"It's a new world, Raphael".
Indeed.
Your return to the world of the living is a succession of new faces and new rules. Nothing is familiar to you, not even Heaven.
You open your eyes to the kind smile of a child? Nephilim? You're not sure. You can feel your Father's power inside him, together with something that resembles you; yet nothing makes sense.
You were dead. You're sure of this, but for how long you don't know. You died fighting for your family but it seems that what you did didn't matter, because everything you know doesn't exist anymore.
Everything... except Castiel.
He is there, glaring at you and murmuring rushed words to this child. Words you do not need to struggle to understand. The child stops him with a hand and smiles at you.
"Hello, Raphael. I am Jack. And Castiel is my dad... well, one of them. I freed you from the Empty because we need your help. Heaven is crumbling down and we need all the power we can get to repair it".
There's truth in this child's words, but something is still amiss. You're confused and suspicious and a thousand questions burn your mind.
"Where's Father?"
"Chuck..."
Chuck? The Prophet?
"I can show you, if you want".
You nod. You do not trust this to not be yet another trick of the traitor Castiel, but the child's calm behaviour makes your Grace hum with happiness so you give him a chance. He touches your head and a rush of memories follow one another in your mind.
Leviathans, Amara, other worlds.
Gabriel, Lucifer, Michael.
Your Father. His lies. All his lies.
The child who is God now shows you this and more and you want to scream and rant and destroy everything.
Lies!
Despicable, useless lies!
Castiel is talking to you, threatening you, but you ignore him.
"Shut. Up!"
You don't care for his self-righteousness, you don't care for the pity you see in this child's eyes. Instead, it irritates you even more. So you spread your wings and fly away.
It's a new world and you don't understand it. You have questions, so many of them. You died while at war, trying to save your brothers and sisters, to protect them from Castiel's inane desire to give them "free will". You died trying to free Michael from the Cage, the only one who could have known what to do to stop the rebels and their demon friends from destroying Heaven. But that war has came to pass and new ones have been fought and you had no part in them.
Your name is Raphael. You're an Archangel and you don't know what's your place anymore. You're not sure you have ever known.
"It's a new world, Raphael".
Your brother is the one who finds you. You have been sitting here for days, on a rock overlooking the Geikie Gorge National Park, trying to make sense of the memories you have been shown.
There's a coldness inside your Grace: like a piece missing, a hole. The skin of your vessel is tight like it’s wrong somehow but you don’t understand why.
This husk looks like the first one you wore on Earth, but you don't feel it as yours. You start to think that the child who is god made a mistake when he revived you.
Maybe it was Castiel. His lust for the power you Archangels had was always great, like an ant desiring to play with things it could not touch. And his time with the Winchesters had made him worse. His... attachment to the eldest one always made you feel... uneasy.
"You know, I would have expected the brooding act from Michael. But you were always so happy to copy brother dearest, after all. Hello, Raphi".
"Gabriel".
"Maaaa, maaa. You scared the kiddo, Raphi. He was so happy to have you back. You could have at least stayed and listened, Jon Snow. He has great plans for us."
There's a barb somewhere in Gabriel's words, but you don't understand the joke and your brother's words don't make you feel any better. "We had Father's instructions".
"Father left us a fucking B movie script! I can't believe... no, right, I can believe you never asked questions. It's soooo you, ugh!"
Gabriel waves his arms, pissed; and you feel something akin to shame. However this feeling is quick to dissipate before being replaced with anger. How dares he? How dares Gabriel... the one who ran away... to one who left his duty behind... his family behind! to judge you?! He knows nothing of the sacrifices you had to make to save Heaven, while he was hanging out with his lowly pagans. How dares he?
You blink, slowly. You call for your sword, while Gabriel points at you one of his beloved human candies.
"It's a new world, brother. No more scripts to follow, no more fights to death, no more Devils to ban. We are free! And I, for one, am going to enjoy this life!"
You're tired, so so tired. Tired of being angry, tired of being unheard, tired of everything. You just want to understand.
You are a healer... were a healer. Your role was to cure your Brothers while they fought the Darkness, but their forces were not enough to cage her so your Father made a weapon out of you too and left before he could right his mess.
His last words to you were: bow to humanity, my masterpiece. And after that everything went to Hell.
Lucifer was banned and Gabriel ran away and Heaven was in disarray and the Host demanded answers and you and Michael did your best to protect everyone and keep some kind of order.
Gabriel sighs and shakes his head. A warrior, he never was. "Do you want answers so badly, Raphi? I can't give you those, but I know who can. 1630 Revello Drive, Windom, Minnesota. It's the house with the blue door".
It's a start, at least.
"You're welcome, Raphi! And don't forget to ring the bell!" You hear him shout before you fly away.
"It's a new world, Raphael".
The house with the blue door stands in a small neighborhood on the outskirts of Windom, like many others along the street.
The color of the front is new though, just like the shutters on the windows. The owners have carefully mowed the grass in the garden, a riot of colorful and blooming flowers and imposing trees.
The mailbox bears the name of the family who lives here: MILLIGAN, A&M.
Truth be told this house is nothing special and you would have never paid attention to it, if it hadn't been for the dome of grace that keeps you out. A barrier not too different from the ones surrounding the interrogation rooms in Heaven.
You wait outside for three days, invisibile to human eyes while you search for a way to enter. The house is inhabited, of this you are sure. A tall blond man goes out often: to talk to the neighbors, the postman or to carry inside bags with food. A time or two you have had the impression that the blond man would stop to watch you, which is impossible. No mortal can notice your presence.
And yet...
On the fourth day, you decide to follow Gabriel's advice: you ring the bell. Doing something so... so human makes you feel pretty stupid, but the lack of results from your stakeout leds you to a change of course: no more reconnaissance. It's time for a direct approach.
DING DONG
"A moment! I'm coming." Someone shouts from the inside. A minute later the door opens to reveal the blond man.
"Oh, it's you." He seems to recognize you and this baffles you. How?
Suddenly the man's eyes burn with Grace and you find yourself face to face with your eldest brother.
"Michael..."
Your brother grabs you by the shirt your vessel wears and drags you inside, slamming you against the door. The paintings on the walls shake before they fall to the ground.
"Raphael!"
Michael is here, Michael is free!
"Why are you here, Brother?" He spats.
Michael looks at you with his cold blue eyes, searching for a proof that can make you a threat.
Why, why is Michael here and not in Heaven leading the Host? It makes no sense.
"Brother..."
Chuck had destroyed Michael during the last battle. You don't know why: Jack's memories were pretty confusing on Michael's last moments but it's Michael! He was always the best of you! What happened that day doesn't matter because Michael is here and now everything will be alright.
"I won't ask again. Why are you here, Raphael? Jack knows we don't want to be disturbed in our exile".
We? Who is we?
"Gabriel... Gabriel said I'd find my answers here".
"Fucking Gabriel..."
Michael looses the grip on your clothes and you fall to the ground, speechless. Never! Never in all the years you were together, you heard your brother curse like... like a human.
"Why? Why are you not in Heaven?"
Michael looks at you doubtful, almost as he is trying to figure out how much he can trust you. His icy blue eyes make you feel small and your Grace trembles under his gaze. Away from Heaven or not, he is still the Viceroy.
"What did Jack tell you?"
"Father... Father did try to destroy the world, because... because he was unhappy with humanity. The child..."
"Jack".
"Jack took over his Powers and now he controls Heaven with Castiel at his side. Michael... how could you leave your post? Heaven is in the hands of a nephilim and Castiel... don't you know what Castiel is capable of? He tried to..."
"I don't care."
"What?"
"I don't care, Raphael. Jack and Castiel can reign over Heaven if they want. My place is here."
"Here? Here in the middle of nothing?!"
Michael doesn't answer. Not an excuse, not an explanation. Your words meet only silence.
"A child! A child is leading Heaven, Michael! A child who knows nothing about us! About what we are, what we believe in! Father..."
"Father cared for nothing. Least of all for his children". His words are cold and uncaring and you feel as they could pierce your Grace like a burning sword.
"Brother..."
"Father only cared about himself and his ego. It was just a joke for him, Raphael. The angels, the humans, the Apocalypse: he had already decided everything to make his play more compelling, but guess what? He got bored. My fight with Lucifer? Only a pebble in the stack and not even the main one. Oh, no! The Winchesters were the stars of his plot. Us? We were nothing! Side characters he could use at his leisure."
"You... You're lying."
"I was there, brother. I have seen with my own eyes what our Father was capable off: he didn't have an ounce of love in his heart".
"He was our Father! He must have had his reasons!"
"He tore my heart away! After leaving me ten years in the Cage he took the only thing I had, Raphael! And he didn't even care!"
Your brother’s voice echoes in the room with a power you have rarely seen in the eons you've been together. His eyes shine with unshed tears, while his body shakes. For rage or sadness you don't know.
"Michael..."
Your mind is blank. No one has ever taught you what to do when it's your general, the Hero you have always believed in, the one who gives up. Your older brother is here, broken and even your last certainty shatters. The emotion Michael is showing is an alien concept to you, incomprehensible.
You take a step in his direction, when suddenly his eyes burn bright and it's not your brother anymore the one in front of you.
The vessel brings a hand on his chest. He smiles, softly. "We are okay, Halo. He won't hurt you anymore. We are together."
The human...
"Who..."
"Raphael, right? I can understand you have been away for a long time and I won't judge you for this. But it's enough."
"How dare you to give me orders, human?"
"I dare. And the name is Adam, Archangel. Michael is important to me and I won't let anyone hurt him".
The human... the vessel stares at you defiantly, heedless of danger. Does he really believe he can protect your brother, Heaven's most dangerous weapon, from you? His behavior is almost amusing and on a different occasion you might have even let such impudence go but not now. Right now his meddling just pisses you off. This confrontation is about you and your brother: there is no place for a human.
"Stay out of this." You hiss.
"I'm where I have to be, thank you so much."
"Michael doesn't concern you!"
"Michael's well-being is my business too. He is my family!"
How dares he? What gives him the right to make any claim on Michael? Him, a puny human not worth to be anything more than a body of blood and bones for a higher being?
Yet, this human doesn’t back down a step like he really wants to fight you for Michael. You're left speechless.
Unexpectedly a cry tears the air and Michael takes control again. He gives you one last look before running up the stairs. The house shakes under the explosion of a new grace, so silently you follow him. What does your brother hide?
"Shhhh, it's okay Luke. Father is here. There's nothing to be scared of".
You should have never come here.
Michael stands there, in the middle of a human nursery, cradling a child and trying to calm him down. The air sparkles with energy under the sound of the child's tears and for a moment you wish to kneel before him. The power of this child takes your breath away.
Michael has called himself "his father".
Nephilim.
Your brother's eyes never leave the child. He smiles, your brother is smiling and the child calms down. "I can't follow you, Raphael. Luke and Adam need me".
"You have a forbidden child".
"I have a son and a husband I love more than anything. I... I know you can't understand, Brother. But they're my whole world".
Michael's words rip the ground right out from under your feet, making you wonder if it was ever there to begin with. Your Brother, your guide, has committed the worst sin ever, something Heaven would never forgive him for. A nephilim.
A forbidden child.
You have to get away from him.
All around you the world whirles and you wonder why you had to came back if nothing makes sense anymore. Even Michael, the only one you could always count on, has changed.
You are losing your mind.
"Raphael!" Your brother calls you one last time. "Heaven can't know about my son. Please, Brother..."
You run away because how can you not? It's a new world, one you don't want to have a part in.
_________
"It's a new world, Raphael".
Time goes by and things don't get easier for you. Instead the chaos that greeted your return worsens.
The monotony of your work in Heaven is the only thing that keeps you sane. And for this you are grateful.
Jack is a sweet character: too young to lead Heaven, too full of hope and compassion to control the Host. His policy of staying away from Earth is the most naive thing you have ever heard of and who is he kidding? With Castiel so worried about the Winchesters, that child is doomed to slip sooner or later.
Despite your disgust with your brother's choices, you start to return to the house with the blue door more and more. You're still angry for Michael's decision, you still feel betrayed by his behaviour but he is your brother. The one who never left you behind. So you keep his secret.
("It's called Witness protection program, Raphi. I came up with it!"
"I know, Gabriel.")
Heaven cannot know about Luke, so you add your own wards to your brother's home to conceal the boy. You tell yourself you only do this because Castiel would mess the child up, demanding to take care of him or worse! To give him to the Winchesters. You have no love for Michael's son.
However Michael's human offers you a room in their home and suddenly Gabriel wants one too, since he is "the funny uncle" and they can't leave him out his nephew's life... your nephew's life.
And when Luke is five, he gets Lucifer back from the Empty because the child wants to know his namesake. (Your brother's human and his strange deranged humor).
Day after day you ask yourself how could God... Jack not be aware of four Archangels in the same house (well, three and half: Lucifer is as strong as a Cherub now), but you cannot find a logical answer.
It's a crazy new world, but for a change luck seems to be on your side.
It's the first time since Lucifer's Fall, you four are all together in the same place and the only thing you want to do is strangle your brothers.
Millennia of lies and misunderstandings and guilt are still there and it's not long before someone starts to shout - maybe Michael? - and weapons are drawn and you're ready to fight to death, but Michael's human has other ideas.
He calls you all douches, says you're still following your Father's bullshit and if you can't talk like adults, you can go to your room and stay there! He doesn't have the time to raise other children: he's already got his hands full with his half-breed.
You, Gabriel and Lucifer are all stunned by the boldness of this puny human, till Michael starts to whine because it's not his fault his brothers behave like babies!
The human makes him shut up too. At least your brother's pet is fair.
Adam Milligan makes you sit around a table and talk about your "feelings". He orders you to not leave the room till you can get your act together. The baby is asleep and if you wake him, you're all doomed.
You laugh. Your brother's vessel still believes he is something more than an ant. What can a stupid mud monkey do to you, an Archangel?
However the human doesn't flinch at your words. Instead he smiles at you in a way you don't like and says "I've been in the Cage with your brother for more than a thousand years. Trust me, Raph. You won't like what I've learned".
And if Michael's face becomes whiter... well, the projection of his face, because your brother still persists in sharing his body with this impudent human... a wise general does not seek battle without reason.
Again time flies and this would not be your life without an Apocalypse (to foil this time).
Jack loses control over his Powers and tries to destroy everything to make this world "perfect". Personally you think that only a fool should have entrusted a nephilim with both God's and Amara's powers, but you keep your opinion to yourself.
Dean Winchester is resurrected to Castiel's delight, even if you can't see how this could help you. Jack is out of control and you should trap him like you did with Amara.
Lucifer protests vehemently and for once your brother and Castiel are on the same page.
You're ready for a new war, one you have no desire to fight; yet Luke is the one to solve everything without much bloodshed.
He grows up in a night and takes over Amara's role as the Darkness. A new balance is set and the world is again at peace.
In spite your bias against nephilims, you have to admit that Michael's son has a good head on his shoulders: he makes four lieutenants to help him with his job, someone who can understand duty and politics and how to treat with monsters and other hellish beings.
One of his lieutenants is Crowley and you don't trust him, although you're not so blind to not see how the ex demon knows exactly how to deal with the Winchesters.
Amid all this, you start to value Michael's human more. Adam Milligan is firm, enduring and with the peculiar ability to being able to talk with all of you Archangels.
He shares jokes and candies with Gabriel, helps Lucifer with his writing, gives Michael peace.
He likes to discuss your job. He is a healer too.
Adam teaches you new words for the things you don't understand and you are grateful for his help, even if you don't show it. Gender-theory, asexuality, non-binary. New words for all those questions which still make your brain hurt. However now you can admit how being with your family, all of them, doesn't erase the hole you still feel inside but makes it different, more bearable.
You start to switch your male vessel with a female one when you feel you need it and Adam asks you if you need new clothes too. You say yes.
So he takes you in town and shows you the best shops you can browse at. And he talks about you as his "in-law" without dubbing you as brother or sister and you feel lighter.
Lucifer frowns at the sight of your new clothes, saying you have the same taste as a white collar worker but you care not for his opinion.
Yes, to switch between vessels makes you feel good.
"It's a new world, Raphael".
Luke and Jack talk for a long time after the failed Apocalypse till they reach an agreement you find... groundbreaking.
The judgments given to the souls are no longer permanent. Souls can now be forgiven and ascend to peace or choose to be born again whether they're the souls of humans, monsters or demons.
Hell and Purgatory can only trap forever the souls without hope and if a monster wants to achieve Heaven, it can. Your old home is not the final goal to aspire to anymore, but a simple step on the long run.
Luke makes his lieutenants responsible for the monsters who still walk on Earth: to fight the bad apples and to protect the ones who need help. Above all from humans.
Looking at all those changes, you can’t help but think that Chuck's old management would have never considered an arrangement like your nephew's, but the argument Luke gives you has its merit: given the chance, everyone can learn. Nothing is fixed and only a stupid would think so. To live is to change and if you're stuck and can't adapt, Hell will be overstuffed again and Purgatory out of control.
Everyone should work together to make things easier for all those involved.
Your nephew's idea is a revolution to everything you have always known but if it makes the Winchesters pissed, it's even better. You may have had to let go a lot of things, but you're still of the opinion that Castiel and his paramour should have died and stayed dead a long time ago.
("Boy Toy, Raphi. Dean Winchester is Cassie' Boy Toy. You can say it".
"I shall remember this, Gabriel. Thank you".)
Of the four lieutenants Luke has made, the one who intrigues you the most is Ellen Harvelle.
She is strong for a human, loyal and just. A little outspoken, but you can enjoy how she doesn't take shit from anyone. She is the one who gives orders, makes her brethen fall in line and whose's counsel Luke defers to.
When you ask Luke why he chose her, he says that what his group really needed to work together was a mom. Someone to scold you when you deserve a scold and hug you when you need a hug. A parent. A glue.
You point out how you are all supernatural beings: the notion of parents cannot be applied to you.
At this Luke gives you a smile and a pat on the shoulder. Like Adam takes care of all of you and the Winchesters do the same with Jack, Rowena is the one to "mom" Hell. So yes, even supernatural beings need a parent one or twice.
To celebrate the creation of his lieutenants, Luke builds for them new headquarters.
Not a trace of white, not a trace of marble: in your eyes, they look a lot like an old human drinking establishment. Dean Winchester quite enjoys them.
"Does anyone know why a hurricane is hitting New York right now? I feel like I'm watching a movie written by J.J Abrams". Lucifer gulps down his second drink with an improper name.
Your brother has a notebook open on the table, his "working station". Apparently, hanging out with Adam Milligan and with the human therapist Michael's mate had forced Lucifer to see made your brother discover his gift for the written word. Under the guise of Lucille Morningstar, he has become quite proficient in writing human romance.
Gabriel sits beside him, looking at the flat screen on the wall with ill-concealed joy. "Ohhh, our sweet nephew must have told Michael the pagan knocked him up. Soon this world will be swarmed by a new bunch of tiny super-powered freaks. You know, I'm almost proud of Mike and of his army of handsome monsters."
"Are you jealous, Gabe?"
"Haha, Lucy. Hilarious. Still can't believe Adam really named the boy after you. I can't say if he is a genius or as spiteful as fuck!"
"Ohhh, my sweet Gabriel. I'm proud Luke's named after me. I’ll never get tired to remind you who is Junior's favorite uncle". Lucifer's smile can be described almost as... dazzling. "The Winchesters' brother roots for Team Archangels: it's the best thing I could ask for!"
You let their words slip away, drawing your attention back to the tea in your hands. It doesn't concern you, after all. If Michael wants to smite the pagan who has defiled his son, he has every right to.
"Nah, your brother will calm down soon. It's hard, as a parent, when you have to admit your kid has grown up with a life of their own. We all have been there. And Percy is a good boy".
"I won't know. Father was... he chose to let us believe he was dead, because he didn't want to deal with his creation".
Ellen Harvelle stops drying the glass she has in her hands and pours herself a finger of the same amber liquid your brother drank a few minutes ago. "He sounds like a douche, angel".
"Yes... yes, he was".
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Her words... the concern her face shows - a concern for you - hits you in a strange, new way. A pleasant way.
So you find yourself telling her about your life while she tells you about her daughter Joanna Beth, who died during the first Apocalypse.
Before Adam Milligan, before Ellen Harvelle, you never had someone to talk with outside your family. And as much as you love your siblings, you’ve always felt too different for them to really understand you.
And that's how your friendship with the strong and just mom named Ellen Harvelle begins and it will affect you on the following days in ways you can’t even imagine.
"It's a new world, Raphael".
What you're about to do is crazy and risky and it's not like you at all, but you don't care. For once in your long life you're not going to follow logic but your "gut instinct", as your friend Ellen loves to say.
Away from the chaos of Heaven, you find a quiet place to start your project. After all Jack did give you a leave to "find yourself" and Gabriel can handle the reconstruction. Should the need arise, there's always Michael.
Your quiet place is in Australia. It's a wild land, a mix of mismatched things you feel reflects your being.
The first step is the hardest. You tear a small piece from your grace, ignoring the pain: you cannot gain something without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That's what your human family has taught you.
So you take this small fragment of grace and blend it with the genetic material Ellen has given you, shaping them in a small vessel not too different from the Darkness' children.
This is an easy task. Two arms, two legs, a singular head. A generic human shape. You don't want to impose your will on them, your likes and dislikes. A generic shape will do for now.
The small fragment of grace sizzles and expands, strengthening those almost human limbs and blooming in two small wings of lightning.
Now it comes the tricky part: you need a soul to inhabit this husk of bones and grace. Michael said that Luke came to them with Amara's help.
After merging with the energies that weave the universe, your oldest brother had sung the love he feels for his human, his regrets and his belief till an old soul had listened to his plea and came.
So you sing your Grace away: your doubts and your discoveries, your love for your family and what you've learned in your time among humankind, your loneliness and your desire to be part of something more.
You sing and sing and sing, you don't know for how long. And when your words are not enough anymore, you let your thoughts roam free and after them, those strange human notions called feelings.
You sing and sing and sing, you don't know for how long. And when your voice starts to lessen, you sing some more.
Maybe you are doing something wrong, maybe there's no one out there who wants to listen to the plea of an Archangel so different like you. Yet you stand up and try again. Your will is set and your wish is pure. You’re strong enough to make your own path.
There.
You feel a change.
A sparkle old and young at the same time, who understands duty and loneliness and feels anger for having been treated like a miserable tool in a greater design.
You draw new energy from this response and your voice gains vigor, while the soul listens attentively.
It circles around you as you explain what you want to do, what it means to get into the husk you have created.
It listens and thinks while you wait, hoping for the first time. Then the soul brightnens with the power of ten thousand suns, burning your eyes till it disappears. You did it!
"It's a new world, Raphael".
You can finally breath. Your vessel doesn't need air to live, but breathing makes you focus as you help the soul shape the husk as it wants it. It still remembers its old human body, so it tries to fuse its memories with the material you have given it.
While the hush morphs, you talk about your family old and new; about how the world was when you had watched the first stars light the sky. Stars which only live in your memory now.
And the soul listens and changes and becomes something new.
Then there's only silence.
Suddenly the nephilim you helped create opens his cerulean eyes and you can finally understand Michael's words. You can see the beauty of the whole universe in the gaze of this tiny being, this old soul born anew, quiet and introverted like you but with a mind full of questions and thoughts.
And if your brothers can change, can find joy and a purpose in this new world, so can you.
Your name is Raphael, you're an Archangel and you like to switch your vessels to suit your mood. You're male and female: you're neither and you're both.
You love your siblings (even Lucifer!) and your nephews and your grand-nephews. You still want to smite Castiel and like to drink tea with a woman named Ellen Harvelle, who was once human and now works for the Darkness.
You love the nephilim you made and who loves you back. You will protect them till your dying breath and beyond.
You're a parent.
The nephilim... your child smiles at you and a warming sense of love lights up your Grace. You finally have your purpose. The hole you have felt in your Grace since your return is no more.
"Jason, I will name you Jason. It means "the one who heals" for you have healed my Grace".
Jason Grace Milligan. It has a nice ring.
@darkcrowprincess @summonademon
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