#genuinely his father says that he doesn't love this eight year old kid because he doesn't express love

[straydog733]

Have you ever wanted to see Jenny from Call the Midwife and Jamie from Ted Lasso openly hate and berate their autistic son? Then boy, is The Devil's Hour the show for you!

(It plays lip-service to the kid not being autistic, and they're clearly setting up some paranormal nonsense, but he is SO autistically-coded that it honestly feels offensive.)

[shannonsketches]

lays on the floor i am once again thinking about the goku geets foil in terms of their experience and perspective and parenting

tl;dr: Goku sees letting his child do serious battle as a gift, and Vegeta sees it as a failure.

a lot of the 'goku's a bad father' discourse comes from how he trains/puts Gohan into fights and either doesn't know or doesn't realize that Gohan wants to be a scholar and not a warrior; the reason Gohan keeps joining the fray is because he doesn't want to see people he loves get hurt, right, because that's been his entire experience since Raditz showed up (and remains so until Cell dies).

The discourse re: The Cell Games is interesting though, examining the 'how could Goku not know/how could Goku volunteer his child so blithely' etc and his similar attitude toward the kids fighting in Super('s manga), and it's part of why I say/write/read Goku as deeply inconsiderate but never malicious (and this does tie into the foil with Geets lemme just); Goku's experience with serious combat is fun, and exciting.

Goku volunteering Gohan to fight Cell was something Goku considered a gift to Gohan, to be able to flex his power and go all out on an enemy that could handle it/required it -- that's something Goku wishes he had the power to do, especially at Gohan's age! That's super exciting to Goku. It's not pageant mom forcing her kid to do what she wanted energy, it's Goku being sweet and pure and sharing something he thinks he has in common with his kid. Vegeta says Saiyans live to fight! Goku's entire life has been spent bonding with competitive martial artists! It never occurred to him that someone so naturally powerful and talented wouldn't enjoy fighting.

And Goku does not read subtext, that's not a skill he has, so by the time Piccolo spells it out for him, he's genuinely sorry to have put Gohan in that position.

But in Super('s manga), the larger picture of Don't Put Children in Traumatic Situations still doesn't really occur to Goku, because he doesn't consider battle traumatic, no matter how emotionally intense it gets. Goku doesn't hold onto things. Goku lives and lets live, as long as he doesn't have to kill you. That's his super power. It's why he can be friends with all of these people who have done him and his loved ones and his planet so much harm. He consistently ends earth-shattering battles with, 'that was fun, let's do it again sometime'

Vegeta, on the other hand (see I told you I'd get here, I promised), has had the complete opposite experience. Vegeta considers others heavily, it's what made him very good at being malicious. Vegeta does this for survival. Vegeta's climb to the top is for the vantage point, not the view. He's not looking to the stars dreaming about what else it out there. He's squinting at the dark trying to kill whatever it is before it kills him and his home and his family. again.

Vegeta is a child soldier, who has distinct recollection of his culture being built on the rearing of child soldiers. By the times the cell games come around he is experiencing having a child for the first time, and after seeing (a future version of) that child die in battle, he seems to take on a much different opinion on letting kids fight.

Vegeta comes from a culture in which you send your child off-world to conquer a planet, alone, once they're old enough to walk. The stronger kids go into war zones. Vegeta was giving strategic orders to fellow elites by the time he was five. He was treating Gohan like a soldier when he was five.

But, by the Buu saga, Bulma tells Gohan that Vegeta says Trunks is old enough now to start proper training -- when Trunks is eight years old. Even then, Vegeta's telling Trunks not to push himself too hard in the gravity room, to stop and leave when it's too much for him to handle. Vegeta kills himself trying to prevent Trunks and Goten having to fight Buu. He jumps in to protect the kids when the fight gets too intense in Yo! Son Goku and Friends Return. He begs the kids not to fight Beerus in Battle of the Gods when he's barely conscious. He snaps at Goku any time he suggests them for intense battle in Super('s manga).

Vegeta sees it as not being strong enough to handle a problem, Which totally definitely doesn't have anything to do with some kind of deep-rooted trauma about placing the responsibility of making up for your weakness on your children that Vegeta's had to deal with since becoming a father and he for sure doesn't take it personally when a parent volunteers children to solve problems they had nothing to do with. He's fine! It's fine.

He does not want Trunks or Goten anywhere near a real battlefield (Bulma and/or the other adults seem to be helping to enforce this; in Res F, Trunks and Goten are not invited to go to the Freeza fight, and in the Moro arc both of them were asked to go be rangers in 17's absence again, complaining that nobody told them there was a fight happening at all), because it's got nothing to do with them. They shouldn't have to fight for their -- or anyone else's -- lives. That's the adults' job. That's his job.

Because to Vegeta, it is a job. Soldier, guardian, prince, lord, whatever. It's a role he has to fulfill, and his pride (and a whole lot of trauma-informed necessity) drives him to be the best at it, period, the end. It's an obligation that he must fulfill, because he's decided he's personally responsible for [gestures to the earth] all of this and its survival. It's where he keeps all his stuff!

For Goku, it's a game. He just wants to fight the strongest guys, and it's his understanding that everyone else wants that too. If he's not the best, GREAT! That's more to look forward to. A whole new rabbit to chase to who knows where. It's adventure! It's exciting! So of course the kids would want to get in on it! He LOVED doing this kind of stuff when he was a kid.

Goku has two hands! ...for former villains Vegeta and Piccolo to try to wrestle away from all the other, much worse villains who do not want to play with him.

[transwicky]

Ollie and Wicky eloped.

Everyone feels offended and they think maybe the others got invited but the truth was nobody did.

They eloped winter break junior year, but everyone thinks they got married after graduating.

Until Bitty is stressing out planning his and Jack's wedding and Ollie is like "this is why we eloped junior year" and Bitty freezes and stares at him.

"Junior year?"

"yeah. My student visa was expiring for the year and we had plans to get married anyways, so Pace' suggested eloping earlier than planned so I could get a green card. Fuck, Tango was literally the only one there as our witness and to tell immigration "yeah they genuinely love each other, it's kinda gross how in love they are with the PDAs" so. We never had a real ceremony, just did paperwork for it. It helped that we were broke college students who had been dating since our freshman year."

Bitty is floored.

He texts the others asking if they knew.

They are all HORRIFIED to know they've been thinking the worst of Ollie and Wicky when the only person who went was the freshman that was the honest and genuine tadpole that Wicky pretty much adopted, and probably because there was no way immigration would not believe the kid.

Bitty hesitantly asks if they'd want a ceremony, and Ollie shrugs.

"it's not a big deal to me overall. I think it'd be nice, but I don't need one. I think Pacer would like it though, but his family is also kinda fucked up so I don't know for sure how he'd feel about it. I've offered though. He said no."

Bitty asks Tango.

"He and his cousin planned their weddings when they were eight, Bitty. He wants a ceremony. He doesn't need one, he knows that, but he wants one, he just doesn't want Ollie to think it's something he needs to do to like, prove they love each other or something. It's from the fucked up childhood. His mom was kinda stupid. Said weddings were proof that they love each other. So Wicky says no when Ollie offers 'cause he remembers that and doesn't want Ollie to feel like he has to do it as proof, because he already knows Ollie loves him. It's stupid. People are stupid. Why are people so stupid?"

"Good Lord, that's the million dollar question, Tango."

And so he talks things out with Tango.

Tango gets in touch with Wicky's cousin.

She gives him the old baby wedding planner they did as kids, and the one Wicky had started when he and Ollie first made plans to get married after graduation (the baby one was for cute little laughs at what 8 year old Wicky wanted, it wasn't actually what Tango asked her for. Nobody is complaining).

She sits Ollie down. Tells him what their moms told them as kids, and that Wicky will never tell him he wants a ceremony because of it, and especially since they're already married.

So Ollie has to finish planning things. They can have the ceremony on the day they actually got married ("Make it romantic! He'll love it!") And it can be in their backyard, even ("where doesn't matter, so long as the people you both care about are there!").

SMH is invited, that much is clear.

Bitty is Ollie's best man, Tango is Wicky's, because Ollie knows Wicky wouldn't want anyone else there unless it's Johnson (which is true).

But Johnson is allowed to wed people legally, they have no idea why, but he can, and Ollie knows Wicky would LOVE that.

The ceremony really is in the backyard, and it's covered in snow, and Wicky comes home from work to their friends and families over and holy shit Ollie did all of this?!

And his dad just grins, gives him the suit he got married in, and his own father got married in, and his father had married in, and Wicky is crying by the time he's standing with Ollie at the end of the aisle, with Tango as his best man, and Johnson is the one marrying them.

He whispers thank you before Johnson starts talking.

It's absolutely everything he could have wanted for their wedding.

[jelzorz]

176.

Soren has a dragon that he's had since he was three.

It's one of the few genuinely happy memories he has from his childhood. Most days he struggles to remember any at all—so much of it was posturing and conflict and useless efforts to win his father's pride. It was not the simplest childhood, certainly not the happiest, but Rexy is still in his quarters, and when Soren looks at him, he thinks of games and laughter and the warmth of his mother's arms against the winter cold.

He's still pretty fond of him, even now. He's dusty and old and beat to shit, his left eye loose, his dye faded, and Soren's not going to pretend he doesn't pull him down sometimes to defend him from invisible armies (a perfectly normal twenty-eight year old thing to do, thank you), but Rexy's definitely seen better days too, and Soren thinks of the twins that are supposed to be arriving any day now and thinks it might be time for a little bit of a makeover before Rexy goes back into the fray.

"That's so sweet," chuckles Callum, as he examines the loose stitching at Rexy's ear. "But I gotta be honest, Soren, I dunno that he's gonna make it even if I do fix him. Kids can be really rough."

Soren doesn't doubt it. Callum and Rayla's little girl is barely eighteen months old and she's a terror to anything in the castle smaller than her. "I still think it's worth trying," he says. "If he goes down, he'll go down in battle, and there's no nobler end for a toy."

"True," snorts Callum. He fiddles Rexy's loose eye and tugs it free. Soren tries not to wince. "You've had him forever though. I know he means a lot to you. Are you sure you wanna let your soon-to-be kids tear him up?"

"Mm." Soren shrugs, a little sentimental, a little heartbroken, but resolute all the same. "I don't really have anything else to pass on," he says quietly. "I've been thinking about it for ages, and I—" He huffs. "I just think that Rexy'll watch over them the same way he watched over me. Does that make sense?"

Callum laughs good naturedly and nudges his arm. "Yeah," he says. "I get it." He glances at Soren from the corner of his eye then, and Soren can feel the way Callum studies him, his mentality, his readiness to be a dad. "Are you okay?"

"Mm," says Soren again. This time he shifts uncomfortably, because the thought is terrifying almost more than it is exciting. "I just want to be a better dad than mine was."

Callum smiles and pats his arm. "You've got nothing to worry about there, bud. You're going to be just fine."

"Big assumption," snorts Soren.

"Call it more of an observation," says Callum. "You've done the work. You're always doing the work. That's half the job right there. The rest is just love. Isn't that right, Rexy?"

He raises Rexy then and pitches his voice up an octave. "Don't worry, Soren, I'll keep you in line."

"Good gods."

"Get used to it, man, funny voices are like ten percent of the job."

Soren swats at him, and Callum dodges it only to almost fall out of his chair. "So you'll fix him?"

"I'll do my best," says Callum with a chuckle. Then, more genuinely, he adds, "You're nothing like your dad, Soren. You're going to be fine. Rexy will make sure of it."

Soren barks out a laugh. "I'm sure he will."

(And he does).

[tomatette]

Okay, so … @wyomingnot told me about their headcanon that Ma-Ma is actually Techies mother. And, I somehow couldn't stop thinking about it, so here goes:

Madeline gets knocked up at sixteen, homeless and prostituting herself for drug money. She doesn't want a kid, but she also has no money to get rid of it, so she breaks into an electric shop in Peach Trees, trying to rob it.

The owner, an old man, catches her in the act. But instead of calling the judges on her, he offers her food and a place to crash. She's suspicious at first, obviously, but, being pretty much out of other options, she stays anyway. After a couple days she comes to the conclusion that the old man really just genuinely wants to help. And he convinces her to have the baby. He has no family, he tells her. He would support her and the child in any way he can. And Madeline is maybe not happy, but its probably the best time she's had in her whole miserable life.

The baby is born. A little boy she calls Tadgh to please the old man (it's his middle name). But it's stressful and exhausting and, frankly, she doesn't like to be a mom. So she falls back into bad habits, finds herself a drug cook boyfriend and a pimp, and shows up at the electronic shop less and less.

The shop keeper takes care of the kid everyone calls Techie (because Tadgh is Irish and people twist their tongues trying to pronounce it correctly), treats him like he's his own grandkid. He might not be able to help Madeleine, because she doesn't want to be helped, but he can at least try to save the boy, help him set up a good life.

Next Madeleine's, now Ma-Ma's, known backstory happens. She plays no role in Techies life during the time she builds her Slo-Mo empire. When she takes over Peach Trees, Techie is around eight years old. It's then that she remembers her son.

Techie's grown into a clever kid, very tech-savvy, who helps his Da in the shop. He knows that his Da is not his real father, and that his Ma is still somewhere out there and loves him very much.

It's a shock for the little boy when he has to find out the hard way that his Da has lied to him. Ma-Ma is pretty much the opposite of a loving mother. And he hides behind the tool-rack when she storms into the shop and demands her son. Da tries to reason with her, when that doesn't work, he tells Techie to run.

Which he does - until he hears his Da scream. Then, he heads back and returns just in time to see Ma-Ma kill his Da. She takes a struggling and fighting little Techie "home", and just like that his childhood is over.

She doesn't really have many motherly feelings for him, but she does keep him fed and in relatively good health. It'd be an understatement to say their relationship is complicated. Techie hates and loves her in equal measures. She's the embodiment of every bad thing that has ever happened to him, but she's also his only source of touch or affection, as few and far between as those might be …

I might use this for my Techie fic, but I wanted to share this here anyway :)

[abysscronica]

I think you mentioned writing a meta on Doflamingo. I'm really curious to know what you think about him. I read other analyses but I'd like to know what you add if you don't mind

I don't think I ever mentioned writing a full analysis on Doflamingo (at least I don't remember, but doesn't matter). It would take a really long time as I think Doffy is one of the most complex characters in One Piece. But I can tell you what I think of him, and I quickly re-read his flashback for the occasion.

Let's talk (briefly) about the Heavenly Demon, Doflamingo.

Oda is no stranger to incorporating the "nature versus nurture" theme into his work, and with Doflamingo he went the way of "born evil". In particular, Doflamingo shows several psychopathic traits, such as impaired empathy, narcissism, recklessness. He probably has a number of personality (mental?) disorders, such as narcissism for example, but I am no expert so I'm not going to delve into an in-depth psychiatric analysis of the character. Instead, I'm going to draw your attention to the fact he shows these traits since childhood, much before he went through unspeakable trauma.

As an eight-year-old kid, he asks for slaves and yells at people to bow before him, being upset when they didn't. I know he was born into an environment where this was normal, except... his family was different. He had kind parents that never encouraged such behavior, and in fact Rocinante never acted that way. Doflamingo's own brother thinks he was indeed born evil.

As I mentioned before, Doflamingo and Rocinante represent two faces of "nature" versus "nurture": they were born in the same family and, because of their father's naivety (or let's call it what it is, his sheer stupidity), they went through the same horrifying experiences. And neither of their opposite natures was broken by their trauma: Rocinante maintained a pure heart, and Doflamingo only found true strength to survive and fuel his manipulative, ruthless personality, including awakening his Conqueror's Haki. But while Corazon seems to have a relatively balanced personality as an adult, it's canon that Doflamingo shows a number of problems, like PTSD in the form of recurring nightmares, and irrational reactions to strong feelings, such as persistent laughter in response to deep anger. These symptoms do not appear when he's a kid, so it looks like his past may have greatly exacerbated his disorders.

Now, the reason why I find him so interesting is that, in spite of all this, Doflamingo does not seem incapable of love. Only unconditional love. As a child, he clearly cares for his mother and little brother, but he quickly loses the love for his father to anger, to the point he shows no hesitation in killing him and bringing his head to Mary Geoise. When he was eight. In this case, Doflamingo also shows no compassion toward his little brother, ignoring his pleads and desperation, and abandoning him to pursue his attempt to get back into the Holy Land. (To be fair, Doflamingo does not express genuine compassion ever).

Years later though, he accepts Rocinante into his ranks immediately, no questions asked and with full trust, just because he's his brother. Corazon only loses that bond upon betrayal, just as his father before him. Even then, Doflamingo is not happy about killing him. Not only it's one of the rare moments where he does not smile, but he says so himself. This may even be the instance where Doffy is the most upset before his downfall.

Furthermore, there are several occasions where Doflamingo is fiercely protective of his criminal family. He wipes away Baby 5's gold-digger boyfriends, he kills subordinates laughing at Pica, he expresses disappointment at Vergo's and Monet's death, and worry for Trebol. It's also said that all the children he took in where removed from horrible situations. Although... it's never clear whether it is sincere affection he feels. Or, better yet, he does care for them and he's ready to go great lengths to keep them safe, but it's unclear if there are actual feelings involved here. Let's look at the deaths for examples: he's the one ordering Monet to sacrifice herself, so we know that the members of his family must be ready to do so (we see this also when he claims that he'd raise Law so he'll be ready to die for him). And, although he does express regret and possibly anger at Vergo's death, we never see sorrow.

I personally think that Doflamingo is simply unable to feel empathy and genuine affection, so his egoistic and manipulative nature is inextricably tangled with the care he shows for his family. You cannot have one without the other, there is no selfless love in Doflamingo. And Oda uses this facts to take another of his recurrent themes, blood ties don't define "family", and give it a sinister twist.

These, in a nutshell, are the reasons why I think Doffy is probably the best villain and one of the most complex characters in One Piece. Hope you enjoyed my little rant!

[reinahwanggg]

SuperDad 》 Kim Taehyung

♡pairing: taehyung x oc ♡

♡word count: 1,962 words ♡

♡warnings: it's honestly too cute, taehee is a sweetheart, this isn't a warning but just an adherence to everyone the OC is a person of color, i'll probably make a part two to go about all the details of how taehyung and taehee handled the 48 hours without alyssa, OH and taehee cried seeing his mom leave, just about it. mentions of taehyung not being around as much as he wants to. mentions of what seems to be separation anxiety. ♡

♡genre: established relationship, dad au, idol!tae, fluff, taehee is a cutie you just wanna keep, Inspiration from the return of superman ♡

♡summary: taehyung's back from tour and ready to spend the next two days, with his son, taehee. without his mother there, of course because it's show protocol. ♡

♡a/n: i got inspired by the many dad aus i see and read, like omg they are honestly so cute. also got inspired by reading a fic/ one-shot of jaehyun being on the return of superman with his wife and child and that was the C U T E S T. hope you guys enjoy, also, i added gifs as dividers because i did this on my phone and this is kinda long. credits to all the owners of each gif used ♡

the camera pans in on a sort of empty living room, a wolf gray sofa sat in front of the equivalently colored wall, a small black squared table is there beside it, and along it is a picture that is covered by a cute emoticon.

littered around the vast space are various cream colored tents, with camera lenses peaking out, various fingers and hands holding them. the camera then passes over to the television, sat on a small drawer, that has glass doors, littered with many DVDs and vinyls, and the seemingly 75" television is off, unsurprisingly.

it then shows the kitchen, monochromatic colors is the aesthetic it seems, as a modern black gas stove is there, with the gray smart refrigerator alongside the counter that separates the two appliances. there is a four slot toaster and a kettle on the aforementioned counter, and a little magnetic knife strips which held all the knives, tongs and spatulas that are often used. the cabinets are a brilliant pearl color, various cute stickers decorate it, some looking old and torn and others looked like they just came out the pack.

it then shows the lounge room and a bedroom respectively, before a dark room comes into view. the emcees had already asked if there was a new superman for the show, and wondered who the new family was. they adored the little height chart on the door casing, and the little furniture and things here and there. they even tried to figure out what the shelf of things were, since it was covered with another cute emoticon.

•~•

back in the room, a little head peaks up at the sound of the doorbell ringing, looking left and right, probably trying to figure out what century it was. then the phone rang and the little human grabs the cellular device in their hands, knuckle sliding it over, and it amazes the emcees.

in the cutest voice the little human could muster, they answer the phone.

"good morning, hello?" the little guy answers in english, and the emcees are practically digging all of this up.

the voice then answers, but the words is silenced. it then shows as the hair of the tiny human bounces, the phone is dropped, footfalls are quiet, yet swift, and the door to the room opens. the tiny human can be slightly seen, and they run out, before running back to close the door.

various camera angles appear, for how fast the little one is running past everything, and the human passes the living room area, taking a left, and then a right and stands in front of the door, then he moves to the little crate beside it and sits patiently. after a few seconds, it opens, and a tall man enters the apartment with a few suitcases and a duffle bag, another cute emoticon doing it's job as it hides the man's face.

the human is practically bouncing on the crate at this point, his round, yet sharp eyes creasing up, his tiny white teeth on display as his arms frail around. the man rests down his luggage, before pretending he can't see the smaller male, and looks around for said human being.

"dad!" the small boy shouts, and the emoticon is finally off of the male's face as he smiles, the signature boxy grin his fans has come to love is on display as he picks up the little rascal, and whisper shouts a little "taehee!" just as enthusiastically as the child had to his father.

the emcees are shocked, like genuinely, you could hear it in the way they go "waaaaaa. it's bts' v!" and it switches again, showing the superstar, alongside his glowing son, and a pregnant lady beside him.

the lady is a mixture of slim and thick, her thighs all packed and gracious as it presses on the seat and shows beneath the fabric of her dress. said dress is long, with a flowy skirt and a sort of baggy top, black as the base with various flowers, colored rose pink and sky blue, along the skirt, past the waist, and some on the top. the belly she sports is a big one, and she look like she was ready to pop in no time. her hair was dark brown and kinky, with golden brown tips as the curl pattern shows perfectly, resting on her back. her light brown eyes get lost behind her lids as she smiles, her nose is scrunched up, smile lines along the eyes and her lips is outstretched, the craters in her face deepens, the dimples popping out perfectly, and the little boy shows his own.

her caramel skin glows, just like her aura is, and the boy glows equally with his honey toned skin as well, as he sits on his father's lap, both of them rubbing her stomach.

"hello everyone, i'm Kim Taehyung, aka V from BTS and this is my family."

Q: How old is your kid?

"He's two and a half years old, but if we're gonna get technical, he's 30 months."

Q: How long have you two been married?

"Four years. We've been together for five, and got married a year into the relationship because i couldn't resist her in the slightest."

"Lol, likewise."

"I told you stop saying LoL out loud lyssa. it's outdated by now."

"iT's oUtDaTeD bY nOw. i do what i want tae."

the questions and the bantering went on for another minute and a half, taehee getting in on it to, and him and his mother verbally gangs on taehyung, causing him to pout.

"we were actually kind of hesitant to be on the show. for many reasons, obviously, but mainly because we weren't sure if we wanted taehee, taesung and taeri in the public eye as yet. or at all. i wanted to show them on my own time, wanted to wait until they were old enough to understand this world to decide whether or not they wanted to be known as our children. after a while, and with the help of my hyungs, jiminie and kookie, we decided to take part in it anyways. we hope you guys take care of us."

Q: Woah, you guys are having twins?

"Haha, yes. we found out during the gender reveal that the doctor forgot to tell us we were having two babies. good thing we planned to always buy double the clothes and necessities for whenever i get pregnant. i say that because this little beast is unpredictable."

•~•

the video then switches back to the house, with taehee and taehyung sitting on the couch, the television on, with them watching a show, taehee swaying from side to side with the music, taehyung singing along quietly, and they watch the show until lyssa exits from the room and pecks both of their foreheads, before going straight to the jù,kitchen.

she tells alexa to play an older song by her husband's group, and the intro plays as soon as the show finishes, taehee immediately running into the kitchen to help and sing along to the song. meanwhile, taehyung is in the living room, his phone in front of his face as he smiles softly, both him and the person he's seemingly on the call with is silent as they listen to the two on their seemingly daily routine.

"you want to help make the pancakes dylan?" lyssa asks in english to her son, and he peeps an excited 'yes mama' over the voice of hoseok and his rap for hold me tight.

she smiles at him, and they make the pancakes from scratch, him calling out the ingredients in english, and she helps him in pronounciation and correcting his mistakes with a chuckle and a smile. while the pancakes are frying, she kindly asks taehyung to go to the store at the end of the corner to get some hershey's cookie n creme chocolate bars and a jar of dill pickles for her cravings.

she makes sure they all eat, before getting ready and going to head out for the allocated forty eight hours set. taehee follows her like a little duckling as she slightly waddles through the living room, with a purse on her shoulder, and she shoves the car keys in the bag, before turning around and ruffling his hair.

"be a good boy for mama, okay? you get to spend two whole days with papa and your uncles! isn't that fun?" taehee does seem happy, but you can tell, deep behind his nod, he is secretly praying that alyssa doesn't go. that she stays with both of them for the two days, just like old times, but she had let him watch the show, and he knows that's not the case. when she turns to leave, taehee grabs the hem of her dress, and she turns around, meeting his sharp cognac eyes, and it looks like he was trying his best not to cry.

"oh, dee, c'mere," she starts, lifting him up in her arms as the tears finally fall. she knew her taehee as a strong boy, but there are times where he can't help, but cry. dad was always to the company or on tour for as long as taehee knew him, so he built a special relationship with his mom. he knew he promised her to be strong, and to be a big boy, for when she was going to leave, but he hopes, that two days doesn't turn into a long time, like dad sometimes does.

"now what did we discuss dee?"

"th-that i w-was gonna be a b-big boy. th-that i w-was gonna stay w-with dad un-until mama g-gets back."

"right, we did agree to that, but you look like you wanna come with me. do you want to come with me, or are you gonna make me proud and spend time with papa? he misses you, you know. every day, he calls, sometimes when you're asleep and he always tells me how he can't wait to come home and have you by his side. do you wanna let papa down? let mama down? let your uncles down? or are we gonna be a big boy and be on our best behavior to make mama, papa and uncles proud?"

"i'm gonna be a big boy. i'll stay with dad and we'll have so much f-fun mama, you'll want to come back."

"i'm sure of it dee. now, papa is in the room waiting for snuggles. you know how to work the phone, so call me whenever. okay?"

"okay mama. i love you lots!"

"i love you more than lots!"

"i love you more than your lots! have fun mama, but not too much fun or i'll be mad at you."

alyssa gasps, pouting a bit, before smiling once taehee plants a big fat kiss on her cheek and smush them together like she does to him. they smile at each other, before she rests him down, and she waves at him until she is nowhere to be seen, exiting the door and off to go about her day. taehee rushes inside the room, knocking on the door, before opening it in at the sound of 'come in' and smiles at his dad, running and climbing up the bed to lay beside his dad as he talks to uncle jin.

"oh, it's little tae! how's it going buddy?" jin asks, from the other side of the phone, and taehee smiles, the dimples making another appearance, before answering his uncle. taehyung looks at his son, eyes glimmering with pure love, as he thinks that he can finally spend time with his son.

[baekuaena]

Shadows

Zoe and Baekhyun have known each other since they were childs. Brother and sister, best friends, lovers. Shadows

Destiny is not etched in stone. Fate doesn't exist.

And sometimes the shadow must be set free

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You are sitting on this comfortable chair, made of red velvet and wood. In any other occasion, you would take some time to appreciate the caress of velvet on your skin and how the cushion you are sitting on seems to conform to the shape of your body; But your muscles are tense and your mind is only concentrated on one idea.

You glance nervously to your left. He is standing by the window, his arms to the sides, staring at you as if he is waiting for you to say something, but it would be too risky to talk to him right now.

-        Do you know why you are here?

You turn your head toward the doctor. He is quite old, in his fifties as the wrinkles on the corner of his eyes can attest. His hair is white, and his eyes are light blue, like the color of a blue lagoon on which the sun is mirrored on a hot day of summer. His entire person seems to have been through some bleaching process that wiped every bright color out of him. He looks like a living ghost.

-        My mother asked me to come to this appointment, Doctor, you answer vaguely.

-        Do you know why? The doctor insists.

You look to your left again. He is smiling at you and, in his crescent eyes, you can read love and support. He mouths “I love you” slowly and distinctly and you feel your heart getting warmer in your chest.

You are not alone in this.

-        I do not know Doctor, you lie.  

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Little Zoe is playing on the playground. There is this big sandpit, but it has been raining for a week and her mother forbid her to go in it. Instead of digging into the sand, she has set her eyes on the swings and is now moving her legs backward and forward in order to move a bit. Sadly, she is a little thing, and the wind is blowing. Despite all the efforts she puts in, she does not swing much.

-        Mom! Please push me!

Her mom is reading a book, sitting on a bench. As usual when she reads, Zoe’s voice doesn’t distract her from her reading and the little girl sighs. She hopes her mother will find her a dad someday and that the two of them will give her a little sister or a little brother so that she would have a playmate at last.  

-        Do you want me to push you?

Zoe jumps out of the swing with fright and turns over quickly, ready to defend herself like her mother has taught her.

It is with her two hands raised in front of her face in a defensive position and fright into her green eyes that she meets Baekhyun for the first time.

Zoe and Baekhyun are eight.

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-        As you probably already know, I have been talking with your mother. You know she is genuinely concerned about you.

You roll your eyes. When will that old hag finally let you go and let you live your life on your own?

-        To be honest Doctor, I’m only here to please my mother. I don’t really know what she has told you but I’m a hundred percent sure that everything is fine with me. I should apologize for wasting your time.

You smile and behind the frowning doctor, he raises his thumb into the air in sign of encouragement.

The doctor writes something down on his papers and you sigh. Outside, the sun is shining. You and Baekhyun should be having a picnic by now and not being trapped in this rathole.

-        She told me you have a friend, the doctor says. I think she mentioned his name. Does the name Baekhyun ring any bell?

----------------------------------------------------

Zoe is in mathematics class. She hates maths. Everybody hate maths, why do they need to know about stupid Pythagoras and Thales; the men have been dead for centuries.

The teacher is rambling on and Zoe is not paying any attention. Three tables away from her, Baekhyun is half asleep, his hand supporting his head, but he is placed in such a way that the teacher can’t tell if he is asleep or studying ardently.

You little sh-, she thinks

She grabs the handmade peashooter she has made from a ballpoint pen and hasten to insert a tiny ball of paper in it. From the way Baekhyun’s head is turned, she is sure she can hit him in the eye and wake him up. She approaches the peashooter to her lips, takes a deep breath and blows.

The insult that comes out of Baekhyun’s mouth when the paper ball hits him is covered by the school bell ringing and Zoe laughs out loud.

-        The fuck you’re doing Zoe, grouches Baekhyun as they both meet outside of the class. You know that the peashooter wasn’t supposed to be used on you or me!

He rubs his right eye and moan in pain.

-        Did I really hurt you?

Zoe is not laughing anymore. She just wanted to wake her best friend up because she was bored, not make him a one-eyed man.

Baekhyun is still rubbing his eye and Zoe can’t tell yet but he’s smiling.

-        No you didn’t, you idiot, Baekhyun exclaims suddenly as he opens his arms and imprisons his friend with them.

He passes one arm around her neck and rubs the top her head with his fist. She screams, outraged by the little game of her friend and yells at him to let her go. He laughs.

Zoe and Baekhyun are thirteen.

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-        Zoe, do you know who I am? Do you recognize me?

You frown. The doctor is looking at you as if you were some kind of freak.

-        I’ve never seen you before, how the hell am I supposed to recognize you?

The doctor writes something down on his papers again. The friction of the fountain pen on the paper is the only sound in this cold wooden room. Why do doctors always have wooden rooms to receive patients? It doesn’t feel warm or comfortable, it just feels intimidating.

By the window, Baekhyun finally moves and places himself just behind the doctor to read over his shoulder. From the look on his face, you are guessing that what the doctor is writing is not a delightful novel and your heart is tightening into your chest.

-        Zoe, if you don’t remember me, do you remember Baekhyun?

-        What an odd question, of course I do.

The doctor writes something again and you stretch your neck to read some of it, in vain.

-        Who is Baekhyun then?

Behind the doctor, Baekhyun looks up and stares at you. You blush slightly. You have confessed to Baekhyun years ago but having to do it again all of a sudden because of the doctor pressuring you is not that easy.  Nevertheless, the words come out of your mouth without you really thinking about them beforehand.

-        He is the love of my life and my soulmate.

----------------------------------------------------

It is a Saturday afternoon and Zoe and Baekhyun are walking on the coastal path. The sea is calm, the wind is playing gently with their hair and some seagulls are flying in the sky.

-        There, says Baekhyun while pointing to a dirt road. Follow me.

Zoe is a little nervous but the excitation she feels surpasses her apprehensions.

-        You’re sure we’re not gonna get caught? She asked while going deeper into the dirt path.

The tall grasses are whipping her cheeks and one tickles her nose. She sneezes and Baekhyun turns around.

-        You’re not a baby anymore Zoe, he says while imprisoning her head between his hands. We are sixteen now, you need to act like an adult!

Usually she would have made a face or spit on his face as a joke, but his eyes buried into hers are making her fuzzy, her legs are weak, and her heart skipped a beat.

Baekhyun and Zoe have been best friends for years now. They don’t have any squad like the other kids, they’re not invited to birthday parties or class gatherings. They only have each other and they have never needed a third person.

Zoe and Baekhyun. Baekhyun and Zoe. Each other's shadows.

But lately, Baekhyun is different. He is taller, his jawline is showing, his shoulders are broader and his arms stronger. The other day when they went to the beach, Zoe noticed Baekhyun’s body for the very first time while he was running to the sea. His back is muscular now and so are his abbs.

-        Let me go, grunts Zoe.

The two of them continue their way into the tall grass and finally reach an area clear of any plants.

-        We can sit there!

Baekhyun sits cross-legged and looks up at Zoe, still standing up.

-        What are you doing, wuss, sit down! Do you have the lighter?

Zoe sits next to her friend and hands over the lighter to him . Baekhyun seizes it, smiling, before taking the cigarette they stole from Baekhyun’s father out of his pocket. He puts the cigarette in his mouth and Zoe’s gaze lingers over his pink wave-shaped lips.

She thinks it would be nice to kiss them.

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Baekhyun is smiling at you now.

-        I love you too, he says.

You know the doctor can’t hear the voice of your beloved, so you just remain quiet. You will talk to Baekhyun once you are out of this consulting room. You can’t wait to kiss him, to feel his breath on your skin and his warmth surrounding you. This room is cold and unwelcoming.

-        Your mother says she often hears you talking to Baekhyun? Continues the doctor. Is it true?

You deny it. No good would come from saying the truth, the doctor would just think you are crazy and send you to the mental hospital.

-        So you know that Baekhyun is no longer with us?

You chuckle. Nothing they can say could change the only fact that will always remain true as long as you will be alive. Baekhyun is your shadow. You are his shadow.

They will never be able to understand. 

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It’s prom night. Zoe is eighteen.

She is wearing a long red dress and high heels that hurt her feet. She tied her hair into a complicated bun and some strands of hair are stuck into her earrings.

She is not used to be dressed like this. She never wears heels, she prefers sneakers, and she thinks dresses are not as comfortable as the old pair of jeans she always wears.

But tonight is prom night. Tonight, Baekhyun is taking her to prom and she can’t wait to see him all dressed up in his suit.

It is 7pm. The doorbell rings.

Zoe is sitting on a chair in the kitchen and she doesn’t stand up right away. She is nervous and her head aches a little. Tonight, is the big night. Tonight, she is going to confess to Baekhyun. Tonight, she is going to tell him that she is in love with him.

Tonight, she wants to finally taste these lips she has been dreaming about for two years.

The doorbell rings again and she finally opens the door.

-        Hello Darling, says Baekhyun in a weird British accent.

Perched on her high heels, Zoe loses her balance for half a second. He has never looked more handsome. His dark hair, usually done coconut style, are styled and revealing his forehead. His white shirt fits closely to his chest and Zoe can easily guess the pectorals underneath.

When Baekhyun’s eye fall on Zoe, they open wide and his jaw drops.

They face themselves for a couple of seconds without exchanging any words. Outside, the night has fallen, and they can hear the kids playing from the playground. The same playground where they met each other for the first time ten years ago.

-        You are breathtaking, Baekhyun whispers .

His voice is so low Zoe is not sure if he is speaking to her or to himself., but the compliment warms her heart and she feels like she could take wings.

-        Do you want to drink something? She asked shyly.

Her hands are moisty, and her heart is racing into her chest, echoing into her ears. She would not be surprised if Baekhyun could hear it as well.

-        No it’s ok.

Baekhyun clears his throat, finally taking his eyes off Zoe. He seems agitated.

“No it’s ok”. 

Those are the last words Zoe will ever hear from Baekhyun’s living mouth. 

They go into the car together, both of them awkward for the other look astonishing and they both can’t think straight anymore.

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Zoe was in love with Baekhyun since she was sixteen. Baekhyun realized he was in love with her best friend when she opened that door and appeared looking like a princess in that long red dress.

Prom night was written in their history. This night was supposed to be their first dance, their first awkward smiles, their first kiss.

Zoe knew she has met the one she would share her life with. She knew Baekhyun was her soulmate.

Somehow, they both knew it from the moment they met in the playground.

They would have shared a beautiful life together. Baekhyun wanted two kids, she would have given them to him. She wanted to be a writer; she would have written novels for kids. He wanted to be a lawyer; he would have been the best lawyer of the State.

Even destiny can be changed. Even what seems to be etched in stone can be erased. Fate doesn’t exist.

Unless fate is that green car and this old drunk man that collided with Baekhyun’s car.

Unless fate is that green car and this old drunk man that broke eleven bones in Zoe’s body.

Unless fate is that green car and this old drunk man that took Baekhyun’s life.

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There is a tear on Baekhyun’s cheek, and you can’t understand why. He smiles, but you can tell from the look in his eyes that his heart is aching.

-        Zoe, the doctor sighs… I need you to come back to reality now….

You frown. Baekhyun wipes the tear out of his face.

The doctor opens a drawer of his desk and gets a piece of paper out of it. He puts it in front of you.

The page is damaged and crinkles as if someone’s tears fell on it. You come closer to it, intrigued as you recognize your own handwriting.

-        What is this? you ask.

The doctor stands up. He seems sad somehow.

-        You should read this… This is a letter you wrote in this office a week ago, in front of me. You made me promise to show it to you if your delirium comes back…. I don’t have any other choice.

Without any further explanation, he leaves the room.

-        What the fuck is going on?

You look at Baekhyun, searching for any kind of explanation. He is silently crying, and you feel like your heart is falling into an abyss.

-        Baekhyun, what’s going on?

He avoids the desk and gets closer to you. You don’t really know why but your throat is choked up and some tears are already spilling down your cheeks.

He kneels down next to you and take your hand in his. The warmth of his skin reassures you for a moment, but the expression of sadness on his face just makes you want to run away forever.

-        It’s going to be ok my love, he murmurs.

He kisses you slowly on the lips. Your kiss is wet and salty from all the tears and the taste of iodine reminds you of the beach Baekhyun and you used to go to as teenagers.

-        Read the letter baby, he says while caressing your cheeks.

You are afraid. You don’t know what is on that paper, but you are aware that it contains a horrible truth you don’t want to know.

Or maybe deep inside you, you already know.

Your hands are shaking when you take the paper. This is your handwriting indeed.

And as the reading goes, you realize the paper crinkles from the tears you shed on it a week ago.

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Hello Zoe

This is Zoe. Your lucid self.

If you read this, it is because doctor Zelner’s treatment didn’t work, and your delirium has come back. I am so sorry for you. I am so sorry for myself for failing on doing better.

I am sure you remember the car accident. The one when you were eighteen and heading to the prom with Baekhyun. Your knee still hurts when it’s raining outside.

On that day, Baekhyun died.

I don’t know how deep in your delirium you are. Sometimes, you know that Baekhyun is just a ghost and you are just convinced he came back to live by your side forever as a spirit. Sometimes, you don’t remember his death and think you two are married and have kids. One day, you tried to drive them to school and scared a poor teacher.

You tried to cope in your own way. You are still trying.

I know how painful it is. I know you love him. I know you miss him. I know it because I love and miss him too.

Please Zoe, you have to let him go. It’s been twenty years. He has been gone for twenty years…

I think he loved us. He never had the chance to told us but I’m certain he did. He has been a brother and a best friend to us. He would have been a boyfriend, a husband and a father if life wasn’t that cruel.

You will always love him, but you have to let him go.

You are not his shadow anymore. Don’t let him be yours.

I love you Zoe. Take care of us.

And be brave.