bad.” The gash got longer.

“Christ what’s wrong with you? Can’t you just be normal?” Thomas asked, taken aback by Alexander’s behavior.

Alexander winced as blood stained his white undershirt. “J..Je..Jefferson s-stop. Please.” Alexander was breathing hard, tears falling down his face. The gash traveled from his forearm to his elbow by now.

“Jefferson, enough” Washington spoke through gritted teeth. He glared daggers at Thomas, who simply rolled his eyes.

“All I’m saying is this plan is outrageous.”

At that point in time, Washington’s assistant entered carrying a heavy crate of writing supplies. They walked over to where Washington was hovering over Thomas. The wind blew with gusto. Then shortly after, the electricity in their building was out.

The sudden flash caused Washington’s assistant to jump and drop the crate on Thomas’ leg.

“Ah! Son of a bitch!” Thomas exclaimed.

Alexander gasped and rushed to help Thomas. He may hate the man, but his paternal instincts kicked in. He rolled up his sleeves and lifted the heavy crate off of Thomas’ leg.

“Thank you, Washington. Now can we work on those lights please?” Thomas inquired.

Almost on cue, the lights flashed back on.

Thomas saw Alexander carrying the heavy crate, multiple cuts and scars on his arm, and a deep gash bleeding profusely.

“I must’ve been incorrect. Thank you for the help, Hamilton.” Thomas said softly, avoiding to talk about what he’s seen. He figured the last thing Alexander needed was to be upset more.

Alexander put the crate down, realized what he’d done and quickly rolled his sleeves back down.

“Can we get back to non verbally abusing politics please?” Washington spoke up.

“I agree. Let’s continue.” Alexander said, crossing his arms.

“Now Secretary Jefferson. You’ve given a fair view on your opinion. But why do you feel this way?” Washington began

“Lovely” Alexander thought to himself

“Mister President I believe that Hamilton’s plan to assume the debts is unfair to the South.”

“The only reason I asked is because Virginia’s debts are already paid. I just wanted to see if-“

“Shut. your. fucking mouth, Hamilton.” Thomas groaned. So much for not further upsetting him. “I know you can’t keep yourself quiet for more than a minute at a time, but for the sake of all of us in here, shut the hell up.”

“Mr. Jefferson I don’t think you’re being fair to-“ Washington was cut off by a hasty Thomas.

“You’re right. Hamilton, you’re not completely useless.”

A gash on Alexander’s left arm formed, just as his right arm.

“Thomas! That’s enough!” Washington finally raised his voice

“Ugh. Sorry dad didn’t realize we were all offended by everything here.”

“Please just leave me alone...” Alexander thought with sorrow.

“I’ve stated my case. I don’t support this buffoon’s plan. I’ve nothing else to say to his sorry ass.”

The cut deepened and grew longer. Traveling from his wrist to his mid forearm.

“E..end it.” Alexander stuttered as he grabbed his arm. “E...end the.. m..meeting.”

“You don’t get to speak to me, scum. You best run back to your island.”

The gash grew until his elbow, in an agonizingly slow manner, causing Alexander to cry out in agony. “PLEASE!” He cried, falling to the floor. Blood oozed out of the large gashes, the right one having reopened. Alexander sobbed as Washington sprinted towards him. It hasn’t been this bad since John’s death.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Don’t let go of me.” Washington said softly, trying to keep Alexander from hyperventilating. He sat down next to Alexander and gently held the hurting man.

“Oh what now?” Thomas’ angry, annoyed face, dropped when he saw the blood seeping from Alexander’s shirt. “Oh Christ- CAN WE GET SOME HELP IN HERE?”

Thomas attempted to rush to Alexander’s aid, but stopped when he noticed Alexander cowering away.

“Get him away from me. Don’t let him say anything to me. Please!” Alexander tried to cover his ears as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Washington moved his arms down, “you know better.”

Thomas searched fantically for anything to pack the wounds with. He was freaking out. When did Hamilton have time to pull a blade on himself?

“How did you-“ Alexander pondered on Washington’s previous remark.

Thomas’ frantic pacing was stopped by Washington.

“Thomas Stop. You’re going to do more damage if you wrap them.” He said softly

“Are you INSANE?” Thomas yelled.

“Go to the shelf, Medical book, Index, Under “O”, near the end. Starts with “ov”

Thomas races to the bookshelf and did as he was instructed. There he discovered... “Ovelate Rubesis?”

Washington nodded. Alexander was too determined to stop his suffering; he couldn’t hear what was unfolding.

“Wounds will widen if bloodflow is stopped by outside force. Expose to air to end bleeding.”

Two and two didn’t click for Thomas. He knew that he needed to leave the wounds alone, but he didn’t realize that Alexander had the condition.

“Don’t cover it. They need air.” Washington replied to Thomas’ out-loud reading.

“How did you know about?-“ Alexander pondered softly.

Washington said nothing and lifted his sleeve to show multiple scars and one healing cut.

——

“Ugh. Sorry dad didn’t realize we were all offended by everything here.”

Washington barely flinched as he felt the cut on his arm develop.

“First in a few years” he thought to himself

——

The two men sat on the dusty wooden floor of the cabinet meeting room. The other members had recessed to help reduce panic.

Alexander looked down to see his wounds closed, but still red and puffy. “Thank you sir.” He said as he reached out a hand to help Washington to his feet.

“Mr. Hamilton.” Thomas said calmly, “will you please meet me outside in the hallway for a moment?”

“I...” Alexander didn’t want Thomas to be suspicious, “I suppose.”

Alexander followed Thomas into his office and closed the door behind him.

The velvet clad man sat on his desk, crossed armed, and glared at Alexander. “I’ve two questions for you, Hamilton.”

Alexander gulped. He didn’t know how much more jolts of searing pain he could take. He mentally prepared himself for the unbearable feeling.

“Why did you help me? After all I’ve done and said to you?” Thomas asked quietly.

“I-it just happened. I guess s..since I have Phillip to care for, it’s j..just instinct.” Alexander managed to stutter out.

“Ah I understand.” Thomas said with a small chuckle.

“I..is that all, Mr. Secretary?” Alexander inquired quietly.

“Don’t get too formal on me now.” Thomas said with a half smile.

“Sorry.” Alexander said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Second.” Thomas began, walking to Alexander’s tense figure.

Alexander met his gaze. It was... sympathetic?

“Would you like to explain these for me?” Thomas said in a low voice.

He grabbed Alexander’s wrist swiftly and rolled up his sleeves.

Alexander’s arms looked ugly. The large gashes were stained bright red, swollen to the high heavens, and tinging the surrounding skin a warm pink. The small cuts puffed up in irritation. It was a sight of horror for both men.

“I-I...” Alexander didn’t know what to say. Did he tell his enemy the truth? Or lie? “It was from the... the c-crate! Yeah the crate.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Hamilton.” Thomas said with a sigh. “I just didn’t expect this from someone like you.”

“I..I’m not cutting myself. I swear.” Alexander whimpered.

“Well clearly it’s from something!” Thomas said defensively, causing Alexander to flinch and put his hands up in defense.

“I..is someone. Is someone hurting you, Hamilton?” Thomas asked as tears pricked his eyes.

“Why... why would y-you want to know?” Alexander said with his own tears falling.

“God damnit, Alexander! I don’t know? Maybe that I care about you, you braindead sheep!” Thomas yelled.

Alexander’s heart panged. Then he winced as a sharp pain slowly sliced across his bare arm.

“Oh- oh my god.” Thomas said as he put a hand to his mouth.

“Just leave me alone.” Alexander mumbled, turning his back to holding his sore arm.

“Alexander...” Thomas said quietly. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I didn’t-“

“You don’t even know.“ Alexander responded, not attempting to meet Thomas’ anguished face.

“I read about it, remember?” Thomas said.

Alexander shook his head, “I was more focused on not passing out in front of anyone.”

“Ovelate Rubesis.” Thomas stated matter-of-factly, “Your skin cuts itself when something... hurts your heart.” Thomas slowed his speech in realization. “I feel like such a dick! How could I have not known this?!” Thomas’ eyes widened. “This... this is why you-“

“Begged you to end the cabinet meeting?... yeah.” Alexander said coolly.

“Oh my god that’s why you always cry during... oh my god that’s what happened. And the blood, and Washington saying it’ll heal itself, and you covering your ears and-“

Alexander’s eyes grew large from a sudden shock. Thomas had engulfed Alexander in a hug from above.

“Im so sorry.” Thomas repeated as tears streamed down his face.

Alexander buried his face into Thomas’ neck, letting sobs rack his body.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander.” Thomas whispered, resting his chin on top of Alex’s head.

The two sat in a silent embrace for a good while.

“Alexander...” Thomas whispered.

“Mm?”

“Wha...what happened when...” Thomas sighed, “when Eliza passed?”

Alexander sighed and slowly took off his green vest. “Are you sure you want to see?”

“Only if you’re comfortable.”

Alexander lifted his white undershirt up to reveal his chest.

Thomas covered his mouth as a tear fell from his eye.

Alexander’s chest had puffy lines across.

3 scars, 3 deaths.

Thomas brought Alexander close to him again and rubbed the man’s back.

“I hate to do this but.” Alexander began, lifting his head from its resting position. “Washington probably thinks that you killed me.”

Thomas chuckled “Im so sorry. For everything” he whispered, planting a soft, chaste kiss on Alexander’s forehead.

Alexander laughed through his tears.

“Im sorry I... I don’t know where that came from.” Thomas said sheepishly.

Alexander let out a soft giggle and gazed into Thomas’ soft brown eyes. “It’s okay, Thomas.”

Alexander sucked in a breath, and stood on his tippy toes to connect his lips to Thomas’.

George Washington silently opened the door to the office, careful to not alert anyone of his presence. His shoulders were in a tense position, his teeth gritted. When he saw the two men, he smiled and relaxed his shoulders. He shut the door and walked away from the room.

Thomas and Alexander broke apart, smiling at each other.

“I promise you. I’ll try to see things from your point of view from now on. And I’ll be careful with how I react, going forward.” Thomas spoke softly.

Alexander smiled and a tear rolled down his cheek.

A swift noise caught their attention.

“Meet me back in the room when you’re done. Wink wink.- GWash.”

Alexander couldn’t help but break into a fit of giggles.

Thomas put a hand on his shoulder and led him back out the door.

They both walked into the room, acting as if none of it ever happened.

[5hfanfiction]

Amnesia Ch. 14

Camila

The kiss was replaying in my head. The way she had come onto me. The way I thrown myself back at her after she had stolen my first kiss. I kept it on repeat and repeat, thinking of how soft her lips were against mine. The way she bit my bottom lip and the way I had responded with a small moan.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. It had been about a week since it happened and I wanted it to happen again. I wanted it to happen more than once. I wanted Lauren to be the one, my girlfriend. I wanted all those cute moments, the unforgettable ones that I could remember 20, 30 years down the road and say I knew she was the one even before we had kissed. I wanted all of that and more.

But I was scared to try it again. I was scared she would reject me or take it back. That it was just a one time curiosity of hers and she had fulfilled it when she kissed me. I was paralyzed with fear whenever I was near her and the thoughts of kissing came back into my head and I was just a mess. I was a mess of hormones and teenage fantasies.

Today was the day though. I was going to push through my fear, I was going to conquer it and I was going to steal another kiss from Lauren. 

My plan was to catch her between the meet and greets and the start of the concert. I knew there would be a chance to grab her hand and yank her into a closet. She would be too surprised to know what was going on and then kiss her. Those ruby red lips, those soft ruby red lips that fit perfectly with mine.

Currently, we were in the middle of the meet and greet. We were almost through the Q&A portion of the meet and greet. Soon we would be moving onto the picture part and more than likely, several fans would ask for Camren to be together during the photos. Lots of the fans loved the idea of us. So did I.

And such as I had thought, such did happen. Lauren and I were placed pretty much next to each other for all the pictures. We would either just be next to each other or the person that was having their picture taken with us, would have us touching in some shape or form. It was hard to stop myself from taking her and kissing her openly in front of all the fans. It was hard to not grab her hand and pull it into mine to hold. 

When the torture was finally over, we headed backstage to change and get ready. So this was it. This is where I let go of the fear and I pulled her in for another kiss. So I tried and I failed miserably because she had pulled me first. She grabbed my hand and pulled me in another direction than where the girls were going. She took me to the closet I had been planning on using and she pushed me up against the door. Lauren pressed her lips against mine and I got to experience her lips again.

She bit my lip and I released a small moan. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and I took the initiative to grab onto her waist to pull her in closer. Her hands slipped into my hair and I moaned again because of the little pull there was when she grabbed onto it.

 Her hips were against mine and she was pushing into me. It felt so good to be here again with her. It felt even more amazing than the first time. I had butterflies and I was on cloud nine just from her kisses; delicious, yummy kisses that I could have for the rest of my life.

“I’m sorry to ambush you like this,” Lauren said in between the kisses. “But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you and the kiss we had the other day.” She kissed me some more, leaving me weak in the knees. “I hope I haven’t been the only one.”

I kissed her back, eagerly and hard. I put my feelings into the kiss so she could know that she wasn’t the only one who had been thinking about it. It was on my brain night and day. How could she even think that I wouldn’t be thinking of the same thing? It would be ridiculous, even ludicrous to think that I wouldn’t.

“Lo, it’s all I can think about.” I finally pulled away from those sweet lips. Not because I wanted to but because my lungs needed oxygen. I leaned my forehead against hers, catching my breath.

If Lauren was a drug, I would be a drug addict. I would never be able to give her up.

___________________________________

Lauren walked out three weeks ago. She yelled at me, said she was disgusted and walked away. Janelle told us that she was taking a month off before she would come back for the tour. Lauren was going to miss the drop of our album. She was going to miss all the other radio shows and we had to cancel any other performances of the song. Without her, we were Fourth Harmony and that would just not do.

“Mila, you have to do something. We can’t continue this without her. What happened between you two?”

My lips were sealed, I hadn’t spoken a word about the night. The way Lauren had looked at me. The way she yelled at me. The things she said that broke my heart just a little more. I knew she didn’t mean them, but they hurt. And I hated that she had that could affect me in such a way that it hurt. It hurt to know I was hurting her to keep her from hurting again by my hand.

“She’s not going to listen to me. So whatever plan you have on trying to bring her back, just forget it.” I waved her off, going back to reading The Book Thief. I had been reading it in peace before she busted in through our hotel room. 

From the corner of my right eye, I watched her sit down on my bed and then yank my book out of my hand.

“Hey! I was reading that.” I tried to grab it out of the Poly’s hand, but she threw it to her bed, out of my reach. She pointed two fingers at me and told me to pay attention. I rolled my eyes and pulled my legs up to my chest.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but you need to fix this. You said you were going to be different this time around and I thought you were. Just because you had a little fight doesn’t mean you’re supposed to fall apart again. If she means the world to you, then you need to get your ass up and get to Miami now.”

“How do you even know she’s in Miami?” Lauren left no information on where she went and management were the only ones who knew her location.

“Because if you were feeling overwhelmed and you didn’t remember much of your past, where you would feel the most at peace?”

She had a point, but there was no way to be sure. Wait a minute, I wasn’t going to do this. I wasn’t going to go running after her when she didn’t want me to. Plus there was the kiss. The amazing kiss we shared, which I had run away from because she couldn’t show those feelings towards me. It was too soon. She needed more time. I couldn’t force her to do this with me if she wasn’t ready.

“I’m not going Dinah. Just drop it.” I got up from my bed and grabbed my book off hers so I could continue reading. I heard Dinah sigh and then I felt her footsteps near me. I turned around and hid the book behind my back before she could try to take it away from me again.

“I can do this all day Chancho. I’ve had my nap for the day so I can do this all day. Even if I have to put you on a plane myself. You’re going to go and you’re going to fix this. If you love Lauren, you’re going to fix this.”

“And who’s going to fix me? She broke me, okay? She yelled at me and then left. She said she was sick of looking at me and told me to go away. Do you know how much that hurt? I didn’t think I was ever going to deal with that again, but she found a way to make me feel like shit. I feel like shit and I don’t want to go running after her right now.” My outburst made Dinah flinch a little. I didn’t expect to let it all out, but if she was insisting, then she had to know what had happened. She had to know why I was reluctant.

Dinah took me into her arms and hugged me. She hugged me for what seemed like hours and I almost broke down and cried. But I didn’t. I was proud that I wasn’t crying for once. I had spent the last three weeks vulnerable and crying due to the argument.

“The only way this is going to change, is if you go to Miami and bring her back. Trying to pretend nothing happened is not going to change anything. So suck it up Mila and go get your woman. Everything will be okay. You’ll see.” She kept me in her embrace for a few more moments before she pulled back. Her face was only filled with love and affection for me. She loved me dearly and only wanted the best for me.

Had I fucked up royally throughout the last two years? Yeah. Had she kicked my ass the whole time? Oh yeah. So was I going to listen to her know and go and get Lauren? Unfortunately yes.

“Alright. You win. Like always.” I dropped my hands to my side and rolled my eyes for effect, but I was glad that she was kicking my ass to go do this.

“Good because I booked your flight hours ago and you have to leave in an hour to the airport.”

“Dinah! How were you so sure that I would go?” I pushed into her a little when she told me she had already booked my flight.

“Because you love Lauren; plain and simple.” She gave me a smirk and then tilted her head back to laugh. “You should have known my plan would work. It always does.”

“I love you Cheechee.”

“I love you too Chancho.”

Now here I was in Miami, standing in front of Lauren’s parent’s front door. I was unable to knock, to move. I was scared, just like I was when I wanted to kiss her again after our first kiss. I was terrified that she would reject me and send me away. That she would take one look at me and tell me that I was making her sick and to go away again. Fear stricken, I knocked on the door.

I knocked three times before I stepped away from the door to allow the person who would open space to walk out if needed. I waited for a minute or two before her dad appeared before me.

“Camila? Mija, what are you doing here?”

“Hey Papa J.” He pulled me in for a hug and I gave him a slight smile.

“Come in, mija. Do you want me to call Lauren down for you? Does she know you’re coming?” He stepped aside and let me inside their home. I hadn’t been here in about two years. The place hadn’t changed one bit though. Everything was the same. I’m sure Lauren’s room looked the same too.

I shook my head remembering he had asked me a couple of questions. “No, she doesn’t know I’m here. It was unexpected. The girls wanted me to come see her to see if she would be willing to come back early. We all miss her.”

It was the truth. We all missed her. The other girls had sent me off with good thoughts on fixing everything. I wasn’t a miracle worker but I would give it my all to fix it and have Lauren smiling and happy with me again.

“Well if you want to head upstairs, you know where her room is. And if you’re staying in town for the night, you’re more than welcome to stay here. You’re always welcome here, mija.”

I thanked him and let him know that I would be more than grateful if I could spend the night. That is if everything with Lauren went a-okay. If not, I would rather stay in a hotel than in a hostile environment with her.

 With my heart pounding hard in my chest, I walked up the flight of stairs it took to get to her room. I took it step slow and  steady to give myself plenty of time to think of what I would say. I had taken some time on the flight to think about what I was going to say, but being here in her house, everything went out the window. My mind was blank and I couldn’t form a coherent thought.

I was crazy, this was crazy. We were all crazy to think this would work. If Lauren didn’t listen to me or want to listen to anyone at all, then why would she listen to me now?

She was pissed and she had every right to be mad at us. We were hiding things from her which she needed to know but we couldn’t. We couldn’t just tell her everything all at once. If we did, what would happen? It could be catastrophic. It could break her and how would I be able to pick up the pieces then? She would hate me. She would hate me and all that was forgiven, would no longer be forgiven.

I was standing in front of her door now. I was just about to knock on the door when the door burst open and the girl who all I could think of was standing in front of me.

“Camila?! What the fuck?” Here it goes. She’s going to kick me out. “ You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?”

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t utter a word in response because I was terrified of her. That night was replaying in my head. Her face scrunched up in anger, in disgust towards me, the anger that came out in her words and my heart breaking inside of me. Me running out of the room in tears to my room so I could cry some more over her words. She destroyed my confidence that I was building up while trying to make it up to her. She broke me.

“Camz? Are you okay?” I watched in slow motion as she reached for my hand and put her fingers between mine. I sighed internally at the gesture. It was comforting. Was this happening right now? “I’m so sorry for the way I yelled at you. I was so angry. I was frustrated because of the radio shows and because of my memory loss. I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve my wrath. You’re the last person who should have to bear that.” Her words were sincere. She held my hand while she was talking and she rubbed her thumb over the part where it touched. It soothe me and made me calm down.

“I-I-I-I’m sorry Lo. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I want to tell you everything, but I don’t want to hurt you with what I would have to tell you. Please understand. I’m just trying to protect you.” I took my free hand and I placed it against her cheek, softly rubbing it. 

The words I had been thinking about on the plane came crashing back and rushed out of my mouth quickly. I had to get it out before she apologized even more to me for something that really wasn’t her fault. Of course it had broken me a bit, but this was Lauren. Lauren was home for me. She would always be.

I had to thank Dinah when I got back for always giving me the push I needed to get here, for everything she had done. She was there for me in ways Lauren couldn’t be, especially the year Lauren spent in a coma.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it anymore. It’s in the past now.” She let go of my hand and opened her door further. In her moving, my hand dropped from her cheek where I had been rubbing it softly. “Do you want to come in?”

I nodded my head and made my way inside. Her room, just like I had thought, was the same. Everything was in the same place. There may have been a few changes made that she may have done to it –probably because that is how she had before The X Factor–but my eyes could see it was pretty much all in it’s place. Her keyboard stood in the corner with her bookshelf that had most of her books. In another corner, she had a desk that had a mess of papers and other things she kept there and right across from each other were her bed and her TV.

I sat down at the desk, twirling around in the chair for a few moments before Lauren came over and stopped my movement. She laughed as she stopped me.

“What are you doing here Camz?” I looked her in the eye and I was sucked in to her world of green. My world always stopped when this happened. But not this time. I had to focus on the task at hand.

“We miss you. The girls and I miss you and we want you to come back. We’re all so sorry about the argument and the way it all went down. Please come back Lolo.”

“Of course I’m coming back Camz. I was just taking a small break.” Her body leaned in closer to me, not exactly touching me, but closer than we usually were. I was trying to figure out if her body was naturally reacting or if she was doing it on purpose.

“Can you come back now though? Or do you need to wait for the full month to go by?” Since she was close to me, I leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I miss you,” I admitted to her with my lips still pressed to her cheek.

I watched her blush and then bury her face in my neck.

“Caaammmzzz…” Her voice came out muffled from the proximity of her lips to my neck. You could tell from the tone in her voice that she was embarrassed. “I missed you too.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her in closer. She ended up straddling my lap with the way we were. This was something we used to do a lot even before we had started dating. She was super comfortable with this and there was no protest on it. It made me happy and my heartbeat pick up.

“Camz, we need to talk about that kiss.”

Well if there was anything that could make my heart beat any faster, it would be the mention of the kiss we shared.

She shifted on top of me, her face moving away from my neck. Her eyes met mine again and she wrapped her arms around my neck. 

“I would like for it to happen again if you don’t mind.”

I gulped at her words. She wanted to kiss me willing again? She wanted what I wanted? Could it be possible she remembered something?

“I-uh, don’t know what to say.” I gulped once again, trying to calm my nerves. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Slowly, she leaned into my bubble, her lips inching closer to mine. It felt like years passed while she leaned in, but it was probably only moments. I licked my lips in anticipation. The moment her lips touched mine, I closed my eyes and fireworks went off behind my closed eyelids.

Every time we kissed, it was better than the first time. It was always amazing, nothing to regret. She brought out all the best feelings in me. This was my home. Lauren would always be home to me.