#genuinely i am struggling to find a high enough quality video to show off the tiny details.

[saltysaltdog]

Me: Airachnid actually has a lot of hidden depth, I should write an essay with screenshots to further my point so people can see a more nuanced approach to-

The 7000+ mess of idea slurry that isn't congealing together: ggsghb

Me: sobbing as I try to smush it into a shape, knowing I'm not even halfway done with every episode she appears in.

[nicetomeetmew]

If LU was an anime (VA headcanons)

Okay so! A while back I uploaded a video (which you can find here) giving the LU boys voice actors. And in the description of said video, I promised that I was going to post a list of explanations for my voices and link it. Which I am only doing now.

These choices, bar a few, are my own personal opinion, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about them! I spent far to long working and watching anime for this but I am pretty happy with the end result, bar one (glares at Four). So I hope you enjoy! And prepare yourself. Cause this is LONG.

Legend - Vic Mignoga (Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

So fun fact. Back when I first discovered LU, I almost immediately imaged Leg with this voice. He had strong Ed vibes for me and when I started making this list, he was the only one I immediately knew was perfect. At least to me. It just has that quality; the snark with the capability of being genuine and emotional (I do apologise if the voice clips I included in the video made you sad. That's a hazard of FMA). I didn't consider anyone else for Legend, even though I did briefly consider Vic Mignoga for Warriors (more on that later).

Sky - Aleks Le (Zenitsu Agatsuma from Demon Slayer)

Man, I considered a fair few KnY voices for this list, including the voice of Tanjiro for Wild and the voice of Giyu for Twilight. But this is the one that stuck. I was struck between Sky having a youthful, soft voice or an older, soft voice (I knew his voice had to be soft. I mean. It's Sky.)

I watched the dub of Demon Slayer solely for this and it never would've occurred to me to consider Zenitsu's voice for Sky. But as the show progressed and I heard it when he wasn't... you know... begging some poor lass to marry him, I realised he actually has quite a soft voice. And when I heard it get all serious I thought "Yep. That works." And thus I placed Aleks Le as the Chosen Hero. You could argue that his voice is a bit too youthful for him but I still think it works.

Wind - Amanda Miller (Boruto from Boruto: Naruto Next Generations)

Ugh. Ugh. *increasing sounds of disgust*. I hate this.

But let's start from the beginning. Right off the bat, I was 99.9% sure Wind would be voiced by a woman. Okay so he's not 10 (that will make more sense in a second), but he's still pretty young and I imagine him with quite a youthful voice. For him, I considered Sarah Natochenny, the current voice of Ash Ketchum in Pokémon, and also Colleen Clickenbeard's voice for Monkey D. Luffy in One Piece. But these two voices shared the same problem. They were too raspy. I just cannot see Wind with a raspy voice. I guess if you really, really, really focus on it it could work but I just could get it to work for me hfff.

And then... ugh. I spoke to a mate about. He doesn't know about LU so I just told him I was making voice headcanons and couldn't think of a good one for a 14 year old boy. And he said "have you heard Boruto's English voice?" And I think my response was something along the lines of, "Ben, I have standards." But he insisted it would probably work so I watched a clip of Boruto on YouTube and much to my horror, it did seem to work. But there was problem. None of the clips had lines I could picture Wind saying. And because of that I was struggling to actually give Wind the voice. But something told me that it was the right one so... I... *shudders*... watched Boruto. I watched I think 5 full episodes before I had no more braincells and skipped thorough a bunch more and sure enough, I could finally see Wind with that voice. I think it fits him great and it honestly might be my favourite choice just because I had to watch that nightmare.

Hyrule - Justin Briner (Izuku Midoriya from My Hero Academia)

Ah. This one is much more pleasant. First of all, I never realised this at first but Midoriya and Hyrule are kind of similar. For one thing, they do kinda look alike. And for another they have the same "I will never give up" kinda thing going on.

Roolie is another one I knew would have a soft voice. I think Justin Briner was always down as a choice for him, except for when I briefly considered him for Four (more on that later *big sigh*). This is another anime I watched the dub for solely for this and there were a ton of lines right from the get go I could instantly imagine Roolie saying. So yeah. Aside from the tiny moment I almost assigned Justin Briner to Four, this was a pretty easy one. Midoriya has a soft voice that I could easily imagine Hyrule having. And when he got angry and his voice got harsher, I could also easily see Roolie like that too. Fun fact: there's another BNHA voice on this list... heh.

Wild - Michael Sinternklaas (Dagger from Black Butler)

AW YEAH. YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BRITISH BOI.

Ahem. Anyway. Yes Wild is British. Everyone rejoice. I was unsure of how people would react to this but I think this is the only voice on the list everyone agreed on. Which I'm happy about.

As I mentioned, I considered the English voice of Tanjiro (Zach Aguilar) for Wild. There were issues with this; mainly that it was too soft, too young, and made him sound too similar to Sky. Now here's the thing. I WANTED to give Wild a English accent. I am almost certain he would have one, like most people. However the only anime I could think of with decent English accents was Black Butler (and yes I know his final voice is from it, bear with me) and there was a problem with that. Most of the voices from Black Butler are ridiculously posh. Now you may be thinking "But Kai, Zelda has a posh English accent" and to that I would say "Ah yes but she's a princess and Wild is not". And now you might be thinking "But Kai, he's a knight an probably spent a lot of time in a place with posh English accents". To which I would say "But he wasn't always". Two words. Hateno Village.

Let me explain.

I feel like a lot of people hear the words 'English accent' and immediately think of an accent like Zelda's (and no, I am not saying everyone does and I'm also not implying that there aren't people out there who aren't British and know that there are multiple accents). Anyway, English accents are different depending on the place. And, since one can assume Wild is from Hateno Village, I would imagine their accent is different to that of those born in Castle Town. So that's why I was reluctant to give Wild a voice from Black Butler. Because all the voices that weren't insanely fancy were either far too old or did not have the right vibe.

Then one day, taking a break from this, I was watching season 3 of Black Butler (one of the only anime I watch dubbed) and I heard two voices that I suddenly thought, hang on just a second. One of those was the voice of Ronald Knox, who's a grim reaper. And the other, of course, was Dagger. I was leaning towards Dagger and what sold me was one scene in particular, which I chose as the final voice clip for Wild (you cannot tell me that is not exactly something he would say). And that was it. But Wild's was easily one of the most frustrating (not the most *glares at Four again*).

Time - David Matranga (The Father from Wolf Children)

Another tough one and also one I heavily considered for Twilight (for obvious reasons). Time's was kind of tricky because I knew I wanted it to be deep but there's such of variety of deep voices. At one point I even considered dumping the deep voice idea because it was so hard. It was a this time I thought of the voice of space cowboy extraordinaire, Spike Spiegel. But my brain said "hell no". There were other voices I considered for him, loads of which I cannot find the notes for and another one which will likely appear in part two as another character (no spoilers), but when I was picking a voice for Twi, some of the lines the father said just kept ringing big old Time vibes with me. So in the end, I decided to for it. Like I said, I imagine time with a deep voice and while to father's might be a bit more... gravelly (?) than I imagined, I think it fits him pretty well. It's serious and mature but still a certain kindness I'd imagine Time's voice to have.

Warriors - Johnny Yong Bosch (Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach)

Don't lie. You knew Johnny Yong Bosch was gonna be on here and not just because I put his name (albeit spelled incorrectly) in the thumbnail. When I started making this, I knew I wanted to fit JYB into it. In my mind, LU would be an amazing anime and almost all amazing anime have Johnny Yong Bosch in it.

Now, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out whether he would be better for Wars or Twi. At one point I was convinced he would be best for Twi and that's when I briefly thought about Vic Mignoga for Warriors (his voice for Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club. Don't tell me Tamaki and Wars aren't at least a tiny bit similar). But I could bear to part with Vic for Legend so I decided heck it, Johnny is Warriors and I'll find someone else for Twi later. As for the voice in particular, the two voices I considered for Twi definitely did not fit Wars. And then I remembered Bleach and immediately I thought "Yep. That's the one". I imagine Warriors having an authoritative voice, not too deep and very... uh... I don't know the right word. Clean sounding? Anyway, Ichigo just seemed to fit nicely and thus it was so.

Four - Micah Solusod (Yukine from Noragamai)

Ugh. UGH. Okay. This is my least favourite. Four was, excuse my French, A FUCKING NIGHTMARES. There was not ONE SINGLE VOICE that seemed to work for him at all. I watched a bit of the Noragmai dub because I was thinking about Yato's voice for someone (I can't remember who. It might have been Wild) and I heard Yukine's and decided to put it into reserve. As in, my last resort. And I had to use it. Oh my god Four. I love you but your voice is literally a nightmare. Is it high? Is it low? Is it young sounding? Surprisingly grown up sounding? I DON'T FREAKING KNOW.

I mentioned earlier that I considered Justin Briner for him. I was thinking about his voice for Luck from Black Clover, which may have honestly worked a bit better, but I was pretty attached to Justin as Roolie by this point. So I had to whip out Micah.

Let me be clear. No, I do not think this works well at all. I appreciate the people who tried to see that good in it, but I honestly just don't think it works. The only reason I went for it is because Yukine's voice switches between older sounding and younger sounding throughout the show and since I could decide what Four's would sound like I said to myself "Fine. Four can be the same", found some clips, slapped it together and never looked back.

I am still looking for another voice for Four and if I find a decent one, I will include it in part two.

And last but not least...

Twilight - Aaron Mitchell Dismuke (Tamaki Amajiki - My Hero Academia)

Told ya there was another BHNA voice.

So Twi was another tricky one. As I mentioned, I was seriously considering Johnny Yong Bosch for him. More specifically, his voices for Giyu Tomioka from Demon Slayer and Kiba from Wolf's Rain (for obvious reasons). I did almost go for Kiba but something was stopping me. I'm honestly not sure what.

So I was talking to a mate (and by that I mean I rambled. A lot) about VA's and at one point he suggested Aaron Mitchell Dismuke but not for Twilight. I can't actually remember who he suggested it for but anyway, that didn't work out. But when I was looking through his work, I saw that we played Amajiki and I was curious. I listened to him and I liked it.

Okay to be fair I wanted a country accent for Twi. Of course I did. But I could not a find a decent one. They few I found were absolutely terrible. So I gave up on that and decided that was Amajiki. And that was that.

And that concludes the Links VA headcanons! I am happy with most of them and once more these are my opinion but I would love to hear your own ideas!

As I have said many times, I am working on a part two and as a sneak peak (sort of) I'll tell you two of the characters that will be featured (excluding Four, if I find him another voice).

Dink (even though he hasn't, technically shown up yet) and Malon (which is proving to be a lot tricker than I thought). There a couple more but my lips are sealed heh.

Oh and speaking of Dink, the voice I considered for Time and then thought it would be better for someone else? Yeah that's the voice that's currently in the lead to be Dink's :)

I hope enjoyed my long winded explanations! And thank you for reading/watching!

[saltyfilmmajor]

A POINT BY POINT EVISCERATION OF KYLE SMITH’S REVIEW OF MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION

A critical analytical response by salty film major™ SuperGeekyToon 

Inspired by the discussion the Benthan Discord had in how people fundamentally misunderstand Tom Cruise. @ineverhadadoubt @olympain @lady-johnlocked-moriarity  @mesutglozil @katharoaimos

So How do I unpack this man’s fundamental misunderstanding of Rogue Nation? By doing a critical analysis of his interpretation of course. Like any good College student I will be citing the article I am responding to:

https://nypost.com/2015/07/29/boring-new-mission-impossible-coasts-on-cruise-control/

Now firstly, just because a person doesn’t like the film you like or give it as high a score does not mean they are a bad reviewer. 

Reviews are a fundamentally subjective analysis influenced by personal taste, mental state, and viewing experience. Critics make their living in opinionated analysis and to not acknowledge that would incredibly reckless of me. However, this review goes beyond mere negative opinion. It reveals a dangerous ideology that has influenced this man’s fundamental understanding of Rogue Nation.

He begins his critique as follows:

“Neither bad enough to be a complete waste of time nor good enough to remember past next Tuesday, the film co-written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie staples together one routine action piece after another with cutesy dialogue and lots of merciless pounding away at iPad screens.”

Ok, so I’m not sure what he means here by ‘cutesy dialogue’. Does he mean banter? Because this film isn’t a ‘day at the beach movie rom-com’, It’s an action motivated spy film commenting on the relationship between “the tool and the government”   (Cinemawins Rogue Nation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOA1Til3D68&t=493s). 

The dialogue in this film is snappy and well arranged, there’s not really a moment that could be considered cutesy. It’s not a routine action piece either, the film does very well to set up the stunts in the narrative so that they don’t feel forced. All the stunt work, including the cold open, is done by Tom Cruise himself. So, he is in real danger there, the audience doesn’t feel the same disconnect when there are CGI and stunt doubles doing stunt work. 

Also, they don’t actually use iPad’s, they use Microsoft Surfaces you uncultured swine.

He continues:

“Especially if we know that Ethan will have to hold his breath under the wet stuff for three solid minutes, if all goes perfectly, which, of course, it will not. Is there a super-spy trick to this? No, McQuarrie simply has Ethan be superhuman. Holding onto a flying jet with his fingertips at hundreds of miles an hour? No problem. Walking away from a 100-mph motorcycle wipeout? Yawn. Ethan even suffers brain damage at one point, then shakes it off like it’s a gin and tonic. Superman thinks this guy is boringly infallible.”

There is a point to be made that Ethan seems to be “superhuman”, especially where it seems impossible that he survives. But 1) It’s called Mission Impossible for a reason. 2) This is more of a nitpick then it is a valid point of criticism. Plenty of movies have characters survive things that should’ve killed them (e.g. Tony Stark in AVENGERS 1).

A bigger point to be made here is the role of Tom Cruise in the movie meta. The filmed can be viewed analytically through a few lenses.  One that is fundamental to the enjoyment of the film is Tom Cruise taking unnecessary risks to his wellbeing for the sake of the action set pieces. Without Tom Cruise Action Set Pieces™, the franchise would be inherently different. 

Kyle won’t be impressed until Tom Cruise FUCKIN DIES because he took it too far and it was in his will to show the movie anyway. 

These action set pieces are a combination of great cinematography, sound design, and action execution. Dismissing them as merely paint-by-number action set pieces is doing a disservice to the film and the creative efforts of those involved in the making of it, especially Tom Cruise. 

As we near the end of this review, we find ourselves with the most fundamental misunderstanding of character I’ve ever seen in the entirety of the two decades I’ve walked and breathed on this God forsaken earth:

“But even Superman had a girlfriend. Cruise seems to have given up on trying to convince us that he’s a ladies’ man and with the female lead — a fellow spy (Rebecca Ferguson) of uncertain loyalty — he shares no moment sexier than a warm hug of the quality you’d give your aunt at Thanksgiving. Lacking much character except (like everyone else here) expertise at all things, she is on hand only to check the box marked, “Strong, assertive, female.” It would make no difference within the movie if she perished at the hands of the Syndicate’s creepy chief, Lane (Sean Harris). Naming her Ilsa and having her hang out in Casablanca brings up the kinds of comparisons that can only be labeled unfortunate.”

This right here is what prompted this analysis. When I read this, I was reeling. 

And then I showed the Discord chat.

And it proceeded to make the chat want to physically fight Kyle Smith.

The implication that Ethan needs to FUCK Ilsa to make their chemistry believable and to make Ilsa an interesting character is to quote Bill and Ted “like, totally bogus, dude.” Like, Full Stop. I shouldn’t have to make that argument in this day and age.  

Ilsa is a complex 3-dimensional character. The movie is better for having her and Ethan not share any “intimate” scene together. Ilsa is conflicted by her job and has her own sense of morality, which is what prompts her to save Ethan in the first place. Her own sense of good and bad creates tension between her work and herself. 

The conversation she and Ethan have in the train station summarizes her ideological conflict very well. She is a tough ass woman trying to survive. She is not a damsel in distress but a woman who is on equal footing with Ethan.

This also pairs nicely with Ethan’s whole story arc. As it directly mirrors a rogue agent who is doing it for the benefit of the collective human good and one who has gone rogue at the behest of her government. They are foils and equals. And yes, her death would’ve meant something, because if she would have died the ideological implications of her death would mean cementing the argument of the film of the” tool vs the wielder” firmly on one side. The film is better off ending with her surviving because it leaves the ideological implications of her story open for interpretation. 

The subject matter here is very complicated and to have a simple solution would undermine the entire film.

Also saying Ilsa is a STRONG ASSERTIVE FEMALE™, suggesting she is merely a cliché action girl does her a disservice. She is a strong character with a complex struggle, more dimensional than Madeleine from Spectre, who appeared in the same year as this film. To quote the lovely @ineverhadadoubt and their frankly singlehanded destruction of Male Entitlement to Female sexuality:

Also, the Idea that no one here has character is so baffling to me? I think what Kyle is trying to say is that these characters are boring for caring about each other and not displaying the typical traits of toxic masculinity often found in the genre. We see the role of the Damsel in Distress™ taken up by Benji, not a role usually given to male characters. It strengthens the bond Ethan and Benji have created throughout the film and makes for a beautiful friendship that is not easily toppled by fragile masculinity. Every character on Team Hunt comes to care for each other, which is different from a lot of spy films. There is no toxic masculinity in their friendships here sir.

Benji wants to help Ethan and is determined to stay by his side, despite Ethan’s protests, which makes his capture near the end of the film even more tragic.  He also is a cultured man and a nerd because he 1) plays Halo 5 and 2) loves the opera. He isn’t put in a box because of his interests and he is genuinely a very funny character.

Brandt and Luther just want their friends to live and commit treason in order to keep it that way. They have no discernable characters to you @KYLE SMITH because apparently, you have some fucking shitty ass friends who won’t lay down their lives for you.

So to summarize Rogue Nation is a Fantastic film with fantastic Characters and you should definitely watch it. Also #FuckKyleSmith (Please don’t send hate to him either, I just think his opinion is shitty)

[a-travels]

taken: 27 may, 2018 Somewhere in Iceland

Power to truth. Also *mlem*

If it wasn’t clear, this is the same day as the last post and definitive proof that the horses were indeed not alone. Though this horse is by itself too and this could just be in two separate pastures. You’ll just have to believe me, I guess.

Look at the horse. Man, it’s a cute horse. There’s no pretention or facade about the horse. The horse is a horse. If you could see these Icelandic horses, you’d marvel at how small they are. They’re basically like Lil Sebastian from Parks and Recreation⸺not ponies, but small horses. This is an adult horse that looks undergrown but is in fact not. 

For those few that somehow have stuck this long with this thing, get ready for what we call in the industry, a stretch.

I mention the horse being a horse because I am sometimes baffled by how we as humans are. “Human” humans seem to be a rarer breed than “horsey” horses nowadays. Have I lost you? Let me explain. 

One of the key differentiators of our species (apart from opposable thumbs) from so many other species out there, is our use of complex language. Animals speak, just as we do, but there’s a beauty in how simplistic it is. In the immortal words of Jeff Winger from the TV show Community: “You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks”. Animals communicate purely in utilitarian fashions, as far as I’m aware (if someone knows enough zoology or animal linguistics to inform me otherwise, I’d love to hear it). “There’s food here!” “Watch out for the predator!” “Come drink water!”, there’s little room for subtlety or sarcasm. Humans, I guess in our dominance as the apex predator of this planet, have developed enough of a sense of comfort that we have had the ability to develop this “complex language”. We can be subtle, indirect, sarcastic, facetious and more, and our message is still somehow generally conveyed to out audience or conversers. There’s no need for utilitarian dialogue in our society. We don’t want to hear if we look fat in an outfit or ugly in a hat, we want ourselves to feel better about ourselves and our place in this world.


Somehow, in the pursuit of that feeling, the feeling of satisfaction, some people take the route of least resistance and start to lie with gleeful abandon. It’s like in Avengers: Infinity War when the Collector asks Thanos, “Why would I lie to you?” and Thanos replies, “I imagine it’s like breathing for you.” Seriously, it’s appalling the level to which people will lie, cheat, manipulate, and con just to get ahead. Now, before anyone (any of those three readers) who calls me out for high-horsing (no pun intended) on this matter, I openly admit I’ve told my fair share of lies. But, to the best of my knowledge, I have not done it ever in a work or academic setting to better my standing. Beyond lying in professional settings, disingenuousness is perhaps my least favorite quality in a person. Any of my friends (I hope) would know that above all else in a person, I value genuineness above all else, in whatever form that may be. I think I have a pretty good read on people, but other people are not blind to that kind of stuff either. That “bullshit meter” is something I think every one of us develops over time just interacting with other people. Isn’t that kind of nuts, how ants just barf their feelings to one another while we need to develop an implicit metric to decipher other people simply being honest or not?


I don’t say all this because I’ve recently been wronged or lied to by someone. I think I have distilled and retained a social circle which at this point is open enough to be above-board and not have to lie to each other and me. It’s more of a trend I’ve seen in amongst others from my university and high school, who are so affectionately called “the snakes”, as well as on social media. I’m not going to necessarily dig into those real-life “snakes” right now because it’s beyond my understanding or energy to engage with those kinds of people right now. I manage to skirt my way around them enough that they don’t overly affect my life right now. Maybe I’ll touch on them in a future post. 

Just recently, a friend of mine was talking about how bored and isolated they are where they work. I suggested they meet up with someone (classmate of ours from high school) in the same city as them and the immediate reaction was of rebuke, simply due to that someone’s social media presence seeming put on and artificial. On that level, I get it. Social media is perhaps the means to the end of fulfilling our social satisfaction and external validation “needs”. But who really dictates that need, and where does that need stem from in the first place? I can’t hope to understand everyone’s internal struggles and or insecurities, but I know personally, it’s something I struggle with myself, finding satisfaction in myself and my work. It takes an effort in having to myself “I am enough”. I’ve never thought to look to social media for that validation I sometimes seek myself, but I get that people do. But I think in that quest, sometimes people come across as though they’re showing off, virtue signaling to others on how to act, even if they don’t intend to. In an effort to seem “human”, flawed, and trying to be a better person, they invariably look like a “snake” and often unrelatable to the trained eye. 


Before I sound hypocritical, I get that social media is at its core about a romanticized version of your life, and I am just as guilty in portraying my life in that manner. It is the modern-day photo album, that doesn’t necessarily always dig into the bad times or the fears or insecurities. It’s just the new way to remember the good times when you’re older and click back onto Facebook or Instagram. You won’t remember how you missed your flight or got caught in a rainstorm at the beach, but you will remember snorkeling and that dope meal you got the first night in and those pictures you have. It’s seldom a diary of some sort (or maybe it is for some people). It provides a fleeting comfort of how we think our lives should be⸺perfect, happy, never sad, always with friends, helping out others. But life is rarely like that. it’s messy, sweaty, tear-filled, occasionally solitary, bored, tired, worn, bruised, and battered. There’s nothing wrong with sharing that pristine side of yourself online, but in my experience, it will never solve that growing underside of things if left alone. It is uncomfortable to face those demons, to grapple with the pressures of daily life. But it never gets better just festering and growing. I found all that stuff for me really boil over and affect my life adversely within the past few years and ignoring it, in hindsight, didn’t help me.

I don’t and probably may not ever truly understand everyone’s challenges in life, but I know that trying to mask it online or mask it in person doesn’t really help. It may be a band-aid to a larger wound that may grow septic if not treated. Like I said, I’m not saying to post pictures or videos of you crying or talking about everything online unless that’s your thing (which by all means, you do you), but being human is to embrace the messiness and imperfection of life. Talk to a friend, talk to a professional, journal, blog, write in a diary, punch it out in a martial arts class, workout, whatever fuzzes your peach, it’s better to face it than hide from it. Molt that snakeskin and horse around. Be honest.


Well, this got a bit long once again. Social media etiquette and my presence there is something I’ve been thinking about since I joined facebook in high school. I don’t expect anyone to necessarily share my views on this stuff, but I would hope there’s some resonance on the idea of honesty and being genuine to one another. Also, the process of crystallizing my thoughts into actual written words isn’t super easy since I’m a pretty crummy writer so getting these cogent and short is a challenge in itself. Maybe I’ll start including a tl;dr on these things.

tl;dr - begone sneks

[operationadventure]

New Year New Me

This post is not about the 10 steps of how to become a better person. If that is what you want the blogging world is full of self-help talks. This post addresses what it looks like to be self-aware. I certainly struggle on this topic. Awareness plays a key factor in the development of an authentic self. So often we fall into the rut of expectations. This person has a nice car, a big house, a great job, a desirable lover, unique friends, and enough time to still volunteer for a dog shelter (sorry if you are a cat person). We see the rewards of this person’s unique life. The stability and the materialism draws us in with every passing moment. I often ask the following question to myself in comparison of those great people. Why don’t I have X-Y-Z? 

Honestly, the reason I do not have X-Y-Z comes from the lack of discipline, but like I said earlier this post is not a self-help post. To better understand, why we do not have certain amenities in our life, we first have to answer the question of “Who do I want to be in life?” I first answered this question through the processing of an adult mind. I want to be a real-estate agent because my major fits, and I think I have a lot of good qualities that go into sales. Logical, rational, and concise, a typical response of many adult figures. We take the information we have at hand and apply it to our current circumstances. Pause here for just a moment. Take a few seconds to answer another question. What did you want to be when you were a child?

This breakthrough happened in my mother’s home when repainting cabinets. The feeling of doing something altruistic lifted my spirit out of a depression caused from the inability to find work. I realized that for over a decade my mind was running the show. It stayed busy through menial task, preparations, and reactions. The state of my heart became obsolete in my thinking. Being let go is not easy for anyone, but being let go when you have nothing besides that is devastating. I rarely left the home, stopped talking to friends, essentially I turned into a recluse. After weeks of not finding a job I felt to be worthy, I went home to visit my family. That is when i began to dream again. While working for the betterment of my sisters and mother, I happened upon passion. A passion to do my best for the people around me and not for myself.

This microcosm of an experience led me to continue pursuing passions. I got reconnected with God, began to research jobs, began paying attention to the needs of others, and began to be a little more genuine. My friends will laugh at this because they have probably heard me yelling, “ 2017 is my YEAR!” However, I want you and them to know that each moment we have to decide where we are going with our lives. My friend gave me a great illustration of choosing the RIGHT path or the EASY path. 

 My head exploded when I listened to a podcast about my personality type and asked the question about my childhood dreams. A desk job? For me? Never! As a child I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon, a professional football player, a professional video game player, an oncologist who discovered the cure for cancer, a book writer who put J.K. Rowling to shame, a firefighter who rescued people from burning buildings, and a coach of high school football. Each dream started off as a slight inkling only to be dashed to pieces by “reality”. Will Smith has been quoted saying, “Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.” Once I began to list out my neglected dreams, I realized that my current process to life is one of mediocrity.

Arguments between what is RIGHT and what is EASY being to flood my mind. I am a dreamer and the hindrance of reality will not hold me back, said my heart to my mind. My mind simply stated, The reason nobody pursues crazy dreams is because they don’t pan out. The American Dream? Ha! More like the American Scheme. My mind plays dirty when it comes to feelings. It pulls up every failed dream, cuts out all my insecurities, and makes a scrapbook to hold in front of my heart. Often times my mind bullies my heart into relenting. However, in a moment of clarity my heart broke through. 

This clarity is the moment I wanted to share with you the people of Reddit who will tear me to shreds for overlooked mistakes, the friends who may laugh at what I have said, the people who genuinely connect with only a couple phrases from this post. I hope that each person will be able to better understand themselves after reading this. Clarity is something attained by an act of authenticity. Being authentic to one’s values and dreams can be difficult, but the rewards are peace.