#god i wanna write more about them and how they function on the battle field

[sykilik101]

Syk’s Snippets #3

So I may have been spending WAY too much time on Persona 5 Strikers and not enough on writing (and by not enough, I mean no time at all), so I wanna keep the creative muscle strong and see what I can put out tonight. (And by tonight I mean it’s currently 3:30 in the morning when I’m starting this, so god please let this be good when I wake up tomorrow to reread it with a more awake brain.)

“Misty, do you like me?”

“Huh?!”

He knew the question was out of left field enough to warrant a flabbergasted response out of Misty, and he was ready for the angry denial. Though her face had started to redden, he was surprised to find a defensiveness in her voice as opposed to irritation. He turned his gaze to the lake in front of them, admiring the stars swirling around in its waves; something in his gut told him Misty would have a hard time answering him if he met her eyes.

“I...wanna know if you like me.”

The silence was far too loud between them, and he internally pleaded for one of her trademark instant retorts. Her hesitation to respond seemed to be its own answer, her way of acknowledging what he was asking but not willing to give him what he was looking for.

“W-Why do you ask?”

The stutter was familiar; the stutter in this context wasn’t. Had she just immediately said no, everything would have been simple and easy. He could’ve dismissed his suspicions and left things as they were, but that tone in her voice alluded to feelings that didn’t fit a girl waiting for payback for a bike.

“Well,” he started, gripping at his pants, “I just had this feeling that you did. I suddenly started thinking about it, and I wasn’t really sure, so I figured I should just ask you.”

He finally allowed himself a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. Her blush had darkened the tiniest bit, her arms crossed as her mouth pouted. She took a breath, then exhaled sharply.

“That’s a dumb question.”

That wasn’t a denial.

“I wanted to ask because, if you did, I wanted to understand.”

He couldn’t tell what it was, but something about what he said earned a look from her, her arms relaxing. “What do you mean?”

He looked down at the grass between them, then to the moon, and finally to the water once more. “I know things like romance and liking someone are important to you, even if we don’t talk about it at all. I guess, if it really means that much to you, I’d wanna understand it better.”

Her cheeks had simmered down to pink, though she looked to be struggling to maintain eye contact. She bit at her lip as she inevitably found interest in the lake as well, her hands falling into each other. “Well...what do you know about romance and dating right now?”

“Well, I know that people hold hands and kiss and stuff, and eventually they get married, but I never thought about it too much beyond that.”

She nodded, allowing another few moments to pass by where only the sounds of distant Hoothoot and sloshes on the shore were heard. Without warning, however, she scooted closer to him, wrapping her fingers around his. “Ash, right now, my heart is beating pretty fast. Um...how do you feel?”

Their connection drew his attention, finding a novel delight in the way his hand was slightly bigger than hers. Lifting his gaze to her face, something about the returning flush on her cheeks stirred a warm feeling in his chest.

Misty likes me.

The thought was shiny and new, an affirmation rather than a suspicion. Moonlight shone in her viridian eyes, and the way he watched his friend’s lips fumble and contort roused an instinctive protectiveness in him. He felt his grip tighten around hers, and her pupils dilated in response.

“I...”

He wanted to answer, but his vocal chords suddenly went on vacation; though, the sudden grin she began wearing meant she somehow knew what he wanted to say. She suddenly seemed emboldened, her face moving towards him what must’ve been only an inch but seemed much more.

“It’s not just that I think about liking someone, Ash. I also think about them liking me, too.”

She’d yet to give him a direct answer to his original question, though by that point it was obvious to both that it would simply be redundant. The next few words seemed to flow from him instinctively. “Does holding hands like this always make your heart go crazy?”

Her grin softened, though she looked as though she almost wanted to laugh. “If it’s with someone you like, I hope it always does.”

He nodded, giving her fingers another gentle squeeze. Breathing had become less a background function and more a battle of conscious effort. “W-Well, I...” The stutter was unexpected, but also another sign that he was beginning to understand. “I like how it feels. So, um...if, y’know, on another day, I wanted to hold hands again, would...would you want to?”

He didn’t know when their roles as the brave and the bashful were reversed, but her gaze was all courage as she nodded, closing the distance between them until their shoulders touched. She leaned into him, resting the side of her head against his. “I’d love to, Ash.”

[thaumaturtles]

Epilogue Thoughts

So, I finished the epilogues at around 11 AM on 4/21 and spent the better part of today mulling over it internally. Overall, I think I liked ‘em. Don’t get me wrong, they were brutal and tragic and ripped my heart out, but this is my garbage and I’m allowed to enjoy it. I was planning on liveblogging the epilogues but constantly pausing to jot down my feelings detracted from the overall experience. This is probably gonna be pretty scattershot, since I have neither the ability nor the desire to order my thoughts properly. Now, without any further preamble, let’s get into it.

Jane

 A lot of people said they didn’t like the treatment of Jane in the epilogues, and, fair enough, she was pretty awful and Crocker stans have every right to be pissed. But to anyone saying it came out of left field or didn’t make sense, I’d have to disagree (for the most part). Jane was brainwashed by the Condesce for the first 16 years of her life, and we see the effects of this when she goes Crockertier. She’d almost certainly have baked-in presumptions about how trolls were “meant to be” (ie super violent) even before she was consciously aware that trolls as a race existed. Jane was also always really in denial about having been brainwashed by the Condesce and I can definitely see adult Jane flat-out refusing to do any self-analysis and just assume there are no remaining effects of the brainwashing and she’s “totally cured” now or whatever. Jane’s also not super progressive? Like the conversation where she discovers Dirk has a crush on Jake and that Jake might even reciprocate was pretty uncomfortable to experience, and she starts a business on Earth C even though there’s no real need for corporations in a world with infinite resources. This shows that she’s still stuck in the belief that capitalism is inherently good/necessary for no reason other than “it’s what i grew up with.” All in all I could totally see Jane as someone who’d grow up to become xenophobic and have this colonizer mentality of “I have to regulate the Other because they’re not capable of functioning without me”

As for the non-consensual/rapey stuff... I’m actually not gonna touch that shit with a six-foot pole. The narrative is very explicit in the fact that Jane is an abusive partner and what she’s doing Is Bad, but like if she’s your favourite character you probably aren’t going to be all gung ho about seeing her do all the things that she did, which were admittedly very upsetting to read. I completely understand if you couldn’t read past those parts because they were pretty rough.

The Epilogues do get pretty unpleasant to read though :/

The Epilogues are highly antagonistic towards Homestuck’s readers. This is a fact. Whether this is a good or bad thing is up to interpretation, but it is at the very least not a new thing. Listen to Kate Mitchell of the Perfectly Generic Podcast and YouTuber OptimisticDuelist for more in-depth analysis than I could possibly provide on this, but one of Lord English’s greatest weapons is his ability to get people not to care about Homestuck, or even better, to revile it. That’s what the aspect of Rage represents: Plot Contrivance. As Karkat says,

THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF. FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID. THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

This is repeated, by Hussie himself no less, later on during his smug self-insert, found here. After Hussie dies and loses control of the narrative, LE is free to try his hardest to get you, the reader, not to give a shit. Rose, in the Epilogue’s Prologue, says that if people stop caring about Homestuck, reality as they know it will break apart, which is exactly in line with LE’s plans. So the fact that the Epilogues are very hostile towards the reader is basically par for the course. That said, I can see how it kinda sounds like I’m being all “oh it’s SUPPOSED to be shitty you wouldn’t underSTAND,” but that’s. literally what’s happening. and there’s evidence for it in the text.

Of course, in the past, when the narrative would pull things like this it would be under the guise of, say, Homosuck, which is very obviously meant to be bad and is presented in a fun, satirical way. The Epilogues, on the other hand, are downright upsetting. They’re presented in a much grittier light, which can obfuscate to what degree it’s Actually A Joke, if it even is a joke in any capacity. The fact that they’re tragic, though, should not be seen as evidence that they’re bad.

Some stuff I Liked

Both routes had some really top-notch interactions in them. A lot of folks seem to be overlooking how genuinely good the writing was. I said the phrase, “they’ve still got it” ALOUD to myself once or twice because the dialogue really did have that good ole Homestuck Charm. The Dave/Karkat/Jade interactions early on in Candy (before everything went to shit) were pretty great, as was basically everything that came out of English’s mouth. I dunno who the Antiquities Consultant was, but they did an excellent job at mirroring Jake’s usual speech pattern. I find that a lot of people, when writing Jake, just kinda throw in as many random old-timey words as possible and as a result it feels kinda disjointed, but the writing team for the epilogues managed to make him feel very... would light be a good way to put it? Sort of airheaded I guess. Just very goofy idk

We got to see Rosemary and they were married and raised a kid and it was the best! Rose was really well-written, as was Kanaya; I really loved seeing those personalities balance each other out again. It was nice to see them be good parents in the Candy-verse. The Vriska they raised was such a fucking scamp too! It was nice to see a Vriska who had a positive home environment but still had that same spunk

Also, Dave. Just, all of Dave. He was really solidly written throughout the whole thing. I fucking love his interest in the economy holy shit. I got to hear Dave Strider say the phrase  “neoliberal austerity measures.” That’s the best. “Economically Aware Anti-capitalist Dave” is rivaled only by “Karkat (True Leftism)”. I’ve seen a few complaints that Dave’s interest in the economy was also OOC, but for one thing he’s an adult and can cultivate new interests if he likes, and for another Dave is a pretty clever kid, and very numerically-minded. (Is that a term? I mean he’s good at maths and such). Don’t forget, not only did he manage to accumulate all the wealth on LOCAH in the span of three days by taking over their stock markets, but he also used the hash map modus in his day to day life, showing that he was able to do calculations in his head as quick as breathing. As shown here, the hash map modus is pretty complex and requires you to come up with a word that has the same value as the thing you wanna use in order to use it. That’s not easy to do on a dime and yet he uses it in his rooftop battles with Bro. All of this is to say, he’d certainly learn to be very good at economics if he wasn’t already. It just suits him.

Oh and I also love that Dave still makes SBaHJ and Karkat has a bunch of sockpuppet accounts he uses to defend Dave’s honour. it’s very cute.

Karkat also had some lines in the epilogues damn. I hadn’t realized how starved I was of VantasRage until I read a few of his rants. Also we finally got to see Badass Rebel Leader Karkat and he’s just as great as we all knew he’d be

The davekat kiss in Meat was great too. It was very gratifying to see after all the narrative cockblocking that went down in Candy.

John realizing in the Candy universe that he isn’t responsible for everything and that they’re all still just people with their own autonomy was good. Much as I have problems with the Candy universe on a whole I liked this specifically.

Also, roxygen! I love roxy/callie as much as the next guy but John and Roxy were very cute near the end of the comic and I liked seeing them grow up and have a kid. John names his son after the guy from Night Court because he’s a massive dweeb. Love it.

We got some great Terezi writing as well. The johnrezi at the end of Meat was nicely written and made me feel a whole host of emotions despite me not even having shipped them that hard beforehand.

OH MY GOD THE OBAMA SHIT. I almost forgot to put this in because I was focused on other stuff but my word the whole Obama Situation was beautiful I loved every second of it. It was so over-the-top in the best way and it simultaneously carried airs of being So Serious And Important To The Narrative and being just the dumbest load of crap. I loved it so much

Also, I was very happy with Roxy and Callie coming out. Roxy talking about how he’d already come out as dating an alien with a green skull for a head and how it felt like maybe he was being “selfish” by also wanting to come out as trans was a great illustration of something that already-out LGB people often feel when realizing they don’t identify with their assigned gender. Additionally, Calliope coming to terms with the fact that they don’t have to identify as female just to further differentiate themselves from Caliborn was great. It really helped to show how far they’d come from just being Caliborn’s foil into being their own person. However, this leads into:

Some stuff I didn’t like

Speaking of Roxy and Callie’s transition, Dirk also came out. As a transphobe. Which was disappointing, to say the least. He made a point of misgendering Roxy as often as possible and was pretty dismissive towards NB people when he learned about Calliope’s identity. (You could make an argument that Dirk is being thoughtless by misgendering Roxy and not intentionally malicious, but I don’t see Dirk as the kind of guy who slips up very often. He’s very careful with language.) I always headcanoned Dirk as trans, as I’m sure most people did, so having him just up and become transphobic was kind of the worst. I intend to talk about Epilogue!Dirk a lot more in a later post but yeah. Not a fan.

EDIT: I’ve thought about the Dirk thing a little more and he does eventually start calling Roxy by the correct pronouns, albeit in kind of a “see see look at how openminded im being youre such a manly dudely stud bro” way. Dirk’s initial discomfort with Roxy and Callie’s identity more comes from his own egotistical belief that he should have already known about it than it does from genuine animosity. That aside, he does still say “She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen,” which sorta rubs me the wrong way. I might just be being oversensitive though.

Also, in the Meat universe, Rose and Kanaya split up! I’m very upset about that. Ultimate Power be damned, I want happy, married lesbians! It sucks that we either have Rosemary OR Davekat but not both

On the topic of davekat, Jade really got done dirty by both Epilogues, huh? She was used as a narrative device in one and was an intrusive presence in the lives of Dave and Karkat in the other. TBH I was never a fan of davekatjade for a lot of reasons but I would have preferred they be in a happy poly relationship than what actually happened in Candy.

Actually, the only two polyamorous relationships in the Epilogues both turned out awfully. I doubt any of the writing staff had anything against poly people; I’m sure it was just a coincidence but either way it’s pretty unfortunate. I have a bit to say about this but this is running too long as is.

Gamzee

Fucking Gamzee.

Unanswered Questions

Will there be any further updates? I sure hope there will, because the ending was not very satisfying and creates more questions than it answers. I can sort of see where it might be going but they left way too much up in the air and it feels very much like it’s unfinished. V has referred to it as “the whole thing” on twitter, so it might be finished for good, but i really hope it isn’t

Why did Rose say the session they’re creating will be the most important session of SBURB ever played? Why couldn’t they play it on Earth C? Surely Earth C’s inhabitants would be more used to seeing alien life forms and would know the basics of SBURB, thus making it more likely for them to survive it. Why go to the trouble of seeding a whole new planet? I’m curious.

Can a character be said to be “Out Of Character” if the character’s own creator wrote those actions? What if they passed on the actual writing to someone else but still had to verify it themselves? What does OOC even mean? Does it mean “this doesn’t fit my headcanon” or “there is no evidence for this” or “the author wouldn’t write them like this”? If it’s the last one, can an author merely saying “this interpretation is correct” absolve ANY action from being deemed OOC? I like that I’m being made to think about this kind of thing now

To what degree is each universe truly “Canon”? I’m aware that Candy lost its canon-ness when John decided not to fight LE, but the two universes are intrinsically linked: we see characters from one universe travel to another and it’s implied that Terezi has spoken to both Johns. How canon is Meat, even? Are either of them even still bound by the need to be part of the Alpha Timeline anymore, since Lord English has been created? What does anything mean?

Final Musings

I understand completely if you don’t like the epilogues. Maybe you think they’re too dark. Maybe you just don’t agree with portrayals of the characters. Maybe you hate that they gave jade a fucking tail when she never had one in the main comic. There certainly were bits of it that I wasn’t a fan of, but there are also parts I really wanna go draw fanart of right now. I like the Epilogues, but if I write fanfic or make dumb joke posts about Earth C, I’m probably gonna ignore large swaths of it (such as, I’ll probably keep both John and Dirk alive, and make them kiss a lot)

There has been a great deal of vitriol directed specifically at Hussie about the epilogues despite the fact that other people worked on them. It’s difficult to take these criticisms in good faith when so many people are blaming solely Hussie. I’m aware that he had total control over actual plot elements and wrote a bit of dialogue, but the bulk of the actual text was written by V. Another thing I’ve noticed is that people’s attitudes towards the epilogues are very much like the general attitude towards Act 7 when it first came out. I’ll admit, I left the Homestuck fandom in like 2014 and didn’t return until mid-2017, but people’s Jimmies were definitely still Rustled even then. There was a general atmosphere of “I hate Hussie, and you should too! The ending was bad and no one asked for it!” but as time went on, and people started analyzing the ending and making meta posts about it, everyone sort of grew acclimated to the ending. Suddenly, the general consensus was that Homestuck was Good Again Finally and the ending was Amazing and The Fandom Loved It. I feel like maybe that sort of thing’s gonna happen again with the Epilogues. I really hope that, as it continues to update (if it does), everyone will sort of chill out about it

[everydaymamaof3]

What makes them tick...

I’ve wanted to blog about my parenting journey through this pandemic for quite some time now.. but I just didn’t have the right amount of words and motivation. Not until now.

So back when this all started, back in March 2020, we were kind of in a state of shock. I remember the exact same feelings inside my body, as what I had when we were forced out of our homes during the wildfires in 2017. No appetite. Confused. Adrenaline. Moody.

And because this lasted so long, I went through a wheel of emotions over time. The wheel would be on a pretty predictable rotation. So once I got the hang of it, a year and a half later, I’m managing it a lot better.

But I never thought about what true emotions the girls were having. People just kept saying, kids are resilient. Kids are fine. Get kids back in school. Kids will be fine if you’re fine. Well how in the actual fuck was anyone fine through this? No other way to ask that question.

Of course we all had moments of fine. But it was trying on us, on levels we can’t describe. What did that do to these young people?

Well we got to witness it first hand with our youngest. It started with an out of her control, bad vibe in the universe. A negative comment. And festered into full blown fear. Would she have experienced this the same way if we weren’t in a pandemic? No. I don’t think so. The problem was, so many of these sensitive to others emotions, kids, were in hyper absorb mode due to what was happening in the world. They were drowning in energy they couldn’t keep up with. Making them hypersensitive to their environment.

She was confident. Fearless. Hilarious. Marched to the beat of her own drum. Which is finally coming back. But I felt like such a failure. Like why is my kid experiencing this? But as time went on, I realized it was an even bigger event than the pandemic. Many parents just didn’t openly talk about like I do. Or they just don’t want to admit it, which is fine. It’s their journey not ours.

Her and I are intertwined in emotions. Being the baby, and the last one syndrome from me, makes that grip just a little bit tighter. It absolutely does not mean I love any of my girls differently. I love them all with 3 parts of my heart. An equal space for each of them. But the characteristics and personality of the youngest and me are in sync. Vs my older girls who are more their fathers daughters, personality wise 💕 But still parts of me and I hold them all equally close.

We are seeing the light and they’re all amazing and thriving and navigating this. My oldest, working in the thick of it as an RN, as a soon to be wife, maybe mother soon, finding her magic as a young adult woman. My middle trying to navigate pre teen, puberty, new emotional development, the pull between friends and family time, balance, me craving just a little bit more of that sweet time we have left where she’s still young...pestering her to choose us over her peers and her own time, which I realize is incredibly selfish...and the littlest learning to tackle her emotions, and that shift where independence becomes crucial, but the crave to still be little is still present. Not fully understanding the world, still needing that canopy of protection above. But also that parachute to jump!

I am not a helicopter mom. I am the farthest from it. But this time in the world brought some helicopter characteristics out in me and I’m kinda pissed about it. I was really quite ashamed of myself a few times, being overprotective, frustrated with other children or their parents, for being mean to mine, which is NORMAL, and any mother who says she’s never done that can add liar to her resume, although I do know it was just feeling sad for my own kid, and sometimes when we feel inadequate or like we’re doing something different than another parent, our reaction isn’t always the right one. I’m a teacher to little humans. I know better, and quite often forget that kids act out of jealousy, just because, peer pressure, or because they developmentally lack that part of the brain that sends the signal of logic. My girls aren’t perfect. And sometimes were probably the cause of battles, but god forbid most mothers admit that to the full extent. We always have a “but”. Ahhh motherhood...

I had an aha moment the other day, prompting the desire to write. I was watching this documentary about the human body. About the different systems. How they function, what makes them tick. And they did this one episode on the nervous system and how to have it operating at its full potential.

It made me stop and think. What are we doing?

I loathe the whole “keeping up with the Jones’s” way of life. Hate it with all of my being. I was not raised that way. My girls are not, and will not be raised that way, because it creates entitlement. Arrogance. Selfishness. As well as the desire to always want what others have. Who wants to live like that?

My mom shopped at bargain stores. The clearance rack, not because we couldn’t afford it, but because she was smart and realized how quickly we outgrew things. I hated it, but now as a mom fully understand it. Expensive stuff was for special occasions. I had unique style, but it was who I was. To the point I had a clock face purse in grade 8, that everyone made fun of me for, but I could’ve cared less. I still remember that purse. I remember how excited I was when she bought it for me at Mariposa.. remember that store. My oldest was raised the same.. no I’m sorry, I’m not gonna put myself in debt to buy you $300 jeans. Just not happening when a $50 pair looks exactly the same. The girls have never once asked for something because someone else has it. Actually that’s a lie, maybe after seeing a toy or something they’ve asked, but it’s only been one time, and never heard about again, kind of request.

I want them to be individual people. I want to know what makes them tick. What brings out their potential?

Our middle daughter came home with a career paper that she wrote recently. She’s an incredible writer. She keeps pages of stories and music in her room, that I never thought twice about. Just thought, “oh yeah, she’s like me, likes to write like I did when I was a kid”. We’re helping fuel her passion for baking and creating cakes... but then I read this.. she has another passion too.

Then while thinking about them, I thought why do we always compare our kids to us? We want them to be little versions of us. But the thing is, they’re not.

After reading her paper, I sat and thought. Our youngest is moved by music. She dances non stop. She dances out the door in the morning, she sings constantly and moves. She dances in my room, in her room, always wants music around her and it’s what makes her tick.

So I said to my husband, I want a recording studio room for one and a dance studio area for the other. And we are making that happen. We’ll start gathering a few recording equipment pieces and set up a space for one. And my dad will come and work his retired papa magic in our basement that is honestly just full of stuff, to create a dance space. It’s simple. It’s doable. It could be the key to unlock potential we aren’t aware of yet. They show us little bits and pieces of what makes them tick...and quite often we miss it, because we are busy doing life... I wanna embrace that. I did a bit with my oldest, however in retrospect I so badly wish I did more. She wanted to be a marine biologist, after several trips to the Aquarium. Her eyes would light up, she talked about it non stop, it was that “thing” that she dreamed about. And ya never know, maybe one day she’ll walk that path. She did get into the medical field, and is close to home so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

I hate the pandemic for bringing out the worst in people. For creating a level of hypocrisy in humans that I hope we can recover from. For the confusion. For the divide. For the fear. For the frustration. But I love the pandemic for making me have thoughts I maybe wouldn’t have had. For giving me moments to think and to watch, and be more aware of mine and my girls emotions and dreams. For making me aware of other people’s behaviour and lack of practicing what they preach. For opening my eyes more. But feeling empathetic and understanding of most, because I too have been riding the same roller coaster.

I love the pandemic for making me the mom I am in this moment. For helping me raise strong, kind and driven young ladies who will live their life with purpose. That’s all I want.

We’re gonna go through a lot of stuff over the next chapter of their lives, as raising teenage girls is my next roller coaster ride, but as crazy as it sounds, I’m grateful for this test the past year and a half. I feel like in a way, I grew. In the most important, emotional ways as a mom. Ways that have made me more “observer”, than “knower”. If that’s even a word.