#go King dice GOOOO

[cadaceus]

C2E140

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my liveblogs/emotional breakdown over Campaign 2, Episode 140 of Critical Role. This was genuinely an emotional rollercoaster, and I feel so much and yet so empty at the same time? These are genuinely my longest liveblogs ever (I had a lot of emotional reactions and things to say!) so feel free to grab some snacks or water before diving into this one. Spoilers ahead, of course, so pretty please proceed with caution!

- I’m emotional thinking about this very possibly being the Mighty Nein’s last Initiative ever...

- THAT NEW LUCIEN MINI DFVGDHJKLD WHAT THE 

- Essek tied for first in Initiative let’s go babeyyyyy I’m so proud

- THE VISION OF ZUALA  😭 😭 I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS I’M SAD

- The Eyes get their turn??? Oh my god

- Ashley’s aggressive “don’t you fcking dare” when the eyes point at Beau me too, me too

- Whoaaa Caleb’s Glaive method was so interesting, I can’t believe that worked!

- STOP ATTACKING ESSEK SDFGHSJK IF HE GETS NINE EYES AND TURNS AGAINST THEM OR SOMETHING I WILL THROW A FIT

- “Veth keep your clothes on... I will cast Marine Layer” FJORD LMAOOO

- I will turn into the “leave Brittany alone” person but make it “leave Essek alone” WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO HIM

- six attacks versus Veth... ruh roh raggy

- Yasha attacking Zuala makes me so saddd 

- NOOO Cad... idk why that is the one that made me tear up, but just the image of his family beckoning for him in this city of terror is making me emotional 😭

- “That’s my child’s mother...” LMAO TRAVIS

- I genuinely just copied their “shaking weights” motion in real life adhjkdlf let’s goooo Essek!! 

- VETH IS DOWN.... GOD THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD DO NOT KILL VETH PLEASE

- “He’s gone... let him go...” oof okay that one hurt me

- Jester was so close to getting that Divine Intervention... that was almost so clutch aahhh

- why is fjord’s method of persuasion to molly just flirting with them LMAO okay king...

- “’Remember the fruit salad?’” Fjord/Travis looks so embarrassed, WHAT IS FRUIT SALAD SIR PLEASE SHARE WITH THE CLASS

- Essek actually succeeding on a Strength check to get Caleb free despite being a weak ass wizard, and then Caleb pressing his forehead against Essek’s in thanks... yes I’m soft I can’t do this, my emotions are kaput

- TWO NATURAL 20S AGAINST JESTER.....

- Jester being insta dead. I am not doing okay. Like literally about to start crying, I was not expecting it to happen that quickly or at all, she’s just so full of life and if Cad doesn’t save her.... I’m just so upset by this 😭

- One of the “Happy Thoughts” on Sam’s flask being “Luc all grown up” is so precious to me personally

- CAD BELOW 20 HP --> CAD GOING DOWN ---> CAD UP AGAIN WAS SUHC A EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OH MY GOD

- Did Molly just scratch Lucien’s face??? Oh my god...  😭

- MATT YOU NEARLY MADE ME PANIC WITH THAT SENTENCE SFGDJKLD THAT WAS CRUEL I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS ALREADY AND THAT ALMOST DID ME OVER

- Both clerics at 1 hit point.... everything is fine :) (scared version)

- CALEB WENT DOWN I AM NOT DOING WELL EVERYONE..... THIS IS SO FREAKING ROUGH 

- Jester clutch healer, not even joking, I’m so grateful for her

- I can’t believe that it’s been three hours with no break, I need to make a mug brownie to calm myself down, free us Matt Mercer (mostly /j)

- BEAU ROLLING TWO NATURAL 20S ON HER ATTACK WITH MOLLY’S BELT AROUND HER FISTS OH MY GOD POETIC CINEMA.... THE DICE GODS ARE REAL!!!!

- Essek using his eighth level spell on Lucien after he sees Caleb go down...... MY LOVE (also I wonder what he had been saving his eighth level for, since Matt said he was saving it?)

- WAIT IS CALEB DOWN OR IS HE LIKE DEAD

- okay. just got my answer. i am not doing fine.

- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS DSBJKDASL;KDSJKFDK JESTER YES JESTER YES..... OH MY GOD SHE DID IT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I’M SO EMO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

- Break? What do you mean BREAK? time to make that emotional support mug brownie though.....

- Caleb’s alive! He’s safe! Thank all of the gods!

- Yasha kissing each spot on Beau’s body where the eyes were... I love them so much.

- Uh oh, Caleb is going to try to revivify Lucien/Molly isn’t he? I know it... I know he is... but sometimes you have to let people go :(

- “Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein, you’re in” oh no I’m going to cry then.... aahh

- Jester rolling a Natural 20 because she has such a good imagination is so fitting! I love her so dearly

- Beau’s appeal is going to get to me... I know it already.

- THAT NATURAL ONE HURT ME... I didn’t want Molly to come back (because sometimes it is time and they died saving the people they loved) but it still hurts, you know? To not get Molly back.

- ASHLEY;S VOICE BROKE ME... damn I was holding in my tears, but her voice when she said “there’s nothing else to do?” really got to me

- Molly being laid to rest at the Blooming Grove is so poetic, I love that

- Essek’s voice is going to get to me.... also Fjord’s “use your anger and let it fuel you” makes me think that he is speaking to his own younger self... GOD Fjord is going to make me cry

- When he said “Caleb Widogast, have you ever accepted defeat?” I was unironically waiting for a love confession

- WAIT NO WAY..... HOLY SHIT???

- DID CADUCEUS JUST ROLL A 2 PERCENT.... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

- Marisha talking about the “emotional whiplash” no LITERALLY Ms Ray I understand you

- MOLLY IS BACK?????

- Matt turning to Taliesin and saying “Your eyes open for the first time in a long time” oh my god.......

- Empty. Love.

- Molly turning to Yasha and saying “Love” is so precious, I love and missed their friendship so so much

- I know I wasn’t sold on Molly coming back, but honestly this is very fitting and I love it a lot. It makes me so emotional, dear god... all of the Mighty Nein together for the first time literally ever. 😭

- “Long May He Reign” is trending on Twitter right now. I think you all know why.

- Wow, I genuinely didn’t cry this entire episode but the second is ended something in me just broke. I feel a bit speechless right now and my emotions are all over the place, but if you read all of these liveblogs please know that you are loved and valued more than you could possibly know. I love you, I love you, I love you; and is it Thursday yet? 

<3

[scims-stuff]

The one where we all die (almost)

screw it this is now a dnd/tma/mechs blog

i usually dm but im in a campaign w a couple of my players and their friends (i'm a late comer)

playing a lvl 6 goblin bard

w/ @creepy-noises-in-the-woods (as the monk)

(started about half way through the session)

long post but in my opinion it's kinda funny

THE WIZARD CAST FIREBALL INSIDE A HOSTILE TREE

we're all gonna die

this will end in a possible tpk

fuck fuck fuck

robe of stars come in clutch

ROLLED ALL 3/4s FOR MAGIC MISSILE

32 points and only half dead,,,,theres like 8 of these fuckers

(don't blame the dm the wizard accidentally summoned these)

giving BI to the paladin

MONKS DOWN

"if you fuck up, you will die" NO

okay ones down

wizards down

guess i'm playing healer,,, thus is the life of a bard ig

healed wizard,, rolled shit tho

NAT 20 0N HIDE LETS GOOOO

WIZARDS DOWN AGAIN FUCK

,,,,,they're attacking the unconscious monk

okayokayokay paladins still up

i do have a back up character tho (mentioned her as a npc in the current characters backstory)

paladins down

RELENTLESS ENDURANCE COMING IN CLUTCH

mr dm we are begging you,,,,attack the weird ass caterpillar

healed the monk and gave her BI

,,,,,,kinda need to pee rn lol

first time hit this combat

,,,,,annnd im on 4hp

okay for the next character i'm thinking of making her a blood hunter,,,, maybe a cleric

*chanting* STUNNING STRIKE STUNNING STRIKE

im down lol

my neck just twitched so bad ever vertebrae cracked

OH FUCK FORGOT ABOUT THE PALADIN MUTATION THING

he's A TREE

MANS TURNING INTO A TREE

we're doing some meta shit

gay male armour

i have a reborn character in the works and they have adv on death saves, wish i had that rn

2 failed saves for the wizard

we're praying in the chillis tonight

NAT 20 AGAINST THE MONK FUCK

paladins unconcious

TPK TPK TPK TPK

,,,,,wizards dead

rip the drug dealing kolbold

wait dm said he wanted to make deaths important

hope?

NAT FUCKING 20 FOR THE MONK

PLADADIN ALMOST FAILED

why did he make me go last

FAIL SAVE FAIL (changed dice) SAVE SAVE

IM FINE SHAKING BUT FINE

narration time

oop im up

were on 1hp yall

nah this is just sad

coma time??

arm gone

cauterising the wound

okay he's fine

robot arm, robot arm, robot arm

we fucking sad and quiet in the crabtank tonight

gonna visit some ppl and see the king (were kinda bffs with him) next session

wait shit im also irradiated

well thats the story in balamory,,,,imma do this again next session

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelorette’ Week 5: Camel rides, song writing and a 2-on-1, oh my!

The greatest thing to grace reality TV took place on The Bachelorette this week. THE TWO-ON-ONE!

We are five weeks into this season of The Bachelorette, and it’s refreshing to have this kind of SPORTS and the World Cup to help us cope with the late June sports deficiency.

In case you missed last week’s Bachelorette action, you can catch up here with the recap.

VEGAS BABY! Becca and the fellas wandered through the desert of Nevada in search of love this week, as the entire posse traded the picturesque vistas of Utah for the glitz and glamour of the Strip.

The guys rolled through the lobby of the Aria shouting “LET’S GOOOO!” and “VEGAS BABY” as if all of their Las Vegas knowledge was curated through repeated viewings of The Hangover. It wasn’t aired, but there is no doubt in my mind that one of the guys referred to himself as a one man wolf pack at some point.

Through the first three-and-a-half minutes of the episode, they worked in FOUR gambling puns, and I’m 100 percent here for this.

“Let’s roll the dice on love!”

“Love is full of taking risks and gambling.”

“Let’s take a gamble!”

“I put my Vegas odds of a one-on-one at +125.

ONE-ON-ONE WITH COLTON:

Our lovable diet Brawny paper towel man Colton got the first one-on-one date of the week and met Becca at a Camel Safari outside of the Strip because they’re going to “get over the humps of their past relationships.” Get it? Get it? Gahhhh.

I don’t know if you have ever ridden a camel or been around them, but they aren’t the most romantic animals (that’s the penguin, duh...they’re in little tuxedos) and frankly they stink. It’s a little rough for a date as the two camels don’t walk at the same speed and it makes conversation impossible.

ABC

After a steamy — both in action and actual temperature — make out session in a hot tub (yes, in the desert) Becca told Colton they were on the same page.

A hot tub in the desert sounds legitimately like my nightmare, but I start sweating as soon as the temperature hits 70 degrees, so maybe I’m not the best judge.

Becca showed interest in Colton, but also said, “My chemistry with Colton is good. I like this. I like him. A lot.” That seems like a good sign for our cherub-faced adult son.

During dinner on the second portion of their date, Colton told a story about his last relationship and how love is hard and all that normal dinner-date conversation, but the real thing I want to talk about is their post-dinner, post-rose ride through the Strip.

Colton and Becca take to the top of an open air bus as they cruise among the lights and sounds of Las Vegas. Maybe I’ve seen Con Air too many times (lol, jk that’s impossible), but I was horribly concerned about their safety standing up and going under these bridges:

Bright light city’s gonna set my soul, it’s gonna set my soul on fire! #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/vJaJK1VNN9

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) June 26, 2018

I just want to see the paperwork that had to be submitted for them to be nonchalantly making out on top of a moving vehicle. Seems dangerous.

GROUP DATE, DAY:

Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Leo, Lincoln, Jason, and Chris were called for the group date, and the men quickly did the math to realize that meant one thing...a two-on-one with Jordan and mortal enemy David the Chicken.

DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHHHH.

Two-on-ones are both the most awkward and most amazing things in Bachelor/ette history, but more on that later.

The guys pile in a limo for “the total Vegas experience,” while Garrett wonders if it will be a Chippendales situation. Heartbreakingly, it’s not, and the gentlemen pull up at an estate where Becca meets them at the end of a long driveway.

First of all, guys, what is happening here:

ABC

At first, I was distracted by Connor’s jeggings on the far left, wondering how he got his thicc thighs in those things. Then, I saw Wills in the romp-him and oh my god. That’s a bold choice, my man.

Becca announces that they’ll be spending time with WAYNE F**KING NEWTON, and right on cue, Wayne Newton rolls up in a big mood.

ABC

The guys are tasked with re-writing Wayne’s song Danke Schoen, which is the literal worst date imaginable. It did give us this image of Wayne singing AT his wife:

ABC

After a painful montage that involves Wayne checking in with everyone’s terrible progress, we find out that the guys are not only writing shitty Danke Schoen knockoffs, but they’re going to have to perform their shitty Danke Schoen knockoffs in front of a live, human crowd. I just have no patience for this type of group date. Why are you making them write songs? Why are you making them sing? Why are you making a room full of innocent people listen to this? Why do we have to listen to this?

Becca seemed to enjoy the disaster that was nine men yell-singing as Newton watched his legacy go up in flames before his eyes, so at least someone was getting something out of that. Venmo John is adorable though and he’s the best.

There were no winners. We are all losers in this situation.

GROUP DATE, NIGHT:

The group moved the date to T-Mobile Arena, home of the 2018 Stanley Cup runner-up Las Vegas Knights (sports!). Garrett and Becca hung out in a suite as they overlooked the ice in an arena that was as empty as the Knights’ trophy case because, LET’S GO CAPS.

ABC

Ok, sorry, moving on.

One week after Becca (rightfully) freaked out after Jean Blanc dropped the way-too-early “I’m falling in love with you”, Blake tells her the same and it leads to him receiving the rose from the group date.

This leaves Chris in the lurch as he came into the date feeling waaaayyyy too confident in his crappy performance of Danke Schoen. He got absolutely zero one-on-one time and started the threats of saying he was just going to take his ball and go home because the pretty lady didn’t talk to him.

OK, Chris. You do that.

TWO-ON-ONE WITH JORDAN AND DAVID:

The two-on-one is the greatest thing in reality TV, pitting two known enemies — who the producers have built up for weeks against each other — in a dramatic location. There have been some legendary two-on-ones in Bachelor TV history, including Bachelor Ben taking a set of twins on a date (yes, seriously) and then leaving Olivia alone on an island just a couple weeks later.

Becca takes Jordan and David to the Valley of Fire and tells them just to relax and have fun. Haha OK, sure, Becca. I admire that she thinks they’re going to have a lovely fun time on their awkward date from hell. That kind of optimism is to be admired. Jordan immediately gets the upper hand as he yells “shotty” after Becca said she was taking the wheel: point, Jordan.

That was a power move, and my dude Jordan knows it:

ABC

David gets the first alone time of the date, and he spends all of it trashing Jordan. This goes against everything you learn in Bachelorette 101. Never talk about the other person. Talk about your relationship. Even if the nonsense he’s blathering about is true, you just come off as whiny and a snitch, and we all know what happens to snitches. Point, Jordan.

Jordan explains that he did NOT say that he thought getting with Becca was settling and OMG, blah blah blah. He opens up for the first time ever this season as he talked about his mother who battles mental illness. Point, Jordan.

The two yell at each other while David sat on a four poster bed in the desert, once again giving Jordan the upper hand. Honestly, though, this looks like the most comfy way to be told you lack your own personality.

ABC

Becca drops the hammer, thankfully, saying that she feels like this is sixth grade all over again with the pettiness and bickering. She mercifully dumps David, leaving him in the desert to think about what he’s done.

Look, Jordan is a doofus; but David is worse. Neither one of these guys are going to win this thing, but at least with Jordan we know what he is.

On their one-on-one dinner date, Jordan spends a lot of time talking about Jordan, which is clearly his favorite topic. Becca ends up telling him that despite him being super fun, it’s just not going to happen, so she parts way with our beautiful model quote machine.

Becca enjoys some solo fireworks as the rest of the men watch from the suite, assuming Jordan was staying. Then, this happens:

ABC

I would like this job. She took an elevator up to the mens’ suite, grabs a suitcase dramatically, and then a room full of men cheered. This seems like a great gig. Chris Harrison, call me. Ya girl is GREAT at dramatic suitcase grabbing.

THE COCKTAIL PARTY:

Bad news for Chris, now that Jordan and David have left, he has been exposed as the new guy in the house to hate. His insecurities turn to bravado, which is the most annoying outlet you can use. Turns out, Becca was surprised Chris didn’t take the initiative to come find her and make time, and Chris is annoyed because Becca didn’t single him out for some solo time. Meanwhile, I’m irritated that this conversation is still going on.

Becca is understandably annoyed that Chris’ immediate reaction to not getting time was to loudly proclaim “whatever, bro, I’ll just go home now.” Chris tries to take the initiative this time around, and she is promptly shot down by Becca who says that she had juuuust sat down with Wills.

Chris somehow manages to make the rest of the evening miserable for everyone involved as he is either trying to walk back everything he had said to Becca or talking over the other guys or just generally complaining loudly. I miss Jordan already.

During the Rose Ceremony, Garrett, Jason, Wills, Lincoln, Leo, Connor, and Chris get roses, leading to me audibly swearing as Venmo John is sent home in order to keep whiny Chris.

Farewell, my sweet app-creating prince. I shall think of you fondly when I send someone $9 for covering my margarita at happy hour.

Becca tells the remaining eight guys they’re heading to VIRGINIA next. Wills is stoked...

ABC

THE WEEK’S BEST JORDAN QUOTES (RIP to this section):

“Love is the greatest power on Earth. Being me is my greatest power...being you isn’t your greatest power. That’s why you gotta talk about me.”

“You lack your own personality.”

“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get buried in the f**king desert.”

“You’re worse than Arie.”

GONE TOO SOON:

David the Chicken

Jordan

VENMO JOHN. NOOOO WHY?!