#god yeah. disappointed is a major understatement for how i feel seeing images like that. ig if they're precovid it's one thing.

[i-still-mask-because]

I still mask because lately there's been stock photos/videos of surgeons with their nose sticking out of their masks. Not sure if that was a thing precovid.

😷

[aeonct]

The one that got away

Prompt: I’m finally ready to be with you, but you’ve finally moved on from me, and I’m too late.

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Long af, slight mentions of sex, prob typos too

It was a slip up. Jaemin wasn’t supposed to hear any of it yet he had. It all started when you befriended his best friend and roommate Renjun. You two were majoring in the arts department so naturally Renjun started to invite you everywhere they went and in a short amount of time the guys had grown accustomed to your presence. Your friendship with Mark had built up through memes and inside jokes, Haechan and Chenle would constantly involve you in their shenanigans, Jisung would seek you out a lot for advice and tutoring claiming you were the only one with enough patience to handle him, Jeno was your workout buddy whom you would enjoy long walks with and Jaemin? Jaemin was your fuck buddy.

That is exactly how he fitted into your life. Despite the warnings he got from the rest of the guys he didn’t leave you out of his list of beauties he’d really like to mess with. It was easy to ignore him at first seeing as you had a boyfriend already but when out of nowhere Sicheng decided to break it up with you, it was as if something inside of you completely broke besides your heart that is. You decided that fuck it, life is too short to dwell on heartbreaks and you gave into the excitements that no-strings-attached would give you. Jaemin however was not someone you were willing to do. I mean yes, you thought he was really attractive and very capable according to rumors of his latest conquests but that would mean jeopardizing not only your friendship with said man but the rest of the group too. You fit in very well with those bunch of goofy misfits and one fuck (or several) wasn’t worth the risk. You told yourself this time and time again whenever Jaemin would come up to you and start his incessant flirting, thankful when one of the boys would drag him away from you because you knew one of these days you might give in.

And that you did. It had been months since you last had someone to call boyfriend. You were invited to a party at an upperclassman’s house that you got along with very well. Johnny was well known for the wild parties he threw and this was no exception. When you got there the house was already a mess but that was to be expected with the many friends and jocks Johnny had invited. When you dated Sicheng you got his friends as the whole pack and so even though you had broken up you still talked to a few of them. Yet sometimes it was awkward because you knew the majority of them excluded you the moment Sicheng left you. They didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and therefor had no idea where you fit in after said break up. Though they still like you as a friend, they sided with Sicheng more and you understood that very well seeing as they had known the boy far longer.

The moment you walked in you felt an arm around you and you didn’t even have to turn to know it was Yuta, one of the few guys that still kept in contact with you that was friends with Sicheng.

“Yo, you made it.” He gave you one of his dazzling smiles, and you rolled your eyes because he was clearly drunk. 

“Yeah and you need to sober up” You said hauling his taller form to the nearest couch. Doyoung didn’t waste a second, immediately coming over to tend to the drunk guy. He greeted you rather awkwardly and you smiled back rather stiffly. And this is why you wouldn’t fuck Jaemin. Once upon a time you were laughing along with “Sicheng’s squad” teasing a flustered Doyoung and now you can’t even be in the same room as some of them because of the awkward tension.

You did not want to suffer the same fate with your new group of friends despite knowing the break up wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t fair that Sicheng’s friends were being that way towards you.

You were surprised to see Mark and Jaemin outside when you ventured towards the pool area knowing your way around the house easily. What you were more surprised about however wasn’t how those two knew Johnny, but Sicheng sitting with his feet dipped inside the water with an earpod on, smiling as he played with a girl’s hand. She had his other earpod on splashing her feet around the water. The sting in your heart wasn’t because you still loved him. At least you’d like to believe that wasn’t the case but because that was your thing. That is exactly how you and Sicheng came to be and how you’d spend most of Johnny’s parties together because Sicheng never really liked the wild ambiance. Neither did you and that’s when you would drag him to the pool to listen to music while you talked about everything and nothing.

Now there he was, smiling like he didn’t leave you without answers. And oh god, he looked up just in time to catch you staring and wow those beautiful eyes of his still made your knees buckle. It didn’t take a genius to see you were having a mental breakdown. He approached you first with guilt written all over his handsome face and having him this close was making you malfunction. Before either of you spoke Jaemin had cut in and saved you.

“Babe I was looking for you” He said slipping an arm around your waist. He brought you back to reality and all you remember from that night was the bitter taste of alcohol and Jaemin’s intoxicating scent lulling you to sleep.

The next morning you woke up to a very naked Jaemin groaning about how his head was going to explode any second. And you knew you fucked up. Oh shit you wouldn’t hear the end of it from Renjun.

It wasn’t like Jaemin wanted this to happen either. Sure, he joked about it and flirted with you occasionally but he didn’t think he’d ever go through with it. You were so beautiful to him, so precious as a friend and when he wasn’t trying to flirt with you and you weren’t trying to strangle him over his player ways or nag him about his projects you were a delight to be around. You listened to him better than anyone else had, you had the best advice it was no wonder Jisung would always run to you when he needed it, and you cooked better than him too.

Jaemin thinks if he was capable of loving he’d love you. But that wasn’t the case. He very much enjoyed one night stands and dating was out of the equation. But you both really liked what had happened that night and an unbearable sexual tension formed itself between you both since that day. Jaemin tried to ignore it but the images of that night, how soft you felt, how good you took him in and how nice he felt inside you was too much to handle. Your voice once melodic to him would remind him of the many noises you’re capable of making in that state and it was driving him crazy.

Unbeknownst to him you felt the same way.

Jaemin tried to avoid you after it became too much. He continued to fuck around and you did the same until he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed you by the arm at a party once before you left in the arm of some other guy. Something in him snapped and he couldn’t bare the thought of someone else seeing you in that state when he knew what it was like now.

Late night study sessions where the disguise you both formed in order to keep this friends with benefits thing a secret. And it worked until you were consumed with guilt and decided to come clean.

The guys didn’t like it at all. One of them in particular had his heart broken that same day.

To say you fell in love was an understatement. At first it was in the way he took care of you after sex. Then it came in the subtle ways he’d remind you that he was thinking of you even if it was in a dirty way. Lastly it was when Jaemin completely stopped fucking other girls much to your, and everyone else’s surprise. You had gotten into a fight with him over him refusing to drop the playboy attitude. He had stormed off after making it clear that you weren’t dating therefor had no control over who he fucked. A few days later Renjun had told you he hadn’t brought anyone back since your fight and that gave you hope.

Hope that Jaemin would change and maybe you would develop your relationship. But you didn’t.

Although he decided he would not do anyone else he was still against dating and you understood albeit disappointed, but you would never admit that. At least not to him.

“I never really had a good example of what love is like.” Jaemin had started one night after you had come over to study with Renjun. As always you ended up in Jaemin’s bed fully naked and cuddling. “My parents were toxic to each other up until their divorce.” He was afraid of commitment. Afraid of turning out like his parents and you wanted nothing more but to confess and hope he takes a chance on you but he didn’t let you speak. “You see I’m a very selfish person when I date.” He explains how he tends to put himself first and always ends up hurting the other person because he’s afraid of coming out harmed. His distrust in relationships is far more than you expected. He calls himself overbearing and manipulative. But it’s all he does to protect himself, his heart.

To Jaemin you were different but not enough to let down his walls for you. But there were changes. In the way you had memorized his coffee order, the way you would go out of your way to help him even though you were different majors, how you would remind him of his deadlines yet never pressure him like the others did. You’d leave random notes in his room that he’d pick up and smile at.

He had always thought you were beautiful but you looked ethereal when you were doing what you loved most and that was painting. Sometimes he’d go to the studio you and Renjun rented for your many art projects on the pretense of bothering the former. He’d watch you put your hair up in a messy bun. Those talented, soft hands would pick up a wooden palette with ease and he’d watch as you mix different colors and stroke beautiful images to life with delicate flicks of your wrist. His mind would no longer be in the gutter when looking at your hands.

“The theme is love.” Renjun pondered over it, having a hard time coming up with something worthy enough to submit. Your project was the reason Jaemin had opened up to you about his intake on love and he was curious to see what you came up with. Though Renjun ended up kicking him out before he could make sense of what you were painting.

Said project was also the reason you had been found out. Jaemin had an exhausting day and he couldn’t wait to get home and nap, but before that he had two more classes to attend to. Deciding it’d be best he doesn’t make a fool of himself in either class, he begins to walk towards his shared apartment only a few blocks away. You live 20 minutes away from campus so most of the time you’re seen hanging out at his and Renjun’s place so he hopes to find you there.

What he doesn’t expect to come home to is you venting to Renjun about how much you love him. It takes Jaemin some time to recover from his shock which turns into panic. You let out a gasp when you hear the sound of the door beeping, signaling an incomer.

Jaemin doesn’t spend the night at his apartment opting to stay over at Mark’s instead.

“Dude don’t you love her too?” Mark raises an eyebrow when Jaemin spills everything to him. And that feels like a slap of reality to Jaemin because the thought had crossed his mind once before he buried it. But he can’t deny it. He loves the way you look at him, the way you smile at him when you think he isn’t looking, the way you walk around campus with your paintings tucked neatly in tubes on your back, the way your glasses fit you perfectly when you decide you need them, the way your hair falls on his face and it tickles his nose when you’re on top of him simply kissing on his bed, the way your hand fits perfectly in his. He’s noticed you both initiate small gestures before he panics and pushes you away because that’s not what fuck buddies do. It scares him how some gestures you both do unconsciously closely resemble that of a couple.

He runs a hand through his dyed locks and a sigh escapes his pretty pink lips. “I can’t. You know I can’t Mark.” The brown haired male hands him a cup of tea rolling his eyes. “Yes you can you just have to overcome this irrational fear of yours.” And Jaemin snaps because it’s not irrational. You were the only one who understood this part of him and never judged him. You were precious. You weren’t someone he could hurt and discard the moment he thought his heart wasn’t safe anymore.

He loves you. He loves you so much it scares the living shit out of him because he’s never loved before. At least not as passionate as he loves you. Therefor he can’t lose you.

The next day he agrees to meet up with you. When he gets to the coffee shop you’ve already ordered his usual. He notes the smudged colors on your face and clothes, so a usual day for you except for the dark circles forming underneath your pretty eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin apologizes for running away and you chip at your nail polish as you wait for the rejection to come. Jaemin knows that’s not actual nail polish though. It’s a mixture of your painting that you either accidentally get on you or you do it yourself when you’re having trouble painting. Most commonly though its the result of your painter’s block when you’re struggling to come up with ideas and images to paint.

Jaemin thought artists had it easy. They just had to be creative enough and boom their talented hands did the work. At least that’s how he viewed Renjun. It wasn’t until you came along that he finally gain interest in what his roommate does and started to realize you guys too deal with a ton of stress and so much as well.

“I still don’t know where I stand with you.” He lies and for good reason because he doesn’t want to give you hope and start something when he knows he’s simply not ready.

And you believe him because you knew how much his heart ached at the thought of love.

And just like that you both call it quits. At least Jaemin is nice enough to not exclude you.

It hurts both of you whenever you’re in the same room yet you can’t touch each other. He yearns for your lips and your warmth and your soft breath against him. You were driving him crazy, this time simply by existing.

He goes to your art exhibition and feels the proudest out of everyone in your group of friends, yet he can’t hug you because he’s afraid he’ll crack and won’t have the guts to let go of you.

“Dude do something.” Jaemin hears Haechan whine to Renjun about his current state but Renjun hushes the boy because he thinks this is something you both should solve on your own.

Jaemin continues on barely living. He misses you and your sarcastic jabs, your nagging, your morning bickering, your odd way of viewing things that turn out to be eye opening and has him thinking deeply too. You were so artsy and creative therefor so random and you challenged him in so many ways. You continue to leave him in awe, out of breath.

So when he gets an offer to study abroad he accepts it. He thinks it’s a good opportunity to either get rid of his feelings for you or help him overcome this side of himself before he gives his all to you.

The boys are equally as shocked as you are yet still throw him a farewell party albeit rushed since Jaemin thought it’d be a good idea to give them a week’s notice.

Your heart aches more and more with each passing day because you can’t imagine a life without Jaemin. He looks stupidly handsome even in the shocked state he’s in over the surprise party he’s been thrown, and you can’t help but choke up because this is it, after tomorrow he’ll no longer be around until who knows when. Renjun thinks he’ll accept a job offer abroad after he graduates with the many offers he’s already been getting despite still having years to graduate and who wouldn’t want Jaemin at their firm anyways? He’ll be an excellent architect one day.

When he looks at you you notice his black roots haven’t been touched and that’s saying something because Jaemin is always in style. He gives you a soft smile and something flickers in his eyes before he’s giving you that same glint he always gave you when you both were still friends. So he doesn’t feel the same way and you think that’s okay. You’re not the one destined to be Jaemin’s happy ending.

You can’t help but be jealous of whoever will be.

Jaemin wants nothing more than to wipe that sad look off your face but he stands firm on what he has to do. There’s no backing out now.

To say getting Jaemin drunk was a bad idea is an understatement. He spends most of the time in the living room sipping out of his red solo cup while you spend yours in Renjun’s room or the kitchen trying to avoid Jaemin as much as possible because you fear you’ll break down and beg him not to leave you. So it comes as a surprise when Jaemin comes into the kitchen stumbling over nothing. You manage to catch him right on time with much struggle and that’s when he pushes you against the counter and suddenly his lips are on yours.

It’s a bitter kiss and you push him away lightly, mindful of his drunken state but then he snakes his arms around your waist and his warmth envelopes you like those nights you miss dearly and you’re pudding in his arms. You clutch onto his jacket, the same one he’d wrap around you when you’d get cold and you fail to notice it still has the stain you left the last time you wore it because Jaemin refused to wash it.

You fail to notice the longing looks he’s been giving you all night, the many times his hands twitched and played with his hair in frustration because he couldn’t go up to you and kiss you like he wanted to. Not roughly like this but slowly and sickeningly sweet, full of the passion and love he has for you.

You whimper against his lips and he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours. He looks you straight in the eyes “Don’t ignore me. At least not today.” Because today is all he’s got before he’s packing the last of his stuff tomorrow. He kisses you again, this time it’s sweet and full of so many emotions that give you hope because this is the Jaemin you fell in love with. The one that’s not afraid of being vulnerable and himself. At least around you. You run your fingers through his soft hair and he grunts against your lips because he missed this. He missed you.

He loves you.

He wants to become a better person for you. Maybe later on in life when he comes back he’ll be that person you can safely rely on and trust your heart with but now? He still sees himself becoming possessive over you, annoying you with texts of where you are and who you’re with, demanding attention and receiving more than giving, being a jealous mess over anyone who approaches you with or without ill intentions and he cant do that to you. Never you.

He has to learn how to tame that side of himself first. Has to learn to trust and get rid of this fear that’s eating him from the inside.

He can’t risk losing you over these irrational emotions.

He can’t give you toxic Jaemin because you deserve his best version of himself.

You don’t know how long it’s been but the party has long been over and both your lips are swollen when you pull away. He kisses your forehead and holds you for so long that your legs begin to give out. He notices though because of course this is you and Jaemin always notices every single detail of yours. He guides you to a chair and plops you down. He kneels on the floor in front of you and he brushes strands of hair out of your way tucking them behind your ear. He kisses your hands one last time. “Promise me you’ll be happy.”

You want to scream at Jaemin because obviously no you won’t be but he’s looking at you with such softness that you mistook it for love for a brief second and you can’t help but nod.

“That’s a good girl y/n.” And he gives you that one fucking beautiful smile you love so much and you hate him because he’d only say that in bed. You were his baby girl in the sheets and you don’t want to think of that right now. “You were always my favourite.” and that’s all he can say to make it non-romantic.

A line he’d tease you with during your fuck buddy days claiming you were the best he’d ever had.

And just like that he walks away leaving you to sob uncontrollably.

You don’t see him again after that. Jaemin thinks it’s better this way when you didn’t show up to see him off because he’d have a lot of trouble trying to explain the black eye and bruised lip.

The night of your goodbye Jeno had shoved Jaemin to the ground telling him he was an asshole for putting you through all of that and Jaemin didn’t even fight back. He felt like he deserved every punch and curse word thrown at him.

“You were right about one thing.” The dark haired male said as Mark and Renjun pull him off of him. “Y/n does deserve better.”  

It isn’t until five years later when he comes back to Jeno being a mess about something that he understands the implication of that.

“He’s fretting over how to propose to y/n.” Jisung mindlessly provides. It’s as if someone pressed pause because everyone stopped moving except Jeno who was pacing back and forth trying to think up ideas. They all look at Jaemin who by now wears a facade with ease.

He shrugs it off telling them its been half a decade. But only Renjun catches onto the way his thumbs fidget and his hands ball up into fists.

When he finally sees you again you look more mature, still so breathtakingly beautiful that it pains him thinking of how much of you he missed out on. You have your hands intertwined with Jeno’s and Jaemin can clearly see how happy he makes you. How happy you make Jeno when his cute eye smile comes out at anything you do and Jaemin thinks that should’ve been him not Jeno. It’s clear as day that you both really really love each other.

Jeno can’t help but kiss your hand every two minutes. You’re so precious to him and there’s not a day that goes by that he doesn’t show it. He showers you with so much affection and he’s so whipped for you and you really love his smile that all you can see is him and all he can see is you.

You two are the reason your friends believe in true love (also the reason they feel like puking 24/7) and you think you wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you look at Jaemin its nostalgia that comes over you, no longer love or heartache. He was pain and heartbreak but in a way also your first love and that feeling is something you’ll hold dear. You don’t love him anymore and you think back to the day Jeno confessed, how he was always there for you after Jaemin left, how when you couldn’t think or eat he’d drag you to his soccer games and dedicate goals after goals for you,,,, to cheer you up he did so much just to see your smile again. When you couldn’t sleep he’d take you out on his bike to see a new world you hadn’t explored before. He had so many girls after him that you never expected him to fall for you, the one pining over the wrong guy.

He’s a professional soccer player and you’re a painter drawing what you love most.

Jaemin is a successful architect still drawing lines over his heart. He thinks this heartache too will pass. It hurts to see you both so in love yet he knows you’re in good hands because Jeno would never hurt you. He’s probably been in love with you for longer than he had.

Jaemin’s biggest mistake? Thinking he could do everything alone, thinking he could learn alone when he had you once. He knows you wouldn’t have hesitate to help him back then if only he would’ve asked and pleaded you to be patient and stayed by his side. The years without you were hard and he regrets ever leaving you behind. 

Conclusion? Jaemin is the biggest idiot and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be over you.

His first and last love.

[liighty]

Serious BNHA Ch. 290 spoilers WOOOOOOOOO

Okay let’s start from the beginning because this chapter was just

a LOT to take in

(Edit so there’s a cut yeah yeah spoilers under the cut there’s a LOT to take in WOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

I know everybody was about 99.999999% certain that Dabi was Toya already but the way this chapter was executed was beautiful. I got literal chills, even though I was already pretty sure it was gonna go down this way anyways, and it’s all due to Horikoshi using pre-existing details revolving the Todoroki saga in the big reveal. It’s kind of sad that he got some hate about dragging it out so long, because I honestly feel like if he didn’t do it this way it wouldn’t have been as impactful.

ANYWAYS, analysis time WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The chapter starts off in the hospital that Rei Todoroki’s been admitted in for the past 8 years or so. We hear from the staff that the TV needs to be cut, and that she’s close to discharge. On her windowsill sits her favorite flowers, the same flowers that she had said Enji had dropped off for her way back during the Hooded Nomu incident. We’ve known that Rei was going to be discharged soon since Chapter 259, and some significant time has passed since then, and just- she still has the flowers, so Enji’s probably stopped by recently.

Now imagine being this woman for a second: Not only is she the victim of psychological and physical abuse, but she’s also the mother of a (up until now) considered deceased son and the reason her youngest son has a massive scar on her face. To say that her psyche is fragile would be an understatement. 

She’s getting better enough to be able to return to the real world, but that doesn’t mean something earth-shattering could push her progress back.

And that’s exactly what happens.

Rei’s regularly scheduled TV program (Quick note: She didn’t have access to the television during the Hooded Nomu fight, so the fact that she has it now shows that she’s been making considerable progress) is interrupted by a man sitting on a chair. He looks up, and it immediately registers:

That’s her son.

More specifically, that’s the son she thought had DIED years ago. If this doesn’t break her I honest to god don’t know what will.

Moving on.

We get this fantastic shot of the destruction this war has caused, but other than that the shigaraki shit isn’t anything we didn’t know already

Shiggy’s hurt, AFO’s telling him to retreat, and he almost gets his ass handed to him by Nejire and Shoto (MAN Nejire got the chance to actually do something this chapter but noooooo stupid Gigantomachia >:(( )

Despite my disappointment, there were some awesome Nejire bits so I’m not complaining THAT much.

Also not that it matters but I love how both of them use their first names as their hero names LOL Anywho, we get a status update on Iida and Bakugo; Bakugo’s stable enough to speak but is probably gonna experience major setbacks if he doesn’t get help soon, and Iida’s trying his best to help his pals

THEN WE GET TO THE MEAT OF THE CHAPTER

Aaaaalso friendly reminder that Enji asks Shoto if he’s okay; The man DOES care, he’s just really bad at showing it.

We get a flashback to the panel of Enji waaay back during the Provisional Licensing Retake thingamabobber exam(? I think i don’t really remember correct me if i’m wrong) Where his character arc reaaly started to take off

Then we get THIS lovely interaction, in which Dabi addresses Shoto by name. Enji, not really recognizing him (more on that later) sees him and calls him out, causing Dabi to retaliate. He splashes some liquid on his hair (not sure if it’s bleach or just water i’m actually stupid man idk) and thus, the big reveal is set.

Followed immediately after by side-by-side panels of father and son

I don’t know if I’m just overthinking things but like- Scars are in the same area, really reminded me of this LOL

Anyways, we get to see this heart wrenching image of Rei Todoroki’s world falling apart for the second time.

We then get to see the destruction this fight has caused AGAIN, but in the perspective of other people. 

Not gonna show the hand since WOOOOOO that was sad; A friend pointed out that the woman in the left panel has a similar body shape and hair cut as Inko Midoriya, and she could be standing in the rubble of her apartment (also note that she’s crying; something we see Inko do A LOT). I’m not going to make any assumptions just throwin’ it out there

Then there’s THIS

THE BEST PANEL IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING CHAPTER

Cantcha See Kid, one of the most influential reasons why Endeavor’s popularity was able to skyrocket, sits with his friend in horror as he watches this news. His view of the Number One Hero has crumbled, and he’s supposedly Endeavor’s biggest fan. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Foreshadowing at it’s finest, kiddos. Honest to god, things are gonna get really bad once this blows over. Endeavor, known child abuser and creator of the mass murderer Dabi? Nobody would let him remain in the number one spot.

Toya flat out SAYS IT.

The message is clear: ‘All those people I killed would have lived to go home to their families if my father had been kinder.’

Toya dives deeper into his backstory, yadiyada, nothing you probably haven’t seen already; What I REALLY want to get into is this panel right here:

“A dance with your son, here in hell.”

Most readers probably just read this as a ‘oh wow he’s really mad and that makes sense wow’, but it’s actually a callback to what Natsuo said to Enji once Toya was first properly introduced.

Natsu blames his father for Toya’s death and says he’ll never forgive him, prompting this scene:

“It’ll be a cold day in hell before I forgive you.”

I don’t know I’m probably overthinking things but like HOLY SHIT MAN

Also this

don’t know if you noticed it but All Might’s on his way :’))

TLDR: I love Horikoshi’s writing so much like jesus christ i’m crying god this chapter gave me all the feels