#fuckin fuckity fuxk fuck

[drowning-in-neon]

Posting here cause I don't wanna go to the effort of painstakingly restricting who can see my post, and there's not really any IRL friends who follow my blog anymore I don't think, so it's safe lol

Vent below lol

I'm just. I don't know why I'm so easily forgotten/replaced, or why I'm only ever the second or third choice, or why I feel like a second thought so often, if I'm thought of at all.

I know some of this is obviously my BPD, and lingering struggles from my ex fiance dumping me, but the more time that passes, the more I feel evidence is piling up that it's just....facts.

I mean, the obvious stuff with being replaceable or unimportant and forgotten is just. How many people disappear from my life without any real explanation, or even goodbye, and it doesn't seem to bother them in the slightest.

But it's also other things? Like...

A friend told me that they were throwing a party for their boyfriend, who is also a friend of mine, and said they wanted me to come, and they'd send me an invite.

They never sent an invite, and when I gently nudged them for the date today, they were like "oh whoops haha the party was last night actually" and like.

Oh. Okay.

Idk man, I just wanna know what's wrong with me so I can fix it? Like clearly something was wrong with me for my ex fiance to dump me like he did; clearly there's SOME reason why I'm not good enough or just not enough in general for the person I'm still so frustratingly head over heels for. There has to be a reason my childhood friends just. Stopped one day, and never reach out or really respond at all when I try to say hello or give well wishes.

SOMETHING must be wrong with me, and I don't know why the fuck people won't tell me what it is so I can fuckin FIX it. I can't change if I don't know what to change!!! Fuck!

[cowbo]

aassaaasagansjsjdkdd does anybody on here kno of any like specific + small history topics i could do for my rsr ???