#goddamn this sounds so serious and strict lmao im sorry

[melancholicmoonlight]

Blog Rules

Quick mun info: Grayson, 21, it/its he/him. I write ocs.

Follows from: @eatingthebodyofgod

Basic rp rules: don’t goddmod, dont tell me how to write my muses, don’t spam, be patient. no harry potter, terfs, etc.

I do reblog-chain type threads, as I’m most comfortable with that, but I don’t mind trying dm roleplay

I really do not care how long your responses are, but please know that mine will be short. The most I respond with is one paragraph, or short, quick-fire responses with a sentence or two. It’s pretty simple and quick to the point for actions and descriptions. I usually more for dialogue if I can, though. But I tend stay away from writing out my muse's thoughts in detail if I find it unnecessary. Please know that I am not in any way a legit writer, I don’t write fanfic or my own works out of roleplay. I just like doing this as a fun little thing and because I like smacking these little freaks around like dolls.

Do not, under any circumstances, reblog one of my threads unless you are part of it. If you liked it, great. Just please respect me and my partners and don't reblog. I will block you.

Don't reblog m!as or question prompts from me without sending at least one ask. I am not a meme resource. If you can't think of what to send, reblog from the source if it is available (you may reblog from me if it isn't), otherwise I will probably block you.

I do not use gifs/photos or elaborate, fancy formatting or elaborate tags. You can, but don’t expect me to.

If you’re gonna send me things over anon where my muse is supposed to know it’s from yours, please tell me in dms beforehand or state who it is from in the ask. I’m usually too tired to piece things together and I like to be told what is going on so I’m not confused.

No graphic ns/fw or sm/ut. Most I will do is a fade to black.

Some tw’s for this blog are: Body horror, horror in general, gore, blood, violence, cannibalism, alcohol use, guns, knives, murder, hallucinations, and possibly more. I tend to leave these untagged on threads, but please don’t be scared to ask me to tag something if you need me to.

If you wanna say something happened out of thread between our muses, ask.

Please don’t have your muses suddenly know what my muses have done in threads that you have no involvement in. If you want them to have established knowledge, please ask.

I don’t personally have any triggers, but I will not write out certain topics as I find them to be unnecessary. Dm to ask. || with that being said, muses are allowed to discuss trauma they have with other muses.

Do not force ships. If you think a muse pairing is cute, run it by me.

If you call Jamie “the mute man” or whatever or overly focus on any muse’s disabilities, I will not write with you. You’re weird.

If you do want to rp with me, you can either dm me to plot or just go ahead and shoot me an ask of whatever. Just be sure to specify which muse it’s for.

[pajnloki]

8 // One year

Uhm hi. 

Has it been a year already, lol? I know, little me. I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now and honestly I knew that. I just didn’t want to face reality.. my reality by writing things down: my problems, regrets, insecurities all of them. It felt disgusting just aknowledging them so I avoided confrontation. But hey, in my defense, covid has been going on the whole year and 2020 was a big fat mess. So many things happened, changed, escalated and barely had the time and energy and strength to face all those problems and changes. 

2020 was gonna be THE year, i said. So many times. Trying to tell myself that there’s no need to be scared. No need to back down, because everyone goes through high school graduation, university, adulthood. It’s completely normal to panic a bit because in the end you’re gonna manage. You’re capable of so many great things. I told myself, or rather lied to myself? I don’t even know at this point. 2020 was memorable. Yes. But in a good way? aboslutely not! :’) And just a short disclaimer. I know how damn serious the virus is, but let me just rant about my life for once, because it’s hard on me, too.

Schools just suddenly closed down 2 weeks before my graduation. My friends and my whole grade in general did not get to experience the legendary “last week” where we’d prank the whole school. Everyone before us did, though. Pretty unfair. I mean we went to school for so many years and that was gonna be our HIGHLIGHT! Marking our GRADUATION. Making epic MEMORIES. Well, fuck that, I guess. Didn’t happen! :D Instead, we got 1 month quarantine where we had to study for finals. For unsure finals. For “we don’t know if you have to take exam yet” - finals. But we had to study, study for finals that may not even happen. That were some horrible ass weeks of studying, crying, panicking, stressing out, questioning myself, more crying and a lot of anime, lmao. And then it was May and I took my exams and I did pretty okay-ish. It wasn’t the best I could’ve done but I mean, considering the situation back then and how lazy I really am, it was okay. At least, for me... kind of? Honestly speaking, I knew it was bad. My grades used to be GREAT but now they were just good but for my parents that meant failed. And did they not hide their disappointed in that, no. They actually went ahead and told me in my face how absolute horrible my finale grades were and that theyre absolutely not satisfied with them. Thanks, mom. It’s not like I didn’t know that. Sorry for not being able to go into Med school like U wished. But it was hard on me, too. Comparing myself to my friends who despite this damn situation still managed to get the perfect score in every damn subject. Am I even allowed to use the pandemic as an excuse or is it really just me who sucks at everything. It’s not like not being able to go outside without mask and 1.5m social distancing was helping me in any way. It’s not like the constans pressure of my parents wasn’t enough. If not Med School, then Law, they said. And funny enough, I could’ve gone there but then suddenly remembered how I applied to Psych School in December 2019, whoops. Why, you ask? Because my mom already pressured me into looking up universities in goddamn 2019 and so I went ahead and applied to a school in aneighboring country, because going as far as possible was basically the aim. Psych was never my dream, I mean yeah, it’s super interesting (and spoiler: I am enjoying studying it a lot.) but I never actually considered a profession in that area. Not because I didn’t see myself there, but I didn’t see myself ANYWHERE at all. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had no passions, goals or dreams. Sounds sad, but the Internet assured me, I wasn’t only one so thumbs up to us guys. Anyway, so I applied to that University and in the middle of finals I got accepted, suprisingly! Didn’t expect that and for sure didn’t remember that LMAO. I told my parents and they were not pleased. My dad couldn’t understand why I wanted to study Psychology ??? The fuck u wanna do with that, he asked. And I didn’t know what to answer, because hell no, I don’t know, bro. I just applied to move out from home. Fun fact: my household is not that toxic, just stereotypical asian strict parents who love the idea of med school a little too much. But I still went there, even if they disagreed but I mean they cannot change the fact that my grades weren’t good enough for med school, and even if could’ve gone to Law school, I DECLINED. 100% sure I’m not made to defend anyone in court. Probably woulda start crying or something.. 

And so I graduated, had a weird graduation ceremony in our P.E hall (?? idek lmao) and went to university 2 months later in september. Funny story. LMAO. Seriously, things happened in such a fast pace that I wasn’t able to properly accept the fact that I am no longer a high school student, and just started my new path?!?!?!?! Wtf?? stop!? Months and Months went by and I was emersed in studying and exams and deadlines. And all of that online. Via Zoom. Great. Nice University student life. No parties, no real life lectures, no making friends in the cafeteria or any sort of actual experiences like those. Great. Second lockdown, and third lockdown - oh there’s a vaccine! Yey! Oh no, wait. There are mutation of the virus. Not great. :’) And that my friends was 2020. The year I turned 18. What a wonderful start into adulthood <3 

And now, it’s already 2021. And tomorrow I turn 19. And im fucking scared. And sad. 1. Scared because I don’t wanna age and become old and knowing i havent accomplished one single thing in life and instead rather than turning 19 i turned into a failure and 2. Sad because I’m 18, do not have a drivers license, never went clubbing for adults, graduated in the most disgusting and sad way possible (and most unmemorable way i dont even wanna think about that musty gymnasiums hall lmao) and pretty much did nothing cool in my 18th life and thats just how my young adult life’s gonna be! :DDD nice guys. 

Ok, this sounds pretty depressive and petty and sad and lowkey annoying but idk how i am supposed to sugarcoat that.... if i find a way, i’ll come back but until then, stay safe