#gail abnormal

[evilwickedme]

Things Gail has been abnormal about

Where I ask you if you've consumed something that I, Gail, have been abnormal about

[vintagecoldcases]

Story of Ted Bundy

TW: execution photos, details of deaths

**a more detailed victim list will be posted later, beware of this post if you are sensitive to blood/gore/other oddities of true crime as it will have crime scene photos**

Theodore Robert Cowell, was born on November 24th, 1946 to Eleanor Louise Cowell at the Elizabeth Lund Home for Unwed Mothers. Eleanor was known by Louise and Ted’s father’s identity is unconfirmed. His birth certificate states Lloyd Marshall, a salesman and Air Force veteran, as his father. Louise claims his father to be an old war veteran known as Jack Worthington, this is who the King’s County Sheriff’s Office has listed as such. A few family members believe that Louise’s father, Samuel Cowell, could’ve been Ted’s father but no evidence has been found to support this claim. 

Ted was raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania by his maternal grandparents for the first three years of his life. He, family, and friends, were told that his grandparents were actually his parents and that his mother was his older sister in order to protect them all from the stigma of birthing a child out of wedlock. There are variations of how Bundy found out his true parentage. A past girlfriend was told that Bundy was shown his birth certificate by a cousin, Stephen Michaud and Hugh Aynesworth (both biographers) were told by Bundy that he found the certificate himself. Anne Rule (biographer and crime writer, who knew Bundy personally) believes he did not find this information until 1969. In 1950, Louise changed her surname from Cowell to Nelson and left Philadelphia to live with cousins Alan and Jane Scott in Tacoma, Washington. In 1951, Louise met Johnny Culpepper Bundy at an adult singles night at Tacoma’s First Methodist Church. Johnny and Louise later married that year and Johnny formally adopted Ted. Johnny and Louise went on to have four children together, and whilst Johnny tried including Ted on family trips and outings, he remained distant.

Teenage Ted Bundy

In 1965, Ted graduated from Woodrow Wilson High School and enrolled in the University of Puget Sound where he spent a year before transferring to the University of Washington to study Chinese. In 1967, he became involved romantically with a UW classmate, most commonly known as Stephanie Brooks in biographies. In 1968, he dropped out of college and worked at a series of minimum wage jobs; even working as Arthur Fletcher’s bodyguard and driver during his Lieutenant Governor campaign. Brooks then ended their relationship due to Bundy’s lack of ambition. He also took one semester at Temple University after returning back to Arkansas and Philadelphia to visit family. In 1969, Ted moved back to Washington where he met Elizabeth Kloepfer (also known in Bundy literature as Liz Kendall, Beth Archer, or Meg Anders). 

Ted Bundy & Elizabeth Kloepfer

In 1970, Ted re-enrolled at the University of Washington as a psychology major. During this time he became an honor student and was well regarded by his professors. In 1971, he took a job at Seattle’s Suicide Hotline Crisis Center, where he met Anne Rule who noted nothing disturbing or abnormal about Bundy. In early 1973, despite his average law school admission scores, he was granted admittance to UPS and the University of Utah. In 1973, he rekindled his relationship with Stephanie Brooks. He also continued to date Elizabeth Kloepfer. Neither woman knew of the other at this time. During this time period, Brooks had flown in several times to stay with him in Seattle. He had discussed marriage with Stephanie and had also introduced her as his fiancee at a point. In 1974, he abruptly broke off all contact. He did not return phone calls or letters. After a month of trying, Brooks was finally able to contact Bundy by phone, asking why he had so abruptly ended the relationship without an explanation. He responded with, “Stephanie, I have no idea what you mean.” and hung up the phone. She never heard from him again after that. He had just wanted to prove to himself that he could marry her in retaliation of her ending their former relationship before. 

Ted Bundy and Stephanie Brooks

Ted had been skipping classes in law school by this point and had stopped attending all together by april when the first series of murders were reported. Circumstantial evidence points Ann Marie Burr, an 8-year-old girl, as one of Bundy’s first victims in 1962.

Ann Marie Burr, age 8

Washington/Oregon Murders

College aged young women started to disappear at a rate of about one a month in Washington and Oregon. On January 4th, 1974, shortly after midnight, Bundy snuck into the basement apartment of 18-year-old Karen Sparks (also known as Joni Lenz, Mary Adams, or Terri Caldwell in Bundy literature). He bludgeoned her with a metal rod from her bed frame and then sexually assaulted her with the same rod. She was unconscious for 10 days but survived. She sustained major permanent physical and mental disabilities. In the early morning of February 1st, 1974, Bundy broke into the basement bedroom of Lynda Anne Healy. He beat her until she was unconscious, dressed her in a white blouse, blue jeans, and boots and carried her away from the scene. On March 12th, 1974, Donna Gail Manson, a 19-year-old student at the Evergreen State College in Olympia went missing as she left her dorm to attend a jazz concert that she would never attend. April 17th, 1974, Susan Elaine Rancourt disappeared from Central Washington State College, on her way back to her dorm after an advisors meeting. Two female students later came forward with encounters with the same man. One was on the night of Susan’s disappearance and the other was three days before that. The man had his arm in a sling and had asked the girls for help loading his books into a brown or tan Volkswagen beetle. In Corvallis at Oregon State University, on May 6th, 1974, Roberta Kathleen Parks, left her dormitory to meet friends for coffee and she never arrived. 

Police precincts were growing more and more concerned with each abduction. As they had no evidence or connection between each of the girls besides they were all young, attractive, college-aged, white women with their brown hair parted down the middle. On June 1st, 1974, Brenda Carol Ball, disappeared from the Flame Tavern in Burien, near the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. She had last been seen in the parking lot with a brown-haired man with his arm in a sling. Not too long after that, on June 11th, 1974 Georgann Hawkins disappeared walking down a brightly lit alleyway between her boyfriend’s dormitory and her own sorority house. After Georgann’s disappearance was made public in the media, witnesses came forward reporting that they saw a man that night in an alley behind a nearby dormitory. He was on crutches with a leg cast and was struggling to carry a briefcase. Another witness had said that the man actually asked for her help. At this time Ted was working in Olympia as the Assistant Director of the Seattle Crime Prevention Advisory Commission. He wrote pamphlets for women on rape prevention here. He also later worked at the Department of Emergency Services (DES), which helped look for the missing women. This is where he met Carol Anne Boone, and began dating her (as well as Elizabeth Kloepfer).

Carol Anne Boone

Pressure was immense on law enforcement at this time. This was very frustrating as panic spread through young women of the area, with six disappearances and one brutal beating. Rates of hitchhiking in young women dropped drastically. Police could not provide reporters with what little information they had because they did not want to compromise the investigation. Similarities between the victims were noted by the police in their investigations: The disappearances all took place at night, each disappearance was usually near ongoing construction work, also within a week of midterm or final exams. Every single victim was wearing slacks or blue jeans; and at most crime scenes, there were sightings of a man wearing a cast or a sling, and driving a brown or tan Volkswagen Beetle. On July 14th, 1974, five female witnesses on a beach at Lake Sammamish State Park in Issaquah, Washington, described an attractive man in a white tennis outfit with his arm in a sling. They also described him speaking in a light accent, possibly Canadian or British, and was introducing himself as Ted. He asked for their help in unloading a sailboat from his Volkswagen beetle. Four of the girls refused but one accompanied him to the point of the car in view. When she did not see a sailboat, she fled the area. Three other witnesses saw the man, now known as Ted, saw him approach Janice Ann Ott. He fed her the sailboat story and she was seen leaving the beach with him. Four hours after Janice’s disappearance, Denise Marie Naslund, vanished after leaving a picnic to use the restroom. 

Idaho/Utah Murders and Kidnappings

In August 1974, Ted moved to Salt Lake City, Utah, after receiving a second letter of acceptance from the University of Utah Law School. He continued to call Elizabeth Kloepfer as he lived in Salt Lake, but dated at least a dozen other women at the time. On September 2nd, 1974, Ted abducted, raped, and murdered a still unknown hitchhiker in Idaho. On October 2nd, 1974, Ted kidnapped 16-year-old Nancy Wilcox from Holladay, a suburb of Salt Lake City. On October 18th, 1974, The daughter of the police chief of Midvale, Melissa Anne Smith, vanished after leaving a pizza parlor. Her body was found nine days later, nude, in a mountainous area. Postmortem reports say she may have remained alive for up to seven days after her disappearance. On October 17th, 1974, Laura Ann Aime disappeared after leaving a cafe around midnight. Her body was found by hikers, nine miles northeast of American Fork Canyon on Thanksgiving Day. Both, Melissa and Laura had been beaten, raped, sodomized, and were strangled with nylon stockings. November 8th, 1974, Ted approached Carol DaRonch, introduced himself as Officer Roseland and used the story of someone attempting to break into her car and to accompany him to the police station to make a report. When Carol pointed out that he was not going to the police station, he immediately pulled over to the shoulder of the road and tried to handcuff her. In their struggle, he accidentally handcuffed both cuffs to the same wrist. Carol was able to throw the door open and escape because of this. On the same evening, Debra Jean Kent disappeared after leaving a theater production to pick up her brother. The school's drama teacher and a student told police that "a stranger" had asked each of them to come out to the parking lot to identify a car. Another student later saw the same man pacing in the rear of the auditorium, and the drama teacher spotted him again shortly before the end of the play. Outside of the auditorium, investigators were able to recover a key that unlocked the handcuffs on Carol DaRonch’s wrists. 

In November, Elizabeth Kloepfer called King County police for the second time, after reading about the string of disappearances and murders in the towns surrounding Salt Lake. Bundy had risen considerably as a suspect among the King County Police, but the most reliable witness from Lake Sammamish could not identify in a photo lineup. In December, Elizabeth called the Salt Lake City police with her suspicions. Ted was then added to their list of suspects, but there were no credible forensic links to put him at any of the Utah crimes. In January of 1975, Ted returned to Seattle and stayed a week with Elizabeth. She did not tell him she had reported him to the police on three occasions. She also made plans to visit him in August of 1975 in Salt Lake. Unfortunately, Ted’s crimes moved to Colorado at this point. 

Colorado/Utah/Idaho Murders

January 12th, 1975, Caryn Eileen Campbell disappeared walking down a well lit hallway between the elevator and her room at the Wildwood Inn in Snowmass Village, Colorado. Her body was found a month later on a dirt road next to the resort, nude. On March 15th, 1975, Julie Cunningham disappeared while walking to a dinner date with a friend from her apartment. April 6th, 1975, Denise Lynn Oliverson vanished while riding her bicycle to her parents house. Her bike and sandals were found near a railroad bridge in a viaduct. May 6th, 1975, Ted was able to lure 12-year-old Idaho native from Alameda Junior High School, Lynette Dawn Culver, to his hotel room in Salt Lake City, where he drowned and raped her. He disposed of her body in possibly the Snake river north of Pocatello. In Mid-May, three of Ted’s coworkers from DES came to stay with him for a week. This included Carol Anne Boone. They stayed for about a week. Subsequently, Ted visited Elizabeth Kloepfer in early June. They discussed getting married the following Christmas. She again made no comments about her talking to police on several occasions. Ted also did not disclose his ongoing relationship with Carol Anne Boone or his relationship with a Utah law student known as both; Kim Andrews or Sharon Auer. June 28th, 1975, Susan Curtis disappeared from the campus of Brigham Young University, forty-five miles south of Salt Lake City. In August of 1975, Ted was also baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints although he did not follow any of the religious practices and was not an active participant in services. 

On August 16th, 1975, Officer Bob Hayward of the Utah Highway Patrol, arrested Ted in Granger. This was another suburb of Salt Lake City. Hayward had observed him cruising the residential area in the pre-dawn hours. Ted then fled the area at high speeds after seeing Hayward’s patrol car. After noticing the front passengers seat was removed and placed on the back seat, the car was searched. Hayward found a ski mask, another mask fashioned from pantyhose, a crowbar, handcuffs, trash bags, rope, an ice pick, and other burglary tools. Ted had said that the mask was for skiing, he found the handcuffs in the dumpster, and the rest were household items. Detective Jerry Thompson remembered a similar looking suspect and car description from Carol DaRonch’s attempted kidnapping. Police then searched Bundy’s apartment and were able to turn up a guide to Colorado’s ski resorts with a checkmark next to the Wildwood Inn. They were also able to find a brochure for Viewmont High School play in Bountiful where Debra Kent disappeared. They although did not find enough evidence to detain Ted and he was released on his own recognizance. Ted claimed later that investigators missed his collection of polaroid photos of his victims and he destroyed them after his release. Salt Lake police placed Ted under a 24 hour surveillance. 

Detective Thompson flew to Seattle with two other detectives to interview Elizabeth Kloepfer. Elizabeth told them that in the year prior to Ted’s move to Salt Lake, she had discovered things that she "couldn't understand" in her house and also in Ted's apartment. The items she found included crutches, a bag of plaster of Paris that he had admitted stealing from a medical supply house, and a meat cleaver that was never used for cooking. Additional things she found included surgical gloves, an Oriental knife in a wooden case that he just kept in the glove compartment of his car, and a sack full of women's clothing.  Ted was so far into debt, that Elizabeth suspected that he had stolen almost everything of significance that he owned. When she confronted him over a new TV and stereo, he warned her, "If you tell anyone, I'll break your fucking neck.” Elizabeth then mentioned that she would find Ted looking at her body with a flashlight under the covers on more than one occasion, and that he would get very upset if she mentioned cutting her hair. Which was long, brown, and parted in the middle. Detectives interviewing Elizabeth were able to confirm that Ted was not with her on any of the nights where the Pacific Northwest disappearances occurred. This is where Elizabeth learned about Stephanie Brooks and their brief engagement in 1973. In September, Ted sold his beetle to a Midvale teenager, but Utah police impounded it and dismantled it. They were able to find matching hair samples from Caryn Campbell. They also found “microscopically indistinguishable” hair strands from Melissa Smith and Carol DaRonch. On October 2nd, 1975, Police put Ted into a lineup and Carol DaRonch was able to identify him as Officer Roseland. Other witnesses were able to identify him as the stranger from the auditorium at Viewmont High School. He was able to be charged with aggravated kidnapping and attempted criminal assault in Carol DaRonch’s case. He was released on $15,000 bail, which was paid by his parents. He continued to live with Elizabeth Kloepfer during this time. 

In February 1976, Ted stood trial for Carol DaRonch’s kidnapping. He waived his right to trial by jury because of the negative views surrounding the case and opted for a bench trial. After a four day trial, and a weekend of deliberation, Ted was found guilty of kidnapping and assault. In June he was sentenced to one to fifteen years in the Utah State Prison. In October, he was found hiding in bushes in the prison yard carrying an "escape kit". This included road maps, airline schedules, and a social security card. He spent several weeks in solitary confinement for this. Later in October, Colorado authorities charged him with Caryn Campbell's murder. He waived his right to extradition and was transferred to Aspen in January 1977. 

June 7, 1977, Ted was transported from the Garfield County jail in Glenwood Springs to Pitkin County Courthouse in Aspen for a preliminary hearing. He waived his right to a court appointed attorney and opted to serve as his own, and as such, was excused by the judge from wearing handcuffs or leg shackles. During a recess of the trial, he asked to visit the courthouse's law library to research his case. While out of view from his guards, behind a bookcase, he opened a window and jumped to the ground from the second story. He managed to injure his right ankle in the process as he landed. He shed the outer layer of his clothing. He walked through Aspen as roadblocks were being set up on its outskirts after noticing his disappearance, then hiked southward onto Aspen Mountain. Near the summit of the mountain, he broke into a hunting cabin. He was able to steal food, clothing, and a rifle. The following day he left the cabin and continued south toward the town of Crested Butte. Although, during this time he had managed to get lost in the forest. For two days he wandered aimlessly in the mountain forest, missing the two trails that led downward to his intended destination. On June 10th, 1977, he broke into a camping trailer on Maroon Lake, taking food and a ski parka; instead of continuing southward, he walked back north toward Aspen, eluding the roadblocks and search parties along the way. Three days later, he stole a car at the edge of an Aspen Golf Course. He drove back into Aspen, where two police officers noticed his car weaving in and out of its lane and pulled him over. He had been a fugitive for six days.

Back in jail at Glenwood Springs, Ted again ignored legal advice to stay put (not to try to escape again). It was said that the case against him, already weak at best, was deteriorating steadily as pre-trial motions consistently resolved in his favor and significant bits of evidence were ruled inadmissible. A quote stating, "A more rational defendant might have realized that he stood a good chance of acquittal, and that beating the murder charge in Colorado would probably have dissuaded other prosecutors... with as little as a year and a half to serve on the DaRonch conviction, had Ted persevered, he could have been a free man.” had shown that. But instead, Ted assembled a new escape plan. He acquired a detailed floor plan of the jail and a hacksaw blade from other inmates, and collected $500 in cash. This was smuggled in over a six-month period, by visitors, Mostly Carol Boone. During the evenings, while other prisoners were showering, he sawed a hole about one square foot, between the steel reinforcing bars in his cell's ceiling and, having lost 35 pounds, he was able to wriggle through it into the crawl space above. In the weeks that followed, he made several “practice runs”, exploring the space. Multiple reports from an informant of movement within the ceiling during the night were not investigated. By late 1977, Bundy's impending trial had become very high flying in the media in the small town of Aspen. Ted then filed a motion for a change of venue to Denver. On December 23rd, 1977, the Aspen trial judge granted the request, but he was sent to Colorado Springs, where juries had historically been hostile to murder suspects. On the night of December 30, with most of the jail staff on Christmas break and nonviolent prisoners on furlough with their families. Bundy piled books and files in his bed, covered them with a blanket to simulate his sleeping body, and climbed into the crawl space. He broke through the ceiling into the apartment of the chief jailer, who had been out for the evening with his wife. He changed into street clothes from the jailer's closet, and literally walked out the front door to his freedom.

Florida Murders and Assaults

Ted arrived in Tallahassee, Florida on January 8th, 1978, and rented a room under the alias of Chris Hagen at the Holiday Inn. Here Bundy tried to find work and leave his criminal past behind, thinking he’d be able to remain free if he didn’t bring police suspicion onto himself. He then was forced to leave his only job application after being asked to provide identification. He reverted to shoplifting and stealing credit cards from women’s wallets out of shopping carts. On January 15th, 1978, he entered Florida State University’s sorority Chi Omega. Starting at 2:45am, he bludgeoned Margaret Bowman and then garoted her with a nylon stocking. He moved on to Lisa Levy’s bedroom, who was beaten unconscious, strangled her, tore one of her nipples, bit deeply into her left buttock, and sexuallly assaulted her with a hair mist bottle. In the bedroom adjoining Lisa's, he attacked Kathy Kliener. He had broken her jaw and had a deep laceration on her shoulder. Karen Chandler was also attacked in her bedroom, she suffered a concussion, loss of teeth, a broken jaw, and a crushed finger. Kathy and Karen both survived and attributed their survival to the attacker being scared off by headlights illuminating through the window. The whole attack happened within fifteen minutes with thirty witnesses in earshot who seemingly heard nothing. Shortly after leaving the sorority, Ted broke into the basement apartment of Cheryl Thomas, eight blocks away. He dislocated her shoulder and fractured her jaw and skull in five different places during this attack. 

On February 8th, 1978, he approached the daughter of Jacksonville chief of Police, 12-year-old Leslie Parmenter, introducing himself as “Richard Burton, fire department”. He only backed off when challenged by Leslie’s older brother who had shown up to pick her up. That day, he backtracked to Lake City. February 9th, 1978, at Lake City Junior High, 12-year-old Kimberly Dianne Leach was summoned to retrieve a forgotten purse in her homeroom class and was never seen afterwards. Her mummified remains were found seven weeks afterwards in a pig farrowing shed near Suwannee River State Park. It appears she had been raped (her underwear was found near the body with semen in them) and her throat had been slit. On February 12th, 1978, Bundy could not pay his rent and had the growing suspicion that police were closing in on him, he decided to flee Tallahassee. Three days later he was apprehended by Pensacola officer, David Lee, near the Alabama border. In Miami, June of 1979, Ted stood trial for the Chi Omega killings and assaults. The jury deliberated for less than seven hours before convicting him on July 24, 1979, of the Bowman and Levy murders, three counts of attempted first degree murder and two counts of burglary. In January 1980, six months after his first Florida convictions, Ted stood trial in Orlando for the kidnapping of Kimberly Dianne Leach. After less than eight hours of deliberation, Ted was found guilty again. During the penalty phase of his trial, Bundy took advantage of an obscure Florida law; providing that a marriage declaration in court, in the presence of a judge, constituted a legal marriage. As he was questioning former Washington State DES coworker Carole Ann Boone, who had moved to Florida to be near Bundy, had testified on his behalf during both of his trials, and was again testifying on his behalf as a character witness, asked her to marry him. She accepted, and Bundy declared to the court that they were legally married. February 10th, 1980, Ted’s was sentenced to death by electrocution for the third time. In October of 1981, Carol Anne Boone, gave birth to a daughter and named Ted Bundy as the father. 

Ted Bundy died by the Raiford electric chair at 7:16 a.m. EST on January 24, 1989. Hundreds of revelers sang, danced and set off fireworks in a pasture across from the prison as the execution was carried out, then cheered as the white hearse containing Bundy's corpse departed the prison. He was cremated in Gainesville, Florida and his ashes scattered at an undisclosed location in the Cascade Range of Washington State, in accordance with his will. 

[mymelodyheart]

Highland Destiny Chapter 21 ~Faith and Hope~

"Jaaaa-mie, breakfast is ready!"

Jamie smelt burned food as he came out of the shower and walked into the adjoining bedroom. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he sat on the slipper chair to check his phone.  Burnt waffles!   He smiled. This was Claire's third attempt in the week in making waffles after revealing that he loved them.

"Jamie, is there really a need for Angus to drive me to the doctor's today? Surely, I can go by myself. My car hardly gets used, and really, it needs a run." Claire ambled into the bedroom with a mug of black coffee, wearing a short silk floral blue robe loosely tied around her waist, her stomach protruding at the opening.

Jamie sighed, looking up to his wife. "Sassenach, we've been through this before. I can't have ye walking around on yer own in town while I'm away in Paris. I can't take any chances with all the headcases crawling out of the woodwork."

The news of Jamie's marriage had spread like wildfire when they returned to Inverness three and a half months ago. He hadn't liked the intrusion on Claire's privacy as the press found out the identity of his wife. There were several candid pictures taken of her in town and unscrupulously published in a tabloid newspaper. The last straw was when Jamie's representatives had intercepted hate mails and messages on his public social media accounts. Although most were petty and seemingly harmless, one message was traced to Laoghaire MacKenzie's brother with death threats. The threats came after it was revealed that the MacKenzie/Christie case may be taken to the Scottish High courts.

Fearing for his wife's safety, more than his own, Jamie had ensconced themselves in his penthouse apartment with the round the clock security surveillance. He loathed leaving the cottage since it was the first place Jamie had felt at home since leaving Lallybroch, and for the most part, Claire loved it there. Jamie was aware it would have been a matter of time before the media discovered their hideaway, and he was mindful that Tom Christie knew the address of the cottage.

Claire stood in front of him with an exaggerated pout as she handed him the coffee. Jamie knew his wife was restless after being relieved from work after a photographer had nearly hampered an emergency case Claire was working on; moreover, there was the doctor's warning about stress because of her high blood pressure.

Jamie took the coffee off Claire's hand and placed it on the table. He undid her robe to kiss her belly before pulling her down onto his lap, her legs straddling him. "Now Sassenach, ye promise me ye'll not try to lose Angus this time. The poor man was almost out of his wits with worry the last time ye tried to abscond. I know ye don't like the security and the fuss, but we have the baby to think about now, aye? And I'm so sorry I cannae be with ye for the doctor's appointment." He leaned forward for a kiss, his large hands firm on her hips. "Mmm, ye taste of hazelnut chocolate spread."

"I promise." Claire sighed as her arms snaked around his neck. "Besides, I have a project that I'm working on, and I'll need Angus' brawn with the shopping, so I need to stay on his good side. Shall I message you later when I find out the gender of the baby?"

"Ye can call me anytime, Sassenach, but no... I want the gender of our baby to be a surprise. But keep me updated what the doctor says about yer health." Jamie's first and foremost concern was Claire's well being as he tried to push away thoughts of how his mother had died, giving birth to a stillborn child. He didn't want to leave her, but he needed to sort out some paperwork in Paris concerning Château Cheval Blanc.

"Alright then, if you want it to be a surprise, the baby's room is off-limits to you. I plan to decorate it while you're away, and Geillis and Gail promised to come around to help with some ideas."

"Mmmm...off-limits. Got it. Now let see what delectables you have for my breakfast," Jamie breathed nuzzling her neck as he slipped off Claire's robe down her arms. 

"Jamie! We just did it this morning, and you have a plane to catch!" But his warm breath against her skin was already sending tingling sensation down her spine.

Jamie ignored her remark. "Christ Sassenach, yer tits are so massive, and yer arse is so plump and round." He nibbled her earlobe delicately, one hand cupping the weight of her breast and another squeezing her arse, as he pulled her closer to his hard arousal. "Feel that Sassenach, that's what ye do to me when ye walk around half-naked. Damn, ye're so bonnie...so sexy," he whispered in a ragged voice.

"And you're so ravenous and insatiable...how are you going to survive a few days in Paris, huh?" Claire whispered as her hips started to move against him, pulling his head down to her breast. She smiled as he groaned, his hip movements matching her own.

Impatiently, Jamie raised Claire by the hips to pull down her panties and whipped off his towel before lowering her down to his cock. Then he reached down to their adjoining nakedness and stroked her sensitive spot. "Weel, ye just have to talk dirty to me tonight on the phone. They call it in French,  en libre service ." He chuckled softly as he heard her gasp, knowing she was shocked and roused at his suggestion.

Claire's head lolled back as Jamie bent his head to tease a nipple. " En libre service?  Alright Jamie, tell me more about it...what would you like to hear as by way of example..." she whispered as a whimper escaped her lips.

Jamie raised his head from her breast, and with one hand behind her neck, pulled her closer. As Claire began to rock more frantically against him, he whispered all the naughty things he intended to do to her once he was back from Paris.

.........

Joe had suggested accompanying Claire to see the doctor, which he had done on previous occasions as Jamie had been very busy with work. He had recommended as soon as she was back from Lallybroch to make an appointment for a screening test, acknowledging that there was a high probability of abnormality with her baby after she had ingested ketamine a few weeks back. Joe had voiced his concern to Claire, but she had been adamant that whatever they find wrong with the baby, she refused to terminate her pregnancy. Joe knew if Jamie had found out that there was a risk of developmental challenges, disability or risk to Claire's life, he would have had wanted a say as Joe had known how his mother had died. Stubborn as Claire was, she had prohibited Joe from voicing his concern to Jamie, thinking this was probably the only chance she'll ever be pregnant. As it turned out and much to his relief and surprise, and after a series of doctor's appointments, Claire and her baby were in perfect health. And today they were about to find out the gender.

"Are you excited, LJ? I'd say though, you look massive for 21 weeks," he chortled as he looked her over on the examination bed and held her hand. "Importantly though, I'm glad that you're passing through all examinations with flying colours and you're positively glowing."

Claire's face turned a shade crimson as she thought of Jamie, secretly attributing her glow from their lovemaking earlier in the day. "You know, as much as I'm enjoying this pregnancy, I can't wait for the baby to be born. Jamie is driving me nuts with his worry. He has enough on his plate already, and he still insists on cooking when he comes home from work. And for crying out loud, he even hired a cleaner to come twice weekly. And he's so paranoid with the trial, he had the cleaner screened thoroughly."

"Well, after what you've been through, coupled with being a first-time parent, I can hardly blame him. And you missy, knowing how stubborn you are, you tend to do as you please which makes all the more difficult for him. Go easy on Jamie...you know how much he loves you and with his mother's history..."

Claire sighed. "I know, I know. It's just so difficult not doing anything but I guess, I'll be busy enough doing the nursery."

"Mrs Fraser, Dr Abernathy, hello, are we ready for the scan?" Claire and Joe turned towards the door as her doctor, Dr Grant, a woman in her fifties and a female sonographer walked in. "We've done this before, and it shouldn't take long, so whenever we're ready..."

Indeed it was all very a standard routine test, and Claire only felt the mild discomfort of the coldness of the lubricating gel slathered onto her belly, and the handheld probe pressing near her full bladder, making Claire want to burst. When the first images appeared on the screen, she could hardly make out any semblance as the monitor was not in her direct vision, but she could hear soundwaves coming from the ultrasound probe. But when Joe's head tilted funnily and his brows furrowed, Claire became worried.

"Joe, what is it?" Trying to suppress a rising panic, she tried to turn her head around to her side to take a look at the screen monitor, but she couldn't make out the images.

Joe's eyes were about to pop out. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked nobody in particular.

"Joe!!!!! For fuck sake Joe, what is it?!?"

Dr Grant smiled. "Congratulations Mrs Fraser...it looks like you're expecting twins."

"Twins? There was no mention of twins in Claire's previous examination," Joe said with utter disbelief.

"Well, they call it the hidden twin and sometimes they're not detected until later. See here?" Dr Grant pointed, "There's the second baby. And it's quite clear from here the twins are girls."

"Sweet Mother of Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Jamie wanted a surprise... well... he's definitely in for a surprise."

..........

"Och twin girls, Claire, double the trouble an' double the fun. Ah bet Jamie nearly had a heart attack," Geillis smirked as she danced around the nursery, not really concentrating in measuring the walls for wallpaper.

Claire was sat in a reclining chair she had recently bought, sipping cold lemon water as she watched her friend. "Jamie doesn't know."

"What? Why didnae ye tell him?" Geillis stopped mid-twirl.

"Well, I did ask him before he left for Paris if he wanted to know the result of the scan and Jamie said he wanted it to be a surprise. And surprise he will get." Indeed a surprise considering Claire was still in a state of shock. She had yet to wrap her head around the prospect of having twins, let alone the impact it would have on their lives and her career as a doctor. She had wanted, after her maternity leave, to complete her residency at the Northern Royal Infirmary, instead of continuing to work at the Scottish Ambulance Service. Murtagh had thought too that it was for the best as he didn't want any more press lurking around the emergency department.

"But Claire, he was probably talkin' aboot the gender. Surely he would want tae ken how many mouths he has tae provide for. No' that he cannae afford it,"

"Good Lord, Geillis, it's bad enough him knowing I have a baby...imagine what he would be like when he finds out we're having twins. So promise me that you'll zip your mouth, alright? The only people who know about the twins are Jenny, Joe and you. So not a word!"

Geillis made an action of zipping her mouth, her cheeks dimpling wickedly. "That wee secret of yours will be hard tae keep an' surely, Jamie will start to wonder you're unusual size at yer next stage of pregnancy. An' how about the bairns' shower? An' the nursery? How will ye keep that all a secret from Jamie?"

Claire waved the key to the nursery room. "The nursery is off-limits to Jamie, and he knows that too, but as a precaution, in case he does get tempted to take a peek, the door will be locked. And Jamie will be too busy at work in the next few months...he said so himself as he planned to have paternity leave. And as for the baby shower, Jenny had already offered to organise it. That woman is truly a wonder."

"Speaking of the wee fox cub, there are pictures of him in Paris hittin' the news already. The press in France sure loves him. Ah wonder how the public took the story now that he's nae longer in the single market."

"I don't want to know Geillis, and I don't read news about Jamie. I just hope he doesn't blurt out that we're having a baby because he does have that tendency. Thank God the press doesn't know about it yet, and I guess, having Angus around to drive me about and accompany me, has its perks."

.........

October

Jamie noticed his godfather came more often to the gym than he used to. Usually taken to running to keep himself fit, he had been doing a lot more strength building and trained more often with Jamie. And the change didn't stop there. Ever since Jamie was a wee bairn, he'd always only seen Murtagh with a full beard, so it was a shock when his godfather walked into the gym with a clean-shaven face.

"Dare I ask what's with the sudden change in your looks?" He tried to suppress a smile, but Jamie had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with his aunt Jocasta. Ian had already informed him that his aunt will be flying back to Scotland soon and visiting Inverness and apparently, to be there when Claire gives birth to their baby.

"Dinna bother and one word about my beard, I'll wallop ye," Murtagh warned in a gruff voice as he started his warm-up exercises doing arm swings and standing-trunk-twists next to his godson.

Jamie didn't say another word, and Murtagh only broke the silence as they went on to their next warm-up on the stationary bicycle. "How's Beauchamp?" Despite Claire not working for the Ambulance service anymore, Murtagh continued to call her by her maiden name.

"Aye, she's braw." Jamie paused, hesitating as he pedalled vigorously on the bike. "Say, what do ye think about Claire's size? That bairn she's carrying looks massive in her tummy."

Murtagh glanced at him as if he was asking a stupid question. "Weel, with yer muckle size, what did ye expect? Obviously, the baby must take after ye...size-wise that is."

"Hmm, I've never seen a pregnant tummy that huge. I'm just worried about Claire...she can hardly get off the chair, and she tires easily. Do ye think that's normal?" Jamie asked, reflectively.

"I dinna ken. Why ye asking me? Ask yer sister," Murtagh muttered as he doubled his efforts on the bike.

"I did. I know Jenny has more experience when it comes to pregnancy, but she just dismissed it as Claire being a tall lassie. She said, the taller the lass, the bigger the tummy. That doesna make any sense at all."

"When is she due?"

"In two months...December she said. But the way I see it, she looks like she's about to pop."

Murtagh just mentally shrugged, not really interested in pregnancy talks. "Jamie, I've meant to ask ye something..."

Jamie got off the bike and waited for his godfather. When Murtagh finally finished, they walked over to the rowing machine. "What is it?"

"Aye weel, I was thinking..."

"Aunt Jocasta?"

"Ye're very perceptive! How dae ye ken?"

"For fuck sake Murtagh, I saw ye fondling my aunt's arse back in Lallybroch as both of ye dancing to slow music during the party...the whole hamlet knows," Jamie pointed out laughing, as he settled down on the rowing machine.

Murtagh's face turned red, and it was even more evident without his beard. But Jamie couldn't tell if his reddened face was down to being found out or exertion from their warm-up.

.........

November

Claire was doing some finishing touches to her hair, and as usual, her locks refused to cooperate, so she opted to leave it loose around her shoulders instead. It was aunt Jocasta's birthday, and she had the whole French restaurant booked for the venue. As Jamie was going to be late for the dinner, Murtagh and Jocasta had offered to pick Claire up on the way.  

Claire was slightly worried about going to the party as she knew pregnancy with twins means she can go on to labour before the nine months term. She was already on her 37th week, and Jamie had no idea she was carrying more than one baby. Dr Grant had informed her during one of her more regular visits that at 38th week they would have to induce the birth, assuring her everything was perfect even if she had been complaining of sharp back pains. Twice, Claire had gone to the hospital with Geillis thinking it was time and each time it had been a false alarm. Despite the possibility of complication, Claire had insisted on keeping it secret, knowing Jamie was too busy with work. She wished now she had confided to more people, but Geillis had promised all will be well and to stop worrying as it was not good for the bairns.

When the doorbell rang, Claire waddled to the door, feeling slightly out of breath, as she felt shooting pain in her back. It was Murtagh on his own as he had left Jocasta in the car.

"Christ lass, are ye alright? Ye looked a bit flushed," Murtagh asked with concern in his voice.

And just as Claire had feared and of all days to happen, her water broke.

"Oh...ahh...I think I'm about to give birth," Claire breathed heavily, holding onto the door. As she felt herself sway, Murtagh, caught her in his arms just on time.

..........

Jamie was just finishing some paperwork when his godfather had called to inform him Claire was taken to the hospital. At the mention of the word hospital, he didn't let Murtagh finished his sentence and was already on his feet, dropping everything he was doing. His heart was hammering as Jamie weaved through the traffic, willing his car to go faster, cursing himself for working late. All sorts went through his head and the one memory he didn't want to think about kept resurfacing in his mind: his mother's death giving birth.  Dear God, please let her be safe.

When Jamie reached the Northern Royal Infirmary, Joe was already there to greet him. "C'mon buddy. You're about to become a da! Claire's in labour. I think the babies are too eager to come out," Joe announced calmly as he led Jamie to the lift that would take them to the maternity ward.

"Babies? Da? I thought she wasn't due until December. Murtagh only said Claire was taken to the hospital, so I presumed it must have had something to do with her high blood pressure..."   Christ, what the fuck is going on...why is Claire having the baby now?

Joe caught himself. "Erm, I mean Claire and the baby are ready. It happened so quickly, and we didn't think...Anyway, she's fully dilated and is on active labour now. The contractions are so close together...so you'll be a da anytime soon."

Fully dilated? What the fuck does that mean?  Jamie had attended only a couple of Lamaze classes with Claire, and he remembered the breathing techniques. 

Joe looked at Jamie oddly. "What are you doing, Jamie?"

Jamie was doing rapid, short breaths. "Practicing for the birth? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Christ, am I doing it all wrong?"

Joe smiled and slapped Jamie on the back. "That's Claire's job. You're only there to assist her with the breathing. C'mon, calm down. Claire's doing wonderfully, and Gail is there with her."

"Oh Christ Almighty, I'm really going to be a da. Oh God...oh God. Christ, can't this lift go any faster?" Jamie was impatiently moving around and fidgeting in the lift much to Joe's amusement.

When the lift finally opened, Joe guided Jamie through the corridors of the maternity ward, and Jamie grimaced inwardly as he heard birthing screams and moans at each door he passed by. "Right buddy, do you want to be in the room with Claire, or do you want to wait until it's over? You don't have to you know...Claire's in good hands."

Jamie didn't hesitate, as he removed his tie and stuffed it in his suit pocket. "Aye, aye. I want to be there. I'm ready." He slammed a fist on his hand, puffing big breaths out as if he's about to enter a boxing ring.

"Right, you need to wear scrubs as we're going to the operating theatre."

Jamie's face turned white. "What? Why the operating theatre? Are there any complications? I thought everything was going well?" 

"Standard procedure buddy just in case the doctor deems it necessary to perform caesarian..." In actual fact and what Joe didn't tell Jamie was that most twin or multiple births are done in the operating theatre in case one of the babies refused to come out of the womb and the doctors are forced to perform a caesarian.

"Caesarian? Th-they'll cut her open? Claire had always wanted a natural birth...is it truly necessary?"

"Not necessarily...like what I said it's all precautionary. Calm down now...Claire needs you, remember that. "

A few minutes later, dressed in scrubs, a very nervous Jamie was led into the operating theatre. He stood there for a minute, dumbfounded taking the whole scene in, thinking what a pair of healthy lungs Claire had, and the sounds she was making made him tremble on his feet. Jamie saw his wife surrounded by medical staff, and there were monitors and bright lights everywhere and not the birthing room he had expected.

"YOU BEASTLY SCOT, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?" Claire screamed as soon as she realised Jamie was there, to the astonishment and shock of the doctors and nurses. Ever since she was wheeled into the hospital, Claire had been shouting all sorts of profanities that would shock a naval officer. Even Jenny and Ian, who were attending Jocasta's party, and were immediately on the scene, was shocked but amused at Claire's very colourful use of the language. 

"Mr James Fraser?"

"Aye?" Jamie's eyes darted from the doctor's face to his wife, who had a look as if she's about to commit murder, her riot of curls wild if not plastered to her perspiring face.

"Yer wife is about to give birth, you can stand here or take a stool next to her."

Jamie didn't need prodding and immediately went to Claire, nearly slipping and sliding under the operating bed from his awkward and shaky movement. As he caught himself, Jamie leaned over his wife, one arm around her head and the other, taking her hand in his. "Ssshh Sassenach, so sorry...so verra sorry. I'm here now, and I love ye...love ye to bits. And ye're so beautiful...and I love ye..." He regretted holding her hand after realising what a strong grip she had, her fingernails digging into the back of his. He winced but kept his hold firm, as his other hand stroke her hair, keeping it away from her face. 

Claire let out another howl as she pushed with her back. "I FUCKING HATE YOU JAMIE FRASER. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR BALLS.....AAAAAHHHHHH!"

Jamie swallowed audibly as he felt Claire's body convulsed with pain. He closed his eyes, wishing he could take the pain away from her, and for once, he felt utterly useless.

"I can see the head Mrs Fraser, just a little bit more," a gentle voice reminded Claire, as she prepared to push, her face contorted in pain. 

Jamie's face was as white as the hospital's bedsheets, as Claire grunted and his heart thundered between his ears. His wife's nails, earlier digging painfully into the back of his hand was no longer felt as he heard the sound of a baby's wail to rival his wife. The room suddenly spun, and Claire's cries and the medical staffs' mutterings became distant. "Congratulations Mrs Fraser! Looks like this wee one inherited your pair of lungs," he heard one of the doctors said before he succumbed to the oblivion.

A couple of minutes later, a nurse hovered over Jamie, and he came to his senses immediately as something pungent and strong was waved under his nose. Realising at once what was happening, he quickly got onto his unsteady feet, breathing as many big breaths as his lungs can muster. He leaned over Claire, who was sobbing uncontrollably. Taking her into his arms, he looked around to catch a glimpse of the baby, but he couldn't see it. "Sassenach, shh...it's over now, the baby is here. Ye were so brave...so incredible, and I love ye so..."

"Right, Mr and Mrs Fraser, are you ready for baby number two? This next one is very impatient to come out, and we don't need to wait," announced a doctor with a smug smile on his face.

"W-What?? Wait a minute...what ye mean number two?" Jamie's voice faltered before he fainted once again for the second time, his head making a resounding thud on the floor.

It was too late for any of the nurses to check on Jamie, as the second baby came out without a hitch and with less push required from Claire. 

Once the babies were safely delivered and taken to be cleaned, the bewildered staff looked at Jamie's immobile body, still on the floor and then Claire, who was wildly dishevelled and wet from perspiration and exertion.

"Well, my darling husband wanted a surprise, and I merely obliged," Claire shrugged with a smile as she leaned back against the pillow, feeling all of a sudden tired and spent; nevertheless relieved and ecstatic that their baby girls were safe, whole and healthy.

..........

Jamie looked down at his wife, the twins nestled against her chest. After Claire and the babies were cleaned, they were rolled into their own private room in the hospital and were given an hour of family bonding. The bairns have latched on immediately as Claire breast-fed them and now slept contentedly. Jamie wasn't ready to share them to the world just yet even if he knew friends and family were waiting outside. Taking off his shoes, he slid into bed next to Claire, putting his arm above her head as he laid on his side, watching his bairns sleep.

He leaned towards his wife and kissed her on the forehead. "Ye were so incredible, Sassenach. The birth...ye...and everything has been a miracle. I dinna ken how ye've done it, but ye were so brave and strong." Jamie contemplated for a bit as he leaned to kiss the babies' head, inhaling their clean smell. "Ye've given me so much...yer love, our babies. I have so much joy in my heart that I feel I'm about to burst anytime soon."

Claire smiled, tenderly at her husband. "And I love you, Jamie Fraser and I'm sorry for shouting at you. How's your head?" she croaked hoarsely as all her screaming from earlier started to take its toll.

Jamie chuckled. "Och, it's fine. I dinna mean to faint like a wee lassie on ye, but it must have been all yer screaming that did it to me. I couldna bear the pain ye were going through. I wanted to take all yer pain, and I would have gladly suffered it for yer sake."

Claire was just lifting her face to kiss Jamie when the door to their room suddenly opened.

"Right, ye two, that's enough. Ye have plenty of time for cuddles later. We want to see the baby!" Jenny announced as she burst into the room, followed hesitantly by friends and family.

"Jenny!" Ian tried to pull back his wife, shrugging apologetically, but Jamie signalled them all to come in with a nod of his head, not moving from his position.

Jenny and Geillis were immediately leaning over Claire's side, crooning at the sight of the bairns as the rest congratulated the new parents.

"Och, they're no' identical... one's got dark hair an' the other lighter," Geillis chirped excitedly as she gently touched each baby's head.

Everybody crowded around the bed to have a better look. "Do we have names for the bairns yet?" Aunt Jocasta piped in as she stood by his nephew's side, one hand on his shoulder.

Jamie straightened up from his position. "Weel, everybody, Claire and I'd like to introduce ye to our beautiful lassies, Hope and Faith Fraser...our wee bundles of joy and miracle..." 

"Hope and Faith...how fitting after what both of you have been through," Joe said, smiling.

"Aye, Claire and I have talked about names. We have already decided on the name Faith awhile back if the bairn is to be a girl. But my wife never told me about a second girl," he laughed, lightly tapping Claire on her nose.

Claire looked at Jenny, smiling. "We thought too of the name Brian after your father, if the baby was a boy."

Murtagh peered his head to take a look. "So which one is which?"

"Well, Hope is with lighter hair and Faith is with the darker hair," Claire explained, her tired face breaking into a contented smile as she leaned her head towards Jamie's shoulder.

Jamie felt Claire's head bobbed up and down, trying to keep lucid in front of their friends and family. To his relief, the nurse came in to take the babies and announce visiting hours were over. By the time all of them left, Claire was already sound asleep, weary from all the excitement and effort of giving birth. Jamie remained where he was, holding his wife tight against him, thinking of the future for his young family. He said a silent prayer of gratitude as he stroke Claire's hair, and for the first time that day, Jamie allowed tears of happiness to flow freely until he too eventually fell into a peaceful sleep.

[split-n-splice]

This arc is for introducing some faces around them. Everyone's got their problems to contend with~

[Chapter Guide | FFn | Ao3]

28. Aura of Others – 2

She knew the morning was off to a good start when a scream followed the frantic beeping of an unfamiliar alarm clock, and she cracked her eyes open in time to see a familiar blue someone flail and tumble out of bed. She was glad the lamp was on so she could catch the spectacular fall from grace.

She barely kept the laugh to herself as the startled man picked himself up, staring at her wide-eyed over the edge of the bed. Panic-stricken and stammering, he welcomed her to sleep in for another half hour, or an hour, or all day if she pleased, but she had to decline no matter how tempting. She had places to be, unfortunately.

The second Drakken excused himself hastily to his own private bathroom, she threw back the sheets to check for any sign of burnt fiber. She was pleasantly surprised and gave herself a pat on the back for making it through the night without incident, even as her face burned as she quickly dressed. She hoped the gambler wouldn’t push his luck next time either – and then banished the thought from her mind. There wouldn’t be a next time. This was a one-time occurrence. A simple test of will.

She had the feeling she was lying to herself as she wore another of Drakken’s sweaters to Buckley’s to hide the fact she hadn’t exactly changed out of yesterday’s outfit. And she knew she wasn’t fooling anyone else either when he was the first customer of the day, smiling pleasantly as she served him joe to go. When he turned to leave, Shilo had to tear her stare away from the green elastic band holding the ponytail he’d taken the time to neatly put up himself.

Eyes of future-henchgirls drove daggers into her back. She heard the low voice of Buckley in the kitchen muttering to Chester, but couldn’t make out what she rumbled. No doubt something displeased, and Shilo was sure it was about her. If it weren’t for the generous tip Drakken slipped into the jar, the baker might have said – or done – something to him to chase him off.

As it were, Drakken was in no hurry to leave, courteously holding a door open for a blithe young man with a pep in his step that made Shilo’s blood run cold before inciting the dreaded fire once again.

She felt suddenly far too small for the sweater hung around her. If only she could disappear into it. If only it wouldn’t be so childish to duck behind the counter to make Gail take the order. It was too late for hiding now anyway.

Ignoring Drakken lingering at the open door was just as hard as looking up at the next customer. She forced a smile for the increasingly familiar boy beaming back at her, and she warmed over as if standing in a sunray from heaven. She couldn’t say she liked it, but she couldn’t say she didn’t either.

“I, um. H-hey—,” she clamped her mouth shut and gave a small cough to clear her throat. She tried again before Abigail could shove her aside to take over, and managed to utter a coherent greeting the second time. “What can I get you, angel boy?”

Angel boy smothered his grin and glanced to the case. “Caramel latte and a cinnamon roll to go today, please,” he answered promptly as if he’d rehearsed it. If he was uneasy, he disguised it well.

It would have been an easy enough task if she weren’t aware of Drakken still standing in the doorway, watching with unnerving interest. She almost spilled the latte when she handed it over. As she fumbled with the register, she caught a glimpse of the felon pointing at the angel boy, almost as if aiming a finger-gun at his back.

Drakken’s raised brow and inquiring gesture didn’t help the heat spreading across her face or building in her chest. She was eager to get them both out of the shop. She even considered calling for Buckley to scare the rogue doctor away, at the very least.

For as much as he stared and beamed at her, angel boy didn’t seem to notice the peeks she shot past him, or the dismissive flick of her wrist in a vain attempt to shoo Drakken off. She didn’t need to squirm under the analytical stare of a rogue scientist when she was already caught in the radiance of an angel boy, and she was all the more convinced she needed to get a grip on herself and Lady Fate’s gift.

“Hope to see you soon,” said angel boy warmly as he left, but Shilo could only spare the tiniest wave in goodbye before hiding her hands behind the counter once more.

Dr. Drakken was still rooted in place, continuing to hold the door open and let the heat out. The young man cast a perturbed glance up at him and another glance over his shoulder to Shilo before going on his merry way. It took Drakken another moment of standing there, watching the blond depart, before he turned his eyes back to Shilo. She tried to ignore the arch of his brow or the smile that split across his face.

“Interesting,” he piped, grinning smugly her way. Her face burned and she had to wring her hands under the counter to snuff out the heat in her palms. “I didn’t take you for a nervous Nellie.”

A small hand curled around Shilo’s shoulder. Abigail was a fraction of Buckley’s size, but with a little genetic manipulation and training, she could one day compare to the role model. She’d taken lessons from her, and must have been able to replicate the baker’s sneer perfectly because Drakken took a step back out the door when Gail curtly snapped at him, “There something wrong with your order, sir? No? Then get outta here. No loitering.”

Effectively told off, Drakken left with haste.

Later that day, when Shilo was at last relieved of duty for the afternoon, she almost made a beeline for the lair, compelled to chew out the man for stirring trouble with her at Buckley’s Brew, which had lived up more to its unscrupulous underground name of Jackass Joe’s on this fine day. Between customers, she’d suffered critical glares, poking, prodding, elbowing, and snide comments like two-timer and skank. On an average day, she could take every name in the book in stride, but it hadn’t made getting through this day easier when she was already fighting to put out the hellfire stoked by an angel.

She hadn’t made it far before the chill in the air wicked away the heat, and she breathed easier than she had all day. A misty drizzle fell, and she was convinced to go home instead when she missed the bus. She had better things to do than get herself worked up over a smug man who found her plight interesting.

Better things, such as going home and sweeping up the glass she’d left scattered across her bathroom floor.

When Shilo entered her dingy apartment, she jumped, spying a large rat dart behind the fridge. Swearing aloud, she raised a hand, drawing up energy into her palm, and readied a blast fit for a rodent as she shoved the fridge back. The vermin disappeared through a hole chewed in the drywall before she could take the shot.

The ball of plasma still crackled in her palm, bubbling and dripping, and Shilo found herself unable to recall the glow still desperate for an exit. It was abnormal, but not the first time she’d been faced with the predicament, and it was an unwelcome reminder she didn’t have as much control of it as she wished she did.

She realized as she washed the sizzling alien fire down the sink that she hadn’t done much to relieve herself of the bottled energy lately. She stared into the sink, hoping that washing plasma down it wouldn’t make the pipes any leakier, and optimistically added to herself that maybe it would unclog the drain.

She mulled it over while cleaning the neglected bathroom. With no glass door to hide behind anymore, the special prescription stared her down from its perch on the shelf in the medicine cabinet. She considered, between the lack of suppressant and lack of an outlet, maybe she was spilling over. Could she overflow? She knew she could get riled up and overcharge – there was even emergency protocol for that – but she couldn’t recall a time she’d ever gone more than a week without throwing a few plasma balls for target practice at the very least.

Rubbing her throbbing head, she tried to recall the last time she’d let loose at all. She’d used her glow as a light source a few nights ago on the way home from Vegas, but that was a low-level energy release with hardly any power behind it and no heat to the flame. She’d worked on hand-to-hand combat with the henchmen, but she’d played fair. The last time she could remember really giving her glow the slightest workout was the day Drakken gave her the new gloves. That had been weeks ago.

Bathroom clean enough to stand barefoot in again, she was dressing down to settle in for the evening when she emptied the pockets of her jeans out of habit. The bracelet and note she pulled out nearly caught fire – and she once again found herself unable to extinguish it without a little help.

This time she was rinsing the plasma down the bathroom sink though, and this time the suppressant was staring her in the face. She’d circumvent it if she could. And she would. She had to – because relying on the medication would only hamper her, and that just wasn’t happening anymore. It would only put her under GJ’s thumb and at their mercy.

Shilo forgot about her PJ’s waiting for her on the bathroom counter and dressed into a new pair of jeans, one of her own sweaters, and the slicker jacket, and headed out the door into the rainy evening.

She had energy to burn off.

It was only a hunch, but it was worth a shot. Besides, she had to try, or she might never make it through a date with an angel boy capable of thwarting her self-control and setting her on fire with a single look.

So she skulked through the rain as the twilight fell, her feet carrying her to a bridge over the river that ebbed and flowed like the tide. She cast a look around before stepping over the guardrail into a prohibited area of the canal, pushing her way through branches and bushes on her descent down the muddy slope to find flat ground beneath the bridge.

The river was a safe enough target. It swallowed each blast, the green blobs of molten plasma gulped up by the muddy water. Steam rose, and not just from the water, but from herself as well. She soon shed her slicker and her sweater, and she briefly considered that she might have been better off wearing her gear out here, but it was a little late in the evening to go back for it now.

She only stopped when she heard a vehicle stop on the bridge above. She realized, with a sudden frigid wave of dread, that a fogbank was flowing out from the downstream end of the bridge. It was sure to have caught some eyes.

Heaving for breath, she held her fire – and was glad she could finally recall it – as she pressed to the wall and waited for the curious witness to leave. When they didn’t move along, she held her breath and listened for a car door. Something. Anything.

The warmth burned down her arms again, and she was second-guessing if she really had her alien fire back under control after all – when finally she heard wet tires rolling. But the vehicle didn’t go far. She heard the engine cut, a door, and soon heard the squelching of footsteps coming down the muddy bank.

If it was an officer coming to investigate, her things were simply too far away to risk diving forward and grabbing. She’d be seen for sure. So she bolted the other direction, hooking around the wall and glancing back under the bridge before staring miserably up the embankment thick with vegetation above her.

Passing through it silently was hopeless, but she did her best, glad the recent rains had at least saturated the sticks and leaves enough to soften the sound of her slippery passage.

She ducked as she reached the top, fully expecting an officer or two, or at least a police cruiser – and felt her face heat when she saw the furthest thing from it.

An old brown station wagon with a taped-up back window was parked on the side of the road.

And behind her down the hill, someone was clearing his throat.

“You know there’s a flash flood advisory, don’t you?” Dr. Drakken called up at her, although he was the one presently standing in the danger zone by the water’s edge. He held her abandoned sweater and slicker draped over an arm. He nodded to the fogbank rolling slowly downriver and added, “Lovely work, by the way.”

“What are you doing here?” she snipped down at him as he began the awkward climb up the overgrown slope after her.

“Errands,” he answered curtly. That was hard to believe when he had henchmen to run errands for him.

“What kind of errands?”

Drakken shook his head in exasperation and snorted. “Must I tell you everything?”

“Yes.”

Halfway up the slope, he paused and looked up from watching his footing. Shilo didn’t like his silence, and she had the feeling the awkward reply, “Post office,” was little more than a bluff if not a total lie.

“Have you been spying on me again?” she pressed when he reached her at the top.

“Wh—nngg! No!” he sputtered, his face turning a funny shade she knew wasn’t from the nippy weather. She might have liked to see him flustered and choking on words if she weren’t still skeptical he wasn’t lying to her face. He shoved her things at her to free his hands for flailing. “I was just – I was – I heard it was supposed to rain. I was going to give you a ride from Buckley’s, but then I got distracted and ran a little late and—”

“Try four hours late,” Shilo snorted.

His lips pressed into a flat line and he grunted and glared away toward the car. “Better late than never though, right?” He skulked off for the vehicle.

Shilo was hesitant to follow, but the rain was coming down heavier by the moment. “I’ll forgive you for being creepy and stalking me – on one condition,” she haggled.

“Which is…?” he wearily prompted with a roll of his wrist.

“Cow-n-Chow drive-thru and swing by the movie shack,” she said as she came around to the passenger side. “Those are my demands.” She should have asked for a target range, but she didn’t consider it in time. At least she was good and cool now. Burning off some energy might have done her a fair bit of good after all.

“A small price to pay,” sighed Drakken. Meeting her inside the car, he added, “And I wasn’t stalking you. I was on my way to knock on your door like any respectable – uhm – to ask you—nngh!” He curled his lip and pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes.

“Any respectable what to ask me what?”

“Nothing.”

A few minutes later, the cross man was eating fries from a bag between his knees, and the sloshing windshield wipers couldn’t keep up with the downpour. They hadn’t spoken outside of placing an order at the window and were now cutting through town to find the rental shack before closing. She hadn’t expected Drakken to strike up conversation – or if she had, she’d expected some jeering about angel boy – but instead, he gave a morose hum and looked over at her.

“What was that about anyway? Under the bridge?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that. You want me to be honest with you. And I told you, so it’s your turn.”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t give me a full answer,” Shilo retorted, hopeful to divert the subject away from poorly-managed alien fire she couldn’t keep contained.

“I was coming to see you,” Drakken shot back at her. “I thought – geez, Shego! I thought that was clear already.”

“Why?” Better yet, why was she raising her voice?

“Because I – I don’t know. Hoping I can change your mind about – what was it you called him? Angel boy?”

Shilo pressed against the door. “What?”

“I was just hopeful we’d get out Friday, alright?” Drakken grouched. “Just us. Maybe a henchman. Or not. I thought we’d go do something thrilling and dangerous, like crossing state lines in this piece of crap. Because you’re right! You’re absolutely right. I need to get out sometimes. And it turns out, I do enjoy getting out with you.”

She watched him swallow and his brow knit into deep creases. And she gave a frustrated sigh, deciding not to fault him. At least he was being honest. Or at least she had to trust he was. She hugged herself. “Next Friday night. I promise,” she said. “But you’re gonna let me do this with – with what’s his face, and you’re not gonna stop me. You got that?”

Drakken was quiet. She didn’t miss his knuckles turning white as he gripped the wheel. “Loud and clear,” he grunted.

“Don’t be such a sore loser, Doc,” she grumbled, reaching into her own bag to pull out a pinch of overly-salted fries. “It’s not what you think.”

He scoffed. “Then what is it?”

She slumped back and kicked her muddy heels up on the dash. “I have a score to settle.” She couldn’t give him any more detail than that. She’d figure it out when she crossed that bridge. She knew only one thing – she’d make angel boy pay retribution, one way or another.

Drakken was quiet for a moment before he grumbled, “I am not a sore loser. I didn’t lose anything.” Shilo couldn’t help laughing a little at his frown. “I’m just – it’s nothing crucial – I’m just a little pissed off to have Friday plans pushed off the table, that’s all.”

“Live and learn,” she said around a mouthful, and shrugged. “Don’t set your heart on anything involving an us without consulting me first. ‘Kay?”

She had to take his harumph as a grunt of agreement.

There was no reason to nod up to her darkened apartment and suggest he come upstairs. It wasn’t a feeble attempt to butter him up – because there was no reason to be apologetic for the clash of plans, much less apologetic for the existence of a boy who could stir something wretched in her. She had a movie, and movies were better with company. That was why Drakken followed her up the stairs.

The heater was kicked into operation and shoes were kicked off. Drakken’s jacket hung next to her slicker on the rack. He grudgingly agreed to the chore of popping the tape in while Shilo made the popcorn as the previews played.

She couldn’t help stealing a peek over her shoulder at the man kneeling before her television balanced on a small shelf. He was a decidedly better sight on her shaggy rug than the hoodlum with the mutt. And unlike the hoodlum, she might have been at least a little compelled to be a good host to the rogue doctor presently threatening to disassemble her malfunctioning remote from his spot on the floor.

No sooner had the stray thought of inviting the man onto her bed – to make up for lack of a couch – crossed her mind did she come to the jarring realization that she had in fact not burned herself out. A soft popping sound wasn’t coming from the microwave – but rather the bubble and ooze of her glow escaping her palms.

A small gasp slipped out, and Drakken’s tired stare turning back at her didn’t ease the flush of heat. She hid her hands behind her back and slunk off to the bathroom.

There, she locked the door and wrung her hands.

She still felt watched, but she knew it was only her imagination. She found herself facing the sink. She squeezed her eyes shut and doused the licks of plasmic flame crawling over her hands and up her wrists under a stream of icy water, and all the while the orange bottle stared down at her.

There was no reason for her nerves to spike now. She wanted to blame it on the medication’s side-effects, or withdrawals, or something. Because it couldn’t be Drakken sitting in the other room, ready to watch a movie with her. That would complicate things.

Fire barely subdued for the moment, Shilo gripped the edge of the counter, telling herself she wouldn’t – yet one hand pried away, and the other had a pill in the palm a moment later. She drew a shaky breath, broke it in half, and nipped a piece off that, just like she used to on the average rough day in between classes. It was only a fraction of a dose. Unless big brother had upped the potency, it should be just enough to take the edge off without the risk of knocking her out cold. She’d get a little drowsy at the very most, she assured herself.

Just as bitter as she remembered, the crumb dissolved on her tongue before she could swallow. She resisted the urge to retch.

The smell of burnt popcorn all but yanked her from the bathroom then. She swore as she burst out the door, and startled to find Drakken dumping the remainder of blackened kernels into the trash. Her face heated, but no more than it should have.

“Most of it survived,” Drakken informed with a nod back to a bowl on the counter.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, and ducked back into the bathroom for another moment to change. She returned once and for all a minute later, dressed in full cotton PJs of a dingy shade of green, feeling just a little overdressed after last night and twice as flustered to consider it now. She almost wished she’d been under the influence, just for something to blame the rash decision on.

She tugged at the hems of her sleeves as she passed the man sitting on her floor again, and took up a spot at the head of her bed. He made no comment on her jammies. Good. She’d thwack him if he did.

As the movie opened up to the sound of sirens, Shilo shifted in place where she sat on the edge of the mattress, just close enough for her company to hand the bowl of popcorn up to her. She nibbled for a few minutes before shifting slightly again and stopping herself from patting the spot next to her. “Why don’t you sit up here?” she blurted anyway.

Drakken slouched, his legs kicked out and crossed at the ankle, arms folded over his chest. “Thank you, no,” he said stubbornly. “I’m good.”

Her eyebrows knit together at the blatant rebuff. Without pausing to think, she reached down to grab him by the hair at the top of his head, giving it a small tug as she crossly ordered, “Get your stupid ass off the floor.” At the first tingle, she snapped her hand away in time for sparks to glint at her fingertips. She wiped her hand on her shirt as if to erase the sensation.

Grunting, Drakken hefted himself up to slouch on the edge next to her, and he only sat straighter to accommodate the bowl relocated to his lap. Shilo migrated away to the corner, a pillow behind her and another to hug. As the new release rolled on, the unhappy blue man relaxed, inching backward until his feet were off the floor and his back was against the wall. He made headway on the popcorn, but she didn’t complain. She didn’t have much of an appetite at the moment anyway with arcs of blood spraying onscreen. Not that she could trust herself to reach for any popcorn with her hands still threatening to bloom with green embers.

In vain hope of resisting the siren call of the suppressant, she worked up the nerve to lean over and reach under her bed, fishing out the stylized glass water pipe. She cleared her throat, and just barely saw dark eyes flick her way past the massacre reflecting off his lenses. “You wanna break this in with me?” she quipped as nonchalantly as she could.

Drakken didn’t seem particularly alarmed or impressed by the paraphernalia she presented, but he’d seen it before. His only reply was a withering look.

Indulging anyway with or without him crossed her mind, but Shilo sheepishly tucked it back beneath the bed instead. “I’ll take that as a no,” she mumbled, and scoffed. “Pssh. You’re no fun.”

Drakken opened his mouth to argue, but a scream from the television cut him off. He didn’t look like he was enjoying the movie, but he’d yet to leave or suggest any other tape in her meager collection.

Sighing, Shilo relaxed into her bed and wriggled a bit to get comfortable, trying and failing to make the best of her limited space with her guest in the way. Uncomfortable or not, the weight of the day settled over her, weighing her eyelids down soon enough. Or maybe it was the fraction of a pill doing her in. She wondered if the supposed villain would be courteous enough turn off the TV and lock the door on his way out when the movie was over, but she didn’t let herself count on it.

After a while of watching the blurry shapes through her lashes, movement in the dark from the corner of her eye drew her sluggish attention.

She almost lifted her head to ask if he was leaving, but kept her silence as she watched him pull a square of paper from a back pocket. Her drowsiness slowly lifted as he unfolded the slip and frowned miserably. He chewed his lip and cast a fleeting glance her way, only to jump when she croaked, “What?”

He blinked back to the television, paper crumpled and hidden between his knees. “It’s nothing – ow!” he yelped when she drove her heel hard into his hip. “For fuck’s sake, Shego. It’s personal.”

“Whatever,” she mumbled, relaxing back into the pillow she hugged beneath her. Feigning acceptance or disinterest didn’t last long. Soon she was sitting up again, making a snappy grab for the wadded note he couldn’t hold out of reach in time.

He barked her alias again in annoyance as she scooted back to her corner to unfold the slip. She stuck a heel out again to keep him at a distance. “That is none of your business!” he spat at her.

“RSVP! You’re invited,” she began aloud with flair, and settled to mumbling along, one hand precariously lit to read the hand-written invitation on floral-print notepaper smelling of powder and flowers of a variety she couldn’t place. A polite invitation to thanksgiving dinner at Mrs. Lipsky’s home in Middleton, California, finished with a guilt-tripping dig, P.S. We miss you.

Her eyes glanced over the plus-one invitation once more before she arched an eyebrow at the purple-faced man resigned to sitting on the edge of the bed, gripping his head.

“Mrs. Lipsky? I didn’t know you were married—”

“That’s my mother,” he spat venomously.

Shilo almost winced, but instead she nodded. “Ah. That makes more sense, I guess. Um. Here.” She passed the invitation back. He snatched it and stuffed the crumpled paper back into a pocket, and she stared for a second too long before sitting back against the wall. “So. You gonna go?”

“No,” he grunted, barely audible. He’d gone back to clutching his head.

“Is the cooking that bad?” Shilo quipped in a meek attempt to make light of his disturbance.

Drakken’s nostrils flared and his glare bore down at her, and she had to take a wild guess he was deeply offended on his mother’s behalf. She made a mental note not to insult the woman she knew nothing about, or her cooking. He didn’t bite back at her for the comment though, and instead grumbled, “I can’t go.”

“Why not?” she pressed coolly. She relaxed back down on her side, pillows bundled under her.

“I haven’t seen Mother since—,” he groaned and deflated. By the light of a stormy night scene glowing from the television, he looked bluer than she’d ever seen him before.

“Since?”

He heaved a defeated sigh, and she barely heard him mumble, “Since before the incident.” A small gesture to himself sufficed. It shed a little light on why he was having such a bad day.

“Oh.” She quirked her mouth and shrank down a little. She had nothing to be guilty for. The chain of events wasn’t her fault. “How’d you get mixed up with Gemini anyway?” she blurted, and immediately considered that maybe she should have kept her lips zipped.

“I don’t want to dredge up – alright! Stop kicking me,” he groused, shoving her heel roughly away. “I suppose it all began in a Hellhole I bussed when I stole the game plan from one of his agents. And then after you – after I let you go.” He glowered and chewed on something bitter for a moment before spitting it out with some more frustrated gestures thrown in. “Right after. They tried to intercept but got me instead. I was interrogated, and he was about to off me himself until I pled for my life and offered my services and allegiance. It was not my proudest moment. Are you satisfied?”

She knew Gemini. She knew he could be cruel and merciless, holding little regard for human life. Drew Lipsky of four years ago must have shown promise, whatever he’d done to sway the head of the criminal spy organization. She tried to imagine her bumbling rogue doctor, still pasty-skinned and stinking of pickles, walking on eggshells around the leader of the pack. How he’d survived more than a day without being dropped down a chute to be fed to piranhas or crocodiles was a wonder. It had to be a sore spot.

A mousy little, “Sorry,” was the only thing Shilo could think to say.

“For what?” he grumped.

She shrugged halfheartedly. “For getting you mixed up with villainy?”

Suddenly the dismal man’s shoulders shook, but before she could suspect a sob, he threw his head back and a bitter chortle erupted from him. He was well on his way to maniacal laughter, and Shilo was taken aback as he laughed in the face of her sentiment. She wished she could take it back as he shot a nasty sneer over at her. For a fleeting moment, there was something sinister behind his eyes to remind her there may have very well been something to his self-proclaimed villain title after all.

“Sister, I was born twisted. You and Gemini were just the breakthrough I needed,” he stated with a growl like corrosive acid, maybe the same acid burning a hole through his soul. She’d like to believe he was more resilient than that – but that wouldn’t make him very evil, would it? That was what she was with him for, wasn’t it?

She felt rather foolish now for lying down so comfortably. For being comfortable in his presence at all. Too stubborn and jaded to let him know he was capable of worrying her though, she kept herself in check and maintained a deadpan stare on him until the darkness behind his eyes lightened up a little.

“Twisted, huh?” she jibbed with a small chuckle. “You seem like just a big softy to me.”

There was a hint of something genuine in the smile he cracked. “Oh, I’ve got skeletons,” he assured. “You should see my basement.”

She rolled her eyes at his misuse of the expression.

[weirdletter]

Monstrous Women in Comics (Horror and Monstrosity Studies Series), edited by Samantha Langsdale and Elizabeth Rae Coody, University Press of Mississippi, 2020. Cover art by Jonathan Thunder, info: upress.state.ms.us.

Monsters seem to be everywhere these days, in popular shows on television, in award-winning novels, and again and again in Hollywood blockbusters. They are figures that lurk in the margins and so, by contrast, help to illuminate the center—the embodiment of abnormality that summons the definition of normalcy by virtue of everything they are not. Samantha Langsdale and Elizabeth Rae Coody’s edited volume explores the coding of woman as monstrous and how the monster as dangerously evocative of women/femininity/the female is exacerbated by the intersection of gender with sexuality, race, nationality, and disability. To analyze monstrous women is not only to examine comics, but also to witness how those constructions correspond to women’s real material experiences. Each section takes a critical look at the cultural context surrounding varied monstrous voices: embodiment, maternity, childhood, power, and performance. Featured are essays on such comics as Faith, Monstress, Bitch Planet, and Batgirl and such characters as Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman. This volume probes into the patriarchal contexts wherein men are assumed to be representative of the normative, universal subject, such that women frequently become monsters.

Contents: Acknowledgments Introduction – Samantha Langsdale and Elizabeth Rae Coody     Part 1: The Origins, Agency, and Paradoxes of Monstrous Women 1. Rewriting to Control: How the Origins of Harley Quinn, Wonder Woman, and Mary Magdalene Matter to Women’s Perceived Power – Elizabeth Rae Coody 2. Exploring the Monstrous Feminist Frame: Marvel’s She-Hulk as Male-Centric Postfeminist Discourse – J. Richard Stevens 3. “There Is More to Me Than Just Hunger”: Female Monsters and Liminal Spaces in Monstress and Pretty Deadly – Ayanni C. H. Cooper     Part 2: The Body as Monstrous 4. The (Un)Remarkable Fatness of Valiant’s Faith – Stefanie Snider 5. New and Improved? Disability and Monstrosity in Gail Simone’s Batgirl – Charlotte Johanne Fabricius 6. Horrible Victorians: Interrogating Power, Sex, and Gender in InSEXts – Keri Crist-Wagner     Part 3: Childbearing as Monstrous 7. Kicking Ass in Flip-Flops: Inappropriate/d Generations and Monstrous Pregnancy in Comics Narratives – Jeannie Ludlow 8. The Monstrous Portrayal of the Maternal Bolivian Chola in Contemporary Comics – Marcela Murillo 9. The Monstrous “Mother” in Moto Hagio’s Marginal: The Posthuman, the Human, and the Bioengineered Uterus – Tomoko Kuribayashi     Part 4: Monsters of Childhood 10.  SeDUCKtress! Magica De Spell, Scrooge McDuck, and the Avuncular Anthropomorphism of Carl Barks’s Midcentury Disney Comics – Daniel F. Yezbick 11. On the Edge of 1990s Japan: Kyoko Okazaki and the Horror of Adolescence – Novia Shih-Shan Chen and Sho Ogawa 12. Chinese Snake Woman Resurfaces in Comics: Considering the Case Study of Calabash Brothers – Jing Zhang     Part 5: Taking On the Role of Monster 13. Monochromatic Teats, Teeth, and Tentacles: Monstrous Visual Rhetoric in Stephen L. Stern and Christopher Steininger’s Beowulf: The Graphic Novel – Justin Wigard 14. Beauty and Her B(r)east(s): Monstrosity and College Women in The Jaguar – Pauline J. Reynolds and Sara Durazo-DeMoss 15. UFO (Unusual Female Other) Sightings in Saucer Country/State: Metaphors of Identity and Presidential Politics – Christina M. Knopf About the Contributors

[biopsychs]

Books Read in 2019

I read 71 books in 2019!! Add me on goodreads here. I never expected to read this many! Honestly not sure if I can do this again, but this year really helped me remember how much I enjoy reading! I have included every book I read this year - the good, the bad (although I stopped reading some books partway through so they’re not on this list), and even textbooks.

I put a star beside the books I highly recommend! If I didn’t put a star beside a book it can mean that I liked the book but didn’t love it, I liked the book but had a major issue with one part of it, or that I didn’t like the book at all. I definitely recommend checking out the reviews on goodreads before picking up a book to make sure it’s right for you, because life is too short to read books you don’t like!

*Where the Crawdads Sing - Delia Owens

Nine Perfect Strangers - Liane Moriarty

*An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness - Kay Redfield Jamison

*Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain - Oliver Sacks

Drugs and Behavior: An Introduction to Behavioral Pharmacology - William McKim, Stephanie Hancock

*On Being a Therapist - Jeffrey Kottler

*Mental Disorder: Anthropological Insights - Nichola Khan

*How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence - Michael Pollan

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? - Mindy Kaling

*Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness - Susannah Cahalan

*Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy - Irvin Yalom

*The Alice Network - Kate Quinn

*An Anthropologist on Mars: Seven Paradoxical Tales - Oliver Sacks

*The Clockmaker’s Daughter - Kate Morton

*Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine - Gail Honeyman

Just Babies: The Origins of Good and Evil - Paul Bloom

It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle - Mark Wolynn

*Tales from Both Sides of the Brain: A Life in Neuroscience - Michael Gazzaniga

*Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny - Kate Manne

The Sellout - Paul Beatty

*A Man Called Ove - Fredrik Backman

*Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men - Lundy Bancroft

*Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body - Roxane Gay

8Blink: The Power of Thinking - Malcolm Gladwell

*How Can I Help? A Week in My Life as a Psychiatrist - David Goldbloom, Pier Bryden

The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time - Alex Korb

*Speak No Evil - Uzodinma Iweala

*Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture - Roxane Gay

Mindhunter: Inside the FBI’s Elite Serial Crime Unit - John Douglas, Mark Olshaker

*The Other Side of Normal: How Biology is Providing the Clues to Unlock the Secrets of Normal and Abnormal Behaviour - Jordan Smoller

*Turtles All The Way Down - John Green

The Fact of a Body: A Murder and a Memoir - Alexandria Marazano-Lesnevich

Honeybee - Trista Mateer

The Book of Woe: The DSM and the Unmaking of Psychiatry - Gary Greenberg

*Between Shades of Grey - Ruta Sepetys

The Island of the Colorblind - Oliver Sacks

*I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

*Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City - Matthew Desmond

*Show Me All Your Scars: True Stories of Living with Mental Illness - Lee Gutkind

*Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge

*The Myth of the Untroubled Therapist: Private Life, Professional Practice - Marie Adams

*Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction - Judith Grisel

*She Has Her Mother’s Laugh: The Powers, Perversions, and Potential of Heredity - Carl Zimmer

What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures - Malcolm Gladwell

*Miracle Creek - Angie Kim

*Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity - Katherine Boo

*The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity - Nadine Burke Harris

Final Girls - Riley Sager

Evil: The Science Behind Humanity’s Dark Side - Julia Shaw

Discovering Statistics Using R - Andy Field

Encyclopedia of Clinical Neuropsychology - Jeffrey Kreutzer, John DeLuca, Bruce Caplan

*Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life - Marshall Rosenberg

The Incendiaries - R. O. Kwon

*Legacy: Trauma, Story, and Indigenous Healing - Suzanne Methot

*Beartown - Fredrik Backman

Body Image: Understanding Body Dissatisfaction in Men, Women, and Children - Sarah Grogan

*In Search of Memory: The Emergence of a New Science of Mind - Eric Kandel

*Bad Feminist - Roxane Gay

*I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban - Malala Yousafzai

*Once More We Saw Stars - Jayson Greene

Biopsychology - John Pinel, Steven Barnes

Stories of Culture and Place: An Introduction to Anthropology - Michael Kenny, Kirsten Smillie

Mental Health Issues and the Media: An Introduction for Health Professionals - Gary Morris

*Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men - Caroline Criado-Perez

*The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness - Elyn Saks

*Beloved - Toni Morrison

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know - Malcolm Gladwell

*Shrinks: The Untold Story of Psychiatry - Jeffrey Lieberman, Ogi Ogas

Things My Son Needs to Know About the World - Fredrik Backman

*Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The Grownup - Gillian Flynn

[evilwickedme]

Things Gail has been abnormal about

Where I ask you if you've consumed something that I, Gail, have been abnormal about

[kc3lady-blog]

Both of our Google accounts began displaying notices that Google consumer is “going away,” which we are currently unable to access even though our content remains. This includes but is not limited to Gail’s YouTube channel, with the scraped, hacked, redated, edited videos, which after reporting stalkers begain returning abnormal results, as the perpetrators, in their usual manner began “chipping away” at it, then it was suddenly no longer eligible for monetization, then the “paper check” option was no longer available when the bank fees were taking a chunk of the income, with a previous “free checking” account that progressed over time, including the bank ‘breaking off” from Bank Midwest to Academy, etc., etc., etc., as well as Gail placing her ATM card in the automated teller and having it display three accounts when she only had one. On and on...this will have to be a separate articulation in the future. 

[the-firebird69]

We proceed. It's on and for Tonight.

Ten billion inquiries no far more but not abnormal as the thunderdome was full of ships now is not. Now they fight to obtain huge daimonds at it's bottom some sensed onboard stored ships

Huge fights too. Massive shortly. We use it.

All loaded up a few more components and it's a go.

We gail Thor Freya

All set shortly

They agree tonight we all meet coordinate and go on it. I sense a need I write a new revised list. Triple. Send it. They concur add to.

It's out in moments. Shortly up

Gabriel and Aphrodite

We wish you the the best Zues

Hera

Thank you Hera

Zues

Hahaha

Hera

[findingpersonality]

[Uhh, updates?]

Wow. I can’t remember the last time I’ve journaled here. Maybe its not the time passing by so quickly that I can’t remember, more like so much has just happened that I feel like there’s so many to write. 

It’s been a year and a half now ever since the world became abnormal and we’re stuck at home. Home school, home socialization, home dating? So much has happened. So far, my life for the past few months have been one of the hardest ever since the pandemic. 

Academic wise, after I got a university scholar tag on my first semester in remote learning, I thought that “wow, I’m really good at teaching myself.” So when I had my two months vacation after that, I still studied and completed my requirements. I really had no real vacation, because I chose to, and that’s okay I think, perfectly splendid (bly manor reference). Anyway, second semester started and I was really confident. I could’ve taken extra units instead of the recommended. Turns out, the first semesters’ subjects are easier than second ones, and I started losing grasps on my acads. There were two 1 week breaks, but I didn’t take a break. We quarantined for two weeks because my dad was a close contact of a covid positive. Those two weeks were so...hard. Our house this small, and I had to hear all the noise. We can’t go out, so my dad had to find something to do - meetings, craft things -  all required noise. My brother’s cries wanting to go outside, my online meetings,  my mom’s stressed mumblings because we always have a problem with where can we find food.  It wasn’t the money, it’s whom we can request to find food for us because we can’t go out. I realized then how our nerighbor relatives don’t care for us, not one of them even asked us what we need. My tita from another town even drove to us to give groceries, the vendor whom mom always get vegetables gave us some, my lola who is quite old drops food on the door,  but these people, who are two steps from our doorsteps can’t even ask how we are, even in social media. I don’t think this is an invalid thought. They expect so much from “kamag-anak naman” when it comes from requests, but I swear I can pick up people who have no blood ties from us that act more of a relative than them. I can’t remember how I survived or what I did during the day if not being stressed. My mental health started going downfall from that point. I had to catch up to a lot of backlogs, I had already run for secretary in niners before we were quarantined. Then finals week came, and I knew I’d get an inc in one of my subjects. When I was finishing up the requirement that would get me an inc instead of a drop, along with midyear registration, my lola died. That day I was in queue for registration but had to leave the meeting because my mom was crying so hard. Brave was sick, too, at the time. Mom and Lyza had also just gotten better from fever. I felt so numb that day. My mom keeps doing chores while crying, cooked us fried chicken because Brave won’t eat any other food. I did my requirements in blur, one instance was I was in a timed quiz and Brave puked in the blanket. On normal days I would’ve just said sorry to mom and that I can’t help clean things up, which was in front of me, because I’m in a timed quiz. But all throughout the quiz I was just stopping myself from crying. I’m in a fucking timed quiz that is my last chance to get an inc instead of dropped grade, my brother puked in the blanket in front of me, my mom weeps while cleaning up. I finished the quiz, my mom was done, and I went to the bathroom to take a bath and cry. That day was so hard, my mom didn’t and her first meal was dinner. The next day we travelled to Malabon. That day I had to register because I couldn’t the day before. I was set on not enlisting for a GE subject because I didn’t think I could take anymore - even if i might be delayed. That day I even just want to drop midyear completely, but I know I’ll regret it later. I was just tired, and overwhelmed. I already informed my adviser about my situation, but she keeps giving me cold replies about being delayed and being responsible to my decision. I just though, ma’am, I fucking know. I felt so tired physically and emotionally. The next days, I stayed up 3 nights to watch my lola for the funeral, slept during the day because we’re younger and can stay up late/all night. The last day of funeral was my first day of midyear class. I did a plate the next day since the burial day was moved a day later. We buried lola, went back to cavite. The moment I opened the lights our house was a mess. Not by a person - by rats. They didn’t destroyed most of our things, but their mess was everywhere. Tired from the burial day and the 3 hours travel, we had to change the bedsheets, dust the stuff, sweep and mop the floor with bleach. We basically had an impromptu general cleaning. The mcdo take out we ate after the cleaning had to be one of the best meals ever. 

Home, that’s what I thought that time -  even Brave. He suddenly was back to his loud, smiling self again at home. He was different back in manila - silent, timid and not moving much. He can really only be truly comfortable here in our small house. 

My life continued after that. It was quite better. Orgwork, plates, I even had time for the paper quilling project I was working on. I also caught up with my friends. Kams, Pau, and me had time to hangout - I missed them so much. Pau is having a hard time with acads and maybe other stuff she doesn’t talk about too. Kams was away from here mom and sisters, and she’s not perfectly well either. But that night was so important for me. I miss them so bad. Gail, Erika, and me also hanged out - before we found a good movie it was so late. We talked and talked about the things we do, how are we doing mentally. Some moments were awkward - like we don’t know what to talk about. I found that quite cute actually. I appreciate spending time with each other so much despite not having much to talk about -  I still look forward to talking to them again. Jernil also went to our house, it was so great. If I have one friend whom I know can accept me fully for who I am, who can get along with my family so well, who can read my face and my chats and my moods easily, who can give me so much respect and tell me my mistakes - its jernil. She’s one of my best friends and I can’t live without her. Just hours ago - Shalom also chatted me after almost a year. She’s anxious about reaching out to friends - something I can relate to. It was a short talk - about 20 mins, and I invited her to hangout with some of our friends again. Shalom and I have a relationship bonded by deep talks. We rarely talk, and reached out each other when we needed advice, I once called her while crying ugly at dorm when I was so tired of everything - and I needed to hear someone’s voice. She quite saved me from being crazy when she answered that call, and I’ll never forget that. 

And here I am now, writing this. I was lying down after doing a plate, and I said I’d think tonight. I’m listening to Meltt -  a band I fell in love to because of Josh. I was thinking of Josh before I wrote this, when I first listened to Meltt because it was in his Bumble bio. Almost a year ago we were just talking like new friends do - what we do in life, principles, what we like in ourselves. How I gradually fell in love with him - still am falling til now actually. The times I’m listening to this music while thinking of how wonderful of a talker and a person he is. The day we first met - I can’t describe the warmth I feel in my heart, and in the veins of my hands whenever I think of him so close to me, finally. Now we are approaching our 7 month together. How I am not really that giddy to talk to him now - because he became my home, my comfort, my silence, my peace. 

So much to talk about right? Time seemed to fly so past. Sobrang dami kong narerealize about myself. Time is gold talaga these days. Even if it seems like sobrang dami mong time in your hands, every minute seems so important. Every minute you spend doing different things required so much energy from you. And I learned to prioritize and give time to things that are important to me. My acads, my skills, my hobbies, the people I love, securing my future, etc. If before, spending time with each ot these planets that make up my solar system was a natural thing, this pandemic it slowly became a task that I have to allot time and energy for. And I take care of myself so I can have the energy. And it’s always gonna be worth it, going through all the hassles -  because it makes me happy. My planets gives me purpose and genuine happiness. 

P.S. I missed writing my thoughts like these. Just for myself - transparent and peaceful. I’m glad for this day. The world is hell, but this life is still worth living, indeed. 

[a-year-of-musicals]

Day 144/365 - Pitch Perfect 3

By Kay Cannon, Mike White and Christopher Lennertz

Three years after the events of the second movie, the Bellas have graduated college, but have jobs which they all hate. Desperate to see each other again to sing once more, Beca, Fat Amy, Chloe, Aubrey , Lilly, Stacie, Cynthia Rose, Florencia, Jessica, and Ashley are all thrilled to learn that Emily, now a senior at Barden and leader of the Barden Bellas, has seemingly asked for the Bellas to reunite at an event in New York Aquarium to sing with each other once more. Upon arriving at the reunion they are told that the reunion was not for the Bellas to sing together, but to watch Emily sing with the new Bellas.

They later gather at a bar in disappointment and Emily apologizes as she thought it would be the only way for them to see each other again. They all express how much they miss each other. Suddenly, Aubrey convinces them to join a USO performance accessed by her Army officer father. If they win the competition, they get to open for DJ Khaled. The Bellas gladly accept, all except for Stacie who is eight months pregnant at the moment and is unable to go with them. The Bellas later arrive at a hangar where two soldiers, Chicago and Zeke introduce them to their competition, revealed to be three other groups who use instruments, unlike the Bellas. When the band Evermoist, led by their leader Calamity begin to mock and belittle the Bellas, the competitors are challenged to a riff-off by the Bellas, who leave defeated when the other groups compete using their musical instruments.

The Bellas are taken to a fancy hotel in Spain, where Chloe begins to catch an eye for Chicago. Fat Amy finds an old stuffed bunny sitting in her bed, which she recognizes as an old toy she used to hold when she was very little as her father Fergus sang her to sleep every night. Amy then realizes that her father is staying in the same hotel she is in and is shocked upon the discovery, seeing as how Fergus is a ruthless international crime lord. Later that night, the Bellas are invited to a party at DJ Khaled's suite at the hotel, where Fat Amy splits with the group when she is called to be at a poker tournament. The tournament was set up by Fergus, who promptly begs for Amy to be back in his life. A hesitant Amy finally agrees to do so after seeing how much he has changed. Beca, after having her breasts grabbed by Chloe, who develops a friendship with DJ Khaled's music producer Theo, is taken to DJ Khaled's music editing room. Beca produces a mix which impresses Theo who is prompted to send the mix to DJ Khaled. Moments later, the party is thrown into chaos when Aubrey accidentally sets the suite on fire.

The Bellas are left in disgrace after the incident with no hopes of winning the competition until Stacie calls the girls to inform she has given birth to a baby girl and named her Bella. This motivates the Bellas to just perform their hearts out without trying to win. Back at the USO competition, the Bellas perform tremendously to adoring crowds through different performances, repairing their reputation and chances to win in the process. Fergus is accepted by Amy, who believes he came to one of their performances to see her. He accidentally reveals that he has not seen her perform at all, while confessing that he is only trying to acquire an offshore account Amy's mother set up which contains US$180 million. After Amy shuts out Fergus again, Chicago and Zeke escort her away from her father, who swears revenge on her. Meanwhile, only Beca is asked personally by DJ Khaled to open for him, disregarding the other Bellas. Beca politely declines the offer and leaves to her room. Later, the Bellas are taken away by a Frenchman in a dark grey van out onto a yacht in a nearby harbor. The yacht belongs to Fergus, who is using the Bellas as a means to get Amy to come for him. Amy and Beca hear of the kidnapping and decide to rescue the Bellas. Beca distracts Fergus by having the Bellas perform "Toxic" for him and two of his men, just as Amy sets the yacht to explode. The Bellas escape the yacht just before it blows. Fergus survives the explosion and is arrested for his crimes.

After the Bellas are rescued by the military, Fat Amy reveals DJ Khaled's proposition to Beca to the others. They encourage her to take the chance, and they all agree that now it's time to move on with their lives, with Amy using her bank account for multiple tributes to singers named Amy, Aubrey trying to be a birthing coach, Flo's juice cart becoming part of an international brand, Chloe getting accepted into vet school, Cynthia-Rose staying at the base to get into flight school, Emily going back to Barden to prepare for her upcoming abnormal psychology test while continuing her songwriting, and Lilly revealing that the reason she was quiet was because she was possessed by Satan and the yacht incident snapped her out of it, and that her real name is Ester. They know very well they'll be separated, but still be connected to each other as a family. Later at the USO's final performance, Beca opens for DJ Khaled and sings on stage, and afterwards brings up the Bellas onstage for the girls to sing their final performance with the other competitors gladly watching the Bellas sing "Freedom! '90" to their hearts' content.

Gail and John finish filming the Bellas as part of a documentary they have been making about the girls throughout the whole film, only to be appalled when John realizes they didn't record the Bellas' final performance, which was supposed to be the documentary's big ending. A series of mid credit scenes reveal the Bellas' separate story arcs closed out to their mostly happy endings, with Lilly hanging around with DJ Dragon Nutz, whom she flirted with earlier, Aubrey reconnects with her father and Chloe and Chicago share a passionate kiss, witnessed by a somewhat grimaced looking Beca, who is now the boss of Theo.

Favourite Songs: Toxic, Riff Off, Ex’s and Oh’s, Cheap Thrills, I Don’t Like It I Love It, Cake By The Ocean, Freedom! ‘90 and Baby It’s Cold Outside

Favourite Character: Fat Amy

She’s just on a whole other level of comedy and I love it!